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We're All Fucked

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It started with that fucking question to Jin. What didn’t he like about his body and it was all ‘my hands I want Jimin ah’s cute, small hands’ and then they made Jimin compare said hands side by side with Taehyung’s.

Jimin had tried to get it out of his head and he thought he had managed it, but now, they were on stage at a fan sign and here he was, again, in the same situation. Comparing his hand size, only this time, though, it was all six of the other members of BTS, six pairs of beautiful hands. Six pairs of large beautiful hands. Six pairs of hands with long, beautiful fingers, and, as he clutched the mic in his hands, he suddenly regretted every single life choice he’s made to that point. Just one thought slammed into his mind as he continued to stare at those hands before him, ‘I want to feel those fingers inside me.’

He swallowed hard, body quivering.

The six men who knew him so well saw the swallow and felt him shiver, even the outer side two of their little semi-circle.

Jimin lifted his little finger, just like before, needing it all to be over right now, but it didn’t stop. The moment dragged. It dragged so much he easily, and quite suddenly, found himself imagining Taehyung’s fingers pushing into him as his other big hand pushed his face into the pillow. He imagined Yoongi’s veiny hand jerking him off as his other tweaked a nipple. He imagined Namjoon’s slim, slick coated fingers fucking hard into his prostate, and Hoseok’s delicate fingers caressing his body, sucking on Jin’s crocked ones, or, worst still, Jungkook’s, with all the power of those muscles abusing his spot so much he was crying.

Jimin wanted to cry so badly right now. He was now very, absolutely, completely, painfully turned on. His hand clutching the mic dropped, tugging his long pull over a little discreetly to hide the bulge in his tight, black skinny jeans that hugged his thighs like a second skin. It was always a miracle they didn’t split at the seams.

It felt like it went on for eternity, and after that moment he couldn’t stop his eyes from tracking his members hands like beacons as the rest of the meet continued. He was glad, however, to be far enough away from almost all of them at most times, so that his erection, thankfully, had the chance to reduce to a manageable semi. He was finally, FINALLY, able to get off stage.

Jimin rushed to the bathroom, not realizing Taehyung, his best friend and soul mate, (honestly who else aside from him would have noticed right away?) had noticed his behavior change, and was now worried about his best friend, trailing right behind Jimin.

None of the others knew Jimin was gay for so many reasons, and they certainly didn’t know he had a thing for all of them to various degrees and reasons and for various lengths of time. What they did know, however, was that he never dated anyone, that they had never walked in on him jerking off out in the open like the other six often did, and that they had let him have his ‘extra time’ in the bathroom when he asked.

Jimin stared at the water now rushing in the sink, and, as the door opened, he dipped his hands in and splashed the cold liquid on his face, shivering at how cold it really was, underestimating the temperature.

Taehyung stood looking at his best friend, face now dripping wet, a sight he always ALWAYS found sinful, and sent his mind down paths he knew he could never go down.

Jimin shivered again, feeling someone staring at him. He stood up to see who it was and near jumped out of his skin.

“Jesus Christ. Tae-ah. Fuck, you scared the shit out of me.” Jimin breathed as he clutched his chest.

Taehyung laughed at his best friend as he pushed the thoughts out of his mind and moved over to him, “Sorry Jimin-ah. Didn’t mean that. I was just worried is all.”

Jimin panicked, “Worried?” he croaked as he looked up at his stupidly tall best friend.

Taehyung brushed his sweat-damped bangs from his eyes with a boxy smile, “Yeah. You kinda spaced out for a bit, then fully changed for the rest of the fan sign. I was worried you were hiding being sick again or something. Are you okay?”

Jimin was relieved he didn’t know and nodded, “I’m good. Just hungry and super fucking tired. I mean, I could legit eat a damn cow in my sleep right now. I figured some cold water to the face might wake me up a bit more till we get the hell outta here.”

Taehyung laughed at his best friend’s annoyance while Jimin was glad he was a rather convincing liar.

Taehyung smiled after a minute before he grabbed Jimin’s wrist, “Come on let’s get the last of this over with and then ‘get the hell out of here.’”

Jimin felt fire where Taehyung was touching him and simply nodded, not trusting his voice in that moment. He was glad when Taehyung let him go to dry his face and calm his suddenly stupidly crazy heart before following his best friend back to the others.

Jimin felt bad for lying about being okay, but still couldn’t find the courage to tell his best friend, or any of them for that matter, that he really wasn’t okay and it was their fault.

Chapter Text

More fan meets, fan signs, and maybe even a couple of concerts had passed, Jimin really couldn’t remember, to be honest, because of how frustrated he was in so many ways. To make it all worse, the others, now, had all noticed his change. After that fan sign, it had started small at first, something they all put down to adrenaline or fatigue all of them knowing how hard Jimin pushed himself, but slowly over three months a number of appearances, concerts, and three or something fan signs or meets (again he really couldn’t remember) they had now all noticed the change. It, to them, seemed to hit out of nowhere, one minute Jimin was so happy-go-lucky, bouncing around the stage like a beach ball, excited, the next he was intense, standoffish, and quiet.

The others had all asked and, yet again, Jimin had given them all the same answer, that ‘He was fine, it was just a bit of fatigue and hunger, nothing to worry about.’

It wasn’t until a rare day off where Jimin had the dorm to himself, that he could finally release the pressure threatening to explode inside him.

He had waved bye to Jin last as he headed off with his older friends for some lunch and whatever else Jimin missed because his brain was somewhere else entirely.

Jimin knew it took three minutes to reach the elevator, and, depending on where it was, between five and eight minutes to reach their floor, and the same amount of time to reach the ground floor. He waited twenty minutes, just sitting on the lounge, staring at the clock before he bolted from the lounge to the only shared room. He rushed to the master suite, the room he and Hoseok shared, the room of the two sunshines as the rest called them.

Having been told they were too bright for everyone else, they’d been shunned to the master suite, but he didn’t much care, he loved Hoseok as a roommate for so many reasons. The least of which being he got the chance to blatantly check out his band member (and crush) while he was half naked, or even fully naked, without it being creepy or weird.

Jimin opened the bottom drawer of his three-drawer bedside table, and smiled to himself at its contents; lube, three different sized dildos, each bigger then the next, two vibrators, 3 butt plugs, and some rather beautiful, and big anal beads. He really did like butt stuff more than he’d ever admit.

He knew he had at least five hours to himself, and, after yanking his t shirt off and tossing it to the floor, he shut the door and drew the curtains. He switched his bedside lamp on, casting his room in a soft white glow that was perfect for his personal day.

He stripped his sweat pants off and hopped on his bed, sure Hoseok would both murder him, bring him back, and do it again for jerking off on his bed. (Not that he hadn’t grabbed one of Hoseok’s pillows for the scent of his band mate before getting on his own bed.)

Jimin laid down on his back and slid his small hands all over his body, small, cute, chubby, delicate fingers tracing hard muscle and sculpted lines. After a moment, his body was humming, and he shifted his hand up, fingers tweaking his nipple as his other palmed his semi through the material of his soft cotton boxers.

He moaned at the double contact on both of his sensitive areas, tweaking his nipple a little harder between his fingers after a few seconds, sending pleasure through his entire body. He rolled his palm harder into his crotch from the pleasure on his nipples to feel himself get harder and harder with each passing second.

After a few moments, Jimin finally slipped his hand beneath the waistband of his boxers and whimpered as his fingers brushed his throbbing cock. His hips bucked at the touch, sending a shiver through him. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he closed his fist around himself, choking out a moan of pleasure as he did.

He slowly slid his hand up and down his length, the precome he was leaking making the slide easier. He needed freedom, and, finally, stripped his boxers off then tossed them to the floor with the rest of his clothes.

The pleasure now coursing through him was electrifying, sizzling just beneath his skin as his hand started to move faster. Jimin cried out at the pleasure, his hand now moving at a furiously fast pace, his back arched off the bed as he felt the coil tighten hard within the pit of his stomach.

He instantly stopped his jerking, instead small fingers wrapping around thick, hard cock as he felt his orgasm hit, coming dry. It wasn’t often he did that to himself, but he wanted to come with something thick in his ass since it had been so long from the last time that he could give himself this sort of treatment with their schedule and limited alone time.

Chapter Text

Jimin sobbed through his dry orgasm dick still painfully to hard, body shaking, tears slipping down his soft squishy cheeks and rubbing down his chiselled jaw line. He went limp for a moment as he let go of his aching erection.

He needed something inside him NOW.

Jimin rolled over and looked at his secret treasure draw weighting up the pros and cons of each toy until finally deciding on the biggest one he had since it had been so long since ANYONE had fucked him.

He lifted out the 12 inch flesh coloured dildo with balls and large suction cup base as well as he favourite lube Ice Cool that gave the sensation of cooling when in contact with the skin, something about heightening the pleasure he really can’t remember or be bothered to read the bottle again.

He rolled back over into his back as he sat the dildo beside him making a mental note he was totally going to have to change his sheets when he was finished his fun. He popped the push cap of the lube and spread the usual generous amount on his fingers. He shifted sitting the lube on his bedside table for later before moving his slick fingers down to his crotch, he had this whole process down to a fine art.

Jimin trailed a wet finger over his hard shaft making him moan loud before trailing them over his balls down his perineum finally to his now twitching entrance. He body jerked as he gasped a little at the cold contact of the lube before relaxing again. He circled his middle finger around his rim letting the (oh that’s right he remembered now) double action ice lube numb his rim slightly before he finally pushed the digit inside himself.

Jimin smiled to himself as he held his finger still for a moment, that’s why he loved this particular lube, not only did it intensify with a cooling sensation it also numbed against the burn of the stretch allowing him to fuck things bigger than the standard dick when he really wanted to let go.

After what he deemed to be too long Jimin slicked his middle finger in and out of his hole to the first knuckle for a few minutes before he finally pushed in his index finger alongside.

He moaned at the stretch having been a while he felt the slight burn even with the lube before pleasure gave way. He fucked his fingers in and out of himself for a while just loving the feeling of something finally inside him after so long.

He moaned, breathy little sounds every time he pushed back in until finally, the third finger was in and he could finally work his arse open for something much much wider.

Jimin knew where his prostate was and also knew his small fingers never reached which always had him crying out in frustration, definitely more so this time as he imagined any one of six different hands fucking him right now.

He kept it up not wanting to ride his toy just yet knowing he still had hours to play. He alternated between fingering himself and jerking off letting himself go to writhe and squirm in his sheets until once again the high hit and he with practiced speed and ease gripped his cock hard coming dry for a second time.

Laying limp once more panting, Jimin decided he had tormented himself enough and shifted into his favourite position.

Being so flexible and the 'King Dong' as it had been labelled when he brought it having such a large suction cup base kneeling with his legs spread allowed his feet to keep the dildo in place on the bed while he rode it six ways to Sunday.

He put his feet in place as he knelt with the 12-inch dildo now standing proudly up behind him rubbing against the crease of his cheeks as he faced the wall his bed head rested again.

He took a moment to stretch himself one last time before he twisted enough to drizzle lube over the blunt head of the toy and down the long thick shaft, he was finally going to get something big enough inside him   to sate him and he was equal parts excited and turned on… okay maybe more turned on then excited (but whatever).

Chapter Text

It was pouring rain and Jungkook’s photo shoot was cut abruptly short so suddenly he had to get a taxi back to the dorm after getting soaked and almost killing his most expensive camera. He now stood shivering outside the front door before finally getting the key to turn.

He walked in kicking his soaked timberlands off at the door before padding on soggy soaked feet through the large eight-bedroom (well a six-bedroom two study, and god knows how many bathroom) penthouse apartment crossing the spacious indoor garden to head to his bedroom leaving a trail of water and mumbled curses in his wake.

He glanced around the extremely quiet large spacious open plan great room wondered where Jimin was knowing he had stayed behind that morning. He wondered as he kept walking towards his room if his smallest hyung had gone out just before the storm hit and hoped he was alright.

He lifted his phone to message the others to let them know he was home and to ask where Jimin was when he heard it, a muffled choked moan.

Jungkook knew what it meant, it wasn’t the first time he’d heard it around the dorm, most definitely wasn’t going to be the last. He slowed his pace as he wondered which of his hyungs was whacking one out, or if they had brought someone back and if that was the case how quickly did he have to change and fuck off.

As he lifted his phone to finish the message half typed into the chat and find out it came again, he stopped dead in his tracks all together because this time he knew which room it had come from getting an answer to the two questions he hadn’t even asked out loud.

As the realisation caught up to his mind it abruptly short circuited before it screamed just one thing at full volume almost giving him a headache.

PARK JIMIN.

See it wasn’t odd to catch each other jerking off of even fucking their now exes or quick hook ups for stress and at the time love (you know when two people really love each other and all that) but, come to think of it none of them had ever caught Jimin in any sort of act, he was a master at shielding his secrets no surprise to any of them really. What they did know was  he didn’t date ever all more than aware he was a virgin and the extra time he asked for in the bathroom they all knew was his alone happy jerk time behind a closed locked door no one dared go into not even Jungkook the king of walk into the bathroom to oogle his members naked and very wet. So, for Jungkook to be standing in the hallway three steps from the master bedroom door knowing it was Jimin behind the closed door getting off all of Jungkook’s restraint snapped as all of his curiosity (and maybe a good does of hormones) screamed LOOK! LOOK NOW!

And so ever the curious child (and horny young man) look he did.

With Jungkook’s camera still hanging around his neck and phone in hand he creepy to the door of the master suite and knowing it didn’t squeak (it made sneaking up on the other members a lot of fun for the evil maknae), prayed Jimin wasn’t facing the door as he smoothly and effortlessly and in complete silence save for his slightly heavier breathing gripped the door handle (it was one of those fancy lever style ones because apparently penthouses are to posh for an actual door knob) and opened the door a crack, just enough to see into the huge room beyond it.

And what Jungkook saw suddenly had his previously cold self flooding with scorching fire.

Chapter Text

Finally, Jimin couldn’t wait any more he needed his King Dong inside him now.

He shifted back gripping the slick shaft of the toy after removing his fingers from his ass and with skill of someone who HAD done this so many times before pressed the blunt head of the big toy against his stretched tingling rim.

He shivered at the feeling before slowly lowering his body.

He tipped his head back slightly as he moaned at the initial breach of the blunt head inside him pausing for all but a second before he lowered himself more up to three inches before slowly pulling back off letting the stretch tingle and tickle him adjusting beautiful to the wide pleasuring girth, god bless his favourite lube and that numbing action.

Finally, Jimin felt his body give after six of so inches of slow shallow thrusting and sank all the way down to the base of the toy in one smooth glide moaning high and long as he did. He paused fully seated on the 12-inch fake cock now hurried inside his ample plump ass. He threw his head back completely with a loud moan at the feeling. He loved feeling it up to his belly especially after going months without having a dick even if it was fake up inside him.

Jimin was completely lost in the feeling and for a long minute had to slow his breathing to get his bearings back.

As the world righted again he shifted his knees apart for a more comfortable squat moaning softly as the dildo shifted inside him slightly. His hands came around one hand landing on each of his ass cheeks and spread them wide, as lubed as he and the toy was he always found the one drawback to his plump plush ass was sometimes his squishy cheeks reduced the friction and slide making it more torturous them pleasurable.

Jimin took a breath and pulled off the toy, feet keeping it firmly in place. He only pulled off two or three inches before almost dropping back down. He moaned again and again, on every pull off and then again on the drop down.

It wasn’t long before his powerful thighs had him effortless bouncing on the hard toy up his ass and with just one slight shift of his right leg, the hard silicone rubbed right over the prostate his tiny fingers could never reach having him crying out in pure all-consuming pleasure.

Jimin didn’t want it to end just yet and after bouncing for what seemed like hours it was only maybe 20 minutes (or so the bedside clock told him) he slowly down letting his ass cheeks clap back together as he slowly moved up and down the toy, ass jiggling with each move.

He was to lost in his pleasure to even formulate a fantasy with one of the six and would save that for his next long shower, instead he moved one hand from his ass to his cock the other taking his nipple between his fingers once more.

With the pleasure in his ass the pleasure radiating over and down his chest and the slick glide of his hand over his painfully leaking cock he reached his peak once more, scorching fire pooling in the pit of his stomach now ready to burst. He gripped tight yet again as he sat down fully on the dildo coming dry for a third and most painful time.

His hole clenched tight around the hard silicone rod up his ass making his back bow beautifully and his head tip back as he moaned and cried to the ceiling chest heaving hand stilled on his cock, the other that had been playing with his nipple now gently rubbing his stomach and thighs to sooth himself down for the third and decided final time.

This was going to be the best and admittedly long overdue ride of the year.

Jimin’s body finally stopped humming so loud able to think again, heavy hard cock slapping against his abs as he let it go. He put his hands on his thighs as he hung his head panting to the bed as he stared at his leaking cock.

He smiled, ‘don’t worry boy promise I’m done torturing us both. Now it’s time for the main event.’

He took a few calming breaths sure Taehyung or Jungkook would tease the shit out of him for talking to his cock. He pushed the stray thoughts or more importantly the sudden image of the two of them out of his head before his hands came back once more and gripped his cheeks. He was coming untouched today he decided.

Jimin slid off and on the toy slowly, he was sensitive from his three dry orgasms and needed a minute to work like always when he did this the pain back into pleasure. Finally, his body gave once more and he picked up his pace pulling almost all the way off the toy and dropping harshly all the way back down to the base.

He was near screaming in pleasure, ‘AH – FUCK - AH AH - YES RIGHT THERE – AH’ tumbled from his lips like a song, he was thankful they had been told prior to moving in the entire apartment was sound proof.

He felt the burn in his stomach rise, body contracting muscles taunt as his fourth and final orgasm built. It took only a few more drops and as he dropped for the last time time the hard toy gliding over his now abused prostate the fire inside the pit of his stomach exploded into an inferno that consumed him.

His balls tightened and he body went tight as he came white shot behind his eyes at the power of his orgasm. Hard cock spraying ropes and ropes of hot come over his abs and chest where it pointed up naturally on its own. Coming untouched was one of the rare moments where he knew he had enjoyed himself to the max.

Before Jimin’s body could turn completely to jello still holding his cheeks he pulled off the huge toy and feel forward face first into his sheets and Hoseok’s pillow breathing in his scent as he came down from the high and his body went to mush.

Jimin sighed with a hum, ‘fuck that was good. God bless this day off.’

Chapter Text

Jungkook pushed the door open just a crack, enough to peer inside, his eyes, his mind, hell his heart not ready for what he saw.

There in the middle of his bed facing the wall with his back to the door kneeling naked was Park Jimin the Park Jimin of BTS.

He hadn’t seen Jimin in all his fully naked glory which he was kinda really pissed about right at that moment because fuck everything he was gorgeous. Jungkook had seen Jimin at eight in the morning in sweat pants, mussed hair and no shirt, he had seen him at four in the afternoon in baggy shorts and a to big tank top falling off one shoulder. He’d seen him dripping wet in nothing but board shorts and even more just a towel (both had been a sinful sight even in and of themselves), but he had never seen the curve of his back like this which lead to the ever delicious curve of his ass. He’d never seen him covered in a sheen of sweat AS WELL as a sex blush and oh boy did little Kookie twitch hard in complete interest.

Unable to stop himself in the slightest he pushed the door open further, lifted his phone turned it to silent and snapped the picture. As he looked at his screen he caught movement and looked passed his phone to see Jimin’s hands come around and grab his ass cheeks.

Jungkook swallowed thickly and without realising as his eyes stayed transfixed on the gorgeous man before him had pushed record on his very focused iPhone X. He stood stuck sort of in a trance as he realised the mochi of BTS was in fact right before his very eyes riding a dildo. His pants tightened fast and hard, wet denim sticking to burning skin.

He gripped the door handle in a near vice grip while his other clutched his phone almost absentmindedly where he held it before him, feet rooted to the spot as he watched Jimin fuck himself onto the small dildo buried in his supple soft jiggly ass.

Jungkook could see it all so could his phone not that he noticed.

And then the sounds started the sweet beautiful moans of Park Jimin Jungkook’s entire being left, he was dead, he swears it. He finally let go of the door handle to instead slide his hand over his mouth to keep quiet not wanting to scare, startle or stop him.

Jungkook decided then and there his knew favourite thing was watching Park Jimin masturbate.

He held his hand tighter to his mouth trying so hard to keep his breathing soundless as hard as that was as Jimin let out a near scream of pleasure telling Jungkook he’d just hit his prostate. The maknae’s heart was pounding and he was surprised Jimin couldn’t hear it.

After what felt like forever (not that he was complaining he could watch this sight for hours) but turned out to be only 20 minutes to Jungkook’s surprise Jimin slowed down, his pitched moans dropped and slowed to until he was simply gliding slowly almost rhythmically up and down the toy.

He watched as Jimin’s hands let his ass go cheeks clapping back together making little Kookie twitch hard in his boxer briefs once again. He watched the jiggle before catching Jimin’s right hand sliding down his body while his left went up.

Jungkook guested his hyung was near his orgasm and wanted to finish. He watched him slowly and surprisingly evenly fuck the toy while his right hand jerked his again surprisingly big leaking cock, the maknae licking his lips at the sight mouth more than dry like he had swallowed an entire desert by that point and yet he could feel himself positively salivating at the image before him.

As Jimin got closer Jungkook was kind of disappointed it was all about to be over.

Then he heard Jimin choke out a moan before he stilled, left hand now trailing down his body while his right hand stilled on his cock. Jungkook watched in surprise as Jimin came and he came dry stopping himself prolonging this more. Jungkook’s mouth feel open behind his hand in utter astonishment right before his eyes clouded once more in lust at the sight of Jimin’s orgasm.

His eyes trailed the curve of Jimin’s back where it bowed the slope of his neck where his head was thrown back the trail the tears took down his cheek and over his jaw line as they slipped from his eyes, then back down to where the toy almost disappeared completely inside him. It was a beautiful sight that would forever be burnt into his memory.

He watched his hyung who he now affectionately called a porn star in his mind come down from his dry high head hanging to look at the bed.

He suppressed his laughter as he heard Jimin speak.

‘Don’t worry boy, promise I’m done torturing us both. Now it’s time for the main event.’ He heard Jimin say to his still hard cock, he could hear the smile in his voice before briefly wondering how many times he’d come dry and how long he had really been going.

Jungkook’s attention was ripped from his wondering thoughts back to the sinful sight before him as Jimin’s hands once again clutched his ass cheeks and pulled the apart. Jungkook knew more than realised this was it this was the moment he was going to witness Park Jimin of BTS come undone, a sight he thought only the gods had ever witnessed.

He found himself quickly thanking those same gods in that moment for bringing the rain for sending him home when they did and for giving him this amazingly beautiful experience.

In pure wonder (and lots of lust) he watched Jimin slowly once more resume his bouncing on the toy and just when he thought he had seen it all by that point he watched Jimin pull off the toy and off and off and off, it was huge Jungkook’s jaw near hitting the floor once more when he finally stopped with just the head of the toy inside him quickly clamping his hand down hard over his agape mouth as he watched Jimin dropped straight back down on the entire length of the dildo he was riding.

Jungkook’s head spun at the sight and the sound the move drew out of this utter porn star.

His cock was so hard if he wasn’t so focusly occupied it would have hurt something fierce.

His hand holding his phone now rested against the door having realised he was recording he hadn’t stopped it for a second, he wanted every moment of this to watch to analysis over and over again until every move and sound was seared for eternity in his brain.

Jungkook watched Jimin drop one last time before coming completely untouched, body taunt, head thrown back, blunt fingers digging red marks into soft ass cheeks, the site of a completely fucked out and wreaked Park Jimin was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen especially when those plump bitten bruised lips were parted in ecstasy panting and moaning to the ceiling.

He watched Jimin shift and pull right off the toy and watched it fall to the bed before Jimin face planted into… holy shit was that Hoseok’s pillow.

He froze as Jimin spoke, ‘fuck that was good. God bless this day off,’ his voice was absolutely wreaked from his moaning and screaming and Jungkook’s entire body tightened.

The maknae had to get out of there right now.

He didn’t have time to panic about Jimin seeing him as he pulled the door silently shut pushing stop on his phone as he did before as lightly as possible he darted down the long hall to his single room at the end.

He silently shut his own door, tossed his phone and camera haphazardly to his desk as he moved towards his bed. He fumbled with his belt, jeans still wet, shirt and hoodie still damp. He finally got his belt open and peeled his pants down his toned thighs, precome stained boxer briefs following in seconds before he yanked his cold hoodie and shirt from his searing body as his ass sank down hard on the edge of his bed.

Jungkook’s hand instantly wrapped around his rock hard cock and jerked quickly. In just a few strokes he was coming into his hand, other hand over his mouth once more muffling his own loud moans so not to alert Jimin he was there.

The image of Jimin sitting on his dildo the last thing to pass through his mind as he came.

Jungkook threw himself back onto his bed panting as he stared at the ceiling.

“Fuck, that was intense” he breathed to his room assessing for a second how hard he had just come after what he’d witnessed.

He turned his head to look at the time it was a little before one pm.

Jungkook got himself up, pulled, well struggled for a bit to get his wet pants the rest of the way off then used his still wet white shirt to clean his hands, cock and stomach before making the sneak trek to the bathroom to shower and change into something warm and not wet.

Chapter Text

Jungkook laid on his bed after he showered, having checking on Jimin to see him peacefully asleep, he had returned to his room with the intention of resting.

That intention had quickly faded when he unlocked his phone to see the video sitting there waiting to be watched. He had lifted his phone with the intention of simply closing it putting it down and maybe checking out the few photos he had taken earlier that day before the storm hit but as he stared at Jimin’s image on his screen hands clutching those ass cheeks of his he quickly once again lost the will to do anything but look.

He watched the video approximately six billion times (it was only four) and jerking off twice more before he finally got it out of his system (stupid hormones) enough to not get instantly hard at the image or sounds coming from his phone.

After taking a copious amount of screen shots he was hit with a wave of realisation.

And with a mix of excitement and power he opened their chats and created a new group.

-

 

*WWH, Sunshine, Genius, GOD, and BeauTAEful have been added to the group “WE ARE ALL FUCKED”*
*WWH has set their status to online*
(3:13pm) WWH:
excuse you Jungkook what the hell is this. You better freaking explain yourself before I climb through this chat and beat your ass.
*BeauTAEful has set their status to online*
(3:13pm) BeauTAEful:
hate to say it hyung but the bi bunny would happily enjoy that so… moot threat.
(3:14pm) WWH: OH MY GOD! Just because the name of this chat is what it is does not give you the right to expose another man’s kinks. Bros before kink shaming!
*Sunshine has set their status to online*
(3:14pm) Sunshine:
oddly insulting. But hyung is right, no need to kink shame here, that’s were we drew the line remember.
(3:14pm) BeauTAEful: well some lines need to be redrawn, it’s been like four goddamn months since I have fucked or been fucked and I am fucked. I need some like ASAP before I spontaneously fucking combust. Speaking of spontaneously combusting bunny head would you please explain why my BFF has been conveniently left out of this here group chat.
(3:16pm) WWH: OH MY GOD!!! NO TAE TO MUCH!!! BAD TAE BAD!!!
(3:16pm) Sunshine: also, what Tae ah said about Jimin ah???
(3:16pm) BeauTAEful: I’ll add him, hang on.
(3:16pm) Bunny: NO!!
(3:17pm) BeauTAEful: ???
(3:17pm) Sunshine: ???
(3:17pm) WWH: ???
*GOD has set their status to online*
(3:18pm) GOD:
???
*Genius has set their status to online*
(3:19pm) Genius:
???
(3:19pm) Bunny: okay pay attention this is a holy topic what I am about to share that only the gods themselves have been witness to.
(3:20pm) Genius: did you take a “tablet” by accident again AFTER we said never to?
(3:20pm) Bunny: one fucking time hyung it was an accident, stupid bitch.
(3:20pm) WWH: no swearing in our house! Now what is this holy topic your weird ass is talking about?
(3:21pm) Bunny: so you know how I went out to shoot some pictures?
(3:21pm) Sunshine: yep, we all wished you luck Jinnie hyung even packed you a lunch.
(3:22pm) Bunny: OH MY GOD!!!! FOOD!!! I love you hyung one second. Let me just eat something real quick before I continue. DO NOT ADD JIMIN!!!
*Bunny has set status to BRB*
(3:23pm) BeauTAEful:
this ass better explain his ass on why he’s lefted our Baby Mochi out of this chat or Imma beat his ass.
(3:23pm) WWH: there is a lot of mention of ass also, what is everyone doing? I’m at karaoke with Ken and the others right now freaking hilarious.
(3:23pm) Sunshine: are you drinking?
(3:24pm) WWH: I wish. But it’s a school night so no designated driver for these drunk hooligans.
(3:24pm) Genius: good boy.
(3:25pm) Jin:
(3:25pm) Sunshine:
oh, now you’ve done it here comes the emoji monster.
(3:25pm) BeauTAEful:
yes! finally the dam is open.
3:26pm) GOD: if anyone’s wondering I’m at the book store across town. Been here a while might head home in the next hour or two.
(3:27pm) Genius: hey can you do me a favour and pick me up some books? I’ll message you the list, been meaning to get to a book store but well you know me and book stores.
(3:27pm) BeauTAEful: they run screaming in the other direction.
(3:27pm) Sunshine:
(3:28pm) WWH:
(3:28pm) GOD:
(3:28pm) Genius:
(3:28pm) Genius: fuck you.
(3:29pm) BeauTAEful: if you know anyone I am all ears.
(3:30pm) WWH: to much again.
*Bunny has set status to online*
(3:31pm) Bunny:
HA. THAT WAS GOLD TAETAE!
(3:31pm) Genius: so, as that ass said tell us now what the fuck is up. Also, real quick Hobs where you at?
(3:32pm) Sunshine: dance studio.
(3:32pm) Genius: the fuck, it’s a day off.
(3:33pm) Sunshine: says the hermit in Genius Lab right now.
(3:34pm) GOD: you two are so predictable. Also, hyung still waiting for the book list.
(3:34pm) Bunny: *shivers* ah terrifying high school flash backs.
(3:34pm) BeauTAEful: word.
(3:35pm) Sunshine: what he said.
(3:35pm) WWH: please make sure you drink plenty and don’t over work yourself Hobi yah. And please Yoon ah take frequent breaks from the computer or you’ll strain your eyes.
(3:36pm) GOD: just got it. Okay will see what I find and let you know.
(3:37pm) Genius: my man. Thanks, Joon ah.
(3:37pm) Genius: also, will do hyung this chat became interesting enough to take a break for, currently laying on my studio floor waiting for JK to explain himself.
(3:38pm) BeauTAEful:  wait why the studio floor? You have a couch
(3:39pm) Genius: needed a new perspective thought it would help and the carpet is soft as fuck you know that.
(3:39pm) WWH: no swearing in the house!
(3:39pm) BeauTAEful:  oh. Fair enough carry on.
(3:40pm) Bunny: also, Jin hyung the lunch you made for me is super good thank you
(3:41pm) WWH: . No problem, bunny. Now explain why Jimin ah isn’t in this chat before Tae yah suddenly materialises at your present location to beat your ass.
(3:41pm) Sunshine: real quick last interruption where are you at TaeTae?
(3:42pm) BeauTAEful: museum, came to check out that art show in town. Taking a break at the coffee shop here, it’s super nice and the hot cocoa isn’t half bad either. Treated myself to a muffin.
(3:43pm) Genius: you do you boo.
(3:43pm) GOD: okay, so they don’t have the music theory book you’re after. They can order it in but it’s a month wait want me to order, pay, and have them ship it home?
(3:43pm) GOD: also, Do you do you do you
(3:44pm) Sunshine: *twerking in the distance*
(3:44pm) Genius:
(3:45pm) WWH:
(3:45pm) Bunny:
(3:45pm) Bunny: okay now everyone knows where we all are?
(3:46pm) Genius: hold it no. Where are you? Some street corner snapping pictures of a bird I bet.
(3:46pm) Bunny: if you let me speak I will tell you where I am hyung.
(3:47pm) Genius: well hurry up I can feel Tae yah plotting your murder for excluding Minnie from here.
(3:47pm) Bunny: okay here we go hold onto something, sit down and pay attention.
(3:47pm) Bunny: three hours ago, it started raining, it’s like pouring right now as we speak check a window ya’ll.
(3:48pm) WWH: fuck sake seriously?
(3:48pm) Genius: fuck our lives!
(3:49pm) BeauTAEful: ah come on and I was gonna walk half way home, fuck it.
(3:49pm) GOD: ah come on I am not waiting for the bus in this weather with all these books for everyone.
(3:50pm) Sunshine: to fucking cold for rain.
(3:50pm) Bunny: maybe Jin hyung could pick you all up after he takes the drunks home?
(3:51pm) Genius: please. I’ll even help you make bulgogi for dinner.
(3:51pm) Sunshine:  my men! Yes please, will do the dishes.
(3:51pm) BeauTAEful:  will buy dessert, please and thank you hyungie
(3:52pm) GOD: if you tell me you’re not picking me up I am tossing your two books into the rain right now.
(3:52pm) WWH:  not the romance novels!
(3:53pm) WWH: of course I’ll pick you guys us and if we want bulgogi we are gonna have to go shopping anyway.
(3:53pm) Bunny: buy snacks too so very very low on snacks, also out of soy sauce, sesame oil, and Mexican seasoning. Gonna make my chicken wings on the weekend cause we are finishing early after that schedule Saturday.
(3:54pm) BeauTAEful:  WINGS AND BEER NIGHT YES!
(3:54pm) Genius: thanks Jin and bring on the wings yes.
(3:55pm) Sunshine: not spicy for me pretty please bun.
(3:55pm) Bunny: gotcha hyung just remind me on the weekend though.
(3:55pm) Sunshine:
(3:56pm) GOD: you still want that cook book bunny or no?
(3:56pm) Bunny: oh yes please and another one I’ll send it to you hang on.
(3:57pm) Sunshine: so now that’s all sorted you were saying bun?
(3:57pm) GOD: hang on give me a minute to get all this sorted before you wow me with this holy topic I am not sitting so talk about something else till I say otherwise.
(3:58pm) BeauTAEful: what did Jin hyung make you for lunch?
(3:58pm) Bunny: Japchae and samgyeosal.
(3:59pm) Genius: oh, I got that too, did you just make like a full meal and share it out?
(4:00pm) WWH: yup. I left some in the fridge for Minnie yah. I hope he ate it. He’s... he’s been off lately I think we’ve all noticed it.
(4:01pm) Sunshine: I wasn’t going to say anything but yeah, I’ve noticed. It seems to have gotten worse as the concerts and can meets have come and gone.
(4:02pm) BeauTAEful: I asked him about it that first fan meet we had he said he was just tired and hungry but I have very much noticed too. And I am very much worried. I feel like he’s pushing us away and lying but I don’t even know why...
(4:03pm) WWH: perhaps it is best we all talk to him, you all know how he gets bottles everything up and not to mention those self-doubt self-hate demons he’s always dealt with do not help.
(4:04pm) Genius: you’re approach? It will look like an intervention if we ALL come at him.
(4:04pm) Bunny: maybe it’s more than something he’s willing to share.
(4:05pm) GOD: do you know something Kook ah?
(4:05pm) Bunny: are you finished hyung?
(4:06pm) GOD: yes, all the books are at the counter waiting for when Jin hyung comes to get me, I am now sitting with a new coffee do you know what is up with Minnie yah, and how much we have to worry?
(4:07pm) Bunny: everyone sitting?
(4:07pm) Genius: laying on the floor but yes
(4:08pm) Sunshine: same over this way. Still haven’t moved from where I dropped after that last round of dance was really good.
(4:08pm) BeauTAEful: don’t over work and yes also sitting hot cocoa is my friend.
(4:09pm) WWH: yes, sitting, not being disturbed. Go ahead Jungkookie.
(4:09pm) Bunny: okay this is gonna he long so don’t interrupt until absolutely necessary.
(4:09pm) Genius:
(4:10pm) BeauTAEful:
(4:10pm) Sunshine:
(4:11pm) WWH:
(4:11pm) GOD: go ahead.
(4:12pm) Bunny: okay so I went out to shoot pictures and low and behold god decides that no I am not shooting pictures I am getting soaked to the bone and my camera almost dying.
(4:13pm) WWH: oh my god Kook ah! Why didn’t you call me? Are you okay? Go home now and shower and change. I’ll make soup for you too for dinner okay!
(4:13pm) Bunny: unnecessary interruption.
(4:14pm) WWH: excuse you young man???
(4:14pm) Bunny: you heard me still talking pay attention.
(4:14pm) WWH:
(4:14pm) Bunny: not listening.
(4:15pm) Bunny: so, I got my ass HOME as fast as I could. It was probably around like just before a quarter to 12.
(4:15pm) Genius: did you shower change and have some tea?
(4:15pm) Bunny: not finished.
(4:15pm) Bunny: so, I’m standing butt ass cold dripping wet in the foyer trying to get my soaked shoes off and I decide to take my ass to my room to get some dry clothes to shower and change. When I’m hit with a thought, Jimin hyung isn’t in the house.
(4:16pm) BeauTAEful: woah wait, Jimin ah went out and didn’t tell us???
(4:16pm) Bunny: still not done.
(4:16pm) Bunny: so, I’m headed down the hall when I suddenly hear moaning.
(4:17pm) Sunshine: I kinda do not wanna know how this ends.
(4:17pm) Bunny: you really do.
(4:17pm) GOD: wait, don’t tell me, I can already see where this is going.
(4:17pm) Bunny: so, as I lift my phone to message you all after wondering which one of you doubled back home to jerk off or bring home a quickie I hear it again a sweet long breathy moan.
(4:18pm) BeauTAEful: you have my full and undivided attention!
(4:18pm) Bunny: not surprised from your thirsty ass.
(4:18pm) Bunny: and then the stark cold realisation hits me like a fucking bullet as I realise WHERE that sweet beautiful sound is coming from.
(4:19pm) WWH: first of all, language. Second of all, where?
(4:19pm) Bunny: yeah language about to get wreaked.
(4:19pm) GOD: how can you not see where this is going?
(4:19pm) Sunshine: WAIT!!!
(4:20pm) Bunny: THE MASTER SUITE!!!
(4:20pm) Genius: Fuck!
(4:20pm) BeauTAEful: mother of fucking god!
(4:20pm) WWH: sweet baby Jesus!
(4:20pm) Sunshine: JIMIN!!!
(4:20pm) GOD: chat name makes complete sense now, should have seen it coming a mile off.
(4:21pm) Bunny: not at all finished stay seated.
(4:21pm) Bunny: it’s then that I realise that NONE of us have ever caught him getting off, I mean we walk in on each other all the time even in this big ass place.
(4:21pm) BeauTAEful: please for the love of my sanity tell me you looked.
(4:22pm) Bunny: for everyone’s sanity I did more than just look.
(4:22pm) BeauTAEful:
(4:22pm) Genius:
(4:22pm) WWH:
(4:23pm) GOD:
(4:23pm) Sunshine:
(4:24pm) Genius:
did he freak out?
(4:24pm) Bunny:
he didn’t see me. His back was to the door. This is the part you all need to be sitting for.
(4:25pm) Bunny: he was kneeling completely naked on his bed back to the door head tipped back it was beautiful to put it mildly.
(4:26pm) Bunny: yes, I’m a creep don’t care so very not done.
(4:26pm) Bunny: he didn’t notice me and I was literally glued to the spot in a mix of I guess shock, awe, and like instant arousal.
(4:27pm) Bunny: and as I’m about to do something, no idea what, he reached around both hands taking a hold of that plush ass of his spreads them jiggly cheeks and starts moving... and by moving, I mean riding the dildo he has shoved up his ass.
(4:28pm) GOD:
(4:28pm) Genius:
(4:28pm) WWH:
(4:28pm) Sunshine:
(4:28pm) BeauTAEful:
(4:29pm) Bunny: still not done don’t die on me yet.
(4:29pm) Bunny: he rides it so good I’m like instantly hard and fuck the sounds, ah I could come just from those sounds.
(4:30pm) Bunny: he slowly picked up the pace until he’s fully just fucking back on that thing. For a solid twenty minutes (I know I checked) he’s just fucking himself on it.
(4:31pm) Bunny: the power of his thighs is so fucking hot I want them around my face.
(4:31pm) Genius: oh, fucking god. Tell me he came with a cry of pleasure?
(4:31pm) BeauTAEful: yes yes tell us that!
(4:32pm) Sunshine: did he come? Tell us you watched that sight, was it fucking beautiful like I am imagining right now?!
(4:32pm) GOD: need to know!
(4:33pm) WWH:  what they all said.
(4:33pm) Bunny: no, he didn’t come.
(4:33pm) WWH: you interrupted didn’t you?
(4:34pm) Sunshine: NO!!!
(4:34pm) Genius: how could you Jungkook?!
(4:34pm) GOD: shameful on you.
(4:35pm) BeauTAEful: bad Kookie.
(4:35pm) Bunny: I didn’t interrupt. Still very not done.
(4:36pm) Sunshine: oh god there is more?
(4:36pm) Bunny: I guess he didn’t want to come just yet so he slowed the fuck down to like grinding on the toy up his ass while his hands let it CLAP back.
(4:37pm) WWH:
(4:37pm) Sunshine:
(4:37pm) Genius:
(4:37pm) BeauTAEful:
(4:38pm) GOD:
(4:38pm) Bunny: then he wrapped his right hand around his BIG dick not little, so very not little and his other hand was getting some nipple action and he started jerking off.
(4:39pm) Sunshine: and then he came, RIGHT?!
(4:39pm) Bunny: no. No he didn’t.
(4:40pm) Jin:  you little shit!
(4:40pm) Bunny: HE didn’t want to come at that point and he wrapped his hand around himself and came DRY!!!
(4:41pm) WWH: mother of fucking god! no fucking way!
(4:41pm) Sunshine:  lies!
(4:41pm) Genius:  fuck seriously?!
(4:41pm) BeauTAEful:  my best friend is a fucking beast!
(4:42pm) GOD:  oh fuck god.
(4:42pm) Bunny: he came down from the high, which for the record was a beautiful sight. His back was bowed so beautifully you could run your hand down his spine all the way to his jiggle ass, his head was thrown back as he cried out exposing his neck you wanna mark so fucking bad, and tears TEARS trailed down his beautifully flushed cheeks... I saw god.
(4:44pm) BeauTAEful: I wanna see god.
(4:44pm) WWH: same.
(4:44pm) GOD: me three.
(4:45pm) Genius: four.
(4:45pm) Sunshine: five.
(4:45pm) Bunny: still not done.
(4:45pm) BeauTAEful: FUCK!
(4:46pm) WWH: DOUBLE FUCK!!
(4:46pm) GOD: FUCK IT!
(4:47pm) Genius: dear god how much more?
(4:47pm) Sunshine: please stop bunny.
(4:48pm) Bunny: he came down and his hands grabbed his ass cheeks spreading them again and he starts back up slow at first then got faster bouncing on the dildo.
(4:49pm) Genius: and then he came???
(4:49pm) Bunny: and once he got to a good rhythm he pulled almost all the way off the toy and up to that point I thought it was a small thing no longer than like four five inches max.
(4:50pm) Bunny: but oh god boy was I so fucking wrong. It just kept going inches on inches. Not sure the size but it was fucking long. So, fucking long my jaw hit the floor and I almost gave myself away.
(4:51pm) GOD:
(4:51pm) Genius:
(4:51pm) WWH:
(4:51pm) Sunshine:
(4:51pm) BeauTAEful:
(4:52pm) Bunny: AND then he drops back down the entire length in one go and SCREAMED in pleasure.
(4:52pm) BeauTAEful:
(4:52pm) GOD:
(4:52pm) Genius:
(4:53pm) Sunshine:
(4:53pm) WWH:
(4:53pm) Bunny: and then he’s alternating after a bit bouncing and then drag and drop until after almost 25 minutes he drops down one last time.
(4:54pm) Bunny: his body went rigid, his head tipped back his back bowed and he came UNTOUCHED all over his stomach and chest.
(4:55pm) GOD:
(4:55pm) Genius:
(4:55pm) WWH:
(4:55pm) Sunshine:
(4:56pm) BeauTAEful:  fucking dead right now. So fucking hard and dead, fuck.
(4:56pm) Genius: hard here too, fuck.
(4:57pm) Sunshine: same here.
(4:57pm) GOD: need to go find a book to kill my tent.
(4:57pm) WWH: I’ll come pick you all up when mine goes down these idiots are extra helpful with that.
(4:58pm) Bunny: BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE!
(4:59pm) BeauTAEful: no more please Kookie!
(4:59pm) Genius: please for the love of god let it end now before we do all die.
(5:00pm) Sunshine: same here.
(5:00pm) GOD: WE ARE IN PUBLIC Jungkook!!!
(5:00pm) WWH: just kill us quick.
(5:00pm) Bunny: he pulled off the toy collapsed to his bed thanked god for the day and I bolted to my room with a raging hard on, like, it’s the hardest I have ever been in my life.
(5:01pm) Bunny: I got off then went and showered he was asleep can’t blame him.
(5:01pm) Bunny: and it turns out throughout the entire thing I was holding my phone.
(5:02pm) Bunny: wanna guess what I did without actually realising it?
(5:02pm) BeauTAEful: OH MY GOD! YOU DID NOT!! BUT TELL ME YOU DID??!!
(5:02pm) Sunshine: um Tae? What he do?
(5:03pm) Genius: confused erection is confused.
(5:03pm) WWH: what did you do Kook ah?
(5:04pm) Bunny: I RECORDED THE ENTIRE THING FROM START TO FINISH!!!
(5:04pm) BeauTAEful: fucking dead right now. FUCK. FUCK IT ALL SO HARD I WANNA SEE IT I WANNA SEE IT NOW!!!
(5:04pm) Genius: are you serious Jungkook? Like completely not just saying that to fuck with us more?
(5:05pm) Sunshine: tell me this isn’t a joke please!
(5:05pm) GOD: answer!
(5:05pm) WWH: yes JK!
(5:06pm) Bunny: when Jin hyung picks you all up message me and I will send you proof I don’t want to make you any harder than you are IN public.
(5:07pm) BeauTAEful: Jin come get me now right now!
(5:07pm) WWH: firstly, Jin HYUNG, secondly, already working on it.
(5:07pm) Genius: see you soon!
(5:07pm) Sunshine: check please!
(5:08pm) GOD: tent decreased books paid for waiting ride now please hyung.
(5:08pm) WWH: see you all soon.
(5:08pm) Bunny: don’t forget shopping. Message after the shopping is done.
(5:09pm) Genius: what he said.
(5:09pm) Bunny: peace talk soon
*Bunny has set status ,to away*
(5:10pm) Genius:
fuck. See you all soon.
*Genius has set status to away*
(5:11pm) Sunshine:
out too see ya soon.
*Sunshine has set status to away*
(5:11pm) BeauTAEful:
need to calm down will finish my cocoa. See you soon hyungs.
*BeauTAEful has set status to away*
(5:12pm) GOD:
see you soon. Be good.
*GOD has set status to away*
(5:13pm) WWH:
what you all said.
*WWH has set status to away*

-

Jungkook couldn’t really help the smirking grin stretched across his lips knowing he had managed to get all five of them so painfully hard and desperate in public. He dropped his hand to his stomach after the last notification and stared at the ceiling, now all he had to do was wait to get them all hard once more, he realised as he laid there he loved this kind of power a little too much.

-

It took Jin just 30 minutes to get the drunks home and just as long to pick the rest up. The five of them were then collectively surprised to learn it only took them just 45 minutes to finish the shopping, which was good considering most times shopping took almost at best two full hours to complete without incident.

Taehyung asked from the back seat of Jin’s SUV once Jin had pulled out of the parking lot and were all headed home ‘so. Which one of us is messaging Kookie?’

Yoongi in the left passenger seat lifted his phone and opened their chat.

-We Are All Fucked-
*Genius has set status to online*
(7:03pm) Genius:
alright Jungkook, Jin’s picked us up and we’ve finished the shopping, now pay up! proof or we end you when we get home!

Yoongi locked his phone to wait for the notification and looked at them all ‘done. Now we wait I guess to see how hard we each smack him when we get home’

Chapter Text

Jungkook laid on his bed reading the latest One Piece, He had taken a nap to replenish the energy he had lost getting off to the images and sounds of Jimin. Music played from the Bluetooth speaker bar sitting on top of his book case singing to the room when suddenly his phone chimed on his bedside table.

He looked over at it, he had been expected his hyungs to message him for the last 15 minutes knowing and honestly wondered what had taken them so long. He picked it up checking the notification to see it was... Jimin. He looked at his door for a minute before opening the chat.

 

-We Love Chaos-
*Mochi has set their status to online*
(7:03pm) Mochi:
hey ya’ll it’s pouring everyone okay sorry I might have fallen asleep.

Jungkook paused for a minute reading the message again. He quickly replied before the others could and fuck it all up.

-

-We Love Chaos-
*Bunny has set their status to online*
(7:04pm) Bunny:
hey hyung yeah you did. Fall asleep, I mean.
(7:04pm) Mochi:
(7:04pm) Mochi: wait how do you know that...
(7:04pm) Bunny: I came home like an hour ago found your door shut. Didn’t risk going in there. You and Yoongi hyung not the most pleasant of morning people until after at least one coffee.
(7:04pm) Mochi: oi you brat. Also, thanks was a really good nap.
(7:05pm) Bunny: it’s cool hyung. You honestly looked like you could use the rest.
(7:05pm) Mochi: ???
(7:05pm) Bunny: I mean in that something’s been bugging you.
(7:05pm) Mochi: oh. So... so you noticed too then???
*Genius has set their status to online*
(7:06pm) Genius:
we all have Jimin ah...
* Sunshine has set their status to online*
(7:07pm) Sunshine:
and we are all worried. We didn’t wanna say anything but the topic came up last night at dinner while you were getting changed.
(7:07pm) Mochi: please don’t worry I am okay I promise.
*GOD has set their status to online*
(7:08pm) GOD:
you’ll tell us if you’re not right. We’ve had this discussion remember it ended with four of us in tears you being one of those four. It hurts when you cry.
(7:08pm) Mochi: I promise hyung I am A-Okay.
*BeauTAEful has set their status to online*
(7:09pm) BeauTAEful:
okay but I am here if you wanna talk Mochi, got me?!
(7:09pm) Mochi: gotcha TaeTae!
(7:09pm) Bunny: sweet where you all at I’m thinking the two currently here are dying from starvation. I can hear Jiminie’s stomach from here.
(7:10pm) Mochi: first of all, Jiminie hyung. Second, yes. Third, why is Jin hyung not talking to us?
(7:10pm) BeauTAEful: he’s driving. He came to pick us all up after he dropped his friends off. We got dinner so don’t worry bunny, you’re not gonna die. Not from starvation anyway.
(7:10pm) Mochi: god bless you and this day and the food gods and I will kiss you all when you get home.
(7:11pm) Genius: allergic to affection, pass.
(7:11pm) Sunshine: I like affection, shower me in all your kisses Mochi
(7:12pm) Mochi: we are the weirdest fucking bunch of people I know.
(7:13pm) GOD: Jin hyung just said don’t cuss in our house.
(7:13pm) Mochi:
(7:14pm) GOD: better run before he beats your ass. His words.
(7:15pm) GOD: he just yelled at the car in front. He’s pissed
(7:15pm) Bunny:
(7:16pm) BeauTAEful: he’s glaring at the road hilarious.
(7:17pm) Genius: drive angry.
(7:17pm) Sunshine: why are you idiots laughing HE COULD KILL US RIGHT NOW!
(7:18pm) Genius: Sorry hyung. Love you. Please don’t kill me.
(7:18pm) BeauTAEful: I will give you a foot massage when we get home. You’re the best hyung ever.
(7:19pm) GOD: sorry. My bad. We good hyung.
(7:20pm) Mochi: *sent one image*
(7:20pm) :
(7:20pm) Sunshine: is that my pillow?
(7:20pm) Mochi: yup, it’s hella comfy thanks hyung.
(7:21pm) GOD: I just showed Jin hyung your selca. He called you cute and stopped
glaring. All is okay. I think.
(7:22pm) Genius: we hope.
(7:22pm) Sunshine: you rang
(7:22pm) BeauTAEful: this chat as always is a ducking mess.
(7:23pm) BeauTAEful: god bless you auto correct.
(7:23pm) Bunny: can’t breathe, laughing to hard.
(7:23pm) Mochi: same and I can actually hear you.
(7:23pm) Bunny: shall we go and wait in the lounge room for the food gods to arrive hyung?
(7:24pm) Mochi: can I get a cuddle cause it’s hella freaking cold up in here with this rain.
(7:24pm) Bunny: I second this. Let us cuddle till we melt.
(7:24pm) Mochi:
*Mochi has set their status to away*
(7:25pm) Bunny:
see you all soon
*Bunny has set their status to away*
(7:26pm) GOD:
they all say yes see you soon too
*GOD, Sunshine, BeauTAEful and Genius have set their status to away*

-

Jungkook sighed with relief more than glad his hyungs had backed him up in his lies and deceit so very not wanting to even contemplate how that could have gone had they not, the mere thought of it sent a shiver up his spine. He closed their group chat affectionately titled “We Love Chaos”, before checking his other notifications. He saw the message from Yoongi and as he moved to reply another one quickly came through.

(7:28pm) Genius: last fucking chance after that bunch of lies...” the notification read.

Jungkook quickly opened their secret chat to reply praying they weren’t going to kill him for not replying to them first.

-

-We Are All Fucked-
*Bunny has set their status to online*
(7:28pm) Bunny:
sorry hyungs. Baby Mochi beat you all to it I had no choice. Also thank you for the save and going with me.
(7:29pm) Genius:
(7:29pm) Genius: but a deal’s a deal and fair pay for covering your lying ass.
*BeauTAEful has set status to online*
(7:30pm) BeauTAEful:
also, we just pulled into the garage...
*WWH. Sunshine and GOD set their status to online*
(7:31pm) Sunshine:
waiting.
(7:32pm) GOD:
be a man and admit you played us didn’t you kiddo.
(7:33pm) WWH: tell the truth and I won’t starve you. You lied we know it.
(7:33pm) Bunny: *has sent one image*
(7:33pm) BeauTAEful: NOT A LIE!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! NOT A FUCKING LIE!!! ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION!!!
(7:34pm) Sunshine: holy fuck. I did not fucking expect that, is that from the middle of the show???
(7:34pm) Genius: I think I just saw God. Or came in my pants, either one.
(7:35pm) GOD: I take it back you are a man and I applaud you
(7:35pm) WWH: extra bulgogi for bunny ya’ll!
(7:35pm) BeauTAEful: uh… confession time.
(7:35pm) BeauTAEful: I want to mark him up so bad, like, so so bad, to look like a cheetah bad, is that wrong for me to say about the virgin in our group? Do you think he’s even actually straight, he's gotta be bi at least right?
(7:36pm) GOD: who the fuck knows, in all honesty I have spent the last two hours imagining every way I could fuck him. This helps in the worst ways.
(7:36pm) Sunshine: even if he is straight, I want him to ride me so bad.
(7:37pm) WWH: I stand by what I’ve said before Jiminie’s lips would look beautiful around a cock, and preferably my own.
(7:38pm) Genius: you know what I want.
(7:38pm) Sunshine: Jimin on all fours...
(7:39pm) Genius: to see the rest of the fucking video. Jungkook?!
(7:39pm) Bunny: I’ll send it after dinner promise. If I send it now none of us are eating and Jiminnie is glaring at me because I’m taking too long to play oblivious band member cuddle time wish me luck
*Bunny has set their status to away*
(7:40pm) BeauTAEful:
god speed bunny. We are praying for you in many languages
(7:40pm) BeauTAEful: also, you better keep the promise or you die.
*BeauTAEful, Sunshine, GOD, WWH and Genius have set their status to away*

Chapter Text

The door opened a little before eight pm, Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, and Taehyung stopped in the great room of their door to see a soft Park Jimin dressed in a fluffy baby blue knit cardigan sweater jacket, a white t-shirt and grey sweats, wrapped up in the impressively strong arms of the maknae.

Their smallest member looked so cute and small and soft and every single one of them (even Jungkook himself) wanted to coo after what they had been told and the picture they had seen.

Jimin was lounged in Jungkook’s lap, while Jungkook himself looked a little perplexed but was mostly content. The twenty minutes it took for the rest of the group to get back to the dorm from the garage had been the longest and most trying twenty minutes of Jungkook’s life. Not only did he have to play the oblivious band member while cuddling the very person he now wanted to wreak, but he had spent those same twenty minutes in his mind chanting “do not get a boner” so much it had turned into a mantra or even a song with falsetto and everything. He really was losing his mind like this.

Jungkook mumbled finally seeing his relief standing before them, ‘food gods have arrived hyung.’

Jimin turned his face where he had had it tucked up into Jungkook’s neck to rest his face against Jungkook’s strong solid chest, soft cheek squishing against the hard muscle as he did. Despite how tired he still felt he smiled brightly up at the five standing before them staring at the two of them, ‘HI HYUNGIES. HI TAETAE!.’ he beamed.

Taehyung beamed with a boxy grin at his best friend, ‘HI BFF! You should totally come and help me unpack all this so we can eat faster, and by that, I mean, like, right now!’

Jimin laughed loud like he always did body shaking against Jungkook’s, he paid no mind to Jungkook’s grip on his body tightening slightly as he calmed down before he lazily got up and headed over to his hyungs taking most of the shopping bags they had brought home with them before turning to the kitchen leaving Taehyung to get the rest of the bags.

Taehyung paused after taking the bags from his hyungs as he and the others all looked at Jungkook still sitting motionless on the couch.

Jungkook finally released the breath he had been holding when Jimin had moved on him to get up and with a loud sigh flopping back on the chair, ‘dead,’ he proclaimed with the motion as he head dropped back to the pillow.

The five of them all laughed surprised he had managed to actually survive the experience. Namjoon, Seokjin, Hoseok and Taehyung all sighed as Yoongi smirked holding his hand out smugly having won the bet they had all made while in the elevator. Taehyung sighed after a long minute handing Yoongi the 100 won note quickly before he headed off to the kitchen to join Jimin currently with his back to lounge room while the rest took their stuff to their rooms before dinner.

-

Jungkook regrets his decision, not the decision to share the wondrous sight of Park Jimin coming undone, no, the decision he currently regrets as he sits at the dining table with his five hyungs and the porn star of BTS is his decision to find out how long Jimin’s toy actually was.

Everyone had offered to help with dinner, all of them had been starving (some for things they couldn’t have) and with all seven helping (well six and Namjoon supervising) the dinner would cook faster meaning they could eat sooner.

Jungkook had whispered into Taehyung’s ear, ‘keep Mochi busy, I’m going dildo hunting,’ and Taehyung who had to pinch himself to stop from laughing simply nodded and pulled Jimin over to his section of the kitchen to help him effortlessly distracting his best friend from the maknaes quest.

Jungkook had grabbed the tape measure from whichever draw of whichever piece of furniture in the place he had found it in and slipped into the master suite.

It had taken Jungkook approximately 5 minutes of quick searching of Jimin’s side of the room to find his hidden secrets draw and his eyes almost fell out of his head at the contents, he saw the vibrators and butt plugs, a selection of lube he didn’t dare look at and two dildos, one was no surprise bright blue Jimin’s favourite colour, the other a solid black. He didn’t move them instead lifting the tape measure and held it against the length of the plastic toys (or where they silicone), the blue one measured a simple 7 inches while the black one came in at 9. He wasn’t disappointed not by any means had been more curious than anything else really Taehyung’s question about Jimin being straight had popped into his head as he went searching for the elusive third dildo he had video of Jimin riding.

Jungkook had spent a further ten minutes searching for the third dildo getting desperate and worried he would get caught (he really didn’t have an excuse planned, not a believable one anyway) but despite all the panic he had struck gold when he had tried the bathroom just on a whim last. He had found the flesh coloured large dildo resting on a hand towel in the cupboard of the bathroom marked with Jimin’s name ‘we each get out own cupboard Hobi hyung, I’ll take the bottom one because you’re so old’ Jimin had quipped with a full body laugh at the glare he received.

Jungkook’s eyes had slowly turned into saucers as he stretched the tape measure out against the length of the toy, seven, eight… ten, eleven, holy shit, Jungkook’s brain for the nth time that night short circuited, twelve inches, Jimin had been riding twelve inches of hard plastic dick like it had been absolutely nothing for him.

Jungkook had been snapped out of his fourth of fifth mental break down at the sound of ceramic breaking on tile and quickly shut the cupboard and got the hell out of there. He had effortlessly slipped from the master suite to see that Namjoon, ever the graceful giant he was, had managed to break yet another one of their plates while getting it from the dishwasher to set the table like Jin had instructed earning a sigh from the older in the process before someone was saying they really needed to buy more plates and he was sure it had been Yoongi who had added they should switch to plastic.

But that wasn’t his problem now, the plate incident was a mere faded memory as he sat at the table with his five hyungs and the porn star of BTS right beside him touching him laughing on him, and with Jungkook knowing exactly how big the toy Jimin had gotten off on really was he could not at all stop the smirk plastered permanently to the corner of his mouth every time he saw Jimin wince or shift slightly in his seat and he absolutely was powerless to stop his mind from going to all the places it had gone earlier that day and then some. Jungkook decided then and there as he watched Jimin shift in his seat for what seemed to be the 100th time since they all sat down to dinner (closer to a midnight snack if you ask them) that he and his five other hyungs were truly fucked from now on.

‘You okay hyung?’ Jungkook asked.

Jimin glanced at him and nodded ‘I’m fine Jungkookie, why do you ask?’

Jungkook shrugged ‘you look… tense, sure you’re okay?’

Jimin let out a sigh causing the five others at the table with him to look at him ‘since when have these seats been so goddamn uncomfortable seriously, we need to invest in some cushions or some padding or new freaking chairs’

Jungkook turned his head quickly sliding his hand over his mouth as he took a long breath to calm the burning fire inside him, Jimin was evil he decided.

The other five saw his reaction their minds instantly flashing to the picture on their phone, Taehyung shifted in his seat at the image in his head, Yoongi and Hobi glanced at one another quickly before going back to their food while Namjoon and Jin tried all to hard not to react.

‘Maybe your muscles are just sore, I mean we all suffer it you know that?’ Jin offered.

‘But I literally did nothing but sleep all day, this is stupid’ Jimin whined as he shifted once more Jungkook still fighting an internal battle.

Yoongi pipped up, ‘maybe have a bath after dinner, might help with the tension or whatever it is that’s got you wriggling like a worm over there’ he had drawled, voice a little rough and deeper than normal but not unusual for Yoongi when it got to the later hours of the night.

Jimin shifted again, ‘but I already took a shower,’ he whined before sighing in defeat hands dropping to the table as he pouted at his food, ‘stupid chair,’ he huffed.

And Jungkook at that moment lost it bursting out laughing unable to hold it any longer the only reaction that wouldn’t see Jimin beating him to death with the pan in the middle of the table.

Jimin instead smacked him on the arm, ‘STOP LAUGHING AT ME YOU ASS,’ Jimin shrieked as he brought his hand down on Jungkook’s shoulder as he leant back from his annoyed hyung.

Is wasn’t long before the other five were laughing along with the two as Jungkook now mercilessly tickled their smallest member unable to help themselves as Jimin’s shrieks, squeaks, and giggles danced around them all.

Jungkook decided he had two goals for the future two goals that were infinitely more important than any award or milestone, firstly, Jungkook was going to find out if this utter porn star now sitting slack beside him sort of just draped in his chair was really straight or not and secondly, if the beautiful sight of a heavily breathing Park Jimin was in fact not as straight as the six others of BTS had ever been lead to believe HE was going to get Jimin into his bed no matter how long it took him. And with that decision, Jimin still wincing and shifting beside him and the other hyungs now engrossed in the efficiency of their dining chairs they had all returned to dinner like nothing had ever actually happened.

It wasn’t long after that dinner and ice cream despite the coldness was finished and all the members had helped to clean up, ‘you live in this damn house to assholes you will help me clean, especially you Jung Hoseok or I will stop making food for a full month’, Jin threatened. and After the oldest had then giving his nod of approval to the spotless kitchen the members retreated to the warmth of their rooms to take the showers they had put off.

-

-We Are All Fucked-
*BeauTAEful has set their status to online*
(9:37pm) BeauTAEful: alright bunny. Promise time.
*Bunny has set status to online*
(9:39pm) Bunny: *has sent 26 images*
*Genius has set their status to online*
(9:40pm) Genius:
FUCK!

-

-We Love Chaos-
*Mochi has set their status to online*
(9:41pm) Mochi: hey you okay Yoongi hyung I just hear you yell out a fuck. You kick your toe on Joon hyung’s books again why he keeps leaving them in the studio is a mystery.
*GOD has set status to online*
(9:42pm) GOD: it’s quiet and the arm chair in there is really comfortable.
*Genius has set status to online*
(9:43pm) Genius: no kicked my toe on the foot of my bed I need a new light bulb or a lamp...
*BeauTAEful has set status to online*
(9:43pm) BeauTAEful: or new eyeballs grandpa
*Bunny has set status to online*
(9:44pm) Bunny:
(9:44pm) Bunny: run Taehyungie run like the wind.
(9:45pm) GOD: MUM THE KIDS ARE FIGHTING!!!
*WWH has set status to online*
(9:46pm) WWH: I go and take a shower for 20 minutes and come back to this shit.
(9:47pm) WWH: you know what go for it Yoongi kill the little shit I don’t care!
(9:47pm) BeauTAEful: *gasp* you don’t love me anymore? I am hurt. Hurt and offended. You are off my Christmas list.
(9:48pm) WWH: excuse you child I am at the top of your damn Christmas list!
(9:48pm) BeauTAEful: dah. I would die if you didn’t feed me hyung.
(9:48pm) Mochi: is your foot okay though hyung I can go get some ice for you if you need?
(9:49pm) Genius: I’m fine Mochi really. Thank you though nothing serious. Just hurt like a bitch.
(9:49pm) Mochi: there I kissed it better for you.
*Sunshine has set status to online*
(9:50pm) Sunshine: you’re to adorable, I mean…
(9:50pm) Sunshine: *has sent one image*
(9:50pm) :
(9:51pm) BeauTAEful: OH MY GOD! BABY MOCHI IS SO CUTE!! I LOVE YOU BFF I WANT TO SQUISH YOU!!!
(9:51pm) Bunny: Hobi hyungie, pretty please, pinch his cheeks for me.
(9:51pm) Mochi: please don’t hyung
(9:51pm) Sunshine: to bad
(9:52pm) Mochi:
(9:53pm) Genius: that picture just cured cancer just for the record.
(9:54pm) GOD: I’m getting it framed to hang on our wall.
(9:55pm) WWH: I know a guy.
(9:56pm) Genius: whatcha think lounge room?
(9:56pm) Bunny: studio!
(9:56pm) Sunshine: OMG YES!

-

-We Are All Fucked-
*Sunshine has set status to online*
(9:55pm) Sunshine: you done fucked up hyung. Good thing he wasn’t in your room. I was going to ask what it was about but I've seen them so never mind.
*WWH has set their status to online*
(9:56pm) WWH: I have seen Jesus and the Holy Ghost and God himself, fuck me so hard right now.
(9:58pm) Bunny: and now I give unto you my dear sweet thirty members a gift from the gods themselves.
(9:58pm) Bunny: *has sent one video*
(9:59pm) BeauTAEful: I CAN’T! IM DONE!! IM DEAD!!!
(9:59pm) Genius: I would like my grave to read: here likes Min Yoongi killed by Jibooty.
(9:59pm) WWH: FUCK!
*GOD has set their status to online*
(10:00pm) GOD: I wanna put my dick up in him so fucking bad. Ah I don’t know if I can watch this.
(10:00pm) Sunshine: I AM IN THE SAME FUCKING ROOM!! THIS IS NOT FUCKING COOL JEONGGUK!!!

-

-We Love Chaos-
(10:01pm) BeauTAEful: hey, Hobi hyung can you come here, I need help with this stupid Mario level and Jin hyung is being a bitch.
(10:02pm) WWH: excuse your bitch ass, I am in my nice warm bed reading.
(10:02pm) Mochi: reading your smutty romance novels. What is it this time...
(10:02pm) Mochi: Steven slid his hand down Jessica’s smooth stomach her body quivering in pleasure at each touch. She wanted to feel him all around her, on her, in her, and she wanted to feel him now.
(10:03pm) Mochi: or is it more alone the lines of...
(10:03pm) Mochi: it had been too long since Luke had a gotten laid. He was desperate, and on the prowl, eyes scanning the club for someone of his type, big, strong, able to dominate the fuck out of him. He hoped when he found them they had a dick worth riding all the way home.
(10:04pm) WWH: how the fuck you know I read romance novels? And one of those you just described is boys love...
(10:05pm) GOD: and describe it well he did, like, do you read that trash too Minnie or are you hiding a talent we don’t all know about???
(10:05pm) Mochi:
(10:05pm) Mochi: I am an innocent snow flake that knows nothing about such sinful things

-

-We Are All Fucked-
(10:05pm) Genius:
knows nothing my fucking ass DO YOU FUCKERS SEE THAT DILDO HE’S FUCKING RIDING LIKE A STALLION. EIGHT. EIGHT INCHES AT LEAST!!!

Chapter Text

-We Love Chaos-
(10:05pm) BeauTAEful:
oh, so I never told you about Minnie’s writing skills? He plays dumb for the cameras but baby mochi is so fucking good, a hidden wordsmith if ever there was one.
(10:06pm) Mochi: I dabble, I mean, I write lyrics and slip them into Yoongi hyung's note book when he’s not looking.
(10:06pm) Genius: the fuck??? Liar!!!
(10:07pm) Sunshine: I’m coming to your room now to check this out hang on...
(10:07pm) BeauTAEful: you good Jiminie?
(10:08pm) Mochi: *sent one image*
(10:08pm) :
(10:08pm) Mochi:
so warm, so soft, so comfy.
(10:09pm) WWH:
so cute. you forgot so cute.
(10:09pm) Mochi: HYUNG NO!!
(10:10pm) GOD: Hyung yes!
(10:15pm) Sunshine: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!
(10:15pm) Bunny: what what??? Wait sorry I went to get a snack never mind. Did you find some lyrics he wrote?
(10:16pm) Sunshine: I’m dreaming of you
You’re all that I see
I’m dreaming of you
Now you’re haunting me
(10:17pm) Sunshine: when the hell did you right that? You’ve never dated anyone???
(10:17pm) Mochi: TaeTae broke up with what’s her name the last one. He talked about dreaming about her that first month after they split.
(10:18pm) BeauTAEful: ah yeah, that was bad that one. But that’s beautiful. Like really. Reminds me of like Boy In Love, Skool Love Affair, you know?
(10:18pm) Bunny: what else you got???
(10:20pm) Genius: just found this…
(10:25pm) Genius: Be anything
By Min Yoongi
[Verse 1]
People call me weak people call me sad
It's time to prove them wrong
It's time to be bad
It's time to write my own song.
[Verse 2]
The words they eat away
Letting the doubt stay
I fought my demons I won my war
They can't keep me down any more.
[Chorus]
Now the world will hear me sing
I can be anything
Fighting to the top
I ain't gonna stop
I can be anything
[Verse 3]
Put my mind to it I have a dream
No matter how hard it may seem
I will stand so tall
They won't see me fall
[Chorus]
Now the world will hear me sing
I can be anything
Fighting to the top
I ain't gonna stop
I can be anything
[Verse 4]
No matter what I will rise
And for once it will be their demise
No matter what they do
I will make I through
[Outro]
Now the world will hear me sing
I can be anything
I can be anything
Anything, anything, anything.
(10:28pm) GOD: why does it say by you when you wrote this? It’s really good. We should make a demo see how it sounds.
(10:28pm) Sunshine: yeah, we should only one small problem in your statement.
(10:29pm) GOD: ??? Problem
(10:30pm) Genius: I didn’t write this.
(10:31pm) WWH: Park Jimin
(10:31pm) Mochi:
(10:31pm) BeauTAEful: wow you wrote a whole song That’s awesome!! A really good whole song, I really like it.
(10:32pm) BeauTAEful: hey BFF can you throw together like a quick smut fic right now?
(10:32pm) Sunshine: why??? Why the fuck you gotta say that for weirdo???
(10:33pm) WWH:  don’t make me get out of my nice warm bed and slap you.
(10:33pm) BeauTAEful: BUT ITS BEEN SO LONG AND JIMINIE IS SO GOOD WITH WORDS!!! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GIVE ME MY PORN AND SMUT AND LEAVE ME BE!!!
(10:34pm) Mochi: I am a little bored over here. My roommate abandoned me in search for lyrics. And remember Joon hyung said we got tomorrow off as well so we got time…
(10:34pm) Mochi: what you want TaeTae? your usual run of the mill smut guy/girl fucking or... no?
(10:35pm) GOD: woah wait are you serious?
(10:35pm) BeauTAEful: OH MY GOD! Brilliant idea ready?
(10:35pm) Mochi: ???
(10:36pm) Sunshine: you never have brilliant ideas.
(10:36pm) Genius: what he said.
(10:37pm) BeauTAEful: I hereby request you, Park Jimin, to write a short smut fic right this second on this chat between Me... and you!
(10:37pm) Bunny: Yoongi and Hobi hyung were right.
(10:38pm) WWH: YOU ARE BEST FRIENDS YOU PERV!!!
(10:39pm) GOD: just ignore him Jimin ah. Pretend you didn’t read anything.
(10:40pm) BeauTAEful: I think I scared him.

Chapter Text

There was silence for almost 20 solid minutes from Jimin, he hadn’t said anything in the chat and Taehyung was worried he really had scared or even worse since Jimin was straight offended him.

He turned his head to the wall that connected his room to the master suite before he yelled “SORRY JIMINIE! FORGET I SAID ANYTHING!!”

He waited for the high airy laughter with that little squeak they all knew to be Jimin’s and some sort of ‘it’s okay you’re an idiot’ but instead was met with no reply.

Taehyung started to panic deciding the easiest thing to do was to actually go and see his best friend. As he moved to go and check on Jimin six chimes sounds through the house one from his own phone stopping him from moving as he lifted it knowing it was Jimin hopefully telling him it was okay and to let it go.

What he read was instead something that now had his full attention.

-

-We Love Chaos-
(10:58pm) Mochi:
it was hot, it was always hot in that stupid dance studio always working, always practicing, always pushing. BTS we’re practicing for their latest concert the wings tour: epilogue, concert number whatever the hell it was by that point, it was hour 14 of a six am start practice session and everyone was utterly exhausted.
Namjoon and Jin had said something about food which prompted Jungkook to abandon his need to practice more, and his declaration or lamb skewers had seen Yoongi following the maknae out while a promise of peppermint tea had seen Hoseok soon behind the two of them.
(11:00pm) WWH: solid start reminds me of last weeks practice.

-

_We Are All Fucked-
(11:01pm) Genius:
so, which do I pay attention to, this fucking video which I am deeply and greatly enjoying or the fucking porno he’s now writing?!
(11:02pm) GOD:
(11:02pm) Sunshine:
(11:02pm) Bunny:
(11:03pm) WWH:
(11:03pm) BeauTAEful:
as good as the video is you wanna totally pay attention to the porno he’s writing. Trust me!

-

-We love Chaos-
(11:04pm) Bunny:
you have my interest. Interesting to find out what TaeTae and Jiminie hyung get up to in this surprise spontaneous fic. Go hyung, shock and awe us with your word skills.
(11:05pm) Mochi: Jimin decided to hang back at the studio. He wasn’t beating himself up, if anything, today had gone well for them all even Namjoon had been praised by the instructors (who had practically ran out of the room at the mention of a dinner break with everyone else close behind them). Jimin, however, just had a bit of stress to work off and lately his hand just wasn’t enough.

He decided some free style unscripted dance was in order. It had been months since he’d just mucked around in the studio, schedules had seen all the members diving into the nearest bed within minutes of getting back to their dorm leaving little to no time for any self-indulging behaviour.
(11:06pm) BeauTAEful: preach baby mochi preach!!!
(11:06pm) Mochi: Taehyung on the other hand had taken his sweat soaked self to the vending machines not waiting to wait for food, he was hungry now and nothing was going to stop him from getting something to eat right away.
(11:07pm) Mochi: Jimin mucked around to some beats Yoongi had mixed for him and Hoseok to create moves to and was having a great time body moving and swaying to the beat around him. He was lost in the music in the feel of the beat deep within his body so lost in fact he hadn’t noticed Taehyung's return.
(11:09pm) Mochi: Taehyung walked back to the studio, fingers covered in cheese dust as he munched the packet of cheese twists he had managed to obtain from the evil vending machine, he swears it wanted him to die.

Taehyung wasn’t at all ready for the sight that graced him as he walked into the studio.

He had thought it was empty that the other members had all headed off to get some food he had told them he was gonna wait for them to get back including Jimin, what he didn’t expect to see however was Jimin now body rolling to some beat he could only class as far to sexual.
(11:10pm) BeauTAEful: I am liking this so far. Keep going.
(11:11pm) Mochi: it wasn’t a secret that Jimin and Taehyung were close, the two of them spent more time together than Yoongi did thinking about music (which if you’re not keeping up was a lot).

Taehyung admired his best friend in more ways than one, how he overcame the demons that brought him down way back in their trainee days or even in days just passed, how he worked hard to do better, be better and feel better in himself and to make others feel better.
(11:13pm) BeauTAEful: ah it’s like he knows me so well. Love you mochi
(11:13pm) Mochi:
(11:13pm) Mochi: as for Jimin he more than just admired Taehyung for his achievements.
(11:14pm) BeauTAEful:
(11:15pm) Mochi: Jimin could get lost for hours thinking about all the things he loved about Taehyung, the way he found the smallest things so cute like his puppy Yeontan the apple of his eye, the way he wasn’t into coffee but breathed hot chocolate like it was going out of fashion.
(11:16pm) Mochi: and then there were the things that Jimin tried hard not to think about, the way Taehyung’s eyes scrunched up when he smiled that heart fluttering boxy grin, the way his shoulders had only seemed to get broader as the days passed. Jimin tried so hard not to think about the way Taehyung looked so soft and squishy but was hard muscle just like their Maknae, and he absolutely tried everything humanly possible to never think of his best friend pushing him down onto a mattress and wreaking him...
(11:18pm) BeauTAEful: is that... from truth?
(11:18pm) Mochi: you will never ever know.
(11:18pm) BeauTAEful:  TEELLLL MMMMEEEEEE!!!!!!
(11:20pm) Mochi: Taehyung stood at the door of the studio mouth agape cheese twist in one hand, packet in the other as his eyes seemed to stick to the moving body before him. Jimin turned around doing another body roll with his head tipped back and eyes closed to only then make it worse by running his hands up his sweat covered body over his neck up threw his sweat soaked hair before throwing them into the air with a breathy laugh.

Taehyung swallowed thickly powdered cheese stuck in the back of his throat, the cheese twists suddenly the last thing he wanted to eat. Taehyung wanted only one thing to eat, the sinful mochi dancing before him.

As Jimin moved lost in the music not paying any attention to his surroundings Taehyung suddenly found himself with a new problem, his sweatpants and he guessed they were Jungkook’s boxer briefs were becoming suddenly very tight.
(11:22pm) Bunny: why my boxer briefs??? Just why???
(11:22pm) Sunshine: no one cares. Getting to a good part.
(11:23pm) Genius:  that!
(11:24pm) GOD: continue.
(11:25pm) Mochi: as Jimin’s body rolled once more to what Taehyung would now forever call the sex beat playing over the speakers of the studio Taehyung’s body reacted to the sight, cock twitching hard in interest now fully awake while his hand clutching the packet of half eaten cheese twists tightened around the packet causing it to crinkle.
(11:26pm) Mochi: the sound echoed through the studio snapping Jimin out of his excited pleasurable dance trance and as his eyes opened they landed on what he could only describe as a stuck Taehyung.
(11:27pm) WWH: oh, the moment!
(11:28pm) Mochi: Taehyung stared into the eyes of his best friend as they found each other through the mirror. He had never really stared into his best friend’s eyes before given this had never happened before but now that he was he noticed how Jimin’s eyes seemed to mix into various shades of molten brown like the hues of a sunset in autumn.
(11:29pm) Mochi: Jimin stared at his best friend the person he shared most everything with. There was something different in the air, something hot, something thick something that made him shiver under Taehyung’s stare.
(11:29pm) Mochi: Jimin’s eyes locked with Taehyung’s in the mirror, his heart beat though already fast sped up, his already crazy breathing picked up slightly to, and what had been just slightly warm now saw Jimin’s entire body on fire.
(11:30pm) Mochi: Jimin finally turned to face his friend and band member he didn’t know what he was going to say or even do for that matter and hoped he could play the weird atmosphere off as just a small thing.

Jimin chuckled a little as he went over towards his towel and bottle of water near the couch in the room, ‘hey TaeTae you’re getting cheese dust everywhere,’ Jimin spoke, managing to hide the slight shake in his voice as he did.
(11:31pm) Mochi: Taehyung tossed the lone cheese puff he’d been clutching back into the packet before striding across the room to intercept his small friend.
(11:31pm) Bunny: tiny. Tiny friend!!!
(11:32pm) Genius: shut up bunny head.
(11:32pm) Mochi: his deep voice seemed to rumble around the room and echo through Jimin’s entire body and soul, ‘Jimin... Jiminnie,’ he seemed to growl.

Jimin stopped walking at Taehyung’s call of his names.

Jimin couldn’t explain why he stopped it could have been the pull of Taehyung or it could have been the way Taehyung called to him or it may have even been the simple fact Jimin was suddenly very hyper aware of how turned on he was as his best friend stalked towards.
(11:34pm) Mochi: Jimin turned to his best friend once more, a little intimidated at the bigger body coming towards him.

A little worried he had done something he couldn’t remember to piss Taehyung off, he backed up from the other who kept coming.

Jimin’s back hit the cold mirror on the wall behind him as Taehyung closed the distance between them and crowded him up against the cold surface.

Taehyung placed his hands on the cold glass either side of the older’s shoulders and looked down at him.
(11:35pm) Mochi: Jimin felt hot all over the heat from Taehyung’s body being so close to his was maddening to say the least and as he finally looked up at his stupidly tall best friend one thing became so very clear to him, the weird atmosphere was one of lust, hard, hot, deep lust.
(11:36pm) BeauTAEful: I’m lusty. I’m hella lusty
(11:36pm) Bunny: shut your bitch ass up. Now kiss. Tell me that’s gonna happen next!
(11:37pm) Mochi: Jimin looked up at Taehyung through his lashes and damp bangs to see blown pupils staring down at him. He turned his head after a minute suddenly unable to look him in the eye.

It would have been fine but instead Jimin was greeted with the sight of Taehyung’s big hands.

Jimin subconsciously licked his lips before biting down on his bottom one as new things he tried not to think about his best friend assaulted his muddled lusty brain.

Those big hands on his body touching him everywhere, those big hands gripping his tiny waist so hard they left bruises for days, those hands spanking his arse until it was red or the sudden and most spine tingling of all those long amazing fingers pressing into him and fucking him stupid.
11:38pm) BeauTAEful: *throws fists in the air* I LOVE YOU BABY MOCHI
(11:38pm) Bunny: AGAIN, SHUT YOUR BITCH ASS UP. Jiminie continue.
(11:39pm) Mochi: Taehyung leant forward closing the space between the two best friends even further “do you have any fucking idea what you do to me Jiminie” he near growled in the smaller’s ear.

Jimin visibly shivered not that Taehyung would have missed the reaction even if he had been across the room.

“A-and do you have a-any idea what you do to-to me?” Jimin countered cursing himself for stuttering.

Taehyung smirked at Jimin’s words glad he wasn’t the only one reading the situation for what it was.

Taehyung shifted closer still so close now the air around Jimin was suffocating and filling at the same time.
(11:40pm) Mochi: “Do you wanna know what you do to me Park Jimin?” Taehyung whispered in that deep baritone of his this time right in Jimin’s ear.

Jimin unable to control himself whimpered as he turned lust blown eyes upwards once more.

Taehyung smirked at the sound Jimin made as the older of the pair nodded in response to his question.

“S-Show me what I do to y-you Kim Taehyung.” Jimin whispered not trusting his voice any more still stuttering.

Taehyung smirked wider lips curling enough to make him so sexy Jimin was sure if any of the fans saw it they would spontaneously combust.

