"Astoria, do we have to do it like this?"
"Yes, I need to make sure you're not going to run away."
Scorpius looked back and forth at his parents curiously. Draco sat on the bed beside him, and his mother was sitting on his desk chair, facing them with crossed arms. Somehow, it felt like both he and his dad were both in trouble, but Scorpius didn't know why.
They were talking about 'this' for the past five minutes since they've entered Scorpius' room. And they had yet to chime him in on what 'this' was.
A silent conversation seemed to go down between the couple. Draco gave a pleading look, Astoria pursed her lips and crossed her arms, and Draco finally sighed in defeat before sitting up straight and clearing his throat. "Scorpius. Now that you're going to Hogwarts in a month, your mother and I have been talking-" he paused and glanced at his wife. "-We feel it is important for you to go with at least some knowledge of the human body."
Scorpius could tell his dad was deliberately talking very slow to make sure he chose the right words. And by the way his mum was watching him, Scorpius didn't blame him. Though, he was still just as lost as before
"The human body?" Scorpius shrugged and smiled. "I already know about the human body, dad."
Draco and Astoria sat up where they were and blinked several times, sharing a look before both confronting him. "You do?" Astoria tried to sound soft and calm, but her shocked face said it all.
Scorpius nodded and held his head up high. He was very bright for his age after all. "Of course. I know what every part of the body is called. What happens when one is sick and so on and so forth."
The adults relaxed and Draco couldn't help but chuckle softly. "Well, we are glad you know that. But that's not what we're talking about." Draco's expression went back to serious and awkward, and to his visible relief, Astoria took over.
"We want to talk to you about sex, dear."
Scorpius jumped when Draco made a choking noise and didn't even have time to linger on his mum's words before his dad stepped in.
"Astoria, I thought we were going to be stubble about it. Don't be so blunt."
Astoria rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly. "If we do that, we'd be here all day. Hiding behind the bush is exactly what happened to us, and you know as well as I do that experimenting is not as fun as people make it out to be. Do you want Scorpius to go through that too?"
Scorpius watched his father think about it. He couldn't be sure what all his father had to go through, but the frown on his face didn't make it seem like too much fun. Scorpius knew close to nothing about sex, only the off-hand mentions of it in his books. But now, he wasn't sure he wanted to know anything at all.
"Alright, fine." He said and turned to Scorpius. "Scorpius, we want you to know about... sexual relations so you can be safe at school," Draco said, speaking like there was a lump in his throat.
Scorpius, who didn't understand the taboo around it already felt a bit uneasy- a reaction formed by how uncomfortable his dad was about bringing this up. And he was not surprised that his mum caught on.
Because she clasped her hands together and smiled brightly. "Exactly. We want you to know a bit more about the changes you'll be going through. What you may feel and see. How you may feel towards your peers. About actual intercourse. From consent to condoms and should we tell him about the back-door, love?"
"Astoria!" Draco squeaked, his face red and his eyes wide.
Scorpius could feel his face become a similar shade as he gave his mum a wary expression. What was the back door? Just what kind of conversation was this going to be?
Astoria stared at them until she realized she had been rambling and placed her hand over her sheepish grin. "Oops. Sorry, love. You should be talking about this. In fact, I shouldn't even be here," she said, laughing softly. Now it was Draco's turn to give his mum the look.
"Yes, I do believe that is what we agreed on as well."
"Wait," Scorpius finally managed to get a word. "Why is mum leaving?" Not that he very much wanted her to stay. In fact, he was a bit glad she was going to go. Scorpius didn't think he could match her perkiness about this conversation.
"Because when your dad was a boy, Scorpius. Grandmama gave him this talk, and he always says it was the worst thing ever," she explained.
Draco nodded sharply. The colour was now gone from his face, and he seemed much calmer. "It was a very awkward discussion. You see, grandfather explained nothing to me about this subject. And though grandmama tried, and she did, bless her. I just could not get over the fact my mum was the one giving me 'the talk,' so to speak," Draco added on, and Scorpius nodded slowly.
His mind wandered for a second to imagine his grandmama sitting where his mum sat and he visibly shivered. Thank Merlin, his parents were the best.
Astoria laughed at his reaction and got up. "Well, I'll take my leave now. Just wanted to make your dad would make it here instead of runoff," she said and walked over to them, leaning down to share a peck on the lips with Draco. She moved to kiss Scorpius' hand and made her way to the door "I expect you two to have an in-depth conversation. I'll be timing," she said, pointing at the two. Scorpius and Draco both straightened up and nodded.
The moment the door closed, the Malfoy boys relaxed. Scorpius was the first one to look over and faced his dad. "We don't need to have this conversation, dad. I really don't have any interest in those things. Promise."
Draco turned to him and observed him. carefully "Are you sure?"
Scorpius nodded and smiled. "A pinky promise."
"Well good," Draco said and turned to the book on Scorpius' desk. It was a large one Draco walked in with that his mother confiscated from him before they explained what was going on. "I really didn't know what I was going to do without the textbook."
That made Scorpius laugh. He didn't know if it were because his dad felt too awkward to have this conversation or that he knew Scorpius would prefer a textbook, but either scenario made him have a good laugh.
"Oh hush," Draco said, a laugh almost escaping him. "But, the real question is what are we going to do for an hour?"
Scorpius took a deep breath and tried to stop his giggles. "Well, it doesn't matter. It's not like mum is going to test me."
There was a beat of silence.
"She might," Draco finally said.
"Maybe we should get the textbook-" Draco was already getting up as Scorpius spoke.
"Already one step ahead of you."