An empty bottle laid forgotten on the floor. Red solo cups were strung across the floor. Pillows from the bed were scattered in random spots around the room. The blankets were falling off the bed, and retching could be heard from the bathroom.
A fortnight of nightly binge drinking had caught up with the house's sole occupant. She thought about stopping. She thought about asking for help. She thought about telling her Glee coach that she had broken her contract the very same day she signed it, and that she had continued to break it every day since.
Every time she thought about these things she was reminded of why she had been drinking so heavily. She couldn't shake the feeling of his gruff hands in places that she hadn't wanted. She couldn't stop feeling the fear she had felt when she realized what he was going to do, or what it felt like when her forced his way inside of her. She kept telling herself that she wanted it. That she had led him on. That she loved him, and that he really did love her. That what happened between them was something sweet and loving.
She had woken the next morning not feeling happy that it had finally happened, but shameful. She didn't want to lose her virginity like that. She didn't want to lose it while she was drunk. She had tried to tell him no, but he just loved her so much that he didn't hear her.
She had tried to convince herself that she wanted to lose her virginity to him that night. She had been incredibly drunk, and the night was fuzzy. She was sure she must have wanted. She was sure that she had said yes. After all, she did love him, but the panic she felt every time she saw him. The heavy sinking feeling she felt in the pit of her stomach made her question what happened between them. Did she want it?
So, to keep the confusing feeling at bay, she drank herself into a stupor each night. She stayed just drunk enough to keep her going, but not drunk enough to arising suspicion from her peers and teachers.
She stupidly threw herself at her friend's very gay friend to prove to herself that what happened didn't affect her the way she thought it did. When he realized that he was indeed gay, she drank herself further into a stupor than before. That was nearly two week ago. Now Rachel Berry was dry heaving into her toilet while heavily crying to herself. She realized for the umpteenth time that night she might need somebody to help her before she lost all control and lost everything she cared about.
She picked herself up off the floor and stumbled back into her bedroom. She picked up the empty bottle of off the floor and tipped it upside down over her mouth. When nothing came out she stumbled out of her room and down the stairs to her fathers' liquor cabinet. She found an unopened bottle of scotch on the bar in the Oscar room, and shakily unscrewed the lid. She poured herself a glass and downed it in one gulp. She stumbled over to the couch and passed out almost instantly.
Brittany S. Pierce was said to be many things. She was honest, kind, happy, sweet, a unicorn, confused most of the time, and most importantly observant. She often saw little things that most people didn't see. Some of the things she saw confused her, but there were times when the little observations painted a clear picture in her mind. This was one of those times.
For the last week, Brittany and been paying close attention to Rachel and the way she was acting. She had been confused at first. Rachel seemed so adamant that she was never drinking again, but them Rachel showed up the next day wearing a silly little grin. The same grin she had been wearing the entire time they had drinking together. There was also something in the way that Rachel was walking and talking. Like she was working extra hard to make sure every movement was perfect, and every word was spoken with perfect dictation.
Brittany thought that maybe she was seeing things. That was until the following day, when Rachel came to school the same way, and she definitely couldn't deny it after the third day in a row. She kept wondering to herself why Rachel was coming to school drunk every day when Rachel had promised not to drink until after Nationals.
It was subtle. Rachel's smile said that she was happy to be in his orbit, the flirtatious tone in her voice as she spoke to him hid her true feelings. Rachel's eye told the true story. Fear shown through brightly for anybody who cared enough to see it. The way her brow furrowed when she though nobody was looking, or the way she flinched and then tensed every time he touched her arm.
Every time Brittany saw something she would look around to see if anybody else saw it as well, but they all seemed to be caught up in their own thing to notice. Either that or they just didn't care.
Brittany watched Rachel for over a week before she was sure that her thoughts were correct. It saddened her deeply to see Rachel going through this alone and wanted desperately to be able to help her. Starting with getting her to stop drinking. With each passing day, Rachel composure was slipping, and the signs that she was drunk were becoming ever more present. By the end of that day Brittany had come up with a plan to help Rachel.
