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Bring Me to Life

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How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb without a soul
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Snape wasn’t sure when the young Gryffindor had changed in his mind. From arrogant preteen with the haughty and defiant gaze to mature, powerful young man whose eyes seemed to sink into the depths of Severus’s soul. He suspected it was after the Tri-Wizard Tournament. After Cedric’s death, Harry had visibly aged, his eyes filled with the wisdom and sorrow of one much older.

Several times while training the boy in occlumency Sev had been caught by those eyes, held in their penetrating jaden gaze. Every time Severus had come away feeling like the young Gryffindor had read his soul; a soul Sev had long felt was lost.

By some miracle, the wizarding hero returned Sev’s feelings and they had become lovers as soon as the younger graduated. Harry had taken the DADA professor position, the only one to last for more than one year in over a decade. Severus had continued to gather information on the Dark Lord for Albus and the Order while Harry trained for the inevitable battle.

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become

Then, the summer after Harry’s second year teaching, Voldemort attacked the boy with every power he had. Severus had not been told beforehand and was almost too late even to see the battle. He got to Harry’s London home just in time to see the final confrontation. Harry and Voldemort stood at opposite ends of the muggle street. A lucky shot from one Death Eater had disarmed the young man, though he continued to sling spells wandlessly.

Harry looked up at the ‘pop’ of Snape’s apparition. Seeing his lover, he smiled tiredly and turned back to the dark wizard in time to dodge a nasty hex. He rolled to his feet and without a word Harry flung his hand up, a burst of green light hurtling towards Voldemort. The older wizard crumpled as another burst of the lime green light shot back at Harry. He dodged, but it caught his arm and was absorbed into his body. Severus managed to catch his love’s body before it hit the black pavement.

Severus himself brought the news to Albus, recuperating from a stroke under Poppy’s care. Voldemort had obviously chosen to attack while the powerful wizard was confined, hoping that Harry would be an easy target alone. He had learned differently.

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

Sev was finally free from the evil one, but the freedom was hollow. He had lost the only one to ever see past his snarky git façade, the only one to ever try. The one who looked deep into Severus’s soul and chose to stay with him anyways. His light, his mate, his Harry.

Severus sat before the fire in his room. It was Friday, the night Harry always flooed in. But Harry didn’t come this night. In some small corner of his brain Sev knew that Harry would never, could never, come back. But that part had been thouroughly drowned by two bottles of bourbon and three quarters of a bottle of whiskey. Sev refilled his glass and continued to contemplate the flames. He could almost see the green glow, the windswept raven hair. He could hear the enthusiastic “Sev!” ringing in his ears.

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life

Gladly Severus would have given his life so that his young lover could live. Harry was only 19, would have been twenty in a week. He could have moved on, found another lover, and lived a long life in the world he had saved so many times. Severus was alone: no family but Albus, no friends, no one to miss him. Thus decided, Sev rose and walked unsteadily into his lab.

He had several potions that would accomplish what he desired. He found one, as frozen as the chasm within his chest that he had been filling with fiery liquor. It could never replicate the warmth that his Harry had provided. This icy bottle of death would do just as well.

Frozen inside without your touch without your love
Darling only you are the life among the dead

Sev wandered back to his chair by the fire, still hoping to find his emerald-eyed lover waiting. Severus couldn’t believe it. He had spent so much time hating Harry for reminding him of James and so little time loving and being loved by him. Sev refused to believe that the gods would be so cruel as to take Harry away once he had finally found him. Of course, these were the same gods who had orphaned Harry as a baby and then proceeded to strip away ever person the boy had ever loved.

All of this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought without a voice without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

Sitting there with the freezing vial in his hand, Sev’s mind became remarkably clear, despite the three bottles of alcohol he had consumed. Harry was not coming back and Severus refused to sit by the fire forever, slowly dying. He would control his own fate, as Harry had so often tried to. The former Death Eater uncorked the vial and drank it quickly, chasing it with a shot of brandy from the newest bottle.

Feeling the poison weighing down his limbs, Sev stood, tossed back another shot, and stumbled into the bedroom. He managed to lift the blanket and crawled into their king bed. In his foggy mind he felt someone lift the covers and a warm presence slid up to him, wrapping him in that unmistakable security. “Harry.” He whispered as the warmth he longed for flooded through him. “Sev.” His love’s voice echoed through his mind and soul.