As I look over the past twenty-five years, I can't help but smile at the memories of all Mulder and I have been through. Many experiences still replay in my head quite often. Giving up my son for adoption is my biggest regret. After the diagnosis of infertility and the loss of a daughter I knew for such a short time, I never thought that William would have been in my future. Even if I had known about what would transpire from the perfect human I perceive as my son, I would do it all over again. The love I have for both of my children is everlasting, yet right beside it is the pain of having neither one in my life. How after seventeen years can I tell Mulder that our entire world as we know it is about to change? How can I explain the impossibility of what is to come?
We have been to hell, walked through the flames together and back. We came out stronger every time, but what if this time one of us doesn’t come out alive? What will happen to Mulder if I am not here? What if I leave him with the most important part of me? Will he be able to manage on his own? What will happen to his mind if I leave him with no love, no son, and no partner? What will become of the man who owns my heart?
Our lives have been intertwined for the past twenty-five years and in that time, we have gone from naive pawns in a great game of cat and mouse until we started to learn too much of what the masters had been doing behind the lines of fire. Despite having been used and abused, we have always found our way back to each other. I cannot go ahead with this without him. Not again. This child William has shown me in our shared visions, is she or he really ours? Or did I dream what I thought was a vision? As I stand here in the bathroom in the house that technically belongs to both Mulder and me, all I feel is pure anxiety and yet hope for the possibility that maybe there is a baby growing within me. I know this is impossible, considering all that has happened and the diagnosis from years ago. Yet once the timer goes off, I will find some evidence to this question of what is truly going on besides these visions I receive from William and the ones I hope he receives from me.
I don’t know what I will say to Mulder if it is positive. What will he say to me? Will he stay or will he run? Does he even want a child with me? It’s not like we thought that we had to be careful and take precautions for this to not happen. Even if we thought this was a possibility, would we have been sure to use protection to prevent this impossible situation? Will there be little pink bows or little toy cars? There is the most logical answer to this. I had a dream and nothing more. There is no baby, and yet I stand here waiting for the test to finish to confirm or deny my hope that there may be a baby growing within me.
The timer goes off.
Crap! I am not ready to look at this. 'Ok, Dana just flip the damn stick over'.
Turning the pregnancy test face up, the realization of the impossible situation hit Scully like a house of bricks. The second Scully looked at the result, what she saw made the ground beneath her feet feel as though it had dropped out from underneath her. She sat on the floor with her legs crossed, one hand on her abdomen and the other holding the test.
“Shit!” Scully had no idea what she was going to do or how she was going to tell Mulder. “This could be menopause?” Scully got up and ran downstairs to the living room to find her cell phone. Flying through her contacts, she found Nurse Sandeep at Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital and pressed the call button while she waited for her friend's familiar voice to answer.
“Dr. Scully it's been weeks, are you okay, how is your leave?”
“Maria, I’ve been good, I need to come to see you but I can’t explain why over the phone.” Scully grabbed her purse, keys, and light black jacket from the hook by the front door.
“Sure, Dana, where would you like to meet?”
After locking the door, Scully headed to her SUV and got in. As soon as she closed the door, Scully instantly locked the vehicle. “Um….. when I get to the hospital, I will call you.” Scully started the car.
“Okay, Dana sounds good. Hey, whatever it is, don’t worry, just get here safe.”
Scully procced to lock her seat belt in place, “Thank you, Maria.” Scully hung up her phone and placed it in the cup holder next to her.
During the entire drive into the city, Scully could not stop thinking about William and Emily. While she was pregnant with William, all Scully could think about was what little Emily’s face would look like if she had the chance to tell Emily that she would be a big sister. She would have been twenty-four this year. Scully never let it show in front of Mulder, but she missed Emily every bit as much as she missed William. They have always been her children, no matter where they were because DNA doesn't lie and her kids are part of her. She couldn't help but hope, because they never did find Emily’s body. They had just buried an empty casket.
