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im on the edge of glory (and im hanging on a moment with you)

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“Sehun...”

The man’s voice is low and husky, and it sends delicious shivers up Sehun’s spine.

“Please... Enough teasing. Fuck me.” Sehun knows he sounds utterly needy, but he wants this, so, so badly. He’s been strung out for so long, and he needs to come, and he wants it to be with a cock buried deep inside him.

The other chuckles, “As you wish, baby,” He mumbles, before he grips his length and presses the blunt head against Sehun’s entrance.

Sehun’s lips fall open in a silent moan, his legs wrapping around the man’s hips as the other begins to ease himself further inside until his thighs are flush with Sehun’s ass. He stills once he’s buried to the hilt, and presses soft kisses to Sehun’s neck as he waits for the other to adjust, gentle words of comfort whispered in Sehun’s ear as discomfort gives way for pleasure.

Sehun presses the heel of his foot against the guy’s lower back when ready, and he immediately settles into a steady pace, his cock punching in deep, making Sehun’s eyes flutter closed, and his toes curl.

Ah!” Sehun gasps out after a particularly harsh thrust hits directly against his prostate, making his back arch sharply off the bed. “There! Again!” The other does as he’s told, angling his hips, so he’s hitting Sehun’s sweet spot every time as he picks up speed.

Sehun sobs weakly. The pleasure is immense. He can feel the hot drag of the guy’s cock against his walls, the way bursts of light seem to explode behind his eyelids every time his prostate is stimulated. He outright screams when the man reaches in between their bodies to fist Sehun’s cock, fingers jerking him off in time with his thrusts.

The coil in Sehun’s stomach grows impossibly tighter, and he knows he’s close, teetering on the edge.

Hah, I-I’m gonna come-!”

He cries and opens his eyes, but instead of seeing a body looming over him, all he sees is the white of the ceiling above his bed.

He sits up, gasping, heart beating erratically in his chest, and looks down at his hands in complete and utter shock.

The images are fuzzy, but that was, without a doubt, a wet dream. The warm, wet stickiness forming in his boxers attests to that.

But that was a wet dream about a man.

Sehun dreamt about getting fucked.

What the hell.

It’s the fourth time this week that he’s had a dream like this. He can only remember bits and pieces when he wakes up, and never have they been this intense; never have they ended up with him splayed on his back and getting properly fucked by some unknown guy.

So, what? Was this his subconscious telling him that he’s gay? Bi? He doesn’t even know where to begin to find an answer to that.

And who is this man in his dreams? Sehun tries to recall, but no matter how hard he tries, the guy’s features remain hazy and obscured.

Though, now that his heart rate is starting to settle, and he thinks about it some more, this is the first dream in which the unknown guy spoke. He’s been mute in the other dreams Sehun’s had. And thinking about it, even more, the man’s voice does sound oddly familiar. The deep timbre of it; dare he say it, it kind of reminds Sehun of..

...

Jongin...?

Sehun shakes his head with a groan.

No, no. He’s not even gonna entertain that thought. It’s insane.

He already has enough to deal with since his sexuality seems to be up in the air now. So, he’s definitely not going to even think about the possibility that the man in his wet dreams is Jongin, aka his best friend since they were babies. That’s opening up a whole other can of worms, fuck that.

No, right now he needs to clean up the mess in his underwear and get ready for school.

He sighs. Today was going to be a long day.

-

“Sehun, Sehun! Great timing! Get in here; you gotta hear this,” Chanyeol blabbers excitedly, ambushing Sehun as soon as he walks into the classroom.

There’s a few minutes before class starts, and, judging by the way all the guys in the room are huddled together in a corner, there’s something going on. Obviously something pretty exciting by the way Chanyeol basically manhandles Sehun into the group, a massive grin on his face.

Sehun quickly glances at the other eager looking boys around him, and his eyes manage to land on Jongin, who flashes him a soft smile and a “Hi,” in the way of greeting.

It’s nothing new; Jongin’s greeted him this way countless times before. But the remnants of that morning’s dream is still fresh in Sehun’s mind, and he can’t ignore the alarm bells that go off in his brain when he registers that Jongin’s voice really does sound like his unknown guy’s.

He immediately pushes those thoughts away, though, and tries to manage some semblance of a smile at his best friend before looking back at Chanyeol.

“So, have you all heard the rumors?” The taller boy begins, lowering his voice like he’s about to share some top secret information.

A boy groans, “Spill it out already, Yeol. We don’t have all day.”

“Alright, alright. I was trying to build up suspense.” Chanyeol shrugs, and then says in nearly a whisper that Sehun has to strain to even hear, “Rumor has it, that if you go to the science hallway on the second floor, and down to the boy’s bathroom and enter the second stall from the right, you’ll find... it.”

There are some confused mummers in the group until another of Sehun’s classmates rolls his eyes, and pipes up, “For fuck’s sake. Since Chanyeol won’t come out with it, I will. There’s a glory hole in the stall’s wall. You go there to have your dick sucked.”

The confusion gives way to an incredulous commotion, as all the boys begin whispering amongst themselves.

“There’s no way,” Jongin laughs, shaking his head, “You’re fucking with the rest of us.”

“If you don’t believe us, why don’t you go and have a look?” Chanyeol leans in and waggles his eyebrows, “And maybe you can try it out while you’re there, too. Getting a blowjob is a great stress reliever, after all. Trust me.”

Jongin grimaces, “I’ll pass, thanks. C’mon, Sehunnie, let’s go sit down.” He reaches over and maneuvers Sehun towards their desks, the latter following numbly.

The thing is, Sehun did find it ridiculous. Surely, it was something someone made up for shits and giggles. But he was also curious to see if it indeed was true. And this gross inquisitiveness was growing way too fast, and much too quickly, eating at him until it was all Sehun could think about. He barely even registers Jongin calling out his name from how wrapped up in his thoughts he was.

He slowly blinks up at his friend, “What?”

“Geez, spaced out much? I called you like three times. You good?”

Sehun clears his throat, looking away, “Sorry. I’m a bit tired, that’s all. Didn’t sleep well.”

