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i can fly but i want her wings.

Chapter Text

“i can fly but i want her wings.”

“Have you ever seen a heaven like this” he whispered in the darkness, a muted colour of crackling light splashed across his face, it wasn’t really a question, he wasn’t actually addressing her, she wasn’t really a part of the scene he’d set out before him, just a bystander, a witness, the reflection of the streetlights high in the sky rippling in the water as pedestrians stepped in the puddles, shuffling through an eternally lit city, busy to the point of auditory explosion on the senses if he had allowed sound to permeate into this memory, this slight refraction of light that his mind projected in front of him like a silent movie. He reached for her hand finding it cold to the touch, she wasn’t listening to him, eyes fixed on that mirage just beyond the midpoint of the memory, something in the distance, tears streaming down her face as the figure appeared again, turning in slow motion, her brown hair billowing around her pale features, the small smile creasing into the corners of her mouth, pulling her eyes into line with the shell of the girl beside him, lost in the darkness with him wishing for a miracle in the form of a plethora of pixels glowing right before their eyes.

He’s trying to lace his fingers with hers to pull her close and out of the memory, he knows will turn toxic sooner than she realises, the facade has her in its clutches, and the next thing he knows is she’s reaching for the light before her, reaching for that girls hand in the darkness and he knows that she’ll touch nothing, that in reality there is nothing, this is all a figment of ‘his’ imagination, an imagination he controls, it is but a memory on the roll of film deep inside his head playing on a constant repeat and yet each layer, no matter the date, the time, the age, the same girl appears, slow motion in the ensuing chaos around her, forever young, forever the small smile playing on her lips, forever reaching for her, for Laura, dark eyes hollowing into his soul as even his heart catches fire, feeling a warmth it’s not felt in so many years.

Laura’s fingertips are so close to the shimmer that his squeezes do not register because her fingers are about to touch her after so so very long and she doesn’t have the strength to pull away, not even as the memory bursts into a thousand brilliant white pixels scattering to the four winds it explodes all around them sinking them into complete darkness. All that’s left is the feeling of his hand inside her own and the rapid ragged gasps of her heavy breathing in an attempt to pull as much air into her lungs as possible, not that she needs it.

She wipes furiously at the wetness on her cheeks and angrily pulls her hand away from his before she realises she’s shouting and it’s shattering the pretty silence she had just a moment ago when Carmilla had been right there, so close to touch and still so so far it would hurt deep inside her heart if she still had one.

“WHY!?—” she’s red in the face all her emotions on display as she makes out his aura in the darkness, his heavenly glow and unfurled wings producing his defensive stance because he knows it’s coming even before the words are out of his mouth “—Who is she?” He knows he’s interrupted her mid sentence but the rage is still there if not stronger and it’s only by lightning reflexes that he catches her hand in his own before she slaps him clean across his face.

Laura’s own unfurled wings covet her back, the feathers tickling her forearms as they move closer, closing protectively around her small frame; if emotions could crack her skin right now she would have been a disfigured statue like the ones you see in the cemetery that have been there for years, rotting away. Laura doesn’t want to answer him but she also can’t pretend she didn’t hear him, she hears everything, sees everything and so does he, it’s their punishment, no their ‘destiny’ because there is no one else here, just them, Laura and William, the two disgraced angels, cast down from heaven for disobeying the order of things, for saving rather than taking and they have both done it, both losing their most treasured person because of it. Laura never asks William who it was that he’d saved, just the same as William had never asked her why it had been Carmilla, it had been without thinking an impulse decision and the last time she’d seen those eyes were as Carmilla clutched her chest, feeling her newly beating heart beneath her ribcage, the shock plastered all over her face as her other hand shot out to grab for a disappearing Laura, missing by inches as she faded out just as her wings pulled her back into the darkness. A darkness where Carmilla was nothing but a memory in a faded silent movie playing on repeat.

William deserved an answer, it was only fair, they’d been waiting for a lifetime in the dark, where there was no time and no real tell for just how much time had passed. As she let her wings go, the soft glow of her own aura flickering, fading slightly, greying out, it’s once brilliant bright white light dying under the weight of this inexistence, “She has my heart” She stilled her hand on his chest, the rage from earlier all but dissipated under the weight of the truth and the fear she knew William could see in her eyes as she drew them to meet his; “She’s the one I saved..” she swallowed hard, forcing the lump of emotions back down into her throat, as William’s hand presses against her own on his chest,

“But really, it was she who saved me”.