The first time Caroline asks him if he's fantasised about having sex with another guy, she has to take her mouth off his cock to do it, so Harry doesn't think it's entirely his fault if he blurts out the truth instead of a careful lie.
If he'd hoped she was going to leave it there, he's disappointed.
"But you've really never done anything?" she asks, later, when they're curled up with her head resting on his chest. "Not even with Louis, or any of the other boys?"
"They're straight," Harry says. "All of them, like, properly straight."
He's grateful when she doesn't ask if they're the ones he's fantasised about. He's not good at lying to her, even when he's not desperate to come.
"Would, you, though?" she asks him the next time they see each other. She's riding him, the beautiful tight hot clench of her cunt around him making it hard to think. "Would you like to have sex with a man, if you could?"
It's too complicated a question to answer when he can barely remember his own name, so he gasps out a yes and tells her the rest later, under cover of darkness: how he loves women - of course he does - but how he'd just been starting to wonder about himself when he'd been put through on X-Factor, and how his life now is such a complicated mess that he can't even have a relationship with a woman without the tabloids going mental, let alone risk trying to pick up a bloke and having it get out.
She's silent for a long time, and Harry thinks she might've even fallen asleep. Then she says, "What if I could make it happen?"
Harry doesn't know why Caroline's always pushing him to try new things. He knows she gets off on telling him what to do in bed, likes to be on top, likes to make him wait to come. She was the first one to put a finger up his bum whilst sucking him off. She'd got out her vibrator once and teased him with it, pressing it behind his balls until he'd been shaking and desperate.
Niall says she does it because she's kinky as fuck. Liam said Harry shouldn't be talking about what he does in bed. Louis says its because she's afraid Harry'll break up with her if she doesn't keep him interested, which Harry doesn't understand because Caroline's gorgeous, lovely, sexy as fuck, why would Harry break up with her?
And now she apparently wants to watch him have sex with a man.
"I think it'd be hot," she says, when he gets up the nerve to ask why.
"And you wouldn't mind? I mean, you wouldn't be jealous?"
"Not if I'm there, too. I'd like to teach you how to to give a blow job." She cards a hand through his hair and tugs so he has to tilt his head back and look at her. "And other things, too, if you want."
Harry tries not to shiver at the promise in her voice. He's been thinking about it more and more, ever since she first mentioned it, and it's started to drive him a bit mental, wondering. Wanting.
The bottom line is that he trusts Caroline, and if she says she can do it - find someone who won't talk, no matter what, someone who can make it good for him - he wants to try. She'll be there, anyway, to look after him.
"Okay," he says. "Yeah. I'm in."
"So, I've found someone," she says on the phone a few days later, and it takes Harry a moment to process - is she breaking up with him? Then he realises, and has to swallow, hard.
"Who is it?"
"Hmm. No, I don't think I'll say. I'd like to keep it a surprise for now."
"Do I know him?"
"You've met, but you're not friends," Caroline says, and Harry's mind's going wild with the possibilities. "You'll like him, don't worry."
"And he knows - like, that it's me? And he won't tell anyone?"
"Don't worry. He's got the tightest mouth in London, this one does, as he'll probably tell you himself." She laughs, and Harry flushes. Blowjob jokes, right, because he's going to have sex with a man. Christ. "Oh, stop worrying, Harry," Caroline says. "Look, come for dinner on Friday, and if you don't fancy him - or it - after all then we'll say no more about it, alright? We can just have a nice meal. He's good for a laugh, we'll have fun no matter what."
"Alright," Harry says. "Friday."
Three days until he has sex with a bloke. Three days until he gets to try out things he's only seen in porn, the stuff he watches when he's absolutely sure the other boys won't walk in on him. Maybe he'll give someone a blowjob. Get fucked, even, if the bloke is up for it.
It almost doesn't matter who Caroline's found, really. As long as they know how to keep their mouth shut, Harry's going to milk this opportunity for all it's worth.
Only it turns out it's Nick fucking Grimshaw.
Harry finds out on Thursday when he walks in to Caroline's kitchen to find Nick leaning against the bench, wine glass dangling from his long, long fingers. Nick just looks up with a friendly grin and says, "Hiya, Harry Styles. You alright?" like he's not here to have sex with Harry whilst Caroline watches. Like this is all completely normal.
(Like Harry hasn't fancied Nick since he used to watch him on Saturday morning telly, since before Harry'd even realised maybe it wasn't normal to think about another bloke's hands so much. Like he and Harry hadn't met at that GQ dinner, and Harry hasn't been trying ever since to work out how to casually become mates with him.
"Are you alright, Harry?" Caroline asks, one of her beautifully soft hands at the nape of his neck, steadying him, and Harry realises he's stopped in the doorway with his mouth hanging open like an idiot. "You remember Nick, don't you? He said you two had met."
"At that dinner, remember?" Nick says. He's got such an easy grin. "That was properly posh, that night. I made your Liam introduce me to Ronnie Wood."
"Yeah. Yeah, I remember - God. Fuck. Sorry." Harry shakes his head. "Sorry, I just - wasn't expecting it to be you?"
Nick and Caroline exchange a glance over Harry's shoulder, and then Nick pulls a face and says, self-deprecating, "Well, I suppose it was a long shot, Caz. Never mind, we can still have dinner, yeah? It smells delicious."
Harry feels like things are moving about twice as fast as he is. "No, wait," he says. "I didn't mean - I didn't mean I was disappointed, like. I was just surprised."
"Good surprise or bad surprise, Harry?" Caroline asks from behind him, and Harry swallows and forces his eyes up to meet Nick's.
"Good," he says. "Definitely a good surprise."
"Oh," Nick says. "Oh-h." He looks absolutely delighted. "Really?"
"Yeah." Harry's blushing. He can feel it creeping down his neck under the collar of his shirt. "But, um. I didn't think you, like." He resists the urge to twist his fingers in the tails of his shirt; he's trying to be cool, here. "You'd want to? With me?" He can't quite bring himself to specify what; it's surreal enough already, standing around in the bright lights of Caroline's kitchen and discussing a threesome.
"Well, I'd be mad not to, wouldn't I?" Nick says. He casually swirls his wine around in his glass, still looking pleased as punch. "You're quite fit, Harry Styles, in case you hadn't heard."
Caroline squeezes the back of Harry's neck briefly, then lets go. "I think it may have been mentioned, once or twice. But that's enough flirting out of you, Grimshaw. That risotto must be nearly ready. Harry, set the table, please?"
"Sure," Harry says. He's still looking at Nick, and Nick's watching him right back, not breaking eye contact even as he sips his wine. Harry's so warm he feels like he's standing directly over the stove. He's going to have sex with Nick Grimshaw tonight. He reaches down to adjust himself, trying to be discreet, but Caroline spots it and swats at his hand.
"Save it for later. I'm glad you're so keen, but dinner first. You, too, Grim, hop to it."
Harry's not sure how he makes it through the meal. The risotto's lovely, if a bit underdone - that's what you get, he supposes, if you forget to stir it because you're too busy discussing a threesome - but he doesn't feel hungry in the slightest, and he mostly pushes it around his plate.
Fortunately Nick and Caroline seem content to carry the conversation between them. Harry wishes he could contribute more. He doesn't want to embarrass Caroline with his muteness, and he really doesn't want Nick to think of him as a stupid kid, but every time he glances at Nick his mind gets stuck on I'm going to have sex with you. He's afraid to open his mouth in case that's all that comes out.
After what seems like an eternity, Caroline puts her fork down on her empty plate with a decisive clink. "Well, I did make dessert, but I think under the circumstances we'd better move to the bedroom before Harry explodes, don't you?"
