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Whisper

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Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away
If I will it all away

Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die

Harry was falling into a dark pit, voices roaring in his ears. His parents’ final moments played through his mind. Then Cedric’s voice, full of pain, was asking Harry to take his body back. Siri’s bark-like laugh burst out of nowhere, followed by him screaming in pain, begging Harry to save him as he fell through the well. Dumbledore’s soft voice asked, “Why did you let him do it? Why didn’t you save any of us?”

Witches, wizards, and muggles flashed before his eyes, ones Harry had seen Death Eaters torturing and killing through his visions. Each one looked at Harry with pleading eyes and asked for help or demanded to know why he had abandoned them. Barty Crouch Jr, the scared teen from the courtroom, begged Harry for help with terrified eyes as dementors took him away. Amelia Bones glared at him sternly. “I helped you at your trial, how could you let them kill me?”

Harry woke with a jerk, covered in sweat and shaking violently. He recognized his room at number 12 Grimauld Place, and eventually calmed his spasmming body. He lay back on the bed, counting the ceiling tiles to stay awake, but he again slipped into a nightmare.

I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know that there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be blinded by tears
I can stop the pain if I will it all away
If I will it all away

Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die

He still fell through the unending darkness, but this time Harry saw his friends and family dying. He knew that they were all alive still, but the images haunted him as the boggart had Molly Weasley.

Ron lay on the grass, his body at an odd angle after falling off his broom. Hermione’s face was pale, almost colorless, but for the bright crimson trickle running from the corner of her mouth. Fred and George lay side by side in the ruins of their shop, covered in vicious burns from a misfired prank. Remus was frozen, halfway through the transformation, his face a rictus of pain.

Ginny lay in the Chamber, pale as snow, one Basilisk fang protruding from her still chest. Saemus lay on his bed in the dorm, his face bright purple from being suffocated. Neville splinched himself trying to apparate, there were pieces all over the Great Hall. Luna’s body was mauled by a crumple horned snorkack. Dean was trampled by stampeding thestrals, which he still could not see, even as they killed him. Lavender’s eyes were wide with terror in her disembodied head. Hagrid was beaten to a bloody pulp by some outraged giants.

Arthur was in St. Mungo’s, his arm rotting off from Nagini’s bite, dying as the poison spread. Molly lay still in the kitchen, an overturned pot next to her, the green nimbus of the killing curse surrounding her. Charlie was ripped apart by a dragon, sometimes Norbert, sometimes the Horntail Harry had faced. Bill, his face distorted in agony from a backfired curse. Fleur in her wedding dress swayed gently in the greenish glowing water at the bottom of the lake, as her sister had during the tournament task.

McGonagall was run over by a car in her animagus form. Flitwick mispronounced a spell in class and was crushed by a falling water buffalo. Oliver took two bludgers to the head in his first pro game. Snape was killed by the Dark Lord as a traitor. Sprout was killed by the giant devil’s snare plant from first year. Cho attempted to pull off a Wronki Feint, but ploughed into the ground. Trelawney’s head was bitten off by a giant preying mantis as she predicted Harry’s death.

Each one called Harry’s name with their last breath.

Fallen angels at my feet
Whispered voices at my ear
Death before my eyes
Lying next to me I fear
She beckons me shall I give in
Upon my end shall I begin
Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end

Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep never die


Harry woke again, mouth forced open in a silent scream. Even now the reproachful faces of his family and friends spun before his eyes. Harry barely made it to the bathroom before his slight dinner came up. Unable to eat, unable to sleep, unable to face the others. Harry hid himself in his room with his nightmares. He only had one option left. The only way to stop those pleading faces was to join them.

Harry pulled the razor off the shelf and went back to the bed. Someone else could fight Voldemort: all it had brought to Harry was pain and loss and he was done with it. Harry quickly slit his arms, his too-thin body feeling no pain. Leaning back against the bed frame, Harry, for the first time, stopped fighting death. Of all the people he couldn’t save, the only one he felt no remorse for, was himself.