After school let out she made her way to the choir room where she was meeting her best friends. She knew that they were going to be reluctant to help her, but she had a way with Santana and Quinn that nobody did. Besides, they understood her in a way that nobody else did.
Santana and Quinn strolled into the room. Brittany ushered them into their seats, and then went and locked the doors. She turned back to her friends to see them looking at her wearing matching amused looks on their faces. She really wished that she wasn't about to wipe those looks off their faces because they both looked so adorable.
"I now declare this meeting of the Unholy Trinity in session," Brittany said, in her usual bubbly voice. She took a seat across from her friends.
"Alright Britts," Santana chuckled. "Why are we here, and why all the secrecy?"
"I have called this meeting to discuss something very important," she paused for dramatic effect. "Rachel Berry."
Quinn snorted and then laughed out loud, earning her a rather scary glare from Brittany. "Oh. You weren't joking. You really want to talk about man-hands?"
"Don't call her that," Brittany said rather calmly. "That's bullying and I will no longer sit by and watch you hurt Rachel."
"What the hells Britts?" Santana asked. "Why are you defending Treasure…?" Brittany glared at her. "Err. It doesn't' matter."
Quinn rolled her eyes at Santana and then asked, "B, where is this coming from?" She honestly wanted to know why the other blonde had a change of heart.
"Rachel is hurting and she needs our help," Brittany said.
"Please. The munchkin has a whole land of munchkin people to help her. She doesn't need us," scoffed Santana.
"Yes, she does. Her daddies aren't home yet, and nobody but me has noticed her problem," Brittany pleaded.
"How do you know her dads are still away? It's been like three weeks since the party," Quinn asked. Brittany couldn't be right about that.
"Because I'm sure if they were home already, then Rachel wouldn't be coming to school drunk every day," reasoned Brittany.
"Britt, I think if Berry was coming to school drunk every day then one of us would have noticed," Quinn said.
"I have proof," Brittany said, and then ran over to the waste basket next to the piano. She pulled a few pieces of crumpled sheet music out of the can, and then pulled out a blue stainless steel water bottle decorated with gold star stickers. Quinn and Santana knew right away whose water bottle it was.
Brittany handed the bottle to Quinn, who unscrewed the cap and took a whiff. The smell of alcohol was strong in the canister. Her shoulders slumped, and then she handed the bottle to Santana. She took a whiff and nearly gagged at the smell.
"Damn," She said. "How did we not notice that she was trashed?"
Quinn shrugged her shoulders. "I guess Berry is just really good at hiding it. Either that or we are just really crappy people."
"It's both," Brittany said.
"Britt," Both girls said appalled.
"What it's true. Everybody treats Rach like a play toy. You only want her around when you want to play with her and the rest of the time she stays in the closet."
"Geeze. Tell us what you really think," Quinn said sarcastically.
Brittany looked at Quinn like she wasn't listening to her. "I just did Q."
"I… Never mind," Quinn said. "How long do you think she's had a drinking problem?"
"Since the night of her party," Brittany said.
"And you know this how?" Santana asked.
"Because she was drinking that night and the rest of the week like the rest of us, but when she signed the contract for Mr. Schue she didn't stop. I noticed it the day after that."
"Okay," Santana said. "Britt. I'm not seeing how any of this is our problem."
"It's our problem because Rachel is a friend, and it's our job as her friend to look after her.
"Except for one thing. We aren't friends with Berry, Britts," Santana said.
"Well I want to be her friend," Brittany said.
"Then go be friends with the annoying hobbit," Santana said, and waved her hands toward the door.
Brittany looked at her friends in annoyance. She was coming to them for help, because she knew that they would know what to do. "But I don't know how to help her."
Quinn and Santana shared a looked. Santana sighed, "Fine Britt. We will help you, help the hobbit. Just stop giving me that look. It's not fair."
"Yay!" Brittany quietly said. "So, this is the plan to get Rachel to accept our help…"
Rachel had arrived home from school an hour before and she was already halfway through a bottle of red wine. It was Friday, so she didn't have to worry about getting up for school the next day. She was in the living room with some random TV show playing in the back ground. She didn't really care what she watched, just so long as she wasn't left in silence.
