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The Letters of Nadja Geiszler and Hedda Gottlieb

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October 3, 2014

Letter from Newt Geiszler to Hedda Gottlieb

Dr. Gottlieb,

My name is Dr. Nadja Geiszler. I am currently working with a team at CalTech researching extraterrestrial biology and environmental impact of the August 2013 Kaiju attack on San Francisco, Sacramento, Oakland, and surrounding areas. I have also done long distance work with Hundun, Kaiceph, and Scissure.

I recently read your paper, Characterization of the Pan Pacific Breach in Volume 537 of Annalen der Physik. Dr. Gottlieb, since the day I first read that paper I haven’t stopped thinking about it. As an ecologist, the theory that the Breach was a cosmic strings wormhole always seemed ridiculous to me. The environment surrounding the Breach is decimated by deposits of radium and dispersal of radon gas. Whole ecosystems have collapsed. The fishing industry is dead. At ground zero, we all know that there’s chemistry going on here. Your paper is the first one I’ve ever seen that acknowledged that.

In the manila envelope that accompanies this letter, I’ve sent you an annotated version of your paper. I’ve had it on my mind so much that I wanted to share all of my thoughts. I hope that my comments will be viewed as a welcome invitation for continued discourse and collaboration.


Dr. Nadja Geiszler

Excerpt from the manila folder: Volume 537- Annalen der Physik

Dr. Hedda Gottlieb

Abstract: Current chemical and geological data supports that the Pan Pacific Breach is atomic in nature. This is also supported by general relativity; post-analysis there is little doubt that it is some sort of wormhole of exotic matter [see we never would have completely connected these dots on the ground. brilliant. knew it was chemical, but exotic matter wormholes! general relativity is a gift.]. The mechanism of continued expansion and collapse of the wormhole will also be discussed.


Context: Physics has been at a crossroads since the Pan Pacific Breach opened. The prevailing theories at present have been, for the most part, centered on the underpinnings regarding cosmic strings wormholes1. [ridiculous] However, these approaches are ignoring the significance of interdisciplinary data and general relativity as could be applied on both a macro and micro level scale when examining the construction of the heretofore unheard of phenomenon interacting with the Earth’s magnetic fields and terrain features. [YES.]. While the theory of cosmic strings is more theoretically satisfying [because as we all know, this is top priority for people trying to triage large cities], high pressure exotic matter offers much more promise in the realm of application. [this is an understatement Dr. Gottlieb] Current prevailing thought surrounding the academic and professional realms is that the interaction between Earth and the transdimensional invaders is purely a magnetic phenomenon; this paper proposes that the Breach is composed of a marriage between the Earth’s magnetic fields and the Breach’s unique magnetic signatures, as well as a combination antimatter and time-space with terrene matter.


Physical Properties of the Breach: Before we move into the realm of physics, we must first look towards geology and chemistry. This hard data enriches and supports what was once thought to be something that was purely theoretical, namely the possibility of an extradimensional feature imposing itself through the use of antimatter and advanced quantum mechanics onto an established terrestrial feature.


The Pan Pacific Breach is a geographical feature composed of terrestrial and extradimensional features spanning 11,000 km. It is a physical fissure in the earth, not unlike (but distinct from) an oceanic trench2. It cannot be approached without specific gear: to date, chemical reactions surrounding the Breach have killed twenty scientists3. [at least thirty more have developed cancer- it’s a hard time to be a geologist] Submarines with protection from radioactivity have been created within the last three months, enabling safer study4. [my name is on that paper. I can tell this collaboration is meant to be]


It is unknown what specific chemical reactions are occurring, however what is known is that the Breach is poisoning the water around it with high concentrations of radium and radon5. This is not due Kaiju contamination, as the reactions are continual and exhibit cyclical features5. A cubic mile around the Breach shows no sign of life. [so many aquatic communities absolutely decimated. still have some algae blooms living on the surface though. . .killing everything else that might have wanted to live there]  Additionally, rocks collected from the Breach become contaminated with radium deposits when left at normal laboratory conditions (under freezing and autoclave, this does not happen6). [geologists can’t catch a break.]


