“... Therefore, the moral of this poem is not necessarily that dismal. If we go into details here... let’s see... In the third paragraph, I mean-”
Just then, Mr. Jung’s words were drowned out by the ringing of the bell.
Somehow, that sound worked like magic.
The seemingly dormant classroom from a while ago instantly revived. Not a single word could’ve been heard anymore over all the noise; tons of girls squealing in delight, boys playfully pushing each other, papers flying everywhere.
"Pure hell at its finest", as some people could’ve said.
The students hurriedly packed their bags and rushed out the door. It happened to be their last lesson of the day, on a long awaited Friday.
The teacher rubbed at his eyes, leaning against his desk.He whined, trying to fight the fatigue. “Guess that’s all for today.” He sighed deeply, a tired smile taking over his face.
Hoseok wasn’t much of a fan of that bell. It would always make him feel dizzy, with its sound drilling a hole at the back of his head. In general, he had a hatred for being interrupted and what came with it - losing track of his thoughts.
He shook his head, feeling the tiniest bit of annoyance crippling in the corner of his mind.
Hoseok closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply.
It was fine. He’ll just... finish that thought some other time, right? Like he always does.
He slowly moved the pencil between his fingers. “Over already, huh?” He murmured under his breath, flopping back onto the seat.
It had been, admittedly, a long day. Long, and an especially draining one. Hoseok wished for nothing but to bury himself deep into a blanket, a mug of hot chocolate in one hand, TV remote in another.
“Bye, Mr. Jung!” The girls’ shriek made him fully open his eyes, being forced back to reality. Hoseok gnashed his teeth, doing everything in his might to remain unbothered.
He loved each and every one of those kids from the bottom of his heart, he truly did. Still, even a sympathy this deep had its limitations. The screams at the end of every lesson wasn’t something he could ever get used to.
What were they so goddamn loud for anyway?
“Bye kids!” He said, shifting in his seat. “Try to think about the possible hidden meaning, so we could discuss it next time!” The teacher encouraged, smiling at his pupils warmly with a small wave of his hand.
A sudden yawn escaped his mouth. Hoseok shook his head again. If only he had went to bed earlier the day before...
His tiredness was apparently charming enough, as it triggered a wave of giggles from his pupils.
“Sure, sir!” The group exclaimed at once, chatting about sweet nothings. As they left the room, tiny whispers of “Aigoo”, squealing, and laughing could be heard,echoing in Hoseok’s ears. He raised his eyebrows suspiciously and couldn’t help but chuckle at their reactions - it wasn’t the first time when something like that happened.
To be completely honest, he was stuck at finding any reasonable explanation for this, whatever it even was. The girls would just always find his doings weirdly endearing, even when all he did was yawn.
Little did he know how much his presence alone actually affected them. Those poor innocent creatures had to manage somehow at the mercy- or rather curse- of their teacher’s stunning looks and charming personality. Oh, if only Hoseok knew!
Speaking of whom, the teacher was also finished with his work, relatively early on that day. Hence, he quickly gathered his things, put on a black beanie and buttoned his coat, all ready to leave. The clock struck three, so he still had plenty of time to stop by one place on his way back.
Hoseok’s thoughts spinned around that one particular place only, realising he was about to have a close reunion with him.
It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
He grinned stupidly to himself as he headed to the door, excitement taking over his features. A sudden rush of happiness went through his body. He couldn’t even control it anymore, which decided to speak for itself. He just let his legs skip on their own.
A shy voice made Hoseok halt in his movements. He slightly panicked, turning on his heel to the source of the voice. He sighed, mentally preparing himself to be met with what was most likely the principal’s eyes. Damn his luck.
So much for being a serious teacher in everyone’s eyes.
Luckily, he didn’t need to worry.
The person turned out to be one of his best students, a third year who was pretty much familiar with Hoseok’s foolish way of being. Minji would occasionally ask for his professional opinion on some matters, making Hoseok’s heart flutter. He was always more than happy to give her a hand.
“Hello Minji! Do you need anything?” He beamed at her, patting his desk to invite her in.
The girl smiled back and entered the classroom. She scanned the teacher’s clothing, getting a bit abashed after realising that Hoseok must have been finished by now.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, you were just leaving…” She whispered, trying to hide her face behind her hair. “I shouldn’t have...”
