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the emo group chat fic that isnt funny what-so-ever

Chapter Text

Brendon Urie added Ryan Ross, Tyler Joseph, Josh Dun, Gerard Way and Pete Wentz to Untitled Group.

Brendon Urie renamed the group welcome to hell

Brendon Urie: wassup
Ryan Ross: oh dear god wtf is this
Brendon Urie: this, dear ryan, is hell itslef
Tyler Joseph: tbh im more concerned on what itslef means
Brendon Urie: fuck off
Gerard Way: ok if im gonna be here im goinh to at least change my name

Gerard Way changed their name to gee, thats bad

gee, thats bad: beautiful
Brendon Urie: wtf no u need one like this

Brendon Urie changed their name to bredbin

bredbin: better
gee, thats bad: u spelt bredbin wrong
bredbin: the nxet person who corrects me is getting kicked out
Ryan Ross: next*

bredbin removed Ryan Ross from welcome to hell

bredbin: whos next
gee, thats bad: <<
Tyler Joseph: im scared

Chapter Text

bredbin added Ryan Ross to welcome to hell

Ryan Ross: that was not fun
Tyler Joseph: so on a scale of 1-10 how magical was it
Ryan Ross: brendon
Tyler Joseph: shit thats pretty bad i suggest not going there again
bredbin: scuse me
Tyler Joseph: oh heck
gee, thats bad: no swearing u fucking pleb
Tyler Joseph: bitch

gee, thats bad changed Tyler Joseph's name to fucking pleb

fucking pleb: not the best but i like it
bredbin: beautiful
gee, thats bad: ikr
Ryan Ross: ahem
gee, thats bad: what do u want ur not part of the gay cracc squad
Ryan Ross: give me ur wise words of wisdom
bredbin: thou must changeth thou name
Ryan Ross: bitch i wasnt talking to u
bredbin: ;-;
gee, thats bad: change ur fuckin name u retard
Ryan Ross: i have been enlightened

Ryan Ross changed their name to rayn

rayn: amazing
bredbin: yea it is
rayn: aww its times like this that i love u
gee, thats bad: *flashbacks to when brendon said "miss me with that gay shit"*
fucking pleb: wait i havent heard from pete in a while
bredbin: yea unicorns are amazing i love them too haha ;)
bredbin: wait
bredbin: FUCK HOW DO YOU DELETE A TEXT OH GOD
fucking pleb: screenshotted
gee, thats bad: gee thats too bad
Pete Wentz: i hate u all
fucking pleb: oh hey pete
Pete Wentz: i left my phone at home yesterday and now ive been kicked out of class
bredbin: yea yea first world problems now if u see my situation im completely fucked
Pete Wentz: oh yeah i saw that and thought someone took ur phone lmfao i doubt it now
gee, thats bad: i have an idea

gee, thats bad changed bredbin's name to uniboi

uniboi: FUCK U GEARD
gee, thats bad: what the fuck
fucking pleb: exquisite
Pete Wentz: alright gordon ramsay
fucking pleb: oh fuck no have u ever tasted gerards cooking
gee, thats bad: fuck u
Josh Dun: oh hey wtf is this
fucking pleb: read everything
Josh Dun: who r u
fucking pleb: fucking read it and youll get an answer
Josh Dun: ok jeez
uniboi: is everyone going to ingore my situation
Pete Wentz: "ingore" -brendon urie
gee, thats bad: whos brendon urie i only know uniboi
Josh Dun: this is fucking weird
fucking pleb: yep

fucking pleb changed Josh Dun's name to fucking weird

fucking pleb: if u say something memeable it will either be ur name or the grouo name id ur lucky
fucking weird: ah ok i see
Pete Wentz: u guys suck get on my level
uniboi: ?

Pete Wentz changed their name to papa pepe

fucking weird: ffs pepe is dead
papa pepe: FUCK U PEPE WILL LIVE ON IN OUR HEARTS
fucking weird: well now thats just mean

uniboi renamed the group well now thats just mean

fucking pleb: holy shit pete get on joshs level hes famous now
fucking weird: ur all a bunch of sausages
gee, thats bad: why sausages
fucking weird: cuz now all the vegans in the entire fucking world will gang up on u and kick ur ass
gee, thats bad: fuCK
fucking weird: fear me

Chapter Text

papa pepe: im shaking
gee, thats bad: why
fucking pleb: why
fucking weird: why
uniboi: stop saying why u fucking plums
gee, thats bad: ...
gee, thats bad: why
uniboi: fuck off
papa pepe: im shaking bc its cold u retards
fucking pleb: my name applies to all of u now
uniboi: t(-.-t)
fucking weird: stop sending fuckin emojis jeez
papa pepe: (•Π•) why
fucking weird: stop
fucking pleb: (°^°) no
fucking weird: stop or o will attack
gee, thats bad: <(•~•)> how exacty
fucking weird: finr
fucking weird: u asked for it

fucking weird removed gee, thats bad from well now thats just mean
fucking weird removed uniboi from well now thats just mean

papa pepe: jeSUS OK WELL STOP JUST ADD TEHM BACK OH MY GOD
fucking weird: ...fine

fucking weird added gee, thats bad and uniboi to well now thats just mean

gee, thats bad: now i see what ryan meant
uniboi: me to and ir was me he wasctalking about

fucking weird left well now thats just mean

fucking pleb: oh my fucking god were keeling this group name
uniboi: yeah thats just mean josh
papa pepe: wait just randemly whatd joshs middle name tyler
fucking pleb: william
fucking pleb: why?
papa pepe: HAHA FUCKIN JOSH WILLY DUN HAHA
uniboi: jesus u have the mentality of a 5 yr old
papa pepe: nO i Do NoT
rayn: im gonna have to agree with uniboi over here
fucking pleb: oh hey ryan
gee, thats bad: is noone gonna bring josh back

fucking pleb added fucking weird to well now thats just mean

fucking weird: took u long enough geesus
fucking pleb: gerardsus
gee, thats bad: fuck yes
rayn: im on it

rayn changed gee, thats bad's name to geesus

geesus: i am immortal
fucking weird: ffs

uniboi changed the settings [tap to view]

fucking weird: u just made it so only u can remove ppl didnt u
uniboi: yes i did bc ur grounded
papa pepe: ahem whos the father here
uniboi: shit sorry dad
papa pepe: its fine now josh ur grounded go to ur roon
fucking weird: what ia happening here
fucking pleb: idk ask geesus
geesus: eyy wassup pray to ne or some shit idk
fucking weird: yeah no i think ill pass
geesus: u sure
fucking weird: yes
uniboi: well now thats just mean
rayn: lmao

Chapter Text

uniboi: wake up u fat pies
fucking pleb: geesus
geesus: u called
fucking pleb: get rid of brandon
uniboi: ............
uniboi: what the fuck did u call me
fucking pleb: shiet
rayn: ooooooh shits goin down
papa pepe: I AINT GET NO SLEEP CUZ A YALL
geesus: fuck off pete
papa pepe: i wad actually sleeping until u twats woke me up
fucking pleb: i think thats the fiest time ive ever been called a twat
papa pepe: hows it feel
fucking pleb: nicer than being called a fat pie if im honest
rayn: guys want some advice
uniboi: oooh ryans words of wisdom
rayn: shut the fuck up before i cut off brendons dick and put it under onr of ur pillows
fucking pleb: ...
geesus: ...
papa pepe: ...
fucking weird: ...
uniboi: why my dick
rayn: bc u said i have words of wisdom when i fuckig dont
uniboi: ah shit
papa pepe: also i kinda pushed some random kid over a desk at school so can i add him
fucking weird: how do u know his name
papa pepe: i pay attention to whoevers in my calss so if theres a murder at school i can be like 'oh poor carly she was quite nice'
uniboi: are u hinting at something
papa pepe: probably
rayn: fuckin add him then

papa pepe added Patrick Stump to well now thats just mean

Patrick Stump: wtf is this
fucking pleb: i love him already
papa pepe: hey patrick its me the guy who ACCIDENTALLY pushed u ovre a desk at school
Patrick Stump: fuck u
papa pepe: it was an accident and i apolagized
Patrick Stump: whatever
Patrick Stump: anyway can someone tell me what the fuck this is and who u are
uniboi: teLL HIM NOW SPARE ME THE EMBARRASNENT OF MY NAME
fucking weird: read everything
uniboi: oh fuck
Patrick Stump: ok then brendon
Patrick Stump: ur name is hilarious now i understand it
uniboi: i hate everyone
papa pepe: lmao
fucking pleb: he needs a name or hes not part of the gay cracc squad
rayn: hes right :/
fucking weird: S T O P
rayn: shit sorry

papa pepe changed Patrick Stump's name to grumpy stumpy

grumpy stumpy: i do not appreciate this name
fucking pleb: do u think i approev of mine
grumpy stumpy: not really
uniboi: or me
grumpy stumpy: u all have valid points
fucking pleb: exactly
papa pepe: do not fight with grumpg stymot
grumpy stumpy: wtf
geesus: since yall are adding people im gonna add my brother cuz he deserves to suffer as much as i do

geesus added Mikey Way to well now thats just mean

geesus changed Mikey Way's name to moikeh

moikeh: fuck off gerard
papa pepe: greetings moikeh
moikeh: i can tell ur all gay
geesus: but mikey
geesus: were all gay
moikeh: ph hell no
fucking pleb: wë'rê åll gæy døwñ hèré
moikeh: fuck this
moikeh: whY CANT I LEAVE
uniboi: u cannot escape the gay
moikeh: f u c k

Chapter Text

uniboi: guys entertain me
geesus: why were at school
uniboi: im not
geesus: i saw u this morning
uniboi: i got suspended
rayn: ok what why
uniboi: ok just get everyone over here
grumpy stumpy: ffs im in class u fucking bagel
moikeh: judt get on with it brebdon

uniboi changed their name to brebdon

brebdon: thx mikey
moikeh: fuck u
brebdon: anyways i got suspendef bc i "wasnt wearinh appropriate shoes"
fucking pleb: i saw everything and filmed it bc noone wants to help forehead mgee over here
brebdon: hEY

fucking pleb sent a video [tap to view]

geesus: holy fuck
geesus: i forgot ihad my volune up now the whole class is staring at me
moikeh: lmfao
geesus: fuck it im showinh it to the class
brebdon: doNT U DAER
grumpy stumpy: i dont care what happens anymore tbh
papa pepe: unless its between us ;))))))))
fucking weird: S T O P
papa pepe: ffs get over it
fucking weird: no
fronk: wait so brendon was questioned about his "kinky boots" and then when he refused to take em off he kicked the teachers dick and screamed "fuck u my kinky boots will kill all u bald ass bitches" before running off?
brebdon: yep basically
grumpy stumpy: im honestly surprised u didnt get expelled
brebdon: im not
geesus: u should be
brebdon: u should be paying attention to the lessen
geesus: one i got kicked out and two its lesson
papa pepe: alright werard gay
moikeh: i spAT OUT MY DRINK HOLY SHIT
fucking weird: mikey were in the same class u werent drinking anything
moikeh: fuck off dosh jun
fucking pleb: wikey may
geesus: jyler toseph
brebdon: urendon brie
grumpy stumpy: wete pentz
papa pepe: satrick ptump
rayn: irank fero
fronk: ryan ross
rayn: fuck
brebdon: WE FOUND THE IMPOSTER
fucking pleb: ben foster
fucking weird: wtf
fucking pleb: it rhymes with impotser
geesus: ffs imposter
brebdon: die in a pit
fronk: ur hostile
brebdon: they took away my kinky boots now i have no kinky boots
rayn: school?
brebdon: no u shit plum lettuce cheese tomato gone off milk sandwich my parents
geesus: oh
fucking weird: ...
geesus: ...
rayn: ...
fronk: ...
papa pepe: ...
grumpy stumpy: ...
moikeh: ...
fucking pleb: ...
fucking pleb: what kind of insult is tgat
fronk: juST FUCKING RUIN THE MOMENT
geesus: dammit tyler
fucking pleb: can i not be curious
brebdon: rules of this chat: 1- noone can know about this chat 2- no serious topics 3- we all have to be gay 4- no curiosity 5- no proper grammer 6- always have ur name changed from ur originl name 7- admit im better than u 8- no disrespecting papa pepe or mama stump 9- no emojis 10- nean
grumpy stumpy: ffs

grumpy stumpy changed their name to mama stump

mama stump: u happy now
papa pepe: yes
brebdon: no bc my fucKING KINKY BOOTS ARE GONE
moikeh: what did i get myself into
fucking pleb: this is hell u sinners
geesus: HOW TF DID GEESUS GET INTO HELL
rayn: fuck our logic sucks
fucking pleb: probabky bc we get kicked out every lesson
fronk: he has a point
fucking weird: i havent been kicked out yet
fronk: he has
fucking weird: just blow my cover why dont y
rayn: stop fighting ur breaking the rules
brebdon: remember the first rule of well now that s just nean
fronk: n e a n
brebdon: wrong rule retard