Jongin frowns, “Why don’t you put your head down and take a nap, then? You know Mr. Kang doesn’t give a shit whether we listen to his lectures or not. I’ll take notes, and you can copy them later if you want.” He offers, and it’s stupid, because Jongin’s just being a good friend, but the concern does nothing to help the budding feeling in Sehun’s chest.

“Nah,” Sehun forces out a laugh, “Your writing’s fucking terrible. I wouldn’t even be able to read those notes, much less copy them.” He tries to joke.

Jongin punches him lightly in the arm, “Shut the fuck up. My writing’s just fine.” He says with a laugh of his own.

“Dude, it’s literally chicken scratch.” Sehun deadpans.

“It’s not!!” Jongin argues, lips forming a pout, and Sehun definitely shouldn’t be finding that expression adorable. Jongin goes quiet for a moment before he speaks up again, “Anyway, you don’t believe those glory hole rumors either, right?”

That simple sentence is enough to have Sehun’s curiosity come back to slap him in the face. But he’d never let Jongin know that he’s interested in seeing the hole for himself, and instead scoffs, “Of course not. There’s no way the school would let a hole like that exist in the wall of a stall. They’d repair it as soon as they found out. Also, Chanyeol isn’t the most reliable person.” He adds on as an afterthought.

“Yeah, you’re right. There’s no way.” Jongin echoes with a nod, and it’s almost as if the boy’s trying to convince himself, but Sehun doesn’t get the opportunity to delve deeper into that because Mr. Kang is strolling into the classroom, signaling the beginning of lecture.

-

“Hey, you wanna come over to mine and play some video games together?” Jongin asks once the last period of the day comes to an end.

Sehun’s putting his things away, and pauses at the suggestion. “Uh, actually. I was going to stay behind and attend tutoring. Math’s kicking my ass, and I need to get my grade up before midterms.”

Jongin crinkles his nose, “Ew, tutoring with Ms. Choi? No thanks, she nags too much.” He mumbles before he laughs, “I’d offer to tutor you instead but you know I suck at math, too.”

“I know.” And Sehun does know. And he knew about Jongin disliking Ms. Choi as well. Which is why he lied. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back, and Sehun wasn’t about to leave without seeing that infamous hole with his own two eyes. He couldn’t let Jongin know; too scared of freaking the other out. “Rain check?”

“Yeah, we can hang out next time. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” Jongin shoulders his backpack and smiles, “Bye.”

“See you.” Sehun gives the elder a small wave, and just like that, Jongin turns and walks out the classroom.

Sehun inwardly groans. What was he doing....?

-

Sehun hides out until everyone has left for home, and the walkways are empty. He cautiously makes his way towards the science hallway on the second floor, making double sure that no one is around to witness him walking that way.

He’s never been on this side of the school before, considering his classes are all on the third floor, and so he’s never had a reason to venture to this part of the building.

Never, until then, of course.

He pauses outside the door leading to the boy’s bathroom. His palms are sweaty, and he can hear the blood rushing in his ears. Indecisiveness begins to churn in the pit of his stomach, and he has half a mind to turn on his heel, and book it out of there. But the other half is nagging at him; urging him to go in. Eventually, one side beats out the other, and Sehun’s pressing on, stepping foot inside. The door closes behind him.

He takes a look around.

It’s empty.

Sehun supposes that’s lucky for him. After all, he was only here to see it, and that was it. He steadily makes his way toward the rumored stall, and lays a hand on the door. Pausing for a moment, Sehun takes in a deep breath before swinging the stall open, eyes scanning until they land on the hole in the cubical wall.

Ah.

So, it was real.

The rumor of there being a glory hole in the boy’s bathroom on the second floor was true.

Sehun stares at it. He can’t help it. But once he notices what he’s doing, he blushes scarlet and glances away, quickly making towards the exit. He’d achieved what he sought out to do, so there was no reason to linger.

However, back in the comfort of his own room, and alone with his thoughts, Sehun soon finds himself wondering what it would be like. Most boys in his situation would wonder what it’d be like to be on the receiving end, but no, not Sehun. Alternately, he wonders what it’d be like to be on one side and have someone else shove their cock through that hole, to spread his lips and suck the person off, to listen to their grunts and moans as they come from just Sehun’s mouth.

The fact that he’s thinking about blowing another guy doesn’t bother Sehun as much as he thought it would.

He groans, and flops back onto his bed.

Maybe his dreams were trying to tell him something.

-

Sehun falls to his knees easily, and he looks up from underneath his eyelashes at the man standing before him.

“You look so beautiful like this,” The other says, reaching a hand out to cradle Sehun’s cheek, the latter letting his eyes flutter closed as he leans into the touch. The man rubs soothing circles onto the skin with his thumb. “Are you sure you want to do this?” There’s concern in his voice, and it sends a flutter through Sehun’s stomach.

“Yes. I want to make you feel good.” Sehun mumbles, reopening his eyes. He glances down at his partner’s cock, and only one word comes to mind. Pretty. It’s a nice size and girth, curving up towards the other’s navel, the head red and leaking drops of precome, and Sehun swallows dryly. He couldn’t wait to wrap his lips around it.

The hand is removed. “Okay. Open your mouth, sweetheart.” Sehun does precisely that, letting his mouth fall open. He steadies his breathing as he leans in, engulfing the cock in wet heat.

“Fuck,” The other groans lowly, the sound sending a thrill down Sehun’s spine at the fact that he’s the cause for that husky tone. He slowly picks up a rhythm, sliding his head down and up the length, circling the slit with his tongue, then down again to repeat it all over again, and again.

The man throws his head back as his fingers come up to tangle in Sehun’s hair, Sehun moaning deeply when the fingers tug on his strands a little too hard. “Shit, shit. That feels amazing,” He grits out through clenched teeth. The words only serve to fuel Sehun’s need to please, and he doubles his efforts, taking the entire length into his mouth once more.

It’s not long before the guy’s tugging at Sehun’s hair again, “I’m gonna come,” He warns, trying to push Sehun away, yet the latter remains put. Sehun looks up again, and sees a terribly familiar face looking back down at him, and all of a sudden Sehun’s jerking wide awake, body drenched in sweat, and his dick hard in his boxers.