The glass of wine he's had with dinner makes his blush even hotter. "I'm not - sorry, I'm just - we can have dessert if you like?"
"Don't be silly." She stands up. "You boys both know where my bedroom is. I'll join you in a moment."
Nick gives him a friendly grin. "Come on, Harry, this is her show. Best do as she says."
He’s still hesitating.
“Go on, really,” Caroline says. “You’re not the only one who’s feeling impatient. Nick’s been staring at you almost as much as you’ve been staring at him.”
“Can you blame me, when he’s been - ah, see? That, just there, that lip biting thing.” Harry removes his lip from between his teeth, and Nick snorts. “Christ, Caz, I don’t know how you keep your hands off him.” Harry can’t help but feel pleased; at least Nick wasn’t fibbing when he’d said he found Harry attractive.
“I don’t, actually, as a rule,” Caroline says. Then she swats Nick on the bum. “Go. Get out of here, both of you.”
Caroline’s house isn’t exactly over-sized, but the walk upstairs to her bedroom has never seemed longer. They're just through the door - and there's her bed, where he's going to have sex with Nick, fuck - when Harry realises, "Shit, we didn’t - I can't just leave Caroline to clean up by herself."
Nick stops him from leaving with a hand on his arm. “Don't,” he says. “She's very cleverly engineered this so we'll have a moment alone.”
Nick’s so close Harry can smell him, a spicy sort of thing that’s probably aftershave. He swallows. “Alone? Why would we - ?” Surely she didn’t mean them to get started? He’s not sure he can do this without her here.
“So I can ask you if you really want to do this.” Nick hasn’t moved his hand off Harry’s arm. Harry's skin is prickling even through the fabric of his shirt. It's the first time they've touched all night. “I know this is a bit odd since we’ve only just been starting to get to know each other. And Caroline can get a bit enthusiastic, sometimes, but it doesn’t mean you have to go through with it if you don’t want to.”
Nick’s looking at him steadily, but Harry’s eyes are on the floor, on the bottom of the duvet, on a pair of Caroline’s shoes sitting neatly in the corner - anywhere but on Nick. “I do want to?” he says. He’s so nervous, but he’s always going to be, isn’t he, before his first time. “I mean, I do want to.”
“So much you can’t even look at me?”
Fuck. Harry drags his eyes up to Nick’s face. Nick smiles, and it’s not a television smile, it’s something altogether softer and more gentle. “That’s better,” he says. “Now. Cazza said you’re curious about blokes, but are you sure you want to do this with me?"
“I, um.” Oh, fuck it; what’s the worst that could happen if he admits it? He’s got to convince Nick. “I used to fancy you a bit, actually, when you were on the telly.”
"Did you really?" There's that delighted grin again. Harry doesn't get it. Nick's fit, and funny, and lovely; he shouldn't keep looking so surprised that Harry might fancy him. "Well, Harry Styles, I'm flattered. But it’s still a big step from maybe fancying a man off the telly to having sex with him, isn’t it? And it can be a big thing, your first time. You might want to wait until you’re with someone who’s not practically a stranger.”
Harry takes a deep breath. Time to put his cards on the table. “I, uh. You’re not exactly a stranger, though, are you? Caroline trusts you and that means a lot. And - don't take this the wrong way, but. I'm only doing this so I'll know."
"Know if you're interested in men?" Nick asks.
Harry nods. "I'm not going to get many chances like this. I can't just go out and pick someone up and try it out. And - I don't know how much Caz's said about what things are like for me and the boys, lately, but so much of what we do is acting, following a script. I want to know, like, what's me, underneath all that."
God, that sounds awful, like he's just using Nick, but he supposes he is, really. As long as everyone knows what they're in for, no one'll get hurt.
“Hmm.” Nick changes his grip on Harry’s arm to circle his wrist with long fingers, and Harry can’t help but shiver at the feel of it. “You really mean that.”
“Yeah. I understand if you feel like I'm using you, or whatever, and you'd rather not do this, but that's how it is."
“Well.” Nick’s fingers tighten briefly on his wrist. “I think I’d be honoured to be used by you, Harry Styles.”
Harry doesn’t quite know what to say to that, but it doesn’t matter, because a second later Caroline’s coming through the door.
“Boys, you've still got your clothes on." She sounds disappointed. "Are we doing this, or not?"
Nick grins at him, the mood broken, and steps back, letting go of his arm. "You heard her, Styles. Get your kit off. Don't keep a lady waiting."
Getting undressed is easy, even in front of Nick; Harry's never minded being naked. Standing there in the nude whilst watching Nick strip off at a more leisurely pace is more difficult. He doesn't know where to look - Nick's face? His slightly hairy chest? His pale thighs, or - God, his cock, not hard, just hanging there between his legs, average-sized and uncircumcised and absolutely undeniably another man's dick.
Caroline steps up behind him and puts her arms around him. She's still got her silky dress on and the feel of the fabric against his bare back makes Harry shiver.
“Like what you see?” she murmurs into his ear.
Harry nods, though he's honestly not sure. It's different from his fantasies, looking at Nick like this; Nick's real, and right there, and Harry's going to touch him. It's not that Nick isn't hot, but Harry's brain is having trouble making the leap from theory to practice.
“I think he might need a kiss, Grim,” Caroline says over Harry's shoulder. “Warm him up a bit.”
Nick steps in close but raises an eyebrow at Harry before making contact, and Harry swallows and nods, closing his eyes as he leans up to meet Nick's mouth.
It's - God, Nick's mouth is - it's just big, and he doesn't have any of the waxy lipstick taste that Harry's gotten used to from kissing Caroline, and his tongue feels huge when he coaxes Harry's mouth open and licks inside. Then Nick rests his long fingers on the angle of Harry's jaw and tilts his face up into the kiss, and Harry feels something switch on inside him, very suddenly. His cock twitches against his thigh.
“Oh, I think he likes that,” Caroline murmurs. Harry shivers. She's talking about him like he's not even here, and it should be rude; why is it getting him hard?
Nick takes his time with the kiss, tongue fucking into Harry's mouth like it's his for the taking, and honestly after the first ten seconds it really is; it's taking all of Harry's conscious effort just to stay standing, even with Caroline's arms around him.
When Nick pulls back, Harry feels like he's had a marathon snogging session, though they can't have been going for more than a minute or so. His hand automatically goes to his mouth, and Nick says, "Ah, sorry. I didn't shave properly this morning."
Beard burn. Fuck. Gemma's come home with it, once or twice, and Harry's given her shit for it like the good little brother he is. He'd never imagined he'd be on the receiving end.
“You don't mind, do you, Harry?” Caroline says. Harry realises he's still tracing his lips over and over with his fingers and he flushes as he drops his hand.
“No, um. It's fine?”
“Good.” Nick darts in and presses a quick kiss to Harry's lips. “You've got quite a mouth on you,” he observes.
“Knows how to use it, too,” Caroline says,
“Really?” Nick says, looking at him consideringly, and - fuck, Nick's thinking about Harry blowing him, he realises with a start. Harry's cock's filling rapidly, and Nick's still right there, if Harry gets much harder Nick's going to notice.
Then Nick takes a step back, and Harry's not sure if he's relieved or not. "We haven't talked about exactly what you want to do," he says.
Caroline's still got her arms around Harry, and she drops a hand to curl around his cock as she says, "Grimmy'll do most things, won't you, Grim? So it's really up to you, Harry."
“I - God. I don't know?” It comes out as a question, because Caroline's started stroking him off, her delicate fingers running over the length of him, and it's hard to think. “I haven't really - oh, fuck - I haven't thought, like, details?" It's a lie; what he really wants is to be fucked, has done ever since the first time Caroline put her fingers in him, but he can't imagine just blurting that out to Nick.
