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Dead Robins Club

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“The April 27th meeting of the Dead Robin’s Club will now come to order.”

“This is a stupid tradition.”

“We are gathered here today—”

“It sounds like I’m getting married instead of this macabre—”

“Shut up, Todd. Pay your respects.”

“It’s my freaking service. I’ll say whatever darn well please.”

“At least he’s not swearing.”

“You know what, Dick? F—”

“Ahem, boys. As I was saying, today we pay our respects to Jason Todd… He is the best. Not accounting for bad taste. Who actually likes Neapolitan ice cream? It’s a flavor for people who can’t commit. And while we all agree that Jason should be committed, he’s proved himself to be a trusted ally and loyal friend. There’s no one else I’d rather have on my side in a fire fight.”

“However, odds are Todd started the fire fight. He’s abrasive and ill-tempered on his best day. But he’s also resourceful and intelligent. Todd will always catch you, with his hips if necessary.”

“That was one time!”

“Jay can be rash at times. We’ve all had to bail him out at least once, sometimes literally. You still owe me money for the last time, by the way. He’s been accused of acting without thinking more times than I can count. But that’s not completely accurate. He just wasn’t thinking of himself. Jace puts other people’s safety ahead of his own.”

“Okay, this is my first time at one of these, so here goes. The first time I met Jason, he punched me in the face—”

“—And it was awesome.”

“No, it wasn’t. But that was only because he’d thought he’d been replaced and forgotten. But that’s impossible. Jason is a force of nature. He will blow you away—”

“Pun intended.”

“Shut up, Jason. It’s my turn. Where was I? Oh, yeah. He will blow you away and leave a gaping hole when he leaves. He’s become my brother in arms and my family. I can’t imagine our lives without him.”

“Alright. Now it’s my turn, you losers. Steph, you rock, but if anyone has commitment issues it’s you. How many times have you switched identities? Spoiler, Robin, Spoiler, Batgirl, Spoiler again. What’s next? Will you go for Nightwing next?

“Damian, I was multitasking. And your welcome. And I don’t start fights. I finish them.

“Dickhead, you’re never seeing that money. But I will return the favor someday if you ever decide to stop being the Golden Boy and live a little.

“Tim, I’m not sorry a punched you in the face. But you did get me back. I’m not sure I can ever have kids after that kick. And you were the first to give me another chance. For that, I’ll always be grateful. You’re my brother, and I’d die for you. Again.”

“Nobody’s dying again.”

“All of you are a pain in the butt, but thanks for today. Can we go get drink now?”

“Some of us aren’t old enough yet, Todd.”

“It’s Gotham. I can find a place.”