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Godsmack

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“Oh, hi, how can I help you?” Izuku greeted the men knocking on his door, dressed head to toe in armor and a matching cape flowed from their shoulders to their heels, and with a uncanny resemblance to the hero, Eijirou, Avenger/ God of Thunder, and the war criminal, Katsuki, who brainwashed a good portion of people and brought an alien army to the city of New York.

Cosplayers, he figured; talented and wildly beautiful cosplayers. It wasn’t unusual, L.A. held many cons throughout the year and summer was full of them.

“Good morning, Izuku Midoriya!” said the man who looked like the God of Thunder, hair that brilliant red. “How fare you this day? We saw the message you placed for companions. We will be your companions.”

“Companions?” He repeated.  “Oh, you mean the ad for roommates. Oh okay, sorry my brain is little slow. Uh, how about you come in and I’ll ask you a few questions before I decide?”

“Do these questions involve demonstration of physical strength because I’m quite strong,” the redhead said. “Katsuki is more skilled with riddles.”

Wow, they were really into roleplaying.

“Well, I’m fairly strong as well,” commented the other guy; he had the right coldness to his face to pass for the notorious war criminal.

“Yes, but I’m stronger.”

“…Are you going to make everything a competition?”

“It’s not a competition;” he said, the famous Avenger’s hammer dangled from his large wrist. “I’m just simply informing Izuku that of the two of us I’m the strongest.”

“That’s not even the discussion we’re having, moron. Besides, let’s see what good your supposed strength is to my magic.”

“Your wand is with the Avengers so it won’t do you much.”

“It’s not a wand,” the other guy corrected, a snarl added to his accent. “It’s my scepter. And I don’t need it to use my magic.”

“…No? Wow you guys are like really good cosplayers. Like you make really great Eijirou. And you’re the first person I’ve seen to cosplay Katsuki. I mean he’s kinda awful because of what happened in New York and everything but he’s like crazy good looking.”

“By the Gods,” the blonde flapped his arms out with impatience. “We are not cosplayers. We are Eijirou and Katsuki. Don’t you humans have a television to know this?”

“What are cosplayers?” the God of Thunder whispered in his ear.

“They’re people who dress up as other people,” he explained.

“Why?”

“I don’t know Eijirou,” the guy claiming to be Katsuki shrugged. “Ask him, he should know.”

“Why do you cosplay, Izuku Midoriya?”

“I’m not…would you guys just like to step inside?”

“Gladly.”

 

 

[x]

 

 

Izuku folded his hands on his knee. “So what are your names?”

“Do you not recognize us? I am Eijirou, god of thunder. This is Katsuki, god of mischief.”

He went along with it. Maybe these guys were complete wackos and off their rocks but they were so pretty and Izuku already invited them in. “What do you do for work?”

Eijirou scratched his chin with the blunt of his hammer. “Well before everything I was in line for the throne…”

“We were both in line.”

“Yes, but I was fighting a legion of rock people on one planet for a bit. That was fun,” he laughed. “Katsuki was… doing what again?”

“I tricked that one king into marrying me and then I stole all his possessions.”

“Oh yea,” Eijirou wiggled on the couch.  “You brought me his war hammer! It’s very nice. It’s got all these rare gems on the handle, Izuku, very lovely but it’s back on Asgard.”

“I figured I snatch it while I was there.”

“God of love,” Eijirou joked, nudging Katsuki’s thigh.

Katsuki stomped on his foot. “Shut up your flapping mouth before I turn you into a goat.”

“…I’m really confused.”

Eijirou passed the handle of the hammer back and forth between his hands while Katsuki flattened his body to the couch in fear of the man slipping up on the receive and dropping it on him. “I guess I’m currently an Avenger though so you can consider that as my current job. My father runs Asgard at the moment so I’m not king yet.”

Okay, the first couple of times Izuku could smile and swallow the joke but this was getting bizarre, like I should probably call the police weird. “…Who are you guys, really?”

Katsuki pinched the bridge of his nose. “I understand humans have small brains but you must be incredibly stupid. We explained who we are to you.”

“You’re not the real Eijirou and Katsuki,” he refused. “There’s no way.”

“Shall I summon some thunder to prove to you we’re who we say we are?”

“What?”

“Thunder!” Eijirou yelled, thrusting a hammer to the ceiling.  Lighting shattered through the window, spraying glass everywhere, and latched to the head of the hammer and crawled over the metal. Eijirou smiled, cutely pointing at the electrified hammer. “See, only a true god of thunder could summon it.”

Izuku considered the damaged window. A single blade of glass wavered precariously, holding on only by the same glue that put it there, until a mighty gust blew in and soon it fell to the fell and splintered.  “You broke my window.”

“Excellent, idiot, you caused more property damage.”

Eijirou winced, choosing to ignore the glittery mess. “Oh, I’m sorry about that.”

“If you guys are who you say you are, then why aren’t you with the Avengers? Aren’t you technically a criminal of Earth?”

“You try to overrule one planet,” Katsuki muttered, propping his elbow on the arm of the sofa.

“Oh yes, he is.”

“You earthlings would be lucky to have me as a king,” Katsuki said, drily, then with a swell of fury. “You know what, I don’t want to be the king of your shitty world anyway. So there. Keep your stupid earth, there are plenty of planets for me to conquer. Don’t even know why I bothered with this one. Your food is complete shit.”

“But the Bifrost gate is uh…”

“Destroyed,” Katsuki finished, pointing at Eijirou. “Thanks to this ass.”

