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My heart will go on

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He hated this. He hated all of this.

 

It was a beautiful day, the chimneys of the Titanic glistening in the early sun of April 10. “Oh my god, look at it!”, Ladia squealed loudly and pulled at his arm she was holding on to. “It’s so beautiful! I’m so excited!” She’d freaked out about this ship for nearly two weeks now and Armitage couldn’t hear it anymore. “Yes, it’s beautiful”, he snapped and his mother gave him a glare that told him to shut up.

 

They got in the waiting line to get on board. It was one of the rows for the upper class. They stood and Ladia talked with his mother about what she wanted to see first when they would be in New York. To be honest, Armitage didn’t want to return there. He liked England. The small houses, the beautiful gardens in front of them. He’d love to live in one of those small houses. Not in one of those huge mansions as the one they’d spent their past weeks at. With butlers and maidens. No. He wanted a simple life. He wanted to cook and to look after his children himself someday. He sighed heavily. It would stay a dream. It would never come true.

 

The row slowly went forward. Suddenly there was screaming. Three rows to their left someone tried to get on board of the ship. It was a young woman, screaming for her daughter that stood in the door already. Ladia and his mother shortly glanced at the situation before they continued their talking. Armitage felt anger welling up inside him. This was exactly why he hated the upper class and being a part of it. He wanted to go over there and help this woman. Of what he could hear, she’d thought she’d paid for the both of them, but the ticket was only for one person. She cried out and it broke Armitage’s heart. But he couldn’t help her – his mother would have never allowed it.

 

Several staff members were holding the woman back, who screamed for her daughter to come back down. She must have accepted that she wouldn’t get on board, but she couldn’t send her little daughter alone. “We can’t bring her back down”, one of the men told her. “There’s already chaos. You have to take the next ship.” The mother wouldn’t stop, screaming and even kicking when the men tried to get her away from the gangway. Armitage’s gaze was dragged away when there were more loud screams at the door of the ship. A young man was carrying the girl down the gangway through the bulk of people trying to get in. He was someone from staff. His hair was long and black under the little hat, tied back in a ponytail. The white uniform was fitting perfectly around his muscled body and Armitage tried not to stare too obviously. His mother or his fiancé wouldn’t have noticed it, but there were a lot of other people around them.

 

As soon as the man was down the gangway and let the girl down, she ran to her mother, who happily slung her arms around her. She reviled the staff (not the man who brought her daughter) some more, spitting down at the ground in front of their feet and left. Armitage grinned a bit. He would have done exactly the same if he’d been in her position, he thought when he looked at the staff who got back to the ship and tried to get order into the bulk of people again. Briefly warm brown eyes met his. Armitage’s breath caught, but the man had gone inside the ship. He must have imagined this. Surely he had.

 

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They had been traveling for nearly two days now. England lying far away already and Armitage still hated all of this. But his hate had somehow changed the past hours. It was not rage that rumbled inside of him anymore. It was more like a very deep sadness. He didn’t want this. The lively young Ladia – she was nice. She was a very sweet and a very happy girl. And he didn’t love her. He would never love her.

 

His mother didn’t know about his likings of course – no one did – but even if she knew – he HAD to marry Ladia. They needed the money Ladia would bring into the marriage. Otherwise they would lose their house and with it their titles and land. Armitage didn’t care, but his mother cared a lot.

 

While the others ate, Armitage was eating next to nothing. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to. His mother was glaring daggers at him but he couldn’t change it. Ladia didn’t seem to notice. She was far too distracted by her surroundings. The musicians, the other guests the wonderful ship they were travelling with. Armitage excused himself when they had finished dinner and went up to the rail. He needed some air at least.

 

There weren’t many people up here. At this late hour most of the passengers would be inside, eating, partying or simply sleeping. Sighing deeply Armitage rested his arms at the grit, looking out at the ocean. Everything was dark except for the moon and the stars, reflecting in the water. He didn’t want this. He would never have the life he dreamed of. He would never live a normal life. Work, look after children, cook. He would never live in a small house, having a little garden. He would never be able to live together with someone he loved. Tears were blurring his sight. He would NEVER be able to find someone he could love. They would kill him. And if not this, at least he would destroy Ladia’s and his mother’s lives.

 

“They will live better without me”, he mumbled and speaking the words out loud made him realize how much better it would be, if he just quit. Quit living. His mother could live with Ladia. She and her family wouldn’t let her down. And he would never have to mourn again for the life he could never live. It was so easy. So easy…

 

As if in trance Armitage climbed over the grit, now standing just at the edge of the ship. If he let the grit go, he would fall. The waves were crashing against the ship, foam building at their top. He remembered a fairy tale his mother had read to him when he was little. Of the little mermaid and how she became the foam atop the waves when she died. He’d also become foam. Floating across the ocean until the end of time. A peaceful thought.

 

“Stop!” a sudden voice came from behind and Armitage’s loosening grip tightened again. He turned his head to look out for the voice. It was the man from staff. The man who brought the daughter back to her mother.

 

“Please, whatever it is you are mourning about – it’s not worth killing yourself. Please, come back on board”, he panted after running to him. “Please”, he said, reaching a hand out for Armitage to take it. He didn’t touch him though. Just reaching out.

 

“How would you know?”, he asked, looking down at the waves again. “I simply know”, the man tried again. “Please, come back on board. There are so many good things in life.” “There are none for me!”, Armitage nearly screamed, tears running down his face now. “There will be. Please, come back. If you jump you will never know.” Armitage looked back at the man. He was a very handsome man. His long hair must have fallen into his face during work, loosened out of his ponytail. The muscles of his broad shoulders flexing as he reached out. Armitage looked into his eyes. Nearly black because of the night and oh so honest. “Please…”, the man said, reaching out just this much further.

 

Very hesitantly Armitage turned around and reached for the other’s hand. Maybe he was right. Maybe there would be someone someday. Some possibility. He was ready to climb back when he lost balance. With a scream he fell. In the last moment he could catch himself on the edge of the rail. The man’s gaze panicked. “Shit! Hold on!“, he screamed and before Armitage knew what happened, the man was climbing over the grit. With a strong arm he reached for Armitage, while he held on to the grit with the other.

 

There were more people now, all watching as the man pulled Armitage and himself back on board. All gasping and having their hands in front of their mouths. No one helping though. Armitage was trembling hard, not really recognizing who stood around them, as the man stroked his back soothingly, while they were still kneeling on the ground.

 

“Armie!”, a shrill voice made him look up. Ladia was running to him, going down on her knees next to him. “Oh my god, honey! What happened? Why did you do this?”, she asked, voice shaking. Without waiting for an answer, she pulled him close to her heart, hugging him. She looked at the man. “Thank you”, she said. “Thank you so much!”