She brought the bottle to her lips and chugged the rest. She dropped the bottle to the ground and belched loudly. She laid there staring at the ceiling, wondering if there were always red botches of paint mixed in with the white, when a loud banging on door brought her back to reality.
The fear of being home alone and what happened to her after the party was brought back to the forefront. She only calmed down and opened the door when she heard Brittany calling through the door. She cracked the door open to make sure that it really was Brittany and not a recording of Brittany. Not that she knew why somebody would do that, but she wasn't really trusting anything anymore. It was better to be safe than sorry. A lesson she learned the hard way.
As soon as the door opened a crack Santana pushed her way through before Rachel could close it again. Rachel shrieked and jumped back in fear. "Geeze, Chill hobbit. We ain't here to kill ya."
"Santana be nice," Brittany chastened. She went to help Rachel up from where she was cowering on the floor, but she scooted away farther. "It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I promise. Neither are Santana and Quinn. We're here to help you."
Rachel seemed to realize how her cowering on the floor looked. She stood up and slurred heavily, "I'm fine, Brittany. I don't need any help."
Santana scoffed. "That's why your three shades to the wind at five o'clock, right?"
Rachel shrugged her shoulders and then she walked into her living room. "I don't need a lecture from you Satan. So, either get your ass in here and drink with me, or get the hell out."
Santana gave her friends a what the fuck look, and the shrugged her own shoulders. "That was easier than we thought it would be. What the fuck ever, though. If Berry is spiraling out, might as well enjoy this version of her for a while." She then followed in Rachel's tracks.
"Santana, wait. That's not why we're here," Brittany called after her friend. She started to follow Santana, but was halted when Quinn gently grabbed her arm.
"Britt, wait," She said quietly. She had been watching Rachel closely since they arrived, as well as how Brittany was acting around her. "You know more then what you told us don't you?"
Brittany looked at Quinn sadly. She didn't say anything to Quinn. She just nodded her head and then turned to follow Santana into the living room. Brittany didn't need to explain any further. If she was right about what she thought happened to Rachel, then Quinn would figure it out quickly.
If Rachel really had been hurt the way she thought, then Brittany was going to need Quinn and Santana to help with Rachel. She knew how she could get Rachel to stop drinking, but Brittany didn't know how to help Rachel through the trauma. She didn't know how to help Rachel to get past it.
Rachel handed Santana a brand-new bottle of wine and then opened a second bottle for herself. "I gotta say Berry. I'm liking this side of you. You're not nearly as uptight and annoying as you usually are."
"Thanks Santana," Rachel slurred. "Drink up so you can become less of a bitch."
"Ooooo," Brittany said as she walked into the room. "Thems be fighting words Rach."
"Hell yeah, they are Britt," Santana said, still feeling shocked that Rachel had the balls to say that to her. Then again, she was drunk as shit, so Santana wasn't sure why she was so surprised. "You got balls Berry. Cheers!"
"Cheers!" Rachel said, and then tipped the new wine bottle back.
"Wo, Rach." Brittany reached out and snatched the bottle out of Rachel's hands. "I don't think that you should be drinking anymore."
"Well I say I should drink this whole bottle before considering to stop," Rachel said, and then snatched the bottle back from Brittany. "What the hell are you even doing here?"
"We are here to help you," Quinn said from the entrance way.
"I don't need any help. I'm having a little fun on a Friday night," Rachel said. She then gasped and threw her empty hand up to her mouth. "Oh my Barbara, call the fun police. I'm committing a crime."
"Damn. I really like this Berry. Why can't you be like this when you're not drunk as a skunk?"
"Santana you're not helping," Brittany yelled irritable.
Santana looked up at Brittany in surprise. She threw her hands up in defeat. "Fine you win. Berry. Give me the bottle."
Rachel looked at Santana with a glare. There was no way she was giving her bottle to Satan. Santana went to snatch the bottle out of Rachel's hands. She touched the girl's arm to keep her from falling as she grabbed the bottle. Rachel jumped as though Santana had just burned her, and took several steps away Santana.