Without further prompting and already with a green light Taehyung stepped forward completely and pressed the lower half of his body against Jimin’s snatching away the last millimetres of space that had separated them.

Chapter Text

(10:41pm) Mochi: Jimin gasped at the contact as he felt Taehyung’s hard cock now pressed into his thigh and he was more than sure from the smirk now almost splitting Taehyung’s face in half that Taehyung knew he was just as hard.

Jimin looked up at his best friend “m-must be painful?” He stammered.

Taehyung nodded a little as he tilted his head admiring the man now pinned under him “it is, it really is. And since you are responsible for it. I think you should do something about it hmmm”
(10:42pm) Mochi: Jimin thought he should stop this, worried about ruining all those years of friendship, worried about fucking up the group, hell he was worried about how the others would react if (when) they found out, but boy did Jimin want to do something about it.

And as Taehyung moved grinding subtly against Jimin’s hard muscular thigh and despite how scared he was of so many things for so many reasons, his own need, his own desire and his own lust clouded it all leaving just one thing clearly for him to do, help Taehyung with his problem.
(10:43pm) Mochi: He looked Taehyung in the eye for another painfully long minute before he moved. Gently pushing Taehyung back from him to give him room to move once more Jimin all but slut dropped to his knees and sat back on his hunches before his best friend without so much as a word.

Taehyung had looked at his shorter best friend confused when he had pushed him back only to watch in utter shock as Jimin had fully slut dropped making him groan softly as he looked down at the smaller now sitting back on his hunches before him. Taehyung looked up at himself in the mirror his hands were still leant again.

‘Fuck.’ Taehyung breathed before jolting as he felt small hands on his thin waist.
(10:44pm) Mochi: Taehyung looked down again to watch Jimin hesitate for only a second before pulling the tie of his pants with one hand as his other hooked his fingers under the waist bands of both his sweat pants and boxers.

Taehyung’s breath had quickened, his heart now thumping like a raging stampede of buffalo in his chest, he could hear it in his ears and was more than sure Jimin could hear it too.

Jimin hummed as his other hand joined the first fingers dipping below the waist bands of his pants and boxers. ‘I’ll make you feel good Taehyungie, I promise,’ Jimin stated voice dripping with so much lust it sounded like a purr to Taehyung’s ears.
(10:45pm) Mochi: before Taehyung even had time to take a breath Jimin pulled his sweatpants and briefs down smiling a little as he recognised the bright red material of the briefs to be indeed Jungkook’s.

Jimin finally lifted his gaze to what he had been after, Taehyung’s hard erect cock curving up towards his defined stomach.

Taehyung stood up to not be leaning against the mirror any more instead staring down at Jimin before him at the perfect angle to see everything.
(10:46pm) Mochi: Jimin licked his lips at the sight, Taehyung wasn’t small, oh lord no, Jimin definitely knew that but now being those CLOSE to it his best friends cock seemed huge.

Jimin wasn’t about to let Taehyung have all the control just yet.

Jimin slid his small hands up Taehyung’s strong thighs smirking as the taller shivered at the teasing contact as the muscles beneath the skin contracted.

Taehyung growled impatiently, ‘thought you were going to make me feel good baby?’ big hand sliding back through the strands of Jimin’s damp hair.

Jimin did not quiver at the name and he would deny it until he was blue in the face.

“Patience, daddy, or I’ll just keep teasing you,’ Jimin quipped throwing the name in for good measure.

All Taehyung could do was groan and tug Jimin’s hair lightly in frustration.
(10:47pm) Mochi: Jimin paused a moment hands resting on the high of Taehyung’s thighs below his v line. His eyes flicked across the dance studio to the digital clock on the wall. An hour he thought to himself. He turned back to Taehyung and as the younger groaned and moved to protest again Jimin finally wrapped his small fingers around the long length before him.

Tae shuddered with a moan at the contact of hot skin against hot skin. Taehyung had definitely missed being touched like this by someone other than his own hand.
(10:48pm) Mochi: Jimin slid his hand up and down the length of Taehyung’s big cock before swirling his thumb around the tip collecting the precome beading at the slit and using it to make the slid easier.

Taehyung groaned in frustration at the pace after a few strokes, ‘Baby, don’t make me punish you for teasing me.’

‘Punish me daddy?’ Jimin asked as he looked up threw his lashes, ‘how would daddy punish me?’

Taehyung gripped Jimin’s hair tighter and pulled his head back to look him square in the eye, ‘I’ll fuck you so hard right to the point where you can’t walk baby, do not test me.’

Again, Jimin did not quiver, no he didn’t.

‘Promise daddy?’ Jimin asked sweetly a little smile to his lips, hand still working Taehyung’s cock at a slow torturous pace.

The question hung in the air as they stared at one another waiting for the other to break first. As Jimin squeezed Taehyung’s cock on the next slid up to the tip the air turned thick and heavy with much more than just lust as Taehyung moaned at the action unable to help himself.
(10:49pm) Mochi: Taehyung pulled Jimin up by his hair to kneel. He leant down further their faces just a breath apart and growling in his deep baritone, ‘make daddy feel good first and I’ll fuck you into that couch until you scream my name for being a good boy,’ every word right in Jimin’s ear causing him to not quiver again.

Jimin gave in and whined as he looked up at Taehyung looming over him. He nodded best he could against Taehyung’s grip on his hair, ‘I will daddy I promise. I promise to make you feel good and be a good boy.’

Taehyung breathed through his nose suppressing the groan at the back of his throat as he stood up straight letting go of his grip on Jimin’s hair.

Jimin dropped back to his hunches as his hand moved faster now he was free and Taehyung was standing up giving his space once more.

He got his bearings back up straight and shifted back to his knees once more as his hand slid up and down Taehyung’s length at a faster pace. He shifted forward until his face was so close he could kiss Taehyung’s stomach.
(10:50pm) Mochi: Taehyung moaned low, a rumble really as he felt Jimin’s hot tongue kitten lick the tip of his red, leaking, angry, painfully hard cock.

He rested one hand against the mirror in hopes of it actually holding him up as he rested the other on Jimin’s head as he felt the hot tongue of his best friend swirl around the head of his cock before he pulled back.

Taehyung looked down at him confused for a mere second before Jimin shifted and licked clean up the underside of Taehyung’s cock tracing the thick vein of with his tongue then sucking at the base of the head for a beat before digging the tip of his tongue into the slit.

Taehyung threw his head back as he moaned and shuddered at the feelings Jimin was making him feel in that moment and all just with his tongue.

Just as Taehyung was getting used to all the sensations Jimin was making him feel with his tongue he suddenly felt plush soft lips wrap around the head of his cock and suckle lightly.

With a touch of difficulty, Taehyung tipped his head forward and looked down to see Jimin’s lips around him and he could most definitely feel him suckling like he was drinking from a bottle or sucking a lollipop (which he had definitely watched him do more than any best friend should).

He shuddered hard as he released a ragged breath at the feeling of Jimin’s warm mouth around him hips bucking forward involuntarily at the amazing feeling (definitely another touch he desperately missed).
10:52pm) Mochi: Jimin worked his hand over Taehyung’s length as he suckled the head of the cock now in his mouth. He lapped his tongue back and forth over it every so often digging it into the slit just to hear Taehyung moan loudly. And after what seemed like forever Jimin finally FINALLY took more of Taehyung’s impressively large cock into his mouth.
(10:53pm) Mochi: Jimin shifted taking as much of Taehyung into his mouth as he could gagging a little before he pulled back off with a harsh suck. Taehyung moaned louder at the feeling before watching Jimin hollow his cheeks and go back down on his cock.

Jimin wrapped his small hand around the length he couldn’t fit in his mouth stroking up and down the base to his lips in the opposite direction to what he was sucking, up when he went down down when he went up.

Saliva dripped down Jimin’s chin and pooled at the edges of his mouth his eyes were closed as he enjoyed the feeling in Taehyung’s heavy long (and okay it was thick too) cock sliding over his tongue and stinging the edges of his mouth.
(10:54pm) Mochi: Taehyung lightly gripped Jimin’s hair he wanted so badly, so so badly to just fuck into Jimin’s mouth and was quite surprised with his control more than sure that Jimin’s hand not stroking him but resting lightly on his hip was the reason.
(10:55pm) Mochi: Taehyung gripped Jimin’s hair tighter as he felt searing fire pool in the pit of his stomach, he was close, he was fucking close, brought to the edge by Jimin’s sinful mouth.

Taehyung gripped Jimin’s hair tighter still and tugged it with a moan.

Jimin pulled off Taehyung with a wet pop a string of saliva still connecting his plush red swollen lips to Taehyung’s glistening wet cock. Jimin kept his hand moving up and down Taehyung’s length as he looked up at the younger gripping his hair.

Jimin asked with a slight rasp to his voice, ‘are you okay daddy? Did I do it bad?’

Taehyung groaned as the pleasure still burned words completely failing him for one reason. He caught Jimin’s wrist with his other hand stopping it from moving on his length.

Jimin was worried, his fears from earlier flaring back up as he stared up at his best friend. He was worried it had all gone so very wrong and Taehyung was about to lose it with him.

Taehyung released Jimin’s hair as he finally looked down at his best friend, he could see the panic in the older’s eyes. He slid his hand around instead to cup Jimin’s soft squishy cheek and gently rubbed the high of his cheekbone with his thumb.

Taehyung’s breathing finally calmed enough to speak again as the scorching pleasure inside him died back down to embers, ‘hey, hey baby it’s okay. You were good you were... fuck, you were really good baby. You made daddy feel so good he was about to come.’
(10:57pm) Mochi: Jimin’s panic subsided at Taehyungs words, he smiled beautifully up at his not so much best friend at that moment but his daddy. He asked with a soft pink tint to his cheeks, ‘is daddy happy I made him feel good?’

Taehyung smiled boxy grin gleaming at his not so much best friend in that moment but his baby, ‘daddy is very happy. And baby deserves a reward doesn’t he for being so good for daddy.’

Jimin shifted on his spot where he was still kneeling, rubbing his thighs together in desperate search of any sort of friction on his own painfully hard cock.

He nodded as he looked up at Taehyung over him, ‘yes please daddy.’

Taehyung hummed with a warm smile as his eyes took in Jimin’s face. They glanced over his sweat beaded forehead, down over his smooth cute nose all the members liked to bop even if they denied it.
(10:58pm) Sunshine: no idea what he’s talking about
(10:58pm) Genius: kinda more focused on other things right now. Continue.

Chapter Text

(10:59pm) Mochi: Taehyung stared at his beautiful baby until finally Taehyung’s eyes landed on those plush red swollen still wet lips.

There was an intense moment of thick silence that passed between them.

Jimin didn’t miss the look in Taehyung’s eyes, it wasn’t dominating like before, it was distinctly Taehyung, the look that said in that exact moment he was his best friend and not his daddy and he sure as hell didn’t miss the fact those same eyes were now staring at his lips. Just to make sure he licked his lips Taehyung’s eyes following the movement with laser focus.

Jimin waited hands now cupped in his lap, eyes staring at the man over him. He had used his bravery supple up when he had totally on purpose slut dropped to his knees. It was Taehyung’s turn now.

Taehyung’s eyes after what seemed like an incredibly long minute flicked back to Jimin’s and knew the older had seen his reactions, he wasn’t staring at his baby at that moment, no staring back at him was his best friend his Jiminie.

‘Can I kiss you Jiminie?’ Taehyung whispered between them.

Jimin simply smiled lips curling into a warm inviting curve. He nodded just once before Taehyung was on him in his next breath.
(11:01pm) Mochi: Taehyung tilted Jimin’s head back a bit more before mashing their lips together.

Taehyung would be lying if he said he never thought about Jimin’s lips, they were plump, so plump he often found himself wondering just how soft they were and to be honest it was EVERYTHING he thought they would be.

Taehyung turned his head angling it as he felt Jimin kiss back almost immediately. Taehyung shifted helping Jimin to his feet without once separating their lips before Taehyung crowded Jimin against the cold mirror once more making him gasp at the cold contact against his hot skin.

Taehyung took the chance using Jimin’s surprise to slip his tongue into the older’s mouth. Jimin moaned as he felt Taehyung’s tongue slip into his open mouth and rub over his own.
(11:02pm) Mochi: the kiss had started as nothing more than a need between two aroused bodies (or more a need between too best friends) but had quickly turned into a hungry deep and rather sloppy make out against the dance studio mirror never mind the fact Jimin’s hands were now clutching Taehyung’s toned ass (god bless squats) or that they were now grinding on one another.

Jimin broke the kiss not just in desperate need of air but to moan out loud for the first time since they had started as he ground his hard cock down on the thigh Taehyung had slipped between his own.

Taehyung panted learning both hands against the mirror either side of Jimin once more letting him go to grind down on him.

It was a beautiful and sinful sight Taehyung was sure he could and probably would in the future get off to rather easily.

Jimin was getting desperate so desperate in fact he didn’t care when the beg came out of his mouth.
(11:04pm) Mochi: Jimin shifted and clutched Taehyung’s shirt in his small hands tightly. He looked up at the taller and begged breathlessly, ‘please, please daddy, will you fuck me?’

Taehyung groaned loudly at the request before gripping one of Jimin’s hips tightly in his big hand, ‘are you sure baby?’

Jimin who had now on some level if not completely giving into his lust slid his arms around Taehyung’s neck pulling him down into another kiss, ‘yes,’ he whined before connecting their lips once more.

The feeling, the desperation, the lust or a combination of all three ripped apart Taehyung’s control bringing out a primal need with just one simple desire. Taehyung wanted to wreak Jimin and even if he wanted to stop now he couldn’t bring himself to not when he to had given into the lust clouding his mind.

As they kissed Taehyung grabbed the hem of Jimin’s loose sweat damp tank top and pulled it up. They broke the kiss long enough for Taehyung to pull it over Jimin’s head and toss the damp material aside.

Jimin panted as he stared up at Taehyung.
(11:05pm) Mochi: Taehyung groaned before slamming their lips together once more.

Jimin shivered as he felt Taehyung’s big hands all over him, jerking against Taehyung’s thigh as one of those big hands tweaked one of his nipples (and not because his back had just hit the freezing mirror once more). He was sensitive right there and Taehyung knew it using their late-night sex talks to his advantage.

Jimin moaned high into Taehyung’s mouth as he gripped Taehyung’s shirt. He tugged it annoyed, ‘TO MUCH!’ he mumbled into the kiss causing Taehyung to chuckle deeply in his chest before breaking the kiss to help his baby remove his shirt.

Jimin sighed at the sight running his small hands over Taehyung’s sex flushed broad hard chest.
11:06pm) Mochi: after a moment of admiring his best friend’s deceptive physique Jimin pulled Taehyung back to him where instead of seizing his lips like Jimin had anticipated Taehyung buried his face in Jimin’s neck and pressed wet kisses and scrapped teeth lightly making Jimin whimper softly at every contact left on his burning skin. Taehyung wasn't sure if it was the scent of Jimin (which honestly he didn't mind one bit), the sound of Jimin or the feel of Jimin that was making his task difficult and to be completely honest Taehyung was having a lot of trouble trying to get Jimin’s pants off finding multitasking something he was never good at, honestly the younger hated it when Jimin wore tight jeans, not only did they emphasise his plush plump ass but they were a bitch to get off when Jimin was sweaty, he knows having watched the smaller struggle often hilariously at home more than once.
(11:07pm) Sunshine: it’s always hilarious.
(11:07pm) Genius: fucking shut it. Continue.

Chapter Text

Hoseok looked across the room from where he sat in Yoongi’s desk chair, to said person sprawled on his bed his hand palming his raging hard on through his sweat pants.

There was a brief pause as the thought shot through Hoseok’s mind at light speed. He decided now was it, he was taking this moment.

The younger of the two in the room got up while waiting for Jimin to finish writing the next part. He walked over to Yoongi and stopped at the foot of his queen bed.

Yoongi stopped his movements seeing Hoseok now standing at the foot of his bed as he stared at his phone. He turned his focus to Hoseok a little embarrassed at being caught palming himself.

Hoseok didn’t care, he was one of the not so shameful people in the group, and instead of calling his hyung out he climbed up onto the bed and crawled up to Yoongi.

Yoongi who hadn’t spoken in a while croaked in a raspy voice, ‘what are you doing Hobs?’

Hoseok still looking at him simply said as he kept moving, ‘making you feel good.’

Yoongi wondered what he meant as he rasped with a slightly raised eyebrow, ‘Hoseok...’

Hoseok stopped where he wanted to be and slid his beautiful hand down Yoongi’s clothed toned flat stomach to his sweat pants before turning his hand to cup Yoongi’s erection through the material explaining with action instead of words for the question Yoongi hadn’t spoken.

Yoongi tipped his head back, ‘Hoseok!’ he moaned as the younger pressed down and rubbed his hand back and forth over the hardness under it.

Hoseok said as he moved his other hand from where he had been leaning on the bed with it, ‘read me what baby mochi says.’

Yoongi hummed, ‘not sure I’ll be able to if you... ah,’ he moaned again, ‘ah – ah ha – keep – ah – god fuck – doing that – AH GOD,’ moaning the last word louder than he had intended.

Hoseok smiled sweetly at him, ‘read what he says hyung.’

Yoongi panted as fire seared through him, ‘c-can’t you – ah – multi fucking – fuck – task?’ he got out though forcibly hushed moans.

Hoseok hummed in his rapper growl, ‘won’t be able to.’

Yoon panted as Hoseok’s hand finally stopped, ‘why the – fuck not? Shit!’

Hoseok smiled yet again and instead of answering the older’s eloquent question pulled the string on Yoongi’s sweat pants and like Jimin had in the fic hooked his fingers under the waist band of both Yoongi’s sweats and the black silk boxers he was wearing.

Yoongi looked at him as Hoseok paused, fingers trapped between hot skin and constricting material.

Yoongi now spread out on his bed arms laying rather limp out by his sides as he panted lightly breathing calming down enough to not sound like he was hyperventilating didn’t say anything, instead as the two held eye contact, lifted his hips from the bed letting Hoseok slid his pants and boxers down his waist and legs freeing Yoongi’s hard cock from its confines.

Their phones binged in the silent room (save for Yoongi’s panting breath).

Hoseok simply nodded his head at his and Yoongi’s phones now beside each other on the bed where Yoongi had dropped them before he turned his attention to Yoongi’s cock curving up towards his stomach.

Hoseok pushed Yoongi’s shirt up exposing that pale toned stomach and as Yoongi did as he had been told, taking his phone in a slightly shaking hand and lifted it to start reading he watched Hoseok over the edge of the device lean down.

Yoongi jolted as he felt Hoseok’s soft lips kiss his stomach before leaving wet kisses down his body towards his v line, trimmed pubes, and raging hard on.

Hoseok smiled at the reaction as he slid his hands over Yoongi’s hips and dug his fingers into the soft flesh lightly, ‘you can fuck my mouth later. For right now, relax, read, and let me do all the work,’ he hummed as he glanced up at the older rapper.

Yoongi groaned at Hoseok’s words and the promise of more before doing yet again as he was told lifting his phone and reading as he let Hoseok go to work.

Chapter Text

(11:10pm) Mochi: finally, with one last tug Jimin’s tight jeans came off.

Jimin looked at Taehyung standing before him as he leant back against the mirror in all his glory. Jimin was painfully turned on, naked, and a little shy. He buried his face in his hands ready to grab his clothes and run. He jumped a little as he felt familiar strong big hands wrap gently around his thin wrists.

‘Don’t hide Baby,’ Taehyung whispered, ‘you’re too beautiful to hide away.’

Jimin whimpered as he let Taehyung pull his hands away from his flushed face.

‘Beautiful,’ Taehyung’s baritone stated as a warm smile danced on his lips.

Taehyung let go of Jimin’s wrists to slid his hands down the length of Jimin’s body, Taehyung always admired how hard Jimin worked on his physique even if some times it results in Jimin not eating or worst of all passing out during a rehearsal or practice because he had been starving himself. It was one of those things that made Taehyung’s heart hurt knowing how much Jimin punished himself and yet admired him knowing how hard he often worked to stay in shape.

At Jimin’s whiny whimper the younger stopped his caressing to wrap his long fingers around Jimin’s previously neglected and absolutely aching cock.

Jimin all but cried out in pleasure at the friction of Taehyung’s hand now jerking him off. His small hands gripped tightly around Taehyung’s toned strong biceps as his head tipped back against the mirror and his legs shook as he struggled to stay on his feet.

Taehyung decided as he watched Jimin coming undone before him that it was his new favourite sight.
(11:12pm) Mochi: Jimin couldn’t stand it he wanted, no he need more, ‘PLEASE, PLEASE FUCK ME DADDY, PLEASE!’ he half begged half whined.

Taehyung groaned so very suddenly remembering as he stopped his movements and said in what Jimin will forever call his sex baritone, ‘I don’t have condoms and lube baby.’ Taehyung’s voice so much deeper when laced with lust.

‘In my gym bag daddy, in my gym bag,’ Jimin whined.

Taehyung didn’t question it and at that removed himself completely from the older making him whine loudly and pout as he watched Taehyung cross the studio in search of what he was after.

Taehyung chuckled at his baby’s reaction before squatting beside Jimin’s gym bag, he briefly reminded himself to ask later why Jimin even had condoms and lube in his gym bag to begin with.

Taehyung glanced up and for a brief moment lost all brain function again as he saw the sight before him in the mirror he was facing.
(11:14pm) Mochi: Jimin stood leaning back against the mirror opposite him eyes glued to Taehyung as he waited, he had one small hand wrapped around his hard length while his other twisted and flicked one of his nipples. He had his bottom lip pulled between his teeth in an attempt to keep the sounds down soft whimpers barely heard over yet another sex beat.

The first thought that crossed Taehyung’s mind as it finally caught up to him was him wondering if Jimin has asked Yoongi specifically for stripper songs or if Yoongi had given them to him with hidden intentions. The second thought that crossed his mind was that Jimin was indeed beautiful on the edge of all fucked out. The third thing was that he needed his dick up in Jimin now.

Taehyung stood up turning at the same time like a dance move with a couple of condoms and to his surprise strawberry flavoured lube in hand (not that he was at all complaining).

The younger nodded to the couch that was about to be treated so badly he felt almost sorry for it, ‘on all four baby, put that pretty ass in the air for me.’

Jimin gave a whimper as he nodded hand stilling on his cock before he let it go.

It turns out to be rather hard walking even fully naked with a raging hard on leaving Jimin to waddle his pretty ass to the couch in question, Taehyung all but cooing at the cute sight of his baby pouting deeply as he moved.
(11:16pm) Mochi: Jimin made it to the couch crawling onto it on all fours like he had been told. He was to turned on now to regret any of what had or was happening, all he wanted was his reward for being a good boy and to be fucked into oblivion, again it had been far to long for self-indulged behaviour.
(11:16pm) BeauTAEful: again, preach baby mochi
(11:17pm) Bunny: AGAIN, SHUT YOUR BITCH ASS UP!!!
(11:17pm) Bunny: Please stop torturing me and put TaeTae’s dick up in your already, mochi, please!
(11:17pm) Bunny: metaphorically I mean.
(11:18pm) Mochi:
(11:18pm) Bunny: NOT HELPING!
(11:18pm) Mochi:  how turned on are you right now?
(11:19pm) Bunny:  it hurts so much.
(11:19pm) Mochi: I can stop if you want?
(11:20pm) GOD: NO!!!
(11:21pm) WWH: THE FUCK.!! I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS IF YOU STOP PARK JIMIN, I FUCKING SWEAR!!!
(11:23pm) Genius: please, dear god don’t.
(11:23pm) BeauTAEful: I WANT MY DICK UP IN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME AT LEAST THAT!!!
(11:24pm) Sunshine: everything they all said.
(11:24pm) Mochi: okay okay, calm your thirsty asses down.
(11:24pm) Mochi: also, you should just give in and jerk off Jungkookie. It’s not like the others aren’t doing it.
(11:25pm) WWH: LIES!!!
(11:26pm) GOD: no idea what he’s talking about.
(11:26pm) Mochi: yeah TaeTae has never been quiet when it comes to his self-indulging behaviour, I can hear him through our adjoining wall. It’s actually providing quality inspiration for this.
(11:26pm) Mochi: so, if he’s getting some tug and jerk fun time action right now it’s a safe bet all you sexual deviants are.
(11:27pm) Genius: says the guy writing the stuff.
(11:27pm) Mochi: from one of SIX reading it.
(11:27pm) Mochi: also, Hobi hyung you still alive? Did you flee to the studio?
(11:28pm) Sunshine: Joon ah’s not wrong it’s really quiet here. Also, you need to keep going, this impromptu intermission is killing my raging boner real quick and I kinda wanna get off before I have to come back and face you.
(11:29pm) Mochi: heeheehee. That’s gonna be fun. Can’t wait to see how red you are.
(11:29pm) Sunshine:
(11:29pm) Mochi: you good bunny?
(11:30pm) Bunny: please put Tae’s dick up in you now!
(11:30pm) Mochi:
(11:30pm) Mochi: as you wish bun.
(11:30pm) Mochi: end intermission act two scene one...

Chapter Text

Yoongi held a hand to his mouth as he tipped his head back against his pillow muffling his moan into his it as Hoseok pulled off his length with a rather hard suck.

Their phones binged again.

Yoongi lifted it with a shaking arm hand still clamped over his mouth.

Hoseok hummed around the length in his mouth making Yoongi moan harshly against his hand again.

Yoongi simply stared at the small screen of his phone for too long, the words nothing but a fuzzy blur for a long minute as he fought the hazy fog of lust dancing the cha cha slide through his brain. He squeezed his eyes shut for a second before opening them again, his phone’s screen coming back into focus only for him to see Taehyung interrupting again.

He drew in a hard breath through his nose, it was getting harder and harder to focus on anything but Hoseok’s sinful mouth on his cock.

‘Tae ah’s thirsty a-ass is interrupting a-again.’ Yoongi rasped

Hoseok pulled off completely with a wet pop and looked up at the older under him. Yoongi sighed and flopped back against his pillows panting hard.

Hoseok smiled red swollen wet lips curling up, ‘feel good?’

Their phones binged again and again, they guessed someone was yelling at Taehyung probably Jin or Namjoon since the two of them were more focused on something else.

Yoongi panted to the ceiling for a long moment before he found he could actually speak again, ‘you look fucking sinful with your lips around my cock Hobs. Didn’t realise I wanted to see that till I did.’

Hoseok smiled from where he had planted himself kneeling between Yoongi’s spread legs. He slid his fingers around Yoongi’s painfully hard length (Hoseok has already edged him at least fifty times he thinks) making him jolt and jerk at the contact hips bucking up yet again, ‘ah fuck,’ Yoongi groaned out.

Hoseok nodded to Yoongi’s phone in his hand, ‘must be an interesting conversation those five are having.’

Yoongi lifted his phone once more and looked to see the glaring words.

He quickly skimmed the conversation as he typed, ‘JK’s turned on, not surprised, Jiminie’s threatening to stop.”

Hoseok stilled his hand at this news making Yoongi moan in frustration as he looked at him more than annoyed, ‘I didn’t mean you stop,’ he growled throwing a weak glare with no power behind it at the younger.

Hoseok smirked making Yoongi roll his eyes before he sent the message hoping that if Jimin continued Hoseok would as well, ‘please dear god don’t.’

Yoongi shifted hand patting his bed before he fished Hoseok’s phone out of his sheets and quickly typed a message for him, it was simple and easy to take as Hoseok, ‘everything they all said,’ he had typed before dropping the device back to the bed as he groaned feeling Hoseok squeeze his length sending scorching waves of pleasure threw his body from where his hand was stilled holding him.

Hoseok leant over him slightly admiring the sight, the stretch of Yoongi’s neck as he tipped his head back, the sex blush that coloured his beautiful porcelain skin, the light sheen of sweat that covered his chest and made him glow when the light of the room caught it just right, ‘you know how you didn’t realise you wanted to see me on your cock until you did?’ Hoseok suddenly asked.

Yoongi nodded all he could do with the renewed waves of pleasure snatching his words away, he tilted his head lazily to the side to look at Hoseok.

Hoseok smirked, he had done that so many times since he had joined Yoongi on his bed and the older was more than annoyed now whenever it appeared, it was a beautiful sight for his lusty fuzzy brain, especially now, as the younger’s red swollen lips curling so sinfully, so beautiful all the older wanted to do was pull him up the length of his body and kiss that stupid smirk right off his face, ‘didn’t realise I wanted to see you under me until I did,’ Hoseok spoke again.

Yoongi stared at his band member, friend, “brother”, for a minute, it was a minute to long in his opinion as his brain took a dance down a lane he had pushed so far to the back of his mind when their group first formed that it gave him a headache when it resurfaced at light speed, ‘you busy tomorrow?’ he asked his mouth taking the chance to act on it’s own accord while his brain struggled to catch back up to it.

Hoseok shook his head, ‘practice in the morning,’ he replied.

Yoongi took a breath as his brain and mouth seemed to reconnect. He paused for a moment before deciding he had fought it all long enough, ‘meet me here at 4?’

Hoseok asked coyly, ‘here, as in this position?’

Yoongi smirked this time, brain definitely back in contact with his mouth, ‘no, I have a few other positions in mind.’

It took all of a second for Hoseok to figure out the implication the hidden meaning behind those words, he swallowed hard at the realisation. In retaliation, Hoseok squeezed as he slid his hand up Yoongi’s length making his hand slap over his mouth to muffle the sound causing Hoseok to chuckle.

Their phones binged yet again causing Yoongi to check once again to see what was going on.

Yoongi panted as he read the messages, Hoseok’s hand back to its delicious torture, ‘Tae ah’s jerking off Jiminie can apparently hear him.’

Hoseok nodded as he watched Yoongi struggling to stay composed, ‘he’s never quiet, since his room is right beside ours, we hear him all the time, it’s kinda hot.’

Yoongi smirked at that still reading the messages before he quickly shoved Hoseok’s phone at him, ‘Jimin ah’s asking if your alive.’

Hoseok for the first time that night let go of Yoongi’s length watching it slap against that toned now marked up stomach as he whipped his hand on the sheets before taking his phone to answer.

‘Joon ah’s not wrong it’s really quiet here. Also, you need to keep going, this impromptu intermission is killing my raging boner real quick and I kinda wanna get off before I have to come back and face you.’ Hoseok sent in reply only to see over the edge of his own phone Yoongi smirking at him as he typed out the lie.

Hoseok looked at him for a second daring him to tell the truth before a bing sounded causing him to look back at his screen to read Jimin’s reply.

Yoongi mused as he read it too, ‘I could send you back with come all over your face. That would get a stirring reaction out of him.’

Hoseok smirked after sending some emojis and dropping his phone back to the bed, ‘take some photos of my lips around you for proof, watch his “innocent” brain short circuit and explode,’ Hoseok stated with air quotations for emphasis.

Yoongi chuckled lightly before gritted out as Hoseok wrapped his fingers back around him, ‘how big you think it is?’

Hoseok slid his hand slowly, teasingly up Yoongi’s length as he asked with a raised eyebrow, ‘what?’

Yoongi breathed harshly before he tipped his head back as his free hand once again fisted the sheets, ‘the dildo he’s riding,’ he breathed out.

Hoseok said watching Yoongi’s every reaction to his ministrations, ‘I don’t know, but I’m going to find out and when I do, I’m going to make him ride it for me.’

Yoongi’s hand once again slapped over his mouth at the thought of either watching Jimin ride his dildo in person or watching Hoseok get off to Jimin getting off, either way it was all too much to keep quiet again.

Hoseok saw Jimin’s last comment before going back down to his previous position, ‘he’s starting back up again. Shall we continue were we left off.’

Yoongi nodded all to quickly making Hoseok chuckle with a smirk before he took Yoongi’s length back into his mouth this time drawing a muffled guttural moan out of his hyung leaving a stratified feeling in the pit of his own stomach.

Chapter Text

Jungkook read the message again, Jimin was telling him to jerk off to the fake story of Taehyung fucking him. He’d already come three times that day and he was tired as fuck not to mention still sensitive from it all. His problem wasn’t that he was hard, he was only sort of half hard (he was tired after all his brain running at half speed), the problem was that after reading Jimin’s words he found himself fully hard for a fourth time that day and it was indeed painful both from not touching himself and going for a fourth round in as little as 12 hours.

Jungkook was having an internal debate with himself, he wasn’t sure if he should just give in and jerk off again or if he should turn his phone off and think about boner killers until it went away.

He shifted on his bed in frustration groaning at the friction of his thin cotton sleep pants against his aching hard member.

He dropped his hand out to his side thinking of a few things that often killed his boner when he needed it, rotten fruit, that time he, Jimin, and Taehyung had eaten that spicy food for that CF and had ended up shitting fire the next day, or that time he was vacuuming up flies at 2 in the morning.

To his dismayed horror as the bing of his phone continued to echo around his room none of the things he thought about were working, the moment he stopped his brain turned back to the fic and worst still to the thought and image of Jimin.

He groaned in frustration and finally lifted his phone again to see the conversation between Hoseok and Jimin. He chuckled at Hoseok’s reply before Jimin asked if he was okay.

Jungkook glanced at the door of his room wishing Jimin was would through it and ask him in person before catching himself and sending a reply, ‘please put Tae’s dick up in you now!’ he sounded so desperate and groaned at himself again.

The thought he couldn’t get out of his mind was that Jimin wanted him to jerk off. He had to fix this and he had to fix it now, he felt like his dick was going to explode if he let it go on any longer. Still fighting his own self-control, he lifted his phone and made a new chat with just one other person.

-
*Mochi has been added to the chat “this D!”*
(11:32pm) Bunny:
hyung...
*Mochi has set their status to online*
(11:33pm) Mochi:
interrupting bunny, kinda gotta get back into my mood right now if you want me to keep going.
(11:33pm) Bunny: I know hyung sorry I just... were you serious???
(11:33pm) Mochi:  ???
(11:34pm) Bunny: when... when you told me to just jerk off...
(11:34pm) Mochi:
(11:34pm) Mochi: do you want to bun?
(11:35pm) Bunny: I already had some... self-indulging when I showered after I got home. You were asleep. I want to but it hurts hyung
(11:35pm) Mochi: be gently, don’t go fast, use lube, do you have lube?
(11:36pm) Bunny: I don’t think so hyung.
-
Yeah Jungkook was totally going to hell he knew they ALL had lube in all different flavours and kinds, all over the dorm too. He found a bottle of Hoseok’s coconut scented lube in a pot plant just the other day.

He had spent that entire day even during their schedule trying to figure out how and why it had ended up in a pot plant but try as he might his brain simply couldn’t formulate any plausible scenario.

He chuckled to himself before Jimin replied.
-
-This D-
(11:36pm) Mochi:
give me a minute okay bun.
(11:36pm) Bunny:
okay hyung.

-
-We Love Chaos-
(11:37pm) Mochi:
Jimin knelt on the couch on all fours, forehead resting on his folded forearms knees spread apart, that supple round ass of his high in the air waiting.

And wait he did for too long. He whined loud as he looked back at Taehyung who yet again was broken just staring at what the members had christened God’s gift of asses.

‘Daddy, staring at it isn’t going to get your big dick in it,’ the impatiently hard Jimin quipped.

Taehyung snapped out of his mind fuzz with a shake of his head before bring one big hand swiftly down on one of the fleshy globes, ‘don’t be smart baby or daddy will punish you first before he fucks you into this couch.’

Taehyung paused at the sound Jimin made a mix between a whimper a moan and a keening purr, oh yes, Taehyung had just learnt one of his baby’s kinks and made a note to kink shame his best friend later on.
(11:38pm) BeauTAEful: I WOULD NEVER!
(11:39pm) GOD: words of truth always hurt.
(11:39pm) Mochi: another intermission!
(11:40pm) WWH: Park Ji Min!
(11:40pm) BeauTAEful: WHHHHHHYYYYY!
(11:42pm) Genius: I swear to every god Jimin!
(11:42pm) Mochi: excuse your asses, I need a water. You aren’t the only thirsty deviants in this house and I’m the one that has to think of this IN DETAIL before sending it to all of you.
(11:42pm) Mochi: So if you want me to finish you will put your patient asses in your lanes!
(11:43pm) Genius: of course, baby mochi, go, hydrate. We will wait.
(11:43pm) BeauTAEful: thirsty
(11:44pm) Mochi: just because I said it’s inspirational doesn’t mean you NEED to be louder BFF I can hear you just fine thank you.
(11:45pm) WWH: BUSTED
(11:45pm) BEAUTAEFUL:
*Mochi set status to BRB*
-

Jin and Namjoon on the left of the great room past the kitchen were lucky, the Master Suite’s door was the first at the end of the hallway to the right of the great room.

Jimin climbed out of his nice warm bed and made his way to the kitchen to actually get himself a glass of water. He stopped in the great room and looked around him for a long second before he turned and walked over to the TV and bent down. He checking the TV cabinet remembering it being there the last time he saw it.

He smiled in victory seeing it before he grabbed the bottle of lube, Jungkook’s favourite chocolate and stood back up, kicked the cabinet door shut with his foot and he turned carrying it and his glass of water back to the hall.

Jimin had always known about the others pension for leaving bottles of lube all over the dorm, even in the old dorm it had been the same, he had found Namjoon’s choice Mint Cool jammed between the couch cushions before movie night one night, let’s not forget that time he found Jin’s favourite Coffee Flavoured sitting on the display shelf between his beloved Mario figurines, and he was definitely not surprised when just recently he had found Taehyung’s select choice of Strawberry flavoured lube in the bread box one morning when he was after some toast. He chuckled to himself as he past Yoongi’s bedroom door the next down the right hall after the master suite.

He contemplated on eavesdropping on everyone (not that he hadn’t heard ALL of them before hence his wild and more recently very out of control fantasies) but choose for his own sanity from the sounds he was hearing not to.

Jimin was crossing into unknown territory now. He was worried for obvious reasons the least of which was his hearts sake but he decided to like in his fic be brave. He reached Jungkook’s room at the very end of the hall after passing Taehyung’s door and the main master bathroom as well as the open door that lead to their studio. He gripped the handle for a minute before he pushed it down and then open.

-

Jungkook’s eyes snapped to his door as he heard the handle move only to watch as it opened. Suddenly he found himself wondering if some sort of higher being was listening to them right now and decided to grant his pervious wish of Jimin coming to his room. There the smallest member of BTS stood in black sweat pants, his fluffy long line cardigan, a white shirt he was sure was his and those fluffy baby blue socks Jungkook likes to steal when it got particularly cold with his hand all mussed from where he guessed his head had been laying on Hoseok’s pillow. As Jimin moved Jungkook saw his hands and blinked, in one hand he clutched a glass of water just like he had said but the other small hand caught most of his attention, especially when he realised Jimin was clutching a bottle of his favourite lube.

Jungkook swallowed hard he had not expected Jimin to come to him right now not even if he had hoped it would happen, he had however expected some dirty talk in their private chat and nothing more, but this after all he had seen today just sent his horny desperate brain into overdrive free hand not clutching his phone twisting into the sheets on his other side hoping Jimin couldn’t see.

Jimin softly on his socked feet padded across Jungkook’s bedroom to the queen bed the younger was sprawled on.

Jungkook watched him tuck his phone in the pocket of his sweat pants before his eyes flicking to the older’s crotch KNOWING what was there, and he wasn’t at all surprised to not see a tent, guessing Jimin was unlike him wearing briefs.

Jimin stopped beside his bed and took a drink of his water in an attempt to calm himself before lifted the lube out to the younger with his other hand.

Jungkook looked from it to Jimin’s face and back again. He pushed up on his elbows as he licked his lips. He reached out to it and wrapped his hand around the bottle, fingers brushing Jimin’s hand as he did and he DID NOT miss the visible shiver that ran through Jimin at the contact.

Jimin quickly but smoothly let go of the bottle and near purred softly, ‘go slow Jungkookie. Slow and easy. It won’t hurt if you go slow and let it build instead of rush to finish okay.’

Jungkook swallowed as he watched Jimin’s eyes train down the length of his outstretched both before landing heavily on his tented, very very tented crotch. His cock couldn’t help but twitch under Jimin’s stare wanting he knew more than just Jimin’s eyes on it.

Jimin licked his lips as he stared at Jungkook’s crotch, god, he was so thirsty when did he get like this he wondered before his brain quickly threw the answer at him, ‘it started with that fucking question that’s when stupid.’

Jimin remembered none of them knew his secret and without pause quickly gripped his glass with both hands, he knew he couldn’t but he wanted to touch, god did he want to touch.

Jungkook watched in silence as Jimin lick his lips as he stared at his body, Taehyungs question once again popping into his head well at least he wasn’t running away he thought to himself. He smirked a little wondering if he should ask the question before his smirk widened as he watched Jimin wrap both of his hands around his glass. All six of them knew Jimin did that with whatever was in his hands when he wanted to stop himself from doing or touching something.

Jungkook quickly lost his smirk before he reached up and tugged the sleeve of Jimin’s fluffy cardigan, ‘hyung…’ he started in a soft breathy whisper.

Jimin’s eyes snapped to Jungkook’s face as his cheeks tinting red worried he’d been caught staring. He realised from the loon on the younger’s face he’d been caught alright, they all knew about his habit with his hands.

Jungkook finally asked shyly surprising himself that he could still get shy about something, ‘you want to touch don’t you hyung?’

Jimin quickly turned his head hiding his red face, ‘shit,’ he whispered under his breath. His bravery used up at the door he couldn’t look back at the maknae instead shaking his head quickly in denial.

Jungkook smirked again as he nodded with a hum.

Jimin dared to look back at him, saw them smirk on those ever inviting lips and said quickly voice a little higher than before, ‘go slow okay.’ he didn’t wait for a reply instead he whirled around and left not trusting himself to stay any more almost completely exposing his secret, he could handle them thinking he was bi but not the truth not with the baggage that came with it.

Jungkook smirked as he watched Jimin all but flee his room. Once the door shut he flopped back onto his bed with a sigh, he’s bi, at least, so there is that new piece of information on top of everything else, should I tell the others about this? He thought to himself before shifting slightly. He remembered the bottle and looked at the lube in his hand before he chuckled realising Jimin knew about the hidden bottles just like he did.

-

Jimin rushed back to his room cursing under his breath. He stopped for the second time and turned back to the other end of the hallway and the inviting door it housed.

He stared at it for what seemed like eternity fighting his body’s scream to go back before forcing himself to turn back to the hallway entrance and go back to his own room.

Stupid he thought to himself, he had almost crossed a line he had drawn for himself when he had first realised he was most definitely in love with his band members, the line that told him that the six bisexuals he was in love with would never ever love their one gay member as much as he did them.

His phone chimed as he shut the door of his room.

He flopped face first back down onto his bed with a low groan of frustration and maybe a bit of anger with himself. He stayed like that for a long moment before he finally rolled over and lifted his phone to see who had messaged almost sure he already knew who it was.

He was ready for Jungkook to rip him apart, even expose him as bisexual to the rest of the group, and yet as he read the notification something in his gut told him that wasn’t going to be the case.

-

-This D-
(12:00 am) Bunny:
is... is it wrong to tell you that... I kind of wanted you to touch.
-
Jimin’s face heated up as his stomach danced with butterflies right before those butterflies died and his stomach dropped through the bed, that was unfair and cruel of him.
-
(12:02am) Mochi: don’t play these games bunny.
(12:02am) Bunny: not playing hyung. I saw you staring. I saw your hands. I didn’t push you away did I? So, I’m not playing.
-
Jimin would have screamed into his pillow if he was a teenage boy again but he was a grown ass man damn it, a grown ass man who wanted to touch his dongsaeng in so many wrong ways. His bravery came skipping back into his room as he found himself replying.
-
(12:04am) Mochi: not tonight bunny. Tonight’s about I guess helping you ALL get off. Rain check for when you’re really horny and your hand just isn’t enough, okay?
-
Jimin nervously bit his thumb nail as he stared at what he had just sent, and there goes his bravery again. and then the reply came and he very nearly died when he read it.
-
(12:06am) Bunny: and if your hand isn’t enough, can we try your lips too?
-
Jimin stared at his phone for a little bit too long, his own brain short circuiting as his fantasies danced the conga through his mind at the question before he could coherently reply not even sure what his hands were typing until he re-read it.
-
(12:08am) Mochi: we can try that.
(12:09am) Bunny: I’m holding you to this rain check hyung, when I’m horny and want you on my cock got me!
-
Jimin swallowed hard at Jungkook’s statement, even through chat he was still dominate and Jimin’s previous self-control was slipping as he his cock twitch in interest, the rest of his fic was going to be hell to write.
-
(12:10am) Mochi:  got you bunny.
*Mochi has set their status to away*
-

Jimin quickly let the conversation go for fear of what would happen and what would happen if he didn’t. Despite his hopes he thought it nothing more than it being simply a case of horny teenager, ‘I’m a goddamn adult now hyungs, stop calling me a teenager, grandpas,’ Jungkook quipped every time they called him that, he took some long calming breaths and instead turning his focus and attention back to the juicy fic still dancing around in his mind not even sure he’d be able to get through it without needing a moment in the bathroom when he was finished.

Chapter Text

*Minnie has set status to online*

(12:15am) Mochi: ACT THREE SCENE ONE!!!
(12:17am) Mochi: Taehyung soothed the red mark on Jimin’s fleshy ass making Jimin purr, Taehyung was definitely sure Jimin had been a cat in another life.

So very turned on and so very impatient Jimin swayed his hips shaking his round ass at Taehyung prompting him to do something other than gently caress his ass cheek.

Taehyung chuckled at Jimin’s impatience, ‘be patient baby.’

Jimin lifted his head at this to glance yet again at the clock on the wall. He turned his head to talk to Taehyung over his shoulder, ‘need I remind you daddy that the others will be back in 30 minutes and I’d really not like to explain why your fingers or even better your dick is up in me... do you?’

Taehyung’s hand stilled on Jimin’s rear as he looked quickly at the clock. He moved from where he was kneeling rushing to his phone on the table.

Jimin smirked only imagining what Taehyung was saying to the five missing members, ‘take your time Jiminie and I have cheese puffs no need to rush,’ or honestly knowing his best friend he wouldn’t put, ‘if any of you show up in the next hour I’ll rip your dicks off, nothing is stopping me from tapping the Jibooty right now got me fuckers,’ passed him, Taehyung was the type of person to be bluntly honest when he wanted.
(12:18am) Bunny: it’s so sad how true that is.
(12:18am) BeauTAEful: truth hurts deal with it!
(12:18am) Bunny: fuck you!
(12:19am) BeauTAEful: offer?
(12:19am) Bunny: sure, if you wanna read me this fic while you ride me!
(12:20am) WWH: ...
(12:21am) GOD: ...
(12:22am) Genius: ...
(12:23am) Sunshine: ...
(12:23am) Mochi: he’s thinking about it.
(12:23am) Bunny: woah wait?! Seriously?!
(12:24am) GOD: what he just said!
(12:25am) WWH:
(12:26am) Genius:  that!
(12:26am) Sunshine:
(12:26am) Mochi: yep!
(12:27am) Bunny: how do you know that?!
(12:27am) Mochi: no sounds!
(12:28am) GOD: ???
(12:28am) Mochi: he stopped jerking off.
(12:29am) WWH:
(12:29am) Mochi: just say yes TaeTae. Your thirsty ass in interrupting my fic!
(12:30am) BeauTAEful: actually no. I’m not that good at multi-tasking especially with a dick up in me. I like to get lost in the feeling when I’m riding someone so rain check.
(12:30am) Bunny: rain check my ass!
(12:31am) BeauTAEful: oh no, no we totally gonna fuck at a day of our convenience just saying that now, you cannot back out of an offer to someone as horny as I am right now. Four months Jeon Jeongguk!! FOUR MONTHS!!!
(12:32am) BeauTAEful: okay, where were we... I was about here...
(12:32am) Mochi: oh... yeah, no definite rain check, he’s jerking off again.
(12:33am) BeauTAEful: and you are going to tell us how it feels to have my dick up in you... metaphorical of course.
(12:33am) Mochi:  of course TaeTae.
(12:34am) WWH: he needs to get laid ASAP just saying.
(12:35am) Genius: word! Jiminie continue.
(12:37am) Mochi: Taehyung lowered his phone as he and Jimin looked at one another.

Jimin smirked a little, ‘how long did you get us daddy?’ he asked.

Taehyung’s lips curled, ‘hour and thirty play time.’ He smiled wide as he turned his phone tapping start on the timer he had just set.

Taehyung was positively grinning now, ‘let’s see how many times you can come before the timer goes off baby.’

Jimin stared at the phone blinking, counting down before looking up at his now positively evil best friend. He gulped suddenly questioning ever life choice he had ever made as he realised he was definitely not walking tomorrow.

Taehyung chuckled as he sat his phone back down and returned to Jimin on the couch.
(12:38am) Mochi: Taehyung trailed his hand from the base of Jimin’s neck all the way down his spine before slapping Jimin’s ass once again making him shudder and moan.

Taehyung hummed as he squeezed Jimin’s fleshy ass, ‘let’s get you prepped baby, so, I can make you scream my name over and over again.’

Jimin let his lust and arousal flood him once more, now not pressured by time he whimpered, ‘yes daddy want to scream you name. Want to so badly.’ Jimin with that Taehyung’s smack on his ass had completely forgotten about the other five members and as his arousal consumed him he was so very suddenly and harshly reminded of how turned on his best friend had made him in just 30 short minutes.
(12:39am) Mochi: Jimin heard the sound of the lube being opened then heard Taehyung warming it on his fingers, the squelch the action made was positively absence. Jimin was positively vibrating with excitement, pent us frustration and lots of desperation.

Taehyung slid his slicked fingers all the way from Jimin’s balls to the clef of his arse Jimin jolted at the contact before whining as he felt the pad of Taehyung’s finger pressing against his entrance.

Taehyung pushed his middle finger in marvelling at the image before him and the feel of Jimin around his finger.
(12:41am) Mochi: Jimin’s back arched as he felt Taehyung push his finger inside. Those big fingers he thought about fucking him senseless were so fucking amazing even just one stretched him in all the right ways. He moaned into his arms muffling the sound as Taehyung pushed his finger in further, it was so big and was already driving Jimin insane.

Taehyung pushed his finger slowly in to the first knuckle, the slide easy, Jimin taking him in without much resistance.

‘You okay baby?’ Taehyung asked as his other hand gently soothed the base of Jimin’s spine.

Jimin panted nodded his head against his arms, ‘mkay daddy. Your big hands are amazing.’

Taehyung smirked, ‘another one baby?’

Jimin hummed with another nod against his arms, ‘yes daddy please more.’

Taehyung smiled slipping his finger out before pushing two back in.

Jimin hissed a little this time at the stretch causing Taehyung to pause. Jimin closed his eyes and let his body relax, he wanted this too much to be wound up.

‘I’m okay daddy,’ Jimin panted out giving Taehyung the go ahead.
(12:42am) Mochi: Jimin was grateful for Taehyung’s care despite how desperate the two of them were. He had also been right, with three of Taehyung’s fingers now buried in his ass he was going insane, Taehyung had found his spot almost right after the third finger slipped in, and was now simply abusing it all to hear the sounds Jimin was making.

Taehyung smirked at the sight before he stilled his hand.

This time he moaned as he watched Jimin desperately fuck himself back on his fingers.
(12:43am) Mochi: Jimin couldn’t stand it any longer, as good as Taehyung’s big hands were he wanted, no needed more.

“Ah – please – ah ah- fuck me now d-daddy plea-AH’ he wailed as he fucked himself back onto the big fingers deep in his ass.

Taehyung mused as he watched his fingers appear and disappear into Jimin’s ass, ‘are you sure baby, you look like your enjoying this right here to much?’

Jimin whined as one of his hands gripped the arm rest of the couch as he kept up his movements “I’m sure I’m sure!”
(12:44am) Mochi: Taehyung chuckled at Jimin’s desperation never having seen his best friend like this it more than feed his dominating side.

He stopped Jimin’s hips from moving and slipped his fingers out smirked as he watched Jimin’s hole clench around nothing before he laughed as the whine that came out of his baby.

Jimin turned his head to look at his daddy deciding if Taehyung didn’t put his dick in him in the next 30 seconds he was going to shove Taehyung to the couch and mount him like a fair ride.
(12:46am) Mochi: Taehyung effortlessly stripped his sweats and Jungkook’s boxer briefs off smirking as Jimin swallowed hard at the sight of his achingly hard dick once again.

Taehyung knelt behind Jimin, big hands sliding over his ass cheeks before kneading the flesh making Jimin moan.

Taehyung tore open the condom and rolled it on groaned at the friction, god he was so hard right now.

Jimin heard the lube open once more before he felt Taehyung leaning over him.

‘Ready baby?’ Taehyung asked in his ear as his other hand rubbed the head of his cock up and down between Jimin’s ass cheeks and over his fluttering waiting hole.

Jimin whimpered as he felt the head of Taehyung’s cock press and rest against his entrance, ‘I’m ready. I’m ready daddy, please, please fuck me!’

Taehyung groaned at Jimin’s beg finally deciding to put them both out of their misery. The younger righted himself both hands now sliding down Jimin’s back before grabbing a hold of Jimin’s meaty ass cheeks.

He pulled them apart to look at the head of his cock resting against Jimin’s entrance.

Jimin whined, ‘daddy please do something please!’

Taehyung didn’t answer instead doing as Jimin asked. He shifted his hips forward pushing himself into Jimin’s tight hole.
(12:48am) Mochi: as Taehyung pushed inside him Jimin’s back bowed, his head tipped back, one hand gripping the arm of the chair as the other fisting the cushion.

‘AH!’ Jimin cried out, the stretch was so fucking good, it really had been so long.

Taehyung groaned deeply at the tight heat around his cock.

Jimin was already losing his mind and Taehyung hadn’t really don’t anything yet, and as Taehyung bottomed out fully inside him, Jimin was once again reminded of how big Taehyung was.

Jimin panted into the couch cushion, ‘move daddy please move.’

Taehyung obliged the request after another minute just to be on the safe side. He shifting his hips slowly sliding out of Jimin’s tight hole.

Jimin moaned softly, breathy even, his mind focused solely on one thing well two of you count the fact his best friend was currently fucking him slow and deep. His mind was focused on the rock hard big cock buried in his ass and it was fucking glorious.
(12:51am) Mochi: Jimin at that moment finally having accepted his fate of not walking properly if at all in the next 24 hours gave into the desire, the need, and the burn.

‘Ah fas-ter daddy - ah ah – f-faster!’ Jimin moaned begging for a faster pace, his brain just short of telling Taehyung to fuck him like he means it.

Taehyung groaned in his deep dragon voice, ‘ready baby. I won’t stop even if you tell me to, are you sure you want me to go faster?’

That was it Jimin was past just short.

He pushed himself up on his hands, arms shaking as he looked at the man behind him, ‘if you do not fuck me like you mean it Kim Taehyung, I will slam you down onto this chair and ride you like a fucking stallion. Now make me scream!’ Jimin demanded in pure sexual frustration.

Taehyung stared at Jimin before his brain caught up to the older’s words. He brought his hand down swiftly on one of Jimin’s cheeks, ‘that was very rude baby. What should I do with you hum?!’ Taehyung questioned.

Jimin yelped and then yelped again at another smack before he moan whined, ‘Fuck me daddy please!’

Taehyung chuckled at Jimin’s desperation even with a dick in him he was still begging.
(12:53am) Mochi: Taehyung however didn’t really have a choice but to give his baby what he wanted if not for the fact that Taehyung was headed quickly to the edge of his own orgasm.

Taehyung spread Jimin’s supple ass cheeks gripping them tightly in his big hands making Jimin moan.

He slowly slid himself out of Jimin’s tight hole before using those skilled dancer hips of his to snap them forward in a hip thrust that saw him slam back into the smaller he was buried in.

Jimin near wailed at the hard, fast, and DEEP pace Taehyung was now fucking him into the couch with. It was so deep that he was sure he was screaming as Taehyung expertly and precisely slammed the blunt head of his cock into Jimin’s abused prostate.

The fire in the pit of his stomach was burning, consuming and he was close to his first orgasm.

‘ah - d-daddy - mm - so close - ah ha - gon-AH COME!’ He managed to moan out finishing with a wail as Taehyung slammed into him.

Taehyung gritted out through grunts and groaned of his own, “then come baby. Gonna see how many times, you come before the times up!’ He reminded his best friend, no his baby.
(12:55am) Mochi: Jimin moaned and whimpered and out right screamed as Taehyung continued to pound into him.

Finally, he couldn’t take any more, the burning fire in the pit of his stomach exploded.

Jimin’s back bowed as his head flew back, swollen red plump lips parted as he came, ‘AH TAEHYUNG!’ Jimin all but screamed as his orgasm hit.

Taehyung groaned deep guttural as Jimin tightened beautifully around him, his tight hole trying to squeeze the life out of his dick.

Taehyung slowed his pace rather surprised with his self-control but didn’t stop fucking Jimin through his orgasm taking the moment to commit the sight to his memory for all eternity.

He stilled finally his cock buried fully in Jimin’s abused hole letting Jimin come down from the high and taking the chance to fight off his own approaching orgasm even more.

Jimin’s arms gave out sending him face first into the couch cushion.

Chapter Text

 

(12:56am) Mochi: Jimin panted cheek mashed against the couch cushion as he looked in the mirror across the room. He moaned at the sight, Taehyung’s toned body leaning over his and Taehyung’s hips flush against his ass.

As Taehyung gently rubbed his hand over Jimin’s back and between his shoulder blades Jimin realised Taehyung was still hard.

‘Daddy... you haven’t come,’ Jimin panted out.

Taehyung smiled a little, ever the caring mochi, he thought before his brain switched back to his problem and all the ways Jimin could fix it.

He slipped out of Jimin’s entrance making him whimper, over sensitivity he guessed which given what he was about to do was a bitch.

Taehyung effortlessly manhandled Jimin flipping his small best friend over onto his back.
(12:57am) Mochi: if anyone asks Jimin did not squeak at Taehyung’s manhandling of him and he certainly did not moan, no he did not.

Jimin looked up at Taehyung as the younger slid those big hands done his inner thighs before sliding them under his knees and pushed them up as he opened his legs.

Jimin swallowed thickly, this really was about to happen, Taehyung really was going to fuck him again, also his back was covering now in come, gross.

Taehyung aligned his painfully hard cock to Jimin’s entrance once more letting it rest against the swollen rim but going no further knowing that Jimin was sensitive. Jimin looked at Taehyung as he leant over him hands now leaning either side of his head as they stared at one another.

Jimin was very sure he couldn’t go another round but he didn’t care this was Taehyung, his best friend, his band member, his brother... his daddy and if Jimin was anything he was a good boy.
(12:58am) Mochi: Jimin pulled Taehyung down to him mashing their lips together in a passionate rather sloppy kiss.

They broke apart for air, Jimin panting as Taehyung rested their foreheads together, ‘fuck me daddy,’ the other rasped.

Taehyung said in his dragon growl, ‘you’re over sensitive baby, not that I haven’t thought it.’

Jimin slid his hand over Taehyung’s cheek making him look him in the eye. He was Park Jimin once more in that moment a weird combination this time mixed with his current frame of mind, ‘please daddy, I want to make you feel good remember. Will you let me, will you use me till you’ve had your fill? I’ll be okay for you daddy, I’ll be okay.’ Jimin stated a caring undertone to his sinful words.

Taehyung stared at Jimin, and like his best friend he was Kim Taehyung in that moment, and to hear Jimin tell him to use him with that unmistakeable Jimin look in his eyes and that unmistakable Jimin care to his words made his heart hurt.
(12:59am) Mochi: Taehyung kissed him hard the hardest he had since they started. He mumbled against Jimin’s lips, ‘I don’t want to use you baby. You’re not a toy, you’re too precious to be a toy.’

Jimin moaned as he felt Taehyung’s lips travelling over his neck in opened mouthed wet kisses, ‘then let me make you feel good daddy please. For you.’

Taehyung groaned in frustration before giving into Jimin even like this he was soft for his best friend.

Taehyung shifted as his resolve once again crumbled, he pushed Jimin’s legs further apart and all but plunged back into the willing body before him.

Jimin screamed out this time one hand flying up to clutch Taehyung’s side the other digging perfectly manicured nails into the couch cushion.
(01:00am) Mochi: Taehyung groaned deep long as he re-entered the tightness of Jimin’s supple ass the older’s scream registering as he bottomed out in seconds.

Jimin panted hard from the mix of pleasured pain from Taehyung’s suddenly re-entrance.

He hadn’t been at all ready for it and as his back bowed and his head tipped back as he screamed he realised so very suddenly he had just found a new kink he was never telling Taehyung.
(01:01am) Mochi: Jimin wrapped his legs around Taehyung’s hips and waist digging the heels of his feet into Taehyung’s own quality ass (again god bless those squats) and pushing him in deeper.

Taehyung leant forward again having let go of Jimin’s knees he stared down at the smaller.

All jimin could do was nod a go ahead breathing to erratic body to strung to even form words.

Taehyung moved rolling his hips pulling out then pushing back in all in one smooth motion that saw Jimin moaning before he screamed as Taehyung hit his prostate dead on.

Jimin was very sure this was a very bad idea but he wasn’t gonna quit until Taehyung had reached his orgasm it seemed only fair to him.

Taehyung quickly lost all control giving into the very rapidly rising fire inside him to the point where he was pounding Jimin into the couch once more.
(01:02am) Mochi: Taehyung was utterly captivated by the sight of Jimin under him, all fucked out, his soft blonde sweat damp hair was mussed out on the couch he laid on, his body was covered in a sex flush that made his tan skin and him in general glow, his eyes were scrunched up while his mouth hung open and as Taehyung let himself go tears slipped down those soft squishy cheeks of Jimin’s.

Jimin was gone he was either having an out of body experience or he was dead, the pleasure/pain mix was so intoxicating he was all to quickly sent back into pleasure which then saw him rather rapidly approaching his second orgasm, the searing burn of the pain and the scorching heat of the pleasure saw him crying, hot thick tears slipped from his eyes, he’d never had anyone fuck him this good before and god was it beautiful.

‘GON – COM,’ was all that came from Jimin in between screaming moans.

Taehyung grunted as he shifted his hands and angle, ‘same.’ He thought about taking a hold of Jimin’s leaking hard cock but wanted to see him come untouched, want to see him come on Taehyung’s cock only.

He planted his hands either side of jimin and went for broke hips snapping forward thighs slapping harshly against Jimin’s ass every thrust sliding Jimin up and down the couch.
(01:04am) Mochi: Jimin came first back arching off the couch small hands gripping Taehyung’s side and shoulder head tipped back legs wrapped around the younger, those gorgeous thighs squeezing his thin hips as he he once again screamed Taehyung’s name to the empty dance studio.

The sight of Jimin coming undone this time able to see his utterly blissed our face, the sound of Taehyung’s name screamed in ecstasy from those lips and above all the feel of Jimin tightening around his throbbingly hard cock was all it took to send Taehyung over.

He thrust in deeply as he buried his face in Jimin’s neck and came hard into the condom as he growled Jimin’s name.
(01:05am) Mochi: Taehyung fully collapsed onto Jimin panting harshly as Jimin’s breathing raged. Both were exhausted Jimin was sure he lost feeling in his legs and he was now twist as sticky and gross.

Despite how he exhausted he was the older smiled into Taehyung’s cheek as he carded a small hand through Taehyung’s damp locks, their head spaces all but forgotten as the two best friends just laid there.

‘So that happened,’ Jimin supplied still slightly panting.

Taehyung’s deep laugh echoed around the now silent dance studio, Jimin’s stripper list having finished sometime before they finished. He pushed himself up a little too looked at Jimin. The sight that greeted him was Jimin smiling at him wide and real. Taehyung saw no regret in Jimin’s face if anything what he did see was love.

Taehyung said after a moment, ‘I guess we gotta talk about this huh?’

Jimin hummed with a nod before he spoke, ‘but not now. Let’s just appreciate you having given me like the best dicking of my life and that we both now really really need to shower.

Taehyung grinned that boxy grin of his, the one that made Jimin’s heart weak.
(01:07am) Mochi: Taehyung leant forward and placed a sweet small peck to Jimin’s cute nose before shifting.

‘Ngh!’ Jimin groaned arching a little against the younger, ‘fuck no. Ah!’

Taehyung paused his movements worried as he looked down at Jimin under him.

Jimin panted as he tipped his head back against the chair hands clutching Taehyung’s sides, ‘ah fuck, to sensitive, Jesus!’

Taehyung mused with a smirk stretched across his lips, ‘need I remind you baby that the other members will be back soon and I’d really not like to explain why my dick is in you,’

Jimin couldn’t help but laugh at the turn around. He drew in a long breath and nodded to Taehyung as they looked back at one another. The younger took the nod to mean go ahead and slipped his soft cock out of Jimin’s abused hole. Jimin groaned arching again but otherwise made it through.

Taehyung leant back to look at his best friend all fucked out with his chest and stomach covered in come, it was a beautiful sight, one Taehyung was definitely not if ever going to forget.
(01:08am) Mochi: ‘Wait there,’ Taehyung ordered the beautiful sight as he got up.

Jimin complied happily body still feeling numb and like jello at the same time.

He turned his head and watched Taehyung remove the condom before he tied and toss it into the bin in the corner of the room. It wouldn’t surprise anyone, turns out a lot of people in the industry across the active agencies liked to fuck in dance studios (Jimin thinks it’s the mirrors).

He couldn’t stop himself as he smiled a little watching Taehyung pull one of his two gym towels from his bag and clean himself of Jimin’s come before retrieving his briefs and sweat pants and stepping back into them.
(01:09am) Mochi: Jimin smiled at his best friend as he proceeded after slapping Jimin’s had away to clean him up.

The best sex of their lives by fair ended with Taehyung helped a weak and exhausted Jimin back into the clothes he had stripped him of, those jeans needed to be burned he decided.
(01:10am) Mochi: the timer went off just as Taehyung did Jimin’s belt up for him causing them both to jump before bursting out into laughter.

Jimin asked as he stood leaning against the mirror once more beside where Taehyung stood holding his phone at the table, ‘what did you tell them anyway, don’t come back I’m getting laid?’

Taehyung laughed loud before shaking his head, ‘nah, I just told them I’d offered you some food and you refused, they are worried you’re not eating and planned to bring a whole bunch of food back for you. Sorry…’

Jimin mused “well I hadn’t planned to eat... but then I was hungry for something else and now... now I could eat an entire restaurant’s menu. Thanks for the work out by the way.’

Taehyung grinned at him, ‘we still look like the aftermath of sex though.’

Jimin shrugged casually grinning back, ‘totally worth it’

They laughed again before it died as Taehyung crowded Jimin against the mirror once more.

Jimin smiled warmly up at his best friend, ‘there will not be a round three,’ he stated with a small shake of his head.

Taehyung laughed for a minute before he nodded in understanding, ‘I wouldn’t dream of it. What I would dream of though is to cuddle on the couch until they all get back with the food.’

Jimin smiled wider eyes scrunching up as he did, ‘I like cuddles you know that.’

Taehyung grinned before gently taking Jimin’s hand from where it was rested on his hip and led them both to the chair in question.
(01:13am) Mochi: they sat together Taehyung’s arm around Jimin’s shoulders as the smaller sat curled into Taehyung’s side.

Although Taehyung had cleaned it Jimin really couldn’t help himself, ‘you know what I feel bad for?’

Taehyung asked a little worried, ‘regrets?’

Jimin shook his head against Taehyung’s shoulder, 'no, not regrets, just feel bad.’

Taehyung turned his head and asked as he looked at Jimin, ‘feel bad... for what Jiminnie?’

Jimin turned his head and smirked at his best friend, ‘I feel really bad for this couch.’

Taehyung burst out laughing Jimin laughing loudly along with him. Both were content and sated. They would deal with this later.

Chapter Text

(01:14) WWH: fuck that was so good!
(01:14) Mochi: not finished...
(01:15) Genius: no don’t ruin it... just end it here please!
(01:15) BeauTAEful: Jimin...
(01:15) Mochi: I heard you. Also, you sound hot when you come! But I’m not finished. Enjoy the come down and ending.
(01:16) Taehyung:
(01:17) Mochi: the best friends cuddled on the couch for they don’t know how long talking random things to keep themselves awake when finally, the other five members returned.

‘HYUNGS, WE GOT FOOD!’ Jungkook yelled from the door as the quiet silence was shattered by the five boisterous young men.

Taehyung grinned as he helped a sleepy Jimin up, ‘sweet, thank you food gods.’

Jimin laughed at Taehyungs new found energy as the younger bounded across the studio to help the maknae and hyungs.
(01:18) Mochi: They spread the food across the table giving Jin the chance to talk with Jimin, ‘Min ah, are you okay?’ the oldest of the group asked.

Jimin looked at him confused.

Jin smiled a little explaining for him, ‘TaeTae told us you didn’t want any of his food.’

Jimin remembered what Taehyung had told him earlier and snorted as he folded his arms making all the worried members look at him concerned they had offended him by asking.

Jimin looked at his oldest hyung, ‘if by FOOD you mean freeze dried packing peanuts coated in cheese dust then yes. I was waiting for actual REAL food not “edible” cardboard,’ he quipped.

Jin laughed full windshield as he looked at Taehyung, ‘oh wow.’

Taehyung put a hand to his chest, ‘I am offended. I fought a vending machine from hell for those.’

Jimin snorted, ‘not happening buttercup, now give me the real food before I eat someone’s hand off”

They all laughed, all but one that is.
(01:19) Mochi: He had seen it there on his neck poking out from under the collar of his sweat shirt.

As the members crowded the table to get their food the maknae stepped to Jimin’s empty side slotting himself between the wall and his hyung.

‘Did he fuck you good Jiminie?!’ The maknae whispered right into Jimin’s ear.

Jimin froze hands clutching the paper plate he now held as his eyes widened. He stiffened as he felt Jungkook’s hands slip under the hem of his shirt, ‘did he make you come, hmm. Did you beg him to fuck you?’ the words a whispered growl in his ear.

Jimin drew in a sharp breath as Jungkook trailed his own long fingers from the base of his spine up. Jungkook smirked as he felt Jimin shiver under his touch.

‘You have no idea how badly I want to throw you to the floor of this studio and wreak you Park Jimin. Even if it’s in front of the rest of them,’ he purred into Jimin’s ear.

Jimin swallowed hard body quivering at the touch dancing back down his spine.

‘Everything okay Jimin ah?’ Hoseok asked as he eyed the pair.

Jimin plastered his most convincing smile on his face as he felt Jungkook’s fingers dip beneath the waist band of his jeans, ‘all good hyung, just so hungry I momentarily blacked out at the sight of all this food’
(01:22) Mochi: The members all shared a laugh but it was far too late, Jungkook’s competitive side had already taken over.

‘Our next day off hyung, I’m going to fuck you so good you’ll forget all about him,’ Jungkook promised as he squeezed Jimin’s ass before turning to the food as if nothing had ever happened.

And for what seemed like the 100th time that day Jimin stood questioning his every life decision in between trying hard not to think about all the things he admired about the maknae.
(01:23) Mochi: the end.
(01:23) BeauTAEful: THAT PLOT TWIST THOUGH!!!

Chapter Text

(01:23am) BeauTAEful: also... part two?!
(01:24am) BeauTAEful: Jungkookie's at the dorm alone with a sleeping unsuspecting Jimin.
(01:24am) Bunny: I’d like to think it would start with a horny me watching a video to get off then remembering the conversation.
(01:25am) GOD: a video Kook ah? You got for porn?
(01:25am) Bunny: I am a male with a pulse, who is bisexual surrounded by SIX hot guys 24/7. ya’ll won’t let me put my dick up in you so porn it is.
(01:26am) Bunny: besides, after that bitch ripped my heart out I’ve kind of backed off relationships and sex in general. Like I’ll have it sure if I’m so horny I can’t think straight, but I want to find the right one I guess, so my hand and I are close friends at the moment.
(01:26am) BeauTAEful: do you forget we are fucking when it’s convenient.
(01:26am) Sunshine: you literally just fucked your own hand correct baby mochi?!
(01:27am) Mochi: yup. TaeTae sounds hot when he comes btw.
(01:28am) Genius: can we just take a minute to appreciate the words the virgin just threw at us.
(01:29am) Genius: and another minute to deeply appreciate the fact that said virgin just made SIX people come with said words.
(01:30am) GOD: it’s always the innocent ones you gotta watch out for.
(01:31am) WWH: also, I am now significantly tired as fuck thanks . I’m glad we got the day off, thinking I’m sleeping well tonight.
(01:31am) Mochi:
(01:32am) GOD: also... JK, you wanna fuck us?
(01:32am) Bunny: again, I repeat, I am a bisexual male with a pulse surrounded by SIX hot guys, even if one is a hella straight virgin I still have wanted to fuck you all at least once in my life time, twice if you count the time I went through puberty.
(01:33am) BeauTAEful: just FYI still wanna fuck you all that hasn’t changed.
(01:34am) WWH: WOAH. HOLD IT. really?
(01:34am) Sunshine: I’ve thought about it. Kinda really wanna go down on Yoogs since he went back to blonde. It does things to me I should be ashamed of.
(01:35am) Genius: well fuck. This has been an infinitive day, Jimin’s a word smith that can wax lyrical about chewing gum if he wanted, Jungkook, Taehyung, AND Hoseok want to fuck us all, and the straight virgin can spin a fic so good we want a part two... I miss anything?
(01:36am) BeauTAEful: I’m fucking the bunny on our next day off!
(01:36am) Bunny: *snorts* I don’t bottom.
(01:36am) BeauTAEful: wait really. Didn’t we have this convo, I thought we were all switches?
(01:37am) Bunny: you were drunk by the time you all got to me I don’t bottom I’m a top.
(01:37am) Sunshine: muscle bunny thing or...
(01:40am) Bunny: my first time with a guy, a backup dance who used to work with us...
(01:41am) Genius: he break your heart?
(01:41am) Mochi: he hurt Kookie
(01:42am) WWH: WHAT?!
(01:42am) GOD: the fuck first I’m hearing this?
(01:42am) BeauTAEful: no way
(01:43am) Genius: I will beat the son of a bitch.
(01:43am) Sunshine: when the fuck... how... I just...
(01:43am) Bunny:
(01:44am) Mochi: ...
(01:45am) Bunny:
(01:45am) Mochi: hang on...

Chapter Text

Jimin was out of his bed within seconds of Jungkook’s message appearing. He remembers that day so clearing as if it was yesterday, that day he found a hurt broken Jungkook in the bathrooms of BigHit. The maknae had only been 15 and Jimin think’s that’s what hurt both Jungkook and himself more than anything.

Everyone heard the master bedroom door swing open and thump against the wall before fast feet were walking down the wood floored hall.

Jimin didn’t hesitate this time, opening Jungkook’s door he looked at him on his bed no long sprawled out like his was instead on his side curled up around a pillow with his face buried in it.

"Gukkie," Jimin cooed softly as he went over to the maknae.

Jimin sat on the side of the bed when he reached it and gently slid his hand on Jungkook’s arm, "it’s okay Guk," the older said to the silent young man.

Jungkook shuddered at that, those three words from Jimin always managed to break him down when he didn’t want them to, he pushed into the pillow harder muffling his sobs.

Taehyung blinked from the door the closest to Jungkook’s room and the first to reach the door, "what..." he stopped not even sure what the hell to ask about what was happening.

Jimin shifted, standing he turned back to the bed and climbed over Jungkook. He laid down behind him pulling the young male into his arms, Jungkook let himself be manhandled by the younger, it wasn’t the first time and he knew Jimin knew how to calm him, to chase the pain away, the pain he couldn’t. Jungkook rolled over and buried his face in his hyung’s chest letting out more choked sobs as he did.

The other five members now stood together at the door staring at the two of them. None of them moved, none of them even knew what was happening, or even what had triggered this, all they knew was that whatever it was, it had something to do with Jungkook’s first boyfriend and they all kind of wanted to beat the guy.

Jimin looked over at them all before he lifted his phone.

Taehyung’s phone chimed causing them to all look over at Jimin to see him looking at them. It was a text message this time not a chat message.

From: Baby Mochi – 01:59pm
I’ll tell you all what’s going on when he falls asleep okay. Don’t flip out okay. he doesn’t need that right now.

The message from Jimin read as they all looked back at him to see him now soothing their sobbing youngest member.

-

It took almost an hour for Jungkook to cry himself to sleep, he had tried to stop but like always fought against his bodies reactions and eventually wore himself out. It never got better the hurt that hit anyone of them whenever he cried.

Jimin shut Jungkook’s door quietly after he had tucked the younger under his blankets and padded out to the others now all sitting in the lounge room with cups of tea and he was sure that was a coffee in Yoongi’s hand.

Jimin glanced at the clock to see it was almost a quarter past three checking his phone just to make sure he wasn’t crazy. He sighed before he sat himself down on the arm chair and took a breath.

Taehyung was the first to speak, "Min ah..." he started.

Jimin cut him off, "he didn’t tell you out of fear mostly... worried you’d see him different, not want him any more... think he was... damaged goods," he took a breath and looked at his hands before he turned his head to look at the kitchen.

Yoongi leant forward in his seat elbows resting on knees. He took a breath and held it before he spoke, "he was raped, wasn’t he?" the second oldest breathed out the statement none of them had even wanted to voice.

Jimin took a breath, "to put it simply…" he looked at them to watch for their reactions wondering if they would be what he had expected, "yes," he stated finally and yes they were exactly what he expected.

There was a long pause a beat at the statement sank in for them all and then Jimin was speaking again. He took a breath and looked at the five sitting on the two lounge chairs before him, “but the long version... Ran Sangtan one of 17-year-old back up dancers we had liked Guk. And Guk liked him to one of the few friends Jungkook had... back then...”

They looked at him as he paused for a beat and dropped his gaze that word friend when it came to that person always left a bad taste in his mouth, he drew in a breath pushing the sour taste out as he spoke again, “Guk was 15.”

The statement hit them like a bullet to the chest causing the five of them to gasp, Hoseok tried to speak, “no that...” he breathed his words getting stuck in his throat.

Jimin nodded and continued, “he was only just starting to figure out his sexuality and Ran and Guk were close, Ran confessed he liked Guk and Guk confessed back at Easter the year we debuted. They decided to give it a go, they dated in secret for three months, but then it all blew up fast around debut. Ran hadn’t realised Guk was a virgin and when he wanted to go further Guk refused wasn’t ready wanted it to be special.”

Jimin took a breath shoving all his storming emotions back down to tell them what they wanted, no what they needed to know, “Ran pushed him twice more and Guk decided to break it off before the fansign at Suseodong. Ran apologised in a week later the day after Show champion on the 17 of July and Guk took him back on the 21 after Music Core where they saw each other because of the stage, I can’t blame Guk, he was Guk’s first love and first relationship and had been Guk’s friend... but in truth all Ran wanted from getting back together with him was to only hurt Guk more.”

Jimin needed a moment. The other five watched him take a breath before he got up and got himself a glass of water. They all watched as he drank it in one go before getting another pausing a moment to stare at the counter before returning back to his previous seat.

“The last day of July that year Guk got a call from Ran, a ‘come meet me I want to see my baby’ bullshit. Guk got to BigHit to see Ran fucking another guy, an assistant I believe. It broke Guk’s 15-year-old heart.” Jimin spoke staring at the glass of water now clutched in his hands.

Jimin watched the liquid ripple as he shifted slightly, “I found Guk sobbing in the bathroom of our dorm and calmed him down. I sat with him until four in the morning as he told me what happened, from how he met Ran to how they confessed to how he had just found his boyfriend fucking another guy at the company, they broke up later that day without Guk giving a reason... I lost my temper and punched the guy three days later when he tried to talk to Guk about the break up. Remember that confrontation when he showed up at the fansign at the Lotte Department Store in Gwangju.’

They nodded all remembering how pissed Jimin had been, how quickly he had walked across the “backstage area” and how quickly he had punched the guy in the nose, they all remembering it well (that moment they all realised that the sweet and innocent mochi could be a terrifying creature).

Jimin tore his eyes off the water in his glass and looked at them, “a couple weeks after they broke up after that incident, a week before Guk’s 16th birthday, I think it was the 25th of August, he went to the studio by himself to practice for the Incheon Korean Music Wave performance we had. Ran found out and went to see him since I had instructed the managed to keep Ran away from Guk at all cost. Guk still had feelings for him, like I said, the guy was his first boyfriend, first relationship actually... Ran kissed him... and then it turned hot and he made a pass. Guk put him in his place but Ran wasn’t backing down this time, I guess pay back or punishment for me hitting him. He for lack of a better explanation sexually assaulted Guk that night.”

They all gasped again as the words were said, none of them wanted to believe it that five years ago their maknae had been raped and they hadn’t known.

Jimin looked at him as Hoseok sneered, “where if this fucker?"

Jimin simply stated, “he’s gone."

They looked at him wondering what it meant.

Jimin took a breath composing himself once more, “I got a phone call from EunHae. She had stayed late for something and had seen Guk at the company and he looked shaken, she had only glanced him at the time and hadn’t realised he was… as hurt as he was. I had a gut feeling, something didn’t sit right after I hung up with her and I decided it was late anyway two am and he needed to come home since we had some schedule in the morning. I reached the company at a quarter past two and found his things in the studio. I headed over to them and that’s when I saw it, his torn shirt and a face mask I knew belonged to Ran. My brain instantly went to the worst place. It took me near twenty minutes to find him. He’d locked himself in the bathroom, sobbing, hurt… broken. Remember the bruises and busted lip we lied about...” he paused.

Their faces twisted at the memory of the maknaes injuries, “I was mucking around with some of the backup dancers and it got out of hand rough housing hyungs, I’m fine really I won’t ever happen again we all got into so much trouble” Jungkook had told them.

Jimin continued, “I knew, he didn’t even have to tell me. I asked EunHae to stay with him and if Ran was still in the building... two of the other back up dancers had to pull me off him. I shoved them off me and went back to Guk. I didn’t even know what to do but he begged me not to take him back to the dorm, ended up having a panic attack at the prospect of facing you all… EunHae lived nearby and offered her place, we got him out of there and she called the company’s private doctor while I called Bang PDNim. After I told Bang PDNim what I knew, after Guk painfully sobbed his way through his account of what happened… and after Dr Kim said it was fine to bring him home some time the next morning... I broke down after he fell asleep after Jin had cooked him his favourite for dinner that night. Having heard Bang PDNim lie to you all about why we had disappeared for the amount of time we did, listening to Guk lie to you all… me lying to you all... and everything the day before I just...” he stopped they all he guessed got his point.

It was getting harder to control his emotions, he took a shaken breath, “Bang PDNim sent Guk to a counsellor on the 16th of September when we had a free day during our comeback and Guk had a near break down after our Inkigayo comeback stage the day before, I had noticed his emotions, his outbursts, his mood swings and knew he wasn’t right, all three of us decided it was for the best. Guk wouldn’t go alone, so I went with him... He’s never talked to anyone but me and Bang PDNim about what happened, not even the counsellor. His reply in the chat pretty much said all I needed to know. It’s still even now a painful topic for him, it took him so long just to tell you he had a first boyfriend because of it... Like I said he didn’t want you to see him differently.”

Jimin drew in yet another shaking breath losing a fighting battle with his emotions, "don’t be angry at him. Be angry at me, okay. Be angry with me because it’s my fault for never telling you for keeping this secret. Just don’t... don’t be angry at him," Jimin stated, voice cracking by the time he reached the end of his statement, head down in shame.

Taehyung moved at the sound of Jimin’s voice cracking.

Jimin was waiting for the yelling to start or hell even a slap. He saw Taehyung’s feet and looked up. He could see the tears on Taehyung’s cheeks.

Taehyung stopped before Jimin and lifted the smaller’s arms moving forward the taller boy straddled his best friends lap wrapping his arms around him.

Jimin blinked in surprise and confusion on top of everything else he was feeling. Taehyung simply turned his face into Jimin’s neck and shoulder, "I’m sorry, Jimin ah, I’m sorry you’ve carried this dark secret all alone for so long. I’m so sorry." Taehyung whispered voice choked up from fighting the tears now wetting Jimin’s shoulder.

Jimin took a shaky breath before he looked at the other four.

Hoseok had a hand to his face hiding his tears, Jin and Namjoon looked shell shocked and Yoongi looked ready to murder someone.