If the Breach were not atomic in nature, it is doubtful that these precipitations would happen. [spot on] There is reason to believe that this is also not the result of the Breach being continually open with chemicals coming from the other side (whatever “the other side” is). [the big question, right?] Rather, something trapped or otherwise contained inside of the Breach is interacting with our terrestrial features, causing contamination. A strong candidate for this reaction is some sort of radium compound that is under extremely high pressure7. [I think so too but that data is so coy]This is exotic matter that has been mathematically proven to be the stuff of general relativity wormholes. [see pg. 2] [send simplified explanation of these calculations]


Modeling: Another property of exotic matter wormholes is that, theoretically, they collapse after matter has passed through them. Previous events, such as the Tunguska event of 1908, with its rapid destruction, its regular path, and its relatively brief time elapse, are supportive of this model. The Breach is known to collapse post-attack, which gives this theory further credence. [brilliant]

Fig. 1: The Kaiju have the ability to move freely from one end of the portal to another. It is as yet unknown whether or not this freedom goes both ways at the time of Kaiju entrance [research done by a friend at Berkley suggests that it doesn’t. citation: word of mouth].

Fig. 2: Representation of physical closure of the portal. It has been proven8 that nothing can go inside of the Breach during peacetime. It is proposed that the Breach physically seals itself in the middle shortly after a Kaiju emerges. [makes sense] This idea is consistent with proposed theories of matter passing through wormholes made of exotic matter.

[Relativity calculations cont. on page 2]

October 7, 2014

~five tabs on Google Chrome~

1. NCBI (2013) - Tissue Regeneration in the Human Nervous System: Nadja Geiszler et. al.

2. Forbes (2012)- 30 under 30 (Medicine): Dr. Nadja Geiszler

3. Audobon (2014)- Caltech Paving the Road for Ecological Restoration After Kaiju Attack

4. The Boston Gobe (2007)- Profile: Nadja Geiszler-Youngest Doctoral Candidate at MIT

5. Discover (2014)- Unlocking the Secrets of Kaiju Anatomy at Caltech

October 15, 2014

Letter from Hedda Gottlieb to Newt Geiszler

Greetings, Dr. Geiszler,

After a thorough period of consideration, I have decided to respond to your letter with one of my own. I admit to feeling relief in the proposition of professional engagement with a peer regarding the nature of the Breach and its denizens. As of yet, my efforts have been singular, and while I believe this information is imperative, I still find myself lacking large portions of salient data. I anticipate a more thorough understanding of the interworkings of the chemical, terrene, and contraterrene matters, though we are all blindly groping in the dark.

I anticipate a more grounded approach in forthcoming articles regarding the Breach and possible explanations to be explored in physics. I have dabbled to some degree in astrophysics, and my treatment of general relativity wormholes and contraterrene matter interacting with terrene matter has been useful in my understanding of how such a relatively unprecedented and prolonged event can exist. As you have presented yourself as relatively learned regarding the chemical and biological interactions surrounding the Breach, please do let me know if you have any suggestions regarding its composition and construction. Like yourself, I profess to a certain amount of eagerness in regards to a more thorough overall understanding of this new phenomenon, and as I have stressed in the paper you have cited, I believe that an interdisciplinary approach is critical; the historical treatment of these matters has been one of a certain truculent and rather clannish hoarding of research and resources, which has ultimately created a fractured array of paths from which to embark, but rendered science an unwieldy and useless tool.

We must all work together if we are to survive this.


Dr. Hedda Gottlieb

November 1, 2014

Letter from Newt Geiszler to Hedda Gottlieb

Dr. Gottlieb,

You actually replied! I was beginning to think that you wouldn’t. That’s what I get for trying to send a real letter overseas- anxiety. I hope it arrived to you mostly dry. I don’t do fax machines (because it’s not 1998), and I felt your work deserved something a little bit better than an email from the same account that I use to order Pizza Hut.

In trying to sound formal enough to get you to pay attention to my letter, I feel like I might have overshot my title. You really don’t have to call me Dr. Geiszler.
I only use the full title and etc. etc. when I want people to think that I’m important. Only my mother calls me Nadja. It’s a frilly girl’s name, and it makes me sound like I don’t spend ten hours a day with my hands shoved inside monster guts. Newt, that’s the name of someone you want to skin a Kaiju. So that’s the name that I go by day to day.