"Wo there, Berry," Santana said. "I didn't mean to scare you." Santana looked at her friends questioningly. She had barely touched Rachel. Why the hell was she reacting like that?
Quinn was looking at Rachel carefully. Through Rachel's drunken eyes, she could clearly see fear. Real fear. The kind that doesn't come from every day paranoia, but the kind that comes after a traumatic incident. She knew that look well. It was the same look that her mother had worn around her father for years. A look that only went away after her mother started opening up about the abuse she was sustaining behind closed doors.
"On second thought B," Quinn said. "Maybe it would be a good idea to have a little fun tonight. I mean it is just one night. Besides if you want me to get through this weekend without killing Man-hands, then some alcohol is definitely needed."
"Q, I said not to call her that," Brittany chastened.
Quinn didn't care what Brittany had just said to her, but rather Rachel's reaction to it. The girl was looking at Brittany with an adoring look on her face. While Rachel was staring at Brittany like a lost puppy who found its owner, Quinn looked at Brittany and subtly nodded her head at Rachel and sent a 'just trust me' look.
Brittany looked down at Rachel, and it was like Quinn's thoughts were transported into Brittany's mind. Brittany was sure that she had just gained Rachel's trust. Figuring that Quinn had a plan forming, Brittany said, "Okay Q. Let's have some fun."
"Now that's what I'm talking about," Santana said, and handed Rachel her bottle back. "Drink up small fry. We are going to get our party on."
"My sentiments exactly," Rachel said, and then flopped onto her couch. Rachel may have been drunk, but she wasn't stupid. She knew she was getting played. She just figured she might as well fuck with them until she figured out what they really wanted. Plus, it was nice to not be alone. Her confusing thought and feelings consumed her mind when she was alone.
"So. Why do you think that I need help?" Rachel asked.
Brittany came over and gently took the bottle from Rachel and took a swig. She handed the bottle back to Rachel and asked if she could sit where her feet where. She was hoping that Rachel would be okay if she got used to having friendly contact. She didn't like seeing Rachel jump every time somebody touched her. Instead of sitting up like she thought Rachel would, the girl lifted her legs up and motioned for her to sit. Brittany sat down and allowed Rachel to drop her legs onto her before she got comfortable.
Rachel tensed up when Brittany gently placed her hand on her shin. She hated that she couldn't control her body from doing that. It's not like anything bad happened to her. She just had sex with her ex-boyfriend. With the man she loved with all her heart. There was nothing wrong with that.
No matter how many times she told herself that, deep down she just didn't believe it. She just refused to accept the truth.
Rachel forced herself to relax and try to enjoy Brittany's soft hands kneading her leg gently. It was soothing. What wasn't soothing was the stares she was getting. It's like they knew what had happened between her and Finn, but that was impossible. Unless of course Finn was going around telling everybody. No, he wouldn't do that. He would become an even bigger outcast if he admitted that he slept with her. He took her virginity though, so she was sure that he would get big props for that. So maybe he was going around telling everybody.
Santana, Quinn, and Brittany were looking at Rachel in concern. While Rachel had relaxed into Brittany's embrace, Rachel seemed to have checked out. She was staring past Brittany looking at nothing. Her eyes were blinking, but there seemed to be no Rachel home behind them.
Brittany shook Rachel's legs, and then said the girl's name. She got no response. When Santana stood up and shook Rachel, she came out of her stupor and nearly jumped off the couch over the back.
"Wo," Santana said. She suddenly realized that something was really wrong with Rachel. Something other than her apparent drinking problem. "Geeze. You really need to relax. I think you've been home alone for too long. You're getting a bit jumpy."
"You may be right," Rachel said, and then composed herself. She was going to have to relax and keep herself composed at all times. That was a lot easier to think then actually do when you are drunk. "How about we play a game or something." There. Now at least they will have something else to concentrate on instead of watching her.
"Ooooo. That sounds like fun," Brittany said. "What should we play?"
