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Singing in the Courtroom

Chapter Text

"Make A (Free) Man out Of You"
(Sung to the tune of "Make A Man Out Of You"
from Disney's Mulan soundtrack)

 

Let's get down defending
To defeat the charge
Don't you fret dear client, the trial's just begun
Things may seem so hopeless now,
But you can bet before we're through
Defendant, I'll make a free man…out of you


The testimony's bogus
These charges are paper thin
Once I break that witness
We are sure to win
Payne's a spineless, wimp, pathetic snot
And he's never had a clue
I swear I'll make a free man out of you


I'll never stop pursuing the truth
Say goodbye to these lies against you
Just ignore that pompous tool, and his smarmy grin
I'll fight until my dying breath
Hope Udgey doesn't see right through me
Good thing I can stall and bluff on a whim!


[Chorus:]

(Objection!)
I must be strong, freedom I must deliver
(Objection!)
Lady Justice shall prevail real soon
(Objection!)
With all the blaze of a Phoenix fire
With this new evidence, there's no way we can lose!


Sweat drips down my brow now, till verdict arrives
Heed late mentor's orders and I might survive
You're unsuited for those prison stripes
So chin up, smile on, we're through
Cuz you believed, I'd make a free man out of you


[Chorus:]

(Objection!)
I must be strong, freedom I must deliver
(Objection!)
Lady Justice shall prevail real soon
(Objection!)
With all the blaze of a Phoenix fire
With this new evidence, there's no way we can lose!


[Chorus:]

(Objection!)
I must be strong, freedom I must deliver
(Objection!)
Lady Justice shall prevail real soon
(Objection!)
With all the blaze of a Phoenix fire
With this new evidence, there's no way we can lose!

Chapter Text

"Prosécutemon"
(Sung to the tune of "Pokémon – Gotta Cath 'Em All!")

I want to be,
The most perfect,
Like no one ever was.
Finding evidence is my test,
To convict them is my cause.


I will travel across the nations,
Prosecuting far and wide.
Each defendant, to crush and break,
Dashing all their hopes and dreams.


Von Karma, Gotta convict 'em all!
It can only be me.
It's the Von Karma destiny.
Von Karma!
Oh, defense are my enemies,
Always trying to subvert my case!


Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!
My convictions true!
My perfection will pull us through!
I'll mentor you, but you won't mentor me,
Because I'm a Von Karma!
Gotta convict 'em all!
Gotta convict 'em all!
Perfect…


Every defense attorney that foolishly gets in the way,
I'll put them right in their place.
I will prosecute every day,
And laugh in my foolish enemy's face.


Don't follow me, your input's worthless.
I'm a team of one.
With my perfection, the defendant will confess,
To the crime that they've done.


Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!
It can only be me.
It's the Von Karma destiny.
Von Karma!
Oh, defense are my enemies,
Always trying to subvert my case!


Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!
My convictions true!
My perfection will pull us through!
I'll mentor you, but you won't mentor me,
Because I'm a Von Karma!


Gotta convict 'em all!
Gotta convict 'em all!
Gotta convict 'em all!
Gotta convict 'em all!
Gotta convict 'em all!
Perfect!


Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!
It can only be me.
It's the Von Karma destiny.
Von Karma!
Oh, defense are my enemies,
Always trying to subvert my case!


Von Karma, gotta convict 'em all!
My convictions true!
My perfection will pull us through!
I'll mentor you, but you won't mentor me,
Because I'm a Von Karma!
Gotta convict 'em all!
Gotta convict 'em all!
Von Karma!

Chapter Text

No One Objects Like Edgeworth!
(Sung by Miles Gasworth and Detective Dickfou)
Parody of "Gaston" from Disney's Beauty & The Beast)

Edgeworth:

Who does Wright think he is?

That rookie attorney has tangled with the wrong man!

No mere greenhorn defense could have defeated Miles Edgeworth!


Gumshoe:

Huh! Darn right, sir!


Edgeworth:

Case dismissed! Not Guilty!

Publicly degraded! Why, it's more than I can bear!


Gumshoe:

More tea?


Edgeworth:

What for? Perfect conviction record vanquished! I am dishonored! Manfred will never forgive me!


Gumshoe:

Who, you? Never! Mr. Edgeworth, sir, you've got to turn that frown upside down!


Gumshoe:

Sir it bums me out to see you like this

Sitting hunched over and slumped

Ev'ry guy here'd love to be like you sir

Even when down in the dumps

There's no man in court as esteemed as you

You're an Ace Prosecutor type guy

Ev'ryone strives to be just like you sir

Lemme show you the evidence why…


Gumshoe:

*sings*

No one's smart as Edgeworth

No one's posh as Edgeworth

No one's wallet's incredibly thick as Edgeworth's

For there's no man in town half as wealthy

Perfect, a pure prodigy!

You can ask any Payne, Dick or Larry

And they'll tell you on whose side that they wanna be


Gumshoe and Chorus:

No one's keen like Edgeworth

A chess king like Edgeworth


Gumshoe:

No one's got a cold, steely-eyed glare like Edgeworth


Edgeworth:

To all criminals I am intimidating!


Gumshoe and Chorus:

My what a champ, that Edgeworth!

Give five "HOLD-IT's!"

Give twelve "TAKE THAT's!"


Gumshoe:

Edgeworth is most cool

And the rest are all fools


Chorus:

No one objects like Edgeworth

Convicts crooks like Edgeworth


Edgeworth:

In a courtroom battle nobody points like Edgeworth!


Fangirls: (Wendy Oldbag/Rhoda Teneiro/Ema Skye) *fan themselves*

For there's no man who slams their bench harder


Edgeworth *points to his biceps under his suit jacket*

I've got gym muscles hidden right here!


Gumshoe:

Not a bit of him's flabby or spindly


Edgeworth: Indeed!

*tosses his head so his long bangs fly up and then fall back into immaculate place*

And I always have perfect, coiffed hair…


Chorus:

No one's style's like Edgeworth's

Dresses sharp like Edgeworth


Gumshoe:

In the man's fashion world nobody shines like Edgeworth


Edgeworth:

I'm especially good at accessorizing!

*whips out a pair of matching cufflinks to go with his ensemble*

Eureka!


Chorus:

No penalties for Edgeworth!


Edgeworth:

When I was a lad I read four dozen books

Ev'ry evening to help me grow smart

And now that I'm grown I've a genius IQ

Turned prosecution right into an art!


Chorus:

No other beaut like Edgeworth

Struts in suits like Edgeworth


Gumshoe:

Inspires frothing desire in the femmes like Edgeworth


Edgeworth:

I use logic in all my investigating!


Chorus:

We are ALL GUILTY of loving Edgeworth!

Chapter Text

"Brace Yourselves"
(Sung by Prison Lead Bitchtoff Gavin to the tune of "Be Prepared" from
Disney's The Lion King)*

 

 

[In the prison recreation area, Kristoph is pacing back and forth in front of Roger Retinz, Furio Tigre, and Redd White before proceeding to sing.]

It may seem like we've been defeated in society's eyes,
Our endeavors unraveling at the seams.
But if my plan can receive acceptance with no compromise,
We may yet accomplish our hopes and dreams.


I know you're all selfish and vain,
Like Narcissus at the spring's bank.
But please, to help keep me sane,
Hear my words and don't let me feel manqué.


It's clear from your grating sneers,
That you couldn't care in the slightest,
But this is revenge for the wrongs of former years,
Against a man who thinks that he's highest!


So brace yourselves for the time of your lives.
Brace yourselves for when we are through.
A wondrous age,
As we quell our rage.


[ "And where exactly do we come in?"  Retinz asks with a look of disdain.]

["Just listen to the kingpin!"  Kristoph sings, pushing up his glasses to hide his irritation on his face.]


This may be debauched,
But our hopes won't be squashed,
When I finally get my dues,
And my enemy is put in his place!
Brace yourselves!


["I'll brace myself! I'll brace myself good! …What am I bracin' for?" Tigre asks, his sneer turning into a look of bewilderment as he cocks his head in confusion.][

"For the death of the dastardly man who put us here: Phoenix Wright!" Kristoph hisses through clenched teeth with crossed arms and a piercing glare.]

["Why? Is he diseasick?" Redd smirks, prompting the blond mastermind to growl in discontent.]

["No, you pink-haired butcher of the English language, we're going to murder him, as well his daughter and protégé, and show the world how he so wrongly tarnished my reputation!"]

["Now you're speaking my language!"Retinz excitedly chimes in, flashing his signature 'hang loose, baby!' gesture. "Death to that Gramarye brat! Death to that whole ragtag agency! I can't wait until they're all consumed by my flames!" The former magician cackles, a ball of fire forming in his palm as he extends his arm out.]

["You short-sighted man…" Kristoph sneers with a shake of his head. "We're not going to put Wright's agency out of business."]

["Umm… But didn't youse say-" Tigre tries to ask, only to be quickly interrupted.]

["I will take the Anything Agency for myself, and use its 'good' name to rebuild my career anew! Help me achieve this goal, and you'll be able to do all of the twisted, illegal acts you desire with no legal repercussions whatsoever!" Kristoph loudly proclaims with a raised fist.]

["Long live the plan!" The three others bellow at the top of their lungs in unison before they start singing themselves, along with several other prisoners who became intrigued after hearing the discussion.]


We love that we'll soon have an attorney,
Who appreciates our goals and means.

[Kristoph chuckles slightly under his breath before resuming his singing, with the other prisoners serving as his chorus.]


But as you can imagine, my friends,
You're expected to follow my orders to the letter.
Our futures are filled with opportunity,
And while I'm a very patient man,
I must really emphasize:
YOU WON'T LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO BETRAY ME!


So brace yourselves for my rise to power! (Oooh!)
Brace yourselves to snuff out Wright's foolish ideals. (Oooh… Ha! Ha! Ha!)
Careful scheming, (We'll be rich!)
My logic teeming, (This city's ours!)
My temperament always cool, (Vices we vow!)
Is why you'll, (They'll all bow!)
Know me with no peer,
An illustrious career,
And seen for the legal genius I am!
Yes, my hatred and determination are my helves,
Brace yourselves!


[The other prisoners sing in unison with the former defense attorney.]

Yes, our hatred and determination are our helves,
Brace yourselves!

[As the song comes to an end, Kristoph's deranged, chilling laughter fills the area.]

Chapter Text

"He's a Schlampe"
(Sung by Ema Skye regarding a certain bling-loving,
German-speaking/Europhile
to the tune of "He's a Tramp"
from Disney's Lady and The Tramp)

 

What a fop
What a fop


 

He's a Schlampe, groupies love him
Beds new fangirls every day
He's a Schlampe, they adore him
Thongs drop when he looks their way


 

He's a Schlampe, he's a Mann Hure
He's a rock star, he's a rake
He's a Schlampe, and he knows it
That's why I loathe him, make no mistake


 

Laughs out loud when I blow my top
He makes my blood pressure double
Guess he's just a good-natured fop
Oh dear, I think I'm in trouble


 

He's a Schlampe, easy lover
But he's got charm, I must say
Yes he's a Schlampe, but a nice guy
And I wish that he would look twice my way
Wish that he would look twice my way
Wish that he would look twice my way

 

Chapter Text

"Putrid Hellfire"
( Sung by Prosecutor Flutter to the tune of "Hellfire"
from Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

[The afternoon after Trucy is acquitted for the murder of Manov Mistree, Nahyuta is pacing around his temporary office, thinking of how this case could have gone so wrong for him. When suddenly, thoughts of Detective Ema Skye enter the monk's mind, compelling him to burst into song.]

Holy Mother,
You know I try my very best,
To maintain order and piety in the name of Your holy land.


Holy Mother,
You've seen my talents do Your work,
To push the putrid, sinful rebels towards disband.


Then explain to me, Holy Mother,
Why I see her investigating there,
Her teal eyes boring into my most holy soul?


I hear her, I see her,
Her dainty hand gripping Snackoos,
Makes me wish that she was holding mine instead!


Like fire,
Putrid hellfire,
This moral filth under my skin!
This putrid,
Desire,
Is leading me down a path of sin!


[A multitude of ghostly men wearing emerald-colored robes that shroud their faces in darkness surround Nahyuta and serve as the chorus.]

I did no wrong!
(Commodo conclusi.)

I do right always!
(Commodo abire.)

It's the detective girl,
with her putrid scientific ways!
(Cur non hoc culus omittamus?)

I do right always!
(Nemo amat vos.)

But why is it,
(Tu pessima accusator semper.)

Where I have putrid desires,
That make me a hypocrite?
(Etiam habemus fines!)

[The robed men vanish in a burst of flames.]


Save me, Holy Mother!
Please don't let her evil science win,
Don't let her poison my soul like a blight!
Destroy Detective Skye,
And make her suffer for that putrid sin,
Or have her be mine so she can see Your holy light!


[Suddenly, Nahyuta's song is interrupted by a knock at his door.]

["Come in." The monk calmly responds, prompting Ema to open the door and enter the room. "Ah, Detective Skye. To what do I owe this pleasure?"]

["I'm just here to remind you that our flight to Khura'in leaves in two hours. And if you're forcing me to come with you, the least you can do is focus less on songs that I can't really hear through these thick walls and more on getting your stuff ready so we don't miss our flight." The forensic investigator irritably states with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.]

["Don't worry, Detective Skye. The Holy Mother will ensure that we are on time. Just please give me a minute so I can finish what I was doing." Nahyuta warmly requests.]

["*Sigh…* Fine. But only a minute! Any more and I'll be pelting you with Snackoos until you ARE ready!" Ema growls as she pulls out a bag of her favorite snacks and starts devouring the chocolaty treats inside.]

["Thank you. Oh, and Detective Skye, please close the door on your way out."]

[As soon as the door closes, Nahyuta resumes singing as if nothing happened.]


Putrid hellfire,
Sinful acts,
Now Detective, it's your choice:
Join me or,
Face the axe.
Be damned or love me and rejoice!


Holy Mother have mercy on me…
Holy Mother Have mercy on Detective Skye…
But she shall choose me,
Or she shall diiiiieeeeeee!

Chapter Text

 

"Let It Blow"
( Belted out to the tune of "Let It Go"
from Disney's  Frozen)

 

The qualms haunt me in my bed at night
Like tormentors, ever mean
Taunting that I'm defective
Barely heard or ever seen
My anger's toiling like a slowly churning tide
Won't be knocked down, I've still got my prideeee


Can't turn back now, can't run or flee
Be the best lawyer I could ever be
Conceal these doubts, don't let them showwww
Well here I goooo!


Let it blow, let it blow
Can't keep quiet anymore
Let it blow, let it blow
Chords of Steel since AA 4!
I don't care if they whinge or stray!
Courtroom battle's on
This booming shout of mine remains here to stay


Compared to those around me
My Horn Head self seems small
Yet my quest in seeking justness
Has me standing proud and tall!


It's time to prove what I can do
Pushing boundaries in proving the truth
Here comes Justice for all to seeeee
This is meeeee!


Let it blow, let it blow
I'm one loudmouthed little guy
Let it blow, let it blow
I'll fight until I die
HOLD IT'S fly as I pound these fists
Courtroom battle's on!


My perceive powers are unlike any arounddddd
My cross-examination drives this case right to the groundddd!
Lies materializing show testimonies not steadfastttt
I'm gonna win this trial, just like the others pastttt!


Let it blow, let it blow
Can't ignore the roar of this voice
Let it blow, let it blow
There was no other choice
Objections fly while I defend awayyyyyyy
Courtroom battle's onnnnnnnn
This booming shout of mine remains here to stay

Chapter Text

"From the Shadows of Night"
Sung to the tune of "In the Dark of the Night" from Disney's Anastasia

 

In the middle of the night, my sleep was most restless,
Made worse by the dream that kept haunting me,
It almost made my mind break!
A president uncovered as a fake!


I was once a loyal body double to Huang,
(Oooh, ah oooh.)
But my hard work was rewarded with only a pang!
(Oooh, ah oooh.)
My wrath made him dearly pay,
But one little orphan boy got away!


(From the shadows of night, the President will find him!)
(From the shadows of night, the President will make sure he's gone!)
No one will oppose me,
My rule will be so carefree!
(From the shadows of night!)
No one will hear his screams!


My people are becoming displeased more each day,
So I must not give them more reason to fight back!
But when my plans fall into place,
Those fears will be instantly erased!


(From the shadows of night, The President will mute him!)
I will be his executioner!
(From the shadows of night, his future looks sooo grim!)
Soon he will scream,
As I destroy his self-esteem!
(From the shadows of night!)


(From the shadows of night, The President will bludgeon him!)
(From the shadows of night, his worst fears will come alive!)
Foolish boy, you will cry,
As I gloat and cheer "Banzai!"
(From the shadows of night!)


Come, my cohorts,
Work for your boss,
Help the baddest guy!
(From the shadows of night!)
(From the shadows of-)
Find him for me,
And know what I imply!
(From the shadows of night!)
(From the shadows of night!)
(From the shadows of night!)
Simon Keyes will die!

Chapter Text

"Gern Geschehen"
Sung to the tune of "You're Welcome" from Disney's Moana
by a smug Franziska to Miles
after his "defense attorney" trial against her in T &T


 

Franziska: So what I believe you were trying to say, Miles Edgeworth, is Danke.

Miles: Danke?

Franziska: Gern Geschehen. In case you've forgotten all your German… that means… you're welcomeKleiner Bruder.

Miles: Ngh! No! No! No! I didn't… I wasn't…why would I ever…

Franziska: *smirks and waggles her forefinger at the flummoxed prosecutor*


Alright! Alright! *snickers* I know what's occurring here
You're dealing with perfection and you're awed
You don't even know what to say
How typical!
To be silent when you really should applaud!


Come read meine lips, now it begins
Ja, it's truly me, it's Franny: take it in!


I know I'm perfect, can't claim I'm not
And matching brains come with this bod!


There's nothing to state besides Gern Geschehen
For covering up your damn hide!
es ist in Ordnung , I say
Gern Geschehen!
Without my help today you would've fried!


 Ha!
As kids who'd soothe your cries and shakes
From night terrors and earthquakes!
Diese Frau!


 When Canuck got bold, who lied:
"Your Honor, I've never seen that guy!"
Why, your Big Sister, nein?


  Oh! Achtung! I perjured for you
Gern Geschehen
To stretch the trial and find the truth!


Mein Gott! I helped Phoenix Wright!
Gern Geschehen
A man I loathe with all my might!


 There's nothing to state besides Gern Geschehen
Best große Schwester that you'll ever see!
There's no need to whine, it's quite fine
Gern Geschehen!
Hmph! I suppose you would do the same for me!
Gern Geschehen!
Gern Geschehen!


 Well, there's no need to deny it
Miles, shamelessly I could go on and on
About perfect Von Karma ways all in one little song
It'll make your heart go pound
Have you get flustered when I come around!


I threw this case,
And let you defend
Now you'll owe me, right up to the end!


 What have we learned?
From that court trial today?
own you now, don't even try for a breakaway!


 Easily could've turned this into a win,
But it's more fun getting under your skin!
Bow to me fool
I make wonders take place!
This wild mare's waving her whip in your face!
Whish! Whish! Whish! Whish! Whish! Whish! Crack!


 So Little Brother, I say Gern Geschehen
(Gern Geschehen)
For my benevolence, not my disdain!
Ja, es ist in Ordnung, es ist in Ordnung
Gern Geschehen

Well, I've sung it, so Auf Wiedersehen!


 It was your lucky day, Gern Geschehen
Thanks for listening to my showboat
Now back to Interpol
Gern Geschehen
Believe you me, I'll never cease to gloat!
Gern Geschehen
Gern Geschehen
*curtsies*
und danke dir!

 

 

Chapter Text

"Blaise Debeste's Song"
(Sung to the tune of "Oogie Boogie's Song"
from Disney's The Nightmare Before Christmas)

[Edgeworth is defeated. He tried his best and put everything he had on the line, but he wasn't able to prove Kay's innocence.]

[Now, after seeing his young assistant hauled off to the detention center to await her trial, Edgeworth stands alone in the dark P.I.C. boardroom. But suddenly, a bright light breaks the darkness as Blaise Debeste thrusts open the door before sauntering into the room.]


{Blaise}
Well, well, well,
What do we have here?
Mr. Edgeworth, eh?
Oh, so scary! So scary!
So you're the little prosecutor who keeps getting in my way?
Ha ha ha!


Y'know, this is funny, real funny,
This has gotta be a lie!
My lackeys,
Were bested,
By this snooty, smarmy guy?
He's rigid,
His coat's pink,
He's so very unversed!
I might just burst out laughing,
If I don't start crying first!


When I think that you're,
A little obstacle to my plan,
You'd better start running,
'Cause I'm the P.I.C. Chairman.
Y'know, you're a real moron,
Whose ideals are foolish and wrong.
But y'see, that won't matter for long,
'Cause you'll disappear after this song.

Ohhh! (Ohhh!)
Ohhh! (Ohhh!)
Ohhh! (Ohhh!)

I'm the P.I.C. Chairman!


{Edgeworth}
You're a monster, Debeste,
With a heart as black and dark as night.
A soulless, sinister devil,
Who probably burns in the sunlight.


{Blaise}
So angry,
So naïve,
He actually thinks I freakin' care!
Why don't you shut up,
Before I drown you with my tears.
Y'see, you've squirmed,
You tried,
But I saw right through your bluff.
So now that your hopes have been shattered,
I'm gonna do my P.I.C. stuff.


Oooh, the thrill of the kill,
There's nothing that can match,
'Cause I'm the sadistic Chairman,
Who likes to bite and scratch.


I always get a happy feeling,
When I'm ruining a life.
Yours, my stupid son's,
And previously my late wife's.


{Edgeworth}
You won't get away with this, Debeste,
For one day you'll be under arrest!


{Blaise}
Y'know,
I laugh,
'Cause that you'll never see!
They'll put on your epitaph,
How you kept on defying me.


You're defeated,
You're done,
You should be filled with fear,
Because I'm Blaise Debeste,
And you're gonna disappear.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Chapter Text

"Beauty And The Geek"
(Sung to the tune of "Beauty and the Beast"
from Disney's Beauty and the Beast)


Always fighting crime
She's LAPD
He's a blingy fop
Makes her blow her top
Uncontrollably


Ever butting heads
Tempers are released
Hiding the true deal
What they really feel
Beauty and the geek


Yielding would be shame
So she never tries
Slurs him to the core
Dubs him a Mann Hure
Till the day he dies!


Always fighting crime
Learn to get along
Friendship within range
Shy smiles are exchanged
Feelings growing strong


Opposites attract
True love is unleashed
Always fighting crime
Each and every time
Beauty and the Geek


 Always fighting crime
Each and every time
Beauty and the Geek

Chapter Text

 

 

Disbar Mr. Edgeworth
(Sung to the tune of "Kidnap the Sandy Claws" from
The Nightmare Before Christmas)

 

 

  

{Justine and Sebastian}
Disbar Mr. Edgeworth…


{Sebastian}
Leave it to Debeste,
I'll do it with mirth.


{Justine}
Your father wants us to collaborate.


{Sebastian}
I'm first-rate,
You'll think it's great.


{Justine and Sebastian}
It's no debate!
Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,
Take away his badge!
Kick him to the curb,
And force him to cadge!


{Justine}
First, we'll forge some evidence prime,
And leave at the scene of the crime.
And when he jumps to use it now,
We don't hesitate and bust him big time.


{Sebastian}
No, I've got Debeste plan,
To get rid of this pink sissy man.
Let's cut up his frilly napkin-thing,
And he'll cry and run away.


{Justine and Sebastian}
Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,
Clean out his office.
Slander all records of him,
And call him a doughface.


{Justine}
Then Chairman Debeste will be able to,
Rule this city with his legal view.


{Justine and Sebastian}
He'll be so proud, we do believe,
That a good reward we'll receive.


{Sebastian}
I think we should get a big rock,
Hang it above his door and then,
Knock a lot until he answers,
And turn Mr. Edgeworth into a pancake.


{Justine}
Don't be so rash, please think.
If we kill him with a big rock,
We could leave an evidence trail,
And be sent straight to jail.


{Justine and Sebastian}
Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,
Shame him on the stand!
Have his closest friends watch,
Him get his hide tanned!

Because Blaise Debeste can make you disappear without a thought.
If we upset him right now,
We'd be scared of his onslaught!


{Sebastian}
Pops'll be so happy with my deeds,
He won't make me sleep in the yard with the weeds.


{Justine and Sebastian}
Perhaps he'll throw a grand party,
And give us cheers so hearty.

We're his loyal representatives,
Doing every task sublime.
We dare not go against him,
Lest we disappear in the nighttime.


{Justine}
Why must this boy be so dim?


{Sebastian}
I'm not dim!
You're, uh… slim!


["Sebastian, please be quiet." Justine calmly tells her young associate, putting a finger to her mouth to shush the adolescent prosecutor.]

["No!" Sebastian pouts. "I'm the best, so everything I say is important!"]

["Goddess of Law, give me strength…" Justine sighs as she puts a hand to her forehead and slowly shakes her lowered head.]


{Justine}
I've got another plan, so listen,
One that is quite good, indeed.
We'll put some child pornography in a box,
Wrapped in tinsel and a bow.
We'll leave it at his office and hide,
Until driven by logic,
Edgeworth looks inside,
And we'll have his badge in no time!


{Justine and Sebastian}
Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,
Rake him across the coals!
Show him no mercy,
As we move towards our goals!


Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,
Point out all his flaws!
Verbally lash the man,
Without a single pause!


Disbar Mr. Edgeworth,
Make him disappear!
Take him out of the picture,
And we'll surely cheeeeeer!

Chapter Text

 

"Smooch the Pearl"
(Sung to the tune of "Kiss The Girl" from 

Disney's The Little Mermaid)

 

Sitting with her
Blushingly pretty Pearl Fey
You only met her today
What is it about her
And you feel so shy
But you can't even lie
You wanna smooch the Pearl


 

Look, you like her
Gaze at her, you know it's true
It's obvious she likes you too
There is one way to be sure
Nothing to be heard
Not even a word
You wanna smooch the Pearl


 

Bark with me now
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Boy, oh boy
Oh lad don't be so shy
Go on and smooch the Pearl
Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Take the chance
Start this sweet romance
So go and smooch the Pearl


 

Seize your moment
Grab this chance, don't be a loon
Chap, you better make it soon
She's yours if you let her
Don't be a nerd
There's no need for words
Until you smooch the Pearl


 

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Hearts be bared
Just get those lips prepared
Go on and smooch the Pearl


 

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
You know how
Don't you go back now
You wanna smooch the Pearl


 

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Stroll along
Lad you can't go wrong
I tell you to, smooch the Pearl


 

Sha-la-la-la-la-la
Stanza stays
Magic if Luke obeys
You wanna smooch the Pearl


 

You've got to smooch the Pearl
Why don't you smooch the Pearl
You gotta smooch the Pearl
Go on and smooch the Pearl

*scene fades as Luke Triton finally grows a pair of apprentice bollocks
and finally manages to kiss the girl*

 

Chapter Text

 

 "Auntie Knows Best"
(Sung to the tune of "Mother Knows Best"
from Disney's
Tangled )

 

 

[It was finally time for Mia Fey to fulfill her destiny- her bags were packed, she was wearing her new blazer, she had been accepted to the law school of her dreams, and the bus leading to the train station had just arrived.]

[However, before Mia could board the bus, she was stopped by the calm, refined voice of her aunt.]

["Mystic Mia, where are you going?" Morgan asked with a look of concern as she sipped some tea from her cup.]

["I told you, Aunt Morgan, I'm going off to Law School to begin my studies to become a defense attorney and avenge my mother."]

["You wish to leave Kurain?" The crone asked with a refined laugh. "Why, Mystic Mia…"]


You are our future, the jewel in our crown,
The next Master, a woman they'll flag down.
Do you know why we stay up in this little town?


["Not this again, Aunt Morgan." Mia groaned with a roll of her eyes, knowing what would come next after years of lectures.]


That's right, to keep our sacred traditions alive, Mystic Mia.
With what the press did to us, I knew this day would come,
That you'd want to go on some retribution quest.
Now don't be a diva


["But-" Mia tried to argue, but to no avail.]


Trust me, Mystic Mia,
Your aunt knows best.


