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AHamSandwich > Angel-Hair-Pasta, Labaguette, pegleg, SonofaGod, and TooGoodForThisWorld
Monday, October 16th at 2:34pm

AHamSandwich has named the chat HELP

AHamSandwich: GUYS.
AHamSandwich: HELP ME.

SonofaGod: whats wrong?

pegleg: r u watching the notebook again

Labaguette: mon ange you know you’re too soft for that movie

AHamSandwich: What?
AHamSandwich: THAT’S NOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Then what are you talking about?

AHamSandwich: I JUST MET THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: oooooo alex got a crush

AHamSandwich: HE HAD FRECKLES, ANGELICA.
AHamSandwich: FRECKLES!

Angel-Hair-Pasta: freckles huh?

AHamSandwich: AND HIS EYES.
AHamSandwich: AND HIS VOICE.
AHamSandwich: I THINK I’M IN LOVE.

pegleg: oh u got it baaaaad

Labaguette: our sin is growing up

TooGoodForThisWorld: You mean our son?

Labaguette: I know what I said

Angel-Hair-Pasta: did you talk to him alex???

AHamSandwich: Yeah…
AHamSandwich: I sort of ran into him on the way to Washington’s room, actually.
AHamSandwich: I knocked all of his stuff out of his hands.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: im sorry you did what now

AHamSandwich: I KNOW.
AHamSandwich: I FEEL SO BAD.
AHamSandwich: HE SAID HE WAS SORRY, EVEN THOUGH HE WASN’T THE ONE WHO DID ANYTHING WRONG.
AHamSandwich: AND THEN, INSTEAD OF HELPING, I FUCKING BOLTED.
AHamSandwich: HE WAS PRETTY, AND I PANICKED.

SonofaGod: jesus christ alex why are you like this

AHamSandwich: I DON’T KNOW.

pegleg: well that relationship died before it even started

AHamSandwich: DON’T SAY THAT, PEGGY.
AHamSandwich: I AM LEGITIMATELY UPSET OVER THIS.

pegleg: its the truth dude

SonofaGod: oh my god

AHamSandwich: What now?

SonofaGod: i know the guy you ran into

AHamSandwich: WHAT?

SonofaGod: he just moved in on my street two weeks ago
SonofaGod: hes texting me in a panic bc of what happened

AHamSandwich: YOU HAVE HIS NUMBER?

SonofaGod: yeah i got it when me and my mom welcomed him to the neighborhood bc he didnt know anyone

AHamSandwich: ADD HIM.

SonofaGod: why?

AHamSandwich: SO I CAN APOLOGIZE FOR MY SINS.

SonofaGod: okay i guess

SonofaGod has added (856)-123-4567 to the chat

SonofaGod has changed (856)-123-4567’s name to JLau

AHamSandwich: I AM SO SORRY.

JLau: what is happening

AHamSandwich: Did Herc not explain?

JLau: no he just put me in a random chat with a bunch of strangers

AHamSandwich: HERCULES, WHAT THE FUCK?

SonofaGod: what i didnt know i was supposed to tell him your tragic backstory

AHamSandwich: Whatever. Anyway, I’m the dude who rammed into you earlier and ran away without helping you pick your stuff up.

JLau: oh
JLau: listen I’m sorry

AHamSandwich: Why are you sorry?

JLau: is that not what you wanted me to say?

AHamSandwich: I mean, it was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, and I just sort of left you there without saying anything.
AHamSandwich: So, sorry about that.

JLau: oh it’s fine don’t worry about it
JLau: thanks for apologizing though

AHamSandwich: I mean it, I feel super bad about that.
AHamSandwich: Is there something I can do to make it up to you?

JLau: you can take me out for dinner ;)

SonofaGod: since when are you such a flirt john

JLau: since your friend was cute

AHamSandwich: ahshshqosbvakakxk

Angel-Hair-Pasta: he was all “please forgive me i am smol” two seconds ago and now hes all “whatever you say daddy”

JLau: I DID NOT SAY THAT OH MY GOD

AHamSandwich: CUTE ABAIANANGGUOSNGI

pegleg: i think he broke alex

JLau: so no date?

AHamSandwich: YES DATE

JLau: cool
JLau: I’m John Laurens
JLau: what’s your name man?

AHamSandwich: ALEXANDER HAMILTON

JLau: and is Friday at 6 good?

AHamSandwich: YES
AHamSandwich: SUCK IT PEGGY

Labaguette: you’re not using punctuation
Labaguette: how flustered are you petit lion

AHamSandwich: SHUT UP, LAF.

Labaguette: that’s my sin

pegleg has named the chat alex is a sin

AHamSandwich: I hate all of you.

Chapter Text

AHamSandwich > pegleg
Friday, October 20th at 5:27pm

AHamSandwich: OH MY GOD. JOHN’S GOING TO BE HERE IN HALF AN HOUR, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR. HELP.

pegleg: i gotchu
pegleg: but im gonna need some backup


pegleg > AHamSandwich, Angel-Hair-Pasta, George Washington, Labaguette, and TooGoodForThisWorld
Friday, October 20th at 5:30pm

pegleg: okay first things first

pegleg has named the chat fashion squad

pegleg has changed George Washington’s name to GWash

AHamSandwich: PEGGY, WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

pegleg: hush child

AHamSandwich: WHY IS WASHINGTON HERE?

pegleg: bc hes a fashion icon obviously

TooGoodForThisWorld: What’s happening?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: oooo are we helping alex get ready for his date

pegleg: of course
pegleg: he cant do it on his own hes a mess

GWash: Excuse me?
GWash: You never told me you were going on a date

AHamSandwich: I told you that John was coming to get me at 6:00.

GWash: YOU NEVER SAID IT WAS A DATE

AHamSandwich: I’M SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU’D INFER.

GWash: INFER? ITS NOT LIKE YOU’VE EVER HAD A DATE BEFORE

Labaguette: oooo burn

Angel-Hair-Pasta: you tell him gwash

AHamSandwich: I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. JOHN IS COMING IN TWENTY MINUTES.

pegleg: oh right
pegleg: send pictures of outfits u had in mind

AHamSandwich: I DON’T HAVE ANY OUTFITS IN MIND, THAT’S WHY I CAME TO YOU.

pegleg: R U SERIOUS ALEX
pegleg: GWASH R U HOME

GWash: NO I HAD TO STAY LATE AT THE SCHOOL

pegleg: AND MARTHA

GWash: BUSINESS TRIP

pegleg: GODDAMMIT
pegleg: okay just show us ur closet

AHamSandwich has sent an image

pegleg: WHAT THE FUCK ALEX U HAV LIK 3 THINGS IN THERE

AHamSandwich: I KNOW

Labaguette: you’d better start praying mon ami

GWash: Okay Alexander I want you to go into my room and find the white dress shirt in the back of my closet
GWash: It should fit you well enough and it’s a little fancy but it’ll work
GWash: Then wear your dark jacket and nice dress pants with your new shoes
GWash: It’ll look better with your hair up but wearing your hair down is okay as long as it’s brushed

Angel-Hair-Pasta: holy shit

pegleg: I TOLD U HE WAS A FASHION ICON

Labaguette: bravo monsieur Washington

TooGoodForThisWorld: Why were the rest of us even invited? Clearly Washington has everything under control

Labaguette: I say you add gold body glitter to the mix

AHamSandwich: What the fuck, Laf? No.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: you totally should

GWash: Glitter would be a nice addition

AHamSandwich: What the hell is wrong with all of you?

pegleg: thats why

TooGoodForThisWorld: I see it now


Angel-Hair-Pasta > fashion squad
Friday, October 20th at 8:26pm

Angel-Hair-Pasta: so how was the date

pegleg: did he kiss u goodnight

GWash: Alex isn’t home yet

TooGoodForThisWorld: Really?
TooGoodForThisWorld: They were only going out for dinner, what’s taking them so long?

pegleg: i bet they went back to johns
pegleg: to ya know
pegleg: do the do

AHamSandwich: OH MY GOD, PEGGY. MY FATHER IS IN THIS CHAT.

pegleg: so? he sees u at school im sure he already knows u a hoe
pegleg: what took u so long to answer huh?

AHamSandwich: For your information, we did go back to John’s house.

pegleg: I KNEW IT

GWash: Alexander I didn’t need to know that

AHamSandwich: JESUS CHRIST, WE DIDN’T FUCK.
AHamSandwich: We were watching a movie.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: were?
Angel-Hair-Pasta: sounds suspicious to me

AHamSandwich: Well, I’m still watching the movie.
AHamSandwich: John fell asleep a little while ago, though.
AHamSandwich: I sort of have to pee, but he’s leaning on me, and it’s so cute I don’t want to wake him up.

pegleg: sorry dude ur fucked

Labaguette has named the chat rip Alex

pegleg: quit lurking laf

Labaguette has named the chat no

AHamSandwich: Whatever, I’m just going to go to sleep and hope that when I wake up I don’t have to pee anymore.

GWash: So you’re not coming home?

AHamSandwich: Not unless you want me to wake up my boyfriend.

GWash: Boyfriend?

TooGoodForThisWorld: Boyfriend?

pegleg: boyfriend u say?

Labaguette: BOYFRIEND

Angel-Hair-Pasta: ALEXANDER HAMILTON YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT BEING OFFICIAL BOYFRIENDS WHAT HAPPENED ON THAT DATE

AHamSandwich: Oh, would you look at the time? I should go.

