Jamie hands Aidan a fresh cup of tea and settles in on the couch with his own. He stretches out, putting his legs in his boyfriend's lap and takes a small sip of his tea.
"Can we, um, can we talk about something we haven't since we got together?
"...Yeah," Aidan decides, a little wary of the question. "I'd love to guess where you're going with that, but I really don't have a clue," he says, giving his boyfriend a grin. "Is everything okay?"
He nods, but he might not be terrible convincing. "When we got together, we decided that when we were apart, we'd still have liberty to sleep with others..." Jamie trails off, pretty sure Aidan can see where this is going all on his own now.
"Right. And then you started dropping very explicit hints about cock cages," Aidan replies, chuckling in memory. He sets his tea aside and gently rubs Jamie's shin. "Do you want out?"
Jamie spends a few minutes looking into his cup, then looks back to Aidan. "Sometimes. Is that bad? Not on the road, not ever, I'm happier not hooking up with random women. Sometimes I feel like the cage is for my own good. But sometimes... I just wanna go to Cit and blow off steam with a scene or something."
Sitting back into the cushions, Aidan gnaws meditatively on his bottom lip. "I was surprised," he says, "when you wanted a cage. Because you told me that it was because you didn't want to be monogamous that you and Taylor broke up." He looks at his boyfriend in question.
"I didn't want to tether myself to someone I knew I had no future with," he says simply. "I have a future with you. We could... I mean, I've wanted to..." Jamie sighs and shakes his head. "Emotionally, mentally, whatever you want to call it, I can only picture myself with you. I think we could live together, go to family holidays with each other, get a dog or a cat or something. Whenever I think of where I'll be in a year or five or ten, you're there. I haven't had that with anyone in a really long time."
Jamie's words take Aidan's breath away, and for a moment all he can do is stare in silence. Then he leans in and grabs his boyfriend, tangling his fingers through his hair and kissing him.
Jamie sets his tea on the table behind him without looking at all, and then takes Aidan's jaw and the back of his head in both hands to return the kiss with passion. He doesn't pull back until he's breathless and smiling.
Aidan's eyes shine with an almost shy wonder, and he smiles. "I don't know when's the last time someone thought of me that way," he murmurs. "I didn't think you would. I just figured, you know, I'm a bad investment at this point." Amazingly, there's no trace of bitterness in his voice -- how could there be, when Jamie just kissed him like that?
"A bad investment?" He arches an eyebrow. "You know, at some point you're going to have to stop talking about the man I love like that or we might have to have words."
"You're adorable." Aidan grins. "And you're absolutely my fuckin' favorite. Wait, what did you want to talk about?" Bizarre, how minor details like that just slip his mind when he's with his lover.
He chews on his lip a second, unsure about continuing - Aidan seems to have an unintentional habit of derailing serious talk in favor of snogging. "I, um... was talking about how, um, I'd like to be uncaged sometimes?"
"Right, right." Aidan's expression grows serious again. "Um, I have to ask. Is there anyone in particular who you want to sleep with? Or just more in general?" Because he's okay with open relationships, in theory. But if his boyfriend has his eye on someone in particular... well then Aidan needs to fucking know who.
Jamie smiles softly, endeared by Aidan's concern. "I have a friend or two I might scene with if the opportunity presented itself - friends I've scened with before and definitely will not be falling for the way I've fallen for you. But no, I'm not looking to screw anyone in particular. It's just a really good outlet for me that I'd like to keep having."
Aidan rubs the back of his hand over his mouth, agitated though he couldn't say why... All right, yes he could say why, but he's not proud of the reason. "I don't want you fucking your fans," he says, the words blunt and perhaps a bit too loud.
He nods in agreement readily. "I don't want that either. I want you to keep me caged when I tour, and I want a rule for me that it only happens at Citadel."