I’m assuming your careful, passive aggressive language means that your paper ticked off a lot of your colleagues. I can certainly see why. Brilliant woman like yourself, trampling all over men’s egos widely accepted theory. It’s ok. By isolating you they’ve pushed you right into the welcoming arms of someone across the pond with five and a half official PhD’s and an informal sixth in rebellion.

Speaking of which, now’s a good a time as any to more thoroughly explain my background. We should exchange specs- I’m sure you’ve stalked me via the internet (I’ll be up front and say that I’ve researched you some), but I’d rather you get the full picture from what I tell you than from what you’ve read on Google. I’m sure you feel the same way  

This is me: Newt Geiszler, 24. I have five PhD’s from MIT: biology, microbiology, computational and systems biology, biophysics, and molecular neuroscience. Currently in the process of getting a sixth in astrobiology from Caltech. I also have three undergraduate degrees: biology, geology, and music. I’m the poster child for what happens when you’re curious about too many things.

Ratemyprofessor scores me at a 3.6 in terms of hotness. Blatant lies. I’m at least a 3.8; the kids at MIT gave me lower scores because I was a hard grader. Also, I called on girls more often than boys on principle. Caused a few male egos to burst.

 Before I dedicated my life to monsters, I was working on human tissue regeneration at MIT. Brain tissue, specifically. That’s what my profile in Forbes was all about, which I expect you’ve seen.

For the record, I don’t usually dress like I did for that photo shoot. My biophysics doctoral advisor threatened to automatically give my orals a failing grade if I made MIT look bad by dressing like a “coke addled rock star” at the interview. I had to dye my hair brown and everything. It was awful. If only Billboard profiled biologists, am I right?

My current work primarily focuses on Kaiju anatomy and physiology. At the moment I’m spending my time sucking whatever information I can out of any samples I can get my hands on. Genetic data, chemical composition of secretions, cellular structure, tissue structure, you name it and I’ve poked at it or I dearly want to. My most recent project is measuring Kaiju scale toxicity.

Is there anything in particular you’ve been wanting to know about the Kaiju? What information would currently be most useful to you? The manila envelope I sent with this letter contains a list of journal articles you might find relevant as well as some of my research notes.

In terms of your work- I agree that the lack of data on the Breach is a real buzzkill. I feel like we’re so close to getting data that tells us more about what’s on the other side. Like it’s on the tips of our tongue, you know?

Personally, I’m leaning towards another universe, but I’m not the physicist here. What do you think? I sensed from your restraint in your paper that you have ideas, but you don’t have the all the data to back them up yet. Lay them on me; Crick described replication, translation, and transcription before they had enough information to prove it. “The Central Dogma of the Pan Pacific Breach”- has a nice ring to it. Although years later, Crick admitted that he didn’t really understand the definition of “dogma,” so maybe we’ll wait until after we’ve blown the socks off the scientific community with some data before we start making claims like that.

Is it as weird for you as it is for me that we’re working with stuff that up until last year only existed in sci fi? I grew up watching anime and Kaiju films (I tell you, the number of times I have seen Godzilla is ridiculous) and all of a sudden they’re actually here. There is a real portal on the bottom of the ocean floor that spits out aliens from. . .well, we don’t even know.

I am really excited for your reply. This could be the beginning of a great collaboration.


Newt Geiszler            

November 7, 2014

Letter to from Hedda Gottlieb to Newt Geiszler

Dr. Geiszler,

Yes, indeed, I replied. I do apologize for my tardiness, but as you apparently well know, science waits for no man; or woman, for that matter. Having looked at some of your research, I am now even more assured of your intelligence and insight. The quantity and quality of your work is astonishing.

I hope that this will not cause too much trouble, but I feel disrespectful of my colleagues if I call them by their first names. It is a habit from a childhood of mandatory respect for authority. For now, I would like to continue calling you Dr. Geiszler. I have great faith in your ability to produce good research; I assure you that this is in no way meant to trivialize your talents.

