It doesn’t take long for Rey to realize that taking Rose’s advice about the best way to get over a breakup had been a terrible idea.
“Check out this series on Pornhub,” Rose had suggested last night. They’d gone to a bar after class and Rose was drunk off her ass. Actually, they both kind of were. But Rey could tell Rose was being sincere all the same. ”You haven’t gotten laid since Poe Assholeson dumped you six weeks ago. And god knows you need something to get your mind off him for a night.”
To be fair to Rose, it’s true that Rey hasn’t once thought about Poe since she clicked on the channel her friend suggested. But the minute the cheesy music started playing and the gauzy images of a half-dressed man and woman appeared on the screen she’s basically been wanting to die of second-hand embarrassment.
“Starring Mariana Sprinkles and Bullet Pound,” Rey reads aloud as the credits flash on the screen of her laptop. She rolls her eyes.
This is gonna be painful.
The camera pretty much stays right on Mariana the whole time. Which, given the little Rey knows about heterosexual porn and the demographics of the people who usually consume it, doesn’t really surprise her. Mariana starts off the scene with a few items of clothing but wastes little time, shimmying out of her tight white camisole, jeans, and bra before she’s even been on the screen a full minute. Her hair is long and blonde and her breasts are large, yet perky. She looks over her shoulder at the camera for effect, licking her bright-red lips as she undresses.
Meanwhile, Bullet (god, what a name, Rey thinks) has somehow lost his jeans from where he stands off in the distance. The camera shows him from the waist down only, and he’s pretty blurry. But as Mariana, at last, loses her skimpy underwear, Rey can tell, unmistakably, that he’s begun to firmly stroke his dick.
“Fuck me, Bullet,” Mariana purrs. She closes her eyes. Bites her bottom, cherry red lip. “Fuck me, right now, before my husband gets home.”
Now that the point of the whole exercise, as it were, is about to get started, Rey has second thoughts about watching this after all.
Mariana’s poor husband, Rey muses. Does he realize what’s going on behind his back?
“Yeah. Enough of this,” she mutters.
She reaches forward to shut off her laptop –
… but before she does, Bullet steps into full view.
Rey is so shocked when she sees him she drops the bowl of popcorn she’d been holding on her lap, scattering the kernels all over the floor.
Rey is a transfer student, and doesn’t know many of the people in her classes yet. On top of that she’s not terribly good with faces or names. But there is no possible way that Bullet can be anyone other than her quiet, shy, painfully awkward chemistry partner, Ben Solo.
The same Ben Solo who is so nervous around her he drops his books whenever she approaches. The Ben Solo she’s exchanged maybe two words with all semester outside of their study sessions.
The Ben Solo she’d long suspected -- before now, anyway – had probably never been kissed before.
And now, unless she is seriously mistaken, she’s apparently going to watch Ben Solo have sex in a porno.
“I’d love to fuck you,” Bullet/Ben says, responding to Mariana’s question. He steps closer to his co-star, his giant dick still clasped tightly in his fist. Now that the camera’s got him in full view Rey can’t help but notice how thick the guy is, from his broad chest, to his dick, all the way down to his muscular thighs. “I’d love nothing more.”
Pleasantries apparently dispensed with Bullet/Ben then bends Mariana over the sofa in her living room, grips her waist, and pounds into her relentlessly from behind. He groans theatrically as he does it, his ass cheeks flexing hard and the muscles in his thighs growing taut as Mariana screams and moans and thrashes around on the sofa with abandon.
In the end, Rey does watch the whole clip. All eight minutes and fifteen seconds of it. Though she hates herself just a little bit for doing it.
“Oh, god,” she says when it’s over. “Oh god, oh god, oh god.”
She reaches forward and shuts off her laptop.
What the hell is she going to say to Ben tomorrow in class?
This chapter ends on a bit of a cliffhanger (ooooo!) but Chapter 3 is already on my tumblr if you'd like to read it before it gets polished enough for posting to AO3. Either way, Chapter 3 will likely be posted here tomorrow.
Rey does everything she can think of to put off going to campus the next day.
She cleans her apartment.
She drops some work stuff off at the cleaners.