Chapter Text

fronk: guys get the fuck up
geesus: wtf its literally 5am
fronk: idc wake everyonr else up
geesus: why
moikeh: go to sleep u fuckin wet tissues
brebdon: i wasnt asleep anyway
brebdon: MEEP MEEP MEEP MEEP
fronk: wait try to group call everyone
moikeh: dont u fuckin dare

geesus started a group call [tap to answer]

fucking pleb: jeSUS H CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK OK IM UP
fucking weird: IM AWAKE
mama stumpy: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH U ALL
papa pepe: wtf is going on
rayn: what the fuuuuck
fronk: most of u are saying 'wtf'
fucking pleb: WHAT TF ARE WE SUPPOSD TO SAY
brebdon: something that doesnt involve swearing tHIS IS A CHRISTIAN SERVER U FUCKTARD
fucking pleb: stfu
geesus: ok first off
geesus: why the fUCK DID FRANK WAKE US UP AT FIVE FUCKING AM
fronk: ill explain
moikeh: please do
fronk: ok get ready to cry
papa pepe: i hve a lot of moral support to give
mama stump: i hate u all
fronk: ...
fronk: idk how to say this...
brebdon: take ur time
brebdon: jk hurry the fuck up u sloth
fronk: ...
fronk: I, FRANK IERO, DROPPED MY MOMS FUCKING HANDBAG IN THE TOILET AND NOW SHES GOING TO FUCKING KILL ME
geesus: really
papa pepe: oooh looks like im out of moral support sorry kiddo
mama stump: ive lost the will to live

brebdon changed fronk's name to toilet boi

toilet boi: this isnt a fuckin joke
moikeh: i swear next time i see u at school frank i will shove that handbag up ur fucking ass
fucking pleb: kinky ;)))

fucking weird changed fucking pleb's name to kinky

kinky: ...
kinky: i approve
toilet boi: HELP
geesus: oh god what now
toilet boi: I TRIED TO GET OUT MY HOUSE FROM THE FUCKIN WINDOW AND IM STUCK IN A TREE
kinky: how high is it
toilet boi: PRETTY FUCKING STONED
kinky: sHIT
mama stump: gerard hes ur bf go get him
geesus: fUCKKKKK
kinky: why do i feel like hes stuck as well
geesus: DING DING FUCKING DING GET HELP FRANK DROPPED HIS PHONE
fucking weird: shit mikey ur his brother go get him
moikeh: fine
kinky: hes gonna get stuck too ya know
moikeh: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT MOMS GONNA KILL US GEE
geesus: U THINK I DONT KNOW THAT
kinky: ffs im coming over
fucking weird: ill come too and tell u all what haopens
brebdon: yaaaas drama
mama stump: fuck this im done
papa pepe: im too tired to deal w this shit
rayn: yeah im goin back to sleep cya at school u fuckin weirdos
fucking weird: k im there and franks mom is fucking pissed
geesus: shit i see her
fucking weird: ty is explaininf whats goin on
fucking weird: now shes shouting and im filming it
moikeh: gee were so fucked
fucking weird: shes getting them down
fucking weird: she sent gee and mikey home and is fycking screaminh at frank and the neighbors are up
kinky: well that was eventful

fucking weird sent a video [tap to view]

brebdon: HOLY FUCK U GUYS THIS US HILARIOUS
kinky: fuck this shit im goin ti bed bye u fucking retards
geesus: well me and mikey are fucked
moikeh: fuuuuuuck

brebdon renamed the group r.i.p mikey, gee and frank

geesus: i hate u so much brendon
moikeh: im withh gee for once
brebdon: ;)
fucking weird: go to sleep now u fuckers

Chapter Text

toilet boi: help again
geesus: no
toilet boi: srsly
kinky: tell us what it is and well consider doing it or somethin
toilet boi: fine
toilet boi: btw its not about my mom cuz she just yelled at me ans webt to bed its actually the fact brendons in trouble
kinky: when has he not been in trouble
geesus: im intrigued
toilet boi: so anyway hes stuck in the janiyors closet cuz he hit someone with a fuckin mop
rayn: thats brendon alright
toilet boi: anyway im in the drama room and i need u guys to come with me
kinky: im up for it
geesus: thats a first
fucking weird: ill come too i guess
brebdon: i forgot i had my phone anyway help
rayn: iM COMING BEEBO
brebdon: save me
kinky: ffs u better pay us all back or ill fucking slap u
brebdon: fucK OK ILL PAY U BACK JUST DONT TOUCH NE W UR FUCKING SPIDER LOOKIN FINGERS
kinky: perfect
fucking weird: ill film everything again cuz noone else cares
geesus: ok then lets fucking go
toilet boi: ok i have a plastic sword
kinky: i have a mother fucking shoe
geesus: im not tgere yet but wtf is that gonna do

kinky sent an image [tap to view]

geesus: shiet
rayn: thats a fuckin high heel daymn
toilet boi: ty and i are there already
fucking weird: im there too and ill send the video after
rayn: jesus this is what well do to save out friends
brebdon: u love me admit it
rayn: fuck off
brebdon: love u too
papa pepe: guys wtf are u doing
kinky: shoo
papa pepe: jeez ok
kinky: lets bust down this fucking DOOR
brebdon: its quiet outside wtf are u guys ninjas
toilet boi: brendon wtf u arent there
brebdon: neither are u fucktards
kinky: wE HAVE THE WRONG FUCKING CLOSET
geesus: SHITTTTT
toilet boi: F U C K
brebdon: GUYS HURRY
kinky: BRENDON WHEN U HEAE A BUNCH OF FUCKIN ELEPHANTS START KNOCKIN ON THE DOOR
brebdon: got it
toilet boi: can u hear us yet
brebdon: did gerard just shout 'brendon loves penis'
geesus: hes in there
kinky: WERE COMING BEEBO
rayn: DW BRENDON
brebdon: :DD
geesus: SHIT THE JANITORS COMING
kinky: GRAB BRENDON AND FUCKING RUN
toilet boi: JOSH IA STILL FINMINH
brebdon: DYXKKKKKK
geesus: GOLY DUCJLK
kinky: EVERYONE STFU OK
bredbon: we can still talk like this tyler jeez
kinky: i mean irl just cuz were hiding doesnt mean he cant fibd ys
toilet boi: good point
rayn: holy fuck im shook
moikeh: gerard
geesus: what
moikeh: why the fuck were u and ur "gay cracc squad" running from me after breaking a closet door
kinky: shit was tgat mikey
geesus: ok we thought u were the janitor
moikeh: w h a t t h e f u c k

fucking weird sent a video [tap to view]

kinky: now i have the most stresdful time of my life on camera thx josh
fucking weird: np tyler
bredbon: stop being gay and run we need to leave the school
moikeh: wont that be suspicious tho
geesus: fuck it lets go
kinky: this is why we dont have an education
mama stump: bc u broke to closet doors to "help ur friend" and thought mikey was a janitor and started running then hid and then ran out of school? never would of guessed.
kinky: fuckkk
mama stump: im disappointed in u all
moikeh: even me
mama stump: yes
moikeh: bITCH I DIDNY DO ANYTHING
kinky: admit ur defeat mikey
kinky: were grounded now
kinky: accept it
moikeh: NEVER
geesus: and mikey just jumped into a fucking bush
rayn: we are all actually in deep shit tho
bredbon: hes right
fucking weird: ...
fucking weird: wanna go to taco bell
kinky: yes
rayn: yes
geesus: yea
bredbon: fuck yes
moikeh: ye
fucking weird: lets go then fuck being grounded

kinky changed fucking weird's name to daddy dun

kinky changed papa pepe's name to dead meme

daddy dun: now this is how you fucking name something

Chapter Text

dead meme: wait what about pat
mama stump: pete is concerned for me
mama stump: thanks pete
kinky: hmmmmmmmmm
daddy dun: hHmMmMmMmMm

kinky changed mama stump's name to thanks pete

thanks pete: why do i approve
bredbon: guESS WHOS BACK U FUCKERS

bredbon started a group call [tap to answer]

kinky: fuck off brendon
bredbon: :(
dead meme: fuck we were doing well on our christian streak
kinky: why did u phrase it like that its like were hunting christians
dead meme: shet
geesus: im back too fuckers
moikeh: kill me n o w
rayn: gladly
rayn: ill kill all of u bc i was havin a serious talk w my mom and then my phone started going off but then fycking brendon decided to call the chat
bredbon: so
rayn: my ringtone for u is the fucking to be continued theme song
kinky: are u shitting me rn thats fucking hilarious
moikeh: *stares at phone with no emotion*
kinky: bingo
geesus: tyler is officially franks gradma
kinky: rood
fronk: wow ok im here and holy fuck
dead meme: wtf is it u weird ass mf
fronk: stfu pete and also my grandma doesnt play bingo gerard arthur way
geesus: what does she play then
fronk: bitch dhe plays wii sports

daddy dun sent a video [tap to view]

rayn: JOSH THE FUCKING WII THEME TINE BASS BOOSTED DOESNT HELP MY SITUATION
daddy dun: whoops

bredbon sent an audio [tap to listen]

rayn: FFS I GIVE UP
fronk: tO bE cOnTiNuEd...