Hoseok sniffed, "we’re so sorry mochi. So sorry you’ve had to carry this alone for so long," He dropped his hand and looked at Jimin, ‘we are a family and we let you both down.’

Jimin quickly started to protest only to stop as Yoongi cut in as he sat looked at his hands, "you’ve done well Jimin ah," he rasped in a gruff voice that Jimin knew he had been fighting his own tears.

Jimin took a sharp breath at the older’s words causing the others looked at him.

Yoongi looked up at the sound and said, "you’ve done well. So well for a person of your age, with something so… dark. But it’s time..." Yoongi paused and nodded, "it’s time to share this weight. To not go alone any more. We are your hyungs and we will be beside you from now on. You’ve done well and we are proud of you,’ he looked Jimin in the eye, ‘of both of you."

Finally, Jimin lost his battle, as Taehyung continued to cling to him he slid his hand over his mouth as his tears finally fell.

Jin moved as he nodded kneeling beside the arm chair where he slid his arms around Jimin, "so proud of you Jiminie. So fucking proud."

Before Jimin knew it the five of them were mashing him into the couch as they hugged him and let him cry.

It was near five am by the time he finally stopped crying, by the time his emotions had calmed and his hyungs words didn’t burn his heart. He sat on the arm chair again with a pillow resting on his folded legs and a cup of warm honey tea in hand as the other five sat around the room.

Yoongi now sat slouched in the other arm chair stared at the ceiling as he held another coffee. Hoseok asked from the floor at Yoongi’s feet leaning back against the chair with a cup of peppermint tea, "you good?"

Yoongi replied, "want to kill the fucker, but yeah, I’m good."

Jimin looked at his tea, "I broke six of his ribs, his nose, and jaw in three places."

They all blinked lifting their heads to look at him in surprise.

Jimin lifted his gaze looking at them as he took a drink, "I was told his jaw was wired shut for six months," he added as he lowered his cup, he tilted his head with a scoff, "fucker tried to press charges believe that shit."

Jin started to say from where he sat legs stretched out on one of the two couches, cup of liquorice (never ask about that) tea in hand, "you... you really..."

Jimin nodded cutting him off, "it’s why the dancers respect me as much as they do. Why that never made sense to you all. They watched me put the guy in hospital for three weeks. Like I said, two of them had to pull me off him."

Silence fell on the room for a long moment as Jimin leant his head on his hand observing his other members as they all sat still processing what he had told them, a dark secret that had been buried under the surface all this time.

"I never told Guk what I did. I was legit fixing to kill the son of a bitch, probably would have if they hadn’t stopped me," he remarked.

"Not surprising to be honest, and angry Jimin is a terrifying Jimin," Namjoon who was sitting on the other couch with his own coffee remarked.

They all smiled before Yoongi sighed causing the other five to look at him, "it’s a shame your straight because I think I just feel in love with you," he remarked.

Taehyung snorted from the coffee table in the middle of the room where he sat with a hot chocolate, "the fuck. You’ve loved the mochi for like years don’t deny that shit."

Jimin laughed making them all smile like, Jungkook, seeing any one of the three sunshine line crying hurt.

Yoongi growled with a pointed glare, "I will beat your ass."

Taehyung simply snorted again before taking a drink of his cocoa.

Jimin asked finally, atmosphere turning serious again, "how are you going to handle this in the morning I mean. You know. He’s going to know you know, he’ll know I told you."

Namjoon looked around the room and said, "the same way we handle everything else," they looked at him confused for a minute before he looked at Jimin, "together," he finished before looking back at the rest.

Jimin smiled and nodded a little as they all hummed in agreement, Jimin said “we should all get sleep, it’s late and I’m sure we are all emotionally exhausted after all… that," he took a breath and shook his head after a minute.

They all hummed again as they finished their drinks and got up returning to their rooms to try and get some rest.

It was harder than they all thought as the now shared secret rattling around their brains.

Chapter Text

Jungkook woke up a little after eleven wondering why no one had woken him, he was worried they had all missed their schedule. Drowsily he walked out of the hallway into the great room, his body felt heavy and his head throbbed. Four orgasm and his darkest secret being exposed was too much for him.

He groaned as he smacked his leg on the arm chair, he stepped (more hopped really) around it as he rubbed his leg sort of hunched over before he abruptly stopped at Hoseok’s voice as he got closer to the dinning area of the great room.

Jungkook paused holding his leg before he stood up and looked towards the source to see five eyes staring at him. He drew in a hard breath as his hands dropped to his sides. He shifted on his feet enviously as every possibly reaction to them knowing flashed through his head, it made him dizzy and he felt a little nauseous.

He dropped his gaze to the floor, ‘Jimin told you, didn’t he?’ Jungkook asked in a small voice.

Jungkook felt a presence come towards him, he tensed as Jin stopped before him then blinked over the older’s shoulder as he now held Jungkook in a tight hug. Jungkook looked at the other four to see warm smiled on all their faces, this was definitely not what he was expecting.

Jin said suddenly cutting the silence in the room, ‘we are proud of you.’

Jungkook took a shaky breath, ‘h-hyung I don’t...’ he started before he was cut off by Jin.

‘We are so proud of you. To see you now, to see you become the man you have from such a dark point it makes us so so proud of you. It makes us love you all the more harder and if we had known back then it wouldn’t change how we see you like now. You are Jeon Jeongguk, Jungkook, our Kookie, the golden Maknae of Bangtan, and you’ll always be our maknae, and most important of all you’ll always be loved by us,’ the oldest said.

Jungkook sniffed as tears slipped down his cheeks again, definitely not what he had expected.

Jin added after a moment, ‘and we understand. We understand it must have been hard and scary and it’s okay. We don’t pity you I promise. We admire the fuck out of you.’

At those words, to know his hyung’s didn’t see him any different Jungkook dropped his face into Jin’s shoulder, ‘I love you too hyung,’ he choked out as he wrapped his arms around the older.

-

After Jungkook had calmed down and joined his hyungs at the table realised, ‘where Jimin ah?’ he asked as he looked at the others, he looked around the room then at the closed master suite door the back at his hyungs, ‘are... is he in trouble... I mean...?’ he tried to ask.

Namjoon on his left caught his shoulder, ‘relax. We let him sleep in.’

Jungkook took a breath and looked at his leader still confused.

Namjoon smiled a little before reassuring him, ‘telling us, it really fucked with his emotions. Hobi told us that after we all finally went to bed, Jimin went to the bathroom. Hobs says he found him sobbing in a ball at eight am. He’s barely had any sleep pushing Hobs to go to bed regardless of wanting to help him.’

Jungkook took a breath and dropped his gaze, ‘are you mad at him, I understand if you are?’

Taehyung quickly said, ‘what no. Never. Just worried for him at the moment.’

Namjoon said as they all glanced at the master suite’s door, ‘let him sleep okay. He needs it. we’ll wake him up later, none of us are going anywhere today okay.’

They nodded before finally digging into breakfast leaving Jimin to sleep as their leader had stated.

As they ate, no one dared mention it, no one wanted to be the one to state it, that the six of them were all actually pretty pissed with Jimin.

Jungkook was more than just pissed with him for telling the others everything, Taehyung was pissed that his best friend who told him everything hadn’t regardless of how young he had been at the time, Jin was pissed with Jimin for lying about all the things he had back then to cover it all up, Namjoon was both angry and hurt that Jimin hadn’t trusted them, Hoseok was both hurt and angry at Jimin for pushing them away and Yoongi, Yoongi was angry at Jimin for almost killing the guy, they all had a reason and none of them wanted to be the one to state it out loud, to cause more problems or worse cause Jungkook more pain.

As they ate chatting about anything but the two elephants in the room one of them became a secret they all tried to hide.

Chapter Text

It took exactly two weeks before Jimin noticed it. The first one to notice it right away. He wasn’t surprised at all to be honest, he had felt it when he woke up in the afternoon after finally falling asleep to exhausted from his previous fun, the aroused high he had been soaring and the emotional fuckery he had put himself through telling them all. He could even pin point the exact moment it truly started.

It had started with Jungkook, the first to push him away he knew why, exposing his darkest secret like he had to them all, he wasn’t at all surprised when Jungkook had at first refused to hang out with him, but the point that changed everything, the very moment he knew for sure was the day two weeks after that night Jungkook had punched him hard in the arm over breakfast cereal, 'next time don't leave the fucking box in the fucking cupboard asshole'  had been what Jungkook had said to him right before the blow that sent hard pain radiating through his entire body and down his arm for days, it was that moment he knew they had all turned their backs on him, knew it when none of the others jumped to his defence like they used to whenever Jungkook hit him even just playfully, but he knew why.

Jin surprisingly was next, he had figured it out truly the day the older had refused to let the younger join him like he often did at vocal practice, ‘I just need to be alone today Jimin ah, It’s just one of those things I gotta work on alone at the moment’ Jin had said to him, before leaving him sort of dumbstruck at the front door. He had been happy Jin had still been using the affectionate honorific then, but he knew why.

Hoseok had been the third he confirmed to truly pissed with him just two days after Jungkook had hit him leaving him with a bruise, ‘I don’t want to go with you to the dance studio today, I’m tied please go away and leave me alone to rest’ is what Hoseok had said to him, he had been surprised by the please though, but he knew why.

The day he figured out Taehyung was more than angry at him had been probably the worst, the two of them had been at the dance studio four days after Jungkook hit him, the bruise had started to fade to a greenish hue and Jimin was showing Taehyung the steps to their latest choreography for Mic Drop or it might have been the Best Of Me he can't quite remember it now, but he does remember that moment with Taehyung, the moment he knew his best friend he come to see him as an enemy. Taehyung got it wrong again and Jimin had laughed at him before going to show him how to do it again, ‘STOP FUCKING LAUGHING AT ME, IT’S NOT FUNNY, JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE BORN TO FUCKING DANCE. NOW SHUT UP AND HELP ME GOD’ Taehyung had snapped at him leaving Jimin in stunned silence before Taehyung had thrown his hands in the air with a huff and declared he was done for the day and stormed out. Jimin had tried to talk to him in their own private chat but Taehyung had messaged back ‘just leave me alone’ and hadn’t talked to him since and he knew why.

And the last he had confirmed truly had been Yoongi and Namjoon almost at the same time a week after Jungkook had hit him and the now greenish bruise had finally started to fade completely. Jimin had gone to Yoongi’s studio to bring him dinner knowing the two rappers had spent the entire rare day off they were given after their last schedule cooped up in their studios. He had knocked only to have Yoongi who knew who it was answer the door with a not so subtle ‘what the fuck do you want’ Jimin had swallowed the lump of hurt in his throat put on his brightest smile and lifted the bag with the food in it telling him he’d brought him dinner. ‘Just hand it over and get lost, I’m busy’ had been the rapper’s grumbled reply but Jimin did not at all miss the hard-cold look in his eye but he knew why. Namjoon’s reception of him at his studio a few moments after Yoongi’s door had slammed in his face had been much the same to Yoongi’s ‘what do you want’ had been Namjoon’s greeting Jimin thankful he hadn’t cursed at him like Yoongi had. Jimin had lifted the food like he had with Yoongi and Namjoon had come back with ‘I don’t want your damn left overs’ Jimin managed to stop him from closing the door and told him they hadn’t been left overs but his favourite. He watched as Namjoon reluctantly took the bag off him only for Namjoon to turn around and throw over his shoulder before the door shut ‘maybe you should have started with that to begin with now get lost I’m busy’ but he knew why.

No one knew how much it was all hurting Jimin, no one cared but he understood, he understood why they had all turned their back on him, why they had all thrown him away, why they didn’t care and why they didn’t want him, he knew why.

Chapter Text

No one had spoken to them, not even each other if they had noticed they said nothing, in fact it was their main senior make up stylist who had spoken to them, it had been before the recording for their ‘DNA’ MV and the six members all sat around the waiting room before they started recording.

They hadn’t realised how bad it had gotten, or even realised what they were doing, they had been too busy burying the lie to notice the effects ‘not being pissed’ were having on the one they were actually pissed with, it wasn’t until not until Kim Norin or as the group called her Nori Noona told them while they had been waiting.

‘Hey Jin ah?’ she had said as she stood behind the older in the makeup chair.

‘What’s up Noona?’ he had replied to the 29-year-old who had been with BigHit since she was 19.

They had looked at one another in the mirror as the other five sat around them, Jimin having said he needed something to drink almost the second he walked in the door had left just as fast, ‘gotta ask you something,’ Nori had stated.

Jin had smiled back with a head nod, ‘all ears. What’s up?’

Nori had taken a breath and leant on the back of his chair before she had looked at him, ‘did, Jimin ah fuck up?’ she had abruptly asked

Jin stopped short, he had blinked a few times before looking at her again, ‘what, no. Why would you think that?’ he had asked mind now racing a mile a minute.

‘Because for the last three months those of us who know you like I do have watched the six of you not just push but shove him away,’ she had replied.

The six in the room had all stopped what they were doing to look up at her, ‘what?’ had been all Jin could say as each one of them now sat replaying the last three months over in their heads.

She had nodded, ‘it was subtle at first, it took like four weeks for any of us to really really notice, but now, he literally just walked in the door bowed to us and walked right back out again. None of you moved to stop or go after him. Which three months ago would have seen Hoseokie, or Tae ah running after him or you or Jungkook ah trying to get him to stay but, nothing... like, we understand you guys fight but this... this is a new level even for all of you.’

Jin had taken a breath and turned in his chair to look at the others, the hidden elephant bursting from the shadows they had shoved it into.

Hoseok had lifted his phone and messaged Jimin.

To: Baby Mochi – 07:43am
Hey min ah where are you?

From: Baby Mochi – 07:50am
Just around I’m okay don’t need to worry. Will see you on the stage for rehearsal

To: Baby Mochi – 07:50am
You should come back and hang.

From: Baby Mochi – 07:55am
It’s okay. Gotta work on the choreo before stage but thanks anyway.

Hoseok had stared at his phone as he read and reread the last message Jimin had sent, he saw the time stamps on each message, he knew how quickly Jimin replied to any message weather is was text or chat and for such big gaps he knew they had fucked up.

Namjoon had asked seeing him just staring at his phone, ‘what did...’

Hoseok had cut him off, ‘I asked him to come back, he lied about practicing the choreo.’

Nori had said with a nod as she had looked around at the six of them, ‘need I say more. You gotta fix this and you gotta fix it now, got me?’

They had all nodded unable to say or do anything more. Nori had nodded one last time before she had left the six of them alone to giving them a minute to collect themselves.

Chapter Text

It had been three months since the secret came out, Jimin now sat in the middle of the dance studio not for the first time, he had been there for almost five hours alone now and it was almost three am. He had left the dorm some time before ten pm when he had come out of his room after a much-needed shower to get rid of all the heavy makeup to overhear Jin and Namjoon in the kitchen talking about him, he didn’t hear much of it if any but he heard his name and after the last three months he hadn’t stuck around to find out why they were talking about him.

Honestly Jimin hadn’t stuck around, too afraid to hear the ridicule and hatred they had for him, not to his face anyway, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t more than worried about what they had been talking about. He hadn’t said anything, he understood why they had changed and he knew it was his own fault, he had kept the pain inside, the fact his group couldn’t stand someone like him, someone who lies, someone who puts other people in hospital, someone who hides big things from their ‘brothers, he understood why six people he had more than loved for years didn’t want him anymore.

Knowing they had been talking about him for any number of reasons whatever they had been made his stomach knot leaving a sick feeling in the pit of it, he wasn’t at all sure how much more of this he could take before it all consumed him and given what he dealt with he knew it was bad to think that way.

Jimin had come home from the shoot on the last day having spent the entire day putting on the front that nothing was wrong between him and the other six of his group and had immediately left not brave enough to stick around and find out what they had been talking about, not brave enough to say anything, “they all have a right to be pissed with me” he had thought as he had grabbed his gym back and slipped out of the large penthouse apartment unseen, he hadn’t even been brave enough to tell any of them where he was going, he was more than sure they wouldn’t care either way.

He had spent the first two hours just sitting there and crying, the sounds of sad songs echoing around the otherwise silent room drowning out his sounds making sure no one heard him, after that he had spent an hour dancing before another way of overwhelming sadness hit him sending him sobbing to the floor once more.

It was the fourth hour alone with his misery and he was now dancing to a song he had written himself to a beat Yoongi had created for him, it was soulful song, that type of song that hit in places you didn’t realise.

As he danced, he was singing, voice rough and broken in places conveying more feelings than the words seemed to, he had written it just recently after a particularly cold day from the other six, it was one he hadn’t and probably wouldn’t bring himself to give to Yoongi.

The song finished for the third time and Jimin stopped panting in the middle of the room with his arms out stretched either side of him, hands spread out like jazz hands. His breathing suddenly became harsh as fresh hot fat tears slid down his cheeks, his face crumbled and his knees gave out as new sobs racked his body as the track on repeat started again.

He sank to the floor crying hard again, he had done that so much a lot lately, the six people he fantasied about, hell, the six people he loved weren’t just pissed with him anymore, they didn’t want him and that’s what seemed to hurt the most. He leant forward on his hands fat tears hitting the timber floor of the studio as he stared at it, chest heaving as he struggled to get air into his lungs once more. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he slid a hand over his mouth as he slowly sank forward, forehead hitting his other arm.

Chapter Text

It was late (or early depending on how you looked at it) about four am now, the fifth hour Jimin had been alone in the studio and Jimin needed to talk to someone, someone who understood, someone who wouldn’t judge or get angry with him.

He had finally managed to calm down and after fisting his cheeks dry he got himself back to his feet. His legs were shaking, his arms felt weak, he knew his eyes were red and puffy from the unavoidable glance he had thrown himself in the mirrors around him, and his lungs burned from all the hard dancing and harder crying he had done in the last five hours alone, he kind of wanted to curl back up and cry some more.

He picked up his phone from his bag in front of the table and slowly trudged back to the middle of the studio where he unceremoniously plonked his ass on the floor before laying on his back to stare at the ceiling, there was a shoe print up there, huh, how did that get there, he wondered before lifting his phone.

He searched his contacts for the number he knew well, for the number that had always despite how far away they were from each other brought him comfort in the hard times. He tapped the face time option and waited as the other phone rang.

Jimin smiled wide as the phone picked up and a young man looked at him through his screen, “hey Hyunnie. Did I wake you?” he asked his little brother.

His younger brother Park Jihyun smiled widely at his older brother, “Minnie ah. Nah I was studying thanks for distracting me from the mind-numbing torture,” Jihyun beamed with elated happiness at both his brother and the distraction he was providing for him.

The two brothers smiled at one another through the video chat before laughing, it really had been a while since they had seen each other in person.

As they calmed down it was then that Jihyun saw it the blotchy puffy cheeks and the red swollen eyes, “You’ve been crying. What happened?” He asked the older concerned.

Jimin sighed before looked back at his brother, “just stuff,” he replied vaguely.

“Hyung, remember, we said we wouldn’t lie to each other. Please talk to me, besides I know you wouldn’t have called me at such a ridiculous hour like this if you didn’t want to talk," Jihyun frowned.

Jimin sighed again. He looked at his little brother, Jimin knew his little brother only ever used honorifics with him when he was making a point or trying to get things out of him, so wise and amazing he thought, he can’t help but thank BTS for that too.

Jimin nodded after a minute before he spoke, “you’re right… it’s… so, the others found out what happened to JK four years ago."

Jihyun cringed at the news, “ah shit, hyung, Is he okay?"

"He’s fine, great even. They haven’t changed at all really, although they do now baby him so so much more, it could make you sick," Jimin hummed with a small nod

Jihyun laughed before he spoke again, “and you?” he asked after a minute.

Jimin sighed, “they were pissed and now... now they don’t even want me,” he couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice not that he had tried.

Jihyun was sceptical, “you don’t mean that,” he stated.

Jimin nodded, “I really do. The last two months… they changed I guess, I mean I can’t blame them I know why. They were pissed to begin with in the first two weeks, yelled at me for little things and I understood that, especially Kookie. But then…” he paused for a long minute before he finished, “then he started hitting me again two weeks after I told them. I was ready for him being pissed but not… not that pissed.”

"So why do you think they don’t want you?" Jihyun asked a little confused.

Jimin sighed again and closed his eyes, “they haven’t spoken to or included me in anything in over a month now, I mean the six of them all went to dinner just last week together and not a single one of them asked me to go with them on top of that… Jungkook’s gotten worse with hitting me too especially during rehearsals or practise and even now on stage."

"Ah shit, hyung. I wish I could give you a hug," Jihyun cringed, he could hear the hurt in his hyungs voice and it always hurt him when he did.

Jimin opened his eyes to smile at his little brother, “this is enough...” he stated open endedly, they both knew it wasn’t.

Jihyun couldn’t put it off any longer, “are you doing okay? with the topic... I mean...” he trailed off as he looked at his brother expectantly.

"I’d like to go a day without crying once, that would be nice," Jimin sighed for the nth time.

"Did you tell them?" Jihyun asked a little timidly not sure if he wanted to hear his brother’s reaction to the question he had.

Jimin looked at his brother very confused, “tell them?” he asked.

Jihyun took a quick breath and deciding to just go for it, “what happened to you. I mean, Jungkook hyung I’m sure would back the fuck off if he knew you had been through the same thing."

Jimin realised and said quickly waving his other hand defensively, “NO! No way. They can never know especially now.”

Jihyun felt the slap in his brother’s words and visibly winced a little, “hyung...” he started.

Jimin was quick to cut him off, “this is different Hyun. They don’t need to know I was gang raped and then periodically sexually abused for over a year all because I’m gay. No. No way not happening. It would only push them away further. It already hurts enough,” his tone was sharp direct and laced with so much pain it made Jihyun’s eyes prick with tears.

Jihyun took a calming breath, “okay. Okay, I understand, please don’t cry. It hurts when you cry,” he spoke softly a tone he knew calmed Jimin when he got worked up over the topic in question.

Jimin smiled a little at his tone realising he had just bitten his baby brothers head off, “sorry. Sorry I snapped at you,” he replied calming down again.

“It’s okay. It’s always been a cold topic I shouldn’t be surprised," Jihyun smiled a little back as he watched his brother relax once more, the pain still on his face but he looked calmer to say the least.

Jimin couldn’t help the smile Jihyun’s statement brought to his face, with that he decided to change the subject for both their sakes having gotten off his chest the main reason why he had rung in the first place, “how’s study going?” he asked.

Jihyun knew what he was doing, they both did it often enough to know when to let the topic drop, “really good. Those study tips you gave me are great,” he replied with his own matching smile and a nod of his head.

Jimin nodded, “I’m glad. Are you gonna go into marketing when you graduate?” he asked.

"Well, it’s a tossup, I added another major, architecture as well as marketing. So, I’m not sure hopefully I’ll lean more to one when I reach graduation," Jihyun pondered.

Jimin beamed at his brother, “that’s great I remember how much you love designing, I think you’d make an amazing architect, design my future mansion,” he commented making Jihyun laugh.

Jihyun smiled at his brother’s excitement as he calmed down glad to see it over the sadness from before. He knew he would be on the phone for a while and got comfortable, he would always pick up the phone when Jimin called.

Chapter Text

It took Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Taehyung and Jungkook all the way to their midnight dinner to realise their smallest member was missing. No one had seen him leave and he hadn’t told them he was leaving. After Nori had called them out on being assholes towards Jimin earlier that day they had taken a break during takes and talked it out, they were going to sit down at dinner and talk to him, really talk to him, get everything off their chests, that had been the plan but now, now their plan was to find him.

After an hour of searching worry had set in, by hour four panic had gripped them all and they were all thinking the worst, what if someone had grabbed him, what is he had been hurt, what if he was… no they refused to think that dark even if they had all thought it at least once in the last 5 hours.

Jungkook felt like he was blessed by the gods when he heard the music coming from the dance studio he knew Jimin liked to go to alone when he was having a bad day, finally he had found him.

As he moved to the door he messaged the others telling them he would try to get Jimin to come home and that they should wait there for him. He stopped at the door at what he saw and didn’t at all notice his message didn’t send.

The younger stood holding his phone captivated, this was a different captivated to what he had been months ago, this time it was in awe of the beautiful sight before him, watching Jimin dance was always a breathtaking sight, to watch his body move to the music so fluidly he looks like water had taken on life. But as Jungkook stood there watching Jimin dance AND sing, listening to the lyrics of the song he was singing it was more than just breathtaking, it was a hauntingly beautiful sight.

Jungkook watched Jimin’s song finish stopping record on his phone he moved to send it in the group chat stopping just short of hitting send as movement caught his eye. He looked up to watch Jimin standing there breathing harshly moments before sinking to his knees as a choked sob echoed around the dance studio over the track of the song Jimin had just been singing and dancing to.

Jungkook never understood why Jimin had kept his secret, why he had suffered like he had with Jungkook’s abuse, the rage he threw at him, all the physical things he did and worst of all pushing him away like he had.

Jungkook’s heart squeezed at the sight as he watched Jimin after a moment sink forward with a hand over his mouth and as another sob came from the small curled up body before him his stomach twisted into so many knots he was surprised he didn’t throw up then and there. he remembered all the things the others members had done whenever he had cried whenever he was upset and turned from where he had been stood rooted to the spot.

He went in search of cold water and a damp cool cloth, maybe even some snacks he knew Jimin liked. He honestly didn’t want to walk in there with nothing after seeing that, he knew he had a lot to apologise for and arriving with nothing felt more wrong than right.

-

It took the maknae near an hour to find a bottle of water (why do the vending machines in this place hate them) and even longer to get the snacks he knew Jimin loved (more like to beat them out of the vending machine from hell) before he finally returned back to the dance studio he knew Jimin was still in.

He saw as he stopped at the door that Jimin had stopped crying and was now moving across the studio to his bag, he watched as his hyung bent down on shaking legs and grabbed his phone before moving back to the middle of the studio. He pushed the door open slightly ready to go in only to stop as he heard the tell-tale sounds of a face time call.

Jungkook moved to go into him, he wanted to apologise before whoever it was picked up so he had enough time to figure out how to get Jimin to come home with him but stopped with the door halfway open when he heard Jimin’s little brother on the phone, he started retreating from where he stood wanting to give them some privacy.

The maknae had wondered who he was calling, it was late (or early depending on how you looked at it) and he knew most of their friends, and most of Jimin’s would be headed to or asleep by now except those practising, recording, or rehearsing.

So, to hear Jihyun’s voice instead of one of their friends it wasn’t surprising at all wondering why he he never thought of it. It wasn’t odd for the members to call their siblings, Hoseok spoke to his sister most days, even Namjoon and his sister talked on the regular, not to mention how many times a week Jungkook called, texted or messaged his own brother (most times to yell at him about something he’s drawn, especially the fan art).

Jungkook couldn’t help but smile his bunny smile as he saw the smile that spread across Jimin’s face when Jihyun answered as opposed to the sobs and tears he’d seen.

“Hey Hyunnie. Did I wake you?” he heard Jimin ask the room filled with a soft melody that seemed to let the older’s words carry loud and clear around it.

Jungkook could clearly hear Jihyun’s smile as he spoke to his big brother, “Minnie ah. Nah I was studying thanks for distracting me from the mind-numbing torture.” Jungkook always admired Jimin and his brother’s relationship, to hear Jihyun not using honorifics with Jimin was something Jungkook always found fascinating especially since Jimin enforced it with Jungkook himself. He could never explain what made the brother’s so close and had spent all the years he had known Jimin trying to figure it out.

Jungkook’s heart pranged a little as he heard the two Parks laughing, he always loved those two laughs, they had always been close, the sound was a harmony when they both laughed together. The little squeak from Jimin was what set them apart and it made the prang of his heart hurt just that little bit more, he hadn’t realised how much he had missed that sound and how forced it had been in the last two months until that moment.

“You’ve been crying. What happened?” Jungkook heard Jihyun ask in the next breath he could very clearly hear the concern in the young Park’s voice.

Jungkook stood there suddenly praying Jimin wouldn’t tell his brother, he was sure the kid that admired his brother’s group would flip out and lose his mind if he knew what they were doing to his big brother.

He heard Jimin sigh causing Jungkook to look up from the damp towel in his hands he had been staring at to see Jimin staring at his phone, “just stuff,” he heard Jimin reply.

Jungkook relaxed at that only to heard Jihyun speak again, “hyung, remember, we said we wouldn’t lie to each other. Please talk to me, beside I know you wouldn’t have called me at such a ridiculous hour like this if you didn’t want to talk,” he could hear the evident frown in the voice from the phone.

Jimin sighed again, Jungkook’s body turned at that sound, he knew Jimin was weak for his brother and the sound told the maknae he would answer now whether Jungkook wanted him to or not.

And he was right, “you’re right… it’s… so, the others found out what happened to JK four years ago,” Jungkook’s entire body went stiff at Jimin’s statement, wait, Jihyun knew?

Anger filled Jungkook in a mere second, Jimin had broken his promise, he had told his brother about it, how could he do that after Jungkook had begged him not to say anything. As he moved to barge in forgetting about what he had seen just an hour ago to instead start yelling at his hyung he stopped short, the way Jihyun spoke told him something he hadn’t expected or even considered.

“Ah shit, hyung. Is he okay?” Jungkook’s feet stopped on their spot holding him in place, door half open hiding by the shadows of the hallway, Jimin oblivious to his presence as he blinked in surprised confusion, was that concern instead of pity he was hearing.

Jungkook’s eyes looked back at Jimin as he heard the older hum with a nod, “he’s fine, great even. They haven’t changed at all really, although they do now baby him so so much more it could make you sick,” he watched Jimin say to his brother. A smile instantly appeared on Jungkook’s lips at that, they really did and he loved it way too much.

He heard Jihyun laugh again making Jungkook smile wider, it really did sound so similar to his hyung’s.

There was silence for another minute and Jungkook had started contemplating his options before Jihyun had spoken again, “and you?” The question from the younger Park caused Jungkook to raise an eyebrow wondering what Jihyun was talking about of course his big brother wasn’t okay, Jihyun knew that when he had noticed his brother had been crying. Jungkook wondered if Jimin would he tell his little brother the details of what was happening.

Jungkook watched Jimin sighed again, of course he would, no surprise, Jungkook thought to himself as he listened to his hyung’s reply, “they were pissed and now... now they don’t even want me.’

Jungkook swears his heart stopped for a solid beat in that moment as Jimin’s words echoed around him and the silent hallway he was stood in spying on the older, he thought they didn’t want him what no that wasn’t right at all.

He blinked the haze threatening to cloud his mind away quickly as he heard Jihyun speak again, “you don’t mean that,” the younger Park stated Jungkook unconsciously nodding in response, his throat felt tight and his chest hurt.

He watched Jimin nod that nod he did when he knew something for fact, “I really do. The last three months… they changed I guess, I mean I can’t blame them I know why. They were pissed to begin with in the first two weeks, yelled at me for little things and I understood that especially Kookie. But then…” he heard Jimin pause before he continued, “then he started hitting me again two weeks after I told them. I was ready for him being pissed but not… not that pissed.’

Jungkook’s breath caught in his throat at those words, his mind suddenly and very quickly replaying the last three months, oh god, he thought, Jimin is right, I… I have been hitting him again, and it really did start with breakfast that day, what the fuck is wrong with me, he berated himself unable to even look up at his hyung at the realisation.

Through Jungkook’s internalised self-deprecation he heard Jihyun ask in confusion the question he wanted to scream into the room, “so why do you think they don’t want you?’

Jungkook heard Jimin sigh yet again and looked up to watch the older’s eyes fall closed before he spoke, “they haven’t spoken to or included me in anything in over a month now, I mean the six of them all went to dinner just last week together and not a single one of them asked me to go with them on top of that… Jungkook’s gotten worse with hitting me too especially during rehearsals or practise and even now on stage.” Jungkook did not at all miss the very deep very real pain in his voice, every single word from Jimin’s mouth dripped thick with it.

Jungkook all but cringed, flinched even like he’s been hit fair in the face as he remembered what he had done just that morning at their MV shoot, the cameras had been rolling and he had been forced to catch himself, but realising now as his eyes travelled to Jimin’s left bicep where’d hit him just yesterday a dark bruise staring at him, that if he hadn’t he’d have ended up punching Jimin fair in the face. He felt sick, bile rising in the back of his throat and burning as he realised how fucked up he really was, how fucked up this all really was.

He heard Jihyun speaking bringing him back from his thoughts, “ah shit, hyung. I wish I could give you a hug.” Jungkook wanted to do that right now, he wanted to run in there and throw himself on Jimin and hug him to death, he wanted to move, he wanted to scream but his body wouldn’t let him, his throat felt like it had closed over and his feet wouldn’t move.

As he watched Jimin smile to his brother at the younger Park’s statement it broke Jungkook’s heart completely, how could he smile like that, how could he be happy like that, “this is enough...” he watched Jimin say, but he heard it, the open-ended statement at the end of that phrase, it wasn’t fucking enough.

Before Jungkook could do anything let along break down like he wanted to, like his body was threatening to he heard Jihyun ask a question that didn’t make sense to him, a question that had him staring at his hyung waiting for an answer, “are you doing okay? with the topic... I mean...” he heard Jihyun trail off wondering what else he had wanted to say.

What did the topic have to do with how Jimin is feeling, it was me that was the victim, Jiminie saved me, he made my monster go away, Jungkook thought to himself as he waited for Jimin to say something like that to his little brother.

Jimin sighed for Jungkook doesn’t know how many times now, “I’d like to go a day without crying once, that would be nice.’

A day! what Jimin, Jimin has been crying… this whole time. no, that can’t be right, we would have… how have none of us seen it, are we really that fucking blind to all this, to, to the fact hyung is suffering this bad, Jungkook screamed in his head.

Jihyun’s voice once again pulled him out of his thoughts, “did you tell them?” he heard Jihyun ask his brother, heard the timid tone to the question making Jungkook wondered what Jihyun was talking about, Jimin hasn’t talked to them in weeks, months, he wouldn’t tell us if he had been crying, wouldn’t even tell us he was suffering, he thought to himself.

Jungkook saw the confusion on Jimin’s face, “tell them?” he heard the older ask.

Jungkook heard Jihyun’s quick intake of breath before he spoke clear to the point and the words slammed into the maknae at light speed as they came from the phone, “what happened to you. I mean, Jungkook hyung I’m sure would back the fuck off if he knew you had been through the same thing.’

The same thing, the same thing, THE SAME THING... JIMIN WAS RAPED TOO?! Jungkook’s brain screamed at him as his hands unconsciously curled into fists around the things he was still holding.

Jungkook stared at the young man lying in the middle of the dance studio staring at his cell phone, he watched him quickly waving his other hand in what looked a defensive dismissive manner while his head rocked back and forth across the ground, “NO! No way. They can never know especially now,” in that moment Jungkook felt like he’d just been sucker punched in the stomach.

He gasped in a hard breath as more bile stung the back of this throat, “hyung...” Jungkook heard Jihyun start, he could hear the pain in the younger Park’s voice as he called his brother.

Jungkook watched Jimin abruptly cut his brother off, “this is different Hyun. They don’t need to know I was gang raped and then periodically sexually abused for over a year all because I’m gay. No. No way, not happening. It would only push them away further. It already hurts enough,” Jungkook himself flinched at the sharp direct tone as pain dripped from each word, that was until he heard what they didn’t know, his brain seemed to stop all together as it bounced those words around his skull like a maraca.

Raped, gang raped, periodically, sexual abuse, a year, raped, raped RAPED! Kook’s brain kept repeating like it was the only words it knew that was until his ears registered Jimin saying the reason to the question he had of why anyone would hurt his hyung like that, raped for being gay, abused, sexually abused for being gay, gay… GAY! His brain now played over in every variation it could supply.

He heard Jihyun take a breath before he spoke again bring his rattling brain back into focus, “okay. Okay, I understand, please don’t cry. It hurts when you cry,” Jungkook’s heart twisted so hard tears pricked his eyes, was that why his hyung had been crying every day, was this why Jimin was suffering, was this why Jimin had kept his secret, he realised in that moment that if Jimin did start crying he was going to dissolve into tears with him, he couldn’t take much more.

It was then that Jungkook saw Jimin smile a little making the hurt worse, making more bile burn the back of his throat, making his eyes sting harder, “sorry. Sorry I snapped at you,” he heard Jimin apologise.

“it’s okay. It’s always been a cold topic, I shouldn’t be surprised,” he heard Jihyun say to his brother, like me, no wait, not even close to like me, worse for hyung, Jungkook thought.

Jungkook’s eyes landed on Jimin’s face once more where they stayed staring at the features he had spent the years memorising. That smile, the one that was bright, beautiful, the one that reached his eyes and had them turning into crescents, the smile the group hadn’t seen in two months broke out across Jimin’s face, “how’s study going?” Jimin had asked changing the topic and with that Jungkook lost the war to hold on any longer as a tear slid down his cheek.

As Jihyun replied with as much warmth and happiness in his tone as the smile on Jimin’s face Jungkook shoved away from the wall leaving the door half open and ran. He couldn’t stand to see Jimin so happy when he was hurting so much all because of them and what happened to him, all because of a secret none of them knew, a secret far darker and far more painful than his own. Without hesitation Jungkook ran back to the parking garage tossing the water and damp cloth into the passenger seat of Jin’s SUV he scrambled into the driver’s seat and quickly put the vehicle in reverse, he couldn’t stay where Jimin was any longer for fear of only hurting him more.

-

It was a quarter to six when Jungkook burst into the house, the other five had stayed up waiting for Jungkook to let them know if he had found Jimin in the place he had gone out to check (and not told them in specifics about). They sat in the lounge room to watch the maknae stumble through the door of the great room where he haphazardly ripped his shoes off not caring where they landed as he tossing them aside before yanking the zip of his jacket down and tearing it from his body before dropping it to the arm of the chair beside Hoseok and all but bolting to his room without so much as a single word to any of them as they called to him.

The five men looked at one another before Taehyung offered to go and check on him and find out what had happened, “I’ll go find out what happened, maybe he found Jimin and they got into a fight” he offered as he moved towards the hall.

‘Let us know what he says okay, it looks like that’s the case, although we kind of deserve it, you know what I mean,” Namjoon replied for the four hyungs still sitting in their spots.

Taehyung waved his arm as he disappeared down the hall. He stopped at Jungkook’s door and knocked before waiting, when no answer came he called to the youngest of the group as he opened the door, “Jungkookie, what’s up, did you find Jimin?’

The door swung open Taehyung’s eyes landing on Jungkook’s form mind flashing back to that night where he had been curled up around his body pillow with his face pressed into it.

‘Jungkook, what happened?” Taehyung asked a little panicked and worried.

The sob the maknae let out instantly drew the four hyungs from the lounge room.

As pained and as broken as Jungkook’s mind was he knew he couldn’t tell them, he couldn’t reveal Jimin’s secret, he had to hide it just like Jimin had done for him, he couldn’t hurt Jimin any more than he had, than they had.

His five hyungs spent the next few hours before they were all needed back at the MV shoot calming him and trying to get out of him what had happened, but it was no use his mouth was shut.

Chapter Text

As Jimin sat back stage in the dressing room he had expected, even if they didn’t want him, to walk in to find someone holding a ridiculously decorated butter cream cake stuffed with at least 14 lit candles. He had expected to find someone standing beside said cake bearer loudly singing a really crappy off-key rendition of happy birthday. He had expected at least two of the others to be holding some sort of expensively wrapped gift, a new pair of shoes, a new jacket worth more than most people made in three months or even a new earring, he never did figure out where he diamond stud had vanished to.

But no, that’s not what Jimin had gotten for his 23rd birthday, what he had gotten instead was, “alright guys, it’s half past 8, rehearsals for tomorrow’s concert will start in half an hour. Please meet on the stage and make sure you are ready to go,” one of the assistants had declared before leaving the room to let them all sort themselves out before the hard slog of concert rehearsal got under way.

He stared at the clock on the wall opposite him, eight hours now and not a single one of them had so much as mentioned a happy birthday.

He was clinging to the hope, one of the strands of his rope. Maybe they didn’t hate him that much, maybe they still cared just a little, it was okay, they had a long day ahead of them, he understood how they got, that laser focus when it came to practicing for any event be it a music show, a come back, a fan meet or even a full concert, he was just the same.

Jimin’s heart ached so much he wanted to curl up in a ball and just cry, and yet he refused to let that happen, he had promised himself no more tears, he had promised himself he would be strong and never let the six of them see him break.

As he pulled himself up from the chair and headed to the door with a bottle of water without so much as a single word to any one of his members he thought about all his other birthdays he’d had with the six people he had unwillingly grown to love completely.

He was surprised as he remembered his 2016 birthday how quickly things could change in just 12 months. A year ago, he had walked into BTS’s dark dressing room back stage as M Countdown to Jin holding a cake (cheesecake of some kind if he remembers right), Hoseok ever the loud hyperactive spaz he was had energetically sung him happy birthday pulling the rest into his off-key serenade before smacking him a few times on the arm like they did to all the other members on their birthdays. When the excitement had died enough Taehyung, his best friend had lifted the rather nice bouquet of flowers he had been clutching only to reveal they were from his father right before he realised the cake was the same cake he had brought the first time they had ever celebrated a birthday together (it being Namjoon’s back then).

Jimin felt tears prick his eyes yet again as he remembered how each member had brought him presents despite being at M Countdown, remembering how Taehyung had put the box in his hands and they had shared a moment, one of those 95 liner moments they often (not so much anymore) had, right before Yoongi had interrupted with something about anticipating his gift. They had then sat down and practically devoured the cake in as little as five minutes before they had changed out of their Blood, Sweat and Tears performance costumes and into their 21st Century Girl performance costumes and headed back out to the stage. As he fought his tears once again reaching the stage for the rehearsal they were there for he remembers how his birthday had ended with ARMYs happily singing their own off-key rendition of happy birthday while the members had stood around him smiling and clapping and cheering for him.

He remembered it all so very clearly it was like a vivid dream to him and yet as he stood now on the stage for their Osaka concerts it had been 8 hours since he had turned 23 and even if they hated him, even if they didn’t want him he had hoped that just one of them even Jungkook who had been all over him the last two months in some desperate attempt at something would have wished him at least a happy birthday.

Jimin’s heart sank like a stone as he watched the other six members appear joking and laughing like he wasn’t even there.

He would cling to his hope right to the moment the clock turned midnight and he was 23 years and one day old.

-

Rehearsals had finished sometime after their sort of dinner break and Jimin guessed it was around 10 pm now he hadn’t dared check a clock for fear of loosing his resolve. He was now sitting outside by the hotel pool in the alfresco dining area. A moderately cool temperate, mid-autumn and he’s sat in fleece track pants, a knit hoodie and a thick jacket staring at the city beyond the glass walls of the pool fence.

“Sir…” one of the service staff called to him snapping him out of his thoughts and wallowing self-pity.

The young woman lifted the plate she was holding and he saw the single serving of cake on it, chocolate cake he realised, the cake he had ordered some moments ago.

He looked at her for a moment and smiled warmly at her. He shifted as she smiled and moved to put the cake down for him. It was then that she noticed what he was holding, in one hand a single candle, blue his favourite colour and in the other a lighter.

She looked at him and asked, “is it your birthday today sir?” Jimin still isn’t used to being called sir and bulked for a moment before he looked at her and nodded.

“23,” he stated.

She gave him a warm smile and offered pointing at the candle in his hand, “can I?”

Jimin smiled and nodded if only to save himself the humiliation of lighting his own candle.

She smiled and took the candle from him pushing it carefully into the top of the cake slice and then lifting the lighter and illuminating the candle with the small flame.

Jimin sat staring at the candle burning before him for a long minute.

“Make a wish,” the young woman urged.

Jimin gave her a smile before he shifted again and sat forward staring back at the flame.

Please, please give me back the happiness I had, please give me back my family, that’s all I want, that’s all I’ll need, they’ll never have to know I love them more than that, just please, that’s all I wish for my birthday, Jimin thought to himself as he held his hands cupped before him staring at that single candle.

After another moment he shifted and blew the small flame dying under the puff of air from his lungs.

The young woman beside him clapped lightly and smiled brightly at him, “happy birthday sir, I hope you have many great moments in the future,” she said to him warmly.

Jimin’s heart stuttered, the first person to wish him happy birthday the entire day and he doesn’t even know the woman.

Jimin turned in his chair and smiled at the service attendant, “thank you, and thank you for all your hard work.”

The girl positively glowed at Jimin’s kindness, gave him one last bow then left him to his piece of now birthday cake.

Jimin can’t think of a time when he had such a sucky depressing birthday, not even when he was younger and going through hell, and yet there he was alone in a foreign country having a piece of hotel cake not surrounded by the people he loved with all his heart.

As he lifted the fork to his mouth to take the first bite of his birthday cake a hot tear made it’s way down his cold cheek. As he slowly chewed not sure if he even wanted the cake any more his phone sounded.

He lifted it to see it was a video message. He raised an eyebrow as he sat the fork down to open the message.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIMIN-AH! WOOOW!!!” he heard and seen Norin, Izzy, Traydon, Sejin, Hochan and is that their dance instructors in the background there and the other managers and wait, is that their concert director, wow.

“We’re so sorry we didn’t wish you a happy birthday today, it’s been so crazy and we swear we did try but you know how these damn rehearsals get,” Traydon said through the message.

“So, we decided a massive group message from all the people who love you was the right thing so here we all are crammed into one of the hotel rooms like sardines,” Izzy was rambling.

“We promise when we get back to SK we will take you out for barbecue to celebrate, now make sure you get some sleep, you got a long day tomorrow, Fighting,” Sejin added cutting Izzy off.

“Happy Birthday, Jimin-ah, promise us you won’t ever change who you are for anyone, we love you just the way you are, now go to sleep, Fighting!” Norin finished before the video ended.

Not the people Jimin had expected but still ones he loved, a warmth settled in his cold heart and he finally smiled again, he’ll make it through even if they don’t want him anymore.

-

Jungkook sat on the dining chair in Namjoon’s suite, phone in hand staring at the message waiting, waiting for the “delivered” to turn to “seen”.

“what if he doesn’t come?” Taehyung asked in concern as he stared at the cake sitting in the middle of the table with 23 candles in it.

Yoongi drawled from an arm chair somewhere in the room, “he’ll come just relax.”

Hoseok added from beside him, “we might be, I don’t know, fighting right now but it’s his birthday.”

“Jungkook any reply?” Namjoon probed.

Jungkook continued to stare at his phone as he simply shook his head.

Jin said “while we wait for him to reply let’s eat okay, it’s late and we all need to rest soon, come on, he’ll come when he’s ready.”

They all reluctantly gave into the older’s calm words and help themselves to the room service he had ordered for them all.

Dinner passed in relative silence, each contemplating what they would say to Jimin, how they would apologise for their assholeary and over all bullshit.

And then it’s not long before the six members are lounged around Namjoon’s suite waiting and then the need to sleep takes them.

-

It’s 6 am when someone’s alarm went off waking the six men sprawled out around the room, Hoseok and Yoongi curled up around one another on the lounge, Namjoon and Jin in the bed together, Jungkook on the floor, while Taehyung had fallen asleep on the day bed by the balcony doors.

They all check the time and realise they had all fallen asleep while waiting for Jimin.

Jungkook scrambled for his phone tripped over something before he grabbed it from the table.He looked at his messages, face falling in a second as “delivered” glares obnoxiously at him.

“He didn’t even read the message,” Jungkook told the five men, voice small and hurting.

Taehyung was the one who reacts, he stands up and stretched before looking around the room, “we will fix this, when we see him, we will wish him a happy birthday,” he declared.

It’s then that Namjoon realises. He sits up in the bed beside Jin with a gasp, “oh god,” fell from his mouth as he stared straight ahead of him with wide eyes.

“What?” Yoongi drawled sleepily from the couch where he was still curled up with Hoseok.

“That’s why… that’s why he didn’t read the message, why he didn’t come… none of us actually wished him happy birthday…” he trailed off with deep breath of realisation.

It was then that the six of them are scrambling for their phones all lifting them to send long apologies and happy birthdays to the member they have done nothing to but hurt, a sick feeling settled in their stomachs before one of the managers came in and told them to get ready without so much as questioning why all six were in the one room.

He spied the cake on the table, lightly scoffed to no one before shaking his head as he headed back out of the door to leave them to get ready.

The six all stared at him having not missed his reaction. The six members cast each other a look before they got up to get ready.

They next time they see Jimin is at the cars waiting for them and as Taehyung quickly moved to wish him a very late (and maybe a very shit) birthday they watch in hurt filled silence as he lifted his headphones put them on and turned his music on at full volume.

And if the members spent the entire pre-rehearsal checking their phones at every chance no one questioned it, a silent understanding is all that settled over the staff as they watch from the sidelines as Jimin moves just a few more steps further from the boys that were supposed to be his family.

Chapter Text

They had tried for two months to talk to Jimin, to get him to talk to them, to fix what they had done, but he had refused, and after how his birthday just days ago had ended (or hadn’t even happened for that matter) they honestly couldn’t blame him. they couldn’t blame him with turning his back on them especially with the way they had treated him, the things they had said and done, they didn’t at all hold it against him, it had taken them a while to realise it but honestly how could they. He had only done what he thought was best at the time for someone he cared about and loved, looking back they felt like they had been the ones who had failed.

Despite the tension and visible distance between the vocalist and his members their September comeback with their latest album ‘Love Yourself - Her’ the first in a trilogy had been a success but still despite his playful nature the staff and the six men could see and feel Jimin’s distance from them, they had managed to keep it all off camera surprising even themselves at the feat.

They were full swing back into their Wings tour, they had just finished the second and last day of their concerts in Osaka and were still buzzed from the high of the adrenaline and energy their fans had given them.

Everyone had finally by that point noticed it, the change, the weird mood swing the maknae had suddenly gone through. The staff and the other five even Jimin himself had noticed how the maknae now chased after him, followed him around, searched him out or how Jimin put it “was all over him”. He had no explanation for Jungkook’s actions and he had stopped trying to figure it out when he had woken in the middle of the night a month ago to the maknae curled around him in his bed.

After what had happened and seeing him sound asleep with his arm tightly around Jimin’s waist a soft look on his face it had all just hurt more. And as the days passed, as their comeback came and went, as their schedules went insane once more Jimin was reaching the end of how much more he could take, the edges had very quickly frayed and his calm had slipped away leaving behind raw exposed hurt.

-

The concert had finished almost an hour ago now and the fans had all finally left. The Arena felt smaller when it was empty, Jimin could never explain it, he always felt so big on the stage with thousands of ARMY cheering them on and yet when he stood on the stage at the end of the shows, when he took a minute just standing on the stage he had just been singing his heart out on and giving his all to soaking in the lingering ambiance he felt so small, like he was simply a piece of dust floating through the air. The lights were bright now the flood lights on the audience areas casting their glow over the ground around the stage and lighting up the second and third levels, Jimin’s eyes scanned the arena as he stood there staring at the empty venue. That bitter sweet feeling coursing through him on the tail end of the adrenaline running through his veins.

He bent down and picked up a piece of the white confetti that was always released at the end of their shows, he always likened it to the first snow fall in winter, he couldn’t help the fluttering of his heart every time those small pieces of paper fluttered from the sky and the second he saw the first piece of white paper falling he would look towards the six he loved. Even now in the midst of all the hurt he couldn’t stop himself from hoping that one day as the last small piece of paper landed on the stage the love he had for them would be returned, that a true love between himself and the six he cared for so much would bloom like in the dramas.

He felt sappy as he looked at the piece in hand, eyes glassing at he rubbed it between his fingers. He had always known, maybe since meeting them that the six members of his group were his significant others, the six people who had completed him without realising it. He had spent a lot of time recently thinking about their time together, when he had released they were more than just friends, when they had become his brothers and even when he had realised they had become more than just family to him. He would wish with all his might as he watched the “paper snow” fall over the arena that they would be together forever. His heart hurt in his chest at the thought, that he had ruined it all with one stupid mistake, with breaking a promise he had sworn he would keep until he died.

He drew in a slow shaky breath forcing his emotions back into the box he had put them in the day after he had called his brother, he had told himself after he had hung up that he was done crying, that he was done hurting, he would stand tall like he always had, he would not let them ever hurt him again, if they didn’t want him then he would make sure they couldn’t hurt the part of him that had fallen so helplessly in love with them.

“We were awesome!” Jungkook’s voice said behind him as he finally heard the younger’s steps thumbing across the stage towards him.

Jimin jumped cussing himself for getting so lost in his own thoughts, “Jesus, fuck, Jungkook. I told you not to do that,” Jimin cursed out loud brushing the tear from his cheek as he rose to his feet holding his chest.

Jungkook grinned his bunny smile at his hyung before moving forward and wrapping his arms around him giving him a back hug.

Jimin’s heart flip flopped in his chest at the contact, eyes instantly landing on the younger’s hands now resting clasped before him over his stomach. As he quickly came to his senses he tensed. He pried the younger’s hands apart before shrugging him off.

Jungkook asked as he stood back up looking at his hyung concerned, “sorry hyung. Are you hurt?” he asked.

Jimin glanced over his shoulder at him for a second before turning back to the arena, “it’s nothing, let it go,” he said to the younger, voice holding a hard edge to it.

Jungkook hid the flinch Jimin’s words brought out in him, he had noticed they had gotten colder and harder as the days had turned to weeks and the weeks to months. He looked at his hyung realising what Jimin had actually said but refused to listen, he wasn’t letting it go, it wasn’t in his nature.

The younger moved closer to Jimin stopping beside him to look right at him, Jimin was in his black dance shoes making him almost the same height at Jungkook, “are you sure hyung, you did fall during Save Me and then again during Danger. You hit the ground pretty hard, we all saw it,” he commented still staring at Jimin.

Jimin sighed in frustration, “I’m fine, just, let it go Jungkook.”

Jungkook’s stomach twisted at Jimin’s words, he wasn’t using any affectionate honorifics, Jungkook took a second to wonder why he hadn’t noticed before, he tried to figure out exactly when he had stopped before he remembered he had other things to focus on at that moment. He kept asking inching closer until he was almost suffocating Jimin with his presence.

Eventually Jimin in his desire and need to put distance between them had walked to the centre of the secondary stage in the middle of the arena Jungkook followed right behind him still asking if he was okay. He had to commend the maknae’s dedication to a single task like nagging, he was really good at something when he put his mind to it. Standing at centre stage the other five members moved towards the two already there to join them. They watched as Jungkook gently slid his hand on Jimin’s arm and asked once more in a low tone they couldn’t hear if Jimin was okay or hurt anywhere. Jimin finally had enough, he finally reached the end of his limits and exploded with all the rage the members knew he could channel.

“Enough!” Jimin snapped, hard sharp and to the point, almost like he was slapping someone across the face.

Jungkook jumped at Jimin’s outburst, surprised by the sudden loud voice yelling at him. He visibly flinched at the single word wondering briefly if Jimin had just actually slapped him or not.

Jimin stared with hard eyes, stared with hard eyes that hid all the pain he was holding at the maknae standing beside him who was now staring back with wide surprised and maybe even slightly scared eyes.

“I get it, I fucked up. But this weird turnabout face thing you’re pulling Jungkook isn’t fair. Just leave me alone, got it!” Jimin snapped voice as hard as ice and as sharp as a knife, each word cutting a hot stinging wound into the younger’s heart.

Jungkook stared in shock, body turning following Jimin’s as he watched his hyung turn and walk quickly down the stage. He stood now facing the the other members and Jimin’s retreating back as he watched Jimin turn from the other five who had heard his outburst and were moving to comfort him worried something had been said, worried Jungkook had tried to talk to him without them.

Jungkook continued to stare in shock as the other five turned and together the six of them watched Jimin retreat to the main stage and then disappear behind it.

They together in that moment realised they had really hurt him more than he was letting on, more than they had actually realised to that point and the six hearts on that stage all twisted in pain, all feeling as if Jimin had just pulled them out of their chests and taken them with him as he left. As they stood in shocked silence they realised this wasn’t going to fix with a simple sorry and a “do you forgive me,” they realised this was going to take duct tape and super glue and maybe even concrete to rebuild and fix what they had so obliviously and seemingly easily broken.

Jungkook took a breath ready to run after their hurt member only to stop as Namjoon’s voice cut through his shock and pain, “what in the hell just happened...” the leader asked looking at the youngest member.

Jungkook blinked, big doe eyes staring at the five men now standing before him, when did they get so close. He stammered as he shifted on his feet stopping himself from running after his hyung, “n-nothing happened, h-he was just… he was just a bit e-emotional after… the concert I-I mean,” he could see it in their faces they didn’t believe him for a second. He dropped his gaze in shame for lying so blatantly to them but again refused to speak any more about it or his overtly obvious change of behaviour.

Jungkook drew in a quick breath and held it as he turned on his feet and walked to the end of the stage to look at the arena. He could feel the five stares on the back of his neck and it sent a shiver through him, and for what he thinks to be the thousandth time in two months he caught himself wondering what would happen if he just told them what he knew.

-

Jimin reached the end of the stage and rushed down the steps, he heard Sejin call to him as he rushed past the manager but didn’t stop. He needed to be alone somewhere were no one would disturb him. He had had enough, he had reached the end of his rope and it had just slipped from his hand.

He felt like he was falling into a dark abyss, one he had been in before, one that scared him even now. He was worried, panicked even, truly scared that he was going to be lost in his darkness again. He had promised Jihyun and himself that he wouldn’t ever let it get that bad again but here he was hands shaking, legs feelings heavier with each step right back in that dark place he had struggled to get out of in the past.

Jimin could feel his chest getting heavy, restricted really, like someone was sitting on it and slowly getting heavier. He knows the feeling well, it wasn’t the first time he’d experienced it, and with each frantic step he took looking for somewhere private, somewhere where he can lock himself away from the world for just a moment those steps began to slow as if his feet were being pulled down by a sticky goo trying to root him to the spot.

He could hear Sejin in the background or was it the distance calling for him but the words sounded muffled like a distant call stretched across a large field barely reaching his ears. As he rounded the corner of the corridor he was in he spotted it at the end of the hall right before his vision suddenly blurred, he knew it was about to get a lot worse and he had to hurry, pushing willing himself to keep going.

The tears pricking Jimin’s eyes fell then, he felt like he’d just run the Boston marathon in ten minutes, his breaths had turned to short gasps of air that didn’t feel his lungs and only made him dizzier, his legs now felt like lead weights, his arms shook as his hands curled into tight fists, he could faintly feel the bite of his own nails digging into his palms and a few more tears are making their way down his cheeks at the quickly numbing pain.

He heard his name again through the buzzing ring in his ears but paid it no mind focused instead on reaching his desired destination where he knows no one is, where he knows no one can see him. His vision cleared for all of a second and he seen it again right in front of him before it blurs once more and he feels like he’s going to be sick.

Three, four, five more steps and Jimin finally reached the door. He threw the bathroom door open unceremoniously not even jumping as it thumped against the wall loudly. No one was inside the men’s bathroom, nothing but toilet stalls, a wall of urinals, and a wall of wash basins all in peak clean condition, it didn’t even smell like a men’s bathroom.

He searched the room for a place and saw it beside the last sink mounted on the wall before the toilet stalls. He lumbered over to it, the wall separating the toilet area from the wash area, feet dragging across cold tile. Everything felt so heavy but as his hands come into contact with the cold tiles of the wall it all felt so unrealistically light at the same time and as he presses himself against the wall everything felt in that moment burning hot and ice cold all at once.

Jimin pressed his hot wet cheek into the cold tile of the wall gasping in breaths he can’t seem to catch enough of, he paused for just a moment to squeeze his eyes shut tightly. When he opened them again, the room spun and he forgot where he was even what he had been doing just moments ago. He shifted against the wall pushing off it to flip himself over and press his back into the solid surface.

It was disarming and frightening, so very frightening, it always was especially when the helpless feeling slowly started to creep in on him starting at his feet like always and it’s then that he slowly sinks to the ground wrapping his arms around himself as he finally let his mind wander. As his butt hit the floor as he drew his knees up into himself he wondered when the last time he had a panic attack was, 2014, 2015, or was it after he’d calmed down from crying after their 1st win for I Need U, what about when they won the daesang, does last week even count, his brain pondered as he struggles to draw in desperate air.

Jimin was shaking uncontrollably and then suddenly the bathroom door opened, no, no leave, go away you can’t be in here, he screams in his mind words stuck and twisted up in his throat.

“Jimin?!” a voice said loud and full of concern as it spotted him in the corner pressed into the walls either side of him.

I know that voice, Sejin hyung! Jimin thought before looking towards where the voice came from only to see a fuzzy is not completely blurred outline of a man now moving towards him.

“S-Sejin hyu-ng, I-I can’t… it’s a-a panic… c-can’t b…b…breathe h…hyung,” came Jimin’s broken voice between heaving and sobbing to the moving blur.

Sejin stared at the small male for all of a second understanding completely what was going on before he rushed to the paper towel dispenser on the wall.

He pulled the sheets from it one after the other until he’d gotten a substantial wad of paper in his hands. He quickly ran it under the water before rushing to Jimin and dropping before the young man.

Sejin quickly came into hard focus as Jimin sat curled in a ball in the corner between a tiled wall and the bathroom sink, knees drawn up to his chest, arms wrapped around himself, fingers gripping his own biceps and digging into the flesh.

Sejin lifted the wet paper towels before he carded his hand back through Jimin’s still slightly damp locks to press the soothing cold wetness to the younger’s forehead, “Jimin-ah… Jimin you need to try and slow your breathing, remember, come on slow it down for me,” he said to the young man before him.

Jimin could see Sejin talking to him but it was all just white noise a rushing roar in his ears that didn’t form words. He shook his head quickly not understanding only to see Sejin lift his hand before him.

Sejin seen Jimin shake his head, knew what it meant, they’d been through this enough to know the queues, he lifted his hand before the younger and started clicking his fingers drawing Jimin’s focus to the action forcing him to focus his attention there.

“Jimin, Jimin listen to me, Jimin,” Sejin continued for a few moments just calling his name until he seen him nod again eyes still on his clicking fingers, that was the queue that he was back with him, “Jimin you need to try and slow your breathing, remember. Can you do that, can you try and slow it down for me,” he asked the younger once more.

Sejin moved the wet cloth to the back of Jimin’s neck and shifted to both knees bringing both hands to place of the top of Jimin’s own smaller ones clamped around his own biceps.

Jimin heard Sejin’s quest and like so many times before that moment Jihyun was suddenly there with him.

“Jimin-ah, Jiminnie you gotta take slow deep breaths for me, come on, I know you can do it,” he heard Jihyun say from beside him where he was now kneeling beside Sejin.

Jimin focuses on the two of them, Sejin before him taking long slow breathes waiting like always for him to copy him, while Jihyun off to their side kept telling him to slow down, to take a minute to catch his breath.

“come on Jimin, breath like me, just like me, I know you can do it,” Sejin said to him breathing deeply and heavily until Jimin fell into sync with him.

“that’s it hyung, just like that,” Jihyun said beside them with a smile on his face.

The door suddenly opened, “Hyungnim, the boys are wond…’ Tang Hochan his assistant started to ask as he walked in with his head down.

Jimin kept breathing as Sejin turned to his assistant’s intrusion, “get out,” he ordered.

Hochan looked startled at the blatant instruction and looked up to ask what he meant only to stop.

He was one of the ones that knew, he said quickly after Sejin gave the order to get out again, “I’ll go and find Tray hyung, give me a second,” Sejin simple nodded as he turned back to Jimin still trying to calm his breathing.

It took a while of Jihyun’s encouraging words and Sejin’s eventually slowing breathing before Jimin was breathing a somewhat normal pace again and Traydon Wong one of three of BTS’s senior tech’s who like Nori had been with the company for a while was suddenly there now as well.

“Stay out here, make sure no one else comes in,” Sejin and Jimin heard the senior tech instruct Hochan.

Hochan nodded and pulled the door closed as Traydon makes his way over to the two in the corner of the bathroom clutching a bottle of ice cold water and a cold compress.

Jihyun gave Jimin a smile, “you did good hyung, I’m proud of you, the hyungs will look after you now, I’ll see you later, promise,” the younger Park tells his big brother before he’s gone just like he came and as Traydon knelt in Jihyun’s place Jimin’s head weakly fell back against the cold tiles behind him cushioned against Traydon’s quick hand.

Sejin gently ran his hands up and down Jimin’s biceps and over his hands calming him more. He let his eyes fall closed as his breathing finally calmed enough for him to not sound like a hyperventilating seal, the two now praised him just like they always did.

Jimin felt utterly weak now, the adrenaline was gone, the happy high he’d been soaring replaced with a fatigue he hadn’t felt in a while. He sighed before taking another breath and forced his eyes open to look at the two men before him, the two men he trusted probably with his life, the two men who knew about him and what he dealt with.

Tray smiled warmly at the young man before them, “hey kiddo.”

Jimin smiled at that it was weak but it was a smile, “h-hi hyung,” he managed.

Sejin asked still rubbing his arms as Traydon pressed the cold compress to Jimin’s forehead, “what happened Jimin-ah?”

“Just s-stuff,” the vocalist replied weakly.

Sejin gave him a look, it was the same look Jihyun gave him right before, “come on Jimin-ah, we promised to be straight with each other.”

Jimin took a long slow breath still feeling like his chest was a little heavy. He paused for a long moment before looking up at the two older men before him, “j-just stuff with the… the others.”

Traydon looked at the young man who was like a little brother to him, “we’ve all seen, Nori talked to them,” Jimin groaned making the two of them chuckle before he continued, “so has Izzy,” the younger groaned louder, “I have to, just today actually,” and with another groan Jimin gave him a weak shove making the two of them chuckle again.

“I didn’t want… you to do that,” Jimin got out as he looked up at the senior tech.

Tray smiled as he opened the water for Jimin, “we know, but we’ve seen how they are treating you. We might not know why and we know you sure as hell aren’t going to tell any of us what’s going on, but whatever it is is wrong and you know it.”

Jimin’s gaze dropped to the bottle in the older’s hands, “it’s not wrong… I know why… it’s my fault,” he vaguely explained.

Sejin gave a sigh, “Jimin-ah…” he started.

Jimin cut him off as he shifted for the first time since putting himself in the corner of the room, “hyung…” he paused before looking up at him, “it is, please just… leave it there okay,” he begged through deep breaths as new hot tears trailed down his now red blotchy cheeks.

The two men looked at the young singer before them, they knew how Jimin was, knew he would take the blame for something that wasn’t his fault and when he did he refused to share it with anyone, they understood how he worked and tried their best to be the support he needed to keep going until he could let it go.

They both nodded and let the subject drop.

“Drink this okay,” Traydon said as he held the bottle for the younger.

Sejin helped Jimin shift and moved so the younger could lower his legs to sit cross legged instead of curled in the fetal position jammed in the corner.

Sejin cringed as he saw spots of blood on Jimin’s arms, “Jimin-ah, you really held on tight this time.”

Jimin looked to where Sejin was indicating to see the blood on his arms from where he had finally retracted his fingers and in turn nails from the flesh.

He sighed, “it was a bad one,” was all he replied the two of them simply agreed with a nod.

“I grabbed this just in case,” Traydon said lifting a small first aid kit he often carried around with him for small nicks and cuts when he or his crews were working on wires and cables. He shrugged a little, “you know me, I always come prepared.”

The three of them laughed, the older two so happy to hear that sound from Jimin as opposed to what they had just seen of him.

-

It took less time to return to normal after that, the two men were proficient at unravelling the tension that often wound itself around Jimin when he reached these stages, when he had these episodes.

It wasn’t long before the young singer was thanking them with bows after washing the blood from his hands and headed back out to join the other six for the final picture and to head back to the hotel where he could let all the tension and fatigue now settled in him out in yet more tears and then promptly pass out before he had to catch a plane the following morning.

On his way to join the other six he finally accepted it, they didn’t want him, they were content with messing with him and his emotions and the feelings he had for them, especially all the love he tried hard to hide. He was at his end and the rope he had been clutching had finally slipped from his hand. He had had enough and he was ready to be alone, accepting that they didn’t want him anymore and resigning himself to deal with that pain alone praying one day and he hoped soon he could stop loving them so it didn’t hurt so much.

As he reached the dressing room where the six of them were waiting his heart twisted at the sight of them, six faces he stupidly loved, six faces he would one day convince himself he didn’t care about and as the six of them looked at him and as tears pricked his eyes once more, as he quickly shoved those feelings back in the box he had shoved them into he put walls around his heart before taking the poster and posing with them for the last photo.

-

By the time their Taipei concerts had finished a week later everyone had noticed the change, not only was Jungkook now activity following Jimin around like some lost puppy begging for its master’s attention, Jimin himself seemed distant, closed off… cold even and it worried all the staff especially those who knew him, knew the soft soul that cared for everyone, the kind heart that offered to help where he could.

Norin, Traydon and their senior stylist Norin’s best friend Izzy Harper who had joined BigHit at the same time as Norin had all spoken with Jimin after he confronted them, there was some tension but he understood their intensions and thanked them for their concern telling them they would sort it out when they had the time.

They were all sceptical even Sejin at the younger’s words eyeing the seven of them from the sidelines. They could all see it and feel it for that matter, after the Osaka concerts Jimin had changed dramatically now actively keeping himself away from them at every chance he got.

The tensions between Jimin and the six other members was palpable, some even thinking if it went on any longer it would form into a physical being and punch someone. None of them however, had seen how episode 23 of RUN BTS!, the Puma fan sign or the Taipei concerts had all ended. Jimin was sure if they knew they had all ended with Jimin yelling at Jungkook to leave him alone and going so far as to add on the last Taipei concert, “just like all you have for goddamn months”, he was sure they would be all over him in a second begging to tell them what was wrong and to let them help him.

Jimin had had enough and the darkness was only getting worse, he honestly refused to admit (like most times) that he was actually really struggling and it all just hurt.

Chapter Text

It was their last night in Taipei and the concert had been amazing as usual, Jimin had taken a minute to watch the paper snow fall because catching himself. He stopped himself from thinking such foolish things and refused to let his mind and more importantly his eyes wonder to the six men waving and walking around him.

Backstage they had their final picture after Jimin had spent some time on the empty stage like he always did coming down from the high. Jungkook had been there again nagging once more, again he commends the maknaes drive when he really commits, but this time, this time it had all ended with Jimin harshly telling Jungkook and the other five to leave him alone just like they had done so many months prior. The words cut a wound through his heart and if it had been made of glass it would have shattered into a billion pieces.

He had tried to separate himself from his emotions, pretending like he didn’t care about the six of them anymore, hell he even went so far as to chant ‘they don’t want me, I don’t care,’ over and over I his head until he started to believe it completely. But after saying those words letting his anger control his mouth against his will he had left the six of them on the stage and locked himself once more in the bathroom where hot tears had stained his cheeks and heart wrenching sounds had bounced off the walls.

He had spent the rest of the time at the arena berating himself for being so weak, for being to sensitive, a cry baby, pathetic. He realised as he opened the door of his shared hotel room that he really did hate himself for so many things, for letting them into his heart, for showing them so much love, for letting them have his heart only to tear it apart, for breaking his promise, for revealing Jungkook’s secret, for breaking all the promises he had made Jihyun before they had hung up and worst of all for breaking all the promises he had made himself.

Jimin stood under the shower the hot stream of water washing away all the sweat and dirty accumulated from the concert and eased his aching muscles, his neck and shoulders were giving his grief tonight, it felt like someone was grinding an ice pick under his shoulder blades and it was sort of making his head throb lightly.

He sighed as he turned his face up into the stream ignoring the twinge that grew from the move before he finally washed himself down with his body wash and turned the stream of water off. he stepped out of the shower a plume of steam rising as he did.

He stood on the floor mate holding his towel and as he turned to dry himself off he caught sight of himself in the mirror. His eyes were still read and he looked tired, like his soul had finally had enough of the long nights, tormenting schedules and painful days, not to mention the faint pain lines etched across his face, the lines he refused above all to admit where even there.

“You’re seriously pathetic,” a cold dark voice from inside him said.

He bulked at the interruption looking around him before his mind scoffed at him “you know where I am loser, and you know I’m right”

Jimin whispered to himself, “you’re not real.”

The dark voice scoffed again, “I’m as real as you are and you know it, stop playing yourself and admit you missed me.”

Jimin stared at himself in the mirror before quickly shaking his head, “no, Never, I never miss you, you ruin everything,” he whispered again.

The dark voice laughed, “suit yourself, you already know what I’m going to say.”

Jimin quickly whispered again as he lifted the towel to his face, “no, I’m not listening to you, not this time.”

“Ah don’t be like that little Jiminie, you know I’m right, I’m always right, come on admit it, admit you’re utterly pathetic and the world is better off without you,” the voice taunted

Jimin rubbed the towel through his hair vigorously to the point where it almost hurt. He refused to listen to the dark voice inside him and he absolutely refused to agree with it.

The voice chuckled, “so pathetic, so stupid, you can’t do anything right, you can’t even keep the promises to your friends, to the cute little people you stupidly love so much. You’re always making problems, causing others trouble, Jungkook, Taehyung, even your precious hyungs, not to mention… SEJIN. What about him huh, do you really think he likes taking care of your pathetic useless ass, DO YOU?”

Jimin whispered as he squeezed his eyes tightly, “just leave me alone, please, just leave me alone.”

A tear slipped down his cheek, “look at you a big cry baby, so afraid of being called out for what you are, stupid, useless, and pathetic.” The voice laughed loudly at him.

Jimin was on the verge of curling up into a ball right there on the bathroom floor right before he heard shuffling. His room mate was back probably back from the bar where he knew the six of them had gone when they got back to the hotel watching him get in the elevator without a word to them.

Jimin remembered the moment, that moment right before the doors closed as they all caught eye contact with him and he had painfully turned from them to hide the hurt he had been struggling to the last few days.

The dark laughter rattling through him suddenly shattered and vanished as he heard his room mate drop something and curse loudly snapping him out of his thoughts and back into reality where he proceeded to dry and dress himself.

-

Yoongi had had 3 scotch on the rocks and some shots of soju with the other five members, they had agreed to just one beer since they had to catch a plane the next day but after that moment in the lobby, that moment where he had caught eye contact with Jimin right before the elevator closed he decided he needed something much stronger.

It turned out he hadn’t been the only one, the other five had caught eye contact with him as well and after they had watched the doors shut and the elevator arrive on their floor they had got into the bar and ordered the strongest drinks they could tolerate, Hoseok, Yoongi and Namjoon each ordered a scotch, Jungkook a vodka rocks, they were sure he had only ordered it for the after burn just to punish himself, Jin had gone for lager and Taehyung who wasn’t a drinking at all ordered a beer.

The managers had left them having seen it all they really couldn’t interfere without even knowing what was going on, it had been tempting for them to demand answers but knew better, the few times in the past they had done that it had only resulted in misunderstandings and chaos.

After their first drink Yoongi had sat forward, “alright how the fuck do we fix this?” he had asked the table and only gotten five blank worried stares back at himself.

He had sighed in frustration and ordered another scotch and a bottle of soju. The five of them ( “the beer is way plenty hyung, have my shot for me,” Taehyung had said) downed a shot of soju and sat in wallowing self-pitied silence before Jungkook had announced he was hungry and after asking the bar server if the restaurant was still open and being told it wasn’t Jin announced one more drink before they had all taken their varying states of drunk selves to the elevators and up to their rooms to get room service.

Yoongi was sharing a room with Jimin, it had been awkward to say the least most times Jimin would Lay silent on his bed reading and the silence would drive Yoongi insane enough to simply leave the room and go to one of the others.

Hoseok had some how snagged the single room this time, “you wanna come share some midnight snack with me Yoogs,” the younger asked quietly walking beside him.

Yoongi always adored the moments where Hoseok turned soft, when he was between the point just past exhaustion and just before over exhaustion, “I’m not a hyper spaz 24/7, I usual have feelings and insecurities between like ten pm and four am you know Yoogs,” Hobi had told him one time when he had asked why he had so hyped all the time.

Yoongi had agreed sure Jimin wasn’t show any care either way and had told the younger he was going to get a change of clothes and would meet him in his room and for Hoseok to order him something.

Yoongi opened the door of his shared room to find it empty. He walked in a little confused remembering Jimin had come up to their floor. He stood in the room for a long minute staring at Jimin’s empty bed before his hearing finally picked up the faint rush of the shower beyond the bathroom door. He looked at it and nodded once satisfied to know where Jimin was before he moved over to his suit case and rifled through it for some sweat pants and a sweat shirt.

As Yoongi finally fished out a pair of (he chuckled to himself) Jungkook’s boxer briefs he heard the door of the bathroom open a plume of steam rushing from the heated room causing him to look up at the younger as he exited the room.

Jimin glanced at Yoongi for all of a second damp towel slung around his neck now dressed in sleep shorts and a loose tank top, he rarely if ever slept in long sleeves they were just to uncomfortable for him. He spotted clothes in Yoongi’s hands, “bathrooms free,” Jimin said voice cold and empty.

Yoongi’s heart twisted at those two simple words he could hear the hurt the cold tone hid as if it had been screamed at him. He needed to say something god he needed to say something and as his brain scrambled to string together words that sounds close to something of an apology his rendezvous with Hoseok was instantly forgotten.

He took a step to Jimin, “Jimin-ah…” he started watching as the younger pulled the towel from around his neck and spread it over the back of the dinning chair to dry not even turning to him.

“Jimin-ah, please, i… I want to talk to you, I have some things I need to tell you, will you listen please,” Yoongi begged clothes on his bed now all but forgotten as he stood behind Jimin.

Jimin turned to his bed and walked over to it without looking at the older. He stopped beside his bed and pulled the covers back turned to his bedside table picked up his head phones and turned putting them on.

Yoongi stared at him in utter disbelieve heartache, and yet he admired how well Jimin could ignore one of them to the point where they themselves felt like they weren’t at all important.

It was then that he saw it as Jimin turned to get into bed, there on his left bicep a blue green bruise staring right at him the size of what he would guess to be a soft ball. He gasped rushing forward closing the distance between the two of them, “Jimin-ah what happened?”

Jimin looked up as he felt Yoongi grab his forearm. He saw Yoongi’s face and turned his head to follow the olders eyes now fixed on the bruise.

With some force he yanked his arm off the older causing the two to look each other in the face. Jimin looked at his hyung for a long drawn out painful moment before he turned his back to the older and climbed into his bed as he lifted his phone to find a song to listen to, “nothing happened. I just walked into something, forget it,” he lied.

Yoongi stood staring at him, the pain he felt in his chest screamed for him to climb into that bed with the younger and make him listen to what he had to say but feared the younger would kick him out onto the floor if he tried and as he pondered his options his phone binged.

Yoongi cast Jimin one last look now snuggled beneath the sheets the bruise hidden by the fabric. He turned and shuffled over to his own beside table and lifted his phone to see a message from Hoseok.

From: HoeSeok-ah – 11:28pm
Hey, where are you, you need to get here now.

Yoongi sighed remembering his meeting with Hoseok, “really Hobs. I kinda just wanna sleep right now, why you gotta do this to me.”

To: HoeSeok-ah – 11:29pm
Can we skip, I kinda just wanna crash now… it’s… I just wanna sleep.

From: HoeSeok-ah – 11:30pm
No, you need to come here right now, it’s important.

Yoongi looked at Jimin laid in his bed, this is important, he thought before he spoke, “I gotta go see Hobi-ah.”

Jimin didn’t say anything as he rolled over turning his back to the older. It honestly wasn’t the first time, he had had the same treatment the last three days here in Taipei, Jin had gotten the same treatment the night before their Puma fan sign and Hoseok and Namjoon had gotten the same treatment on the last night of their Osaka concerts.

“Night,” was all Yoongi got from the younger before loud music echoed from the headphones over the younger’s ears. His heart twisted as if was being rung out like a cloth, the good night was gone and so was hyung, god they had fucked up so bad.

Yoongi racked his hand through his hair in utter frustrated defeat as he walked out to their room and down the hall with his clothes.

-

Yoongi knocked impatiently on Hoseok's single room door and waited for him to open it which didn’t’ take long at all.

He said annoyed as he stood staring at his phone, once the door started to open, “alright Hobs, where’s the fucking fo…” he stopped short as he looked up seeing Namjoon standing there staring at him.

Yoongi raised an eyebrow, “ah… did I miss something Joon-ah?” he asked the younger.

Namjoon nodded his head towards the room silently inviting him in,

Yoongi sighed and simply followed the younger into the room wondering what the hell was going on.

As they got past the bathroom and emerged into the rest of the spacious room he saw that not only Namjoon was there but all five of the other members. He stopped at the foot of Hoseok’s double bed near one of the walls to look around the at the five members now all looking at him.

Again, Yoongi raised an eyebrow, “uh…” he looked at each member individually “what’s going on?” he finally asked.

Yoongi watched Namjoon resume his place on the left of Hoseok sitting in the middle of the double bed leaving the spot on Hoseok’s right presumably for him. He could see Taehyung had puffy red eyes and guessed he had been crying at some point between him returning to his room and joining them all.

Yoongi said finally knowing it had been a topic a few hours ago when he had scoffed down two slices of chocolate cake in at little at five minutes, “if this is an intervention, I’m not giving up my cake for this “diet” you, Kim Seokjin, decided to put us on, nope, it’s not happening.”

Namjoon finally spoke then, “it’s about Jimin-ah.”

Yoongi stopped the hurt he had managed to ripe out of his heart just moments before the door opened crawled its way back in.

He took a long breath calming his emotions like he always did when their talks turned serious, “I just talked to him, it’s why I had refused to come. He ah… he pretty much told to fuck off.” he told the rest of them recounting in few details his precious encounter with their hurt member.

Taehyung said surprised, “seriously?”

Yoongi dropping his clothes to the counter before looking at the three members sitting on the day bed and a dining chair opposite the double bed, “not with words, but yep, very clearly told me to fuck off.”

Yoongi took the spot beside Hoseok and looked at the maknae sitting on the day bed with Taehyung, fixing him with a solid stare as he spoke again, “and you. What the fuck had gotten into you Jungkook-ah?”

Jungkook looked at him like a deer in the head lights, it was his standard reaction whenever one of them questioned his mood swing and dramatic behaviour change. He blinked quickly a few times before he dropped his gaze to his hands without a single word, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t.

Yoongi added after the silence became unbearable, “and another thing, right before Jimin brushed me off I just saw a bruise on his arm”

No one saw Jungkook cringed at the words, oh god they knew what he had done.

Jin said in shock, “wait. What?!”

Yoongi nodded now sitting with one leg tucked under him as he leant forward on his other knee, he lifted his hands to the rough size of a baseball, “this big, and its fresh, still blueish green, not old at all. When I asked him about it, he told me he walked into something. Pretty sure he knew I knew he was lying but then he brushed me off and that’s where our entire interaction ended, it was like I… I didn’t matter to him anymore.”

Those words cut Jungkook and he couldn’t do it, he wasn’t strong like Jimin, he was weak and pathetic and he had hurt him so much, all his resolve all his determination crumbled into dust, a painful sighed left his lips right before he dropped his face into his hands, eyes squeezed tightly in an attempt to forcibly stop the tears threatening to fall.

His actions caused the other five to look at him in concern and confusion.

Namjoon, the only one (aside form a certain someone not talking to them), they all knew who could ever actually get the maknae to talk about his feelings asked from the other Hoseok’s side, “Jungkook, Kook-ah, talk to us yeah, remember what we said, you could talk to us about anything, so come on, we are all listening I promise, what’s wrong? Talk to us, we won’t judge it’s not who we are remember.”

Jungkook couldn’t help but snort at his leader’s statement before drawing in a breath as he lifted his face from his hands, “yes we do, we judge, it’s all we’ve done, for the past five months is judge Jimin-ah not knowing anything…”

Namjoon tried to reason, “Jungkook-ah pl…”

Jungkook cut him off, “I hit him, Namjoon…” Jungkook looked the leader in the eye, “I hit him.”

They all blinked not even really sure what he was saying, Taehyung asked beside him, “uh… hit who, huh?”

Jungkook took a breath and stared at his hands, hands who had only caused more pain to someone he realised he deeply and completely loved, “the bruise, the bruise on hyung, I… hyung was...” Jungkook tried to explain, words only getting stuck in his throat before he clenched his fists before him in anger more with himself than anything else, “I hit him, the bruise is from me,” he finished simply praying they all understand what he was saying now.

They did every one of them understood perfectly and a collective gasp of his name feel from the five at the same time.