“God damn it,” He huffs out, hand automatically moving down to slip underneath the waistband of his underwear, fingers encircling his length. It only takes a few strokes before he’s coming embarrassingly quick, hips twitching and thighs quivering as he lets out a quiet moan. Feeling satiated, he grimaces at the mess on his hand, taking some tissues from his bedside table and using them to clean up.

Afterward, he lays there. He’s never given anyone a blowjob before, and yet here he was, dreaming about going down on someone. And he had liked it, judging by the bodily reaction he just had.

That ugly curiosity is rearing its head again, as he muses once more on what the real thing would feel like.

But the fear of the repercussions is intense; what if he gets an opportunity to try it with someone, and it turns out, he doesn’t enjoy it like how he thought he would? How would he be able to escape? And how would he be able to face the person afterward? If only there were some way...

There’s a flash in his mind of that stupid glory hole at school.

He groans into his pillow.

He was fucked.

(He also definitely doesn’t think about how the face he saw in the last second of his dream was, without a doubt, Jongin. Or how it’s getting plain to see that this is an indication that his feelings towards Jongin are no longer just friendly. Or maybe, they never really were.)

-

Sehun can feel the way his heart is thudding wildly in his chest. He’s never done anything like this before, and he’s nervous. The ‘sweaty-palms and throat-dry’ kind of nervous.

He shifts his position, wincing a bit as his limbs protest. It’s getting uncomfortable, sitting like this. He’s seated on top of the toilet seat cover with his knees drawn to his chest, his heels resting precariously on the edge of the lid. But he doesn’t dare let his feet touch the ground; else he runs the risk of someone recognizing his shoes from the small gap at the bottom of the wall.

He lets out an unsteady breath, and glances anxiously at the 3-inch hole cut in the side of the stall. He knows it’s dumb and dangerous, but he also knows that if he doesn’t do this, he’ll be haunted by the ghosts of could-bes and maybes, and it would eventually drive him mad. He’ll only be able to understand his own motivations and feelings when this whole event is over with, and he’s left to answer to himself alone.

Unfortunately for Sehun, this process isn’t a quick and painless one. For all its anonymity, the one problem with this whole approach was that it was downright tedious. He had skipped first period to get this done and over with quickly, but that eventually turned into skipping second, and then third. Plenty of guys have entered the bathroom, but they were either there to take care of business, or to ditch class. Waiting alone in a cramped bathroom stall for someone to finally take him up on his offer, meaning that there was plenty of time for second-guessing, and fretting over the million things that could go wrong. What if he chickens out? What if he gets caught? What if he shouldn't have done this after all...

Before he can think about other possible scenarios, he hears his phone go off in his pocket. He struggles for a moment to pull the device out in the position he’s in, but once it’s in his hands, he swipes to unlock it. He stares down at a text from Jongin.

‘Why aren’t you in class? Is everything okay?’

Sehun feels guilt churn in his gut. Here’s Jongin, wonderful, kind Jongin, worrying about his whereabouts, and how does Sehun repay him? By having the elder star in his sick, wet dreams, and keeping him in the dark about what he’s really doing.

He sighs, and types out, ‘I stayed home. Wasn’t feeling well.’

Jongin’s response is immediate. ‘Do you need anything? Medicine? Soup? I can stop by during lunch.’

The guilt increases ten-fold, and Sehun smiles bitterly. He’s such a terrible friend.

‘No, thank you. I’m okay. It’s only a small cold. I’m going to try to sleep it off. I’ll talk to you later.’

Sehun powers off his phone after pressing send, and replaces it in his pocket when he hears the bathroom door swing open. He can feel bad about Jongin later. Right now, he has other things to focus on.

The guy that’s just entered shuffles into the stall next to Sehun’s, and Sehun holds his breath, toes curling inside his shoes as he waits. But then the toilet flushes, he hears the sink run as the person washes their hands, and Sehun’s left crestfallen again when they eventually exit the bathroom.

Sehun’s on the verge of giving up when the door opens again for what feels like the hundredth time that day, and he feels himself go still once more.

Whoever it is, spends a few moments at the sink, probably staring at their reflection. They sigh multiple times, and Sehun can only guess that they’re going through an existential crisis, or something pretty difficult, to sigh so heavily like that. It’s idiotic, but Sehun can’t help but feel a bit... sympathetic? He’s going through a crisis of his own; it’s the reason why he’s sitting in this damn stall in the first place. So he hopes, against his better judgment, that this guy, will be the one he’s been waiting for. He likes the idea of not being the only one feeling vulnerable while doing this.

Sehun tries not to let his excitement get the best of him, but it’s difficult when the guy gradually makes their way towards the cubicle next to his, the door shutting and the lock fastening.

He bites his lip anxiously as he hears the clinking of a belt buckle, and tries to resist taking a peek through the hole next to him. There’s a sudden silence, and Sehun’s plagued with disappointment, because he thinks this stranger has only come to use the toilet like everyone else before, and he contemplates waiting until they’ve left so he can make his own exit. He can come back and try some other day if the hole was still here. Or, he could forget about this whole thing, and never return.

He nearly tumbles off the toilet when a little knock comes through the separating wall. It sounds questioning; hesitant. It makes his heart feel like it’s about to beat out of his chest, especially when he realizes that the person on the other side is waiting for a response.

Sehun shuffles awkwardly for a second, before reaching a fist up, and lightly rapping his knuckles against the partition twice.

Sehun’s breath hitches in his throat when the person on the other side finishes undoing his belt, letting his jeans fall. He hears what sounds like someone shuffling closer, and when he sees the tip of what is indeed, without a doubt, unquestionably, a semi-erect cock passing through the hole and into his cubicle, his stomach clenches, and he thinks he might actually pass out.

Oh god.

Oh my god.

This is it.

The moment of truth.

He’s gotta do this. His resolve is too firm to back away now. Besides, those knocks he and the stranger had shared on the wall? They were a promise, and Sehun doesn’t break his promises.