Chapter Text

fronk: so
daddy dun: so
kinky: so
dead meme: so
thanks pete: so
bredbon: so
geesus: so
moikeh: so
rayn: ffs if ur wondering if i got grounded then yes i got fucking grounded
kinky: cool
rayn: ur head wont be cool once i shove it in the oven u fucking pillowcase
kinky: im more concerned u called me a fucking pillowcase tbh
daddy dun: whO WANTS TO GO TO TACO BELL
thanks pete: bitch its monday were in school u twat
daddy dun: but thia is where daddy dun proves u can have amazing fun
dead meme: im heavily braced
bredbon: im heavily armed
moikeh: hi heavily braced and heavily armed, im mikey
geesus: g e t o u t
rayn: i hate u all
daddy dun: ok so were all gonna go to taco bell its agreed
kinky: no
daddy dun: yes
geesus: how tho
daddy dun: u know how tyler said sports woildnt come in handy
kinky: oh ny fucking god
daddy dun: were just gonna run out basically
bredbon: pretty solid plan lets go
daddy dun: meet me by the drana room
thanks pete: i dont like where this is going
kinky: its josh u gotta love whee its going

rayn renamed the group to whee

kinky: holy fuck my life has been changed
rayn: how will we know when people have arribed
daddy dun: bitch we have fucking eyed
rayn: that are constantly starinf at our phones
daddy dun: true
daddy dun: jyst say something like 'ur all failures cux i beat u haha'
kinky: got it
bredbon: i cant be fuckin bothered but lets just go

~a few minutes of boring conversation later~

daddy dun: and my plan worked
kinky: we didnt even have to run
rayn: anyway lets go to tb and forget that im grounded
bredbon: ive never seen something so fucking beautiful in my life
rayn: thanks
bredbon: i meant the sentence u fucjing moose
rayn: r o o d
geesus: lETS FUCKIN TRASH TB
moikeh: ok
bredbon: ok
kinky: its gonna take a while isnt it
rayn: maybe
daddy dun: dw im here and i can make jokes about brendons fucking massive forehead
bredbon: fuck off

Chapter Text

bredbon: less go m8
daddy dun: maybe u could break a table w ur massive fuckin forehead
bredbon: fuck you

kinky changed bredbon's name to forehead

forehead: maybe ill hit u guys with my forehead
rayn: im just gonna film what goes down cuz this is gonna be fucking hilarioys i can tell
dead meme: theres always onecthat flims everything
kinky: shet what if we get kicked out and we can never come to tb again
thanks pete: go toba different tb
kinky: oH yEaH tHaTs A gOoD iDeA
forehead: it is tho
kinky: ik thats why i said its a gOoD iDeA
forehead: stop doing that
kinky: wHaT
forehead: s t o p
kinky: nO
daddy dun: fuck off u two or bren might crush a city with his hUGE ASS FOREHEAD
forehead: FUCK OFF ABOUT MY FOREHEAD OR ILL DO SOMETHINH ILLEGAL
geesus: brendon what have u done that isnt illegal
forehead: fair point but stILLu
rayn: annnnnd brendon has jumped on a table
kinky: he has also managed to trip up a mother and father and now the children are crying
moikeh: all they wanted to do was eat taco bell
geesus: for just one pound a day you can help these poor families from being torn apart from a hormonal 16 year old with an obscenely large forehead
thanks pete: were all terrible people who are going to hell
dead meme: im not surprised
rayn: ok someone stop brendon
kinky: DID HE JUST THROW A FUCKING TABLE AT THE DOOR
geesus: how are you surprised tyler
kinky: i actuslly dont know
daddy dun: this was a bad idea
moikeh: couldnt we go to prison for this
dead meme: bren probably could
rayn: FUCKIN STOP HIM BEFORE HE PICKS UP A CHILD
geesus: IM ON IT
rayn: ...
rayn: NOT BY THROWING HIM OUTSIDE YOU MORON
geesus: WHAT DO I DO THEN
rayn: I DONT KNOW
geesus: IM TAKING HIM HOME THEN
rayn: GOOD IDEA
forehead: HOLY SHET THST WAS WILD
thanks pete: thats wild brendon

rayn sent a video [tap to view]

geesus: i stg this is going to stay with me until i die
moikeh: how do u think the rest of the chat feels
geesus: the exact same as me
kinky: exactly
forehead: shiiiiit im fuuuuucked
daddy dun: wE FUCKING KNOW
forehead: fuck u
rayn: wheres fronky donkey
fronk: oh fucl
geesus: NAME CHANGE TIIIIME
fronk: how gay can u get
geesus: i can never be gay enough

geesus changed fronk's name to fronky donkey

geesus changed their name to werard gay

werard gay changed rayn's name to raynbow

raynbow: why
werard gay: why not
fronky donkey: i hate everyone and everything
werard gay: i jusy hate brendon
forehead: why me tho
daddy dun: cuz ur the only one who did anything drastic
forehead: good point
forehead: i wish my forehead had a point so i could stab u with it
kinky: thatd be a better point
forehead: tyler gets it
kinky: im just saying that if he had a portable knife stuck on his forehead hed have a good point
forehead: thanks
kinky: and also room for the rest of the kitchen
forehead: ffs i liked u for one second
kinky: your welcome

Chapter Text

werard gay: FUCKING RETARDS
werard gay: WAKE UP
raynbow: what a pleasant thing to wake up to
werard gay: WERE BANNED FROM LIKE EVERY TB
kinky: did u not think its bc its fucking 5am
werard gay: oh yeah
werard gay: i neEDED CLOSURE
kinky: why do i even bother
forehead: i dont fuckin know
fronky donkey: i wanna make a poem ok u guys help
raynbow: wtf
fronky donkey: holy fuckles
werard gay: hands have knuckles
kinky: its just my luckles
forehead: that we all like cuckles
raynbow: u better buckles
daddy dun: for the worst poem in existence
fronky donkey: fuck off joshua

daddy dun changed fronky donkey's name to fuckles

daddy dun changed werard gay's name to knuckles

daddy dun changed kinky's name to luckles

daddy dun changed forehead's name to cuckles

daddy dun changed raynbow's name to buckles

fuckles: this is beautiful
knuckles: i think im gonna cry
daddy dun: haha yr a wuss
knuckles: you're*
daddy dun: biTCH WEVE ALL MADE MISTAKES
cuckles: especially ur mom
luckles: eh thats pretty overused
dead meme: papa Pepe is bACK
thanks pete: if pete comes, i come
luckles: k i n k y
thanks pete: ffs shut up
dead meme: u shut up
thanks pete: no
dead meme: sCuSe Me BuT wHoS tHe BoTtOm HeRe
fuckles: E X P O S E D
thanks pete: i hate u all
dead meme: apart from me ;)))))
thanks pete: i hate u the most
dead meme: fuckin rude
buckles: HE SPELT RUDE RIGHT HOLY FACK
dead meme: hail me peasants
thanks pete: how bout no
luckles: oof
knuckles: o o f
buckles: o o f
fuckles: o o f
thanks pete: STOP
luckles: never
thanks pete: fuck off gaywad
luckles: bitch were all gay here
thanks pete: f u c c
moikeh: EVERYONE SAY GAY IF UR GAY
luckles: no cuz we all know were all gay
moikeh: shit u have a valid argument
thanks pete: i think nobody knows its 5am go to sleep u twat dick bitch fucking fucker shit ass lookin motherfuckers
cuckles: what the f u c c

Chapter Text

ok so im not gonna be updating for a while. im not dead and this fic is definitely not ending any time soon. i just need a break but ill try and update as soon as i can. sorry but have this:

imagine brendon urie dancing on a table wearing high heels and a skirt while ryan ross is blasting all star bass boosted in the background with tyler, josh, gerard, mikey, frank, patrick and of course pete dancing like theyre noodles trapped in the human form.

have a nice day :)

Chapter Text

dead meme: oi
moikeh: i stfg if u pull that repeated shit again ill takd ur phones and shove them so far up ur asses u youll get another wifi signal
luckles: what thr actual fucking fuck
thanks pete: i hate everyone
cuckles: wE FUCKIN KNOW PATTYCAKES
thanks pete: OH FUCK OFF U DICK TWAT ASS MUNCHING LAWNMOWER LOOKIN ASS BITCH FUCKIN TOE MOTHERFUCKER

daddy dun renamed the group to holy fuck lads shits goin down

daddy dun: oi oi lads here we go
luckles: never call us lads again
daddy dun: lads
luckles: fuck off
daddy dun: fuck u
thanks pete: FUCK ALL OF YOU
thanks pete: ...
cuckles: HAHAHAHAHAAAA FUCKER
thanks pete: BRENDON. CHANGE THE FUCKING SETTINGS BEFORE I CUT OFF YOUR DICK AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR GOD DAMN THROAT.
thanks pete: OH WAIT ITS TOO FUCKIN SMALL
cuckles: ITS BIGGER THAN URS CUZ U OBVIOUSLY HAVE MORE DICK IN UR PERSONALITY THAN IN UR PANTS U ASSHAT
luckles: STOP FUCKING ARGUING BEFORE I GLUE UR ASSES TOGETHER
cuckles: hes pissing me off
thanks pete: oh really?
luckles: what happened to mama stump
thanks pete: fuck off tyler
luckles: no. ur guidance counsellor will be here for as long as ur anger issues continue asshole
thanks pete: bren please change the settings
cuckles: ill change them when dogs learn to drive cars u fuckin scone
thanks pete: FUCK YOU
luckles: HEY
luckles: inside voices please
thanks pete: fuck you
luckles: better :)
cuckles: i love how everyone else has backed off
luckles: fuck it im becomin the guidance counsellor

luckles changed their name to guidance counsellor ty

guidance counsellor ty: so how are you two today
thanks pete: ffs ty please fucking stop
guidance counsellor ty: okay so bc ur bein negative i take ur not ok
knuckles: IM NOOOOOOT OOOOOKAAAAAAAY
guidance counsellor ty: excuse me but this office is fucking closed
knuckles: shiet
guidance counsellor ty: fuck ot im making another chat

Tyler Joseph made a new chat.

Tyler Joseph added Brendon Urie and Patrick Stump to Untitled Group

Tyler Joseph renamed the group to tylers office

Tyler Joseph changed their name to guidance counsellor ty

guidance counsellor ty: ok
Patrick Stump: i fycking hate u
Brendon Urie: oi dont br so rude
Patrick Stump: FUCK OFF I DO WHAT I WANT
Brendon Urie: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Patrick Stump: OH FUCK YOU
guidance counsellor ty: CALM THE FUCK DOWN OK
Patrick Stump: FUCK OFF
Brendon Urie: ADD PETE

guidance counsellor ty added Pete Wentz to tylers office

Pete Wentz changed their name to petey boi

guidance counsellor ty: ok pete calm these fuckers down or i swear
petey boi: aight
guidance counsellor ty: ffs dont ever say aight again
petey boi: ok jeez
Brendon Urie: FUCK OFF PATTYCAKES
Patrick Stump: FUCK YOU BRANDON URINE
Brendon Urie: OH YOU MOTHERFUCKER
petey boi: YOU LITTLE FUCKERS LISTEN UP
Patrick Stump: WHAT THE FUCK
petey boi: U EITHER SAY YES SIR OR NOTHIN AT ALL SOLDIER
petey boi: THIS IS GUIDANCE COUNSELLING SOLDIER
Brendon Urie: what the fuuuuuuuck
Patrick Stump: idfk
guidance counselling ty: could we maybe be a bit quieter
petey boi: NO
guidance counsellor ty: ok ;_;
Patrick Stump: just fucking get on with it ffs
petey boi: NOW U TWO NEED TO GET UR ATTITUDE FIXED BY THE TIME I LOWER MY VOice
Patrick Stump: im scared
Brendon Urie: me too
petey boi: now listen to tyler
Patrick Stump: okay?
Brendon Urie: im quaking
guidance counsellor ty: ok... so first find something about eachother thats nice
Brendon Urie: patrick can actually not be a complete aSSHAT at times
Patrick Stump: brendon has a big forehead but that just makes him more useful in a zombie apocalypse
guidance counsellor ty: ok umm
guidance counsellor ty: now keep it up i guess
Patrick Stump: ok :)
Brendon Urie: got it :)

guidance counsellor ty removed Patrick Stump from tylers office
guidance counsellor ty removed Brendon Urie from tylers office