 

They brought him to his quarters, the man still with them, helping Ladia to steady Armitage’s steps. Armitage sat down on his bed, trying to stop his hands from shaking. “You rescued my fiancé”, she said to the man thankfully. “I can never make up for this. But… please Mr.?” “Ren”, the man replied. “Mr. Ren, please let me invite you having dinner with us tomorrow. It’s not much, I know and you surely have to do a lot on board here, but please have dinner with us.” “I’m only on duty during day and when needed”, he nodded and smiled. Ladia smiled happily back. “Thank you”, she said again, when he turned to leave. Before he went through the door his gaze lingered on Armitage, his mouth open to say something, but he didn’t, just smiling at him shortly before he went away.

Chapter Text

It was late afternoon when Armitage stood at the rail again, drawing people. The place was crowded for it was a sunny day. “Hello”, a sudden voice from behind made him pause his drawing to look back. It was Mr. Ren. A shy smile crossed Armitage’s face. “Hello”, he greeted back. “May I disturb your drawing?”, Mr Ren asked and Armitage nodded.

 

“Do you feel better?”, Mr. Ren inquired. A lot of people had asked him this question today, but this time was the first one that felt honest. Therefore he answered honestly back. “Depends on what you define better. If you mean if I won’t try to kill myself again, then yes.” Mr. Ren smiled and nodded once. “Good”, he said. They walked silently for some minutes. “Mr. Ren, may I ask what your job here on board is? You said you worked the day shift.” “Call me Kylo”, he said and Armitage smiled. “Alright. So what’s your job here, Kylo?”

 

Kylo told him about his job as a mechanic. He looked for the machinery under deck, repairing little failures during the trip. He was director of mechanic for the upper deck. Kylo also told him about the job he had before back in England. He’d worked in a little shop selling automobiles, but his boss had to dismiss him for they couldn’t make enough money with the shop. So now Kylo was travelling with the Titanic and hoping to find a job in America in a few years when he would have made enough money on board of the ships of White Star Line to buy a small house or flat.

 

In exchange Armitage told him about his life. About his forthcoming arranged marriage with Ladia and the way he thought about the upper class. He normally didn’t do this, but somehow the words just escaped him without command when talking to Kylo. “I’d be glad to live like you do”, Kylo said when they sat down on some chairs and he crossed his arms behind his head, enjoying the sun at his face. “You wouldn’t”, Armitage told him and Kylo opened his eyes again, looking at him. “No, you’re right”, he grinned. “Although I have to say I would enjoy not having to worry about money for once. And you clearly won’t have to worry about it after this marriage.” When Armitage wanted to veto to this Kylo added: “But I understand why you don’t want to marry her. It’s not right to force people into marriage. You should choose someone you truly love.”

 

“Armitage”, the sound of his mother’s voice suddenly reached Armitage’s ears. He sighed, before he turned and stood up to greet his mother. She was in company with her friend Lady Dameron, who also travelled with the Titanic. Kylo also stood up to greet the Ladies and Lady Dameron was giggling when he air-kissed the back of her hand. His mother looked not so amused. “I have to talk to you, Armitage. There are things about the house we need to discuss before we reach New York.” She eyed Kylo disapprovingly, while Lady Dameron was excitedly chatting up Kylo. She would look what she could borrow from her husband for him to wear for dinner tonight and wanted to know everything about how he rescued Armitage. With an apologetic smile, Armitage left him with Lady Dameron and followed his mother to her cabin.

 

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Kylo looked dashing when he later came to their table. He wore one of Lord Dameron’s suits. Lady Dameron must have made some corrections on it because it fitted perfectly around his slim waist and broad shoulders. She grinned happily while she chatted about how nice it was to dress someone like him (her son was a lost cause in dressing nicely). “Such a good looking young man”, she smiled and Kylo bowed shortly.

 

Everyone at the table was nice and polite to him, thanking him for rescuing Armitage and telling him how much this meant for Ladia. The only person at the table who openly hated him was Armitage’s mother. “So, Mr. Ren, you said you worked with automobiles. A very dirty work, isn’t it? Not paid well…” “Well, Lady Hux, that depends on how good you are with it.” “But you closed your shop?” “Maybe it were the wrong automobiles for the fine British ladies”, he countered skilful and smiled. “But I hope to make better deals in America.” “God bless America”, Lord Dameron cheered and everyone laughed.

 

All attempts from Lady Hux to embarrass Kylo went wrong. He talked his way out of everything skillfully and the other men and women at their table seemed to like him a lot. During the evening, he flirted with the older ladies (except Lady Hux) and talked about politics with the men. And he looked at Armitage. His brown eyes meeting his every now and then and if Armitage didn’t knew better he would say this was very much like he once read in a book. The author had called it ‘eyefucking’ and it totally felt like it. But… this would be ridiculous, wouldn’t it? Kylo would never flirt with him. He was a man. And what a very handsome man he was.

 

They finished dinner and after Kylo had thanked everybody and especially Ladia for the invitation he excused himself. He would have an early day tomorrow. Armitage stood up too. Modesty demanded him to walk Kylo at least to the entry of the dinner room.

 

“Thank you and your fiancé for the invitation”, he said loudly enough so the other ones would hear. They shook hands and Armitage could feel something being pressed into his palm. “I’d be glad to see you”, Kylo whispered into his ear and winked, before he left. Trying to suppress it, Armitage felt a blush rising up his cheeks, before he went back to his family and friends. The little message vanished in his sleeve before he reached the table.

 

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As soon as they walked at the rail, waiting for tonight’s show to begin in a little while, he read the small note Kylo had handed him over. ‘There will be a great party at 9 pm at the lower deck. Hope to see you there. K.’ Armitage’s heart skipped a beat. An invitation. From Kylo. To a party. Would this… be a… No!, he immediately told himself. But it was nice all the same and he would definitely go.

 

So when they had settled for the show in the ballroom he excused himself after a moment. “I’m not feeling so good”, he told his fiancé. “I’ll go get some air and afterwards go to bed.” She nodded and gave him a kiss.

 

He went out and headed straight for the lower deck. Sure about where he had truly gone, Ladia stood up and went to the back row where her maid sat. “Mala, go look after him”, Ladia told her. “I don’t know what he’s up to, but he’s definitely not sick. Don’t let him see you.” Mala made big eyes, but nodded. With fast steps she followed Armitage outside.

 

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When Armitage reached the lower deck he shortly thought about going back. The place was crowded, there were people everywhere and it was loud and muggy. “Armitage!”, someone shouted and he was hugged from behind before he could react and look out for the person. It was Kylo of course and the hug was… well it was tight and stormy and perfect. “Or should I call you ‘Armie’?, he teased when he grabbed his wrist to pull him to the table he’d obviously had been sitting at. “Don’t even think about it”, Armitage grinned. “I hate this name!” Kylo also grinned and they sat down at the table.