Your aunt knows best,
Listen to your aunt,
Don't stare at me with that scowl.
Your aunt knows best,
And in one way or another,
You'll surely meet your end, I vow


Gangsters, guns, open manholes, dropped pianos
Maniacs and arsonists,
Drunk drivers.


["Are you being serious?" Mia asked with an unamused look.]

["Have you seen the news? The world outside this village is fraught with danger and psychopaths."]

["Yes, but-"]


Don't forget large rats, falling debris, and -
Stop, please, for this is upsetting me.


Your aunt's right here,
Your aunt shall guide you,
And here's what I suggest.
Don't be so angsty,
Remain in Kurain with me,
For your aunt knows best.


["Go ahead, get mugged and stabbed in a dark alley!" Morgan snapped with a wave of her hand.
"Go ahead, become a lawyer and defend some lunatic who will kill you in your sleep!
What do I know? I'm just your aunt, your mother's beloved sister and
the woman whose only crime is making lovely green tea so bitter that
you lose your tongue and jaw-droppingly large strawberry desserts.
So go ahead and leave me, just as my husband did,
and let me die a lonely, broken woman."]

The psychotic crone sighed with a forlorn expression.

"But when it's too late, you'll realize, mark my words, that your aunt knows best."]


Your aunt knows best,
Listen to your auntie,
Outside here, you won't last a day.
Blunt, immature,
Unrefined, loosey-goosey,
And Kurain will surely wither away!
Naïve, idealistic,
Absurdly choosey,
Headstrong and a bit… unorganized.
Plus, I see,
You dressing like a floozy.


[Upon hearing that last comment, Mia didn't hesitate to hold her blazer shut, thereby covering up her noticeable bust.]


I'm only saying this because we're related.

Your aunt is quite wise,
Your aunt is here to guide you,
Though I do have one request.


["Mystic Mia, never leave this village." Morgan coldly states with a glare, her pupils completely disappearing.]

["No." Mia bluntly replies with crossed arms, grabbing her bags before boarding the bus.]

[As the bus drives away from the little village, a grin forms across Morgan's face.]

["Fine, Mystic Mia. But when something happens, don't say that I didn't warn you." The crone smirks, taking a sip of bitter tea from the cup in her hand.]


[As much as Morgan wished to attend her niece's funeral to revel in the rebellious girl's death, she couldn't on account of training exercises that she was directing that day. Just because Mia refused to listen to her wise words all those years ago didn't mean that the other mediums' training- especially that of her precious Pearl - had to suffer.]

[But on one off day, Morgan made it a point to make a trip to the city so that she could visit Mia's grave- a plot perched on top of a small hill with a headstone that read the following:]

 

HERE LIES MIA FEY
MARCH 20, 1989 – SEPTEMBER 5, 2016
"A lawyer is someone who smiles no matter how bad it gets."

 

[Upon reading that quote, the crone couldn't help but laugh and shake her head.]


I don't know how you could be so flaunty,
Boasting as if you have the moral high ground.
You shouldn't have been a vigilante,
And just listened to auntie.


Mystic Mia knows best,
Mystic Mia's so wise,
You feel you're so profound.
Mystic Mia knows best,
Well, if you're so wise,
Then why are you in the ground?


Your pride is why you're here,
I knew this would happen,
Though, Mystic Mia, dear,
I am not so upset,
Because I now have Mystic Pearl.


And now in the cold grave you rest,
Leaving Mystic Maya behind,
Who will be gone soon, I attest.
Your sister's a disaster,
And Mystic Pearl shall be the next Master,
For your aunt knows best.

Chapter Text

 

"Dahlia Hawthorne"
(Sung to the of "Cruella De Vil" from Disney's  101 Dalmatians )

 

["Nnnghhhooooh!"]

*From the skies in the heavens, a loud piercing shriek can be heard coming all the way from the fiery pits of Abaddon, below*

[Must be another sullied soul, being cast down to Lucifer," Misty Fey smirks]

["That's not just ANY Bête Noire, Mom!" Mia Fey smirks triumphantly.  "It's someone we ALL know far too well!"]

*The legal legend snaps her fingers gleefully as she cries out the hated name*

["Dahlia Hawthorne!"]

*Mia breaks into song*


Dahlia Hawthorne
Dahlia Hawthorne
Most evil murderess
That's ever been born!
A bloodthirsty wench
Of hateful scorn
Dahlia, Dahlia


She's a Black Widow
Coming for the kill
Beware of Dahlia Hawthorne


["Hahahahaha!" The other three spectral forms all crack up simultaneously as the busty beauty continues to sing even while snickering]


Some folks believe
This demon spawn's the devil
Within due time you'll see
That you were right
You come to recognize
Those deep, dark, soulless eyes
Belong to a Satanic…
Succubus!


[" Bang to rights!" Doug Swallows guffaws loudly]


This femme fatale fiend
This black-hearted witch
Deserved to be hung
Cuz karma's a bitch!
Let's all rejoice
To hell that skank's been flung
Dahlia, Dahlia Hawthorne!


["Oh Mia!" Valerie Hawthorne sniggers, wiping her streaming eyes. "You are the best!"]


*All four collapse into gales of ghostly laughter*

Chapter Text

 


"You've Got a Coworker in Me"
(Sung to the tune of "You've Got a Friend in Me"
from Disney's
Toy Story)

 

You've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me.

When finding evidence,

Gets tough,

And the prosecutor calls you,

Out on your bluff,

You just remember what Athena says:

Apollo, you've got a coworker in me.

Yep, you've got a coworker in me.


You've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me.

You've got baggage, and I do, too,

I'm always there to listen to you.

We always work together and find what's true,

'Cause you've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me.


All the other girls may,

Mock and insult you all day,

And say how you'll die alone,

per se,

But that's definitely not true,

'Cause I care about you.

It's me and you, Apollo.


And as our investigations surely show,

Our friendship will only continue to grow.

I can tell our future's so bright.

You've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me.

You've got a coworker in me. 


["I don't care how many time you sing that song, Athena. I'm not clearing the toilet for you." Apollo says with a disgruntled look and crossed arms.]

["But it's really smelly and gross!" The yellow-cladded woman wails, her head tilted back and her clenched fists held up as she tries to fight back the tears forming in her eyes.]

["I know. I had to clean it last week, as well as every other week before you came." Apollo wryly retorts. "So it's only fair that you do it today."]

["Fine! But next time Junie wants to hear about you, I'm telling her what Trucy told me about Valentine's Day last year! How she walked in here and found you on the ground crying and hugging Charley because no girl would go out on a date with you!"]

["You wouldn't…!" Apollo growls.]

["Oh, but I would…" Athena says with a sinister sneer. "And last month when I visited Aura at the detention center, she told me an even better story about a specific time you went to the space center when you were in high school. It was a Friday evening, you had no date, so you decided to corner Ponco and proceeded to -"]

["Hold it!"]

Chapter Text

 

"Wright Agency"
(Sung to the tune of "Under The Sea" from
Disney's
The Little Mermaid)


Trucy: "Polly, listen to me, mon. The court system… it's a mess… Naah mean?

Apollo: "Hold it! What's with the Jamaican lingo and accent?!"

Trucy: Working here, for a renowned agency… wouldn't that be more irie than going it alone?
Or worse, become a Bumboclaat prosecutor? A mi fi tell yu…


Don't let this one misdemeanor
Have you make a big mistake
Your dream is to seek out justice
You quit now, you be a flake
Just look at our broken system
Repair be a great big chore
We can't do a thing without you
What else you a lawyer for?


Wright Agency
Wright Agency
Be our abettor
And a go-getter
Come work with me
Here's a toilet brush, scrub away!
Make sure Charley's watered today!
Stop with that glower
Just when it's slower
Wright Agency


Me and Daddy be happy
We na' care that we be poor
But the rich DA's ain't happy
Forever they losers, sore
Who cares, let them be sucky
Defense always keeps their pride!
We get the "Not Guilty" verdict
You can't beat that thrill inside!


Wright Agency
Wright Agency
No one defeat us
Wish they could beat us
Undoubtedly!
We no defend the dirty crooks
Wright Agency we by the book
It's never boring
No time for snoring
Wright Agency (Wright Agency)
Wright Agency (Wright Agency)


Get your law fill here
Eat pudding chill here
Consistently (Consistently)
Even the lawyers and DA's
Chuck all hostilities away
As soon as court's done
They band and have fun
Wright Agency


The judge he rules fair
Herr Gavin's a fop
He plays air guitar
He won't ever stop
Ema's full of sass
Pelts her Snackoo snacks
Kristoph ain't got no soul
(Yeah)
Music Dad can't play
He bluffs his way through
He's a poker shark
Though won't lie to you
He'll help us find truth
He knows where it's at
An' oh that Kristoph blows!


Yeah, Wright Agency (Wright Agency)
Wright Agency (Wright Agency)
Hearing "Objection!"
Every inflection
Is music to me (Is music to me)
Prosecution no understand
We always got the upper hand
All the "Take That's" here
Prove all the facts clear
Wright Agency


Each one of us here
Is a force to fear
Wright Agency
Each one of us here
In clients we trust here
That's why it's better
We be trend-setters
Ya we got luck here
Always buck up here
Wright Agency


Apollo: "So in which verse do I actually get paid … MON?!"

 

Chapter Text

 

"Khura'in's Greatest Queen"
(Sung to the tune of "The World's Greatest Criminal Mind"
from Disney'sThe Great Mouse Detective
)


 

[After a long day of ruling over Khura'in, Ga'ran decides to blow off some steam by singing about how great she is as her Royal Guards stand at attention.]


 

{Ga'ran}
From the mind that usurped Khura'in's throne,
The magnificent queen whose glory is known,
For imposing the wonderful DC Act,
That got Dhurke's livelihood eliminated and sacked.


 

But those were just the beginning,
To our scheme for glory and winning.
Our earlier deeds were quite a thing to see,
But now we must be more merciless,
For our rule is threatened as Inga plots against us,
Surely you would agree.


 

{Royal Guards}
More merciless? Are you serious?
More ruthless than those children you had executed?
You're the greatest queen we've reputed.
Oh, Your Eminence,
Oh, Your Eminence,
Your intellect has no peers!
Oh, Your Eminence,
Oh, Your Eminence,
Your beauty brings us to tears!


 

["Thank you, Guards. Your words are most refreshing to our ears." Ga'ran smirks. "But alas, our rule hasn't been all flowers and butterflies. For we have faced our fair share of adversity thanks to that meddlesome, loudmouthed rebel, Dhurke Sahdmadhi!" The sinister queen snarls.]


 

["Booo!" The Royal Guards yell in unison.]


 

["For 23 years, that idealistic brute has sought to end our glorious rule, and we haven't had peace of mind ever since!" Ga'ran bemoans in an over-the-top fashion, sniffling and even faking a tear to really sell it.]


 

["Aww…" The guards bemoan, a few of them whimpering with trembling lower lips.]


 

[But in the blink of an eye, a sinister grin spreads across the queen's face. "But once we get rid of our traitorous husband and claim the Founder's Orb for ourselves, no one- not Dhurke, not that meddlesome foreign attorney, nor anyone else, for that matter - will ever be able to stand in our way! The people of Khura'in shall venerate us for the rest of time!"]


 

{Royal Guards}
Oh, Your Eminence,
Oh, Your Eminence,
Your enemies all cower!
Oh, Your Eminence,
Oh, Your Eminence,


 

{A Single Guard}
Despite your lacking spiritual power!


 

["Who said that?!" Ga'ran snarls, prompting the Royal Guards to quickly distance themselves from the quivering man. "Eemp Pu'tant…! Why am I not surprised?"]


 

["Y-Y-Your Eminence, I-I can explain!" The man stutters, dropping to his knees out of fear. "Back when it was declared that Her Merciful would become queen instead of you, we were told that it was because she had more spiritual power than you."]


 

["Such Insolence!" Ga'ran roars"We have always been a prodigy in regards to my spiritual capabilities and we will not allow for some lowly guard to say otherwise!"]


 

["I-I'm sorry, Your Eminence! It won't happen again!"]


 

["We fully agree with you, Pu'tant. For you know what happens to guards who have the audacity to question our powers…" The Queen snaps her fingers prompting two guards to restrain Eemp's arms, holding the man in place before a third guard slices his throat open with his sword.]


 

[After the deed is done, the two guards let go of Eemp's arms, allowing his corpse to fall to the ground with a thud. For the next few seconds, the throne room is filled with an eerie silence, which is suddenly broken by Ga'ran.]


 

["As you were singing?" The Queen smirks.]


 

{Royal Guards}
Even prouder,
We'll proclaim it!
No one could hope to hold a candle to you!
Your word is the only one that's true!
Oh, Your Eminence,
Oh, Your Eminence,
Your teeth are so clean!
Oh, Your Eminence,
Oh, Your Eminence,
The greatest Khura'inesequeeeeeen!

 

Chapter Text


 

"We Will Never Part"
(Sung to the tune of “You’ll Be In My Heart”
from Disney’s Tarzan)

Come stop that sighing
And put up a fight
I’m here for you
We’ll be alright


I will support you
So don’t you feel blue
I’ll never leave
From your side


You’re Phoenix Wright
Law’s where you belong
I’ll join your fight,
To help you right this wrong


You feel so scared now
I’ll support us
So you and me
We’ll get by


'Cause we will never part
No, we will never part
We’ll be Daddy
And daughter forever more


We will never part
Who cares what they all say
I’ll love and stand by you, always


Believe me I know just the way it feels
Who can you trust when you’re in such pain?
We're not so different, for I’m alone too
Let’s rise together from this fall


And we will never part
No, we will never part
We’ll be Daddy
And daughter forever more


Forget your doubters
'Cause what do they know (what do they know)?
We’ll clear your name
The truth’ll unfold
They'll eat those words
I know


The roads will be bumpy
You must stay strong (you gotta be strong)
Just believe in yourself
And you’ll never go wrong
You’ll rise again
I know
We'll show them together


And we will never part
Believe me, we will never part
We’ll be Daddy
And daughter forever more


Ooh, we will never part (you'll make a fresh new start)
It’s just us from today (I'll be with you)
No, we will never part (I'll be here)
Always
Always


 

I'll stand by you
I'll believe in you always
And love you for always


 

Just lean upon this shoulder
It’s there as we grow older
I’m your unmoving boulder
I'll be here
Always

 

 

 

 

Chapter Text

 

Enemies On The Other Side
(Sung to the tune of "Friends On The Other Side"
from Disney's The Princess and the Frog)

 

[Being the bubbly, energetic girl that she is, Trucy doesn't hesitate to follow Roger Retinz into his office that seems more like a shrine to himself- what with all the awards and pictures of himself scattered around - as Phoenix cautiously follows from behind.]

["…So as I was saying, Ms. Wright," Retinz coolly responds, "While magic isn't my cup of tea, I can tell that you're no ordinary magician. I see you going places, kid, and I'm making sure that Take-2 TV's coming with you!"]

["Did you hear that, Daddy? Me. Retinz sees me going places!" Trucy chirps with an excited toothy grin.]

["Or he could have seen your stage name. How do I know you aren't just using my daughter to make a quick buck off her family line?" Phoenix asks with cold eyes filled with caution and skepticism.]

[Upon hearing this, the shifty producer growls before bursting out into song.]


 

Don't you disrespect me, Mr. Wright!
Don't be so mean and snide!
You're in my office, sir,
Not in yours,
And all of my enemies are on the other side.

(All of his enemies are on the other side…)


 

["What's with the weird echo?" Phoenix nervously asks, scanning the room in search of its source.]

["Oh, that?" Retinz chuckles with a wave of his hand. "Just a little bit of voodoo that's found in every Hollywood producer's office. Gotta keep up the ratings somehow, am I right?"]

[The shady producer wastes no time sitting in his posh leather chair.]


 

Please take a seat before me, maybe enjoy a nice cup of tea,
I just really don't want you, little Trucy, to flee and be an absentee.
I can help your future, I can make it as bright as can be,
I'll help you get the most out of life…


 

["Don't you want your little girl to enjoy life, Mr. Wright?" Retinz sneers at Phoenix.]


 

And make you feel so truly free!
I've got flash,
I've got trash,
I've got stuff the FCC won't let slide!
All to get back at my enemies on the other side.

(He's got enemies on the other side…)


 

My intuition, it's great, really is, will reveal,
If this deal's good, smart, and really swell.
My intuition, my sixth sense, just let it work,
So we can see each and every little perk.


 

Now you, young lass, your childhood was quite the eventful time,
You descend from magicians of the utmost pedigree and sublime.


 

["Though their personalities are a whole 'nother story." Retinz growls under his breath.]


 

Your new life's all good,
But your hopes are so high,
So you need someone big to help your career fly.


 

["Is this true, Ms. Wright?" Retinz warmly asks. "You wanna be a big-time magician like your grandfather and
biological dad before you?"]

["Yeah!" Trucy chirps. "I want the world to once again enjoy the wonders of Gramarye magic!"]

["Of course you do, kid." Retinz responds by patting the young magician's shoulder. "But in order for that to happen,
you need a producer to get you on television."]


 

It's the backing, it's the backing, it's the backing you need,
But if you work with me,
You'll be a big star, that's what I see!


 

Now Mr. Wright, don't think I forgot about you,
You've helped people in court for many a day,
You've helped your friend and your assistant and even your rival,
And when you helped Zak Gramarye,
All he did was run away.
But if you trust that this is no scam,
You'll have a little girl as happy as a clam.


 

["So how about it, Ms. Wright? Will you let me make your dreams a reality?" Retinz innocently asks as he places a
green clipboard with a sheet of paper on it and slides it towards Trucy. However, before she can grab it,
he quickly picks it up and reads the paper.]

["Wait, what's this about a prank? What are you planning on doing to my baby girl?!" Phoenix growls.]

["Whoa, whoa! Hold your horses, big guy." Retinz grins with his hands raised. "It's all in good fun. You see, I plan on getting a few
other magicians to help out with their own unique talents, and to make things a bit more interesting, there'll be a
viewer's poll to decide which one's the best, with the last-place performer getting pranked- pie in the face,
bucket of water placed above their dressing room door, you know, kids' stuff."]

["Alright…" Phoenix sighs, reluctantly handing the clipboard to his excited daughter. "But if you make a mockery out of Trucy on
national television, I'm suing you for defamation of character! And don't think I won't - I'm
friends with the Chief Prosecutor and an international prosecutor with a whip."]

["Don't worry, Mr. Wright." Retinz chuckles. "Your daughter will be treated with all the respect that she deserves, Scout's honor."]

["Done!" Trucy chirps as she hands the clipboard back to the shady producer.]

["Good. Now that we've got the contract squared away, I can start making the preparations on booking us a venue.
I'll call you in a week or two with the full details. Oh, and before you leave, promise me that if any events come up
that could compromise production- busy school load, family vacations,
your father going out of town- let me know so we can work around them, ok?"]

["Will do, Mr. Retinz!"
 Trucy jovially replies. "Thanks for everything!"]

["Don't mention it, Ms. Wright…" The shifty producer grins, waving as the father and daughter duo make their way towards the door.]

[But the second Phoenix and Trucy leave the office, closing the door behind them; Retinz cackles as he opens up the
back of the trick clipboard and removes the document inside that the little magician unwittingly signed.]

["Yes…!" The vindictive producer cackles. "The time for my revenge has finally come!"]


 

I'm so ready!
(He's so ready!)
I'm so ready!
Retribution's sublime!
(Retribution's sublime!)
Being a jerk fulltime,
(Being a jerk fulltime,)
The Gramarye pastime!
See your family name, Magnifi?
It's dying,
It's dying,
It's dying, alright!
I hope Trucy's satisfied!
But if she's not,
She shouldn't blame me!
She should blame her family on the other siiiiiiiiiide!
(She's famous like her family,)
(But now she'll suffer like them, too!)

 

Chapter Text

 

"Forever Thee "
(Sung to the tune of "Remember Me" from
Disney's
Coco  by Godot at the grave of
his beloved kitten, Mia Fey)

 

[Verse 1: Godot]

Forever thee, why'd you have to go and die
Forever thee, my love they can't deny
From the moment that I met you, I loved you from the start
No one shall ever take your place, inside my mind or heart
Forever thee, though above you're now a star
Forever thee, within my soul I now bare scars
Know that you're with me the only way that you can be
Until I can hold you again, forever thee


[Break: Mia Fey & Godot]

Mi corazón no dejará de latir para ti
Sin tu amor no puedo existir
Siempre Contigo
Que nuestra canción no deje de latir
Solo con tu amor yo puedo existir

My heart won't stop beating for you
Without your love I cannot exist
Forever thee
My heart won't stop beating for you
Without your love I cannot exist


[Verse 2: Mia Fey]

Siempre Contigo, mi amor por ti sigue vivo
Siempre Contigo, mi espíritu está siempre a tu lado
Te llevo en mi corazón y te acompañaré
Donde sea que vayas , contigo allí siempre estaré

Siempre Contigo, mi corazón siempre serás dueño
Siempre Contigo
, nunca sientas que estás solo
Aún en la distancia nunca vayas a olvidar me
Que yo contigo siempre voy, siempre contigo

Forever thee, my love for you is still alive
Forever thee, my spirit's always by your side
I carry you within my heart and I'll accompany thee

Wherever you may go to, with you there I'll always be
Forever thee, my heart you'll always own
Forever thee, never feel that you're alone
Never in the distance will you ever forget me
That I always go with you, forever thee


[Bridge: Godot]

Deep within my heart forever you will stay
Keep our love alive, won't let it fade away
Deep within my heart forever you will stay
Keep our love alive, won't let it fade away
Deep within my heart forever you will stay
Keep our love alive, won't let it fade away


[Verse 3: Godot]

Forever thee, for even though you're gone
Forever thee, there'll be a day I'll come along
And know that you're with me the only way that you can be
Until I can hold you again, forever thee


[Outro: Mia Fey and Godot]

Mi corazón no dejará de latir para ti
Sin tu amor no puedo existir
Siempre Contigo

Que nuestra canción no deje de latir
Solo con tu amor yo puedo existir
Siempre Contigo

My heart won't stop beating for you
Without your love I cannot exist
Forever thee

My heart won't stop beating for you
Without your love I cannot exist
Forever thee

Chapter Text

 

"The Von Karma Family"
(Sung to the snapping tune of
The Addams Family
theme song)

[Why Blaise Debeste and Damon Gant had to organize a mandatory joint karaoke night for the Prosecutor's Office and Police Department was beyond Manfred. Though knowing his friends, they put together this whole event just to spite him- just like that unholy 'vacation' back in 2008. It was bad enough that Manfred had to deal with these inferior detectives and prosecutors during working hours, but now he had to deal with them and their grating caterwauling.]

[However, the crème de la crème of the awfulness that was this evening was when Badd sauntered up onstage and requested to sing the theme song for "The Addams Family." But instead of singing the beloved television tune, the seasoned detective started singing his own lyrics.]


They're wicked and they're rigid,
Antisocial with hearts so frigid,
Their mission's all kinds of twisted,
The von Karma family.


In the courtroom, they show their passion,
With their outdated sense of fashion,
They know nothing of compassion,
The von Karma family.


Perfect.
Strict.
Convict.


So get a pressed cravat on,
And pray you don't get spat on,
'Cause we're gonna work on a case with,
The von Karma family!


["He got you good, Manny!" Gant chuckled as he clapped his hands, earning only a growl and a death glare from the 'perfect' prosecutor sitting next to him.]

Chapter Text

" Objection, Your Honor!"
(Sung to the tune of "Hakuna Matanta" from
Disney's
The Lion King)


 

[As 4 th  graders, it's recess time and Miles is excitedly rambling on about having just seen Gregory Edgeworth in action at the courthouse yesterday, much to his friends' visible disinterest because they're  9  – what do they care about courtrooms?]

[Little Miles gets all huffy and insists that seeing Daddy in action was The. Coolest. Thing. EVER and how when he's all grown up, he's gonna be a defense attorney just like him – and then  he  will also get the joy of pointing his finger and loudly shouting:  "Objection, Your Honor!"]


[PHOENIX]

Objection, Your Honor!
Such a commanding phrase!


[EDGEWORTH]

Objection, Your Honor!
*stretches out his index and glares*
With a steely gaze!


[PHOENIX]

It means "Oh heck no!"
To the DA's whole case!


[PHOENIX AND EDGEWORTH]

It's the lawfully philosophy
Objection, Your Honor!


[PHOENIX]

Objection, Your Honor!


[LARRY]

*confused*
Objection, Your Honor?


[EDGEWORTH]
*boasting*
Indeed. To be my axiom!

[LARRY]
*scratches his head*
AXE-IM?

[PHOENIX]
*joking tone as he smirks at Edgeworth*
AXE him?! Tempting, but it's still murder!


[EDGEWORTH]

*glares at Phoenix then turns back to Larry*
This war cry means I demand justice!


[PHOENIX]
That's right. Take Edgeworth here…
*sings*
Even though he's a Poindexter…

[EDGEWORTH]
*scowls*
A very proud Poindexterrrrrr!


[PHOENIX]
*snickers*
We know!

[EDGEWORTH]
*harrumphs*
Much obliged


[PHOENIX]

He found that the law held his ardor and zeal
Wanted to defend just like Daddy, Courtroom Man of Steel!


[EDGEWORTH]

Yes I'm studious, but for me law's no bore
Yet when I speak of it, my friends start to snore!


[EDGEWORTH]
*grits his teeth as Phoenix and Larry make mock snoring sounds*
Thisclose to profanity!

[PHOENIX]
*dramatically puts back of hand to his forehead*
Oh, the humanity!


[EDGEWORTH]
So much inanity!

[PHOENIX]
We're bored to insanity!


[EDGEWORTH]
Tried to be unaffected

[PHOENIX]
D'Aw! Didja feel rejected?


[EDGEWORTH]
*downcast*
I'd get so dejected…

[PHOENIX]
*puts a comforting arm around Edgeworth's shoulders*
Sorry, Edgy! You'll be more respected!

[EDGEWORTH]
*mumbles*
Thank you


[PHOENIX AND EDGEWORTH]

Objection, Your Honor!
Such a commanding phrase
Objection, Your Honor!
With a steely gaze!


[LARRY]

It means "Oh heck no!"

To the DA's whole case!


[ALL]

It's the lawfully philosophy

Objection, Your Honor!

Objection, Your Honor! Objection, Your Honor!

Objection, Your Honor! Objection, Your Honor!

Objection, Your Honor! Objection, Your Honor!

Objection, Your Honor! Objection –


[Scene fades, until we're now in present day, with the three old friends drunkenly singing in a bar, with Larry sandwiched between legal legends Phoenix Wright and his courtroom rival, Miles Edgeworth, an arm slung around each of their shoulders]


[OLDER LARRY]

It means "Oh hell no!"
To defense's whole case!


[ALL]

It's the lawfully philosophy
Objection, Your Honor!

[repeat]


[EDGEWORTH]

*points his index at the Ace Defense Attorney with a smug grin*
I say, "Objection!"

[PHOENIX]
*points back at the Chief Prosecutor and winks back*
I say, "Your Honor!"

Chapter Text

"Perfect Case"
(Sung to the tune of "Toxic Love" from
"FernGully: The Last Rainforest")

[After Blaise Debeste was arrested for killing Jill Crane, in addition to running black market auctions that sold evidence, Franziska work with Interpol was done. So with this task having been perfectly completed, the prosecuting prodigy decides to spend some time working in the L.A. Prosecutor's Office as a bit of a vacation since she finds the American justice system to be especially foolish. Though while Franziska doesn't want to admit it, it's obvious to everyone in the Prosecutor's Office that she's only working there so that she can spend some time with her 'little' brother after everything that he's been through recently.]

[However, if anyone dares to bring up those thoughts to Franziska- or even simply irritate her, for that matter- she'll respond with a rapid-fire barrage of variations of the word 'fool' and many painful lashes from her whip. Thus, the prosecuting prodigy has been facing few interruptions as she sits at her desk, looking over a case file while gleefully singing a song to express her sense of self-pride.]


[Speaks]
Let me prosecute this case!
No one's better at the subject!
After all, I'm perfect!


[Sings]
Deception and crime,
Murders so sloppy, defense attorneys so foolish.
The Detective obeys me, the Judge knows his place,
So they'll love my per-per-per-perfect case!