Jungkook flinched at it, he couldn’t even bring himself to look at them not wanting to see the looks of disappointment and anger on their faces. He sighed squeezing his eyes shut again fighting tears once more, “I didn’t mean it, I swear I didn’t mean it. I didn’t even realise I was doing it. I…I started to hit him again, like before back in the beginning after… that… after he saved me, the second week. It started with him eating all the cereal... I... I got worse over the last month. I didn’t even notice, I swear, I SWEAR I DIDN’T MEAN IT,” finally he couldn’t hold it, the horrible fact he had hurt Jimin physical was making him sick to his stomach and he couldn’t bare to face the other five now they knew.

Taehyung took a breath as Jin on the dining chair on the other side of Jungkook asked, “why? JK Why did you hit him for?”

Jungkook sniffed as tears slipped down his cheeks trying heard not to break down completely, he shrugged pathetically, “any number of reasons. Missed a step, got a beat wrong, even if he just said something...” he heaved in a shaky breath and shook his head dropped his face into his hands once more, “the bruise is about two weeks old, I can’t even remember what happened but I remember hitting him, it was the last fan sign in Hongdae,” he mumbled wetly into his hands, “I, I swear I saw something die in his eyes when my hand… my fist made contact, I… I DIDN’T EVEN REALISE IT UNTIL IT WAS TO LATE,” he finally broke as he finished until to stop the sobs from leaving him, it was as if his heart was demanding to be heard.

They all stared at him, watching the maknae fist his cheeks desperately trying to stop himself from crying, he didn’t deserve to cry he thought to himself as he struggled to stop the sounds coming from him.

Taehyung could see the pain, the angst, the storm tearing the maknae apart at his revelation and gave a sigh before pulling Jungkook to him, “aw bunny. It’ll be okay, you stopped though, right?” he asked for them.

Jungkook turned his face into Taehyung’s shoulder and nodded, “I did, I have. I haven’t hurt him at all in two weeks. I just, I... I hurt him and on top of everything else...” Jungkook hiccupped.

Jin rubbed Jungkook’s back as he leant forward in his chair, “we hurt him too, Kook-ah, you aren’t alone.”

Jungkook sniffed, all his resolve was gone, he wondered if this had been how Jimin had felt that night, if he had fought with himself, if he had been this scared to tell them the secret he knew, “no hyung,” he started as he rested his chin on Taehyung’s shoulder, “it’s more than that. It’s so much more. We are horrible people.”

Yoongi knew the maknae was right but being someone who hated being called out like that especially by someone younger than him snorted, “hey?!”

Jungkook hiccupped and said quickly clinging to Taehyung how holding an arm around his waist while his other rubbed his back with Jin’s hand, “but we are. Horrible, stupid, evil people!”

Again, Namjoon spoke to the maknae, “alright Jeongguk,” he declared, “you have exactly 10 seconds to explain, before we let Yoongi slap you.” They all knew that when Namjoon dropped the honorifics like that he was dead serious in what he was stating.

Jungkook knew how hard Yoongi could hit, he’s watched Yoongi almost accidently knock Namjoon out in dance practice for War of Hormone and didn’t want to personally experience the chance that he might wake up tomorrow thinking he’s a cactus.

Jungkook quickly pushed off Taehyung to face the others before he drew in a few quick breaths and spoke to them all, “I found him, I found Jimin that day, the day I came home crying, you know the one, right before we had to go back to the MV shoot, you were all worried and kept asking me to tell you and I just… I couldn’t, because I knew, I saw, I found Jimin.”

They all stared at him, “you told us you didn’t and were just upset because of it,” Hoseok reminded.

“I LIED,” Jungkook snapped before calming himself and continuing as they all blinked at his outburst.

“I went to the studio after thinking it over on where he might have gone after we realised Jimin wasn’t home and you all didn’t find him. I found him, that’s where he was, in the studio. I found him and he was dancing. It was breathtaking, it always is when he dances but this time, he was dancing, and singing. A song he wrote. About what we did, what we’ve done to him...” he paused and lifted his phone in trembling hands pulling up the video he hadn’t sent to the chat, the video he had kept to himself just to remind him how much pain they had all caused, to remind him why he had kept the secret for this long.

He pushed play and lifted his phone out for them to all see or hear the video, the words it that came from Jimin so clear so crystal, so goddamn beautiful.

They all cringed hard, wincing harder as they listened to it play, watching Jimin move and glide along the studio floor like the graceful dancer he always had been. The words cut deep and stung making them all feel sick. They watched it end before a painful silence settled on the room.

“I was, I was going to send it to the you all in the chat, but… but I stopped just short, I saw movement and as I looked back at Jimin-ah, he… he crumbled. He was crying, he was crying so hard he fell to his knees and ended up curling up into a ball just crying, even of the track of his song I could hear his sobs, they hurt, like a knife was stabbing me with every one. I felt sick and desperate to help but I was scared I guess, scared to just walk in there and try and comfort him so I went looking for all the things you usually do for me, water and a damp cloth and even snacks but… god, those bitch ass fucking vending machines,” he sneered before taking some breathed to calm down Taehyung now clutching the maknae’s phone watching the video again.

He looked at his hyungs before he continued desperate to explain why they were all fucking assholes.

“it took me like an hour to get all the things and to return back to the studio and by the time I got back he had stopped crying and was walking across the studio, I saw him shaking, like he was fighting not to break down again. he picked up his phone and I was desperate to talk to him before whoever he facetimed picked up so had had an excuse to talk to me after it but then… then I heard Jihyun-ah, Jiminie’s brother. I mean I should have guessed it but… I just… I stopped I started to back up to give them privacy, I had guessed he had called to just vent but then… then Jihyun had noticed Jimin-ah had been crying and asked him about it,” he took a breath remembering that moment, the moment he prayed to every god and divinity out there that Jimin would keep his mouth shut.

He shook his head pushing the thoughts out of his head to keep going, they needed to know, they all needed to know and he couldn’t do it any more, he was to weak, he wasn’t Jimin.

“At first hyung denied anything was wrong but then Jihyun-ah called him out on it and Jimin sighed, you know that sigh he does when he gives up. He told Jihyun what happened, that you all found out about me… and just pure anger filled me, I literally forgot the reason I was even there in the first place and I was very ready to just bust in there like a swat team and yell at him. But then…” he paused and took a quick breath, “then Jihyun asked Jimin how I was, I could hear his concern and I stopped in shock, it wasn’t pity, he didn’t pity me or call Jimin out or whatever, he cared… I was so fucking confused,” Jungkook fisted his cheeks as he felt more tears fall against his will.

He took a long breath and held it for a second before letting it go shakily and continued his recount, “and then after Jimin-ah told him I was doing okay, good even Jihyun-ah asked Jimin how he was handling the topic and I was so confused I mean, I didn’t get why the topic was even important, I was the victim and Jiminie saved me, he even made my monster go away, and Jimin-ah sighed that sigh again and that’s when Jimin-ah told him and I quote unquote, “I’d like to go a day without crying,” he looked at them as he paused again to let that bit sink in.

They all stared at him now Taehyung having completely forgotten about Jungkook’s phone, Jin leaning forward like he always did in his chair when he was fully focused on someone, the rap line across from him had their eyes fixed on him like homing beacons.

He fisted his cheeks again before clasping his hands before him, this was it, this was the moment he told them the secret he had kept since that day, the secret that had slowly eaten away at him like a hot poker slowly burning its way right through him, god he was terrified.

He took another quick breath and said, “and then Jihyun-ah asked if Jimin hyung if he had told us and was like, the hell, told us what, and hyung gave Jihyun-ah his the-fuck-you-talking-about-look, and that’s when Jihyun said it… I heard him take a quick breath before he spoke so clearly, I can still hear it, like it was just said to me, like Jihyun-ah was talking directly to me.”

“Said what Jeongguk-ah?” Namjoon urged, he could see the internal fight on the maknae’s face and figured him getting it off his chest was best for them all.

Jungkook took a long breath and held it for a long time before he breathed out and spoke at the same time the words clear but almost bleed together as he did, “Jihyun-ah said for clarification, “what happened to you. I mean, Jungkook hyung I’m sure would back the fuck off if he knew you had been through the same thing” and I swear my brain just stopped working.”

There was a long silence and Jungkook looked up and around at his hyungs, their faces were all distorted in various stages of realisation, pain and maybe even confusion.

Namjoon was the first to speak, “WHAT?!” he half shouted half choked out.

Jin breathed from beside him, “the same... you mean Jimin was...” he couldn’t even form full sentences he was to shocked at this piece of news, the secret that had stopped the maknae from telling them all this.

Taehyung beside him choked a sob into his hands as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly and shook his head not wanting to accept it at all.

Hoseok stared at the youngest member in disbelief, was he being serious right now, there was no way that was true, while Yoongi just remained silent a well-trained poker face doing nothing but stare at Jungkook before him, waiting for further clarification to the younger’s statement.

Kook drew in a hard breath, “and then Jimin denied it, but then Jihyun-ah pushed him and that’s when Jimin said and I quote unquote from Jimin-ah mouth to my ears, “this is different Hyun. They don’t need to know I was gang raped and then periodically sexually abused for over a year all because I’m gay. No. No way, not happening. It would only push them away further. It already hurts enough,” he drew in another quick breath as he fisted his cheeks again, “I just, I just froze in shock, I just… I didn’t even think I was breathing at that point.”

Taehyung sobbed harder into his hands as the words reached them all and at that exact moment seeing the two maknae’s in the room now in tears Yoongi snapped.

Yoongi growled low, dangerous, the I will shank you tone they called it “I swear to fucking god,” he turned getting up from the bed as he did on what could only be described as a war path, “I am gonna to fucking kill Jimin...” he threatened, “making up some bull sh...”

Jungkook moved so fast the others had to take a minute to register it as the younger caught Yoongi’s wrist and pulled him back quickly stopping him from leaving.

They looked at one another now standing in the middle of the room, “he didn’t make this up,” Jungkook all but sobbed.

Yoongi growled, “Jungkook, do not defend h…”

“IT’S JIMIN, HYUNG, IT’S GODDAMN JIMINIE!” Jungkook exploded unable to hold it in any more, not when Jimin was being threatened like this, by the very people who had hurt him so much already. Jungkook didn’t even know what he wanted to do as he stared at his lamb skewer buddy, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to collapse to the ground and just let his tears consume him like they had that day or if he wanted to actually haul off and slug the hyung before him for what he wanted to do.

Jungkook took some deep long breaths pushing the sobs back down, “he didn’t make it up, hyung, he didn’t because… because the people who hurt him, the people who d-did that,” he hiccupped before he finally got it out, the reason, “they h-hurt him because he’s gay.”

They all stopped, Namjoon and Jin stopped holding Jungkook where they had been tyring to pull him off, Taehyung’s sobs caught in the back of his mouth and Hoseok stood clutching Yoongi trying to separate the older and younger to looked at the one who held the truth.

Jungkook let Yoongi go then as the silence turned thick with something, realisation, pain, denial even he didn’t know, he took a shaky hiccupped breath, “no girlfriend, virgin, supporter of our bisexual ways despite the fact he claimed to be a straight virgin,” he stared at Yoongi challengingly, “you put the fucking pieces together hyung and tell me he made it up, no one, no one who has ever suffered that soul crushing shit would EVER make it up and for you… YOU to accuse him… to want to hurt him even more… we are the lowest form of fucking scum and you fucking know it Min Yoongi.”

They all took a breath and Jungkook shoved his hyungs off him before sitting back down in his spot to catch his breath to calm his emotions to get himself back to balance but it was no use, he had just yelled at his hyung and on top of everything else all he could do was drop his face into his hands and sob once more.

Yoongi stared straight ahead of him, Jungkook had always been able to see when one of them was in denial about something and as his brain played musical Jimin connecting all the dots and subtle moments, even all the sexual innuendos he knew Jimin was renewed for throwing out all he himself could do was sinking back down to the bed as his knees turned weak and all but gave out on him.

Jungkook sobbed into his hands once more after a moment “we hurt him. We hurt him so fucking bad all because he kept MY secret. My secret when I begged him to. Four years… FOUR years he kept it and I couldn’t even last six months and the whole time he’s got this... all this to carry and deal with.”

The maknae lifted wet eyes to look at all his hyungs, “I want to fix this, I want to fix this s-so bad. B-but we… can’t until w-we sit down… and…and talk and h-he won’t… he… he won’t talk to us because we… we shoved him away,” Jungkook struggled to get out between the sobs he now couldn’t contain, the sobs he couldn’t stop from escaping.

Jin protested, “no Jeongguk-ah, we didn’t shov…”

Jungkook snapped again through his sobs, “HE T-THINKS… VERY CERTAIN…LY T-THAT WE D-DON’T… WANT H-HIM!”

They all gasped at that right before Taehyung’s choked sobs echoed around the room as he shot from his place and moved to the door like Yoongi had.

Jungkook couldn’t let him go, he couldn’t let any of them go, not now, not after all that and definitely not with Jimin hurt like he was, like he said, they had to talk to their hurt member first before they could fix anything. Jungkook like with Yoongi shot from his chair after Taehyung and caught him around the waist pulling him back into the room back to their seat.

Taehyung thrashed as he openly sobbed, trying desperately to get the strong youngster off him so he could get to Jimin, but all he found himself being was pinned to the day bed and held him tightly in place by Jungkook’s strong arms as Jungkook’s own tears wet his shoulder and muffled the younger’s sobs.

Taehyung gave in as he sobbed harder as he instead clung to Jungkook as the maknae held him tightly to him letting him get it all out.

Taehyung thought he knew his best friend, thought Jimin told him everything but to learn he was both gay and had been abused, he understood finally why Jimin hadn’t told him about Jungkook, about what had happened and what he had done to help BTS’s youngest member. The revelation of the secret that had broken Jungkook broke the part of Taehyung in that moment that loved Jimin so fucking much. He finally realised, just like Jungkook had two months ago that he had hurt his best friend and it felt like he was drowning.

They were all hurting, Jin struggling not to loudly sob into his own hands as he now sat slumped back in his chair, Namjoon got up with tears streaming down his face and pulled Jin into his arms and over to the bed where they curled up around one another while Yoongi still sat motionless on the end of the bed crumbled like sand as his usually stoic face crumpled into ugly crying and tears right before the sobbing right sun of their group pulled him in letting him bury his in Hoseok’s shoulder.

-

They had all fallen asleep like that wrapped around one another comforting each other, struggling to come to terms with the news, with the facts they had been giving, the truth that had been all but thrown at them like a fast ball to the face, the secret Jungkook had promised never to reveal.

The staff saw the tension in the six of them as they packed up and made their way to the airport, they saw their emotions were running so high in those hours that it worried them all, especially all the ones that knew Jimin was struggling so badly, it worried them that Jimin was about to be on the receiving end of some harsh shit he didn’t deserve.

Jimin had noticed it as well and guessed Yoongi had told them he had pretty much told him to fuck off non-verbally and they now all blamed him for that too, for being disrespectful to his hyung and someone older then him. it didn’t take long before Izzy, Traydon, Norin, even Sejin was asking if everything was okay.

As the six members moved to make up some excuse Jimin saved them if only to save himself more than anything from any more questions he definitely didn’t want to answer. He out right lied and told them all that the six of them had talked to him had suddenly gotten the courage to actually talk about the situation that had caused all the tension and they were working on resolving it finally, that they didn’t have to worry about it, or him for that matter. His statement about them worrying about him cut the six of them deeper than they wanted to admit especially knowing he was lying. To say the trip home had been tense and filled with internal panic would be an utter understatement.

Chapter Text

Jin had been one of the last to get his head around it, especially given he and Jimin were rushed off to the JTBC studios almost right after landing to film their episode of Please Take Care of My Fridge. He hadn’t had time to process any of it up to that point all he had known as he put on a smile and played with his dongsaeng was that Jimin was hurting and it was in part (1/6th) his fault.

As the oldest of the group he felt like he was to blame for letting the others get away with how they had treated Jimin the last five months, he felt like he had failed as not just a hyung, but as a man and more importantly as a friend to the younger.

He sat in the break room between the first and second take as they reset for the second take, opposite him sat Jimin in silence on his phone.

Jin sat studying the younger, he saw the slight crease in the youngers brow and wondered what he was doing, was he reading webtoon like he knew the maknae line liked to do, or was he reading some new book he had found, he admired Jimin for his passion for reading remembering when the younger had spent a full week excitedly telling the other members all about the great book he had been reading at the beginning fo the year while they had all sat at the dinner table and chowed down their take out.

He smiled a little at the memories, of those happier times. The times when they had been seven, when he had been able to back hug Jimin without him tensing or shrugging him off, when he had been able to invite the younger to his room for an Eat Jin Live and not be rejected or flat out ignored, the times when he had been able to curl up holding Jimin in his arms on the couch and watch a sappy romantic movie with him before bed, the times when he had put aside his own worry to comfort the younger when his pessimistic thoughts brought him to tears over a break in his voice the others didn’t hear at all.

Jin remembered the moment he let it all get this bad, often he had been the one to reprimand the youngest for his physical attacks on Jimin, but that day he didn’t say a word watching on in silence as Jungkook had punched him so hard in the arm over breakfast cereal he had watched Jimin’s face twist in pain right before he had apologised and played it off.

As he sat staring at the younger opposite him he wondered how many more bruises he had that Yoongi hadn’t seen, bruises from Jungkook for lack of a better word abusing him. To know they had been both physically and emotionally abusing him his stomach twisted into knots and he felt the meal he had eaten moments ago threatening to repeat on him.

He swallowed the bitter burning taste in the back of his throat down and quickly tore his eyes away from Jimin unable to look at him any longer for fear of spewing out some half assed apology rushed by time and guilt.

Jin stared at a spot on the floor thinking deciding, tonight if they had time he would cook Jimin’s favourite dinner, even if the younger was stuffed from the recording he was sure the sentiment would mean a lot to him, a way of telling Jimin he was sincerely sorry for all the crap he had done or let happen, for not protecting his friend, his band member, his brother, that he was sorry for not protecting someone he loved.

The word suddenly screamed at full volume in his head making it throb, love, he did love Jimin, so much, for so many reasons, his caring nature, his kind heart, his gentle soul, and there were other things he loved about him, the way he comforted the others forgetting his own pain, the way he supported the others with every ounce of excitement his small body could hold, or the way he was always there for them before they even knew they needed someone in the first place, he really did have a crush on him and that he couldn’t deny.

This isn’t just a crush, you absolute retard, his brain said loud and clear, you are old enough and experienced enough to know exactly what this is, and above all you spectacularly fucked it up, good job on that by the way congratulations to yourself you utter dick. He looked back at Jimin opposite him, you love him, you love him so fucking much you’d date him in a heart beat if he had ever asked you, but now look, all because he protected your little mini you, great work asshole, his brain berated himself as he stared at Jimin as the realisation caught up to his taunting mind.

He tensed at the realisation, he loved Jimin, he loved him more than a “brother” and he had hurt him, he had let the others hurt him, god was he any different than those people who had hurt him in the past.

That thought saw him out of his chair and out of the room in mere seconds sick to his stomach with himself at the idea that he was just like those people who had hurt Jimin in the past. He reached the bathroom and bent over the toilet, his meal from the previous take finally making its reappearance into the bowl.

Tears pricked his eyes at the burn at the back of his throat as he heaved again and then they were falling down his cheeks as he remembered the times before this when he or even the others had been sick and Jimin had been right there drying their eyes and rubbing their back, telling them it would be okay to just let it all out it would make them feel better.

He couldn’t help the words that fell from his mouth as he heaved in air trying to calm himself down, “it’s my fault… you’ve been hurt… and I’m so… fucking sorry,” he blubbered to the silent room

-

Jimin held a hand to his mouth outside the bathroom, he had seen Jin run out of the waiting room with a hand over his mouth, he knew what that action meant when it came to the members of his group. He had quickly put his book down and rushed after him, as much as he was hurting right now he couldn’t stand the thought of any of them hurt or sick.

He stood waiting by the sink holding a bottle of water for Jin when he was finished hurling his previous meal up. His already aching heart, well the piece that belonged to Jin twisted as he saw the tears trickle down his cheeks, had this been like before he could be been right beside him drying those tears and soothing his back, telling him it would all be okay.

But it was different now, he knew they didn’t want him and doing something that intimate made him internally panic, what if they had never wanted that, what if all the closeness, the affection, the care… oh god, what if they never wanted all the love I gave them, he found himself thinking as he stared at Jin now bent over the towel bowl. His own stomach twisted with a sick feeling and he found himself backing up a step.

Jimin registered that Jin’s heaving was slowing and as he looked back at the older he watched Jin finally stop throwing up after some dry heaving. He watched Jin sink to his hunches as he clutched his chest in one hand and side of the toilet bowl in the other.

Jimin waited thinking Jin would get up but stopped as the first sob left the other’s mouth. Jimin lifted his gaze from the floor to look at Jin’s back as it shook from his crying and as Jimin moved to say or do something mumbled words that sounded completely clear to Jimin tumbled from the others lips.

“it’s my fault… you’ve been hurt… and I’m so… fucking sorry,” he heard Jin blubber as the older clutches his chest. Jimin panicked, did Jin know he was there, he knew who he was talking about, who he was talking to but how could he know he hadn’t seen Jimin come in.

Jimin heard it again and again before it cut off into a choked sob. Jimin backed up another step before turning quickly and pulled the door open. He let it swing and click shut behind him before leaning back against it.

He stared at the wall opposite him and took a shaky breath as a tear slipped down his cheek. He blinked a few times before grabbing his chest, why know, why does he have to do this now, he thought to himself before one of the stations make up stylists stopped beside him.

“Mr. Park…” the woman spoke softly.

He turned his head and she asked a little worried, “are you alright?”

Jimin quickly shook his head as he fisted his cheeks and stood up straight, “I’m okay, I’m fine, yes sorry. I’m just uh… worried. Jin… Seokjin, he’s not feeling well, he’s in the bathroom.”

She smiled a little, “oh I see, I could have one of the stage hands or assistants get him something?” she offered.

Jimin nodded, “if that’s okay, I think he’s got an upset stomach.”

She nodded, “no problem, I’ll have one of the assistants fetch him something and bring it straight to him, in the meantime shall we touch up your make up quickly before they call action.”

Jimin looked at the door and took a breath and nodded leaving his heart at the door he turned to the young woman, “of course, let’s not find out what happens if we aren’t ready.”

She gave a laugh and lead him off. As she paused at the end of the corridor and spoke with a man wearing a head set Jimin looked back down the hall to the bathroom and swallowed the lump in his throat, why now, was all he thought before the young woman was leading him off again.

-

Jin heard a knock on the door and lifted his blotchy face and red eyes from where it had been staring at the edge of the toilet bowl, “WON’T BE A MINUTE!” he called to the person on the other side.

There was another knock before voice this time as Jin scrambled to get to his feet, “IT’S ALRIGHT SIR, YOUR FRIEND SENT ME, HE MENTIONED YOU MIGHT BE FEELING NAUSEOUS, HE SENT ME WITH A REMEDY!” the voice called from behind the shut door.

Jin paused, friend, wait, did Jimin send this guy to help me, he wondered as he finally got to his feet. He flushed the toilet and moved out of the cubical, he walked slowly to the door and pulled it open to see a stage hand or was he an assistant standing there.

The young man smiled at the star and lifted up a packet of medication, anti-nausea pills. Jin sighed at the sight of them and gave the guy a weak smile, “thank you, you really didn’t have to do this for me.”

“as I said, your friend, the small guy, blonde hair, he mentioned you might have been feeling off after scoffing down the last dish, said you could use these just in case.”

Jin smiled again and took the packet, “thank you again.”

He nodded and said, “it’s no problem, I’ve also been asked to tell you to report to make up for a touch up when your done. And pro tip, the Glen 20 on the shelf kills the smell.”

Jin cringed with a sigh as the guy laughed.

Jin smiled again after a moment and bowed, “thank you for everything.”

The guy clapped Jin on the shoulder with a smile before heading off. Jin shut the door and turned back to the sink stopping as he saw the water bottle on the counter. Jimin really had been there and he hadn’t imagined it.

He closed his eyes and took a long breath before headed to the bottle. He opened the medication packet and popped two out before opening the bottle. He splashed water on his face then rinsed his mouth out before finally taking the pills. He stood up after drying his face with some paper towel very sure the stylist noona’s were gonna murder him. He now looked like shit, red eyes, blotchy cheeks, wet fringe. He gave another sigh before grabbing the Glen 20 on the shelf and spraying himself with it, the vomit smell disappearing under a layer of delicate floral, huh, who know those ads were actually true, he thought to himself as he put it back and took the medication and water bottle with him as he left, you can get through this Jin, just focus on the food and Jimin’s smile and laugh and you’ll be fine, he reminded himself as he made his way back to the waiting room and make up to face the music about his appearance.

He paused outside the door of his and Jimin’s dressing/waiting room and took some deep breaths before pushing it open and going inside prepared for whatever came next.

-

It was nearing ten pm and honestly Jin was tired, he was tired of retakes, he was tired of pretend smiles and he was tired of putting distance between himself and Jimin, especially when Jimin was right beside him.

Jin sat leaning his elbows on the cleaned table before him watching the chefs and kitchen hands working to reset the kitchen for the 100th take that night he guessed, not that he wasn’t enjoying himself around all this food, he was, but after his trip down dark lane and the revisit of his first meal he had been off since.

He kept sneaking glances out the corner of his eye at Jimin who was sat slouched in his chair beside him waiting like the rest of them.

Some minutes passed and Jin found himself wondering how the other members had faired being away from Jimin after the previous nights revelations and wondered for a second if they had all tried to kill each other yet. As he sat pondering how they would all end up murdering each other he heard Jimin’s phone chime softly in his pocket as it vibrated and turned his head slightly to watch the younger without moving from his slouched spot fish it from his pocket.

The look on his face told him everything he needed to know, one of the others was calling him. Jin shifted as he watched Jimin bit down on his lip in contemplation a cute look Jin loved on the younger.

They all knew that when one of them was in a variety the others messaged and whoever it was that was busy would get back to them when they had a break, so for one of them to ring meant something was going on and with the current situation all Jin could think was the worst of everything cursing himself for his previous thoughts on the others trying to kill each other.

Jin heard Jimin’s phone stop ringing and then chime that all to familiar voice mail received tone. Jin whose now full attention was on the younger watched as he instantly tapped his phone and put it to his ear as he looked around him making sure the coast was clear or he had enough time to check it.

Jin watched as Jimin’s eyes turned to saucers as he listened patiently to the voice message wondering what the hell it was that he was listening to and to ask the other members if they had bitched him out for no reason.

As the message continued Jin heard Jimin’s breath hitch, it’s bad he thought before Jimin turned to him. As Jin moved to ask what had happened Jimin cut him off, “I need your phone,” the younger spoke.

Jin looked at him surprised, “you… huh?” he asked confused.

Jimin waved his hand at him, as Jin watched a tear slid down that soft cheek making Jin’s heart squeeze unbearably hard, “your phone, I need your phone right now Seokjin.”

Jin looked at him and sat up more worried than he had been when the younger hadn’t been speaking to him, “Jimin-ah?” he questioned.

Jimin snapped, “PHONE SEOKJIN!” he demanded of the older.

Jin jumped at the sharp tone of the younger’s voice and he didn’t miss that the the makeup artists and crew around them did too. Jin pulled it from his pocket in a second and lifted it without hesitation only to watch Jimin snatch it from him.

Jin watched in confusion as Jimin turned in his chair and looked at the assistant near them, “I need to make an urgent call,” he told the youngish looking man.

Something Jin couldn’t see from the angle he was sitting told the assistant he needed to do it ASAP and watched the assistant simply nod, “5 minutes okay.”

Jin now sat up straight as Jimin nodded quickly and got up “more than enough time, thank you.” Jin heard him say as he turned in his chair to watch Jimin rush from the set.

Jin knew Jimin hadn’t wanted him to go with him or he would have asked and sat waiting eyes glued to his watch as he watched the second-hand tick down to five minutes.

As the minute hand moved to the fifth minute he heard familiar footsteps and looked to see Jimin returning not even surprised he had managed to make it in the time he was given, they always said Jimin had perfect time given he was a dancer.

Jin asked quickly as Jimin reached him and sat adjusted his coat, “what’s wrong?”

Jimin replied rather vaguely, “Yoongi’s just being stupid, he accidently dialled my number, pretty sure he’s drunk. It’s all sorted I sent Hoseok.” Jin looked at the younger’s hand clutching his phone as he held it out to him back his phone as he took his seat, “all good.”

As Jin reached for his phone, he could see it on Jimin’s face, the that’s-what-I’m-giving-you-end-conversation look and nodded like Jimin expected him to do accepting the excuse right before they called places and action once more.

-

The van finally pulled up to the apartment building a little after half past two in the morning Jin and Jimin were both exhausted and after Jimin had handed his phone back he hadn’t said more than two words off camera to him.

He didn’t blame the younger not after the shit they had thrown at him, shit he didn’t at all deserve. He once again for he doesn’t know how many times that night found himself wondering how they would fix this as the two stood on opposite sides of the large elevator headed up to their apartment floor.

As Jin looked at Jimin in the reflection of the elevator walls he couldn’t help but think Jimin looked tired, like he had been fighting so hard for so long and he had finally run out of steam, he felt sorry for the younger and wanted to turn around and give him a hug like he used to but knew he’d only be pushed away if he tried.

It made his heart hurt that he couldn’t comfort someone he loved because of his own stupid actions. He had spent the entire show’s recording thinking up a plan to apologise and fix the relationship between them even if he had to start from scratch he was willing to as long as he had Jimin back in his life just one tenth what he used to.

The elevator opened and both of them moved out Jimin walking half a step behind Jin as they headed to their apartment door.

Jin said as he opened the door, “I’m not sure if you heard but Sejin said we have a schedule tomorrow.”

Jimin hummed behind him as he worked on opening the door for them, “mmm, I think he said it was like a Run episode or something I was kinda half asleep.”

Jin nodded in understanding, “I’m sure the others will now,” he replied happy to be having a half decent conversation with him.

Jimin hummed in agreement before silence fell on them once more.

Jin let it go happy he had gotten that much out of him at the very least.

He finally got the door open and both went inside. They kicked their shoes off at the door like usual before both hanging their coats up. They both walked across the indoor garden to the great room and as Jin turned to wish Jimin a goodnight he watched the younger simple leave him standing there.

Jin sighed softly before turning to the left and headed to his room smiling to see his suit case beside his bed where no doubt Namjoon had left it for him. He looked across the hall through his open door to see Namjoon’s bedside lamp on and the younger nowhere in sight.

He lifted his phone remembering the lounge room had been empty and called the missing member.

“Hey Joon-ah, are you okay, where are I’m guessing you three?” Jin asked as Namjoon answered on the fourth ring.

There was a long pause as he waited for Namjoon to answer his question on the whereabouts of the clearly missing rap line.

When he didn’t get one like he wanted he used his what the other members called his demanding wife tone, “Kim Namjoon…” Jin called.

Namjoon laughed down the line as he heard soft clicking telling him no doubt where they were, “sorry hyung, us three rappers went to the studio, well, actually, I went home with the two kids then needed to go for a walk to clear my head, then went to the studio. Hobi went to do some dancing to unwind and well you know the hermit crab,” Namjoon clarified for him.

Jin hummed a little accepting his answer while he unzipped his suit case and unpacked his own essentials, “are you on your way back, Sejin told Jimin-ah and I we have a schedule today.”

Namjoon replied as Jin heard rustling and shuffling telling him the leader was packing up his things, “mmm, it’s late… early… whatever, yeah, I’ll go find the other two and we’ll head back now, are you going to bed… is Jimin-ah?”

Jin stopped in the bathroom with his own toiletry bag and couldn’t help but look at himself in the mirror at the question half wincing as he did, “mmm, Jimin-ah went straight to his room when we got back, it’s a safe bet,” he replied before turning and leaving the room deciding to shower when he woke up.

“How did you go today hyung?” Namjoon finally asked him.

Jin gave a heavy sigh wondering if he should tell him all the details, “honestly, I struggled, my mind went to some pretty dark places, not to mention he kinda yelled at me for my phone, he mentioned Yoongi might have been drinking,” he decided less was good.

Namjoon replied, “oh yeah that, ah nevermind, Yoongi was trying to ring Hoseok to go out drinking with him but Hoseok talked him out of it, they ended up collabing or something like that.’

Jin sighed as he sat down on his bed a little happy to hear Hoseok had managed to get him to see reason, “good I’m glad they weren’t drinking on a school night. I’ll see you when you get home yeah.”

Jin could hear Namjoon’s smile as he replied, “alright hyung, we’ll see you soon.”

They said bye one last time before hanging up. Jin dropped his hand into his lap and sighed again before he got up from his bed and ventured to the other side of the house.

He passed the closed master suite door sighing again as he did before he reached Taehyung’s closed door. He tried the handle and gently opened the door to see the younger curled up with his face buried in the belly of the stuffed tiger Jimin had brought him when Jungkook had taken him on that holiday to Japan.

He smiled and shook his head a little before shutting the door once more and turning to the last door at the end.

He walked up to it and saw the containers stacked on the floor against the wall. He frowned a little seeing they hadn’t been touched. He tried the handle only to frown more when it didn’t open.

He sighed knowing the younger was probably asleep. He bent down and picked up the food and carried it back out to the kitchen and put it in the bin before cleaning out the fridge like he did every time they came back from an extended trip away. He quietly cleaned down the kitchen emptying the now cold coffee pot and cleaning it before putting it back in it’s place.

Cleaning was Jin’s therapy, it helped clear his head and straighten things out, helped him focus his mind where it needed to be.

-

It wasn’t long before the other three members returned falling quiet as Jin hushed them from the kitchen.

Namjoon asked as they made their way over to him, “how are they all?”

Jin sighed, “well it looks like JK hasn’t eaten, his door is locked and I found take away stacked by his door, Tae-ah is asleep and I heard the shower kick off about ten minutes ago so it’s a safe bet Jimin-ah is now in bed as well.”

The three gave a sigh before Namjoon asked, “are you sure Jungkook didn’t eat?”

Jin nodded, “positive, all his favourites were untouched when I threw them out, they were cold so they’ve been sitting there for a while, why do you ask?”

Namjoon looked at him, “I told Tae-ah to wake JK up after the food he ordered arrived, from what Tae-ah told me he checked on him before he texted me and he was still asleep.”

Yoongi stated from where he stood now holding a glass of milk, “they had a fight.”

“how do you know that?” Hoseok asked for the three of them.

Jin pointed with a nod as he looked at him waiting for an answer.

Yoongi said as he joined the three of them at the island with his drink, “JK always locks his door after he has a fight with someone, it’s the only explanation for why Jin hyung found his food untouched, I found that out after that fight we had in like 2015 remember it.”

They all nodded remembering how the maknae had had a go at Yoongi and Yoongi had cut him down, they all seemed to put the pieces together at the same time right there that it had been around the time that piece of scum had molested him.

They all winced at the realisation and gave a collective sigh.

“anyway, the entire year has been shit and this night is not helping any, lets all get some rest so we actually get up in time for the schedule tomorrow,” Jin stated ever the mother hen.

Namjoon hummed with a nod as he grabbed his shoulder bag from the stool he was standing behind, “Run episode recording, I think it’s like 25, 24 airs tomorrow I think or wait, no today… whatever you know what I mean,” he finished with a sigh causing the other three to laugh.

“This all has you so fucked up,” Hoseok mused to his fellow 94 liner.

“Oi, language in our house,” Jin quipped with a quick glare unable to swat him because of the island between them.

Hoseok chimed sweetly in a hushed whisper, “Sorry mum.”

Jin snorted as he took his half drunken tea, “bite me, go to sleep all of you, got me!?”

The three looked at one another before chorusing sweetly, “Yes mum, sweet dreams.”

They all laughed as Jin snorted once more as he headed down the hall to his room leaving them to say their goodnights and go to bed like he said.

-

He sat down on his computer chair after some moments and checked his emails and messaged when a knock sounded.

He turned in his chair as his door opened and Namjoon walked in.

Jin smiled warmly at him, “hey, you gonna shower?” Namjoon asked.

Jin shook his head, “nah, I was gonna wait till I wake up, kinda tired as hell, was gonna quickly check my emails and messages and then pass out, you?”

Namjoon nodded a little as he stopped before the older, “mmm, same, think I over worked it in the studio and I’ve had a headache that just won’t quit.”

Jin mused as the leader stopped standing between his now spread legs, “mmm, I know the feeling, came out of no where and you were thinking about Jimin at the time right?”

Namjoon sighed, “it’s an epidemic, Yoogs and Hobi have one as well.”

Jin slid his hand around Namjoon’s and gently pulled him down to him, “we’ll figure it out I promise somehow, some way, no matter what.”

Namjoon leant on the arms of Jin’s office chair and looked at him their faces now in line with each other, “I keep saying that but I’m convinced I’m only just lying to convince myself.”

He slid his hand gently on Namjoon’s cheek, “is it working?” he asked.

Namjoon smiled warmly at him dimples on full display, “I’m not too sure, maybe if I try harder, it might.”

Jin said in a soft low voice, “get some sleep okay it will help the headache and have some pain killers.”

The younger leant forward closing the space between them pressing their lips together, “thank you for having my back and sweet dreams hmm,” Namjoon said softly against the plush lips of the older once they separated from the quick gentle kiss.

Jin smiled and gently kissed him with a chaste kiss before kissing the younger’s forehead and letting him go, “always, and sweet dreams for you too, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Namjoon nodded with a hum giving Jin his own kiss on the forehead before he stood up and left with a smile.

Jin smiled watching the younger leave his room winking at him from the door making him chuckle before the door closed behind him.

Jin shook his head a little as he turned back to his computer soft smile still on his lips, at least one good thing had come of the day in the end.

Chapter Text

Yoongi had been the first to wrap his head around the facts. He had been the first to process what Jungkook had told them all in Taipei less than 18 hours ago before he found himself sitting in his studio. He had been surprised by that fact when it had taken him more than 24 hours to accept what Jimin had told them.

He sat in his studio contemplating these facts unable to get it out of his head wondering why he had accepted it, processed one faster than the other. He wondered if it was because Jimin had kept Jungkook’s secret for so long, wondered if his own secret had been why he had done it, why he had carried that for so long.

He watched Jimin’s serendipity music video for he doesn’t know how many times now remembering the soft Jimin he had seen when he and the others had gone down to the shoot to support him. Jimin had looked so endearing and sweet, he remembered it was right after Norin had spoken to them about being dicks. Yoongi had been the one to announce he was going to Jimin’s shoot that day and had left without another word. He remembered watching Jimin with their stylists and the director they had gotten in for their shoots for Love Yourself Her. He had watched from the shadows for some time admiring the dedication and more importantly the skill of the younger.

Yoongi pushed the replay button and watched Jimin on his computer screen once more. He watched Jimin seamlessly slide the white sheet over his head and wondered how many times he had done that since they had hurt him, wondered how many times he had hidden under his blankets wishing like in the video that he could disappear from them.

Yoongi felt a tear slid down his cheek as he wondered how many times Jimin had thought about leaving their group for the shit they were putting him through. He felt like a coward for turning his back on his friend, on someone he loved, oh god he loved him.

He realised in that moment as he stared at Jimin on his screen holding the cat with that sad face that he loved him.

“Holy shit?!” he breathed out loud in surprise.

He thought back to when, to when he had started to love the younger boy more than just friends, when he had fallen in love with one of his friends and band members (not that he hadn’t fallen for the rest of them). He racked his brain for an answer, a year, two years, did he always love Jimin.

He racked his hands back through his hair as he tipped his head back to look at the ceiling, what the hell did any of them do to deserve Jimin only for them to turn around and do this shit to him. He wanted to scream, he wanted to scream like a fangirl having a mental break down to express what he was feeling inside right now.

You hurt him you fuck face, you and your condescension and criticism, your sour bullshit all for trying to fucking hard, come on Sour Suga Cube, don’t you remember ripping him apart in this very studio for not getting the stupid notes right when all he was doing was trying his hardest, his brain happily berated him as he stared at the ceiling. He tugged on his hair fingers curling into fingers in the locks making it hurt.

You deserve the pain, the suffering, the agony, all he did was protect Jeongguk, something even you couldn’t fucking do, the great Min Yoongi, his brain kept going, working at light speed like it always did throwing insults and salt on his wounds like he spat fire. He squeezed his eyes shut as a pressure started to build in his chest, and you were going to fucking hurt him physically yourself, it was bad enough the guy he saved was doing that, but you too, to think he would, could make something that dark up, you should have fucking seen it, known, guessed it even, now who’s the pathetic one.

As Yoongi sat up to clear his mind it suddenly felt dizzy and he quickly leant forward on his desk as he dropped his head eyes squeezing shut again, the pathetic one here is you Min Yoongi, unable to protect one of the people you love and the reason another is hurting so much he pushed you away, his thoughts scoffed at himself as a sudden and hard chill rippled through him starting at his feet.

His eyes snapped open at the feeling, he knew what this was, he knew exactly what this was, “oh fuck, did I forget to have them this morning, shit, no, calm down you’ll be okay, deep slow breaths,” he said to himself out loud as he now gripped the edges of his desk.

He drew in a long breath slowly before breathing it back out, over and over again he did this but the feeling remained, the chills got deeper and he could now feel his face burning, knew his face was flushed, he knew after that came a heart beat that felt like a herd of buffalo were doing the Macarena through his chest before his breathing turned to panicky gasps right before full blown panic set in.

He wondered if Jimin had ever suffered something like this, if the strongest person he knew was really suffering more than he ever let on and as he fumbled with his phone on his desk his brain threw insults at him again, like he’d fucking tell you, you ingrate, you don’t even fucking deserve to care, no now, not after all the bullshit you’ve pulled, so shut up and stop being a little bitch, you deserve every bit of this and you fucking know it, the great Min Yoongi, oh how the great have fallen.

He shook his head quickly shoving the thoughts out as he blindly tapped the screen of his phone waiting for his number one favorited number to dial and ring. He paid no mind to the tone that played while he waited for them to pick up, he just prayed they would.

-

It was late and Jimin sat slouched in his chair waiting for the chefs and kitchen hands behind the scenes to reset before another take was called.

His phone chimed low and vibrated in his pocket making him shift in his chair before retreating it without so much as moving from his position.

He lifted it to see Yoongi’s face staring at him, the hell, they only ever call me about schedules or to bitch me out, he thought as he bit down on his bottom lip in contemplation.

He stared at the screen as he watched it ring out, he wondered what the older could have been calling him for, the others knew he and Jin had been at a variety shoot and knew that if they needed them to send a message and whoever was busy would get back to them at breaks.

As he thought about returning the call his phone chimed.

1 (one) new voicemail (9:49pm)

The screen read. He quickly tapped it without hesitation and lifted his phone to his ear to listen. He scanned the area as he waited making sure he had enough time to find out what was going on before they started shooting again.

-

“Come on Seok… answer… the fucking phone…” he panted unevenly as he struggled to calm down if at all.

“I am sorry, the number you have reached is currently unavailable, please leave a voice message after the tone,” the robotically recorded woman’s voice sounded.

“FUCK!” Yoongi cursed out loud.

The beep sounded and Yoongi let his tongue go, “Seok, I need you, I need you…. I need you right now… it’s getting bad, so bad… I can feel the chills… and it’s like my face is on fire… I was thinking about Jimin-ah… I know… I know I deserve this… He got hurt…” he paused and gasped in some lung fulls of desperate air trying harder to stay focused and calm down again, “he got hurt…” he repeated himself, “he got so fucking hurt… and it’s my fault… the things we said… I said, and the things I did…” he gasped in harder breaths, “it’s all my fault…”

The first sob that left him was loud and full of pain, “it’s all m-my fault… oh god H-Hoseok, it-it’s all m-my fault…” he let go of the desk and sank to the floor of his studio crying hard, so hard, he couldn’t remember the last time he had cried that hard, not even when he had been told about Jungkook did he cry this hard, he had cried yes but not like this, this was straight ugly crying and it mixed with the panic attack now clawing it’s way through him was making him shake and his body hurt all over, he had definitely forgotten to take his anxiety meds he realised as laid down and curled in on himself, he deserved this.

-

Jimin’s eyes turned wide as he listened to the voice mail right before his heart, the piece that loved Yoongi seemed to ripe out of his chest and chase down the one it ached for.

His breath hitched as the sound of Yoongi’s crying, no sobbing filled Jimin’s ears.

He turned to Jin, “I need your phone,” the younger said quickly.

Jin looked at him surprised, “you… huh?”

Jimin waved his hand, as a tear slid down his cheek at the thoughts racing through his head, “your phone, I need your phone right now, Seokjin.”

Jin looked at him and sat up seeing the tear on his cheek, “Jimin-ah?”

Jimin snapped a little impatiently, “PHONE SEOKJIN!”

Jin jumped at the sound so did the make up artists and crew around them.

Jin lifted it without hesitation to watch Jimin snatch it from him.

He looked at the assistant near them, “I need to make an urgent call.”

The assistant could see it on his face and nodded, “5 minutes okay.”

Jimin nodded quickly as he got up “more than enough time, thank you.” he rushed from the set and stopped in the hallway lifting Jin’s phone as he did.

He knew Hoseok wouldn’t answer his calls, none of them had for months, not even his messaged in the chats, like he said, they only ever called him to cut him down or tell him the schedule, the only way he could help from where he was now was to cheat.

He tapped the contact in Jin’s phone “Sunshine Baby” he quickly put it to his ear.

“Jin Hyung, sup, how’s the recording going?” Hoseok asked cheerful as he answered his phone.

“Are you at the company?” Jimin asked quickly.

There was a pause before Hoseok spoke, “J-Jimin-ah I… I thought you were…”

Jimin cut him off ignoring the sudden rough tone to Hoseok’s voice that told him he had been crying, “are. You. at. The. Company!?” he all but demanded.

Again, another pause before Hoseok spoke, “y-yeah…” he cleared his throat, “yes, I was doing some dancing.”

“good, forget the dancing you need to go to Yoongi right now in Genius Lab.” Jimin stated.

“wait, Jimin-ah, I don’t understand, what is even goi…” Hoseok started to say rather confused.

Jimin replied like lightning, “look, I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I’m pretty sure right now as we speak Yoongi is in his studio crying, and I’m pretty sure it’s all my fault, so forget the fucking dancing and go to him right now, do you hear me Hoseok. Good, goodbye.” He didn’t let the other reply before he was aggressively jabbing his finger into the disconnect button on Jin’s phone.

He stared at the device for a long moment before he leant back against the wall with a heavy sigh another tear finally making its way down his cheek. He squeezed his eyes shut cursing his contacts, he was not going to admit that he couldn’t control his tears at the moment.

“Mr. Park…” the same make up noona said beside him softly.

He looked at her and she smiled, “friend still sick?” she joked lightly.

He couldn’t help but chuckle dryly as he looked at the ceiling again.

He sighed and she smiled, “it’s okay sir, I uh… I’m close friends to Norin-ah, I’m her kid sisters best friend, she asked me to look after you when she heard you were on the show today.”

Jimin snorted in annoyance, “I really wish they would stop that, I’m fine.”

She chuckled and said as she led him to the side stage to fix his make up once more, “She means well. You are like a little brother to her and as a big sister she is constantly looking out for her little brother and sister, I guess the same applies to you and the others as well. Please don’t hold it against her, she has this tendency to want to help no matter what.”

Jimin chuckled lightly as they stood beside the set off camera as she touched up his make up, “yeah I know, but sometimes they just infuriate me with their NEED to help, you know?”

She smiled, “that’s what old siblings do though.”

He thought for a minute and blinked, “oh god you’re right, I am a horrible big brother.”

She laughed at that making him smile finally.

She said fixing his lip gloss last, “I wouldn’t say that, I think you’re a wonderful person and your brother is lucky to have someone as kind and as gentle and as caring as you, I mean I got the impression it isn’t all fluffy rainbows and puppies and yet your still doing… this, now, worrying, so, I would say your brother and the others of your group are all lucky to have you.”

Jimin smiled again, the smile reaching his eyes this time and he bowed to her, “thank you for taking care of me noona, it means a lot to me and if you need any help after shooting I’m around for a bit”

She smiled and said with a nod, “I’ll keep it in mind Mr. Park, but for now, I do believe you are needed back out there for the next take.”

He gave her a smile and another bow before turning to the set and headed back to his seat.

He thanked the assistant that have giving him the green light earning a warm smile in return before he reached his seat and Jin once more.

Jin asked quickly as Jimin reached him, “what’s wrong?”

Jimin said vaguely, “Yoongi’s just being stupid, he accidently dialled my number, pretty sure he’s drunk. It’s all sorted I sent Hoseok.” He handed Jin back his phone as he took his seat once more, “all good.”

Jin could see it on his face, the that’s-what-I’m-giving-you-end-conversation look and nodded accepting it like Jimin expected him to do before they called places and action once more.

-

Yoongi curled up in on himself shifting to sit in the recess under his desk, it was dark and small under there and only had one access, it made him feel safe secure, he was crying so hard it felt like his chest was going to explode, he honestly felt like he was dying.

He was numb and tingly all over at the same time, his entire body felt like it was in ice, a constantly chill ran through him while his face on the other hand felt like it was sitting in an open flame, his breathing was quick and harsh and wasn’t slowing down for anything not to mention his heart was now doing both the conga, the nut bush and the Macarena in his chest.

It had been some time since he had had a panic attack this bad knowing because he had forgotten to take his anxiety meds this morning it was only adding fuel to the burning fire inside him. as he struggled, fought to calm himself down only getting worse with each passing minute he prayed Hoseok got his message and was on his way. He could feel his lips moving but couldn’t hear the sounds knew he was sobbing the younger’s name to his empty now silent studio wishing he’d just materialise on command at that moment.

He looked up out into the dimly lit studio hope dying when he didn’t see Hoseok standing there, he was alone, this time, he was all alone and he knew he deserved it, wondering as he tried to organise his thoughts enough to calm down if this had happened to Jimin because of them and he had suffered alone because of them too.

-

Yoongi didn’t hear the bell of his studio ringing, he couldn’t hear anything but the rush in his ears. It wasn’t until a click sounded did he lift his face from where he’d had it buried for hours now, not sure how long he’d been like this sure it was one of the longest attacks he’d had.

A second click sounded before different air and brighter light ut through the din and hazy behind Yoongi’s eyes. Yoongi squinted at the brightness trying to make out what was going on chest still heaving sobs still coming on strong.

Yoongi watched the fuzzy outline of a person move into the room where the doors shut cutting out the haze bright glare once more.

“Yoongi…” Yoongi heard a familiar voice call him from it seemed far away telling him who it was now standing in his studio with him trying to find him he guessed.

Yoongi dropped his face back into his lap before he kicked his leg, foot connected with the leg of his desk chair shoving it back a little. Yoongi shivered again before he heaved in some more panicked gasps of air.

Yoongi didn’t hear the chair being pulled back or it hitting the couch of saw Hoseok drop before him to his knees. He didn’t see Hoseok shuffle forward until Yoongi was sat between his spread legs. What he did register was a familiar hand wrapping about one of his fists where it curled unto the sleeve of his hoodie.

He heard the muffled words the younger was saying, tried to hear them anyway, “Hyung… Yoongi, Yoongi Look at me, come on Yoongi look at me right here for me…” Hoseok spoke softly in he guessed that tone the younger knew for certain soothed him when he had these episodes, Yoongi lifted his head to try and do whatever it was he was saying or to look at him at least, “Yoongi you need to look at me okay, right here,” Hoseok stated clicked his fingers to draw his attention to his face like always.

Hoseok smiled softly at him lips curling making his hidden dimples show a smile that could effortless sooth Yoongi before it usually got this bad.

Yoongi’s glassed blurry vision cleared on the next blink as more tears fell, he’s here, he thought as he shuddered a sighed breath of relief before it turned into quick panted gasps once more. It had been a while since it had been this bad, since he had cried this hard, since it had felt like he was slowly suffocating in his struggle to break a panic attack that had gone on for he guessed hours now.

Yoongi felt Hoseok clutched Yoongi’s fist in his hand before prying it from around the clutched fabric. Yoongi’s eyes watched as Hoseok effortlessly slipped their fingers together and pulled the hand into the younger’s own chest as he placed his free hand on Yoongi’s own, just like all the other times.

Hoseok said as he took long slow breathed, “Yoongi, I need you to breath for me, slow breaths, like me, just like me,” Yoongi watched him took a long breath then slowly breathed out, then in, then out, then in, Hoseok’s hand on Yoongi’s chest still moving erratically with Yoongi’s breath before after a few more long slow breaths it finally started to fall into a matchable rhythm to his other clutching Yoongi’s to the younger’s chest.

“Just like that Yoongi,” he heard Hoseok encourage with his warm smile.

-

Time passed and finally Yoongi could breathe once more, the pressure in his chest finally ebbed and he took a long lungful of air before letting it go as his entire body went slack, as if that one action had realised all the tension that had held it taunt for he guessed yet again hours now.

It was with that that the rest of the world finally came back into focus and he noticed Namjoon sitting on his computer chair staring at the two of them.

“When’d you get here?” he asked bluntly.

Namjoon didn’t flinch, he was used to Yoongi’s I will cut you attitude after one of his episodes. He simple smiled at his friend, “while ago, I ran into hyung in the elevator on his way up to rescue your stupid ass.”

Yoongi snorted with a weakly pointed glare before he finally let his head fall forward onto his knees with a deep but short-lived sigh still trying to get the rest of his breath back.

“Wanna talk about it?” the pair asked in unison.

Yoongi breathed into his lap, “not particularly, bottom line, I was thinking about Jimin-ah, and I kinda just lost it.”

Namjoon smiled, “honestly not the only one today, both Tae-ah and JK broke down. Tae was eating ice cream watching SpongeBob and JK is asleep, it was the only way to actually get him to stop crying believe it or not poor kid.”

Yoon asked, “how you think Jin’s doing?”

Hoseok said “probably about as well as you’d think.”

Yoongi lifted his head to look at them and pointed at the water in Namjoon’s hands. Namjoon smiled and let Hoseok take it off him after he opened it for the oldest.

Yoongi asked after taking a few sips, “you going to Mon Studios?”

Namjoon nodded, “mmm, I need to get the… twisted bundle inside me out before I explode or… combust.”

Hoseok asked, “the kids?”

Namjoon shook his phone, “I’ve had Tae-ah checking in every hour, JK’s been asleep for about 4 hours know and Tae’s on his second tub of ice cream, you two gonna be okay in here?”

Yoongi nodded with a hum as Hoseok turned to look at him.

“what about you, you good?” Hoseok asked.

Namjoon nodded as he now leant forward on his knees as Hoseok took the cool damp cloth off him, “I’m good, I went for a walk to clear my head, think… reflect I guess, I ah, I might have had a break down at the river and some people might have seen me but honestly I don’t give a fuck.”

The two other rappers laughed, to know the youngest of them wasn’t at all worried about his public image meant he was really struggling with all of this especially as the group’s leader.

Yoongi said as he continued to hold Hoseok’s hand, he would never admit out loud if asked but contact with either one of them after one of his episodes soothed him greatly, “we get it Joon-ah, just know the two of us are here when you need to truly vent hmm.”

Hoseok nodded with a hum before Namjoon answered, “I know hyungs, thanks for always having my back. I’ll leave you alone mmm, let you crawl back up and all that, let me know if you need anything I saw some ramen out in the common room if you get hungry.”

Yoongi said ‘maybe in an hour or so, I still feel like shit.”

Namjoon smiled as Hoseok laughed loud, “at least you’re not a hyperventilating seal any more so there is that.”

The three of them laughed this time as the two still on the floor watched the youngest leave with a final be good, talk soon.

Hoseok looked at the older and smiled warmly again, “wanna get on that couch?”

Yoongi mused with a slight smirk now, “the floor is comfortable as fuck and you know it.”

Hoseok smiled, “yeah, but I really can’t cuddle you when your crammed under your desk.”

Yoongi laughed at that before moving out from under said desk letting Hoseok pull him part way before he felt the younger easily lift him back to his feet, even if Yoongi was deceptively strong, Hoseok was the biggest surprise to them all able to take on the likes of Jin or even Jungkook in a rough housing match in the dorms when they were feeling particularly annoying.

Yoongi smiled his gummy smile at the younger to receive a wide heart smile in return.

The pair stood there like that for a moment with Hoseok’s arms around Yoongi’s waist before Yoongi slid his arms around Hoseok’s neck.

The shorter of the two leant up and gently pressed his lips to Hoseok’s. It wasn’t weird but it was different all their previous kisses had been nothing but heated and usually in the middle of some rather amazing sex.

“That was very sweet, not very Suga/Agust D of you, what was it for?” Hoseok half taunted half pondered.

Yoongi smiled again, “for coming, for always being here for being my…” he paused wondering if boyfriend actually applied to them never having actually discussed that topic.

“I’m your hope,” Hoseok finished for him with a smug smile.

Yoongi looked at him and scoffed, “Aish, you’re such a loser.” He laughed lightly before kissing the taller man again.

Yoongi sighed against Hoseok’s lips after they separated foreheads touching, “you’re my hope and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

-

It was around three in the morning as a topless Hoseok leant over Yoongi now the one laying on his back on his couch just as topless with the addition that his pants were also unbuckled. They had spent some time cuddling as Yoongi resurfaced as they called it and calmed right down once more talking anything and everything but the topic that had brought them together. It took almost two hours for Yoongi to calm right down once more knowing he hadn’t taken his meds that morning he expected it would but still it had sucked. When he had finally resurfaced again around midnight and able to stomach food without wanting to hurl it back up the two of them had joined Namjoon in the common room to devour the six cups of ramen Namjoon had mentioned before the two of them had watched Namjoon retreat back into his own cave with the two of them going back to Genius Lab to cuddle more and let Yoongi have a nap in the process.

Yoongi had kissed him first, a soft peck on his lips as a thank you for staying with him, it was all just lips and chaste kisses until Hoseok had giggled, or was it chuckled at his actions and let his hands start to roam the older’s body laid out on top of his. It wasn’t long before those roaming hands had pressed on sensitive spots they knew well and Yoongi had wanted heavier kisses pressing his lips to the younger’s before sweeping his tongue over the seam demanding access. And who was Hoseok to deny his NOT boyfriend access parting his lips for Yoongi and letting him lick his way into his mouth tasting the lingering tang of the spicy ramen the older had eaten a while ago.

Hoseok was quick to pull Yoongi’s hoodie and shirt from his body before throwing them somewhere in the studio, Yoongi letting those hands roam every inch they wanted now he was slightly shivering and rather turned on. They hadn’t had sex in either of their studios yet but were very down for the idea and it was then that Yoongi moaned into the kiss as Hoseok found another sensitive spot on his body. The sound prompted Hoseok to switch their positions into what it was now Yoongi on his back and Hoseok over him.

Yoongi had watched Hoseok lean back and pull his own shirt off before it went somewhere across his studio and as Hoseok had kissed him again both their hands had frantically worked to get the older’s jeans and belt open.

It was at that moment as Hoseok moved to push his hand under the fabric and palm the older through his boxers the bell on the studio door chimed, both of them knowing exactly who it would have been.

Yoongi sighed dramatically as Hoseok’s hands stopped as their lips parted, “why the fuck he tryna cock block,” the older rapper drawled in annoyance with a glare at nothing.

Hoseok slumped forward slightly with a laugh and removed himself much to Yoongi’s disappointment from both him and the lounge to he guessed look for his shirt.

Yoongi chuckled lightly to himself as he watched Hoseok find it hanging from one of Yoongi’s computer screens. Yoongi just laid on the couch as Hoseok turned back to look at him as he pulled Yoongi thought, the rather offensive piece of material back on. Yoongi was sure he looked just as bad if not worse than the way Hoseok looked right now, the preshow of sex, he knew he was flushed just like Hoseok and from the feel of his hair it was just as much a mess as the younger’s and don’t even get him started on how numb and tingly his lips felt not at all missing the very obvious kiss bruised red tint Hoseok was spotting opposite him.

Yoongi snorted in fake disgust as he watched Hoseok blow him a playful kiss before finally going to the door and pulled the first one open.

Yoongi decided he better get himself up just in case Namjoon actually came into the room and saw him lying there topless when his dick half out. He heard Hoseok push the outer door open with a click and then silence guessing he had managed to startle the youngest rapper into complete silence.

Yoongi wondered as he managed to stuff his now semi back into his boxers and do his pants up relatively easily what the two were doing if they were having an awkward staring contesting waiting for each other to make the first move.

As Yoongi rolled over and pushed himself up to sit he heard Namjoon speak and didn’t at all miss the dropped octave or two in his voice as he did, “you two done?” Namjoon ask Hoseok.

As Yoongi now worked his hair into a somewhat presentable style he heard Hoseok reply in a voice that matched Namjoon’s, low in octave, a tone Yoongi referred to as his sex voice, “done what exactly Namjoon-ah?” it was that flirty octave that Yoongi put between Hoseok’s usually loud voice and his stage growl.

There was another long pause as he guessed Namjoon was struggling to make his brain work again poor kid. “Mixing,” he heard Namjoon offer weakly before he heard the sigh of defeat, “I just talked to Jin, he and Jimin-ah are home, Hyung is waiting for us to come back and besides it’s three am, and we got a schedule tomorrow, so pack your shit and let’s go, I’ll be out in Bangtan Town waiting for your asses,” Namjoon stated low octave rising back up by the end of his statement.

Yoongi smiled at Hoseok’s chuckle as he finally got to his feet once more glancing around the room in hopes of locating his own shirt.

“I hate you all,” Yoongi heard Namjoon quip loudly making him smile his gummy grin. It was then that he thought of how shit this all was, doing this while they had other things to sort out first his smile fading as he thought about the very reason Hoseok was there in the first place.

Yoongi looked over at Hoseok leant back through the doors looking at him now standing there still searching for his shirt. They stared at one another before a long second before they both laughed out loud as Hoseok let the doors shut so they could finish getting dressed again.

Hoseok went over to him and slid his hands over his slim toned pale hips and Yoongi let him pull him in gently, “maybe next time when we get a minute mmm,” Hoseok suggested.

Yoongi smiling his gummy smile again and nodded as he leant forward. He slid his arms around the other’s neck as he spoke gummy smile fading as he did, “but can we maybe… wait till after we’ve actually apologised to Jimin, now that you aren’t clouding my head with your insanely skilled lips and hands I kinda fell… like shit you know?”

Hoseok face reflected his realisation and nodded in agreement, “same, and I get it really, whatever this is with us I mean we’ll figure it out right?”

Yoongi smiled warmly at that and nodded, “of course, only if you want to, I’m okay staying this or even whatever you decide,” he stated making his stand on the whole thing clear.

Yoongi watched that breath taking heart smile cross Hoseok’s lips and his heart flip flopped for a beat and a half right before he leant forward and gently kissing him just like he had when he had come out from under his desk. The action was still new and made his heart dance some more before Hoseok leant back and looked at him with a nod, “whatever WE decide.”

Yoongi laughed at that and nudged him a little as he let him go of his arms around the younger’s neck, “come on, before Joon-ah has a break down or something,” he urged again going back to looking for his shirt and hoodie.

Yoongi smiled as Hoseok laughed helping him find the currently elusive shirt and hoodie for him. Finally dressed he turned to his desk and packed up his things before turning to Hoseok standing there waiting patiently for him.

The pair finally made their way out into the common room to only to hear Namjoon talking to himself. The leader said to himself “I have no goddamn idea, just please shut up.”

Yoongi really at all couldn’t help himself, any excuse he could find to poke fun at one of the group brought him great joy and asked with amusement as the two exited the hall to Genius Lab, “you losing it on us there Joonie?”

Yoongi watched with a wicked satisfied grin as Namjoon jumped at the sudden intrusion to his angsty silence, “Jesus, fuck…” he cursed at them only resulting in the two laughing loudly at him which earnt them a frowned pout in return.

“Come on, let’s get the hell out of here before you go cuckoo on us, we already got one, we don’t need any more.” Hoseok said as Yoongi watched him move over to the lounge the younger was sat on before he leant down and gave Namjoon’s cheek a pinch.

Yoongi heard Namjoon groan as he rubbed his cheek while retreated from Hoseok’s never gentle attack, “ah bite me, both of you.”

Again, Namjoon left himself wide open, “sure if you want,” Yoongi grinned, teasing with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

The two laughed as Namjoon groaned loudly again as he got up from his seat and left them standing there, “I hate you all,” he threw again.

Yoongi gave a sigh of satisfaction before Hoseok nudged him a little and nodded towards the exit only causing them to burst out laughing again as they followed the younger out to finally head home.

-

The three rappers had spent the ride back in Yoongi’s car talking about tracks and songs they had worked on and asked each other for their opinion like they always seemed to do when together and not talking about basketball with Yoongi or dance with Hoseok or books with Namjoon.

Yoongi unlocked the apartment door for them like he often did when with the others and let the two youngers in first before pulling the door shut behind him and doubt checking the two locks and dead bolt before turning and taking his shoes off.

The three made their way across the indoor garden into the great room to hear Jin shushing them telling them the kids were asleep.

Yoongi shut the door behind them as Namjoon asked before they made their way over to the older in the kitchen, “how are they all?”

Jin gave a sigh that didn’t make Yoongi feel any better than he had a few hours ago, “well it looks like JK hasn’t eaten, his door is locked and I found take away stacked by his door, Tae-ah is asleep and I heard the shower kick off about ten minutes ago so it’s a safe bet Jimin-ah is now in bed as well.”

“Are you sure Jungkook didn’t eat?” the three gave a sigh before Namjoon asked as Yoongi made his way around the island in search of a cup.

“Positive all his favourites were untouched when I threw them out, they were cold so they’ve been sitting there for a while, why do you ask.” nodded Jin as Yoongi carried his cup to the fridge and pulled it open to retrieve the milk.

Yoongi turned with his glass as Namjoon looked at the oldest, “I told Tae-ah to wake JK up after the food he ordered arrived, from what Tae-ah told me he checked on him before he texted me and he was still asleep,” he relayed what he had told Hoseok and himself earlier.

Yoongi stated from where he stood with his milk near the fridge, “they had a fight.”

“how do you know that?” Hoseok asked for the three of them now staring at him.

Jin pointed with a nod as he waited for an answer.

“JK always locks his door after he has a fight with one of us, it’s the only explanation for why Jin hyung found his food untouched, I found that out after that fight we had in like 2015 remember it?” Yoongi said as he joined the three of them at the island and sat his cup down.

The second oldest watch the other three all nod remembering how the youngest had had a go at Yoongi and Yoongi had cut him down. It was then that Yoongi and it seemed the other three put the pieces together at the same time right there in their kitchen, that had been around the time that piece of scum had molested him.

They all couldn’t help the collective wince they held at the realisation before giving a collective sigh.

“Anyway, the entire year has been shit and this night is not helping any, let’s all get some rest so we actually get up in time for the schedule tomorrow,” Jin stated ever the mother hen making Yoongi smile a little.

Namjoon hummed with a nod as he grabbed his shoulder bag from the stool he was standing behind, “Run episode recording, I think it’s like 25, 24 airs tomorrow I think or wait, no today… whatever, you know what I mean,” Yoongi smiled as he watched Namjoon finish with a sigh before he and the other two gave a laugh.

“This all has you so fucked up,” Hoseok mused to his fellow 94 liner Yoongi humming with a nod of agreement.

“Oi, language in our house,” Jin quipped with a quick glare unable to swat him because of the island between them bringing a wider smile to Yoongi’s face.

Hoseok chimed sweetly in a hushed whisper, “Sorry mum,” making Yoongi near grin as he waited for Jin’s retort.

And never one to disappoint with his weak but effective comes backs Yoongi watched as Jin snorted and he took his half full tea mug, “bite me, go to sleep all of you got me,” he retorted snarkily at the comment.

Yoongi looked at the other two with a wide gummy grin before he tipped his head back and chorusing sweetly with the other two, “Yes mum, sweet dreams.”

They all shared a laugh as Jin snorted once more as he headed down the hall to his room leaving them in the kitchen before going to bed like he said.

Namjoon sighed as he calmed down, “get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning… later on… whatever, night,” he huffed all but giving up.

Hoseok laughed as Yoongi chuckled the younger waving them off as they watched him shuffle off down the hall to his room.

Yoongi smiled at Hoseok across from him, “may I walk you to your room sir.”

Hoseok waved his hand like a fan and giggled as cutely as he could, “why good sir I would love that yes,” he sung sweetly.

Yoongi gave a low laugh as he picked his glass up and drank the rest of his milk before putting it in the sink and filling it with water. He walked around the island after grabbing his own shoulder bag as Hoseok picked up his gym back and headed towards their “wing” of the apartment.

Yoongi asked as they stopped at the master suit door, “you gonna be okay?”

Hoseok gave a small hum, “it’s a safe bet he’s a sleep, I’ll be fine, besides it’s not like I don’t deserve what he throws out.”

Yoongi said, “true but still…”

Hoseok asked as he stepped closer to the older, “will you be right after what happened tonight?”

“Last night,” Yoongi corrected with a gummy grin.

Hoseok nudged his chest lightly with a snort, “seriously…”

Yoongi smiled and nodded after a moment, “mmm, I’ll be fine, the rest will help, might even have a shower before I pass out, have your phone on mmm, just in case.”

Hoseok smiled and leant forward, “it’s a good thing I’m a light sleeper,” Yoongi felt him whisper against his lips before they connected with Hoseok’s in a sweet kiss.

“sweet dreams, hyung and I’ll see you in the morning,” Hoseok whispered as they separated.

Yoongi smiled warmly at the younger man before him and nodded before he headed down to his room.

He stopped at his door and looked back down the hall to see Hoseok smiling at him, “go to bed,” Yoongi ordered before giving a chuckle at Hoseok’s flying kiss before they both disappeared into their respective rooms.

Yoongi put his bag on his desk so very glad he had someone like Hoseok in his life.

Chapter Text

The plane had landed some time in the morning and they had all taken two vans, Jin and Jimin together in one headed to their variety shoot while the other five had taking the second van back to the dorm with all their luggage and things.

“You going into the studio?” Namjoon asked Yoongi opposite him.

Yoongi nodded after a minute while staring out the window, “I just, I need some time alone, you all good?”

Namjoon hummed with nod, “JK’s gonna get some more sleep and Tae-ah told me he’s gonna binge an anime in the lounge room, I think he’s still tired too.”

Yoongi looked to Namjoon’s left side, “and you Hobs?”

Hoseok sat thinking, he wasn’t even sure what the hell he wanted if anything, all he was sure of was that he brain was still replaying Jungkook’s words from the night before, the facts, the secret, the truth, it all rattled around his brain like a Tamborine on crack.

He looked at his phone then out the window and said after a minute, “I might hit the dance studio, I’m wound and tense and I gotta work some of it off, don’t want to snap at any of you guys especially…” he trailed off.

“Jimin-ah?” Namjoon supplied.

Hoseok simply nodded with a hum. He said after a minute as the car turned onto another street, “I figured out what was going on the last two months, why he won’t talk to us now or even give us the time of day.”

Tae asked with his head rested against the window staring at the city, “we are dicks and deserve it.”

Hoseok said as they all hummed in agreement, “it’s what we did.”

The four in the van with him looked at him at that as he continued to stare at the city passing them by.

“we pushed him away and made him feel unwanted for three months, and then we were told off and realised how fucked up it all was and tried for two to pull him back in, we didn’t even stop to realise that he was out there all alone in the cold struggling to deal with all the shit we laid on him. I’m pretty sure he pushed us away, thinks we don’t want him because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t deserve care and happiness and love, that it’s his fault JK was hurt and we had whatever reasons he might have thought up,” the rapper said to the four of them before looking at them.

JK said from between Yoongi and Tae with his head back staring at the ceiling, “will… will you treat me like that, will you push me away for not telling you, for lying… for doing pretty much everything hyung did with his secret.”

The other four could hear the shake in his voice the fear he was trying to mask.

Yoongi reached over and slid his hand over the younger’s resting curled in a fist on his knee. JK lifted his head and looked at it and Yoongi said, “no, no we will be pissed and we will say shit I’m sure but we promise… You were right, we are stupid, horrible, evil people and we deserve everything he gives us, but we understand, we understand why you did it, why he did it. We should have understood back then, but we understand now and we are sorry we left you all alone just like him.” Jungkook took a shaky breath and nodded with a small smile.

“We got a lot of shit to work out, to process and come to terms with especially when it comes to Jimin-ah, but we will do everything we can to try and fix this, to fix the communication between us and the chasm we caused,” Namjoon offered with a reassuring nod to them all.

“How we gonna do that hyung?” Taehyung asked back to leaning against the window.

Namjoon sighed at that and looked back out his own window, “I have no idea TaeTae, I have no idea.”

Yoongi looked out the window as Hoseok did before Jungkook’s head feel back against his chair and he went back to staring at the ceiling, Yoongi’s hand still clasped tightly over the top of his.

-

Hoseok had gone with Yoongi to the company after they had dumped their luggage and sort of half unpacked their essentials, he was wound, stressed and he was right, if he didn’t get it out of his system he’d lightly snap at the first one of them that so much as looked at him wrong.

He couldn’t bring himself to think how that would go if it was Jimin, especially not since he had been thinking about that day in that dance studio five months ago just days after Jimin had told them all Jungkook’s secret. He kept replaying it over in his head as the hard beats to the songs Yoongi had mixed for him made one of the mirror panels vibrate slightly and the ground shake as the loud beats blasted from the speakers.

He had been so cruel to the younger being more aggressive in his actions towards him than he ever had been, pinching and pulling on him, hitting him when Jimin had shied away. He flinched as he moved to the next beat at those memories.

He hadn’t been brave enough to tell the others Jungkook wasn’t the only one who had been hitting Jimin over the last five months, not that it wasn’t unnatural for Hoseok, is was with how aggressive he had been. He spun around before stopping as he huffed heavily as a sharp pain pranged in his heart at the memories of those times he had hit Jimin for some pathetic reason he had at the time.

He put his hands on his hips and stared at the ceiling panting hard as he struggled to keep his self-hatred inside sure if there was chair there with him he’d pick it up and throw it across the room.

The next song started and he let it consume him once more only for Jimin to pop into his head half way through the second break, imagines of Jimin dancing with him, matching him working off him applying his own butterfly water like style to the moves played out in his head and around him in the studio.

He smiled brightly as the sound of Jimin’s jingle like laugh danced around him before the little squeak that saw him collapsing to the ground in hysterics echoed over the loud music.

Hoseok couldn’t hold it any longer and as the image of Jimin gliding along the dance floor flashed through his mind one more time he turned in angered frustration as he clenched his fists and screamed loud at the top of his lungs to the empty studio.

He huffed as the air ran out and he sank to his knees to lean forward on his hands panting wildly to the wood floor of the studio.

He squeezed his eyes shut as he felt tears slip from them, you fucked up really good this time didn’t you Hoseok, he thought to himself, hurt the white star to your bright sunshine, the one that gave you all the fucking hope you need to be who you fucking are.

Hoseok send a hand over his mouth as he felt a sob forcing its way out of his throat, you don’t deserve to fucking cry you son of a bitch, Jimin’s the one who gets to cry, all because of you, the one you care about, the one you admired, the one you fucking love, his brain near screamed making his head throb.

Hoseok’s sobbed chokes caught in his throat as his eyes shot open.

He knelt on all fours with a hand to his mouth tears running from his eyes as he stared at the floor in shocked realisation, “w-what… did you just… say?” he asked himself between hiccupped breaths.

Oh please, it’s not like you didn’t already know that you fucking moron, spending every minute you could with him, wanting to cuddle him, kiss him, fuck him, and what was it you once said in the chat, “i want to make love to him”, his brain taunted, throwing out the facts like a google search engine on speed, the one person in the group who would have sold his soul to see the six of you happy, who loved you so much he kept a secret from you to protect you all, to be thrown aside by the very people he had ALWAYS been there for no matter what. How the fuck are you gonna love him now, how the fuck are you gonna show him you actually care and it’s not just a fucking game huh, HOW!

Hoseok choked out at sob at the last word his broke screamed at him, how was he going to do that indeed, as much as he wanted to deny it all he loved Jimin, he loved Jimin like he loved Yoongi, hell like he loved all six of the other members, he wanted to wake up next to them, to cuddle them on lazy Sunday mornings, to have movie nights and games nights and even date nights, hell he wanted to date every one of the six of them if he could.

He leant forward resting his forehead on the dance floor with his hand back over his mouth as his other clutched his chest, yeah, you really fucked up this time didn’t you, you pathetic fucker, one of the people you love and this is how you fucking treat them, the kindest soul, the warmest heart, the brightest smile you fucking know and you throw him away all for protecting one member you couldn’t.

The beats and base on the tracks now screaming around him vibrated through his entire body as it shook the floor, he was kind of glad he had cranked the volume so loud it drowning out the sounds he was making unable to hold in the pain he was feeling, the hurt he had brought on himself.

You don’t even deserve to cry, you’re not the one who’s suffered, you’re not even the one who’s been hurt, get your head out of your ass, you self-righteous dick, his brain kept taunting. He tried to stop, he tried to stop crying, sobbing, hell he probably tried to stop breathing but no matter how hard he tried he wouldn’t stop, the tears, the pain, the sounds, all the tension he had been holding as the realisation that he truly loved Jimin, more than just a brother and the acceptance of what Jimin had been through in the past, the events that had made him the softest person in the world had all broken like he had hoped but not in the way he had wanted.

-

It was some time before he had finally stopped ugly crying and just knelt in the child’s yoga pose with his head resting on his folded arms breathing slowly calming himself returning back to the calm ball of sunshine he always was, he couldn’t help but think of Jimin as he worked on his centre, the way the younger’s presence alone could calm him even if they were considered the most hyper of the group.

As he breathed out for the he doesn’t know how many times the music cut out as his phone started to ring.

He sat up at the sound and looked at it on the table.

He wondered who would be calling him, Namjoon probably to check up on me no doubt, he thought as he slowly dragged himself to his feet. He felt sluggish and tired now and was considering just going home to pass the fuck out.

He lifted his phone surprised to see Jin calling him knowing the oldest was at the variety shoot with Jimin. He worried a little that something might have happened and as his ringtone played for the fourth time he quickly tapped the receive button and put it to his ear.

“Jin Hyung, sup, how’s the recording going?” Hoseok asked putting on a rather fake smile and cheerful tone hoping it would hide the fact he’d just spent at least two hours crying as he answered the call.

“Are you at the company?” Jimin asked quickly.

Hoseok paused in surprise, what the hell, why is Jimin calling me and on Jin’s phone, he thought before he started to speak fake mask dropping as he did, “J-Jimin-ah I… I thought you were…”

Jimin cut off his pathetic attempt at conversation not commenting one bit on the rough tone in Hoseok’s voice that probably told him he had been crying earlier, “are. You. at. The. Company!?” Jimin all but demanded.

Again, the older paused, if they had been face to face Jimin would have seen him visibly shiver at the tone, god he sounds so angry, god I wish I could fix that so badly, he thought to himself before remembering the question, “y-yeah…” he started before clearing his throat and steading himself, “yes, I was doing some dancing.”

“good, forget the dancing you need to go to Yoongi right now in Genius Lab.” Jimin stated bluntly and straight to the point of why he had probably called in the first place.

“wait, Jimin-ah, I don’t understand, what is even goi…” Hoseok was confused with everything right now.

Jimin replied like lightning effortlessly cutting him off, “look I don’t know what the hell is going on, but I’m pretty sure right now as we speak Yoongi is in his studio crying, and I’m pretty sure it’s all my fault, so forget the fucking dancing and go to him right now, do you hear me Hoseok. Good, goodbye.” And then the line went dead. Hoseok looked at his phone in utter confusion, why the hell did he even ring you just to tell you to go to Yoongi, like did he ever think maybe I just wanted to ta… he had started to argue with himself before stopping as he realised what Jimin had just said.

Hoseok quickly lifted his phone and dialled his speed dial one and quickly lifted it to his ear tucking his phone against his cheek as he hurriedly packed up his things.

“Come on Yoogs, answer your phone,” Hoseok begged out loud as he turned the sound system off and spun around quickly on his feet.

“I am sorry, the number you have reached is currently unavailable, please leave a voice message after the tone,” the annoying woman’s bitch ass robotic voice recited making Hoseok groan in frustration and contemplate on throwing his phone against a wall as he yanked the door open and ran out of the studio.

-

It took him less than three minutes to reach the elevators where he stood hammering the button as he tried to ring Yoongi for the 5th time.

He cursed as the numbers slowly counted up from the ground floor, “come on you piece of shit,” he hissed as he impatiently tapped his foot.

“Oh…” a familiar voice said as the doors opened and he moved to dart inside with his head down.

Hoseok stopped in his tracked and looked up to see a surprised Namjoon looking at him. there was a moment just a moment, a second that passed between them before Namjoon spoke first, “up or down hyung?”

Namjoon rarely called him hyung and Hoseok knew if he did there was something on his mind. He knew a remedy and with the urgency he knew it was perfect for them all.

Hoseok said as he rushed in beside the leader, “up, the studios.”

Namjoon asked as he watched Hoseok tap his phone and put it to his ear, “everything okay hyung?”

Hoseok said hurriedly as the doors slid shut painfully slow, “I had a phone call from I thought Jin hyung, but it was Jimin-ah.”

Namjoon said surprised as he turned his full attention to the older, “what, what did he say, did he yell at you, hell did you yell at him?”

Hoseok shook his head quickly, “no to the second, but yeah I guess to the first, he told me to go to Yoongi and I was asking questions. He kinda just snapped at me and told me he thinks hyung is crying…” he paused and tapped his phone again glancing at the floor number before looking at Yoongi’s name on his phone before he spoke again as he lifted his phone to his ear and going back to stare at the numbers on the digit display of the elevator at the same time, “after I snapped out of my what the fuck just happened moment I packed my shit, I’ve already called him six times now, he’s not answering, you and I both know he never not answers, you know why.”

Namjoon said as he turned to the door to stare at the display with Hoseok, “I’ll go and get what we need while you take care of him.”

Hoseok simply hummed as he tapped Yoongi’s name once more.

-

The elevator opened and the two of them were out of there before the doors were even half way open racing down the corridor to their studios connected to a common room down three separate hallways.

They dumped their stuff on the couch in the common room Namjoon rushing to the kitchenette as Hoseok rushed to the second hallway that lead to Genius Lab.

It took just seconds before he slid to a stop outside the door and hammered the bell trying to get the oldest rapper to let him inside.

After the 7th time he tapped the panel illuminating the digital lock. Contrary to whose ever twitter or YouTube or behind the scenes video it had been Yoongi wasn’t the only one with the code, Hoseok and Namjoon knew it. It had been part of CEO Bang’s condition of giving the boys their own top quality studios, with Yoongi’s past he had to make sure two of the members knew the codes in cases of emergencies.

Emergencies like this, Hoseok through as he keyed in BTS’s debut date and waited for the light to turn green and the click to sound.

In just one second the door was unlocked and Hoseok grabbed it and pulled it open quickly before pausing to put in the day Yoongi got Holly opening the second door.

He pulled it open for the sounds of heavy sobbing and ragged gasping breathing to permeate the air. Hoseok looked into the dimly lit studio searching for the source moving in he let the doors go eyes looking to the couch as the first door clicked shut behind him.

“Yoongi…” Hoseok called wondering where the hell he was, it wasn’t like the place was all that huge, how the hell did he even manage to lose a Yoongi in there anyway.

The desk chair moved from a foot kicking it, Hoseok’s eyes quickly finding the source in the dim light there curled up under his desk sat a sobbing heavily breathing visibly shaking Min Yoongi.

He rushed over pushing the chair harshly out of the way to hit he hopes that was the couch as he dropped to his knees before the older.

He shuffled forward legs spreading as he grabbed one of Yoongi’s curled fists from where he had it curled into the sleeve of his sweat shirt.

“Hyung… Yoongi, Yoongi Look at me, come on Yoongi look at me right here for me…” Hoseok spoke softly in a tone he knew for certain soothed the older when he had these episodes, “Yoongi you need to look at me okay, right here,” Hoseok stated clicked his fingers to draw Yoongi’s attention to his face like always.

Hoseok smiled softly at him lips curling making his hidden dimples show a smile that could effortless sooth Yoongi before it usually got this bad.

Yoongi’s glassed blurry vision cleared on the next blink as more tears fell, he was there, he shuddered a sighed breath of relief before it turned into quick panted gasps once more. It had been a while since it had been this bad, since he had cried this hard, since it had felt like he was slowly suffocating in his struggle to break the panic attack.

