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Experiences in Embarrassing Jack

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Family Jackson O’Neill is enjoying a nice, relaxing evening at home, when Lantis pipes up.


“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“Can you explain the meaning of a joke we heard today?”

“I can certainly try, hon. What's the joke?”

“A man and a woman meet in a club. They flirt, and after a while he asks: ‘Hey, you wanna come home with me tonight?’
She says ‘I’d love to, but I’m on my period right now.’
He says ‘Doesn't matter, let's drink some more, then we won't care.’
So they do.
The next morning he wakes up - and only remembers he took her home. He sees the bed - full of blood, and she is gone.
‘Oh my god, I’ve killed her’ he thinks in horror.
Runs to his gun drawer - still locked. ‘Okay, I didn't shoot her.’ Runs to the kitchen - all knives are still in the drawer, clean. ‘Okay, I didn't stab her. What the hell did I do?!’
He has to go to the bathroom - and there he looks in the mirror: ‘Oh no! I ate her!’”

Lantis looks expectantly at Jack, who is, quite frankly, speechless.
Danny nearly falls off the couch with how hard he is laughing.

Jack has to clear his throat a few times. “... Who exactly told you that joke?”

“Oh, we heard CadmanLieutenant tell it to some of her friends. We weren't in the room, just our sensors overheard.”

Jack relaxes a fraction at that. Daniel is still wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

“Okay… you know about menstruation, hon?”

“We know about that, JackGeneralDad. It's probably the reason why the bed is full of blood. We just don't understand why the man thinks he ate the woman.”

Daniel starts laughing again, and Jack gives him a mock scowl. “Why don't we let Dr. Hilarious here explain that to you, hm?”

Daniel, of course, has no problem with that. He goes right into geek mode.

“You know about oral sex, honey?”

Lantis nods. Jack facepalms. Serves him right for asking the anthropologist to explain dirty jokes.

“The man likely pleasured the woman orally. That's why he has blood around his mouth. And because he doesn't remember what happened, he thinks he ate her.”

“Ohhhhhh…” Lantis is in awe. “Hmm but wouldn't the taste of blood disturb him during the sex?”

Jack claps his hands. “All right, I’m gonna make some hot chocolate, have fun with … this.” He flees for the kitchen.

What even is his life, seriously.