AHamSandwich has left the chat


Angel-Hair-Pasta > alex is a sin
Friday, October 20th at 8:44pm

Angel-Hair-Pasta: I WILL FIND YOU ALEXANDER

AHamSandwich has left the chat

SonofaGod: whats going on?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: ALEX AND JOHN ARE BOYFRIENDS AND ALEX WONT TELL ME THE DETAILS

TooGoodForThisWorld: I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it tomorrow, he just didn’t want to wake John up with all his texting

Angel-Hair-Pasta: goddammit i hate when youre right

TooGoodForThisWorld: :)

Chapter Text

Angel-Hair-Pasta has added AHamSandwich to alex is a sin
Saturday, October 22nd at 12:46pm

Angel-Hair-Pasta: ugh i hate romance

AHamSandwich: Any reason for the sudden proclamation?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: i was just watching this movie (because i have no life) and its not like it was bad or anything it just ended up focusing a lot on the romance between the main character and this dude

Angel-Hair-Pasta: and throughout the whole movie both of them were like “were just friends guys and girls can just be friends jeez” but then they ended up getting together at the end anyway and a lot of the movie focused on them getting together/their relationship and im just annoyed because why is every movie about romance its like i can never get away from it

Angel-Hair-Pasta: and i dunno maybe its just because im aro but i think its dumb that literally every movie and tv show is full of people falling in love with each other and giving up their dreams for this person when like no you shouldnt give up the goal youve been working toward youre whole life just because some dude comes along that wants to get in your pants if he loved you hed help you achieve your goal or accept that you two have to go your separate ways but that never happens in media and im just so frustrated that i cant enjoy anything without romance being shoved in my face and ugh im rambling whatever you get my point

AHamSandwich: Wow, you’ve thought about this a lot.

Labaguette: been waiting to get that off your chest choupette?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: it just means a lot to me i think its so stupid that every guy/girl duo ends up getting together why cant they just be friends

pegleg: i feel u sister

Angel-Hair-Pasta: thank you sibling at least someone understands

AHamSandwich: I understand how you must be feeling, considering there is pretty much no aromantic (or asexual, for that matter) representation in any media. The lesser known identities are just overshadowed by heteronormativity and, at times, homosexuality, because having the stereotypical “gay” character creates diversity, but it’s a diversity that almost everyone is familiar with, regardless of whether or not they approve of it. Other orientations are usually portrayed as more of a phase that the characters go through, like the “bisexual phase,” where the main character has a brief fling with someone of the opposite gender before being decidedly labeled as heterosexual or homosexual, or the “aromantic phase,” where the main character is independent and doesn’t desire romance until “the one” comes along and changes the main character’s mind. However, things are changing. It’s slow-going, but it’s happening. Still, I think that it will probably be a while before there are any legitimate aromantic characters represented in media.

pegleg: damn alex over here writing a whole essay

Angel-Hair-Pasta: well i cant complain i wrote more

AHamSandwich: It’s not that long, I was just going more in depth on what Angelica said.

pegleg: yea but it sounds lik ur gonna submit it for class

JLau: he always sounds like that

AHamSandwich: Nice of you to finally join us, John.

JLau: I’m right next to you why are you acting like I’ve been avoiding you

AHamSandwich: Well, it’s not like you’ve been talking to me.

JLau: I was sleeping
JLau: right next to you

Angel-Hair-Pasta: i believe you owe me a story alexander

AHamSandwich: I thought you said you were done with romance?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: nice try but i said i was done with romance in movies
Angel-Hair-Pasta: now get over here and tell auntie angelica all about your date

JLau: do I get a say in this

Angel-Hair-Pasta: no this is brotime

AHamSandwich: John is literally right next to me, can we talk about this later?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: ugh fine but youd better come to me as soon as you get home

AHamSandwich: Okay, okay.


Angel-Hair-Pasta > alex is a sin
Saturday, October 22nd at 2:38pm

Angel-Hair-Pasta: ALEXANDER

AHamSandwich: Oh, would you look at the time?

AHamSandwich has left the chat


Angel-Hair-Pasta > AHamSandwich
Saturday, October 22nd at 2:40pm

Angel-Hair-Pasta: i hope you choke on johns dick

AHamSandwich: JESUS CHRIST, ANGELICA.

Chapter Text

pegleg has added AHamSandwich to alex is a sin
Tuesday, October 31st at 7:47pm

pegleg: who wants to hav a horror movie marathon with me

TooGoodForThisWorld: We have school tomorrow

pegleg: its not lik we sleep anyway

TooGoodForThisWorld: Good point

AHamSandwich: Will we be watching Astro Boy?

pegleg: yes

AHamSandwich: I’m in.

TooGoodForThisWorld: That’s not even a horror movie

Angel-Hair-Pasta: and its literal garbage

TooGoodForThisWorld: Well I wasn’t gonna say it but yeah

pegleg: SHUT UR WHORE MOUTHS
pegleg: astro boy is a cinematic masterpiece

Angel-Hair-Pasta: it was made for five year olds and the ending is complete shit

pegleg: A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE

AHamSandwich: Yeah, don’t come for my man Astro just because he has better hair than you.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: your man astro aint even a real person

AHamSandwich: DON’T POKE AT HIS INSECURITIES, YOU EVIL WITCH.

pegleg: HES A ROBOT WITH THE HEART OF A LION
pegleg: AND HES REALER THAN U WILL EVER BE

JLau: what are y’all even talking about

pegleg: JOHN U R COMING TO MY HOUSE AND I AM SHOWING U ART

JLau: okay I guess

AHamSandwich: Laf, Herc, are you guys coming?

SonofaGod: not if your playing that bullshit

Labaguette: sorry petit lion but Astro boy is a little, how you say, fucking awful

AHamSandwich: Well, what would you know, stupid baguette. Neither of you have ever even seen it.

SonofaGod: ive seen the end

Labaguette: I have as well and it sucks

pegleg: UR OPINIONS R INVALID U HAVNT EVEN SEEN THE WHOLE THING

SonofaGod: whatever
SonofaGod: ill come if we watch nightmare before christmas

pegleg: i was already planning on doing that

SonofaGod: omw

Labaguette: I’m coming with herc
Labaguette: I have some scary movies we can watch

pegleg: bring them

Labaguette: on it

Angel-Hair-Pasta: i guess ill pickup ham and john then

JLau: thanks

AHamSandwich: Damn right you will.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: watch it

AHamSandwich: Sorry, ma’am.

pegleg: ok bbs prepare to piss ur pants

JLau: can’t wait


pegleg > alex is a sin
Tuesday, October 31st at 10:43pm

SonofaGod: alex where tf are you

AHamSandwich: I’m in the bathroom?

pegleg: no ur not i checked all the bathrooms

AHamSandwich: Why the hell are you looking in all the bathrooms?

pegleg: because the movie finished and ur still not back lik wth is taking u so long
pegleg: seriously tho where r u all the bathrooms r empty

AHamSandwich: Well, look again, because I am definitely in here, washing my hands.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: hes not in the upstairs bathroom

TooGoodForThisWorld: Or the downstairs bathroom

JLau: or whatever the hell bathroom I’m standing in right now

pegleg: and hes not in this one

Angel-Hair-Pasta: im pretty sure we only have 4 bathrooms

AHamSandwich: Where the hell am I, then?

Labaguette: mon ami seriously where are you I’m getting freaked out

pegleg: hes obviously fucking with us we just watched a horror movie

AHamSandwich: Yeah, I’m totally fucking with you guys. Don’t worry, Laf. I’m hiding in a closet.

Labaguette: oh good

SonofaGod: lol closet

JLau: you didn’t reassure me rude

AHamSandwich: I’m sorry, baby muffin cakes, did I worry you?

JLau: maybe

AHamSandwich: Wait, did I really?

JLau: well I didn’t know where you were how am I not supposed to worry?

AHamSandwich: Aw, now I feel bad.
AHamSandwich: If I hug you and kiss your face, will you forgive me?

JLau: I’ll think about it

AHamSandwich: Hold on, I’ll be there in a second.
AHamSandwich:
AHamSandwich: The door won’t open.

pegleg: alex stop fucking around so we can watch the next movie

AHamSandwich: I’m serious, it won’t open.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: alex i swear to god

AHamSandwich: NO GUYS IT REALLY WONT OPEN
AHamSandwich: ITS DARK IN HERE AND MY PHONE’S AT TWO PERCENT HELP

pegleg: shit i think hes serious

TooGoodForThisWorld: Okay where are you?

AHamSandwich: I DON’T KNOW I JUST DARTED INTO THE NEAREST CLOSET

pegleg: DO U NO HOW MANY CLOSETS R IN THIS HOUSE

AHamSandwich: NO BUT FIND ME I’M LEGIT PANICKING RIGHT NOW

JLau: OH MY GOD ALEX
JLau: IM CRYING WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

AHamSandwich: DON’T CRY YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY

Labaguette: IM CRYING

SonofaGod: ALL OF YOU STOP CRYING

AHamSandwich: SOMEONE FIND ME

pegleg: WERE TRYING

AHamSandwich: GUYS

pegleg: WHAT
pegleg: ALEX WHERE R U

JLau: HOLY FUCK DID HIS PHONE DIE

Labaguette: ALEX MON AMI LET US KNOW YOURE ALIVE

pegleg: SHIT

Angel-Hair-Pasta: LESS TEXTING MORE LOOKING

JLau: found him

pegleg: WHERE WAS HE

JLau: he was in the closet next to the living room this whole time

pegleg:
pegleg: R U SERIOUS

JLau: deadly

TooGoodForThisWorld: Is he okay?