Swallowing weakly, Sehun slides off the toilet and kneels on the tiled floor. His face is level with the cock in this position, and he can’t help but stare; observe how it’s not quite hard yet, but it’s already a pretty decent size. He can see a bit of the body it is attached to from the hole; can see a small patch of dark hair curling at the base, and the black band of a pair of boxer briefs. Whoever this is, they seem well-groomed as far as Sehun can tell, and that eases his nervousness a bit for some reason.

Sehun licks his lips, and lets himself lean in a bit closer, and oh wow, this is truly happening, isn’t it? The length twitches, responding to his closeness, and he feels a stirring in his own groin at the sight. Ignoring his nerves, he closes his eyes, and moves forward once more. The person on the other side of the wall exhales shakily when Sehun’s cheek comes in contact with his dick. Sehun thinks it feels warm, kind of nice. But he knows that he has to start doing it now, or else he’s going to lose his motivation. The guy’s obviously looking for a blowjob, or else he wouldn’t have stuck his dick in the hole, and Sehun needs to hold up his end of the deal.

He’s panicking, a bit scared, but also, sorta aroused, so before Sehun can find himself backing out, he dives in with a long and, admittedly messy, lick right up the entire length. He gingerly grips the base to keep the cock steady as he wraps his lips around the head of it, suckling gently. There’s a choked gasp, and the wall creaks as if the other guy is leaning more heavily against it.

Sehun tries to ignore the adrenaline rushing in his veins, and instead focuses on what it feels like. The boy is warm and heavy against his tongue, and it’s a little uncomfortable on his jaw as he attempts to swallow down more of the cock without gagging. He doesn’t get far, but when the stranger lets out a small moan, he’s inclined to try again, suddenly filled with the inexorable need to pleasure the other.

He’s never felt like this before, so needy, so vulnerable, so turned on, and holy shit, this is actually happening. It’s entirely different from what he thought it would be like. Then again, this is also real. And sure, it isn’t the perfect experience. It’s a bit messy, and kind of gross, as he pulls back and a thread of precome and spit connects his lips to the head of the cock, and there’s even more dribbling over his knuckles where he’s gripping the base. But it’s dreamlike, in a sense that this is totally and utterly unbelievable.

Sehun leans back in to flick his tongue against the slit, giving it quick, kittenish licks, which seems to really work the other guy up, because his noises graduate from quiet hums to deep groans. He sounds so fucking sexy to Sehun’s ears, and he lets out a soft whine in response, finally allowing himself to start groping between his legs, squeezing and rubbing at his cock the best he can without undoing his fly.

Against the wall, nails scrape, as if the boy is trying to find purchase against the smooth surface of the wall, and his desperation makes Sehun feel dizzy. The whole wall creaks again when the other grips the top of the divider to stabilize themselves, and Sehun looks up to see their fingertips curling over, and its then that it truly, hits him that this is a real life person; that he’s really blowing someone, making them feel good. The thought sends a pulse of heat in the pit of Sehun’s stomach, and all he wants to do at this point is get himself and the stranger off.

He gives the cock one last suck, before sitting back and jacking it off with quick jerks of his hand, his other hand kneading at his own crotch. It isn’t long before Sehun’s letting out a wanton moan, coming inside his boxers. Through the wall, the boy is growing breathless, and more vocal.

Sehun’s busy catching his breath when he hears the stranger grunt loudly. A low “Fuck” pierces the silence in the bathroom as the dick in Sehun’s hand twitches, a string of hot come hitting the side of his face, and the rest falling down the front of his shirt.

There’s heavy panting coming from the other side, but all Sehun can hear is the incessant thrumming of his heart in his ears, his stomach dropping because shit, shit, that voice. He’s heard that voice millions of times before. Maybe never in that low, fucked-out register, but it’s undeniable.

Jongin?!” He hears himself exclaiming before he can think better of it. He doesn’t want to believe it, but when the person on the other side inhales sharply, it’s all the confirmation he needs. “Fuck, what the fuck?!” He cries hysterically.

“Sehun?!”

Sehun snatches his hand away from around Jongin’s softening dick, and stands up as fast as he can. His face is burning with utter humiliation, and there’s still ejaculate warm and dribbling down the side of his face. Jongin’s dick has disappeared back through the hole, and Sehun knows the elder is standing there on the other side, completely shocked as well.

It could have been anyone, any boy in the whole damn school, but it just had to be Jongin on the other side of the wall, the boy he’s been having dreams about, the boy he more than likely has feelings for, his best friend since they were kids, for god’s sake!!

Sehun feels sick to his stomach all of a sudden. He has to get out of there. Using toilet paper from the roll, he tries to wipe away as much of the evidence as possible before he rips open his stall’s door, and bolts out of the bathroom, never looking back.

He runs straight home; head faced down because he’s too ashamed to even look anyone in the eye, knows that the guilt is written in bold letters in his expression.

God, how could he be so stupid?!

He never once considered the chance that Jongin would try the glory hole out. He had seemed skeptical the day before when Chanyeol had told them about it, but even so, the chance was always there, and Sehun simple never acknowledged it.

He arrives home, and fumbles with his keys as he tries to unlock the front door. Eventually, his hands stop shaking enough to fit the right key into the lock, but he doesn’t feel safe until he closes the door behind him, and realizes that the house is silent. Good, that meant his parents were still at work, and his older brother was still at school. He could have his mental breakdown in peace.

His knees feel weak, but somehow he manages to make it up to his room on the second floor, where he quickly gathers a change of clothes before rushing into the bathroom. Stripping off his clothing, he notices with a scowl that there’s dried come stained on his shirt. He flings the item to the ground, and hops into the shower, where he spends a good twenty minutes hopelessly trying to scrub the shame off his skin. He eventually gives up, though, letting out a strangled cry as he slides down the tiled wall, choking back sobs because he refuses to cry.

It proves to be difficult, though, as he thinks about the possibility of this fucking up his relationship with his best friend. He suddenly wishes that he had stayed and talked to Jongin after the fact, instead of running away like a scared little boy. It’s one of those things he should’ve dealt with head-on because the longer he puts this off, the next time he sees Jongin, the elder may choose to avoid him altogether. Jongin’s great at being in denial.