I visit many nations and the fools living in them,
With my perfection, I ensure a conviction to condemn,
My glory's growing with each perfect outcome,
And anyone who defies me will be whipped until they're numb.
And what a perfect justice system they've given me,
Rushed trials that force the foolish defense to beg and plea.


Guilty verdicts without doubt,
Piled before me like dinnertime sauerkraut.
I'm a von Karma, I'm a dynamo in the workplace,
So they'll love my per-per-per-perfect case!

Chapter Text

 

"A Whole New Law"
(Sung to the tune of "A Whole New World"
from Walt Disney's
Aladdin )


[Intro: Phoenix and Maya]

Maya: Argh! I was losing my mind today, with nothing to do but hope and pray! *puffs out cheeks* However did you do that?!

Phoenix: Do what?

Maya: How'd you manage to pull that log out of the fire?!

Phoenix: *smirks* It's my own brand of courtroom magic!

Maya: I - I'd gotten so used to seeing you defend – but at your side in court, where I could actually help you out! – Instead of so far away in the gallery!I felt so helpless!

Phoenix: You wouldn't...you wouldn't ever consider coming back as my legal assistant again, would you? We could create some serious waves, post Dark Age of the Law!

Maya: So the system is now … corrupt free?

Phoenix: You bet! Do you believe in me?

Maya: What?

Phoenix: Do you believe in me?

Maya: Yes...


[Verse 1: Phoenix]
I'll make justice unfurl
Flawed jurisdictions mended
Tell me, Master, when was the law
Last upon your side?


[Verse 2: Phoenix]

Little room for surprise
Same old courtroom inflections
Hold it's, Take That's, Objections
Cuz the truth can't be denied


[Refrain 1: Phoenix]
A whole new law
Vanquished the darkness you once knew
No further jails to know
More highs than lows
Nor frightened tears or screaming


[Refrain 2: Maya and Phoenix]
A whole new law
Fresh turnabouts begin anew
With you I'll have no fear
It's crystal clear
That I'm meant for a whole new law with you
(I'm meant for a whole new law with you)


[Verse 2: Maya]
Unbelievable bluffs
Magatamas be glowing
Smiling faces be showing
That we're on our client's side!


[Refrain 3: Maya and Phoenix]

A whole new law
(Don't you dare change your mind)
At Wright Anything Agency
(With you back; it'll be better)
Our trials are so bizarre
We raise the bar!
My heart says this is where I need to be


[Refrain 4: Phoenix and Maya]

A whole new law
(The DA's aren't bad guys)
New crimes and cases to pursue
(We're truth-seeking go-getters)
We'll be the justice pair
Make trials be fair
Let me share this whole new law with you


[Refrain 5: Phoenix and Maya]

A whole new law
(I'll be your squaw)
Together we'll be
(We're meant to be)
Eternal bliss
(Give me a kiss)
Forever thee


[Whispers] Maya: Goodnight, my Baron of Bluffing

[*Phaya kiss*]

Chapter Text

 

"We All Have Dreams"
(Sung to the tune of "I've Got A Dream"
from Disney's
Rapunzel)

[It's rec time at Central Prison and most of the prisoners are enjoying it in their own unique ways- some do exercise, some sneak off to place an order with the Supplier, and others trade stories about how Phoenix Wright got them arrested.]

[However, instead of enjoying the brief time out of his cell, Simon Blackquill spends it sitting on a bench off to the side with a cold, morose look on his face. But despite the Twisted Samurai's intimidating appearance, Kristoph isn't deterred from approaching the prosecutor with his usual grin.]


["Hello, Prosecutor Blackquill. Lovely day, isn't it?"]


["What do you want, Toothpick?" Simon growls.]

["Well, since you asked so nicely …You know your most recent trial where you
prosecuted that astronaut?"]

["The one that resulted in the destruction of Courtroom Number Four and Tonate
getting thrown in here in record time…"
 Simon gestures over to Tonate standing on the other
side of the area, who responds with only a slow wave.
"What about it?"]

["I heard through the grapevine that you fought against Wright in court earlier today and gave
him quite the hard time. Care to go into specific details about how my arch
enemy squirmed and struggled?"]

["I'm not in the mood." Simon curtly responds, turning his back to the former defense attorney.]

["Since when have you ever been the type not to relish in the misery of others?
Why, no one could stop you from telling us about how terrified Mr. Justice was back in April when you broke your shackles
after one of his bluffs; or in July, when Wright was traumatized by that writer's…wardrobe malfunction."
Kristoph chuckles. " The latter was especially delightful to hear."]

["Since I'm going to be put to death tomorrow, the girl who I sacrificed my life to protect is under arrest
for a crime that she didn't do, and that the Phantom is still on the loose.
My sacrifice and everything else I've done over the last seven years has all been in vain." Simon sullenly states.]

["Mr. Blackquill, as the man who ruined Wright's reputation and stalked him for seven years,
I know that anything is possible. And do you know why?]

["Because you had no hobbies, friends, or anything else of importance to lose?"
The Twisted Samurai wryly asks, earning him a scowl from Kristoph.]

["No. It's because anything is possible as long as you have a dream- something each and every one of us has."]

["Well then, Mr. Evidence-is-all-that-Matters, why don't you put your money where your mouth is and explain yourself?"]

["Oh, I will, Prosecutor Blackquill… in song." Kristoph smirks.]

["Oh, bugger…" Simon sighs with a roll of his eyes.]


{Kristoph}
I'm calm, collected, and smart,
My skills really set me apart,
Though my morality is quite questionable.
But despite my debatable flaws,
And my deep fascination with all laws,
I've always wished to be a Broadway singer.


Can't you picture me onstage singing ditties,
Filling the audience with glee?
While I loved being a lawyer,
I'm also a musical enjoyer,
Because everyone has dreams, I agree.
(We all agree!)
(We all agree!)
As you can see, I'm not all that beastly.
And while with revenge I'm a schemer,
You can say that I'm a dreamer,
Because we all dream, I agree.


[While the prisoners are singing, Fulbright watches scene from a security monitor in the prison's surveillance room as Tonate chimes in with his speech synthesizer.]

{Tonate}
I'M LANKY, SHORT, AND ALOOF,
WITH ISSUES THROUGH THE ROOF,
AND AN OBSESSION FOR ALL THINGS THAT GO BOOM!
BUT DESPITE MY BEADY EYES,
AND MY CREEPY, STOIC GUISE,
I WANT TO FILL THE DARK VOID IN MY HEART!

I YEARN TO FIND A GIRL I CAN CONNECT WITH,
SOMEONE WHO'S NOT DISTURBED BY MY HOBBIES.
THOUGH I KILLED A GIRL I LIKED,
I WON'T LET MY HEART GET PIKED,
BECAUSE EVERYONE DREAMS, I AGREE!
I AGREE,
(We all have dreams!)
I AGREE,
(We all have dreams!)
AND I BELIEVE THAT ONE DAY I'LL HAVE GLEE!
AND WHILE I MAY BE JAILED,
I DON'T BELIEVE THAT I'VE FAILED,
FOR EVERYONE DREAMS, I AGREE!


{Random Prisoners}
Sahwit wants to get out and be an animal groomer.
Atmey studies chemistry after dark.
Gant swims in the pool,
Gustavia's candy will make you drool.
Means educates,
L'Belle ice-skates,
Wellington makes ceramic plates


{Kristoph}
And Tigre takes an interest in the stock market.

[The prisoners stop singing when they notice Elbird, who is disguised as a guard, walking towards the entrance to the prison.]

["Excuse me, Mr. Guard." Kristoph states as he and several other prisoners approach the disguised inmate. "What do you have to say regarding this matter?"]

["Me?" Elbird asks with a look of confusion.]

["YES. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM?" Ted types on his speech synthesizer with a stoic expression.]

["Sorry, guys. I've got things to do. So if you'll excuse me…"]

[Elbird tries to walk away, but is quickly stopped when the prisoners surround him and point makeshift shivs- except for Tonate, who pulls out a bomb made out of a bar of soap- at him.]


{Elbird}
I have a dream like yours, alright,
Though it's got a lot more might,
And involves me winning a big fight.
Within the boxing ring,
After a lot of prep and training,
I'll beat the heavyweight champ, aright!


{Blackquill}
Everyone has a dream,
(We agree!)
Everyone has a dream,
(We agree!)
Mine's to hear the Phantom's final scream.
After he's convicted at his trial,
I'm sure my sensei's ghost will smile.
We all have a dream, I agree.


{Everyone}
We all have dreams,
We agree!
We all have dreams,
We agree!
We're not all that different, don't you see?
We're like familyyyyyyyy!


Call us evil, crazy, opportunistic,
And eerily idealistic,
But we're proud to say we've all got dreams!
We agree,
We agree,
We agree,
We agree,
We agree,
We agree,
That deep, down inside we've all got dreeeeeeeeams!
Yeah!

Chapter Text

 

"(He's) Not The One I Dream Of"
(Sung to the tune of "I Won't Say I'm In Love"
from Disney's Hercules)


 

[A newly christened "kitten" at Grossberg Offices has been a case of the "lady doth protest too much" for the past month regarding her not so hidden ardor for a certain Rico Suave, Defense Lawyer to her starry-eyed baby sister and intellectually attractive BFF]

[Maya: That Diego is such a hunk! *swoons*]

[Mia: Hmph! That D stands for "Don" ... as in "Don Juan" - since he shamelessly tries to woo anything in heels! It's revolting!]

[Lana: Jealous much? I've never seen you get this worked up over a guy before, Mia! He may be a flirt - but he's totally hot for you! Why don't you just admit you're into him, too?]

[Mia: *huffs* I am NOT worked up, and I refuse to become yet another conquest for that blasted man!

[Lana + Maya: *smirk* Someone's got a serious case of denial!]

[Mia: ObjectionI have no interest in macho, womanizing, Latin lover types! Diego Armando doesn't do a damn thing for me!]


 

[Verse 1: Mia]

Were there a plaque for largest ego
I have no doubt he would win that
No skirt escapes all his flirtations
Except with me, they all tend to fall flat!


 

[Bridge 1: Maya & Lana]

Stop with the self-fibbing
Girl you like him say that you do
There's no point in lyin'
Honey we can tell that it's true!
(Oh nooo)
Mia just reveal it
There is no concealing
Who you're dreamin' of


 

[Chorus 1: Mia + Maya & Lana]

Enough, I say!
No confessions, no way!
(Why must you lie?)
(We know you're lovin' that guy!)
I must say nay!
He's not the one I dream of!


 

[Verse 2: Mia]

It can't be love, at most, obsession
I tend to smile when he's about
He makes me blush like I'm a school girl
I've said too much, I'd best shut my mouth!


 

[Bridge 2: Maya & Lana]

(Ohhh...)
We'll both keep on prying
Till you admit how you're feeling
No point falsifying
Cuz you find this man appealing
(Oh, no)
Own up like a big girl
That he makes those toes of yours curl
So gosh dang freaking bad!


 

[Chorus 2: Mia + Maya & Lana]

Enough, I say!
No confessions, no way!
(That sigh, that grin)
(You're one smitten kitten)

I won't be swayed!
He's not the one I dream of!
(But we insist)
(You two fit like a glove!)
That's not the case! Enough I say!
Look at this face! I won't confess!
(Girl, sing it loud!)
(He's the one you dream of!)


 

[End verse: Mia + Maya & Lana]

(Ohhh...)
I can't tell him
He's the one I dream of….
(Shoo do, shoo do, shoo do, shoo do)
(Sha-la-la-la la la, ahh)

 

Chapter Text

 

"Edgey-Poo, I Love You!"
(Sung to the tune of the original “Scooby-Dooby-Doo”
 TV theme song)



[On the side of a road on the outskirts of L.A., Edgeworth's sitting behind the wheel of his car with a scowl on his face. The back half of his vehicle is currently off the road, partially submerged in mud created by a recent rainstorm, which is why Gumshoe is currently pushing at the back bumper.]


["Mr. Edgeworth, mind telling me how you got your car stuck in the mud again?" Gumshoe asks, grunting and heaving as he tries to get his superior's car back on the road.]


["I don't want to talk about it, Gumshoe…" Edgeworth sighs with a slow shake of his head. "Let's just say that driving 70 mph while having a phone call with Franziska is a bad combination. But luckily for us, while you were traveling here, I called California Car Club to send down a tow truck. So if your efforts are fruitless, then worry not; for help shall be here in no time. In fact, I think I see the rescue party now." The maroon-cladded prosecutor smirks as he points to an oncoming tow truck which stops near the car.]


[However, Edgeworth's joy is short-lived when he learns who's driving the tow truck.]


["Don't worry, Edgey-poo! I'll save you!"
Oldbag squeals as she exits her vehicle.]


["Noooo! Why won't you leave me alone!?!" Edgeworth shrieks, reeling back in horror. "Keep pushing, Gumshoe! I'll be damned if I'm stuck on this godforsaken road with this decrepit harpy!"]


["Don't be so coy, Edgey-poo!" Oldbag chirps, blushing as she raises her clenched fists. "You don't have to play hard to get with me because…"]


 
Edgey-wedgey-poo, I love you!
We'll have the sweetest whoopee you knew



["Nnnnnggghhhhhoooooooo!!" Edgeworth screams, his saucer-sized eyes filled with terror as he repeatedly slams his foot on the gas pedal, but to no avail.]



Edgey-wedgey-poo, I love you!
We'll kiss and snuggle all night
Come on, Edgey-poo, I see you,
Trying to get that restraining order
But you're not fooling me, 'cause I can see,
What those bedroom eyes will deliver



You know we've got a real connection
So Ima make Edgey's loins quake!
Also, ache!



["Push, Gumshoe, push! Push as if your life depends on it!!" Edgeworth screams at Gumshoe, prompting the scruffy detective to push even harder on the car's back bumper.]



And, Edgey-poo, if you're nice,
You'll get yourself a special clambake.


Edgey-wedgey-poo, I need you!
You're looking so dapper and strong.
If you return my love, Edgey-poo,
We'll do many things that seem wrong!


 


[As if the universe heard Edgeworth's pleas for help and decided to throw him a bone, Gumshoe finally manages to push his superior's car back onto the road, allowing for the maroon-cladded prosecutor to speed away like a bat out of hell.]


 


["Edgey-poo, wait for me!" Oldbag squeals as she rushes back to her tow truck and drives after one of the many loves of her life in hot pursuit.]

 

Chapter Text

 “I Can Help Defend Them”
(Sung to the tune of “(I Can) Go the Distance”
From Walt Disney’s Hercules)


 

 As a young student

I fell far from grace

Till a legal hero

Came and saved me

And the courts became

Such a wondrous place

Inner voice keeps singing

This will be my destiny


 

I’ll be there someday

I can help defend them

She will guide my way

Help me to be strong

I know every trial

Will be worth my while

I will do most anything

Objections will be my song


[Mia: You’re going to be something, Phoenix. I’ll always believe in you.]


 

I won’t lag or stray

I can help defend them

I’ll work really hard

Although the path is long

I won’t lose my smile

That’s not defense style

I will prove to the whole world

That law’s where I belong


 

 I’ll win NOT GUILTY’s

I can help defend them

Show solid proof

When prosecution’s wrong

I’ll make Mia proud

I can help defend them

I’ll get my lawyer’s badge

Cuz court’s where I belong!

 

Chapter Text

 

"You're Only Third-Rate"
(Sung to the tune of "You're Only Second-Rate"
from Disney's Return of Jafar)

 

I must confess,
Your bluffs are quite comedic.
I wager you'll say that the Earth is flat.


Now here's your chance to expose me,
Hope your evidence is feasible.
Come, Attorney,
Are you reasonable?


 

You've tried to press my testimony,
But you've just come off as a big phony.
To this court, I'll elate,
I must advocate,
You're only third-rate!


 You think you've got a shot,
But you're firing a blank.
How you got this far,
You've only got luck to thank.
So just so you know,
It's no debate,
You're only third-rate!


 Plebes quail,
At the scale,
Of my genius!
Colleges vie for my mighty first-rate mind.


 But if you doubt my wondrous splendor,
You've doomed your client friend!
Because this trial will soon come to a painful end!


 Go ahead and slam me with your turnabout,
Mock my eyesight,
Use a glove that's all worn out.
It'll be a cinch to deflate,
It's just your fate,
You're only third-rate!


 You see, your reasoning is paper-thin,
And you lack the mental capacity to win.
To your case, I'll negate,
As I restate,
You're only third-rate!


 Pourquoi tu as triste?
Because you'll be begging on your knees!
Tu ne connais pas,
How your cross-examination is one big gaffe!


 So spare me your finger-pointing,
For it's rather quite disappointing.
And I can barely wait,
To declare this checkmate!
Your case has been roasted,
And served on a plate!
You'd make a better living,
Selling fishing bait!
You're only third-rate!


 

["Very well, Mr. Wellington." The Judge states with a nod of his head as if this is an everyday occurrence for him."Mr. Wright, would you care to cross-examine the witness?"]

["S-Sure…" Phoenix stutters, hunched over as a few beads of sweat drip down his brow.]

 

 

Chapter Text

 

"Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)"
Sung to the theme tune of Disney's
DuckTales (2017)

["Stop being such a stick in the mud, Edgeworth!" Phoenix cajoled the unsmiling prosecutor. "You know that I know that you know that I know that you at least owe this much to your subordinate!"]

["Come on, Mr. Edgeworth!" Maya coaxed, nudging the cravat-wearing man in the ribs. "It's not like our pal is asking for much in return for saving the day… Just one little theme song to be sung in his honor!"

["I refuse to partake in such cockamamie nonsense, Miss Fey." Edgeworth stubbornly folded his arms across his chest, his granite expression resembling one of the stone faces of Mount Rushmore. "I am most grateful to Detective Gumshoe for saving the day by giving you two the metal detector, which ended up convicting Manfred Von Karma. However, I am an esteemed High Prosecutor, hence must maintain the dignity of my office…"]

[Gumshoe simply eyed affixed his superior with the mother of all wounded puppy dog expressions, prompting Edgeworth to finally shut his eyes and heave a long-suffering sigh.]

["Very well. Perhaps … I can sing the background chorus if it pleases you all…"]

["Perfect!" Maya chirped, thrusting the karaoke microphone at him. "Nick, Larry and I will do all the main verses… All you need to do in the background is sing 'Gumshoe… (Whoooooop!)' alright?"]

["Whoooooop! Detective Gumshooooe?" Edgeworth looked pained. "I feel so bloody foolish…]

["Too late, Edgey!" Larry guffawed loudly, clapping the stoic man on the back. "You've already agreed to it!"]

["Also, it's not 'Whoooooop! Detective Gumshooooe', Edgeworth." Phoenix smirked at his courtroom rival. ["It's Gumshoe… (Whoooooop!)"]

["How nice of you to clarify the order, Wright. That's now much more dignified!"]

["Let's rock this place!" Maya cut in, winking at the beaming, scruffy flatfoot in the audience as she grabbed her mike. "Gumshoe, pal, this one's for you!"]


Life is pure financial strain
Under Edgeworth
Investigating every day
Crimes to unearth!
Living on Ramen
Is the plight of this lawman


Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)
Day by day he's chasing bad guys
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)
Leaking privy deets to defense
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)


(Whoooooop!)


Just when crook's about to leave
And go walk free
Finds last-minute evidence
Proof he's GUILTY!


Stumbles along the way
But always saves the day!


Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)
Day by day he's chasing bad guys
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)
Leaking privy deets to defense
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)


(Whoooooop!)


He's a bumbler that's nothing new
But a true pal, loyal to you!
In the end, we love that big lug


Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)


Day by day he's chasing bad guys
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)
Leaking privy deets to defense
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)


Day by day he's chasing bad guys
Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)
Leaking privy deets to defense
Villains all fail, justice prevails
Dick Gumshoe (Whoooooop!)

Chapter Text

 "Never Collaborate with Blaise Debeste"
{Sung to the tune of "Never Smile at a Crocodile"
from Disney's 
Peter Pan)

 

[In the P.I.C. meeting room, Justine is alone as she organizes a few files to help Sebastian effectively handle the murder case of Horace Knightly. Sure, Sebastian may be a bit egotistical despite how… slow he is, but despite how irritating he can be, no one can deny that the boy pours his heart and soul into everything he does. So it's only fair to Sebastian that Justine displays the same determination in regards to helping him formulate a case that sounds at least semi-competent.]

[But as Justine is busy looking over a few details, she is interrupted as Jill Crane enters the room.]


["Ah, there you are, Judge Courtney. I've been meaning to talk to you," Jill states,
closing the door behind her before walking over to her fellow P.I.C. member.]

["About what?"  Justine asks, giving her colleague her full attention as she puts
down the file that she's currently reading.]

["It's about your current partnership…" Jill scans the room,
making sure that no one else is present.
"With the boy."]

["Sebastian?" Justine questions, cocking her head off to the side in confusion.
"I know that he may come across as a bit arrogant at times,

but he's been developing as a prosecutor, albeit very slowly."]

["It's not the kid I'm worried about, it's you. By helping that kid
with this case, you're getting dangerously close to his father."]


Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,
No one can be friends with Blaise Debeste.
Don't ever fall for his crocodile tears,
'Cause his evil truly has no rivals or peers.


Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,
He'll kill all you love with such great zest.
With him don't have lunch, don't have tea,
Say y'know, or y'see,
'Cause there's no soul in that devil known as Blaise Debeste.


["I'm sorry. Isn't that what we had in mind when we joined the P.I.C.?
We wanted to keep tabs on Blaise Debeste so that we could
finally acquire the evidence needed to bring him to justice."]

["Yes, we can't avenge my beloved Jack without being in this den of evil,
but there's such a thing as getting too close. It's one thing to attend meetings
and talk about legalities with that weepy crocodile, but it's a whole different
story when you're rubbing elbows with his mentally-challenged
demon spawn. Blaise Debeste is like black hole- devoid
of light and ensures that anything that gets too close to him is never seen again."]

["Ok, now you're overreacting." Justine nonchalantly states with a stoic expression.]

["Am I? Am I!?" Jill angrily exclaims with wide, unblinking eyes.
"Jack had no relationship to Blaise whatsoever, yet he 'disappeared'
simply because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time!
You've seen how that psychopath treats his own son, so what makes you
think he won't make you 'disappear' the second that
little idiot completely botches everything up?"]


You can be stoic, no debate,
And in intellect so very first-rate,
But there's sometimes a special case, I shall place,
To act on emotion.


Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,
So many people disappear because of Blaise Debeste.
Don't lower your guard around that shark-toothed grin,
'Cause that husk of a man is only filled with sin.


Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,
Or under a car, you'll surely be appressed.
Don't trust that maniac, just run,
Watch your back, not his son,
'Cause there's not one shred of remorse in Blaise Debeste.


["Sebastian may be a bit of a slow learner, but he always puts 101 percent
of his mind and body into whatever task he's given."
 Justine retorts with a fierce glare.
"That's why I'm here- to organize the evidence and facts of the case in a
way that will allow for Sebastian to succeed."]

["Trust me, Courtney; you'd be better off just chucking those files out the window.Jill scoffs.
"The only thing that kid is 'the best' at is obfuscating the truth. For all you know, Blaise
is using his son to spy on you, just as you're using
the kid to get information on him."]

["Sebastian can't remember what a metal detector is. Do you honestly expect him to
relay coherent information to his father? Not to mention, given the interactions
I've witnessed between the two of them, I find it hard to believe that Chairman Debeste
would
 trust his son's findings even if they were spot-on."]

["Fine. If you want to play with fire by being that kid's babysitter,
who am I to stop you...?"
 Jill lets out an exasperated sigh.
"But before I go, let me just give you a bit of advice…"]


Your cause might be just,
And feelings fill you with disgust,
But there's sometimes a special case, I shall place,
To act on emotion.


For example:

Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,
No one ever wins when dealing with Blaise Debeste.
Don't ever think he's soft for being weepy,
'Cause that guy's got a thousand layers of insanity.


Never collaborate with Blaise Debeste,
He'll treat you no better than the rest.
With him don't laugh, don't relax,
Don't prepare for small talk, only attack,
'Cause that bastard ensures things go well only for Blaise Debeste.

 

Chapter Text

 

"Thief Like Me"
Sung to the tune of "Friend Like Me"
from Disney's 
Aladdin

[Miles: Now then, thank you for rescuing me Kay, but I really do need to be moving along … Wait why you following me?]

[Kay: Just where do you think you're going, buster? You can't just take off on your assistant all willy-nilly! Is this the way you thank me for helping you escape from being kidnapped?]

[Miles: Assistant? Nonsense! I don't have an assistant! I already have an overenthusiastic bumbler of a detective who considers himself to be my right-hand man… ]

[Gumshoe: Hey!]

[Miles: *ignores him* Ergo, I do not need to be babysitting a childlike miscreant, aka a self-proclaimed "Great Thief" on top of that!]

[Kay: I'm not that kind of thief Mr. Edgeworth! Like the great Byrne Faraday before me… I only steal the truth… This Yatagarasu will be an invaluable asset to you!]

[Miles: What's this? The truth?]

[Gumshoe: Yatagarasu?]

[Kay: Good sir, I don't think you're fully grasping what "a steal" you've got here. So why don't you just chillax whilst I lay the facts about your new priceless sidekick?]


Well it's the truth I'm a great thief
And the type that'll never fail
Your luck's changed like you won't believe
Here to ensure you'll always prevail!
A legend's got your back now
Some say I'm quite the champ
My badass skills will have you WOWED!
I'm a ninja girl, I ain't no vamp
Kay Faraday!


Mr. Miles Edgeworth sir
I'm your new sidekick, see?
No limits or borders
Stop that frown!
You will never find a thief like me!
Ha ha ha


Life's a big turnabout, can make you feel dizzy!
This sidekick you would wanna flaunt
You will never find a thief like me


Good sir, just call I'm at your service
What a team we'll make, huzzah!
It's my true wish to serve justice
It's enough to make you shout hurrah!


I'll be your extra hand, can even help Gummy!
L'il Thief's so good, to be da hood
You will never find a thief like me!


Won't be dismissed
So yeah take that!
When things are amiss
Be there in seconds flat!
I'll show you proof
Let's make this clear
This Yatagarasu's quite the trip
Makes shady guys quiver with fear!


Don't you object or try to hide
Cuz I got sleuthing flare!
You got me by your side, certified
I'm the loyal gal who's always there
Don't matter if you protest or shout
So what's next case? I really wanna know
You got a list that's three miles long no doubt
Get on your feet, ready, set, let's go... and oh


Mr. Miles Edgeworth, sir, we both know you need me!
In depths of night where no birds dare flight
You won't ever find a thief, never find a thief
You won't ever find a thief, never find a thief
You won't ever… find a… thief… like me


You won't ever find a thief like me, hah!

*bows while Gumshoe applauds*

Chapter Text

 

"Don't Deceive Me"
Sung to the tune of "Trust In Me" from
Disney's The Jungle Book


 

[Matt Engarde never thought that he'd find himself, Mr. Refreshing-like-a-Spring-Breeze, standing in a rundown part of town in the dead of night in front of a dark alleyway. But then again, Matt also didn't think that Corrida would be such a thorn in his side for so many years. So after letting out a quick sigh, the celebrity knocked on the brick wall of a nearby building in an oddly specific fashion, one that was specified to him over the phone by the man he was there to meet.]

[And sure enough, after the final knock on the wall, the dark alley was illuminated by a single shinning circle, followed by an eerily soothing voice.]

["Mr. Matt Engarde, I presume." The voice stated.]

["Yeah, Dude." The celebrity replied in the typical airheaded fashion he dealt with all people. "And are you, like, de Killer?"]

["Indeed I am." The voice said before its speaker stepped into the light, allowing Matt to see the man's slender form which was dressed in a nice suit that perfectly complimented the monocle on his left eye. Though Shelly's most noticeable feature was the line of stitches running right down the center of his face from his forehead to his chin, resembling some kind of mask that could be unzipped and removed at a moment's notice"You mentioned over the phone that you wish for me to dispose of a man by the name of Juan Corrida, correct?"]

["Yeah, dude! He needs to die because-"]

["I do not need to know your motives behind wanting to see this man dead, Mr. Engarde." Shelly politely stated, cutting off his potential client midsentence. "As an assassin, my only goal is to kill my target and ensure that my client faces no negative repercussions. Though there is one thing that I ask of you, Mr. Engarde…"]

["What, dude?"  Matt asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion, to which the assassin responded by singing in a clam, yet threatening tone.]


