I never thought that my life would end up to be this big of a complicated, depressing mess. I had finally just gotten adjusted to my old school, which took a while in the first place.
I have always been the shy, quiet girl. The one sitting at the back of the classroom by myself. I was perfectly content with no one acknowledging my existence; since I have a massive anxiety when it comes to talking to people in the first place. I did not need friends to comfort me, nor aquaintances to have small talk with. I preferred my quiet lonesome bubble where I was alone with my thoughts and my books.
I have always loved reading. Through books, I was able to escape reality and enter a universe that came to life in my head. A place where I could be anyone I wanted to be and go anywhere I pleased. The sky was the limit, and I strove to push that limit as far as my mind would allow me to.
But reality is not like it is in books, and once something is done, you can not simply erase it like pencil on paper and start over anew. Once something is done, it is permanent and final. You will not be able to erase it no matter how hard you try.
Now I was standing in front of an entirely new school with a completely new look. I was a new me, except for I was not (y/n) any longer. I had a new last name, I was a new (y/n). Moon (y/n) .
They wanted to change my first name as well, but I refused. It was a special name that my parents gifted to me so many years ago. They already took my parent's last name from me, I was not going to let them take the rest when so much had already been taken from me by this point.
*Two weeks prior*
The night was chilly and damp as I ran through the desolate echoing streets. The colorful trees of autumn held no amazement for me. The leaves on the ground were soaked and no longer crunchy and stuck to my bare feet; which by this point were numb from the chill and bleeding from the debris as I ran for my life from the strange, darkly dressed men who chased after me.
All that went through my head as I ran was the blood. So much blood. I had awoken from my sleep to the sound of loud crashing and my mother screaming. I darted out of my room to see what was causing such a commotion.
I was greeted by my parents on the floor, bleeding dark red into the once cream colored carpeting that soaked the fluid up like a sponge. I could not even scream in horror from the instant shock that set in. There was no time. I saw the three men pawing through our belongings and looking for something. Without a thought, I bolted out the front door as fast as my legs could take me.
But they saw me. They caught sight of me as soon as I was close to the living room door and began to chase me. I am normally not very athletic or a fast runner, but when you wake up to the horror that I witnessed, there is nothing that will stop your feet from flying as fast as they can. No amount of rocks or glass cutting into my feet would trip me up. I just had to run. I had to find salvation.
I looked up at the school building and sighed. I already previously suffered from anxiety and depression, but when you add PTSD to the mix, things get even more complicated. I lived in a constant state of alert fear. Fear that someone would talk to me. Fear that the men who took my parents from me would find me and finish their job. My whole being was filled with constant, torturous fear.
I found the small amount of courage within me to walk up to the doors of the school and enter, although it was a painful internal struggle to do so. Most of me wanted to just turn around and return to the designated safe house that was assigned to me.
However, I was in my last year of school and did not want to damper my chances of getting in to a good university. I had always been the top of my class. I was not about to throw away all of my efforts when it was the one thing that I had left.
I walked up to the front office to retrieve my new schedule, which luckily was just beyond the front doors. The greying-haired office secretary paid little to no attention to me as she handed me my schedule, clearly too immersed in her affairs on the computer. She merely asked for my name and handed me a slip of paper containing the names and room numbers of my new classes. I was thankful for the minimal human interaction.
I arrived a little later in the day due to my recent transfer, so I was to immediately head to second period. I was not too thrilled at the thought of interrupting the class mid-lesson, and even less thrilled at the thought of having to immediately introduce myself in front of the whole class, as all teachers make new students do.
I arrived at the door to my designated class, which was literature. It was a subject I obviously enjoyed, although not much could bring me any amount of joy nowadays.
I looked at the door handle to the classroom, finding that my palms were sweaty due to the unavoidable anxiety I felt. I took a deep breath, grasped the metal door handle and quietly knocked three times before entering the classroom.
I forced myself to walk forward, no matter how badly my legs wanted to stay put to avoid all of the many eyes that would be staring up at me. I felt my face burn red hot and my ears began to ring as I walked shakily up to the teacher and handed him my schedule so that I could show him that I was now in his class. I kept my head instinctively looking down at my feet, allowing my long black hair to conceal my face from curious eyes.
"Ahhh, yes, I remembered hearing that we would have a new student. My name is Mr. Jang (Jang Keunsuk). Please, introduce yourself to the rest of the class if you would!" the teacher said with a kind smile that reached his eyes.
Oh, no. Here it comes. I have to pull myself together and get my introduction out of the way as fast and simply as possible. Then hopefully no one would take interest enough to talk to me.
I faced the class head on, but was met with a wave of panic as I saw the many unfamiliar faces looking directly at me. I started to sweat profusely while trying my best to conceal my obvious anxieties and failing miserably.
I took a deep breath and bravely raised my head and said in the loudest voice I could muster, (which was about normal speaking voice level), "Hello, my name is Moon (y/n)."
I gave a bow, then looked at Mr. Jang with pleading eyes so that I could be assigned my seat and would not have to deal with this any longer. He took the hint and began looking for a seat for me.
"Hmmm, let's see. Ah! Namjoon, raise your hand. You see him? He is our class president. You may go sit in the back next to him." Mr. Jang said, nudging me to the back of the classroom.
I looked up briefly to glance at the boy who had his hand raised, and immediately lowered my head again as I cautiously took my place at my assigned seat. Luckily, it was a window seat at the very back of the classroom. I just hoped that the class president would pay me no mind.
I could hear various whispers from some of the other students, and I just knew they were about me since I caught quite a few eyes sneaking curious peeks at me from across the room.
I tried to tell myself that they did not bother me, and ended up just staring out the window to keep my thoughts away from what they might be saying about me, and trying to ignore the presence of the the boy sitting right next to me. I hate attention SO much, and I hated sitting next to strangers. I just hated the unknown in general.
The view outside the window was pretty, although I was unable to find much beauty in life anymore. Not after the terrible things I have seen. I quickly became lost in my thoughts as I stared into space. I always tend to do that when my mind wants to dissociate me from a situation.
That is until I felt a finger tapping my shoulder...