Taking a deep breath, he stands up and shuts off the shower. When he towels himself dry and changes into a clean pair of clothes, he feels only a tiny bit better.

His older brother is home when Sehun makes his way into the kitchen, sitting at the table working on some classwork by the looks of it. Sehun quietly edges past him, and digs around the fridge for a bite to eat. He had skipped lunch, and he was feeling the traces of hunger gnawing at him.

He nearly jumps a foot in the air when his brother abruptly says, “Jongin’s outside looking for you.”

Sehun’s stomach does a somersault, and he’s no longer feeling hungry. Closing the fridge, he clears his throat and attempts to keep his voice steady. “Did he say anything to you?”

His sibling shrugs, “Just that he wasn’t going to leave until you talked to him.”

Fuck.

Jongin’s never been a particularly persistent guy. So for him to actually go out of his way to try and find Sehun, when the younger was obviously trying to avoid him; it was so out of character that Sehun doesn’t believe his brother, not until he peeks out of the living room window facing the front door. And lo and behold, there’s Jongin, standing on his porch with his arms crossed, and shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

Sehun feels a new wave of panic wash over him, “Oh my god.”

“What’s up?” His brother asks from beside him, and Sehun does jump this time because he hadn’t realized that the other had followed him. “Did you guys have an argument or something?”

That was the understatement of the year. He groans, “It doesn’t matter. Can you please get rid of him? Tell him I died or something.”

His brother lifts up a questioning eyebrow, and just as Sehun’s about to hightail it out of there, Jongin so happens to turn to look directly into the window, spotting the siblings standing there in plain view.

Shit.

Jongin’s turning back to the door then, knocking on it impatiently, “Sehun! I see you in there! Stop hiding and open the door, we need to talk!” He’s shouting, and Sehun panics. He shoves his brother back in the direction of the kitchen because if Jongin somehow manages to spill out something incriminating, he doesn’t want his sibling to overhear.

With his brother gone, Sehun trudges back up to the door. “Go away. We have nothing to talk about.”

“Are you serious? Dude, we have so much to talk about!!” Jongin sounds like he’s on the verge of freaking out, and it only adds to Sehun’s own anxiety.

“Go home! I’m not opening the door.”

Jongin huffs, “Fine! Then I’ll just kick the door in!”

There’s a brief moment of hesitation, where Sehun doesn’t know if the other is serious or not. But he also remembers that Jongin’s been working out a lot recently, and there’s no doubt Jongin could take the door down after working at it for some time. But heavens know his mom would have a heart attack if that did happen. So, rather than take the chance, he yanks the door open.

On the other side, Jongin’s eyes are wide, as if he didn’t expect Sehun to actually open the door. Sehun can’t bring himself to look at the other any longer, so he redirects his gaze towards the ground.

It’s quiet for a tense minute until Jongin’s clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Can I come inside?”

Sehun wants to tell him no, slam the door on his face and run to the safety of his room. But, he also knows that they need to talk about this, so he nods, stepping aside.

“Thanks,” Jongin mumbles, and shambles in.

Sehun glances over towards the kitchen, and he can’t hear anything, but chances are his brother is listening in because he’s an annoying asshole like that. Against his better judgment, (because the thought of being alone with Jongin in the small confines of his room scares the hell out of him,) he suggests they head to his bedroom for more privacy.

Jongin nods silently, and follows the younger up the stairs, keeping an eye on Sehun to make sure he doesn’t try to take off into his bedroom first to lock him out.

Jongin waits for Sehun to close the bedroom door behind them before he speaks. “You weren’t sick.”

Sehun rolls his eyes, “Of course not. But it’s not like I could tell you the truth, that I was sitting in a fucking cubicle all day waiting for someone to stick their co-” He cuts himself off, the embarrassment making his cheeks burn red.

The other boy drops heavily on the edge of the bed, “Well, you should’ve. If I had known, then this wouldn’t have happened.”


Sehun turns to him with a glare, “Or it wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t running around putting your dick in random holes!”

It’s Jongin’s turn to flush. “I... just wanted to see what it was like?”

Letting out a sigh, Sehun plops down on the bed next to the elder, “Yeah, well, me too.”

They fall into another silence, where both of them had something to admit, but neither wanted to be the first one to say it. Sehun doesn’t even know if he can say it. How does he tell his best friend that he’s questioning his sexuality? Worse yet, how does he say this to the guy he’s been having wet dreams about? To the guy he thinks he might have feelings for?

Jongin coughs softly, hands coming to cup his knees. “You know, I wouldn’t have been bothered if you told me from the get-go that you’re gay.”

Sehun runs his palms down his face with a groan, “But that’s the thing, I don’t even know if I am yet!” He pauses, arranging his thoughts. “I’ve.. been having some dreams lately. About me with... another boy. We did some pretty intimate things in those dreams, and I-I liked them? But it’s one thing to dream, and another to be faced with the real deal, y’know? That’s why I was in the stall in the first place. I was trying to figure out if I really like dicks or not, and that seemed like the easiest way to do so.”

“So, did you like it, then?” Jongin asks before he’s slapping a hand over his mouth.

Sehun stares at him with wide eyes, “Did you just ask me if I liked sucking your dick?” Jongin doesn’t say anything, but the question is hanging in the air, looming over them. Sehun lets himself fall back onto the mattress, and closes his eyes.

He can’t pretend like he didn’t get off on the whole event. He has the dry come in his dirty boxers to prove that. He can’t pretend that he didn’t love every minute of it (up until the final moments, where the revelation that he was sucking off Jongin made him panic, and run off. And yet, he also can’t deny the sick part of him that gets giddy whenever he remembers what happened).

“It was... nice.” He finally admits. “Until I realized the dick was attached to you, of course.” He only adds on the last bit to avoid giving Jongin the wrong impression (even though it’s completely right).