Scully unconsciously still looked for Emily. She even thought that she had seen her once. The young girl looked just like her sister Melissa, but with Scully’s eye color and natural red hair. The girl couldn’t have been more than twenty, Mulder saw her too as they were in the frozen yogurt shop together one time. She knew Mulder knew what she was thinking because she had squeezed his hand and her eyes were fixed on the girl sitting in front of the shop's window.
Instinctively, Mulder pulled Scully into his chest held her close before there was any chance of tears from the love of his life. “I know my love, but it's not her," he placed a kiss on her forehead as their order was put on the counter.
It had taken just over forty-five minutes to reach the hospital. Scully loved living in the country. It felt like her childhood home and the drive to and from work was her alone time. It was more like her time to sing as loud as she wanted to all her favorite music. Scully was never able to carry a single tone, but she loved to sing anyway.
Once she arrived, Scully stayed in the car with the windows up and doors locked and she picked up her phone to dial Maria.
“Dana, are you here?”
“Yes, what side of the hospital are you on?”
“Day surgery, I'm heading over to peds in thirty.”
“Can you meet me in the alien room?”
“Awe, you still remember the nickname,” Maria giggled a little.
“Best inside joke ever, and the kids loved it too.”
“Yes, they sure did. I can be there in five.”
“Okay, see you soon,” Scully hung up the phone.
Before getting out of the car, Scully checked all her mirrors to make sure it was safe to get out. If she was truly pregnant, she knew that being careful no matter what was the most important thing right now. Getting out, Scully instantly headed inside to the “alien” room which was really just where they used to do ultrasounds on kids, but it was relocated. A hospital bed and an ultrasound machine were kept there for emergencies.
Getting to the room took much less time than she had anticipated, but when she got there Maria was already waiting for her. As soon as Scully turned into the room, she was greeted with a smile and open arms ready to hug Scully. Eagerly, Scully closed the door and walked over to her friend allowing her body to sink into Maria’s and let out a small whimper.
“Dana, my friend what is the mater?” Maria sat them both down on to the bed.
“Do you remember when we talked about my infertility and my son, William?” Tears began to form in the corners of Scully’s eyes.
“Yes I do, what is this about?”
“I took a pregnancy test……... and it could be my age…… but the test, it was positive. I’ve been having pregnancy symptoms. Would you do an ultrasound to check? Please, I don’t trust anyone else.”
“Absolutely, let’s get set up and have a look.” Maria smiled at Scully who wiped a tear from her face, then proceed to stand up and get the machine ready while Scully laid down on the bed. She gathered her sweatshirt, then unbuttoned her jeans. The spaceships, stars, and aliens on the ceiling made her think about Mulder and how much she wished he was with her. By the time Scully got back to the house, Mulder would be home.
“Okay, Dana, are you ready?”
Scully nodded to her friend.
The gel was relatively warm, but not pleasantly warm. At first, there was nothing. Just empty space. Then there was a flutter. It looked like nothing until Marie angled the wand. Almost instantly, the room was filled with the sound of a heartbeat. The healthy heartbeat of a 10-week old fetus. Scully counted the weeks in her head. It was the three days her and Mulder had spent out of town investigating the doppelganger case.
'Ten weeks. We talked about kids and then we... and now I’m...FUCK! How the hell am I going to tell Mulder? Oh my God, it’s a baby....my baby, our baby. Mine and Mulder's baby!'
“Well, would you look at that, Dana. You have a healthy bud in there. Ten weeks is what I would roughly guess,” Maria squinted at the screen.
“No, you're right, ten weeks.”
“Congratulations my friend lets print you a couple photos.” Maria handed a towel to Scully, then proceed to flip through the images looking for the right one.
Thirty minutes later, Scully left the hospital. She stopped at a small drug store and bought a bottle of prenatal vitamins, a bottle of ginger ale along with a pair of green baby botties that had little black flying saucers on them and a pair of adult socks with the same pattern. Scully knew that Mulder would love this and it would have been the way that she would have told him about William, if only she were given the chance. After 45-60 minutes of singing Dixie Chicks and resting her left hand on her abdomen, she was cut short when her Bluetooth began to buzz.