His jaw tight, Aidan nods. Then shakes his head. "I don't know, Jamie. Even at Citadel, I don't want you submitting to anyone else. I mean, and I know that you probably should, you should have that freedom. Because then you can always get what you don't get from me because I'm not... I mean, I'm not mean enough, not hard enough, and you miss that. I should be okay with that. But I'm fucking not. Okay with it."
Swallowing thickly, Jamie lets that sink in a minute before trying to respond. "You feel insecure because you think... that I think you're not a cruel enough dominant to make me happy. Which is a sentiment I can empathize with, being left with scars from your exes. But I'm not Emma, Danny. You make me happy, and our sex is absolutely mind blowing every time, scene or not."
"Sex. This is not about sex."
"Then what's it about?" He keeps his voice calm and level.
"It's about your submission. If you," Aidan gestures with both hands like it'll somehow clarify his words. "If you open up to someone else the way you do to me. It'll piss me off." He rethinks his words, and adds on a sigh, "No, it won't. It'll freak me the fuck out."
His expression softens. "That's... actually really... sweet. It's not about the action of getting off on pain or whatever, it's about the emotional fidelity of submitting only to you?"
Worked up as he is, it takes Aidan a second. "That's a really fancy way of saying it. But, yeah. Because anyone can hurt you, if you want them to. But the way you are when we're together, that feels like a connection." He flushes hot, embarrassed to try and discuss his emotions so openly. Try and fail, he feels. "I don't want you to feel that with anyone else but me."
"No submitting to anyone else. No one else takes me apart. If I need pain, I get it from a service top, and they do exactly as I say, because I don't submit to anyone but you." He's already making it a promise.
Aidan looks up, and truly sees his lover for the first time since they started talking. "You'd do that?" he asks, a tiny smile starting to work its way onto his face.
"Absolutely, I'd do that for you. I'd never really... I hadn't thought about it like that, but it makes perfect sense. Being yours means not letting others have certain pieces of me - my heart, my love, my submission."
"Yes," Aidan says eagerly, grateful for his boyfriend's eloquence when his own is so lacking. "Your ass, well... I'll be jealous," he says, his eyes sparkling. "But it's not the same."
Jamie chuckles at that. "I kinda like the idea of you jealous." He cocks an eyebrow and smirks. "I like the idea of you coming home and claiming me."
"Really?" Aidan grins, having been soothed back to his usual self. "And how does that idea compare with me taking you to the club the very next day, so you can show off your bruises?"
"Fuck," he whispers, slowly grinning. "You do realize that now I fucking need that, right? The whole package."
"It'll be all you can think about," Aidan teases. He lifts Jamie's hand to his lips. "I'll make you a promise."
"Damn right it will be." Jamie tilts his head, watching Aidan bestow affection and smiling softly. "What promise, love?"
"I promise that I'll be okay with you fucking other people at Citadel -- although if it's really good, I'm going to want to hear about it," Aidan tells him. "And then when we're together again, I'll remind you why you want to be mine."
He closes his eyes and breathes a long sigh of relief. He nods when he opens them and smiles broadly. "I like everything about that promise, the last part especially."
"Good." Aidan holds up a finger. "Condoms every time. I'm not compromising on that."
Jamie grumbles and huffs. "Fine. If I have to. But I'm going on record saying I don't like it. And, everytime we're together and not contractually obligated to use one, we don't."
"Agreed. I don't want anything between us." Aidan sits forward and tugs Jamie in for a kiss. "I know you don't like it," he whispers. "You don't have to like it. It's just something you'll do."
Jamie looks away and huffs again, but it's pretty clear by the gentle blush and the subtle shifting of his hips that he likes how Aidan's putting it quite a bit. "It's something I'll do," he repeats quietly.
"Good boy," Aidan murmurs, sits back and taps his thigh. "Now come kiss me properly."
"If I have to," now he's just playing brat. He can't keep it up, though, pout giving way to a smile he can't keep down. Jamie straddles his boyfriend's lap and rests his arms on his shoulders before leaning down to kiss him.
Aidan moans hungrily into the kiss, settling his hand onto Jamie's nape. "Is there anything else you want to ask for, while we're on the subject?" Before they become completely derailed.