“The bridge gets destroyed every few years.”

“Because of you.”

“Not true,” Eijirou argued. “You broke it as well when you took over Asgard.”

“Then I repaired it. Try to keep up, Eijirou.”

“Uh,” Izuku rubbed his hands together. This was way, way beyond him; and way more than he was asking from a roommate—two gods, one on the side of justice and the other the side of evil. “I think he should be with the Avengers cause I don’t have anywhere to place a god of mischief.”

“That’s the problem. I can’t keep him with the Avengers.”

“Why not?”

Katsuki smirked.

Eijirou motioned to Izuku to stand up and speak with him out of earshot of Katsuki. “He’s…kinda not a great terms with the team and Katsuki is quite fond of mind games and insults.”

He looked to the god, the lazy smirk on his face showed that despite the effort made to keep the topic private he heard every word of it and wasn’t all that ashamed that earth’s mighty hero team evicted him. “Wait, they kicked him out?”

“Well, no,” he said, then— “No, yes. They don’t want him there.”

Alright, if the Avengers couldn’t put up with him then how was him, a random dude struggling to budget bills with his student loans, supposed to keep a god in check? “Again, I think he should be with the Avengers. I mean I can’t fight a god or really anyone. I broke my finger trying to punch a punching bag so, like I’m not that great of a fighter.”

“What, no, no. I have already taken precautions to make Katsuki a nonthreat to earth while we wait for the Bifrost to be repaired. This collar here, “ Eijirou clapped Katsuki on the shoulder, and waved his hand to the tight ring of gold shackled around the god’s neck. “Crafted by the same dwarves who made my precious hammer, greatly hinders Katsuki’s godly powers. So he relatively harmless.”

“Relatively. But to humans, I’m still powerful. Don’t be mistaken, Izuku.”

“I don’t think this will work out,” he said. “I needed people to help with rent. Not gods.”

“What’s rent?”

Katsuki rolled his eyes. “You’ve been on earth this long and you don’t know rent? Do you have a brain in there or is it just empty space?”

“Of course not, I’ve been fighting you and your army.”

“Excuses as usual. Rent is what these people pay to live in a house.”

“Oh.”

“Eijirou,” Katsuki said with a strained patience. “We tax Asgardians. How don’t you—this is why I should rule as king. You don’t know shit about economics.”

“We have money!” Eijirou roared with joy. “Plenty, we’re princes!”

“Look,” Katsuki said. “if all you require is money we can get it.”

“Katsuki, no spells.”

“It would be a spell for good, what’s the problem with it?”

Eijirou found no issue with his logic. “As long as you use your magic for good.”

“What else would I do with it?”

Izuku stared in bewilderment. “Uh.”

“So it’s settled,” decided Eijirou abruptly with no such agreement coming from Izuku. “Ah, we are honored to be your ‘roommates’, Izuku!”

“What?”

Katsuki dusted the top of his armor plates as he stood up. “Our sleeping chambers are in here, correct? I’m taking the bigger room.”

“I should have the larger room. I’m a bigger man.”

A palm smooshing Eijirou’s cheek had the god shuffling out the roomy bedroom with a window opened to the seaside. “Ha, amusing. You’re not so I’ll be taking the larger room.”

“I need the space for my hammer.”

“Oh, don’t start with that horsehit. Mjolnir can go in the trash.”

He clutched the hammer protectively to his chest, stroking the battered dark metal like a fragile, wounded animal.“…Don’t take your anger on Mjolnir because you lost your magical artifact.”

“Shut. Up.”

 

[x]

 

 

So…Izuku’s roommates were one of the Avengers, god of thunder, Eijirou, and the war criminal of the Avengers, Katsuki, god of mischief and fineness—uh—. They paid rent, shockingly, though it was through Katsuki; neither left the apartment all that much except for Eijirou when the Avengers needed his help, so as to how and where the god came by the cash Izuku was too afraid to ask. Maybe it was a spell or through persuasive mind-bending, but it did keep the lights on, the water running, and his landlord quiet.

“I shall return, “ Eijirou told him, donning on his armor and plucking Mjolnir from the nightstand. “Katsuki, try to stay out of trouble or I’ll have the Hulk smash you.”

Katsuki’s form was slowly eaten up by a veil of gold until another version of Eijirou stood in his place. “Stay of trouble, Katsuki,” he mocked back, childishly.

“Stop copying me.”

“Stop copying me,” laughed the god of mischief.

“Guys,” Izuku said, opening the door for him. Both gods fell silent under his command; and while these two caused Izuku quite the migraine they were polite enough to respect his wishes…most of the time.

“Sorry about that,” Eijirou said, holding the hammer awkwardly between his hands. He waited there, expectantly.

Izuku smiled back, waiting too, but for him to fly off so he could shut the door.

Eijirou clapped his hand on the crown of Mjolnir and shuffled back. “So yes, farewell, Izuku.”

He laughed. “I’ll probably see you in a few hours.”

Katsuki shifted back to his original form. “Run along to your little team, now.”

“Right, uh, farewell.”

Three hours later, on channel Five News Network, broadcasting straight from Boston, was Eijirou running down a line of hands set behind a metal barrier rigged up by the police department. The reporter talked into his microphone.

“Ladies and gents, Eijirou just took down the monster! It was bloody brilliant!”

Eijirou roared to the crowd, feeding the frenzy.

“Eijirou, Eijirou, Eijirou!”

“A moment, God of Thunder,” the reporter flagged down the God of Thunder.