“Does it really matter that it was me? What if you never recognized me? What if it had been someone else? You said it was ‘nice.’ So, technically, you already got the answer you where looking for, right? You like dicks,” Jongin points out, and god, Sehun absolutely hates it when Jongin is right.

“Maybe.” Sehun says instead, and turns to look up at him, “Then, what about you? You might’ve not known that it was me on the other side when you first walked into that bathroom. But you had to be at least aware that it was going to be another boy sucking your dick.”

Jongin lets out a heavy sigh, and lays back on the bed as well. “I guess I shouldn’t be preaching to you about telling me things when I haven’t even told you this yet.” He folds his hands over his stomach, and twiddles his thumbs nervously, “So, basically, I-I’ve been having not so straight thoughts about other guys. I’ve caught myself noticing that some boys have nice legs, or kissable lips, or nice butts, er, you get the picture.”

He glances away in embarrassment, “Anyway, the thoughts started off innocently, but then they started getting more and more vulgar, and when Chanyeol told us about the glory hole, I couldn’t stop thinking about what it’d feel like. Course, I was scared as fuck about what that meant, but I still wanted to try it.”

Ah, the countless sighs that Sehun heard back then in the bathroom suddenly all made sense. At that point in time, he had found comfort in the fact that he wasn’t the only one going in feeling insecure. And at this current moment, with Jongin confessing that he might like boys too, that same comfort washes over him again.

“Well, aren’t we a complicated pair,” Sehun tries to joke, reaching out to elbow Jongin’s arm.

The other laughs, “That we are.” He says, before falling silent. “This... This won’t change things between us for you, will it?” He asks, turning to lock eyes with Sehun.

Sehun shakes his head, “No. Will it for you?”

Jongin shakes his head back, “No. Though, now that we know that we’re in the same boat, I do think we should be more open with each other, yeah? No more lying or hiding things from one another. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Good.” Jongin smiles, and Sehun finds himself smiling right back. Jongin sits up then, looks at the clock on Sehun’s bedside table, and frowns. “It’s getting late. I should head back home before my mom worries about where I’m at.” He stands up, but looks back at the younger, as if he’s hesitating to leave.

Sehun sits up, and waves a hand, “Yeah, go ahead.”

“You’ll be in class tomorrow, right?” Jongin asks, making sure, and Sehun nods. “Okay, good. I’ll see you.”

He walks out of Sehun’s room, and as soon as the door closes behind him, Sehun falls back onto his bed.

They had promised to not hide any more things from each other, and yet, Sehun failed to tell Jongin that he may, very well, be in love with him. Maybe. Only a bit. Or a lot.

He throws an arm over his eyes. God, could his life get any more pathetic?

-

It’s awkward, but they don’t talk about it again for a long time.

In the meantime, Sehun struggles with ignoring the urge to bolt whenever he sees Jongin walking down the hallway because he’s still feeling embarrassed. And also willing away the blush on his cheeks whenever he catches himself noticing how good Jongin looks because he shouldn't be checking out his best friend.

Jongin, for his part, still acts the same, but sometimes when they’re in class or at lunch, Sehun can feel the elder watching him, and beads of sweat break out on the nape of his neck. Sehun also has to stop and ask himself if Jongin’s always been this touchy when he feels Jongin’s fingers continuously bump against his as they walk home side by side after school. Or when he feels the ghost of Jongin’s hand on his lower back as they maneuver through the busy corridors in between periods.

Suddenly, Sehun’s days aren’t about classes, and assignments, and extracurricular activities. They’re about him and Jongin. They’re about how many times they make unnecessary eye-contact. They’re about still having inappropriate thoughts and dreams about Jongin. They’re about realizing that he stopped seeing Jongin as just a friend, a long, long time ago. They’re about sitting in class before Mr. Kang arrives, and turning to look at his best friend, only to find Jongin already looking in his direction.

“You wanna come over on Saturday and have a movie marathon?” Jongin asks.

Sehun doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but he goes along with it anyway because Jongin’s tilting his head, his hair softly falling into his eyes, and his blinks are slow and delicate, and he looks so incredibly cute that Sehun would’ve done anything he asked.

When he arrives on Jongin’s doorstep on Saturday evening, he can’t squelch the butterflies flying around in his stomach. Especially when Jongin answers the door wearing jeans, and a tight black shirt that showcases his nice-looking biceps.

He smiles, “Hi.”

Sehun greets him back, and shuffles inside. He takes a seat on the couch when Jongin tells him to make himself comfortable while he sets up the movie.

Jongin sits on the other end of the sofa, and they don’t speak to each other at all during the first movie, and it’s not until halfway through the second, that Sehun finally plucks up the courage to ask, “Where are your parents?”

“Out of town. They’re visiting my sisters at college.”

Sehun shuffles uncomfortably, “Oh.” So that meant he was completely alone with Jongin. “You didn’t want to go with them?”


“Nah. I stayed back because I wanted to talk to you.“ Jongin says, and Sehun’s throat goes dry when he watches the elder reach forward to pick up the remote, pausing the movie.

“Listen,” The other starts off, “I know we agreed to be truthful to each other, and what I’m about to tell you might be hard to swallow. But I need to get this off my chest.”

Ah, this was it. Sehun can already hear Jongin say that he’s still messed up over what happened and that it’d be best if they stopped being friends. Jongin hesitates, though, and it does nothing to ease Sehun’s nerves.

After what feels like hours, Jongin speaks. “Do you... remember when I said that I was having thoughts about other guys?” Sehun nods stiffly. “Well, there’s this one boy, in particular, that I’ve found myself coming back to, over and over again. I’ve been thinking about him and I a lot. About going on dates with him, about kissing him, and holding him in my arms. I-I think I’ve developed serious feelings for him.” Jongin looks down at his lap, and Sehun’s heart sinks.

So maybe Jongin wasn’t breaking their friendship, but Sehun honestly doesn’t know if this result is any better. He was just accepting the fact that he loves Jongin, as in more than a friend, and to now know that Jongin has feelings for someone else; it was like a punch to the gut. He steels himself, though, because maybe this is all for the best.

Jongin continues, “But keeping this a secret is eating at me, and I have to say this, no matter what the outcome is.”