JLau: well he’s kind of sobbing a little bit
JLau: but he’s also clinging to me and whispering “I’ll never let go Jack” so how bad can he really be?

pegleg: is he really saying that?

JLau: I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried

TooGoodForThisWorld: I think it’s time for bed

Angel-Hair-Pasta: im not usually one for sleeping early but that was emotionally distressing
Angel-Hair-Pasta: john be a dear and drag alex out to the car with you

JLau: on it

pegleg: aww ur so sweet carrying alex all gay and shit

SonofaGod: pictures or it didnt happen

pegleg has sent an image
pegleg: look at him kissing his little forhead

Angel-Hair-Pasta: goddammit stop being so cute you two

Labaguette: heh gay

pegleg: stfu laf u gay baguette

SonofaGod: lol gay baguette

Labaguette has named the chat gay baguettes

JLau: I hate this family

Labaguette: we love you too <3

Chapter Text

AHamSandwich has added (856)-765-1234 to gay baguettes
Wednesday, November 8th at 3:23pm

AHamSandwich has changed (856)-765-1234’s name to Burrrrrn

pegleg: ooo fresh meat

Burrrrrn: Um

AHamSandwich: Peggy, control yourself.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: lol like that will ever happen

Labaguette: who’s your friend petit lion?

AHamSandwich: This is Aaron Burr. We have gym together and bonded over the fact that we’re super not cis.

pegleg: wow alex dont expose the dude

Burrrrrn: I gave him permission

pegleg: oh good i was about to come for u alex

AHamSandwich: Jeez, I would never do that without his permission.

pegleg: true

TooGoodForThisWorld: Should we introduce ourselves?

Burrrrrn: I know most of your names already, you’re pretty much all Alexander talks about

TooGoodForThisWorld: Aww that’s so sweet

JLau: I bet he talks about me the most

TooGoodForThisWorld: His ass was mine before it was yours so I don’t think so

pegleg: oh my GOD DID U JUST CUSS

JLau: HIS ASS IS MINE NOW BACK OFF HOE

Angel-Hair-Pasta: IF YOU CALL HER A HOE AGAIN I WILL RIP OUT YOUR TONGUE

JLau: THEN TELL HER THAT CLEARLY ALEX TALKS THE MOST ABOUT ME

TooGoodForThisWorld: SHE’D BE LYING

Burrrrrn: Is one of you Lafayette?

JLau:

TooGoodForThisWorld:

JLau has left the chat

AHamSandwich: WAIT, JACK.

AHamSandwich has added JLau to the chat

TooGoodForThisWorld: OF COURSE ITS FREAKING LAF

Labaguette: awww mon ange I’m flattered

JLau: WHY DONT YOU JUST DATE LAF HUH ALEXANDER?

Burrrrrn: I think I may have inadvertently set something in motion and I apologize

AHamSandwich: IT’S NOT LIKE THAT, OKAY? I’VE JUST KNOWN LAF FOR LIKE SEVEN YEARS, AND I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THEM.

Labaguette: her

AHamSandwich: HER*
AHamSandwich: PLUS, I TALK ABOUT YOU PLENTY. THE DAY WE MET I PHYSICALLY COULDN’T STOP TELLING ANGELICA ABOUT YOUR FRECKLES.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: its true
Angel-Hair-Pasta: he texted me past midnight and it was LITERALLY ALL ABOUT YOUR FRECKLES LIKE HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO TALK THAT MUCH ABOUT FUCKING FRECKLES?

pegleg: lol is that what u were screaming about at two in the morning

Angel-Hair-Pasta: YES

TooGoodForThisWorld: “Shut the FUCK UP ABOUT ABOUT THE DAMN FRECKLES”

JLau: you care that much about my freckles?

AHamSandwich: John, dear, your freckles are my FUCKING WEAKNESS.

JLau: okay I forgive you

Labaguette: so what exactly did our dearest Alexander say about me

Burrrrrn: I believe the comment that he makes most often is “how does Lafayette look so nice with a bun they are a literal QUEEN”

JLau: I feel like I should be upset that you called Laf a queen and not me but it’s so true

TooGoodForThisWorld: I think we can all agree Laf is more of a queen than any of us

pegleg: true

Angel-Hair-Pasta: so true

SonofaGod: i dont think anyone could disagree with that

Labaguette: aw you guys are so good to me

AHamSandwich: Laf, you are the love of my life.

pegleg: i second that

TooGoodForThisWorld: Can we all marry Laf?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: i will FIND A WAY

AHamSandwich: TO GOOGLE.

Burrrrrn: Why do I feel like I’ve joined a cult

pegleg: its probably because u hav

Chapter Text

AHamSandwich > TooGoodForThisWorld
Sunday, November 12th at 2:37am

AHamSandwich: Hey, Betsey?
AHamSandwich: Are you awake?

TooGoodForThisWorld: I am now

AHamSandwich: Oh, sorry.

TooGoodForThisWorld: No it’s fine. What’s up?

AHamSandwich: I’ve just been thinking about my and John’s relationship, and are we moving too fast?

TooGoodForThisWorld: What do you mean?

AHamSandwich: It’s just that we only met a month ago, and we started dating not that long after we met, and last night when I was spending the night at John’s, I woke up while he was still sleeping, so I was just watching him sleep peacefully, and my heart felt really happy, and I sort of just wanted to hug him close to me or something and stay like that forever.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Is there a problem with that?

AHamSandwich: I don’t know how to explain it. It’s not even a sexual thing, because, yeah, I’d like to do that with him at some point, but honestly I just want to lay in bed with him and do sickeningly cute things like cuddle him and kiss his forehead, and just the thought of being with him makes me so happy, and I think I might actually love him, and I want to tell him how I feel, but how do you even fall in love with someone in a month? I feel like we’re moving too fast, and I’m kind of scared that this is just some teenage thing where I’m just infatuated with him, even though I don’t think it’s like that, because I literally just want to make him as happy as he makes me, but I don’t know if I just can’t see it because I’m too close to it? I don’t know.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Okay Alex I’m going to be completely honest here and say that it is very possible that one day you and John will no longer be together. It’s also entirely possible that you will be together ten+ years in the future. No one knows what’ll happen when we graduate, and that’s okay. Either way it’s still perfectly valid for you to feel the way you do about him even if you two haven’t been dating for a long time. If you love John then you shouldn’t be ashamed to tell him that. Maybe you’re moving quickly, but every relationship is different and yours is no less real than anyone else’s okay?

AHamSandwich: I guess that is true.

TooGoodForThisWorld: I’m glad you came to me Alex but this is something you should probably also discuss with John. He’ll be able to assure you about it better than I can

AHamSandwich: Okay, Betsey.
AHamSandwich: Thank you for putting up with my bullshit at three in the morning.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Alex I have two of the queerest people for siblings I’m used to midnight conversations so don’t worry about it
TooGoodForThisWorld: If you ever need to talk about anything I’ll always be willing to listen

AHamSandwich: You sound like Washington.
AHamSandwich: But seriously, thank you, Betsey.

TooGoodForThisWorld: You’re welcome Alex
TooGoodForThisWorld: Now get some sleep

AHamSandwich: I’m cold, though.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Is that why you’re up so late?

AHamSandwich: Maybe.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Alex just get a blanket

AHamSandwich: I have one.
AHamSandwich: I’m still cold.
AHamSandwich: Let me just


AHamSandwich > JLau
Sunday, November 12th at 3:01am

AHamSandwich: Jack.

JLau: what

AHamSandwich: I’m cold.

JLau: okay?

AHamSandwich: Come over and let me cuddle you.

JLau: it is three in the morning and you live like ten miles away

AHamSandwich: Your point?

JLau: I cannot legally drive to your house at three in the morning

AHamSandwich: You have a sister.

JLau: and you think she’s just gonna drive me to my boyfriend’s house at three in the morning?

AHamSandwich: Am I wrong?

JLau: fuck
JLau: I’m on my way


AHamSandwich > TooGoodForThisWorld
Sunday, November 12th at 3:09am

AHamSandwich has sent two images
AHamSandwich: Problem solved.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Your relationship is quite literally the purist thing in existence how did you ever doubt that

AHamSandwich: I don’t know, Betsey. Crazy things happen at three in the morning.
AHamSandwich: Well, I have to go. John is climbing in through my window.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Of course he is
TooGoodForThisWorld: Goodnight Alex

AHamSandwich has sent an image
AHamSandwich: night Eliza

TooGoodForThisWorld: OH MY GOD ARE YOU LAYING IN ALEX’S BED SHIRTLESS
TooGoodForThisWorld: JOHNATHON

AHamSandwich: not my name

TooGoodForThisWorld: JOHNATHON
TooGoodForThisWorld: I WILL CALL WASHINGTON

AHamSandwich: relax it’s just hot in here

TooGoodForThisWorld: Wasn’t Alex just complaining because he was cold?

AHamSandwich: ;)

TooGoodForThisWorld: I AM DIALING

AHamSandwich: It’s okay, Betsey. I already made him put the shirt back on.
AHamSandwich: OH MY GOD, STOP CALLING THE HOUSE. YOU’RE GOING TO WAKE UP WASHINGTON.