At present, I have been declined further funding from Cambridge for any other research regarding the Pan Pacific Breach. Instead, they are having me use my mathematical background to create statistical models that have the ability to predict Kaiju attacks. While I feel that this is a worthwhile pursuit and an adequate use of my talents, my passion lies elsewhere. Perhaps I will feel differently when the numbers are being used on the front lines, so to speak, but for now it is good to know that someone has vested interest in a topic that holds great interest to me and has been, for the most part, trivialized by my peers and demoted to the status of an extracurricular activity. Hearing support from a person outside of my field is particularly heartening, because my theory rests so heavily upon interdisciplinary data.

Thank you for the compliments. Though I do not feel I am personally impressive, I value hard work enormously. I am glad that my personal ethic shines through in my scholarly pursuits.

As to my methods of dealing with conflict: I like to keep a professional distance from petty squabbling, a principle which, unfortunately, most of my colleagues do not hold.

I appreciate the information as to your person. I did indeed research you, but your description of yourself was much more illuminating. I will attempt to be equally succinct and thorough in my self-evaluation.

Dr. Hedda Gottlieb, 25. PhD in Applied Mathematics and Theoretical Physics from Cambridge. I hold a degree in Physics from the Humboldt University of Berlin. Prior to K-day, I was doing research at Cambridge on probability of wormhole creation. I also was a lecturer, although I never examined this “ratemyprofessor” website until you brought it to my attention. It appears that students found my course work to be very challenging. Also, several men did not appreciate my long skirts and lack of makeup. Why anyone would choose to assess their teacher’s looks instead of paying attention to a topology lecture is beyond my comprehension. Clearly the mind of the modern male undergraduate is a mysterious and loathsome terrain, one which I do not wish to spend very much time or energy exploring.

If you wouldn’t mind my asking- what do you normally dress like? In the aforementioned Forbes article, you did look quite professional, however it has been my experience with biologists that they do not necessarily always conform to a business casual style of dress. Most of the biologists I have known have dressed quite practically in jeans, trainers, and tee shirts. I’m not sure I understand why this style of dress would be seen as such a disappointment to your doctoral advisor.

As for myself, I try to not distract from my body of work by the clothes that I wear. I have never been profiled in a magazine, and I don’t often have photographs taken of me, so my clothing is rarely of interest to anyone anyway.

I stated previously that my current work involves statistical modeling of Kaiju attacks. This has been very challenging, as radioactive analysis is so crucial to my work, and gathering samples from the Breach has proven to be very dangerous. It has also made research progress very slowly. However, technology has been adapting to this roadblock, and I predict that the entire process will move quickly once it is safer and more streamlined. My goal is to someday have the ability to know when the next Kaiju will attack down to the hour. Hopefully that day will come before the next Kaiju does.

A brief outline of Kaiju anatomy would be of interest to me. Much of the data you sent is fascinating, but putting it all together to make one creature in my mind’s eye is a bit difficult.

I too have a burning curiosity to know what is on the other side of the Breach. I think it is another universe too, but there just isn’t data to prove it. The one piece of data that I am missing is information as to what exactly the exotic matter compound inside the Breach is. All that is known is that it degrades to radium; there has to be confirmation that the starting compound involves radium and does not exist within our known universe. Then and only then can we discuss multiverse theory as if it is dogma. Having read of his unprofessional treatment of his female colleagues, I would like to distance myself from Dr. Crick as much as possible. 

I have never seen the works you have referenced, but I do agree that some days it feels like waking up to science fiction writ large around us. We certainly can no longer trust our previous convictions with the same strength we had espoused; and if we do, it would smack of the child putting its hands overs its eyes to block out an unsavory sight.  Physics was trying so desperately to solve the last problem, unified theory, and suddenly a being from another universe arrived and changed everything, changed our very understanding of the fabric of reality. It is at once terrifying, exciting, and humbling to truly realize how little we have always understand about our multiverse.

I eagerly await your response.


Dr. Hedda Gottlieb

November 14, 2014

Letter from Newt Geiszler to Hedda Gottlieb

Dr. Gottlieb,

I appreciate the compliments. I’ve been doing science my whole life, so I hope some of that data is looking good by now. I started going to MIT when I was 14, and I couldn’t drink or drive or go to parties, so I did the next logical thing and wrote a lot of academic papers.