 

Kylo introduced him to his colleagues. They were rough men with loud voices and greasy clothes but they were full of life and laughed openly. They played cards, Armitage loosing phenomenally and he was sure they were cheating, but he couldn’t bring himself to care or to be angry about it. Not when Kylo’s hand constantly brushed against his, as well as their knees under the table.

 

The party went on, some of the guys starting to play on their instruments or singing and soon the complete lower deck was dancing. Armitage watched the dancers and musicians, clapping his hands and truly enjoying everything. “Dance with me”, Kylo suddenly said, holding out a hand. “No”, Armitage shook his head, smiling shyly. “I don’t even know the dance they do”, he pointed at a group of dancers next to their table. “You will learn it easily”, Kylo waved aside and pulled Armitage to his feet against his will and over to the dancers.

 

With his large hand Kylo gripped Armitage’s hip, with the other his arm and before Armitage could protest any further he was swirled over the wooden floor. The people around them laughed, obviously thinking this was just some funny show, two men dancing. They clapped their hands and cheered for them, the music turning up. Armitage laughed as well after getting used to the rough manhandling by Kylo. That he also enjoyed all this very much would stay his secret for the rest of his life. The feeling of Kylo’s big hands at his hips and his hip brushing the other man’s now and then – it would be something he could think back on, when he would live his lonely married life soon.

 

The evening went on and when the party ended, Kylo brought Armitage back to the upper deck. “Thank you”, Armitage smiled when they reached the stairs. “It was a beautiful evening.” “Wouldn’t have been as beautiful if an especially beautiful creature had been missing”, Kylo winked and brushed Armitage’s wrist shortly. The touch sent a shiver through Armitage’s body and he looked at Kylo in wonder when he went back to the lower deck.

 

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For the rest of the night and also during breakfast Armitage couldn’t dispel the smile from his face. His heart felt light and for the first time in his life he thought that maybe there was a chance for him to fall in love someday. And maybe also have an affair with the person he fell in love with.

 

Being caught up in the memory of last night he didn’t even realize the uneasy atmosphere during breakfast and the glares from his fiancé. So when they were back in her cabin Ladia’s hand hit him completely unexpected. “You sleazebag!”, she screamed and breathed as if she’d run a marathon shortly. “I would have understood if it had been another woman. But a man?!” She was close to hysteria. “I knew you were a bit softer than other men. But I never…”, she was looking for words. And Armitage just stood there and listened to what she was saying. Of course he should have told her how wrong she was. That all this wasn’t true. But it would have been a lie. And he somehow didn’t want to contradict that he liked Kylo. Because he liked him. A lot. And he didn’t even want to know where Ladia had the information from.

 

Ladia had tears of rage in her eyes. “You won’t see him again!”, she screamed. “Just one more time you’ll go to him and tell him you reject him. Tell him that you’re my fiancé and that you have no interest in him and not in men at all! And now out! I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day! Stay with your mother or go paint your pictures.” She grabbed his drawing book and pencil’s he’d put here yesterday and threw them at him. “I will forgive you, but not today. I don’t want to see you! Out!” With that she shoved him out and Armitage went willingly.

 

His eyes filled with tears. Not even because Ladia knew about him now. Somehow he was even glad about it. What he truly was sad about was that he had to tell Kylo that there would never be a chance for them.

 

His mother must have heard them, for she came out of the cabin and pulled him inside. She didn’t scream at him as Ladia had, but she was berating him that his father would turn in his grave if he knew all this. “We need the money, Armitage. You know we do. You can be glad that Ladia is such a nice girl and will forgive you. But you nearly ruined it! I always knew you were some kind of strange man, but this really is the worst thing you could have done. This is sick! You can get killed just for mentioning this!”

 

Armitage looked to the ground, still not replying to the accusations. His mother was right. And he knew she just wanted the best for him. But she would never understand or accept him as he was. She would love him only if he was the perfect son she had always wanted.

 

She kept on telling him about how wrong this was, how bad Kylo was for him, not only because he obviously wanted to entrap Armitage for sodomy. She didn’t believe that her son really liked Kylo. In her eyes it was all Kylo’s fault. Armitage let her say anything she wanted, just letting everything wash over him. How was he supposed to explain all of this to Kylo?

 

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He decided to tell him while he was still working. He would only have a few minutes and wouldn’t be able to make a scene or something. And until the end of his shift he might have gotten over it anyway, for as far as Armitage could tell, Kylo for sure hadn’t any feelings for him.

 

The words had worked out in his head much better than they did now. “We can’t meet again”, he said to the floor in front of Kylo’s feet. They stood at the door to the engine room, heat coming from inside. Kylo only wore an undershirt, arms glistening with sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead. He looked stunning and it made it just that much harder to tell him. “I’m going to get married and it’s not good to… to party with people like… I mean it wouldn’t send a good light on my fiancé. I’m sorry. But…” He looked up although he could feel tears welling up inside him.

 

Kylo pressed his teeth together hard. Maybe because he wouldn’t scream at him. Maybe to supress the anger. Or maybe just because Armitage had misunderstood him completely and Kylo didn’t even intend to flirt… “I haven’t misunderstood you, have I?”, he therefore asked uncertainly, voice breaking at the end of the question. “You haven’t”, Kylo said and closed his mouth again as soon as the words were out. “Go back to your fiancé”, he finally said when Armitage wouldn’t go away. Then he turned and went back to the machines, leaving Armitage behind.

Chapter Text

For the rest of the day Armitage sat at the deck, drawing. A boy who played pirate, hunting his sister over the deck, an old woman enjoying the sun, some women having coffee at a table, a couple kissing…

 

The last picture took him the longest. His thoughts wandered to a certain person he had just rejected. A person he wished to share a kiss with like the two people in front of him did. A dream that would never come true. The lines wouldn’t go as he wanted them to go and he finally tore the page out of his book, after his tears had drenched the paper. As if fate was teasing him, he saw Kylo standing at the prow of the ship. He couldn’t do this. This was his chance for love. He didn’t love Ladia and for god’s sake – he didn’t care what would happen. He wanted to be together with Kylo. Even if it would only be this once here on board of the Titanic. Even if this short time meant he destroyed the rest of his life. The lives of all the others. He didn’t care. Damn it – he so didn’t care!

 

Leaving his book on the bench he’d been sitting on, Armitage walked over to Kylo with confident strides. The sound of nearing steps made Kylo turn around and Armitage could see his gaze lighten up due to the sight of him. “I’m sorr-“ Armitage began, but Kylo had already pulled him close, pressing his lips on Armitage’s.