"Well, I do wanna ask what kind of encounters you'd wanna hear about." Jamie pushes down against Aidan and smirks dangerously. "And, what kind of thing you might want me to send you video record of."
"Hmm. Maybe I don't want to know after all," Aidan decides with a laugh, picturing himself watching such a video -- and getting jealous as all hell. "Or maybe I'll just reply to each video with one of me fucking some random woman at the Club. Would you like that?"
"I'd kind of hate that, honestly." Jamie's smile weakens a bit, and he sounds reluctant to admit the next part. "It's something I want you to have, but I think I'm too insecure to watch it. Even if I were participating, I think it would eat at me."
Aidan slowly nods, his eyes dark and serious. "Thank you for being honest with me. Would the same go for another man?" It's purely hypothetical, but he's curious.
There's that hint of pride he usually wears again. "No, I know you'll never fuck a man as good as I am. You'll probably never fuck anyone as good as I am. My insecurity comes only from the feeling that you prefer what most women have over what I've got."
That arrogance puts a smile on Aidan's face, but Jamie's next words bring him up short. "I prefer you over all of them. Period."
He rubs himself against Aidan as he drinks in the ego boost. Something about this whole exchange is starting to get him worked up again. "Hm. Maybe you'll have to prove it sometime."
Aidan watches him steadily, frissons of arousal working through his body with every tease. "I'll prove it now," he says. "I want you to fuck me."
His eyes go wide and he smiles broadly, if a bit disbelieving. "Now? You... You want me to fuck you now?"
Slow shrug. "We could... wait." Aidan looks at his boyfriend in question.
He gives a small whine. "I don't wanna wait. I wanna do it now. I wanna do it yesterday, frankly." As he speaks he moves in, lapping and Aidan's neck and nibbling when he's finished.
Aidan arches beneath him, and hisses perfect pleasure at the attention. "Today will have to be good enough." It's not a phrase he ordinarily uses in sex conversations.
"It'll have to be," he grins against his boyfriend's skin and licks once more before sliding off his lap and offering a hand to help him up.
Aidan follows with a grin at the response. "Are you going to be gentle with me?"
"I wasn't particularly planning on it," he matches the grin and strips on his way to the bedroom. "Do you want me to be?"
"Just remember this is a huge first for me," Aidan deflects. "Like, the first."
"The sort-of first, I think you mean. Silicone is different, sure, but the principle still certainly applies," he teases.
"Fine." Aidan strips to the skin and flops facedown onto the bed. "I expect you to be better," he says over his shoulder. "Don't disappoint me."
Jamie rolls his eyes at the way Aidan just flops down. "I will be, unavoidably. But you say that like she wasn't any good. Or, they? I really haven't got a clue about your experience level." He grabs a bottle out of the bedside table before going back to the foot of the bed and climbing on and over Aidan to bite and tease the nape of his neck.
"I don't know. Maybe once a month?" Aidan can barely think about anything when Jamie touches him that way.
Jamie runs his hands over Aidan's back, caressing and massaging him until he can feel him relax under his touch. He's unrelenting with the attention from his mouth. Slowly, one hand travels down to grip Aidan's ass as he speaks gently, "Do you want to be like this, or do you want to see me?"
"I..." Aidan hesitates, realizing he doesn't know the answer. If they face each other it might get too intense, especially if he starts coming apart, and the thought of being so out of control of the situation panics him. On the other hand, who could he be so vulnerable with, if not Jamie? "I want to see you."
That definitely makes Jamie smile, but he keeps it subdued so as not to seem too prideful about it. "I love you," he whispers before pulling off of Aidan enough to let him turn over.
"I know." Aidan speaks the words without conceit; hell, if he didn't have that faith, they wouldn't even be doing this. He gets comfortable on his back and idly fiddles with one of Jamie's nipple rings.