“Well, how far do you want to go?" Nick says. His voice is steady but his eyes keep dropping down to Harry's cock, and he's no longer soft himself, Harry notes with a little thrill. "I can get you off, if that's all you're up for, or you can do whatever you'd like with me. Like Cazza said, I'm easy."
“I didn't say that, exactly," Caroline says, chiding.
“You meant it, though,” Nick says, and before Harry loses his nerve entirely he blurts out,
"My mouth. I mean - " He’s blushing as Nick's gaze fixes on his face. "I'd like to - if it's okay?"
He's rewarded with a beautiful firm stroke to his cock before Caroline takes her hand away and steps back. "Sounds good to me," she says, and Nick nods.
"Your show, then, Cazza," Nick says. "How do you want me?"
She hums thoughtfully. "On the bed, I think, please. Easiest for me to help Harry from there."
Nick's so tall his feet are almost off the edge of Caroline's bed. He lies back with his head propped up on a pillow, then spreads his legs apart and takes his cock in one hand, stroking himself as he watches Harry, still standing naked on the carpet.
Caroline gives Harry a gentle nudge in the small of his back. "Up you go," she says. "Go and have a taste."
It's not so unfamiliar, crouching between someone's legs. The smell's different, though; Nick smells nothing like a woman, and it's odd to be looking at someone's bits from this angle. Everything's very hairy and veiny. Harry's not sure quite what he's meant to be doing - does he just go for it? - but Nick's still stroking himself so Harry just rests his hands on his own knees and watches.
The bed dips as Caroline lies down next to him. She's taken off her dress but she's left her bra and panties on, pink lacy things that Harry loves.
"Go on," she says to Harry. "Grim, get your hand out of the way and let him have a go. We already know you like to wank, this is supposed to be about Harry."
When Nick takes his hand away his cock slaps up against his belly, smearing precome over the sparse hairs there. Harry dares a look up the bed: Nick's watching him, but there's nothing but patience on his face.
Harry takes a deep breath and wraps his fingers around the base of Nick’s cock. It's hot in his hand, maybe a little thinner than Harry's own, but otherwise not so different. He strokes it a couple of times, feeling the soft skin slide over the hard flesh, and okay, that's pretty easy. Oddly thrilling, actually, when he swipes his thumb over the head and it comes away wet. Without thinking he brings his thumb to his mouth and sticks his tongue out to taste it.
"Fuck," Nick says from above him, and Harry freezes.
"Yes, God, do whatever you want," Nick says. "Just - if you had any idea what you look like."
"What do I look like?"
Nick's eyes flick to Caroline and back to Harry. "Never mind," he says, with an odd expression on his face; Harry doesn't know him well enough to work out what it means. It's gone in a moment, anyway, and he says, "Really. Don’t mind me. Carry on, please."
“Right.” Harry puts his hand back on Nick's cock, angles it down towards him and considers. It's not like he's never gotten a blow job before; theory's not his problem, here, it's the practical application he's struggling with. Does he lick first? Just stick it in his mouth? What do people normally do? He suddenly can't remember.
Caroline puts her hand back on the nape of his neck and urges him gently forwards. "Go on, Harry," she says. "Just the head, first, get it wet and then you can see how much you can take. Don't forget to cover your teeth."
"Yes, please don't forget that," Nick says fervently, and Harry shoots him a grin before leaning in. He licks his lips, covers his teeth and sort of opens his mouth over the head and closes it again, and then - well.
I've got another bloke's cock in my mouth, Harry thinks, and the world doesn't immediately end, so he flattens his tongue against it, liking the silky soft feel of it, and goes down a bit further.
"That's it," Caroline says. Her hand's still on the back of his neck, and she presses him down. "You can take more, go on. Get it nice and wet."
He adjusts his angle and goes down further. The smell of Nick's arousal is thick in his mouth and nose, and he's surprised to find he almost likes it. It's not getting him hard the way the smell of pussy does, but then he'd found that weird the first few times, too, until he'd gotten used to it.
He pushes down until Nick's cock bumps something in the back of his mouth that makes him gag, and he pulls back, eyes watering.
"There you go," Caroline says. "That's your gag reflex. Take it slowly until you work out how to avoid it."
Harry bobs down again, careful to keep his teeth covered. It's harder than he thought it would be to open his mouth wide enough, and his jaw's already feeling strained. How's he meant to keep this up long enough to make Nick come?
"How's it feel, Grimmy?" he hears Caroline ask.
"Good," Nick says. "It's - ah, good, yeah, and if you try and suck as you - ahh, perfect." Nick rests a hand on Harry's head. "Just like that, love, you're doing brilliantly."
Harry feels himself flush with the praise. He suddenly wants to do better, be better for Nick, and he goes down too deep on his next try and has to pull off, coughing a bit.
"Sorry, sorry," he says. God, his nose's running too, from his eyes tearing up, and he's got spit all over his chin; he's probably never felt less sexy in his life and Caroline and Nick are right there watching him.
"You're fine, don't apologise," Nick says. He's so nice. It must be so frustrating to get such a rubbish blowjob and there he is just smiling, patient as anything.
"Come on, Harry," Caroline says. "Have another go."
Harry takes a deep breath and goes down again. He's a little more cautious this time and keeps Nick shallower in his mouth, but tries to use his lips and tongue more, and he's rewarded with a groan.
"That's good, Harry," Nick says. "Keep going with your tongue, that's really good."
"Here." Caroline's fingers wrap around Harry's own on Nick's cock. "Try and move your hand as well."
She guides him into a rhythm, and he honestly doesn't know if he could do it without her there; it's a lot to coordinate, hand and lips and teeth and tongue. He can hear Nick's breathing picking up, though, feel his stomach muscles tensing now and again, and Harry’s own cock’s suddenly taking an interest again. He doesn’t know if he loves having a dick in his mouth, exactly, but making someone feel good is always sexy. Does that mean he’s definitely into blokes after all?
Then Nick's hand is back on his head and his fingers are carding gently through Harry's hair, and it feels so good it's a struggle not to push up into it. A minute later Nick’s grip goes tight, and he says, “Caz. Ask him?“
“Harry.” Caroline’s face is down next to Harry’s, and he looks across at her, trying to keep the rhythm going. “You’re going to make Grimmy come in a moment. Do you want him to come in your mouth?"
God. Does he? The taste’s already so strong, but he wants to do this properly, he wants to make it good for Nick. He tries to nod around Nick’s cock and make an agreeable noise.
“Oh, Christ,” he hears Nick say. “Caz - did he - “
“Yeah, Grim.” Caroline doesn't look very happy, which Harry doesn’t understand - doesn’t she want him to do a good job? - but he’s not got time to figure it out right now because Nick’s making a little gasping noise and his cock’s bumping up into Harry’s mouth, and then suddenly everything’s just wet and bitter and oh, wow, that’s Nick’s come, holy shit he’s made Nick come.
"Try and swallow, Harry," Caroline says, and Harry does, wincing a bit at the taste but managing not to make too much of a mess. After a moment the flood seems to have stopped and Harry sits back, letting Nick’s cock fall out of his mouth and flop against his belly with a wet noise.
He’s afraid to look up at Nick, but when he does, Nick’s smiling down at him looking almost fond.
“Was, um. Was that okay?” Harry asks.
Nick actually snorts at him. “Come up here, you idiot, and give me a kiss.”
“Oh.” Harry pushes forwards until he’s propped over Nick, but hesitates before he leans down. “You don’t mind - I mean, I just, you know.” He’s swallowed as well as he can but his saliva still feels thick with the taste of come.
