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But I'm A Cheerio!

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She cannot believe that she is here.  Looking at her reflection in a shared bathroom out in the middle of the fucking woods, she just cannot believe it.  Quinn Fabray is staring at Quinn Fabray, in a hideous looking hospital type of gown, at Camp Pray The gay Away! How?  She’s a Cheerio for Christ Sake! Head Cheerio. Speaking of which…


Quinn thinks back to Brittany and Santana, only yesterday, telling her parents that she hugs them too much.  Those fucking lying, hypocritical bitches. She’ll have them running suicides day and night when she gets back.  If she can even get back on the squad. Quinn supposes as much fun as Santana had watching the whole thing take place and playing her role in it, it must also feel pretty awesome for the Latina to get some revenge for the whole boob job thing.  


And Finn!  Big, stupid, Finn.  Having to hear him whine about how she obviously doesn’t like to kiss him seeing as how she makes him stop and pray.  She is the president of the celibacy club! That is what a good Christian girl is supposed to do. Right? So what if she really doesn’t like to kiss the big oaf.  Maybe it’s just him that she doesn’t like to have her lips on. She should have tried it with Puckerman when she had the chance. Now no guy in Lima, OH will want her.  Maybe that’s not such a bad thing… Okay, that totally sounded gay even to her.


But still, it’s not like she goes around checking girls out.  She’s the captain of a group of girls that trust her to make sure the team is up to standards so sure, she’s paid attention to the female form for the sole reason of earning the HBIC title.  Brittany and Santana make out in front of her all the time, fucking bitches, and she doesn’t feel a certain way about it. She isn’t disgusted nor does her body react to it. In her world, it’s just the way things are.  It’s like watching Blaine and Kurt kiss, or...


Although, there was that one time…


Just then the door to the restroom squeaked open and…


Of course.  Of all of the restrooms in all the world and Rachel Berry just had to walk into this one.




“Hiya Rachel.”


“Quinn Fabray?”




“Lucy Quinn Fabray?”


“You know you totally screwed us at sections by just dropping off the face of the Earth, right?”


“I’m so sorry that my parent’s death cost New Directions a win.”


“Rachel, you know that I had no idea.  I’m so sorry.”


“No, you’re right, you couldn’t have known.  After the accident, the police called my Aunt and she whisked me away that night.”


“Why are you here though?  I mean, your dads…”


“My father’s were never accepted by their families.  My aunt caught a school mate of mine playing Romeo to my brilliant performance of Juliet in mid-kiss.  She assumed having gay parents made me gay and… here I am. What on Earth are you doing here?”


Quinn laughed, she couldn’t help it.  See, Rachel Berry got that she wasn’t gay, why couldn’t anyone else?


“My parents are convinced I’m gay, with no help from my idiot boyfriend and my two former best friends.”


“Brittany and Santana?” Rachel asked.  Quinn nodded.


“You aren’t gay either, right?” Quinn asked.  Rachel nodded.


“Great!  So let’s be best pals and figure out how the hell we get out of this place!”


Rachel hadn’t told a lie, she merely nodded like she had done in the past when in regards to her only singing for her male lead.  She also didn’t consider herself to be gay outright, she was bisexual, or perhaps pansexual. Either way, she couldn’t wait to seduce one Quinn Fabray into discovering her true gayness and possible crush on her.  


“Sounds like a plan, pal.”