“Greetings, friend! My, what a lovely crown you have.”

“This thing?” The reporter tipped his cowboy hat. “It’s shabby, Now, that was a lovely uppercut, Eijirou. How are you feeling after that battle?”

“Oh, I’m pumped as you earthlings say. Bring a dozen more! The more the merrier! In fact let’s all get drinks to celebrate this joyous victory! For Valhalla!”

Eijirou lifted one of the barriers and beckoned the sea of fans to go with him. “It’s on Iron Man’s tab!”

“Avengers, Avengers, Avengers!”

Katsuki slapped his hand over his eyes.

“You see what I had to deal with as a child,” he commented to Izuku. “It’s a legitimate surprise I haven’t overthrown the entire galaxy.”

Now, there was a world and a race of difference between him and the Norse god, but emotions were a universal currency and he could tell despite all of Katsuki’s complaints, he adored Eijirou. “I dunno. It’s kinda cute.”

“He’s going to crash through the patio door. He always breaks something when he gets drunk.”

 

 

 

[x]

 

 

 

Izuku’s pencil clattered from his unresponsive hand to the table as Katsuki waltzed out from the bathroom, bellowed by the clouds of moist steam, with a single towel knotted and dangerously low on his slim hips. He could feel his jaw gaping open like a complete walnut but couldn’t do anything to pick it up. Water chased down the chiseled lines of his torso like silver snakes, and his dashing green godly armor never gave any forewarning that underneath it the god was so…so fit.

Eijirou walked in the apartment in Izuku’s pair of swim trunks and oversized hoody, all which poorly fit over his massive thighs and swollen arms. His red long hair was still wet from the beach, and sand followed him inside.

“Beautiful,” Eijirou praised, cupping the side of Katsuki’s neck and guiding him to his mouth.

“Kissing ass will get you so far,” he said, and pulled out of the kiss to tease Eijirou with the temptation without the reward. “You did undermine my plan to rule earth.”

“I can be very persuasive,” Eijirou breathed, desperate to kiss Katsuki once more. “You taught me after all.”

“I think I taught you better uses for that big  mouth of yours.”

Oh my god.

Like gods.

Real gods, they were a couple. As if he wasn’t struggling living with the two model worthy gods; now he had to endure said gods being intimate and hot together.

“You guys are…?” Izuku blurted.

“On and off,” Katsuki answered, copper eyes flickering over to Izuku.

“Are we on?”

“You’ll have to win my favor and maybe I’ll think about it, Eijirou,” he teased, voice heady, smoke on water, an tiny preview of what a god-man sounded like in the throes of lust. Izuku’s mother would scold him for staring but Eijirou’s hands smoothed down Katsuki’s sides and he tried for a kiss to be dodged.

He got some sense to mind his eyes when Katsuki looked at him. “Something the matter, Izuku?”

“No. Nope. Nothing wrong with me,” he said nervously then whispered in a voice of panic to himself. “I just have two hot gods kissing each other in my house, no big deal.”

Katsuki licked his canine devilishly, and sauntered to his room, dimples on his lower back dragging Izuku’s attention once more. His eyes followed dazedly.

Izuku was totally falling for the war criminal of earth. Christ, that made him the biggest douchebag ever; who pined after the villain?

“Have you need for the shower, Izuku?” Eijirou asked, disordering the sun warmed hoody, and oh yes, how could he forget the other equally gorgeous god in his apartment. He draped the hoody over the back of the couch. Eijirou was another type of beauty all to himself; broad, insanely ripped,  hot as lightning itself, never without a smile or a flash of teeth, red hair long and straight to his shoulder and his beard thick and shaggy, easily tanned by the Cali sun.

“No. I’m okay. You can use it.”

 

 

 

[x]

 

 

 

“Aw, man,” Izuku whined. “That’s the last one.”

Katsuki and Eijirou eyed the man after he deposited his chain and took his receipt.  Izuku walked up to the counter, frown in place, and leaned over at the selection of baked goods. “You wouldn’t happen to have any more poppy seed coffee cake?”

“Sorry,” the girl said. “Whatever’s up is all we got left.”

“It’s fine. I’ll just order something else.”

Katsuki tapped Eijirou and motioned soundlessly to the man exiting the shop with the pastry. “Go forth.”

Katsuki slinked through the mass of bodies and strutted down the block in his black clothes.

Izuku finished up with his order and balanced the box on his hip as he shoved his wallet into his back pocket. Eijirou held the door for him.

“Oh well, I should’ve known to come earlier. Next time—“

“Here,” Katsuki thrust the pastry at him.

Izuku pulled a face, working out the logistics in his mind. “How did you—did you make that with magic?”

“No.”

He asked the most likely possibility. “…Did you use magic to steal it from that guy?”

Katsuki shifted his weight. “No. I just convinced him that it belonged to me.”

“But he paid for it.”

“So? You wanted it. Unless…is it not to your standard?”

“No,” he said, torn between what was right and returning the pastry and letting the generous, if incredibly flawed act of kindness go unpunished. He would like to think he’d have found the guy and given him the pastry if he didn’t have two gods with puppy eye expressions of hope. “It’s, it’s wonderful. Thank you, but please, don’t take things from other people for me, okay? You don’t need to break the law for me.”

“Breaking the rules is a habit of mine.”

“Yea, I can tell, and you,” he smacked Eijirou across the arm.

“Ow!” He cradled the spot where Izuku struck him, but he had healthy knowledge that he could take a iron bat to the god and not hurt him in the least.  “Izuku, don’t strike me.”