“Don’t worry about it.” Hoseok shrugged it off. He leaned against the wall, trying to appear relaxed for her to see that it was really nothing.
Okay, sure, maybe he was nervously glancing at his watch every few seconds, blame him. He just hoped that it wouldn’t get too late. He had to make it on time.
“Did something happen?” The teacher continued, pushing the girl a bit to solve the matter as fast as possible.
“Ah, no, nothing really.” She admitted, glancing at her feet. “I was just wondering if the astronomy club is open today?” She asked hopefully, still playing with her hair.
“Oh, it is!” Hoseok said. Another smile took over his face as he remembered how passionate some of the students would get. “But unfortunately I won’t be there tonight.” He admitted, kind of sad. “I need to finally finish that last chapter.” He winked at her, patting his suitcase with a wide grin.
Minji smiled back at him. The admiration was clearly visible in her eyes.
It was just how Mr. Jung’s charm worked on everyone. Hoseok made it incredibly easy for people to grow fond of him, without even realising it himself. His widely extended knowledge, along with the passion he had for the things he held onto, made him earn great respect and trust from much more than just his students.
Whenever Hoseok spoke, it was with nothing but unadulterated wisdom. He simply was a magnet that pushed people towards him.
“Oh, right!” The girl hummed with shining eyes. “I hope it goes okay, sir!”
“Thank you Minji, I hope so too.”
Hoseok buried his face firmer into his coat as he stepped outside. The wind was especially strong, blowing hard right on his exposed face. He secured his ears with a beanie and moved faster, nearly sprinting to get inside any building at this point.
The weather obviously wasn’t in the mood to play around. Despite the spring approaching, it was still incredibly cold, making Hoseok nearly freeze in his thin coat, without gloves or even a scarf.
But what else could he do? Looking good unfortunately required making sacrifices, which Hoseok was well aware of.
To be fashionable or not? That is the question.
He finally got on the bus, noticing a free seat at his favourite spot by the window. Hoseok pressed his back firmly on it as he sat down, nuzzling into the soft material of his coat.
He sighed drowsily. The bus ride would always be the unrivaled, most favourable part of his daily routine. It strangely managed to bring him peace in no time, no matter how much pressure or anxiety he was feeling.
Hoseok pulled out his headphones, making himself even cosier. He could easily sleep like this, with his music on shuffle;the gentle sounds of a piano slowly relieving any remains of his stress.
It made it even harder for him to keep himself awake. With the snowflakes lazily melting on glass, the warmth of the bus fully embracing him, and the sun being close to setting, Hoseok found it to be nearly impossible.
He had to occupy his mind somehow. So, he observed.
People walking down the street, mothers nagging their kids for falling into piles of snow, some of the shops closing for the day.
Although, the thing that especially caught his attention were some teenage Top Model wannabes, so desperate to stand out. Apparently wearing shorts in the middle of winter could do the job - maybe even be considered a revelation of sorts.
Just what could Hoseok say? Mankind has truly peaked, it seemed.
Seeing so much exposed skin made him shiver. He snorted, thanking the heavens for the last cells in his brain for still being alive and functioning.
As the bus passed by more and more places, Hoseok’s gaze rested on a middle aged couple. He couldn’t take his eyes off them. The way they argued; the woman throwing hands while the man desperately tried to add a few words over her outbursts, made him question.
Something clicked inside of him. Suddenly, his head was full of images, millions of scenarios on how the conflict between those two people could have started.
Maybe the woman was influenced by her many previous husbands’ toxic doings, so that she couldn’t afford to trust another man again? Or perhaps she has just lost her son to drugs, which she helplessly blamed the man for, in order to feel less guilty of herself as a mother?
On the other hand, it seemed like the guy suffered from deep anxiety, being used to everyone shutting him down. But again, maybe, just maybe - he was a workaholic, with the lack of ability to function outside of his job that continues to let down his close ones.
The schemes, assumptions, and possible outcomes kept on bumping against the walls of Hoseok’s mind. After a few more minutes he already had at least half of the summary for a new story outlined. The rush of inspiration hit him right there, everything fitting perfectly.
Hoseok rummaged through his bag in search of his notebook, hurriedly writing his ideas down. He internally scolded himself for, again, not setting all the stories he had yet to finish as his priority. But how could he help it? Of course he would get hundreds of new ideas out of the blue instead on focusing on his previous works. With such an extensive imagination it was inevitable.