Bottle in hand, Jamie kisses his way down Aidan's body until he can take his cock into his mouth, plunging down and sucking hard. With the distraction of his fantastic mouth in place, Jamie slicks up a pair of fingers and presses one of them against Aidan's tight hole, circling and rubbing without pressing inside yet.
Aidan draws in a breath and spreads his thighs wider in invitation, burying both his hands in his boyfriend's tangled hair.
He goes slow enough to be certain Aidan is ready for each new stretch, but he doesn't make a point to drag it out. The way he blows Aidan is gentle and almost languid, enough sensation to be good, maybe distracting, but certainly not with the aim of getting him off. Once Jamie's worked up to the third finger, he begins to very deliberately go for the bundle of nerves sure to make his boyfriend remembers why he likes this. With each motion in and out he presses against it and drags his fingertips over it.
It's not long before Aidan is rocking his hips and trying to fuck himself on Jamie's fingers. "Getting close," he chokes out, hurtling towards the brink. Jamie's mouth is too good not to obey, and draws every flicker of response from him.
With a grin, Jamie pulls off and licks his lips, greed and want clear in his expression. He uses his his free hand to slick himself up and checks with Aidan rather than just Aidan's body, "Tell me again, tell me you want me and you're ready."
"I want you." Aidan grips his shoulders. Meets those devastating blue eyes. "I want your cock inside me."
Jamie's pulse spikes at those words, maybe more than it did the first time Aidan told him that he loves him. With a fluid motion, he withdraws his fingers and pushes the head of his cock in to replace them. He eases himself inside slowly - agonizingly so for himself, especially given his typical capacity for patience. His eyes don't leave Aidan's face, not for a minute. He savors every second.
Aidan inhales a harsh breath and wills himself to relax. It's always a shock, that first penetration. But Jamie feels different, like his body moves with Aidan's and not against it. He arches into his lover, staring into his eyes. Battling the intensity between them when it feels like he's being taken over.
"Aidan," he murmurs, already breathless as he wraps an arm around his lover, holding him close as he begins to move. It's slow at first as Jamie works to find the right angle, the one that makes Aidan look even more like he's about to fall apart, and from there he picks up speed and intensity.
"Jamie, god." It feels alien to be used this way. Aidan shudders at a deep thrust, pleasure crawling through him. "It's... I need..."
He bites gently into Aidan's shoulder and scratches down his side to grip him by the hip, pushing deep inside of him over and over. "What do you need, Danny? Anything, I'll give you anything."
With a whimper, Aidan links his ankles at the small of Jamie's back. He tugs Jamie in for a kiss, needing an outlet for the emotions surging inside him. Crushes their lips together like his life depends on it, desperation coursing through his blood.
Jamie is already sure this is the best sex they've had, the raw emotion coming off of Aidan is better than any level of kink. He doesn't try to talk anymore, just gives into the kiss and lets their bodies do all the speaking necessary. He runs his free hand through Aidan's hair and toys with his pace as he pays very close attention to figure out just how his lover, his whole world, needs him.
It's good, scary good, in a way Aidan just wasn't mentally prepared for. He arches against his lover, pushing to meet each thrust now. Then slipping his hand between their bodies and wrapping fingers around his erection.
It's been months since Jamie's been inside of anything other than a fist or a cage, and Aidan's body is so intensely good. He's sure it's willpower alone keeping him together as he forces himself to stay grounded and focused. Still, though, he's panting and moaning soft noises against Aidan's lips. He pulls back only enough to murmur praise to Aidan, telling him how perfect he feels, how amazing this is and how much he fucking loves him - more than anything, he swears.
"I love you." The seductive roll of Jamie's hips is making him crazy. Aidan jerks his cock faster, needing release that's more than just physical. "Jamie--!" He shudders and clings to his lover, his climax crashing in and blinding him.
He was never going to be able to last all the way through Aidan's orgasm, so he doesn't try. A few short jerks of his hips as his boyfriend's body tightens around him and he's following, filling him with hot slick. Jamie keeps his eyes on Aidan's face and cries out quietly, doing his best not to drown out Aidan's panting or voice because it's way too fucking good to hear how he's gotten his lover to completely come apart.