She even watches the porno from last night again. Just, you know – to be sure she hasn’t lost her mind and that it is, in fact, Ben Solo she saw in one of the starring roles.
As it turns out, she hasn’t lost her mind. (Not about that, anyway.)
She also eventually runs out of errands to run.
By dinner time she decides to face facts. She has an exam next week that she’s woefully unprepared for and Ben has all their lab notes.
She has no choice. She has to go to campus and see Ben again. Tonight.
She grabs her phone with a groan and shoots him a quick text before she can come up with any more excuses.
<Rey>: We need to prepare for next week. Meet you in the library at 9?
His response is immediate:
<Ben>: Yeah. Been waiting for your text. See you then.
Rey puts her phone down and buries her face in her hands, wondering how the hell she’s going to survive a study session with a guy she’s just watched jerk off.
By the time Rey gets to the library Ben’s already there. He’s focusing intently on something on his laptop, stopping his typing every few moments to look something up in one of the books spread out in front of him.
He’s got his bottom lip between his teeth, worrying it as he reads. Rey finds she can’t look away from his mouth, and wonders why she’s never noticed just how plump his lips were before now.
She clears her throat. The sound causes Ben to jump a little in surprise.
“Oh,” he says when he sees her, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose with an index finger. He swallows, and Rey watches as his Adam’s apple bobs in his throat. “Hi.”
Rey nods. “Hi.” She sits across from him, just like she always does when they study together. Because everything here, everything between them, is normal. Totally, totally normal.
Nothing to see here folks, move along.
Of course, her heart is pounding in her chest like she’s just run a mile. And now that she’s here, she can’t seem to get the mental image of him repeatedly ramming his dick into his co-star out of her mind.
She tells Ben none of this.
“Um,” she says instead.
Ben looks at her with an odd expression. His eyes are dark – really, really dark – and a lot more intense than they’d been just a week ago, she’s sure of that.
“Is… uh…” He pauses, then rubs at the back of his neck awkwardly. “Is… everything all right?”
Rey nods again. “Yep!” she squeaks. “Everything’s fine.”
But he’s still looking at her with that weird expression, and now his brows are furrowed. He doesn’t believe her. He slowly takes off his glasses and places them neatly on the table beside him.
His hands are large, Rey notices. Much larger than hers, with thick, nimble, dexterous fingers.
No wonder he’s so good with all the equipment they have to handle in the lab.
And no wonder he’s so good with… other things.
“Are you sure you’re fine?” he asks. He still looks concerned. Rey realizes, suddenly, that this is actually the longest conversation they’ve ever had that wasn’t about chemistry. “Because you don’t look fine. You look… I don’t know. Really pale, I guess? Or… nervous?”
He pushes back from his chair and walks around the library table. He sits down next to her, and inclines his head a little towards her. He’s blushing a little, now, the color rising quickly on his cheeks. Despite his concern, now that he’s actually sitting next to her he seems unable to look her in the eye.
How the fuck can someone this painfully shy have Bullet Pound as an porn star alter ego?
“I…” Rey starts, and then pauses.
He blinks at her. “What is it?”
In the end, she decides to just go for it. She hadn’t planned to tell him what she saw. But now that she’s here, she realizes she’s never going to be able to process it fully and move on from this if he doesn’t know the truth.
“I have something to tell you,” she says.
He raises one eyebrow, eyes widening slightly in anticipation.
“Go on, then,” he says.
This ficlet has one little chapter left. I will post it here tomorrow evening after a bit more editing. If you want to read it in it's slightly rough, not-quite-ready-for-AO3 form, it's on my Reylo tumblr. Otherwise, stay tuned :D
Rey closes her eyes and wills her heartbeat to slow to something approaching a normal rate.
And then, she decides to just rip this thing off like a Band-Aid.
“I… saw you last night,” she murmurs.
Ben frowns, obviously confused. “Um… no. At least, I don’t think so?” He raises an eyebrow at her. “I stayed in last night.”
Rey shakes her head in frustration. “No. No. Not like that.” Is she blushing? She must be. Her face feels like it’s on fire. Is it possible to pass out, or even die, just from sheer embarrassment? “I saw you… online.”
She says the last word very slowly, drawing it out for emphasis.
