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A Long Way To Love (that I must travel)

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"So," Ramona says, walking into Kim's room without even so much as a hello. "Scott Pilgrim is an idiot."

"I'm torn between 'all boys are idiots' and 'you're only realising this now?'," Kim says, dog-earing her book and putting it down. Something about Ramona always demands her full attention.

Ramona takes the second option. "I think I was hoping he'd grow out of it."

"But he hasn't," Kim finishes for her. "What'd he do now?"


"Started a zombie apocalypse?"

Ramona flops onto Kim's bed, next to where she's sitting, and groans. "How'd you know?"

"I was joking."

"I wasn't."

Kim stares down at Ramona. "A zombie apocalypse. Really?"

Ramona rubs her face. Now that Kim's really looking, she can see how weary the other girl looks. Also -- is that grave dirt in her hair?

"Only a small one," she admits after a pause. "And we were able to track down the necromancer Scott got the spell from and reverse it, but still."

Kim isn't even going to touch that sentence. "Like I said, all boys are idiots."

"Or evil," Ramona adds mournfully. "Or idiots and evil, which is even worse. I hate boys."

" a girl?"

"I did. She was evil."

"But not an idiot?"

Ramona looks thoughtful. "I guess she was average? Less of an idiot than Scott, more of an idiot than you."

"I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

Ramona laughs. "I meant it as one; you're one of the smartest people I know. If you were going to do something vaguely evil, you wouldn't start a zombie apocalypse, you'd rob a bank."

Kim nods. "I've actually considered doing that," she says, in a perfect deadpan. "Seems pretty easy, really, except for the whole matter of the getaway."

"What about subspace? I could show you some fast escape routes," Ramona offers.

There's a pause, where they both attempt to keep a straight face, and then laughter.

"No, but seriously, we could totally rob a bank," Kim says, all serious, when the laughter's died down.

"I'll keep that in mind," says Ramona, just as serious, then ruins it with a smile. "See what I mean, though?" she says, "not an idiot."

"Also not evil," Kim feels obliged to point out. There's a pause. "Not very evil," she amends.

Ramona laughs again. There's a companionable silence, after, until Ramona groans and sits up. "I am," she declares, "crazy tired. Also, covered in grave dirt. Can I use your shower?"

Kim shrugs, and when Ramona's left the room, goes back to her book, pretending like she's ignoring the sound of Ramona's shower. Eventually she gets sucked into her book enough that she forgets to pretend to ignore the sound, and is actually not paying any attention.


When Ramona finally comes back in, a little while later, wrapped in one towel, and using another to vigorously dry her hair, Kim's almost forgotten the previous interruption to her reading.

"So," Ramona says, not even bothering to say hello, or thanks for letting me use the shower, because she never needs a conversation opener with Kim, "we should seriously rob a bank."

"I was joking."

"I'm not. I'm sure we could pull it off - like you said before, it's bound to be pretty easy except for the getaway, and we have subspace for that."

"You...seriously want us to rob a bank. Why?"

Ramona shrugs, and tosses the towel she'd used on her hair on Kim's bed. There are a few pale stains on it that hadn't been there earlier, and Kim peers closely at Ramona's hair. It's purple.

"Right," Kim says slowly. "If we're going to rob a bank, there's going to need to be some kind of reason. I'm not Scott; I'm not going to just follow you around into terrible plans. You know that, right?"

"Sure," says Ramona. "Alright, how's this for a reason; don't you want to find out if you actually can rob a bank?"

Kim considers this while Ramona rummages through Kim's closet for something not covered in grave dirt to wear.

"Alright," she says eventually, "I guess I'm in."

"Great," says Ramona. She pulls a dress out of the closet; Kim's mum bought it for her pretty much forever ago. She's never worn it. "Can I borrow this?"

Kim shrugs.


So it turns out robbing a bank is actually pretty easy. Ramona stays over that night, and they hash out a basic plan. Then, a few days later, they go to a different, smaller town, wear clown masks, and escape through subspace with a shitload of money.


When the adrenaline wears off, they're on Kim's bed again (it's since been cleaned of grave dirt), the masks have been melted down and thrown out, and the shitload of money is all over the bedroom.

"So," says Ramona, "what are we going to do with all this money?"

Kim throws a handful of notes at her, and things descend into a fairly ridiculous money fight.

Ramona eventually pushes Kim off the bed, into a larger pile of money, and launches herself off the bed after her. Kim tries to escape, but it's kind of difficult to escape from underneath someone else, especially when they're trying to bury your face in money.

After a brief struggle, in which Kim tries tickling Ramona, shoving money down her shirt, and pulling her hair in turn, Kim goes perfectly limp.

It's a perfect gambit. Ramona stops attacking immediately, and pulls away.

"Okay?" she asks.

"Nngh," Kim says, around a note. "I think you killed me."

Ramona laughs, and pulls Kim out of the pile of now-crumpled money. "You idiot."

"Hey," says Kim, "idiots don't plan successful bank robberies."

"True," Ramona admits. "Evil people probably do, though."

Kim wrinkles her nose. "I'm not evil. Maybe I just like money." More than money, she likes being successful. She likes knowing that she came up with a plan to rob a bank - a plan that worked.

"Not an idiot, and also not evil." Ramona looks thoughtful. "I don't know many people like that."

Kim shrugs. "At least you know one?"

Ramona sighs. "Now if only you were a guy, and also dating me," she says.

"It's not like you've never dated a girl before."


"And I'm not... I mean, I've. Er."

Ramona stops idly playing with the money, and fixes Kim with fairly sharp look. "What are you saying?"

"Aren't you still dating Scott?" Kim deflects.

"Not for a while. It's complicated, I guess?"

"I kissed Knives once. It was," Kim shrugs. "It was okay."

"So," Ramona says.

"So." Kim echoes faintly.

There's a short, mildly awkward silence.

"I think-" Ramona starts, but is cut off by Kim lunging towards her and landing a kiss on her mouth. They stay in that position for a moment, while Kim wonders if she perhaps miscalculated and Ramona was about to say "I think we should forget this ever happened", but then Ramona relaxes into the kiss, wraps an arm around Kim and pulls her even closer.


Kim finds herself underneath Ramona in the money pile again, but this time is far more pleasant.


"So," Kim says blandly, eventually, in the silence of afterglow. "Want to rob another bank tomorrow?"

Ramona laughs softly, and more than a little sleepily, into Kim's hair. "I was thinking we could make out some more on the pile of money."

Kim shrugs.