“You’d kiss a girl after she went down on you, wouldn’t you?” Nick asks.
Harry nods. “Of course, yeah, it’s only polite - oh, right.”
Nick's mouth shouldn't be so familiar already; they’ve only really kissed once before but Harry feels like it’s a lot more than that, easy and slick and hot, even if everything does still taste a bit like come.
As they kiss Nick tugs him down until they’re pressed together, naked skin on naked skin, and Harry can feel Nick’s wet, softening cock pressed against his belly. He doesn’t mind; even likes it. It's proof that he’d made Nick come. He, Harry Styles, just sucked Nick Grimshaw off until he came. Holy shit.
He's almost forgotten about his own cock until Nick pushes him away a bit, just enough so Nick can get a hand around it. “Want me to get you off?” he asks. “Like this? Or I can suck you off, or - “ he pauses for a moment, eyes searching Harry’s face, “or you could fuck me, if you’d like?”
Harry doesn’t know what his face is doing. He doesn’t know what he wants his face to be doing. “Really?” It comes out as a squeak, which isn’t cool at all, fuck, he’s worked hard at being good at sex with women, and now it’s like he’s got to do it all over again with men. “I - really?”
Nick shrugs, like it’s nothing. “If you’d like.”
“I didn’t think you’d, um.“ He hadn’t been sure if that sort of thing was on offer. If it is, though - well, this might be the only chance Harry gets to try this stuff, and Nick’d been so patient with Harry’s rubbish blowjob, Harry’s sure he’d make it good. "Would you.” He can’t quite make himself meet Nick’s eyes. “Do you do that - um. Like, do you do that the other way around?”
"Harry." Nick’s hand’s on his jaw, tilting it up until he’s looking at Nick. "Are you asking if I’ll fuck you?”
Harry’s definitely blushing, but at least Nick’s not laughing; he looks almost as serious as Harry’s ever seen him. Harry lets out a breath. “I - yes? If that’s something you do. I really - I’ve thought about it. A lot.”
Nick huffs out a little chuckle. “You might’ve mentioned it before I came, then, popstar, mightn’t you?”
"Oh. Right." Harry feels his face fall. Idiot. He should've asked for it before, it's not like he has a problem talking about sex, normally. "Of course you - never mind, it's fine."
"Hey, hang on there. I’m not saying no. If that’s really what you want - " he pauses, and Harry nods, “Okay, then of course we can. We’ll just have to keep ourselves occupied for a little while until I can go again."
"I could use some attention, if you're looking for something to do," Caroline says, and Harry startles back.
"Oh God, I’m so sorry." Fuck, Caroline’s his - well, not girlfriend, they’ve never called it that, but she’s his person that he’s seeing regularly, anyway, and he’s been completely ignoring her. She hasn't been idle, though, by the look of it; she's lying against the pillows with one hand in her panties, and she smiles at Harry.
“Don’t worry, I’ve been rather enjoying myself over here. I wouldn't mind your mouth, though, if Grim hasn't worn it out too much."
Harry looks back at Nick, who gestures him over toward Caroline with a lazy wave of his hand. "Off with you, then," he says. "Show me these skills I’ve been hearing about."
Harry frowns at Caroline. "You talk about me?"
"Only good things, don't worry." She slides her panties down as Harry crawls across, then spreads her legs for Harry to settle between. God, she's gorgeous, he still can't believe sometimes that he's allowed to touch her.
"Hi," he says, when he's got himself situated. He brushes his mouth just below her bellybutton; he's not even kissed her properly tonight, except a brief one when she met him at the door, but it seems weird to do it now when he tastes like Nick's come. "You alright?"
"I'll be better when you get to work," she says. She puts a hand on his head and gently scratches her nails against his scalp, the way she knows he loves. "Come on, I've been waiting."
"Sorry." He lowers his mouth to the wet pink folds of her, breathing her intoxicating smell. "I'll make it up to you."
"I know you will. Ah!" He's spread her with one hand and flicked his tongue over her clit, and her nails press into him sharply. "Don't tease, Harry, do it properly, please."
"Sorry," he says again, mumbling the word into her, and then gets down to business, licking in firm strokes and then fastening his lips over her clit the way she likes.
"Ohh, yes, that's better. Good boy."
Harry makes a little satisfied noise and settles in to look after her, letting her hand on his head guide him. He loves the way Caroline gives him direction, though he doesn't need it so much anymore. When he'd done this with girls from home it'd always felt like a treasure hunt without a map, trying to decipher what felt good from the tiniest changes in their breathing, but Caroline's not shy about asking for what she wants.
He's finding it harder than usual to do a good job, though, when he knows Nick's watching. It makes him hyperaware of what he must look like, spread out on the bed with his face buried in Caroline's cunt, and of the wet, messy sounds his mouth is making. Does Nick like it, or does it not do anything for him at all? He can hear occasional noises, too, Nick shifting on the bed, the sound of a drawer opening and shutting again, but he can't see what's happening.
A sharp pinch to his ear brings him back to task. "Concentrate, please, Harry," Caroline says. "Nick's just getting things ready. I want you to make me come before he fucks you."
Harry can't help the shudder that goes through him at her words. God, Nick's going to fuck him, going to spread him open and push his cock into him and make him come, like he’s been thinking about for ages. He shoves his hips into the bed, restless, trying to get some friction, and then there's a warm hand on his arse, firm, stilling him.
"Stop that," Nick says. "Save it for later, alright? Don't want you to come before we've even gotten started."
"He can go twice," Caroline says from above Harry, hands tight in his hair and sounding breathless as she starts to rock up against his tongue. "Give him five minutes in between, that's all he needs, though he doesn't enjoy it as much the second time. Harry, keep going - use your fingers, come on." Harry shifts onto one elbow and slides one finger into Caroline's cunt, crooking it against her tight walls. "Better," Caroline says. "Ask him what he wants, Nick."
Nick squeezes his arse cheek. "Do you want to come before I fuck you, love?" The question makes Harry shudder again. If Nick keeps saying things like that it might be a moot point in a minute; Harry might not be able to hold off.
He tries to think through the fog of want clouding his brain. Does he want to? He's desperate for it, but he also wants to come on Nick's cock, wants to have something inside him when he finally lets go, so he shakes his head.
"Alright." Nick pats his bum. "Be a good lad then and stay still."
It's an effort not to whine when Nick takes his hand away. Christ, Harry's got his mouth on Caroline's cunt, usually one of his favourite things to do, and yet he's upset that Nick took his hand off him. Mad.
“I'm close, Harry,” Caroline says, bringing his attention abruptly back to the task at hand. “Make me come.”
Her thighs have started to tremble around his ears; if he hadn't been so distracted by Nick he would have noticed. He pushes another finger into her and starts fucking her with them as he flicks his tongue against her clit, fast and firm, listening for the change in her breathing that means she's going to come - and there it is, the little pause and then a gasp as she inhales, and then she's clenching around his fingers, her whole body shaking as she comes.
He slides his fingers out but keeps his mouth on her until she pulls it away, petting clumsily at his hair. "Thank you," she says. "Lovely as always."
He sits back and wipes his face with the back of his hand. "Sorry, not my best performance."
She smiles. Her hair's spread out all over the pillow, a tangled mess. “That's alright, I know you were distracted. It's a special occasion, after all.”
“Very special,” Nick says, and Harry looks over at him. Nick's lying on his side, watching them, casually stroking himself with one hand. He's not fully hard again yet, but even so his cock suddenly looks worryingly big. “It's not every day a lad gets to bottom for the first time.”
Harry keeps hoping he'll grow out of blushing. “Um,” he says, eloquently, gaze fixed on Nick's cock.