Don't deceive me,

Don't betray me.

Just sit back,

And put your faith in me.


You won't have,

Someone to rue,

After I,

Am through.


If you know integrity and honor,

You have nothing to fear.

But if you double-cross me,

Your end's near.


Don't deceive me,

Don't betray me.

Just sit back,

And put your faith in me…


["You see, Mr. Engarde, nothing angers me more than a traitor. And if I were to discover that you had the gall to do just that to me, then… well, let's just say that it wouldn't end well for you. So, do I have your word that you will be as loyal to me as I will be to you?" Shelly asked, extending his hand out.]

["Yeah, totally! You can definitely count on me!" Matt grinned as he shook the assassin's hand while holding his free one behind his back with his index and middle fingers crossed.]

Chapter Text

 


"My Beautiful Iris"
Sung to by a smitten Larry trying to woo a certain shrine maiden
to the tune of "Ma Belle Evangeline"
from Disney's  The Princess and the Frog


[Iris: You've had so many other lovers, Lawrence. How can I ever believe that you mean what you say when you claim to love me, now?]

[Larry: Milady, Katty Tom, Banjolina and Keyance, they meant nothing to me! None of them could hold a candle to you! Iris Hawthorne, only you, and you alone have everything I will ever want!]

[Iris: *looks away shyly* I want to believe you… I really do…]

[Larry: If you don't believe my words, then hear the music of my heart… *strums his lute and starts to sing*]


[Larry]

You mean the world to this guy
My beautiful Iris
So out of my league, I sigh
Yet in her hands, my heart will ever be


So kind, so pure, my beauty queen
Lucent eyes shine so bright
Light up, the night


Could one as perfect as she
Accept a bum like me
The woman of my dreams is thee
Most precious gem I've ever seen
Oooh, yeah!


I'd be dutiful
Cuz she's magical
She has everything
I would need
Milady…


You mean the world to this guy
I love you, my sweet lady


[Iris: Oh, Lawrence…. *stares up into his face with misty eyes* You really did mean all that, didn't you? ]

[Larry: From my heart to yours. *places her hand over his chest* I love you, my beautiful Iris]

[Iris: And my heart belongs to only you, Lawrence Butz]

*Larris kiss*

Chapter Text

 

"How We Stick Around"
Sung to the tune of  "Secret of Survival (in a Very Nasty World)”
from Disney’s The Wind in the Willows

 

["You wanted to see me, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth?" Gaspen nervously asks as a police officer escorts him into the courthouse lobby after his failed attempt to flee the building.]

 

["Yes." Edgeworth curtly responds with crossed arms. "I want to talk to you about-"]

 

["Hello, Gaspen. Sorry I'm late." Winston states, inadvertently cutting off his superior as he walks into the building. "Traffic was a nightmare, and Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth has been bogging me down with work and being a real pain in my - Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth, fancy seeing you here! Is that a new cravat you're wearing?" The older Payne brother asks with his hands folded together and an anxious smile on his face when he notices the maroon-cladded prosecutor's presence and tries to make up for the comment he was about to utter.]

 

["What are you doing here, Winston?" Edgeworth sighs in exasperation at the fact that he now has to deal with double the Payne.]

 

["I knew that my brother had a trial today. So I figured that after he was done, we could go out for lunch. Care to join us, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth?" Winston confidently asks as he taps his forehead.]

["As much as I would love to give you a snide remark about how I'd rather do anything else, Winston, I currently have more pressing matters to attend to in the form of your brother's performance- namely, his use of forged evidence in court and how he ruthlessly badgers witnesses."]

 

["Objection!" Gaspen hisses. "Sometimes it's necessary to get a guilty verdict by any means possible. Look at what Wright did with Gavin last year."]

 

["I agree with my brother, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth." Winston chimes in. "I was there when Mr. Wright manipulated his attorney to use forged evidence to save himself and convict Mr. Gavin. So if you want to punish my brother, you should also punish Mr. Wright."]

 

["I could spend hours discussing how Wright's use of forged evidence is entirely different, but I digress…" Edgeworth states as he adjusts his glasses. "Even when you utilize fake evidence and seriously stack trials in your favor, Gaspen, you still somehow manage to lose almost as often as your brother, who has never used questionable tactics even once during his career. In fact, after reviewing your work history for the last ten years, I discovered that you've actually lost more cases than him!" The maroon-cladded prosecutor exclaims. "How you two are still prosecutors after all of these years is beyond me."]

 

["Well…" Gaspen smirks.]


 

{Gaspen and Winston}

First you face us,

Then you don't.

Want a rematch?

We think you won't.

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office. 

Facing rookies,

That's our choice,

And when they lose,

We rejoice.

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office.

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office.


["Seriously?" Edgeworth asks with a look of disdain on his face. "Are your jobs really so challenging that you have to stoop that low?"]

["They are indeed that tough, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth…" Gaspen smirks as he taps his toupee.]


 

{Gaspen and Winston}

Tougher than anything you could know.


 

{Gaspen}

At the trial's start,

To its very end,


 

{Winston}

Bluffing attorneys,

Around every bend,

-

{Gaspen and Winston}

Eager to object,

Ruining your case while putting on a show.


 

{Gaspen}

If we don't do what we do,

Then how are we supposed to grow?


 

{Gaspen and Winston}

Every prosecutor in court's got to watch out for themselves.

We don't have loyal lackeys or assistants who'll help us excel,

When we're in the courtroom,

Where everyone makes our lives a living hell when they scream at us and yell! 

First you face us,

Then you don't.

Want a rematch?

We think you won't.

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office.

Facing rookies,

That's our choice,

And when they lose,

We rejoice.

That's how we stick around,

That's how we stick around,

That's how we stick around in the Prosecutor's Office!


 

-

["I look forward to your next month's salary assessment." Edgeworth coldly states, not wasting any time or pulling any punches as he glowers at the younger Payne brother, prompting the toupee-wearing prosecutor to reel back in shock.]

 

["Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! Please forgive meeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Gaspen shrieks as he sprints out of the courthouse while trying his hardest to keep his toupee from flying off his head.]

 

["Gaspen, wait for me!" Winston screams as he chases after his brother.]

 

[Not long after the Payne brothers flee from the courthouse, the police officer who had escorted Gaspen to the Chief Prosecutor speaks up.]

 

["Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth, don't forget that you have an interview with a reporter in Defendant Lobby Two."]

 

["Thank you, officer. Hopefully, they won't be as much of a Payne to talk to." Edgeworth sneers with outstretched arms.]

 

Chapter Text

 

[Phoenix: "I just don't get it, Edgeworth, how you're now this… this coldhearted prosecutor who couldn't care less that he may be convicting innocent defendants and only care about winning! Why this drastic turnabout in character? You used to be such a good guy, who used to dream of being a defense attorney, just like your father!"]

*At the mention of Gregory Edgeworth, a pang flashes through the prosecutor, which he skillfully hides with his typical stoic air of ennui as the defense attorney earnestly continues.*

[Phoenix: "That boy who defended me all those years ago… where is he now? How did you come to be like this? What happened to you?"]

[Edgeworth: *clutches his arm and turns away* "Grow up Wright! It's been 15 years, and we're not 9-year olds anymore! People change. I've changed. Deal with it!"]

[Phoenix: *shakes his head mournfully* "If this is who you truly are now, Edgeworth, a man more obsessed with perfect conviction records than the truth, then I'm going to go home now and mourn the loss of that little boy I once knew - and the man I thought he'd become. See ya."]

*walks away sadly and exits through the courtroom doors, leaving the prosecutor alone in the hallway*

[Edgeworth: *steels his jaw* "Obviously Wright hasn't changed at all! He's still the same naïve, jejune simpleton he was as a schoolboy, preaching about this so-called "truth" of his… *sees a court officer goggling at him after witnessing the lawyers' exchange, and feeling flustered, subjects the poor man to his trademark glare* And just are you looking at, you fool?"

*Bailiff scampers off in terror from the Demon Prosecutor's deathly stare and Edgeworth sighs heavily as he pushes open the door to the empty men's room, staring at himself in the mirror*

[Edgeworth: "Yet another person swiftly judging me and mentally condemning me. I should be used to it by now. I've tried to convince myself I don't care what Wright, or anyone, thinks! So why does it hurt so damn much?"]


 

"Objections"
Sung to the tune of "Reflections" from
Disney's Mulan
(Christina Aguilera version)

 

 

[Edgeworth]

Gawk at me
You may think you know
What I truly am
But none see the true me


 

Was raised this way
Not born like this from the start


 

Such a shame
Few see past my mask
So I fall in role
And I'm forced to play the part


 

Who was I born to be?
Heir of the great Gregory?
When will my objections prove
What I try to hide?


 

What would Dad
Think of what I have
Now become?
Prosecutor Demon?


 

Thought to be
From the Netherworld
They don't know my heart
Or that it's all one big sham


 

Who was I born to be?
Heir of the great Gregory?
Why must my objections bare
A man I don't know?


 

All this time I'm dead inside
From these tears my heart has cried
When will my objections
Prove what I try to hide?


 

There's a part which no one sees
Deep inside
Dad would be so ashamed
And I know why


 

His legacy so long concealed
I am naught but a heel
All that he had ever been
I've gone and brushed aside


 

I don't defend man's crimes
I jail them for all time


 

When will my objections prove
What I try to hide?
When will my objections prove
What I try to hide?


 

[Edgeworth: *bangs his head softly against the glass* Oh, Father. What would you think of me now? Is there any validity to Wright's words? What are these unnecessary feelings of uncertainty and doubt that foolish man has reawakened within me?!"]

 

Chapter Text

 

"Inga's King of Khura'in"
Sung to the tune of "Petey's King of France" from Disney's
Mickey, Donald, and Goofy: The Three Musketeers

 

Some say I'm nasty and crass
That I'm rude, and an ass.
You wanna know why I'm a prick,
Here's my reason why:


 

After my marriage was forced,
Wifey yelled:

{Mocking Ga'ran's voice}
Why me?
He's such a bother!
Holy Mother,
His manhood's a little flea!


 

{Mocking Amara's voice}
Inga's brutish,
He's a slob,
He's an impious, foolish snob.


 

Shut up, in-law,
'Cause I'll claw,
To get what I want!


 

So I'm a jerk,
So I'm mean,
I'll be king,
And'll be seen!
You'll be dead,
After I overthrow that cantankerous queen!
Ha!


 

If ya can't be nice,
Be feared.
Don't take follies twice,
Have 'em speared.
Rule with an iron fist,
And you'll surely be revered.


 

I'm so excited,
I feel wise,
And with my spies,
I'll surely rise!


 

I'll pull the strings,
Give me nice things,
'Cause Inga's King of Khura'in!


 

I'll pull the strings,
Give me nice things,
'Cause Inga's King of Khuraaaaaaaaaa'in!


 

["Hey, why are you all laughing?!"]

 

Chapter Text

[The following singing witness testimony of one, Jean Armstrong, sole proprietor and chef of the restaurant Trés Bien, has been stricken from the court records of the State vs. Maggey Byrde trial by unanimous decree of His Honor, Jughead Chambers, The Prosecution, Defense Counsel and Detective in charge. This was due to the reasons of Mr. Godot nearly choking on his own hot beverage, Mr. Wright suffering insurmountable nausea, and Detective Gumshoe alarmingly declaring he’d never eat again, despite existing entirely on a diet consisting of nothing but Ramen noodles. This transcript is the only known remaining copy]


 

"Les Garçons"
Sung to the tune of "Les Poissons"
from Disney's The Little Mermaid

 

[Armstrong]

Les garçons, les garçons
How I love les garçons
Monsieur Wright, such a delightful dish!
Hair like midnight silk threads
Makes me shiver and moan
Oh oui, il est toujours délicieux


Les garçons, les garçons
Hee hee hee, hohn hohn hohn
Z'at Phoenix makes me rise, through and through!
Makes me quiver inside
Passions can't be denied
Forz'is 'andsome devil, oui it's true


Z'at Godot also whets zeez here palate
On him z'at visor seems so chic
Actions so macho yet so gallant
Those strong bones and that chin
Ah, z'at voice oh so nice
Makes z'is girl want to sin
And those lips that entice


Mon Dieu, I am not done!


Sacre bleu, what a diss!
How could I be remiss
Z'at grand homme, his muscles so fab
Dick Gumshoe what a man!
Heats me like a fry pan
Even though that trench coat is so drab!
All tres hommes fill my head
Would kick none out of bed!
But sadly I wish from afar
'Cause none of this lot seems at all hot to trot!
C'est dommage mes garçons
Baisers!


 

Chapter Text

 

"Can You Please Get Me a Stepladder?"
Sung to the tune of "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?"

from Disney's Frozen


 [It's a regular day at the Anything Agency about six months after Apollo was hired and the young attorney is spending it sitting on the couch, reading over a case file for an upcoming trial when suddenly Trucy approaches him.]


 ["Hi, Polly! Can you do me a big favor?" Trucy asks, widening her eyes and smiling in an attempt to make herself look cuter.]


 

  ["Trucy, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to be a part of that new Flaming Coffin of Doom trick of yours? I don't care how important it is for your next show. I have a big trial tomorrow and I can't acquit my client if I'm burned to a crisp or sawed in half."  Apollo responds with a disgruntled tone, narrowing his gaze at the young magician.]


 

  ["I know that, Polly. That's why I decided to swap out that trick for the Balloon Animal Flurry one."]


 

["Then what favor are you asking me for?"  Apollo asks with a look of dread on his face.]


["Well, I can't do the Balloon Animal Flurry trick without my air pump, but I can't reach it." Trucy states, gesturing to a pump on a shelf that is much too tall for her to reach on her own. "So can you help out your favorite magician by getting me a stepladder?"]


 

  ["There's a regular ladder right outside in the hallway from when I was forced to paint the office a few days ago. Why don't you use that?"  Apollo suggests, prompting the young magician to burst into song.]


 {Trucy}

Polly,
Can you please get me a stepladder?
I need to reach the highest shelf.
You're my lovely assistant,
So go bring me one,
I can't do it by myseeelf!


 

You're my best friend,
But yet you hate stepladders,
And how they bend at the eeend!


 Can you please get me a stepladder?
They're the best kind of ladder.


  ["Trucy, I don't hate stepladders. I just don't want to bike halfway across town to the hardware store just to buy a more expensive version of a ladder that's right outside the office."  Apollo states, flashing the young magician a disgruntled look as she continues her song.]


 Can you please get me a stepladder?
They're a jack of all trades.
If you go get me one,
I'm sure you'll be popular with all the babes!


Would you be so cruel,
As to let me risk getting hurt,
While Igo get that toooool?


["Yes, Trucy, because women are naturally drawn to men who favor stepladders."  Apollo snidely replies with a roll of his eyes.]


["They sure are, Polly! Just look at Daddy." The young magician confidently states with a grin, tipping her hat slightly downwards. "Why, just last week, we went to the nearby cafe and the owner, Ms. Anita DeCaffie, told Daddy that he's, and I quote, 'a sexy DILF with bedroom eyes' and that she wouldn't mind seeing his stepladder. But then again, she probably wasn't talking about actual stepladders, but rather-"]


["I don't need or want to hear any more, Trucy." Apollo dishearteningly remarks as his 'horns' droop. "I don't care how many women think that Mr. Wright's attractive. I'm not buying you a stepladder, and there's nothing you can do to change my mind." The attorney sternly states, causing Trucy's demeanor to become much more serious as she hides her arms in her cloak, staring at him with her big blue eyes before proceeding to sing in a more threatening tone.]


 Polly,
Don't forget that I'm one of your bosses,
Someone who determines if here you stay.
So do whatever I say,
Or I'll severely cut your pay.
Just do iiit.


 We were glad to hire you,
But defy me and you'll be through.
The choice is up to yooou.
So, can you please get me a stepladder?


["Fine…"  Apollo sighs in resignation as he gets up from his seat and slowly trudges towards the door.]


 

["Yay! Thanks, Polly!"  Trucy chirps, enthusiastically waving at the forlorn attorney.]


 

 

Chapter Text

 

"Cruel World"
Sung to the tune of "Out There"

from Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame


 

[DAHLIA]

Don't be a fool
I'll be explicit

Must trust no one and men especially are shitty
Your heart would never mend

I alone entrust you, need you, loves you
I who'll be here when you shed a tear
How can I convince you girl
This world's got monsters to be feared
You'll be safe here


[DAHLIA]

(spoken)
Never forget truths I've told you, dear sister

(sung)
You are worthless -


[IRIS]
{bows head in submission}

I am worthless


[DAHLIA]
And you are spineless


[IRIS]
And I am spineless


[DAHLIA]

Don't mean to be a bitch to you
My fragile kitty
I am your true godsend


[IRIS]
It's the truth you render


[DAHLIA]
In this cruel world, you're a lamb for slaughter


[IRIS]
I am helpless


[DAHLIA]
They'll use you and then spit on you and sneer


[IRIS]
For I am feeble


[DAHLIA]
Why succumb thyself to pain and degradation?
No fears here
Never betray me


[IRIS]
I'm loyal


[DAHLIA]
Trust none but me


[IRIS]
I trust you


[DAHLIA]
Nod and obey
Do as I say


[IRIS]
I'll pray


[BOTH]
In here


[IRIS, spoken]

You know what's best, my sister. I won't question you again


[DAHLIA, spoken]

You belong here. Remember, Iris. I'm not your adversary


[IRIS, spoken]

...My adversary...

{Stares after Dahlia as she leaves}


[IRIS]

As a shrine temple maiden, I spend my days alone
Praying that someday God will forgive me
Destined to perish up here until I'm an old crone
Trapped with all my memories of Feenie
Can't erase all those good times and places
Knowing how he'll never know it was me
Till I die I ponder if I'll always feel this way
Ever miss him, always love him


This cruel world let me meet The One
That warm smile of his, brighter than the sun
Forget him never


Cruel world,
Can't forget his loving stare
What I'd give
To be his girl
Yearn to stroke that spiky hair!


It's not just crooks and swindlers out there leading with their lives
To even out the odds goodwill must stem
It can't all be just murderers bearing their guns and knives
I believe in the goodness of all men
If I could be with him, it'd be worth all this cruel world's sins


A pure soul, to death I'd defend
No harm to come to one hair
Not even my twin can
Dahlia had best beware
My Sis to hell, I'd send!
Life's unfair, I'll repent
Had my chance
Came and went
Loved and sang
Danced and twirled
Found true bliss in this cruel world!

Chapter Text

 


"One Last Protégé"
(Sung to the tune of "One Last Hope" from Disney's
Hercules  by Marvin Grossberg to an earnest Mia Fey)

{Grossberg}

So you want to be a defense attorney, my girl?
Well, good for you.
I've had countless protégés over the years, many so smart and shrewd,
But trouble they avoid,
Like me with a nasty hemorrhoid.
So don't talk about your ideals with mirth,
Like you're Gregory Edgeworth,
Begging me to teach you my keys to success.
And to that, my answer is -


[However, before Grossberg could respond, Diego- from his desk- splashed him in the back of the head with a mug of scalding coffee, glowering at his superior when the obese man turned to face his subordinate.]

["Yes." Grossberg reluctantly stated, earning a grin and a nod from Diego.]

["Thank you, Mr. Grossberg!" Mia chirped with hope-filled eyes. "I promise that you won't regret this!"]


["Oy vey…" The portly attorney sighed with a slow shake of his head.]


{Grossberg}

I've lost hope of finding someone who's fierce like a dragon,
A lawyer who fills the gravy train,
Not the paddy wagon.
The kind that wins cases,
Earning high wages,
Putting shock on all the prosecutors' faces,
But no… I get a rookie shiksa.


I've been at this job for years and I'm getting bored,
Content to just sit back and enjoy the luxuries I can afford,
But you need a teacher,
A rabbi that's not a preacher,
A guy who can give you every feature,
And- Oy gevalt! My hemorrhoids are going mad like some creature!


I'll take one last protégé, and that'll be you,
But please don't make it a decision that I'll rue.
I've taught enough rejects,
Who don't have a clue.
You'll be my last protégé, so you better come through.


["Rule number one: No objection is complete without a strong finger-point. For example… Objection!" Grossberg proclaimed, thrusting his arm outwards in a pointing motion, the fatty appendage jiggling like gelatin. "Rule number two: when in doubt, bluff until you can't bluff anymore. If you're going lose, at least go down kicking. Rule number three…"]

["Belittle your loyal subordinate who brings in over a third of your law firm's revenue." Diego retorted before taking a sip of coffee from one of the numerous mugs on his desk.]

["That attitude isn't helping your case, Diego." Grossberg stated with a cold look"Now where was I…? Oh, right!"]


Attorneys face impossible odds,
And are treated like a joke.
Not to mention all the close calls that'll make you almost croak.
To be a good attorney, my girl, is quite the task,
You've got to hide your fear, like a face behind a mask.
It takes more than raw skill,
You need an iron-cladded will.
Not to mention a tireless work drive as you grow.
That kind of stuff.


I'm running low on energy and low on hemorrhoid cream,
So please hold all my teachings in high esteem.
You're my last hope, my girl,
So don't make me feel blue.
Always raise the bar,
Reach for the highest star.
You're my last chance, my girl, and it's all on youuu!
Yeah!

Chapter Text

 

"Can You Feel The Luck Tonight"
Sung to the tune of
"Can You Feel The Love Tonight"
from Disney's The Lion King
*Elton John Version*


 

"I'm so sorry, Dick, but no, I can't marry you." Maggey's eyes filled with tears as she gently pushed away the ring her longtime boyfriend had just presented her. "You know that I'm cursed! I have the worst luck in the entire world, and I refuse to succumb you to an entire lifetime of it! I love you too much!"

"There's no bad luck that our love can't fix!" Gumshoe insisted desperately. "Maggey, I know you've had some rough times, but things are different now! You're my lucky star – since we've been together, my life has only improved! I'm Chief of Police now, so I can actually afford Eldoon's noodles, not just no-name Ramen…"

"What if that's in spite of, not because of me?" She asked miserably. "Do you really want to take the risk that things won't somehow get worse, not better, if you align your life with mine, for all time?"

"That's not going to happen!" He vowed, taking her hand. "I know this, for a fact, because…"


[Gumshoe]

There's a rush of splendor when you look my way
And I feel I'm the luckiest man alive today
Goddess of Misfortune, nix clovers and horseshoes
This flatfoot is fortunate enough, just to be with you


And can you feel the luck tonight
Lady Luck, you are
No more jinx or curses for you
You're my shining star


And can you feel the luck tonight
No need for distress
Having you is a blessing from above
So lay those fears to rest


A change in fates has just begun
The past is now adjourned
Our joyful lives can be filled with hopes
Farewell to downturns


A lifetime, not a season, is how long I'll be yours
Take my hand and begin this voyage
Let our love take its course...


And can you feel the luck tonight
Lady Luck, you are
No more jinx or curses for you
You're my shining star


And can you feel the luck tonight
No need for distress
Having you is a blessing from above
Cuz you're the very best


 Having you is a blessing from above
Cuz you're the very best 


Maggey was openly weeping as he finished singing, her face buried in her hands, immediately alarming the poor man into halting all serenading and quickly gathering her sobbing form into his arms.

"Um, was my singing voice that bad?" Gumshoe nervously scratched his head with his free hand and awkwardly stroked her back while the love of his life continued to mewl incomprehensively into his chest, with no signs of stopping. "Honey? Are you alright?"

She lifted her head, and that was when he saw the radiant beam on her tear-drenched face. A huge surge of relief coursed through him as he realized that they weren't woeful tears, but ones of pure, unadulterated joy she'd been shedding all this time.

"Yes." Maggey choked, wiping her streaming eyes. "Yes, Dick. YES!"

"Yes… my singing was that bad? Or yes, you're alright?" Although hopeful, he didn't want to get his hopes up about what else she could possibly be affirming.

"Silly man! I loved your singing, yes, I'm alright! I'm more than alright since you just made sure to remind me that I'm truly the most blessed, ecstatic… the luckiest woman in the whole wide world!" She threw her arms around his neck and planted a huge kiss onto his lips. "YES, a thousand times yes, I'll marry you!"

"Whoooooop! Luck be a lady tonight indeed!" He cheered loudly, punching his fist in the air, then chuckled sheepishly as she started cracking up at his effusive response. "Sorry, I just had to! You've just made me the happiest man alive!"

"Then we're even." Her eyes glowed with love as he placed the ring onto her extended finger. "I've never been more deliriously happy, or more fortunate, in my entire life. Because I have you, Dick Gumshoe."

"We're both lucky, cuz we've found each other." He smiled tenderly down at her. "I love you so much, Margaret Charity Byrde."

She was already reaching up to draw his lips down towards her smiling ones.

"And I love you back, Richard Colombo Gumshoe."

Chapter Text

 

"The Hardcore Wocky Kitaki"
Sung to the tune of
"The Elegant Captain Hook" from
Disney's  Peter Pan


At Cee O'Cheets Elementary School playground, the fourth-graders are enjoying their recess- some kids are running around playing tag, some are playing catch, and others are pushing the socially awkward kid down the slide against their free will while repeatedly yelling 'Sacrifice!'

Though all of that comes to an end when a Mercedes-Benz with gold chrome alloy wheels that are blaring loud rap music stops in front of the school before Wocky and five men dressed in suits exit the vehicle and walk into the playground. Intrigued by these unusual people, the children stop what they're doing and form a circle around the visitors; at which point, one of the men takes out a boom box, places it on the ground, and turns it on as he and the others- with the exception of Wocky- start singing.


{Gangsters}

Yo yo,

Yo yo,

Yo yo, yo yo, yo yo,

If you wanna be seen as tough,

Then you'll need to become a G.

So don't be a fool,

Instead be cool,

And work for Wocky Kitaki,

The world's most hardcore OG.


{Disgruntled Gangster}

Cocky,

Bossy,

Sticky, wimpy, and a big sissy,

I haven't met anyone who's more


[However, the man is cut off when one of the other larger, more muscular men hits him on the head with a small metal pipe, instantly knocking him out.]

["Right on, G." Wocky nods at pipe-wielding mobster.]


{Wocky}

I like you little guys, fo'shizzle,

So I've gotta deal for you.

If you join me and make it official,

I'll get ya cool tattoos.


[Wocky rolls up his sleeve to reveal a fake heart tattoo that's starting to flake off of his arm that reads 'Mom'.]


{Wocky}

It'll really boost your street cred!

But before you decide, this has to be said:

If ya refuse, my homies'll put a cap in yo head!

So what are ya gonna do?


{Gangsters}

So what are ya gonna do?

Yo yo,

Yo yo,

Yo yo, yo yo, yo yo,

You'll be seen as the tough of the tough,

You'll get as rich as can be.

It's a whole lot of fun when ya make some noise,

Beatin' down punks with ya bizzzoys!

So sign up and you'll see,

Why you should join Wocky!


"Students, get back in the school! NOW!" A teacher- an overweight, middle-aged woman with curly brown hair- exclaims as she frantically escorts the children into the building.

"Mrs. Cherswick, who are those weird guys?" A little girl asks with a hint of panic in her voice.

"A reminder of why you should stay in school." The educator remarks, casting a brief glare at the mobsters. "Now I want you and all of your classmates to read Chapter 17 in history book while I call the police."

Once the playground is devoid of people, Wocky can't help but scream and slam his foot on the ground out of frustration.

"Damn! This be whack, fo'shizzle! First, the high-schoolers try to beat us up, then the middle-schoolers throw trash at us, and now this! Guess we gotta go even younger. Let's hit the preschool."

"Mr. Kitaki-" One of the gangers tries to talk with a tone and look of unease, only to be interrupted by his superior.

"Aw, hell nah! G, 'Mr. Kitaki's' what you call my withered-ass old man! Me, you refer to me by my gangsta name- OG Bling-Bling Crackshot! You readin' me, homes?" Wocky snarls, leaning forward with his hands on his hips as a show of dominance.

"Yes… OG Bling-Bling Crackshot." The gangster hesitantly replies as he awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. "Though as I was saying, aren't preschoolers a bit too young for our organization?"

"Don't you be dissin' them preschoolers, G. They can be hardcore as hell when they wanna be. One time, I tried to take a lollipop from some little kid- 'cause I'm gangsta like that'- and the little brat punched me right in ma bowling balls!" Wocky angrily retorted with crossed arms.