I promise that calling me Dr. Geiszler is not showing me disrespect. If anything, it’s the opposite- I only enforce my title when I assume I’m going to be dismissed without it. Really, call me Newt. I insist. I’d like to call you by your first name too, honestly, but that’s super awkward if you’re over their calling me Dr. Geiszler and I’m calling you Hedda. It makes me feel like a middle aged professor. I have too much ink on my body for that.

That is so awful! Cut funding is the worst, especially when it’s clearly an act of aggression. And then moving you to a new project entirely! Not only is that completely disrespecting your physics work, but it’s implying that the stuff you’re doing right now is beneath you. It absolutely is not, because you’re brilliant and your work is brilliant.

If you can’t tell by my indignation, squabbling is not something that I personally avoid. I like to say that I make up for being short by being very loud.

No way! Cambridge and Cambridge! We’re like Cambridge2. I mean, yours is in the UK and mine was in Massachusetts, but it’s still pretty cool. And only a year older than me. Next you’re going to say that you were born in Germany too.

I wish I could say I don’t understand guys who ogle women instead of listening to topology lectures, but I feel like I understand them way more than I ever wanted to. I dated some back in the day, and I can tell you that all the answers to their psyche are inside of their pants. If you don’t excite them, they don’t think you’re worth their time. They also feel like all women can be classified into someone they want to have sex with or someone they don’t. It’s pretty sad.

I forgive those who get distracted by pretty teachers though. When I was fourteen I had an organic chemistry teacher who was so beautiful that it was unfair. I had never questioned my sexuality before I laid eyes upon her. The first day that I met her, I discovered my inner queer.

About how I dress. . .I guess you could say it’s not exactly “typical lab attire.” I suppose if you were feeling cheeky it could be described as “like a raging queermo.” Lots of torn up jeans, crazy colored hair, leather jackets, skinny ties, thick eye makeup, weird earrings, and a few pairs of Doc Martins that I painted in various colors and patterns. Also, I’m currently working on a pretty rad Kaiju sleeve tattoo. I didn’t have any ink that could be seen during the time of the Forbes article, though.

For some reason, people find my appearance and demeanor to be a little shocking. I can’t imagine why.

I’ll send a picture of myself along with this letter. Maybe you could send one too? Instead of looking online for pictures other people took of us, we can show how we see ourselves.

Man, predicting Kaiju attacks like that would be so useful. I know the people who are working on picking up those radioactive isotopes. They are excellent scientists, and their research really is progressing very rapidly. I have high hopes for the future accuracy of your work.

I want to see those numbers. They sound awesome. The guys who reassigned you to shut you up are going to hate themselves when you show them up by saving a city. If that sounds like I’m implying that people will still care about petty disagreements during a national disaster, it’s because I am.

I put an overview of Kaiju anatomy and physiology inside the manila folder accompanying this letter.

Dr. Gottlieb, I’ve been studying those rocks and I have an idea that’s kind of out there. I think the reason that those rocks contain radium deposits is because some sort of microorganism is oxidizing a radium compound on the rocks. I think that it’s radium oxide, which doesn’t exist within our known universe. The particular microorganisms present on the rocks don’t have genomes found anywhere else on earth, and there doesn’t seem to be any other compound on these rocks that they could be using for metabolism. Something interesting, though- their genomes have a lot in common with the Kaiju genome. I’m currently working to culture them in a lab and determine their chemical composition. If they, like the Kaiju, contain silicate cell membranes and prove to oxidize inorganic compounds not found anywhere in our own universe, I think we’ve proven multiverse theory. Also, if we figure out how they work, then we can eradicate them and make life easier for Breach geologists everywhere. Score two for science.

You’ve never seen Godzilla? Ever? Dr. Gottlieb, you need to get on that as soon as possible. After all, the world is ending- soon, you might never get another chance.



Excerpt from the manila folder: Kaiju anatomy

Written by Newt Geiszler. Annotated for personal use by Hedda Gottlieb.