Nick laughs, but not unkindly. “Still want to do this?” he asks. “I don't mind at all if you've changed your mind, I promise.”
“No, I want to,” Harry says. He does, even though his heart's going so fast he thinks the beats might have started running together. “I do, I want it.”
Nick squeezes himself, almost absentmindedly. “Ever had anything in your bum before?”
He can't quite look at Nick when he answers. “Um, with Cazza - I - “
“He likes being fingered while I suck him off,” Caroline interrupts. “He nearly hit the roof the first time I did it, but now he asks me for it.”
“Mmm.” Nick's still stroking himself. “How many fingers have you taken?”
“Three?” Harry looks at Caroline for confirmation, and she nods. “Yeah, three.”
“Pretty good,” Nick says. “Shall we start with that, then, and see how we get on?”
Caroline picks the lube up off the bed. Nick must have got it out of the drawer while Harry was busy with his mouth on her. “Want me to get you ready, Harry?” she asks.
It’s not an easy question. Caroline always makes it feel good, and this way she’ll be a bit more included, but Harry’s been watching Nick’s hands, and he really wants Nick's fingers: so much longer than Caroline's, and thicker, too.
“Can you do it, Nick?” he says eventually. “I mean - Caroline knows how I like it, but I think her fingers might not be enough?”
“I'm not that big, Harry, but thanks for the compliment,” Nick says, smiling at him. “Why don't you get him started, Caz, my love, and I can finish him off?”
“I like the way you think, Grimshaw.” Caroline taps Harry on the bum. “Over on your front, then. You can have a pillow for under you if you like, everything's going to need a wash after this.”
Harry drags a pillow down from the head of the bed and stuffs it under his hips, trying to touch himself as little as possible. His poor cock doesn't know if it's coming or going, and if he got started on wanking he's not sure he'd be able to stop.
The clicking sound of the lube cap is familiar, but being on his front like this with Caroline's cool fingers spreading his cheeks is not. They've not done this just by itself before, it's always been when Caroline is going down on him. He thinks he might not like it, having fingers up his bum without anything to distract him, but then he turns his head to the side and Nick's right there, stroking himself and watching Harry with dark eyes, and suddenly nothing could be hotter. Nick's going to put that inside him; Caroline's fingers are just opening him up for so he can take Nick's cock. Holy fuck.
He still can't help the little exhalation that escapes him when she pushes the first finger in. It'll never stop being a bit weird, having something stuck up there, but she's used plenty of lube so at least it goes easily.
She adds the second before he's quite ready, but he doesn't say anything, just bites his lip through the discomfort and keeps his eyes on Nick. That's a lot bigger than two of Caroline's fingers.
"How many have you got in him?" Nick asks, a moment later.
“Just two,” Caroline says.
“Hmm. Not too much for you?” Nick's eyes are steady on Harry's, and Harry suddenly can't lie.
“A bit fast, maybe?” he offers.
“Harry.” Caroline sounds disappointed. “You should have said.”
“Sorry. I know, sorry.” He would have, if it'd just been him and Caroline, but he so desperately wants Nick to fuck him - not just that, even, but to think he’s good at this.
“Hey.” Nick trails a finger over Harry's cheekbone. It's an oddly intimate gesture, for all that Harry's just had Nick's cock in his mouth and is planning to put it somewhere else very shortly. “You have to tell me, okay? If we do this, I have to trust you to say if it's too much, or not good, or just not feeling right.”
Harry would nod, but he doesn't want Nick to stop touching him. “I will.”’
“Promise,” Nick says. There's a determined set to his jaw. “Promise me. I won't - it can be a bit overwhelming, being fucked, and I won't be responsible for your first time being crap.”
“I promise,” Harry says. If they could do it like this, he thinks he'd be alright. He can't imagine anything feeling bad or wrong with Nick looking at him like he is right now, like Harry's something important, something to be treasured.
Nick stays there for a long moment, then nods, and sits up, and the spell is broken. “Right, I think it's my turn then. Swapsies, Caz?”
Harry feels oddly empty after Caroline pulls her fingers out, but it's not long before they've swapped positions and Nick's big hands are on his bum, parting his cheeks and stroking gently over his hole. Harry can't help but lift his bum up a bit, wanting, and Nick chuckles.
“Alright, love, I've got you.” The click of the lube cap again and Nick's fingers are pushing into him, thick and a bit rough and so long, fuck, he's stroking in deep, much deeper than Caroline's ever been able to go.
“Harry.” Caroline's settled on the bed next to him, lying with her head propped up on one hand. “Is it good? Do you like Nick's fingers in you?”
Nick's knuckles keep bumping over something in his arse that's making his cock twitch, like a puppeteer pulling a string. He tries to gather his scattered thoughts. “Yeah, I like it.”’
“Good.” She's got an almost sad look on her face, and he suddenly feels guilty.
“Hey, are you - you don't mind, do you? Us doing this?“ He still can't quite bring himself to say Nick fucking me.
“Of course not. I wouldn't have asked him to join us if I minded, would I?”
Bet you didn't know it would be like this, though, he thinks. He means to reach out and touch her, kiss her, something to wipe that expression off her face, but just then Nick twists his fingers deep, then pulls them out, and Harry feels his hole close around nothing, achingly empty.
“Right, I think that's enough of that,” Nick says. He taps Harry's thigh. “Can you lift up a bit?”
“Up? You mean - “ Harry pushes up onto his hands and knees, his cock heavy between his legs. “Like this?”
“Perfect. Flacky, love, I chucked a condom on the bed over there somewhere, I don't suppose you're lying on it?”
“Probably. Hang on.” Her weight shifts on the bed. “Here you go.”
Harry drops his head and squeezes his eyes shut when he hears the rip of the condom packet. Oh god, they're really going to do this, it's actually happening.
“Okay.” Nick's hands are back on his hips, and then something - Nick's cock, oh fuck, oh fuck, is nudging between his arse cheeks. “I'll go slowly, alright, Harry?”
Harry tries to breathe, but panic's rising in his throat, squeezing all the air out of his lungs, even as the pressure against his hole changes and gets more focused. “Wait, wait, stop, I can't.”
Nick immediately backs off. “Okay,” he says, and his hands are gone too, he's not touching Harry anywhere. “That's fine, don't worry, we can do something else, or nothing at all.”
“No, not - “ Harry scrambles over onto his back. He's still hard despite his panic, and his cock bobs against his stomach. “I didn’t mean stop altogether, I just - I need to be able to see you, I think. Can we maybe do it this way?” He can't believe he'd thought it wouldn't matter who Caroline'd picked for him to do this with; it’s suddenly important that he can see that it’s Nick.
Nick, who's frowning at him, doubtful. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” Harry bites his lip. He wants it so badly he feels like he might cry if Nick says no.
Nick looks at Harry for a long moment, and then Caroline for another, and maybe they have some kind of silent conversation, but eventually he says. “Okay. We can try it. You've got to get your knees right up, though - there, that's it. Oh, you are a bendy one, aren't you?”
It's silly to feel so pleased by that; it's not even much of a compliment really, and he gets declarations of undying love from fans every day, but he can't help it. “I do yoga sometimes,” he says, and Nick raises his eyebrows.
“Really? Mmm, that's a nice thought, I bet I could do all sorts of things with you - oh, don't look at me like that, Cazza, I'm just messing about.”
Harry's completely missed whatever expression Caroline had on. He looks back at Nick and pulls his knees up a bit more, trying not to think about the fact that he's waving his bum in Nick's face. "Can you - can we do it now?”