TooGoodForThisWorld: THAT WAS THE IDEA
TooGoodForThisWorld: WE WERE JUST DISCUSSING THE PURITY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP I WAS NOT ABOUT TO LET YOU HAVE SEX AT THREE IN THE MORNING WITH YOUR FATHER IN THE HOUSE

AHamSandwich: I WOULD NEVER.
AHamSandwich: WASHINGTON’S COMING DOWN THE HALL TO CHECK ON ME.
AHamSandwich: I’M CRYING. JOHN’S HIDING IN MY CLOSET.

TooGoodForThisWorld: OH MY GOD

AHamSandwich: False alarm.
AHamSandwich: It was just Laf. He was getting cereal and wanted to know why the phone was ringing so early.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Why is Laf at your house at three in the morning? And eating cereal?

AHamSandwich: When isn’t Laf at my house at three in the morning? He practically lives here. Washington and Martha might as well adopt him.
AHamSandwich: And he’s the only one who ever eats the cereal we buy, so it’s not like it’ll be missed.
AHamSandwich: Also, he says, “Hi, choupette.”

TooGoodForThisWorld: Tell him I love him

AHamSandwich: He says that he already knows.
AHamSandwich: I CAN’T.
AHamSandwich: HE JUST WINKED AND SAID, “Use protection, you two.”
AHamSandwich: WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK WE’RE GOING TO HAVE SEX.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Because John is not a trustworthy person

AHamSandwich: true you right
AHamSandwich: Jesus, he just keeps stealing my phone.
AHamSandwich: I’m going to bed. Goodnight.

TooGoodForThisWorld: Goodnight

AHamSandwich: night ;)

TooGoodForThisWorld: JOHNATHON

Chapter Text

Labaguette has added jefferdonewithyourshit to gay baguettes
Thursday, November 16th at 12:46pm

pegleg: why

Labaguette: why not?

AHamSandwich: Maybe because Jefferson sucks???

jefferdonewithyourshit: I resent that statement

Labaguette: he’s not that bad

jefferdonewithyourshit: listen to Lafayette, he knows what tf he’s talking about

Labaguette: it’s they/them right now

jefferdonewithyourshit: listen to Lafayette, they know what tf they’re talking about*

AHamSandwich: WOAH, DID JEFFERSON JUST RESPECT PRONOUNS?

pegleg: THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT IS ENDING

jefferdonewithyourshit: what?
jefferdonewithyourshit: just because you asshats don’t like me doesn’t mean I’m a transphobic dickhead

AHamSandwich: I don’t know, you just seemed like a hardcore trump supporter.

pegleg: oooo alex didnt capitalize a name

SonofaGod: thats how you know trump sucks

jefferdonewithyourshit: first of all I am NOT a trump supporter. Do I think a few of the things he says he’ll do might actually benefit the country? Yeah sure but how he says things isn’t tactful and sure a lot of people are like “he speaks his mind unlike other politicians I like that” and maybe he should be truthful about things but “being truthful” is not all that he’s doing. In reality he’s our fucking president and he shouldn’t talk like a high school boy with no filter between his brain and his mouth. I do not agree with a lot of the shit that comes out of his mouth and I do not agree with the shit he’s done to the LGBT+ community. Everyone who supports him says “oh but he didn’t lie to us like other presidents during their campaigns” but he did fucking lie to us he said he was gonna fight for us in his campaign and all he’s done for LGBT+ people so far is fuck us over like when he revoked protection for trans students using the restroom in public schools or when he made it clear that he doesn’t think trans people should serve in the military and I may not be trans but I know several people who are and I see how it makes them feel and how it affects them personally and it’s not fucking right. The fact that you assumed I supported someone that fucking against my people kind of makes me angry because I don’t agree with all your views and I never will but I am not some asshole who’s going to shit on other people and their basic rights as human beings

pegleg: well shoot now i feel bad for thinking ur an asshole

jefferdonewithyourshit: whatever

pegleg: no seriously
pegleg: i guess i just assumed that since u didnt call me my preferred pronouns u just hated trans people or something but now that im thinking about it im realizing that i never actually told u directly what to call me

jefferdonewithyourshit: wait what do you mean what are your pronouns?

pegleg: xe/xem

jefferdonewithyourshit: oh shit sorry

pegleg: its okay misunderstandings happen dude
pegleg: never thought id be having such a civilized conversation with thomas jefferson

jefferdonewithyourshit: I’m a civilized person

pegleg: yea but im not

jefferdonewithyourshit: point taken
jefferdonewithyourshit: where is everybody?

JLau: Alex is staring off into the distance, I think trying to come to terms with the fact that the two of you actually agree on something

Labaguette: wow and I thought I was a drama queen

AHamSandwich: Shut up, baguette. I am not a drama queen.

JLau: HE LIVES

Labaguette: wow I feel so attacked

pegleg: ur username is literally labaguette

Labaguette: it still hurts

AHamSandwich: Listen, Jefferson, I’m sorry for thinking you were an LGBT-phobic asshole. I had no right to assume you would pick on people for stuff like that just because you don’t agree with me on certain things.

SonofaGod: did
SonofaGod: did alex just apologize
SonofaGod: TO JEFFERSON

pegleg: WHO R U AND WHAT HAV U DONE WITH THE REAL HAM

AHamSandwich: What? Peggy apologized.

JLau: yeah but xe hasn’t hated Jefferson from the moment xe met him

AHamSandwich: I didn’t hate him.

jefferdonewithyourshit: I accept your apology Hamilton

AHamSandwich: Shut the fuck up, Jefferson.

jefferdonewithyourshit: well fine fuck you too

JLau: “didn’t hate him”

AHamSandwich: Shut up, Jack. It’s not my fault he said it all smug-like.

JLau: Lex it was a text message

AHamSandwich: Yeah, a smug text message.

Labaguette: John mon ami just give it up you’re never going to win against him

jefferdonewithyourshit: can I leave now?

pegleg: no ur part of this fucked up family now

jefferdonewithyourshit: I didn’t agree to this

Labaguette: its too late you’ve already been adopted

jefferdonewithyourshit: sigh


Angel-Hair-Pasta > gay baguettes
Thursday, November 16th at 2:23pm

Angel-Hair-Pasta: wait jeffersons a cool kid now???

Burrrrrn: Who is Jefferson and why did we hate him?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: oh honey

AHamSandwich: Jefferson is the bane of my existence, and we hated him because he is absolute garbage. However, it has now come to my attention that he is not as terrible as I had originally thought.

JLau: well it was almost a compliment

Chapter Text

jefferdonewithyourshit > gay baguettes
Friday, November 17th at 12:37pm

jefferdonewithyourshit: I’m adding someone

AHamSandwich: Oh, no. I can’t take another you.

jefferdonewithyourshit has added (856)-345-1267 to the chat

jefferdonewithyourshit: shut the fuck up Hamilton

(856)-345-1267 has changed (856)-345-1267’s name to JamesCatison

JamesCatison: Hello!
JamesCatison: My name is James! Nice to meet all of you!

AHamSandwich: Wait a minute.
AHamSandwich: Something isn’t right here.

JamesCatison: I’m sorry?

pegleg: r u seeing want im seeing alex

AHamSandwich: I think I am.

pegleg: looks like
pegleg: a bean™

jefferdonewithyourshit: wtf don’t call my boyfriend a vegetable

AHamSandwich: Actually, beans are legumes, not vegetables.

pegleg: hold the phone
pegleg: of all the people u could be dating james ur dating jefferson?

JamesCatison: Yes?
JamesCatison: Is there something wrong with that?

pegleg: ur to pure for him
pegleg: hes going to completely ruin u

jefferdonewithyourshit: fuck you

pegleg: case and point

JamesCatison: But Thomas is really sweet
JamesCatison: He calls me handsome

jefferdonewithyourshit: because you are handsome
jefferdonewithyourshit: and also beautiful
jefferdonewithyourshit: you’re just great in general

pegleg: WHO TF IS TYPING RIGHT NOW

AHamSandwich: This is disgusting.

jefferdonewithyourshit: like you have room to talk
jefferdonewithyourshit: “I’m sorry baby muffin cakes did I worry you”

AHamSandwich: WHAT?
AHamSandwich: YOU WEREN’T EVEN IN THE CHAT THEN, HOW DID YOU GET THAT?

jefferdonewithyourshit: Lafayette overshares

AHamSandwich: LAF.

Labaguette: oops sorry petit lion

AHamSandwich: Whatever. That was a joke, anyway.

jefferdonewithyourshit: “if I hug you and kiss your face will you forgive me”

AHamSandwich: LAF, WTF???

Labaguette: IM SORRY MON AMI IT WAS JUST SO CUTE I HAD TO

JamesCatison: Oh are you dating someone too?

TooGoodForThisWorld: Yeah it’s me

JLau: I SWEAR TO GOD ELIZA

TooGoodForThisWorld: :)

JLau: don’t listen to her I’m his boyfriend

pegleg: john ur clearly confused
pegleg: last i checked alex was definitely married to eliza

JLau: LEX THEYRE BULLYING ME

AHamSandwich: I mean, they’re not wrong.

JLau: wow
JLau: barely a month into this relationship and your true colors are already showing
JLau: I feel so BETRAYED

AHamSandwich: Aw, Jacky, you know my weak bisexual heart belongs to you.