Hoseok whined furiously already knowing that he was doomed. He couldn’t imagine putting an end to his current story while his mind had given birth to an idea this delicious, no way in hell.
Well, that last chapter would have to wait a little bit longer, with his editor along the way. Hoseok chuckled at the thought of the man’s face changing colours from blue to green, finding out that he postponed his work for the third time now.
“Namjoonie will be so mad.” He hummed in amusement.
Hoseok should probably be more serious about the deadlines Namjoon set for him and care about his book being finally published. Still, the only thing he was going to deal with was the editor’s attempt of scolding him, which was a very poor one, if you ask Hoseok. Namjoon just wasn’t a person capable of raising his voice at anyone, let alone be in any way meticulous. So with that, Hoseok didn’t really feel pressured to just ignore his mind’s current state of affairs.
And who knows, maybe it would eventually turn out to be the best storyline he has ever written? In short, Hoseok had no intention to push his fate.
The bus ride eventually came to its end, making Hoseok feel all sorts of bubbly inside. He checked the time, full of joy to see that it was almost 3:30PM - around about the time his shift started.
The bell hanging above the door announced Hoseok’s arrival at his beloved coffee shop. With its marvellous drinks, desserts and of course, greatest company, it definitely topped the list of his favourite places on Earth.
He was welcomed with the pleasant smell of freshly ground coffee, many cakes and a “Hello”, coming from the counter. Well, Hoseok wasn’t exactly sure if it really came from there, as the change of temperature made his glasses steam up.
He waved in the direction in which he thought was the source of the voice, taking off his frames to wipe at them.
He peeked an eye open, trying to see anything without the lenses. The blurred outline of a silhouette in front of Hoseok was no other than Taehyung’s, a barista whom he became familiar with fairly recently. The younger approached him, gesturing at Hoseok’s usual spot for him to sit. Hoseok flopped onto the double seat, spreading his legs to make himself comfortable.
“Hi Taetae.” He beamed at the younger.
“Hi hyung!” Taehyung exclaimed happily with his usual puppy smile. “I’m really busy right now, so I’ll send my brother in a second to take your order!” He bowed a little, winking at Hoseok before turning back to him and leaving him to his thoughts.
The other couldn’t help but roll his eyes at Taehyung’s poor attempt of appearing subtle.
It was a part of the little game they’d been playing for a while. Taehyung pretended to have absolutely no idea about the flourishing attraction between his brother and Hoseok, only casually dropping hints every now and then.
It seemed like he couldn’t turn away from anything to get them together, not that Hoseok would ever complain. How could he not secretly love his precious Taehyungie for helping him out in a field he had zero experience? He never had the guts to start an actual conversation without feeling like he had made a total fool of himself afterwards. It was still hard for him to believe that his brother wanted to have anything to do with him after his many incidents.
Hoseok examined the room, noticing that besides him and two couples, there was actually no one there.
“Aish, really Taehyung-ah?” He chuckled, watching as the younger disappeared behind the counter. “Could you be any more obvious?”
Hoseok turned back to the table, tapping his fingers nervously. The last time the two saw each other was weeks ago, so Hoseok, being a trainwreck when it came to flirting of any kind, was now left hopeless. “Okay.” He inhaled deeply, “It’s gonna be okay. Calm down, you moron.” He murmured to himself, even though he was aware that it wouldn’t help much.
Hoseok sighed, taking out the notebooks from his bag and spreading them on the table.
The only thing that could have helped him now was putting down on paper all of those tormenting thoughts. He moved the pen between his fingers, struggling to stop his hands from trembling.
Just… what were those thoughts even?
He stared at the empty page for a while, eventually getting the power to sketch some words.
The moment where ink makes contact with paper, Hoseok considers a sacred experience. He could almost feel the anxiety slowly releasing him from its hold as the first words were outlined, giving life to yet another story.
It didn’t matter that the sentences were turning out rather messy. It was okay. The first paragraphs would most likely just stay decrypted, even by Hoseok himself. Not that he actually had something important to say right then. He only needed to calm down and words would somehow always manage to find their way through him. He gave up on real writing for a while, drawing lines and dots until his hand had enough of the shaking.
It was a matter between him, his pen and the page.
Not much later on, not even noticing when he switched back to actual journaling, ten full pages were already filled with words. Words that let all the vibrant images from his head breathe their own air.