Hoseok clutched Yoongi’s fist in his hands before prying it from around the clutched fabric. He effortlessly slipped their fingers together and pulled the hand into his own chest as he placed his free hand on Yoongi’s own.

Hoseok said as he took long slow breathed, “Yoongi, I need you to breath for me, slow breaths, like me, just like me,” he took a long breath then slowly breathed out, then in, then out, then in, his other hand moving erratically with Yoongi’s breath before it finally started to fall into a matchable rhythm to his other clutching Yoongi’s to his chest.

“Just like that Yoongi,” Hoseok encouraged with his warm smile.

-

Time passed and finally Yoongi could breath once more the pressure in his chest finally ebbed and Hoseok watched as he took a long lungful of air before letting it go as his entire body went slack as if that one action had realised all the tension that had held it taunt moments ago.

It was then Hoseok guessed the rest of the world finally came back into focus for him as Yoongi seemed to notice Namjoon sitting on his computer chair behind Hoseok staring at the two of them.

“when’d you get here?” the older asked bluntly.

Hoseok smiled as Namjoon didn’t flinch, they were both used to Yoongi’s I will cut you attitude after one of his episodes. The younger simple smiled at his friend, “while ago, I ran into hyung in the elevator on his way up to rescue your stupid ass,” Hoseok heard him reply.

Yoongi snorted with a weakly pointed glare making Hoseok smile slightly before he watched as Yoongi finally let his head fall forward onto his knees with a deep but short-lived sigh still trying to get the rest of his breath back.

“Wanna talk about it?” the pair asked the oldest in unison.

Yoongi breathed into his lap, “not particularly, bottom line, I was thinking about Jimin-ah, and I kinda just lost it.”

Namjoon smiled, “honestly not the only one today, both Tae-ah and JK broke down. Tae was eating ice cream and watching SpongeBob and JK is asleep, it was the only way to actually get him to stop crying believe it or not poor kid.”

Yoon asked them after a minute, “how you think Jin’s doing?”

Hoseok said with a shrug probably only Namjoon saw, “probably about as well as you’d think.”

Yoongi lifted his head to look at them and pointed at the water in Namjoon’s hands. Namjoon smiled and let Hoseok take it off him after he opened it for the oldest.

Yoongi asked after taking a few sips, “you going to Mon Studios?”

Namjoon nodded, “mmm, I need to get the… twisted bundle inside me out before I explode or… combust.”

Hoseok turned to look at Namjoon and asked, “the kids?”

Namjoon shook his phone, “I’ve had Tae-ah checking in every hour, JK’s been asleep for about 4 hours know and Tae’s finished his second tub of ice cream, you two gonna be okay in here?”

Yoongi nodded with a hum as Hoseok turned to look at him again.

“what about you, you good?” Hoseok asked.

Namjoon nodded as he now leant forward on his knees as Hoseok took the cool damp cloth off him, “I’m good, I went for a walk to clear my head, think… reflect I guess, I ah, I might have had a break down at the river and some people might have seen me but honestly I don’t give a fuck.”

The two other rappers laughed, Hoseok knowing Namjoon like he did knew for the youngest of them to not worry about his public image meant he was really struggling with all of this especially as the group’s leader.

Yoongi said as he continued to hold Hoseok’s hand, “we get it Joon-ah, just know the two of us are here when you need to truly vent hmm.”

Hoseok nodded with a hum before Namjoon answered, “I know hyungs, thanks for always having my back. I’ll leave you alone mmm, let you crawl back up and all that, let me know if you need anything I saw some ramen out in the common room if you get hungry.”

Yoongi said ‘maybe in an hour or so, I still feel like shit.”

Namjoon smiled as Hoseok laughed loud, “at least you’re not a hyperventilating seal any more so, there is that.”

The three of them laughed this time as the two still on the floor watched the youngest leave with a final be good, talk soon.

Hoseok looked at the older and smiled warmly again, “wanna get on that couch?”

Yoongi mused with a slight smirk now, “the floor is comfortable as fuck and you know it.”

Hoseok smiled with a nod, “yeah, but I really can’t cuddle you when your crammed under your desk.”

Hoseok smiled as Yoongi laughed at that before the he watched the other finally move out from under the said desk letting Hoseok pull him part way when he got a bit stuck before Hoseok hooked his hands under Yoongi’s arms and effortless easily lift him back to his feet. Hoseok found it funny that even though Yoongi was deceptively strong, Yoongi let him man handle him how he pleased, especially after that night five months ago.

The older simple smiled his gummy smile at Hoseok causing his wide heart smile in return at the sight he always found cute on the older.

The pair stood there like that for a moment with Hoseok’s arms around Yoongi’s waist before Yoongi slid his arms around Hoseok’s neck.

The shorter of the two leant up and gently pressed his lips to Hoseok’s surprising him. It wasn’t weird but it was different, not a weird different but a good different given all their previous kisses had been nothing but heated and usual in the middle of some rather amazing sex Hoseok had to admit.

“That was very sweet, not very Suga/Agust D of you, what was it for?” Hoseok half taunted half pondered.

Yoongi smiled at him again, “for coming, for always being here for being my…” he paused Hoseok guessed looking for the right words.

“I’m your hope,” Hoseok happily finished for him with a smug smile.

Yoongi looked at him and scoffed, “Aish, you’re such a loser.” Yoongi laughed lightly before pulling Hoseok down this time to kiss him again.

Hoseok felt Yoongi sigh against his lips after they separated foreheads touching, “you’re my hope and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

-

The bell on Yoongi’s door chimed as a topless Hoseok leant over Yoongi laying topless himself with his pants unbuckled on his couch. They had spent some time cuddling and then had the Ramen Namjoon mentioned had been out in the common room before they had gone back to cuddling and a nap for Yoongi.

And now after some light kisses turned to roaming hands, roaming hands had quickly turned to heavy kisses and heavy kisses had turned to Hoseok flipping the two of them over to pin Yoongi to the couch and their current position currently being interrupted.

Yoongi glared at nothing, “why the fuck he tryna cock block.”

Hoseok laughed and moved from the lounge to look for his shirt.

He chuckled to himself as he found it hanging from Yoongi’s computer screen.

He turned pulling it on to look at the older they looked like the preshow of sex, both of them were flushed, their hair was a mess and their lips were a very obvious kiss bruised red.

Hoseok blew Yoongi a playful kiss before going to the door and pulled the first one open.

He pushed the outer door open as he held the other with his other arm to come face to face with Namjoon.

Hoseok watched the youngest rapper before him sort of get stuck half way between frozen and intrigued as he watched the cogs turn over in his mind very sure he knew exactly what he was thinking about.

Hoseok smirked watching Namjoon gulp before he finally spoke to him, “you two done?” Namjoon somehow managed to ask.

Hoseok really couldn’t help himself, being one of the two biggest flirts in the group he mused as he held the two doors open staring Namjoon right in the eye, “done what exactly Namjoon-ah?”

Namjoon stared at him for a long second before he shook his head probably shaking the thoughts from his mind before he spoke again, “mixing,” Namjoon stated weakly before he gave a sigh to Hoseok, “I just talked to Jin, he and Jimin-ah are home, Hyung is waiting for us to come back and besides it’s three am, and we got a schedule tomorrow, so pack your shit and let’s go, I’ll be out in Bangtan Town waiting for your asses.”

Hoseok chuckled watching the younger leave him in the doorway without so much as waiting for any sort of reply.

“I hate you all,” Namjoon quipped loud enough for them both to hear.

He leant back through the doors looking at the still topless but now standing Yoongi before they both laughed and he let the doors shut so they could finish getting dressed. Hoseok slid his hands over the older’s slim toned pale hips and pulled him in gently, “maybe next time we get a minute mmm,” Hoseok suggested.

Yoongi nodded as he leant forward and slid his arms around the others neck, “but can we maybe… wait till after we’ve actually apologised to Jimin, now that you aren’t clouding my head with your insanely skilled lips and hands I kinda fell… like shit you know?”

Hoseok saw his point having felt like a dick the moment he had separated from Yoongi to find his shirt. He nodded, “same, and I get it really, whatever this is with us I mean we’ll figure it out right?”

Yoongi nodded, “of course, only if you want to, I’m okay staying this or even whatever you decide.”

Hoseok smiled his heart smile and leant forward gently kissing the older like they had after he had pulled the older back from his edge. he leant back and looked at Yoongi and nodded, “whatever WE decide.”

Yoongi laughed and nudged him a little as he let him go, “come on, before Joon-ah has a break down or something”

Hoseok laughed as he found Yoongi’s shirt for him then waited for him to get his things.

Hoseok and Yoongi made their way out into the common room to hear Namjoon talking to himself “I have no goddamn idea, just please shut up,” the youngest of the rap line said.

“You losing it on us there Joonie?” Yoongi asked amused as they exited the hall to Genius Lab.

The two fo them watched Namjoon jumped at the sudden intrusion to his angsty silence, “Jesus, fuck…” he cursed at them only making the two laugh at him which earned them a frown and a pout in return.

“come on, let’s get the hell out of here before you go cuckoo on us, we already got one, we don’t need any more.” Hoseok said as he moved over to the lounge the younger was sat on and leant down giving his cheek a pinch

Namjoon groaned as he rubbed his cheek as he pulled back from Hoseok’s never gentle attack, “ah bite me, both of you.”

Hoseok watched Yoongi grin that, “sure if you want,” the older teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Namjoon groaned again as he got up from his seat and left them standing there laughing again, “I hate you all,” he quipped again.

Hoseok nudged Yoongi a little and nodded causing the two of them to follow the younger still laughing at him as they all finally headed home.

-

The conversation in the car on the way back to the apartment had died off at Namjoon asking for their opinion on some new tracks he was working before they had arrived to the apartment building garage.

Hoseok and Namjoon half followed half shuffled behind Yoongi talking more about the tracks as they let Yoongi open the door for them. Hoseok kicked his shoes off at the door with the many other pairs that lived there before hanging his coat up with the hundred others that lived in the coat closet as well.

He waited for the other two Namjoon surprisingly always the slowest to take his shoes and coats off even slower than Yoongi most times. They three made their way across the indoor garden to be shushed into silence by Jin as he told them the kids were asleep.

Hoseok followed Namjoon to the kitchen as he asked, “how are they all?”

Jin gave a sigh telling Hoseok all he pretty much needed to know, it was all still shit, “well it looks like JK hasn’t eaten, his door is locked and I found take away stacked by his door, Tae-ah is asleep and I heard the shower kick off about ten minutes ago so it’s a safe bet Jimin-ah is now in bed as well.”

“Are you sure Jungkook didn’t eat?” the three gave a sigh before Namjoon asked as Hoseok stood beside him watching Yoongi now making his way around the island in search of oh, a cup.

“Positive, all his favourites were untouched when I threw them out, they were cold so they’ve been sitting there for a while, why do you ask?” Jin asked drawing Hoseok’s attention from the oldest rapper now going to the fridge to the oldest in the room.

Hoseok looked at Namjoon as he spoke again, “I told Tae-ah to wake JK up after the food he ordered arrived, from what Tae-ah told me he checked on him before he texted me and he was still asleep,” he relayed what he had told Yoongi and himself earlier.

Yoongi stated from where he stood with his milk near the fridge, “they had a fight.”

“how do you know that?” Hoseok’s attention returned to Yoongi as he asked for the three of them now staring at him.

He saw Jin point at him with a nod waiting for an answer.

“JK always locks his door after he has a fight with someone, it’s the only explanation for why Jin hyung found his food untouched. I found that out after that fight we had in like 2015 remember it,” Yoongi explained as he made his way over to the three of them at the island and sat the half empty cup down.

Hoseok nodded remembering how the young had had a go at Yoongi and Yoongi had all but cut him down for it. Hoseok realised with the things they now knew and as all the pieces came together at the same time right there, that had been around the time that piece of scum had molested him.

There was a collective wince Hoseok saw on the other three as he felt himself give it too before the four of them gave a collective sigh.

Hoseok looked to Jin as he spoke again, “anyway, the entire year has been shit and this night is not helping any, let’s all get some rest so we actually get up in time for the schedule tomorrow,” ever the mother hen he was.

Hoseok then turned to Namjoon beside him as the youngest in the room hummed with a nod before he grabbed his shoulder bag from the stool he was standing behind, “Run episode recording, I think it’s like 25, 24 airs tomorrow I think or wait, no today… whatever you know what I mean,” Hoseok saw the smile on Yoongi’s face knowing he was loving watching the younger struggle for once as Namjoon finished with a sigh before he and the other two gave a laugh.

Hoseok looked endearingly at his fellow 94 liner, “this all has you so fucked up,” he quipped as Yoongi humming with a nod of agreement.

“Oi,” Jin called to him with a quick glare, “language in our house,” causing Hoseok to look at him once more.

Hoseok beamed his heart smile as he chimed sweetly in a hushed whisper, “Sorry mum,” making Yoongi near grin.

Jin snorted at him with yet another quick glare and he took his half full tea mug, “bite me. Go to sleep all of you got me,” he retorted snarkily to his comment.

Hoseok saw Yoongi’s wide gummy grin as he looked at him and then Namjoon’s dimpled grin as he turned his head and with a nod leant over a little and chorusing sweetly with the two of them, “Yes mum, sweet dreams.”

Hoseok laughed first as the other two joined at as Jin snorted once more at them as he headed down the hall to his room leaving them in the kitchen before going to bed like he said.

They all gave a small sigh as they calmed down before looking at Namjoon as he spoke, “get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning… later on… whatever, night,” Namjoon ended with another huffed all but giving up.

Hoseok laughed at his fellow 94’s struggle as he watched Yoongi chuckle before Namjoon waved them off as they watched him shuffle off down the hall to his room.

Hoseok turned to Yoongi across from him, “may I walk you to your room sir,” the older smiled.

With that and a wave of his hand like a fan and an as cute as he could giggle, “why good sir I would love that yes,” Hoseok sung sweetly.

The older gave a low laugh as Hoseok waited watching as the usually lazy stone picked his glass up drank the rest of his milk before putting it in the sink and filling it with water. Hoseok watched Yoongi grab his shoulder bag where he’d sat it on the island before walking around to him as he picked up his gym bag from the chair in front of him and together walked to their “side” of the apartment.

Hoseok stopped at the master suite door as Yoongi asked, “you gonna be okay?”

Hoseok gave a small hum as he turned back to the older, “it’s a safe bet he’s a sleep, I’ll be fine, besides it’s not like I don’t deserve what he throws out.”

“True but still…” Yoongi started to say

Hoseok stepped closer to the older, “will you be right after what happened tonight?” he asked in a low voice.

Yoongi corrected with a gummy grin, “last night,” he said a little smugly.

Hoseok snorted, “seriously…” he nudged the older’s chest lightly as he looked at him.

After a moment Yoongi nodded with a smile, “mmm, I’ll be fine, the rest will help, might even have a shower before I pass out, have your phone on mmm, just in case,” he more demanded than asked.

Hoseok gave his signature heart smile as he leant forward, “it’s a good thing I’m a light sleeper,” he whispered against Yoongi’s lips before pressing his against Yoongi’s in a sweet kiss just like the ones from earlier.

Hoseok whispered once they separated, “sweet dreams, hyung, and I’ll see you in the morning.”

Yoongi smiled warmly at him before he gave him a nod and headed down to his room. Hoseok leant on the door slightly watching him very sure that sway of his hips was absolutely on purpose.

Hoseok watched Yoongi stop at his door and look back at him to see the smile on his face, “go to bed,” Yoongi ordered him, Hoseok replied with nothing more than a flying kiss making Yoongi chuckle before they both disappeared into their respective rooms.

Hoseok quietly put his gym bag down as he looked at the sleeping Jimin in the other bed. His heart hurt at the sight there were tear tracks on his cheeks and guessed something had happened with Jin he was sure the older wouldn’t tell any of them about.

He stopped holding his pyjamas and just stared at Jimin wishing with all his might that he could go back and slap the five of them, change all this fix all this before it ever happened. He gave a sigh and turned to the bathroom, soon, soon we will fix this, he though before shutting the bathroom door and getting ready to shower and sleep.

Chapter Text

The van had dropped Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Taehyung and Jungkook off at the dorm about 45 minutes after they had arrived at the airport.

It felt weird for Namjoon walking into the dorm without all seven of them together, although he was sure it would have felt weirder if they had all arrived together. He had noticed it almost instantly when the seven of them came together earlier to catch their plane, the tension was more palpable then it ever had been in the last five months.

He recalled the conversation they had almost been forced to have with Sejin, Norin, Izzy and Traydon and how Jimin had been the one who had stepped in. He wondered if Jimin had only done it to spare himself and honestly couldn’t blame him, he had seen how the noonas and staff had treated Jimin the past few weeks especially in Taipei and wondered if Jimin had told them the truth to what was happening, the truth Norin only knew half of.

He sighed deeply as the elevator opened.

“you alright there Joon-ah?” Yoongi questioned.

Namjoon said after a minute as they wheeled their luggage out down to their penthouse apartment door, “I’m fine, just thinking about to many things right now.”

Yoongi clapped him on the shoulder as he walked ahead of them all, “don’t forget, we are here if you want to vent.”

Namjoon simply hummed with a wave of his hand as he let the oldest unlock the door for them all.

He wheeled his and Jin’s luggage in side where he took his coat and shoes off before heading into the rest of the apartment.

He caught himself looking at the indoor garden remembering all the times he’d spotted Jimin out there watering the plants and flowers they had. He caught sight of a few of the ever greens Jimin had brought sometime around his birthday, ‘do I honestly need a reason to buy seven,’ Jimin had said to him when he had asked at breakfast one morning. He had often caught himself wondering what the real reason had been and had only guessed what it could have been.

He wheeled their luggage inside and turned to the kitchen.

He asked as he paused, “Oh hey, do you guys wanna cook something for dinner later, or take out?”

The other four turned and looked at him as he turned back to look at them.

Hoseok answered for all fo them, “we’ll order take out, I mean, Jin isn’t here, neither is Jimin-ah, and I’m sure none of us actually want to cook right now.”

Yoongi nodded with a hum as he looked back at Namjoon, “Hoseok and I are going to the studio in a bit we’ll get something near there.”

Taehyung said as he held the handle of his suit case, “Jungkookie and I are gonna stay here with Namjoonie hyung, we’ll just get something delivered later, I’m… I’m not really hungry at the moment.”

The older members nodded as Jungkook hummed in agreement.

Namjoon nodded ‘alright, sounds good.” he turned and headed again and stopped remembering their schedule for tomorrow, “OH GUYS…” he called as he turned once more.

The other three stopped down the hall as Hoseok stuck his head out of the master suite’s open door.

Namjoon said after a minute, “we have a schedule tomorrow, Run BTS recording ah… episode 24… no 25 I think.”

The other four nodded before four okays came back. He nodded and turned once more mind going back to Jimin where it had been for hours now.

He put Jin’s suitcase in his room before taking his across the hall to his room. He lifted it onto his bed and unzipped it pulling out the essential things he needed toiletries and the dirty laundry Jungkook would no doubt do in the next 12 hours or so.

His mind wondered back to the last four years once again, all the conversations he had had with Jimin, all the things he and the younger had shared together, he remembered a few of the books Jimin had read and told him about, ‘I really liked this one hyung, especially when the protagonist got justice after being hurt like that,’ he recalled him saying about one as he dropped his dirty clothes bag to the foot of his bed, ‘this one was really sad hyung, the protagonist suffered so much and in the end they didn’t get the justice they deserved,’ he recalled of another making him wonder if Jimin himself had gotten justice for what happened to him.

Namjoon’s heart ached again as he thought about Jimin’s past, he wasn’t surprised when it finally sank in why he hadn’t told them, the six of them were bisexual and had always been very open about it since they had met each other but for Jimin being gay, Namjoon could understand his worry, his fears especially when it came to the secret he had kept from them all, there would have been questions, questions he was sure Jimin wouldn’t have wanted to answer.

He paused holding his toiletries bag before shaking his head to clear it long enough to finish what he was doing. He walked to his and Jin’s shared bathroom and went inside sitting his things on his side of the room before taking a minute to look at himself. His hair was a mess and he looked tired, to tired, not surprising since he had barely slept the night before.

After splashing some water on his face, he headed back into his room and pulled out his electronics and set up his laptop on his desk. he paused clutching a speaker in one hand as he spotted it sitting there staring at him. He reached over and took a hold of the photo frame and pulled it to himself.

It was a picture of the seven of them, he couldn’t remember who had taken it but it was after their 2016 second Daesang win, they had been so ecstatically happy it had taken a good two months for it to all hit them that they had actually won the Artist of the Year.

Namjoon sighed and sat it down before running his hand over his face with a deep sigh, as the leader of the group he didn’t know how to approach this, any of this, not Jimin’s past, not even Jimin himself and honestly after the shit they had pulled he couldn’t blame the younger for pulling away like he had, he couldn’t blame him for giving up like he had.

Namjoon shook his head clearing it once more to finish setting up his equipment. He desperately needed a coffee.

-

Namjoon walked down the hallway into the kitchen some time later, having set up his equipment so many times you’d think he’d have it down to a fine art but nope, as per the clumsy genius he was he had gotten one cable in the wrong place and had to rewire the entire thing form start to finish and now, now he definitely needed that coffee. Hoseok and Yoongi had told him they were headed out he thinks as least an hour ago now.

He padded down the hardwood floors of the hallway to the great room turning sharply as he existed the hall to be in one of his three favourite places in the dorm, the kitchen.

Namjoon smiled softly to himself as images of Jin humming a rather off-key tune while cooking them dinner danced before his eyes as he made his way to the coffee machine. As he stopped before it and turned it on it was then that his little bubble burst and the sound of crying hit his ears.

He whirled around on his feet searching for the source not taking long as his eyes landed on a body curled up on the sofa, Taehyung, he thought to himself.

He forgot his coffee and made his way across the great room avoiding the drop-down TV screen as he did. he stopped to get a look at the slim boy laying on the lounge, face buried in a pillow, body shaking, softly muffled sounds escaping him.

Namjoon went over to the younger after another minute and knelt down on the insanely fluffy shag carpet that sat in their lounge room. He slid his hand through the younger’s soft locks causing him to life his head from where he had it buried in the pillow.

Namjoon’s heart squeezed at the sight tears trickled down the youngers cheeks, red eyes stared at him and his lip was red from where he’d no doubt been worrying it trying to keep quiet.

“I’m a horrible person hyung…” Taehyung hiccupped before Namjoon could say anything.

Namjoon sighed, “ah, Tae…”

Taehyung couldn’t stop himself from breaking down not now he was faced with their leader, “I HURT MY BEST FRIEND!” he wailed before dropping his face back into the pillow crying hard.

Namjoon gently rubbed his hand up and down Taehyung’s back, “Tae… Taehyung look at me…” he urged after some moments.

Taehyung slowly lifted his wet eyes to look at his leader once more.

Namjoon said when Taehyung was finally looking at him again, “we all hurt our best friend Taehyung you aren’t not along in this hurt. We all have things we are sorry for, things we wish we could change, and we will fix this.”

“But how?!” Taehyung choked out as his body shook slightly.

Namjoon sighed, “honestly, I don’t know, I have no idea, but we will some way, some how we will fix this, even if we have to spent the rest of our lives fixing this we will because we all care about Jimin and we all fucked up and we all got a lot of things to be sorry for. I think the first thing we can do for now is apologise to him, lets start with an apology of some kind and go from there hmmm.”

Taehyung asked in a small voice, “but what… what i-if he doesn’t b-believe us…”

Namjoon smiled softly at the younger, “then we keep trying until he does.”

Taehyung looked at him blinking for a long moment before he said, “hyung, I…”

Namjoon cut him off, “it’s okay Tae-ah really, just let it all go and start fresh tomorrow okay.”

Taehyung caught Namjoon’s wrist and pulled him back down, “no hyung, I need to tell someone, I need to talk to someone about this… I…”

“What’s up?” Namjoon asked knelling back down.

Taehyung curled back up around his pillow and laid his head on it staring at the leader. He saw kind eyes staring back at him, they held an understanding that told him he was hurting probably just as much as he was.

“I… I love him…” Taehyung blurted out.

Namjoon smiled warmly at the younger, “we all love him Tae-ah.”

Taehyung shook his head quickly, “no hyung… I LOVE him.”

Namjoon stared at the young man laying before him for a long minute before it clicked in his already scrambled brain, “oh… OH,” he said in realisation, “how long…” he started to ask.

“I don’t even know, I think always, since we met each other in school… and I realised it and it hurt a lot because I hurt him, my best friend and someone I love a lot and I just… I don’t even know what to do hyung, what do I do with this, about this?” the younger begged for direction.

Namjoon took a long breath and took one of Taehyung’s hands in his and held it for a long minute just staring at it.

“I… I honestly do not know what you should do with this revelation… but what I think you should do for your best friend is apologise first and then rebuild that relationship after that, then see where it all goes,” Namjoon offered.

“when are we going to apologise?” Taehyung prompted.

Namjoon froze, shit when the hell should they apologise, tonight, hell tomorrow, next week. He brow creased as he tried to remember their coming schedules and when they had free time to finally sit down and do this right.

Namjoon took a breath and looked at Taehyung, “soon,” was his answer.

“but not to late thought right?” Taehyung asked.

Namjoon nodded, “right.”

Taehyung nodded happy with that answer.

Namjoon smiled and stood up again. He looked down at the younger and smiled reaching to the back of the lounge where he pulled the folded blanket from. He placed it over Taehyung and asked, “do you want anything, some tea maybe?”

Taehyung ever the weirdo he was asked as he watched Namjoon head back to the kitchen, “do we have any ice cream hyung?”

Namjoon chuckled to himself before answering, “I’ll have a look.”

Taehyung thanked him as he watched his leader return to the kitchen.

Namjoon’s quest for coffee had all but been forgotten and as he lifted the tub of honey comb crunch and a spoon to the younger curled up on the sofa he asked, “Did JK go out or is he still in his room?”

Taehyung pointed down the hall as he ripped open the tub of ice cream, “he’s still in his room, he hasn’t come out since we got home.”

Namjoon nodded, “are you right there.”

Taehyung lifted his tub as he switched the TV to SpongeBob, “I have ice cream and SpongeBob, I’m good hyung.”

Namjoon nodded and turned heading down the hall to the maknae’s room. He reached the door and knocked softly waiting for the younger to invite him in.

He looked into the studio on the left of the younger’s room remembering the last conversation they had all had with Jimin bringing a smile to his lips, ‘hey you okay Yoongi hyung I just heard you yell out a fuck. You kick your toe on Joon hyung’s books again why he keeps leaving them in the studio is a mystery,’ he remembered Jimin’s message from the chat that had he realised in a way started all this.

He frowned at the new realisation and reminded himself to go back over that when he had a minute.

He knocked again, “Jungkook-ah, are you in there?” he called through the door.

He sighed when no reply came and tried the handle surprised to find it unlocked.

He pushed the door open to see Jungkook sitting on the floor curled up with his head in his lap sobbing into the pillow he had sitting in it.

Namjoon rushed over to the younger, “Jungkook, what happened?” he quickly asked almost tripping over one of the younger’s shoes or shirts or something.

A muffled sob much like Taehyung left the younger as Namjoon crouched before the younger.

Namjoon slid his hand onto Jungkook’s arm, “Kook, talk to me, I’m right here,” he urged.

The younger lifted his head out of the pillow, hiccupping between sobs “I h-hurt h-him so… much hyung… and… and all he w-was doing… was protecting me like I-I begged him to… to hide t-the secret… to make sure y-you… none of y-you ever found out… and… and I hurt him… I-I pushed him away… I…I… I even hit him… how… w-why would he ever f-forgive me for that… he won’t ever forgive me for that… he… he should never f-forgive me for t-that…” he trailed off into hiccupped sobs before burying his face back into his pillow.

Namjoon stared at the younger and sighed as he moved to sit beside him, “ah, Guk…” he slid his arm around the youngers shoulders and held his other hand to the youngers arms folded across his knees.

“I know you think that, hell I’m sure we all think that, and okay yes you are right, he shouldn’t forgive you for hitting him…” Namjoon started making Jungkook cry harder at his words before he continued, “but you shouldn’t give up because of that, you have a lot to things to be sorry for we all do and I promise you the rest of us will be there to pull you back if you feel like it’s all getting to much, if you lash out at him again like that okay, we will be there and we will do this together,” he added hoping it calmed the younger somewhat, the reassurance that he wasn’t alone.

Jungkook lifted his head again, “b-but what if… he… he doesn’t forgive us… w-what if we broke him… and… and he leaves… he c-could leave… he should leave… we a-are horrible e-evil stupid people… and… and he should just leave…go… go far away from us all… so… so we can’t ever hurt him ever again…”

“NO!” the two heard Taehyung scream from the lounge room before feet running down the hall sounded.

Jungkook looked up at Taehyung now panting slightly in his door way clutching the frame in one hand and the door in the other.

“No, no he can’t leave, we need to apologise and fix this and get him back. HE CAN’T LEAVE!” Taehyung finished with a yell as fresh tears slipped down his cheeks.

Jungkook stared at his hyung, “b-but we hurt h-him…”

Taehyung moved to argue with the younger only to be cut off by Namjoon, “stop, enough, Taehyung come here, Jungkook hop up,” he ordered.

Honestly Namjoon had no idea what to do, his entire group was in chaos, a crisis he never thought would happen to their group and yet here it was. He helped Jungkook stand up before sitting the younger down on his bed and putting Taehyung right beside him.

He knelt again this time before the two of them and took a hand each.

He took some deep breaths like he often saw Hoseok doing with Yoongi to calm the distraught members before him.

“Now, I want you both to listen to me. Yes, we hurt Jimin we all did and we will fix this, if not we will try to fix this, but Jimin is the one that was hurt and if he feels inclined to leave that is his choice, his right and we can’t stop that if he wants to. We have no right to force him to stay in a place that has only caused him pain do you understand me?” he looked at the two to see them trying hard not to break down crying at his words knowing they understood him.

They nodded weakly before Taehyung spoke, “but I want my best friend back,” he whimpered softly as new tears slipped down his cheeks.

Jungkook buried his face into his free hand and sobbed, “IT’S ALL MY FAULT!”

Namjoon sighed and shifted leaning up on his knees and pulling the two boys into him wrapping his arms around their shoulders as they buried their faces into his own shoulders.

He looked out Jungkook’s windows at the city beyond and silently begged someone for guidance for help, hell for some sort of sign that there was even just a chance of fixing this like he kept saying, like he had convinced himself.

After a few minutes Taehyung had calmed himself and sat back to look at the younger and their leader.

“Tae-ah, how’s about you go back out to the lounge and finish watching TV okay, I’ll come out and check on you in a bit,” Namjoon suggested as Jungkook wrapped himself around the leader now that Taehyung had moved back.

Taehyung nodded as he fisted his cheeks getting up from where he had him sat on the bed. He shuffled to the door and looked back at the two for another minute to see Namjoon nod with a smile before he finally left them.

Namjoon slid his arms around Jungkook before rubbing one hand up and down the back the maknae’s back as he gently rocked them side to side slightly, “come on Guk-ah, sow breaths for me,” he ordered the younger in a soothing tone.

Jungkook calmed enough to at least form full coherent sentences without sounding like an emphysema patient after some moments of Namjoon holding him and rocking back and forth, Namjoon using some of the techniques he’d watched Hoseok use on Yoongi in the past to finally calm him and maybe even a few he’s watched Jimin use on them all.

Jungkook mumble after what felt like forever to them both, “I’m sorry hyung,” Namjoon’s shoulder.

“it’s okay Guk,” Namjoon said softly, “do you want to join Tae-ah out in the lounge room I think he’s watching cartoons.”

“I…” Jungkook started not even sure what he wanted. The pause lasted all of a few moments before Jungkook finally answered his question, “I want Jimin-ah,” he replied.

Namjoon smiled slightly, “we all want him Gukkie, and we’ll work on it, I promise, but for now…”

“can I lay down hyung, I feel a bit sick after all that,” Jungkook replied frowning against Namjoon’s shoulder, the older pretty sure he knew why.

Namjoon smiled a little more before replying after another minute of the maknae not budging, “of course, But you gotta let me go first.”

Jungkook mumbled again, “but you’re really warm, hyung.”

Namjoon chuckled lightly before poking the younger in the sides making him squirm and finally let go.

Jungkook sat back still frowning gaze dropping to his fidgeting hands. “Thank you hyung,” the younger said after to many moments of silence between them.

Namjoon slid his hands over Jungkook’s making him look up from them. He smiled warmly at the younger and nodded, “always you know that.”

There was a small moment of silence before Namjoon got to his feet, “come on, hope into bed and I’ll stay until you fall asleep okay”

Jungkook blinked for a minute before he nodded. Namjoon watched the younger stand and pulled his hoodie off and drop it to the floor before he turned in his sweats and tank top and pulled his covers back.

Namjoon held them for him as he watched the younger crawl under his blankets and settled down hugging the stuffed rabbit Jimin had brought him when they had gone to Japan together for that holiday Jungkook had spent months planning.

Namjoon brushed the younger’s hair back before asking with an amused smile, “want me to sweetly kiss your forehead before you go to sleep”

Jungkook snorted and lightly shoved his hyung, “you’re not my mother,” he retorted before he yawned exhaustion finally catching up to him.

Namjoon smiled as he leant down and pecked the younger on the forehead softly, “no, I’m not your mother…” he stood up and looked at the boy now snuggled up in his bed, “she’s currently suffering through a variety with the one who deserves to smack us all.”

Jungkook chuckled at that before it dropped into a frown, “we… we will fix this right hyung?” he asked turning his eyes up to Namjoon still leaning over him.

Namjoon nodded, “somehow, some way, even if we have to spend the rest of our lives fixing this we will.”

Jungkook smiled hopeful, even if the words weren’t true he wanted to desperately believe in them.

“get some rest okay, I’ll get Tae-ah to come wake you up later for some dinner okay,” Namjoon stated.

Jungkook watched the older turn his computer chair and sit down in it staying with him like he promised. He nodded in response to Namjoon’s statement and pulled his rabbit into him more probably hugging the dear life out of it in the process.

Namjoon watched from the chair as the younger’s eyes slowly dropped closed and then his breathing evened out. He sighed staying for another moment before he silently got up and made his way back to the door, god Jungkook really needed to clean his room.

He shut the door silently behind him before making his way down the hallway.

He stopped in the lounge room to see Taehyung back under his blankets (yep he went and got more no surprise) with his second tub of ice cream the mint choc chip, Yoongi was definitely going to murder him when he found out.

Namjoon squeezed one of his feet causing him to look from the TV.

“calmed down?” Namjoon asked.

Taehyung nodded pulling the spoon from his mouth, “I’m better hyung. is JK?” he asked.

Namjoon nodded, “he fell asleep, probably exhausted from everything that’s happened the last two days. Can you wake him up when you order take out after your ice cream?”

Taehyung nodded, “are you going out?”

Namjoon nodded as he looked at the TV, “mmm, need to clear my head, might go for a walk see where I end up.”

Taehyung mused, “don’t forget we are famous hyung, you can’t just go wandering these days remember.”

Namjoon sighed remembering the last time he went out for a walk, “I remember, I’ll be careful I promise, and I’ll have my phone on me, I want you to message me every hour okay, let me know how you are both doing.”

Taehyung nodded, “yes sir. Can you pick up more ice cream before you come home.”

Namjoon chuckled as he headed towards his room, “okay, any particular flavour”

Taehyung thought, “surprise me.”

Namjoon chuckled again and nodded waving his hand in understanding before disappearing down the hall to his room. He sighed running a hand over his face before walking into his room to get changed.

-

Namjoon wandered around for about two hours before he found himself standing at Han River. He sat down on the steps putting his shoulder bag between his feet as he leant forward on his knees to watch the people before him as he got comfortable and stayed well into the night.

He often came to the river when he was stressed or troubled, people watching was one of his favourite past times, he liked to imagine stories for the people he saw, a guy in the casual suit becoming a banker, a couple snuggled up to each other on a date, and when he really let his mind go the guy in the full business suit became a spy and the woman in the red dress became the trophy wife of a rich business mogul.

Namjoon got a lot of inspiration from just sitting at the river and letting his mind wonder, some how when he was at the river his thoughts seemed to sort themselves out into organised thinking. He found himself wondering just how they would fix what they did to Jimin, Jungkook’s words coming back to him, do you really want to keep him here in this hell to suffer through your lame pathetic attempts at fixing this shit? You can’t fucking fix this shit and you know it Kim Namjoon, his brain threw at him, you were supposed to be the leader of this team, and yeah, you lead them alright, lead them all into hurting the one member of your team that would wade through the depths of fucking hell for any one of you six self-obsessed assholes.

His eyes fell on a little girl and he guessed her father as they sat down before him, he watched the older gentleman lift an ice cream for the little girl watching her eyes light up like the gleaming lights around them. It was night time now, he wasn’t even sure how long he’d been sitting there but he had watched the sky turn orange and then a midnight blue and the lights of the river come on casing the water into the shades of the rainbow.

Like a sign wouldn’t you say? You spent so long staring at this you never once connected the dots, when he supported gay actors, or when he stuck the rainbow hearts all over himself at fan signs and meets “no hyung the rainbow ones are mine” and you never once put it together, how pathetic can you even get, his brain supplied as he looked back at the rainbow waterfall that cascaded from the bridge across the river, or all the times he said a male idol was handsome or even hot for that matter, all the signs were there you just didn’t give a fuck.

He gave a sigh to his own brain knowing it was right, don’t sigh at me, of course I’m fucking right, you didn’t give a fuck about him, all the times he had your back, all the times he dried your tears, all the times he told you you were loved, what about him, where the hell is his love, where the hell is someone drying his tears, where the hell where you when he needed someone to have his back huh Namjoon, the great leader of Bangtan.

He rubbed his temples as he closed his eyes, ‘I’m not arguing with myself, so shut up,” he mumbled softly to himself trying to make his now growing headache go away.

How much more hurt does he need to go through, how much more fake love does he have to endure before you finally accept the facts, you all fucked up, you all pushed him away, you all didn’t care about him, his brain decided to return to it’s first topic, you can’t just magic all the bullshit he’s been through away, oh and let’s not forget that you all know his secret. How do you think he’s going to react if Jungkook reacted like he did, his brain supplied now all his chaotic thoughts had straightened themselves out again.

Namjoon sighed, “I don’t fucking know, fuck,” his hissed lowly at himself before glaring at the river his headache not going away.

Exactly, so why the fuck do you keep telling the rest of them that you can fix this, like honestly who are you trying to convince them or yourself, no amount of sorry on earth is going to be able to fix this shit so stop lying to yourself and more importantly them you fuckwit, his brain taunted, Namjoon was dead set on finding a sharp poker in that moment just to shut it up.

“I’m not lying to myself,” he weakly stated voice small and whispery.

AHAHAHA, his brain laughed loud making his already throbbing head pound, only idiots say that, and you dear little Namjoon are an idiot, this whole time he was lying to protect you all, people he loved and cared about and when the lie crumbled you turned your back on him, someone you care about and love so much what was it you once say, if Jiminie was a girl I’d date him, his brain jabbed at the open wound in his heart he had refused to ever acknowledge.

He continued to glare at the rainbow waterfall before it slowly softened as those words danced around his throbbing head remembering that interview like it had happened just yesterday.

He drew in a sharp breath as he sat up, “OH, SHIT!” he said out loud hands flying up to slap against his cheeks in utter shock.

He shook his head, “no, no, it’s not true, I don’t, I can’t. I mean… I’m not…” he said out loud to himself trying desperately to convince himself it wasn’t true, that his brain was wrong.

Namjoon noticed a few people looking at him strangely but honestly he didn’t care, he was having a full mental crisis as his brain decided now was the prime time to continue it’s jab at all the cracks he had been struggling to hold together the last few weeks, hell months even, where would you like to me start moron, all the times you sort him out when you were depressed, all the times you searched for him on stage, all the times you got giddy whenever he came to you for song advice, oh and lets not at all forget the whole if he was a girl you’d date him thing.

“It’s not fucking true,” he said to himself weakly hands still pressed to his cheeks as he caught himself replaying all the times he had called the younger cute, all the times he had smiled like a weirdo at something Jimin did even just smiling at something or the other members, all the times he felt a prang or jealousy whenever Jimin gave the others his time.

“OH GOD!” he gasped in shocked realisation.

Exactly, his brain threw at him smugly, “SHUT UP, FUCK!” he said a little too loudly watching a few of the other people around him turn to look at him with that oh great a nutcase look.

He groaned in frustration before he grabbed his shoulder bag and pulled himself to his feet.

As he made his way to the bus stop to catch the next bus to a safe haven he knew his brain wouldn’t bother him he found himself recalling more times that linked to his feelings for Jimin, he couldn’t help but wonder just when he had fallen from the younger and for how long he’d actually been denying the truth.

Namjoon crossed the street to the bus stop sort of wishing a car would just come along and mow him down maybe give him amnesia so he didn’t have to face all these new problems on top of the current old ones, but as he hit the other side of the road and turned to the bus stop he knew three things for certain, the first was that he knew he’d been lying to himself and everyone and had no idea how to fix any of this if it could, the second was that he loved Jimin about the same if not more than he secretly loved Jin, and the third was that he was a colossal asshole and needed to fix himself before he even started to try and fix things with Jimin.

-

Namjoon checked his watch as he waited for the elevator after his phone chimed, it was just past 10pm and Taehyung had asked if he was coming back home for some food.

From: TaeTae – 10:02am
Hey hyung, you coming back home for some food, I’m thinking Chinese?

To: TaeTae – 10:03am
Nah Tae-ah, I’m at the studio, gonna see if those other two are still alive on us. Order something for JK too yeah, did you check on him?

From: TaeTae – 10:03am
Yeah, he’s still asleep, what’s that, hour three or four or something?

To: TaeTae – 10:04am
Yeah about that, maybe wake him up after the food arrives.

From: TaeTae – 10:04am
Okay, will do, be safe and tell the other hyungs not to work to hard. We’ll see you when you get home if we aren’t asleep before then.

To: TaeTae – 10:05am
Okay, thanks for taking care of Kook for me, I know you didn’t really want to.

From: TaeTae – 10:06am
I might not have wanted to after he… but I get it, you needed some space and all that so it’s okay. Besides he’s actually pretty easy to take care of when he’s unconscious.

To: TaeTae – 10:07am
LOL. Don’t ever let him hear you say that just saying.

From: TaeTae – 10:08am
LOL, true. Alright I’m gonna call for food, talk to you in another hour if I’m not asleep by them, I’ll let you know when we both go to bed okay if you aren’t home by then.

To: TaeTae – 10:09am
Okay, make sure the door is locked after you pay and I’ll talk too you later. Don’t forget to wake JK up.

From: TaeTae – 10:10am
I will, promise to both, talk later. Bye Hyung.

The elevator dinged as he sent the last message to Taehyung before the reply came through. he read the last message as he tapped the studio floor BTS’s three studios were located on as he put his phone back in his pocket.

Namjoon stepped back and leant on the bar across the back of the elevator looking at himself in the reflection of the cold steel of the doors. He sighed, he still looked like shit.

He dropped his head as he ran his hand over his face pulling his mask down under his chin as he did.

A ding sounded making him look up raising an eyebrow as he saw the floor number wondering which staff member he would have to greet really not wanting to make pleasantries at that particular moment.

The doors opened a crop of familiar red coming into view, “Oh…” he said, surprised to have run into Hoseok having been ready to go hunting for the older after he was done checking on Yoongi.

Hoseok looked up at him surprised, not having expected to see the leader in that moment. They stood there like that for a moment and neither of them missed it, that moment, that second that passed between them before Namjoon spoke first, “up or down hyung,” the honorific leaving his mouth so smoothly.

He saw Hoseok pause at the honorific before he seemed to shake it and instead turned serious, “up, the studios,” Hoseok said to him as he rushed into the elevator beside him.

Namjoon nodded and asked as he watched Hoseok now beside him tapping like a maniac on his phone right before putting it to his ear, “everything okay hyung?” he asked curiously.

Hoseok spoke a mile a minute as the doors slid shut painfully slow, “I had a phone call from I thought Jin hyung, but it was Jimin-ah.”

Namjoon paused for a second, what, why did Jimin call him, oh god did they yell at each other, “what, what did he say, did he yell at you, hell did you yell at him?” he asked surprised as he turned his full attention to the older.

Namjoon watched Hoseok shake his head quickly before he answered, “no to the second, but yeah I guess to the first, he told me to go to Yoongi and I was asking questions. He kinda just snapped at me and told me he think’s hyung is crying…” Namjoon heard the pause as Hoseok tapped his phone again. Wait, Hyung is crying, wait, oh second thought, it’s going around, not surprised at all, he thought to himself as he watched Hoseok glance at the floor number before looking at his phone to where Yoongi’s name was displayed as all at once he spoke again, he lifted his phone and going back to stare at the numbers on the digit display of the elevator, “after I snapped out of my what the fuck just happened moment I packed my shit, I’ve already called him six times now, he’s not answering, you and I both know he never not answers you know why.”

Namjoon finally understood his hyung’s urgency, he turned to the door to stare at the display with Hoseok, “I’ll go and get what we need while you take care of him,” he simply said.

Hoseok simply hummed as Namjoon watched out the corner of his eye as the older tapped Yoongi’s name once more.

-

The elevator doors opened yet again painfully slow and the two of them were out of there racing down the corridor to their studios connected to the common room they affectionately called Bangtan Town.

Namjoon caught Hoseok’s gym bag and casually tossed both it and his own shoulder bag onto the first couch he passed as he rushed to the kitchenette across the room as he watched Hoseok run to the second corridor and down it to Genius Lab.

Namjoon could hear Hoseok calling to the older pretty sure Yoongi wouldn’t hear him through the sound proofing anyway.

He shook his head with a smile surprised they had even managed to keep Yoongi alive this long with how much they tended to panic themselves whenever Yoongi was having one of his episodes.

As he searched for a cloth he found himself wondering if Yoongi had remembered to take his pills this morning before they had left for their plane and if not made a mental note to yell at him when he got the chance.

He stood up with a triumphant grin clutching what he believed to be a tea towel glad something no matter how small it was had gone right today. He turned to the sink and turned it on before running the cloth under it. He watched the water fall for a while before he shook his head clearing it and turning the tap off. He rang the cloth out and turned folding it neatly before opening the freezer of the fridge to his left. After the cloth was in it’s place to cool down he checked the fridge for some water he was sure the older would ask for at some point.

He frowned not seeing any and sighed resigning himself to going out to the vending machines.

He checked the second corridor to see the doors shut, he checked his watch and knew it took Hoseok some time to calm Yoongi and depending on how bad it was he knew he had time.

He grabbed his wallet and headed out reaching the elevators where the drink vending machine and coffee machine stood.

He stopped before the drink machine and lifted his money. He tapped the button for the water and waited, the machine whirred and grinded before it stopped.

Namjoon sighed and slumped his shoulders before giving the side of it a swift smack and then hitting the top three keys one after the other. He smiled to himself as the machine started whirring again and then deposited his drink in the collection slot, he was never giving any of them that secret.

He grabbed the bottle and headed back to Bangtan Town to get the cloth sure enough time had passed.

It wasn’t long before Namjoon was putting in the codes and slipping silently into the studio as he listened to Hoseok still calming the older down. Namjoon walked over to Yoongi’s abandoned computer chair and sat down waiting for it to all pass and for the older to come back to them.

-

Time passed and finally Yoongi could breathe once more, Namjoon always admired how easily Hoseok could calm him, or any of them for that matter, Hoseok was like Jimin, they both possessed this aura if you will that calmed them when the tension or pressure was to. Namjoon watched as Yoongi who was still clutching one of Hoseok’s hands took a long lungful of air before letting it go, he smiled as he watched Yoongi’s entire body go slack releasing all the tension he had seen it holding when he walked in.

“When’d you get here?” Yoongi asked bluntly, Namjoon guessed the rest of the world was back for him.

Namjoon didn’t flinch, he got used to Yoongi’s I will cut you attitude after one of his episodes rather quickly knowing he didn’t mean it, that he just felt vulnerable at the time. He simply smiled at his friend and hyung, “while ago, I ran into hyung in the elevator on his way up to rescue your stupid ass,” he quipped, the fact was much like a joke to them now the amount of times the two of them had been through this with him.

Yoongi snorted at him with a weakly pointed glare that made Namjoon chuckle lightly before he watched Yoongi’s head fall forward onto his knees with a deep but short-lived sigh.

“Wanna talk about it?” Hoseok and Namjoon asked in unison after another minute.

Yoongi breathed into his lap, “not particularly, bottom line, I was thinking about Jimin-ah and I kinda just lost it.”

Namjoon smiled at his words again not surprised, “honestly not the only one today, both Tae-ah and JK broke down. Tae was eating ice cream and watching SpongeBob and JK was asleep, it was the only way to actually get him to stop crying believe it or not poor kid,” Namjoon didn’t have the heart to tell Yoongi Taehyung had been eating HIS ice cream, sure the older would murder the messenger if he did.

Yoongi pondered out loud, “how you think Jin’s doing?”

Hoseok relied with a shrug Namjoon didn’t missed “probably about as well as you’d think.”

Yoongi lifted his head to look at them before he pointed at the water in Namjoon’s hands. Namjoon smiled as he opened it for the oldest and then held it out to Hoseok before him.

Yoongi asked after taking a few sips, “you going to Mon Studios?” he looked to Namjoon for an answer.

Namjoon nodded, “mmm, I need to get the… twisted bundle inside me out before I explode or… combust,” he replied not even sure how to explain what he was feeling, what he was dealing with.

Hoseok asked turning to look at him, “the kids?”

Namjoon shook his phone, “I’ve had Tae-ah checking in every hour, JK’s been asleep for about 4 hours know and Tae finished his second tub of ice cream. Tae is now ordering them Chinese for dinner and gonna wake JK up soon, you two gonna be okay in here?”

Yoongi nodded with a hum as Hoseok turned to look at him.

“what about you, you good?” Hoseok asked him he guessed remembering the honorific he had used in the elevator.

Namjoon leant forward on his knees holding out the cool damp cloth for Hoseok to take as he nodded a little, “I’m good, I went for a walk to clear my head, think… reflect I guess, I ah, I might have had a break down at the river and some people might have seen me but honestly I don’t give a fuck,” he replied remembering how that river visit had gone before he had arrived to the company making him cringe just a little.

The two other rappers laughed, the look on his face telling them all they needed to know with how bad his “break down” had been.

Namjoon looked at his oldest hyung not missing the fact the older was still holding Hoseok’s hand making him smile a little, he knew Yoongi would never admit it out loud but being in contact with either one of the two of them after one of his episodes soothed him, “we get it Joon-ah, just know the two of us are here when you need to truly vent hmm,” Yoongi had said while he was pondering his hyung’s unspoken affection for them.

Namjoon answered after Hoseok nodded with a hum to Yoongi’s statement forcing him to focus back on the conversation as he looked at the two before him, “I know hyungs, thanks for always having my back. I’ll leave you alone mmm, let you crawl back up and all that, let me know if you need anything. I saw some ramen out in the com if you get hungry.”

Yoongi replied as they watched the younger stand from the computer chair, “maybe in an hour or so, I still feel like shit.”

Namjoon smiled as Hoseok laughed loud as he made his way to the door, “at least you’re not a hyperventilating seal anymore, so, there is that.”

The three of them laughed this time as the two still on the floor watched the youngest leave with, “be good yeah, and I’ll talk to you soon. We might go home together after you finally resurface mmm.”

He looked back at them to see them nod with a smile before he pulled the door open and left.

He smiled a little to himself as he headed back down the hall and turned to the first hallway that lead to Mon Studios. He sighed feeling the worry leave him now Yoongi was okay. he couldn’t help but wonder how he had managed to calm Taehyung and Jungkook not the best when it came to those situations or issues, especially when his brain had been right, he had been lying to himself and them, he had no idea how they were going to fix this and above all, he had no idea IF it could even be fixed.

All he knew was that there was a song inside him that he needed to write, a song about fake love and hiding hurt, so that’s what he would do until the twisted bundle of whatever it was inside him finally unravelled.

-

“Hey Joon-ah, are you okay, where are I’m guessing you three?” Jin asked as Namjoon answered his ringing phone beside him.

Namjoon smiled not surprised as he checked the time, it was well after three am now. He said as he looked at his computer screen, the half-written lyrics for a song the beat for that same song he had affectionately titled Fake Love staring at him.

“Kim Namjoon…” Jin called in what Namjoon had coined as his demanding wife tone.

Namjoon laughed as he turned in his chair and got up after saving his work for the 100th time, “sorry hyung, use three rappers went to the studio, well, actually, I went home with the two kids then needed to go for a walk to clear my head then went to the studio. Hobi went to do some dancing to unwind and well you know the hermit crab”

Jin hummed a little accepting his answer, “are you on your way back, Sejin told Jimin-ah and I we have a schedule today.”

Namjoon said as he grabbed his bag and note book and whatever else he had taken out of it when he reached the studio, “mmm, it’s late… early… whatever, yeah, I’ll go find the other two and we’ll head back now, are you going to bed… is Jimin-ah?”

There was a short pause before Jin spoke again, “mmm, Jimin-ah went straight to his room when we got back, it’s a safe bet.”

“How did you go today hyung?” Namjoon finally asked him.

There was a heavy sigh, “honestly, I struggled, my mind went to some pretty dark places, not to mention he kinda yelled at me for my phone, he mentioned Yoongi might have been drinking.”

Namjoon finally put it together, “oh yeah that, ah nevermind, Yoongi was trying to ring Hoseok to go out drinking with him but Hoseok talked him out of it, they ended up collabing or something like that,” he lied not wanting to worry Jin any more than he probably already was.

Jin sighed a little, “good I’m glad they weren’t drinking on a school night. I’ll see you when you get home yeah.”

Namjoon smiled as he reached Genius Lab, “alright hyung, we’ll see you soon.”

They said goodbye one last time hanging up as Namjoon rang the bell on Yoongi’s door where he stood wondering what the two of them had gotten up to after he left them after ramen.

It wasn’t long before he got his answer as a flushed Hoseok answered the door. Another moment passed between them and Namjoon did not at all stop his mind from the images it decided to conjure at the sight before him.

He swallowed thickly before he cleared his throat, “you two done?”

Hoseok looked at the younger not having missed the gulp he took. He mused as he held the two doors open, “done what exactly Namjoon-ah?”

Namjoon stared at his hyung for a long second before he shook his head shaking the thoughts from his mind before he spoke again, “mixing,” he stated weakly before he sighed, “I just talked to Jin, he and Jimin-ah are home, Hyung is waiting for us to come back and besides it’s three am, and we got a schedule tomorrow, so pack your shit and let’s go, I’ll be out in Bangtan Town waiting for your asses.”

Hoseok chuckled watching the younger leave him in the doorway without so much as waiting for any sort of reply.

“I hate you all,” Namjoon quipped loud enough for them both to hear.

Namjoon heard them both laugh before the doors shut silently cursing them both to hell a dozen or more times.

Namjoon sighed wondering for all of a second how far they had actually gotten before he stopped himself from going down that path sure he wouldn’t be able to look either of them in the face if he did.

He sat down with his shoulder bag to wait and lifted his phone, he stopped as a picture of the group came up with Jimin centre. He sighed as he dropped his hand into his lap, so 148, what’s the plan now, how you gotta FIX THIS like you keep saying, his brain asked no longer kept silent by his work.

He closed his eyes in defeat and annoyance, “I have no goddamn idea, just please shut up,” he said to himself.

Yoongi asked amused as the two emerged from the hallway, “you losing it on us there Joonie?”

Namjoon jumped at the sudden intrusion to his angsty silence, “Jesus, fuck…”

The other two laughed at him making him frown and pout at the same time.

Hoseok came over to him on the lounge and gave his cheek a pinch, “come on, let’s get the hell out of here because you go cuckoo on us, we already got one, we don’t need any more.”

Namjoon groaned as he pulled back from Hoseok’s never gentle attack, “ah bite me, both of you.”

Yoongi grinned at the younger, “sure if you want,” he teased with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Namjoon groaned as he got up from his seat and left them there, “I hate you all”

The other two followed him out laughing as they all finally head home not even ready to face whatever came next but they were determined to try regardless.

-

Namjoon valued the opinion of the other two music makers and always found that driving anywhere with them was prime time to talk shop so that’s what they did asking them to give their opinions on some tracks he had worked up while at the company right before Yoongi turned into the apartment building parking garage.

Namjoon half followed half shuffled beside Hoseok who was by now pulling him along behind Yoongi as they continued to talk more about the tracks letting Yoongi like most always open the door for them. Hoseok was the first inside kicking off his shoes at what Namjoon believed to be light speed while he struggled to get his shoes off like always, he hated being a giant sometimes.

He was the slowest to take his shoes and coats off even slower than Yoongi because the few times he had tried to be speedy he ended up either smacking himself or hitting his dad in the face by accident and vowed after that to always take down dressing slow for everyone’s sake (though he would never tell anyone that). When he finally got his coat hung up the three of them finally made their way across the indoor garden to the great room only to walk in to a shush from Jin as he told them the kids were asleep.

Namjoon lead Hoseok to the kitchen as he asked their hyung, “how are they all?”

Jin gave him a sigh telling Namjoon something had changed since he had talked to Taehyung last telling him he was going to sleep a little before a quarter past 11, “well it looks like JK hasn’t eaten, his door is locked and I found take away stacked by his door, Tae-ah is asleep and I heard the shower kick off about ten minutes ago so it’s a safe bet Jimin-ah is now in bed as well.”

Namjoon asked staring at Jin opposite him a little worried by this news, “Are you sure Jungkook didn’t eat?”

Jin nodded as Hoseok stood to Namjoon’s right and Yoongi now stood at the fridge, “Positive all his favourites were untouched when I threw them out, they were cold so they’ve been sitting there for a while, why do you ask?”

Namjoon said what he had told the others earlier for the older’s sake, “I told Tae-ah to wake JK up after the food he ordered arrived, from what Tae-ah told me he checked on him before he texted me and he was still asleep.”

Yoongi spoke them from where he stood with a now glass of milk near the fridge, “they had a fight.”

“how do you know that?” Hoseok had asked as Namjoon turned to his hyung for answer as the three of them now staring at him.

Namjoon saw Jin point at Hoseok out the corner of his eye with a nod waiting for an answer as well.

“JK always locks his door after he has a fight with someone, it’s the only explanation for why Jin hyung found his food untouched, I found that out after that fight we had in like 2015 remember it,” Explained Yoongi as he stopped at the island with the three of them.

Namjoon’s mouth formed an o as he did indeed remember it. He remembered how the young had had a go at Yoongi over something rather trivial in hindsight and Yoongi had all but put the kid in his place. And then it clicked in his might, with the facts he now knew, that had been around the time that piece of scum had molested him.

Namjoon saw them all reach the same conclusion and winced with them right before the four of them gave a sigh.

Namjoon looked to Jin once more as he spoke again, “anyway, the entire year has been shit and this night is not helping any, let’s all get some rest so we actually get up in time for the schedule tomorrow,” without fail in being the mother hen he was.

Namjoon hummed with a nod before he grabbed his shoulder bag from the stool he was standing behind and said as Hoseok turned to him, “Run episode recording, I think it’s like 25, 24 airs tomorrow I think or wait, no today… whatever you know what I mean.” Namjoon did not miss the smile on Yoongi’s face knowing he was loving every minute the younger struggled for once as opposed to him as he gave a sigh right before the three laughed at his suffering.

The endearing look he got from his fellow 94 liner did little to ease or sooth his annoyance with them all, “this all has you so fucked up,” Hoseok quipped as Yoongi humming with a nod of agreement.

“Oi,” Jin called to him with a quick glare as Namjoon snickered quietly, “language in our house,” Jin threw at Hoseok.

Namjoon watched Hoseok’s heart grin split his lips as his fellow 94er chimed sweetly in a hushed whisper, “Sorry mum,” the comment making Yoongi near grin opposite them.

Jin gave a snorted at him with yet another quick glare and he took his half full tea mug from where it had been sitting on the counter, “bite me, go to sleep all of you got me,” he retorted snarkily to Hoseok’s comment making Namjoon snicker quietly again.

Namjoon couldn’t keep the grin from his face after he stopped snickering dimples on full display just as much as Yoongi’s wide gummy smile was, and when he looked to Hoseok beside him that heart smile was still on his face too, Namjoon leant over to look down the hall as they chorusing sweetly to the older, “Yes mum, sweet dreams.”

Namjoon joined in laughing with Hoseok and Yoongi shortly after Hoseok started laughing first as Jin snorted once more at them as he headed down the hall to his room leaving them in the kitchen before going to bed like he said.

They all gave a small sigh as they calmed down before looking at Namjoon as he spoke again, “get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning… later on… whatever, night,” he ended with another huff all but giving up.

Namjoon this time snorted at Hoseok laughing at his struggle before he heard Yoongi chuckle. He gave them a wave off as they watched him shuffle off down the hall to his room.

-

Namjoon sat his bag down on his computer chair and went over to his built-in closet and pulling out some sweats and a t shirt to get changed into, he’d shower in the morning before their schedule he decided.

After he’s stripped and changed into his sleep wear he padded across the soft carpet and pulled the door open once more looking out to see the coast clear he walked across the hallway and knocked on the oldest members door and waited a moment before opening it.

Namjoon asked, “hey, you gonna shower?” as Jin smiled warmly at him.

Jin shook his head before he replied, “nah, I was gonna wait till I wake up, kinda tired as hell, was gonna quickly check my emails and messages and then pass out, you?”

Namjoon nodded a little before he stopped before the older, “mmm, same, think I over worked it in the studio and I’ve had a headache that just won’t quit.”

“Mmm, I know the feeling, came out of nowhere and you were thinking about Jimin at the time,” Namjoon stopped standing between the olders now spread legs as Jin mused.

Namjoon gave a sight, “it’s an epidemic, Yoogs and Hobi have one as well,” he stated having found that out a few hours ago over the ramen they had shared.

Namjoon watched Jin slide his hand around his own and gently tug him down to him by it, “we’ll figure it out I promise somehow, some way, no matter what.”

Namjoon finally leant down resting his hands on the arms of Jin’s office chair and looked him in their eye now their faces were in line with each other, “I keep saying that but I’m convinced I’m only just lying to convince myself.”

Namjoon kept his breathing steady as Jin slid his hand gently on his cheek, “is it working?” the older asked softly.

Namjoon smiled warmly at him dimples on full display once more, “I’m not too sure, maybe if I try harder, it might,” he pondered.

“Get some sleep okay it will help the headache and have some pain killers, mmm” Jin said in a soft but lower voice.

With that Namjoon leant forward closing the space between them pressing their lips together, “thank you for having my back and sweet dreams hmm,” Namjoon said softly against the plush lips of the older once they separated from the quick gentle kiss.

Jin smiled and gently left behind one last chaste kiss on the youngers lips before kissing his forehead and letting him go, “always, and sweet dreams for you too, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Namjoon gave a nod with a hum giving Jin his own peck to the forehead before he stood up and left with a smile.

Namjoon turned at the door to see Jin smiling at him, the younger winked at him from the door earning him a soft chuckle before he pulled the door closed behind him and retreated back to his own room.

Namjoon was very sure pain killers weren’t going to make his headache go away and he wasn’t at all ready for the next day, or present day, you know what he means, whatever.

Chapter Text

Taehyung was the first out of the van when it arrived at the dorm, he didn’t stop to make sure the others were behind him like he usually did when he was the first out, he just needed out of the small space.

He stopped at the back of the van waiting for their driver to open it. The air in the van had turned thick after Namjoon’s question and it felt suffocating to him, he couldn’t exactly explain why all he knew was that he had to get out of the small space as soon as possible.

It wasn’t long before they al had their luggage Hoseok taking Jimin’s since they shared the same room. He stood in the elevator waiting to reach their floor half listening to Hoseok and Yoongi’s conversation before the door dinged and a sigh from Namjoon sounded.

“you alright there Joon-ah?” Taehyung heard Yoongi ask causing Taehyung to look at the two of them before him.

He watched Namjoon wheel his and Jin’s luggage out of the elevator and down to their penthouse apartment door, “I’m fine, just thinking about to many things right now,” he heard Namjoon finally reply.

Taehyung then watched Yoongi catch up to the leader and give him a clap him on the shoulder as he walked ahead of him after it, “don’t forget, we are here if you want to vent,” he told Namjoon watching as Namjoon waved his hand and hummed in understanding.

He wondered if that was what living together for seven years was, knowing the other understood you with a simple hum and an action they didn’t actually see, he wondered if they hadn’t fucked up would Jimin be like that with him, would he just know like he used to when he was upset or hurting, when he was scared or panicked, he missed those moments, those times when Jimin just seemed to know when he needed someone.

He followed the others into the apartment not really paying much attention to anything around him, taking his shoes and coats off at the door with them before wheeling his suit case through to his room.

He walked behind Hoseok and Yoongi as Namjoon went in the other direction Jungkook behind him. as the four of them made their way towards their side of the apartment Namjoon’s voice sounded behind them all asking, “Oh hey, do you guys wanna cook something for dinner later, or take out?”

The four of them collectively turned and looked at their leader as Namjoon himself turned back to look at them.

Taehyung slightly turned as Hoseok answered for all fo them, “we’ll order take out, I mean, Jin isn’t here, neither is Jimin-ah, and I’m sure none of us actually want to cook right now.”

Taehyung then looked at Yoongi who nodded from beside Hoseok with a hum as he looked back at Namjoon, “Hoseok and I are going to the studio in a bit we’ll get something near there.”

Taehyung’s sluggish scattered brain finally stopped thinking about the best friend he neglected and abandoned long enough to actually form something coherent, “Jungkookie and I are gonna stay here with Namjoonie hyung, we’ll just get something delivered later, I’m… I’m not really hungry at the moment.” He replied pleased with himself as he held the handle of his suit case

The older members nodded at his reply as Jungkook hummed in agreement beside him. Taehyung looked at him and saw the look in his eye, he was just as far away as he had been.

Taehyung looked at Namjoon as he nodded in agreement himself, “alright, sounds good.” The four watched their leader turn and head to his room again giving them the signal to continue their own trek.

Taehyung watched Hoseok disappear into the master suite as he continued to follow Yoongi down the hall to the waiting three rooms.

As Taehyung neared his door as Yoongi swung his open Namjoon’s voice called to them again from the other side of the apartment, “OH GUYS…”

Taehyung was having a little trouble keeping Jimin off his mind once more but pushed on sure whatever else Namjoon had to say like always was important. He turned to watch Yoongi stop in his quest to enter his room as Jungkook turned on the other side of him right before Hoseok’s head appeared out of the master suites open door.

Namjoon said after what felt like 5 minutes to Taehyung, “we have a schedule tomorrow, Run BTS recording ah… episode 24… no 25 I think.”

Taehyung nodded as the others around him did before they reacted and called back okay and finally disappeared into their rooms. Finally, in the safety of his own room he let his mind wonder back to Jimin once more having fought it for so long he felt like his head was going to explode. He quickly returned to the previous point about Jimin he had been thinking, how his hyung by a few months had always been there for him when he needed someone, how Jimin had always been the one to tell or even guess when he reached that point without ever having to tell anyone.

It was at that point as he sat down heavily on his bed to stare at the plush tiger Jimin had brought him while he and Jungkook had been in Japan he quickly flashed back to the last time Jimin had come to his rescue.

-

BTS sat in the artist section of as the artists called it ‘the pit’ surrounded by the other artists, I.O.I, Twice, Monsta X, GOT7, and even Taemin.

They had done their performance even with the shit mic’s they had been giving but despite that they had the entire crowd screaming for them, BTS were proud to be standing at Mnet Asian Music Awards, and they were even more proud to be nominated for the Artist of the Year award a big deal for all artists in the industry.

The seven members sat watching the presenter for the award the beautiful actress Ha Ji-Won during the nomination reel, the other artists nominated being announced at they sat waiting patiently. They were tense and nervous yet excited at the same time, it was a weird feeling for the seven of them, this wasn’t their first rodeo with a daesang but it still felt like their first time, that crazy giddy feeling had settled in them now and as their name was read out in the reel and their music video played they tried their best to calm down.

The reel finished “Hotel’s Combined Artist of the Year,” the pre-recorded woman’s voice spoke to the arena packed full of screaming fans and patiently waiting artists.

“Yes. The Response to the nominee video is amazing,” Ji-Won spoke into the microphone.

She paused for a breath before she spoke again, “I wish I could give this award to all the artists you love,” her voice spoke over the buzzing crowd.

Namjoon sat waiting looking ready to pray, Jimin and Hoseok sitting forward leaning on their knees waiting for the announcement of the winner while Jungkook on the end sat fidgeting in anticipation. Jin and Yoongi sat with their hands in their laps and Taehyung however was leaning on the back of the rather uncomfortable lounge like seat on one elbow with his hands cupped in his lap trying his hardest not to fidget like the maknae was.

They watched Ji-Won read the cue card in her hand before she spoke again, “Yes,” she started giving the hint that that was her phrase like ‘um’ when she was nervous.

“This year’s winner is in this cube I am holding in my hands right now,” she continued pausing after to smile rather nervously it seemed the moment was huge for everyone and being the presenter of the award was rather nerve racking.

“I’m sorry I can’t give this to everyone,” Ji-Won apologised again before continuing, “so, the 2016 Mnet Asian Music Awards Hotels Combined Artist of the Year. I will announce the winner.”

The Seven members sat patiently waiting, praying it was them but on the inside knowing how popular the others were among the millions if not billions of fans were ready to congratulate the winner when their name was announced.

Ji-Won opened the cube and held the small card that had the winners name printed on it. she smiled and looked around the arena at all the fans waiting eagerly for the winner’s name to be read out. She smiled a little awkwardly before she spoke again, “The winner is…” she paused and slid the card out looking at it with a smile.

Yoongi chuckled at Ji-Won’s awkwardness feeling sorry for her, he knew how hard it was to give any sort of speech to a crowd of millions and understood how she must have been feeling especially announcing such a huge award.

Ji-Won leant forward to the mic with a smile, “Bangtan Songyeondan,” she announced with a wide smile, “congratulations.”

Jungkook had a look of, ‘wait did we seriously just win’ on his face while Jimin had his head cradled in his hands hiding his face from the camera on them, Taehyung at the end on the other hand as the hyungs moved to stand up had his hands pressed to his mouth in shocked surprise, this really was happening, they really did just win the Daesang for Artist of the Year.

Taehyung was in utter shock, elated ecstatic shock. Jin caught his hand and pulled him in as Hoseok pulled Jungkook up and Yoongi pulled Jimin to his feet. The four hyungs pulled the maknae line into a group hyung full of warmth and joy and absolute happiness.

Taehyung looked across the circle to his best friend still couched down holding his head an all to familiar giggle rising from him over the deafening hum of the impressive audience. Taehyung smiled wide boxy grin on full display as the group split up and headed towards the waiting microphones, award and daunting task of a speech.

Taehyung lead the group and as he made his way down the stage all the feelings all the emotions he had been holding flooded him. His face took on a look of euphoric joy and he kind of wanted to maybe cry a little in that moment.

The seven members reached Ji-Won waiting for them at the microphone the members bowing to her as they arrived before lining the stage as Namjoon took his place at the mic.

Taehyung put himself on Namjoon’s right, Jin stopping on the other side of him where he saw his best friend and the maknae stop on the other side of their oldest hyung as Yoongi and Hoseok positioned themselves on Namjoon’s left.

Taehyung took some breathes glancing to Namjoon beside him to see him doing the same struggling to calm the storm of emotions inside him before giving the speech.

Namjoon shifted briefly holding a hand to his mouth causing Taehyung to look at him fully, their leader now struggling to fight back tears of joy no doubt.

“Army…” Taehyung heard Namjoon finally say right before he stopped again to fight back the tears, it was always a surprise when the youngest rapper cried.

“Thank you so much,” the leader spoke Taehyung’s eyes now fixed mostly forward worried if he kept looking at the leader he’s start to cry like Jin to his right, of Jungkook who was now hiding behind Jimin, “Seriously… we went through a lot since we debuted and there were people who said we wouldn’t make it. Thank you so much for believing in us to the end,” Namjoon continued with tears wetting his eyes.

Taehyung again held his hands cupped before him worried he’d start fidgeting.

Namjoon continued, “this is something we only dreamt about, so thank you for making our dream a reality.”

Taehyung glanced at the leader as he paused, he looked ready to break down and honestly Taehyung didn’t know what to feel himself still trying to comprehend the moment he now stood in.

Namjoon took a breath and spoke again, “I would like to thank Bang Shi Hyuk PD, the executives, Big Hit Entertainment who led us on. And the people who make good music with us PDogg, Slow Rabbit hyung, Supreme Boi. And our Teacher Sung Deuk and the staff.” Namjoon took a breath before continuing.

Jin now in full blown tears, Jungkook as well, Taehyung was surprised the two cry babies in the group Hoseok and Jimin were holding their emotions well but he could feel the tears pricking his eyes and worried he was going to dissolve into tears along with his maknae and Oldest hyung.

“Thank you to all the staff who have been with us. Thank you so much for making out dream a reality” Namjoon added before taking another breath still fighting those emotions.

Taehyung drew in a long calming breath determined not to cry on stage.

“And… ARMYs all over the world,” the leader spoke, “Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 as well,” he added as Taehyung watched him out of the corner of his eye.

He watched the oldest rapper on Namjoon’s other side clapping before he fully crumbled into tears hiding his face in his hand moments before turning his back for Hoseok to catch him so he couldn’t wander off not that he would.

Taehyung took a long breath eyes glassed over with unshed tears of happiness, he wanted to laugh and cry, smile and cheer but was still to in shock, still trying to actually process what was going on.

“BTS loves ARMYs as always. Thank you very much!” Namjoon called into the microphone as Yoongi sobbed to his left.

Taehyung snapped out of it as he felt Namjoon pat him on the back and finally he smiled lips curling up into a warm smile as he turned to the leader to watch him pull Yoongi in with Hoseok and as Taehyung slid his arm around Namjoon’s shoulders Jin pulled Jimin which lead Jungkook into the second group hug right there on the stage before millions.

Taehyung felt a warmth explode in his chest as he hugged his brothers, his family, his best friend opposite him reaching over to comfort Yoongi like he guessed he would.

Namjoon leant forward in the circle to the mic once more, “Thank you, I love you,” he added.

“Thank you,” Taehyung heard Jimin say bringing a smile to his face.

Namjoon started speaking again and the circle broke, “I hope our music and our performance can be your dreams as well,” Taehyung wiped a stray tear from his cheek with that smile still there before Namjoon took a breath and continued, “I hope that our stage and our performances and our music can be the hopes and dreams for many people of the world. Thank you very much.”

“We’ll do our best. Thank You!” Namjoon finished with a bow prompting the other members to follow suit.

“THANK YOU!” Taehyung yelled as he bowed the emotional high he was now on bringing that boxy grin to his face until finally the seven members were shown back stage to collect themselves.

-

The after-award interviews were finished, they had rushed back out and taken their seats for the end of the award show to be announced, Jungkook had cried some more and they had walked the stage once more waving to all their fans and supporters, the people who had made their dream come true until finally they were off stage and back in their dressing room.

Taehyung stood in his changing room between Namjoon and Seokjin’s staring at himself in the mirror on the wall as he stood in a tank top and Gucci slacks (because honestly what else would he wear) clutching a sky blue Gucci button down.

His brown hair was surprisingly a mess and his eyes were starting to get red again, finally with a moment to himself, without fans screaming out their names, without being surrounded by the other members or other idols his emotions had a chance to catch up to him.

He turned his back on his reflection quickly sliding his free hand over his mouth as he drew in a hard breath feeling tears well in his eyes as he squeezed them shut.

As he felt the first one fall a knock echoed through the door.

He drew in a hard breath trying to steady his voice to speak before the very familiar voice of his soul mate cut through the silence, “TaeTae open up, it’s meeee!” Jimin called to his through the door dragging out the last word.

Taehyung didn’t move he didn’t want Jimin to see him crying, not after the happiest moment of their lives together.

“Tae-ah, I know you’re in there, the door is locked. And unless you suddenly developed magical powers I don’t know about and materialised into an air vent I’m not buying this no answer. SO OPEN!” Jimin’s voice demanded.

Taehyung choked out a wet laugh before moving to the door.

“Come on, come on, I know you’re in there, I know your crying don’t deny it, open, open now, open the door, come on open!” the older nagged until finally Taehyung like always so soft for his BFF gave in.

The latch clicked open and Jimin shoved the door open quickly to look his best friend in the face finally.

Jimin smiled bright at him a wide grin splitting his lips and his soft cheeks raised up and those eyes of his turned into crescents, god he was beautiful Taehyung caught himself thinking.

“HA, knew it you big baby, I could feel you all off centre and achy, come here give hyung a hug,” Jimin teased before walking into the somewhat small change room and pulling Taehyung into his outstretched arms.

Taehyung laughed at the gesture letting his best friend pull him into that warm hug he knew so well a warm happiness seeking into every part of him that touched Jimin. He tossed his shirt to the stool in the corner of the room before sliding his arms around the smaller and pulling him in close.

These were the hugs Jimin gave him when something was bugging him, the hugs he gave when he was upset or even just having a bad day, this was the hug Jimin gave him when he grand mother passed away and he struggled to find meaning in his life.

“do, do you think she’d be proud of us, of me,” Taehyung sniffed.

“do I think who would be proud of you?” Jimin asked curiously voice muffled by Taehyung’s shoulder, sometimes he really did hate being shorted than the rest of the group.

“My grandma?” Taehyung replied with a forced down hiccup.

The taller felt Jimin smile against his shoulder, “TaeTae, Of course she’s proud of you. I bet you lunch for a week she’s up in heaven right now throwing the biggest party telling every angel and soul and even god himself that you are her grandson and she’s so fucking proud of you.”

With that Taehyung broke, his tears coming fast and thick as he buried his face in Jimin’s shoulder and neck holding the smaller tightly to his body hands threading the older’s hoodie as he did.

Jimin smiled against his shoulder as he soothed the younger’s back with one hand, “she’s always with you Tae-ah, always in your heart, always proud of you and so am I. I’ll always be proud of you, you’re my best friend and you’ve been through so much and I love you, no matter what.”

Taehyung gave Jimin’s body a squeeze making him laugh in response before the door opened behind the two of them.

Jimin tipped his head back to see who it was to find Hoseok smiling at the two of them.

“You done making out in here ladies?” Hoseok teased.

Jimin asked in faked shock not even surprised by the shit his band came out with back stage any more, “I will have you know, I was giving him a blow job,” Jimin retorted with a wide grin.

Hoseok pulled a face, “oh god, no, too much information.”

Taehyung laughed against Jimin’s shoulder before he finally lifted his head to look at their hyung, “it was insanely good, mouth skills on point,” Taehyung stated confidently joining his best friend in tormenting their unsuspecting hyung.

Hoseok screeched in shock not sure if he actually wanted to believe them or not slamming the door shut as he quickly retreated.

Jimin and Taehyung looked at one another for a quick second before exploding into uncontrollable laughter.

Jimin leant around his best friend and picked up the shirt he had dropped helping him slid it on as they continued to laugh.

They feel quiet as Jimin turned the younger to him only to erupt into giggles as he started doing the buttons up making Taehyung join in, he could never help himself when Jimin was in a giggle mood always finding himself joining in even if he didn’t know what was going on, his soul mates laugh was infectious like that.

Jimin took a quick breath as he finished the last button in an attempt to calm himself before looking at Taehyung and giggling once more.

He smacked Taehyung’s ass and giggled as he turned to the door, “put you’re shoes on yeah and let’s get out of here,” he looked back at Taehyung giggled again before he pulled the door open and walked out.

Taehyung chuckled deeply a rumble really in his chest, he could never giggle like Jimin could, it was a sound that to him reminded him of soft bells chiming, it was a sweet beautiful sound that made him feel light and giddy. He listened to it fade as the door swung shut smiling as he took a calming breath.

He sat down and and picked up his socks the stylists had wedged into his shoes and pulled them on smiling widely to himself as he did as he was told, thankful Jimin had been by his side all those years, supporting him, encouraging him, comforting him when he needed someone, and most times without him even having to ask anyone, Jimin just always seemed to be there and Taehyung was more than happen to call him his soul mate and best friend because in that moment with the knowledge they had just seen one of their collective dreams made real Jimin was by his side keeping him going and ready to comfort him when he needed it.

-

The memory faded leaving a cold feeling inside Taehyung, his cheeks wet, he wasn’t sure when he had started crying, but he was sure why.

His best friend had been hurt and it was his fault, he wasn’t there for him like he had promised years ago when they had been kids in school, when they had met the first time and felt like they had known each other for years. Jimin had been hurt and Taehyung had all but turned his back on him.

How can you call yourself his best friend you pathetic loser, you turned your back on him, you shut him out, pushed him away, denied him your love and care like he meant nothing to you, his brain ripped into him, he’s your soul mate right, where the hell was your soul when he was out there suffering because of you, because of them just to keep you safe, just to protect you like he always has.

Taehyung squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, he didn’t want to listen to anything it had to say, he didn’t want to hear how much of a screw up he was. He felt off balance and pathetic, “it’s my fault, I should have done something, I should have stuck by him, I should have kept my word, why didn’t I keep my word,” he said out loud to himself not sure of anything anymore at the moment.

You know exactly why you didn’t do anything because the best friend that told you everything kept a secret from you, two in fact one infinitely more twisted than the other because it is about himself, his brain threw at him, what was it you said to him that night, “I’m sorry, Jimin ah, I’m sorry you’ve carried this dark secret all alone for so long. I’m so sorry” did you even fucking mean it, were you sorry he carried that shit for so long by himself just to protect your stupid ass, to guard you from the horrors of this world, horrors he’s faced himself on a worse and darker level.

Taehyung needed to get out of his room, he needed to shut his brain up so it couldn’t find more things to jab a stick at, the anger he felt in himself, his self-hatred rising for with every word.

Taehyung left his untouched suit case on his bed and rushed to the door pulling it open he quickly left his room and made a beeline for the lounge room.

He tapped the button on the wall lowering the TV as he made his way to the bigger of the two couches the three-seater. He grabbed the first pillow within his reach before snatching the digit TV remote console (because apparently it was supposed to take six months to learn how to use a TV remote control) from the coffee table and switched on his favourite anime network. He wasn’t even sure what was on as long as it was something to drown out the noise inside his head.

-

Hours passed and Taehyung thought he had managed to calm the storm inside him, quiet his brain and relax but he was wrong, god was he wrong. He had started to watch Sword Art Online. Jimin had loved the manga and devoured every issue the day it came out, “I’m telling you TaeTae, Asuna and Kirito are destined, like soul mates you know,” he recalled Jimin telling him as he had watched the second episode now playing before him of their meeting, “like they met in a video game but they felt an instant connection, you know like the two of us that day back in high school for wannabe stars, and now look at us just like them we are together in real life and we are awesome just like them too, but I’m totally Kirito, just saying,” Jimin had told him as they had laid curled up together on the shitty lounge they had back in their first dorm as they watched it on an old laptop that died months later a year before their debut shortly after Jimin had joined the group not even realising what they’re future was going to turn out like much like the characters.

Taehyung had broken down crying by the fifth episode as memories of times he spent with Jimin kept popping up in his head, memories of happier times, memories that now held double means to the older’s words, memories that hurt his heart and his soul.

Taehyung would if he could sell his soul to some demon to go back five months and fix it all, stand by his best friend and not leave him alone in the cold like he had been for the four years previous, like he had been until god knows when he had suffered himself.

All Taehyung wanted was his best friend and soul mate back.

No, no you don’t want your best friend and soul mate back, you want your soul mate and the one you love back, get it right you fuckwit, his brain casually threw at him. Taehyung hiccupped a sharp intake of breath at that , it saw him stop breathing as it got caught in his throat.

Mmm, and there it is, the truth finally out, after all these years, the soul mate you shoved away, the one person who loved you, who had your back, who stood by you was really the same person you went and fell in love with, his brain supplied coldly, how does it feel to know you crushed his heart like it was a grape under your shoe, or worse still, how does it feel to know his soul is aching all because of you, the one who told him when they first met that ‘I think I love you hyung, we’re gonna be the best of friends I can just fell it, in my soul’ the one he told everything to.

“He didn’t… t-tell me everything…” he hiccupped to the empty room.