JLau: yeah okay
JLau: I guess my weak homosexual heart belongs to you

JamesCatison: I’m extremely confused but that was kind of sweet so I’m just going to go with it


Angel-Hair-Pasta > gay baguettes
Friday, November 17th at 2:23pm

Angel-Hair-Pasta: dammit why do i always miss all the important stuff

Burrrrrn: because they always have these discussions DURING CLASS

Chapter Text

pegleg has added AHamSandwich to gay baguettes
Friday, December 1st at 12:01am

pegleg: ITS CHRISTMAS

pegleg has named the chat merry queermas

pegleg has changed pegleg’s name to jolly ole gay nicholas

AHamSandwich: I guess it’s time to break out the mistletoe.

Labaguette: way ahead of you mon cheri ;)

AHamSandwich: ;)

JLau: no
JLau: back off Laf his ass is mine

Labaguette: rude

jefferdonewithyourshit has left the chat

jolly ole gay nicholas has added jefferdonewithyourshit to the chat

jolly ole gay nicholas: ITS CHRISTMAS AND UR ALL GONNA PRETEND TO LOV EACH OTHER

SonofaGod: peggy december just started

jolly ole gay nicholas: ur lucky i waited this long

TooGoodForThisWorld: Yeah xe’s been decorating since the day after Halloween

AHamSandwich: It’s quite astonishing how much money xe spends on Christmas decorations.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: if by astonishing you mean unhealthy

jolly ole gay nicholas: hush were rich
jolly ole gay nicholas: ok so anyway what does everyone want

jefferdonewithyourshit: I want my sanity back

jolly ole gay nicholas: im afraid thats one thing i cant do tommy

jefferdonewithyourshit: sigh

Angel-Hair-Pasta: i know what eliza wants for christmas ;)

jolly ole gay nicholas: wait
jolly ole gay nicholas: what does that mean

TooGoodForThisWorld: ANGELICA I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE

Angel-Hair-Pasta: eliza has a cruuuuuusshh

jolly ole gay nicholas: HOLY FUCK

AHamSandwich: YOU TOLD ANGELICA ABOUT THIS AND NOT ME?
AHamSandwich: I’M HURT.

TooGoodForThisWorld: APPARENTLY IT WAS THE WRONG CHOICE

AHamSandwich: OBVIOUSLY, IT’S ANGELICA.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: wow rude

jolly ole gay nicholas: WHO IS IT

TooGoodForThisWorld: NO ONE

jolly ole gay nicholas: ANGELICA

TooGoodForThisWorld: ANGELICA I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU TELL XEM IM DISOWNING YOU

Angel-Hair-Pasta: i wasnt gonna tell

TooGoodForThisWorld: WELL CLEARLY YOU CANT BE TRUSTED

Angel-Hair-Pasta: please im not THAT awful
Angel-Hair-Pasta: just hurry up and ask her out already

jolly ole gay nicholas: YEA GET SOME ELIZA

AHamSandwich: I want to meet this person.
AHamSandwich: Not many are good enough for my wife.

JLau: UM
JLau: EXCUSE ME

AHamSandwich: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I not tell you that Eliza and I are married?

JLau: NO YOU CONVENIENTLY LEFT THAT OUT

AHamSandwich: Oops.

jolly ole gay nicholas: im pretty sure we mentioned it before

TooGoodForThisWorld: He was mine first John

JLau: okay maybe but which one of us has seen his dick

AHamSandwich: I would think neither of you, considering I don’t have one.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: im pretty sure elizas seen him naked more times than you have

JLau: STEP OFF ELIZA

TooGoodForThisWorld: ALEX IS MINE

JamesCatison: Hold on Alex doesn’t have a dick?

AHamSandwich: Nope.

JamesCatison: Are you trans????

jolly ole gay nicholas: lol dude half the people in this chat r trans

JamesCatison: Really?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: is that gonna be a problem madison

JamesCatison: Wait no I didn’t mean it like that
JamesCatison: I was just excited because I just started figuring this whole trans thing out and I have no idea what I’m doing
JamesCatison: Like we haven’t really met in person so you don’t know but I look like a girl because I haven’t cut my hair and I only have sports bras and girls clothes because I haven’t come out to my family yet and I don’t know what to do

jefferdonewithyourshit: you don’t look like a girl Jemmy

JamesCatison: Thanks Thomas but I know I don’t pass well

jolly ole gay nicholas: its all good mads we can help u out
jolly ole gay nicholas: i mean laf is a fashion expert

Labaguette: oui

AHamSandwich: If you want, James, you can come to my house this weekend, and we can all help you out. A haircut shouldn’t be too complicated. Unless your parents don’t want you to get one, then it might be. I don’t know if I have a binder that fits you, but if I do, you’re welcome to take it; I have plenty more. Also, Washington will probably be home, and he helped me a lot when I was figuring things out because he is, in the words of our dear Peggy, “a fashion icon.” At the very least, you’ll feel a little bit more comfortable with your wardrobe. I can also talk to Washington about referring to you by your name if you haven’t done that already, and we can go to your other teachers from there.

jolly ole gay nicholas: oh yea gwash is definitely gonna be needed

jefferdonewithyourshit: you live with Washington?

AHamSandwich: Well, yeah, he’s my dad.

jefferdonewithyourshit: really?
jefferdonewithyourshit: but you don’t even have the same last name or look literally anything alike

AHamSandwich: Yes, really. Why do you think I always go to his room after school instead of out to the buses?
AHamSandwich: Adoption exists, Jefferson.

jefferdonewithyourshit: I don’t know I just assumed you had like a club or something

AHamSandwich: Nope.

JamesCatison: Thanks y’all are so nice to me and we haven’t even met in person and jeez I’ve never had friends like this before and gosh I’m crying now just thanks so much

TooGoodForThisWorld: Aww James don’t cry of course we’d help you you’re our friend

jolly ole gay nicholas: we got ur back dude

SonofaGod: yea if you need clothes i could make some
SonofaGod: theyd be custom and everything

Labaguette: promoting the family business I see

SonofaGod: well ya know

jolly ole gay nicholas: dont think this means we forgot about u eliza

TooGoodForThisWorld: Goddammit

AHamSandwich: You can’t escape our love, Betsey.

jefferdonewithyourshit: great way to ruin the moment Peggy

JamesCatison: I’m still crying so it’s fine

jefferdonewithyourshit: I’m coming over

JamesCatison: You don’t have to I’m okay they’re happy tears

jefferdonewithyourshit: I’m coming over

JamesCatison: Okay

jolly ole gay nicholas: lol thats gay

AHamSandwich: Peggy, look at your username.

jolly ole gay nicholas: u right


Burrrrrn > merry queermas
Friday, December 1st at 6:47am

Burrrrrn: Why are you all like this
Burrrrrn: How are you going to run on five hours of sleep

Angel-Hair-Pasta: well youre the only one in this chat who sleeps so the real question is why are YOU like this

Burrrrrn: I hate you

Angel-Hair-Pasta: are you coming to alexs tomorrow?

Burrrrrn: Obviously, I have trans wisdom to impart to the queer youth

Angel-Hair-Pasta: im pretty sure madisons older than you

Burrrrrn: Lies

Chapter Text

TooGoodForThisWorld has added (856)-765-4321 to merry queermas
Saturday, December 16th at 2:45pm

JLau: who?

(856)-765-4321 has changed (856)-765-4321’s name to maRYEa

Angel-Hair-Pasta: OH SHIT

Labaguette: ???

TooGoodForThisWorld: Okay so you guys remember when Angelica BETRAYED MY TRUST like two weeks ago

jolly ole gay nicholas: she didnt betray it enough if u ask me
jolly ole gay nicholas: WAIT IS THIS WHO SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT

maRYEa: lol yea i’m the mystery girl

AHamSandwich: So, this is the girl who thinks she’s good enough for my wife?

TooGoodForThisWorld: Oh my God Alex don’t scare her off we only just started dating

JLau: he’s about to scare me off tbh

Labaguette: I’m surprised he hasn’t already

AHamSandwich: Hush, you both love me.

Labaguette: I do

JLau: well…

AHamSandwich: That’s not what you said last night.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: oooooo

maRYEa: jesus what have i walked into

SonofaGod: we didnt need to know alex

AHamSandwich: Wait, I didn’t mean it like that! Get your minds out of the gutter!
AHamSandwich: John just called me last night to say he loves me before he went to sleep.

jolly ole gay nicholas: god how r u guys so pure i just

maRYEa: i ship it and i don’t even know what it is

Angel-Hair-Pasta: oh right we should probably have introductions

JLau: yeah everyone should say their name and pronouns

jolly ole gay nicholas: ALL U QUEERS GET IN HERE

JamesCatison: I’m here

jefferdonewithyourshit: this girl better be worth my time

maRYEa: i don’t like your attitude

AHamSandwich: No one does, really.

Burrrrrn: Who’s going first?

maRYEa: well i’m new here so i’ll start
maRYEa: the name’s maria reynolds (it’s spelled weird, but i promise it’s pronounced like mariah) and my pronouns are she/her

jefferdonewithyourshit: we never did this when I joined the chat

AHamSandwich: It’s because no one likes you.

Burrrrrn: To be fair we didn’t do this when anyone joined the chat

Angel-Hair-Pasta: thats because marias better than all of you now hush

JLau: okay well I’ll just go
JLau: my name’s John Laurens, he/him pronouns

AHamSandwich: I’m Alexander Hamilton, and my pronouns are he/him as well. I also happen to be married to Betsey, so you have to prove your worth to me before I approve of this relationship.

SonofaGod: thats not how marriage works

Burrrrrn: To each their own I suppose

maRYEa: liz you never told me you were married

TooGoodForThisWorld: Ignore him he’s an idiot

AHamSandwich: Wow, I see how it is.
AHamSandwich: It’s fine, just deny our relationship. I DON’T CARE.