He looks up, and Sehun nearly gasps at the glassy-ness of Jongin’s eyes, the fear swimming in them. “Sehun... That boy... That boy I have feelings for... is you.”

And suddenly Sehun wonders if at some point during the movie, he nodded off because there’s no way, absolutely no way, that Jongin is confessing to him right now. He has to be dreaming; there’s no other explanation.

But Jongin keeps on talking, “I-I’ve tried to push those feelings away, but I can’t help myself. It’s affected how I act around you. I don’t think you’ve noticed, or maybe you have; I don’t know.” He shakes his head, and suddenly those little touches and unnecessary glances were no longer just a part of Sehun’s imagination; they were real. “About that incident in the bathroom... I really did go just to see what it was like, and when I found out it was you on the other side, I was scared as hell. But another part of me was glad that it was you, and god, this is so fucked up.”

His breathing is labored, as if he’s trying so hard to keep himself calm, “When you ran out, I knew I had to try and fix this. I could live with the fact that you don’t feel the same, but I couldn’t lose you. Have I,” He swallows dryly, “Have I already lost you?” He asks, voice broken, his eyes misty at this point, and it’s like a bucket of cold water has been thrown on Sehun, because he’s finally snapping out of his trance.

He reaches out, hand shaking, and lightly cups Jongin’s cheek, thumbing away the stray tear that has managed to slip out, “You haven’t lost me. You’ll never lose me. Do you know why?” He asks.

“Because... we’re best friends?” The elder offers, the words coming out quiet and shaky.

Sehun shakes his head, “Not only that.” He smiles, “But because I do feel the same. Jongin, I have feelings for you, too.” And before Jongin can say anything, he adds, “Those dreams I told you about? Of me with another boy? I left out this part on purpose because I was terrified to tell you. But I’ll tell you now. That person in my dreams was you.”

Jongin’s eyes widen, “Are you serious?”

“Completely.”

And then there are a few seconds of silence, where no one says anything, and no one moves. But then the sofa underneath them dips as Jongin shifts his weight, and Sehun’s suddenly feeling light-headed because Jongin is kissing him.

Jongin’s lips are smooth and soft, and his hands move to gently cradle Sehun’s waist, his touch sending shivers down Sehun’s spine. Jongin tilts his head, allowing their mouths to mold to a better angle, and Sehun presses back, quickly becoming addicted to the feeling of Jongin’s lips on his.

It isn’t long before the need to get closer becomes too much to ignore, and Sehun finds himself being dragged onto Jongin’s lap, his knees bracketing the elder’s hips. Sehun lets his fingers tangle in Jongin’s hair. The strands are as silky as they look, feeling wonderful between his fingers as Jongin pushes a hand underneath his shirt. The skin-on-skin contact makes Sehun gasp, Jongin taking full advantage of this to slip his tongue inside, curling it around Sehun’s.

Jongin nips at the younger’s bottom lip, gently sucking on it before dipping his head to explore the expanse of Sehun’s neck. Sehun’s eyes close, a light moan escaping his mouth when he feels Jongin’s erection pressing against him.

“I’ve dreamt about us... doing things like this,” He admits, running a hand down Jongin’s chest, “But do you know what my favorite dream was?” There’s a hum in response, Jongin too busy biting a mark on the milky skin in front of him to speak properly. “The one where you finally laid me down to fuck me.” Jongin stills. “Can you make that dream a reality?” Sehun asks, voice low and sultry sounding.

There’s a hitch in Jongin’s throat, and he pulls back to look up at the other, “...Are you sure? We don’t have to do this now; we can take things slow.”

Sehun smiles, “I’m sure. I’ve wanted it for a while now, and I think you do, too,” He says, purposely grinding down on Jongin’s crotch, pulling out a broken groan from the other.

“Okay, okay,” Jongin mumbles. “But I’m not fucking you on the sofa. Let’s go to my room.”

He gives Sehun a little push, and then they’re hurrying down the hallway towards Jongin’s room, hand in hand. Sehun falls straight onto the bed as Jongin digs around in his drawer for a bottle of lube. He throws the items on the bed, before peeling off his shirt, revealing the same toned body Sehun’s caught glimpses of whenever they changed in the locker room for gym. Except, this time he’s free to look, to trace every dip and curve of muscle with his eyes, and god, Sehun couldn’t wait to feel Jongin’s body against his.

“Undress for me?” Jongin asks, and Sehun’s quick to obey, but he can’t manage to make his fingers work properly. He’s so nervous, in a completely different way than the nerves he had back in that bathroom. Because he knows what he’s getting into this time, knows that Jongin wants this too.

He’s got his jeans halfway down his thighs, and his t-shirt bunched underneath his armpits when the bed sinks as Jongin crawls up onto it, pushing Sehun down gently against the mattress.

“Don’t be nervous.” Jongin insists. Sehun flushes; Jongin’s always been able to read him like a book. “I’m nervous enough for the both of us.”

“Why?”

Jongin lets a hand curl around Sehun’s hip, “Because, now that this is seriously happening, I need a moment to figure out what to do next. I don’t want to mess this up.”

And Jongin is right - it’s different to actually do it. And Sehun realizes this when Jongin’s hand removes itself from his hip to brush lightly against his dick, sending an altogether different shock through his system than any other time he has ever touched himself.

“Let’s start by taking these clothes off you,” He helps pull Sehun’s jeans and t-shirt off, before tugging his underwear down, and he does it so fast that Sehun doesn’t even have enough time to feel embarrassed. “I’ve never mentioned this to you, but I’ve always found you so damn beautiful,” Jongin admits, and Sehun wonders if he’s as red as he feels.

He carefully pushes Sehun’s legs open, “You already got to experience what it’s like to suck me off, so let me do the same with you.” Jongin tells him, and he digs his thumb into Sehun’s hip in a way that makes the younger’s breath hitch. He moves down Sehun’s body and in between his legs, and Sehun whines because Jongin’s mouth is so hot and wet. Sehun can hear himself moaning as he pushes up against Jongin’s tongue, but the hand on his hip pins him right back down.