 

Armitage gasped. Kylo’s lips felt so much softer than he’d ever imagined, his strong arms holding him close. Desperately he tangled his fingers in Kylo’s long hair that hung messily out of his ponytail. He didn’t care if someone was watching, he just wanted to melt into these arms and lips and crawl impossible closer. They parted after a moment, both trying to calm their panting. “I’m sorry”, Armitage said again, looking up at the slightly taller man. “No more living in a cage”, Kylo said and Armitage simply nodded. “No more”, he agreed.

 

That far at the prow of the ship, the cool evening wind hit his face. He inhaled deeply. For the very first time in his life he felt free. When he closed his eyes Kylo kissed both of his eyelids, before stepping behind him. He took Armitage’s arms softly, pulling them up like wings. “You’re free”, he whispered in his ear and with a soft push he made Armitage take another few steps forward until they were standing at the very top of the prow. Armitage opened his eyes again and could see the waves under him crashing against the ship. Only one false step or big wave and he would fall. But Kylo’s arms were around him. Saving him from falling and he felt that these arms would always protect him, if he only let it happen.

 

Carefully he turned in Kylo’s embrace and kissed him again. Briefly and sweetly this time. “Come with me”, he said and took Kylo’s hand to pull him back to the cabins, only stopping for his drawing book. He couldn’t hear a sound from inside Ladia’s or his mother’s cabin. They would have dinner right now. There would be enough time for Kylo and him.

 

As soon as he’d closed the door Kylo pressed him into it, kissing him hungrily. Armitage’s cheeks flushed by the force of the kiss and he could feel his cock harden. This was too fast. He’d never done that before.

 

“I want to draw you”, he got out when Kylo let him go shortly to breath. His gaze showed clearly that that wasn’t what he wanted to do right now, but he nodded. Stealing another short kiss he let go and slumped down on the chaise longue. “How do you want me?”, he asked and the smirk on his lips would make the devil blush. Armitage gulped hard and briefly closed his eyes, pleading for his body to calm down. He went for a chair and put it in front of the chaise longue, sitting down on it.

 

“You want me to strip?”, Kylo asked and all Armitage was able to do was to nod. It seemed he’d lost his voice somewhere on his way from the door to the chair and the heat crawling up his cheeks felt like it was burning him, imprinting the colour into his skin for the rest of his life. Slowly Kylo began to strip. First his shirt, then his trousers and shoes, until he only wore his briefs. With a smirk he turned so Armitage would only see his backside, pushing his underwear down.

 

Armitage gasped, knuckles getting white due to gripping his pencil so hard. With one elegant motion Kylo sat down on the chaise longue. He was so damn beautiful… Armitage stared at his body, taking all in with longing, before he suddenly remembered that he wanted to draw him. Maybe a bit too hastily he sat the first few lines.

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Armitage was nearly finished with his drawing when suddenly the door opened. He turned in shock. Mala, his fiancé’s maid was standing in the door, looking at the scene in front of her with big eyes. “Mala…”, he started but the maid turned immediately and ran down the aisle. “She’ll go for Ladia”, he said with a hint of panic and Kylo nodded, getting dressed quickly. “I know”, he said and took Armitage’s hand, shirt still open and hanging halfway out of his trousers.

 

He pulled him out of the cabin and onto the aisle. With fast steps he guided the two of them through the inside of the ship, until they reached the engine room. There were only a few men in there, not paying any attention to them when they passed, for they had too hard work to do. Kylo dragged Armitage along until they reached a little room full of laundry. There were sheets and pillows, tablecloths and curtains, some used, some fresh. Kylo closed the door behind them and the heavy lock went down. “No one will disturb us here”, he said and only moments later their lips met again.

 

They grabbed some of the fresh sheets and duvets, also some pillows and threw them to the floor. It wasn’t as comfortable as a bed would have been, but they didn’t care. Slowly they sat down, Kylo hovering over Armitage. His kisses wandered deeper, sucking at Armitage’s ear and then his neck, surely leaving marks at his porcelain skin. Armitage sighed, hands grabbing for Kylo’s hips, pulling the loose shirt out of his trousers. They briefly parted to get rid of the shirts before their mouths crashed together again.

 

While the kiss had been wild before it was now hungry and full of unfulfilled desire. “You’re so beautiful”, Kylo whispered against Armitage’s skin and Armitage moaned when Kylo took one of his nipples into his mouth, pinching the other between his fingers. Not knowing what to do with his hands he grabbed the sheets underneath him. When Kylo wandered lower with his kisses he couldn’t stop his hips from pushing up wantonly. “Please…”, he begged with a raspy voice and didn’t even know what he asked for exactly. Kylo seemed to understand anyway, pulling down Armitage’s pants in one swift motion, not even bothering with buttons. Luckily Armitage’s hips were so slim, otherwise the pants would have been destroyed.

 

Without warning Kylo went down on him. He gave him one long lick, then took him completely into his mouth, only stopping briefly when the head of Armitage’s cock hit his throat. He swallowed and Armitage was in all the way. He gasped, closing his eyes tight and trying not to come right away. “Shit, Kylo, this… please…” he wasn’t able to form sentences, his whole body shaking. Kylo steadied his hips so he wouldn’t push inside his mouth too hard, bobbing his head, swallowing every now and then around the cock’s head. Armitage panted and when he was close he looked down helplessly. “I…” Kylo nodded and Armitage threw his head back, gripping the sheets hard, when his climax washed over him in waves.

 

Kylo swallowed down every last bit of come, licking over Armitage’s spent cock once before coming up again. “So gorgeous”, he whispered and pressed their lips together. Armitage could taste his own come on Kylo’s tongue. He’d never done something so filthy before and he loved it.

 

They kept kissing for some time before Armitage could feel his lust coming back to life again and it was only then that he remembered Kylo hadn’t come until now. “You…” he started and reached for Kylo’s cock, still trapped inside his trousers. Kylo caught his hand mid-air. “Don’t”, he said and Armitage wanted to protest, but he laid one finger of his other hand across his lips. “I want to come inside of you”, he said and Armitage felt his stomach making a funny flip. He nodded slowly, gulping down hard. “Yes”, he pressed out. “Yes, please, Kylo, please…”

 

Kylo kissed him again. Then he pressed his fingers to Armitage’s mouth and he took them in – three of them and sucked hard. He’d never done this before, but he knew what to do somehow. He knew he would need the slick from his spit. When Kylo thought it would be enough he pulled his fingers out of Armitage’s mouth. “Tell me if you don’t like anything”, he said and Armitage nodded eagerly. Another kiss and then he felt one of Kylo’s fingers at his entrance. Slowly he pressed it against his hole and Armitage shut his eyes again.