It takes a while for Rey’s meaning to sink in. When it does, though, the effect is immediate and explosive. Ben’s eyes go wide, and his face – already pale to begin with – goes white as a sheet.
He stands up, and shoves back his chair so forcefully he knocks it over in the process. It crashes loudly to the floor.
The handful of other people in the library turn to look at them, annoyed.
“Oh, god,” Ben says in a hoarse whisper. He looks – sounds – utterly terrified. “You… you mean you saw…?” He can’t say the rest of the words, but Rey knows he knows exactly what she saw.
Rey buries her face in her palms. This is horrible. “Yes,” she admits from behind her hands. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were in it, I swear. My stupid friend Rose knew about it, apparently, and said I should check it out.”
She chances another glance up at Ben. To her surprise, his expression has gone from terrified to furious.
“Your… friend. Rose,” Ben repeats, very slowly. His words are clipped and precise, like he’s trying very hard not to fly into a rage right then and there.
Rey has never seen him like this. Just how much is there to Ben Solo that she doesn’t know?
“Um…. Yeah. My friend. Rose Tico,” she confirms, confused.
Ben picks his chair up off the floor very deliberately and sits down again.
He groans, long and loud. He closes his eyes.
“I am going to kill her for this,” he mumbles.
They get kicked out of the library a few minutes later for making too much noise.
Not knowing where else to go, they make their way to Coruscant’s, a fancy coffee shop near the library that’s open late.
After they get their drinks he gives her the whole story.
“I filmed that series about… I guess it was a year ago,” he explains. He shrugs, trying to go for casual – like none of this is any big deal at all. Only the blush he’s had on his cheeks for the past twenty minutes betrays how embarrassed he is. “I needed money, and so I did some nude modelling for the art department. Someone in the class approached me with this opportunity because I have such a big… um.” He looks away from her. Stares down at his hands. He shrugs again and clears his throat. “Anyway. I took the job.”
Rey nods over her latte, hoping she isn’t turning as red as Ben is right now, and trying to take all of this in.
“And I mean… I’m not ashamed of any of it,” he adds.
Rey puts down her mug. “Good,” she says emphatically. “You shouldn’t be. You were paid for a job and you… you know.” She picks at the half-eaten scone on her plate with her fingers. “You did it well.”
Ben’s eyes widen in surprise at her comment, but he recovers quickly. He looks away from her, busying himself with arranging the napkins in the dispenser.
“Um. Sure,” he says, his blush deepening. “I just never thought people I knew would find out about it.” He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I can’t believe Rose told you to watch that. Especially since I told her how long I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to…”
He trails off, and hides his face in his hands, groaning again.
Rey’s eyes go very wide.
“Hold on a minute,” she says, feeling a bit like the world is now tilting on its axis. “You know Rose?”
When Ben doesn’t respond, she adds: “And you’ve been trying to work up the nerve to do what, exactly?”
After a very long moment Ben sighs, and answers her first question. “Rose Tico was one of the students in that art class. Which is why she knows about this… other, project I did.” He clears his throat. “We’ve sort of kept in touch, I guess. Though after I kill her for telling you about those videos, I’m not sure she’ll want to keep in touch with me anymore.”
Rey blinks, trying to process this information.
She had no idea Rose knew Ben.
Why didn’t she tell her?
But more importantly, there’s still something critical Ben’s not telling her. He hasn’t answered her second question yet and doesn’t seem inclined to.
And so she asks him again, very quietly: “You’ve been trying to work up the nerve to do what, Ben?”
He looks at her for a long moment without saying anything, as though searching for the right words. Then he lets out another long sigh, and scrubs a hand over his face.
He takes his glasses off, the way he did earlier in the library, and puts them on the table between them. Rey’s eyes are drawn to his hands again, just as they had been earlier. The large, broad palms. The long, dexterous fingers. His fingertips.
In his dark, serious eyes Rey sees a mixture of hope, nervous anticipation, and fear.
“Rose has probably ruined everything,” he begins. “But… I have something to tell you, too.”
Thank you so much for reading this bit of silliness. It means a lot to me. :) I hope you enjoy the story's conclusion.