“You weren’t watching him on purpose.”

“What, no, that’s not true at all,” Eijirou lied awfully, and it didn’t help his credibility that he looked to Katsuki multiple times for his approval of said lie.

Katsuki mouthed something back, then pretended to look at the sky when Izuku caught him helping Eijirou. “You two are awful.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Katsuki said, smoothly. “Now, eat your coffee cake.”

 

 

[x]

 

 

 

“Do you like shells, Izuku?” Eijirou asked.

“Uh, I don’t mind them. Why?”

“Here,” inside of his calloused, sun golden, godly palm was the most delicate of seashells, a pearly white with rainbow aftereffects, the outside was ribbed and abrasive while the curled inside was smoother than silk. “A shell.”

“Thank you,” he said as he turned it over and over, the jagged texture of the shell whispered pleasantly on his skin. He put it to his ear next, because people always said you could hear the ocean if you did. There was nothing but the hollow cavern. Izuku pulled it away and dragged his finger across the silky underbelly.

“In Asgard we have nicer shells. Bigger ones. This one was the most beautiful I could find and I thought you should have it for all your kindness.”

“Oh, no, you guys don’t gotta thank me. It’s been…okay it’s really weird having two gods in my apartment but you’re both…you guys can stay as long as you like, okay?”

“Thank you, Izuku.”

 

 

 

[x]

 

 

 

Katsuki waited around the corner. “You give it to him? Did he accept it?”

Eijirou wiped his sweaty palms over the pants of his jeans. “Yes.”

“Good.”

Behind Izuku’s back as he smiled droopily at the seashell, where two floating heads peeking around the corner. Both heads ducked back into cover when Izuku got up and walked to the kitchen.

“That was nerve-wracking. You should be the one to do the courting. I’m terrible.”

“God of Thunder, scared to give a mortal a shell,” Katsuki mocked; a devastating beauty in black jeans and a black V-neck.

Eijirou puffed his chest out and crossed his arms,. “I would like to see you do better.”

“Ha, I’m not a child. I can woo and court anyone with a look. He will be no challenge.”

A challenging smirk livened his face. “Then on with it. Go, go, ask him out. Oh! Let’s take him to the pier, there’s plenty of games and rides he should like.”

“Right now?”

“Yes. It’s perfect, go.” He gave his arm a light shove, when that didn’t get the god moving , Eijirou pushed his whole body into removing Katsuki from his stubborn spot against the wall.

“I’m not dressed properly,” he countered, shoving back. “I couldn’t.”

Eijirou pointed his finger right in Katsuki’s face. “Oh, so who is the scared god now. I knew it. I knew you were just as taken with him.”

“If I didn’t know any better I would think you’re enjoying this.”

“Yes. It’s refreshing to see you rattled and flustered. No one ever gets to you.”

Katsuki backed him into the wall, and few had ever come across the sight of what Katsuki was doing to the mighty God of Thunder—collecting his wrists and pinning them like nails to the wall. The other god went willing, when wasn’t Eijirou willing to be whatever Katsuki wanted or needed, and his Adam’s apple bobbed under his amber eyes.  “Maybe your senses have dull but you’re a bigger ass if you think that.”

“Katsuki,” Eijirou said, softly, lids lowered, lips wet in anticipation that he could never delay.

“Gods,” he scowled. “Just shut the hell up and kiss me, you giant ass. I can’t stand when you look like you need me more than life itself.”

“Thank you,” he said, chancing the empty air between their mouths.

“Shut up,” Katsuki growled, ironing his fingers savagely on Eijirou’s jaw. “Use your mouth, no more talking from you.”

 

 

 

[x]

 

 

 

“Izuku,” Katsuki said, moving stiffly into the living room.

Izuku tried hard, people, really damn hard not to get lost in Katsuki’s long, lean shape but—he snapped his eyes back up to the god’s face. “Oh, hey, Katsuki.”

Katsuki clapped his hands, rubbed them, then set them to his sides. “Yes, greetings.”

“…Is something up? Please tell me you haven’t stolen another artifact.”

“What,” he barked.  “No, you idiot.”

Izuku put on an expression of questionability. “Are you sure? Because I’ll be upset if I have Iron Man and Captain American banging on my door about the tessa…the tessarack.”

“It’s pronounced ‘tesseract’, you imbecile,” the god corrected prudishly. “And believe me, if I had it then I wouldn’t be asking like a complete fool. I would just take what I want.”

“What?”

Eijirou made a vague hand motion where he stood in Izuku’s blindspot.

Katsuki squinted his eyes, the signal lost on him.

Eijirou made the motion again, pointing at Izuku, then himself, then Katsuki, then out the window, and then held his other hand.

“Do… you… have… plans?” Katsuki asked, directing it at Izuku while he looked to Eijirou for confirmation.

Eijirou thrust two thumbs up.

“Now?”

“Saturday,” he said, then peeked at Eijirou, who nodded back in encouragement and mouthed you’re doing great, Katsuki,  then looked back to Izuku, head held regally like the godly prince he was. “From six to midnight.”

Izuku scrunched half his face and filtered through the days. “I’m free Saturday.”

“Don’t be late.”

“What?”

“We’re having a…a,” he motioned aggressively, heart never racing this fast in his life and Katsuki had on his heels a whole army of monsters and firsthand experience with the Hulk so that said something about Izuku and his effect. Not that the idiot had any idea of it. The way he paraded himself like second class, which most mortals were to a god, reinforced that but even the fairest of goddesses paled to Izuku. Second class; no. Izuku would look good in Asgard, in decorative armor, in gold jewelry, in between him and Eijirou mastering the slide of their cocks, squirming—

“Are you asking me to hang out with you guys?”