Hoseok would’ve carried on doing so, if it weren’t for a voice letting him out of his reverie.
“Someone’s inspired, huh?”
Hoseok flinched on his chair, closing the notebook out of instinct to hide its contents. He never liked sharing his works before getting them done, especially when it would be with his own thoughts put on display.
He glanced up at the person behind that voice.
The one and only.
Hoseok stared at him for a second, trying to recall how breathing even worked.
He put a hand on his chest, trying to stop his heart from beating so fast.
“Jesus, why would you sneak up on me like that?!” He asked, not daring to look the other in the eye. “You scared the shit out of me.” Hoseok shook his head, getting the courage to examine the other’s face.
Yoongi looked just as breathtaking as he remembered. Only seeing him made Hoseok realise how much his presence affected him.
He couldn’t stop thinking of how adorable the other’s nose was. Hoseok felt the overwhelming urge to touch it, maybe leave a small kiss.
He discarded those thoughts, shaking his head again.
“I wasn’t sneaking, you know. You just had to have your head up the goddamn notebook.” Yoongi chuckled, glancing at Hoseok’s ‘writer’s set’. “Hello by the way. It’s been awhile Seokseok~”
Hoseok was bodied. Min Yoongi, the damn tease just had to use the nickname that made him feel all the things that he shouldn’t have been feeling. The other made it real difficult for him not to lose his composure. Or at this point pretend that it was still there. Hoseok blurted out a quiet hi in return, trying to hide the blush that spread out on his cheeks.
Yoongi seemed not to pay attention to that, casually carrying on the conversation.
“What were you writing just now? You seemed pretty passionate.” He asked curiously, raising his eyebrows.
With the other mentioning it, Hoseok’s attention was brought back to his scribbles. He turned his face to the notebooks in horror, silently praying for them to be closed. He sighed with relief at the sight of them being, yet not any less panicked about Yoongi noticing his state of mind.
What was he even going to say? That his nervousness caused by seeing him again made him write over ten pages of poetry? Hoseok blushed again, not even able to hide it now.
“Ah, no, n-nothing really... Just some drabbles, you know.” He mumbled, quickly showering the said notebook in his bag.
Yoongi laughed at the other’s reaction. His mischievous smile made Hoseok panic even more.
Oh my god, he knows. He knows, he freaking knows. I’m going to die. Dear lord end my life. Here lays, Jung Hoseok-
“You’re all red.” Yoongi noticed, making Hoseok’s face burn deeper in scarlet. He crossed his arms with a smirk. “It was porn, wasn’t it?”
Saying that the other’s accusation took Hoseok aback would be way more than a huge understatement.
He opened his mouth wide in shock, giving Yoongi an outraged look. “What?!”
Hoseok tried to process that the other dared to go that far. Although hearing something like that from Yoongi wasn’t really this surprising. “No?! You pervert.” He hissed, rather amused than actually offended. “Besides, even if I were to write about intimate stuff like that, it’s called love making, alright? Let’s respect each other.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes, leaving any comment he could make to himself.
“Okay now, can I please take your order?” He changed the subject, pulling out a notepad.
“The usual please.” Hoseok hinted shyly, hoping that the other still remembered what was his favourite one.
Yoongi wasn’t one to ever let him down.
“One pumpkin latte with extra sugar, sure.” He confirmed, writing it down anyway. He peeked an eye at Hoseok kind of questionly. “How can you even drink shit this sweet? Aren’t you already made of rainbows?”
Now it was Hoseok’s turn to leave any kind of comment unsaid.
If only Yoongi knew.
“Just please, for the love of God, don’t give Tae any ideas to draw dicks on it.” Hoseok sulked. The memory of his last encounter with Taehyung’s famous dick-affe was still flashing in front of his eyes. He leaned on his elbow with a pleased smile. “I’m not gonna pay for it, Yoongichi~” He said in a not very warning tone.
Yoongi snickered. “I’ll think about it, Seok. And stop calling me that.” He looked down at him, wrinkling his eyebrows.
“What if Seokseok doesn’t want to?” Hoseok retorted with a smirk of his own.
“Okay, that’s fair.” Yoongi agreed with a wink. He glimpsed at Hoseok once more. “So, I’ll be going now.” He said pointing to the counter. “This shit takes a while to make as you already know, so you can write all the kinky stuff in peace.” Yoongi added with a smug grin.
