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Author's notes: Missing moment from Trash.



Disclaimer: The characters of Firefly belong to Joss Whedon. This writing is for pleasure only. No profit is intended.

A/N It seems to me that there ought to have been some ogling going on when Serenity picked Mal up in the desert in `Trash'. I hope you enjoy this missing moment. Warning: There are a few offensive words and adult content.


"Honey, come and take a look at this, "Wash called out with glee. After the harrowing hover to get Jayne and Kaylee close enough to the garbage bins, Wash needed something amusing to unwind those tension-locked muscles. Since Zoe was obviously not amiable to take immediate care of her heroically spectacular pilot-husband, the spectacle in the desert below would just have to do.

Zoe came up to peer over her husband's shoulder, her long curly hair brushing his cheeks. "Well, I'll be. That's a sight, make no mistake."

"What is?" piped up Kaylee, popping into the room right on Zoe's heels. Wash could smell the nervous sweat still on her usually fresh-smelling self. Somehow, the girl had managed to keep an unconscious Jayne from spilling off the top of Serenity after his getting electrocuted. Seeing how Jayne probably was twice Kaylee's weight, Wash was amazed that she smelled as good as she did. That whole little stunt had to have been as nerve-wracking as hell. Kaylee ought to be soaked to the skin in hard-earned sweat. Unsurprisingly, Wash felt himself a bit aroused at the thought of sweaty women. Naked sweaty women. Well, exactly one naked sweaty woman really came to mind, his beautiful Zoe. Maybe not totally naked. A sweaty Zoe, naked, except for her leather vest. Wash grinned to himself, shoulder muscle tension was forgotten for the sake of lower muscle tension.

"I can't see anything good," Kaylee whined, crowding Zoe's shoulder. "How can we make him stand up?"

Wash pulled his attention back into the room. During his moment of lustful contemplation, Kaylee was ogling Mal sitting on a rock in the middle of the desert - not a stitch of clothing in sight. Wash heard Kaylee give a sigh of frustration. "Three years, I've been wantin' to see him starkers, and now he all sittin' and such." Wash grinned in amusement. Kaylee's continual lust for all things male often fed his daydreams. Wash spun to add a visual aspect to his musing. Instead of seeing a panting Kaylee, Wash turned both eyes onto the amused leering of his . . . wife? "He used to have a fine backside, back during the war. He's heavier now, more muscular. There may not be much good to see." Zoe pursed her lips in contemplation. "Still, he is a damn, fine-lookin' man."

"Well, I want to lay eyes on his damn, fine-lookin' ass," Kaylee muttered. "That is, I'm hoping he has one. I bet those tight pants of his don't lie." She shifted her position to gain a better view. "Been so long, I hope I can recognize one when I see it."

"What 'one'? What are all you looking at so intently?" Inara asked, entering the bridge. Wash had heard the shuttle dock moments before Serenity's sensors registered the joining. Kaylee would have to fix that glitch soon.

The Companion was dressed as elegantly as ever. Her beautiful dark eyes were enhanced by a filmy veil. Wash considered how a veil would look on Zoe and immediately discarded the thought. Nothing should cover his Zoe's face.

"Mal's goodies," Kaylee informed Inara with a cheeky grin. "Care for a peep at some shiny?"

Inara peered over Kaylee's shoulder, her grin widening as the slow moments of observation passed. With a deep-throated laugh, the veiled beauty turned to face the other two women. "So that's why all of Mal's clothes were left in the shuttle. I had thought maybe . . . ," Inara trailed off, looking back out the front window. "This is too precious. I hope you are recording all this."

"From the moment I spotted him," Wash affirmed, spinning in his chair. "I may make my fortune selling copies all over the `verse! Ah, I can imagine the wealth now."

Kaylee gave another frustrated snort. "He's got to know we're out here. Why don't the man just stand up?" Turning to the first mate, she asked, "Zoe, you go out and get him to stand up. Maybe turn him around a little, too. You know, a nice 360 spin."

"Now why would I want to do that?" Zoe replied, eyebrows raised. "If that man's got something I haven't seen before, I'll hit it with a stick."

"I'm sitting right here!" Wash called out, indignantly. "Could you not flaunt your intimate knowledge of the Captain's, um, body to the other people on board?"

Zoe turned in amusement to her husband, pursing her lips. "I ain't blind, baby-cakes. `Sides, my 'knowledge' is years old and rusty. You got no worries about this group." She gestured to the other two women with her thumb. "They ain't paying you and me no mind. Not with a bit of pretty sitting right out there in front of them." "You wound me, woman," Wash mimicked stabbing himself in the heart. Then he noticed that Kaylee and Inara were indeed, paying him no mind. "Maybe I should get naked and garner my own attention?" he mused, fingers walking up the length of Zoe's arm.

"I'll go," Inara volunteered. "It's not like I haven't confronted a naked man in my line of work before." Giving Kaylee a knowing wink, she turned a pointed finger at Wash. "You just keep that recording going. I want to see this myself."