He blinked. “Yes. That. That’s the word for it. Yes, that.”

“Oh, you should’ve just said so,” he laughed.  “Of course, where do you wanna go?”

“Do you like the prier?”

The Bifrost was a bridge that connected Asgard to all realms, and it held every color imaginable as it granted every road in the entire galaxy; you would never come across something so powerful, vivid, and breathtaking in all the realms—unless you went to earth, and chanced on this shoddy apartment with a tiny balcony that was a ledge to his back in Asgard, where a certain mortal matched it.

Those rainbow colors were somehow, by sorcery clearly, in Izuku’s slowly crawling smile. “Yes.”

His voice came out softer than he’d planned. “Then that’s where we’re going.”

“Okay, cool. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Yes, good.”

“Anything else you wanted to ask me?”

“No. I’ll, I’ll just—Good night!”

 

 

 

[x]

 

 

 

Katsuki yanked his hands out of the pockets of his black blazer, irritation getting to him. “I’m overdressed. Great. Look everyone else is in jeans and I made a suit.”

“What,” Eijirou said, in casual wear as well—a simple but flatting pair of dark washed blue jeans paired with a white button up. “You look handsome.”

“I’m changing,” he snarled. “I look like an idiot.”

Eijirou twined their hands, pecking Katsuki’s frowning lips. “Don’t. I can barely keep my eyes off you. You’ll drive Izuku mad. Leave it.”

“Oh my god,” one woman squealed, racing across the boardwalk to hop up and down like a rabbit. “You’re Eijirou! Could I get a selfie with you?”

“Certainly.”

Eijirou posed with the fan and puckered his lips. “There you go.”

“Thank you so much,” she said, putting away her phone. “I’m such a huge fan…Are you that guy who attacked New York?”

“If I was, do you think I would be walking around L.A.?”

“Uh,” she said, not sure how to answer that.

“Don’t hurt your brain,” Katsuki said, his smirk was nothing but mocking, then motioned quickly with his fingers. “Go on, now.”

The call of a friend ultimately dragged the woman’s attention away, and she scampered down the boardwalk, screaming excitedly to her friend about the meeting and how Stacy would be so effing jelly when she saw the picture on Instagram.

“Jealousy is unbecoming,” Eijirou said, hand placed around Katsuki’s bony waist. “But you do wear it so well.”

“Oh shut up,” he scoffed, amber eyes passed in disinterest over the intrigued stares lingering darkly over Eijirou’s thick arms and full beard.  “Like I could give a shit about random women throwing themselves at me. If I was an Avenger, you wouldn’t stand a chance against me.”

The suggestion inspired a childlike joy in Eijirou. “You should join—“

“No,” Katsuki silenced. “No, that was a joke. Plus, I prefer to be in charge. Do you think I could listen to those two?”

“Ah, Yagi and Aizawa aren’t too bad. Sure, they’re inferior in strength but they have a lot of heart.”

“More like a lot of sh—“

“Hey guys.” Izuku’s voice traveling with the crash of the slapping waves caused the gods to set their back straight.  “Sorry I know I’m a little late.” Humidity fuzzed the end of each curl on top pf Izuku’s head

“No problem.”

“I had no idea you guys liked this type of stuff.”

“We love this type of stuff, right, Katsuki?”

Absolutely not; for one, too many people crowded the space, no breathing room offered,  and breeding a stench unique to the mass density of hundreds of people’s natural body odor, and if the whiff of the gentlemen with his gut muffin-toping in his basketball shorts and pit-stained Hawaiian shirt didn’t bring up the entire content of your stomach then the trash bins spread down the pier, stuffed to the point that the folded paper plates and cups  were swept up by the faintest of wind, would do the trick.

Then the music—don’t get him started on the chicken scratch people of earth mistakenly confused for music—blared gratingly on amplified woofers .

Oh, and the children, screaming and stampeding like little beasts.

But all of his annoyance with the environment seemed to dissipate as Izuku tucked his thumbs into his pockets, smile on hold for Katsuki’s say. “Adore it.”

“So what shall we try first, Izuku?”

 

 

[x]

 

 

The baseball thumped hollowly off the hat secured tight to the mannequins set on a slow-moving circuit. “Oops, missed again!” The employee laughed.  “Better luck next time.”

Katsuki grabbed the employee by the collar, and sneered. “Your game is a cheat. I hit it dead center.”

“Well,” the employee yanked the fabric of his shirt out of Katsuki’s clenching fingers.  “You didn’t because it’s still on there.”

“You calling me a liar?”

“Just a sore loser,” the employee grinned, riding off of Katsuki’s mounting frustration.

Izuku touched his side. “It’s fine—“

“Once more,” he growled, palming five dollars on the counter.

The employee plucked the bills, licked his dry thumb, and corralled five baseballs and set the once white colored balls on the counter. “Go as many times as you like, pal.”

“Katsuki,” Eijirou whispered.  “Katsuki, no magic.”

Katsuki launched the ball so fast that it not only caught fire but it took all the mannequins off the track and through the back of the shack.

The gum the pimpled employee had been smacking and chewing loudly and obnoxiously against his gums, fell from  his gaping mouth. “Holy shit.”

Katsuki took a second to fix the fitting of his blazer and his hair then smiled with all teeth, madness, and destruction. “My prize.”