Jongin’s other hand is gliding against his balls, and when his fingers slide lower to slip in between his ass cheeks to rub at his entrance, Sehun has to push him away because he feels as though he’s inches away from coming down Jongin’s throat.

“Is this okay?” Jongin asks him, and the tip of his finger is still rubbing, back and forth over his rim, and Sehun goes boneless.

He bites his lip, and whispers, “Yes.”

Handing the lube over when Jongin motions for it, he watches with hazy eyes as the elder pops open the cap, pouring the substance onto his fingers. Sehun opens his legs a little more wider, and lies back, steadying his breathing as he waits. He tries to relax, but when he feels Jongin’s finger start to press in, he feels his whole body tense up.

“Oh my god.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” Sehun exclaims because that’s the complete opposite of what he wants. He knows that this is a special, one of a kind experience. To fall apart at the hands of another for the first time, only to have that same person put him together when their bodies become one. Maybe it made sense then, that Jongin would be the one, back in that bathroom, and right here and now. After all, Jongin’s always been the one, even way back when they were only friends. And so he doesn’t want to stop, because they aren’t meant to stop. They’re meant to take this step together.

And Jongin seems to know this, too, because he nods, and presses in further.

“Have you ever fingered yourself?” Jongin asks, curious. He removes his finger, and pushes it back in as he presses a wet kiss to Sehun’s inner thigh.

A blush rises to Sehun’s face, “O-Once. After I dreamed of you doing it to me. I woke up, and I fucked myself on my fingers, imagining it was you doing it instead. I came so hard.”

A heavy exhales leaves Jongin’s lips, “Jesus. That’s so hot, Sehunnie.”

“Mmm, more,” Sehun breathes out, and the other complies, pulling out his finger, and re-entering with two. The stretch burns and Sehun’s eyes clench shut, jaw tensing. Jongin presses a kiss to Sehun’s cock to distract the latter as he thrusts his digits in and out, curving and scissoring them to open Sehun further.

At three fingers, Sehun feels his toes curling, and his body shuddering, hungry for more. “J-Jongin, I’m ready. I wanna feel you.”

Jongin rubs at Sehun’s walls, making the other mewl. “You sure?”

“Yes! Please, do it.”

Jongin discards his jeans and underwear, and has his cock slicked and ready in record time, and thank god for that because Sehun feels like he’s going to start crying if he doesn’t get fucked soon. Jongin leans over, and eases his cock in inch by inch, and Sehun whines, pulling on his hair at the sensation of being filled up.

“Oh fuck, Jongin.”

“Christ. Holy shit, Sehun. You’re so tight.”

Jongin stills when he bottoms out, his expression a mixture of pleasure, and desperation as he focuses on keeping himself from coming. When Sehun adjusts, he wraps his legs around Jongin, and rolls his hips to spur the elder into moving. “Fuck me.” He moans, and Jongin crashes their lips together in agreement.

They quickly build up a good rhythm that has Sehun clutching at Jongin’s shoulders, his heels digging into the other’s lower back. They kiss heatedly, licking into each other’s mouths, and nibbling at lips, until Sehun breaks away with a drawn-out moan and a whispered, “Harder.” Jongin does as he’s told, and plows into Sehun, bracing his elbows on either side of Sehun’s head for balance.

“Fuck, fuck, Jongin- yes, right there, don’t stop, please don’t stop,” Sehun’s outright begging now, but he doesn’t give a fuck. Not when Jongin’s cock is hitting his sweet spot over, and over again, making his legs shake and his breath come out in heaves.

Jongin watches as Sehun shivers and thrashes underneath him, the sight and the sounds the younger is making all work him up more and more. His breath against Sehun’s ear becomes shaky and uneven, and he lets out a deep groan when Sehun’s walls flutter around his cock.

“You look so good like this,” He grunts, because Sehun does look good; he looks so fucking gorgeous laid out like a feast, skin flushed and glistening with sweat. He turns to plants open-mouthed kisses to the side of the younger’s neck, mumbling more sweet words in between each press of his lips. Sehun whimpers at the praise, gripping at Jongin’s back as Jongin speeds up impossibly faster, his hips snapping fluidly into his own, the sweet friction making his head spin.

Sehun feels that familiar coil in the pit of his stomach, but it’s coming from somewhere much more deeper than usual, and he knows that he’s teetering on the edge. “Jongin, I’m -ah! so close!” Letting a hand wander in between Sehun’s legs, Jongin curls his fingers around the other’s length, tugging at it in quick, rough jerks. Sehun cries out, trying to fuck into Jongin’s fist and down on his cock at the same time.

Jongin’s hips never slow and his cock never fails to hit Sehun’s prostate, and it’s too much, and also not enough. But when Jongin mummers hotly, “Come for me, baby, I wanna see you come,” his lips brushing Sehun’s ear, the words manage to send Sehun barreling over, the pleasure exploding through him, and he lets out a loud wail of Jongin’s name as he climaxes.

Jongin fucks him through it before the tightening of Sehun’s walls make him inhale sharply. Despite his orgasm making his limbs feel like jello, Sehun braces his legs around Jongin, holding the elder close as he gasps out, “Come inside me.”

“Shit,” Jongin curses, and slams all the way in, hips stuttering. Sehun can feel the cock inside him twitch before pumping him full of come, the warmth making Sehun moan weakly.

Jongin is breathing hard and fast, by the time he finishes, and with arms that feel like they’re made of sand, Sehun holds him against his chest, combing his hair back as he waits for Jongin to catch his breath. The boy weighs a lot more than he looks, but Sehun can’t bring himself to care because he feels so happy, and warm, and it’s the exact opposite of that time in the bathroom. And this time around, he isn’t going to miss the opportunity to say what’s on his mind.

“I love you.”

Jongin kisses the only part of Sehun’s body he can reach in this position -the curve where Sehun’s shoulder meets his neck- and Sehun can feel Jongin’s smile against his skin.

“I love you, too.”

And whatever that meant for their future, didn’t matter. They had time to talk about it, to figure things out.

Right now, as they lay in each other’s arms, everything made perfect sense.