"Sorry I asked…" The gangster replied with an unimpressed look on his face.

"Don't sweat it, G. Just help the others load up the boom box and Flippin' Fred into the back of my whip. If we're quick, we may be able to get to the preschool right when snack time ends and the little bizzoys and girls are in a good mood."

"Yes, sir." The subordinate gangster replies as he and the others place their unconscious friend and the boom box in the back of the car before getting in themselves so they could be driven to their next location and further humiliated by the cringe-worthy son of their respectable boss.]

Chapter Text



"Out There I Would Be Free"
Sung to the tune of "A World Without Fences"
from Disney's Lady & The Tramp 2

 



Outside these walls
I could just be me
Explore the streets
Loose and running
I'd make friends my own age
If released from this cage
Leave all duties at home
Have my liberty


Out there I would be free
Farewell sovereignty
Amongst other children
Who'll bring out the kid in me
With my camaraderie
We'd play and laugh with glee
Out there I'd run and be free
All of Khura'in's what I long to see


This girl wants more
Than to pray all day
And do séance,
Like her mother
So many boring grownups
They all keep me restrained
So lonely in this palace
Princess birthright's my bane


A big world surrounds me
It's where I want to be
Out there I would be free
And goodbye royal decree!


To shed shackles of the monarchy
What a life that'd mean for me!
Out there I would be free
My pleeeeeea!

Chapter Text

 

"Poor, Pathetic Mooks"
Sung to the tune of "Poor, Unfortunate Souls"
from Disney's The Little Mermaid

 

[Seated behind his gaudy gold desk, Tigre is busy drawing a crude doodle of him stabbing Bruto Cadaverini with a knife on a loose sheet of paper, when suddenly…]

 

["What are you drawing, Don Tigre…?" Viola creepily whispers behind the loan shark's back, the warm air from her breath hitting the back of his neck.]

 

["D-Damn it, Viola!" Tigre growls, quickly tearing the paper to shreds. "Why youse always gotta go sneakin' up on me like some damn ghost all da time?!"]

 

["Sorry, Don Tigre… It's… just how I am… Hee… Hee… Hee…" The mobster giggles with a mischievous grin.]

 

["That don't make it any less creepy! Now whaddya want?" The loan shark snaps.]

 

["You've got… a client." Viola nods, prompting Jean Armstrong to nervously enter the office.]

 

["B-Bonjour, Monsieur Tigre." The pink-cladded chef sheepishly states, his eyes pointing to the ground. "My name iz Jean Armstrong, and I would like to borrow $500,000 for my restaurante."]

 

["Damn!" Tigre exclaims with a wide eyes. "What kinda food are youse servin', gold and caviar?"]

 

["Non, c'est Francais. I need zee money for zee decor and zee bath oils zat I give to zee customers to 'elp zem with their skin. For instance, given your complexion, I would say zat you need… une blend of tiger lilies et snapdragons."  Jean states with his rose in his mouth, holding up a blue bottle.]

 

["Gwoaaaaaaaaar! I ain't usin' no sissy ointment, ya damn puffball!" Tigre roars.]

 

["Pardon moi, Monsieur Tigre!" Jean shrieks like a little girl, wasting no time in getting the detested bath oil out of the temperamental loan shark's sight. "But vill you 'elp me with zee matter of zis loan?"]

 

[Upon hearing this question, Tigre scowl turns to a grin before he begins singing.]


 

[Tigre]

I admit my business may seem a bit seedy,
Dey ain't kiddin' when dey say I'm with da Mob.
But you'll see I ain't nothin' like 'em at all,
Understandin', calm of temper, and a bit of a heartthrob.
It's true, see?


And I've got oodles of cash,
My talents give me plenty of dat.
And lately, lucky for you,
I use it to help those who are desperate, hopeless, and have fallen flat,
Ya dig?


 

Poor, pathetic mooks,
At my door, in need. Pah!
Dat one wants to be a rebel,
Dat one's got gambling debts,
And do I help 'em? Hell yeah!


 

Those poor, pathetic mooks,
So unfortunate, so sad.
Dey come flockin' to my office,
Beggin', "Money, Tigre, please!"
And I say to dem,
"Hell yeah, comrade!"


 

Now, sometimes there's a little threat,
Where some mook can't pay their debt,
And I had ta dig into dem with my hooks.
Yeah, there's the occasional grumble,
But for de most part I'm quite humble,
To those poor, pathetic mooks.


 

["Ok Pinky, I'll give youse dat half a million for dat restaurant of yours…" Tigre states with a toothy grin.]

 

["Merci, Monsieur Tigre! Merci!" Jean joyfully proclaims. "But I vhat if I am unable to pay you back? Vhat if zee customers do not appreciate zee improvements I vill make with zee money?"The chef asks, his expression becoming forlorn.]

 

["I was just gettin' ta dat." The orange loan shark chuckles, lightly patting his client on the cheek. "See, if youse can't pay off your loan, I'll simply have youse do a couple of … favors for me."]

 

["Monsieur, I will not do zee murdering or zee stabbing or zee like!" Jean objects with a scowl on his face, puffing out his chest and moving his torso back and forth in some disturbing dance. "I 'ave seen zee movies, and I vill not grind up your enemies and make them into une delicieuse dish and 'ave one of
your rivals eat them! Pourquoi, I 'ave only just gotten zee 'ealth inspector to get off my back about zee rat meat I used to make my lobster bisque!"]

 

["First off, Viola, remind me never to eat anything at dat guy's joint." Tigre states with a disgusted look on his face, to which his assistant nods in agreement. "And second, I ain't plannin' on doing nothin' like dat. See, I just need a place I can use as a second base of operations for meetings, killin' people, hidin corpses, and da like. So, whaddya say? We gotta deal?"]

 

["I… I do not know, Monsieur Tigre… I-I don't know if I can bring myself to allow those kinds of activities in my restaurant. And vhat if zee customers find out zat I got 'elp from a loan shark?"]

 

[Once again, the loan shark decides to respond to the pink-cladded chef's question by singing.]


 

[Tigre]

The customers don't care where you get da money,
As long as da food's up to snuff.
Yeah, as long as you got dat,
In your seats their asses'll be sat,
And ain't your money situation been rough?


 

Ain't no one gives a damn about ethics,
People go around 'em whenever dey can!
But nobody will snub,
Da restaurant with da best grub,
And everyone will be your biggest fan!


 

C'mon, ya poor, pathetic mook!
Be a man! Roll da dice!
See, I'm a very busy guy,
Who ain't got all day.
It won't cost much,
Yourservitude'll suffice!


 

Ya poor, pathetic mook,
It's business,
It's textbook.
If ya wanna take a gamble, fruitcake,
Ya can't be a wimp and retract,
Scratch a back and get scratched back,
So sign da damn contract!
Viola, Bruto Punchin' Bag,
I got him bagged!
I'm so freakingtaaaaact!

Dis poor, patheticmooooooook!


 

[Viola hands Jean a contract, which he proceeds to sign with a nearby pen as Tigre laughs maniacally.]

 

Chapter Text

 "One Leap Before"
Sung to the tune of "One Jump Ahead"
from Disney's Aladdin


 [Ron:]
Gotta be
One leap before the creditors
One day ahead of due date
I steal stuff the wife would approbate
And that's everything!


One leap before all the flatfoots
My life of crime's no joke
Dessie, can't discover that I'm broke!


 [The Fuzz:]
Burglar!
Bandit!
Rascal!
Take that!


 [Ron:]
Just a few gemstones boys


[The Fuzz:]
Cuff him now and lock him up boys!


 [Ron:]
Gotta face the truth. Need to pay my bills.
Doing it all for love, it's true!


 [The Fuzz:]
For Who?


[Gumshoe:]
It's Mask DeMasque who's struck now once again
He's become a one-man rise in crime


[Godot]:
I'd claim lack of scruples but he's got none


[Ron:]
Thief against my will
Gotta steal for wife
If they catch me I'll be doing time!


 One leap ahead of the Popo
One step ahead cuz they're slow
Next time I'll pick an alias less known!


One leap before all the lawmen
Hair's breadth ahead of the cops
I'll catch my breath once around this block!


 [The Fuzz:]
Stop crook!
Pilferer!


 [Ron:]
Sorrrrrrrry!


 [The Fuzz:]
Chiseler!


 [Ron:]
All so quick to judge me


["Ace Detective"]
Don't forget about Luke Atmey


 [Ron:]
Gotta face the truth, gotta pay my bills
Doing it all for love, it's true!


[The Fuzz:]
Screw you!


 [Ron:]
One leap before all the sirens


[The Fuzz:]
Criminal!


 [Ron:]
One skip ahead of the chumps


 [The Fuzz:]
Looter!


 [Ron:]
If caught it'll be a disaster


[The Fuzz:]
Pirate!


 [Ron:]
They're fast, thank God I'm faster


 [The Fuzz:]
Robber!


 [Ron:]
Geronimo!
Gotta take this chancy!
Final flight of fancy!
All I gotta do is… JUMP!

 

Chapter Text

 


"Surgeon!"
Sung to the tune of "Dentist!" from
the smash musical, 
Little Shop of Horrors

 

[In an operating room in the Grey Surgical Clinic, an olive-skinned woman with her raven hair styled in a large bun, wearing a rather revealing navy blouse and a matching skirt that shows off a generous amount of leg, is laying on a surgical table with her arms and legs restrained by several leather straps.]

 

["You don't know how much I appreciate you guys being able to squeeze me in on short notice!" The woman sighs in relief, looking over at the nurse, Mimi Miney, who's filling out some paperwork on a clipboard. "I noticed just this morning that I had a wrinkle on my face and was freaking out because I have to be on set in a few hours to give this week's forecast; but I can't go on camera looking like some old, worn leather glove."]

 

["Don't mention it, Ms. Daye. Dr. Grey always goes on and on about how he'd love to have the honor of treating local weather legend, Renee Daye, in his clinic. So the second he heard that you needed to schedule an appointment, he cleared his entire morning so he could focus all of his attention on giving you the treatment that you deserve,"  Mimi warmly responds with a grin, hiding the slightest touch of contempt in her voice.]

 

["Aw, he didn't go and do that" Renee sighs in an obviously fake guilty tone. "I just need a little Botox and I'll be as good as new!"]

 

["Well, why don't you tell him that, because here he comes now?" Mimi states as she hears the loud, stomping footsteps of her boss.]

 

[Suddenly, Turner Grey bursts into the room with a crazed look in his eyes and a maniacal, toothy smile on his face before closing the door behind him and proceeding to sing.]


{Grey}

When I was a kid, I was often feared,

'Cause my hobbies were seen as gross and weird,

Like cutting open the family cat,

Dissecting the brain of many a rat,

And stitching together corpses that were bug-infested.

But that's when my mother suggested…


["W-What did she suggest?" Renee nervously asks with terror-filled eyes.]


{Grey}

She suggested, "My son, I really feel,

You can get paid a lot for your undying zeal."

You'll be a surgeon!

(Be a surgeon!)

You have an unrivaled passion for anatomy!

(Anatomy!)

Son, be a surgeon,

(Be a surgeon!)

People will praise you so happily!

You're too hotheaded for psychology,

And chiropracty is a farce not worth your time.

Son, be a surgeon,

You'll be truly sublime.


{Mimi}

Here he is, lady, my psychopath boss,

Works me all day without a break, that asshole director.

He may be renowned, but you should stay clear of him,

For who wants to be operated on by Hannibal Lecter?


["Wait! Why is that nurse holding a buzz saw?!" Renee shrieks upon seeing the power tool that Mimi has just taken out of a cabinet filled with similar devices, wriggling on the table in a fruitless attempt to free herself from her restraints.]

["Because she's too stupid to give it to me! Nurse! Saw! Now!" Turner yells, impatiently flexing his fingers.]

["I don't get paid enough for this." Mimi exasperatedly grumbles under her breath as she hands the mad doctor his surgical tool.]

["Good. Now get ready, Daye, because here I come!" Turner exclaims with a toothy grin and a deranged look in his eye as he turns on the buzz saw, slowly approaching his victim with a sinister laugh.]


{Grey}

I am your surgeon,

(A deranged one.)

And my livelihood will keep you nice and mute!

(Hates you.)

I am your surgeon,

(Who's a nutcase.)

And I'll avenge my nice $1,500 suit!

(He values it more than his staff.)

I'm giddy when a patient's on my table!

(Table.)

I don't care if people think I'm mentally unstable!

(It's true.)

And although my patients may be traumatized to a degree,

(Degree.)

Somewhere, somewhere in Heaven,

While she's complaining to God, my mother's smiling down on me!


["Right, Mother?" Turner asks, turning to a picture hanging on the wall of a woman with long brown hair with a raised fist who greatly resembles him before grabbing an anesthetic mask, putting it on Renee's face, and turning on the gas.]


{Grey}

'Cause I'm a surgeon and everyone likes me!


["Now sleep!" Turner angrily commands.]

 

["No!" Renee screams, violently shaking her head.]

 

["I said sleep!"]

 

["No…!" The weather girl repeats, this time weaker and with much less motion.]

 

["I said SLEEP!" The mad doctor roars while holding up his clenched hand like some deranged claw.]

 

["No…." Renee weakly mumbles, her eyes growing heavier and heavier until she's finally unconscious.]

 

["Now let's begin the operation!" Turner proclaims with sadistic giddy and a grin to match.]

Chapter Text

  “Now Let’s Do This!”
Sung to the tune of

“We Can Do It”
From the 2005 musical flick
The Producers


"It's so nice of you and Miss Maya to come by and visit Daddy so often since he lost his badge, Pearl," Trucy remarked as she led the 9-year-old spirit medium up the stairs to her room, leaving Phoenix and Maya murmuring between themselves on the couch in the Wright Talent Agency offices, below.

The little magician's voice dropped into a confidential whisper as the two girls got to the top of the staircase, then lingered. The two chums peered over the railing at the spirit medium and recently disbarred ex-attorney, who were sitting knee-to-knee together on the couch while the raven-haired beauty murmured something inaudible into Phoenix's ear.

"Daddy sure could really use the extra company! He's been so down ever since, and it's really hard to cheer him up when he goes into one of his blue spells…."

Suddenly, the spiky-haired man let out a loud burst of laughter. Maya had snatched the aqua beanie off his head and proceeded to play an impromptu game of "keep away" with it, forcing him to laughingly begin chasing her around the office.

"Give that back, Maya! I didn't comb my hair today!"

"You'll get this hat back when you shave, then agree to let me take you out for a burger for a change, Old Man!" Maya teased as she effortlessly ducked and dodged his futile lunges for his beanie. "No objecting! I owe you! But there's no way I'm going out with you in public with you looking like such a disheveled -hobo!"

Trucy blinked in astonishment at hearing the alien sound of her father's continued chuckling as the two adults continued their child's play below, apparently having forgotten that their daughters were only one floor above.

"OK, never mind!" She smiled happily, quickly recovering from her surprise. "It looks like a visit from Miss Maya was just what Daddy needed to get out of that funk!"

"Of course it was!" Pearl was beaming from ear to ear as her familiar, starry-eyed expression flickered across her face. "It makes perfect sense that Mystic Maya is the only one that can make Mr. Nick happy again! They are Special Someone's, you know!"

"They are? I didn't know that!"

The flummoxed Trucy peeked over the railing again, noting that Phoenix had now tackled the giggling Maya onto the couch. However, the beanie remained stubbornly in her hand, so he was now resorting to tickling her mercilessly in order to get her to relinquish her grip.

"I've got you now, Miss Hat Thief! Say Uncle!"

"Never!"

Trucy shook her head in wonder.

"All Daddy said to me was that she used to be his assistant and they were simply friends!"

"Best friends! And well… technically… they're Special Someone's… in denial," Pearl admitted as she bit her thumb. "It's been so obvious to me for some time that they love each other… They just won't admit it out loud!"

"That's too bad. They do seem pretty happy together," Trucy mused. "Plus, Miss Maya is super pretty – and so nice to both of Daddy and me! She would be the perfect New Mommy if she married him!"

An unexpected gleam suddenly sparked in Pearl's doe eyes.

"Do you really think so, too, Trucy?" She asked eagerly. "That Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick are perfect together in every way and that they belong together?"

"Well, I don't know if I could go that far – yet. After all, I've only known Daddy just a few months," Trucy began slowly, a wary expression coming over her face as a conspiratorial grin flickered across her friend's innocent features. "And to be fair, I have only met you and Miss Maya just a handful of times…"

Pearl scowled at this, and the amiable illusionist hastily attempted to backpedal.

"I mean, it's obvious that Daddy cares a lot for both of you!" Trucy amended quickly. "And he definitely seems to be his most cheerful when you guys are around! I love him a whole bunch, and I'd want him to be that way all the time, so sure, it'd be great if those two got together! But if they're both too chicken to admit how they really feel, unfortunately, there's nothing we can do about it…"

"That's where you're 100% wrong!"

Pearl grabbed the top-hatted girl by the hand and dragged her down the hall to Trucy's bedroom. Shutting the door behind them, she turned towards Phoenix's daughter and rubbed her hands together deviously.

"Now that I know I have a partner in crime to assist me in this operation, getting those two together will easy breezy lemon squeezy!"

"Partner in crime?" Trucy gaped at her new friend. "Pearl, what in Houdini's name are you talking about?!"

"Sit back and listen to my grand master plan of the great Ace Matchmakers: Operation Get Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya Together!"

The precocious spirit medium stretched out her arms and began giddily twirling around the room.

in Pearl’s doe eyes.

“Do you really think so, too, Trucy?”  She asked eagerly. “That Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick are perfect together in every way and that they belong together?”

“Well, I don’t know if I could go that far – yet. After all, I’ve only known Daddy just a few months,” Trucy began slowly, a wary expression coming over her face as a conspiratorial grin flickered across her friend’s innocent features. “And to be fair, I have only met you and Miss Maya just a handful of times…”

Pearl scowled at this, and the amiable illusionist hastily attempted to backpedal.

“I mean, it’s obvious that Daddy cares a lot for both of you!”  Trucy amended quickly. “And he definitely seems to be his most cheerful when you guys are around! I love him a whole bunch, and I’d want him to be that way all the time, so sure, it’d be great if those two got together! But if they’re both too chicken to admit how they really feel, unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about it…”

“That’s where you’re 100% wrong!” 

Pearl grabbed the top-hatted girl by the hand and dragged her down the hall to Trucy’s bedroom. Shutting the door behind them, she turned towards Phoenix’s daughter and and rubbed her hands together deviously.

“Now that I know I have a partner in crime to assist me in this operation, getting those two together will easy breezy lemon squeezy!”

Partner in crime?” Trucy gaped at her new friend. “Pearl, what in Houdini’s name are you talking about?!”

“Sit back and listen to my grand master plan of the great Ace Matchmakers: Operation Get Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya Together!”

The precocious spirit medium stretched out her arms and began giddily twirling around the room.


  [PEARL, spoken]

Don't you see, Truce, darling Truce?

Glorious Truce, it's so simple!

Rule One! We convince them that they’re both smitten

Rule Two! We commit to this and don’t back down

Rule Three! We’re the two Ace Matchmaker Daughters!


 [TRUCY, spoken]

Two?


  [PEARL, spoken]

Yup! One is me, one is you! We’re gonna work those two as a pair!

Rule Four! We only retire once Mystic Maya is Mr. Nick’s fiancée!

And before I can say Rule five, it’ll come the day they’re wed and we 3 girls become his loving trio!


 [TRUCY, spoken]

Trio?! This is all berserk!


  [PEARL, spoken]

Not if you pull your weight!


 [PEARL sings]

This quest you’ll embark, cuz it’s a New Mommy that you seek!

This won’t take much scheming, or create havoc to be wreaked!

I’ve watched them for years! The attraction is already there!

There’s no need to be scared!


 [TRUCY, spoken hesitantly]

Well…then…OK…


  [PEARL]

Now let’s do this

Now let’s do this

Now let’s do this, me and you

Now let’s do this

Now let’s do this

We’ll play Cupid for those two

The New Mommy that you’ve wanted and for me a brand new Dad!

Dutiful girl – you just leave this to Pearls!

Stop obsessing and distressing Truce, there’s joy to be had!


 Now let’s do this

Now let’s do this

Trust me this is gonna work!

Now let’s do this

Don’t be remiss

If you did, you’d be a jerk!


 Hi New Family!

Yes, New Family!

I swear you can trust this smirk!

Now let’s do this

Now let’s do this

And this is no time to shirk!

Are you in, Truce?


 [TRUCY]

So, am I in? Finally a chance to have a new family?

So, am I in? Finally a chance to have a new Mommy and sister?

So am I in?

So am I in?

Here's my answer, as it were!


 [TRUCY]
*shakes her head*

 

Let’s not do this

Let’s not do this

Let’s not do this! Too risky!

Zak’s a gambler

So I’m leery

What if things blow up on me?!

Other Dad’s made me a chicken

If we fail we can’t backtrack!

Can’t be dutiful girl and just count on you, Pearls

It’s hard for me to be trusting so cut me some slack!


 [PEARL] 
 *snarls and rolls up her sleeve*

Why you distrustful, gloomy-Gus, cowardly buzz-killer!

Do you wanna let this gold chance pass us by?!

Don't you want everyone happy? See a fairytale end to this story?


    [PEARL]

Now let’s do this

Now let’s do this

All you need is to exhale!

Now let’s do this

Now let’s do this

We’ll succeed if we prevail!

Come on Trucy! Can't you see...?     


 [TRUCY]

OK, Pearly! OK!

Prove me wrong! I’ll play along!

I’ll trust you! Hope this ship won’t sink

But take a look, I'm slightly shook

I’ll pray for luck that we won’t fall flat!

*groans*

I say:

Let’s not do this!


 [TRUCY]

You see trio, I see fail!


[PEARL]

Now let’s do this

Now let’s do this.


 [TRUCY]

Let’s not do this

Let’s not, let’s not, let’s not, let’s not do this


 [TRUCY]

Cuz disaster will prevail!


[PEARL]
*claps her hands against her cheeks*

Now let’s do this

It’ll be a fairytale!


 [TRUCY]

*facepalms*

We’re gonna fail!

 

Chapter Text

 


"The Phantom"
Sung to the tune of "Danny Phantom"
series theme song

 

(He's the Phantom.)
(The Phantom, the Phantom, the Phantom.)


Detective Bobby Fulbright, he was 32,
When his life would end out of the blue,
Killed in his sleep by a person whose face no one knew.
(He'll deceive everyone 'cause he's the Phantom.)


When the crime was done, nary a person wondered,
Allowing the killer to create a mask without blunder,
Donning the detective's old clothes,
A new Bobby Fulbright up and rose.
(The Phantom, the Phantom.)


When Bobby returned to work, no one realized,
He couldn't feel a thing, and had no soul in his eyes.
He had no morals, fears, and could brutalize,
He was best when forced to improvise.
He had to stop his identity from being a topic to discuss,
And keeping his crimes a secret was a plus,
So he's here to trick every one of us!


He'll deceive everyone 'cause he's the Phantom,
Deceive everyone 'cause he's the Phantom,
Deceive everyone 'cause he's,
(The Phantom.)

Chapter Text

 "Yo, Yo Neo Olde Tokyo"
Sung to the tune of the

"Go Go Power Rangers"
2017 Movie Theme Version


 

He's got super samurai strength
To knock out evil dorks
She's got fight skills to kick your sad
Ass out the door
Bad guys prepare for big smackdown
Together they'll both kick your hiiiide!


Yo,Yo Neo Olde Tokyo!
Yo Steel Samurai Yo!
Yo Yo, Pink Princess Yo!
Power Couple Super Heroes!


They know against all evil forces they must stand
They know that Evil Magistrate fool don't stand a chance
Bad guys prepare for big smackdown
Together they'll both kick your hiiiide!


Yo,Yo Neo Olde Tokyo!
Yo Steel Samurai Yo!
Yo Yo, Pink Princess Yo!
Power Couple Super Heroes!


Bad guys prepare for big smackdown
Together they'll both kick your hiiiide!


Yo,Yo Neo Olde Tokyo!
Yo Steel Samurai Yo!
Yo Yo, Pink Princess Yo!
Power Couple Super Heroes!


 


Yo,Yo Neo Olde Tokyo!
Yo Steel Samurai Yo!
Yo Yo, Pink Princess Yo!


"Maya!" Phoenix groaned in exasperation as he clapped a hand to his face. "It's bad enough you make me sit through this with you every week, but must you sing along that inane theme song, too? You know those aren't the actual lyrics!"


Maya puffed out her cheeks in indignation as she chucked a sofa cushion at him.


"Well, they should be! You'd think with me being the inspiration for the darn Pink Princess, that my suggested lyrics would have automatically won their theme song contest!"


"You're never going to forgive Edgeworth for spearing that victory away from you with his winning entry, are you?" He teased, only to be rewarded with a baleful glare, along with another hurled couch pillow, this time right in the kisser.


"Very funny, Nick! Edgeworth's song sucks! Can we not agree that 'Ho-Ho, Steel Samurai Ho!' is lamer than a three-legged horse?!"


"I'd agree to anything that'll make you stop committing assault with a fluffy weapon!"


"If I had a real rapier like the Pink Princess right about now, you'd be so dead, Old Man!"

Chapter Text

 "You Know from Me "
Sung to the tune of "Unknown from M.E"
theme by Knuckles
from Sonic the Hedgehog game

 

[It was a slow day at the Prosecutor's Office, so Simon decided to spend it reading a case file for an upcoming trial in his office, which was an otaku' paradise- several rows of shelves filled to full capacity with mangas, a suit of samurai in the back corner of the room, a bonsai tree in a decorative Japanese pot placed next to Taka's perch, where the hawk casually stood with its gaze fixed on the office's entrance, and much more.]

[However, Simon's day of easy reading was interrupted by Sebastian bursting into the office with a piece of paper in his hand,]

["Mr. Blackquill, Mr. Blackquill! I've got something really awesome to show you!"  Sebastian proudly stated as he marched over to his co-worker's desk, prompting the Twisted Samurai to spin his chair around so that his back was turned to the naïve prosecutor.]

["I swear, Deworste, if it's another chapter of that 'Cory in the House' fanfic you've been writing, Taka will hallow out your head for a new nest and use that story for lining."]

["Don't you worry, Mr. Blackquill. This isn't a fanfic. I've been having Klavier proofread those since he was a rock star and knows what's cool."]

["In that case, what do you want to show me?"  Simon asked as he turned his chair back around so he could stare at Sebastian's smiling face.]

["You see, I was searching the internet and I noticed that nearly everyone has a 'Sonic' OC- Mr. Edgeworth, Kay, that weird spiky-haired guy who Mr. Edgeworth won't tell me the name of, and pretty much everyone else we know. But no matter how much I looked, I couldn't find one for you."]

["No."  Simon said as his eyes started to widen.]

["Heck, even I have an OC- Sting the Eel, a cool guy who fires lightning from his hands, plays the saxophone, and wears lots of leather."]

["Deworste, please tell me you didn't…"]

["What? Create an awesome OC for you? Because luckily for you, that's just what I did. Just take a look at this sexy yeast!"  Sebastian smirked as he placed the paper he was holding onto the desk and slid it over to his coworker.]

[Simon was a man who praised himself for being able to control a situation, using his knowledge of psychology that he learned from his sensei to hide his feelings while also subtly manipulating others to do what he desired. However, upon seeing the drawing, if one could even call it that, he was at a complete loss for words. But could anyone blame him?]

[Before the Twisted Samurai was a picture of Storm the Albatross from the 'Sonic Riders' games- a large, hulking, grey creature one could easily mistake for a yeti if not for the yellow beak on his face. However, unlike most OCs which had at least a shred of creativity to them, this one had absolutely none, taking a standard picture of Storm- grey color, yellow gloves, and blackish-grey shoes- and merely adding a sloppy-made black coat that was probably done with the paintbrush tool in Microsoft paint, a white streak on the top of his head, and two little black triangles underneath his eyes on his beak.]

["Isn't he Debeste OC you've ever seen?"  Sebastian asked with a smug grin.]

["Yes… at being garbage."  Simon jeered before crumpling the picture up into a ball and throwing it in his trashcan, which oddly enough had the stern face of a red-eyed guy with short, semi-spiky black hair taped to it. "What the bloody hell is that thing supposed to be?"]