The employee numbly handed Izuku the stuffed wolf plushy.

 

 

[x]

 

“Why doesn’t this machine go any higher? We’re barely leaving the ground,” complained Eijirou, examining the cart.

 Large patches were missing from the original paint job and showed the exposed smooth dark metal. The seatbelts threads were frayed and glinting buckle had chips in it from the numerous times someone scraped the metal tongue over it. A breeze rolling off the beach swayed their cart slightly, and rocked it back and forward.

“And it’s going in a circle,” Katsuki observed after the third rotation. Their cart climbed up to inky sky, and white moon spread out before them and underneath their feet dozens of brilliant lights blazed and twinkled. “Why?”

Izuku snorted into his hand. “It’s a Ferris wheel. It’s supposed to be like this.”

“What’s the purpose of this?” Eijirou asked,

“I dunno,” he said. “To enjoy the view. To talk. To make out.”

Eijirou cupped his mouth, speaking the words in a hush. “Make out?”

“Kissing,” Katsuki elaborated.

“Oh.”

Izuku twisted around in the cart, peeked over the peeled edges where fingers, time, and the elements eroded the paint job. “See, like that couple is—oh.”

They joined him in peeking down to the cart beneath them. “Yes,” Katsuki said, “She appears to be making out quite heavily with his cock. I can see the appeal.”

“Jesus. I am so sorry.”

Eijirou hummed. “Wonder how long he’ll manage?”

“A man like that never gets his cock fondled. Seconds at the most.”

Eyes met, the set from the God of Thunder, and the other from the God of Mischief. In the small beat that passed, they both managed to be the God of Mischief.  “A bet, I see. Two minutes, I have faith in our friend.”

“What’s a wager good for if there are no stakes?”

“I am not removing the collar.”

“…Fuck.”

“You guys are not betting on—“

“Shit,” Eijirou cursed, slumping back in the seat.

“Stick to fighting, Eijirou. You do better at that. Most of the time.”

 

 

[x]

 

 

“I had a great time with you,” said Chad, the guy who stalked Izuku’s Facebook account and flooded his inbox with messages. Attractive, a 9-5 job at a law firm; he wanted out of the city when he retired to get a house in the country; two kids to fill the modern three bedroom flat he rented, and someone to dote his heavy salary on.

“Yea,” he said, not meeting Chad’s eyes. “It was...it was something.”

Dull. Regular, non-heart attack inducing; like dating a normal human instead of two Norse gods. He couldn’t blame Chad for his less than magical date, really, Izuku set up these expectations and standards in his own mind since living with Eijirou and Katsuki. Even though he told himself, made his heart know the real deal here, he went out looking for everything in the gods within another person. So, of course, there weren’t any fireworks.

“Well goodnight,” he said, done for the night and for this date and especially for Chad’s puppy dog eyes. He felt worse and worse about his own lack of excitement every second he had to endure it.

Chad pressed his arm on the door trim. “Actually, was wondering if I could step in for a bit, for, uh, coffee.”

Motivated by the preemptive guilt he was feeling at the future calls and emails from Chad he would ignore first then answer with a wall of text about how it wasn’t him but Izuku and the lack of sexual intensity between them and the fan favorite I think we would be better as friends, Izuku waved him in and shut the door softly behind him.

Coffee was fine, right, for someone you planned to cut ties with.

Chad rested his hands in the pockets of his blazer, and checked out the place while Izuku worked on the coffee, trying not to seem like he was rushing the process to get Chad out of his place as soon as possible. The machine belched, then steamed out a black line of coffee when he realized he had no idea how Chad took it. Eijirou  had a sweet tooth so Izuku knew to spoon in plenty of sugar and cream while Katsuki liked a bitter taste…and he was back to thinking about the gods, again.

“Uh, how do you like it?”

“Four creamers, three sugars.”

The coffee was still whirlpooling when Izuku handed him the cup.

“Thanks,” he sipped.

Izuku tapped his fingers on the side of his thigh.

“Could I sit?” He asked.

Fuck; Izuku smiled on the outside though, polite to a damn fault. “Sure.”

Chad set the cup down, turned his body so it faced Izuku and kept him under the metaphorical barrel of his love-struck eyes. “I think you’re gorgeous.”

Oh no.

“Funny.”

No, stop.

“Smart.”

Chad placed his hand on top of Izuku’s bouncing knee. “And normally I don’t have sex on the first date but I noticed the looks you gave me and I’m willing to lift that rule.”

Looks; what looks? Izuku gave a few to the door of the restaurant and now the door of his apartment, and he was thinking about the window too because this conversation could not be seriously heading in down this path.

“Uh…”

Chad kissed him, and Izuku had no time or preparation to brace himself and fell on his back, numbly experiencing Chad’s moving mouth. Shocking passing, Izuku pressed on Chad’s shoulders.

Metal cut more than the sexual sounds in the air, it landed coolly against Chad’s bobbing Adam apple. “Get off of him.” Izuku heard a dark godly voice growl

The short dagger guided Chad into an upright position with his hands splayed in surrender. “Whoa, whoa, whoa.”

Blue lightning spider-ed over Eijirou’s body, disintegrating his civilian clothes and leaving his trademark red cape and dark grey armor. Mjolnir was in Chad’s face.  “How dare you lay a hand on Izuku!”

Katsuki fisted Chad’s hair, pulling cruelly, and exposed his neck as he snarled in his ear. “You’ve chosen the wrong man to attack, fiend. I would suggest you turn back now or we won’t show you any mercy.”