Labaguette: there there petit lion
Labaguette: there are other fish in the sea

JLau: yeah like THE ONE YOURE CURRENTLY DATING

AHamSandwich: I love you, Jacky. <3

Burrrrrn: I think we’re getting off track

Labaguette: oh yeah
Labaguette: well since my full name is way too long to type out you can just call me Lafayette or Laf and right now my pronouns are he/him but they vary so they/them is always a safe bet if you’re unsure because I am, how you say, emotionally unstable at the best of times and will probably burst into tears if you use the wrong pronouns on the wrong day

maRYEa: same dude
maRYEa: i’ll remember they/them

SonofaGod: okay the names hercules mulligan and the pronouns are he/him

Angel-Hair-Pasta: hi im elizas big sis angelica
Angel-Hair-Pasta: pronouns are she/her and my friends call me angie

JLau: literally no one here calls you angie

Angel-Hair-Pasta: my friends call me angie

JLau: wow rude

Lafayette: I feel attacked

Burrrrrn: My name is Aaron Burr and I use he/him pronouns

JamesCatison: I’m James Madison and my pronouns are also he/him!

maRYEa: you seem like a bubbly person

jefferdonewithyourshit: he is
jefferdonewithyourshit: when he’s not dying

JamesCatison: Yeah I do get sick a lot…

maRYEa: aw you poor babe

JamesCatison: It’s okay, Thomas always comes over and hangs out with me when I’m sick
JamesCatison: Which probably isn’t a good idea but he never seems to get sick so I guess it’s fine

maRYEa: and thomas would be?

jefferdonewithyourshit: I’m Thomas Jefferson, he/him pronouns

maRYEa: oh the asshole gotcha

SonofaGod: is that everyone?

jolly ole gay nicholas: i think so

maRYEa: wait who is jolly ole gay nicholas?

jolly ole gay nicholas: oh lol i forgot myself
jolly ole gay nicholas: im elizas little sibling peggy xe/xem pronouns if u will

Angel-Hair-Pasta: cant believe we almost forgot good ole peggles

SonofaGod: lol peggles

AHamSandwich has changed jolly ole gay nicholas's name to Peggles

TooGoodForThisWorld: I’m so sorry for them

maRYEa: lol its fine i like it here
maRYEa: you know some good people liz they seem to love you a lot

TooGoodForThisWorld: Yeah I’ll give them that much

Peggles: lol my name sounds lik a pig

AHamSandwich: Are you not a pig?

Peggles: good point
Peggles has sent a video

JLau: OMG YOU SOUND JUST LIKE A PIG

Peggles: ive found my calling

Lafayette: I believe in you petite licorne

AHamSandwich: YOU BE THE BEST PIG YOU CAN BE.

TooGoodForThisWorld: I hate this family

Chapter Text

TooGoodForThisWorld > merry queermas
Friday, December 22nd at 7:27pm

TooGoodForThisWorld: Has anyone seen Peggy?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: not lately

AHamSandwich: No. Why, did something happen?

TooGoodForThisWorld: I don’t know I just haven’t seen xem in a while

JLau: I think I saw xem leave a little bit ago

Angel-Hair-Pasta: and you didnt say anything??

JLau: I thought xe might be going to the bathroom but xe hasn’t come back in a while

Labaguette: Peggy mon petite licorne why’d you leave the dance?

JamesCatison: Do you think something happened?

SonofaGod: i saw king and his merry band of dickwads earlier

maRYEa: they probably said something to xem

Angel-Hair-Pasta: ill rip their hearts out of their fucking chests
Angel-Hair-Pasta: jefferson

jefferdonewithyourshit: on it

TooGoodForThisWorld: Does anyone know where Peggy would go?

jefferdonewithyourshit: I have eyes on Seabury
jefferdonewithyourshit: he’ll lead me right to king

Labaguette: maybe try asking xem?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: ive got lee
Angel-Hair-Pasta: hes with king

TooGoodForThisWorld: Xe’s not answering my texts

jefferdonewithyourshit: Seabury’s approaching the group

Angel-Hair-Pasta: corner them

TooGoodForThisWorld: Could you try Alex? Xe might talk to you

AHamSandwich: You think?

Labaguette: you two have a spiritual connection of course xe will answer you mon ange

AHamSandwich: Okay, I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything.


AHamSandwich > Peggles
Friday, December 22nd at 7:34pm

AHamSandwich: Hey, Pegs.
AHamSandwich: You want to tell me where you are right now?

Peggles: no

AHamSandwich: Okay, that’s fine.
AHamSandwich: Want to tell me what happened at least?

Peggles: its stupid

AHamSandwich: I’m sure it’s not.

Peggles: its just u know i wore a dress and everything bc i like dresses but king and his douchebags found me and they just started saying basically that i should just call myself a girl bc i dress and act lik one anyway and that im just being nb for the attention or something and now im sort of wondering whether i should hav just worn a suit or not

AHamSandwich: But you wanted to wear a dress.

Peggles: i know but a suit would hav been more androgynous

AHamSandwich: First of all, femininity can be androgynous, no matter what people tell you.
AHamSandwich: Second of all, who cares if you don’t dress like the stereotypical non-binary person? Last I checked, everyone is different, and you can wear whatever you want, non-binary or otherwise. Would you say I can’t wear a skirt just because I’m a boy?

Peggles: obviously not u rock skirts and are definitely not a girl

AHamSandwich: Then it stands to reason that you should be able to rock a dress and also not be a girl. Clothes are not gendered, society just makes them out to be. Wear what you want to wear, and if anyone has a problem with it, I’m pretty sure Angelica will murder them.

Peggles: tru angelica is scary

AHamSandwich: I’m actually pretty sure she and Jefferson are attacking King and his minions right now.

Peggles: awww does jefferson really care that much about wittle ol me

AHamSandwich: He’s probably just trying to impress Madison.

Peggles: lol u right

AHamSandwich: You want to come back in here and join us now? I’ve got a dance saved for you, if you’ll take the offer.

Peggles: awww of course ill dance with u ur my fav boy
Peggles: just dont tell john he might get jealous that im stealing his man

AHamSandwich: I’m sure he’ll survive.


Peggles > merry queermas
Friday, December 22nd 8:05pm

Peggles: did u guys miss me

JLau: XE LIVES

TooGoodForThisWorld: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

Labaguette: PETITE LICORNE YOU HAD ME WORRIED

Peggles: laf plz not the nickname

AHamSandwich: Laf’s going to keep calling you that until the day she dies, so you might as well get used to it.

Peggles: sigh
Peggles: where are the other ones?

JamesCatison: I think Angelica and Thomas got kicked out for trying to bludgeon someone to death

Angel-Hair-Pasta: listen king had it coming

jefferdonewithyourshit: I’m pretty sure we’re suspended for a while

AHamSandwich: I might be able to pull some strings, but I can’t make any promises.

jefferdonewithyourshit: what strings can you pull?

AHamSandwich: I’ve got connections. Don’t you worry about it, Jefferson.

Peggles: lol alex stop trying to sound cool we know its really gwash whos got the connections

maRYEa: ha xe’s got you pegged

SonofaGod: heh pegged get it cuz peggy

maRYEa: hercules you get me

AHamSandwich: Well, I’m connected to him, so it counts.

Peggles: whatever
Peggles: i believe u owe me a dance alexander

AHamSandwich: I did say that, didn’t I?

Peggles: yep
Peggles: come find me on the dance floor

JLau: wait what what dance

Peggles: nothing nothing

AHamSandwich: Don’t worry about it, Jack.

JLau: it didn’t sound like nothing
JLau: ARE YOU DANCING WITH ANOTHER PERSON

AHamSandwich: Only if you consider Peggy a person.

JLau: fair point I’ll allow it

Peggles: i came here to hav a good time and im honestly feeling so attacked right now


Burrrrrn > merry queermas
Saturday, December 23rd at 7:36am

Burrrrrn: Where do you guys even find the time to text this much I don’t understand

Angel-Hair-Pasta: maybe if you went to the dance with us this wouldnt have happened

Burrrrrn: Wow I’m surprised you’re even awake right now

Angel-Hair-Pasta: im not really its all coffee and energy drinks

Burrrrrn: How are you still alive

Angel-Hair-Pasta: im not really its all coffee and energy drinks

Chapter Text

SonofaGod > AHamSandwich
Monday, December 25th at 12:39am

SonofaGod: i kind of want to text laf and tell them how i feel but like how

SonofaGod: should i just say it?


SonofaGod > AHamSandwich
Monday, December 25th at 1:23am

SonofaGod: i typed out a confession but I CANT PRESS SEND IM PANICKING

SonofaGod: ugh i cant im just gonna go to sleep


AHamSandwich > SonofaGod
Monday, December 25th at 6:57am

AHamSandwich: FUCK, HERC, I’M SO SORRY. I WAS SLEEPING.

SonofaGod: its fine

AHamSandwich: Did you tell Laf how you feel?

SonofaGod: no i chickened out

AHamSandwich: You should have told them.

SonofaGod: but then itd mess everything up

AHamSandwich: Not if Laf likes you back.

SonofaGod: the chances of that happening are pretty much slim to none

AHamSandwich: Herc, we’ve been over this.
AHamSandwich: You’re great. I’m pretty sure Laf likes you. And even if they don’t, they won’t let it ruin your friendship.