~Back to holy fuck lads shits goin down~

daddy dun: how ya feel
thanks pete: i feel enlightened
cuckles: yeah i think im gonna go round my neighbourhood and give everyone a piece of lettuce
thanks pete: wait for me :)
cuckles: of course friend :)
daddy dun: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO
guidance counsellor ty: I DONT FUCKING KNOW
dead meme: DW I GOT THIS
dead meme: hey brendon
cuckles: yes friend? :)
dead meme: remember when patrick called you brandon
cuckles: . . .
dead meme: hey patrick
thanks pete: what is it friend? i always have time for you :)
dead meme: remember when brendon called u pattycakes
thanks pete: . . .
cuckles: you fucking assbag
thanks pete: is your forehead too big for your asshole
cuckles: ur a fuckin cactus bc everything about you makes u a prick
thanks pete: did it hurt when ur mom threw u at a goalpost bc ur head reminded her of a rugby ball
cuckles: at least i have balls
thanks pete: at least i have a dick
cuckles: pat, just bc youve given 1000 people blowjobs doesnt mean u have a dick <3
thanks pete: ur parents were in that group of people xx
cuckles: i fucking hate you
thanks pete: i fucking despise you
dead meme: perfect

Chapter Text

i was tryna update but then ao3 fucking cut my chapter down to a few sentences so i was like "oh fuck that" and tried again but it still didnt do it so i was a lil bit pissed off and now im writing this. let me type out my frustration level but with an angry face with a bunch lf chins

actually no fuck that

anyways ill try and update again to see if it works so this was pointless so just carry on with ur day i guess

bye frens

Chapter Text

daddy dun: ok so
dead meme: so
guidance counsellor ty: so
thanks pete: fuck off w that repeated shit
knuckles: hipocrite
guidance counsellor ty: hi patrick how are u
thanks pete: i feel like shit u asshat
guidance counsellor ty: the fuck u say bout me
thanks pete: ur an asshat
guidance counsellor ty: boi ill beat yo ass you stupid ass bitch boi ill fuckin kill yo sorry ass n ill make u cry ya lil broke bitch ass boi
thanks pete: oi m8 ill beat yo ass harder than u beat mine u fucking asshat boi
daddy dun: SHUT
daddy dun: THE
daddy dun: FUCK
daddy dun: UP
dead meme: oooo
thanks pete: bitch u mine and i stfg if u cheat on me EVER ill hand ur fucking ass to u
knuckles: OOOO DAYMN DIS BIATCH FIESTYYY
moikeh: u sound like a fucking 56 year old woman that tries to sound young bc she likes beyonce
dead meme: HOW FUCKING D A R E YOU INSULT BEYONCE YOU LITTLE SHIT
moikeh: biTCH BEYONCE SUCKS
dead meme: OH FUCK OFF
guidance counsellor ty: would you like a trip to tys office
moikeh: TAKE THAT FUCKING OFFICE AND SHOVE IT UP UR ASS YOU FUCKING DICK TWAT
guidance counsellor ty: i sense an abundance of negativity here

fuckles changed their name to fuck off

fuck off: im here too lmao its lit

Chapter Text

knuckles: WHAT THE FUCC HAPPENED TO MY DANK FRANK
fuck off: lmfao mate u dont understand how lit it is rn
fuck off: fUjtue)-+6363Suoocdffaaaa£9756363338;£geosbrtsb79* *℅$§ ℅$=
fuck off: FOR FUCKS SAKE
fuck off: oo wait hang on

fuck off changed their name to dank frank

knuckles: what u traitor
dank frank: SOMEONE TOOK MY FUCKING PHONE AND STARTED TEXTING SHIT
knuckles: how should i beliebe that
moikeh: ur a belieber
knuckles: fuck you you piece of shet
dank frank: juss truss me
dank frank: wait wheres pete
dead meme: aight m8 what u want
dank frank: rename gerard
knuckles: f u c c

dead meme changed knuckles's name to de wae

de wae: i stfg is this supposed to link to ur name
dead meme: yea
dank frank: ffs ugandan knuckles is fuckin dead
daddy dun: look at all the d's
guidance counsellor ty: fitting cuz ur all a bunch of dicks
de wae: HE DID NOT
dank frank: DID TYLER JUST USE AN INSULT THAT WAS ACTUALLY GOOD
dead meme: find out on the newest episode of the jeremy kyle show
dank frank: *flashes of the new episode* tyler, do you stand by your statement of everyone in your group chat being dicks? yes. *more flashbacks* we have completed the tests. is tyler the father?
daddy dun: daddy dun doesnt think so
guidance counsellor ty: fuck off u little shet

cuckles changed dead meme's name to deremy kyle

cuckles: gotta keep up the ds
deremy kyle: thx buddy

deremy kyle changed cuckles's name to dr endon urie

dr endon urie: henlo i is ur dactor todey
guidance counsellor ty: WHAT THE FUCK
dr endon urie: ooo ur name is loking a beet iall todey tylre

dr endon urie changed guidance counsellor ty's name to die

die: i love it thanks dr endon urie
dank frank: all the ds commence
dr endon urie: d d d d d d
die: d d d d d d
dank frank: d d d d d d
deremy kyle: d d d d d d
de wae: d d d d d d
daddy dun: d d d d d d
dank frank: we must sacrifice one that is not our own
buckles: ok im back from my day trip
daddy dun: did u get tb
buckles: u bet ur sweet ass i got tb
dank frank: S A C R I F I C E
daddy dun: fuck that this bitch got tb

daddy dun changed buckles's name to dry and rinss

dry and rinss: is that a fucking joke about my name
daddy dun: instead of ryan its dry and bc that sounds like ryan haha
dry and rinss: i might not give u tb anymore
daddy dun: w a i t n o

Chapter Text

daddy dun: OK SO I HAVE A PROBLEM
dank frank: we all have problems and ur one of them
daddy dun: FUCK OFF
daddy dun: ANYWAY I HAVE WEETABIX FUCKING STUCK IN MY THROAT AND I CANT GET IT OUT
die: u think thats bad? bitch i have a fuckin mosquito trapped under a glass and idk wtf to do
dry and rinss: e a t i t
die: wtf no
dank frank: josh drink loads
daddy dun: FUCK OFF WITH THAT SHIT IVE NECKED LIKE 20 GALLONS OF FUCKIN MILK
die: its flying around the glass h e l p
dr endon urie: henlo tylr its ur dactor todey
daddy dun: ARE YOU SHITTING ME I NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION
die: fuck off josh i need more help than u just go to tge hospital
daddy dun: I DINT WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL TO GET FUCKING WEETABIX REMOVED FTOM MH THROAT
dry and rinss: ty just eat it
die: it doesnt have my five a day tho
dry and rinss: e a t
dry and rinss: i t
die: no
dry and rinss: a tasty snacc xx
die: i was thinking of drowning it but can mosquitoes drown
dank frank: idk probably
deremy kyle: i think its like fleas that cant drown
daddy dun: I STILL HAVE WEETABIX STUCK IN MY THROAT
die: idk how to help u bc weetabix sucks :/
daddy dun: true but there was nothing else to eat
dank frank: even with a shitload of sugar its still fucking bad
deremy kyle: just stick something down ur throat n wiggle it
daddy dun: o shit good idea
die: ok im back
dank frank: what happened
die: i tried to drown it but there was an air bubble in the cup so it could breathe and then it was able to swim and then it flew away which fucking terrified me
de wae: o shit m8 i just woke up
dead meme: PETES BACK BITCHES
moikeh: ffs why am i here
de wae: where tf is patrick
thanks pete: u called
dead meme: o hi pat
de wae: i fucking hate my name

de wae changed their name to fuck the ds

fuck the ds: fite me bitch
dead meme: *gasp*
die: *inhale*
daddy dun: *exhale*
moikeh: *breath*
dank frank: *the act of inhaling a small or large amount of air and exhaling it in order to function*
deremy kyle: *sigh*
dr endon urie: should i reschedule ur appointments then
fuck the ds: fuck
moikeh: off
die: brendon
dr endon urie: okie :(

Chapter Text

die: right ok so i have a problem
moikeh: everyone always has a fuckin problem like deal with it yourself
die: yeah but i really need your help
dr endon urie: what is it
die: uh
die: me and josh are having an argument
daddy dun: dammit tyler its not a fucking argument
die: weLL WHAT THE FUCK IS IT THEN
daddy dun: ITS A FUCKING DEBATE AND PERSONALLY I THINK MINECRAFT IS BETTER THAN ROBLOX
die: FUCK YOU ROBLOX IS BETTER
moikeh: OI
moikeh: STOP IT
fuck the ds: guys seriously i have to get up at 5am tomorrow stfu
deremy kyle: go to sleep then u asshat
fuck the ds: i can when every five fucking seconds my phones going off
deremy kyle: GERARD ARTHUR WAY PUT YPUR GOD DAMN PHONE ON SILENT
fuck the ds: oh yeah whiips
fuck the ds: waIT NO SHIT I MEANT WHOOPS

moikeh changed fuck the ds's name to whiips

whiips: i hate u all
thanks pete: see now you get it
dry and rinss: haha i just had my first shower in a month i feel great
moikeh: D I S G U S T I N G
whiips: ew
dr endon urie: how did i get so lucky
deremy kyle: ey ryan hit me up ykwis ;)))
die: ROBLOX IS THE BEST FUCKING GAME OK
daddy dun: NO ITS FUCKING NOT MINECRAFT IS SO MUCH BETTER
dry and rinss: right ok so tyler why do u think roblox is better

dry and rinss changed die's name to roblox fan
dry and rinss changed daddy dun's name to minecraft fan

roblox fan: well first it created the OOF meme which is ICONIC. then theres the hd quality graphics which actually contain a variety of shapes. also it has loads of games and u can chat to friends easier. THERE.
minecraft fan: yeah but minecraft has loads of animals that u can name and not fucking lumpy ass abominations. then theres the building which is amazing bc u can create so much more with it. then theres other fucking dimensions u can go into with an entire variety of other monsters. sO THERE.
roblox fan: yea but minecraft doesnt have ways to change ur avatar how u want it to look
minecraft fan: *gasp*
deremy kyle: OK SO EVERYONE BUT TY AND JOSH SAY R FOR ROBLOX OR M FIR MINECRAFT
whiips: r
moikeh: r
dry and rinss: m
dr endon urie: r
dank frank: r
dead meme: m
deremy kyle: *cough cough* m *cough cough*
roblox fan: ROBLOX IS BETTER JOSH SO THERE HAHA U SQUARE ASS FUCKER
minecraft fan: FUCC U GUYS

minecraft fan changed roblox fan's name to yiff

yiff: that was fucking random
minecraft fan: ik but the yiff
yiff: ok
minecraft fan: what if roblox and minecraft were both good
yiff: o shit u rite

yiff changed minecraft fan's name to jiff

jiff: frens
yiff: no
yiff: gay frens
jiff: ye
deremy kyle: fuck im crying
dank frank: im so emotional rn holy shit
whiips: guys i have to get up in fifteen minutes and i havent slept all night
moikeh: shit so do i
yiff: u cant wake up if u never fell asleep in the first place
jiff: shit he right
dr endon urie: ...
dr endon urie: why tf do u need to get up at five am
whiips: bc were goin to a magical place
yiff: narnia
moikeh: shit he got it
whiips: fuck
deremy kyle: is it bc u actually wanted a decent nights sleep so u had to pretend u were going somewhere
whiips: ...
moikeh: ...
whiips: nah m8 were goin australia
moikeh: DAMMIT GERARD WE WERENT SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM
whiips: haha oops
moikeh: ffs i cant trust u with anything
whiips: im hurt ngl
moikeh: u should be