“Guys, guys, stop,” Izuku panicked.

“But this man attacked you!” Eijirou roared

“Slobbering all over you when you’re already taken,” Katsuki twisted on the hair to cause Chad to hiss in pain. “That’s treasonous, boy, to touch an Asgardian’s lover.”

Izuku blinked. Lover? “Wait, what?”

“I will run you through with my knife,” threatened Katsuki and pressed the blade firmer to the skin to invite the uncomfortable pressure of sliced skin.

“And I with my hammer if you do not retreat from this place.”

“So what will you decide? Death or retreat.”

Where they calling Izuku their—Jesus, Izuku, not the time. Focus on the two gods about to murder a guy in your apartment for macking on you. But…lover, really, him? “Oh my god.”

“I’ll—okay,” Chad said, getting to his feet courtesy of Katsuki’s godly strength.  “I’m going, I’m going.”

“That was so unnecessary guys,” Izuku shouted after they kicked Chad out of the apartment, face beet red from so many things but the start the list —humiliation.

“What’s unnecessary is you seeing other men,” said Katsuki.

“If you wanted affection, Izuku, then say so. We’ve been courting you patiently and it’s a great insult to our heart and pride that you would court another man.”

“Courting?!”

“What, did you think all those gifts were for nothing?”

“I—wait, you guys like me?”

“Yes,” Eijirou said.

 “What a stupid question, of course, we do. I brought an alien army to New York and you think all those things I did for you were out of the goodness of my heart. I did those things for you.”

Izuku slumped on the sofa, taking the confession like a physical blow to his body. “I thought you guys wouldn’t…cause I’m just, you know, a weak human and everything.”

Katsuki locked his chin in his hand, and tipped it up. “Weak? I don’t think a mortal who can cause a god’s heart to stop in his chest would be considered weak.”

“What you lack in physical strength you make up for with kindness, intelligence, and heart. And why should you need to be strong for us to want you? We will protect you from any danger.”

“Oh my god my boyfriends are gods.”

“We should make that official then, with a kiss,” Katsuki suggested, smirk so mischievous and godly that it freaking ached Izuku to look on it any longer without claiming it so he did. He took that powerful, magical, mythical god’s mouth and tasted the science and the sorcery and the godliness found in Asgard, found in Gods, found in men from above the clouds.

And it was so unfair to make comparisons to a god and a mortal but Chad tasted like morning hours, paperwork, and the highway commute, but Katsuki was more than earthly taste, magic saturated his gums and spit like black licorice

Izuku slipped his tongue out, feeling the breath of Katsuki’s groan go with him, black and moist. Their mouths dragged over each other, never completing the kiss, until Izuku teased the tip of his tongue  between Katsuki’s lips, then they’re kissing all over. Messier, with less of that first-time kiss magic and more of that I’ll break into a million pieces if I don’t get you magic. The armor took a lot of the fun out of dry humping and hand wandering but Katsuki went without his horned crown so his hair was free real estate for his hands.

Izuku fisted, knotted, twisted hard, knowing a god could take the rough treatment and remembering in the back of his mind that this man not only put the Avengers on the ropes but could crush Izuku in his palm brought on this near animalistic hunger to crawl and mark the god like a scratching post.

Izuku caught the softness of his bottom lip between his teeth, sucked it for a bit, and allowed the tender tissue to pop back.

“Shit,” Katsuki cursed when Izuku was done with him and his red lips. He looked so damn dazed.

Eijirou didn’t have the opportunity to ask the other god, because Izuku was standing up, landing one hand on the cold plate of armor and lassoing his other hand through that thick red mane and swallowed Eijirou’s words.

“Gods,” Eijirou panted, Mjolnir dropped to the floor so he could grab onto Izuku’s waist. Thunder rumbled in the distance. Harmless tendrils of lightning bolts tingled over Izuku’s body. There might be lightning in his mouth too, but oh well, one of the inconveniences of dating the God of Thunder.

Katsuki slotted his body behind Izuku, stealing his mouth back. “I’m not done,” he rasped.

Eijirou took the arch of Izuku’s neck as a wordless invitation to suck and kiss on it.

“Guys, could you,” Izuku swallowed. “Like lose the armor. I mean it’s hot, believe me, but…”

“We’ll remove more than that,” Eijirou purred.

Katsuki slipped one hand under the hem of his shirt and fluttered his fingers across his navel. “No armor in exchange for no clothes. I think that’s a fair price.”

“Oh my god,” Izuku moaned. “Yes, absolutely.”

“So eager,” Eijirou laughed.

Katsuki moved his hand up, found a nipple, twisted it cruel; dark words breathing hot over Izuku’s ear. “Greedy shit,” he laughed.

 

 

 

[x]

 

 

“Tell me about the nine realms,” Izuku whispered, in bed, sandwiched between the two naked gods. Katsuki was for the count, sleeping to where he clung greedily to Izuku’s side.

Eijirou was still awake. “Well there’s…”

He had his eyes closed while he listened, supplying images in his mind to all the worlds and planets living above earth.

“Are you sleeping?” Eijirou broke off to ask.

“I’m awake,” he mumbled, blinking rapidly at the god. “Keep talking. Tell me about the giants.”

“You’re tired,” he laughed, pushing Izuku’s head down to pillow on his chest.  “Sleep, the nine realms will still be there when you wake up.”

“What about the gods?”

“We’re gods to you, but we’re not though if you asked me why thunder comes to me whenever I call, why magic travels like spilled beer to Katsuki, I couldn’t say. I’ll die when the time comes but it won’t be the same as for you, so am I a god?”