 

“Relax”, Kylo demanded, “relax.” He kissed the side of Armitage’s lips. Slowly Armitage unwound, letting everything just happen, not thinking about it too much. Kylo pressed again and his finger went inside. It stung and it took Armitage a lot of strength to not tighten around the finger inside of him. He breathed deeply and looked at Kylo. Brown eyes stared down at him, pupils so wide with lust that it made him shudder. With very slow motions Kylo pulled his finger out again, before pushing it back inside. He built up a rhythm, crooking his finger every now and then until Armitage was used to the feeling, completely relaxed around the intruding finger. Just then he slowly pushed in a second one.

 

Armitage gasped, grabbing Kylo’s shoulders, leaving marks with his nails. “You’re doing so good”, Kylo told him smiling and Armitage tried to smile back through the stinging pain. Again Kylo gave him time to get used to the feeling, only starting to scissor him open when he was sure he wouldn’t hurt him too much. Suddenly Armitage moaned loudly. Kylo crooked his fingers just like this again and Armitage’s body shuddered underneath him. “There…”, he breathed out and Kylo kept on pushing against this spot. Armitage’s cock was completely hard again, bobbing against his belly with the little pushes of Kylo. Without a warning Kylo inserted a third finger. He only felt it when he already pulled out again, just to push them back in, harder this time.

 

“Ky… Kylo, please… I… you can… please…”, he gasped and it was enough for Kylo to finally pull his fingers out completely. He got rid of his trousers and briefs and spit in his hand to slick his cock when kneeling back between Armitage’s knees. “Tell me if anything is too much, okay?” he checked again. “Just get the fuck inside of me”, Armitage replied and Kylo chuckled. “I love you”, he told him, smearing the spit around his cock. It was massive like the rest of him and Armitage would have wondered if it would fit into him if it wasn’t for it already pressing against his hole. With one very painful push Kylo was inside him. He pushed further forward, only stopping when their hips met. They both panted, eyes locked with each other. “You’re so perfect”, Kylo said again, kissing him shortly. “Please…”, was Armitage’s only reply and Kylo started a very slow, very tender rhythm.

 

Armitage held on to his shoulders, leaving marks at Kylo’s back and panting into the crook of his neck. He let his legs fall open even wider, trying to give the man a better access. Kylo gripped Armitage’s hips and pulled them up a little and he hit Armitage’s sweet spot again. Armitage screamed and bore his nails deeper into Kylo’s back. “Please…”, he gasped. “Harder, Kylo…” Kylo did as asked for, jerking inside him harder, speeding up more and more. They were both bathed in sweat not only because of the hot temperatures down here, when Kylo’s cock began to twitch. He reached for Armitage’s cock and stroked it hard. He pressed his eyes together and when he came for the second time this evening it was with Kylo’s name on his lips. He repeated his name over and over again, painting their stomachs with his come. When his inner walls tightened around Kylo it only took him another few frantic pushes and he was coming, too. Armitage could feel his come spilling inside of him and he wished they could stay like this forever.

 

When Kylo pulled out it was with a tired grunt and he lay down at Armitage’s chest, stealing a lazy kiss from him. They both lay like this for some minutes, saying nothing. Only panting and trying to calm down again. Kylo turned and lay down next to Armitage instead of on top of him, gripping the end of one sheet to clean the mess between their stomachs, before pulling the sheet over them. “Did you mean it?”, Armitage then asked, looking into Kylo’s beautiful kind eyes. “What?”, Kylo asked. “What you said before…”, he grinned to himself, “fucking me.” Kylo grinned too and grabbed Armitage’s chin. “I did”, he said and kissed him deeply.

Chapter Text

„Let’s go back outside“, Kylo said after some time in which they both came down, catching their breaths and stopping their hearts from galloping. They dressed and made their way back to the deck. The air was very cool now. Kylo produced a blanket from one of the chairs and gave it to Armitage. “Share it with me”, he said and so they did.

 

Cuddled in the blanket they stood at the rail, looking out to the open sea. It was peaceful out here at this late hour. “Will we see each other again?”, Armitage suddenly asked, looking up at Kylo. “I don’t know”, he said, catching the gaze of the other man. “But I do hope so.” “I hope so, too”, Armitage replied and laid his head on Kylo’s shoulder. Suddenly a light jolt shattered the ship. “What was this?”, Armitage asked. “Most likely one of the machines”, Kylo mumbled but didn’t seem sure himself. “There!”, Armitage then called and pointed down the rail. There was ice swimming on the surface. “Maybe that was…”

 

Then everything happened fast. A sailor ran past them, screaming to a colleague on the other side of the deck. They drove against a growler, there was water running into the ship at some lower deck. Armitage looked panicked at Kylo. “Keep calm”, he told him though. Nonetheless he dragged him to the cabins of his family. “We’ll better inform your family. I want to know you’re safe at all costs”, he stated. Armitage’s heart doubled its pace. For one because he feared that the ship might sink and also because Kylo cared for his wellbeing.

 

They reached the cabins in no time for there was no one in their way this time of the evening. They turned around a corner for the right aisle when they saw them. There were six guards standing in the aisle, Lady Hux and Ladia standing in the door of their cabin. “There he is!”, Lady Hux screamed and suddenly everything happened in a matter of seconds. The guards ran to them, grabbing Kylo and pulling Armitage away from him. “What are you-“, Armitage started and tried to kick himself free from them. “This man is arrested for sodomy”, one of the guards stated. “That’s a lie!”, Armitage screamed and kicked out more. “Armitage, let them”, Kylo said, surprisingly calm for what was happening. He even smiled. “I’ll go with you, Mr. Clark”, Kylo told the man holding him. He didn’t seem sure of why he was holding his colleague anyway. “Everything will be alright”, Kylo told Armitage now. “Please, just go with your family. You know what might happen.” “What do you mean?”, one guard asked. “Nothing, gentlemen”, Kylo said. “Whatever, bring him down to third class deck”, the oldest of the guards now told the other ones and they started their way down the floor. “No!”, Armitage still screamed. “It’s not what you think it is. Please, let him go, please…” Tears were blurring his sight and he gave up fighting. The two guards who had held him tight now brought him to the cabin where his mother and fiancé were waiting. “If he won’t calm down just give us a call, Ma’am”, one of them said and Lady Hux thanked them for helping her.

 

Back in the room Armitage slumped down to the floor, crying bitterly. “Stop crying!”, his mother said angrily, closing the door behind her. Ladia just stood on the other side of the coach, looking at the scene as it was an act in a theatre.