Chapter Text

yiff: so
deremy kyle: dont u fucking dare u braindead earthworm
yiff: wow ok hello to u too
deremy kyle: bih stfu
dank frank: BEEF
jiff: CHEESE
dead meme: LETTUCE
dry and rinss: TACO BELL
jiff: i love word association games
yiff: how many fucking times have we said that joke
dr endon urie: fuck off im in class
yiff: holy shit
yiff: when did brendon start caring about his education
dry and rinss: not for long
jiff: tf
dry and rinss: BEENDON ASSERT UR DOMINANCE TO THE TEACHERS

dr endon urie changed their name to beendon

beendon: AAAAAAAAAAAAA
jiff: wtf
jiff: wait hang on a min i gotta film this shit
yiff: what the fucks goin on
deremy kyle: idfk
yiff: we need patrick
deremy kyle: on it
deremy kyle: PETRACK STIMP
thanks pete: s u m m o n e d
dead meme: holy shit

deremy kyle changed thanks pete's name to petrick stimp

petrick stimp: now my children, what is it u need me to help with
yiff: brendon is apparently asserting dominance in class
petrick stimp: i need evidence
yiff: JUSH DAN

yiff changed jiff's name to jush dan

jush dan sent a video [tap to view]

petrick stimp: ok. brendon, why the fuck did you jump on to your desk, stand completely straight and stick out your arms while screaming "je mange des bébés", before getting sent to detention
beendon: i needed to assert dominance
petrick stimp: k
jush dan: is that it
yiff: yeah, we're out of ideas
jush dan: oh hell fuckin no
jush dan: DESPAYEETO 3
yiff: josh, just stop
jush dan: fuck
petrick stimp: fuck it

petrick stimp changed yiff's name to tylur jasiph

tylur jasiph: u wot
petrick stimp: stfu im concentrating

petrick stimp changed beendon's name to brondin erai

brondin erai: ello i is hea to seel you sum flooers

petrick stimp changed deremy kyle's name to pati wuntz
petrick stimp changed moikeh's name to makuy wey
petrick stimp changed whiips's name to garurd wey
petrick stimp changed dry and rinss's name to ryin ress

petrick stimp: fuck it im done
ryin ress: i think gerard and mikey are still in the plane
pati wuntz: are we all going to ignore the art that is my name
brondin erai: ahem
tylur jasiph: absolutely gorgeous honay
ryin ress: shut the fuck up tyler
tylur jasiph: fuck off u weird ass gross lookin ass bitch ill shoot ur family
ryin ress: bih
brondin erai: my mom explained gay sex to me when i was 7
jush dan: im more concerned at how brendon literally just yelled "i eat babies" while t posing on a desk in front of our french teacher
ryin ress: shit

Chapter Text

HOLY FUCK I CANT RN TØP HAVE ENDED THE HIATUS IM ACTUALLY FUCKING CRYING OH MY GOD

JUMPSUIT AND NICO AND THE NINERS ARE PIECES OF ART AND THE REST OF THE ALBUM WILL BE AS WELL HOLY FUCKKKKKK

JUMPSUIT IS #1 ON TRENDING ON YOUTUBE OMFG

IM SCREAMING

I FUCKING CANT WITH THE WAY HE SCREAMS IN JUMPSUIT AND HOW FAST HE RAPS IN NICO AND THE NINERS

I LOVE YOU TYLER AND JOSH HOLY SHIT
I CANT FUCKING WAIT FOR THE ENTIRE ALBUM

H O L Y F U C K

(also i guess tyler really likes his jumpsuit haha but hOLY FUCK IS THIS REAL LIFE?)

 

anyways, overreaction over, enjoy your day and i will update soon EDIT: I CANT FUCKING BREATHE ANYMORE OH MY FUCKING GOD I GOT TICKETS TO SEE TØP IN MANCHESTER ON MARCH 2ND 2019 HOLY SHIIT also yes, i am british fite me ANYWAY im gonna update tomorrow because according to me "i will update soon" means dont update for over a fucking week im gonna go outside to refill my lungs with oxygen, ill update tomorrow and have a noice day bc hOLY FUCKLESSS

Chapter Text

ryin ress: WADDUP BITCHEEEES
jush dan: wtf are u gonna get starbucks or something
brondin erai: lol hopefully bc bITCH I AM THIRSTAY
pati wuntz: oh my fucking god please kill me
tylur jasiph: what the fuck
tylur jasiph: what the fuck
tylur jasiph: what the fuck dude
tyler jasiph: you're messed up
petrick stimp: stfu tyler no one cares
tylur jasiph: fuck u
makuy wey: is everyone just going to ignore the fact that ryan is malfunctioning
garurd wey: lmfao ryans a fucking robot

jush dan changed ryin ress's name to robot ryan

robot ryan: i didnt ask for this
jush dan: shut up rysn its beautiful
jush dan: shit i meant ryqn
jush dan: fuck i mean rydn
makuy wey: haha ryden
jush dan: FUCKK i mean ryen
jush dan: ffs i mean rywn
jush dan: FUCKING FINGER A GOOSE
tylur jasiph: the fuck?
jush dan: I MEAN RYZN
jush dan: FUCKING FUUUUUUUUCK
jush dan: I MEAN FUCKING RYXN
jush dan: R Y A N FUCKING R O S S
garurd wey: holy shit man
petrick stimp: I CANT FUCKING BREATH
brondin erai: "R Y A N FUCKING R O S S" - Joshua William Dun
tylur jasiph: "FUCKING FINGER A GOOSE" - Joshua William Dun
pati wuntz: stop with the fucking quotes you absolute fucking plebs
brondin erai: wait a minute can we just take a moment to appreciate how tyler managed to rhyme up with fuck
petrick stimp: stfu fuck rhymes with everything
pati wuntz: buck
tylur jasiph: chuck
garurd wey: duck
robot ryan: luck
jush dan: muck
makuy wey: haha my username thing sounds like that one dude from south park
petrick stimp: god fucking dammit mikey ill never be able to unsee/unhear that
tylur jasiph: gerard arthur way control your uncultured swine of a brother
garurd wey: bish why
tylur jasiph: "that one dude from south park" bITCH I THINK THATS MR MACKEY YOU PIECE OF SHIT
makuy wey: SHUTTHEFUCKUPIKNEWTHAT
robot ryan: anyone notice how tyler always gets into arguments here
brondin erai: holy shit u fuckin rite
jush dan: tyler ya fuckin plum stop fighting or ill take away ur taco bell voucher
tylur jasiph: o shit sorry
jush dan: u better fucking be
garurd wey: i fucking love how tyler didnt even deny it
tylur jasiph: honesty is the best policy for this wonderful, clean group chat :)
robot ryan: SON OF A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH MY FUCKING TOE FUCKING DICK BITCH COCK DIDDLY DARN GOSH HECKING DARNIT CRAP
tylur jasiph: you've crossed the fucking line
garurd wey: i smell hipocrisy
jush dan: at least we're all honest
brondin erai: im smert
jush dan: just throw that out the window why dont you
pati wuntz: asshat
petrick stimp: *tips fedora in disappointment*
pati wuntz: o shit hes using asterisks ur fucked now brendon
brondin erai: oh noes (T~T)
garurd wey: put that weeb shit away RIGHT FUCKING NOW
brondin erai: UnU s-sorry senpai... *blushes*
garurd wey: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU FUCKING TWAT
brondin erai: OwO ooh!~ senpai is so coot when hes angry~
garurd wey: YOU WANNA PULL THAT WEEB SHIT HUH? ILL CAVE YOUR SKULL IN THEN SHOOT YOU IN THE LEG THEN ILL FUCK THE BULLET WOUND
pati wuntz: woah
petrick stimp: calm down there BUDDY
garurd wey: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
brondin erai: i regret nothing

Chapter Text

pati wuntz: guys i have a test tomorrow
robot ryan: oh fuck do we all have tests
tylur jasiph: shit shit shit
pati wuntz: the fitness gram pacer test is a multi-stage arabic capacity test
petrick stimp: i fucking hate you
jush dan: i fel like he worded it wrong
robot ryan: PETE FUCKING WENTZ I WANT TO PUT YOU IN A BATH WITH A TOASTER
pati wuntz: it wouldnt kill me...
robot ryan: tf? yes it fucking would dumbass
pati wuntz: no, id be in an empty bath with a toaster that isnt even plugged in
garurd wey: o shit guess whos back
brondin erai: me too motherfuckers
robot ryan: SON OF A BITCH
brondin erai: DAUGHTER OF A DICK
jush dan: FATHER OF A lovely person
garurd wey: MOTHER OF another lovely person
tylur jasiph: so its just the parents that suck
makuy wey: so how did they raise decent children
pati wuntz: oh shit hes right
petrick stimp: brendon can i ask u a favor
brondin erai: i DoNt KnOw, CaN yOu?
petrick stimp: yea
brondin erai: shit ok
petrick stimp: can you please kICK PETE FOR USING THE WORST FUCKING MEMES
brondin erai: i DoNt KnOw, CaN i?
petrick stimp: yes you fucking wet towel
pati wuntz: H A L T
robot ryan: *gasps*
tylur jasiph: sHITS GOING DOOOOOWN
jush dan: *bursts through door* HEEEERES PETEY
garurd wey: stfu u mug
jush dan: fuk off
brondin erai: ok shhhhhhhhhhhh u pomegranates shits happening
tylur jasiph: NO NO NO POMEGRANATES
brondin erai: im torn, lads
brondin erai: do i kill pete or destroy patrick? VOTE NOW FOR YOUR CHANCE TO WIN A FREE GOLDFISH
garurd wey: holy fucking shit
petrick stimp: fuckin GET RID OF PETE
brondin erai: no
petrick stimp: why not
brondin erai: i dont have a goldfish
tylur jasiph: bitch you are a goldfish
makuy wey: shrekpacito

brondin erai removed makuy wey from holy fuck lads shits goin down

garurd wey: holy shit its been so fucking long since we changed the group name
brondin erai: oh fuk u rite lol

brondin erai changed the group name to how bout u fuck off

tylur jasiph: it has gained my approval
garurd wey: anyways aDD MIKEY BACK YOU FUCKING WET SOCK IN A PILLOWCASE
brondin erai: the fuck?
garurd wey: DO IT YA FUCKIN PRICK

brondin erai added makuy wey to how bout u fuck off

makuy wey: i have seen unspeakable things
petrick stimp: bitch ive seen petes dick how the fuck do u think i feel
makuy wey: worse than me probably
petrick stimp: exactly
petrick stimp: dickhead
makuy wey: aww :(
tylur jasiph: patrick isnt joking around anymore lads
jush dan: aw shit
robot ryan: i wasted my best material on that shithead
petrick stimp: """""best"""""" material
robot ryan: fuck off
petrick stimp: not today bitch
tylur jasiph: heard ya say
tylur jasiph: not today
garurd wey: shut up
tylur jasiph: k bb
jush dan: are u cheating on me
tylur jasiph: nah bitch lol
jush dan: oh ok then lmao we good fam
robot ryan: i swear to god i wanna fuckin die
garurd wey: dont we all