["That's Jailrush the Pigeon."  Sebastian stated with a shaky voice. "He… He went to jail for a crime he didn't do, so he fought to save his reputation by using his job as a prosecutor to catch the real criminal, just like you."]

["Jailrush the Pigeon… JAILRUSH THE PIGEON!?"  Simon snarled, leaning forward as he pressed his hand against his chest. "What kind of name is Jailrush? What is he, some edgy teen who thinks he's sooo deep?"]

["I-I'm sorry, Mr. Blackquill…"  Sebastian whimpered as he bent his baton, trying his best to hold back the tears forming in his eyes. "I was just trying to make him cool like all the other 'Sonic' OCs."]

["The phrase 'cool 'Sonic' OC' is an oxymoron, Deworste. Have you ever seen the 'Sonic' fan base? They actually make you look semi-competent by comparison. Though what baffles me more than you actually thinking that I like this is why, of all creatures, you chose a pigeon. Granted, I know that even a nitwit like you could see that I have an affinity for birds, but I am a noble hawk, or at the very least a penguin."]

["Storm and Jet were the only guy birds I could find in the Sonic cast, so I went with Storm because he's tough like you. Plus, you have a lot in common with pigeons- they live in cities, you live in L.A.; they flock around people, you deal with lots of people every day; and the biggest one: both you and they get pretty assertive when you want something. But don't you worry, Mr. Blackquill, I didn't make Jailrush a moron. After all, he is one of Debeste OCs ever made. Did you see the black triangles under his beak?"  Sebastian smirked as he tapped his baton to his hand. "Well, those were tear marks. You see, in prison, Jailrush cried a lot and never bothered to wipe his eyes. Isn't that deep, Mr. Blackquill?"]

["As deep and dark as the hole I want to bury you in,"  Simon wryly retorted as he picked up the case file that he was previously reading. "Now please leave me office so that I can resume reading my case file and get the horrible taste that you and that OC have left in my mouth."]

["Don't be so tasty, Mr. Blackquill. Why, once you hear Jailrush's theme song, I'm sure you'll just love him!"]

["You… You seriously wrote a song for that thing?"  Simon groaned as he facepalmed himself.]

["Yes, after all, I am Debeste. I based it off of Knuckles' theme song, so I named it 'You Know' because you know who the character is, you know?"  Sebastian said with a wink, as if he was under the delusion that he was somehow being mysterious. "And it goes like this…"]


 I don't chat much,

Small talk's nothing but a bother,

Doesn't matter,

'Cause I'm stronger with honor.

The name's Jailrush,

But unlike Edgeworth, I've never gushed,

Never revealed my fandoms and blushed.


I'm cold as steel,

Makes my foes flee and squeal,

Psychology helps me troll like it's no big deal.

Unlike other prosecutors, I'm not in it for pride,

First goal, find the truth, don't let criminals hide.


Born with the spirit of a samurai,

The blood of the peekaboo flows inside me.

I live to protect the daughter of my sensei,

From any and all danger and harm.

Look how I've managed to restore my good name,

As the Twisted Samurai of dark fame and shame.


Anime, sarcasm, and duty,

Are the three things that help keep me alive.

I march to the beat of my own drum,

No one can clip this bird's feathers.


Look how I've managed to restore my good name,

As the Twisted Samurai of dark fame and shame.


I shan't falter,

I will take whatever life throws my way.

Put trust in Sensei's lessons,

And use them for justice.

I shall fight to make the world safe so Athena can thrive.

Even when I'm chained,

Nothing can stop my peerless drive.


I don't chat much,

Small talk's nothing but a bother,

Doesn't matter,

'Cause I'm stronger with honor.

The name's Jailrush,

But unlike Edgeworth, I've never gushed,

Never revealed my fandoms and blushed.


I'm cold as steel,

Makes my foes flee and squeal,

Psychology helps me troll like it's no big deal.

Unlike other prosecutors, I'm not in it for pride,

First goal, find the truth, don't let criminals hide.


Nothing shall pierce my hardened armor.

I don't need help, but I won't refuse it.

I'll work with you for a short time,

Just don't think that I'll hold your hand forever.


Look how I've managed to restore my good name,

As the Twisted Samurai of dark fame and shame.


I shan't falter,

I will take whatever life throws my way.

Put trust in Sensei's lessons,

And use them for justice.

Sometimes you must go down if you want to come out on top.

Even when I'm chained,

I will stand tall and proud.


I shan't falter,

I will take whatever life throws my way.

Put trust in Sensei's lessons,

And use them for justice.

I shall fight to make the world safe so Athena can thrive.

Even when I'm chained,

I will fight. 


I shan't falter,

I will take whatever life throws my way.

Put trust in Sensei's lessons,

And use them for justice.

Sometimes you must go down if you want to come out on top.

Even when I'm chained,

I will stand tall and proud. 


The toughest prosecutor in town with long hair,

Honed in prison, surrounded by despair.

Hey, hey, it's Jailrush,

Always there,

My wit you should beware.

If I see you full of hot air,

I'll give you the coldest glare.

I was born a loner,

I don't need a friend.

I work independently,

And when I'm done, I leave.


 

["So, what do you think? Pretty cool, right?"  Sebastian smirked, completely oblivious to the look of disgust on his coworker's face.]

["Deworste…"  Simon sighed in exasperation, lowering his head and taking a few deep breaths to keep himself from leaping over his desk and assaulting the naïve prosecutor. "I've heard so many idiotic comments come out of that big mouth of yours, but that song has taken the cake."]

["But I tried really, really hard on it!"  Sebastian pathetically retorted, bending his baton as tears streamed down his cheeks. "Kay said that SHE liked it!"]

["That's because Raven Hood was trying to be nice to you since you're her friend. That, and she has horrible tastes if her love of 'Jammin' Ninja' is of any indication. For instance, you said that I-"]

["Jailrush."  Sebastian interjected, earning a sharp glare from his coworker.]

["Yes, Jailrush…"  Simon growled with a tone of pure venom. "Has 'the blood of the peekaboo'. What is that even supposed to mean?"]

["You see, I heard a lot of people calling you that since you love anime and Japan so much, so I figured that it would fit well."]

["You bloody git…"  Simon grumbled under his breath as he facepalmed himself. "The term is 'weeaboo', not peekaboo. And even if you used the term correctly, you would still be horribly wrong since a weeaboo refers to someone who is so obsessed with Japanese culture that they disregard their own and only serve to make Japanese enthusiasts look bad; whereas I am an otaku, someone who appreciates the Japanese culture for its rich history, colorful folklore, and mysterious traditions while keeping in touch with my own. That's why I know over 50 Rakugo stories by heart while also being able to respond to you with the dry, cutting wit made famous by my English heritage."]

["That's weird…"  Sebastian said as he cocked his head to the side out of confusion, prompting Simon to roll his eyes.]

["I know that I'm probably going to regret asking this, but why, pray tell, is that?"]

["I don't know."  Sebastian shrugged his shoulders before holding is arms out in front of him and making a frame with his hands. "I just figured that peekaboo made more sense than weeaboo since you like Pikachu. I mean, I know that the Wii is from Japan, but doesn't Pikachu make more sense since its anime? And for that matter, since I like the DS, does that make me a DS-aboo?"]

["I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."  Simon curtly replied before getting out of his seat and walking towards the door.]

["Classic Jailrush…"  Sebastian smirked as Simon passed by him, prompting the Twisted Samurai to scowl at his inculpable coworker.]

["That abomination that you call a character is nothing like me."]

["Yeah he is! 'Cause you're done, so you're leaving, just like the lyrics in 'You Know'!"  Sebastian stated with his arms spread out and his baton held up proudly.]

["Poor, naïve Deworste…"  Simon smirked as he tapped his forehead. "There's one thing that I do that Jailrush doesn't."]

["And what's that?"  Sebastian asked with an innocent smile.]

[Upon hearing that question, Simon put two fingers to his mouth and pierced the air with a high-pitched whistle, prompting Taka to fly off his perch and dive-bomb the culpable prosecutor.]

["Help me, Mr. Blackquill! Tell Taka to stop attacking me!"  Sebastian wailed as the hawk proceeded to claw and peck at him.]

["Sorry, Deworste, don't think that I'll hold your hand forever."  Simon chuckled as he walked out of his office, leaving his crying coworker alone with his feathered friend.]

 

Chapter Text

 "(One Final) Hurrah"
Sung to the tune
of the video game theme
"(One More Last) Fist Bump"
from Sonic Forces video game


 

 

Like Datz said – they're all counting on me. Yup, no pressure there, at all!

The red attorney felt himself breaking into a cold sweat. Oh, Holy Mother, just what had he gotten himself into?! There was more than just Dhurke's honor on the line here – his whole life was on the line! And even worse, he'd allowed his boss to risk his neck to the scaffold as well! Assuming they didn't execute Apollo first, Maya would send him on a one-way ticket to hell herself for being responsible for the death of her not-so-secret boyfriend!

"The fate of the Revolution and every Khura'inese rests on this trial!"

Apollo felt his horns droop as the Defiant Dragon's closing words floated back to his ears. To make matters worse, if that were even possible, was the anxious way Athena was now staring at him, her heart in her beautiful tear-filled blue eyes, belying the need for any spoken words.

What if he never got the chance to tell her how much she meant to him? That he felt the exact, same way, too, and always had – however depending on the fate of this case, their relationship could be drastically cut short – and over before it even began?!

"The trial will begin shortly, Apollo," Phoenix smiled reassuringly, as though reading his mind. "Let's make our way into the courtroom."

"Right!"

Apollo tried to inject as much bravado in his voice as possible, then did his best to smile bravely as he returned the sniffling redhead's suffocating hug goodbye.

Meanwhile, the whimpering Maya threw all discretion to the wind and fervently kissed Phoenix right on the lips. The couple remained in a lingering embrace for several drawn-out moments before the yellow attorney gently took her arm and ushered them to towards the packed gallery area.

After their love interests were out of sight, the rattled spiky-fringed lad remained cemented on the spot.

"Apollo, you need to take a final, deep breath and pull yourself together. We can't delay this any longer." The spiky-haired man's large, strong hand fell onto the boy's rigid shoulder, trying to urge the unmoving lawyer into moving. "No time for cold feet now. It's show time."

Waves of panic washed over him despite the serene aura radiating from the older man.

Mr. Wright looks so calm – so trusting. He really believes I can get us out of this mess! But how can he seem so unruffled?! Apollo thought wildly. He has so much to lose – even more than I do if we lose this case. He has a daughter he's raising, a woman who loves him – heck he's even essentially a foster father to Pearl, too. He has a family. Yet he's willing to risk all that just to help his employee at the bench?! It isn't right! This isn't his fight!

Yet he also knew offering his mentor last chance to bow out at this eleventh hour would be for naught. The dogged, ever-determined Phoenix Wright never backed away from precarious/life-or-death scenarios.

Or a friend in need.

"I know it's time, Mr. Wright!" Apollo swallowed hard. "Ultimately, I'm not as brave as you – I just can't stop my insides from quaking! All I know is there's no way out of this, just as surely as I know that there's…"


 

[Apollo]
No time to piss or moan
High chance it'll all go wrong
Need you to stand by me
Cuz I'm so scared and jittery
So – last shot for me and you
Let's prove what we can do
Won't know until we try
I'll strive not to cry


 

[Phoenix]

Courts here are whack
You and I may never come back
Could end up dead
It's a high-risk bet
Fighting and appealing
We can't stop believing
We will make things better


 

[Apollo and Phoenix]

Forever it'll be known it was me and you
Right beside me as I've been for you
Tearing right through the webs that spider's spun
No one else here that we can trust
Suicide mission but it's a must
Standing united, Justice and Wright
Keep the faith, such is our decree
When truth is found, we'll taste victory
Defeat that fiend, The Thing That Should Not Be
We may meet the Twilight Realm but one final hurrah!


 

[Phoenix]

I know you have felt alone before
Not this time, I'll help settle the score
You fought for me when my hands were tied
Returning the favor for you
It is my great pride


 

[Apollo]

Courts here are whack
You and I may never come back
Could end up dead
It's a high-risk bet
Fighting and appealing
We can't stop believing
We will make things better


 

[Apollo and Phoenix]

Forever it'll be known it was me and you
Right beside me as I've been for you
Tearing right through the webs that spider's spun
No one else here that we can trust
Suicide mission but it's a must
Standing united, Justice and Wright
Fight's begun!


 

[Instrumental]


 

[Apollo and Phoenix]

It will be known it was me and you
Right beside me as I've been for you
Tearing right through the webs that spider's spun
No one else here that we can trust
Suicide mission but it's a must
Standing united, Justice and Wright


 

[Apollo]
Our friends will watch and pray
We have set the stage
And refuse to be impeded
From being triumphant today


 

[Apollo and Phoenix]

Keep the faith, such is our decree
When truth is found, we'll taste victory
Defeat that fiend, The Thing That Should Not Be
We may meet the Twilight Realm but one final hurrah!


 

"You don't always win your battles, Apollo, but it's good to know you fought them because missed chances break your heart the most."

Phoenix was already extending his clenched fingers towards his protégé's for one last fist bump.

"Nevertheless, no matter how the chips fall today Apollo, I'll always stand by you, even when things are at their most dark. To encourage you, to help you when you get scared. To come right to the edge and see what's there. I'm with you, right up till the end."

"You are where you are because of who you were, but where you go depends entirely on you choose to be. I learned that because of you, Mr. Wright, and it's helped make me who I am today. You've helped make me the man I am today."

Apollo collided his own extended knuckles against those of his childhood idol.

"Together we are stronger, together we are unbroken, and together we can do anything! Look out Khura'in Courtroom – here comes Justice... and Wright!"

 

Chapter Text

"Pink Princess"
Sung to the tune
of the
Sailor Moon
TV show theme


 It was Saturday at one in the afternoon, a time that Maya would typically look forward to every week since that was when they'd air new episodes of the recently rebooted "The Pink Princess: Warrior of Little Olde Tokyo". However, unlike other weeks where Phoenix couldn't pry his bubbly assistant away from the television to save his life, the spiky-haired attorney actually had to literally drag the petite spirit medium to the couch- a task made especially hard by the fact that she was pressing her feet against the ground as hard as she could.

"Come on, Maya, don't be like this. You like the Pink Princess." Phoenix pleaded, only to be met with the ebony-haired girl's icy glare.

"The Pink Princess is dead to me, Nick!" Maya huffed with crossed arms. "The only action hero I know is the Steel Samurai!"

"Look, Maya, I know you're still a bit upset about losing that theme song contest last week, but you've got to move on." Phoenix calmly stated as he gently put his hand on his assistant's shoulder. "It's one thing when you keep your anger to yourself, but it's another thing when you start scaring away potential clients by asking them things like, 'Why do we form friendships, only to be betrayed?'"

"You don't understand, Nick! It was one thing when Edgeworth won that "Steel Samurai" song contest last month, but I am the Pink Princess! Without me, that show wouldn't even exist! But how do they repay me? Instead of choosing my idea which is filled with action, and electric guitars, and people singing 'yo' over and over, they give the Pink Princess this girly song that makes her look like some girly girl who does girly things!" Maya yelled as she puffed out her reddened cheeks.

"Maya, that's how the Pink Princess has always been."

"She is not, Nick!"

"What show have you been watching? When she's not in her Pink Princess persona, Aiko is a college student who's studying to be a vet and has a deep love for cute, fluffy animals and fashion. Heck, I remember all of those filler episodes that you made me watch in the original series where Aiko would engage in some kind of fashion trend to impress her crush…" Phoenix cocked his head to the side for a few seconds in an attempt to recall the name, only to come up with nothing. "Ok, I can't remember his name, but that really short, angry guy who always wore a suit for some strange reason."

"I don't care, Nick! That new theme song is not my Pink Princess and I refuse to watch it!" Maya pouted with crossed arms.

"Just give it another chance. Who knows, maybe it'll grow on you after you give it another listen." Phoenix optimistically stated as he turned on the television, the screen glowing pink as the new "Pink Princess" theme song started playing.


 Fighting under the full moon,
Falling in love at high noon,
Doesn't ever give up very soon,
She is known as the Pink Princess.


 She will always fight to save the city,
Calling on friends when things get tricky,
They aren't afraid to get dirty,
She is known as the Piiink…


 Pink Baroness,
Pink Countess,
Pink Marchioness,
Pink Duchess.


 Blessed with skills,
That are a real thrill,
She is known as the Pink Princess.


Footage of the Pink Princess fighting various villains was shown as the music continued to play before the lyrics started up again.


 Fighting under the full moon,
Falling in love at high noon,
With the Pink Nobles she won't lose soon,
She is known as the Pink Princess.
She is known as the Pink Princess.
She is known as… Pink Princess!


 "I still hate it, Nick!" Maya fumed with clenched fists. "I can't believe that they chose this lame theme song over mine!"

"That's what you can't believe?" Phoenix chimed in with a surprised look on his face as the episode started. "Personally, I'm more surprised by the fact that Prosecutor Blackquill was the one who submitted it!"

 

Chapter Text

 

"Your Wedding Day"
Sung to the tune of
"Bella Notte" from Disney's
Lady & The Tramp


[Lead Band Singer]

Now look at this sight
At your beautiful bride
In your arms on your wedding day


 Gaze in her eyes
You see love, no surprise
After all, it's your wedding day


Groom and bride, life has just begun
You've crossed the final frontier
You're meant to be, you can tell
Two souls united here


 So look at this sight
As the stars shine so bright
Upon you on your wedding day


  [Band Chorus]

Look at this sight
Handsome groom by your side
In your arms, on your wedding day


Gaze in his eyes
You see love, no surprise
After all, it's your wedding day


 Groom and bride, life's begun
You've crossed final frontier
You're meant to be, you can tell
Two souls united here


 Now look at this sight
Bello groom, bella bride
Hearts entwined on their wedding day

 

Chapter Text

 "Debeste and von Karma Song"
sung to the tune of
"Snow and Heat Miser Song"

from  The Year Without Santa

 

 


[It was the evening of Christmas Eve and Manfred was scurrying around his mansion wearing a sweater with a picture of a smiling globe and the caption 'Joy to the World!' below it and an uncharacteristically happy grin on his face as he made preparations for Santa's arrival.]

[However, the veteran prosecutor's efforts were interrupted when he heard a sudden knock at his front door, which he wasted no time in opening.]

["How can I be-" Manfred stopped midsentence, his smile turning into a scowl as he glared daggers at his visitor: Blaise, who was wearing a red shirt and yellow leggings, both of which were coated with glitter to give them a sparkling effect, a clown nose, pointed elf ears which were painted red, a red and orange wig, and a skimmer hat with a red and orange stripe, and ten-year-old Sebastian, whose nose, ears, hair, and hat matched his father's- the only difference in the Debestes' outfits was that Sebastian was wearing a yellow jumpsuit that matched his father's pants- and was holding a boombox that was playing a karaoke-version of Heat Miser's theme song.]

[However, before Manfred could respond, Blaise started singing his version of the beloved Christmastime song.]


{Blaise}
I'm Mr. Debeste,
I'm Mr. Sin,
I'm Mr. Corruption,
I'm Mr. Dirty Win.


They call me Debeste,
Whatever I see,
Withers and disappears with ease.
I impress even me!


{Sebastian}
He's Mr. Cool Dad,
He's Mr. Rad,
He's Mr. First-Rate,
He's Mr. So-Good-He's-Bad.


{Blaise}
They call me Debeste,
Whatever I see,
Withers and disappears with ease.


{Sebastian}
He impresses me!


["As if that's hard to do." Blaise wryly retorted.]


{Blaise}
I never want to see a world that's free of villainy,
I'd rather have it filled with malice and debauchery!


["Y'see, there are people who like to be evil, but I really live for it, y'know!" Blaise sneered.] 


{Sebastian}
He's Mr. Handsome,
He's Mr. Hip Pops,


{Blaise}
Now you're making sense, Sebastian!


{Sebastian}
He's Mr. Stylish,
He's Mr. Always-At-The-Top.


{Blaise}
They call me Debeste,
Whatever I see,
Withers and disappears with ease.
I impress even me!


{Sebastian}
Even me!


["Even perfect records aren't safe from me, y'know."  Blaise sneered.  "Though I don't think I have to remind you of that, von Karma."

["You think you can ruin my Christmas by insulting both me and Santa by dressing up as Heat Miser and singing that ridiculous song? Well, two can play at this game, Debeste!"  Manfred roared before snapping his fingers and yelling into the mansion.  "Miles, Franziska, Code Miser!"]

[Within seconds of being called, 19-year-old Edgeworth and 12-year-old Franziska arrived at the door, with the former holding a boombox that was playing a karaoke-version of Snow Miser's theme song, as Manfred began singing his own version.] 


{Manfred}
I'm Mr. von Karma,
I'm Mr. Kingpin,
I'm Mr. Faultless,
I'm Mr. Perfect Win.


Everyone knows von Karma,
Whatever I see,
Bends to my will with ease.
I impress even me!


{Edgeworth and Franziska}
He's Mr. Number One,
He's Mr. Right,


["Correct." Manfred smirked.]


{Edgeworth and Franziska}
He's Mr. Perfect Genes,
He's Mr. Defense-Attorney's-Blight.


{Manfred}
Everyone knows von Karma,
Whatever I see,
Bends to my will with ease.


{Edgeworth and Franziska}
He impresses us!


{Manfred}
I never want to see a world filled with victorious defense attorneys,
I'd rather see them defeated and crying before me!


{Edgeworth and Franziska}
He's Mr. Upstanding,
He's Mr. Exact,


["You know it's true."  Manfred chimed in]


{Edgeworth and Franziska}
He's Mr. Nobility,
He's Mr. Divinely-Backed.


{Manfred}
Everyone knows von Karma,
Whatever I see,
Bends to my will with ease.
Heh… Even me. 


{Edgeworth and Franziska}
Even me!

Chapter Text

 "Esto Es Amor"
Sung to the tune of
"So This Is Love" from
Disney's  Cinderella

 

"I thought I'd find you out here," Diego's rich baritone sounded behind Mia out on the terrace of the grand hotel ballroom where their boss, Marvin Grossberg's grand 60th birthday party was in full effect. "Were the festivities getting to be a bit too much?"

"It was getting really hot in there, with all those people on the dance floor," she admitted, gratefully accepting the cold glass of champagne he offered her. "I needed to get some air."

"The band is playing some really great music in there, kitten. You're missing out."

"I can hear it perfectly from out here." She actually found herself humming slightly to the sultry tune of the saxophone that was now playing. "The band is amazing. I do love this song."

"Then you must dance with me to it." His intense dark gaze born to hers. "I won't take no for an answer. You've been avoiding me all night – and all week. Ever since I had the most interesting chat with your good friend Lana …"

"No, I haven't!" She denied hotly, refusing to meet his eye. "I just didn't feel like having you mock me ever since my so-called best friend decided to spill the beans about my alleged crush on you when you bumped into her at the coffee shop the other day!"

"She never said you had a crush on me… She just said the lady doth protest too much." He smirked. "Considering you haven't been able to look me in the eye ever since I brought this information to your attention, I can't help but wonder if there is any truth to this charge?"

"Of course there isn't!" Mia denied, her face flushing with anger and embarrassment. "Why would I  like you, the gold medalist for the bedroom Olympics? You are macho, arrogant and a womanizer and the only reason you keep asking me out is that you obviously see me as another potential conquest!"

"That is absolutely not true," he deadpanned, his eyes never leaving hers. "Perhaps the champagne has given me the courage to say something I should've said some time ago, but the truth is, you're not just another potential notch on my bedpost, Mia Fey. I love you... even though you aren't naked right now."

Her eyes widened in shock and feminine indignation at the outrageous words, and he let out a rich chuckle, taking her hand and clasping it in his before she used it to give him a deserved slap.

"That line would have worked on anyone but you. Truth be told, I am quite guilty of sharing my body with women – but never my heart. Let me try this again."

His heart was in his eyes as he took her hands in his, his handsome face a mask of veracity.

"Mia, there isn't one person in the world that I want more than I want you. Only you. There is no other – nor will there ever be another."

Mia blinked, unsure she'd heard him right. Exactly what was in the champagne he had given her? Obviously was causing her to be hearing things …

While her mind spun from his declaration, Diego took advantage of her momentarily stunned state and was already leading her into a slow waltz, right there on the veranda.

"You and I are meant to be, kitten, and you know it," he murmured, leaning down close so she could smell his intoxicating, masculine scent that made her senses tingle. "Tonight, on this Christmas Eve event, why don't we allow for a holiday miracle to happen, and finally confess what's been going on between us all this time?"

"And what would that be?" Being so close to him was making her feel weak in the knees. Mia thought they would have given out if his strong arms hadn't been holding her up.

"Amor, kitten. You know and I know it." His expression was tender and he ran a finger down her cheek. "This is love. Esto es amor."

"Love," Mia whispered dazedly, finally saying the word for the feeling she'd been fighting for far too long. It sounded right. "So this… is love."


[Mia]

Mmmmmm, Mmmmmm
Esto es amor, mmmmmm
Esto es amor
When you feel your souls entwine
Dreamed of this day, mmmmmm
Y ahora sé


[Diego]

Y ahora sé


[Mia and Diego]

Promise to love you for all time


[Mia]

And my heart sings, mmmmmm

I can't deny


[Mia and Diego]

I am yours till the day that I die

Let's pray that this magical spell lasts forever more


[Mia]

Mi amor 


[Diego]

Mi gatito


"Te quiero mucho, Mia Fey." He took her face in his hands, so she could clearly see all the sincerity and the promise of new beginnings reflected in his loving gaze. "I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way."

"Yo también te quiero, Diego Armando," Mia whispered, her shining amber orbs glowing as she leaned forward to meet the mouth already descending towards hers. "I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."


[Mia and Diego]

Esto es amor  


[Miego kiss]

Chapter Text

 

"Man-nay, Man-nay, The Pool's The Place To Be"
sung to the tune of
"Yo Ho, Yo Ho! A Pirate's Life for Me"
from Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean


 

["Ugh…" Manfred groaned, his aching head feeling as if someone was crushing it with a massive weight."Where am I…? Why are my arms and legs bound?! And why am I wearing my swimsuit?!"The veteran prosecutor exclaimed with much terror in his voice as he realized that his arms and legs were tightly bound with two sets of ropes and that he was wearing nothing but a pair of black swim trunks."Wait a minute…"The 'perfect' prosecutor paused as he took a moment to take note of his surroundings- the black leather back seat of a car that was littered with a multitude of food wrappers and empty soda cups."Please tell me that I'm not-"]

["Rise and shine, Manny!" Gant exclaimed with a smile on his face as he turned his head, only to be met by the veteran prosecutor's scowling face.]

["Gant, why am I tied up and wearing nothing but a swimsuit in the back of this pigsty that you call a car?"  Manfred growled at the happy-go-lucky police chief.]

["Sorry about the mess, Manny." Gant stated with an embarrassed chuckle as he returned his attention to the road ahead of him."I haven't had much time to tidy up, what with all my responsibilities as Chief of Police."]

["You didn't answer my question." Manfred snarled through clenched teeth, his already-low patience running thin.]

["Well, you kept on refusing my offers to come swim with me at the public pool, so I decided to take matters into my own hands by sneaking into your house and adding a little something to your orange juice carton to make you a little more agreeable and a little less conscious." Gant nonchalantly responded.]

["You drugged me!?"Manfred exclaimed with saucer-sized eyes.]

["'Drugged' is an awfully strong word. I like to think of it as 'covert sedation'."]

["You've gone mad, Gant! I'd expect this sort of thing from Debeste, but never from you. Debeste may do this kind of thing when he wants me to take his place at social events, like that one time I was rendered unconscious after eating my lunch, only to wake up at his son's piano recital, but at least he's never done so for a reason as foolish as making me go to the public pool!"]

["There's nothing foolish about the public pool, Manny. And if you don't believe me, then maybe this will change your mind." Gant chirped as he tuned on his cd player which started playing a karaoke-version of Disney's "A Pirate's Life for Me" as he started singing his own lyrics to the beloved song.]


 

Man-nay,
Man-nay,
The pool's the place to be.
We'll swim, we'll splash, we'll all have a blast,
So put on your sunblock, Man-nay!
We'll jump and dive and do laps so fast,
That your head will spin, Man-nay!


 

["And how do you expect me to apply sunblock when I'm bound in the back of this garish abomination that you call a car?" Manfred growled as Gant continued his song.]