"How about we play Truth or Dare," Quinn said. She knew that people were less likely to lie when they were drinking. It was harder to think of a lie when your mind was slower.
"Perfect idea, Quinn. There are a few things that I've been dying to ask Berry here," Santana said.
"I don't think that is such a good idea," Rachel said. She did not like the tone in Santana's voice at all.
"Come on Rach. It'll be fun. Please."
Damn. She suddenly was overcome with the overwhelming feeling to say yes. It's like Brittany could do some Jedi mind trick or something. "Fine. True or dare sounds like fun."
"It will be so much fun," Brittany said. "But to keep it fair, we should spin the bottle when it's you turn."
"That's a great idea B," Quinn said. "Berry do you have any empty bottles."
Rachel looked at Quinn and said very seriously, "Um…Duh. I'm a drunk, remember." She then started to laugh hysterically.
Quinn, Santana, and Brittany stared in amusement. They knew that Rachel's laughter was just a product of the copious amounts of alcohol she had consumed, but it was still nice to see Rachel so loose and free. The Rachel they saw everyday never laughed. She was always so serious. Always worried about her next solos, and getting the music notes right, and the choreography.
"Hey," she said as she calmed down. "You never told me why you think I'm a drunk."
"Oh…Um…" Quinn got off the couch and went to her abandoned bag. She pulled out the bottle that Brittany had stolen from Rachel, and sat it on the coffee table. "Brittany swiped this from you to prove her theory that you were coming to school drunk every day."
Rachel's stomach dropped when she saw the bottle. She hadn't even noticed that she was missing it. That was careless of her. "It's not what you think."
"So, you haven't been coming to school every day drunk?" Brittany asked hopeful. She honestly wanted Rachel to tell her she had been making things up in her head, and projecting them in to real life again. Her therapist is always telling her that this is happening. She doesn't believe that the Glee club just randomly start singing in the middle of the halls, with music and everything just like in High School Musical.
"Oh. I guess it is what it looks like," Rachel said.
"Why Rachel?" Brittany asked.
The sad look that Brittany was giving her made her chest hurt. It was like Brittany was burrowing through Rachel's mind to find the answers she sought. Rachel couldn't handle that. She was drinking to get rid of her unwanted bad feelings. She didn't want to add more to them.
"Because I want to," Rachel said, and then stood up. "Look. Don't read into this. I'm fine. Nothing is wrong with me. I'm cool if you stay here, which you obviously where planning on doing judging by your packed bags, but you need to lay off this. I'm not an alcoholic, and there most definitely is not a reason behind me drinking other than wanting to have a little fun for once. So, either drop it or get out."
Brittany looked fearful. She didn't want to leave. "Okay Rach. We'll drop it."
"Good. I'm famished, and feeling more sober then I would like. I'm going to order pizzas and then we can get this party started," Rachel said. She walked out of the room before anyone said anything.
Santana looked at the door and then back at her friends. "Okay. What am I missing? You two are acting stranger then Berry. So, spill?"
Brittany and Quinn looked at each other, silently communicating if they should tell Santana. Out of all three of them, Santana would be the best person to get answers from Rachel. She was the only one of them who wasn't afraid to ask the questions, and when Santana wanted to know something, she was relentless at getting the answer.
"Brittany thinks. No, we think that Rachel was…" She couldn't say the word allowed.
"I think somebody hurt Rachel the night of the party," Brittany said quietly.
Santana looked at Brittany for a solid minute. "You think that one of the boys raped Rachel?"
"Yes," Brittany said, with a deeply sad look on her face.
"I…Seriously?" She asked. She just couldn't believe it.
"She keeps flinching and tensing up every time somebody touches her," Brittany whispered. She didn't want Rachel to overhear them.
"And it's there in her eyes. The same fear my mom wore around my dad," Quinn said. "Something happened to her that night."
Santana looked at Brittany. "You knew this before coming here. That's why you wanted us to come with you so badly."
"She's so sad San. I don't like it. I don't want her to be a sad panda."