Six Weeks Later
On their third real date – about six weeks after Rey told Ben she saw his porno, and he finally told her he’d been wanting to ask her out for months – Rey discovers that Bullet Pound is an incredibly nervous kisser when he’s about to have sex with a woman he actually likes.
He’s pressing her up against the wall in the hallway of her small apartment, his hands shaking a little as they cup her face. He’s all nerves and enthusiasm and broiling impatience as he kisses her, his teeth and his tongue doing far too much work as his nose bumps awkwardly, repeatedly, against hers.
It isn’t much longer, though, before Rey is lying on her back on her living room couch, her blouse unbuttoned to her waist and the front clasp of her bra undone, and she isn’t thinking about kissing anymore at all.
Now, Ben is in his element, and all signs of his nervousness are gone.
“I’ve wanted this for so long,” he admits to her clavicle, to the hollow of her throat, to her breasts as he presses worshipful, lingering kisses to each of them in turn.
This was supposed to be a study date. But by this point, their notes and their chemistry textbooks are strewn all over the living room floor. Neither of them cares. He traces each of her nipples with a fingertip, watching in fascination as they harden against his palms, as she writhes beneath his touch.
His cock is already rock hard inside his jeans. It presses urgently against Rey’s bare thigh as he moves. Yet he takes his time with her, undressing her the way one might unwrap a precious gift, with so much reverence it isn’t long before Rey is the one shaking with impatience.
When at last they’re both naked, Ben pauses a long moment, just looking at her. Drinking her in.
And then he looks away again, biting his bottom lip.
When a full minute passes and he doesn’t turn back to face her Rey begins to worry that something might be wrong.
She reaches up, and gently turns his chin so that he has to look at her.
“What is it?” she asks.
He tries to force a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “They… uh. They do a lot of airbrushing before they put those videos online.” He swallows, and gestures meaningfully to his body. “I hope what I actually look like measures up to… you know.” He pauses again. He shrugs. “To what you saw in that video.”
Rey’s eyes go wide.
She hadn’t expected he’d be self-conscious about that. Though she realizes, too late, that maybe she should have.
Better reassure him.
She cards her fingers through his messy dark hair and tugs him down until he’s lying right on top of her. She can feel his heart racing inside his chest, and she kisses the spot where it beats, willing him to believe that she wants this. Wants him.
“Well, Ben. I mean, I do like that video. A lot.” She kisses him tenderly on the tip of his nose, on his closed eyelids, and on each cheek. “You are incredibly hot in it,” she adds, murmuring the words into his ear.
And then she reaches down between their bodies and gently wraps her hand around his cock. It’s hot, and gloriously thick, and heavy in her hand. The idea of it being inside her soon sends a thrill down her spine, but she puts that thought out of mind for now.
She waits a moment, and then gives him a firm, insistent, meaningful squeeze. Ben’s eyes drift closed again and he sucks in a breath, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
“So, yeah. The video is amazing, and I wasn’t able to get the image of you in it, fucking that girl, out of my head for weeks. But this, right here? You, and me?” She begins to slowly pump him up and down, reveling in the sound of his increasingly ragged breathing, of the feel of him throbbing against her palm. “This is so much better. You are so much better.”
He pulls back to look at her again. “Yeah?”
She nods. “Definitely.”
She guides him to her entrance.
To her relief, he needs no further coaxing.
“Rey,” he says, very quietly, a moment later, as he pushes inside her.
He says her name again, and again, as he fucks her; as he brings her to the edge, and as she flies over it, clinging to him as she falls apart.
Later, when they’re lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling, Rey asks him if he’s ever going to forgive Rose for what she did.
“She was just giving you a nudge, Ben,” she says, burrowing into his chest. “She knew you wanted to ask me out but were never going to make a move.” She pauses. “And she was giving me a nudge too, I think. I don’t think she meant any harm.”
Ben looks down at her. Rey knows he hasn’t really been mad at Rose for several weeks now, but he looks pensive as he pretends to consider the idea of forgiveness.
“Hmm,” he says. “How about I sleep on it.” He yawns for effect, and he presses a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “Can I let you know in the morning? Over breakfast, maybe?”
She pulls him closer, and tells him that sounds like a very fine idea indeed.