Overview: This is not a comprehensive look at Kaiju anatomy. Rather, this is an overview of classification, basic body structures, and body systems relevant to defense. Little is known about the Kaiju lymphatic, endocrine, and reproductive systems; they will not be covered here. Additionally, we have little knowledge of many other parts of their physiology because of destruction in battle and/or complications upon death. [I am ignoring the hint of disappointment here.] The data present is compiled from the corpses of four Kaiju in varying states of wholeness: Trespasser, Hundun , Kaiceph, and Scissure.

Classification: Much discourse has been had regarding the issue of Kaiju classification and nomenclature. It is universally acknowledged that they are part of their own unique kingdom- the kingdom Monstrae. [Biologists are not very concerned about hiding their level of excitement in the nomenclature.]Cellular data confirms that they are silicate creatures in nature. Thus, they do not share even a similar common ancestor to our own. However, it is important to note that though we don’t share homology with the Kaiju, we do share much analogy. [Not from the same origin, but similar traits. Seems logical] This is relevant in determining physiology from anatomical structure.

The Kaiju body plan is bilateral in nature i.e. they are symmetrical down the sagittal plane. They have differentiated tissues and a full digestive system, lending credence to their embryonic development being similar to that of chordate Earth animals. [I hope this does not imply that anyone is trying to create a Kaiju embryo. Ask Dr. Geiszler about this.]The Kaiju appear to be coelomates, evidenced most greatly by a very thick pericardium-like structure surrounding the heart and great vessels. Again, comparing alien anatomy with Earth biology helps to direct our study and defense. [Read as: barely contained enthusiasm about naming things.]

Cellular Structure: [Biochemistry- irrelevant but good to know that she’s thorough.]Kaiju cells are analogous to eukaryotic Earth animal cells. Their cells contain a membrane bound nucleus full of DNA. Though the Kaiju are not carbon-based, they have many structures that are. Also visible under the electron microscope are several organelles of unknown purpose. Presumably they are important for metabolic processing, transport, waste management, etc. [Even more names for things.]

Integumentary System: [skin/scales]The Kaiju integumentary system is multilayered and complex. They possess a very thick cellular epithelium [skin], on top of which they layer acellular scales. [Scales are secreted.] These scales are harder than steel and have toxic inner cores. [Useful for contamination concerns. Factor into chemical knowledge of ground zero sites.] Research is ongoing as to what exactly the chemical compositions of the inner toxin and the outer coating are. Current knowledge is that a large percentage of the outer scale is made of a complex metal alloy. [No wonder they’re a hot commodity on the black market.] Isolated toxins thus far found inside the scale have been ammonia, arsenic, and hypochlorous acid (bleach). [Chemically relevant.]

Musculoskeletal System: Kaiju have a skeletal system similar to that of chordates. [Organisms with a backbone.] Their skeleton, however, is silica analog of osseous tissue. [Bone tissue- names, names names] Prior to K-day, studies done at the University of New Mexico had shown that synthetic bone-like silica nanostructures were more effective at their jobs than their natural calcium analogs. However, until Trespasser was studied, none had ever been found in skeletons in nature. [Fascinating.] Defense implications need to take into account that the Kaiju skeletal system is much stronger and more resistant to damage than any skeleton found on Earth.

Additionally, Kaiju marrow houses hematopoietic stem cell analogs that differentiate into different components of the blood and immune systems. These stem cells house numerous toxic compounds and should be handled with care. [Is there any part of a Kaiju that does not need to be handled with care, or is this on a biologist’s scale of how dangerous these are?]

We do not have a full working model of the Kaiju muscular system at this time because it is often highly damaged in combat. [I am sure that it is as equally terrifying as everything else.]