Santana looked over shoulder at the kitchen door to make sure Rachel wasn't standing there. "I don't know if we can help her. Maybe we should call her fathers or maybe Mr. Schuester."
"We need to try first. Please San."
"Britt's right. We need to find out if what we think happened actually did."
Santana looked back and forth between her best friends. She hoped that they were wrong. She may not like Rachel very much, but she didn't wish something like that on her worst enemy.
Rachel came back in the room with an empty bottle. She sat it down on the coffee table. "You go first Quinn."
"Sounds good. Rules first though. Number one is no lying. If we think you lied, then you have to do a dare from each of us. Number two: You only get two dare passes in the entire game. So, use them well."
Quinn put the bottle on its side and gently spun it. It landed on Santana.
They played the game for an hour daring each other to do stupid thing, and asking light silly questions. They didn't want bombard Rachel with the serious stuff right off the bat. They wanted to lower Rachel's defenses so she would be more willing to answer the tough question.
Oddly enough it was Rachel who asked the first serious question. She spun the bottle and it landed on Santana. Up until that point Santana had always said dare, but she decided to throw cation to the wind and said truth.
"Who do you like fucking more, Puck or Brittany?"
Santana's mouth literally dropped open in shock. She wasn't sure which shocked her more. That Rachel had said fucking, or that she was brazen enough to even ask Santana a question like that.
"Ooooo, I want to know that too!" Brittany exclaimed excitedly.
Santana, (with her mouth still open slightly) turned to give Brittany a look that was supposed to be a glare, but turned out to be a shocked look as well.
"Answer the question S," Quinn said amused.
Santana groaned and said a name quietly.
"Sorry. I didn't hear that," Rachel said.
"Brittany," Santana practically yelled. She huffed and took a breath. "I like fucking Brittany better, okay."
"See that wasn't so hard San," Brittany said, and then spun the bottle. It landed on Quinn. "True or dare?"
"Were you really drunk the night you slept with Puck?"
"I was drunk that night, yes," Quinn said.
"But…" Brittany pressed.
"But I wanted it to happen, I was just to chicken to do it without the wine coolers."
"How exactly did it happened Q. You've never told us."
That is why they were the Unholy Trinity. Because there were times when the three of them seem to starting thinking the exact same way. This was one of those times.
"I had just realized the man my dad really was, and I wanted to take something away from him. I was saving my virginity for marriage because of him, so I decided to give it away. It became painfully clear that Finn wasn't going to be able to perform so when Puck came over to my house I jump on the chance. Literally. I drank the wine coolers and then I kissed Puck. It doesn't take much more than that to get Puck to agree."
"Was it nice?" Brittany asked.
"It was about as nice as first times could go. Puck was gentle and made sure I was comfortable as we did it. He was real sweet too. He must have asked me a dozen times if I was sure about it, before he actually started, and then he made sure I knew that if I wanted to stop just to say the word."
Quinn watched Rachel as she spoke, gaging Rachel's reaction. Rachel's eyebrow furrowed, and a dark look over took her face.
"How do you remember it so clearly if you were drunk?" Rachel asked.
"I was drunk not drugged. It's a little hazy at times, but it was my first time. That's something that you want to remember. Unless of course you didn't want it to happened. Then you might try and block it out."
The trio could practically see the wheels turning in Rachel's head. "How about you Santana?" She asked.
Santana looked surprised for a moment. She was going to lie, but something in the back of her mind told her to tell Rachel the truth. "Britt took my v-card freshman year."
"Were you drunk?"
"Not with Britt," Santana said. "I was the first time I slept with Puck though.
"What about you Brittany?"
"I'm still a virgin," Brittany said.
Rachel's mouth dropped open slightly.
"I'm just playing," Brittany said. "I gave Santana my v-card. We wanted it to be special, and we didn't think that any of the boys would be good. Puck's a sweet lover, but Artie is the best boy I've been with. He just lays there and lets me ride him while he plays with my special parts. I always cum with him."
"TMI Britt," Quinn said.
"Agreed," San said looking a little sick.