 

Man-nay,
Man-nay,
The pool's the place to be.
We'll cool right down and then we'll relax, we'll get every snack,
I'll buy you a soda, Man-nay!
Frolic and laugh and make many wisecracks,
It's such a delight, Man-nay!


 

["I don't want snacks, I don't want soda, and I don't want to spend my day at the pool with you! Now turn this vehicle around and take me back to my home immediately!" Manfred roared, wriggling and thrashing about in a vain attempt to free himself as Gant resumed singing.]


 

Man-nay,
Man-nay,
The pool's the place to be.
We'll play, we'll enjoy, we'll get you pool noodles,
So that you can float, Man-nay!
Watch and hide and splash fancy poodles,
Giggle over screams, Man-nay!


 

["The only screaming you'll be hearing will be your own when I drown you with those pool noodles if you don't turn around this instant." Manfred hissed, flashing Gant a death glare as the jovial chief of police kept on singing his merry song.]


 

Adults, teenagers, kids big and small,
No one hates the pool, Man-nay!
Even Blaisie likes it, gives it his all,
When ogling hot girls, Man-nay!


 

["Objection!" Manfred bellowed."I hate the pool almost as much as I hate your idiotic song!"]


 

Man-nay,
Man-nay,
The pool's the place to be.
We'll play games and eat lunch and even dinner,
We'll stay till closing, Man-nay!
Yes! But you won't feel so very bitter,
When the day's all done, Man-nay!


 

["No, I'll instead be feeling an overwhelming desire to see you dead."  Manfred snapped.]

["Well, in that case, I better avoid elevators… I wouldn't wanna to end up like Gredgeworthy, now would I?"  Gant joked, snickering as the veteran prosecutor's eyes widened, fearful that someone had stumbled upon his greatest secret- and not just some random person, but the Chief of Police.]

["I-" The 'perfect' prosecutor tried to state an excuse, only to get cut off by his friend .]

["I know, Manny, you got real lucky. I mean, your most hated enemy gets murdered and you didn't even have to lift a finger. But unfortunately for you, there are no elevators at the public pool. Speaking of which, we're here!"  Gant cheered as he pulled into a spot right by the entrance as the veteran prosecutor repeatedly banged his head against the door in a desperate attempt to put himself out of his misery.]

 

Chapter Text

"(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime"
Sung to the tune of

"Through My Eyes"
from Disney's  Brother Bear


 On Noël Eve, you and me can
Set out homemade cookies
Just for Santa
He'll come for them
If you keep believing


 Let's go hang
Outside
Colored lights so bright
And see
With glee
Season's blessings shining around you


 (So Rejoice) It's Christmastime
(It's Christmastime)
It's when peace and joy both fill the air
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime
(It's Christmastime)
Everything's magic
Don't let sorrow make you blind
Everything's magic
(Rejoice) It's Christmastime


 I know sometimes, your sad memories
Won't let you see brightness
But if you can open your heart
Let the love and light in


 Let's go hang
Outside
Colored lights so bright
And see
With glee
Season's blessings shining around you


 (So Rejoice) It's Christmastime
(It's Christmastime)
It's when peace and joy both fill the air
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime
(It's Christmastime)
Everything's magic
Don't let sorrow make you blind
Everything's magic
(Rejoice) It's Christmastime


 

I know smiling might feel strange
It just means that you're now healing
I'll be here when you're in need
I'll comfort you and hold your hand


(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime
(It's Christmastime)
It's when peace and joy both fill the air
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime
(It's Christmastime)
Everything's magic
Don't let sorrow make you blind
Everything's magic


 Ooh, Rejoice, It's Christmastime
(It's Christmastime)
It's when peace and joy both fill the air
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime
(It's Christmastime)
Everything's magic
Don't let sorrow make you blind
Everything's magic
(Rejoice) It's Christmastime
It's Christmastime
(Rejoice) It's Christmastime
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime
(So Rejoice) It's Christmastime

 

Chapter Text

 

"Central Prison Waltz"
Sung to the tune of "Cellblock Tango"
from the smash musical hit,Chicago

 

[In the outdoor recreational area for the women's section of Central Prison, several reporters are sitting in folding chairs, their pens and notepads at the ready, before a makeshift stage. And right when the last reporter takes their seat, the warden- a small, lanky man with a big grin on his face- and several guards guide Mimi Miney, Cammy Meele, Alita Tiala, Geiru Toneido, Kristoph Gavin, and Paul Atishon onto the stage in a single file line.]


 

{Mimi}
Weather.

{Cammy}
Snap.

{Alita}
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}
Wright.

{Geiru}
Slut.

{Paul}
Vote.


 

["And now, dear reporters, put your hands together for the Five Merry Murderesses of Central Prison- and Paul Atishon- as they perform their version of the "Cell Block Tango', the 'Central Prison Waltz'!" The warden cheerfully exclaims.]

{Mimi}
Weather.

{Cammy}
Snap.

{Alita}
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}
Wright.

{Geiru}
Slut.

{Paul}
Vote.


 

{Mimi}
Weather.

{Cammy}
Snap.

{Alita}
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}
Wright.

{Geiru}
Slut.

{Paul}
Vote.


 

{Mimi}
Weather.

{Cammy}
Snap.

{Alita}
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}
Wright.

{Geiru}
Slut.

{Paul}
Vote.


 

{Mimi}
Weather.

{Cammy}
Snap.

{Alita}
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}
Wright.

{Geiru}
Slut.

{Paul}
Vote.


 

{Everyone}
He really deserved it,
He really deserved it,
What goes around comes around.
If you'd have known him,
If you'd have met him,
I betcha you'd also strike him down!


 

{Mimi}
Weather.

{Cammy}
Snap.

{Alita}
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}
Wright.

{Geiru}
Slut.

{Paul}
Vote.


 

{Mimi}
Weather.

{Cammy}
Snap.

{Alita}
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}
Wright.

{Geiru}
Slut.

{Paul}
Vote.


 

[The spotlight shines on Mimi.]

["Have you ever had a boss you despise, the kind of person who you fantasize about punching in the face over and over again every day? Well, if you take every negative aspect of their personality and multiply it by a thousand, then you get my former boss, Dr. Turner Grey. The man was a monster and would do everything in his power to make life a living hell for me and the other nurses working for him by giving us long workdays and more patients than any nurse should have to handle. And to make things worse, on days it rained, Grey would be in an especially bad mood, standing over my shoulder and yelling at the top of his lungs about how the weather girl couldn't predict the weather to save her life."]

["But when that malpractice incident went public, I decided to be the bigger person and took the brunt of the blame. Sure, I hated the guy, but I didn't know how long it would take for me to find another nursing job, especially coming from a place where 14 people were killed. Though now that I think about it, I should have taken my chances; because how did that bastard repay me? He drugged me right before I left for work one day, causing me to get into a car accident that killed my baby sister and left me burnt beyond recognition! See my face?! This is the face of the sister that was killed because of that bastard!"]

["Fortunately, I got my revenge. One day, when I was taking classes at my sister's college as I lived out her life, Grey approached me and asked me about where he could find a spirit medium who would allow him to see my 'sister', i.e. me, so that he could get 'her' to sign a document confessing that 'she' was completely at fault for the malpractice incident. Well, I told him where he could go before calling the woman who ran the place and striking a deal with her."]

["So on the day of the channeling, I saw Grey… right before I stabbed him and shot him right in the forehead."]


 

{Everyone}
He really deserved it,
He really deserved it,
What goes around comes around.
If you'd have known him,
If you'd have met him,
I betcha you'd also strike him down!


 

[The spotlight shines on Cammy.]

["I was living the dream- using my position as a flight attendant to smuggle art around the world, forging a few documents, and getting rich in the process. Hell, the hardest part of my job was doing my work as an actual flight attendant, but even then, I didn't have to do much since my boyfriend, who was also a pilot, would cover for me whenever I decided to goof-off, which was pretty much all the time."]

["Yeah, life was great… until some Interpol agent decided to rain on my parade. Apparently, the guy suspected that some valuable statue that was being transported was swapped out for a fake during a layover and was insisting that he check out the cargo hold to verify if this was true. Of course, I wanted to keep him as far away from that area of the plane because he was right, but I had no choice but to comply. I couldn't just say no to some glorified cop and make myself look suspicious. So I took him down to the hold and he started snapping pictures of the area on his phone. Snap! Snap! And all the while, I was getting more and more nervous."]

["Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and just snapped- no pun intended- and pushed him over the upper level's railing. And the next 'snap' that cop heard was when his back hit the ground."]


 

{Everyone}
He really deserved it,
He really deserved it,
He took me for a ride.
He really mocked me,
And also poked me.
It wasn't murder,
But rather suicide.


 

[The spotlight shines on Alita.]

["I love money. Who doesn't? You can have anything and anyone you want with enough of the green stuff. And one day, I was given the opportunity to get a lot of it on a silver platter."]

["You see, my boss was a mob doctor who primarily treated the Kitaki family while I served as a nurse. So one day, the head of the family's son, Wocky, was shot in the heart during a little scuffle- probably because he was being the stupid little 'tough' guy that he is, and I use the term 'tough' very loosely- and needed surgery. But when we went to operate on him, we saw that the bullet was literally inches away from his heart- to take that thing out would run the risk of killing him just as much as the bullet itself. So we left it in there, patched Wocky up, wrote up a fake report saying that he was fine, and gave the brat a lemon-flavored lollypop… which we swapped out for a grape because lemon's apparently not 'gangsta' enough."]

["Now, my boss simply wanted to forget the incident and simply wait for the bullet to do its job, but I, on the other hand, saw an opportunity. I knew that if I was married to Wocky, I could get all of his family's money the day he died from that bullet. So as much as it pained me to do so, I wasted no time in popping the question to Wocky, which he agreed to before I could finish asking it."]

["But unfortunately, life's not that easy. The Kitakis quickly found out about the botched surgery during a routine checkup. So there I was, forced to cover up my tracks by going to that clinic later that night, holding my boss at gunpoint, and forcing him to give me the file so that I could get rid of it."]

["But as you can probably guess, things took a turn for the worse, so I'll save you the time and tell you the short version of the story- my boss strangled me with a lamp cord, I blacked out, he dumped my body and the gun I had into a noodle cart, and tried to dump me in a river, only to get stopped by Wocky being Wocky, giving me the chance to off him before he could reveal my involvement."]

["Now, for those of you saying that I'm a cold, manipulative harlot for using Wocky's life as a means to an end, it was no picnic for me. I earned every last cent that family had after everything I had to put up with, hiding my rage and hate behind an angelic smile. Why, if I had a dollar for every time that Vanilla Ice knockoff said 'bizzzoy' or started crying whenever we got past first base, I'd have enough money to buy and sell him and his family ten times over."]


 

{Everyone}
If you'd have known him,
If you'd have met him,
I betcha you'd also strike him down!


 

[The spotlight shines on Kristoph.]

["I'm Kristoph Gavin and I killed a man named 'Smith' with a bottle because I am an evil human being. And as for why I'm in this train wreck of a musical production, the new warden, Fred Leemann, is under the absurd delusion that I am a woman and had me forcibly moved to the women's section of the prison despite my protests."  Kristoph snaps with crossed arms while glaring daggers at the smiling warden.]

["You can't fool me, Ms. Gavin!" Fred says with a wave of his hand"I've seen how you've taken ample time styling your hair, painting your nails, and watching romantic comedies during your recreation time. But back to the topic of this song, aren't you forgetting your other crimes? You know, how you slipped Phoenix Wright forged evidence, poisoned a man, and attempted to the same to his daughter?"]

["As I, KRISTOPH Gavin, have stated before, those other charges were not proven in a proper court of law. They were thrust upon me by Phoenix Wright to cover his tracks after he twisted the justice system, forged evidence, and brainwashed my protégé in order to cover his tracks."]


 

[The spotlight shines on Geiru.]

["My father was my hero. Every day, he'd go onstage and perform Rakugo shows for adoring crowds with everything he had. I couldn't help but admire his energy, always putting everything he had into telling those stories. That's why I joined the Toneido School as soon as I could in the hopes of following his footsteps and inheriting his stage name. Though unlike my dad, I was never good at the whole storytelling thing- my voice and personality ain't all that flexible, ya know? So I decide to take up balloon art, which made me pretty popular with our audiences since I was able to enhance my performance in more ways than one, if ya know what I mean."]

["But no matter how hard I worked, or how many successful shows I put on, nothing was good enough for Taifu! He'd give me these weird riddles for advice like he was Yoda or something and send me off on my merry way before partying with his other student with soba and booze. It's not fair, I tell ya! Just 'cause I'm allergic to buckwheat and don't have four personalities doesn't mean ya can just cast me aside. That's right, while all of my performances were all me, that freak of nature that was Taifu's other student was only able to perform Rakugo because he had four personalities- his standard self, some annoyingly upbeat jester, a scared little boy, and a passive-aggressive slut."]

["Oh, but that ain't all what four-square got. He also got my father's name. So on the day he was set to inherit the name Uendo Toneido, I paid Taifu a visit and gave him a delicious last meal in the form of suffocating him with some udon dough. What? That doesn't sound delicious? Well, Taifu certainly thought it was to die for."]


 

{Everyone}
They really deserved it,
(They really deserved it,)
They really deserved it,
(They really deserved it,)


 

They deserved it from the start.
I'm not guilty,
But if that's not true,
You can't fault me if you've got a heart.


 

They really deserved it,
(They really deserved it,)
They really deserved it,
(They really deserved it,)
They deserved it from the start.
(They took me for a ride.)
I'm not guilty,
(He really mocked me,)
But if that's not true,
You can't fault me if you've got a heart.


 

[The spotlight shines on Paul.]

["Greetings, esteemed reporters, I am Paul Atishon, politician, intellectual, and a man who loves everything and everyone. But as you can probably see, I've suffered a minor setback, which resulted in me being temporarily detained so that I can reflect upon my errors. But I am a man who sees the glass as half-full, who sees the silver lining in every cloud, and who turns the sour lemons that life gives him into sweet lemonade. That's why when Mr. Leemann couldn't find a sixth girl to perform in this musical number, I gladly volunteered to help. For how could I live with myself if I merely sat back and allowed my community to suffer? I couldn't, because to me, nothing is more important than community and how it brings people together. After all, you can't spell 'community' without 'unity'. A vote for Paul Atishon is a vote for a greater sense of community! Remember that when I'm able to return to the streets and run for office."]

["Though speaking of community, do you know who hated it? Archie Buff. Here I welcome him to Kurain village with open arms after losing his wife by giving him the Crystal of Ami Fey to research, an artifact given to one of my ancestors- a famous politician who kissed many babies- for protecting the spirit mediums practicing the Kurain Channeling Technique, after learning that he had to quit his job as an archeologist. And how did he repay my kindness? Why, he took my family's precious crystal and hid it in some underground cave just because he heard a rumor that it was actually an invaluable artifact stolen from Khura'in. The nerve of that man! And can you believe that he had the audacity to blatantly refuse to give me the crystal or even tell me where he hid it when I approached him one day and kindly asked for it back!?"]

["So while I may be a peaceful man who loathes violence in every way, shape, and form, I was left with no choice but to kill Mr. Buff by sneaking into his house and pushing a heavy suitcase onto his head from the upper level of his home. Now, this may make me look like a monster, and I don't blame you- after all, you're all fine, upstanding citizens with stellar morals. But consider this: when it comes to killing off people, most politicians just sit back and let their lackeys do all the work, but not me! I am a man who cares about the people and a man of action! So if I want someone dead, I'm not afraid to roll up my sleeves and get the job done. A vote for Paul Atishon is a vote for returning to a simpler time when politicians would do unsavory deeds themselves!"]


 

{Everyone}
That freakin' jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk!
That freakin' jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk!


 

They really deserved it,
(They really deserved it,)
The really deserved it,
(They really deserved it,)
They deserved it from the start.
'Cause if they mocked us,
('Cause if they mocked us,)
And also poked us,
(And also poked us,)
You can't fault us if you've got a heart!


 

He really deserved it,
(He really deserved it,)
He really deserved it,
(He really deserved it,)
What goes around comes around.
(What goes around comes around.)
If you'd have known him,
(If you'd have known him,)
If you'd have met him,
(If you'd have met him,)
I betcha you'd also strike him down!


 

{Mimi}
["The weather girl said it was sunny."]

{Cammy}
["Some Interpol agent decided to rain on my parade."]

{Alita}
["Vanilla Ice knockoff."]

{Kristoph}
["I am an evil human being."]

{Geiru}
["All of my performances were all me."]

{Atishon}
["Vote for Paul Atishon!"]


 

{Mimi}
Weather.

{Cammy}
Snap.

{Alita}
Bizzzoy.

{Kristoph}
Wright.

{Geiru}
Slut.

{Paul}
Vote.

 

Chapter Text

"All My Life I've Awaited This"
Sung to the tune of
"I've Been Dreaming Of True Love's Kiss"
from Disney's Enchanted


 [PEARL]
(spoken)

He's her Special Someone, know this is true


[PEARL]
(sings)

Sit back it has begun, right before me and you


[TRUCY]
(spoken hopefully but skeptical)

Is he just smoothing her hair? Or picking lint from her clothes?


[PEARL]
*scowls at Trucy*
No!


[PEARL]
*clasps her hands and turns starry-eyed*
(sings)

Watch now as this blossoms, cuz we've planted seeds
All my life I've awaited this
Their fairytale shall now end in bliss
Although I know you think it's kinda sappy
So many reasons I ship them so much
I've seen their shy smiles and how they touch
All that's left is share just one sweet kiss
They'll fall in love…I've awaited this


[TRUCY]
(sings)

All her life she's awaited this
Daddy's a Prince, Maya's his Princess
Who cares if I kinda think
It's sappy, So sappy
I now see reason why they're shipped so much
I've seen their shy smiles and how they touch


[PEARL]
All that's left is share one kiss
They'll fall in love…I've awaited this


[PEARL & TRUCY]
*both eagerly lean forward to hear Phaya conversation*


[PHOENIX]
*clears throat and awkwardly scratches back of his neck*

I've risked my life when yours was in threat
Though at times


[MAYA]
*giggles and pretends to wipe off his brow*

You broke into a sweat!


[BOTH]
All this time's passed and now it's come to this


[PHOENIX]
When push comes to shove


[MAYA]
You're the man I love


[BOTH]
Since first time we met, we've awaited this…


*Phaya kiss*


*Trucy happily squeals into her gloves*


*Pearl swoons, then faints from joy behind the bushes*

Chapter Text

 

"Foxy Amazon"
Sung to the tune of "Sweet Transvestite"
from the musical The Rocky Horror Picture Show


{Robin}
Hey, Athena!
I'm sorry about our school's shutterbug.
But if she thinks that this case is her next big scoop,
Then she's about to feel so smug!


Don't be frightened by the woman I am,
I'm not gonna B-I-T-E.
I may not be a lady during classes,
But afterwards, I go on a shopping spree!


I'm a foxy Amazon,
From Amazonia, Arizona!


Let's hang out after this,
The mall's never amiss,
You two look like you're down for some fun.
Or if that doesn't sound appealing,
We'll chat about feelings,
In my dorm while watching rom-com reruns.


{Athena}
Before more chaos ensues,
Tell me what you viewed.
Junie's future hangs in the balance!


["For once, I agree with Cykes-dono … though for different reasons." Simon sighed with his back turned to both the defense attorney and witness, overcome with embarrassment for having referred to Robin as the epitome of masculinity just moments ago.]


{Athena}
Did you commit the crime,
Killing Courte in her prime?
Please don't make this more of a challenge.


{Robin}
I don't mean to be rude,
But I'm in a good mood.
You see, I'm finally free,
And I'd be delighted,
And really excited,
If both of you would celebrate with me.


I'm a foxy Amazon,
From Amazonia, Arizona!


Why don't you stop by my dorm?
(Dorm.)
We'll talk up a storm,
(Storm.)
About a rock star with gorgeous sky-blue eyes.
He's a beautiful man,
With blond hair and a tan,
And he's absolutely S-E-X-Y!


I'm a foxy Amazon,
From Amazonia, Arizona!


Tee hee!
I'm a foxy Amazon,
(Foxy Amazon,)
From Amazonia, Arizona!
(Arizona!)


So let's go out to eat,
At a place that's so sweet,
One of my favorite's known as Trés Bien.
The décor's chic,
And the food's… unique.
So when Juniper's free,
We'll have fun, you'll see!

Chapter Text

 

"Do I Love You Even Though You're A Fool"
Sung to the tune of
"Do I Love You Because You're Beautiful"
from Rodgers and Hammerstein's
1997 film version of Cinderella


 

Maya, Phoenix, Athena and Miles all stared after the forensic scientist and former rock star prosecutor as the duo exited the reception hall together. As soon as they were out of sight, Phoenix expelled a huge breath of relief.

"It's a good thing Klavier got Ema out of here so fast! I've never seen her so steamed! I really do think if she'd had a gun holster attached to her dress she really would've shot us for our Cupid endeavors!"

"No good deed goes unpunished!" Athena twittered. "I wonder, if Ema had been packing heat, which of us would've taken the threatened bullet first? Maya and I for our part in the matchmaking, or Mr. Wright, since she's known him the longest…"

"It could have just as easily been me dodging those vengeful gunshots!" Miles glared at the blue defense attorney. "Let the record show my involvement was something Detective Skye was wholly ignorant of – until my alleged best friend fingered me, even though I was the world's most reluctant accomplice to these cockamamie shenanigans!"

"You better believe Nick threw you under the bus!" Maya wasn't even remotely penitent for her boyfriend's loose lips. "If we, along with his employee, had to go down for our noble intentions, you better believe we'd be taking you with us!"

"It's not like we needed to twist your arm to participate in our matchmaking efforts for Ema and Klavier, Edgeworth!" Phoenix chortled. "You know that I know that you know that I know that there was no pulling of teeth required! You readily coughed up that pertinent information that sealed the deal, just like a cat with a fur ball!"

"Fact! You aren't fooling anybody!" Athena smiled coyly at the scowling barrister. "I could tell that you were as moved as the rest of us when Ema and Prosecutor Gavin sang that romantic duet tonight! Why don't you just admit you're every bit the diehard romantic that we all are?"

"I shall admit no such thing." Miles shifted his baleful glower from Phoenix and directed it at the redhead, who smirked back knowingly. "Not that it would matter, in any case…"

He looked away, feeling his cheeks warm slightly.

"Ahem, I suppose to refute your point would be moot since you can apparently hear other people's hearts, Miss Cykes. Incidentally, such is a most obtrusive trait, might I add!"

"Stop your grumbling, Miles!" Maya grinned impishly. "Are you really going to pretend that, like the rest of us, you're not-so-secretly rooting for Ema and the glimmerous fop to sort things out and finally get together?"

"Nah, Edgeworth would rather have us believe he's still as emotionally constipated as ever and doesn't have a romantic bone in his body. He'd prefer we deem his involvement in trying to get those two together was purely due to peer pressure, nothing more," Phoenix deadpanned. "After all this is the same man who publicly announced in our last courtroom battle that he sees nothing wrong with wishing to remain unwed!"

"That's true," the spirit medium recalled, stroking her chin thoughtfully. "I guess Miles is destined to be married to nothing but his work in the end, am I right?"

Miles groaned internally at the reminder of his rash decree during the state vs. Wyatt trial, made purely in the heat of legal battle. Crossing his arms, he did his best to ensure his countenance remained inscrutable.

Unaware of her friend's contemplations, Maya was now flashing a teasing smirk at Phoenix.

"I guess not everybody's a big believer in the power of love like you are Nick, you big sap!"

"I'm your big sap," the spiky-haired man reminded his lover, tapping her playfully on the nose. "What can I say? Sorin and Ellen would make anybody believe in true love! Everyone except my android chum here – wait where did he go?"

The couple had been so wrapped up in their own little world that they hadn't even noticed Miles had discreetly left from the group.

"Did Mr. Roboto just take-off without saying goodbye?" Athena craned her neck as she peered around the crowded room. "How rude!"

I really need to get home and collect my thoughts about certain things, the Chief Prosecutor reflected as he strode purposely towards the exit. Not that I have any desire to broadcast my personal reflections to those jejune, twitterpated fools, but it's not just the newlyweds that I wish the best of luck. The truth is, I am rooting for Detective Skye and Prosecutor Gavin. Hopefully our endeavors tonight will lead them to become something more. Like Wright and Maya, they too, started out as mere colleagues. Moreover, they've given me further reason to believe that despite knowing someone for years, as much as some things remain the same, they also tend to change…sometimes before you even realize it…


His residence wasn't very far away from the Sprocket Park Mooring Dock, and as the slate-haired man stepped into the entryway of his posh, sprawling penthouse, he was still mulling over the niggling underlying issue Phoenix had unwittingly reminded him of.

Something Miles had been denying to himself for far longer than he should have.

At last, I'm finally home. I'm most keen to curl up in front of my fireplace, in my favorite armchair, with a glass of wine. My haven bears more familiarity and warmth than I've had these countless days, which have gone so fast with the madness of that Sprocket court case! Whilst it was pleasant to be with my friends at the wedding, I'm happy to return home. I feel like a tortoise retracting into his shell, the troubles of the world evaporating. To anyone else, this is a home like all the others exactly like it on this street, but to me, it is a sanctuary. It is a cocoon, it is rest. I can finally gather some perspective and resolve these repressed thoughts I've been having for far too long about…

"You foolish fool!" An irate voice suddenly snapped from behind him, shattering his reverie. "How dare you?"

Miles reflexively leaped from his cushioned leather seat as the sharp crack of leather lashed against his hand, nearly making him spill the vintage port he'd just poured himself onto his immaculate Persian rug.

The logic enthusiast spun around, quickly placing the crystal stemware onto the wooden coffee table, out of harm's way. With saucer-sized eyes, he then met the fierce glare of a very recognizable femme fatale, who was still brandishing her trusty whip while sparks of rage – and questionable hurt – shot from her silver orbs.

"You are unbelievable, Miles Edgeworth! And I do not mean that as a compliment!"

"Franziska?!" The astonished lawyer gaped at his unexpected guest. "What are you doing here? I thought you weren't arriving to visit until tomorrow evening!"

"I decided to take an earlier flight because I could no longer contain my rage and disappointment with you, Little Brother!" She almost spat out the familiar title, one she hadn't used in years. "I have been seething overseas for nearly the past week now, ever since I saw your latest trial against that foolish Phoenix Wright!"

Miles goggled at her blankly, utterly bewildered by her ire. It had been nearly a decade since his 'Big Sister' had encountered the defense attorney, her old courtroom rival. Therefore, perhaps naïvely, he'd assumed that time had softened her old hostility against his friend, at the very least, into some kind of grudging respect, and possibly some wry affection.

So what in the world could have thus infuriated her about their latest courtroom battle?

Is she clinging to her childish vendetta against Wright for breaking her perfect win record and feels resentful against  me  because I didn't defeat him, thence allowing her to be triumphant by proxy?

"I see your memory has left you, along with your common sense, you dummkopf!" Franziska appeared to have grown further agitated by his nonplussed expression. "Have you honestly forgotten that any cases that involve either of you Ace Attorneys gets televised?"

No, Miles hadn't forgotten. He just hadn't thought she would bother to pay any mind to this, and was straining to excogitate how to proceed without being whipped yet again!

"I am touched you still cared enough to take the time to watch me in action since I know how busy you have been with Interpol over in Europe," he began placidly, keeping a wary eye on her weapon. "Although I remain at a loss as to what it was about this case which has you so up in arms?"

"You really have no idea, do you?" Franziska's anger fizzled then, her voice taking on a more anguished inflection. "Or is it that you simply did not care how much your scornful views on relationships and holy matrimony would affect me at all?"

The realization of what she was referring to hit him then, like a bucketful of ice water to the face.

Franziska was referring, of course, to the various ways Miles dismissed anything even remotely pertaining to his beliefs on matters of the heart during the trial. Such as how he'd harrumphed Wright's saccharine, trite declarations about the power of love. And then, on top of that, he'd then superciliously responded to the judge's harmless, (albeit impromptu) query about his own marital status, by declaring that he saw nothing wrong with being unwed… and choosing to remain that way!