“It wasn’t even-” Hoseok tried to say, in the end giving up on trying to change the other’s mind. He waved his hand at him and burst out laughing. Yoongi was laughing too as he passed Taehyung, who was giving him the thumbs up.
Hoseok’s eyes followed his disappearing figure. He hid his face in his hands, whining quietly.
Yoongi was just so… him. Everything he did slithered deep under Hoseok’s skin, he wasn’t sure if he could carry on without his presence anymore.
It was hard. To believe that the other was actually there, simply existing, breathing in the same air as him. To think that Yoongi liked him enough not to be scared away by Hoseok’s uneasiness and more than a few insecurities. It wasn’t something Hoseok would ever take for granted.
The whole thing has been getting out of hand; the fondness he had for the barista; his daily thoughts darting around Yoongi, only made his anxiety grow.
Getting used to it, accepting that those feelings were there, that they were not any less than worthy and relevant, wasn’t the easiest thing to do.
After so many unfortunate encounters with yearning, he found it painfully difficult to trust others’ intentions. Especially with kindness. Hoseok knew very well how easy it was to coerce him into thinking that he was valued, when in reality it was nowhere close to the facts. It made him doubt every little thing, that any act of affection was genuinely selfless.
He’s been let down too many times to receive care from other people naturally. Wouldn’t they just use him again?
Those insecurities have been skinning him alive. He had second thoughts every time Yoongi would say hello to him, show interest in whatever he’d been doing or even do as much as smile.
Not that Hoseok wasn’t getting better. He really did try hard.
Writing helped. Hoseok kept on creating more and more universes - with people being nothing but sincere and honest, helping others from the need of their hearts. Places where terms such as violence, anger and fear were nonexistent - everyone living in perfect harmony. A utopian world with the good always overcoming evil, communication being the only key to put conflicts to an end.
It was a part of his daydream, wishing for the world to be more of a welcoming place, where he wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. He let himself be drawn into these worlds, hoping to forget at least for a second about the harsh reality that surrounded him.
Wishful thinking, Hoseok was aware. If he could consider himself being especially good at something, it would without a doubt be deceiving himself.
The day will come. Hoseok knew it. The day when he’ll finally find someone that would show him how easy breathing was. As much as his heart allowed him to, he wished, from the very bottom of it for Yoongi to be the one.
Hoseok took the pen in his hand once more, getting back to work. He dropped his previous scribbles, deciding to plan out the idea that his mind gave birth to on the bus ride. First, he wrote a little of the plot, the general concept he would like to go with this one, as well as characters’ personalities and their stories.
He started outlining the first chapter after a while, pleased with how easily it came for him to get lost in the avalanche of words. He glued all those small pieces into one, realising that he subconsciously attributed one of the characters with the appearance and behaviour of none other than Yoongi’s. And as if it hadn’t been enough, he again, God have mercy, wrote out two full pages with a detailed description of his adorable nose.
Hoseok whimpered, hitting his head on the table.
He was suffering. He couldn’t continue like this. How was he even going to write anything when the only thing he could think of was Yoongi’s god-like face? This stupid crush was surely going to be the death of him.
Hoseok glanced towards the counter, seeing Taehyung gaping lovingly at the little girl sipping on her smoothie. A second later, bless his excellent timing, Yoongi emerged from the other room, heading towards Hoseok with a mug in his hand.
He looked back at his notebook, tearing the pages apart. He threw the remaining pieces in his bag, wishing for nothing but to clear himself out of existence.
Yoongi put the coffee in front of him, humming knowingly.
“So, Susan would be better as a bottom, huh?” He teased, pulling out one of his trademark smirks.
Hoseok rolled his eyes at him.
And here we are, back at it again.
“Would you stop, please?” Hoseok grumbled tiredly, losing the purpose of trying to change Yoongi’s mind.
He couldn’t deny that he secretly loved Yoongi for thinking he could have an idea how to even picture such a scene, as if Hoseok had any previous images to go back to.
“I’m not writing porn.” Hoseok continued, not daring to look him in the eye. His rosy cheeks weren’t much help to convince the other.
“Sure, Jan.” He winked at him. The sound of the bell broke the comfortable silence, meaning that Yoongi had to take care of the new clients. He sighed. “I gotta go, Seok. Enjoy your drink.” He said, grinning stupidly.