"I'll be selling copies later this evening," Wash agreed, amiably drawing his willing wife onto his lap.

Inara exited the bridge passing Simon on the way in. Zoe pulled her attention away from Wash nibbling on her neck to ask the doctor, "How's Jayne doing?"

Simon blushed and averted his eyes. Any display of affection left him uncomfortable. "He's going to be fine in a day or two. He basically bruised his spine when he hit the hull of the ship. I've got him partially sedated in the infirmary for now. He'll probably be down for another half-hour or so."

"Oh, lookee! There goes Inara now!" Kaylee squealed. Her attention was so riveted on the man in the desert, she didn't notice Simon coming to stand behind her shoulder.

Zoe and Wash gave up on their kissing to watch Simon watch Kaylee. When Zoe left his lap to join the other women, Wash made a small sound of protest that was lost in the sound of Kaylee's excitement.

Simon moved over a bit, to allow Zoe room at the window. Kaylee squealed again and banged on the railing. "Come on, 'Nara. Get him to stand and spin." Simon peered at the desert below, taking in the sight of Inara walking up to a naked Mal sitting on a rock. Simon looked in confusion first at Zoe, who shrugged, and then to Kaylee who was chanting "stand and spin" over and over again under her breath. Looking back, he caught Wash's silent mouthing of 'Saffron' and suddenly understood. Mal had been hoodwinked . . . again.

Kaylee wiggled excitedly. "Ooo, there he goes. Move out of the way `Nara," she muttered. "Just a little to the left. A little more . . . there ya go . . ." Kaylee quieted, suddenly intent on the scene below. Her smile drooped steadily. "It's kinda teeny, ain't it?" she asked Zoe, her face scrunched up in disappointment. "Is it always that small?"

"We don't need to know the answer to that one, sweet-cakes," Wash butted in. "Not that you could actually answer it, right? Right??" Zoe responded by rolling her eyes.

Simon, who had never been good at talking to girls, tossed in his two bits, his mouth close to Kaylee's ear. "It is rather cool outside. Male genitalia usually contracts when exposed to low temperatures."

Kaylee whirled around, gaping at Simon's close presence. She had that shell-shocked look that some animals exhibit when caught in a spotlight. Wash really enjoyed the bright blush rising on her cheeks. A totally embarrassed Kaylee was a beautiful sight to see.

"Oh, Simon," she stuttered with a little twittering laugh. "Didn't know you was right there."

"I'm sure that the Captain regains normal . . . uh . . . proportions, when he's back on board." Simon continued, eyebrows raised. "Not that I know personally. It's just a medically supportable theory."

"His bits are playing hide-and-seek with the wind." River popped in on silent feet. No one had noticed her arrival. "Physiological reactions to cold-stimulus are well documented for males." She turned to Kaylee. "Simon is correct, it is much larger on-board. At least it is in his cabin, although not as large as Jayne's." Floating to the window, River gazed below, seemingly fascinated. "Nice ass," she commented, before dancing back out the door.

"I can't wait to see Jayne's reaction to that little tidbit," Wash crowed. "Good thing I got that recorded as well."

"According to River, Jayne's tidbit ain't little," Zoe teased. "I always knew that girl has found her way all over this boat. I wonder what she makes of you, husband."

"My prowess is the stuff of legends," Wash defended with a troubled look. "Do you think she's, you know, watched us in our bunk?"

Zoe didn't answer with anything other than a big grin. She gestured back to Simon and Kaylee. River's insights hadn't changed Kaylee's position or coloring.

Kaylee just continued to gape at Simon, shocked. After a few long, silent moments, she gasped, "Got to go check on the engines, or somethin'," and fled the room.

"Well, he's heading this way. Best get on down to the hold," Zoe smirked at her husband. She patted Simon's shoulder as she passed. "You ought to chase that girl down to the hold as well. Wouldn't want her to miss the rest of the show." Giving Simon a wink, she headed out as well.

"I may just do that," Simon smiled, bemusedly.

"A smart man would give that girl something better to blush about than a peep-show," Wash recommended, while switching the recording from outside the ship to the cargo bay. "I always took you for a smart man, Mister Three-Percent. Go and do me proud."

Wash heaved himself up from the pilot's chair to join the spectacle below. "Zoe, about that `hit it with a stick' statement, what exactly did you mean?"

Simon peered into the on-board monitor. He watched Mal strut his way up into the hold, unrepentantly naked. He wondered briefly about River's comments, but dismissed them as childish humor. He left the bridge in search of Kaylee and her intriguingly bright blush. He was, after all, a smart man. Top three percent, in fact, determined to make Wash proud.

The End.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this bit a `trash'. Why don't you send me a wave and tell me what you think?







Title:  Voyeurs
Author:  Surplus Imagination   [website]
Details:  Standalone  |  PG-13  |  gen  |  10k  |  11/30/05
Characters:  Zoe, Wash, Kaylee, Inara, Simon, River
Pairings:  Hint Kaylee/Simon
Summary:  There had to have been some serious ogling going on back in that desert scene.
Notes:  Missing moment from Trash.