I wonder why that is, because as much as you told him you cared you honestly didn’t give a fuck did you, I mean why else did you treat him like shit and expect him not to push you away after your weird mood switch bullshit after Noona told you all off, his brain retorted.

“All… all I want i-is a chance…” he weakly begged before bitting down on his lip again in an effort to keep his noises quiet.

A chance, do you even think you deserve a chance after the shit you pulled, do any of you deserve a chance, YOU LEFT HIM ALONE AND TREATED HIM LIKE SHIT YOU PIECE OF SCUM, his brain yelled at him making it throb again his headache from earlier back with a vengeance.

“W-we’re just… like them… a-aren’t we?” he asked out loud hiccupping a few times as he did before bitting hard on his lip not wanting to worry Namjoon or Jungkook with his well-deserved self-pity party.

Congratulations Kim Taehyung, and thank you for finally catching up to the program, the guy you love, your soul mate is in hell because of you, so why the hell would he give you a chance when you should have been right there beside him regardless of the circumstances and bullshit, grow the fuck up and maybe then you might be worth forgiveness, his brain chided with a hint of malice and distain before he all but broke down sobbing pulling his pillow into him and turning his face into it to hide his tears and sounds, he didn’t deserve to cry, he didn’t deserve to hurt not when it was his fault.

Taehyung didn’t hear Namjoon come out of his room not when he had been sobbing uncontrollably hard into the pillow for almost twenty minutes now.

Namjoon went over to the younger after a minute and knelt down beside the lounge. Taehyung stilled holding his breath as he felt a hand slid through his hair. He lifted his head from where he had his face buried in the pillow.

Taehyung choked down another sob as he came face to face with Namjoon. God he must have been a sight, he could feel the tears trickled down his already wet cheeks, he knew his eyes were red from all the crying he’d done since the night before and his lip was red from where he’d been biting down on it to the point of almost making it bleed in an effort to try and keep quiet.

Taehyung hiccupped beating Namjoon to the punch, “I’m a horrible person hyung…”

Namjoon sighed at that, “ah, Tae…”

Taehyung couldn’t stop himself from breaking down again, he never could hold his poker face game when he was upset and faced with their leader, “I HURT MY BEST FRIEND!” he wailed before burying his face back into the wet pillow letting the sounds out for once.

Taehyung felt Namjoon gently rubbed his hand up and down his back, “Tae… Taehyung look at me…” he heard Namjoon ordering after some moments of his ugly crying.

Taehyung trying his best to calm himself and slowly lifted his swollen blotchy wet face to look at his leader again.

“We all hurt our best friend, Taehyung, you are not along in this hurt. We all have things we are sorry for, things we wish we could change, and we will fix this.” Namjoon said to him after he lifted his head.

Taehyung choked out, “But how?!” he body shook as he forced the sounds out.

“Honestly, I don’t know, I have no idea, but we will some way, somehow, we will fix this, even if we have to spend the rest of our lives fixing this we will because we all care about Jimin and we all fucked up and we all got a lot of things to be sorry for. I think the first thing we can do for now is apologise to him, let’s start with an apology of some kind and go from there hmmm,” Namjoon sighed not making him feel better in the slightest.

Taehyung stared at his hyung, “but what… what i-if he doesn’t b-believe us…” his voice small even to his own ears.

Namjoon smiled softly at the younger then, “then we keep trying until he does,” the words sparking a sort of hope inside him.

Taehyung sniffed and hiccupped for a while as he laid staring at Namjoon for a long moment before he got up the courage to speak again, “hyung, I…” he started.

Namjoon cut him off before he could even finish making him frown a little as he started to get up, “it’s okay Tae-ah really, just let it all go and start fresh tomorrow okay.”

Taehyung caught Namjoon’s wrist and pulled him back down, “no hyung, I need to tell someone, I need to talk to someone about this… I…” he trailed off his courage suddenly leaving him again.

“What’s up?” Namjoon asked knelling back down beside him to look him in the eye once more.

Yep, Taehyung’s courage was gone and he instinctively curled back up around his pillow wanting to hide away. He laid his head on it staring at the leader. He saw kind eyes staring back at him, they held an understanding that told him he was hurting probably just as much as he was.

“I… I love him…” Taehyung finally blurted out courage be damned.

Namjoon smiled wider, his warm smile growing at that, “we all love him Tae-ah,” Namjoon replied.

Quickly Taehyung shook his head desperate to get him to understand, “no hyung… I LOVE him,” he restated putting emphasis on the word love to get the point across.

The leader stared at Taehyung for a minute to long he thought before it seemed to clicked in his hyung’s mind, “oh… OH,” Namjoon said in realisation, “how long…” he started to ask.

“I don’t even know, I think always, since we met each other in school… and I realised it and it hurt a lot because I hurt him, my best friend and someone I love a lot and I just… I don’t even know what to do hyung, what do I do with this, about this?” Taehyung all but begged for direction.

Taehyung sniffled as he watched Namjoon took a long breath and then reach over and take one of his hands in his. The older held it for a long minute just staring at it thinking he guessed about his answer.

“I… I honestly do not know what you should do with this revelation… but what I think you should do for your best friend is apologise first and then rebuild that relationship after that, then see where it all goes,” Namjoon finally offered with a hopeful look on his face.

“when are we going to apologise?” Taehyung prompted eagerly to get the leader’s plan started as soon as possible.

Taehyung saw Namjoon freeze at his question. He watched the olders brow crease as he tried come up with an answer for him. he worried he had over stepped and moved to quickly apologise.

Namjoon took a breath and looked back to Taehyung stopping him from saying a word, “soon,” was the answer he finally gave.

“But not to late thought right?” Taehyung asked hopeful again.

Namjoon simply nodded at him, “right.”

Taehyung nodded, he was happy with that answer, with the hope their conversation had given him.

Namjoon gave him a smiled and finally stood up again. He looked down at the younger still smiling warmly at him before Taehyung watched him reach to the back of the lounge where he pulled the folded blanket from they kept there for those days when someone fell asleep on the lounge. Taehyung watched Namjoon place it over him, “do you want anything, some tea maybe?” Namjoon asked after the blanket was in place.

Taehyung asked as he watched Namjoon head back to the kitchen, “do we have any ice cream hyung?” he hoped a brain freeze woould momentarily shut his brain up once more.

He heard Namjoon chuckle to himself probably thinking he was a weirdo asking for ice cream just a few days before the start of winter, “I’ll have a look,” the older answered as he continued his trek back to the kitchen.

Taehyung thanked him as he watched his leader reach the kitchen.

Apparently, they did have ice cream, and no surprise Jimin’s favourite flavour Taehyung spotted as Namjoon returned and lifted the tub of honey comb crunch and a spoon to him now curled up under the thick knit blanket, “Did JK go out or is he still in his room?” Namjoon asked him.

Taehyung wasn’t even really sure but it was a safe bet as he pointed down the hall with one hand while his other ripped open the ice cream tub, “he’s still in his room, he hasn’t come out since we got home.”

Taehyung looked up to see Namjoon nod, “are you right there?” he asked as his gaze returned to him.

Taehyung nodded as he lifted his spoon as he switched the TV from whatever episode of Sword Art Online it had been to SpongeBob, “I have ice cream and SpongeBob, I’m good hyung,” he reassured still hiccupping a little but nothing some ice cream and SpongeBob couldn’t cure.

He saw Namjoon nod in response before watching the leader turn and head down the hall to the maknae’s room. Taehyung turned his gaze back to the TV pushing the thought that SpongeBob was Jimin’s go to cartoon for a pick me up when he was down too as he tried to turn his full attention to it.

Taehyung heard Namjoon knock again on Jungkook’s door as he zoned back in to the other activities in the apartment, “Jungkook-ah, are you in there?” he heard Namjoon call.

Taehyung waited for some reply only to hear the leader sigh and the door swing open.

Taehyung heard Namjoon say quickly, “Jungkook, what happened?” causing Taehyung to forget SpongeBob was even playing or that he currently had a half-eaten tube of ice cream in front of him.

Taehyung waiting for some reply to come from Jungkook but all he got was more words from Namjoon making him sit up worried.

“Kook, talk to me, I’m right here,” he heard Namjoon urge of the younger.

“I h-hurt h-him so… much hyung… and… and all he w-was doing… was protecting me like I-I begged him to… to hide t-the secret… to make sure y-you… none of y-you ever found out… and… and I hurt him… I-I pushed him away… I…I… I even hit him… how… w-why would he ever f-forgive me for that… he won’t ever forgive me for that… he… he should never f-forgive me for t-that…” Taehyung heard loud and clear through hiccupped breaths and choked sobs from the youngest making him want to run to him and hug him to death but knew Namjoon had it covered and didn’t want to overwhelm Jungkook like they had 2 months ago.

“Ah, Guk…” he heard Namjoon begin to say before he continued after a moment, “I know you think that, hell I’m sure we all think that, and okay yes you are right, he shouldn’t forgive you for hitting him…” Taehyung cringed wondering how Namjoon managed to calm any of them in the past as the words just made Jungkook cry harder. And then the leader was speaking again over the top of the sobbing sounds from Jungkook, “but you shouldn’t give up because of that, you have a lot to things to be sorry for we all do and I promise you the rest of us will be there to pull you back if you feel like it’s all getting to much, if you lash out at him again like that okay, we will be there and we will do this together,” more words that gave Taehyung hope even if they weren’t meant for him.

“B-but what if… he… he doesn’t forgive us… w-what if we broke him… and… and he leaves… he c-could leave… he should leave… we a-are horrible e-evil stupid people… and… and he should just leave…go… go far away from us all… so… so we can’t ever hurt him ever again…” he heard Jungkook saying right before he realised WHAT he was saying.

“NO!” Taehyung screamed frantically kicking the blanket off him before running down the hallway to the younger’s room.

Jungkook and Namjoon stared at him now panting slightly in his door way as he clutched the frame in one hand and the door in the other to stare right back at them.

“No, no he can’t leave, we need to apologise and fix this and get him back. HE CAN’T LEAVE!” Taehyung finished with a yell as fresh tears slipped down his cheeks causing him to quickly fist them away.

Jungkook stared at him, “b-but we hurt h-him…” he started.

Taehyung drew in a hard breath and took a step forward as he moved to argue with the younger a split second before Namjoon cut him off, “stop, enough, Taehyung come here, Jungkook hop up,” he ordered them both.

Taehyung made his way over to the two before him as he watched Namjoon help Jungkook stand up before sitting the younger down on his bed right before he grabbed Taehyung’s wrist and put him right beside the person who wanted his best friend gone.

Taehyung didn’t dare look at Jungkook instead he watched as Namjoon knelt before the two of them and took one of their hand’s in each of his. He watched Namjoon take some deep breathed and unconsciously did the same calming slightly as he stared at his hyung.

“Now, I want you both to listen to me. Yes, we hurt Jimin, we all did and we will fix this, if not we will try to fix this, but Jimin is the one that was hurt and if he feels inclined to leave that is his choice, his right and we can’t stop that if he wants to. We have no right to force him to stay in a place that has only caused him pain do you understand me?” Namjoon spoke, a touch of authority to his tone that honestly only made it harder to not break down crying at his words, of course he understood but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

Taehyung nodded weakly seeing Jungkook out the corner of his eye do the same before he found his voice again, “but I want my best friend back,” he whimpered softly as new tears escaped his hold and slipped down his cheeks.

Taehyung felt Jungkook move and finally looked at him to watch the younger bury his face in his free hand before he sobbed, “IT’S ALL MY FAULT!”

Taehyung heard Namjoon give a sigh causing him to look back at the older and watch as he shifted leaning up on his knees and pulled the two of them into him where he wrapping his arms around their shoulders before they both buried their faces into the leader's own shoulders.

After a few minutes Taehyung finally calmed himself and sat back to look at the younger and their leader.

“Tae-ah, how’s about you go back out to the lounge and finish watching TV okay, I’ll come out and check on you in a bit,” Namjoon urged as Taehyung watched Jungkook take Taehyung’s place and wrap himself around the leader.

Taehyung simply nodded as he fisted his cheeks. He got up from where had had been sat on the bed and shuffled to the door. He couldn’t help but look back at the two members. He saw Namjoon smile at him and give a nod before he finally turned and left the room pulling the door shut behind him.

Taehyung got back to the lounge room and shuffled to the other lounge where he took that blanket too. He pulled the blankets around himself and took the ice cream from the table. He dug in like he was digging for gold or jewels and finished it in record time giving himself only one brain freezer in the process. Taehyung kicked his blankets off once more and shuffled to the kitchen where he dropped the empty tub in the bin and pulled the freezer open in search of more. He saw Yoongi’s mint choc chip and made a note to both apologise to the older and buy him a new tub later on as he took it from it’s place.

He kicked the freezer shut with his foot as he ripped the lid from the tube and flipped his spoon over instantly digging in without hesitation. He shuffled himself back to the lounge and pulled the blankets back around himself this time turning his attention back to SpongeBob.

Taehyung felt someone squeeze his foot a little later and looked to see Namjoon standing there smiling a little at him.

“Calmed down?” Namjoon asked when he looked from the TV.

Taehyung pulling the spoon from his mouth with a nod, “I’m better hyung. is JK?” he asked still worried even if he kind of wanted to hit the kid for wanting Jimin gone.

Namjoon simply nodded at his question before answering, “he fell asleep, probably exhausted from everything that’s happened the last two days. Can you wake him up when you order take out after your ice cream?” he asked at the end.

Taehyung nodded back, “are you going out?” he asked.

Namjoon nodded as he looked at the TV before shaking his head a little Taehyung more than sure he clearly understood what was happening in the episode of SpongeBob, “mmm, need to clear my head, might go for a walk see where I end up,” the leader supplied.

Taehyung mused covering the worry those words brought to him remembering the last time the older went out for a walk, “don’t forget we are famous hyung, you can’t just go wandering these days remember.”

Namjoon sighed probably remembering the same incident he had bringing a smile to Taehyung’s lips, “I remember, I’ll be careful I promise, and I’ll have my phone on me, I want you to message me every hour okay, let me know how you are both doing.”

Taehyung nodded happy to comply with the request, “yes sir. Can you pick up more ice cream before you come home?” he asked quickly.

He heard Namjoon give a chuckle as he headed towards his room, “okay, any particular flavour?”

Taehyung thought, “surprise me,” he replied after a minute.

He heard another chuckle before watching Namjoon nod as he waved his hand in understanding before disappearing down the hall to his room. Taehyung worried for the leader but knew he was a smart man and would be alright out there and would call one of them or even Sejin if he wasn’t.

-

Taehyung’s stomach made a sound that resembled a dying whale at around 10 pm his ice cream finished and his fourth cup of hot coco, he was kind of very wound right now and hungry.

He lifted his phone as he saw the time and messaged Namjoon like he had promised wondering where he was and if he had had a run in with crazies while out on his wander.

To: Leader Hyung – 10:02am
Hey hyung, you coming back home for some food, I’m thinking Chinese?

From: Leader Hyung – 10:03am
Nah Tae-ah, I’m at the studio, gonna see if those other two are still alive on us. Order something for JK too yeah, did you check on him?

To: Leader Hyung – 10:03am
Yeah, he’s still asleep, what’s that, hour three or four or something?

From: Leader Hyung – 10:04am
Yeah about that, maybe wake him up after the food arrives.

To: Leader Hyung – 10:04am
Okay, will do, be safe and tell the other hyungs not to work to hard. We’ll see you when you get home if we aren’t asleep before then.

From: Leader Hyung – 10:05am
Okay, thanks for taking care of Kook for me, I know you didn’t really want to.

To: Leader Hyung – 10:06am
I might not have wanted to after he… but I get it, you needed some space and all that so it’s okay. Besides he’s actually pretty easy to take care of when he’s unconscious.

From: TaeTae – 10:07am
LOL. Don’t ever let him hear you say that just saying.

To: Leader Hyung – 10:08am
LOL, true. Alright I’m gonna call for food, talk to you in another house, I’ll et you know when we both go to bed okay if you aren’t home by then.

From: Leader Hyung – 10:09am
Okay, make sure the door is locked after you pay and I’ll talk too you later. Don’t forget to wake JK up.

To: Leader Hyung – 10:10am
I will, promise to both, talk later. Bye Hyung.

Taehyung relaxed knowing Namjoon was safe. He got up from his seat and went to the kitchen where they kept the take away menus. He pulled them out of the top draw and flipped through them until he found the menu for their favourite Chinese takeaway place and grabbed the cordless phone from the counter.

It took him less than 10 minutes to place the order for himself and Jungkook before putting the phone back on the cradle, the menus back in the draw and then finally getting up the courage to wake Jungkook.

He hadn’t wanted to talk to the younger not after his desire to send Jimin away had become known, he felt like Jungkook wanted to take his one chance at fixing things with his best friend away and that more than pissed him off just because Jungkook had seemed to give up he hadn’t.

He repeated his plan over in his head as he headed to the younger’s room, the plan that he had thought up despite the fact he had been so focused on SpongeBob and ice cream, first he would apologise, secondly he would apologise, thirdly he would apologise, fourth he would apologise, fifth he would apologise, sixth he would beg for forgiveness, seventh he would apologise, eight he would grovel, ninth he would apologise and tenth he would love Jimin forever. He thought it was a good plan and smiled to himself as he stopped at Jungkook’s door.

He pushed it open and jumped a foot to see the younger now staring at him.

Taehyung sighed as he grabbed his chest, “fuck you scared the shit out of me, I thought you were asleep.”

Jungkook pulled his earphones out and said as he looked at the older, “I was, woke up about an hour again.”

Taehyung nodded a little and said as he started to turn, “I ordered us Chinese it’ll be here in like 30 minutes.”

Jungkook scrambled from his bed and rushed after the older, “Hyung wait…” he called.

Taehyung didn’t stop he didn’t want to talk or chill or relax it wasn’t happening.

Jungkook rushed down the hall, “Taehyung please…” he begged.

They stopped in the lounge room where Taehyung turned abruptly to face the younger, “first we hurt him and now you want to throw him away, what the fuck do you think that’s going to do to him Jeongguk.”

Jungkook drew in a hard breath he thought he had been ready for this conversation but he was wrong and he knew whenever one of his hyungs used his governmental name he had really fucked up.

They looked at each other a hard look in Taehyung’s eye, a sort of scared one in Jungkook’s.

“Answer me, what the fuck do you think it’s going to do, huh, it’s going to tell him we definitely don’t want him just like he thinks when we fucking do and you fucking know it, you’re just fucking scared, scared he’ll reject you, throw you aside, blame you!” Taehyung spat coldly.

Jungkook curled in on himself at Taehyung’s words, he hated it when the members could read him like an open book.

“That’s not true,” Jungkook weakly retorted.

“You know damn fucking well it’s true. You don’t even want to try and fix this you’d rather run afuckingway then risk being hurt yourself. This isn’t a fucking video game Jungkook, you can’t reset, you can’t start over, you can’t choose a different path, what’s done is done and now you need to make a choice, grow a set of balls and be a man and own up to your fucking mistakes or run away like the bitch you are” Taehyung retorted every word like a knife to the younger.

Jungkook said as tears welled in his eyes, “I’m sorry okay.”

Taehyung hissed, “it’s not me you need to fucking apologise to, it’s not me you need to grovel to, it’s not Namjoon or Jin or Yoongi and Hoseok, you need to face Park Jimin and you need to apologise for being a selfish fucking dick just like the rest of us.”

Jungkook snapped back at that, “I’m not selfish, a dick maybe…”

Taehyung cut him off, “three months, three months you made it all about you and when you found out his secret you lied to us for two months. Did you even consider why he fucking told us in the first place, did it even occur to you that maybe holding that secret for four damn years had finally broken him down, finally pushed him to breaking point and he just couldn’t any more, that all the lies he told to protect your ass literally just got to fucking much for him.”

Jungkook took a long breath, he had thought about it, he had thought about it ever day since he head learnt Jimin’s secret, every day he tried to pull the older back in with his quick 180 about face.

“Of course, I did Taehyung,” Jungkook replied this time.

Taehyung snipped, “and yet you still kept that shit a secret for two months. you pulled some weird about face bullshit and tried in some desperate attempt to cosy back up to him after all the shit you did in those three months and it still didn’t stop, you still didn’t stop treating him like that despite your pathetic attempts to “FIX” this shit without ever actually apologising for it.”

“What the fuck about you Taehyung, your best friend, your what, your soul mate thrown aside like he meant nothing to you, you haven’t fucking apologised either so don’t fucking stand there making out like it’s all my fault you are in the same fucking boat as me and Jimin has the fucking paddles about to smack you in the face with one,” Jungkook spat as anger took over the sadness Taehyung’s words were making him feel.

Taehyung drew in a breath and near growled in anger, “yeah, you’re right, I haven’t apologised, doesn’t mean I’m not going to for all the shit I’ve put my best friend and soul mate through because unlike you I WANT him back not to throw him aside like he means fucking nothing to me. So, how’s about you be the one to leave the fucking group, the very fucking reason all this shit happened in the first place.” Taehyung grabbed his coat, wallet and phone from the chair in anger and marched past Jungkook to the door.

Taehyung was so angry with Jungkook, with himself, with everything and he wanted to scream, he had to get out of there already regretting saying that to the younger but it was to late to take back now and would deal with the fall out when he could think straight without wanting to hulk the fuck out on a phone book or something.

He needed to calm down before he apologised for any of his actions to anyone and figured waiting for their food down stairs in the lobby or even out in the cold would help.

He sighed as the elevator doors slid shut dropped his face into his hands before rubbing them hard over it a few times before raking his fingers back through his hair with another deep sigh, god when did it all get so fucked up he wondered.

The day Jungkook took a video and you wanted some smut you dick, it’s not all Jungkook’s fault, you pushed, you demanded, you asked, it all lead to the truth being revealed, you should have just kept your mouth shut for once, like the others said, you never have good ideas, his brain threw out making him sigh again.

Taehyung stepped out of the elevator some moments later and walked to the chair in the lobby before looking outside. He headed out the door and stopped against the concrete wall that lead to the entrance.

He pulled his warm coat around himself and tucked his hands under his arms as he folded them as he stared at the ground, he hopes as he waited for their food that things would change and soon, he longed for the good days when they were seven and not scattered six and one all alone.

-

“hey, that for apartment P2?” Taehyung asked the delivery guy he spotted heading to the door.

The delivery man nodded, “ah… yeah, you apartment P2?”

Taehyung nodded pushing off the wall and walking over to the guy.

“you been out here long, it’s freezing man,” the delivery guy asked holding the bag and receipt in one hand for Taehyung.

Taehyung said, as he fished the money from his wallet, “I needed the fresh air, the cold helped clear my head.”

The guy counted the money, “argument with the wife?”

Taehyung shrugged a little as he took the food and receipt, “you could say that.”

The guy bowed after giving Taehyung his change, “well good luck to you man. Enjoy the rest of your night.”

Taehyung bowed back, “thanks for the delivery, drive safe.” The two men turned in opposite directions and Taehyung made his way back inside.

He smiled to the lady at reception who’s name he could never remember and bowed slightly as she smiled and bowed back. He reached the apartment door some minutes later and unlocked the door pushing it open.

He carried the food through to the main house and wasn’t surprised to not see Jungkook. He looked down the hall to see the younger’s door shut once more.

Taehyung carried the food to the kitchen and put the bag on the bench before taking the food out. he stacked Jungkook’s containers on top of each other before going to grab a pair of chopsticks and a spoon and took them down to his room.

Taehyung know Jin didn’t like eating in the rooms but Taehyung guessed this was a special case and would make an exception.

He knocked lightly on the door and waited for some sort of reply along the lines of feel free to fuck off. Taehyung sighed when he didn’t even get that back and knocked again.

“Jungkook-ah, I have food for you,” Taehyung called through the door.

Still nothing so he tried the door not surprised to find it locked this time.

He knocked one last time, “okay, I’ll leave it by your door when you’re ready. Don’t eat to fast or you’ll make yourself sick, and don’t leave the dishes in your room or Jin hyung will kill you okay.” he knelt down and sat the dishes beside his door before he stood back up.

He looked at the closed locked door one last time before he sighed again as he turned and went back to the lounge room.

Taehyung knew he had fucked up good and made a note to apologise as soon as Jungkook re-emerged from his cave. He racked his hand back through his hair in frustration before sitting down on the lounge once again and opening his food, honestly, he suddenly found himself not at all as hungry as he had been and again he just wanted to scream.

Taehyung finished one dish in utter silence not even turning the TV back on before putting the rest in the fridge and going back to his room finally. He had the quickest shower he’d had in a while and then climbed into his bed.

Taehyung laid staring at the ceiling as fresh tears finally broke their hold slipping down his cheeks. His heart hurt and his soul ached, all he wanted all he craved was for things to go back wished he could take back everything he said and did to both Jimin and Jungkook, all he wanted was his family back. Sleep came slow that night but the tears came fast with one final reminder that he had his work cut out for him.

Chapter Text

Jungkook had been on auto pilot since he had woken up, after the previous night he felt like his brain had just three things it could think of, his secret, Jimin’s secret and Jimin. for the duration it took for him to pack his things he kept thinking about his not so secret secret and how the other five had handled it and him when he had woken up the next day to face them after it had come out.

He had been scared more than anything terrified really of how they would react and what they would do when he faced them, he hadn’t even considered that they would do what they do, hug him and tell him they loved him and he sure as hell didn’t ever anticipate them telling him they were proud of him, that had been the biggest shock to him that morning so much so it had brought him to tears when Jin had hugged him and said it.

He usually slept on the plane but this trip back to South Korea had seen the entire plane ride spent thinking about Jimin’s secret. He replayed the night before and what had happened in Hoseok’s room over and over in his head word for word like it was a movie script, the look in Yoongi’s face right before Jungkook made him connect the dots and then the look right after it, the sobs Taehyung let out as Jungkook held him from running to Jimin, it all just kept playing over and over for the first hour, then it had turned to all the hell Jimin had been through because of them and Jungkook found himself unable to wonder just what the five of them were going to put him through because of the same thing.

He knew they were pissed they had sort of snipped at him throughout the morning as they packed up and he had been ready for it, but what he hadn’t been ready for was Jimin come to his defence especially when Taehyung had thrown a cold remark about Jungkook not caring at him, Jimin had then turned around calmly, “if he didn’t care like you think they why would he have asked in the first place,” he had told Taehyung before walking off leaving the six of them stunned by the whole exchange.

Jungkook had found himself by Jimin’s side as they walked through the airport after that even if they didn’t say a word to each other or even look at one another Jungkook felt more welcome by the by side then he had the other five and was happy none the less.

They had been sat in the van for he didn’t’ know how long when Namjoon had asked Yoongi, “You going into the studio?”

Jungkook had been sat between Yoongi and Taehyung and hadn’t looked at any one of the other four in the van with him since they had left the airport. Jungkook saw Yoongi nodded out of the corner of his eye before he replied to Namjoon’s question, “I just, I need some time alone, you all good?” he had said not moving any more, not even to look at the leader.

He heard Namjoon hummed, “JK’s gonna get some more sleep and Tae-ah told me he’s gonna binge an anime in the lounge room, I think he’s still tired too,” the leader had said, Jungkook had remembered telling Namjoon just after the plane landed when the leader had spoken to him for the first time since they had woken up that morning.

Jungkook had felt Yoongi move beside him and heard him ask, “and you Hobs?”

Jungkook shifted his gaze just slightly to look at Hoseok on the other side Namjoon opposite him. He wondered what Hoseok was thinking and honestly knowing Hoseok like he did was kind of scared of the older’s belated reply deciding he didn’t want to know what Hoseok was thinking after all.

Eventually thought, Hoseok did reply to Yoongi’s question, “I might hit the dance studio, I’m wound and tense and I gotta work some of it off, don’t want to snap at any of you guys especially…” he had said before trailing off leaving Jungkook little question of who he was talking about.

“Jimin-ah?” Namjoon had finished for him.

Hoseok had simply nodded with a hum confirming what Jungkook had silently guessed. As the car turned onto another street Jungkook heard Hoseok talk again, “I figured out what was going on the last two months, why he won’t talk to us now or even give us the time of day,” the other had said causing Jungkook to tune completely into the conversation.

Taehyung on his other side had replied flatly not even moving from whatever it was he was doing over there since Jungkook couldn’t really see from his own position, “we are dicks and deserve it.”

Jungkook had silently agreed reminding himself that some of them were more so then the rest himself at the top of that list. Hoseok had said as they had all hummed in agreement, “it’s what we did.”

The stated had caused Jungkook to life his head this time and look at his hyung with the other three in the van with him to see Hoseok staring out the window at the city as he continued to explain for them.

“we pushed him away and made him feel unwanted for three months, and then we were told off and realised how fucked up it all was and tried for two to pull him back in, we didn’t even stop to realise that he was out there all alone in the cold struggling to deal with all the shit we laid on him. I’m pretty sure he pushed us away, thinks we don’t want him because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t deserve care and happiness and love, that it’s his fault JK was hurt and we had whatever reasons he might have thought up,” the rapper had said to them before he finally returned their gazes, the look he and Jungkook shared sent a shiver down his spine it wasn’t a good shiver either

Jungkook had said from between Yoongi and Taehyung after he had quickly dropped his head back against the chair and had gone back to staring at the ceiling, “will… will you treat me like that, will you push me away for not telling you, for lying… for doing pretty much everything hyung did with his secret,” he had asked out of curiosity more than anything well had tried but to be honest he was afraid, scared, terrified to even know the answer to that question having already dealt with snippets of it earlier that day he had been trying to brace himself for the coming storm to be ready for when it all went up in smoke.

And then he had felt Yoongi move beside him and his entire body tensed in more than just panic. He had in the moments it took for Yoongi to move wondered he had more than over stepped his boundaries as the maknae.

Jungkook believed he deserved what they threw at him for lying to them, for hiding the truth, for letting them think Jimin had hurt him two months ago and making them angrier, he never told them he had heard them talking about it between the takes that day, them blaming Jimin for why he had been crying.

As Jungkook had gotten ready to spill a string of possibly never ending apologises he felt Yoongi’s hand close around his fist resting on his knee. He hadn’t realised that when he had tensed at the older’s movements his hands had unconsciously curled into fists until he felt the oldest rapper wrap his hand around one. Jungkook had lifted his head and looked down at the two hands now resting on his knee wondering why Yoongi had done it after last night and the morning especially when Jungkook had seen the near death stares Yoongi had thrown at him at the airport when he had been by Jimin’s side.

“No, no we will be pissed and we will say shit I’m sure but we promise… You were right, we are stupid, horrible, evil people and we deserve everything he gives us, but we understand, we understand why you did it, why he did it. We should have understood back then, but we understand now and we are sorry we left you all alone just like him.” Yoongi had said to him which had caused Jungkook took a shaky breath in surprise before and he had nodded with a small smile about all he could do voice more than have quit on him by that point.

“We got a lot of shit to work out, to process and come to terms with especially when it comes to Jimin-ah, but we will do everything we can to try and fix this, to fix the communication between us and the chasm we caused,” Namjoon had offered with a reassuring nod to them all. Jungkook had looked at him at that to see the nod and somehow that one small gesture had lit a small spark of hope deep within him, a spark he desperately clung to, that spark that told him maybe just maybe he hadn’t fucked up as badly, as irreversible as he had been thinking for hours by that point.

“How we gonna do that hyung?” Taehyung had asked after he had Jungkook noticed then to leaning against the window.

Jungkook had looked back at Namjoon hopeful only to watch the leader sigh at the question cast Taehyung a look before he had gone back to looked out his own window, “I have no idea TaeTae, I have no idea,” Namjoon had told him, told them all, all but killing Jungkook’s spark of hope in the process.

Jungkook’s head had fallen back against the head rest and he had gone back to staring at the ceiling while the other four had gone back to staring silently out their windows all the while Yoongi’s hand had stayed clasped tightly over the top of his own and all it did was making his mind more confused and his heart hurt more.

-

When the van had finally reached their apartment building at The Hill he had watched Taehyung all but bolt from the vehicle not even doing his usual look back to check if the others had followed him out. Jungkook felt like Taehyung just wanted to get away from him and honestly Jungkook couldn’t blame him. Twice Jungkook had really fucked up now in the space of six months, he had let his secret get out and he had let Jimin’s secret get out, there had been so many reasons floating through his mind by that point as he had watched Hoseok get out next that he couldn’t at all blame them for wanting to get away from him.

“You lied to us,” “you kept the truth from us,” “you new all along and said nothing,” “you could have fixed this sooner,” “is this all a fucking game to you,” were just some of the things going through his mind, some of the things he had imagined the other five saying to him at some point in the morning, day or coming weeks.

He had watched Yoongi follow Hoseok out and had seen the small gesture, the small touch they shared before they had headed to the back of the van, he had wondered if he would be able to do that again with them all, to share a touch a look a smile and just know what the other meant, he had wondered if Jimin would one day share touches like that with him again.

Jungkook watched Namjoon get off last before slowly undoing his seat belt. Jungkook looked up as he grabbed his carry-on bag at his feet to find Namjoon standing there staring at him. He had frozen as the too locked eyes, there was something in the leader’s eyes that he couldn’t identify and it like Hoseok’s gaze had sent a shiver up his spine.

Jungkook had dropped his head in more shame than anything before Namjoon spoke softly to him, “Come on JK, let’s go upstairs and rest mmm.”

Jungkook had looked up surprised not expecting that to be what came out of the leader.

Namjoon had simply nodded his head when Jungkook had looked back at him and had gestured with his hand telling Jungkook to follow him. Jungkook had drawn in a breath and simply nodded quickly before he had finally exited the vehicle, I’ll follow you no matter what hyung until you tell me not to anymore, Jungkook had thought to himself as he stood up and they had shared another look after he was out of the van.

Namjoon had clapped him lightly on the shoulder before Jungkook had watched him head towards the other three and the back of the van, I’ll always follow you hyung because you are and always will be one of the people I love even if you hate me from now on, Jungkook had thought to himself before he drew in a breath and headed after the leader. Jungkook had stopped on Namjoon’s far side putting the leader between himself and the other three, he realised as he stood waiting for the driver to lift his suitcase from the trunk that his behaviour was eerily similar to how he had acted around the time his assault had happened, how he put Jimin between himself and others, how he had used Jimin as his shield, how he had turned to Jimin for protection and comfort.

He had signed internally wondering just how long this bout of emotionally defensive behaviour as Jimin had called it would last and had wondered if Namjoon would be the new Jimin until it was over and wondered too if he would follow the same pattern of pushing his shield away like he had with Jimin back then.

-

The five of them had then stepped into the elevator together in completely silence, Hoseok and Yoongi stood on the left leaning back up against the railing beside each other and Jungkook definitely didn’t miss Yoongi’s hand slide over the top of Hoseok’s where it was resting on said railing. Taehyung had situated himself in the middle of the elevator up the back leaning with his head back against the cool glass of the mirrored wall to staring at the ceiling while Namjoon had taken the front just before the doors staring at himself in the reflective surface while Jungkook himself had taken the right.

As they had made their way up to their floor the second penthouse floor he couldn’t help but notice that without the other two of their group the four before him had created a gap between them and himself. Again, he hadn’t blamed them for avoiding him or trying to, he had fucked up, he had fucked up so bad he was now very sure even with Namjoon’s kind words at the van and the hopeful spark that was now a fading cinder he just wouldn’t be able to fix.

For the first time in almost four years those thoughts had come back to him, wow could you get any more pathetic, you really are useless aren’t you after all Jimin went through to help you, to help fix you, all those times you dragged him to your therapy sessions, all those times he just smiled and told you he loved you after you’d hit him or push him away or even ignore him completely, after all this time this is how it all finally ends, he told you to learn from your mistakes and yet you go and make possibly the biggest one of your life you know, save for taking Ran back, his brain had thrown at him digging up the thoughts Jimin had chased away four years ago.

Jungkook had closed his eyes and taken some long slow breaths, he had tried his best to push them out of his mind as he waited for that familiar bing that told him they were finally on their floor.

You really think YOU can chase me away, it took Jimin last time, what makes you think you’re strong enough now to do it when you know damn well I’m right, you’re stupid and pathetic, good for nothing but fucking everything up, I mean you, after all the shit Jimin went through you still never learned how to actually tell people your feelings, your thoughts, it’s all oh yeah that’s cool, never what the fuck no I’m not going to pet a shark are you insane, his brain continued, honestly Jimin was right about so much with you, he wasn’t wrong when he thought maybe you had a death wish, or was it risk taker, or thrill seeker?

As Jungkook had fought to shut his brain up, to chase away the thoughts Jimin had he had been interrupted by the familiar bing and Namjoon giving a deep sigh causing him to open his eyes and look at the older.

Yoongi had looked at Namjoon as the doors had opened and asked “you alright there Joon-ah?” as they had left the elevator in the order they had stepped onto it with Namjoon first then Taehyung.

Jungkook had been the first on and the last off waiting for Namjoon to reply to Yoongi’s question watching the four before him as he followed them down the hall that lead to the second penthouse apartment on the west side of the building they lived in.

Namjoon had finally answered after a minute just before they had reached their apartment door, “I’m fine, just thinking about to many things right now.”

Jungkook had watched Yoongi clap Namjoon on the shoulder reassuringly with a small, “don’t forget, we are here if you want to vent,” he had heard the older telling him before he had watched Namjoon give a hum as he waved his hand as Yoongi had moved past him and had unlocked the door like he always did when he was with any one of them.

Jungkook had been the last one through the door behind the other three as Yoongi had held it open for them and as Jungkook had looked at him as he had walked through the threshold there was that look, the same one he had seen in Hoseok, the same one he had seen in Namjoon and it sent a harder shiver up his spine.

“Thank you hyung,” Jungkook had mumbled as he had all to quickly dropped his gaze avoiding the older’s eyes.

Jungkook had taken his time dressing down, he undid his timberlands since they were always a bitch to get off when they were done up, he had unzipped his coat and hung it up like Jin had drilled into him over the years, then his jacket had followed, his hoodie had almost too before the cool air of approaching winter that had hung in the apartment seeped through the fabric of his thin white shirt and turned his skin to Goosebumps and had made him quickly zip his hoodie back up before it got any worse.

Jungkook had then followed behind Taehyung who had been following Yoongi and Hoseok with Namjoon at the front leading them across to the rest of the apartment.

As they passed it Jungkook had looked at their indoor garden the place he had since they moved in and even since that night found Jimin out in, sitting on one of the chairs reading or hiding from them, or tending the plants Jungkook had realised Jimin had come to deeply love. Jungkook had spotted the seven new ever green additions as he heard Namjoon open the door for them all and couldn’t help the small smile that had come to his lips, “if you must know Jungkook I brought seven because I was thinking of all of us at the time despite all the shit going on they reminded me of us how we had stayed strong through all the crap we’ve been and are going through,” Jimin had told him four months ago when Jungkook had nagged it out of him.

He had reached the door and wheeled his luggage inside shutting the door behind him being last to keep the chill out once more. He had looked at Namjoon headed towards the kitchen and his room before he had turned and followed after Taehyung ahead of him to their side of the apartment where his room was.

He had been brought to a stand still in his quest to reach his room and his now racing throughs of Jimin ad Namjoon’s voice had cut through an as yet unnoticed by the other four thick silence, “Oh hey, do you guys wanna cook something for dinner later, or take out?”

The three before him had turned and he had simply followed their lead to look at their leader to catch Namjoon turning to them himself for Jungkook guessed their answer.

Hoseok had been the one to answer for well all fo them, “we’ll order take out, I mean, Jin isn’t here, neither is Jimin-ah, and I’m sure none of us actually want to cook right now.”

Jungkook had fixed his gaze to a spot on the windows opposite them not daring to look any of them in the eye again, he heard Yoongi then add with a nod he caught out the corner of his eye after he’d given a hum, “Hoseok and I are going to the studio in a bit we’ll get something near there.”

Jungkook had been surprisingly relieved by this news for a reason he didn’t know, that’s a lie, you know why you’re happy they won’t be here, then you won’t have to face them, you won’t have to see that look in their eye again, his brain had started before Taehyung then added shutting it all up once more, “Jungkookie and I are gonna stay here with Namjoonie hyung, we’ll just get something delivered later, I’m… I’m not really hungry at the moment.”

Jungkook’s stomach dropped at that news that he had to be with two of them, that he had had to stay with two of them, one of which had been rather open about his newly developed disdain for the younger since before they had caught their plane. All Jungkook had been able to do was give a simple hummed in agreement still not trusting his voice again.

Jungkook had seen Namjoon like Yoongi nod out the corner of his eye as he had spoken again, ‘alright, sounds good.”

Jungkook had waited watching Namjoon turn after that headed towards his room once more, the other three had done the same before they themselves had turned. Jungkook turned after another second to watch just in time as Hoseok had disappeared into his room the master suite. He had headed past Yoongi at his own door and Taehyung who had stopped at his own to the waiting safety of his own room when Namjoon had called again “OH GUYS…” he had heard causing the three of them in the hall to turn and Hoseok’s head to appear sticking out of the master suite’s still open door.

A minute had passed before Namjoon said what he had stopped them for, “we have a schedule tomorrow, Run BTS recording ah… episode 24… no 25 I think.” Oh yes, the schedule, Jungkook had honestly already been dreading it all and wanted nothing more than to crawl under his covered and never come out again. The four of them had nodded back in sync before Hoseok and Yoongi had called back okays first then Taehyung with himself last. He had watched Namjoon nod in reply before he had turned once more, he had watched Hoseok disappear again before Yoongi and then Taehyung with all three doors shutting this time.

Jungkook had sighed softly and had dropped his gaze as he had turned back to his own door. He pushed it open and looked at his room for a moment, he really did need to clean he had thought to himself before he had finally gone inside and kicked the door shut behind him. As the door had clicked shut he had sighed deeply tipping his head back as he let his eyes fall shut.

-

He had meticulously unpacked his things like he always did putting his dirty clothes bag by his closet door like had always did to remind him the next morning that he had to do the laundry. When all his essentials had been unpacked Jungkook had spent half an hour setting up his laptop back in it’s place on his desk.

Once it was set up he had intended to sit his ass down in his computer chair and throw himself into an all afternoon and hopefully all-night overwatch marathon to distract him from all the shit he had caused until he actually HAD to face it all but instead when he had opened his laptop he had found the work he had been doing before going to bed the night or more morningish of their first Taipei concert still paused.

Jungkook had paused as he stared at the image of Jimin paused on his screen. He had just stared at it for he wasn’t sure how long minutes hours even thinking about the older about everything he had done in the past for him and all the shit he had thrown at him in the last five months it was like his brain hadn’t known what to focus on the past or the present past jumping back between the two like someone on an out of control pogo stick.

He heard a door open causing him to tear his eyes from his screen as Yoongi’s voice sounded down the hall through his door, “Hoseok, you ready lets get out of here,” he had heard Yoongi say.

“Yeah, just gotta grab my bag,” Jungkook had heard Hoseok yell from his room loud enough for the entire house to hear.

Then Taehyung’s voice boomed through the apartment, “ARE YOU GUYS LEAVING?” he had heard him yell.

“YEAH, WE’RE HEADING NOW, JUST GONNA LET JOON-AH KNOW!” Yoongi had yelled closer than before probably from his room Jungkook had thought.

Jungkook had sat waiting he had heard footsteps down the hall, he had heard Yoongi yell a bye see you later to Namjoon as he guessed Hoseok had gone to speak with him about leaving, he had heard Taehyung yell by and get two in return and then he had heard silence. Neither of them had mentioned to him they were leaving like he expected like they did to each other when someone was leaving so everyone knew where they were or where going. He had looked back at his computer in a sort of shock before he realised it was much like how they had treated Jimin those first three months, left him out of things because they were pissed off.

Jungkook had taken a breath to calm himself, why are you surprised, you screwed up, you pulled a Jimin on them all, honestly what were you expecting them to love you and hug you and pat your head and tell you you were brave and strong and they would love you no matter what, that you had done good, have managed to fight for as long as you could to keep it all in, keep it all hidden, honestly Jungkook, they didn’t do that for Jimin why the fuck would they do it for you, his brain had casually thrown at him making his heart hurt at the realisation of those words.

If anything, it’s been worst for Jimin because unlike you he had you to deal with, the ungrateful brat he saved, the ungrateful asshole who thanked him by shoving him away like he meant nothing to you when you know damn fucking well he means everything, his brain scolded, everything from perfection to dedication to admiration to affection, everything from protection to care to encouragement, everything from sadness to happiness to hope to love.

Jungkook had stopped at that moment, it had been almost three years since he had let himself think of Jimin in that context when he had learned by accident that Jimin was “straight”. Jungkook had then sat there remembering that day all over again.

Jungkook had just turned 17 and like every year on his birthday Jimin had filmed the two of them with him requesting a kiss from the younger. When the camera had turned off Hoseok had jokingly asked Jimin if he was really bisexual like them and was just holding out on them and Taehyung every the loud mouth he was had happily told them all that Jimin was not only a virgin but straight as well. That had been answered my Jimin pinning Taehyung to the floor and beating him with a slipper as the other five had watched on in amusement as Taehyung had begged for mercy.

Questions had been asked and Jimin answered them all with a shy soft voice and a soft rosy tint to the cheeks Jungkook had since forever wanted to press soft feather kisses to over and over again. He had remembered the moment he heard the word straight and his heart had dropped, remembering the moment his crush on the older that he was sure he had loved from the start, the older that had saved him, the older that had shown and taught him so much afterwards would forever be a one-sided love that he would bury and hide for the rest of his life. Jungkook had remembered when he had realised later on that his first love would always remain a secret he would never share.

Jungkook had drifted back from his reminiscing to spend at least the next hour thinking of all the ways he wanted to love Jimin, craved to love Jimin, lazy afternoons laying on the sofa together, placing gentle kisses on his cheeks of a morning and night, waking up next to the older’s beautiful face, getting to hold him in the throws of passion and when the burning heat of passion consumed them. He had after three years finally let his mind travel down a road it had previously blocked with concrete pillions, that road that saw Jungkook only falling all the more deeper in love with his first crush, his first love, his first everything.

It wasn’t until Jungkook had looked back at his laptop screen did his brain cut in to his musings, you do realise loser that you don’t actually stand a single chance with him like ever. Firstly he has no idea you love him that way, secondly he has no idea you know his secret, thirdly you’ve treated him like shit for three months then did a full mood swing to try and patch that shit, and fourth did you conveniently forget about the part where he is very sure none of you actually want him, you know not that I actually blame him for thinking that, his brain had casually remarked as if it was sitting at a café table drinking a latte and talking about the weather, like honestly, do you expect him to just go, oh it’s okay guys, I love you and forgive you come here big group hug and then forget this ever happened, how can he forget being treated like a waist of space, like he wasn’t important like he wouldn’t have sold his own damn soul to see you all happy, and you, the one he had protected guarded, SAVED, had been the one to hurt him the most, not only did you throw him aside, you even took up physically hurting him again too.

Jungkook had flinched at the last remark his brain threw at him as his brain took a break from throwing shade and his mind replayed the past times with the currently past five months. Jungkook had tried to figure out during the replay in his head why he did it, why he lashed out physical at Jimin like he had, all but shoving him back hard or smacking him on the arm or hitting him in the stomach or the worst one he could clearly remember was the day Jimin had been dressed in a fluffy black sweater with a white lighting bolt on it and they were back stage at M Countdown in and in front of a camera and he had shoved Jimin back to watch him slam into the opposite wall with so much force he had ended up with a bruise down his shoulder and side that lasted almost four full weeks all because Jimin had joked about them being in a love relationship.

Jungkook hadn’t ever been sure why he was like that back, hell he had spent the last two months trying to figure out why he was like that now but he had always drawn a blank or the excuses he came up with were flimsy and pathetic at best and he knew full well they weren’t the reasons, he could just never pin an actual reason and that had only just made the whole thing worse, that he couldn’t actually explain his actions to the one he had hurt.

In an attempt to shut the thoughts away he had turned back to his computer and had been focused on actually playing Overwatch once more but instead had found himself pushing play on the few hundred (it was only like 48 or 72 or something) hours of camera footage he had of him and Jimin together in Japan. It had ended with Jungkook in tears watching Jimin’s beaming face after they had gotten off the spinning teacups at Disneyland.

-

After the teacups and Jimin’s face beaming at him through his computer screen something he hadn’t seen forced since that night five months ago Jungkook had hastily shut his laptop pushed away from his desk and sat himself beside his bed against the wall.

He had turned his blue tooth speaker on and played classical music a habit he had picked up from Jimin who liked to play classical music when his brain was running to fast or he was upset and couldn’t shut his brain up.

But this time the classical music and Jimin had only seen him draw his knees up to his chest put one of his smaller cuddly squishy pillows into his lap and bury his face in it and ugly cry as silently as he could knowing none of them actually cared, that realisation had made him understand how Jimin must have felt, must still have been feeling and he had only cried harder.

Mid way through his come down into not so hard ugly crying but still ugly crying he heard a knock on his door and froze teeth bitting down into his bottom lip so hard he actually felt the tang of metallic burn his tongue. He had been scared Taehyung or worse Namjoon had heard him and were now there to tell him to grow up, that he didn’t have a right to cry.

He had sat motionless arm’s hugging his knees face pressed into the pillow sounds muffled against fabric hoping they just went away and left him to his quiet misery of self-hatred.

The knock had come again and this time Jungkook had gotten his answer on who it was, “Jungkook-ah, are you in there?” he had heard Namjoon call through the wood.

Jungkook had begged god to make him go away but knew if he didn’t say anything he wouldn’t. Jungkook had tried to talk but all that came out were choked sobs and hiccups that hurt. As he had heard the handle of his door move he had quickly buried his face back in the pillow now brave enough to face his leader when he didn’t deserve to cry.

He had heard Namjoon rushed to him, “Jungkook, what happened?” he had quickly asked at the same time right before Namjoon had almost tripped on something on the floor reminding Jungkook he definitely needed to clean his room.

Jungkook hadn’t been able hold it anymore and muffled sob left the him right as Namjoon had crouched before him, Jesus Christ could this get any worse, Jungkook had thought to himself.

Namjoon had slid his hand onto Jungkook’s arm, “Kook, talk to me, I’m right here,” he had said in that same voice he had used when they were down at the van earlier.

That was when Jungkook had found some courage and a little bit of a voice, he had lifted his head out of the pillow and somehow hiccupped between sobs “I h-hurt h-him so… much hyung… and… and all he w-was doing… was protecting me like I-I begged him to… to hide t-the secret… to make sure y-you… none of y-you ever found out… and… and I hurt him… I-I pushed him away… I…I… I even hit him… how… w-why would he ever f-forgive me for that… he won’t ever forgive me for that… he… he should never f-forgive me for t-that…” he had trailed off into hard sobs as he realised his brain from earlier and even just recently had been right and he had buried his face back into his pillow unable to look at Namjoon.

Namjoon hadn’t left like he had expected instead he felt Namjoon move to his side where he sat down against the wall with him, then he had felt Namjoon’s arm circle his shoulders. Namjoon had sighed, “ah, Guk…” he had heard his leader say as his other hand had returned to the precious spot on Jungkook’s arms over his knees.

“I know you think that, hell I’m sure we all think that, and okay yes you are right, he shouldn’t forgive you for hitting him…” Namjoon hard started and it had made him cry harder, god, he’s right I’m a massive screw up, I’m utterly pathetic and useless and evil and stupid, “but you shouldn’t give up because of that, you have a lot to things to be sorry for we all do and I promise you the rest of us will be there to pull you back if you feel like it’s all getting to much, if you lash out at him again like that okay, we will be there and we will do this together,” Namjoon had then added over the top of him pulling him back, they would really do that after everything I’ve done, but they don’t even care about me, I saw it in their eye, they hate me for all the crap why would that do that, and Jimin why the hell would he even forgive me for any of that shit, maybe, maybe the best thing is for Jimin to leave, so we can’t hurt him again, we don’t deserve to be forgiven for any of it ever, he thought to himself after he had heard what Namjoon said to him.

Jungkook had lifted his head again after he had calmed slightly, “b-but what if… he… he doesn’t forgive us… w-what if we broke him… and… and he leaves… he c-could leave… he should leave… we a-are horrible e-evil stupid people… and… and he should just leave…go… go far away from us all… so… so we can’t ever hurt him ever again…” was what had come out of him to the older.

“NO!” Taehyung had screamed from the lounge room before Jungkook heard him running down the hall to his room.

Jungkook had looked up at that moment to see Taehyung now panting slightly in his door way clutching the frame in one hand and the door in the other staring at the two of them. That was when Jungkook had looked him in the eye and seen it the fourth one with that look, the look he couldn’t explain, the look that sent a shiver up his spine and the look from Taehyung had been worse than Yoongi’s look he had gotten at the door.

“No, no he can’t leave, we need to apologise and fix this and get him back. HE CAN’T LEAVE!” Taehyung had finished with a yell as Jungkook had watched tears slip down his cheeks the look had by the time he had finished yelling turned into a piercing glare at him.

Jungkook had stared at his hyung sort of frozen to the spot, “b-but we hurt h-him…” Jungkook had tried to say, had tried to reason.

Taehyung had then moved to argue with him right before Namjoon had jumped in and stopped them, “stop, enough, Taehyung come here, Jungkook hop up,” he had ordered of them.

Jungkook had accepted the help from Namjoon to stand and then let the older push him to sit down on the edge of his bed. He had then tensed as Namjoon had and sat Taehyung right beside him.

Jungkook hadn’t dared look at Taehyung, couldn’t too scared really to see that look again and had instead kept his eyes on Namjoon and watched him drop to his knees before them. Jungkook had watched Namjoon reach out to them and taken one of their hands each in his. Jungkook had watched the older take some deep breaths like Jimin did when he had needed Jungkook to calm down and copied him just like he did with Jimin.

“Now, I want you both to listen to me. Yes, we hurt Jimin we all did and we will fix this, if not we will try to fix this, but Jimin is the one that was hurt and if he feels inclined to leave that is his choice, his right and we can’t stop that if he wants to. We have no right to force him to stay in a place that has only caused him pain do you understand me?” Jungkook had realised at Namjoon’s words that it regardless of Taehyung said and regardless of wanting to make Jimin happy again Jimin could very well leave the group just like Jungkook had stated.

They had nodded weakly before Jungkook had heard Taehyung speak from beside him, “but I want my best friend back,” he had heard fall in a whimper from Taehyung’s lips as even newer tears slipped down his hyung’s cheeks.

Jungkook couldn’t take the sight or the words and had buried his face into his free hand and sobbed to no one in particular, “IT’S ALL MY FAULT!”

Namjoon had sighed and Jungkook had felt him shift before he was pulled forward by the into him where Namjoon had wrapped one arm around his shoulders, and Jungkook happily buried his face into Namjoon’s shoulder and just broke down all over again.

After some minutes Jungkook had felt Taehyung sit back to he could only guess look at them.

“Tae-ah, how’s about you go back out to the lounge and finish watching TV okay, I’ll come out and check on you in a bit,” Namjoon had suggested as Jungkook now with space to move and someone who cared enough had wrapped himself around the leader.

He had guessed Taehyung nodded before he felt his bed move as Taehyung had gotten up from where he had sat beside him. He had heard shuffled before it had stopped and then after a moment he had heard his door shut.

Namjoon had then slid his arms around Jungkook before he had rubbing one hand up and down his back as he had gently started rocked them side to side slightly, “come on Guk-ah, sow breaths for me,” he had ordered him in a that same tone from the van and from before.

Jungkook would always do what the leader asked him and had calmed enough after some more heavy sobs and some moments to at least form full coherent sentences finally without sounding like an emphysema patient. He was glad Namjoon had been holding him or he was sure he wouldn’t have calmed down that quick. He had then remembered all the times Jimin did that, all the times Jimin used to hold him when something had set him off when he was younger, when something had reminded him of that day, that night, hell the following morning.

He had mumbled, “I’m sorry hyung,” into Namjoon’s shoulder on instinct like he had always done with Jimin after he had a meltdown.

“it’s okay Guk,” Namjoon had said in that soft tone, “do you want to join Tae-ah out in the lounge room I think he’s watching cartoons,” He had then asked.

The thought had made Jungkook internally panic not after the look he had seen in his hyung’s eye “I…” Jungkook had started not even sure what he had wanted. That isn’t fucking true dipshit, his brain had thrown at him, you know exactly what you fucking want, “I want Jimin-ah,” he had replied.

He had felt Namjoon smile at that, “we all want him Gukkie, and we’ll work on it, I promise, but for now…” Namjoon had told him.

“can I lay down hyung, I feel a bit sick after all that,” Jungkook had replied frowning that he couldn’t have Jimin instead but accepted it none the less.

He had felt Namjoon smile a little more before he had replied, “of course, But you gotta let me go first.”

Jungkook had been comfortable hugging his warm hyung who cared just enough and had mumbled in reply, “but you’re really warm hyung.”

Namjoon had chuckled lightly at that right before he had poked him in the sides making him squirm and reluctantly let go.

Jungkook had sat back and looked his hyung in the eye once more, he had seen that look again but it didn’t send a shiver through him especially when the look had been completely replaced with concern and still frowning Jungkook had dropped his gaze to his hands as he fidgeted. “thank you hyung,” he had said after to many moments of silence between them.

Namjoon had slid his hands over Jungkook’s like Yoongi had in the car making him look up from them. He had smiled warmly at the him and had nodded, “always, you know that,” but honestly Jungkook hadn’t been sure if he had actually meant it or not.

When Jungkook hadn’t moved and the silence started to drag again Namjoon had gotten to his feet, “come on, hop into bed and I’ll stay until you fall asleep okay,” the leader had ordered of him.

Jungkook had blinked for a full minute as he had again remembered all the times Jimin had told him that. He had nodded after a moment before he had stood up and had pulled his hoodie off and dropped it to the floor, and again he had been reminded he needed to clean his room before he had turned in his sweats and tank top and had pulled his covers back.

Namjoon had held them for him surprisingly him as Jungkook had crawl under his blankets and had settled down hugging the stuffed rabbit Jimin had brought him when they had gone on that trip to Japan for that holiday Jungkook had spent months planning.

Namjoon had reached over and brushed his hair back like he used to do when he was younger before he changed. Namjoon had then asked with an amused smile, “want me to sweetly kiss your forehead before you go to sleep.”

Jungkook couldn’t help but snort before he had lightly shoved his hyung, “you’re not my mother,” he had retorted as he slightly recoiled from his action right before he had yawned as the exhaustion of the last few days and all the emotional fuckery had caught up to him.

Namjoon had given him a smile as he leant down and pecked the younger on the forehead softly, “no, I’m not your mother…” he had stood up and looked down at him after Jungkook had pulled his covers around him, “she’s currently suffering through a variety with the one who deserves to smack us all.”

Jungkook couldn’t stop himself as he had chuckled at that right before it had dropped into another frown, “we… we will fix this right hyung?” he had asked looking up to Namjoon leaning over him.

Namjoon had nodded, “somehow, some way, even if we have to spend the rest of our lives fixing this we will.”

Jungkook had smiled hopeful, even if he knew the words weren’t true he had wanted to desperately believe in them.

“Get some rest okay, I’ll get Tae-ah to come wake you up later for some dinner okay,” Namjoon had stated.

Jungkook hadn’t been looking forward to that but had watched the older turn his computer chair and sit down in it staying with him like he had promised. Jungkook had nodded in response to Namjoon’s statement and had pulled his Jimin rabbit into him more hugging it harder hoping it held the essence of Jimin somehow and it would calm or sooth him more.

Jungkook had stared at Namjoon watching him right up to the point where his eyes had finally closed and the darkness of sleep had taken him.

-

Jungkook had woken up a little before 9pm, his head was throbbing once more and his body felt sluggish, he hated when he went to bed emotionally exhausted it always carried over to whenever he woke up and he just continued to feel like shit.

He had rolled over in his warm bed and shifted up his pillow propping himself up slightly. He had then taken his phone from the nightstand and checked his messages and twitter until he had found himself on YouTube watching Jimin videos and fan videos.

He had been watching a Park Jimin is a mochi compilation when his door had opened he had kinda of guessed who it would have been and looked to the opening door to find he had been right.

He had internally laughed having been able to surprise Taehyung when he saw his hyung jump seeing him.

Taehyung had sighed as he had grabbed his chest, “fuck you scared the shit out of me, I thought you were asleep,” he had said still in a bit of shock.

Jungkook had pulled his earphones out and confirmed as he had looked at the older, “I was, woke up about an hour ago.”

Taehyung had nodded a little and said as he started to turn, “I ordered us Chinese it’ll be here in like 30 minutes.”

Jungkook had seen the look again and knew they had to talk, especially about what Jungkook had said, he had wanted to desperately explain why he had said it and had scrambled from his bed and rushed after him, “Hyung wait…” he had called in an attempt to get him to talk.

Taehyung didn’t stop like he had wanted and it had only made Jungkook go after him more.

Jungkook had rushed down the hall after him, “Taehyung please…” he had begged.

They had finally stopped in the lounge room where Taehyung had turned abruptly on his feet to face him, “first we hurt him and now you want to throw him away, what the fuck do you think that’s going to do to him Jeongguk,” Taehyung had demanded.

Jungkook had drawn in a hard breath. He had thought he had been ready for the conversation but he was wrong and he knew whenever one of his hyungs used his governmental name he had really fucked up. He had wanted to explain but there was that look again the one that made a shiver run up his spine, the look he couldn’t name.

They had looked at each other as that hard look in Taehyung’s eye had cut through him leaving a sort of scared one in Jungkook’s that Taehyung hadn’t even flinched at. Jungkook had moved to answer the question Taehyung had asked him, but was having trouble wording it right, he had known if he said it wrong Taehyung would explode and he hadn’t wanted that.

“Answer me, what the fuck do you think it’s going to do, huh, it’s going to tell him we definitely don’t want him just like he thinks when we fucking do and you fucking know it, you’re just fucking scared, scared he’ll reject you, throw you aside, blame you!” Taehyung had spat coldly at him.

Jungkook hadn’t been able to help himself as the look and the words caused him to curl in on himself. Taehyung had been right, honestly, Jungkook had been terrified when Namjoon talked about apologising, terrified of Jimin reacting just like he had the last two months and especially like he had on the stage in Osaka, if there was one thing Jungkook hated it was when the members could read him like an open book, something he had realised Jimin was very good at.

“That’s not true,” Jungkook had weakly retorted.

“You know damn fucking well it’s true. You don’t even want to try and fix this you’d rather run afuckingway then risk being hurt yourself. This isn’t a fucking video game Jungkook, you can’t reset, you can’t start over, you can’t choose a different path, what’s done is done and now you need to make a choice, grow a set of balls and be a man and own up to your fucking mistakes or run away like the bitch you are” Taehyung had coldly thrown at him every word had been like a knife to his heart.

Jungkook had said as tears welled in his eyes, “I’m sorry okay,” trying desperately to get Taehyung to calm down and listen to him like Jimin did, Jimin knew Jungkook took time to express what he was feeling especially with words.

Taehyung had hissed, “it’s not me you need to fucking apologise to, it’s not me you need to grovel to, it’s not Namjoon or Jin or Yoongi and Hoseok, you need to face Park Jimin and you need to apologise for being a selfish fucking dick just like the rest of us.”

Jungkook realised Taehyung wasn’t calming down and he definitely wasn’t going to listen so Jungkook had gone on the defensive, not wanting to let Taehyung’s words hurt him any more then they already had, then he already was he had snapped back, “I’m not selfish, a dick maybe…”

Taehyung had cut him off before he could even finish, “three months, three months you made it all about you and when you found out his secret you lied to us for two months. Did you even consider why he fucking told us in the first place, did it even occur to you that maybe holding that secret for four damn years had finally broken him down, finally pushed him to breaking point and he just couldn’t any more, that all the lies he told to protect your ass literally just got to fucking much for him.”

Jungkook had took a long breath, he had more thought about it, he had thought about it every day since he had learnt Jimin’s secret, every day he had tried to pull the older back in with his quick 180 about face.

“Of course, I did, Taehyung,” Jungkook had replied to his question that time voicing what he had done a lot of recently especially in the last 24 hours.

Taehyung had snipped back at him, “and yet you still kept that shit a secret for two months. you pulled some weird about face bullshit and tried in some desperate attempt to cosy back up to him after all the shit you did in those three months and it still didn’t stop, you still didn’t stop treating him like that despite your pathetic attempts to “FIX” this shit without ever actually apologising for it.”

“What the fuck about you Taehyung, your best friend, your what, your soul mate thrown aside like he meant nothing to you, you haven’t fucking apologised either so don’t fucking stand there making out like it’s all my fault you are in the same fucking boat as me and Jimin has the fucking paddles about to smack you in the face with one,” Jungkook had spat as anger at his words and his own feelings and everything else had taken over the sadness Taehyung’s words had made him feel.

Taehyung had drawn in a breath and had near growled in Jungkook was definitely sure to be anger, “yeah, you’re right, I haven’t apologised, doesn’t mean I’m not going to for all the shit I’ve put my best friend and soul mate through because unlike you I WANT him back not to throw him aside like he means fucking nothing to me. So, how’s about you be the one to leave the fucking group, the very fucking reason all this shit happened in the first place.” all the fight all the anger all the ever else had been feeling had all but drained out of him at Taehyung’s last sentence and with tear filled eyes he had turned to watch Taehyung grabbed his coat, wallet and phone from the chair in his anger and had marched past Jungkook to the door and right on out it.

Jungkook had stood in the lounge room for some minutes after Taehyung had left, the words had felt like they had echoed through the place on repeat over and over again, “you be the one to leave the fucking group,” “the very fucking reason all this shit happened in the first place,” over and over again they echoed, over and over again they had sounded around him bouncing off the walls.

Clearly he’s right, I mean it is ultimately your fault remember, you were the one who BEGGED Jimin not to say anything even asked him to ask Bang Nim not to say a word, you had been the one who stupidly brought it up in the chat, you even turned your back on Jimin when he told them not sticking up for him for hiding your secret like you wanted, like you asked, his brain calmly sounded having given him enough time for tears to stain his cheeks and his chest to ache, maybe he’s right about you leaving to, I mean you know you’re pathetic and useless, yeah sure you’re the golden maknae who’s good at everything but there is a saying Jungkook, jack of all trades but master of none. Maybe you should disappear and make Jimin’s life a hell of a lot easier not having to deal with your pathetic useless ungrateful ass.

Jungkook had sucked in a hard breath and spun on his feet. He had headed straight back to his room, he had slammed his door, he had cranked his classical music, he had climbed back into his bed, had had pulled his Jimin bunny into his arms and he had balled his eyes out, they didn’t want him clearly, it was his fault clearly, and he needed to leave before he caused any more pain, hurt and trouble.

-

Jungkook laid on his bed face buried in his pillow his stuffy rabbit he affectionately called Jimin laid curled up in his arms as his body shook from new hard sobs he muffled into the fabric of his now wet pillow case.

He felt useless, he felt pathetic, hell he felt like he didn’t belong there. He knew it was all his fault, he knew he had been the cause of the last five months and he had only made it all worse by lying more and trying to fix it alone, he was just a kid who had no idea what he was even doing and he had fucked it al up for them all.

He had spent the better part of the last half hour panicking that he had fucked it up for them all, that he had cost the group everything, that he had taken away Jin and Yoongi and Hoseok and Namjoon and Taehyung’s dreams and above all he had ruined everything for Jimin.

Jungkook wanted to disappear, he wanted to vanish into the wind and never come back, if he was gone he figured it would all get better for Jimin, that they would stop ignoring him, they would take him back and love him and care for him like he deserved, all he wanted was his family back, the six hyungs that made him who he was, that filled in the pieces of who he was, the leader he admired, the rapper he idolised, the dancer he marvelled at, the oldest who taught him so much, the hyung who was the hidden weapon and above all the guardian angel who had protected him from just about everything he could think of.

Jungkook wanted those hyungs back, those hyungs who made him who he was and as the thoughts of how he had screwed them over filled his head as his brain casually threw more salt on his wounds he heard a light knock on the door.

He drew in a hard breath and held it as he begged just about every god and deity out there to make Taehyung go away, he couldn’t face him, he couldn’t even think about facing him, the thought making a pain splinter in his chest a pain that told him if he didn’t calm down and soon he’d go into full blown panic.

He didn’t move he didn’t even turn to look at his door, he knew it was locked but he also knew how persistent Taehyung could be, he and Jimin knew how to nag very well.

Just when he thought Taehyung had actually left the knock came again making his chest hurt more, just go away please Taehyung please, he begged in his mind hoping that Taehyung had somehow developed telepathy in the last half hour and could hear him.

“Jungkook-ah, I have food for you,” Taehyung at that moment called through the door.

As Jungkook heard his voice he feel dizzy and unable to hold his breath any longer a choked strangled sound left him before he heaved back in a breath. He breathed heavily into his pillow a few times before holding his breath again clutching Jimin bunny tighter to him as he did.

He shivered as a hard chill this time ran through him as he heard the distinct rattle of his door handle as his hyung checked to see if it was locked. When it stopped Jungkook let his held breath out again in relief this time glad he had in his depressive haste remembered to lock his door this time.

Jungkook heard Taehyung knocked again, “okay, I’ll leave it by your door when you’re ready. Don’t eat to fast or you’ll make yourself sick, and don’t leave the dishes in your room or Jin hyung will kill you okay.” he heard Taehyung call to him this time, Jin hyung was going to kill him anyway, he was sure of it.

Jungkook heard the footsteps of Taehyung fading down the hallway until they were gone completely and he finally released the breath he had been holding and the sound that had been stuck with it, it was ugly and wet and his chest hurt from it.

He had no idea what he was going to do tomorrow when he had to face everyone but what he was going to do right now was cry himself to sleep and dream of the better days because he couldn’t dare bring himself to leave him room again especially when he knew the group was better off without him and any more of his secrets.

Chapter Text

Three days had passed since the recording for the 25th episode of Run BTS! There had been chaos in the group that day and tension no one had wanted to address. Yoongi had taken the role of MC not really up on the kids and their 21st century games (regardless if said games had all come out before or around the time he had been born), Jimin had sat on the outer edge of the computer set up with who else but Jungkook right beside him. It had ended with Jimin losing the individual race and having to get drenched while dancing to Blood, Sweat and Tears, he had put on a brave face and the other members had laughed along but they could all see it in his eyes the sadness, the hurt, hell the pain of being the one to suffer the punishments, it wasn’t that the others didn’t want him to win it’s that when it came to the seven of them (well six minus Yoongi) and computer games they were all just as competitive if not worse than Jungkook was with just about everything in his life.

They had all finished their practice for their upcoming concert in Macao and had headed home early for once, if not for the fact that Bang Nim had been there and seen the unbearable tension between the seven young men he looked to like sons they would have still been there suffering.

Bang Nim had seen the way Jimin was acting and had heard the updates from Sejin over the last few months.

“Jimin-ah, what’s going on?” Bang Nim had pulled the young man aside and asked as they had stood alone in the hallway of the companies practice rooms where they were sure no one could hear them.

Jimin looked at him for a long moment and dropped his head, “honestly Bang Hyungnim… some stuff happened a couple months ago and it’s all just… gone to hell, I mean I guess we are trying to fix it but it’s slow and I kinda just want to hit them all,” he had replied to the boss’s question.

“I’ve heard the reports from Sejin and the others, I want you to be honest with me Jimin-ah… do you think this can be fixed?” Bang Nim had asked.

Jimin had stood in silence for he doesn’t know how long thinking wondering if it could, he had hoped for so long, had dreamed it for so long, even used his birthday wish on it but to be asked out loud if he thought it could be fixed he didn’t know.

“I honestly don’t now hyungnim… I…” he had paused then before he had taken a long breath.

“it’s just us Jimin-ah, tell me what’s on your mind, remember we promised back in the beginning to be straight with each other for all those reasons.” Bang Nim had stated in that calm father like voice Jimin was so used to by that point.

Jimin had then taken a breath and looked up at the taller man and spoke his mind, “I’ve been thinking it might be a good idea for me to take a break from the group for a while…”

Bang Nim had looked at him with the unmistakable look of surprise on his face.

“Is… is that what you honestly feel?” Bang Nim had asked.

Jimin nodded a little and dropped his gaze in a mix of something akin to shame and sadness.

“How long do you would you like to take away from the group,” Bang Nim had then asked him.

Jimin had paused to ponder that question wondering how long he wanted to be away. He loved his job what he did, he loved the work and the results in the end, he loved ARMY and he still loved those six assholes who had pushed him to this point, but he also knew he had to love himself first and right now he didn’t, if anything he hated everything about himself.

“indefinitely” was Jimin’s answer.

Bang Nim had stood in shocked silence staring at the young man before him Jimin had looked up at him through the damp bangs of his hand to see yet again more surprise and he had wished in that moment he could read minds, he had dread Bang Nim’s reply to his statement.

“Jimin-ah…” The man he admired like hell had breathed out finally.

Jimin had wanted to tell him everything then, he had wanted to tell him how the others had found out Jungkook’s secret, he had wanted to tell him how the others had treated him, he had wanted to tell him that they had thrown him aside and didn’t want him, he had wanted to tell him how they had all changed and in the last few days it had only gotten worse, the tension, the not talking to one another hell he hadn’t at all missed the fact that Taehyung had even completely stopped hanging out with Jungkook and the maknae was now avoiding everyone for reasons he had wanted to find out but couldn’t bring himself to worried it had been all his fault again.

“I think it would be for the best for everyone involved with the group and for the others. I feel like I’m not really in the right head space for whatever is coming next and I think… no I know if I stay all this will only get so much worse, even to the point where the fans will start to see it all on stage in our interactions on camera… The mask we are all hiding behind can only last for so long before it breaks apart,” Jimin had instead said to his boss, father figure, role model and support.

Bang Nim had processed what Jimin had said to him before he had spoken again to the Jimin, “mmm, I do see your points, I can see the tension even now walking into the middle of all this without really knowing what is going on and I am very aware of how protective you are of your ARMYs. And I of course know the struggles you go through and I don’t want you to suffer like you used to,” bang Nim had paused for a moment before he continued, “I will have to work out the paper work and the press releases and all that and I know would want to close this year out, do you think you are up for it, do you think you can hold on until the new year?” he had asked.

Jimin had mentally counted the number of days to that moment and the things they had scheduled, he remembered Bang Nim had told him about possible big things happening in the last two months of the year and knew how much it would mean to ARMY.

Jimin had nodded as he looked back at Bang Nim after he had thought about it, “I can make it to the new year, I’ll do my best to interact with the others without causing to much undue tension than there already is and will do my best to keep it off the cameras.”

Bang Nim smiled then, Jimin knew how much Bang Nim admired him, the CEO took every change he had to tell him so for so many reasons Jimin had learnt over the years.

Jimin had smiled in return he couldn’t help it not when it was one of his biggest fans smiling back at him.

“Thank you Jimin-ah, for be honest with me and doing your best until the new year, I wish I could do more for you even just a little,” Bang Nim had said to him as he gave Jimin’s shoulder that ever support squeeze they were used to.

Jimin had smiled a little more at the words, “this is enough Hyungnim,” he had replied.

Bang Nim had smiled wider too before he declared then, “how’s about we call it an early practice, I know how hard you all work and honestly I’m a little concerned one of you is going to snap.”

Jimin had smiled wide at that eyes turning to crescents at the news, “aw, that would be awesome Hyungnim and yeah, I think you could be right.”

They had shared a laugh and Bang Nim had clapped him on the shoulder as he turned and lead Jimin back into the practice room to make the announcement of the early day.

-

Yoongi hadn’t been able to help himself, he understood how close Bang Nim and Jimin were given the younger’s past it was understandable that Bang Nim would keep a close eye on the young man, so when Bang Nim had pulled Jimin aside and then out of sight into the halls Yoongi had to know what they were saying, what Bang Nim was asking.

It wasn’t to protect himself, they deserved to be lectured until the sun exploded but he had to know to prepare himself for the oncoming storm.

Yoongi had headed for the door and slipped out while Hoseok had the managed and instructors and coordinators distracted with Namjoon on whatever it was they had been talking about.

He had headed down the hallway and as he moved to round the corner had quickly stopped as he heard Bang Nim’s voice.

“Jimin-ah, what’s going on?” he had heard Bang Nim ask Jimin.

Yoongi peered around the corner at the two to see Jimin standing before their boss. He watched Jimin give a sigh that sigh they all knew mean he was going to answer no matter what right before Jimin had dropped his head, “honestly Bang Hyungnim… some stuff happened a couple months ago and it’s all just… gone to hell, I mean I guess we are trying to fix it but it’s slow and I kinda just want to hit them all,” he had watched reply to the question.

Yoongi knew Jimin wasn’t one to tell others his problems or even get the rest in trouble and wasn’t surprised by the answer.

“I’ve heard the reports from Sejin and the others, I want you to be honest with me Jimin-ah… do you think this can be fixed?” Yoongi had heard Bang Nim ask next.

Yoongi had watched Jimin stand there in silence he could see the faint crease in the younger’s brow telling Yoongi had was probably thinking of an answer, or even thinking about actually telling him what was going on like Yoongi had expected all along.

“I honestly don’t now hyungnim… I…” Yoongi finally heard Jimin say making his heart hurt at the younger’s words very sure Jimin had all but giving up on the desire Yoongi was more than sure they now all had.

He heard Bang Nim stated when Jimin had trailed off, “it’s just us Jimin-ah, tell me what’s on your mind, remember we promised back in the beginning to be straight with each other for all those reasons.” It was that calm father tone Bang Nim used on him whenever Bang Nim knew his anxiety and depression was acting up.

Yoongi had watched take a breath before he had looked up at their boss to speak again, “I’ve been thinking it might be a good idea for me to take a break from the group for a while…”

Yoongi swears he heart had stopped in that moment. He couldn’t be sure but he guessed Bang Nim had looked at Jimin with as much surprise at the statement as Yoongi had felt in that moment.

“Is… is that what you honestly feel?” Yoongi could heard the surprise as Bang Nim had asked.

Yoongi had seen Jimin’s little nod before he had dropped his gaze in Yoongi could clearly tell a mix of sadness and hurt and a good dose of shame.

“How long do you would you like to take away from the group,” Bang Nim had then asked the very question Yoongi had wanted to scream.

Yoongi had watched Jimin pause to he guessed ponder his answer. Yoongi had guessed Jimin was thinking of the job he loved so much, “Oh my god hyung, this is like the best day of my life, I’m so happy to be in Bangtan with all of you,” he had recalled Jimin telling him years earlier maybe after one of their first concerts. Yoongi had wondered if Jimin was thinking of them not that they deserved him now.

And then Yoongi heard Jimin’s answer after a long painful drawn out silence he was starting to contemplate on breaking himself, “indefinitely” was the answer.

Yoongi swears his heart didn’t just stop then and he knows it definitely broke, no Yoongi swears he very really died in that single moment when Jimin had answers Bang Nim’s question of how long Jimin wanted to be away from the group, from his dream… from them.

“Jimin-ah…” Yoongi had heard their breath out in the same surprised shock he was feeling as he stood there leaning on the wall to stop from sinking to the ground as he had clutched his chest.

Yoongi had expected Jimin to break them and tell him everything, he had expected the younger to break like he had five months ago, like he had two months ago, like he had just days ago and tell him everything that had led to this decision to leave.

But it wasn’t what had come out of the younger when he spoke again, “I think it would be for the best for everyone involved with the group and for the others. I feel like I’m not really in the right head space for whatever is coming next and I think… no I know if I stay all this will only get so much worse, even to the point where the fans will start to see it all on stage in our interactions on camera… The mask we are all hiding behind can only last for so long before it breaks apart,” Jimin had said cutting into his heart like hot blades that burned at the same time. Yoongi had wanted to just scream out the truth then, that they had pushed Jimin to that point, that they had hurt him, they had pushed him away, that they had abused him and they were the reason felt that way.

Bang Nim had cut into his internal debate with himself after a moment, “mmm, I do see your points, I can see the tension even now walking into the middle of all this without really knowing what is going on and I am very aware of how protective you are of your ARMYs. And I of course know the struggles you go through and I don’t want you to suffer like you used to,” bang Nim had paused for a moment before Yoongi heard him continue, “I will have to work out the paper work and the press releases and all that and I know would want to close this year out, do you think you are up for it, do you think you can hold on until the new year?” he had heard the middle aged man asked.

It was really happening Yoongi had thought, Jimin was leaving them, it was all over and they would never get the chance to fix it. Yoongi had felt like he was about to have another full-blown panic attack right then and there and honestly Yoongi had then wondered how Bang Nim could have asked Jimin that, to stand in hell for two more months.

Yoongi had been on the verge of tears when Jimin had finally responded to Bang Nim’s request with a nod right before he had looked back at their boss, “I can make it to the new year, I’ll do my best to interact with the others without causing too much undue tension than there already is and will do my best to keep it off the cameras.”

Yoongi had shoved away from the wall then, he couldn’t bring himself to believe what he had just heard Jimin all but promise, there was no way the tension wouldn’t rise and Yoongi knew that especially since he had noticed Taehyung had suddenly stopped talking to Jungkook and Jungkook had now suddenly started avoiding them all.

Yoongi had all but ran back to the practice room with only one goal in mind, find Hoseok.

-

The door flew open making those inside jump at least a foot.

They all looked to the source of the scare to see a rather upset and angry Yoongi stalking into the large white walked timber floors and mirrored room.

Yoongi’s gaze landed on the person he was searching for but he didn’t miss the fact that Jungkook to his right tensed at his appearance. He told himself he would address that later.

Yoongi stalked across the room to Hoseok and Namjoon standing side by side with their project coordinator and director.

He stopped before the two members of his group and said as calmly as he could to the two PDs, “I really need to talk to them it’s important and can’t wait, sorry,” and before either of the PDs could answer Yoongi grabbed one of their wrists in each hand and pulled them away to the far empty corner of the room where now one was and no one could hear them.

“Yoongi hyung, what is wrong, what the hell is up with you,” Namjoon demanded as he stumbled after the shorter male.

Yoongi turned to the two of them once he stopped on the other side of the room, he could see everyone now staring at them but didn’t care, he knew if he didn’t get this out to someone particularly the two before him he would explode.

Hoseok ever the calming presence to the older slid his hand on Yoongi’s arm, “Yoogs, what’s up, talk to us yeah, you look tense and pissed and I’m tempted to say on the edge.”

Yoongi’s voice dropped to a whisper as he stepped closer to them, “I followed Jimin and Bang Nim”

The two blinked Namjoon’s voice dropped to the same level of volume as his hyung, “what, are you out of your mind.”

“He’s leaving,” Yoongi stated bluntly as he looked at the two of them.

“what the hell do you mean he’s leaving, who’s leaving,” Hoseok asked at the same volume kind of surprising the two that he could actually be so quiet.

Yoongi whispered yelled, “JIMIN!”

The two before him blinked for a minute before Namjoon demanded in a whisper, “wait, what, what the fuck do you mean Jimin is leaving?”

Yoongi whispered, “Bang asked what was up, Jimin told him stuff with us, didn’t’ give specifics and Bang asked him if it could be fixed…”

The two nodded with his so far, “and Jimin said he didn’t think it could be, I honestly think he’s actually given up not that I blame him,” Yoongi continued.

Namjoon whispered, “and then?”

Yoongi took a breath and looked at them, “and then like with me he asked Jimin to be straight with him, and that’s when Jimin told him, that’s when Jimin said it’s best if took a break from the group.”

Hoseok asked as the three now stood huddled together, “a break, actually probably not a bad idea we can pull out heads out of our ass…”

Yoongi cut him off, “and then Bang asked him if he was being honest and Jimin said he was and then Bang asked him how long he wanted away from us and that’s when he said it Hoseok, that’s when Jimin told him he wanted to leave indefinitely… forever,” he stated in a panicked rush to get the rest of the conversation out before he exploded and just screamed it to the room.

The two before him froze as they processed their hyungs words as the words Jimin, break, indefinitely sunk in.

Yoongi took a long breath as he watched their faces twist in all sorts of emotions.

“Bang asked him to hold out till the new year when he would have all the paper work and shit sorted…” Yoongi added before taking a breath, “he’s leaving,” he finished in defeated anguish.

“fuck, just… just fuck everything right now,” Hoseok hissed in angst as he racked his hand back through his hair.

Namjoon drew in a breath and whispered, “I’ll tell the other three, they need to know, I think we got the 2nd off before our next concert on the 4th, we need to sit down then, if there is a chance, just one we need to take it before we lose him forever okay.”