“You are.,” Izuku said. “To me.”

 

 

 

[x]

 

 

Izuki laughed hard, hand flying to catch the spray of spit. “Shut up.”

“I did,” Katsuki said. “He didn’t believe I could so I did it anyway. He made a hideous frog.”

Eijirou poked sourly through the slushy mess at the bottom of his plastic cup. “I ate flies for two days.”

“Did you fix that?” Izuku asked.

Katsuki shrugged. “Eventually.”

“It took you a few tries. One time I had my body but only the head of a frog.”

Katsuki grinned, probably remembering it in his mind and still finding it just as funny.

 Izuku smiled, shoulder checking him. “You’re trouble, Kacchan.”

“I am,” he said, unrepentant.

“No, you’re literally a bad boy. You’re exactly what every girl dies for.”

Eijirou traded sugary, frozen kisses with Katsuki; Izuku shivered at the visible sight of Eijirou’s tongue entering Katsuki’s mouth with no ask of approval, no forewarning, just the instinctive knowledge Katsuki would accept it. 

“Yes,” Eijirou pinched the chewed straw, breaking the sensual mood with a noisy slurp. “But not just the girls.”

“I think you two  sucking my cock at once would be less disgusting than these compliments,” he complained.

“Well,” Izuku spooned his rapidly melting ice cream, and dragged his tongue suggestively over the plastic spoon. “We could try. Prove you wrong.”

“I’m rarely wrong.”

“The greatest challenge ever given to the mighty Eijirou, will cock sucking better fouler than flowery compliments?”

“Don’t make me zip that mouth shut,” Katsuki wiggled his fingers, the tips dancing with a veil of gold.

“No magic,” Izuku scolded.

“You say that until I bring magic into the bedroom and then you’ll be screaming for it..”

 

 

 

[x]

 

 

“He’s asleep,” Katsuki said, walking in the TV lit living room.

Eijirou craned his head, looking—Izuku’s cheek smooshed to his chest, one leg dangled over the sofa, and the back of his shirt rode up.

“The Bifrost is repaired,” Eijirou didn’t raise his voice above a whisper.

Nothing of emotion communicated over Katsuki’s face.  “I know,” he said, tone strained as if weighed down under a large mass. He popped the tab of the can, and went back to the TV.

“I can hear you thinking, Eijirou.”

He stared at Katsuki’s outlined profile, the jester sharp jawline, his long elegant neck, his golden hair aglow from the white-blue of the TV. People saw him and thought of highly of Eijirou because his ability to fight, his unmatched strength, and the thunder that came from Mjolnir. Others saw Katsuki and thought about his silk voice designed to entice, to ensnare, to manipulate; they saw the magic and its undefined laws and feared it; they saw his leaner body and hardly considered him a challenge; they saw that he didn’t smile often, not without the undertone of misdeed, and they didn’t hear his laugh so they couldn’t think anything good of him.

All those eyes failed to see that there was strength to him, kindness if you knew where it laid buried, and an intelligence that guided Katsuki into trouble and as did out of it. Eijirou couldn’t go through a book without wanting it against the wall or reaching for the leather warm handle of a weapon. Katsuki could and he did.

“Is it possible for mortals to become like us?”

Katsuki shook his head, attention on the screen but his mind wasn’t absorbing the mindless TV drama. “You’re stupid.”

“It was—“

“Anything is possible, Eijirou,” said Katsuki, amber eyes fell on Eijirou. People couldn’t understand his draw to Katsuki, why he ever pursued him despite everything he had done, but Eijirou saw the reason countless times and he witnessed it again and he could tell everyone very easily why. “Odin conquered and connected nine worlds, ships the size of a nation hover in space, there are even rumored stones that can wrap time, reality, space. “

“Can you?”

“No,” he snorted. “I like that you think that highly of my magic but I can’t.”

“Oh.”

Katsuki lifted the aluminum rim of the can to his mouth. “But, if you know where to look.”

 

[x]

 

 

“How will this work with you guys in Asgard?” Izuku asked, standing in an empty road with the two gods. The gate would singe anything within its radius so they avoided anywhere with flammable material.

“You can visit us,” Eijirou said.  “I’ll bring you. My mother and father would love you meet you, and you can see Katsuki while he’s in prison.”

“Until I break out,” Katsuki said.

“No, no, you’ll serve your sentence like a good prisoner.”

“I’ll think about it.”

Izuku frowned. “So this is goodbye?”

Eijirou cupped the back of his head and kissed him sweetly. “For a short time, Izuku. Until everything is in order on Asgard.”

“Okay,” he said, still mopey.

Katsuki pressed the knuckle of his hand under Izuku’s jaw. “We won’t be gone long enough for you to miss us.”

“I already am so you’re a liar.”

His mouth quirked, white teeth on that manic display again. The world would typecast it as evil and madness, Izuku thought pretty was more suitable but then again he wasn’t in New York during the invasion and he had nothing but good memories with Katsuki…So biased? Heavily  “You’re making it difficult to be a good captive.”

“You make it hard to be human.”

Katsuki stepped back.

Eijirou raised Mjolnir to the air.

A blinding light haloed the gods.

“If gods are real, then what’s to say you’ll stay human forever?”

The wind picked up, throwing everything that wasn’t weighed down, airborne. “Is that possible?” Izuku asked, leaves spiraling around him.

“We’re leaving on a rainbow bridge,” mocked Katsuki. “Figure it out yourself.”