Respiratory System: The Kaiju respiratory system is complex. They are known to have a set of both lungs and gills; their gills collapse when they emerge from the water. It is unknown how the Kaiju manage this switching out of respiratory organs while simultaneously adapting to extreme changes in water and air pressure as they emerge from the Breach. It remains to be seen how in-water gill destruction might harm the Kaiju. [Relevant for defense] Little is also known about how the two respiratory organs exchange gases with each other, if at all. Because of their large size, it is probable that the puncture of one lung would quickly destroy the entire Kaiju. However, because of the thick breastplates we have seen on all current Kaiju, puncturing a lung would be very challenging. [Interesting. Relevant: what about blood leakage as well as what might puncture without blood leakage]

Nervous System: The Kaiju nervous system is much more complex than any animal known on Earth. Their peripheral nervous system is very similar to Earth chordates [backbone/nerves], however, their central nervous system [brain(s)] is unique in a number of ways. Most notably, the Kaiju have two brains. This hypothesized to be for several reasons. One is that they are so massive that their central nervous system must be split to control their entire body. [Logical]There is also a hypothesis that a second brain is meant to give the Kaiju “staying power,” although it is unknown how long a Kaiju can function with only one brain. [Do both brains have to die for a Kaiju to be dead?] It is also unknown whether or not one of the brains can repair itself while the body copes with only having one. [I would not be surprised] Additionally, the Kaiju have curious structures on both brains- metallic pin-like nodes between the brain folds. Electromagnetic frequencies have been picked up from these metallic nodes, although it is unclear as to what they are transmitting. [Who put a radio next to a brain to see if it would transmit messages?] Studies done on the “main brain” have been complicated as it is usually chemically compromised by the time of extraction.

Urinary System: The urinary system is composed of kidney and bladder analogs. The kidneys are unique in their filtering of Kaiju blood, as its structure is fundamentally different than the blood of anything on Earth. [understatement] Likewise, the bladder’s uniqueness mainly is in countering the acidity of the waste product. This waste is of much interest to scientists, as it is a) very toxic [of course] and b) not nitrogenous. [Don’t burst bladder] All animal life on Earth secretes nitrogenous waste, so this is an anomaly to physiologists. [Relevant to chemists and ecologists.]

Cardiovascular System: The Kaiju cardiovascular system is the most studied part of their body. The reasons for this are very evident- Kaiju blood produces the deadly phenomenon known as Kaiju blue. However, just because it is the most studied does not mean it is the most understood. Kaiju blood does not contain heme, the molecule crucial for animal gas exchange. Discovery of how gas exchange does occur is difficult, because studying Kaiju blood in the laboratory comes with numerous health hazards. The blood reacts explosively with many common reagents, emits different (but equally toxic) vapors upon exposure to oxygen, carbon dioxide, or water, and is corrosive towards skin, plastic, wood, and most metals. [Thank God that I don’t have to work in a Kaiju biology lab] Special hazmat suits must be worn when in contact with blood materials, and currently non-reactive rooms are in development. It is understood that most of the toxicity of Kaiju blood comes from their plasma analog, however research is still underway in easily separating the blood components from one another. [Lesson: spill as little Kaiju blood as possible. And don’t share a lab with biologists.]

The Kaiju heart and vessels then have a truly standout quality- they are able to keep these compounds in the plasma from being toxic to themselves. This is largely in part due to a peculiar mucus secretion on both organs, the composition of which is still being determined.

The heart is four chambered and very large. Induced heartbeat can give off enough energy to shake a building. It is safe to assume that a destroyed heart would kill a Kaiju within seconds, due to the amount of blood it has the capacity to circulate.

Immune System: Unlocking the Kaiju immune system is, in my opinion, one of the most valuable tools we could have at our disposal. Discovering common microbial poisons that kill Kaiju effectively would be excellent methods of attack. Unfortunately, due to aforementioned issues with studying the blood, we lack information about this crucial system. Additionally, the Kaiju lymphatic system collapses upon death.

Digestive System: The last system discussed will be the digestive system. The Kaiju have a full digestive system, mouth to anus. They have an esophagus, stomach, intestinal tract, and anus. Digestion is similar to the digestion of most reptiles, with the exception being that the stomach is more acidic. It is unclear what the Kaiju eat (outside of people), however it seems that they ingest a number of both organic and inorganic substances in order to keep all of their systems running. Though this may be distasteful, our most fruitful research on Kaiju digestion has been studying the human contents of their digestive systems.

Kaiju feces is of great interest to ecologists and agriculturists, as it carries high nutritional value to both terrestrial and aquatic photosynthetic autotrophs.

[Kaiju toxicity report cont. on page 2]