“Patience, love. Here, give me a kiss, first.” Nick leans in, and Harry stretches up to meet him. Nick doesn't mess around. His tongue is thick and clever and after a moment Harry stops trying to keep up with him and just opens for it, letting Nick take what he likes. Nick makes a satisfied noise and keeps the kiss going for another minute, until Harry's almost forgotten where he is and what they're doing, and then he pulls back.
“There you go, that's better. Now I can just - " There's a sudden pressure against Harry's hole, and he feels himself stretch as Nick's cock starts to press into him, thick and blunt.
"Oh." Harry's distantly aware that his mouth's hanging open. "Ohh-h, God, that's - " Then something seems to give, and he feels Nick push deeper inside him, spreading him open, heavier than and more relentless than fingers. "Nngh. Oh, fuck."
"Alright?" Nick's arms are straining as he holds himself steady. "Don't need me to stop?"
"Don't stop." It's the weirdest feeling, and it's a bit uncomfortable, but it's somehow good, too, being filled up like this. “Please don't stop.”
“Always so polite, popstar.” Nick curls forward to brush a kiss over Harry's lips. The movement pushes him a bit deeper, and Harry can't help the gasp that escapes him.
“No, keep going,” he says, preempting the question he can see forming on Nick's lips. “It's good, fuck.”
“Alright.” Nick straightens up and rolls his hips forward a last little bit, until Harry can feel Nick's balls brushing against him. “There you go, that's as deep as I can get.”
Harry can't imagine what it would be like if Nick could get deeper, to be honest; Nick already feels huge inside him. He nods his understanding and tries to slow his breathing down. His mouth's already so dry.
“Do you like it, Harry?” he hears Caroline ask, and he nods, though he doesn't look away from Nick.
“Okay if I move?” Nick's watching him carefully, and Harry nods again.
The slow drag of Nick's cock as he pulls out and thrusts back in again makes Harry want to whimper, or cry, or maybe scream; he's not sure. He bites his lip so he won't embarrass himself, but that just makes Nick frown at him.
“Sure I'm not hurting you?” he asks.
Words, God, Harry needs to use words so Nick won't keep stopping like this. “Not hurting,” he forces out. “It's good, it just feels so - fuck. It’s so much, I don't - I don't know what to do.”
“You're alright, love. You don't have to do anything.” Nick starts moving again, still going so slow, making Harry feel every inch as he pulls out, and then he drives back in, a deep dull pressure and ache that shouldn't feel good, but it does, fuck, it's driving Harry crazy, he doesn't know what to do with himself.
“You can touch yourself, Harry,” Caroline says, and Harry startles at how close she sounds. When he tears his eyes away from Nick there she is, lying next to him on the bed, watching. “Or do you want me to?”
“I don't - " He's not sure he could even coordinate himself enough to wank right now, but the thought of Caroline touching him isn’t right, either. “No, I don't want to come, I just need - something. Fuck. I don't know."
“Here, let's try this.” Nick folds himself down right over Harry, propping himself up with one arm next to Harry's shoulder. The slick head of Harry's cock bumps against Nick's abdomen. “I can't move as well like this, it might be a bit less for you.”
Nick’s right, he's not moving as much as before, but every rock of his hips makes the head of his cock rub over something that's sending off hot showers of sparks inside Harry. At least the new position means Nick's mouth is in reach. Harry can't help himself; he lifts his chin up, wanting, and Nick obliges, kisses him wet and deep, tongue moving in time with his cock in Harry's arse.
It's so much more intense like this, Nick above him and around him, everything the harsh sound of their breathing and the raw rich feel of Nick's cock dragging slow and glitter-bright inside him. He can feel himself being wound tighter and tighter, and at any moment he's going to snap, but God he doesn't want to, he just wants to stay like this, hidden from the rest of the world by Nick's body, so he never has to think about what it means that he loves this so much.
“Better?” Nick murmurs, and it takes Harry a moment to work out what he means, because how could anything be better than this? But then he gets it, and nods, forehead bumping against Nick's.
“So good,” he breathes. “So - fuck - so good.”
“Put your legs around him, Harry,” Caroline says, and Harry doesn't look away from Nick's face, he can't, but he does let go of his death grip on his knees and rest his heels on Nick's bum, hands on Nick's shoulders, and Nick makes a little noise as he rocks into the cradle of Harry's arse.
“Okay?” Harry asks. “Is it alright for you?”
Nick shakes his head. "Fuck, you - " He brushes a kiss along Harry's cheekbone, the angle of his jaw. His voice is deeper than usual, and he sounds strained. "Yes, Harry, Christ."
"Are you gonna come?" He wants to feel it so desperately, it’s what he’s thought about most, Nick losing control and fucking him for real, using Harry's body to get himself off.
But Nick's shaking his head. “You first, love, you've been waiting such a long time. Don't you want to come?”
He does, but he's almost afraid of it, of how much it's going to be. He bites his lip and stares up at Nick, hoping he doesn't have to say it, hoping Nick will somehow know how to keep hold of him and stop him shaking apart.
“Come on, love.” Nick's started rocking into him a bit faster, still carefully controlled, but relentless. “You've been so good for me, so patient. Let go.“
Nick seems to know just how to move to get him there. Harry can feel it building; every time Nick's cock bumps over that spot inside him it pushes him a bit further up the hill, closer to the freefall. He's holding his breath for seconds at a time, dizzy with it.
“That's it,” Nick says. His face is so close Harry can see little flecks of green in his eyes, count his eyelashes. “That's it, love, let go, I've got you, come for me, come on, let me see you.”
Harry's breath comes out as something like a sob. He's so close he's on fire with it, it's almost painful, but he can't. "It's too much. Nick. I can’t."
“I've got you,” Nick says again, eyes steady on Harry's, cock thick and heavy inside him, holding him open. “I've got you, Harry. I'm going to touch you, and I want you to come for me, alright? Let me feel you come for me.”
Nick doesn't move immediately, like he's waiting for permission, and Harry takes a deep gulping breath and manages to nod.
“Good boy.” Nick kisses him at the same moment as he takes Harry's cock in his big warm hand, and this time Harry does sob, an awful wrecked noise pushing its way out of his lungs to be swallowed by Nick's mouth, because fuck, oh fuck, he won't be able to hold back with Nick stroking him like that, firm and sure and perfect, and the sparks going off inside him are coalescing into an explosion, it's going to tear him apart.
“I know,” Nick says, murmuring the words into Harry's mouth. “I know, Harry, you're okay, I've got you, you can let go.”
Another sobbing breath, another perfect stroke of Nick's cock inside him, and then Harry's shaking with it, huge uncontrollable shivers wracking his body, and he gasps into Nick's mouth as he starts to come, spilling over Nick's hand and clenching around the hard length of Nick's cock.
“That's it, fuck, you're so beautiful, so perfect.” Nick's hand's still moving but he's holding his hips still, cock deep and steady inside Harry, an anchor to stop him spiralling away. It's almost too much, sharp spikes of oversensitivity starting to shoot through him, but he doesn't want Nick to stop, even as his breath comes in great whooping gasps and eventually he can't anymore, and he gasps out, "Enough - I can't, I can't - "
Nick takes his hand away immediately and the absence of it is almost worse, aftershocks jolting through Harry without the sharp focus of Nick's hand on his cock to centre him. He feels like he's been dumped by a huge wave, tumbled around with the breath knocked out of him and then washed ashore, Nick's body the only thing keeping him from being dragged back under.
“Beautiful,” Nick's saying, stroking gently down Harry's side, and when Harry forces himself to open his eyes Nick looks not entirely in control himself, eyes dark and breath coming fast. “Okay?”
Harry nods, too fractured still to find words, and tugs Nick down until he meets Harry's mouth in a kiss. Nick's gentle with it this time, letting Harry set the pace, and after a minute Harry feels less like he's drowning, and pulls back. He swallows and finds his voice from somewhere, rough and raw. “God. That. Fuck.”