Chapter Text

brondin erai: shut uuuuup
robot ryan: no one said anything?
tylur jasiph: shut the fuck up you twat bag looking dickwinkles
jush dan: everyones so fucking hostile like calm tf down
garurd wey: stooop i coulda dropped my croissant
makuy wey: rOaD wOrK aHeAd? Uh YeAh I sUrE hOpE iT dOeS
tylur jasiph: honest to fucking god

brondin erai removed garurd wey from how bout u fuck off
brondin erai removed makuy wey from how bout u fuck off

brondin erai: everthing fucking suckss

tylur jasiph changed their name to guidance counsellor ty

guidance counsellor ty: guess whos back bITCHEEES

brondin erai removed guidance counsellor ty from how bout u fuck off

jush dan: holy shit brendon calm down
brondin erai: fuck off
jush dan: wAIT DONT FUCKING REMOVE ME

brondin erai removed jush dan from how bout u fuck off

brondin erai: everythings gone to shit
robot ryan: how?
brondin erai: it just has. u wouldnt understand
robot ryan: whatever it is, well support you
pati wuntz: seriously ive nevsr seen him like this
brondin erai: just leave me alone.
robot ryan: not until you tell us and add ty, josh, gerard and mikey back
brondin erai: fuck you

brondin erai added guidance counsellor ty, jush dan, garurd wey and makuy wey to how bout u fuck off

guidance counsellor ty changed their name to toylor

toylor: i had to
jush dan: stfu ty brendons fuckin upset
brondin erai: YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
robot ryan: BRENDON BOYD URIE, TELL US WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON YOU STALE HAM SANDWICH
brondin erai: no. go away.
toylor: brendon please
toylor: were worried.
jush dan: whatevers happende, were here for u
garurd wey: please
makuy wey: we wont judge you
brondin erai: ...fine
brondin erai: the thing is...
brondin erai: I dropped my fucking taco bell voucher in the toilet
toylor: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW
jush dan: OHHH MY FUCKING GOD I HATE YOU
makuy wey: gerard just slammed his head on to his desk
makuy wey: look

makuy wey sent an image [tap to view]

robot ryan: BRENDON BOYD URIE I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE YOU
brondin erai: IM CRYINH OG MY FUCKIG GOOOOD THIS IS PTICELESS
toylor: i think gerard is bleeding
petrick stimp: what did we expect from brendon urie of all people
pati wuntz: good point to be fair
toylor: is everyone goinf to ignore gerard
garurd wey: oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
makuy wey: dw tyler he just rammed his head into a bottle of ketchup hes fine
toylor: it doesnt fucking sound like it
makuy wey: true but its gerard, what can we
do
brondin erai: ur all losers lmfaooooooooo
brondin erai: wait
pati wuntz: fuck you
brondin erai: stfu someones ib my house
brondin erai: im gonna record it
brondin erai: OH MY GCJOCIDJTDIV J CVK KvnfjjfxhjgtiiyhfjFUTJCN,CN$°{°
pati wuntz: wtf
makuy wey: holy shit
garurd wey: p e n i s
toylor: shut up

brondin erai sent a video [tap to view]

robot ryan: hell be fine dw lads
jush dan: DID YOU BREAK HIS FUCKING NOSE
robot ryan: probably
toylor: wow
toylor: all of this bc of a tb voucher
toylor: moral of the story: taco bell ruins lives
petrick stimp: we've sunk to a new low
jush dan: isnt it great
petrick stimp: not in my opinion
jush dan: careful or ryan might bREAK YOUR MOTHERFUCKING NOSE
petrick stimp: SHIT

Chapter Text

right so youre probably wondering why i didnt update for a week
good question, but unfortunately i dont have a fucking good excuse other than my pure stupidity

hERES WHAT FUCKIN HAPPENED:

ok so i was going camping for a week and i was like "oh i should probably update before the trip" but then my stupid ass thought "eh there will probably be wifi at the campsite" bITCH WHAT
so i didnt update on the sunday and when i left on monday it was like "surprise bitch, youre retarded bc theres no way there will be wifi at the bloody campsite"
so then i had to feel guilty as fuck for not updating because i was stupid and thought a FUCKING CAMPSITE WOULD HAVE WIFI BITCH WTF

so anyways
ill do two updates on the monday and two updates on the friday and then were back to normal

 

honest to god what campsite has wifi
also i hate camping
haha
i hate myself sometimes

Chapter Text

jush dan: RIGHT.
jush dan: WHO FUCKING DID IT
petrick stimp: please dont pull a brendon on us now
brondin erai: oi
toylor: im so sorry josh
jush dan: TYLER ROBERT JOSEPH, TAKING MY PHONE AND TELLING MY FUCKING MOM THAT I FUCKED MY DAD CANNOT BE FIXED WITH IM SORRY
toylor: im still fucking crying
toylor: her response was just "so did i, josh" and i fucking lost it
petrick stimp: holy shit ty
robot ryan: did you take pictures
toylor: one

toylor sent an image [tap to view]

garurd wey: iM CRYINH OMFG
toylor: so am i, gerard
garurd wey: DONT DO THIS TO ME
brondin erai: i still havent forgiven u ryan
robot ryan: just get a new sniffer, retard
brondin erai: where the fuck do i get a new nose
robot ryan: frOM THE FUCKING SNIFFER SHOP SHITHEAD
brondin erai: BITCH THERES NO SUCH THING

pati wuntz sent an image [tap to view]

pati wuntz: bye losers
makuy wey: is everyone gonna ignore the situation josh is in rn
brondin erai: are you fucking serious
robot ryan: see
robot ryan: theres the sniffer shop
garurd wey: IM STILL LAUGHING
jush dan: i fucking hate you tyler
toylor: bitch as fucking if
jush dan: seriously
toylor: you know you love me ;)
jush dan: ill break your arms xx
toylor: damn no need to be *lip smacc* s a l t y
jush dan: dont fucking tempt me
jush dan: dickhead
garurd wey: oi josh
jush dan: what you salted caramel twat
garurd wey: s o d i d i, j o s h
brondin erai: lmfao
brondin erai: also that sniffer shop is for drugs
robot ryan: uh, yadoy?
makuy wey: tf
robot ryan: ffs
robot ryan: ya dont say?
brondin erai: if u kbow how i feel, why would u say that
petrick stimp: psssst brendon
brondin erai: dont do a josh dun on me now
jush dan: OI
petrick stimp: g e t a n e w f u c k i n g s n i f f e r
brondin erai: ITS NOT THST FUCKIN EASY ALRIGHT
toylor: road work ahead
toylor: uh yeah i sure hope it does
makuy wey: shut the goose duck chicken pigeon whale swan ostrich up
petrick stimp: one of those doesn't belong
garurd wey: i GENUINELY CANT BREATHE
garurd wey: IM SCARED NOW
jush dan: suffocate
makuy wey: asphyxiate
petrick stimp: mikey you're gerard's brother and you're telling him ti asphyxiate
makuy wey: tbf tho it is gerard were talking about
dank frank: HOLY SHIT GUESS WHOS BACK YOU SHIT EATING MOTHERFUCKERS
toylor: OH MY FUCKING GOD FRANKS ALIVE

toylor changed dank frank's name to lord fenk

lord fenk: I HAVE BEEN SUMMONED
garurd wey: MY LOVE
petrick stimp: name a more iconic duo. ill wait
makuy wey: this is nearly more romantic than romeo and juliet
brondin erai: nearly?
makuy wey: *loads cannon* it must be done
lord fenk: FRONKY DONKEY IS BACK BITCHES
toylor: this is more exciting than when our hiatus ended
robot ryan: tyler. stop it.
toylor: we need a couple fourth wall breaks every once in a while, ryan
toylor: how else would we weird the reader out?
robot ryan: sHUT UP
toylor: k
jush dan: this just got weird
lord fenk: god fucking dammit tyler
toylor: :)
garurd wey: wtf are they on about
makuy wey: idfk
brondin erai: me neither
garurd wey: fRANKS BAAACK AND IM STILL DYING BC OF SO DID I, JOSH

brondin erai renamed the group chat to so did i, josh

jush dan: fuck off u twats
brondin erai: you love us and you know it
jush dan: i only love lord fenk
lord fenk: good peasant
toylor: im fucking betrayed
robot ryan: theres something between you two
toylor: i know
toylor: a FOURTH wall
robot ryan: STOP IT TYLER
toylor: ;)

Chapter Text

lord fenk: yooooo its fuckin christmad ladz
toylor: frank, i need to tell you...
lord fenk: oh shit wot
toylor: ...
toylor: ITS FUCKING AUGUST DIPSHIT
robot ryan: you called
toylor: ryan dont doubt yourself sweetie youre not a dipshit
robot ryan: thanks?
toylor: youre just shit
robot ryan: ding ding ding, there it fuckin is
jush dan: o shit ello
garurd wey: *whispers* s o d i d i, j o s h
jush dan: FOR FUCKS SAKE LET IT GO GERARD YOU MOTHERFUCKER
garurd wey: NO YOU FATHERFUCKER
brondin erai: oh fuck he got u there josh
petrick stimp: hello you fucking fruit baskets, i would like to bring a sprinkle of innocence here. whats the best pie?
toylor: apple
jush dan: semen
garurd wey: your dads semen
jush dan: stfu dickhead
brondin erai: potato pie
garurd wey: pumpkin pie motherfuckers
makuy wey: none
makuy wey: pie is literal shit
petrick stimp: fucking hell
petrick stimp: only tyler and gerard were reasonable here
pati wuntz: fUCKING GUMMY BEAR PIE
petrick stimp: fuck yes
lord fenk: noooo chrimad pye
petrick stimp: frank are you fucking drunk

pati wuntz changed lord fenk's name to chrimad pye

lord fenk: I suppose I should admit to the consumption of liquids containing a high amount of alcohol and that I would prefer to be more cautious of consuming alcoholic beverages in a short amount of time in the near future.

pati wuntz changed chrimad pye's name to albert fuckin einstein

petrick stimp: holy shit frank
albert fuckin einstein: You appear to be troubled by my previous statement. May I ask why?
toylor: you're under the influence of alcohol and you don't usually act like this so it's considered unnatural for you to speak more civilized regarding the current conditions you're in
albert fuckin einstein: I understand this may be a foreign situation to you all (with the exception of Tyler at the moment,) but I do hope you avoid treating me any differently.
pati wuntz: TYLER AND FRANK ARE BROKEN
makuy wey: speak english pls
albert fuckin einstein: I do believe I am already speaking the English language, unless you would prefer me to communicate in a different one?
toylor: dont, frank
makuy wey: sOMEONE GET HIM SOBER
garurd wey: im on it
brondin erai: wtf is happening
toylor: brendon, remove frank for a minute until gerard sobers him up

brondin erai removed albert fuckin einstein from so did i, josh

makuy wey: gerard are you done yet
garurd wey: ive just arrived at his house
garurd wey: i put him in the bath and turned the shower on
garurd wey: he hit me really fuckin hard on my arm
brondin erai: shit u alright m8
garurd wey: yee
toylor: im thinkin wow, you probably shoulda stayed inside your house
jush dan: shut up tyjo
toylor: no jishwa
garurd wey: how bout you both shut up
jush dan: fuck off
toylor: yeah ya prick

brondin erai added albert fuckin einstein to so did i, josh

pati wuntz: so..?
albert fuckin einstein: yooooo holy shit i just figured out whump is a fuckin word lmao
pati wuntz: mission successful bitches
robot ryan: ITS 1 FUCKING AM JESUS
robot ryan: DID FRANK NOT HAVE ADULT SUPERVISION
robot ryan: IM HEAVILY CONCERNED
albert fuckin einstein: wooooah do i have super vision
albert fuckin einstein: sick
robot ryan: NO FRANK NO
albert fuckin einstein: bitch im fuckin albert einstein who tf is frank
robot ryan: frank is so fucked
albert fuckin einstein: no hes not, hes frank
garurd wey: lmfao
brondin erai: 'hi hungry, im dad' frank iero edition
jush dan: i cant wait for him to see this tomorrow
toylor: me neither, josh
garurd wey: IM WHEEZING

Chapter Text

ok so i didnt update on monday bc my mums sick and in need of surgery and my anxiety has been through the fucking roof lately

just to clarify, however:
*clears throat*
THIS FIC IS NOT FUCKING OVER AND IT WONT BE FOR A LONG ASS TIME OK

i just need a break until monday

then ill do spontaneous updates to make up for the two weeks of the schedule that ive missed :D
i fucking hate myself haha

but just know that theres only like 51 days left until trench so uh stay frosty (royal milk tea)

anyways, have a good day and ill be back soon

Chapter Text

pati wuntz: hey
pati wuntz: hey
pati wuntz: hEY
pati wuntz: ffs im being reasonable here
pati wuntz: its 1pm are you kidding me
makuy wey: bitch do you expect us to be awake at this ungodly hour?
pati wuntz: MOST PEOPLE HAVE JUST HAD LUNCH
makuy wey: you mean breakfast?
pati wuntz: i will use the fucking weapon
makuy wey: there is no need for violence, pete
pati wuntz: FUCK YOU

pati wuntz is calling so did i, josh [tap to answer]

makuy wey joined the call!