Scully recognized the voice. It was the same one from her vision months ago, it was the woman who was like a sister to her all those years ago.
"Monica? Is that you?"
"Yes, I'm sorry. I wish this call was under better circumstances, but I don't have much time. It's about William."
Scully remembered Monica coming to her in her vision. She knew she was working with the smoking man. Though her motives had been unclear, she knew whatever it was Monica was doing was to help them. She knew it. One thing was clear though, their time before the virus was unleashed was coming faster than she expected. It filled her with dread. She was having a baby and the world was ending.
"What is it, Monica?" She asked as she pulled onto the lonely road that leads to their house.
"They know where William is. You and Mulder need to get to him before they do."
A sense of dis-ease settled over Scully as she turned to pull into the long road that leads towards their driveway. She was thankful that Mulder had the gate removed several years back when he was exonerated from the FBI. It saved her from having to get in and out of her car to open it each time she left and returned. That was always a pain in the ass.
As she neared the house, she spotted Mulder's Mustang right in front. He was home and yet her plans to tell him about the baby would have to wait.
"Hold on Monica, I'm just pulling up to the house."
She pulled up next to Mulder's car and put the SUV into park before she ran up the stairs and into the house.
Mulder looked up at her expectantly as she rushed inside urgently, phone in her hand, leaving him to wonder what was going on.
"Hold on, let me put you on speaker phone," she said.
Mulder sat up in his chair. "Who's on the phone?" he asked.
Scully turned the screen towards Mulder before setting it on his desk.
"This is Monica Reyes. I think they have got your son, William."
"Just tell me where he is, Monica," he said casually.
Monica proceeded to tell them the number of the flight that had landed in Tennessee as Mulder was already up and grabbing his coat.
"The person who controls your son controls the future," she had said with a click.
"I don't know how I know, I just know he's not on that plane, Mulder," Scully said.
"What if she's right and this is our last good chance?" Mulder insisted.
She took a moment to debate whether or not she should tell him about the baby. Going into the field on a simple hunch would be too risky for her, but if what Monica said was true? They needed to find their son.
"Just come back alive," she finally said.
Mulder gave her an odd look, wondering what was up, but thankfully didn't question it before disappearing out the door.
After Mulder rushed out the door, Scully sat down at his desk and pulled the booties and socks out of the bag from the store. Mulder still had her poster in his office, so Scully decided to place some of Mulder's heavy books just high enough in front of the poster so she could place the sonogram picture down with the booties while holding the picture in place. She then unrolled the socks and took the tags off before placing them side by side in front of the baby booties. Admiring her handy work, Scully placed her right hand over her abdomen.
Don’t worry baby as soon as everything is over I will make sure your daddy sees this, I think it's going to be a bit before he comes home. But I promise that he is going love you just as much as I do, if not more! I need you to keep growing and be healthy, please baby, you have no idea how much we need you and want you.
Images began to flash into Scully’s mind, images of a woman with long red hair and bright hazel eyes and a beautiful smile on her face.
“It's okay mom, the baby you carry will be perfect and completely healthy.”
“How do you know this?” Scully placed both of her palms on her abdomen. “Are you? Is this you?........can I walk over to you?”
“I’m sorry mom, but I have to go, but you need to know that everything you deserve is coming and you will be happy with my father!” The women faded out of Scully’s view.
Why do you both keep giving me cryptic messages? Shit, Every time!
Scully’s stomach began to churn and she took off to the kitchen sink where she lost every ounce of the ginger ale and her breakfast. After cleaning up and drinking some water, Scully decided to lay down for a bit.
Laying in the bed she had once shared with Mulder, Scully softly sang Jeremiah was a bullfrog until she fell asleep with her hands placed protectively over the little miracle growing within her.