 

“What have you thought? That your little romance will go unnoticed?” She waved something in front of his face. It was the picture he’d drawn of Kylo hours before. Black lines and grey shadows formed the man’s beautiful face and body and it only made Armitage cry more. “You’re such a monster”, he cried, sobbing hard. It seemed as if all strength had left his body. He was half lying, half sitting at the floor, not able to stop his tears from falling or making his legs move so he could go after the men.

 

 

For a long moment Armitage just sat there, silent tears falling down his cheeks. His mother was standing in front of him, panting hard as if she’d run a hundred miles. She sat down at a chair, facing her son.

 

“What did he mean by ‘you know what might happen’?”, Ladia asked after a moment of silence. “There’s a leak”, Armitage said without emotion in his voice. He didn’t care. If Kylo was killed for the crime of sodomy he didn’t care to save his own life. Because what life would that be?

 

His mother panicked immediately, starting to throw things into her suitcase. She babbled without pause, telling Ladia and him what to do. Ladia seemed more calm and finally went over to Lady Hux and grabbed her by the wrists. “Calm down”, she told her with a steady voice. “If the ship is really sinking we shouldn’t take suitcases with us. We should go straight to the lifeboats.” Lady Hux nodded. “I’ll go get Lady Dameron and her husband. You go to the decks”, Ladia instructed and Lady Hux just nodded again, took her coat and went outside. That left Hux with Ladia. “And you…”, she said, but sighed. “You know I love you, Armitage, don’t you?” Her voice was soft when she kneeled in front of him. Armitage looked up, sight still blurred by the tears. He nodded slowly, not able to say anything. “And because I love you, I know how it feels. To lose your love.” She had tears in her eyes now, too, but she was smiling. “Just promise me you’ll come to the lifeboats as soon as you found him.” She bent forward and pressed a light kiss on his forehead. Then she stood up, caught her coat as well and was outside the door before Armitage could reply in any way.

 

He couldn’t even understand what had just happened. The greatness of Ladia’s act would only dawn on him much later. For now he slowly stood up, drying his tears with a handkerchief, before stepping out on the floor. He didn’t know where they had brought Kylo but he thought one of the men had said something about the third class deck. So he headed for the stairs.

 

There were people everywhere. The message about the sinking ship must have spread and Armitage had a very hard time to reach the third class deck at all. People were running over the floors, banging their fists on doors for beloved ones to come out immediately, children were crying. When he reached the deck he’d headed for the chaos was even bigger.

 

With fear in his eyes Armitage looked around. There was no sight of a white uniform. No one he could ask where they brought Kylo. So Armitage just pressed through the crowd of people to get deeper inside the area, calling out for Kylo.

 

……………………………………………………….

 

They’d brought him into the cabin of the boatswain, before all hell broke loose. The message must have spread about the ship sinking and now everyone tried to get to the lifeboats. Kylo hoped that Armitage and his family had been faster and they already sat in one of the small boats. He imagined Armitage’s fiancé hugging him close while their boat was launched. Would he at least think of him from now and then? He’d told him he hoped to see him again. That meant he must feel more, too, didn’t it? During his young life Kylo had been with several guys, but most of them had just wanted to know how it felt. Even if they truly were into it, they had dropped him right after one night and most of the times he’d never seen them again. But Armitage wanted to see him again. This kind, gentle creature that came into his life without a warning.

 

And now they would never have a chance to meet again. Armitage would be safe for his title, he would get back onto another ship, he would reach America, marry his fiancé, have children and would live the life of a gentleman. He would forget about Kylo.

 

The sudden call of his name ripped him out of his depressed thoughts. First he thought he’d heard wrong, but then the call went again. It was the voice of a man. It was Armitage’s voice.

 

Kylo sprang up to his feet and ran to the locked door. He banged his hands against its metallic surface, shouting Armitage’s name. “Armitage! I’m here! I’m in here!“ It took a moment, before he heard hands banging on the other side of the door, too.

 

“Kylo!“, came Armitage’s muffled voice. “Kylo, I’m here, I’m gonna get you out.” Kylo didn’t know what to say. Why had he come back? He’d told him to go and save his own life. But his heart made a jump by the thought of Armitage coming back for him. “The door’s locked”, he stated the obvious. “You have to go, Armitage. Get on one of those damn boats.” “Not without you”, Armitage screamed over the immense volume of people wailing and crying. Kylo’s heart did the funny thing again. He wanted Armitage to be safe, but if he only went when they were together, he had to get out of here. “You have to go and look for some boatswain. They have keys to every cabin”, he said, hoping Armitage could hear him clearly.

 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can”, Armitage screamed back and then it was only the shouts and cries from the other people again.

 

……………………………………………………….

 

Armitage ran through the labyrinth of floors of the lower deck as fast as he could. People were storming past him trying to get to the stairs where the staff was holding them back. It took him about fifteen minutes until he found some men from staff who sat in a cabin, playing cards and drinking.

 

He nearly fell into the cabin when the ship suddenly gave a loud creak and bowed into an angle that made the floors go diagonal. One man caught him by the wrist, eying him shortly for his clothes. “You give your seat to one of the ladies down here, Mister? Come join us”, he said and gesticulated for him to sit down with them. “No! I mean, I don’t know.” All eyes of the seven men looked up at him.

 

There was no hope in them, no will of surviving all this. They had made their peace with god. Shortly Armitage thought about doing the same. If he was honest with himself there was only very little chance of him and Kylo to survive. He could just sit down here. Hell, he had wanted to end his life just two days ago anyway. Why not now?

 

Because he found Kylo, his inner voice screamed at him. Because now there was someone he wanted to live for. Someone he wanted to live with.

 

“No”, he therefore said with a steady voice now. “I need a master key for the ship. My friend is locked-in in one of the cabins.” One guy, he was one of the men who arrested Kylo Armitage realized, looked at him. “You’re the guy Kylo was with, aren’t you?” Armitage gulped hard, but nodded. “Damn fags”, he said and spat at the floor in disgust. “Please”, Armitage tried again.

 

“Oh god help. Here you are”, the guy said and pulled a key from his pocket. “We’ll all gonna die anyway. Have a last kiss or whatever.” He threw the key in front of Armitage’s feet. For a short moment Armitage stared at it in disbelief. He’d never thought he would get it. At least not that easily. But these men were done. They didn’t care about anything anymore, sure about their nearing end. “Thank you”, Armitage breathed out, grabbing the key and off he went.

 

His way back went easier, now that he knew where he had to go. So when he reached the cabin where Kylo was in, he slammed a hand against it to stop himself, fumbling to get the key inside. When the door clicked, Kylo was outside in less than the blink of an eye and Armitage was hugged by his strong arms without a warning. “Shit, I thought I’d never see you again”, Kylo blurted and pressed his lips against Armitage’s. Armitage kissed him back happily.