The two nodded, they hated how their schedule had been the thing that had stopped them from doing what they should have done two months ago.

As Namjoon drew in a breath and moved to turn to head over to the other three and give them the latest devastating news the door to the room opened and Bang Nim and Jimin walked in.

Jimin looked around him at the people in the room, he caught three panicked looks from the far corner, a troubled scared if not frightened one from the lounges and a confused almost begging one from two in front of him.

“Alright guys, everyone’s worked heard and we still have about a week before the next concert. How’s about you boys take an early night and relax and everyone else go home and get some much-deserved rest,” Bang Nim said to the room full of people.

Hoseok not wanting to push Jimin away any more with the knowledge that they knew what he had spoken to Bang Nim about put on his brightest and he hoped most convincing smile and cheered with excitement, “WOO, BREAK TIME YO!”

Namjoon and Yoongi knew what he was doing and joined him in cheer as Taehyung and Jin did.

The five of them noticed the maknae standing apart from them but looked happy none the less, they also noticed it wasn’t as loud and excited as he usually was with news like that.

Jimin smiled brightly and clapped lightly in excitement of an early day as the others in the room cheered at the news too.

Bang smiled seeing the cracks in the seven young men before him and said hiding the fact he wanted to demand answers, “alright, everyone pack up and get home safely mmm.”

They all bowed to the CEO with smiles and he smiled one last time.

He turned to Jimin beside him, “will you be alright?” the middle-aged man asked in a low tone only the younger could hear.

Jimin nodded a little, “I’ll be fine hyungnim. If anything happens I’ll give Sejin a call.”

Bang Nim nodded with a hum, “I’ll see how the rest are going with set up and direction and see if I can’t get you tomorrow off too mmm, you look like you could use it.”

Jimin smiled at his boss, his generosity always amazed him, “only if you can swing it hyungnim is not it’s okay really,” Jimin replied.

Bang Nim smiled and nodded before they bowed to one another and Bang Nim wished everyone off one last time before he left the room.

Jimin took a long breath and smiled warmly as he went over to his bag where he spotted Sejin now standing.

“Everything okay?” Sejin asked.

Jimin nodded with a hum, “yeah, it’s fine, he just had questions about all the stuff going on. I told him we were working on it all.”

Sejin asked in a low tone, “oh really, and this weird stand-offish tension vibe thing the seven of you got going on right now is what?”

Jimin sighed, “honestly hyung, I kinda figured it would get worse before it got better you know, please just trust me and let it go, please for all our sakes.”

Sejin gave in, “fine, but if anything happens you call me got it.”

Jimin nodded, “always. Thank you.”

Sejin nodded with a hum as he watched Jimin pack up his things as the other members did, he didn’t miss the looks from three of them and wondered what the hell had happened now.

-

Namjoon sat in the van waiting for their driver thankful he had listened to the leader’s request and gone to get a coffee so he could talk to his members for a minute without interruption.

Jin sat in his seat opposite the leader and stared at him, “alright Namjoon, why the hell did you just make our driver go back inside, I wanna get home and shower like now.”

Namjoon said ‘Shut up and listen.”

Jin sat forward, ‘excuse me…”

Namjoon cut him off not caring bow his disrespect, “I said shut up and listen,” Jin moved to what the younger only to stop as Namjoon spoke again, “Yoongi overheard the conversation between Bang and Jimin.”

Jin asked as he sat back down in his seat, “why do you look like you’re about to pass out.”

“Jimin is leaving the group,” Namjoon stated straight to the point.

“WHAT?!” Jin, Taehyung and Jungkook all but screamed in unison.

“Yoongi told Hoseok and I that Bang had asked what was going on, Jimin gave a vague answer like we all know he would and then Bang asked if it could be fixed, Jimin told him no, like he had given up or something and then bang told him to be straight with him…’ Namjoon started before taking a long breath to calm himself down already feeling the lump rising in his throat now he had time to actually process it all, “and that’s when Jimin apparently told Bang he wanted to take a break from the group.”

Taehyung cut up, “a break is a vacation like a holiday Namjoon.”

Namjoon said, “we said that too right before Yoongi told us that bang had asked if he was serious Jimin said yes, then Bang asked for how long and Yoongi says Jimin’s answer was only one word…” he looked at them and said “Jimin told bang indefinitely.”

Jin breathed, “indefinitely… as in forever!?”

Namjoon nodded before catching like Jungkook had in Taipei Taehyung as he tried to bolt out of the van after Jimin.

Jungkook had fallen silent where he sat beside Namjoon now clutching Taehyung in the middle of the floor of the van.

“When, when is he leaving, how long do we have before we lose him forever?” Jin demanded as he looked down at Namjoon on the floor Taehyung leaning back against him wailing.

Namjoon breathed as he rocked the younger back and forth, “New Year’s.”

Jin took a breath and nodded at that before he moved from his seat again.

He pulled the silent pale Jungkook from his chair and moved him to where Taehyung had been sitting.

Namjoon saw their driver and looked up at Jin.

Jin nodded moved to his side where he and Namjoon manoeuvred Taehyung into Jungkook’s seat.

Taehyung curled up on the three-seater of the van after Namjoon got his belt on.

“Joon,” the driver one of their usuals called as he approached.

Namjoon stuck his head out the open side door, “we’re good to go, sorry in advance.”

“It’s fine kid, we aren’t blind,” he commented.

Namjoon sighed and moved to take his seat again as he heard Jin clip Jungkook’s belt in place.

“But you have a chance,” the driver spoke causing Namjoon to turn back to him.

They looked at one another, “Jimin is a smart kid, a good kid and he cares a lot about you all, whatever this is, you still have a chance, a slim one but a chance none the less, if you don’t do something now that chance will slip away and you will lose him no two ways about it, cold hearted Jimin will stay or he will simply walk away, do you get me Joon,” the driver spoke.

Namjoon realised then that most of the staff knew Jimin well and wondered if they all had the same hope, the same vision of them fixing this even if they had no idea what it was.

Namjoon nodded as he heard Jin take his seat, “I heard you SongSu Hyung, thank you for everything and the advice.”

SongSu nodded before he pointed ‘lets get you guys home mmm, for that chance before it’s gone.”

Namjoon nodded, “please and thank you.”

Namjoon tapped the button letting the door automatically close as he moved to the middle seat and did his belt up before pulling Taehyung over to him where he wrapped his arm around the younger’s shaking shoulders as he continued to sob and wail.

They were now on a clock and the time was running out, they had to apology before Macao and they had to do it now no matter what even if Jimin truly didn’t want to hear it or believe it, it was now or never.

Chapter Text

Jimin, Hoseok and Yoongi had arrived home first and gone to their rooms, Hoseok after his shower had left Jimin in his room relaxed on his bed and locked himself in the studio.

The other four arriving some time after the first three and doing much the same, Jungkook immediately left the other three and locked himself in his room, Namjoon had stayed with Taehyung until he had finally stopped crying and Jin had gone to his room.

Taehyung couldn’t believe what was happening, he felt horrible, worse than horrible, he was losing his best friend and he was losing his chance to get his soul mate back, he honestly felt like his entire world was falling apart.

He had seen Jimin at dinner and even then, all he had done was hide his face and red eyes and steal glances at his best friend. He had retreated back to his room almost immediately after he had cleared his plate of one serve of food very not like him at all and had stayed there until he needed to clean himself, to refresh and start over, to sort out his chaotic thoughts and focus, he had a plan and he needed to make it happen now.

By the time he had calmed down enough to think straight and focus properly without bursting into uncontrollable tears it was around midnight and he finally ventured from his room this time on a mission.

He stopped at the open master suite door and looked inside to see Hoseok’s form asleep in his bed, Taehyung couldn’t blame him, had had had to deal with Yoongi after dinner and all the dancing and planning from the practice had drained Hoseok of all his happy and spirit and energy especially with the tick of a clock now hanging in the air.

Taehyung’s eyes finally drifted to the other bed in the shared room to see it empty. He panicked knowing how Jimin got when he was upset, couldn’t sleep or was past tired.

He turned on his feet and walked out of the hallway spotting a white glow coming from the lounge room he headed towards it wondering if it was Namjoon, he had been staying up late at nights recently.

So, what are you gonna do now loser, I mean he’s leaving you really think you can fix this over night and make him stay, why the hell would he want to stay anyway, you threw him away, you didn’t protect him like you should have, you didn’t even care, what was the reason again, his brain happily mocked, oh that’s right, he didn’t tell you, why is that a reason, you have things you don’t tell him like not telling him you were dating what’s her face when all this started only to break up with her because “it didn’t feel right”, and lets not forget the biggest one of all being in love with him, that’s something you haven’t told him.

Taehyung turned in the lounge room and stopped there sitting on the two-seater up against the windows beside the fire place with the large dome lamp on hanging over him was Jimin.

Taehyung really couldn’t help himself as he stood staring at his best friend, tears pricked his eyes once again unable to help it, all the hurt he had caused showed on Jimin’s tired face, his eyes didn’t shine and his mouth was pulled into a thin line even as he read one of his favourite comics, one of the ones that made him smile bright and wide.

Taehyung if he was honest was captivated by the look of Jimin in that moment, even with the hurt visible on his face he was beautiful, his soft squishy cheeks tinted a faint pink from the slight chill that hung in the apartment without the fire place on, his soft blond hair gleamed like a halo under the white light on his head, his small cute hands nothing but sweater paws poking out from under the long sleeved two sizes two big black and white stripped fluffy sweater while the red throw laid wrapped around Jimin’s legs and lower half. It was a soft sight that made Taehyung’s heart weak every time he saw it, every winter it was the same sight Jimin up at all hours wrapped up on soft sweaters and softer blankets.

Taehyung’s heart skipped a beat as he realised this might very well be the last time he ever saw this and a tear finally slipped from his eye sliding down his cool cheek.

“Tae… Taehyung?!” Jimin called from his place snapping Taehyung out of his internal thoughts.

Taehyung looked at his best friend and blinked with wide eyes.

“You’re off, I can feel it, and you’re crying, what’s wrong, did you have a fight with the others or something,” Jimin asked him, as much as he knew they didn’t want him seeing them hurting or upset hurt him more than being ignored and finally he couldn’t take it any longer, he’s noticed the dramatic shift since Taipei and he couldn’t stand not doing something any more.

Taehyung touched his wet cheeks before he realised Jimin was right and fisting the tears away.

“do you want me to go away so you can be alone I know that’s a big thing with you all,” Jimin asked simply, the question made Taehyung want to just cry harder, he remembered hearing SongSu said something about the cold hearted Jimin and Taehyung knew this is what he meant, the other Jimin, his Jimin would have rushed to him and pulled him into a warm hug.

Taehyung went over to the three-seater without any word and sat down to stare at the rest of the apartment a silence falling between them.

Jimin sat staring at Taehyung as silence feel on them, he wanted to get up, to go over to him, to sit down beside him and pull him into his lap and embrace and tell him it would be okay whatever it was that they would forgive him, that they loved him and wanted him, but Jimin couldn’t, Taehyung didn’t want him, didn’t want that sort of interaction and Jimin had convinced himself (albeit weakly) that he didn’t love Taehyung any more and he didn’t have the right.

Jimin didn’t move sure from Taehyung’s reaction that he didn’t want him to leave like he had asked and simply sat holding his comic waiting for the younger’s words or even gesture to tell him to get lost.

Taehyung drew in a few more breaths before he decided he had to be closer to his best friend, to that familiar warmth (even if it was currently cold at the moment) he just had to be near him. Taehyung stood from the lounge and turned Jimin’s eyes still on him.

“I’ll leave, you look like you need to be alone,” Jimin stated as he shifted on his spot before Taehyung started to approach him.

Jimin froze wondering what Taehyung was even doing now, they rarely if ever came to him any more for any reason other than to tell him the schedule or cuss him out.

Taehyung turned and sat himself down on the other end of the two-seater and looked straight ahead out the glass walls that lead out into the indoor garden, Jimin still staring at him.

Taehyung sighed and let his head fall back against the back of the lounge where he slid back a little to look at the night scape of the city view they had upside down.

Taehyung asked then surprised he hadn’t noticed earlier, “when’d it start raining?”

Jimin said as he continued to stare at Taehyung, his behaviour making him both worried and curious, “around 10 after you all fled to your rooms, Is Hoseok asleep I saw him head into our room around then?”

Taehyung hummed not moving eyes still on the twinkling city the rain making the lights of it look like stars.

Jimin gave a hum and a nod in reply before finally going back to his comic not even sure what the hell was going on any more and honestly, he was to busy trying desperately to convince himself not to care.

“I’m scared,” came out of Taehyung after a long (it was only ten minutes) silence.

Jimin pauses readying words on the page suddenly stuttering as he hears what Taehyung had just said to him, “uh…” Jimin replied like the intellect he was.

Taehyung said in a weary voice, “I’m scared, I’m so fucking scared.”

Jimin could hear it, the sorrow, the sadness, the pain, even the exhaustion, all the things he heard coming from himself since his panic attack in Osaka.

Jimin again found himself staring at his (ex) best friend studying him this time, he looked tired and Jimin had noticed his red eyes before he had even started crying. He had noticed the crack in Taehyung’s voice at dinner that told him he had been crying probably since they got home.

Jimin sat admiring everything he loved about his best friend giving up on listening to his head for just that moment where it felt like before like the good times.

Jimin admired how Taehyung kept going, how he pushed past his own troubles to give the best in everything he did. He admired how Taehyung was always there (maybe not for him any more) for others when they needed someone. He admired how his best friend wasn’t afraid to try new things that would other wise scare the likes of Hoseok. He admired how handsome and beautiful Taehyung was and hoped someone else told him that every day just like Jimin had before it all feel apart, before Jimin realised they had only wanted him because of the lies he’d constructed.

He let his heart talk to him some more as he admired the sharp line of Taehyung’s jaw and the beautiful expanse of skin that his throat, he admired how his Adam’s apple bobbed slightly as he swallowed and how his beautiful left collar bones he’s spent more than a few nights fantasizing about was visible where the left side of oversized hoodie had slipped. Jimin consciously stopped himself from licking his lips knowing he had no right to think of his (ex) best friend like that anymore, he didn’t love him, and Taehyung didn’t love him back.

“what are you scared of TaeTae,” Jimin finally asked not realising the endearing nickname he had used for so long slipped from his tongue.

Taehyung heart twisted at the name, he definitely didn’t miss it but had missed it with all his heart it had been near five months since that say in the studio when Taehyung had yelled at him during one on one dance practice that he’d heard the nickname he loved so much from Jimin and it sent new tears falling from his eyes.

He stared at the city under the rain and took a long breath, “nothing…” he started, “so many things…” he sighed at the end, “everything.”

Jimin was used to seeing Taehyung vulnerable like this, all the times he’d found the younger in the bathroom when they were younger, all the times he’d found the younger hiding under his covers with his face buried in his pillow, all the times he’d walked into the studio with a feeling and found the younger sitting in the middle of the room with silent tears running down his cheeks as he stared at himself in the mirrors, but this was the first time Taehyung had ever really admitted to Jimin his true inner fears.

“what’s everything mean in Taehyung land?” Jimin softly probed as he told himself to just let it go and leave but not actually doing what his brain was saying again.

Taehyung drew in a long breath before he spoke again deep voice cracking as he did, “I’m scared of disappointing the fans, of disappointing the others, of disappointing my grandma…” he took a shaky breath, “I’m scared of losing who I am, my meaning in life… I’m scared of the fall when it all ends, we’ve risen so high and the fall… I’m scared of losing so much…” he used a fisted sweater paw to brush away new tears as he took a shaky breath to steady himself.

Jimin felt for him and understood his worries especially the ones about disappointing the fans and their fall, “I think we’re all worried about the fans TaeTae, bout the fall at the end too, it would only be a lie to say we weren’t.”

Taehyung took a sharp breath and finally turned his head to look at his hyung beside him, the one he had hurt so much.

He saw soft eyes, soft warm caring eyes staring back at him, eyes he hadn’t see in so long, eyes that made him sob into his hand for a beat unable to hold it in.

Jimin ached, he physically ached, all he wanted to do was lean over and brush the tears away, all he wanted to do was pull Taehyung into his arms like he used to and hold him until he calmed down, but knew he didn’t want that, new Taehyung didn’t want him any more like that.

“I’ve scared of so much,” Taehyung finally choked finding his voice once more the rough crack in it clearly heard in the otherwise silent room.

Jimin moved to say something only for Taehyung to cut him off, “and my biggest fear, the thing I’m scared of the most…” Taehyung stared at Jimin head resting back against the chair.

Jimin sat waiting for Taehyung to tell him what his biggest fear was sure it was going to be something like, “getting old, I don’t wanna get old Jiminnie, don’t ever let me get old.”

“I’m so fucking scared of losing you,” Taehyung finally breathed out voice cracking harshly on the last word right before he fisted the new tears that fell from his eyes, “I’m so so fucking scared of losing you ChimChim.”

Jimin stared at his (ex) best friend in absolute shock, TaeHyung was scared of losing him, what the hell, he doesn’t even want you, what the hell is he saying that he what wants you around so he’s got someone to ignore when he’s bored what the hell, he thought to himself as they stared at one another as Jimin watched him trying heard not to cry like just before again.

Jimin gave a weak not even convincing chuckle at Taehyung’s words, “you don’t mean that Taehyung, I’m not even important,” not any more he wanted to add.

Taehyung shifted at that as Jimin started to move from his spot once more, he caught Jimin’s wrist in his hand making the older look back at his desperate face, “yes, yes you are, you are so fucking important, to me to us and I know, I absolutely know you have every right to not want to talk to us… me again and you definitely have ever right to not wanting to ever be my friend again…”

Jimin stared at Taehyung, the most he had spoken to Jimin in almost five full months and he was holding Jimin’s hand without jerking away in disgust and he was being sincere because his eyebrows were doing the thing.

No, don’t listen to him, he’s lying, he doesn’t care about you, just tell him it’s fine, tell him you’ll talk to him, tell him that, he’ll believe you, and then walk away, walk away and don’t let him see the tears, don’t let him hear how broken you are, Jimin thought to himself as they stared at one another.

“And I’m done…” Taehyung stated before he took a breath.

Jimin’s heart squeezed at those words, see he’s done with you just say it now and go before he can hurt you any more, he thought and as he moved to talk himself Taehyung cut him off once more.

“I’m done pretending, I’m done ignoring the facts, I’m done blaming others when it’s our fault, my fault you’ve been hurt like you have, that you’ve been pushed away and ignored and yelled at and anything else we did, I did to you,” Taehyung stated as he gripped Jimin’s wrist a little tighter making sure he stayed, making sure he heard the words he had to say.

TELL HIM, TELL HIM YOU’RE SORRY, TELL HIM RIGHT NOW, Taehyung’s brain screamed at him.

“What?” Jimin asked before he refuted Taehyung’s words, “that’s not true, it’s not your fault, it’s no one’s fault but myself, I did this, I broke the group, I lied and hurt everyone, it’s my fault, it’s all my fault.”

Taehyung sat up at that and moved to sit so close to Jimin he could feel the body heat coming off him, “no, don’t say that, don’t ever say that,” he cupped Jimin’s face in his hands a gentle gesture he used before his thumbs were brushing away the tears falling now from Jimin’s eyes.

“It’s not your fault, we are the ones who hurt you, we hurt you so much and we know it, we refused to see it refused to even acknowledge it until it all broke apart and you were left all alone with no one to tell you it was okay. I don’t know about the others, honestly I don’t care about them right now, but I know, I know exactly why I’ve been such a bastard to you Jimin,” Taehyung spoke as Jimin sat motionless before him with his beautiful face still cupped in his hands.

Jimin stopped as Taehyung moved right before he froze as Taehyung’s cupped his face, it was gentle not at all rouge like he had expected, this was something Taehyung did before, this was what he did when he had wanted Jimin, when they were best friends. He stared at Taehyung as he processed the words he’d just said blinking about all he could do as those thumbs once again gently brushed away his tears.

Jimin wanted to do the same for his (ex) best friend but was worried he would react badly to the gesture and instead clutched his now closed comic tighter in his hands still resting in his lap.

They stared at one another before Taehyung spoke as yet more tears slipped down his cheeks, “I was angry, I will not deny that any more, I was angry because, because we shared everything, we shared so much…” Taehyung paused catching himself before he told Jimin he knew about his past, “we shared when I feel apart at my grandma’s death, we shared our first win for I Need U, we shared our first global recognition as artists, we shared our first billboard win, we shared things about us, you being a virgin when I know it had been so hard for you to tell me that knowing I wasn’t, we shared gossip about other idols and even gossip about the group, but you… you didn’t share that with me, I felt like…” Taehyung finally took a breath and brushed Jimin’s tears away once more before he slowly let Jimin’s face go to drop his hands into his own lap eyes still locked with Jimin’s.

Jimin listened, he had honestly wondered just why the group had turned on him, he had his ideas, he knew Jin was disappointed in him for lying that one he had figured out, Yoongi was the one he couldn’t, and finally he knew why Taehyung had turned his back had pushed him away like he had.

“I felt like…” Taehyung repeated pulling him back in, “like I wasn’t good enough, like you didn’t think I was your friend enough… I felt like you didn’t see me as mature enough or that I would care enough, or even understand, I felt like you didn’t believe in me enough.”

Jimin was quick to talk this time, “I trust you… trusted you with everything I am… was… you were my best friend, and it’s my fault for not telling you, it’s my fault for making you feel useless and stupid and not enough, I swear I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean any of it.”

Taehyung cut off his rambled self-blame, “it’s not your fault Park Jimin,” he looked at his best friend now quiet before him, “it is not your fault one bit, I was the one who hurt you, I promised to stay by your side after you told us, I promised to always be there for you, to have your back way before that even happened, and when you told us I told you that night that I would help you carry the dark secret that you wouldn’t be alone any more that I would be your support when it got to much or when you had to deal with JK when he got like that night, and I didn’t do that, I let you down, I let you down so much and I’m so fucking ashamed of myself for it and everything that I did after it, yelling at you, pushing you away, making you think I don’t love you when I do, fuck I do you’re my soul mate and nothings been right since I yelled at you in the studio and pushed you away… everything’s been off and it’s not your fault one bit”

Jimin stared at him and that was when he said it, almost five full months and there those words were.

“and above all, above the fact it’s our fault and I hurt you, above the facts I ignored for so damn long is that I am so so sorry… I am so so goddamn sorry for the hell I’ve put your through Park Jimin, I’m so sorry,” nice job now say it a few thousand more times even get down on your knees to apologise just to make sure he understands, his brain supplied.

Taehyung drew in a hard breath as his voice cracked on the last sorry hiccupping as he fought to calm down again, he didn’t have a right to cry, this was about Jimin. He dried his cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie again before he drew in an audibly shaking breath.

Jimin stared at Taehyung as tears feel from his own eyes, he said it, he finally said it, one of them finally actually said it, but wait, he doesn’t mean it, he can’t mean it, why would he mean it now. maybe he’s over ignoring me and needs a new kick, to see how much he can make me cry in one go, I mean they haven’t seen me actually cry yet maybe this is his new tactic to see just how much he can make me regret for not telling him when I should have, he thought to himself.

“you’ve really fucked it up this time, hurt your best friend so much he’s pathetically apologising to you for YOUR mistakes, how much more do they have to suffer because of you,” the dark voice inside Jimin casually remarked a cold edge that made him shiver hanging on it as it did.

“SHUT UP,” Jimin silently screamed in his head to it before Taehyung’s voice broke through as he spoke again.

“I don’t, I don’t want to be for forgiveness,” he started.

“you see, it should be you begging for forgiveness,” his dark voice remarked before he it was silenced by Taehyung.

“I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve it one bit, but…” he took a breath and looked at Jimin hopeful, “can we start over, start over as friends, start from the beginning, and build a new friendship, a new chapter, one we built on trust and truth and love and happiness and me being the one to protect you this time, to protect you from all the things that have hurt you, to protect you from the things I realise now you were only protecting me from, that darkness you faced four years ago, the darkness that made you not tell any of us, a friendship where I can be proud in myself to call myself your best friend.” Taehyung half stated, half asked and all but begged.

Jimin stared at him, he wants to start over, we can’t start over, I still have secrets, horrible fucking secrets I can never ever tell him, secrets that would make him hate me forever, that would make him never ever trust me and worst of all make him not want me ever again, I can’t, why would he want that, he doesn’t even mean any of that, he can’t, not after it was my fault, not after he was the one that got hurt, he thought to himself as they continued to hold each other’s stare.

Please say yes, please please please, dear god make him say yes, just give me my best friend back, I’ll even give up the soul mate part just give me my best friend back please that’s all I want please dear god, Taehyung thought to himself his brain silent for once.

He doesn’t mean it, it’s best to accept that he doesn’t love you anymore that he doesn’t care and let go, you can live with a broken heart from now on you don’t love him anymore, Jimin thought right before he spoke, “I want to believe you so much, to go back, to be friends like it was, I want to believe that it’ll be okay it’ll change it’ll all get better but Jungkook’s secret coming out changed everything,” Jimin took a breath steadying his own shaking voice determined not to break down in front of his (ex) best friend he didn’t deserve to cry not after he’d hurt him so badly he was taking the blame on himself.

“It changed how you treated him, how you saw him, how you cared about him, it changed how you saw me and treated me and saw me. It changed everything and I finally saw the truth I was blind to. I’d like to believe TaeTae with everything I am but I know it’s not possible…” Jimin stated hands clutching his comic tightly now knuckles almost white.

He looked at his (ex) best friend before him and shifted in his seat once more pulling the red throw from around him and standing up in his oversized blue sweat shirt and grey sweat pants, long sleeved two sizes two big black and white stripped and the thick fluffy dark blue house socks he only then realised Taehyung had brought him one Christmas when he had complained about his feet always getting cold in winter.

“We could try Taehyung, we could try and start over, start new, hell we could try and pretend to met as strangers and start right from the start, but honestly… I don’t even know how.” Jimin stated as he looked at Taehyung one last time before he turned on his fluffy socked feet and headed for the hallway leaving Taehyung sitting there now clutching the pieces of his heart in his hand as he watched it all but fall apart before him.

Well what do you know, turns out you really fucked up good so good in fact he doesn’t even know how to fix your shit, how’s that plan going for you there, what was step two to ten again, his brain snickered with delight at him right before he pressed his hands to his mouth as he squeezed his eye tightly shut as the tears he hadn’t wanted to cry feel thick and fast. He grabbed the pillow Jimin had had in his lap and buried his face into it as he cried hard just like he had the day they had gotten back from Taipei, his one chance was gone, his Jimin was now gone and his entire world had finally completely fallen apart.

Chapter Text

Jimin had slipped into his room after leaving Taehyung in the lounge room, he had looked back to watch Taehyung break down crying as he buried his face in the pillow Jimin had been using and had forced himself not to run back out there and throw himself onto Taehyung again listening to his brain instead of his head.

He had then turned on his feet once more and shut the door before he had rushed to the bathroom locked the door and sank to the ground crying. He had spent almost an hour like that curled up in a ball on the cold tile floor crying silently into his hands like he’d taught himself over the years.

Then he was exhausted emotions run dry and he had needed sleep, he had washed his face brushed his teeth and made his way to his welcoming bed and warm covers slipping into slip within mere minutes of laying his head on his pillow.

Sleep was a welcome comfort for Jimin, his dreams were where he escaped where he went back to the days it was just the seven of them fighting the world instead of each other, when they smiled brightly at him and told him he was amazing, when he felt loved, his dreams were where he felt wanted and needed and loved.

-

They were laying on the beach under the warm sun it was their break a few days off and they had all decided to take a trip to the beaches in Busan, something they hadn’t done in months years even with their busy schedules.

They were all laid on the beach on the massive picnic blanket Jin had packed and were just enjoy the sun, Yoongi tucked under his shade umbrella for fear or turning into a tanned god like the six of them and ruining his pale like Frosty-the-Snowman aesthetic.

Yoongi was on the far edge with his umbrella, Hoseok beside him with his head resting on Yoongi’s lap, Namjoon was beside them shoulder to shoulder to Jin as the laid working on their tans, then it was Taehyung eating grapes while he to worked on his tan, then Jimin laying on his back with one leg propped up and one arm tucked under his head, he would say he was working on his tan but in truth he was halfway between relaxed and asleep and not really paying attention and Jungkook was last on his other side doing much the same as Namjoon and Jin.

They had been like that in his dream for he didn’t know how long and he was happy and content and thought he was asleep it filled him with a warmth and love he hadn’t had in a long time.

“we should get ice creams before going back to the hotel,” one of them had said at some point.

Jungkook beside him rolled over at that moving until he was pressed into Jimin’s side and his arm was draped over his stomach, “let’s get ramen for dinner too, ramen party!” Jimin felt Jungkook say words vibrating against his shoulder where the younger head now laid.

A collection of hums came in answer making Jimin smile lazily, it really had been so long since they could actually relax like this

“I really love you guys you now that right,” Jimin said to them all, “I love us and who we are and what we do.”

“Good lord Jiminie’s been spending way to much time with Joon hyung,” Taehyung chirped beside him, “the next thing we’ll know is he’ll be waxing lyrical about puppies and pretending he’s in music videos when he’s listening to music.”

They all laughed as Jimin lazily swatted at Taehyung beside him with a giggle.

“Well I really love your giggle, it’s cute and adorable and makes me want to tickle the hell out of you just to hear it more,” Jungkook mumbled his Busan satoori deeper when he was relaxed and tired.

Jin gasped as he adjusted his position for a better tan, “do it, do it now.”

Jimin pouted, “don’t you dare Jeon Jeongguk.”

“Oh, the full governmental, he means business,” Hoseok teased from where he still laid on Yoongi, the older not the least bit annoyed by it even having falling to the habit of carding his hand through Hoseok’s red hair.

Jungkook chuckled beside him a rumble that sent vibrations threw Jimin’s side where Jungkook was pressed against him. He shifted his head and playfully kissed Jimin on the cheek, “I wouldn’t dare Jimin-ssi, I wouldn’t dare.”

Jimin giggled again as he playfully swatted the younger this time making him chuckle again before he moved just slightly closer his hand on the arm over his stomach coming to rest gently on his hip.

Jimin felt loved and wanted and happy

-

As Jimin rolled over in bed he stopped startled awake by the fact he couldn’t actually move.

He remembered going to sleep a little after one am emotionally exhausted after his talk with Taehyung, and he remembered his dream, it still danced through his memory and the feelings of happiness and joy and love floated through his veins.

As the fog of sleep finally cleared he realised there was a distinct warmth pressed against his left side since he was laying on his back. It was a distinct warmth he knew well, a warmth that had crept into his bed so many times before he would know it in his sleep, realising he actually had.

Jimin turned his head at that sleepy eyes landing on the maknae’s face staring at him laid on the other half of his second pillow.

Jimin sighed and turned his head back to face forward to stare at the ceiling.

“Go back to your bed Jungkook,” Jimin ordered not moving save for the soft rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in and out.

Jungkook didn’t budge his arm still laid across Jimin’s stomach grip on his side tight while he held one leg wound around Jimin’s leg sort of locking him in place.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Jungkook said softly his Busan satoori not at all hidden like always when it was just the two of them like this.

Jimin could feel the faint soft puffs of air from Jungkook as he breathed just reach his cheek and neck and he had to stop himself from shivering at the feeling at the sensation it ignited, a sensation he hadn’t had for a while not, not since the last time he had woken up in the middle of the night to find Jungkook in his bed.

“Go have a glass of milk and then go back to your bed, you’ll sleep find after,” Jimin stated knowing the maknae often did sleep fined after a glass of warm milk often like a baby.

“I don’t want to go to my bed, I want to stay here, you make sleep better, you make sleep possible, you chase away all the thoughts, all the darkness,” Jungkook replied voice low and soft words thick with a hidden something.

It had been months since Jimin had actually talked to Jungkook like they used to, where Jimin would sit with him at the kitchen table with a bowl of breakfast cereal and a coffee and just let him go working as he slowly got his feelings in order and into words.

Jimin knew how Jungkook worked, it took time for him to voice how he was feeling, often bottling it up until he was ready to burst, Jimin could see those moments where he knew the maknae needed to talk, it wasn’t until two months ago did he start seeing them again. He had been surprised that during the three months before Jungkook had changed once again that he had been open, able to talk to the others like he did Jimin and they were patient with him for once not like before when they rushed him to do things say things express things, no it had been different, Jimin had seen how they had treated him, like a person for once and not their baby maknae, like an adult.

Jimin had smiled those days knowing Jungkook was getting all the love and care he needed from the five that could give it to him, he had smiled watching Jungkook give back their love just as well going to them with problems especially that time in month two when something had set Jungkook off and he had sort out instead of Jimin Hoseok and Jin for the first time, it made Jimin proud that Jungkook had come such a long way, even if Jungkook had fallen back into the old habits of back then he was still proud to see Jungkook this time going to the others instead of simply hiding away and playing their weird push and pull game.

Jimin wanted Jungkook to go, he was worried maybe even scared Jungkook would react badly when the morning came when they had to get up and he was terrified what the others would do if they found them like this.

Jimin wasn’t so much worried about Jungkook hitting him, he was surprised with how well the maknae controlled himself and changed in the last weeks even taking the time after the Puma fansign to apology for hitting him, it had surprised him so much when it happened that Jimin had actually stood back stage in the change rooms and “green room” so dumbfounded it took Norin and Izzy calling to him four times to snap him out of the surprised shock Jungkook had left him.

It had been the first apology any of them had said to him in five months, it had been a simple “sorry I hit you” and nothing more but it had surprised the utter hell out of him that any one of them had actually be capable of actually apologising for anything.

He had expected more something along the lines of “and for all the other shit I’ve put you through” at the bare minimum but had settled for the four-word apology that came from Jungkook that day very sure it would be the only one he would ever get from any one of them, that was until last night when Taehyung had sat him down.

Jimin couldn’t help but frown at that remembering the conversation he had had with Taehyung, remembering the words he had said and the things he did, it all coming back in waves.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable hyung,” Jungkook whispered then reminding him of why he was actually frowning in the first place, “I just couldn’t sleep and I ended up here, I didn’t mean to wake you up, you looked so peaceful and happy I didn’t want to wake you.”

That’s not a fucking apology you idiot, try I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry for being a dick, I’m sorry for pushing you away like you didn’t matter to me, I’m sorry for hitting you, Jungkook’s brain supplied, even just an I’m sorry and then go from there.

“Well, you did, hope your happy, you ruined a really good dream,” Jimin quipped as he tried to move again.

Jungkook didn’t budge one-bit hand gripping his hip slightly tighter stopping him from moving once more. I can’t let him go, he needs to listen, I need to say it, I need to say it now, it’s all my fault and I need to tell him, I just… I just don’t know how, how do I start, how do I even put into words what I’m feeling, will he even listen, will he even care? Jungkook thought to himself as he held Jimin in place using his natural strength to achieve his goal even if he felt a prang inside him telling him to just let go in case he hurt Jimin.

Jimin sighed, if it was like the good days this would have been about where Jimin would have elbowed him told him to go and get his glass of milk, shared a quiet laugh with him wrestled for a bit before the younger would have finally let him go and gone to the kitchen in search of Jimin’s suggested glass of milk only for Jimin to get up some minutes later and follow him out to get it for him.

Jimin couldn’t help himself once more his heart holding that baseball bat once more as he moved his hand under his covers and placed it over Jungkook’s wrist on the hand holding his hip.

As he felt Jimin’s small warm hand land on his wrist Jungkook’s breath silently hitched in his throat, it had been months since Jimin had touched him like that if it wasn’t for a camera pointed at them, the small touches he wondered about when he had gotten out of the van days earlier, please, please don’t stop holding my wrist like that hyung, I miss it, god I miss it so fucking much, I miss you so fucking much, just please please don’t let go just yet, the younger thought to himself as he tried to control his breathing knowing this was not at all the time to let himself go in anyway especially when his goal had been to apologise like he had planned when he had first climbed into Jimin’s bed.

It had been months since he had been this close to the younger and it wasn’t a tense awkward moment for the cameras. Jimin slowly slid his hand up Jungkook’s arm, he really missed the feel of that smooth skin under his hand and how the muscles under it twitched at the touch, he missed being this close with his favourite dongsaeng and as his hand moved higher over Jungkook’s forearm towards his elbow he caught himself, what the hell are you doing, he doesn’t want this, he doesn’t want you, he’s only here because he can’t sleep, stop, stop making this anything than him desperate for comfort it’s the only reason he’s here because he used to crawling into your bed it won’t be long before he goes to the others and completely forgets you, he thought to himself as he held Jungkook’s arm in his hand.

You are here to apologise you piece of shit, not get horny over a feather touch that is only there because you won’t let him the fuck go, focus you piece of slime and then maybe think about the shit you’ve done and then and only then maybe you should allow yourself to go anywhere near that place again, like I said, how the fuck are you gonna love him like you want after all the shit you pulled and he’s leaving on top of it, either apologise now or watch him walk away and live the rest of your life knowing the rest of them blame you for it all, Jungkook’s brain scoffed with distain as his body reacted to Jimin’s touch sliding up his arm.

“Why’d you change?” Jimin asked suddenly, he turned his head and looked at Jungkook for the second time that night their eyes were accustomed to the darkness and they could see each other well enough, Jimin’s eyes searched Jungkook’s face. “three months… three months and you just changed like nothing happened, why?” Jimin asked again clarifying what he was asking about.

“You’ve been all over me for two months, like… like it’s some game, Jimin-ah be careful here let me help you, Jimin hyung are you okay you worked really hard today, Jimin-ssi come have dinner you need to eat… it was like you were replaced with a robot or an alien or something after three months of, you’re a fucking bastard, whack, how could you, whack whack, I fucking hate you, you son of a bitch, whack whack whack…” he punched and hit the air on every whack realising by the third that Jungkook flinched against him every time he did.

He took a quick low breath calming himself before dropping his hand back to rest on Jungkook’s arm.

He sighed and looked back at Jungkook now staring at him with shining eyes he guessed on the verge of tears, god that was happening a lot lately to everyone, he thought before he spoke again, “why did you change?” he asked again in a soft whisper before glancing over at Hoseok to see him still out cold in his bed across the room surprised since he was such a light sleeper, but then again he had been dealing with Yoongi all afternoon yesterday.

Tell him, tell him right know you know, tell him the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth, he deserves to know why you went around a fruit loop and back again like some magical trip to Neverland and back, he deserves to know you know his secret and used it to guilt trip everyone into pulling this heads out of their asses, he deserves to know you know and you used it to make him feel even worse about himself, to suffer even more because the rest blamed him for all the shit you pulled when it was really you all along, Jungkook’s brain suppled making his head hurt once again.

And then there it was Jimin laid staring at him waiting for an answer and for the second time that night got something he didn’t expect or anticipate or even foresee.

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook stated voice nothing but a whisper so they didn’t wake Hoseok but loud enough that Jimin heard it so clear and crisp in the silence Jungkook’s Busan satoori dripping thickly from every syllable out of his mouth.

Jimin blinked in surprise, did he just apologise, did he just say those two words to my face after everything that’s happened… does he even actually mean it? Jimin thought to himself as he stared at Jungkook just like he had Taehyung hours earlier.

Jimin moved to open his mouth and stopped as Jungkook started talking about, “I’m so so sorry for everything I’d done to you over the last five months,” Jungkook stated before Jimin could talk again.

He took a breath organising his thoughts telling his brain to shut up so he could get his words in order like he normally did.

Jimin shut his mouth and waited, he knew of the six of them Jungkook took the longest to talk about his feelings and was always patient with him when the younger had something to say about emotions and feelings, he knew Jungkook had a tendency to speak which often lead to misunderstandings and him having to clarify a lot of things, Jimin having watched at least three of Jungkook’s relationships in the last two years alone crumble because of it.

KEEP FUCKING GOING FUCK!!! Jungkook’s brain screamed at him.

Jungkook took a slow breath as he organised his feelings and then thoughts into audible words that made sense.

“I was angry, I was angry for too long, I should have considered how you felt, how you were dealing with what happened, how you dealt with what happened, I should have thought about what keeping my secret would do to you. I was just a kid and in a bad place and I know, I know, that doesn’t excuse what I put you through then and it sure as hell doesn’t excuse what I put you threw now,” Jungkook spoke voice hovering somewhere between a whisper and a low volume so Jimin heard his every word.

Jimin studied Jungkook as he listened and then waited for him to continue, Jimin wanted to lift his hand like he used to and brush those unruly bangs of Jungkook’s from his face to he could see the younger’s eyes, the big round doe eyes he loved so much, he wanted to tell Jungkook that it was okay that he understood that it was his fault, but he couldn’t, he knew he couldn’t not only did he not want him, that this was just Jungkook following his hyung’s lead sure he had over heard them earlier since he had said he couldn’t sleep, and he was sure that saying it right now when Jungkook was in the middle of talking his emotions into words would only just make the youngster angry and frustrated like most times when people interrupted him.

Jimin laid still trying his absolute best to focus on Jungkook and not the warm hand resting on his hip thumb now tucked under the hem of his long sweat shirt caressing the bare skin beneath, his own hand resting once again on the soft skin of Jungkook’s bare arm making him wonder how the younger could sleep in short sleeved shirts in winter (it had always baffled him), he didn’t dare move save for the rise and fall of his chest as he continued to breath slowly trying his best to keep a straight face.

“When you came in that night and you held me while I cried, and when I heard the rest at the door I guess I knew then what would happen, that they would demand answers from you that you would tell them in the end and I got so angry at the thought of them knowing, you promised and you told them anyway when I didn’t want you to, I was hurt you broke that promise the one you swore you would take to our graves…” Jungkook said as they laid there still barely any movement between them or from them.

Jimin couldn’t stop himself not that he honestly wanted to his heart still holding that baseball bat after all. He knew the maknae’s struggle with words his shy nature always made it hard for him to voice his inner thoughts and feelings especially to six hyungs that knew how to so well they sometimes even screamed them across the room. Jimin shifted his hand on Jungkook’s arm and gently slid his thumb back and forth over the lateral antebrachial area of Jungkook’s arm close to the crook of his elbow. It was a reassuring gesture a soft touch that Jimin had learned told the younger he was listening he would wait until the younger got his thoughts in order and he would stay.

Thank you, god, thank you for making him stay, thank you for getting him to stay and listen just this once, I just need this one chance that’s all, he thought to himself before he finished organising the next part of his emotions.

“but I didn’t think about how that secret hurt you, how you had to lie to keep it, how you had to pretend like everything was okay when it really wasn’t and I think the worse for you was having to deal with… with him… and with me at the same time… I didn’t think it was a big thing back then keeping the secret and as the time worse on I stopped worrying I guess, I think I just assumed you would always keep it and no one else would ever know it would stay between you and me, bang Nim and Eun noona and Dr Kim… I thought it would stay like that forever and then eventually when the end came it wouldn’t matter what so ever…” Jungkook spoke under Jimin’s reassuring touch and surprisingly soft gaze.

Jungkook wondered what Jimin was thinking as he spoke, I wonder if he believed me, if he cares what I have to say after everything I’ve done, he thought to himself.

“I am so sorry I made you carry that burden for so so long without ever once thinking about how it affected you…” Taehyung’s words came back to him at that moment, “and I’m so sorry I made it all about me hyung, it wasn’t, it wasn’t all about me, I never ever should have been all about me…”

Jimin couldn’t help himself then hearing how the maknae blamed himself when it wasn’t his fault, it was Jimin for breaking his promise for revealing a secret that wasn’t even his to reveal.

“it isn’t, it is not your fault, it was me, I broke what we all had, I broke our group not you, I told them your secret when I promised like you said, you didn’t give me permission to tell any of them but I went ahead and did anyway, I made them angry, I hurt them, I lied, it’s my fault not you,” Jimin cut in, the first tear of the day falling from Jimin’s eye.

Jungkook shifted the arm he had been laying on and held his hand to Jimin’s cheeks as his own tears feel at the sight to know he had definitely been responsible this time for making his Jimin cry because he blamed himself for Jungkook’s stupidity and mistakes, “no hyung, no it’s not your fault, we all hurt you because I was selfish and stupid and didn’t ever thing back then about my actions…”

“you were a kid Jeongguk,” Jimin breathed out once again frozen in place by not just the arm over him holding him there but the soft and unexpected gesture, “You were a vulnerable kid who got hurt so badly by someone you loved and trusted, someone you thought loved and cared for you back, you didn’t know how to handle that, you didn’t know how to deal with that, hell you didn’t even know how to face it for months afterwards all but pretending it didn’t even happen…” Jimin drew in a quick breath as he glanced over at Hoseok worried he had woken him.

He breathed out seeing Hoseok asleep and spoke again voice back to the low whisper volume once more, “I was the adult, I was supposed to take care of you and protect you and I failed that, you got hurt in one of the most horrible of ways and even worse by someone you loved and then I was the one who hurt you by telling the others something you never wanted them to know something that I had no right in revealing…”

Jungkook cut in himself, “that’s just it hyung… I might not have wanted them to know back then and yeah okay I was scared, hell, I was terrified them finding out now and you are right I was just a kid back then but I’m not any more, I’m 21, an adult and I didn’t even act it, I used the fact I am the maknae to get my way, to make it all about me, when okay maybe for the first week it was but then it shouldn’t have been ever, it should have been about you, the one I begged and pleaded and made hide my horrible secret, the one we hurt, the one I hurt so so much more than the others did.”

Jungkook took a breath calming himself for a beat, “I might not have wanted them to know… but I see now far to late that they deserved to know, maybe not right away after it all happened, but later on a couple of months, even a year, they deserved to know because we are a family and we have each other’s back and I realised two months ago that that wasn’t what we were doing, wasn’t what I was doing, I didn’t have your back…” he added before taking another breath as he looked at Jimin’s face again eyes landing on those ones he loved to watch turn into crescents.

He gently rubbed Jimin’s cheek with his thumb on the hand still resting against his face brushing away another tear as he did.

God he’s so beautiful, why, why I am such a dick, why the hell do I make him cry, why the hell did I hurt him, hurt my first everything like I have, Jungkook couldn’t help himself from thinking as he stared at Jimin’s face once more.

“I am sorry hyung for neglecting you, I’m sorry for pushing you away, I’m sorry for being angry, I’m sorry for not talking like we used to, I’m sorry for yelling, and I know sorry doesn’t fix it but I am, I am so sorry for all the times I’ve hit you over so many stupid things,” Jungkook spoke finally putting his apology into all he was sorry for into words he had practiced for almost four full days now, “and I know, I know, I don’t ever deserve it but I would like the chance to fix it all, to fix all the things I broke with my selfishness and callousness and bratty bitch ass self, I would like the chance to fix what I broke,” he finished voiding for the first time to the man himself his deepest desires in that very moment.

More tears spilled from Jimin’s eyes as he heard Jungkook’s words whispered to him at four in the morning on a cold winter day, how can he say that, he had every right to be selfish it was his secret, his promise I broke, he didn’t do anything but ask me to be the adult and I couldn’t even do that, he had every right to be angry and yell and lash out, Jimin thought to himself as they now laid there in silence Jungkook’s right hand still caressing his face softly, his left hand still caressing his hip as the said arm the hand belonged to continued to pin him while his own hand laid on Jungkook’s arm thumb gently caressing the soft flesh while his own other hand rested over his stomach very close to where he could entwine his fingers with the hand on his hip.

“well there you have it, another great job in fucking shit up Jimin, how can you still call yourself their friend, how can you even think you’re still their friend, that they still want you when they are taking the blame for all your fuck ups,” that dark voice Jimin knew so well and feared said coldly.

“First Taehyung and now Jungkook, the very person you betrayed, how many more of them have to pretend it’s their fault before you realise huh, before you admit I’m right, that I’ve been right all alone…” The voice taunted once more.

Jimin drew in a breath, “I don’t think it can be fixed Jungkook,” he needed to end this he needed to end the conversation, the touches, the searing pain now wrapping itself around his heart at the others words, the ache that settled inside him at the need to believe the desire the want hell the desperation to believe it was possible to fix, it was possible to go back when he knew it wasn’t, when they knew they couldn’t.

“It all changed when I broke my promise Jeongguk. I broke everything that mattered, I broke friendships and bonds and crossed so many lines by revealing something that was never mine to reveal in the first place, it changed everyone especially how you all see me and showed me the truth I was so blind to see,” Jimin stated as they again stared at one another.

More tears feel from Jungkook’s eyes, does he mean us not wanting him, does he think we hate him, hell does he think we blame him that’s not right, none of it, what truth is he talking about, Jungkook thought as he laid there staring at the hyung he missed so badly.

“I want to believe I do, so much,” but I can’t, I can’t because it hurts too much to dream about something that will never happen, something I will only ever see in my dreams from now on, Jimin wanted to add, “but I don’t know how,” was what came out instead.

“Please hyung, can we just try, even if it’s just this to start with, this right here,” Jungkook all but begged this time all out of words to organise with his emotions and not wanting to sound like a desperate asshole begging him to come back to him when he was the one who shoved him away, he resigned himself to settle for the small touches that had stopped when Jimin had removed his hand from Jungkook’s arm before he had spoken any of the last words he just said, he resigned himself to having Jimin just there in his arms if only for a little while.

The silence between them drew out as Jimin kept staring at Jungkook still desperately wanting to wipe away those tears on the younger’s face like he once did, you’re just familiar, he doesn’t love you anymore and the sooner you accept that the easier it will be to live with the broken heart you kept pretending isn’t there, Jimin thought to himself until the silence was too much and Jimin had to get away just like he had with Taehyung.

“Okay,” Jimin finally stated.

Jungkook looked at him with confused eyes, “okay… what hyung?” he asked softly as he brushed yet another tear away.

“Okay, this right here,” Jimin confirmed.

Jimin watched Jungkook’s confused eye turn into gleaming hopeful ones as fresh tears slipped from them not sure what that at all meant with the current situation.

“Get comfortable and hyung will be back after he has a drink to calm down okay…” Jimin told him.

Jungkook nodded quickly a few times and finally finally he released his grip on Jimin’s hips and the soft touch on his cheek.

Jimin gave a small smile Jungkook missed as he shifted on the bed as Jimin rolled over turning his back to him and lifted his covered as he finally got out of the bed.

It was cold no surprise after he had been curled up in the warmth of his bed. Jungkook looked up at Jimin as he turned back to him using one hand to fist his cheeks and the other to hold the sheets for him as he moved over to get comfortable and wait for Jimin’s return.

“Sleep and I’ll be back okay,” Jimin told him watching as the exhaustion he was sure Jungkook had been fighting since probably dinner closed in on him now he had finished their conversation.

Jungkook smiled warmly up at his hyung as he watched him with now sleepy eyes as Jimin made his way to the closed master suite door. He watched Jimin open it and slip silently out into the hall and pull it closed behind him.

You really are stupid, honestly you really think he’s coming back after all that shit, after telling you it couldn’t be fixed, his brain remarked as Jungkook pulled Jimin’s second pillow down and he turned his face into it breathing in that scent of roses, coconut, vanilla and soap, the scent that was so very Jimin, do you even think he’s gonna want to fix any of this after all the shit you’ve pulled, he even said it himself he doesn’t know how to fix it so why the hell are you so happy when you know deep down in your heart he’s not coming back like he said, not to you the very reason all this happened in the first place.

His face fell at that and his eyes turned back to the door as he waited as he fought off sleep waiting for his Jimin hyung to return and join him like he said.

He wasn’t sure how long he waited just staring at the door now on his other side but it was long enough for the emotional exhaustion of the day before and the no sleep he’d had since they all came home from the studio with the news of Jimin’s impending departure to finally catch up to him and drag him into unconscious sleep land.

-

Jimin stopped in the kitchen where he poured himself a glass of water from the tap and downed it in one go gasping in air as he lowered the cup from his lips. He gripped his chest as hot tears now stung his cold cheeks a chill from the cold air of winter running through him as he breathed harshly as new silent sobs shook him.

He leant on the counter and squeezed his eyes shut, now finally out of that bed and Jungkook’s embrace, now finally able to breath again his brain was back in control of the baseball back and as much as he wanted to listen to his heart telling him to turn around and go right back to that bed like he said he couldn’t, he knew it wasn’t right, Jungkook was just confused and hurt he had the right to be and he didn’t mean any of it is what he told himself as he clutched his chest tightly wishing his heart would just quit it for a moment and give him some piece.

He finally turned as he fisted his cheeks and looked around him, he decided to sleep on the couch it would be the best decision and as he moved towards it he realised his phone was in the bedroom, he needed his alarm for so many reasons and as he stood staring at the door contemplating on going back in and risking being dragged back into the bed by the maknae he worried his bottom lip as a few more tears slipped down his cheeks.

Jimin looked around the silent apartment right before his eyes landed on Jungkook’s half open door. He hadn’t seen Jungkook’s phone when he had gotten up and he knew Jungkook hadn’t been holding it, hopeful he turned and softly stepped down the hall hoping no one heard him especially Jungkook.

Jimin reached the maknae’s door and pushed it open, if you’re in my bed, I’m taking yours, then Jimin thought as he stopped in the doorway and stared into the room. He hadn’t been in that room in five months and the last memories in it flooded back to him like waters at a broken dam, the feelings, the desire, the lust, the love all came crashing in and it felt like he’d been punched in the chest.

He clutched it once more before stepping through the door and shutting it behind him.

He stood there clutching the handle of the door for a long moment breathing harshly against his hand to keep his sounds down before he turned letting go of the hand after flicking the lock and stumbling his way over Jungkook’s messy bedroom floor to the bed.

He hiccupped as he tapped his hands over Jungkook’s bedside table until his hand finally landed on the maknae’s phone, he was glad the new iPhone had the alarm feature where you didn’t need to unlock the phone to set it sliding up then tapping the short cut. He blinked quickly cleaning his vision cursing he had let his glasses in his room as well before he finally managed to set the alarm for 7 am. he shut the phone and sat it back down before he all but threw himself onto Jungkook’s empty bed.

Jimin grabbed Jungkook’s pill and pulled it to him burning his face in it and finally letting go sounds muffled by the fabric drenched in the scent of the younger a scent that had sent his mind spinning the moment he realised the familiar warmth was beside him and he had smelt it in the air around him.

This time he cried himself to sleep in the maknae’s bed, emotions shredded raw and exhausted from so much he never realised the moment his brain shut down and his body finally quit on him as he all but passed out.

-

Hoseok woke up at 8 like he always did it was Jimin’s usual time for getting up and being the light sleeper he was Hoseok always woke up with him. He remembered the day before and how broke Yoongi had been after spending dinner in silence with a visibly hurting Jimin across from him he had been exhausted by the time he had managed to calm the older down enough to think straight again.

Hoseok looked at to Jimin’s bed expecting to see a small hand reaching from under the covered like it always did to silence the alarm now echoing through the room but instead was greeted by a visible lump that simply groaned as it rolled over.

Hoseok knew that grown and the lump was far to be to be Jimin. He sat up instantly still looking at the lump.

He got up after another moan and moved over shutting the alarm off the lump stopped moving and remained still as Hoseok stood shivering slightly beside the other bed staring at said lump.

He turned on his feet and rushed to the door. He pulled it open and rushed out. He turned and headed straight for Jungkook’s room the door closed. He reached it in just a few brisk strides and grabbed the handle pulling it down to find it was unlocked.

Hoseok threw the door open and stopped to find the room completely empty.

FUCK! What the fuck had Jungkook done now shit and where the fuck is Jimin?! Hoseok asked himself as he stared at the empty room.

Hoseok turned and reached Yoongi’s door and pulled it open and went inside.

He shook Yoongi hard, “if you don’t’ fuck off however you are I will nut you so hard you’ll sing like Ailee,” the older grumbled from under his blankets.

“Yoongi,” Hoseok started.

“I fucking mean it Hoseok…” Yoongi quickly shot back.

“Yoongi, it’s Jimin,” Hoseok added this time.

Yoongi sat up in a second throwing his blankets back to look at the man standing beside him bed, “what happened, is he alright.”

Hoseok shrugged, "I have no idea, there is a situation, get up I need you now, we need to wake Jin and Joon, now.”

Yoongi nodded grabbing his hoodie from his computer chair as he followed Hoseok out and down the hall to the leader/oldest wing of the apartment.

Hoseok took Jin while Yoongi took Namjoon the four of them converging in the middle of the hall outside Namjoon’s door after a moment.

“What is it, what happened, is Jimin alright?” Jin quickly asked in a panic.

“I have no idea, he’s not here,” Hoseok stated.

“What do you mean he’s not here?” Taehyung’s sleepy voice asked as he stood at the entrance to the L/O wing of the house as they called it.

The four hyungs looked at him before four sets of eyes turned to Hoseok.

Hoseok looked at them and said, “you’ll understand when you see come on.”

He turned and lead the four of them back to the master suite. He pushed the door open once more and Taehyung whispered seeing the lump in the bed, “he’s right there hyung.”

Hoseok lifted a finger to them all and walked into the room, “Jungkook,” he called moderately loudly.

There was silence as the four looked at him like he had lost his mind.

“JEONGGUK!” Hoseok yelled the youngest’s governmental name at full volume knowing the reaction it would get.

Jungkook bottled up out of the bed at the loud siren screech of his name blinking blindly at the bright lights of the room.

Hoseok looked at the other four and Namjoon moved into the room, “Jungkook, where is Jimin?”

Jungkook looked around him with one eye closed the other squinted as he scanned the room making sure he was where he thought he was.

“He was supposed to come back after he got a drink… I waited like he told me but he didn’t come back, I think I feel asleep,” Jungkook drawled in his sleepy Busan satoori as he looked over at the five now in the room staring at him, “I think since he didn’t come back he might have slept on the lounge…” he mumbled.

Taehyung rushed out of the room and slid to a stop in the lounge room looking at the two lounges, “NOT HERE” they heard him call back.

Yoongi was the one who asked, “why the hell are you in Jimin’s bed, you of all people?” the question more a demand.

Jungkook flinched at the demand and the tone it had been delivered like Yoongi had walked up to him and slapped him for being there.

He looked at them again and Yoongi narrowed his eyes at the younger, “answer Jeongguk!”

Jungkook all but woke up at that moment and scrambled form the nice warmth of roses, vanilla, coconut and soap.

He shivered hard at the stares now on him and the cold air of the apartment and said now Taehyung was back in the room, “I, I apologised.”

The five men before him on the opposite side of the room stared at him.

Jin said sceptically, “you apologised… you are in Jimin’s bed because you apologised.”

Jungkook nodded staring at them with big eyes like a deer caught in the head lights or even like a kid who’d been caught with their hand in the cookie jar, “I a-apologised, I said I was sorry f-for everything a-and I a-asked Jimin hyung f-for a-a chance to f-fix what I broke,” he stammered in a mix of fear and a lot of panic realising something wasn’t right.

“Where is he?” Jungkook asked.

“That’s what we are asking you Jeongguk,” Yoongi all but spat at him.

Jungkook looked at each of them realising they didn’t know realising it mean Jimin wasn’t in the apartment. Jungkook turned to the side as he threaded his fingers in his hair and clutched it in anxious panic.

He looked at the bed beside him before he lifted his head and looked at the wall realising he didn’t know, “I don’t know…” he breathed with big wide eyes before looking at the five of them, “I don’t know he never came back like he said he would, I don’t know where he is I swear I don’t know.”

Namjoon turned on his feet, “call Jimin.”

Hoseok said quickly, “you can’t his phone is still here.” they looked back to see Hoseok pointing to it on the bedside table still plugged in to charge.

“Call his friends maybe he’s with one of them or one of them have seen him, we need to find him now,” Namjoon said from the door before he turned and pointed at Jungkook, “and you go to your room now and stay there am I clear.”

Jungkook shank in on himself at the tone and nodded quickly not wanting to anger then any more than they already were.

The rest left the room leaving Hoseok standing there, Jungkook watched the older pick up his phone and type on the screen before he looked up from it at him.

“Didn’t Namjoon give you an instruction,” Hoseok asked voice carrying a hard edge as he spoke.

Jungkook shivered this time not from the cold in the apartment and nodded quickly as he bowed and headed for the door, “yes hyung, sorry,” he said before darting out the door hearing Hoseok cursing at him as he did.

Jungkook reached his room in seconds, nice job loser, now they are all pissed off yet again or even worse than before at your stupidity AND Jimin is missing again, what next you blame your shit on them when you know it’s all your fault, like I said, Taehyung was right, it’s all your fault and it’s better for everyone especially Jimin if you disappear.

Jungkook leant back against his door as fresh hot tears spilled down his cheeks, he clamped his hands over his mouth to stop the sounds not wanting to anger the other five any more than he already had before he slowly sank to the floor staring at the opposite wall, all he wanted was to apologise and now he’s only broken everything even more.

Chapter Text

Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon and Taehyung had already searched for two hours when Sejin had called Namjoon about their schedule since Jimin hadn’t answered his phone.

“Namjoon-ah,” the manager had said though pissed with them all he was still fond of them none the less.

Namjoon had been sat on the bar stood at the island as he spoke to the manager, “oh, hi Sejin hyungnim, is everything okay, I thought our scheduled practice today didn’t start to 11 something about the director in meetings or something?”

Sejin had hummed, “mmm, yeah, those meetings are going longer than we all thought and there are some issues with some future schedules that now need to be sorted, Bang asked me to call you and let you know that because of it all you guys have got the next two days off until your Run episode recording on Tuesday.”

Namjoon’s face had lit up at that news, “oh really that’s great, never gonna pass up time off.”

After a pause Sejin had then started to ask, “so about yesterday…”

Namjoon had dropped his face into his hand slightly annoyed but not surprised he had brought it up.

“Bang talked to me about Jimin…” Sejin had added after a moment.

Namjoon had looked at the counter, “you know, don’t you?”

Sejin had given a hum before he spoke again, “New Years. The question now remains… do you think you can fix this by December and another good question… do you think you all even deserve him after all the shit you’ve pulled.”

Namjoon had sat there in silence for a long moment, he could feel the eyes of Yoongi and Hoseok at the dining table on him with Taehyung’s who had been beside him while he had sat staring at Jin opposite him in the kitchen making them all their third cup of coffee.

“Honestly hyung, no we don’t deserve it or even him for that matter, but we want to try, we want to work towards deserving both especially him,” Namjoon had finally said as if he had pretty much read the minds of the four around him and maybe even the maknae he’d sent to his room hours ago.

Sejin had asked then, “so the six of you are finally done throwing whatever tantrum you were and have decided to finally grow up?”

Namjoon had snorted a little, “I doubt we’ll ever grow up, that’s why we have you and Nori noona and Tray hyung to keep us grounded and bring us down a peg or ten when needed.”

Sejin had chuckled a little and asked after he had calmed down voice serious again as he did, “honestly have you?”

Namjoon had given a hum before he spoke, “yes, and we are working on the rest of it we know we are on a clock.”

Sejin had giving an approving hum at that, “good, I’m glad, you’ve got your work cut out for you just for the record and it’s going to take a little more than just sorry to prove to him you aren’t still all a bunch of childish dicks.”

Namjoon had replied with a faint smile, “can you actually say that?”

Sejin had snorted this time, “I have known the six of you little shits and Jimin-ah since you were as high as my knee, I just can’t say it when Bang is around.”

Namjoon had chuckled not missing the affection in his voice at Jimin’s name and had said after a moment, “I know it doesn’t mean much now but we are sorry for everything and when we’ve all finally apologised to Jimin I’ll make sure we work hard to rebuild the bonds with all of you, if that is okay with you hyung?”

Namjoon had been easily able to hear the smile in Sejin’s voice when he spoke next, “it’s more than okay kid, I’m glad to hear you’re trying at least. If I didn’t now you all like I do I’d say this hole whatever it is has made the six of you grow up.”

Namjoon had smiled himself at that, “you think?”

Sejin had given a hum, “only just a little bit though.”

Namjoon had chuckled, “if we need anything or anything happens we’ll call you,” he had replied.

Sejin had said, “just try and stay out of trouble please.”

Namjoon had chuckled and then promised before they had finally hung up with one another.

“You didn’t tell him?” Yoongi had asked the moment Namjoon had hung up with the manager.

Namjoon had hummed with a nod of hit head before turning in his seat to look at the older, “he’s only been missing for a few hours, if we can’t find him by say lunch then I’ll call him back and let him know what is going on.”

Hoseok had nodded, “alright, let’s try the rest of his friends and if we don’t get anything then you’ll all Sejin right?” Hoseok had asked.

Namjoon had nodded and agreed to follow his order if their search turned up empty as they all turned back to their phones to find their missing member.

-

They had searched for almost six hours by the time they had called the last of Jimin’s friends in the hopes one of them had heard from or seen him and with Jin talked with Taemin they prayed he had their answer.

Hoseok sat watching Jin on the phone in the kitchen now on the stool beside Namjoon he turned his head remembering the information Jungkook had given them in Taipei. He looked at the rest of them before he got up from his place between Yoongi and now Taehyung on the three-seater and walked out of the room.

Hoseok knocked lightly on the door and waited for an answer before grabbing the handle. He pushed it down before pushing the door open.

He said in a calm voice as he walked into the room, “Jungkookie, it’s Hoseokie hyung…” he looked around him and stopped seeing the younger curled up on his bed with his back to the door.

Hoseok wanted to be mad but seeing the sight of the youngest laying on his bed still in the clothes he had woken up in, with his knees drawn up hugging Jimin bunny with his face buried in the back of it shivering and all he got instead was a twisting stab of pain that just made him sad (and maybe regretful if he wasn’t so wound, panicked and still a dick.)

He approached the younger’s bed slowly not wanting to scare him, “Jungkook-ah, how’s about you come and have some food mmm, you didn’t have breakfast,” he asked gently voice a soft hum in the silent room.

“I’m not hungry, thank you,” Jungkook replied voice muffled by the pillow thick with his satoori and a mix between a whimper and a cracked whisper.

Hoseok had frozen mid step at the sound, he’d never heard Jungkook so… broken, that’s when the pain turned to worry (he refused to acknowledge the regret, that wasn’t what he was feeling one bit, no sir-y), when he realised something was wrong.

“Jungkook-ah,” Hoseok started as he moved briskly to the younger’s bed and sat down on the edge, “Jungkook-ah what’s wrong,” Hoseok asked more than sure he knew but wanted clarification as he reached his hand out to the body before him and gently slid it on Jungkook’s shoulder.

Jungkook twisted not removing his face from the stuffed plushie in his arms but easily shaking Hoseok’s hand off his shoulder before shuffling across his bed slightly away from him, “nothing’s wrong, Hoseok hyung, I’m fine, thank you,” Jungkook replied voice no higher than before.

If Jimin had been there Hoseok knew he’d have been able to read the maknae like an open book, he held his hand above Jungkook’s arm after he’d shrugged it off a second time before clenching it into a first. He found himself wondering what Jimin would say in that moment, wondering if he would lay down with the younger and pull him into his arms just like he had that night five months ago.

He took his hand back having asked a second time and receiving the same answer he guessed he wasn’t going to get much more out of him.

“Listen, Jungkook-ah, I came to ask you something,” Hoseok said instead.

“I don’t know where he is, Hoseok hyung, I can’t find my phone to help I’m sorry…” Jungkook replied instantly as a new prang of guilt trickled through him. Jungkook hugged Jimin bunny closer to him wishing Hoseok would leave him alone, he couldn’t look any of them in the face knowing he was the reason Jimin had run away, knowing he should have just listened when Jimin had told him to go back to his own bed.

Hoseok sighed a little annoyed with the mixed signals he was getting from them younger, the formal speech but the refusal to even look at him had him bother confused and annoyed at the same time something he thought only Taehyung could ever manage to do.

Hoseok this time slid his hand onto Jungkook’s arm and gasped in surprise, “Jungkook. Have you been laying here like this this whole time? you are freezing,” he moved from the bed and pulled the covered bunched at the youngers feet over them scowling at the fact he wasn’t even wearing socks.

“I don’t know, maybe Hoseok hyung, it doesn’t matter, I’m fine, thank you,” Jungkook replied shivering as he did.

Hoseok said as he pulled the covered up over Jungkook, “if you aren’t going to be straight with me, then I want you to answer my question and I’ll leave.”

“Okay, Hoseok hyung, I’m fine,” Jungkook said in reply.

Hoseok stood up after he’d laid the blankets over the freezing cold maknae not even sure what was going on with him (still not acknowledging the truth).

“Fine, I came to ask you which studio you had found Jimin in two months ago, I think he could be there now,” Hoseok huffed in annoyance at the younger’s behaviour.

“Practice studio 12, the one with the broken mirror at the back Hoseok Hyung, if he’s not there, try 8, those are the two he likes the most, he says the sound systems are better in them, he really likes 12 more though because of the lighting,” Jungkook replied on auto pilot not wanting to anger Hoseok any more than he seemed from the huff he had just received.

Hoseok said after a minute, “go and have a warm shower Jungkook-ah and get Jin hyung to make you some warm lunch alright.”

“I’m fine, Hoseok hyung, thank you,” came the reply from the curled up Jungkook lump now in his own bed.

Hoseok gave a sigh at that and turned to the door. He looked back at Jungkook one last time to see the lump shake for a moment making Hoseok wonder if he was crying before he turned and pulled the door shut and headed back out to the loungeroom.

“Where’d you go?” Yoongi enquired when Hoseok re-emerged from the hall.

“Jungkook,” Hoseok said simply.

Yoongi gave a huff as he folded his arms and said nothing more.

Hoseok went over to the counter and looked at Jin back in the kitchen, “I know you’re like the only one, Jin hyung, who can make him do most anything, he needs to take a warm shower and you need to make him some warm food now.”

Namjoon asked still on his seat, “why’s that?”

Hoseok said as he looked at the leader, “because I’m fairly sure he’s spent the last six hours laying on his bed.”

Taehyung snipped as he typed on his phone still searching for Jimin, “not surprised.”

Hoseok looked at Jin, “in nothing more than sweats and a t-shirt.”

That piece of information caused four sets of eyes to look at him.

“He was freezing cold to the touch, so you need to MAKE him take a shower and eat something warm, I’m going out, I have a possible location on Jimin, if I do find him I will call one of you so keep your phones on you,” Hoseok stated matter of factly as he stared at Jin the older now concerned for the maknae.

Namjoon looked towards the hallway as Hoseok made his way into the master suite to change out of his sleep wear and gown into more fitting winter appropriate going out clothes.

Jin looked towards the bedroom with him before Taehyung was the one that got up from his spot on the lounge.

They all sat wondering what was going on when Taehyung threw Jungkook’s door open, “alright Jungkook, get up, it’s warm shower time,” they heard Taehyung declare.

“I’m fine, thank you, Taehyung-hyung, please go away,” Jungkook replied causing Taehyung to stop just like Hoseok had.

After a moment Taehyung snapped out of it and walked over to him and pulled the covers back, “I don’t care if you think you are fine, you’ve been here all day and you need a shower now get up,” he declared again before grabbed Jungkook’s shoulder and tugging on it trying to get him to move.

Hoseok stopped as Taehyung gave a yell from inside Jungkook’s room. He looked at the others before he turned and rushed down the hall only to stop with the rest of them as they watched Jungkook who was dragging a rather shocked looking Taehyung behind him.

They all blinked as the maknae turned and shoved Taehyung through his bedroom door. Taehyung stumbled and caught himself and stood up looked at the others before he turned, “YAH!” he yelled before he stopped as the two of them locked eyes.

“I’m fine, thank you, so please leave me alone,” Jungkook declared as they all finally got a look at him, his hair was a mess, his face red his eyes puffy from hours of crying his voice raw and scratchy breaking on the fourth and last words of his statement.

They all watched another tear slid down his cheek as he looked at Taehyung then the rest of them and as he turned Taehyung rushed forward, “Jungkook…” only stopping as the door slammed in his face and they all heard the lock click in place.

They all stared at the maknae’s door right before Taehyung knocked calling to him through the pane of wood blocking his path.

There was no reply none what so ever just like the other night when he had been so mean to him and as Taehyung’s fist started to thump the timber that’s when the regret finally seeped in under everything else.

Namjoon sighed and rubbed his forehead in exasperation. Yoongi headed down the hall as Namjoon turned to Hoseok, “you go check your lead for Jimin we’ll… deal with this.”

Hoseok nodded and turned leaving the four in the hall as Yoongi now pulled Taehyung away from Jungkook’s door.

He felt like an ass leaving after what just happened but he had to see if Jimin was at the studios, and as much of an ass as he felt Jimin was the one he needed to apologise to first before anyone else even crossed his mind.

-

It was just before three by the time Hoseok pulled into BigHit’s parking lot and headed into the building in search of Jimin, it didn’t take him long at all to scan himself into the building with his ID and pass code and headed to the 4th floor where the first lot of smaller practice rooms were located.

He stood with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his warm fur lined puma winter coat listen to the soft jingle that was playing in the elevator, Hoseok could swear it was Christmas music.

The door slipped open silently and Hoseok stepped out onto the fourth floor. He walked down to the last practice room on the floor, practice room 8 with high hopes. But as he got closer those hopes faded and disappeared when the realised the room was in silent darkness.

He started at the shut door and sighed before he turned and headed back the way he had just come, let him be in studio 12, please god, he thought to himself as he made his way back to the elevator.

It took another painful five minutes to get back on the elevator and go up one floor. He sighed when the doors finally opened and let him out.

As Hoseok neared the dance studio he was looking for he heard the thrum of music in the otherwise silent hallway. His heart did a little happy dance before it paused his brain reminding him it might not even be Jimin.

He reached the door and looked through the window in it a grin splitting his lips as he saw the younger gliding across the dance floor. Hoseok was captivated at the sight, like the rest of the group watching Jimin dance especially when it was contemporary like he was at that moment was something of a beautiful sight, Jungkook had been right when he had said that the other night.

He watched Jimin dip and turn, slide and bend, he had always been envious hell even jealous of Jimin’s fluidity with his moves making the younger look like a dancing water puddle most of the time. As he opened the door a crack to go inside it was then that the words of the song Jimin was dancing to reached him.

He had heard this song before, it had been popular back at the end of 2015 and 2016 but couldn’t remember the Korean translation of the lyrics. Hoseok paused moving any further before he shut the door again and looked at Jimin one last time.

He made his way to the common area on the practice studio floor and sat down on one of the chairs as he lifted his phone.

“Joon it’s me, I’ve found him, he’s at the company, practice room 12,” Hoseok said the moment Namjoon picked up his phone.

Namjoon gave a sigh, “alright, I’ll get Yoongi hyung to drive me in.”

Hoseok asked surprised, “not Jin?”

“Tae is about ready to break down JK’s door and Jin is currently busy being goal keeper of the hallway and on top of that Yoongi look’s ready to thump Tae if the kid doesn’t take a chill pill,” Namjoon explained.

Hoseok asked, “no change then?”

Namjoon sighed, “no, he won’t even open the door for Jin, Jin’s told me he’ll work on getting him out to eat something but it could be a couple of hours, it’s best to leave him to that, I would bring Tae but…”

Hoseok hummed, “understandable. I’ll see you guys when you get here, about 45 minutes.”

“Yeah, wasn’t it great when we lived so close,” Namjoon pondered.

Hoseok gave a chuckle, “yeah and then our heads got up our asses and our egos got to big and now look were we are on the verge of breaking and losing one or even two of us all together.”

Namjoon snorted, “alright there mister positive.”

“Just keeping shit real Joonie,” Hoseok replied making the younger chuckle a little. Hoseok realised as he held his phone to his ear that none of them had really truly laughed in a long time and gave another sigh, “I’ll see you when you guys get here okay,” he added after a moment.

“Right hyung, see you soon.” Namjoon replied.

There it is again, Hoseok thought as he tapped his phone hanging up, hyung, all this shit is really fucking with him, god we are fucking assholes, horrible stupid evil people, Hoseok thought to himself as he ran his hand over his face.

After another moment of self-hatred, he lifted his phone and searched up the song Jimin was listening to as he waited for his “backup” to arrive.

-

It took Hoseok about 45 minutes to find the song "Wait" by NF and the translation of it into Korean. As he read them it was like he was looking at the last five months of Jimin’s life put into words.

“Love ain’t perfect.
I’m holding onto pieces of us,
that I just can’t let go.
I know this is a desperate kind of love,
but it feels like it’s home.”

He read over and over again eyes taking in the lyrics of the song displayed on his iPhone screen.

He decided he couldn’t wait any more, he had to talk to Jimin and he had to talk to him now. he got up from his seat and stuffed his phone back in his pocket as he walked towards the studio one more time.

He didn’t knock knowing he wouldn’t be heard over the music instead he opened the door fully and stepped inside to catch Jimin in a move similar to spring day that saw him standing right in front of him facing him.

“We don’t want to have a conversation,
we don’t want to think about it,
we just want to fake it,
we just want to act like everything it great,
go back to the day watching movies in the basement”

The words sounded around them as they stared at one another just standing there Jimin panting heavily from no doubt dancing hard for the last hour while Hoseok just stared with his mouth slightly agape.

Neither of them moved, the song finished and started again playing through one full time before Jimin finally snapped out of his surprise and whatever else he felt seeing the older standing right there.

Jimin turned and made his way over to the table where his bag and Jungkook’s phone and music player sat. He picked up his iPod and slid his finger over the speaker volume bar sliding it down so he could hear what Hoseok had to say, leaving the music play at a low volume around them.

He turned once he put his iPod back down and looked at the older once more. Jimin stood with his arms by his sides as he faced Hoseok still standing near the door of the studio.

“Why are you here?” Jimin asked finally breaking the silence between them.

Hoseok looked at him and finally took a few more steps moving deeper into the room, “you were missing, we’ve been looking for you for hours, we were worried you…” he trailed off as he stopped walking.

“Well clearly I’m fine, I had some stress to work off,” Jimin stated not giving much away about last night and earlier that morning.

There was a pause, “how did you even know I was missing or even here for that matter?” Jimin asked when it got a little uncomfortable.

“Jungkook. He was in your bed and we…” Hoseok trailed off again as he dropped his gaze to the floor.

Jimin stood staring at him, “did you all yell at him?” he asked then.

“What no we…” Hoseok started to defend.

Jimin cut him off with a raised hand to stop him, “I’m not blind Hoseok. I’ve seen the way the five of you have been treating him since Taipei, like some switch flicked and suddenly his about face just pissed you all off. So. Did. You. All. Yell. At. Him?” he asked again at the end.

Hoseok took a hard breath in and stared at him. the last week flooded back in at hyper speed as Jimin spoke again, “because up to this point you’ve all treated him exactly how you did me, so, it really makes me wonder what he did to piss you all off this much since he’s the golden boy and all.”

Hoseok felt it then, the guilt the regret had hiding under it, the hurt from the words Jimin just threw at him, turns out it’s true what they say, the truth hurts.

“I’m sorry,” Hoseok said, the only thing he could at that moment, he had no excuse, no lie, no reason all he had was the two words he needed to say to the younger.

DON’T FUCKING STOP WITH THAT YOU MORON!!! IT’S NOT NEARLY ENOUGH!!! Hoseok’s brain screamed in his head.

Jimin decided as they stood staring at one another once again that he was going to start betting on who was next because if the youngest two and now Hoseok had apologised to his face then he knew it was a safe bet and a matter of time before the other three would eventually follow.

Jimin wasn’t sure if he could listen to this one, no after last night and earlier that morning, “Hoseok please…”

“I am sorry Jimin. for all of it, for everything. For all the times I yelled at you, for all the times I cut you down, for all the times I said you weren’t good enough. I’m sorry for all the times I ignored you, all the times I turned you away, all the times I pretended you were okay. I’m sorry for all the times I made you feel useless and stupid and pathetic and I’m so so sorry for all the times I’ve shoved you or pushed you or hit you,” Hoseok explained baring all the feelings and emotions he had bottled up for so long.

They looked at one another as Hoseok took a breath a tear sliding down his cheek, he wanted to cross the room and hold Jimin to him like he used to, he wanted to kiss his forehead gently and tell him it would be all okay but he knew it wouldn’t, he knew it had all changed and okay just wasn’t in the cards at the moment, hell half the deck was missing.

Why, why are they all doing this now, why are they making me feel even worse than I already do about fucking up right now, what the hell even in fucking Taipei? Jimin thought to himself as they stood there now in silence.

“I have no excuse, none what so ever to even begin to justify what I’ve put you through, I… honestly I was hurt that you pushed us all away, I was hurt that you didn’t come to your hyungs with such a… horrible thing, even if Jungkook had asked you to keep it a secret you were just a kid, he had you and you needed us and I was hurt that you pushed us away all that time.” Hoseok stated explaining the reason why he had been an ass.

Jimin called that one wrong he realised but accepted the reasoning none the less remaining silent as he did.

“You were a kid and we were the hyungs and we let you down. it’s our fault you’ve suffered so much half of it probably from us,” Hoseok spoke again.

“No, it’s not your fault,” Jimin interjected, “it’s mine, I was the one who broke my promise, I was the one who lied to you all, hurt you all, made you question me and the last four years. I’m the one to blame for all this,”

Why do they keep doing that, they had their reason to be pissed off, I hurt them all, it was me why do they all keep doing that, Jimin thought to himself as he stared at Hoseok?

“Why… why do you all keep doing that?” Jimin asked, “first Taehyung and then Jungkook and now you, why do you keep saying it’s your fault when it’s mine? I was the one who broke the group.”

Hoseok blinked in surprise to hear two of them had already apologised, had jumped the gun just like he had and felt even worse than before realising Jungkook had actually been telling the truth about why he had been in Jimin’s bed in the first place.

There you go, you’re all so desperate, why the hell would he take you back, hell why the fuck would he forgive YOU, you’re one of the worst among them, his brain shot at him, and another thing aren’t you supposed to be one of the HYUNGS like you just said, so why the fuck did the maknaes apologise first, shouldn’t that have been you four idiots?

“Because it is out fault Jimin-ah,” Hoseok stated, “we hurt you we all hurt you, me in more ways than one, we are horrible, stupid, evil people who to put simply didn’t give a fuck about you and what you were going through all because we were pissed you kept a secret from us, a secret that was protecting someone we couldn’t, someone we should have, someone we love, leaving you, someone else we love all alone to do it for so long. It is our fault and that won’t change, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“But I do Hoseokie Hyung, I have so much to be sorry for, I hurt Jungkook, I broke my promise, I lied to you all, I pushed you all away, I didn’t trust you enough to help me when I should have, I did all those horrible things and I broke what we had, we were all happy, we were all a family but now… now you all hate me and you’re all angry at Jungkook and it’s all because of me,” Jimin replied, voice small and tinged with panic, the honorific making Hoseok’s heart prang like a bass guitar deep and hard, it had been too long since he had heard it from the younger.

If this had been the good days, Jimin would have run across the room and buried his face into Hoseok’s chest and cried as he clung to him begging for forgiveness, but this was now and Jimin knew Hoseok didn’t want him, was only saying all this because the other two had apologised first. He knew Hoseok would push him away if he tried to hug him like he used to and couldn’t handle that level of rejection when they weren’t on camera.

“I’m sure you feel that way but it’s not your fault, please believe me,” Hoseok begged, “you did what you had to to protect someone you love just like we should have and we didn’t and for that and so so much more I am sorry.”

There was a pause as tears slipped down Jimin’s cheeks once more, he thought he had used them all up and couldn’t cry any more but there they were hot and wet on his cheeks.

Hoseok took a step forward at the sight, a crying Jimin always hurt his heart just as much as a crying Jungkook and Taehyung did, before he stopped himself, he had no right to touch Jimin especially after how he had treated him, especially after being one of two that had hurt him physically. Hoseok curled his hands into fists where he had them stuffed in his pockets stopping himself from moving any more towards the younger.

“Three down little Jiminie, are you going for the entire set before you realise I’m right, are you waiting for all of them to apologise and take the blame for your fuck up before you know it’s actually really your fault all along,” Dark Jimin hummed inside him.

“I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Jimin internally yelled back.

“I’m sorry we made you feel this way Jimin-ah, I’m sorry I made you feel this way, and I know, I know, it’s not enough, I know sorry isn’t enough but… but it’s all I have right now.”

Seriously what the living hell is going on, what the fuck even happened in Taipei? did Jungkook say something and they all decided my time out was over and now it’s his turn or something? Jimin thought to himself.

“Seriously, why are you all doing this?” Jimin asked again.