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING ASSHOLE"

makuy wey left the call!

pati wuntz ended the call!

garurd wey: WHAT THE FUCK MIKEY
makuy wey: PETE CALLED THE FUCKIN GROUO CHAY AND IM MAD
garurd wey: PETE WTF
pati wuntz: OH YEAH MR KRABS
toylor: PETE YOU ABSOLUTE PIECE OF SHIT
pati wuntz: u salty man
pati wuntz: its like someone poured salt on u, then vinegar, then more salt and then put a lil more on there. thats how salty u are rn bitch
toylor: FUCK OFF
jush dan: who dared wake me from my afternoon slumber
brondin erai: who
brondin erai: the fuck
brondin erai: SUMMONED ME
robot ryan: i think i just pissed myself oh fuck
pati wuntz: lmfao really
robot ryan: no you gullible dickhead
albert fuckin einstein: why are we blaming pete by hinself? mikeys the one that screamed 'stfu you fuckin asshole'
brondin erai: *360 head turn*
makuy wey: oh FECK
brondin erai: R E E T
makuy wey: is startled
brondin erai: is pissed
toylor: WAIT HANG ON

toylor changed brondin erai's name to brondin ea

toylor: how much do i owe you for changing your name
brondin ea: $10.99
toylor: god fucking dammit
robot ryan: press f to pay respects
pati wuntz: where tf is batty patty
petrick stimp: right here and if you ever call me that again you're gonna be beaty petey
pati wuntz: :(
jush dan: ill ask again.
jush dan: WHO THE FUCK WOKE ME FROM MY SLUMBER
makuy wey: pete
jush dan: yeet the pete
toylor: and tickle his feet lmfao
garurd wey: what the fuck tyler
toylor: ;))))))
brondin ea: oh hell fucking nah
toylor: oh hell fucking yes bitch
jush dan: oh fuck i just burnt my motherfucking chips
garurd wey: how
jush dan: i put them in a fire pit
garurd wey: WHAT THE FUCK DID U THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN DIPSHIT
jush dan: oh idk... maybe you'd smell my burning love for you xx
garurd wey: ...
toylor: wanna run that by me again bitch?

jush dan sent an an audio [tap to listen]

makuy wey: *insert to be continued arrow here*
toylor: BOI ILL BEAT YO UGLY FUCKIN ASS BITCH DONT YOU EVEN COME NEAR ME WITH THAT SHIT CHUMP BOI
jush dan: IM CRYING
garurd wey: *whispers* s o a m i , j o s h
jush dan: fuck u
brondin ea: k thatll be $700.50 for me talking to u guys like seven times sooo yea pay up losers
albert fucking einstein: fuk u m8 im keeping the money
brondin ea: who the fuck let you play the sims 4 huh? thats right, me. pay up you piece a shit
albert fuckin einstein: bummer :(
brondin ea: well maybe you should've thought about that before making your character fuck the grim reaper
albert fuckin einstein: WE WERE DEVELOPING OUR RELATIONSHIP OK
garurd wey: bitch you better not
brondin ea: he fucking did bitch. sorry, now all of you, PAY THE FUCK UP
albert fuckin einstein: *cries silently, deleting my sims 4 game and destroying my lost love for the grim reaper*
brondin ea: boo fuckin hoo motherfucker
garurd wey: pumpkin pie motherfucker
toylor: you said that twice now you fuckin drainpipe
garurd wey: p u m p k i n p i e m o t h e r f u c k e r

brondin ea changed their name to ea

ea: IM LOSING MY PATIENCE, BITCHES
jush dan: the wizard of ounces
ea: no
albert fuckin einstein: fuck u ea
ea: ouch my feelings
toylor: ouch my wallet
ea: stfu and pay me
garurd wey: you sound a lil dodgy, brendon
ea: oh
ea: oH
ea: OH
ea: O H
pati wuntz: whoops
robot ryan: please shut up in trying to study
jush dan: since when lmao
robot ryan: since i got tired of your bullshit
makuy wey: oOH KILL EM
robot ryan: shut the fuck up twitdickshitstick
makuy wey: what the fuk
robot ryan: ITS YOUR FAULT WERE UP AT SUCH AN UNGODLY TIME
pati wuntz: ITS 2PM NOW FOR GODS SAKE
toylor: un-fucking-godly, pete.
pati wuntz: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Chapter Text

toylor changed ea's name to the weeb

the weeb: OwO *blushes* whats this???
toylor: im out
toylor: everyone else can deal with brendon weeb
the weeb: b-but tyler-kun, i love you!! >W<
toylor: fuck off ya nonce
pati wuntz: senpai??? ^W^
garurd wey: TYLER GET YO ASS BACK HERE AND FIX THIS SHIT
the weeb: T^T *sniffles* y-you dont mean that, d-do you gerard-kun?
garurd wey: yes i fucking do you absolute twat bat

garurd wey changed the weeb's name to nonce

pati wuntz: i have been c u r e d
nonce: hey there bois
nonce: i wrote this song for u
nonce: lippity smacc cuz ur a snacc 7U7
robot ryan: gerard you did not help this situation at all
garurd wey: bih ur mom didnt help when she gave birth to you
jush dan: m e g a o o f
nonce: oufé
pati wuntz: *hits blunt* if smoking's so bad, why does it cure salmon
robot ryan: i am confusion
nonce: nah m8 ur dead
robot ryan: good point
albert fuckin einstein: o shit waddup
jush dan: never say that again or i'll fucking body you
jush dan: BUSTER
garurd wey: lmfao im cryinh
robot ryan: who tf says theyll body someone
jush dan: m8 ill spin your jaw
nonce: *wheexe*

garurd wey changed nonce's name to wheexe

wheexe: sounds like a shitty fortnite youtuber
jush dan: im an emotionless husk
garurd wey: so am i, josh
jush dan: right, listen here you pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, and i mean a lot of fuckin mayo, shut the fuck up

wheexe changed garurd wey's name to pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo

pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo: oh for fucks sake
jush dan: LMFAO
robot ryan: emotionless husk who
jush dan: shit
jush dan: i mean its not funny or whatever
robot ryan: fuck hes good
jush dan: ive been told ;))))
robot ryan: WTF JOSHUA
jush dan: what? just bc i can make a damn good sandwich
jush dan: specifically a pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo
pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo: fuck off dickhead
jush dan: thats revenge for "so did i, josh"
toylor: little did he know that i was the cause
wheexe: wtf
makuy wey: right im gonna be pete for a sec
makuy wey: you do know its like 7:26pm right
makuy wey: MY BEDTIME WAS 26 MINUTES AGO SO STFU
albert fuckin einstein: bitch mine was 1hr 26mins ago but am i complaining? no. stop being a brat, mikey
makuy wey: IM TIRED LEAVE ME ALONE OR IM TELLING MY MOM
pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo: mikey no ill get in trouble for being up past 7pm
toylor: whos being serious and who isnt
makuy wey: just bc u go to bed at 8:30pm, doesnt mean ur better than us tyler
toylor: dONT BRING MY BEDTIME INTO THIS
petrick stimp: what you lot dont realise is that im heavily superior to all of you...
petrick stimp: I GO TO BED AT 9:00PM
wheexe: he... he cannot be human. he is too powerful for a mortal being.
petrick stimp: BOW DOWN TO YOUR LEADER
toylor: bitch u wear a fucking fedora, i think the fuck not
petrick stimp: and you wear a beanie
toylor: OH SOMEBODY BOUTA GET FUCKED UP
pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo: come on now, dont get ur twinkies in a twist ;)
toylor: sorry josh, gerards rules :/
jush dan: scuse me, wHAT
toylor: scuse me, could ya please leave?

petrick stimp changed their name to holey bibble

holey bibble: i am jesis
albert fuckin einstein: you spelt idiot wrong
holey bibble: WHEEXE URIE
wheexe: yes
holey bibble: banish him to the timeout corner.
wheexe: right away sir

wheexe changed albert fuckin einstein to dunce

wheexe muted dunce

toylor: YOU COULD MUTE US THIS ENTIRE TIME
wheexe: i too have power
jush dan: we're all unbelievably fucked
holey bibble: so, tyler, what were you saying about my fedora?
toylor: its good
toylor: its a good hat
holey bibble: thats what i thought
holey bibble: piece of mouldy bread
toylor: im quaking
pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo: holey bibble. we meet again.
holey bibble: well, pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo, how nice it is of you to show up
pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo: RELEASE FRANK NOW, YOU FEDORA WEARING THOT
toylor: who tf says thot now
holey bibble: QUIET, TYLER
holey bibble: WHEEXE, DO IT.
pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo: WAIT, BRENDON DONT DO IT
pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo: ILL GIVE YOU MY CHEETOS TOMORROW AT LUNCH
wheexe: ooh good deal
wheexe: fuck off pat, ive met a real man

wheexe unmuted dunce

wheexe changed holey bibble's name to virgin

virgin: NOOOOO, MY POWER
pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo: THE VILLAIN HAS BEEN DEFEATED
wheexe: fuckin love cheetos
robot ryan: i got cheese whiz
wheexe: well done ryan

wheexe changed robot ryan's name to cheese whiz

dunce: well
dunce: this was an experience and a half

Chapter Text

pickle jelly sandwich with mayo, like, a lot of fuckin mayo changed their name to ham and gees sandwich