"How about you Berry. I bet you totally hooked up with Puck," Santana said.
"Noah and I did not have sex," Rachel said.
"What about you and Pillsbury Dough boy? You were all over him at the party."
Rachel's head swam with broken images of that night. It was nothing like what the girls were describing. She had wanted it. She led him on. She asked him to come back. She had kissed him. It didn't hurt that much.
"Did it hurt?" she asked.
"Um… yeah," Quinn said. She could see that Rachel was trying to figure something out. "The first time always hurts at first, but your body adjusts to the intrusion. Puck went slow, so it only hurt for a few minutes."
"Same here. It didn't really hurt with Britt, but it did with Puck for a few minutes."
"Did you bleed a lot?" Rachel asked.
That question threw the girls, and it was that question that they knew for certain that Rachel had been raped.
"I… ah…" Quinn cleared her throat unsure of what to say.
"I didn't bleed at all. My hymen broke because I use tampons. Britt bleed a little bit when I broke her hymen though. It was hardly noticeable."
"You would have to ask Puck that," Quinn said. "Rachel. Are you okay?"
"Yes. Of course, I am," Rachel responded.
None of the girls believed her though. They watched at Rachel grabbed her wine bottle and chug the rest of the bottle, and then let an un-lady like burp.
"I did have sex the night of my party," She said after a few minutes of silence. "It wasn't anything like you are describing. It hurt the entire time, and I bleed a lot afterwards. It didn't feel like I thought it would. I guess Finn is just really bad at it."
Santana snorted. "He is horrible at it. Thankfully he is a one minute man so it was over quick."
"It didn't feel quick," Rachel said, more to herself then the girls.
"Sex with feelings is always better though," Brittany said. "I love having sex with San and I liked it with Puck, but sex is so much better with Artie because he loves me and I love him. It's like everything fades away when we do it."
"I love Finn," Rachel said. Images flashed more clearly in her mind despite having a large amount of alcohol running through her body.
Rachel opened the door for Finn. He had just returned from dropping everybody off at their homes. "Thanks for coming back Finn," she said as she let him pass. "I just didn't want to be alone tonight."
"It's no problem Rachel," Finn said. Staring at Rachel. She had shed the ugly green grandma dress and was just wearing a skimpy baby blue slip. "I like your nightie," he said.
Rachel looked down. She had completely forgot that she had taken the dress off because she was starting to overheat. "Oh. Thank you. Do you want something to drink? There is plenty left over from the party. You don't have to leave if you don't want to."
"Yeah sure. I guess one drink won't hurt," Finn said.
"Okay," Rachel ran and got Finn a drink and then returned. "I'm really glad that you came back." Rachel leaned over and gave Finn a soft peck on the lips.
"Rachel. You're being a clingy drunk again," Finn said.
"Oh. Sorry," Rachel said awkwardly. "I think I am going to go lay down. I'm feeling a little sick."
"Okay. I'll just crash on the coach, and leave in the morning," Finn said.
Rachel crawled onto the bed and passed out without covering herself up. A little while later Rachel was being gently shook awake. "Finn? What are you doing?"
"I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't have blown you off earlier. I mean, I love you, and I'd like to believe that we could get through anything. Right?"
Rachel smile. "Right."
"So, I was thinking that maybe we should give this another try."
"I would love that Finn," Rachel said and then kiss Finn.
It was a simple kiss that escalated quickly. Finn pushed Rachel back until he was lying on top of her. Rachel seemed to sober up a little. "Finn, we can't do this."
"Why not," Finn said. Rachel noticed that Finn was slurring his words. "Because we are both drunk and I don't want to have sex yet. I want to wait 'til I'm twenty-five."
"Oh, come on Rach," Finn said, and kissed her again. Rachel tried to push him off, but Finn was putting her full weight on to her. "I love you. I know you want me. Just let this happen."
"No. I don't want to," Rachel said very clearly, but Finn seemed to not hear her. She tried to push him off her, but he wasn't budging.