Hoseok stared at Yoongi’s back as he took some couple’s order, a little bitter for losing the opportunity to have a proper talk with him.
He looked at his coffee, face getting hotter at the sight of a heart drawn on it. The closer look made it lose is charm though, as it was in fact, a heart made of small dicks.
Hoseok internally growled, stirring the drink to get the image to disappear. He surely wouldn’t be able to drink it if the heart stayed in its place. “Why am I even crushing on such an idiot?” He murmured.
Hoseok struggled with the door key for about five minutes, doing everything in his power to finally get inside his apartment. He forced it open after a few more turns, stumbling over the door frame. As if it hadn’t been a pain in the ass already.
He did a mental note to talk about it the following day with the landlady.
Hoseok took off his shoes and hung the jacket, adjusting to the dimness of the room. Only then did he feel how cold it was. Another thing to remind the old landlady of. Apparently Mrs. Park was probably too busy screaming at her 5th husband to even remember about the heating.
He lumbered into the kitchen, using up any remains of energy that hadn’t already gotten sucked out of him.
“I’m back.” He whispered, not really expecting an answer. Hoseok boiled water for tea, moving to the living room to spread himself on the couch.
It’d been a really long day. Trying to keep classes of over thirty angsty teenagers quiet was tiring on its own, let alone making them actually listen and not fall asleep out of boredom.
Not that Hoseok would ever hate his job. He wouldn’t have it any other way.
Shaping those young creatures’ minds, their way of thinking came with a big responsibility, sure. It was also rewarding, knowing that he has actually grown big enough to be someone’s role model - the only recompense he could ever get for having to carry such heavy emotional baggage on his back. If only they knew.
The one who seemingly shined the brightest, cried for help the loudest.
Hoseok was exhausted. He started unpacking his bag, only then realising that something was off. He glanced at the corner of the room, finding the tiny mattress empty. “But where is…?”
He heard quiet meowing, guessing he didn’t need to finish that question. Hoseok turned around, seeing the cat peek from the blanket, staring at him with its huge green eyes.
The cat snorted, emerging from the blanket. She was soon right beside him, fawning all over his leg, demanding to be pet. Hoseok sat her on his lap and started scratching her behind the ears.
“I’m sorry, little one.” He brought the cat to his chest, leaving a small peck on its head.
It was unusual for Lyra to get this clingy. She’d always just play on her own, respecting Hoseok’s neverending work. Which, on a side note, only kept on growing.
Nowadays, with such a busy schedule he would return home much later, barely having the time to pay attention to the cat. It hurt him deeply, knowing that it was all his fault. Hoseok never wanted to make her feel neglected.
“Bad Hobi left you alone for so long, hmm?” He babbled, nuzzling his nose into Lyra’s soft fur. It was the only way to win her over again.
The cat seemed to understand his apology. She meowed accusingly, snuggling into his hand.
Hoseok smiled at her, caressing her tummy, when the sudden rumbling in his stomach reminded him of much needed dinner.
“Sorry, beautiful.” He said before removing Lyra from his lap. She whined loudly, waving her paw at him. “Hobi has to eat, sweetie. We can cuddle later, okay?” He tried, petting the cat once more.
He moved to the kitchen, pleased to see a big part of the fish that he made yesterday still there. The only thing he had to do was cooking the rice, before sitting to eat approximately twenty minutes later.
Of course Lyra, lured by the delightful fragrance, had no intention of letting Hoseok eat everything by himself. He was practically forced to throw her a few bits, as she wouldn’t stop with her yelling otherwise.
After a few more minutes Hoseok was finished the meal. He washed the dishes and poured water into the cat’s bowl. He was just about to fill the other one with some dry food, when he realised that it was still full. It remained untouched since he fed Lyra in the morning.
“Oh, so the princess wants only fish from now on?” He huffed unamused, shaking his head with disappointment.
The cat sat right next to him, wagging her tail smugly. She seemed to be very proud of herself, probably waiting for Hoseok to praise her.
Hoseok chuckled, scratching her ears once more. “I didn’t raise you like this, bub.”
He sat back in the living room, going through all the papers from school. First, he began with checking the latest tests. Hoseok found his mind still wandering around the café, writing, and Yoongi’s smile. At some point he got so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t realise he gave some students too much points, while others received too little. He sighed, putting the tests back. No way he could do any more checking. Luckily, it was still a few days until he would have to hand them back.