“Because I’ve woken up to myself, because I see the facts, I see the truth, I’m a horrible, evil, stupid person who hurt one of my best friends. Who hurt someone I miss, god I miss you so fucking much, I miss your smile and your laugh and just you and I want to fix this, fix everything, I will work my ass off to fix everything I swear if you will give me the chance,” Hoseok replied explaining for himself why he was standing there in that moment.

Please please let him believe him, please, I just, I need a chance to fix this, I can’t lose him, not now, hell not ever, please, Hoseok thought pleading to whoever was listening.

And once again Jimin found himself saying the same thing he had told the other two already, “I don’t think it can be fixed,” Jimin stated, heart hurting all over again not sure if it was his own words were hurting it this time, “I want to believe it can but let’s… let’s be honest Hoseokie hyung, it all changed when I broke my promise to Jungkook. I broke everything that mattered, everything we had, the friendships, the bonds and I hurt you all,” more tears slipped down his cheeks unable to stop them as he continued, “I want to believe it’s possible so bad, but that night changed everything, it changed how you saw Jungkook, how you treated him, how you looked after him…”

Jimin took a shaky breath to calm himself taking a minute to push the lump in his throat down so he could talk again.

Yeah, we treated Jungkook like the world and threw you aside when it should have been both of you there, not this, not what it’s all become, Hoseok thought to himself as he waited seeing Jimin had more to say.

“And it changed how you all see me, it showed me the truth I was so blind to see,” Jimin stated all but cryptically be he drew in a breath, “I want to believe so much with everything I am, but I don’t know how, all I know is this can be fixed, it can’t be fixed with sorry.”

Hoseok took a step to him at that, “I know, I know you are right, this doesn’t fix with sorry, but it’s all I have right now, it’s all I have to give to tell you I want to try, I want to change, I just want a chance to change, to not be someone you run from or turn away from someone you can come to, rely on, someone who can protect you like you did for all of us for so long all alone, I can’t… I don’t want to be someone who hurts you,” he begged.

Jimin’s breath hitched in his throat he couldn’t stop it or the lump from rising, it hurts, it all hurts too much, why, why does it all have to hurt so much, why can’t we just go back to being like I’m not there, I’m not important, why are they even doing this? Jimin thought as more tears slipped down his cheeks.

Jimin turned at that, he switched off the sound system, turned his iPod off, grabbed his bag and put his music player, Jungkook’s phone and his water bottle in before grabbing his coat and jacket.

He turned on his feet and headed for the door, “Jimin please…” he heard Hoseok say.

“I want to believe but, so… so much is broken and it’s all my fault, sorrys aren’t going to fix it, they just can’t, there is to much broken to fix with sorrys especially since I did this. I…” Jimin rushed out trying not to break down once more, “It’s all my fault,” he got out right before he rushed out the open door and left Hoseok standing there pieces of his heart laying on the floor with even more of Jimin’s.

Stellar work sunshine king, stellar work, good on you for apologising A+ for effort, but did you ever stop to think maybe after all the shit you’ve pulled, all the bullshit you’ve thrown at him not to mention all the ignoring and pushing away that sorry JUST isn’t enough, his brain casually taunted with a hint (a big splash) of sarcasm, that YOU have made him feel so useless and pathetic and unwanted that he can’t even bring himself to believe you actually do what him after all.

Hoseok drew in a hard but shaking breath as he looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes were red from where he had tried not to cry while they were talking only to fail from the tear tracks evident on his face, he walked over to one of the chairs and sat down hard to stare at the door standing wide open before him.

He sighed as he dropped his face into his hands as he leant forward on his knees.

You really think you, any of you especially you deserve his forgiveness, deserve him, this was your one chance Hoseok and only now do you even realise how fucked it all is, how much he’s suffered because of you, honestly, even in all this he was worried about Jungkook and not himself what the fuck does that tell you, His brain added as his tears feel once more as a choked hiccup left him, sorry might be all you have right now asshole, but this shit can’t be fixed with a sorry and you fucking know it.

Chapter Text

“If we get a speeding ticket hyung I’m blaming you, I can finally fully understand why Jin never lets you drive anywhere like ever,” Namjoon commented as the two of them scanned their way into the company building.

“Shut it, I got us here in one piece that’s all that matters,” Yoongi grumbled as he scanned his ID badge.

Namjoon smirked a little, “I actually left my stomach on the freeway, remind me to pick it up on the way home yeah.”

Yoongi shot him a glare before he snorted at the younger’s smirking face and punched in the code to let them through the door.

“Where did Seok-ah say he was?” Yoongi drawled as they walked to the elevators.

Namjoon walked beside his hyung, “Prac room 12, level 5.”

Yoongi gave a hum as he jabbed the button to call the elevator.

“You still pissed?” Namjoon asked as he checked his phone for an update from Jin.

Yoongi sighed, “I don’t even know what the fuck our problem is, like are we all pissed at JK now for whatever fucking reason we come up with, he doesn’t deserve it I know that much and I think this is just making it all worse, I believe he apologised to Jimin that’s not a lie, I think we were just pissed he was in Jimin’s bed after all that’s happened, especially between the two of them.”

Namjoon gave a sigh as he looked up at the digital display, “I get it hyung really, and we don’t know what’s up with JK until he talks to us, so that’s only going to take time, right now we need to focus on getting Jimin home and apologising mmm, that’s something we do know.”

They stepped into the elevator and Yoongi sighed as he turned and tapped the button, “Jin was right, this entire fucking year has been shit.”

Namjoon gave a hum before the elevator doors slid shut before them.

-

Namjoon looked around the common area of the fifth-floor practice rooms and said, “wonder where Hobi is? you think he’d be waiting for us right?”

Yoongi pointed, “let’s check the practice room you know how he can get, he likes to lurk.”

Namjoon nodded with a hum as the two turned and headed to the hall and to the last room on the floor.

They saw the light streaming out of the open door and looked at one another moving closer they could hear the music and then suddenly they heard it drop.

The two of them stopped in their tracks on the left of the door as they heard Jimin’s voice, “Why are you here?” they heard Jimin ask causing the two fo them to look at each other.

“Fuck Hoseok, what the fuck is he thinking,” Yoongi whispered.

Namjoon caught his arm, “I don’t know but if we bust in there now it will only upset Jimin more.

They heard Hoseok’s footsteps as they guessed he was moving closer to the younger before he finally answered the question, “you were missing, we’ve been looking for you for hours, we were worried you…” they heard Hoseok trail off as his footsteps stopped.

“Well clearly I’m fine, I had some stress to work off,” they heard from Jimin.

They looked at each other wondering what Jungkook and Jimin had talked about before looking back to the room as Jimin spoke again, “how did you even know I was missing or even here for that matter?”

“Jungkook. He was in your bed and we…” they Hoseok reply before trailing off again.

And then they heard Jimin ask it, “did you all yell at him?”

The question caused the two men to look at one another as they each recalled that morning Yoongi sighing as he closed his eyes as Namjoon pinched the bridge of his nose, “fuck,” Namjoon whispered under his breath.

“What no we…” they heard Hoseok start rebut.

As they both moved to but in they heard Hoseok stop as Jimin cut in, “I’m not blind Hoseok. I’ve seen the way the five of you have been treating him since Taipei, like some switch flicked and suddenly his about face just pissed you all off. so. Did. You. All. Yell. At. Him?” The question at the end was hard and sharp as clear demand.

They were both ready to rush in and answer him before he spoke again, “because up to this point you’ve all treated him exactly how you did me, so, it really makes me wonder what he did to piss you all off this much since he’s the golden boy and all.”

And there it was, the guilt, the hurt slamming into them like a bullet train to the chest and they could do nothing to stop the sighs of pain or the tears that pricked their eyes realising it was all fucked up, they had fucked up, they had really fucked up, realising now why Jungkook had shut them out, had said he was fine, had refused to come out or even answer any one of them, turns out it’s true what they say, the truth fucking hurts.

As Namjoon and Yoongi moved to enter the room and defuse the situation and get Jimin to come home with them Hoseok spoke finally, “I’m sorry,” came from the third member of the rap line stopping them in their tracks, they were annoyed he had jumped the gun but couldn’t blame him really being confronted with Jungkook by a hurt Jimin fucked even the two of them up and they weren’t even in the room.

“we need to wait, we can’t go in now, it would just… we need to let this play out okay,” Namjoon whispered to the older beside him.

“I was just thinking that but the moron needs to talk now, not just fucking stand there,” Yoongi whispered back with a nod we they both stood now leaning over slightly to hear what was happening inside.

Jimin voice floated through the door, “Hoseok please…” he started, voice full of pain they didn’t miss.

“I am sorry Jimin. for all of it, for everything. For all the times I yelled at you, for all the times I cut you down, for all the times I said you weren’t good enough. I’m sorry for all the times I ignored you, all the times I turned you away, all the times I pretended you were okay. I’m sorry for all the times I made you feel useless and stupid and pathetic and I’m so so sorry for all the times I’ve shoved you or pushed you or hit you,” they heard Hoseok saying right before it all stopped and they looked at one another once more.

“did… did he just say hitting him… you don’t… you don’t think Hobi has been hitting Jimin too, like JK right… that’s not…” Namjoon whispered voice stammering as he spoke to Yoongi.

Yoongi grabbed Namjoon’s arm to calm him, his blood boiled, the fuck, what the fuck does that even mean Hoseok, the older thought to himself as he stared at Namjoon.

“I don’t… I don’t know Joon, calm down and we’ll… after he’s finished we’ll ask him okay let’s not…jump to conclusions,” Yoongi whispered, hiding the fact his blood was boiling.

Yoongi knew what it was, he knew absolutely what it was having seen Hoseok hitting Jimin at least twice in the last five months he hadn’t at the time thought anything of it knowing how physical Hoseok was with others and at the time not really giving a shit what happened to Jimin he realised now what it was, what it all meant, Jungkook was the only one to leave visible marks they could see no Jimin instead of the ones they couldn’t and it hurt knowing that, it hurt knowing his (not) boyfriend had hurt his (not) crush (he was still in denial about that).

The two of them took a chance to look into the room and in the mirrors could see a tear sliding down Hoseok’s cheek, Yoongi schooling his features into his perfected poker face while Namjoon grimaced at the sight a silent stoned faced star and the broken sun now standing before him.

“I have no excuse, none what so ever to even begin to justify what I’ve put you through, I… honestly I was hurt that you pushed us all away, I was hurt that you didn’t come to your hyungs with such a… horrible thing, even if Jungkook had asked you to keep it a secret you were just a kid, he had you and you needed us and I was hurt that you pushed us away all that time.” They heard Hoseok say attempting to explain himself, explain the reason why he had been an ass.

Yoongi whispered, “all our reasons are different.”

Namjoon hummed a little with a nod Yoongi’s hand still holding his wrist, “I was just thinking that, explains why JK apologised without us like we all planned.”

They saw Jimin just standing there staring at Hoseok as he spoke again, “you were a kid and we were the hyungs and we let you down. It’s our fault you’ve suffered so much half of it probably from us,” Namjoon and Yoongi again threw each other a glance at those words knowing Hoseok was right.

They watched Jimin lift his hands almost defensively, “No, it’s not your fault,” they heard him say to the man before him, “it’s mine, I was the one who broke my promise, I was the one who lied to you all, hurt you all, question me and the last four years. I’m the one to blame for all this.”

“the fuck… has that boy lost his flipping mind,” Yoongi grumbled lowly.

Namjoon pulled his arm causing Yoongi to look at him, “it could just be because of what we did he blames himself for it, thinks it’s his fault type thing, like tell someone they are a cat long enough they will start to believe it.”

Yoongi raised an eyebrow at the younger but didn’t argue he saw his point.

“Why… why do you all keep doing that?” they heard Jimin ask drawing their attention back to the room wondering what he meant, “first Taehyung and then Jungkook and now you, why do you keep saying it’s your fault when it’s mine? I was the one who broke the group.”

“Woah, wait, Tae’s apologised too, when the fuck did he do that,” Namjoon whispered in surprise.

Yoongi thought about it, “yesterday maybe after we all fled from the dining table after dinner, he might have managed to get Jimin along long enough to talk to him, I mean honestly can’t blame the kid, he sounded so broken from what you told me when you told the rest,” the older pondered quietly.

Namjoon nodded seeing his point as they looked back into the room, “would make sense he kept sobbing about wanting his best friend back, it took both Jin and I to calm him down enough before we even walked in the door to make sure he didn’t run straight to Jimin’s room and beg for forgiveness then and there.”

The two of them didn’t miss the look of surprise on Hoseok’s face in the mirrors at Jimin’s words.

“And junior was right this morning, we just over reacted like the dicks we are,” Yoongi added with a grimace that matched Namjoon’s at his words.

“Because it is out fault Jimin-ah,” they heard Hoseok state to the younger matter of factly, “we hurt you we all hurt you, me in more ways than one, we are horrible stupid evil people who to put simply didn’t give a fuck about you and what you were going through all because we were pissed you kept a secret from us, a secret that was protecting someone we couldn’t, someone we should have, someone we love, leaving you, someone else we love all alone to do it for so long. It is our fault and that won’t change, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Yeah you tell him Hoseok,” Namjoon couldn’t help but quip in a whisper bringing a small smile to Yoongi’s lips.

“But I do Hoseokie Hyung, I have so much to be sorry for, I hurt Jungkook, I broke my promise, I lied to you all, I pushed you all away, I didn’t trust you enough to help me when I should have, I did all those horrible things and I broke what we had, we were all happy, we were all a family but now… now you all hate me and you’re all angry at Jungkook and it’s all because of me,” Jimin replied, the two of them didn’t miss how small Jimin’s voice sounded in that moment and they definitely did not at all miss the panic every word carried.

Hoseok was begging then, the two surprised to see this side of him, someone who wasn’t in control, someone who wasn’t comforting or assisting, someone who was clutching a fractured heart begging for the person before them not to break it any more than it already was, “I’m sure you feel that way but it’s not your fault, please believe me. You did what you had to to protect someone you love just like we should have and we didn’t and for that and so so much more I am sorry.”

It was at that moment they watched tears slip down Jimin’s cheeks and Jungkook’s words about what he had heard Jimin telling his brother came back to then, “I’d like to go a day without crying,” It made their chests hurt, “he’s crying again,” Namjoon spoke stating the obvious as Yoongi’s grip tightened slightly on the younger’s wrist.

They wanted to run in, to hug Jimin, to apologise themselves but this was between Hoseok and the one they had all hurt. The sight of him crying after everything he had been through felt like someone had stabbed them in the chest with a knife and was now slowly turning it in their heart. They watched Hoseok took a step forward, they both knew how much Hoseok had cared for the younger and were surprised to watch him stop instead of closing the space between them.

“Think he’s scared?” Namjoon whispered.

Yoongi knew why Hoseok has stopped it was clear to him as they watched Hoseok’s pockets shift knowing the younger had just curled his hands into fists it was Hoseok’s tell of stopping himself just like Jimin’s was clutching whatever was in his.

“I’m sorry we made you feel this way Jimin-ah, I’m sorry I made you feel this way, and I know, I know, it’s not enough, I know sorry isn’t enough but, but it’s all I have right now,” they heard Hoseok say after a long silence between the two.

“Seriously, why are you all doing this?” Jimin asked again confusion mixed with the other emotions all over his face.

“Because I’ve woken up to myself, because I see the facts, I see the truth, I’m a horrible evil stupid person who hurt one of my best friends. Who hurt someone I miss, god I miss you so fucking much, I miss your smile and your laugh and just you and I want to fix this, fix everything, I will work my ass off to fix everything I swear if you will give me the chance,” they heard Hoseok reply.

“Hyung really knows how to go for broke when he’s desperate,” Namjoon quipped in a whisper as the two in the hall watched on waiting for Jimin’s reply, “think he’ll forgive him?”

“No,” Yoongi stated,

“How can you be so sure,” Namjoon asked curiously.

Yoongi looked at him, “because he hasn’t forgiven Tae and Kook.”

Namjoon’s mouth formed an O seeing his point and looked back into the room as Jimin spoke again.

“I don’t think it can be fixed,” they heard the younger say as more tears slipped down his cheeks, “I want to believe it can but let’s… let’s be honest Hoseokie hyung, it all changed when I broke my promise to Jungkook. I broke everything that mattered, everything we had, the friendships, the bonds and I hurt you all,” they could do nothing to stop their hearts breaking at the words and the sight of a crying Jimin as they listened on, “I want to believe it’s possible so bad, but that night changed everything, it changed how you saw Jungkook, how you treated him, how you looked after him…”

Namjoon and Yoongi both remembered those first three months and how they had babied Jungkook and let him get away with a lot of things. Jimin was right, it had changed how they saw and treated him.

“And it changed how you all see me, it showed me the truth I was so blind to see,” they heard Jimin add.

Namjoon took a breath, “what do you think he means by that, think it’s about us now you know him thinking we don’t want him or whatever?”

Yoongi gave a hum, “or how much of an asshole we all are, or how much we can screw up in a single night, it could be anything.”

They watched Jimin draw in a breath, “I want to believe so much with everything I am, but I don’t know how, all I know is this can be fixed, it can’t be fixed with sorry,” came form the younger’s mouth as he fisted away yet more tears running down his face.

They watched Hoseok took another step to him not surprising either of them as he begged again, “I know, I know you are right, this doesn’t fix with sorry, but it’s all I have right now, it’s all I have to give to tell you I want to try, I want to change, I just want a chance to change, to not be someone you run from or turn away from, but someone you can come to, rely on, someone who can protect you like you did for all of us for so long all alone, I can’t… I don’t want to be someone who hurts you.”

Namjoon squeezed the hand he was now holding at Hoseok’s last words causing Yoongi to look at him. He reached over and patted it gently with his other as they looked back at into the room without saying a word.

The two of them heard Jimin’s breath hitch at Hoseok’s words as he blinked, tears streaming down his cheeks silently.

They watched Jimin turn to the table and grab his things, before turning back around and head for the door, “Jimin please…” they heard both heard Hoseok ask.

Yoongi pushed off the wall and tugged Namjoon’s hand as he started to run.

Namjoon followed instantly, the two of them were down the hall and around it in a mere minute reaching the common area they stopped not even huffing all their work outs and dance sessions finally paying off for once.

The two stood facing the elevator for a minute before Namjoon spun them both around.

Namjoon said loudly as they stood there, “where did Hoseok-ah say he found Jimin, Hyung?”

Yoongi caught on quickly and said just as loudly, “think he said room 12 or something, lets head there now.”

The two of them turned towards the hall and stopped as Jimin stopped in their path.

“oh…” Namjoon said with wide eyes seeing the younger.

Yoongi looked at him with just as wide eyes, “Jimin-ah?”

“Namjoon… Yoongi?” Jimin breathed before he quickly fisted the tears on his cheeks.

Chapter Text

Jimin ran from the dance studio, he couldn’t stay any more, he had to get out of there, Hoseok’s words were all to much to take any more and he needed to cry again, three times in one day was utterly exhausting, he had decided to go up to Bangtan Town and hide there until he calmed down knowing no one else was there that would find him he was safe to collapse into a ball and just let it all go so he could go home without any fo them asking questions.

He rounded the last corner as he headed for the common area of the fifth floor with his head down fisting another set of tears from his cheeks as he walked not rushed but not too slow either.

And that’s when he heard it, a familiar voice asking, “where did Hoseok-ah say he found Jimin, Hyung?”

Jimin’s chest tightened in slight panic, fucking shit that’s Namjoon, fuck Hoseok called them before he came in, great now I gotta get past them, just, just stay strong Jimin it’s what your good at you can do this, he through to himself as he kept walking.

He neared the hallway entrance and abruptly stopped as a second all to familiar voice drawled back, “think he said room 12 or something, lets head there now.”

MOTHER FUCKING GOD WHY, WHY YOONGI TOO!!! Jimin through loudly to himself as he stood staring at them now.

Jimin watched the two of them turn towards him and the hallway before they stopped in their tracks and stared at him.

“Oh…” Namjoon said as Jimin watched his eyes widen.

Yoongi following with the saucer eyes as he spoke a beat later, “Jimin-ah?”

“Namjoon… Yoongi?” Jimin breathed as he stared at the two of them and then he remembered how he must look and quickly fisted the tears off his cheeks. He took a quick breath calming himself before he asked, “I… Hoseok called you didn’t he, he told me you all thought I was missing.”

The two were surprised with how steady the younger’s voice sounded as he spoke to them.

Yoongi nodded after a moment, “mmm, I guess we… well we came to talk you into coming home.”

Jimin looked between them, “I was going out for a bit, I’ll be home later, around dinner time I guess,” he lied not wanting them to know where he was actually headed.

Namjoon spoke then, “I know you… you want to be alone and we all understand that you have every right, but can, can you please come home, we all have something to say to you and it’s really important,” Namjoon stated lying about the face that only three of them actually had something to say to him.

Jimin folded his arms around himself and turned his head in more defiance than anything else, “I would like to be alone right now, I’ve had a hell of a night and morning and right now and I don’t want to talk to or about anything.”

Please dear god not them too, not now, I swear I will go back to church every Sunday, I will marry a girl hell I’ll even have kids and pretend for the rest of my life that I’m straight, just please PLEASE not now, Jimin through to himself begging to which ever cosmic entity was listening.

Yoongi drew in a breath and said reluctantly, “alright, can, can we walk you to the door and put you in a taxi, we… we wouldn’t feel right if we just let you walk out of here into the cold.”

It hasn’t stopped you before, why the hell now, seriously, I am about to pin someone down and demand answers about Taipei fuck! Jimin thought to himself.

Jimin looked back at them and could see the hopeful look on their faces at the request, he’s always be soft for them even if they were in the depths of hell itself he would be soft for them and sighed and nodded a little but said nothing more.

The two gave a smile small and turned Namjoon calling the elevator which he was disappointed to find had now gone to the 11th floor.

Jimin asked as he walked over to them to wait for it, “shouldn’t one of you stay and go and find Hoseok or something?”

Yoongi looked at him and said as Jimin finished pulling his thick winter coat on, “we’ll come back up after we’ve seen you off, I’m sure he’s lurking, he does that a lot, it’s kind of annoying actually.”

“He’s like an owl, lurks in the darkness and scares the shit out of small creatures,” Jimin offered as he looked at the elevator doors.

There was a long pause before the two beside him burst out laughing at his comparison, “holy shit I can’t believe I never drew that comparison,” Namjoon breathed.

“Let’s not forget he hunts for food at night and can often sleep all day, wow, it’s scary how right you are about that,” Yoongi wheezed before they all calmed down the two unable to help the small smile still on their face at the sight of the one on the youngers, just enough to tell them it’s real and genuine something they hadn’t seen in so long.

There was a ding and the doors slid open revealing thankfully an empty elevator. The three young men stepped on and turned Namjoon leaning against the back of the elevator while Yoongi stood on the left of him and Jimin on his right.

The silence that followed them was intense and suffocating, a silence that could be cut with a knife. As the doors slid shut Yoongi broke first unable to stop himself not even wanting to.

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi drawled to the silence as he stared across the elevator as Jimin.

THE FUCK YOU STOPPING FOR KEEP GOING ASSHAT!!! Yoongi’s brain screamed at him.

“No, no I’m not listening, this isn’t happening,” Jimin automatically said as he stood up shaking his head turning to face the doors.

“I’m sorry too,” Namjoon stated from behind him.

THAT’S NOT EVEN EFUCKINGNOUGH YOU TENT PEG!! Namjoon’s brain yelled at full volume.

“Just stop,” Jimin begged as another tear slid down his cheek.

Yoongi stood up straight, “no, you more than deserve and apology for the shit we put you through, hell if I could I’d write it in the sky so the entire world knows I’m sorry, we, no I need to say this, I need to tell you this.”

Namjoon said as he too stood up straight, “I have a lot of things I’m sorry for Jimin, so many of them and I want you to know it, to know I’m an asshole and I deserve your anger and silence but I want you to know I am sorry for everything I’ve done and said to you in the last five months.”

“It doesn’t help, it’s doesn’t make anything better, it just makes it all hurt more,” Jimin choked out as he whirled around to face the two of them as his hands slapped over the stop button bringing the elevator to a stand-still.

“The next thing you’re going to tell me is that it’s your fault, that you are the ones who caused all this and it’s fucking not, don’t you see that, it’s not your fault, I… I was the one who broke everything… I was the one who broke Jungkook’s promise…” he hiccupped tears coming freely once again pretty sure he was on the verge of breaking down once again.

He drew in a hard breath trying to calm down.

“It is our fault Jimin, do you see that, we treated you like shit, shoved you aside made you feel unwanted, worst of all unloved,” Namjoon stated matter of factly.

Oh god, we are such assholes fuck he looks so broken, Namjoon thought to himself before he spoke again.

“We threw you aside like you didn’t matter all because of shit ass reasons that are so petty and stupid, I was pissed you didn’t trust us, pissed you hide the truth from us about Jungkook because I thought believed you didn’t trust us enough to handle it or deal with it or even process it,” Namjoon explained.

The emergency phone started to ring and Jimin turned jamming his finger into the button, “yes, what?” he asked harshly as he drew in a stammered breath.

“Hello sir, our system shows someone pressed the stop button on your elevator, is there any problems and do you require emergency assistance?” a woman asked.

“I apologise right now if I come across as an asshole but no, there is no problem we don’t need assistance, we are in the middle of a heated conference and this was the place it all just decided to unfold,” Jimin replied curtly before drawing in another breath.

“I see sir, I know it’s not policy to allow this but you sound… what I will do is give you 30 minutes and then I will call back, if the… conference is not resolved I will contact the emergency services is that okay and understood with you?” The woman replied after a moment hearing the angst and pain all to clearly in Jimin’s voice.

“I’m sure we can get it resolved in that time thank you for understanding,” Jimin replied.

Jimin could hear the soft smile in the woman’s voice as she spoke again, “it’s not a problem sir, 30 minutes, good luck.”

There was a tone before the call cut off and Yoongi spoke sort of bursting really needing to get his own reason for his actions out to Jimin before anyone else interrupted.

“I was pissed knowing you put a guy in hospital, knowing you almost killed the guy, I get why you beat him up, I get that I do, but to know you seemed to casual about it, like yeah whatever I broke a guy’s face it’s nothing serious had me questioning if I actually knew you at all,” Yoongi stated.

God how could we ever let it reach this, how could we ever make him think we don’t want him, it’s our fault for the misunderstandings, the stupid fucking reasons, please Jimin, please I am begging you, please believe us, it’s not your fault, Yoongi thought to himself as he waited for a response.

Jimin turned back to them, “isn’t that what you all fucking said to me at some point in the last five months, it’s like we don’t even know you Park Jimin,” he stated tone now hard and sharp.

“Yes, yes we did, and we all realised we never took the time to know you, to know the person who had a gut feeling and went to the company, the person who found a broken Jungkook and tracked the guy down, the person who beat the guy who hurt him up only to stop before he put the guy in a box, the person who returned to a broken Jungkook and spent hours taking care of him, the person who came home with him and lied to protect us all, we never took the time to understand you, why you did it, why you held that for so long, because we didn’t care, all we had were the reasons to push you away and turn our backs on you, reasons we didn’t want to even acknowledge until Norin called us out on being utter bastards to you.” Yoongi spoke desperation in his voice.

Jimin drew in a breath, “I lied to you all for four damn years, why, why the hell would anyone want to know someone after that, to know they lied when they interacted, lied then they spoke, when they acted, when they did shit you didn’t understand, I broke everything, I broke our friendship, the group hell I broke the maknae, not two months ago he was the golden child and not, now he’s me for what, all because he realised sooner than all of you how fucked all this shit is, did you yell at him this morning when you found him in my bed and me gone, did you, did you even fucking care what he had to say before you were all bad chocolate chip go to your room,” Jimin demanded as he looked between the two before him.

“Aw, and now little Jimin is all fired up, what did the fact they are taking the blame for your fuck up just get to much huh, what are you gonna do, hit them, go on, I’m sure it will make you feel so much better about everything,” Dark Jimin happily taunted.

“HOW ABOUT I FUCKING HIT YOU YOU PIECE OF SHIT,” Jimin yelled internally while he continued to wait for one of the two to answer him.

“We know, we know we’ve fucked up, and it’s not your fault, it’s ours do you understand me Jimin, we jumped to conclusions and we hurt you and are hurting Jungkook, and we will fix it, we can fix it if you let us, if you just let us try, that’s all we want is a chance to try and fix this.”

“I DON’T THINK IT CAN BE FIXED,” Jimin yelled this time unable to help himself.

“You’re right, you’re right it can’t be fixed, it can be rebuilt, it can be rebuilt into something new, something different, something better. a friendship built on complete honesty and trust, and more importantly a friendship built on love,” Yoongi stated desperately almost on the verge of begging him to give them a chance just like Hoseok had.

“Love, how… how can any of you love me, I broke everything when Jungkook’s secret came out, I broke friendships… don’t think I haven’t seen the shit going on between Taehyung and Jungkook, I broke everything… everything you’ve all worked so hard for, it’s all my fault and it took me to long to realise the truth…” Jimin hiccupped out the tears and lump in his throat back.

“Where was that trust and love when I needed it… where was it all when I sat awake at night wondering if I did the right fucking thing… where was it when you yelled and cut me down... where the hell was it when you threw me away… all I wanted was your trust and love and all I got was nothing, I realised… I realise I’m not important… I don’t matter…” Jimin

Yoongi felt like someone had reached into his chest and was slowly ripping his heart out, to hear Jimin tell them he wasn’t important to them felt like he was slowly dying.

Congratulations genius, you’ve successfully broken the mochi, the one person in the world who would have given his own soul to see you happy, to see you reach your dreams of world domination, and yet here he is right before you thinking believing he’s not important, Yoongi’s brain casually remarked, it must be great to know you took everything that made him Park Jimin and ripped it away, A+, destruction 100. Oh, and let’s not forget this was your only chance to fix things or have your forgotten he’s leaving by the new year?

Namjoon wanted to smack his head against a wall at Jimin’s words, to know Jungkook was right, to know Jimin thinks they don’t want him, that he thought he wasn’t important to them made him realise he had more than just failed as a friend, but as the leader and more importantly as a human being.

So here we are Namjoon, I’m interested to know how you plan to show Jimin how much you love him now, I mean you had one chance to fix this shit, to get him to stay or have you conveniently forgotten the time limit on pulling your head out of your ass, Namjoon’s brain threw at him, to bad it’s all over, to bad you royally fucked up, like how can you ever expect him to forgive you when he blames himself like this, when you’ve convinced him it’s all his fault and he’s not important?

“I WAS THE ONE WHO BROKE THE PROMISE TO JUNGKOOK… IT’S ALL MY FAULT,” Jimin all but screamed into the small space at the two of them voice cracking at the end as he drew in a hard shaky breath as he stared at them.

“NO,” Yoongi snapped making both Jimin and Namjoon jump, he took a breath calming down, “no, it’s not your fault you broke the promise, you kept that secret for four years, four damn years Jimin, a secret about someone you love, someone you were protecting and it slowly wore you down, it slowly broke away at your resolve until it eventually and finally broke, if it hadn’t have been that particular chat it would have been a conversation or a picture or even just something completely different setting Jungkook off like that night, you carried that secret under a promise to not tell us to protect him from himself from us from everything else and it eventually had to give,” Yoongi’s voice now laced with pain and hurt.

Namjoon said voice thick with pain and hurt as well, “you fought so hard to protect him and you did it all alone with no one to help you, no one to tell you it was okay, to tell you you were doing a great job, no one to back you up, and we are so fucking sorry for that, and we will work our asses off to fix this, to fix everything that WE broke.”

“I want to believe… so fucking much,” Jimin hiccupped, “I want to believe it can all be fixed… but it’s all to broken and it all just hurts to fucking much… I know I broke this… I know it’s my fault… and I would give anything to believe it can all be fixed but I don’t know how…”

As the two of them moved to reply after a moment Jimin trying to hard to stop his tears frantically fisting them away with his long sleeves and sweater paws the emergency phone rang again.

Jimin drew in a few quick breaths and turned to it. He jabbed the button, “hello,” he said voice shaky and rough.

“Hello sir, how is the conference,” the same woman asked.

“It’s all sorted, thank you for bending the rules ma’am,” Jimin replied calming and politely, “and I apologise for being an asshole to you before.”

The two stared at him yet another thing that surprised them about the male how he could switch so easily between shattered to model citizen.

“It’s quite find sir if you could press and hold the emergency stop button for five second please, the button should reset and the elevator should start up once again,” the woman replied.

Jimin said as he did as he was asked, “of course, one moment,” he pressed his hand into the stop button the slightly protruding red button he had slapped earlier.

He counted to five and the elevator jolted slightly before he was moving once again.

“All done, thank you again for understanding,” Jimin said once they were moving again.

“it’s no problem at all sir, I’m glad I could help,” the woman replied.

Jimin smiled warmly at the speaker, “please enjoy the rest of your day and I promise to not pull anything like this again in the future.”

The woman’s smile could be clearly heard, “I’m glad to hear it and the same for you sir.” Jimin released the call button as the speaker chimed indicating the call had been disconnected.

“Jimin-ah…” the two men in there with him said at the same time.

Jimin didn’t move didn’t take his eyes off the digital display, he needed to get out of there and he needed to get out of there now.

“Jimin-ah please…” Yoongi begged as the elevator finally stopped on the ground floor.

“Jimin-ah…” Namjoon begged this time.

“I need to be alone okay, go find Hoseok and go home,” Jimin stated so calmly his voice actually scared the two fo them, it sounded a mix between broken and completely empty and as the doors slid open they watched the younger effortlessly slip through the small gap and head straight for the main door leaving the two of them standing there unable to follow him because of their bigger sizes.

Namjoon groaned before watching Yoongi turn in anger, Namjoon grabbed Yoongi around the shoulders pulling him into the middle of the small space stopping him from no doubt breaking his hand on the mirrored walls around them like he had planned.

Yoongi yelled out in frustration as Namjoon held him pissed with himself, the group, the situation, and Hoseok after what he’d heard earlier, he was sure this day couldn’t suck any more.

“We’ll figure it out I swear, some how we will figure this out,” Namjoon breathed against the older's shoulder where he head rested against Yoongi’s temple.

Yoongi breathed harshly, “let’s get Hoseok and go the fuck home, break the fucking news to Tae and Jin and get our asses kicked for not bring him the fuck home.”

Namjoon reached one arm over and hit the fifth floor once more as his other stayed around Yoongi now leaning back against him, “Jin was right, this year fucking sucks.”

Yoongi hummed in agreement as he stayed in the younger’s tight embrace calming down wondering just how they were going to fix it all now.

Chapter Text

Jimin walked in the door of the apartment to the smell of his favourite dinner it was after nine and he was starving, being emotionally screwed over four (five if he wanted to get technical and split up Namjoon and Yoongi’s) times and he hadn’t had an appetite until he had walked in and the sweet aromas of stew kimchi jjigae, pork belly and was that oven roasted duck hit him.

Ah so it's finally Jin's turn, not surprised really, guess it was only a matter of time until he ass raped my emotions or you now what’s left of them with a cactus too, he thought as he looked over at the kitchen and the source of the aromas to see said man standing there staring at him holding a spatula and a tray.

There was a long moment of silence between them before Jin sat the Tray down and pointed at the table "I... I made us dinner. Would you like to join me?" he asked hesitantly in a gentle voice.

Jimin looked at him studying him like he had the rest of them, Jin really was a beautiful man Jimin couldn’t fault that, he never could. He said after a moment, "I have things to do, excuse me," he bowed and turned leaving him standing there really not wanting to hear what the older had to say, Jimin already knew Jin had been highly disappointed in him and honestly didn’t want to hear just how much.

Jimin made his way to his room and stopped at the door as he did to look down the hall at the closed door at the end. He had worried about the maknae while he had been at the comic cafe where he'd spent two hours crying again and the last three reading and resting recovering from the emotional fuckery all the apologies that had been thrown at him in less than 24 hours.

Jimin placed his gym bag on his bed before letting his heart lead once again as he walked back out of his room, Jin watching him as he did.

Jimin reached the door and knocked trying the handle.

Jimin knocked again knowing now that the door was locked and had probably been like that for no doubt hours, "Jungkook, it's me, Jimin," the older called through the timber.

There was no reply, but that didn’t deter Jimin, "I know you have every right to be angry at me for lying to you like I did. And I'm sorry. I never wanted you to get in trouble with the others."

Jimin paused and took a breath as he stared at the door, it was then that the lock clicked open, a sound the rest had been desperate to hear for hours, "and I know you don't want to talk to anyone right now but I want to make sure you're okay. I heard you had a rough morning and afternoon and might not have had any proper meals."

Jimin paused once again his heart smiling as he watched the door open and a hurt almost as broken as he felt Jungkook stood before him surprising the other five in the house now watching the scene before them.

"And if you would like, we can sit in awkward silence while we have some dinner before you go and have a nice warm shower and then try and get some sleep,” Jimin said when the silence got too thick between them.

Jungkook stared at Jimin before him, the broken one of the group, who was now standing before him, was now the one taking care of him after he'd fucked up so much.

"It's all my fault," Jungkook breathed out voice raw and scratchy.

"It's not. No matter what the others said it's not. You apologised and I have... Issues and honestly, I don't think or know if and how this can be fixed and that whole situation was just... And I'm sorry I ran away like I did," Jimin replied all but a matter of factly, in that voice that always told Jungkook Jimin wasn’t fucking around.

The six of them were all collectively surprised as much as the next with how easily those two words came out of Jimin and yet it had taken months to drag it out of them.

Jungkook took a breath and moved to say something else only for Jimin to cut him off, "let's go eat some dinner okay. You need some food in you after all this to give you strength back mmm."

They stared at one another for a long moment before Jungkook shuffled forward crossing the threshold of his bedroom door for the first time since early that morning and stopped right before him, "you... You don't have to do this hyung. You don't have to force yourself to take care of me..."

"I'm not forcing myself Jeongguk." Jimin cut him off with that tone once again.

Jimin took a quick breath and added, "the others are being dicks for reasons I am sure I'll find out eventually and you are hurting and it's my fault. You need to take care of yourself and I also know you, never ever forget that."

Jungkook looked at him and dropped his gaze as he took a shaky breath. It was then that he noticed then the warm gown and socks In Jimin’s hands. Jungkook looked back up at him and shuffled closer.

Jimin couldn't help the smile that came to his face in that moment to see Jungkook not running away from him told him so many things he'd address later. He instead turned his attention to what he had been planning to do. He tucked the socks in his pocket before he lifted his fluffy gown and held it open for the younger.

Jungkook turned and let Jimin slid it up his arms and over his shoulders before Jimin gently turned him back around to face him.

Once Jungkook was facing him again Jimin reached around to the ties and tied them around Jungkook’s slim waist keeping the wrapped grown from falling open once more. The older shifted and bobbed down as he held the socks. He tapped Jungkook’s foot and waited as the younger lifted it for him steadying himself against the wall as he did. Jimin easily slipped the fluffy house sock on the younger's foot for him before doing the other. With both in place Jimin stood up and they again looked at one another once again.

Jungkook watched Jimin reach for his hand albeit rather hesitantly so much so he didn't or couldn't have missed it. Jimin curled his small fingers around Jungkook’s slightly cool ones and looked at him again.

Jimin gave the same small warm smile he had last night at one point and turned leading Jungkook out of the hallway past Taehyung, Yoongi, Hoseok stood in their own doorways with Namjoon standing near the kitchen staring in surprise that he had managed to do in just minutes what they had spent hours trying and failed to do.

Jimin sat Jungkook at the table in his usual seat before turning and headed to the kitchen, "I'll get you some warm milk mmm. Do you want soda too or just milk?" the older asked as he did.

Jungkook looked up and felt Jin staring at him. He dropped his gaze and didn't answer.

Jimin turned after seeing Jin pausing in his trek to the kitchen.

Jimin called to the younger, "Jungkook. Kook-ah," the young man in question looked up at that for Jimin to point behind him, "ignore him," he stated.

Jungkook took a breath and Jimin asked again, "milk and soda or just milk?"

Jungkook replied in a small voice "just milk please hyung."

Jimin nodded and finished his trek to the kitchen where he got a cup before walking passed Jin who turned following him to the fridge and filled it with milk where he then passed the older once more as he took it to the microwave (it always entertained him how JK was scared of such a thing) and heated it for him like he would do in the middle of the night when the younger was having trouble sleeping.

It wasn't long before the three of them Jungkook, Jimin and Jin were sat at the table eating dinner in complete silence, Jimin in his usual seat opposite Jungkook with Jin in his two over from the vocalist. Jimin watched Jungkook eat knowing how he got he wasn’t at all surprised when Jungkook only finishing half his usual amount.

"Are you sure you're done?" Jimin probed gently from across the table when the younger didn’t move for another serve of food.

Jungkook nodded a little in completely silence as he stared at his empty plate.

Jimin put his own chopsticks down and got up. He made his way around to Jungkook’s side, "come on. Let's get you in a nice warm shower and some clean sleep clothes."

Jungkook mumbled as he once again watched Jimin hesitantly take his hand and lead him him from the table, "I just want to sleep now hyung."

Jimin hummed dismissively, "sleep can wait just a bit. You've been walking around all day in thin cotton pants and a t-shirt and your hands are still cold, so a warm shower and fresh clothes, I know how you love fresh clean clothes and then sleep, okay."

Jungkook hummed submitting to his hyung’s orders, "okay hyung."

The others watched on as Jimin led Jungkook to the bathroom and told him to undress and get in the main bathroom suites shower while Jimin went to fetch him some fresh clothes, Jimin pausing at the door to watch as Jungkook simply did as he was told without so much as a complaint.

Jimin shut the door to the main bathroom and took the 3 steps across the hall to the maknae room, yeah, I was right, he definitely needs to clean this pig sty, damn, he thought as he stepped over clothes and shoes and was that a Gameboy as he went over to Jungkook’s closet where retrieved fresh Calvin Klein boxer briefs in blue (because that was Jungkook’s favourite colour), fresh soft cotton long sleep pants and one of a hundred fresh slightly over sized white shirts the younger owned.

Jimin remerged from the room alive and carried the clothing items to the bathroom, hearing the water now running Jimin knocked lightly before he announced himself and went in. He looked at the stone wall that separated the shower from the rest of the apartment briefly and sat the clothes on the counter by the sink, “Jungkook-ah,” a hum of acknowledgement came back to him, “I’ve sat your fresh clothes on the counter by the sink okay.”

Jimin got another hum and a soft thank you hyung in return before he left the room and let the younger wash up. Jimin shut the door again and returned to his half-eaten food in silence not even sparing Jin a look or the others now on the couch watching it all unfold before them.

That was when they knew just how badly they had all truly fucked up.

To watch the one they had all but broken taking care of the one they were on the verge of breaking was like a harsh and shocking slap to the face for them all, Jimin’s words to Hoseok, Yoongi and Namjoon ringing loud in their ears as they sat there, Taehyung’s actions over the last week coming back in flashes, and Jin found himself regretting that morning instead of actually listening to the younger like he as the oldest should have done in the first place.

Jimin leant forward on the table, he knew Jungkook liked to take his time in the shower and now they had the luxury of hot water literally on tap he knew Jungkook liked to take up to an hour under a hot spray especially when he was dealing with strong emotions he often shied away from.

He looked at his food as he moved his chopped pieces of pork belly around the plate before him, “is this where you apologise?” Jimin asked the older down the table from him.

Jin looked up and turned his head, “yes,” Jin stated simple.

This is your chance, you need to apologise right now, even if the others haven’t you need to, if you don’t you’ll slip through your fingers and you’ll lose him forever, remember one chance to fix this and show him you love him, Jin’s mind supplied.

Jimin nodded slowly not taking his eyes off his food, “apologies… they’re weird things I think…” he took a breath and continued, “they are supposed to make things better, to fix things, to heal things…” he moved a piece of pork belly across his plate for the second time, his voice was calm but soft, very Jimin, “but honestly Seokjin…” he took a breath and finally looked at the older beside him, “all it does is just hurt.”

Jin took a breath and turned in his chair to look at Jimin, “I know, I know that and I’m sorry for that as well, I’m sorry for taking my anger out on you, for letting my ego get so big I lost sight of the friendship we had. I was so angry when you told us and it finally sank in and I was angry for a stupid reason,” Jin took a breath and stared at the younger before him, “I kept asking myself why do you lie… why did you lie about what happened, why did you lie about Jungkook’s mood swings, just why did you lie and the more I thought about it… the more I wondered what else you lied about and it wasn’t long before I was wondering if everything you said to us… to me was a lie, from good morning to how was your day…”

Jimin looked at him, “that’s just it, I lied to you all, it’s my fault and I know that, I lied, I hurt a person, almost killed him probably, I broke an important promise to someone I love and care about and I hurt you all.”

“Ah, Jimin-ah… it’s not your fault, we were to blind to see the facts…” Jin paused and looked at the younger, “fact, Jungkook got hurt by someone he loved, fact, you where the one who found him in that dark moment, fact, you were the one he trusted to help him, to protect him, fact, you did what you did because you didn’t want him to be hurt by anyone else he loved, five idiots who have done just that… fact, we left you, a kid yourself all alone to deal with this, something that’s broken adults three times our age when we should have had your back, when after the truth came out should have told you every day exactly what said that night, that we are proud of you, and you aren’t alone anymore,” Jin took a breath and looked Jimin in the eye, “and we failed that and in turn we failed you.”

It’s always surprising to see Jin in full hyung mood like, you’d think this would be coming out Namjoon and yet there he is, Kim Seokjin master of waxing lyrical, Jimin thought to himself.

“I am sorry for all the shit we… I caused, all the hurt and pain I’ve made you feel, I never wanted that and I thought I was incapable of such acts, that as the hyung I could protect you and I failed that, but I swear, I swear to every god and being out there Jimin that I will work my ass off to fix everything I broke, because I know, I realise now it’s my fault,” Jin stated after the pause drew out to long.

The two of them sat in silence once more Jimin looking back at his food before putting a piece of the lukewarm pork belly in his mouth.

“And there is it, all six of them taking the blame fo your fuck up, are you ready to admit that I’m right now, or what, are you waiting for them to fall to their knees and beg?” Dark Jimin mused casually.

“Just fuck off, I’m not listening to you,” Jimin internal sighed exhausted.

“You really think they mean any of this, think they even want you. You’re useless and pathetic and nothing you do will ever make them love you like they used to. You lied to them and hurt them all, just like you did back then, just like you did to Jihyun…” Dark Jimin mused.

Before Dark Jimin could say anything else Jimin said as he looked at his plate, “After five apologises and some time to process them all I realised… I realised I hurt everyone and I knew that and I tried, I tried so hard to fix it all but you all just… you all pushed me away… made me realise that I’m really not important…” he took a breath before he continued, “you hurt me in so, so many ways and just left me all alone…’ he finished as he dropped his chopsticks to the table and slid his hand over his face with a sigh trying hard now not to cry again.

It had taken Jimin the last five hours to realise this, for their words to actually sink in, they had hurt him and shoved him away like he meant nothing to them.

Fuck, why’s he gotta blame himself like this, why does he think he’s the reason all this happened, Jin thought, the fucker to blame for all this that bastard that hurt JK, doesn’t he see that.

Jin moved from his chair into Namjoon’s between the two of them and turned to Jimin so he was sat side on. He looked at the younger as he rested his hands in his lap not sure if Jimin wanted him to touch him or not.

“I know, we all know and it took us way to fucking long,” Jimin looked at him at that, it was rare when Jin swore and when he did he meant business, “we all know we hurt you, we all know we pushed you away, we all know we left you alone to think we didn’t care,” Jin looked at him as the two held eye contact, “we were so caught up in our own bullshit to realise we were hurting you like we were, it honestly wasn’t until Norin called us out during the DNA MV shoot did we all realise just what we were doing.”

Jimin sighed at that and turned his head in annoyance, “I really wish they would stop that,” he half mumbled to the room and himself.

“They do it Jimin-ah because they care, they care like we should have, like we do now,” Jin told him.

Jimin took a breath and looked at his plate, “I just…” he sighed and dropped his face into his hand, “It’s all my fault this happened and I’m so fucking sorry for lying, I’m so sorry.”

Jin grabbed his arm at that, everyone saw Jimin tense but Jin didn’t let go. He gently tugged on Jimin’s arm until the younger finally looked up at him, Jin could see it as he kept a hold of Jimin’s arm just how tense his was, his jaw was clenched and Jin definitely didn’t miss the way Jimin’s free hand turned into a fist, but he still didn’t let go, he had decided he wasn’t ever letting go again.

Jin took a calming breath before he spoke, “It took us to long to realise all the shit we were putting you through and it took the friends we didn’t realise you had to point out how much of a bastard we were all being to you, to notice that none of this is your fault, that all this, everything that’s lead to this moment was caused by the son of a bitch who attacked Jungkook-ah…” he took a breath as he slid his hand down Jimin’s arm stretching it out for Jin to wrap his hand around the small hand of the younger.

Why is he touching me, they don’t ever want to touch me unless it’s on camera, why isn’t he running away screaming in terror, Jimin thought to himself confused body still terribly tense as he waited for the cruel rejection.

Jimin watched Jin’s hand slid down his arm to his hand and watched those long fingers he still fantasised about wrap around his hand and like Jungkook earlier that morning the skin to skin contact sent searing fire and shots of electricity through him.

The two sat in silence for a long moment Jin giving Jimin time to adjust to the touch, a touch none of them had given the younger if it wasn’t for a camera, he waited for Jimin to relax even just a little and when he didn’t he decided him not running away would be the best he would get.

He’s not running away, this is good, he’s still tense though, I guess that is a given considering how we’ve all treated him, but he’s not running away that’s what counts, Jin thought to himself.

“It took us to long, and we’ve hurt you so much and we deserve you never ever talking to us again,” Jin spoke as both his hands now held Jimin’s wrapped up between them enveloping them like all their hands did, “and you more than deserve to be happy again, so if you want to, I fully understand your decisions to leave the group if you wish.”

The four across the room in the lounge shifted at that sitting forward, Hoseok catching Taehyung before he could stand up in protest.

Jimin looked at him in surprise, wondering they Bang had told them his plan to take a break from the group.

The younger took a long breath and tuned his gaze away from Jin as he dropped it to the table in a mix of something Jin couldn’t decipher, “I… I’ve thought about it, a… a few times.” Jimin stated voice small once again.

He felt Jin’s grip around his hand tightly and looked at him once more, “please… please give us one chance, one final chance to fix this, one chance to make this right, and if we fuck up again, if we ever hurt you again, if we get our heads stuck up our asses again no one will stop you from walking away, from leaving all this, from being happy like you deserve.”

But I want to be happy here, I want to be happy here with you, of course I want to leave but I want to stay so much and be happy here with the people I love, Jimin wanted to say, but I can’t, I can’t because I’m still lying to you all, I’m still hurting you, how can you trust me ever again if you knew that, if you knew… if you knew the truth.

But of course his stubbornness cut in yet again, “I want to, I want so badly to give you a chance, to give you all a chance, to believe it can be fixed, but the hurt…” he took a shaky breath, “I’m not even sure there is a chance left… it’s… it’s like the final chance came to soon and was lost before I could even give it to you…” Jimin looked at the older, “I don’t know if there is a chance left.”

They stared at one another once more the air turning thick with silence and something else as they did.

All Jin wanted to do was reach over and pull the younger into a hug like he used to, to hold him and tell him it would all be okay, that they would work it out but his reaction to him grabbing Jimin’s arm told him it wouldn’t help, told him just hoe broken they had made him.

As Jin contemplated his next response Jungkook stopped in the hallway, “hyung,” he younger called weakly drawing the attention of all six hyungs in the room to the younger standing in the hall staring at Jimin with desperate eyes.

Jimin looked at him and then at Jin before he turned from his chair the warmth of Jin’s hands wrapped around his left leaving a coldness he was all to familiar with by now behind.

Jimin asked as he headed towards the younger, “do you want some warm milk before you go to bed Jungkook-ah?”

Jungkook looked at Jimin coming towards him, I just want you, the warm you, can I have that, he thought remembering last night, how Jimin’s warmth had seeped into him as they laid in the older’s bed, how it had reached into the parts of him that had turned cold months earlier. Instead he simply nodded to the question asked and once again watched Jimin hesitantly take his hand in his before he lead him to the kitchen once more.

Jungkook finished his warm milk in silence as Jimin started cleaning the dishes laying around the kitchen counters that Jin had left everywhere.

Jungkook sat the cup down to stare at his as he dropped his hands into his lap. He was glad Jimin had apologised to him, that always came easy to Jimin apologising, something Jungkook was never good at.

“thank you hyung,” Jungkook spoke in a soft voice.

Jimin gave a small smile as he put the dish he had just picked up to clean in the sink and grabbed the tea towel as he turned, “it’s alright Jungkook-ah.”

Jungkook looked up from his cup to the older, “for apologising.”

Jimin stopped at the counter hands curled into the material of the tea towel at they looked at one another.

“I understand why you left and thank you for apologising,” Jungkook spoke.

Jimin sat the tea towel down before him and nodded with a hum before he asked, “are you tired, do you want to get some sleep?”

Jungkook nodded a little, “I’d like that please hyung.”

Jimin gave another small smile before he walked around the counter and gingerly took Jungkook’s hand, the younger letting him lead him to his bedroom past the others watching them. Jungkook dropped his head feeling like the gaze of the other five was burning holes through him.

If he had been looking he would have seen the way Jin moved to say something probably along the lines of an apology, or the way Namjoon stared at him with sad eyes or the way Yoongi buried his face in his hand in shame, but he missed it all to scared really to look at any one of them.

Jimin pushed the door of Jungkook’s room open once more and stepped carefully over all the things on the floor of the room. Jungkook giggled softly behind him watching him causing Jimin to look at young man.

Jimin sighed, “you really need to clean this place, I’m just saying.”

Jungkook smiled for the first time since they got back from Taipei and followed after his hyung stepping on all the things Jimin had been avoiding.

Jungkook slipped Jimin’s gown off once more and let the older take it before Jimin lifted the maknae’s blankets back and held them for him, watching as Jungkook crawled into his bed once more.

Jimin watched Jungkook lay down on his side facing into his room and not the window this time, he watched the younger pull Jimin bunny into his arms and tuck it’s head under his chin as one of his arms snaked under his pillow. Jimin after the maknae stopped wiggling around pulled the blankets up and tucked them around him.

“Hyung…” Jungkook started now comfortable in the warmth of his bed for the first time in days. He looked up at Jimin standing by his bed and asked timidly, “can you stay.”

Jimin felt his heart ache at the question, he hadn’t planned on it but remembered all the times he had in the past when the younger was having one of those moments.

Jimin nodded with a hum as he stood up after he tucked the final edge of the blanket around Jungkook, “I’ll stay until you fall asleep mmm.” The answer satisfying the younger as Jimin watched a small smile cross the maknae’s lips.

Jimin turned the bedside light off and then the main light before cursing as he tripped on something on the floor a soft giggle came from the bed as he threw a string of mutters curses around before he finally reached the computer chair he had been aiming for.

Jimin sat watching the younger, the hallway light as always illuminating his face casting soft shadow over his features and making him look younger than he actually was. Jimin felt sorry for him and knew what he must be feeling and wanted to give everything he had to fix it all blaming himself for the way the others were treating the boy.

Jungkook stared at the figure sitting on his computer chair just like he always did the hallway light showed enough for Jimin that Jungkook had gotten so good at sketching a shadow cast Jimin he could do it in his sleep, the sketch book on the bottom of the pile of stacked books on his desk would tell anyone that.

He missed these moments like crazy, the moments when Jimin was watch over him and be the last thing he would see before his eyes finally closed, and now it felt more like a dream to him really after so long.

Jimin could see Jungkook was still having trouble falling asleep and when those times came he knew the second perfect fix aside from a warm glass of milk, like always he slipped down in the computer chair slumping back in the plush leather as he crossed his feet out before him and cupped his hands over his stomach elbows rested on the arms of the chair.

Why are you even doing this, you know they don’t want you, you know it’s all a game for them, why are you even caring, Jimin’s brain asked.

Jimin ignored his loud thoughts in favour of being able to help the maknae, to ease the storm inside him like he once did, in favour of the sense of obligation he felt seeing the maknae like this. He took a long breath before he let his eyes fall shut and hummed a soft beat.

Jungkook knew the beat well, Jimin had sung it to him whenever he had trouble sleeping, whenever Jimin’s warm milk didn’t’ do the trick and at one-point Jimin had sung it to him every night for almost three months.

the first words of the lullaby like song Island Baby by SHINee slipped from Jimin’s lips in a soft slightly scratchy voice but Jungkook didn’t care, it had been months maybe even a fully year since the last time he had heard it and in the midst of his pain it felt like a comforting hug, it filled him with a warmth, the same warmth Jimin always filled him with.

I love you hyung, I’ll always love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me for everything, Jungkook thought to himself as he watched Jimin’s lips move as the beautiful sounds came out of them, please stay, please stay so we can fix all this, please give us another chance, he begged in his mind wishing Jimin was telepathic as he did.

Jungkook’s eyes like always as he laid listening to his hyung singing his most favourite lullaby started to feel heavy and his blinking slowed, it wasn’t long before they closed completely and sleep finally took him.

Jimin opened his eyes after the third time through the song and turned his head to look over at the maknae on his bed. A small soft smile crossed his lips as he saw Jungkook’s even breathing and knew he was asleep. He pulled himself up from the chair after another moment and made his way this time more carefully to the door.

He looked back at the sleeping boy one last time, I need to let you all go, I’m nothing but trouble, it’s best for everyone if I do, Jimin thought to himself before he finally closed the door behind him.

He held the handle in his hands and let go of the breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding slumping forward to rest his forehead against the timber. He closed his eyes and took some slow breaths as he felt a tear slip down his cheek, why did he had to be such a cry baby.

“Jimin-ah,” Hoseok said behind him after what seemed like forever of him standing there with his head pressed to the door.

Jimin jumped and whirled around and sighed as he grabbed his chest, “shit…” he breathed out as he turned his head other hand quickly fisting the tear away in an attempt to hide what the five of them standing in the hallway had now seen.

Jimin didn’t know whatever to say to any of them, he had so many things he wanted to say but didn’t for so many more reasons, the worst his thinks being if they knew they would kick him out of the group before he could even leave himself and that hurt just as much as the idea of him leaving in the new year.

Jimin knew it was for the best, they would be better off without him, the one who had hurt them all, the one who was still hurting them all. He stood up straight and looked at the five of them he couldn’t bring himself to tell them and instead dropped his gaze in utter shame something not one of them missed.

“I’ve… I’ve had a hell of a day, so I’m going to go to bed,” Jimin stated before pushing away from the wall he had been pressed against in his shock and headed for his room.

Taehyung turned as Jimin passed him, “are… are you sure, I mean we…” he paused not even sure what they might do sit in awkward tense silence and TRY and watch a movie, he wanted to propose but having watched dinner it would have been just as painful for them both.

Jimin nodded with a hum head still down hand still clutching his chest, “I’m sure. Sleep well everyone,” he replied before passing Hoseok and Yoongi standing together and then Jin and Namjoon last before finally reaching the safety of his room.

The five men looked at one another before Yoongi pushed off the wall and walked to his room, “I need to go out for a bit.”

Hoseok walked after him, “where you headed, want me to come with you?”

“I’m fine, I just need some time alone, I’ll be at the studio if anyone wants me,” Yoongi replied before he all but shut his bedroom door in Hoseok’s face to get changed to leave.

Hoseok stared at the timber before him and blinked, he put it down to all the tense emotions in the air and sighed and nodded but said nothing more. He turned and said to the others, “maybe we should all have an early night, chill in our rooms and all that, I might hit the TV up for a movie or something since Jimin-ah is going to bed.”

Jin nodded, “sounds like a plan to me, I could use some rest, I got a ton of emails to get back to anyways.”

They all agreed and split up Taehyung moving to his open bedroom door and going inside closing it behind him as Hoseok tapped the button to lower the TV before flopping on the couch as Namjoon and Jin headed to the L/O wing and vanished from sight at well.

Hoseok looked at the closed master suite door and gave a sigh, “please Jiminie, just one more chance,” he whispered to himself before turning his attention to the TV.

Yoongi walked past him as the movie selection list came up, “hey you,” Hoseok called to him as he held the control for the TV in his hand.

Yoongi dropped his head, “hey, I’ll talk to you later or tomorrow if you’re asleep by then,” Yoongi replied voice to level to convince Hoseok that nothing was wrong.

Hoseok knew from his stance that something was bugging him and he knew from the fake tone and the adverted eye contact it was about him, but let it go in favour of wishing his (not) boyfriend off, “Okay hyung, I’ll talk to you later, be safe,” he called as Yoongi slid the door open and stepped through it.

Yoongi looked at him as he held the open sliding door in his hand the two catching eye contact and something pranged inside Hoseok and it pranged hard, he felt like Yoongi was mad, hell pissed even with him and he wanted to know what it was, hell he wanted to run after him and demand to know what it was but, knowing Yoongi like he did he simply smiled his warm smile and watched him shut the door without getting one back in return.

Hoseok sighed and flopped back onto the three-seater to stare at the ceiling, Jin was right, this entire year fucking sucked but as much as he wanted it to end, as much as he wanted the new year to come faster he wanted to to stay away all together knowing what was waiting for them when it did.

Chapter Text

Hoseok had been in a feel-good mood and a musical mood and after searching had finally settled on Sister Act, he had only intended to watch the first one and then go to bed only to spot the second one next in the queue and gave in almost immediately.

He hummed Oh Happy Day as he turned the tv off and tapped the button letting it retract back into the ceiling as he headed to his bedroom, reminded of their days on American Hustle Life before cringing and shivering at the crap they had been put through while on it.

Hoseok though like the other six of them was thankful for those moments despite how cringy they had been they had shaped the boys into the people they had become, shown them American style and they had taken it and made it their own a weird blend of east and west that just seemed to work so well for the group that it had gotten them to where they were today.

He looked over at Jimin sound asleep in his bed, he ached whenever he looked at him, it wasn’t an angry ache it was a painful ache, an ache he had deep in his soul that settled in his heart that made him want to walk across their room lift the covers and settle down beside the smaller, that made him want to pull Jimin into his chest and hug him tightly to repeat the words I’m sorry and I love you like a mantra until the younger believed him wholly.

As Hoseok pulled his fleece track pants on eyes still staring at Jimin slumbering he remembered how the younger had reacted when Jin had taken a hold of his arm and held his hand, how tense Jimin had been, the look of utter shock and the underlying terror on his face. Hoseok had spent at least an hour after Jimin had gone to bed thinking about all the times he had pushed Jimin away or hurt him and knew it had contributed to the younger’s reactions, to his hesitation to touching Jungkook to the tension he held when Jin had held his hand.

He gave a sigh as he turned and grabbed his favourite green fleece jumper Jin and Yoongi had on more than one occasion threatened to turn to shreds because, “oh my god Hoseok it looks like someone sneezed on you, just why that shade, did it have to be so… green” he pulled it on as he grabbed his phone and wallet and keys and headed out.

He pulled the bedroom door shut behind him and headed out. He made his way across the deck to the foyer and shivered as he did, Jesus, it’s fucking cold tonight, is it still raining? He thought to himself as he looked up at the sky.

He entered the foyer and made his way to the door where he grabbed his coat from the coat cupboard and pulled it on before he stuffed his feet in his shoes and walked out.

He headed down to the garage and headed over to his car parked beside Jin’s SUV, they all surprisingly had modest cars, Jin’s SUV the biggest among them with Yoongi’s ford trend, Taehyung had despite finally getting his license hadn’t gotten a car instead he often drove Jimin’s adorable i30 the two of them had affectionally named BT3 and called their baby (some people adopt cats, they adopted a car) and Jungkook was the proud owner of a Bug he called well, Bug, in of course his favourite colour red.

Hoseok smiled as he recalled what Jin had said the day the seven of them had gone to help Jin pick out his SUV, “oh my god no, hell no, you are never ever touching a vehicle with the intension of driving it, you would kill yourself, the family in the other car, their ancestors, and the small dog on the street just driving it off the lot, it is never happening do you hear me Kim Namjoon,” Seokjin had said when Namjoon had sat behind the wheel and proclaimed he was buying a car next, the panic on the oldest members face in that moment had reduced the other five to laughing tears.

He opened the door of his car and got in after shrugging his coat off, he shivered a little as he turned the engine on and waited for the heater to kick in as he manoeuvred out of the spot and headed off to the hermit crab of BTS.

-

Hoseok stopped outside Genius Lab a little before 3 am and rang the bell, he had told the older he had been on his way up but hadn’t received a reply guessing Yoongi was like most times lost in his work and not paying attention to his phone like usual.

He rang the bell again and then again and sighed as he lifted his phone and called the older and waited for him to pick up.

Instead of answering the door finally opened bringing a smile to Hoseok’s face, “hey hyung came to pick you up it’s late and we should get some rest,” Hoseok said the moment the door opened and they were face to face.

They looked at one another for a moment, “I’m busy Hoseok, I’ll come back later on, we got the day off anyway,” Yoongi spoke voice rough from little use in the last hours.

Hoseok sighed, “we do this all the time hyung, we know you’re busy but you need food, breaks and sleep or do we want to repeat the what was it 36 hours in the studio and the crash that scared the shit out of us all at the end?”

Yoongi said as his tone hardened, “I said I’ll come back later Hoseok, what part of that don’t you get, just go home and I’ll talk to you later.”

Hoseok had enough, he knew Yoongi and knew how he got when he was working, the crash that day had been scary for all six of them and Yoongi had vowed to never let it happen again to always go with whoever it was that came and got him.

“Alright Yoongi what the hell is going on,” Hoseok demanded as they looked at one another.

“Nothing, just go home,” Yoongi denied but Hoseok could see it, that look was back in his eyes.

As Yoongi turned to shut the door Hoseok caught the edge, “oh no, no you’re not shutting this door in my fucking face, we are talking, something we have all fucking lacked for five fucking months so tell me what the fuck is going on, because I know you, you aren’t fine, you’re pissed and I feel like it’s at me, so…”

Yoongi cut him off shoving the door harshly open as his eyes hardened completely, “Alright Hoseok, let’s talk, let’s start with some truths mmm.”

The two young men stared at one another as Yoongi held the outer door of his studio open as Hoseok stood in the hall before him staring at him in a mix of confusion and surprise at the older’s sudden about face.

“What the fuck are you going on about?” Hoseok asked confused.

Yoongi looked at him and folded his arms the door resting against his arm as he did, “did you think no one would find out, did you think you’d be able to keep it hidden forever?”

Hoseok snapped, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT YOONGI?”

“JIMIN!” Yoongi snapped back with a hard glare.

Hoseok froze, holy shit does, does he know, he couldn’t know, it’s impossible, he thought to himself.

Yoongi hummed a little, “I’ll take that one as a yes, and you what hoped nothing would happen that he’d just forgive you and let it all go?”

Hoseok stammered, “it’s n-not…”

Yoongi asked, “how many times Hoseok, how many times did you hit him?”

Hoseok’s hands curled in his pockets as Yoongi stared at him their eyes locked in a confrontational stare neither wanted to break.

“A-a few… just a-a few…” Hoseok forced out.

“A few, a few is two or three Hoseok, I remember at least seven fucking times in the last five months,” Yoongi threw at him.

Hoseok took a quick breath, “okay so it was more than a few…”

Yoongi cut him off, “did you seriously think you could apologise for that shit and all would be forgiven, did you see him with Seokjin at dinner or did you momentary black out, he was tense, fucking scared even, expecting to get hit like he has been from Jungkook AND YOU.”

“I know, I know I fucked up and I stopped, I stopped hitting I swear…” Hoseok sounded desperate, “I apologised and I know that doesn’t fix it doesn’t make it right but it’s all I fucking have right now, it’s any of us fucking have right now.”

“No, it’s all you and Jungkook have because the other four of us aren’t abusive assholes who think a sorry can fix their shit,” Yoongi coldly remarked.

“Oh please, Yoongi, stop being a hypocritical prick, you, you were dead set on smacking Jimin down that day in Taipei when Jungkook told us the truth all because you didn’t want to believe the small cute adorable Jimin could have gone through something that horrible, that he made it all up just to spite Jungkook, and knowing you like I do you would have knocked him fucking flat if Jungkook hadn’t fucking stopped you ONE of the very people you’re now all uppity about,” Hoseok retorted angrily.

They stared at one another for a long minute the tension was palpable they could have cut it with a chainsaw if they had one.

“You’re right and it doesn’t excuse my actions, but I didn’t,” Yoongi stated, “you did, you have hit him more than once and I don’t think I can excuse that either.”

Hoseok stared at his (not) boyfriend and drew in a breath, “so what… just like that it’s over, whatever this is?”

Yoongi looked at him and said, “not just like that Hoseok, all this just… showed us where the cracks were, cracks we can’t fix, cracks we can’t hide. All this just showed us how much whatever this is isn’t going to work. I’m calling it how it is not sugar-coating crap and calling it a cookie.”

Hoseok quipped, “I wasn’t sugar coating anything Yoongi, I know how fucked up we are, how fucked up all this is, but I’m not giving up just because it’s hard.”

“It’s more than fucking hard Hoseok, we can’t do this, not now, not after… we just can’t,” Yoongi replied, voice laced with a mix of something Hoseok was having trouble naming.

“So, you’re just giving up, because everything looks like shit right now and we made a few mistakes, you’re giving up and running away?” Hoseok retorted hiding the hurt that hit him at Yoongi’s last three words.

“A few mistakes, you were hitting him Hoseok, I had a mental break down in this fucking studio, he’s planning to leave and all we were worried about was ourselves, I’m not giving up, I’m being realistic, all this, all of us are fucked up and we can’t do this anymore,” Yoongi quipped with a slight glare of annoyance at his (not) boyfriend for being in his eyes petulant and selfish.

God, why does he have to make this fucking harder, why the fuck can’t he just agreed and it go back to the way it was, to friends, to just friends and nothing more, it was easier with that, it was easier before… before that night, Yoongi thought to himself.

“FINE!” Hoseok yelled suddenly, the ache in his chest was getting too much to contain and the lump in his throat was threatening to rise higher and choke off his words, force the tears he was fighting from his eyes, maybe even take his knees out and drop him to the ground to beg if he let it.

I’m not fucking giving up just because your bleak mind things it’s to fucking hard and scary, I fucking know you Yoongi, you run when you get scared of shit and commitment is one of them, I told you we’d be in this together and I’m not agreeing, I’m not running like you I’m standing here and I will be till you pull your fucking head out of your ass, Hoseok thought to himself, wanting to scream to the other before he turned and left.

“I’m not you, I’m not a depressive bleak asshole who runs away from all his problems. But fine, if you don’t want this whatever the fuck THIS is then I get it, I’ll leave you alone, you won’t have to deal with my cracks, goodbye Yoongi,” he finished like saying farewell to their lover for the last time as he turned on his feet and headed down the hallway.

Wait, leave me alone, what does that mean, is… is he never talking to me again, is he leaving, wait IS he leaving, no he can’t leave, he needs to stay, to go back to normal, to before that night, he’s my best friend and I need him, I need him to be my best friend, he can’t leave, Yoongi thought to himself.

Yoongi turned, “Hoseok…”

Hoseok dropped his head fisting the tears that slipped form his eyes as he did, “don’t forget to take a break and don’t drive tired. We’ll see you later, bye.” Hoseok threw over his shoulder as casually as he could before disappearing out of the hallway into Bangtan Town headed for the elevator unable to stay any longer.

“HOSEOK!...” Yoongi called after some moments as he rushed down the hallway to Bangtan Town stopping at the empty room wondering where he could have gone noticing no one in the hall out to the elevator either.

Yoongi yelled in anger before kicking the folding chair before him over and storming back to his studio to either seethe or cry he’d decide when he got there.

Hoseok stood in the shadows of the unlit hallway to his studio looking at Yoongi in Bangtan Town. He watched the older no doubt search for him when he saw him check towards the hall he was hiding in before giving up in anger and frustration and kicking a chair over.

Hoseok held his hand to his mouth hiding the sounds as he slowly sank to the floor as Yoongi disappearing back down the hall to Genius Lab. He squeezed his eyes shut as he drew in a breath against his hand.

He just needs time to accept it, to come to terms with the fact I won’t be there any more, I need to let him go, I need to fix Jimin and I first, that’s the priority, I can’t waist any more time on this whatever THIS is, it’s for the best to walk away… even if I want to run back to him right now, Hoseok thought to himself as he fought to calm down so he could get out of there before his weak will towards Yoongi won out, it was decided, this was over, he had other things to worry about.

Yoongi slammed the second door behind him and stopped in the middle of his studio. He turned to his desk and stopped eyes catching a picture of him and Hoseok together they kept from one of their concerts, he had pictures of the others too but that was special, it was the first time in his life he hadn’t felt uneasy and restless, it was around his birthday earlier that year.

He really walked away. What if he really leaves too, oh god what did I do, I can’t lose him, I can’t lose any of them, I need him, I need him like goddamn oxygen, oh god what have I done, Yoongi thought to himself as he slid a hand over his mouth as the tears finally fell.

He sank to his knees with his other hand holding his stomach as he broke down crying, somewhere in the back of his mind he knew it was wrong, it was bad and he needed him, he needed his strong bright rock back, but the rest of him told him it was for the best, it told him he had done the right thing, it was decided, it was over whatever IT was and when he was done crying he had other things to worry about.

Chapter Text

Jimin had slept as well as he could with all that was going on, six apologies in less than 24 hours had really throwing his emotions and balance for six (and by six he means six hundred because right now standing in the master suite bathroom staring at himself in the mirror he feels like he was hit by a truck, tossed in a blender and accidently feed through a shredder on the mulch setting just for good measure right now).

Sleep had come like a miracle to him really after leaving the five others in the hallway after he’d gotten Jungkook off to sleep and retreated to his room he had taken the time to finally do his shower routine knowing Hoseok would give him the room. He had spent too long in the shower Dark Jimin had showed up again and he had a small internal break down to shove him back in his cage where he belonged, he had made Jimin check just to make sure he hadn’t missed them before he had finally crawled into his own bed.

-

“And here we see Park Jimin running away yet again, the sad little boy unable to face his real problems, unable to admit when I’m right, still unable to take responsible for his own actions, for all the shit he causes, it’s a wonder you’re still even here after all that shit,” Dark Jimin casually threw as Jimin stood leaning one hand against the wall of the master suites dark marble shower as the stream of hot water rained down on him.

The dark voice made him shiver, it always did when it surfaced, it was a part of him he was scared of, the part of him that he knew fed the insecurities or more fed on the insecurities and worry and fear he often got in his head, the part of him that had once pushed him to an edge he vowed never to go to again.

“I’m not listening to you, you can say all you want but I know you’re not real,” Jimin said internally.

Dark Jimin gave a cold laugh, “still trying to be the big brave boy, when are you going to accept I’m all you have, I’m all you need and I’m always right?”

Jimin stared at his hand on the wall, “never, I’ll never accept anything you say, never ever again.”

There was a chuckle this time, “ah poor little Jimin, when will you accept that I’m the only one you have, the only one you can rely on, the only one that will always be here for you, I’ll be the only one who won’t abandon you, the only one who won’t leave you.”

“You’re not real, you’re not even here, it’s just lies, you’re full of nothing but lies, you always have been,” Jimin retorted

“Am I?” Dark Jimin asked as Jimin turned his face up into the stream, he winced and grabbed the back of his neck, there it was again that twinge that had been slowly increasing, the one he’d been ignoring.

“Am I nothing but lies Jiminie?” Dark Jimin asked over his sudden neck pain, “it’s fact they’ve abandoned you, it’s fact they are taking the blame for your fuck up, it’s fact they are only apologising because someone made them feel bad for treating you how you deserve, it’s fact that you’re nothing but useless and pathetic, it’s fact you don’t belong in this group, with these people who care nothing for you, it’s fact you destroyed everything you built around perfectly constructed lies and deception, so what am I lying about Jimin, it’s fact you aren’t talented enough for this group, the one you’ve broken, so, tell me the lies, go on.”

Jimin rubbed his neck with both hands as he stood staring at the wall contemplating Dark Jimin’s words, he wasn’t wrong, he did fuck up, they did take the blame for that fuck up, someone did make them feel bad a few someones actually, and he was right about not being talented, about his voice not being good enough, he wasn’t as good as Jungkook, he wasn’t as skilled as Taehyung, he wasn’t as confident as Seokjin, he wasn’t anything.

He dug his fingers into his muscles wincing as he breathed through the prang of pain the action caused, he needed a massage it had been to long since he had had one, he was wound, his body told him that, his neck was telling him that.

He dropped his head forward with a sigh as he kept working his small but stubborn fingers over his tense skin.

“You can’t can you,” Dark Jimin mused coldly, “you know I’m right just admit it, final admit it to yourself, admit you’re pathetic and useless, admit you made a mistake becoming a singer, admit you’ll never amount to the rest of the group that you’ll forever be trying to catch up too and always dragging them down, admit it’s all your fault. Do it!”

Jimin dug his fingers harder into the back of his neck feelings the nails of his fingers biting into the flesh as he did, he groaned at the pain as he screamed internally, “SHUT UP YOU SON OF A BITCH, ALL YOU WANT IS TO DRAG ME BACK AND I’LL NEVER GO BACK YOU CAN NEVER MAKE ME GO BACK NO MATTER WHAT YOU FUCKING SAY, DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU’RE NOT REAL, YOU’RE THE PATHETIC AND USELESS ONE AND I’M DONE FUCKING LISTENING!”

Jimin gasped as he tipped his head back as a spur of pain shot down his back before it finally eased, it felt like he’d just punched himself in the face and he now had a headache either from Dark Jimin or from his tense neck muscles either way he waited another minute just to be sure of one thing.

He stood with his eyes closed and head tipped as he gently ran his fingers over his slightly relaxed neck as he waited another minute the seconds slipping away and as he opened his eyes blinking up at the droplets of water raining down on him he couldn’t help but smile to himself, ‘and once again i come out on top,’ Jimin thought to himself when there was silence from the cold voice, Dark Jimin back where he belonged the cage inside him in the dark corner with a muzzle just like it should be.

-

Jimin stared at himself, after he’d told Dark Jimin to shut the fuck up he had gotten out of the shower after letting the water the hottest he could stand run on his neck for a few minutes and then had headed out to get a glass of water and to check before he finally went to bed.

It had been a good idea but in the quiet of the room in the middle of the night with Dark Jimin no longer there to cloud his head his other thoughts had come through loud and clear, his insecurities, his self-hatred, his internalised homophobia with himself if you will, even his rational and terrifying fear of the others finding out his secret, the one he was still keeping from them, the one he was still lying about. It had all come in on him making his eyes water, his throat hurt and his chest ache and sleep had been a miracle when all the exhaustion had finally closed in granting him sweet release from all the turmoil inside him.

He looked and felt so tired at that moment, like he hadn’t slept for six hours, but could sleep for six hundred if given the option, his hair was an utter mess sticking up in all directions with a slight wave to it, he had dark bags under his eyes telling anyone who looked at him without at least foundation on just how many nights in the last month along he had actually gotten sleep, his plump lips were dry and cracked and there were tear tracks on his cheeks, he’s been crying in his sleep again.

He gave a sigh and grabbed his face cleanser as he turned the cold tap on hoping it would like most times waking him up enough to form coherent sentences and words when needed.

It was a day off and Jimin planned to do approximately nothing, he knew on days off like this the others would flee the apartment, Namjoon would go for a walk somewhere probably go shopping or to his favourite book store across town, Yoongi would hide in Genius Lab like the hermit crab he was or spend all day in his bed sleeping, Jungkook would probably be playing video games overwatch most likely in his room avoiding well everyone not that Jimin blamed him, or be working on his videos Jimin had been saying for months before all this that Jungkook really needed a studio to work out of, his bedroom way to small for that type of thing, as for Taehyung he’d be in his room on the game console, the x box or PlayStation one of those two since he didn’t seem to be talking to Jungkook right now, Hoseok would hold himself up in the practice studio and Jin would be out with his friends.

As Jimin washed his face he was looking forward to his quiet day of nothing after the last two days he just needed a day to himself a day to recharge, a day to sort himself out so he could fake it till the new year.

-

Jimin had come out of his room expected peace, quiet, aloneness, what he got instead was definitely not what he was expecting. There sitting at the table with a breakfast spread were the six members including Jungkook albeit looking extremely small compared to his usually large hulking self but there none the less.

Jimin stood looking at them as they all but Jungkook turned to look at him, Namjoon and Taehyung had bacon hanging out of their mouths, Hoseok was stabbing a piece of fruit while Yoongi sipped his coffee and Jungkook just sat there staring at his full plate of bacon and eggs Jimin guessed Jin had put before him.

Jimin simply shook his head and headed to the kitchen.

“I cooked a breakfast spread for us all,” Jin stated holding yet another spatula, how many of those things did they even own Jimin found himself wondering as he kept walking.

“I’m not hungry thank you, I’m just gonna grab a coffee and go back to my room,” Jimin replied.

“Please come and eat Jimin-ah, we don’t want you skipping meals just because of us,” Jin replied a little tiredly.

Jimin said dismissively, “not hungry really, I’m good, just came for coffee.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, it was that it was all just way to weird after the last two days, especially the use of the honorific, they had all used it so much in the last two days he’s sure it’s the most they had used it in the entire time he knew them and he felt like he’d suddenly crossed into some weird parallel world.

Jimin looked back at the older when he sighed and that’s when he noticed it, the newest change, Yoongi who sat between Jungkook and Hoseok was now sat at the other head of the table between Jungkook and Jimin, the furthest he could get away from Hoseok at the dining table.

Hearing the honorific though in Jin’s sincere tone with that smile he had been wearing before the sigh it had made Jimin’s cold heart thump hard in his chest and hurt at the same time.

“Please come sit Jimin-ah, have some breakfast, even just a couple pieces of fruit,” Yoongi urged softly nodded to Jimin’s empty place beside him.

Jimin stood at the breakfast bar holding the coffee pot while his larger then usual black and red mug (it had been a Christmas present from the six of them one year) sat before him.

He carefully filled it while eyeing the six before him slightly to the left trying to decide if he wanted to sit through another tense awkwardly silent meal time with them.

Namjoon was the one who spoke this time, “Please join us Jiminie,” that made Jimin’s heart prang hard, “it’s just breakfast and honestly we don’t even have to talk, hell I don’t think any of us want to talk, we can just point or glare and try and use the force to communicate. We just… we want to spend time with you, even if it’s like this.”

Namjoon’s voice was soft sincere held a hint of honestly to it and as Jimin looked around at the six before him brief moments of eye contact between them as he found himself moving across the room to join them, he had been powerless to stop his heart from beating his brain up with that baseball bat once more.

After five months of cold shoulders and lonely emptiness they wanted to spend time with him, he could see it in five hopeful molten chocolate eyes he looked into, five of the six people he loved so much he could see the genuine desire shining hopefully in them.

That was before his eyes finally found Jungkook’s staring at him from under the hoodie he was wearing to hide, Jimin could see the tear stains on his cheeks and knew the boy had probably woken up sometime before the rest of them only to be dragged out of his room like this with he guessed no traces of an apology from any of them.

Jimin stopped, he’d had enough his brain snapping the baseball bat in half and just punching his heart in the face. This was the last straw the sudden change from them all had left him with whiplash and his already sore neck was only aching more from it.

It and the completely unexpected apologies had really fucked with Jimin’s delicate balance of not giving a fuck and caring too much, he was more than confused and the sudden care after the previous five months of neglect and then the outright tension that had followed them from Taipei just made that hurt he had been fighting for so long just that little bit too painful to bare.

“What the hell is going on,” Jimin had demanded way past the point of enough once more.

All six of them had looked at him Jungkook’s hoodie sliding back slightly at his words and before any of them had been able to talk Jimin had continued, “seriously, what the fuck happened in Taipei? Honestly, did the six of you get switched, have I woken up in some parallel world, did you all suddenly grow some sort of conscious, because up to that fucking point I was about as important to any of you as a wet paper bag.”

Jimin wanted to know what happened in Taipei, if he knew that, he could figure out what had changed it all, what had made them all change and he could figure out how to not let it both get to him and make it hurt more than it all already did, he could get his delicate balance back.

They all looked at one another around the table before Taehyung got up from the head of the table opposite Yoongi and went over to him, remembering how he had reacted with Jin the night before and the memories of the reactions he had received during his own apologies he left enough distance not to make Jimin feel overwhelmed.

“We, we know we fucked up, like, more than fucked up, like this is worse than that time I lied about the two of u