ham and gees sandwich: perfect
dunce: could you dont im listening to the radio
toylor: but my taste in music is your FACE
jush dan: WoUlD yOu LiKe Am Or FMMM
dunce: stfu
wheexe: who tf listens to the radio
wheexe: btw gerard damn those cheetos were fuckin good
ham and gees sandwich: dont you fucking dare
virgin: im still pissed bout this
cheese whiz: ONLY ONE CAN BE THE CHEESE
ham and gees sandwich: what u gonna do bout it huh
cheese whiz: ill get brendon to mute u
ham and gees sandwich: go on, do it then. no balls.
cheese whiz: BRENDON BOYD URIE MUTE GERARD ARTHUR WAY
wheexe: nah m8 he gave me cheetos. he got my respect man
cheese whiz: brendon we're literally dating
wheexe: gotta respect the cheetos fam
cheese whiz: dickhead
ham and gees sandwich: lmfao
wheexe: we cool tho ryan
cheese whiz: no im breaking up with u bc u wont mute gerard bc we both reference cheese
cheese whiz: YES WE'RE COOL BRENDON
wheexe: tbh that does sound like something you'd break up with me over
cheese whiz: m8 ill leave the band
[sorry lmaooo i had to - from the not very sorry author]
wheexe: tf what band
toylor: BITCH U TOLD ME OFF FOR THE FOURTH WALL BREAKS WTF
cheese whiz: yea but its me innit
toylor: never say 'innit' again ffs
cheese whiz: innit
toylor: *breaks chair*

wheexe added Dallon Weekes to so did i, josh

Dallon Weekes: what the fuck
toylor: WHO TF IS THIS BITCH

wheexe changed Dallon Weekes's name to dandy dallon

dandy dallon: what the fuck
ham and gees sandwich: o shit hello
dandy dallon: knowledgen't
wheexe: right this is the really tall bloke called dallon
dandy dallon: who tf are u
wheexe: im everyone's favorite bussy boppin beebo
dandy dallon: brendon urie?
wheexe: thats the one
jush dan: whom has entered
toylor: *prepares sniper rifle*
dandy dallon: WHO TF IS HERE I ONLY KNOW BRENDON
pati wuntz: look at our fucking names
virgin: exactl- wAIT

virgin changed their name to fobby bobby

fobby bobby: im patrick stump (NOT A VIRGIN OK DONT BULLY ME OR ILL TELL ME FOOKIN MATES AND THEYLL CAVE YOUR SKULL IN)
dandy dallon: k
toylor: im fuck off, im staying anonymous

wheexe changed toylor's name to tylerrjoseph

tylerrjoseph: fucking hell brendon
wheexe: anyone else wanna hide their fuckin identity
dunce: im frank *insert random vowels here*
wheexe: and one consonant
tylerrjoseph: ffs its frank iero
dandy dallon: lmao looks like somethin ur left with at the end of scrabble
dunce: OH YOU ASS EATING PRICK
tylerrjoseph: stfu u two
dunce: ok mom
pati wuntz: INTRODUCTION DAY GONE WRONG *emotional*
dandy dallon: bitch i aint a cannibal
dunce: u look like one
cheese whiz: dallon
dandy dallon: wot bitch
cheese whiz: brendons dick looks like a soggy rice krispy
dandy dallon: LMFAO

wheexe muted cheese whiz

ham and gees sandwich: you're lucky, dallon. back in our day, we didnt know brendon could mute people
dandy dallon: rip

pati wuntz changed their name to meaty petey

meaty petey: oi patrick
fobby bobby: no
meaty petey: dont u wanna see my meaty mcpetey
fobby bobby: once is too many times, pete
meaty petey: but he loves u
dandy dallon: no one here wants a threeway, please stop
tylerrjoseph: lmao
jush dan: u sure, dallon?
fobby bobby: HE BETTER BE FUCKING SURE YOU DAMP GREMLIN
jush dan: :(
wheexe: im fucking crying omfg
ham and gees sandwich: this group chat gets so much weirder every day and i believe the fbi man is concerned
dunce: the fbi man is in our phones too?
fobby bobby: give him strength
dandy dallon: *hands the fbi man a protein bar*

wheexe added The FBI Man to so did i, josh

The FBI Man: Please leave me alone, I don't know any of you and you're scaring my family.

The FBI Man left so did i, josh

tylerrjoseph: WHO TF WAS THAT BRENDON
wheexe: ill never tell ;)

Chapter Text

dandy dallon: hey
fobby bobby: no
dandy dallon: u fookin wot betch
meaty mcpetey: hey there pat <33
fobby bobby: oh fUck that
tylerrjoseph: oi guess what
jush dan: lemme guess, ur gonna complain abput how late/early it is
tylerrjoseph: oh shit u rite lol

jush dan changed their name to alien boi

alien boi: i was bored of jush dan
dandy dallon: lmfao alien boi thats gay as shit
alien boi: m8 ur literally called dandy dallon dont come at me w that shet

tylerrjoseph changed their name to skeleton boi

skeleton boi: reet
dandy dallon: brendons stooped
wheexe: i got 7/32 in maths class im practically einstein
meaty petey: didnt einstein do history or somethin
wheexe: ah shit i think so idfk
fobby bobby: no u nobheads he made rick and morty
ham and gees sandwich: ok so ive been deeply analyzing our last conversation and i need to ask
ham and gees sandwich: WHO THE FUCK WAS THE FBI MAN
wheexe: i could tell u but it would ruin the secret
ham and gees sandwich: tell me nOWWWWW
wheexe: i got my dad to agree to this shite
ham and gees sandwich: im mostly concerned on why he agreed and didnt disown you
wheexe: oh no he did that too but afterwards
ham and gees sandwich: brilliant
wheexe: no not really
skeleton boi:
alien boi:
meaty petey:
dandy dallon:
dunce: didnt he say hed never tell
fobby bobby: what the fuck brendon
wheexe: IM INDECISIVE OK GOD YOUR SO JUDGEMENTAL

The FBI Man joined so did i, josh

The FBI Man unmuted cheese whiz

The FBI Man left so did i, josh

wheexe: WHAT THE FUCK
cheese whiz: OMFG WTF WTF WTF
skeleton boi: WH A T
alien boi: i think i just pissed myself idk lemme check
ham and gees sandwich: WHAT JUST HAPPENED BRENDON THIS DOESNT MAKE SENSE
dandy dallon: IM TREMBLING
dunce: IM QUAKING
fobby bobby: IM QUIVERING
wheexe: IM TREMORING
skeleton boi: everyone.exe has stopped working
cheese whiz: RIGHT THATS IT WERE THROWING OUR PHONES IN THE FUCKIN SEA MAN
wheexe: haha semen
cheese whiz: lol semen
skeleton boi: jfc
alien boi: haha kfc
dunce: wAIT JOSH SHOULD BE CALLED DUNCE
alien boi: why
dunce: JOSH DUNCE
alien boi: fuck off betch
alien boi: tf? i meant batch
alien boi: wtaf im tryna say butch
alien boi: JUST LET ME SAY BOTCH
skeleton boi: we get it, joshua now stfu
alien boi: fuming

dunce changed alien boi's name to josh dunce

dunce changed their name to cranky frank

josh dunce: bit rude that ngl
wheexe: if someone asks if their hairline is fucked, theres a 99% chance that it is
dandy dallon: I enjoy the consumption of the tender flesh of infants
cheese whiz: OKAY WHAT THE FUCK DALLON
wheexe: calm the FLIP down ryan
cheese whiz: im still quook from the fbi guy
wheexe: dw my dad has access to the chat and can join and leave whenever he wants
skeleton boi: BRENDON WHY
wheexe: hey just bc my dads name is 'the' doesn't mean you can take the piss out of him
skeleton boi: so his regular name is just 'the man'
wheexe: no thats his undercover name
wheexe: works every time
skeleton boi: i can see why tbf. very convincing
wheexe: yeah i know bc hes my dad
ham and gees sandwich: youre all gay
dandy dallon: Youre one of us???
ham and gees sandwich: good point

Chapter Text

josh dunce: youre a twat
josh dunce: lmao why
josh dunce: because
wheexe: you need jesuse
dandy dallon: drink some holey wator
josh dun: REEEEEEEEEEE *flips table*
cheese whiz: *OwOs INTENSIFY*
cranky frank: NANI?!
skeleton boi: S-SENPAI NUUU QwQ
josh dunce: youre all twats
wheexe: SENPAI NU ÒΠÒ *prepares for some fOOKIN WAR BITCH OOOOH*
ham and gees sandwich: *appears from nowhere bc im a special fuckin anime girl* WITH THE POWER OF GAY, I WILL STOP YOU
wheexe: N A N I

ham and gees sandwich changed their name to a special fuckin anime girl

a special fuckin anime girl: UWAAAAAAAAAA *hits you with a shovel*
wheexe: OOF
skeleton boi: OH NOES TnT
josh dunce: i fucking hate all of you
josh dunce: why are you like this
cheese whiz: S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SENPAI, DONT WATCH
dandy dallon: BITCH THIS AINT ANIME THIS IS THE FUCKIN HUNGER GAMES UwU *pulls out a mini gun*
skeleton boi: OH FUCK *throws grenade* GET DOWN
cranky frank: HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT *explodes*
skeleton boi: WE LOST FRANK
wheexe: OH SHIT
a special fuckin anime girl: SENPAI NOOOOOOO
wheexe: *throws tyler at you*
skeleton boi: oH FUCK NUGGETS *becomes a boomerang*
a special fuckin anime girl: *W A S T E D*
skeleton boi: SORRY BRENDONNNNNNNN *whips out an ak-47 and shoots randomly*
josh dunce: *gets hit and just fucking dies*
skeleton boi: NOOOOOOOO
skeleton boi: NOT MY SENPAI
skeleton boi: *shoots a basket full of bread*
wheexe: *puts bandana on* ITS TIME, TYLER JOSPHANI
cranky frank: SHITS GOIN DOWN DOWN IN AN EARLIER ROUND
dandy dallon: SHIT WE'RE GOING DOWN, GET BACKUP
wheexe: *activates trap card* YOU'RE DAD SWEARS ON MINECRAFT
skeleton boi: *activates reverse card*
skeleton boi: *inhales* N O U
wheexe: *JUST FUCKIN DIES*
skeleton boi: *respawns everyone* MY LIL PONY, BIIIIIIIITCH
josh dunce: id rather be dead thanks
cranky frank: UNTIL NEXT TIME ÒwÓ
a special fuckin anime girl: hehehehehehe youre hilarious frenk-kun-senpai-weebshitidfk >W<
cranky frank: the fuck youd just say you piece of shit
a special fuckin anime girl: *pulls out a fuckin katana* NOT TODAY, FRANKY *stabs u*
cranky frank: *respawns*
a special fuckin anime girl: O SHIT
skeleton boi: omae wamou, shindeiru
cranky frank: ¡¿I N A N
wheexe: preorder your iNan today for just $4.99! she can read, make itchy sweaters, bake the bEST FUCKIN COOKIES LIKE MMM MAMA MIA, and complain about technology! BUY NOW!
cheese whiz: what the fuck brendon
josh dunce: can she shove a whole bag o jellybeans up her ass tho
wheexe: m8 im not giving you my nan like who else gon make me those sweet ass cookies
josh dunce: thats the only thing you care about?
wheexe: yea man like wtf
skeleton boi: we just had an awesome fucking anime battle how the FUCK did we get to this
cheese whiz: through 40 billion years of evolution
skeleton boi: holy fuck what's wrong with us
cheese whiz: 40 billion years of evolution
dandy dallon: he got a point tbf
josh dunce: im 14 and this is deep
fobby bobby: bitch you aint 14
josh dunce: woooosh
fobby bobby: double woooosh
wheexe: OOO GET SLAPPED BETCH LMFAO
josh dunce: *screams in dema*
meaty mcpetey: *visible confusion*
skeleton boi: dema is dema there u happy now you non responsive turd
meaty mcpetey: that was about as useful as a dry wet wipe thanks a lot
skeleton boi: ey np b xx
wheexe: i found a tv remote in my nans ass holy shit