SonofaGod: i know i just idk
SonofaGod: maybe ill tell them later

AHamSandwich: Do what you think is best. I think you should tell them, but not if you’re not ready to.

SonofaGod: well see what happens

AHamSandwich: Okay.

SonofaGod: okay


SonofaGod > Labaguette
Monday, December 25th at 6:47pm

SonofaGod: hey

Labaguette: hi?
Labaguette: do you need something?

SonofaGod: why would i need something?

Labaguette: I don’t know we just never really text outside the group chat much anymore do we?

SonofaGod: i guess we don’t
SonofaGod: but no i dont need anything
SonofaGod: i just wanted to talk

Labaguette: oh
Labaguette: about what?

SonofaGod: just stuff
SonofaGod: how was your day?

Labaguette: what are we a married couple now?

SonofaGod: i didnt mean it like that sorry i didnt want to come off like i thought we were a couple
SonofaGod: because obviously were not a couple or anything like why would we be lol

Labaguette: Herc calm down I was only kidding
Labaguette: what’s wrong mon ami?

SonofaGod: idk school and stuff

Labaguette: it’s winter break?

SonofaGod: i mean like idk
SonofaGod: i dont really know how to say it but i typed this whole thing out last night so maybe ill just send that

Labaguette: you typed a whole thing?
Labaguette: about what?

SonofaGod: okay so like i don’t actually know how to say this but im just gonna go for it ive basically had this huge crush on you for like two years and dont really know when it happened but your just really great and im not really sure how else to describe it youre just handsome and pretty and beautiful and i really want to kiss you sometimes and like hold your hand which i mean i do anyway but i want to hold it in like a dating way so like maybe we could go out sometime or something?

Labaguette: Hercules
Labaguette: can I call you?

SonofaGod: preferably not because i might actually cry?

Labaguette: even if it’s calling you my boyfriend????

SonofaGod: IM STILL CRYING WTF THAT WAS SO SMOOTH

Labaguette: :))))))))))
Labaguette: all jokes aside
Labaguette: we should go out on Saturday

SonofaGod: yea we can go to the movies or something
SonofaGod: ill look at show times

Labaguette: okay
Labaguette: keep me updated

SonofaGod: yea


SonofaGod > AHamSandwich
Monday, December 25th at 7:07am

SonofaGod: OH MY GOD
SonofaGod: I HAVE A DATE ON SATURDAY

AHamSandwich: OH MY GOD.
AHamSandwich: TELL ME EVERYTHING, NOW.

SonofaGod has sent three images

AHamSandwich: Aw, you two are cute.

SonofaGod: thanks?

AHamSandwich: Well, it’s good that everything worked out.

SonofaGod: yea i thought laf would definitely say no
SonofaGod: now im sort of just really happy??? its nice

AHamSandwich: Good for you, Herc.
AHamSandwich: Now, go research those show times.

SonofaGod: already on it


Angel-Hair-Pasta > merry queermas
Friday, December 29th at 8:37pm

Angel-Hair-Pasta: everyone still on for the gift exchange tomorrow?

maRYEa: yesssssss

JamesCatison: It’s at your house right?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: yep i sent the address to everyone individually so you should have it

JamesCatison: Okay just making sure

SonofaGod: wait fuck the gift exchange is tomorrow?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: uh yea weve had this planned for a month herc where have you been

Labaguette: oh no

AHamSandwich: Shit.

SonofaGod: shoot i completely forgot
SonofaGod: what times is it again?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: six
Angel-Hair-Pasta: i swear to god herc if you made plans you better cancel them

SonofaGod: its fine its fine
SonofaGod: i should be done by six

Angel-Hair-Pasta: good
Angel-Hair-Pasta: what did you make plans for anyway?

SonofaGod: oh
SonofaGod: you know
SonofaGod: stuff

JLau: sounds suspicious if you ask me

AHamSandwich: Well, no one was asking you, John.

JLau: wow rude

Angel-Hair-Pasta: alex you seem to know whats going on so spill

AHamSandwich: Sorry, I’ve been sworn to secrecy.

SonofaGod: no you havent

AHamSandwich: Yeah, I know, but this makes it more interesting.
AHamSandwich: Also, it’s none of my business.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: like thats stopped you before

Labaguette: Herc and I are going on a date

Angel-Hair-Pasta: !!!
Angel-Hair-Pasta: AND YOU DIDNT THINK TO TELL ME BEFORE NOW
Angel-Hair-Pasta: HOW FREAKING RUDE

SonofaGod: well youre not exactly trustworthy

AHamSandwich: *cough* Maria *cough*

Angel-Hair-Pasta: YOU BREAK SOMEONES TRUST ONE TIME

maRYEa: so you two gonna tell us about that date????

SonofaGod: i mean were just going to the movies

Peggles: laf do that smooth stretch yawn thing

Labaguette: I was already going to

Peggles: i knew i raised u right
Peggles: im so proud

TooGoodForThisWorld: Good for you guys

JamesCatison: Yeah, congratulations!

Peggles: pure™

jefferdonewithyourshit: y’all’ve been pining after each other for fucking ever it’s about time you made a move

AHamSandwich: Every time Jefferson texts, I feel like I’m in Texas.

jefferdonewithyourshit: I’m from Virginia you fuckwad

AHamSandwich: Close enough.

jefferdonewithyourshit: it’s really not

JLau: weren’t we talking about Herc and Laf

AHamSandwich: We were.

jefferdonewithyourshit: and now we’re not

AHamSandwich: It’s simple, really.

Angel-Hair-Pasta: ew wtf

JLau: they’re finishing each other’s sentences

Peggles: they only unite thru sarcasm

maRYEa: it’s a phenomenon that only occurs once every three hundred years

SonofaGod: guys i feel like were messing with forces we dont fully understand

AHamSandwich: Well

jefferdonewithyourshit: you’re not wrong

Labaguette: this is creepy in a way I can’t explain

Peggles: it’s the devil is what it is

SonofaGod: SORCERY

maRYEa: okay uther calm down

SonofaGod: i love you for getting that reference

maRYEa: :)

Labaguette: wow okay flirt right in front of Eliza and I whatever it’s FINE

SonofaGod: <3

maRYEa: <3

SonofaGod: well i tried

Labaguette has left the chat

TooGoodForThisWorld: I

TooGoodForThisWorld has left the chat

maRYEa: oops


Burrrrrn > merry queermas
Saturday, December 30th at 7:27am

Burrrrrn: I
Burrrrrn: How do you all text THIS FREAKING MUCH
Burrrrrn: I woke up to seventy messages like what are you DOING


Angel-Hair-Pasta > merry queermas
Saturday, December 30th at 11:35am

Angel-Hair-Pasta: its your fault for going to asleep at 800 like who does that???

Burrrrrn: Did you JUST wake up?

Angel-Hair-Pasta: maybe??????

Burrrrrn: I

Burrrrrn has left the chat

maRYEa: well there goes another one

Angel-Hair-Pasta: oops

Chapter Text

AHamSandwhich > Peggles
Wednesday, January 3rd at 11:47pm

AHamSandwich: I think that I like they/them pronouns.
AHamSandwich: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Peggles: well
Peggles: i could be wrong
Peggles: but i think it means u like they/them pronouns

AHamSandwich: PEGGY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Peggles: do i?

AHamSandwich: It’s just I’ve been using he/him pronouns for so long, and I always thought that I just had an appreciation for they/them pronouns, but now I think I might actually like them for myself and it’s kind of worrying me because I thought I had everything figured out and now I don’t think I do.

Peggles: ok first things first
Peggles: do u still like he/him pronouns?

AHamSandwich: Yes?
AHamSandwich: It’s like sometimes I’m all about he/him pronouns and I don’t want to hear anything else but then sometimes the thought of hearing he/him in reference to me makes me feel like I’m going to be physically sick and I just don’t understand how that can be

Peggles: hmmmmmmm
Peggles: well
Peggles: it sounds like u might be demi

AHamSandwich: Demisexual? That doesn’t even make sense.

Peggles: no dumbdumb demigender
Peggles: in ur case a demiboy

AHamSandwich: What does that mean?

Peggles: ok so basically a demiboy is someone who identifies as partially male and (usually) partially some other nb gender
Peggles: does that sound like u?

AHamSandwich: Maybe???
AHamSandwich: I don’t know, I don’t usually feel like both simultaneously.

Peggles: u dont hav to
Peggles: i mean u can feel that way and still be a demiboy but u can feel the way u do and identify with it too
Peggles: there r no rules here alex

AHamSandwich: But I’ve been identifying as a boy for so long, what if people think I’m confused?

Peggles: no one we know will care
Peggles: anyone else doesn’t matter

AHamSandwich: Oh my God.
AHamSandwich: John’s gay.

Peggles: yea…
Peggles: ur point…?

AHamSandwich: He likes dudes.
AHamSandwich: And I’m not always a dude.
AHamSandwich: Would he even like me anymore if I’m not a dude?
AHamSandwich: What if he breaks up with me?

Peggles: calm down john loves u
Peggles: lik more than i hav ever seen a guy love a person in my life
Peggles: u could probably kill someone and hed still worship you

AHamSandwich: You think so?

Peggles: i know so
Peggles: we all love u and everyone will be totally understanding

AHamSandwich: I know, I’m just a mess.

Peggles: welcome to the club
Peggles: all us nbs are a mess just ask laf

AHamSandwich: Both of you are a mess.

Peggles: i wont deny it

AHamSandwich: Thanks, Peggy.