So, he took a quick shower, and changed into his favourite pair of sweats and a hoodie.
Hoseok glanced at Lyra, who was playing with her toys at the moment . “C'mon, let’s watch the stars for a while.”
“Ohh! The Orion Nebula is so stunning tonight!” Hoseok whistled, adjusting the telescope. “ Woah , the Magellanic Cloud never fails to amaze me. Hi Polaris, Sirius.” He greeted as he watched the night sky. “How are you today, my precious stars?”
Lyra suddenly appeared in front of him, meowing loudly. As if she was jealous of not being the centre of Hoseok’s attention. He rolled his eyes at her, petting her head carefully.
“Okay, okay, here.” He smiled at the cat. “You’re my little star too.”
He went back to observing after awhile.
“You seem so close.” He hummed, gazing from one star to another. “Yet there are millions of miles in between.”
Lyra meowed again. Hoseok grinned, his eyes never leaving the stars. “Must be lonely, huh?”
It gave him comfort. Knowing that no matter where he would go, how far fate would take him, he would always be under the same sky. The same stars glistening from the distance, never meaning to change, never the ones to leave him alone.
He turned the telescope mirror to where Saturn should be visible. It remained as his favourite planet, ever since he was a kid. There was just something in its presence, the beauty of its rings that made Hoseok swoon all over.
It was probably also because of the fact that it was named after the god Saturn, the one who taught people how to cultivate grapevine. With red wine being Hoseok’s favored drink of all time, it couldn’t have been a coincidence.
A loud yawn escaped Hoseok’s mouth, causing his sight to rest on his watch. It was getting late and he had to wake up early to deal with the paperwork, so he went to bed, overall content with his day. He sprawled on the bed, making himself comfortable under the covers. Lyra was already sleeping peacefully on her tiny bed, making absolutely no sound.
It was quiet. Too quiet.
Hoseok shifted a bit, trying his hardest to fall asleep. He needed to rest.
It was a harder thing to do lately, with all the unnecessary thoughts haunting his mind. They would emerge from the dark every single night, making him feel less worthy with each second. The uncertainties, anxiety and melancholy that he never let anyone see, all of them hiding behind one of his well-trained smiles. Laying like this made him realise for the thousandth time how pointless his life has actually been.
Sure, he had a stable job. The kids adored him, no one ever complained about him slacking off, rather the opposite - there was a high chance of Hoseok getting even more classes to teach and the promotion that came with it.
He fulfilled his passion as a writer with his books of poetry getting better responses each day, making much more money from it than he’d been happy with; as well as the first novel of his being published, hopefully soon.
After two years of hard work he managed to buy a small telescope, so he could freely explore his interest in stars and planets.
Hoseok had his ambitions,which he tried bringing to life as well as his passions that he followed in any way possible. He also couldn’t complain about having financial problems or a roof over his head.
So why did he feel so small? That all of his doings were so insignificant, so useless?
He truly believed, deep inside that if he were to disappear one day, no one would spare him a thought. Hoseok didn’t even have friends that would; the only people close to him being his students. The only one that could ever care was his childhood friend, Jeongguk, who wasn’t even around anymore. Him moving to Japan to become a professional photographer wasn’t much of a help with them staying in touch. The only thing Hoseok could hold onto was a skype call every now and then, not that it would ever be enough.
Hoseok knew that there were millions of people that had it way worse than him. He often blamed himself for being this way, complaining and whining which he had no room for. Just why couldn’t his life be enough? Why did he keep on wanting more?
Loneliness was his only trouble. A trivial matter, nothing too serious, some people would dream of being in his place. Hoseok on the other hand, would give anything not to feel this hopelessly numb every time he returned to an empty house, with a cat as his only companion.
Was he really this unworthy of love that anyone who became close to him would eventually leave? Was he not able to keep anyone around for good?
He tried to calm down, already feeling his pillow soaking with tears, forcing himself to think of anything but his helplessness. It seemed like nothing was working, so he allowed himself to use the most desperate move - focusing on Yoongi’s gummy smile and how warm it made him feel whenever he saw it.
That night, Hoseok fell asleep with a bright image of himself on a hill, lying side by side with the one he cared for the most, on a starry summer night. They searched for new constellations with their fingers brushing softly together. And for a short while, it made Hoseok forget about the harsh reality surrounding him.