There's nothing to do now but melt, not for Aidan anyway. He tries to put his arms around his boyfriend, damn near boneless though he is, his eyes screwed tightly shut.
Jamie's spent, certainly, but he nuzzles into the crook of Aidan's neck and kisses over the skin he finds there, languidly traveling from shoulder to earlobe. "I love you," he murmurs over and over before pulling his hips back enough to entirely slip back out of his boyfriend's body.
The second he moves away, though, Aidan clutches at him with a strangled groan. "Don't."
"Okay," Jamie holds him close, plants soft kisses over his neck again. He's deeply touched by the way Aidan needs him, and his voice is gentle and warm as he reassures him, "I won't go anywhere. I'm right here. I love you."
Opening his eyes, Aidan looks up at his boyfriend. He feels awkward, like he should crack a joke to normalize the heavy air between them. It's too much trouble, anyway, so he lets his eyes slip shut, hugging him close.
He can't remember sex ever being like this, not with him on this side of it, anyway. Jamie thinks he likes it, but he can't shake the fear that something like subdrop is impending. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm just going to get off so we can lie together. You can put your head on my chest, listen to my heartbeat. Is that okay?" He doesn't move a muscle without confirmation.
A hesitation, then, "Okay." Mechanically Aidan lets go and drops his arms to the sides.
Jamie furrows his brow, not sure if Aidan's really okay with it, but then again, he's fairly certain Aidan's not quite in his right mind. He gets off of his boyfriend but stays as close as humanly possible as he settles down on his back. He pulls Aidan in, wrapping an arm around him and letting him find whatever position feels best.
For a long time they lie there in silence, Aidan listening to Jamie's heartbeat beneath his cheek just like his boyfriend said he would. Under ordinary circumstances he might doze a bit, but not this time. He wraps himself around Jamie until finally he starts to feel warm again, and only then does he speak. "I'm not used to being at anyone's mercy like that."
He nods and feels relief that Aidan feels able to talk again, but fear spikes again that it had been an unpleasant experience, not just new and very different. "Was it a bad kind of overwhelming, or simply overwhelming?"
"Overwhelming. Completely." Aidan lifts his head to kiss his boyfriend. "I couldn't have done that with a different man. Only you, because I trust you that way. I didn't even realize how much before."
"That's incredible to hear," and really, he can't keep down the smile. "I'm sorry that it was overwhelming, but I suppose that makes a lot of sense. Should I have stopped? Do you want to never do it again?"
"I think if you'd stopped I might've freaked out," Aidan answers, a hint of a rueful smile on his lips. "And... I'll let you know." He brushes a tangle lock of hair back from his boyfriend's forehead.
"I love you," he's going to be saying that a lot. "And if it would help," he smiles playfully, "You could ride me next time, take control."
"That's a really good idea, I'm not going to underestimate that," Aidan says with a soft chuckle. He kisses Jamie again. "I love you."
There's a bit of added hunger in his kiss this time. "I really love that idea, actually. Pinning me down and taking your pleasure from me in an all new way." He raises an eyebrow and watches if Aidan seems to like that as much as he does.
"Pinning you down... how much?" Aidan asks, wondering if Jamie trusts him the same way.
"With any part of your body, as much as you want. With something else..." Jamie watches him closely for a moment, running it over in his head again and again to be sure. "... I'd let you restrain me."
Aidan nods slowly. "One wrist, cuffed to the bed?"
"Both, if you want," Jamie offers back quietly.
Aidan stares, absorbing every detail. Dipping down, he licks slowly along Jamie's lips. "Sometimes you really make my heart hurt," he whispers. "Not in a bad way, in a good way, but... Still, it hurts."
Jamie blushes a little under the strange affection, but he certainly enjoys it. "I know the feeling," he returns softly. "Only you," he adds to his sentiment about being restrained from a moment ago.
"Only me," Aidan agrees with a nod, and kisses him again.