 

They parted and Kylo wiped his thumbs over Armitage’s face, cleaning it of the tears that ran down his cheeks. Armitage hadn’t even realized he was crying until then. “Let’s get you out of here”, Kylo said with such a steady voice, that Armitage just wanted to cry again.

 

Together they ran to the staircase. The mob was still there, screaming and trying to get past the staff who held them back. Kylo and Armitage tried to push their way through as well, but they couldn’t make it far. “We’ll never get out of here, Kylo”, Armitage lamented, but Kylo wouldn’t listen to him. He changed his tactic, looking around. His eyes came to a halt on one of the men from staff.

 

“Jack, Jack!”, Kylo shouted, until one of the men looked up, trying to see who was trying to get his attention. His eyes found Kylo and recognized him or at least his uniform. “Let this man through”, Jack shouted at the mass of people. Some made room for them, but most of them didn’t, shouting at them and Jack. Kylo hardened his grip around Armitage’s arm and started to push through the mass with his other arm, until they finally reached Jack. “He’s first class, Jack”, Kylo said out of breath, pushing Armitage in front of him.

 

Jack shortly weighed the information. He obviously needed someone as strong as Kylo to help them after all. “I’m afraid the second deck isn’t much better.” “Please, Jack.” It was totally unlike Kylo to beg for something. Armitage had only known him for such a short time, but he knew it was unlike him. And Jack must also stumble over it, obviously knowing Kylo better. “Get him up and out of here”, he said with a sigh and laid his hand on Kylo’s shoulder briefly, before concentrating on pushing the mob back.

 

There wasn’t even time for a thank you, for the ship creaked again, changing its angle further. Kylo pulled Armitage with him, away from the third class deck and up to the second class. The floors weren’t filled with people as Jack had thought. They were empty. Doors to cabins were open, belongings from people rolling around the floors. It only was a cause of minutes until they reached the rail.

 

Outside there was an even bigger chaos than in the third class deck. Hundreds of people tried to get into the few lifeboats that were still there. Some boats had already been launched. With his strong arms Kylo got them further into the mass of people. It was pure chaos and Armitage couldn’t see anything else but people everywhere.

 

A loud and shrill scream reached them. “That’s my husband!”, the woman’s voice shouted and in the first moment Armitage didn’t even realize he was pulled forward by someone else than Kylo. Ladia was standing in one of the boats, clenching the rail. His mother was also sitting in the boat, as well as Lady and Lord Dameron. Obviously the staff here at this side of the ship also let men inside the boats, although women and children were to go first. “And he’s my son!”, Lady Dameron began to shout and pointed at Kylo. “Let them in!”, she demanded, but they had no chance reaching the boat. Another five women were let in and Ladia was forced to sit by his mother just in time before the boat was launched. She and Lady Dameron screamed, but there was nothing they or someone else could do.

 

“The boat’s only half full!”, someone shouted next to them in protest and he was right, but the staff didn’t pull the lifeboat up again. More chaos started to befall the mass and Armitage hugged close to Kylo. “What should we do?”, he asked, light panic rising in his voice, too. “Let’s get to the back of the ship. Maybe we’ve got more of a chance to catch a boat there.”

 

Together they tried to reach the other end, but the ship creaked again and now the angle changed so extremely that there was nearly no chance of getting up there. “This way”, Kylo screamed over the loud voices around them and pulled Armitage after him and back into the ship.

 

They hastened through the floors as fast as they could. It was getting harder and harder the further the boat went into vertical. But they made it and found themselves on the other side of the ship. There were less people here, but the boats had already launched completely, except for one. “Shit!”, Kylo shouted and Armitage laid a hand against his chest to keep him from hitting some stranger in his rage. He breathed in heavily. “There’s still this one”, Kylo then said and pulled Armitage with him again. Of course everyone tried to get inside this one boat. It was made for forty people, but there were already standing more people in it. There were still women and children and Armitage pulled Kylo back who’d just hit a man in the face hard to get past him. It was too late. They had to accept it.

 

“Kylo, please, it’s too late. Please just-“ A sharp blow hit him. Armitage felt how his cheek burned and he was sure there was building a bruise the form of Kylo’s hand. He was silent for the blink of an eye, shocked by the sudden blow, but he caught himself fast. He grabbed both of Kylo’s arms, shaking him as good as he could. “Kylo, it’s enough”, he barked. It was only then, that his voice seemed to reach Kylo. He had been focused totally on getting to the boat, not even realizing that he had hit Armitage. He carefully laid a hand against Armitage’s red cheek. “Shit, I’m sorry, Armie, I… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

Armitage leaned into the gentle touch and closed his eyes shortly. “It’s alright, Kylo. Please, stop fighting. Just-“ He didn’t speak further, instead showing Kylo what he meant. He bent forward and kissed him deeply, not worrying about the people around them. They wouldn’t mind anyway in such a moment.

 

Kylo kissed him back, circling his arms around him, holding him close. When they parted, they let their foreheads rest together, holding each other in desperation. “I can’t let you die”, Kylo said against his lips. "I love you too damn much for that.” Armitage’s heart clenched together by this. “I love you, too.” He took a deep breath before parting his head from Kylo’s, looking up into his lovely brown eyes. “You know what? I saw your colleagues down there. They gave me the key to the cabin you were in. They said so we could kiss one last time. And I’m so glad we got that chance. So glad that I’m gonna die in your arms instead of alone in the cold ocean.” Kylo stared at him for some seconds, but then bent down to kiss him again.

 

Another loud creak and the boat leaned further, without stopping this time. In the last second Kylo was able to grab the rail and Armitage held on to him. The people screamed, most of them falling down, some straight into the ice cold water, some being crashed by heavy parts of the ship falling down on them.

 

Kylo’s grip at the rail was bad and there was no chance of holding onto it for long. He looked down at Armitage who clung to his chest. “Ready?”, he asked, gripping his free arm more firmly around Armitage. He nodded and Kylo let go of the rail.

Chapter Text

They fell fast and the cold of the water blew all air out of Armitage. There was darkness around him all of a sudden and he couldn’t feel his arms and legs anymore. He would drown. But then strong arms pulled him above the surface again. Kylo was still there, holding him and already swimming into the direction of some of the lifeboats.

 

Armitage couldn’t help him, although he wished to. His limbs were numb and he could barely keep his eyes open. It was so cold. So damn cold.

 

“Get him in”, Kylo screamed and tried to push Armitage up into the first boat they reached. The people on board ignored him, even tried to push his hand away from the boat. “You bloody bastards. You-“, he stopped himself. The screaming wouldn’t save Armitage. He looked around in panic. Armitage’s body was getting heavier every minute and his own strength was leaving him as well.