His hands were roughly grabbing at Rachel's breast as he forced his tongue into her mouth, gagging her. She could feel his erection rubbing against her. She hadn't realized that Finn hadn't been wearing pants. She tried to push him off again, with no luck. She started to repeat over and over again that she wanted it. She wanted to have sex with Finn. She wanted it.
She cried out when he pushed into her with no warning or preparation. She turned her head to the side and repeated her mantra over and over again.
Rachel broke out of her stupor. Santana, Quinn, and Brittany were sitting there staring at her. The looks on their faces said that they knew what she just realized. She couldn't stand the compassionate and concerned looks they were giving her. She was suddenly feeling very nauseous.
She got off the couch and ran to the guest bathroom down the hallway. She just made it to the toilet when she violently threw up all the wine and pizza still left in her stomach. She felt a soft hand on her shoulder and instantly tensed. She relaxed when she realized it was Brittany behind her, pulling her hair up and rubbing her back soothingly.
Rachel laid her forehead on her arm over the toilet seat and started to cry.
"It's okay Rae," Brittany said soothingly.
"No, it's not," Rachel cried, and then shook off Brittany's hand. "Go away," She said suddenly angry. "I want you to leave me alone." She whipped around and yelled at Brittany to go.
Not knowing what to do, Brittany turned around and fled the bathroom. She crashed into Quinn and Santana just outside the room. She started to cry, and then wrapped her arms around Quinn.
Santana shook her head and walked into the bathroom. Rachel was hunched over the toilet throwing up again. Santana sighed and bent down. She grasped Rachel's hair and pulled it away from the girl's face. "You can save your anger for Finn. Britt is just trying to help. She's the reason we are all here. She saw you spiraling out, and she just had to save you."
Rachel sat back and sobbed. Santana looked unsure of what to do at first, but she figured she would do what she did with Brittany. She awkwardly wrapped her arms around Rachel and pulled her close.
"I was fine," Rachel sobbed. "I was fine. I was fine."
"That's why you've been drunk for three weeks, right," Santana said sarcastically.
"I am fine. He didn't do what you think he did. I wanted to have sex with him. I wanted it."
"You keep telling yourself that, but it's not going to make it true Berry. He did what he did and it's just that."
"I wanted it."
"Rachel. Did you tell him no at any point?" Santana asked.
"I wanted it."
"I'll take that as a yes," Santana said. She pulled away from Rachel and put her hands on both sides of Rachel's face. "You are not going to start feeling better until you stop trying to convince yourself that you wanted it, when you didn't. Did you say no to him?"
Rachel let out a loud sob, "Yes."
Santana pulled Rachel close to her again, and whispered that it was going to be okay into her ear. She stayed with Rachel until the smaller girl cried herself into exhaustion.
Brittany had calmed down enough to carry Rachel up the stairs to her bedroom. She laid Rachel in her bed. Rachel whimpered when Brittany pulled away. She climbed into the bed behind Rachel and wrapped herself around the smaller girl. Rachel seemed to relax with Brittany cuddling her.
Santana motioned for Quinn to follow her out of the room. Quinn went over the bathroom and turned the light on, and then shut the bedroom light out as she followed Santana. Once they were back down in the living room, Santana said, "We need to find all the alcohol before she wakes up wanting more."
"Agreed," Quinn said. "Do you think she will be okay?"
"Yeah. Berry is, well she is Berry. She will bounce back. If your mom can do it after years of abuse, then Rachel can too."
"Let's hope so," Quinn said. "That was intense."
"Ya think," Santana said sardonically. "Come on. Let's find this shit, so we can plan what we are going to do when she wakes up. I have a feeling she isn't going to be happy with any of us tomorrow."
"I have a feeling you're right," Quinn said.
It took them an hour to round up all the alcohol that Rachel had hidden in the house. They guessed that most of it was her fathers' private stash, but since there was so much they figured that Rachel had a supplier. They were going to have to find that person, so Rachel couldn't get anymore. After they were done, they locked all the alcohol up in the cabinet in the basement, and decided to hit the sack. They knew that they were going to have rough day. Both girls feel asleep envisioning all the ways they were going to hurt Finn.