“Beautiful,” Nick says again.
He’s still inside Harry, hard and unmoving, and Harry drags the scattered pieces of himself together enough to ask, “You didn't come?”
Nick shakes his head. “No, but don't worry about it.” He starts to pull out, moving slowly, but Harry clamps down with heels, holding Nick inside.
“No, stay, stay.”
Nick pauses, and says, gently, “I've already come once tonight, love. It might take me a while.”
“You'll be sore,” Caroline puts in.
Harry doesn't look at her; what does she have to do with anything? He shakes his head, stubborn. “I don't care, I want it. I want to feel you come in me.” He hopes he is sore. He wants to be able to feel Nick inside him for days, to keep this feeling printed under his skin.
Nick still looks indecisive, so Harry clenches around him. “Nick, please,” he says. “I want to make you come.”
Nick looks up at the ceiling, like he's expecting divine guidance, and then shrugs when none is forthcoming. "Alright. If you insist.”
“I do,” Harry says firmly, and clenches again. He's coming back to himself more with every second that passes, and he's always gone for what he wants. He’ll be a brat about it if he has to. “I absolutely insist.”
Nick gives him a lopsided grin. “Right, I get the message. Caz, have you still got the slick here somewhere?”
"Here." She sounds vaguely disapproving, but Harry ignores it. Then Nick pulls out, too quick for Harry to stop him, and Harry makes a pained noise.
"No, don't - " The feeling of his hole closing around nothing after being stretched so wide is weird and a bit unpleasant and he doesn't like it.
"Just getting more slick, love, hang on," Nick says, and Harry grumbles but lies back and shuts his eyes while Nick gets himself sorted.
"Alright." Nick's hands are back on his knees, pushing them up and out. "Promise to tell me if it gets too much?"
Harry hums with pleasure at the feel of Nick's slippery cock nudging back between his cheeks. "It won't," he says with certainty, eyes still shut, and then his breath whooshes out of him on a sigh as Nick pushes back in, a deep satisfying ache like pushing on a bruise. "Ahh, s'good."
Nick huffs out a chuckle as he pulls back and starts to thrust, slow and sweet. "I had no idea you were such a menace, Harry Styles."
Harry frowns. “I'm not a menace.”
"Not in a bad way. Just - " Nick fucks in hard, and his grip on Harry's hips tightens for a moment before he goes back to his measured rhythm. "You're very hard to say no to."
"You should stop trying to say no to me, then," Harry says, though he's not really concentrating. Nick's cock is starting to feel good again inside him, the dull throbbing ache turning into a sort of pleasure that makes him feel almost drugged. "Oh-hh, that's good."
Harry nods. His body's so loose and relaxed, and after being wound so tightly before everything feels good, from the sheets underneath him to Nick's fingers on his hips. He suddenly wants to kiss Nick, but he's too far away, so instead Harry reaches up and runs his fingers over Nick's eyebrows, down his nose, over his lips. Nick snaps at his fingers, pretending to bite them, and Harry can't help the giggle that escapes him.
“You - what are you doing?”
“Careful where you put those fingers, Styles, or you might get eaten up.” Nick's got a big grin on his face, even as he keeps fucking into Harry, and Harry suddenly feels light as air, like someone's filled him up with laughing gas. He’s so glad he’s doing this with Nick right now, it’s ridiculous.
“You'll - eat - me?” he gasps out, between giggles and Nick's thrusts. “I thought I’d - eaten you. I did swallow - after all.”
“Turnabout is fair play,” Nick says, still grinning. “We didn't have dessert and I'm hungry.”
“You’re an - idiot.”
“Takes one to know one,” Nick says.
"Dick," Harry says, and sticks his tongue out.
"Twat," Nick says, crossing his eyes.
"Arse - ohh, fucking Christ." Nick's suddenly hitched Harry's hips up higher and started really slamming into him, hard and fast. Harry pulls his knees back, trying to open himself up more, anything so Nick can get deeper.
“Okay?” Nick demands. He's sweating. Harry nods.
“Yeah, holy - fuck.” He can almost feel Nick getting harder inside him, getting ready to come, and it makes his own cock twitch against his belly. He gets a hand on himself and starts stroking. “Fuck, Nick, do it, fuck me, I wanna feel you come in me.”
Nick just grunts at that, gone beyond words, and Harry drops his head back and holds on. God, he hates the fact that Nick’s wearing a condom, that there’s latex between them, he just wants to feel Nick, he wants Nick to come in him. Even with the condom Nick's cock is so hot inside him.
"Come on," he gasps out. "Feel so good, Nick, fuck, you're gonna make me come again, fucking hell, do it."
He's nearly there, so close, when Nick suddenly loses his rhythm completely, slamming in deep and then holding himself there, buried in Harry's arse as he comes.
"Oh, God." Harry's wanking himself so fast it's starting to hurt, but he doesn't care. Nick's softening cock slips out of of his arse and he could cry at the loss of it, but in the next moment Nick swoops down and takes Harry's cock in his mouth, gorgeous wet hot suction, and he barely has time for one good stroke of his hand around the base before Harry's coming, shuddering through it as he spurts into Nick's mouth.
"Holy fuck, Nick.” He rests a shaking hand on Nick’s head, pressing his thanks into Nick’s hair with his fingers. Nick sucks him until he's oversensitive and twitching with it, then pulls off and collapses on his back next to Harry.
There's silence for a moment, apart from his and Nick's laboured breathing, and then Caroline breaks it. "Well."
Harry makes himself crane his head around to look at her. It's an odd angle and she's all unfamiliar features, nose mouth eyes upside down. "Well?" he repeats.
Her smile looks odd, but maybe it's just the angle. "I guess you won't be fucking me tonight, then, Harry. Three times might be a bit much to ask, even for you."
“Oh.” Harry hadn’t realised she’d wanted him to. “Sorry. I can - do something else for you?”
She shrugs, strange smile still on her lips. “Don't worry about it. You two looked like you were enjoying yourselves.” The too much hangs in the air, unsaid, and some of the boneless feeling from Harry's orgasm vanishes, replaced with an awful unease.
“Sorry, Caroline,” Nick says from Harry’s other side. “My fault, I didn’t mean to get so carried away.”
Harry really wants to look at Nick, touch him, something, but Caroline’s watching him carefully and it's making him feel like he shouldn't. Then he feels annoyed, because this whole thing was her idea in the first place, wasn't it? So he could find out if he likes it? She can't be upset because it turns out he does.
Well, if he's not going to get post-sex cuddles, he can at least make himself less gross. He's sticky and disgusting all over. He pushes himself up off the bed before the moment can get any more awkward. “I'm just going to, um, clean up.”
“Okay. Towels are in the cupboard, if you want a wash,” Caroline says, and he nods his thanks.
Caroline's got an ensuite, so he ducks in and closes the door behind him. The fluorescent light's bright and his reflection in the big mirror above the sink is not flattering: his chin's pink from kissing Nick, his hair's a mess, and he's got drying come stuck to the hairs on his tummy. His cock is damp and still not completely soft, flopping off to one side. He pinches the little bit of belly fat he can't seem to get rid of and makes a face at himself.
You just had sex with a man, he thinks, but his reflection doesn't have any helpful suggestions as to how he should be feeling about it, so he pulls a towel out of the cupboard and switches Caroline's shower on, then hops under the warm spray.
It takes a bit of scrubbing to get the come off his stomach, but that's less awkward than washing his bum. He's all tacky back there with lube and he has to use soap to get it off, fingers prodding gently around his hole. He is sore, but mostly he's just aware of his bum in a way that he isn't normally. It's not a bad feeling, just different. He would do it again. He wants to do it again.