 

And then something like a miracle happened. There was Ladia again. Her boat floating just meters away. And she saw them and she screamed at the others in her boat to get nearer. And then Armitage was pulled on board. He was already unconscious. “Get him up as well!”, Ladia screamed further and reached for Kylo herself when the others refused to help her. With the last bit of his strength Kylo got onto the lifeboat as well, slumping down against the hard wood in exhaustion, thanking god in his mind for not letting him die.

 

Just then he realized how cold he was and how much his body was shaking from the freezing water on him. Then everything went black.

 

……………………………………………………….

 

When Kylo opened his eyes again he stared at a white ceiling. He tried to sit up but lay down again at the first try when his vision blurred suddenly. Carefully he tried again, much slower this time. He was in a hospital. A calendar was hanging at the wall. Today was April 17. He had been out two days.

 

The door opened and a nurse came inside. “Oh my god, Mr. Solo!”, she screamed and rushed to his side to help him sit up completely. She checked his pulse immediately and then gave him a glass of water.

 

“Solo?”, he asked after he’d drowned the whole glass to calm his aching throat. “Yes, darling. That’s your name, can’t you remember?” Kylo slowly nodded. “Yes, right, that’s my name.” “Oh good, I’m glad you can remember at least that. A hell lot of people also forgot that”, she chattered. “How did I get here?”, he asked after a moment. “You know what happened to the ship, right?”, the nurse asked hesitantly.

 

“We sunk. I remember falling into the water.” He tried to remember what happened after that. It had been so damn cold, but he had just had one thing in mind. “Where’s Armitage?”, he nearly shouted when he remembered. The nurse jumped, but lay a hand firm against his chest to press him down again when he tried to get up. “Your brother is alright, Sir. He’s in another room and still sleeping, but he’s alright.”

 

Brother? What… and then the name. What did all this mean? “Did anyone bring us here?”, he asked. And the nurse told him what happened. The Carpathia who was the nearest ship to the Titanic had saved them. They had been freed from their frozen clothes and brought to cabins and then went straight for New York.

 

Only a few people had survived the disaster. Hundreds and hundreds of people had died. And they would have died too, if there hadn’t been Ladia. The nurse told him of a young woman who made sure they were save here and gave them their names. Told them they were brothers and could be saved out of the ocean. They had both been unconscious for several days. But now he was awake and the nurse said Armitage would surely be up soon, too.

 

“Where’s the lady who brought us here?”, Kylo asked. “She’s already gone, Sir. She was just here for a check up. She was well and could go home the next day.” “Did she tell you were she’d go?” “No, Sir. She said she just got to know you on board. I’m afraid she didn’t leave any contact details.”

 

Kylo didn’t understand why she would have done this, but in the moment he didn’t care. “Can I go to Armitage, Ma’am?” She said he could after he had eaten something and the doctor had checked on him.

 

So when all this was done he went to Armitage’s room. He was pale, much paler than his skin normally was, his red hair a stark contrast to his skin. Kylo sat down on a chair next to his bed and carefully took his hand. He didn’t dare to press a kiss to it or even his forehead. There were too many people here and for them they were brothers.

 

He sat like this for the rest of the day, holding Armitage’s hand, only leaving for a cup of tea and something to eat in the evening. He went back immediately after. When it got dark outside he got tired, still exhausted by the events. He fell asleep with his head on one of his arms on the bed, the other hand still holding on to Armitage.

 

The next few days went pretty much the same way, Armitage still unconscious. “Wake up, Armitage, please”, Kylo whispered one evening, daring to set a little kiss against the back of his hand. He’d been in town today to register them both as survivors of the great disaster. He’d given their names ‘Kylo and Armitage Solo’ and set up a new backstory for them. After he had thought about the words of the nurse the day after he woke, he realized what a great favour Ladia had done them. She had cleared the way for a new life for them by telling the hospital they were brothers. She didn’t say a word about being the fiancé of Armitage and said she didn’t know them.

 

The nurse hadn’t lied. The hospital hadn’t any contact details of her. They were free. So Kylo had registered the both of them and got some addresses where he could go and look for flats. But he wanted to wait and stay with Armitage first. He didn’t want him to wake up alone.

 

“Armie, wake up”, he whispered again and without hoping for any answer, he still got one. “Stop calling me that”, a tired and scratchy voice reached his ears. He looked up, jumping out of his chair immediately to check Armitage over. “Armitage, my god, you’re awake. How are you feeling? Are you hurt?”

 

“I’m thirsty”, he stated and Kylo might have laughed, but he was too busy crying and trying to get everything Armitage needed.

Chapter Text

„I’m home!“, Kylo shouted when he closed the door of their little flat behind him. Nearly immediately slender arms slung around him and he was kissed deeply. He happily kissed back, pulling Armitage into a firm hug.

 

He wore an apron and a delightful scent filled the air. “I cooked your favourite”, he smiled and let go of Kylo to go back to their kitchen. Kylo stole another kiss from him then went into their small living space. It wasn’t much, but it was theirs. They could live here together. Kylo had found work in a car workshop, making quite good money there. And Armitage had started selling his pictures and worked in the little grocery shop down their street.

 

In the evenings when Kylo came back after a long day, Armitage would have made them dinner with the extra groceries he got in the shop. They didn’t spend much money for Kylo was trying to save as much money as he could to open his own car workshop one day. Or even sell cars – he wasn’t sure about it yet. They would eat the meal together, telling the other about their day. And then they would go to bed. Sometimes they lay awake nearly the whole night, talking, cuddling or simply breathing the same air as the other one.

 

They had never heard of Ladia again. She and Armitage’s mother had vanished out of their lives completely. Armitage had wanted to thank her, but Kylo said that maybe she didn’t want to be found. But they would be forever thankful for what she did. For her kindness and the bravery to let go, so they could be happy together.

 

And happy they were, when they sat together at the big windowsill later that evening, looking over the big town beneath them. Up here nobody would see them, so they kissed passionately, enjoying the other one’s closeness.

 

“I love you so much”, Kylo said and hugged Armitage a little closer. Armitage smiled and stole another little kiss. “Love you, too”, he whispered back. He turned and settled his back against Kylo’s chest. “Wish we'd stay forever this way”, he sighed, happily snuggling closer. “As long as my heart does go on, we’ll do”, Kylo smiled into his hair, kissing the back of his head softly, gently stroking his arms. “That sounds pretty trashy”, Armitage commented and they both laughed.

 

Well, maybe it was trashy, but it was true, because they did stay like this for the rest of their lives, living, laughing and loving.

 

 

THE END