Peggles: any time bb

AHamSandwich: Seriously though, Peggy. I love you.

Peggles: love u to ham <3

AHamSandwich: Are you never going to let that nickname die?

Peggles: look at ur username and ask me that again

AHamSandwich: <3

Peggles: thats what i thought

Chapter Text

AHamSandwich > maRYEa
Thursday, January 4th at 5:36pm

AHamSandwich: Hello.

maRYEa: hi?

AHamSandwich: Are you all right?

maRYEa: yeah why wouldn’t i be?

AHamSandwich: Let me rephrase: I know that you’re not all right, do you want to talk about it?

maRYEa: alex i literally have no idea what you’re talking about

AHamSandwich: You’ve been acting off lately. You seem like you’re hold yourself back from speaking, and you always act tense and on edge.
AHamSandwich: I’m not angry, I’m just worried, okay?

maRYEa: i appreciate the concern but i’m fine alex

AHamSandwich: It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about, but I just want you to know that if you feel like you need to talk about something, and you can’t talk to Eliza or anyone else, I’ll listen.

maRYEa: i don’t have anything to talk about

AHamSandwich: Okay.


AHamSandwich > maRYEa
Friday, January 5th at 6:34pm

AHamSandwich: You haven’t said anything all day.
AHamSandwich: Do you want to talk yet?

maRYEa: no alex just leave me alone

AHamSandwich: Okay.


maRYEa > AHamSandwich
Saturday, January 6th at 9:47pm

maRYEa: my ex moved to town

AHamSandwich: Oh?

maRYEa: and like he hasn’t said anything to me but i just feel uneasy knowing he’s around you know?

AHamSandwich: I know.
AHamSandwich: This is sort of a personal question, and you definitely do not have to answer if you don’t want to, but did he ever hit you?

maRYEa: yeah

AHamSandwich: Do you want to talk about it?

maRYEa: yeah

AHamSandwich: Okay.

maRYEa: it’s just
maRYEa: he would make me feel really bad about myself and make me feel like i needed him

maRYEa: and he would hit me and i knew i needed help but i didn’t know who to go to because how do you even say something like that?

maRYEa: and i didn’t know what he would do if i told and a part of me still wanted to be with him so for a long time i didn’t tell anyone but then i moved here over the summer and it sort of gave me an excuse to end things with him

maRYEa: but everything wasn’t just okay after that so i didn’t really talk to anyone and then washington started figuring things out and i don’t know how but i guess he could just tell by how i was acting and he offered to let me stay after school in his class room sometimes and i never actually said anything to him and he didn’t ask but it was just nice to be somewhere where i didn’t feel trapped or alone because i hadn’t felt like that in such a long time and that’s actually how i met eliza you know

maRYEa: and things were okay for a while because i had eliza and i met you guys but now he’s here for whatever fucking reason and i’m just scared things are going to go back to how they were

AHamSandwich: I know it’s hard, but don’t be scared of him. That’s just what he wants. He wants to make you feel like you’re alone and that he’s the only person who will understand you so that you’ll come running back to him, but that’s not true. You have all of us, and we won’t let him hurt you. If he tries anything, we’ll call the cops, and we’ll get him put away. And if you don’t feel safe where you are, you can definitely stay with one of us for a while.

maRYEa: thanks alex but i think i’m okay at home

AHamSandwich: Okay.

maRYEa: at least one good thing came out of this

AHamSandwich: Yeah?

maRYEa: i got to meet you guys
maRYEa: if washington hadn’t noticed i’d probably still be in the same place i was two months ago

AHamSandwich: Yeah. I guess he has experience with the mannerisms of abuse victims.

maRYEa: you?

AHamSandwich: Yeah.

maRYEa: was it an ex too?

AHamSandwich: It was my dad, actually.

maRYEa: oh alex
maRYEa: you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to i didn’t share to make you feel pressured into doing it to

AHamSandwich: No, it’s okay. I haven’t really told anyone, and I want to tell you.

AHamSandwich: He wasn’t really my dad. He was just the guy who helped conceive me. He was hardly worthy of the title. Washington’s the only dad I’ve ever had.

AHamSandwich: My mom would try to protect me, and I’m grateful that she did, but I also wish that she didn’t. I was so little, though, and I couldn’t do anything.

AHamSandwich: I just felt so helpless, you know? Because I was too little and too weak, and I couldn’t tell anyone because then he’d just hurt my mom more.

maRYEa: god that’s awful
maRYEa: i really just wanna hug you right now

AHamSandwich: It’s okay, it was a really long time ago. He left when I was ten, haven’t seen him since.

maRYEa: still shit like that leaves scars

AHamSandwich: Yeah. To be honest, I’m not even sure why the Washingtons adopted me. When we met, I was just some thirteen-year-old brat with major trust issues and the mouth of a sailor. I wouldn’t even look at Washington. He and Martha are fucking saints.

maRYEa: you must be close with them then huh?

AHamSandwich: Yeah.
AHamSandwich: They basically saved my life. They gave me a home and a family, and they just accepted me with open arms, exactly as I am. I owe them big time.

maRYEa: washington’s the reason i worked up the courage to trust people again and he’s the reason i met all of you
maRYEa: i owe him big time too

AHamSandwich: Washington’s, like, the savior of lost souls, I guess.

maRYEa: yeah

AHamSandwich: You want to come over for a little while? We can watch a movie or something, maybe play video games? Laf’s floating around my house somewhere, so she’ll probably join in.

maRYEa: sounds good
maRYEa: it’d be nice to get our minds off all this depressing shit

AHamSandwich: My thoughts exactly.

maRYEa: on my way now

AHamSandwich: See you soon.

maRYEa: yeah

Chapter Text

Peggles > merry queermas

Tuesday, January 9th at 2:57pm

Peggles: eliza if u dont hurry up angelicas gonna drive away without u

Peggles: oh wait

Peggles has added Burrrrrn, Labaguette, and TooGoodForThisWorld to the chat

Peggles: eliza if u dont hurry up angelicas gonna drive away without u

JLau: sorry but I think Eliza’s a little
JLau has sent an image
JLau: preoccupied

Peggles: ELIZABETH
Peggles: R U TWO KISSING

TooGoodForThisWorld: JOHN WTF WHERE EVEN ARE YOU

JLau: ;)

SonofaGod: aw look elizas got flowers in her hair

maRYEa: thank you hercules for acknowledging my MASTERPIECE

SonofaGod: i mean how could i not

maRYEa: youre so good to me herc

JLau: sometimes I feel like Maria and herc are dating

AHamSandwich: Yeah, they’re relationship is… interesting.

Peggles: angelicas driving away

TooGoodForThisWorld: NO WAIT HOLD ON IM COMING

JLau: awww
JLau has sent an image
JLau: Maria kissed her forehead what a sweetheart

Labaguette: I ship it

AHamSandwich: I do, too.

SonofaGod: i think everyone ships it

AHamSandwich: Even Washington ships it.

Peggles: i feel lik washington stans all of our relationships

AHamSandwich: I can confirm: he does.

JamesCatison: Did you make it to the car Eliza?

Peggles: were gone so

TooGoodForThisWorld: No I didn’t
TooGoodForThisWorld: Alex tell Washington me and Maria are coming to his room SINCE MY SIBLINGS DECIDED TO ABANDON ME

Peggles: hey i told u angelica would leave without u

TooGoodForThisWorld: YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HER

Peggles: and risk being thrown out of a moving vehicle? no thanks

AHamSandwich: Wait, you and Maria?

TooGoodForThisWorld: Yeah she missed the bus

maRYEa: oops

TooGoodForThisWorld: Washington’s cool with driving us home right?

AHamSandwich: Yeah, as long as your parents are okay with it.

TooGoodForThisWorld: They always are

maRYEa: ill ask but im sure theyre fine with it
maRYEa: saves them the trip

jefferdonewithyourshit: are we just not gonna talk about the fact that Laurens is a stalker?

JLau: it was for a noble cause

SonofaGod: all cute gay shit must be documented
SonofaGod: you understand

jefferdonewithyourshit: I don’t really

Burrrrrn: Me either

AHamSandwich: Wow, Burr’s actually in the chat for once in his life.

Burrrrrn: Well school is over

AHamSandwich: Still, shouldn’t you be studying or something?

Burrrrrn: I’m on the bus?

AHamSandwich: I’ve seen you surmount larger obstacles.

Peggles: lol i just pictured burr jumping over the bus like it was one of those hurdles from track and field

JLau: were his legs like really long?

Peggles: obviously
Peggles: they would have to be to get over something so big

JLau: lol

AHamSandwich: I like how you think it should be obvious that Burr’s legs would need to be long to jump over a bus when it’s physically impossible for a person to jump over a bus in the first place.

Peggles: hence the long legs

JLau: yeah Alex aren’t you supposed to be smart or something

AHamSandwich: I’m a literary person, not a physicist.

Peggles: ew big words

JLau: you’re a big word

Peggles: lol
Peggles: why is that so funny

JLau: it’s not you’re just delirious

Peggles: yes

Burrrrrn: I hate all of you I don’t know why I even read this chat

Peggles: because u secretly love us

Burrrrrn: Must be pretty freaking secret then because I don’t even know about it

JLau: wow that hurt

Peggles: yea burr ur so mean

JLau: meanie

Peggles: meanie weenie

JLau: meanie weenie beanie

Peggles: meanie weenie beanie geanie

Burrrrrn has left the chat

JLau: oops

Peggles: im not sorry this is what he wanted