When he turns off the shower and starts drying off, he can hear Nick and Caroline talking in the bedroom. He's forgotten to put the exhaust fan on, which would normally be loud enough to mask their voices, but as he's reaching for the switch he hears Nick say his name and he freezes with his hand in mid air.
" - not a child, Caz, you should know that better than anyone."
"I never said he was. But, it was just meant to be a bit of fun, and the way he was looking at you - the way you were looking at him, for that matter - "
"You said you didn't mind."
"I didn't expect to have to watch him practically fall in love with you over your prick, though, did I?"
Harry switches the fan on and it roars to life, drowning out whatever Nick says in reply. As his grandmother would say, eavesdroppers never hear any good of themselves. Not that he'd really thought Caroline wouldn't have noticed that it had turned into a lot more than just an experimental fuck for Harry, but he could do without hearing them fight about it. His head's already too full of his own thoughts, he can't fit theirs in, too.
He should probably be more worried about the fact that he’s just slept with a man and liked it, and he is a bit, a sort of distant knowledge that it’s going to make his life even more complicated. Mostly, though, he can’t stop thinking about Nick, and the way Nick made him feel: looked after, but not like a kid. Like he was something special.
He'd tell himself that it was just the sex, just because it was his first time, but here's the thing: he's been trying all sorts of new stuff with Caroline for the past couple of months, and not once has he ever felt like this about it. Half an hour with Nick and he feels like he's been taken apart and put back together differently, and he doesn't know how he and Caroline will fit anymore.
Fuck. He should've known this was a bad idea. If movies have taught him anything, it's that in a threesome, someone always gets hurt.
At least when he flicks the fan off and opens the door, Nick and Caroline seem to have stopped arguing. They're halfway through changing the sheets, instead.
"Alright, Harry?" Caroline says with a smile. "I know it’s only eleven, but we’re knackered. You don't mind if we have an early night?"
Harry shrugs. "Sure." He doesn't know if he could make polite conversation over dessert, anyway. Then he notices that Nick's just in his pants. "Are you staying?"
"If that's alright with you," Nick says.
"Grim doesn’t like to sleep alone," Caroline adds.
It's nice that they're not fighting, Harry supposes, but he's not sure if he'll be able to untangle the mess in his head if Nick's sharing a bed with them. Still, it's not like he wants Caroline to kick him out, either. The thought of being alone with her right now is just as awkward.
She seems to feel the same way. He's not left alone with either of them as they get ready for bed. Harry's already gotten in on his usual side, and after they've cleaned their teeth Caroline slides in next to him, and Nick switches off the light and gets in on the other side of her. Caroline doesn't cuddle up to him, but that's not unusual. He's a hot sleeper and she says she can't sleep when she's too warm.
Nick's breathing evens out fairly quickly, and it turns out he's a snorer. It takes Harry much longer to drift off. He feels a bit like he did the first time he slept with a girl - acutely aware of his body and what it can do in a way he wasn’t before. He keeps finding himself running his fingers over his mouth, or his hipbones. It’s bizarre; it’s just body mechanics, really, what they’ve done, just bits of other people going in him or bits of him in other people, and it shouldn’t make him feel this different.
It might be ten minutes later, or thirty, when Caroline shifts next to him and murmurs, "Don’t think so much, Harry. Whatever’s going to happen will happen, whether you worry yourself sick over it or not."
He hadn't realised she was still awake, too. "Yeah. Sorry." He almost doesn't ask, because he's not sure what he wants her answer to be, but eventually he adds, "Caz, are we okay?"
"Yeah." Her hand finds his under the covers. "We're okay."
When Harry wakes up the next morning he's alone in the bed and he's got that too-warm feeling of having slept late. He stumbles out of bed and pulls yesterday's pants on, then digs his phone out of his jeans pocket and checks the time: ten thirty. No wonder Caroline and Nick are already up. He hopes he wasn't meant to be anywhere today himself.
He pisses and washes his hands in Caroline's ensuite, then examines his face in the mirror. He's got a tender spot just to the right of his nose that's going to become a properly juicy pimple in a few hours. Great. Apart from that and the dark circles under his eyes, he looks just the same as he always does. He feels like there should be a neon sign above his head: Actually Bisexual, but apparently the universe isn't that simple. He wouldn't be in this mess if it was.
When he goes down to the kitchen Caroline's sitting at the table reading a paper. There's bright sunshine streaming through the window, catching dust motes as they swirl above her head. She's so lovely, but he's not in love with her. There’s also no sign of Nick. Harry’s not sure if he’s disappointed or relieved.
“Morning,” he says, tentatively.
She smiles when she looks up at him. “Oh, good morning. Sleep alright?”
Apparently they're pretending everything's normal. “Yeah, thanks.” There’s no dishes or anything on the table. “Have you eaten? Want me to make something?”
She shakes her head. “No, thanks, but help yourself. I had breakfast with Grimmy before he went home.”
Well, at least now Harry can stop wondering if Nick'll pop out from behind the curtains. “Ta.” He feels off-kilter, and he hesitates - would he normally give her a kiss good morning? But she’s gone back to reading the paper, so he just goes to the fridge and gets the milk out.
There’s cereal in the cupboard, and he should probably eat something since he’d only picked at dinner last night, but there’s an awful churning feeling in his stomach and he’s not sure he can. Instead he makes himself a mug of coffee. When he sits down at the table with it, Caroline pushes a piece of paper over to him. “Here.”
“What's this?” He unfolds it: it's a phone number, and then if you want to talk, or anything else. xxx. "Is this - ?"
“Grimmy's number,” Caroline says. “I did offer to just put it in your phone, but he insisted on writing it down. Bit of an odd duck, is Grim.”
Harry's still staring at the xxx. “Right," he says. Anything else, and then xxx. It's not exactly a declaration of intent, but then Nick hadn't had to leave Harry a message at all, had he? And what if he'd not been giving Harry his number, but, like, giving Harry his number?
It's a long shot, maybe, but the sick feeling in Harry's stomach has turned into excited giddiness at the mere possibility that Nick might be interested. He can't not find out, and he knows that the fact that he's even considering it means he's got to stop this thing with Caroline. He's hurt her enough already.
He makes himself take a too-hot gulp of coffee and clears his throat.
“Caz. I don't think I've said, like, thank you yet. For last night."
She looks up from the paper, and her eyes are tired, even though she's smiling. "You're welcome, Harry. Did it help?"
"Yeah. But I - um. I think." It's hard to get the words out. "God, I'm really sorry, but I think maybe we shouldn't do this anymore?"
She looks sad, but not surprised. "I'm assuming you don't mean having breakfast together."
He nods. "It's not - you're so lovely, and gorgeous, but I don't - “ He suddenly feels on the brink of tears, and he blinks rapidly, trying to keep them away.
“Oh, sweetheart,” she says. “I know. Don't worry. I knew this wasn't forever. And it was fun while it lasted, wasn't it?”
Harry nods. He's got a giant lump in his throat and it's hard to talk around it.
She stands up. “Come on. Give me a hug. I think we could both use one this morning."
He goes into it gratefully, burying his face in her neck and inhaling the smell of her for the last time, perfume and strawberry lip balm.
"Do you think we can still be friends?" he asks, words muffled by her skin. He's got a feeling he's going to need friends he can trust, if he does this stupid thing. He can't not do this stupid thing.
"Of course." She presses a kiss into his hair. After a moment she adds, fierce as he's ever heard her. "You know, if he hurts you, I'll kill him."
He doesn't pretend not to know what she's talking about.