It'd all been uttered with unthinking waspishness, as he'd been in cold, hard prosecutor mode at the time. Right up until now, Miles had forgotten all about the whole thing! Anyone who knew him was well aware by now that he didn't ever reveal the softer side of his persona in the courtroom – not even to his best friend!

For heaven's sake, he'd also blithely dismissed ever associating with Wright or Maya or His Honor, in any social capacity, despite being fond of all of them, because he hadn't wanted to openly mix business with pleasure! Nevertheless, his friends hadn't held those lofty words against him! Obviously, he hadn't meant any of it, since he'd just come from dancing and mingling with the lovebirds all night at the wedding!

"Franziska…" Miles tried to put a placating hand on her shoulder but she brushed it off as though she'd been scorched. "You of all people should know, more than anyone, how I'm a completely different person when I'm in the courtroom than I am whenever I'm out of it…"

"All I know is that you have not changed one bit over the years, Miles Edgeworth!" She cried, drawing away from him and clutching at her sleeves. "I was obviously deluding myself all these years, thinking that we had grown… closer from all that time we had worked Interpol together. Like a fanciful foolish fool, I actually let myself believe that maybe…"

She shook her head, long argentite tresses falling dejectedly around her ethereal visage, hiding it from his view as she choked out the last sentence.

"Well, it obviously does not matter what I thought, since you have proven that you are romantic as a – a salad bowl!"

Miles could have laughed at the absurd comparison, except for the fact that her very prominent angst was no laughing matter. He'd obviously aggrieved her with this supposed revelation she thought she'd made, and while he could take an educated guess as to why this was so, he had no idea how to remedy any of it just yet.

Her next words brought things to a head and were almost as excruciating to hear as they obviously were for her to say.

"I had hoped that the shadows of our past would not cloud our current relationship, such as it were. That the gradual transcending from childhood rival siblings to respected colleagues of equal level to friends would allow things to further continue progress, until perhaps in due time, maybe someday…"

She drew in a shaky breath

"Ultimately, I was wrong. It was all a built-up fantasy in my mind, nothing more. You will never change who you are or the way that you see me, no matter how much time has passed. And that knowledge really hurts. It hurts so much."

"Franziska…" he was a loss for words.

As crazy as it'd seemed at that time the legist desperately wished, with all his heart, that Sorin Sprocket's time machine invention had been an actual, tangible device. If it were, Miles would've surely gone and turned back time. He would have gladly rewound the hands of the clock to those precise moments in the trial when he'd uttered those completely nonsensical untruths about his views on love and marriage, and zippered his damn mouth shut, had he known how much agony his thoughtless statements would've caused the person closest to him.

"I have always prided myself on being a good judge of character, but I have long ago come to terms with the fact that I am far from perfect, ergo neither are my perceptions of people." The beautiful orbs were now two liquid pearls. "Sometimes, you are too close to someone to see the way they really are, the way things really are. Sometimes, you care about them so much that you do not want to. Perhaps the worst thing to realize is that you did not mean as much to someone as you thought."

That was when Miles saw the droplets begin to flow from those normally shuttered eyes, shimmering twin liquid pools, which were now peering up into his mien with unmasked sorrow.

Unlike her customary hardened and aloof expression this time, those eyes aren't emotionless; they are strong locks, holding all her powerful feelings within. They're glaciers to keep her heartrending emotions of the past frozen, but it's ice that can no longer bear the torment within her. It's a lock that opened for  my  sake. This woman is young, but she's certainly a warrior, one who's found the light to continue, even after she's seen the deepest floors of hell.

At last, the source of the tears fully dawned on him, and with it, all his suppressed feelings which had been triggered at last, when his friends had harangued him about being an unfeeling automaton who didn't give a fig about love or marriage. He hadn't cared too much if any of them had believed these things about him. All that mattered was that the woman currently shedding tears over it did as well.

In all the years I have known her, I could count on the fingers of one hand many times I've seen Franziska Von Karma cry. The last time I witnessed it was 10 years ago, when I chased her to the airport, and somehow, I am the cause of them, yet again.

Although it was positively gut-wrenching to see, it seemed long overdue for her.

Oh, Franziska, let those tears flow. In those salty trickles is who you are - one who feels. You aren't cold like a machine who runs on logic alone, who wants only what it is sensible for themselves. You have emotions so divine, I want to scoop you up in my arms and keep you safe for all time. In a world of hurt, it is human to cry, yet always let the joy in whenever you can. There is love here too, so much love. So let me see those eyes that swim with tears, for they shine with life and the knowledge of who you truly are.

"Franziska listen to me. You weren't wrong in sensing that things had changed between us over the years. I stopped seeing you like my Big Sister a long time ago, for the same motives I can only hope that you stopped addressing me as your Little Brother. The only reason I have never addressed this is…"

"DL-6," she finished dully, brushing away her tears. "That has always been the pink elephant in the room betwixt us, has it not? You may not see me as your foster sibling anymore, and perhaps even promoted me to a colleague or even a friend, but you will never be able to see me as anything more, because of that horrible incident, nein?"

"DL-6?" He gawked at her in disbelief. "That's what you think this all comes down to?"

"What else am I supposed to think?" Another wet bead rolled down her cheek. "No matter how much time passes, I do not think you will ever be able to lay eyes upon me without being reminded of the fact that my Papa ruthlessly murdered your father in cold blood."

"No! I have never lied to you about anything in all my life, Franziska, and I am not about to start now!" He denied vehemently. "I swear to you that I have not ever held you accountable for the sins of your father, and I never will! If anything, I have always wondered if a part of you would always despise me!"

"How could you ever think such a foolish thing?" She demanded, not even trying to hold back the deluge continuing to empty itself down her face. "You are the one who lost everything because of my father!"

"Yet I'm the one who chose Wright to be my lawyer, therefore inadvertently being the reason you lost Manfred in the first place. I thought because of this, that you would never forgive me!"

They stared at each other without speaking for what seemed like ages, the Interpol Agent still hugging herself as she shed tears of relief now that the unspoken truths of their wretched past had been finally brought to light. However, a lingering lament prevailed, because, in spite of all this, nothing else had changed.

"So be it then," she whispered finally, a dull ache in her chest. "We have acknowledged that we do not hold any bitterness or hatred for one another in spite of the horrid ties that bind us. I will take comfort in that. However, even if you are saying you did not mean the things you said about love and marriage, it does not matter, right? Ultimately, even if you do really want those things, it is apparently not with me. That is  the real reason our relationship, such as it were, has been at a stalemate all these years, is it not?"

Franziska wasn't even bothering to wipe away her tears anymore. It was unlike her to be so candid about her emotions, but here she was, laying her heart on the line to him, even though she thought her feelings were unrequited. This meant in the end, she was even braver than Miles himself. He inwardly cursed his pusillanimity all these years for denying to himself what was now so glaringly obvious.

When first I looked upon her comely visage, when I first realized she was no longer the spoiled, tempestuous young girl I once knew and was now a strong, formidable, desirable woman, it was not her grown-up pulchritude that enraptured me. It was not on the perfect features that I dwelled - not the shimmering gray eyes, nor the pomegranate lush lips. Instead, it was the small flaws and insecurities that allured me. The small scar on her shoulder from that bullet wound, the demure, modest smile whenever she was being unpredictably kind, the very slight flare of her nostrils when she's enraged. That's when I knew I had found the person who was perfectly imperfect for me. I can't even pinpoint exactly how long I've felt this way. All that matters is that I do. And it's high time that she knew.

As she choked back another sniffle, Miles fervently wished, with every fiber of his being, that he could dry every tear she'd ever shed, one by one, and ensure that this remarkablefiery, sweet dame before him never cried another tear in her whole life.

Now, when I look upon those features, I lose myself. All the mistakes I have ever made, and there have been many, are gone - every impure thought erased. All negativity is cleansed, almost like a religious experience or spiritual enlightenment. I know her eyes can see through me, but I know they do not dwell on the anger, nor the deceit, nor the selfishness. She looks past every flaw to find the person inside, the real me, and at that moment, I know I'm perfectly imperfect for her too.

"Our relationship has been at a stalemate because I grew up in the same household you did – where expressing sentiment for anything other than ambition or perfection was discouraged and ridiculed. Therefore, I have been an emotionally crippled fool all these years. A coward who has been too scared of these unfamiliar emotions to tell you that my feelings for you have changed; that I stopped seeing you as any sibling of sorts a long time ago. That I view you, want you, yearn for you, the way a man does a woman."

Franziska emitted a startled gasp, and he spotted the rosy calescence in her fair cheeks mounting at this unforeseen declaration.

It was all the encouragement he needed.

Miles stepped forward and leaned down so he could stare right into her stunned, tear-stained visage. When she continued to stubbornly cast her shy gaze down at the ornate carpeting under her black boots, he crooked a finger under her chin and spoke, for the first time in his life, not from his mind, but his heart.

"I see I've shocked you with my ardor. I know this is unexpected and strange, but please hear me out. I know I told you I never lied to you… but that was obviously the biggest lie of all. The truth is: I am a liar. I lied. I lied to myself and to you by not making my feelings for you known. But only because I had to. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, Franziska – you were my mentor's daughter! Nonetheless, it happened anyway."

Her lips parted in another soundless gasp, and she started to shake her head, as though not allowing herself to believe he was finally uttering what she'd forever longed to hear.

"And it gets worse," he continued earnestly. "Not only am I a liar, but I'm also selfish. Selfish enough to want it all, for I know if I don't have you, I don't have anything. The one trait that remains constant with me, both in and out of court, is that I am ruthless. I cannot and will not give up until I can prove to you that you are the only thing that matters. So even if I hurt you so badly that you want to send me away, or run away as you did 10 years ago, just know that this time, I shan't let you go. I'll just keep running after you. Again, and again, and again. And if you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me… I will do everything it takes to make it up to you. Cross my heart."

He lifted her face with both hands now, cradling it in his palms so she had no choice but to look up and see the tenderness in his expression.

"Ask me to define my love for you and I'll say it's captured in every beautiful memory of our past, detailed out in vivid visions of our dreams and future plans, but most of all it's right now, in the moment where everything I've ever wanted in my life is standing right in front of me."

The veracity on his handsome face made her heart fill with so much exultation, she thought it would burst. She had never felt more joyful, or secure, or sure of anything, in her entire life.

All I know is that when I am with you, I feel as protected and secure as I do when I have my whip in hand. It is like I am reliving a moment of being carried to bed by Mama when I was five-years-old and fell asleep in front of the television. All day long, I can feel fragile, like a raw nerve, and when you are by my side, Miles, it is like I just put on the thickest winter coat and installed bulletproof windows in my house. I am comfortable and safe. Moreover, I am  home . I am no longer terrified. I always feel at home with him, no matter how far away from home we are. With him, I am free. With him, I am  me .

Franziska almost wanted to pinch herself to convince herself she wasn't dreaming. A part of her almost couldn't allow herself to fathom that the most abysmal week of her life could be so quickly swept away by the soothing ointment made by the dulcet proclamations from that beloved voice, by the promise of forever in those spellbinding smoky eyes.

"Do you really mean all of this, Miles? I – I almost cannot believe that this is really happening…that all you are saying is true. I want nothing more in the world to believe you, as I have yearned for this moment, yearning for you, for so very long…"

"For the rest of my days, I shall speak nothing but the truth to you, Meine Dame." His cadence turned husky. "Because all of me loves all of you. All your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose, I'm winning."

He took her hand and kissed it.

"There are so many reasons that I love you, Franziska. Do you want to know why I'm so helplessly and unequivocally besotted with you?"

"Because you have finally released the sentimental fool within you?" She whispered, never tearing her gaze from his as a warm, happy glow began working its way all the way from her head to the tips of her toes. "You wonderful, foolish fool of a man!"

"If that is the case, then so be it," he teased softly. "After all, it takes one to know one, does it not?"

As his rich baritone slowly transformed into the melodious song, it was the diapason of all thoughts and feelings showcasing his unleashed profound and passionate spirit.


[MILES]
Do I love you even though you're a fool
Or is it you're a fool
Because you love me too?


 

Am I delusional that it is true
All that I feel for you
You feel it too?


 

Do I crave you cuz you make my heart full?
Or is it my heart's full
Because I crave you?


 

Are you truly perfect as I think you seem?
Or am I merely a fool and this is but a dream?


[FRANZISKA]

(whispers)
Mayhap I am only dreaming all this…Mayhap these are just dreams of fools


[FRANZISKA]

(sings)
How am I to believe that it is true
That such a man like you
Could love me too?

Do I crave you cuz you make my heart full?
Or is it my heart's full
Because I crave you?


[FRANZISKA & MILES]
Are you truly as perfect as I think you seem?
Or am I merely a fool and this is but a dream?


[MILES]

*kisses her palm then stares deeply into her eyes*

(Murmurs)

Meine Dame, too long I have yearned for this
and now that it finally has, I hope we've started something that will never end.


[FRANZISKA]

*raises a hand to his face*
(speaks)

As do I, liebling


[BOTH]

Are you truly as perfect as I think you seem?
Or am I merely a fool and this is but a dream?


Franziska was holding both his hands in her own as she peered up at him through her lashes.

"If this is just a dream, Miles Edgeworth, I do not ever wish to awaken again."

"I have no need for sleep when my reality, at last, surpasses even my wildest dreams, Franziska." He stroked her cheek. "Together, we are nothing but the most perfect of fools."

"In your words, I am safe because, in my heart of hearts, I know they are not mere words." She let out a sigh of contentment. "You have been there every month, every year. You have been there in the good times and the bad."

"And I shall continue to be there for you, for the rest of my days." Miles ran his index over her now quivering lips. "I swear this to you, Meine Dame."

"Even knowing my faults, of which there are many, you have been there to listen, to defend, to love. You understand my anxieties, my triggers and the ghosts that haunt me, driving actions that are so illogical to others."

Franziska had to brace her hands against his chest to keep from melting into his arms. She first needed to bare her soul, unflinchingly, just as he had.

"In return, I keep you safe with my words, my deeds. In turn, I am the one who will always be there for you, be honest with you, to listen and care. I will not always have answers for you, and you will not always have answers for me, but you will never be alone in your problems and neither will I. So today I will paint you a picture of my love with words, and then every day, I will prove they are true. Now that I have spoken my heart, there is only thing left to say to you, liebling."

The German beauty's eyes twinkled with a naughty glint as she pressed her lips against his fingertip.

"Now satiate my yearnings for you at last and kiss me, you fool!"

"Your fool." Holding her gaze, he said solemnly, "I've yearned, too, Franziska."

She took one step forward and found herself crushed against him, his arms like iron bands around her. His mouth seized hers with fierce tenderness, his hands shifting over her back and sides in a possessive caress, pressing her ever tighter to his chest and hips and legs. Slowly, tantalizingly, he coaxed her lips to part, and when they did, he deepened the kiss. Miles kissed her until Franziska was breathless and leaning into him, fitting her body to his muscled length, her arms wrapped around his neck to hold him closer. When he finally broke the contact, he kissed her cheek and the corner of her eye and her temple, then he laid his jaw against her hair.

"I yearn," he breathed. "I'll always yearn." Against her cheek, his chest felt warm and hard. Filled with heightened desire, Franziska was aching for him to kiss her again. Feeling emboldened, she set about to make it happen again by sliding her own hands along his spine, and when that only made him hold her closer, she took a more direct means.

Tipping her head back, she gazed into his heavy-lidded, smoldering gaze and slowly slid her hands over his firm pecs in an open solicitation, watching the banked fires in his eyes begin to burn.

Miles accepted the invitation by sliding his fingers into the hair at her nape, holding her mouth within his reach as he lowered his head and whispered gruffly, "Meine Dame, how I've yearned…"

 

Chapter Text

 

"Irritator"
Sung to the tune of "Believer"
from the TV series Riverdale


 

[It was a slow day at the Prosecutor's Office and Edgeworth was spending it casually reading a case file at his desk. However, his reading was cut short when Winston Payne burst into the office, glaring daggers at the Chief Prosecutor as he squeezed the life out of a newspaper clenched in his fist.]

 

["You've got a lot of explaining to do, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth!"  Winston screeched as he stormed up to his superior's desk, looking as intimidating as a Payne could look- which is to say, not very intimidating at all.]

 

["I should be telling you the same thing. What gives you the right to barge into my office without even knocking?"  Edgeworth sternly asked as he slammed his palm on his desk. "I realize that I haven't been making life easier for you with all of the clutter I've been leaving around this office over the years, but that doesn't give a janitor the right to cause such an outburst."]

 

["Objection!"  Winston screeched at the top of his lungs. "I am NOT a janitor! I am a prosecutor! Though how would anyone know that since you're busy sidelining us American prosecutors in favor of employing foreign guys from the middle of nowhere?!" The pathetic prosecutor yelled, holding up the newspaper that he had brought with him which contained a large picture of Nahyuta on the front cover and an article detailing how the foreign prosecutor was defeated by Apollo Justice in the case of State vs. Trucy Wright.]

 

["I'll have you know… I'm sorry, what's your name?"  Edgeworth asked with a perplexed look on his face.]

 

["Payne! Prosecutor Winston Payne, a man who has worked here for over fifteen years and whose brother is the chief prosecutor of the country that you're importing prosecutors from!"  Winston snarled with a slam of his foot. "I can understand when you choose prosecutors like Gavin, Blackquill, and even that sad Debeste guy over me- they're talented kids who need experience- but when you ignore me during a prosecutor shortage and even go as far as to bring in people from overseas to prosecute cases instead of simply walking down the stairs and handing me a case file, that is where I draw the line!"]

 

["Do you truly feel that I'm doing this on purpose?"  Edgeworth growled with crossed arms. "Do you honestly think that I would spend the money necessary to fly a prosecutor over here if I knew that there was one available in this very building? Perhaps we would be having this issue if you weren't so forgettable, Mister… This is awkward, but I seem to have forgotten your name." The Chief Prosecutor mumbled under his breath as he adjusted his glasses.]

 

["PAYNE!"  Winston screeched as he slammed his fist on his superior's desk. "But if you're having a hard time remembering, then maybe THIS will help!" The irritating prosecutor confidently stated before breaking out into song.]


 

[Payne]

First I'll say,

I've put up with this abuse for too long,

But now I've reached my limit so I'm fighting back in song.

Do-dooh!

I'm fighting back in song.

Do-dooh!


 

Next I'll tell,

How I hate that no one ever noticed me,

Here for at least fifteen years.

A shame, wouldn't you agree?

Do-dooh!

Wouldn't you agree?

Do-dooh!


 

My dreams were crushed at forty-nine,

But I haven't let defeat keep me down,

As I'm in court fighting rookies,

Who laugh at me, sneer at me, bluff at me, ignore me,

And win the case in an hour,

Leaving me feeling so sour.

But you'll never see me cower,

Because my name is Winston…


 

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.


 

Payne!

They keep on belittling me,

Irritator,

Irritator.


 

Payne!

Laugh at me all you want,

I'll rise again,

Earned my job, pay, and hot wife because I'm…


 

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.


 

Third point's up,

I may not be very demanded,

But at least my methods have never been underhanded.

Do-dooh!

Never been underhanded.

Do-dooh!


 

I'm always lost in the crowd,

A ninja hidden by a shroud,

The sun obscured behind a cloud,

My praises never sung aloud.

They're overlooked,

My wit, good looks, and experience,

Disregarded, disdained,

But now I will scream it so loud,

You can't ignore…


 

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.

Payne!

They keep on belittling me,

Irritator,

Irritator.

Payne!


 

Laugh at me all you want,

I'll rise again,

Earned my job, pay, and hot wife because I'm…

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.


 

Last I'll speak,

About how I possess a noble bloodline,

Related to Auchi the Great,

Who made crooks resign.

Do-dooh!


 

Who made crooks resign

Do-dooh!


 

His wit, good looks, and experience,

Disregarded, disdained,

But I'll avenge his good name since,

You can't ignore…


 

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.


 

Payne!

They keep on belittling me,

Irritator,

Irritator.


 

Payne!

Laugh at me all you want,

I'll rise again,

Earned my job, pay, and hot wife because I'm…


 

Payne!

They call me a,

They call me irritator,

Irritator.


 

["So, Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth, what do you think of me now?" Winston smirked with his hands on his hips.]

 

["I don't even know how to respond to that cacophonous insult to music, but one thing I do know is that they'll be calling you Gumshoe after I'm done cutting your pay, Mister… What was your name again?"  The Chief Prosecutor asked, a confused look forming on his face as he cocked his head to the side.]

 

["Forget it!"  Winston angrily huffed as he stormed out of the office, making sure to slam the door behind him as loudly as he could.]

 

[After the forgettable prosecutor left, Edgeworth just stared at the door in complete silence as he tried to process just what had transpired. However, that silence was quickly broken when the Chief Prosecutor pulled a notepad and a Steel Samurai pen out of one of his desk's drawers.]

 

["Note to self: Hire new janitor, posthaste."  Edgeworth mumbled to himself as he quickly jotted down a reminder to himself before returning the notepad and pen to their proper drawer.]


 

 

Chapter Text

 

"I'm Debeste"
Sung to the tune of
"Be Our Guest" from Disney's
Beauty & The Beast


 

"Yay! You're finally home! Come into the dining room, Pops!" Sebastian Debeste cried excitedly, trying not to feel too dejected as he limply dropped his arms back to his sides, as the ebullient hug he'd just greeted his father with had gone unreturned. "I have a big surprise for you!"

"It's late, y'know!" Blaise Debeste growled, barely hiding his grimace as his utter waste of sperm offspring grabbed his hand and dragged him through the grand foyer of the enormous mansion, towards the dining hall. "Shouldn't you be upstairs studying for your big law exam tomorrow, instead of arranging what's sure to be a total waste of both our times?"

"Have a seat, Pops and just relax while the servants get your dinner together," Sebastian coaxed, barely masking his visible hurt at the cold words as he pulled out the plush wingback chair at the head of the table for the older man. "You're looking trees fatty-gay!"

"What the blazes did you bray at me, boy?!" Blaise's eyes narrowed dangerously at his son. "Did you just call me fat and gay?!"

"C'est français, Master Blaise," Marie, the Parisian head chambermaid intervened quickly, rushing to the Chief Prosecutor's side out of nowhere and dropping a linen napkin onto his lap with one swift hand while laying out his silverware with the other. "As you know, the young master has been studying the language as his course elective at the Legal Academy. He meant to say: très fatigue, as in,you're looking a wee bit tired, that's all! Now please, relax and enjoy the show."

"Well, his accent stinks worse than a fat kid in a clown costume," Blaise grumbled, already pulling out his ever-present lighter and flicking it agitatedly. "Wait – showWhat show?!"

The lights in the room suddenly dimmed, including the great chandelier hanging overhead, and Sebastian appeared in the corner of the room, his trusty wand clenched in his gloved fist, and a dozen of the household servants lined up like a chorus choir behind him, an eager smile on his face.

"Don't worry about my courses, Pops. There's no need for me to study, because there's no doubt I'm going to Ace that final prosecutor exam tomorrow, like I have this entire course!"

Sure, thanks to me paying off those corrupt school officials to keep pushing your imbecile arse through, Blaise thought sourly. Feigning your competency didn't come cheap either!

"After all," the clueless teen prattled on merrily. "There's no doubt I'll nip it in the butt! After all, as you always say, I'm the best! Or rather… cuz I'm Debeste!"

I'd hoped falsely bolstering his ego would make up for the lack of hugs over the years, Blaise lamented disgustedly, although making no move, as usual, to correct the misnomer on the lost cause of a boy. But all these years of grammar school and the idjit still can't even get a common phrase right?! In context or pronunciation?!

"Ma cherry, Papa…" the future DA began, his terrible grammar, coupled with his wince-worthy French accent, prompting his father's eyes to fill with self-pitying tears behind his goggles.

Just kill me now! Blaise facepalmed. If my idiot son's total knowledge of law is anything like his grasping of French, the final cost of getting him to become a prosecutor is going to cost me a king's ransom!

Blissfully unaware of his parent's dark inner monologue, the bowl-cut youth continued with his preamble.

"Allow yourself to be compelled and bemused by this redundant spectacle I will be conducting - and performing! – With our hardworking staff tonight, Pops! So sit back and enjoy our version of a great classic from my all-time favorite movie!"


 

SEBASTIAN

{Sings}

I'm Debeste. I'm Debeste.
I'm a cut above the rest
Just eat and drink and be merry
Cuz I'ma ace that test!
Have no fear
Father dear
As you no doubt have observed
I'm a genius! Très ass-piss-shizz*
Ignore all slander! Pure delicious! **


 

Your offspring's so advanced
He could be the King of France!
Second to none cuz y'know he is the best!
Go ask around and then you'll
Find out that it's all true
I'm Debeste
Oui, Debeste
I'm Debeste!


 

SEBASTIAN DEBESTE AND MAIDS

"Proud of you!"
Is what you'll say
"That's my son, the new DA!"


 

SEBASTIAN

I'll stand tall and flick my hair
Upon this prideful glory day
I'm all grown
And prepared
Top of class it'll be declared
See the fruits of all my training
After tonight's entertaining
I am shrewd
And I'm slick
Like my brain, my wit is quick!


 

MAIDS

And your faith is not misplaced
Don't you forget!
This boy is full of sass
But he has won free pass
Cuz he's the best!


 

SEBASTIAN DEBESTE

Don't you stress
Legal Einstein and Debeste!


 

MAIDS

He Debeste!
He's Debeste!
He's Debeste!


 

SEBASTIAN

Law's meant for preserving
Goddess of Law I am serving
In hands of justice I place my fate upon
Oh, those late nights of study were brutal
Barely getting sleep from dusk till dawn
My own butt I have been busting
These raccoon circles disgusting
So that someday I'd get the chance to use my skills
Most days I'd ask: "is it worth all the hassle?"
You'd shout: "Stop being so lazy! Don't quit now cuz it'd be crazy!"


 

BLAISE
{Sarcastically sings under his breath}

He's Debeste! He's Debeste!
Had no clue I was so blessed!
Thank the Lord he was smothered
For so long on his mother's breast!
Has IQ of a flea
But y'know that's fine by me!
Bought the false praise I've been cooing
Luckily that's his undoing!
Thinks he's smart, but he's not
Such a pompous little snot!
How much further can this idiot regress?


 

MAIDS

We're all so proud of you!


 

BLAISE
{Sings inaudibly}

Got a bridge to sell you!
A joke! Debeste?!


 

MAIDS

He's Debeste!


 

BLAISE
{Smirking}

Yes…the best!


 

MAIDS

He's the best!
He's Debeste!
He's Debeste!
He's Debeste!


 

MAIDS

He's Debeste!
He's Debeste!
Prodigy! It is no jest!
Over the years we've wiped his tears and now
We'll watch him beat his chest!
Master Blaise! Be appeased!
He will be the next Big Cheese
We'll bask in the glow of knowing
He's prepped for
The path he's going
School is out! It's all done!
Victory! Hurrah! He's won!
Come and wish him well upon his legal quest!
Master come raise your glass up
Make a toast for your pup
He's Debeste!
He's Debeste!
He's Debeste!
Yes, He's Debeste!


 

"AHHHH!" Blaise screamed at the top of his lungs as he sprung up in his bed, breathing shallowly as he squeezed the life out of his red satin covers. "What the hell?! What even was that? There was a mansion, and maids, Sebastian being an idiot in two languages instead of one, and – Sebastian…!" The PIC Chairman growled, his eyes narrowing as he was overcome with the usual rage that he felt towards his son.

Being the vindictive, hate-filled man that he was, Blaise wasted no time in getting out of his bed and grabbing his lighter before storming over to Sebastian's room, dressed only in his red satin boxers. Upon entering the room, he saw his little disappointment fast asleep in his bed, having a happy dream if the smile on his face - an act that the corrupt public official would not stand.

So with one swift, powerful tug on the naïve adolescent's comforter, Sebastian was suddenly woken up screaming as he fell to the ground with a powerful thud, tears filling his eyes as he looked up at his father's cold glare.

"What was that for, Pops? I was having so much fun dancing with Mr. Froggy and his talking unicorn, Sir Dippy Whippy!" Sebastian sobbed as he rubbed his knees, which were covered by the red felt of his footie pajamas. "Oh my gosh! I think my knees are scrapped!"

"Good! Now we're even!" Blaise snarled as a large pillar of flame erupted from his lighter. "Y'see, maybe that'll teach you not to appear in my dreams and start singing musical numbers! Y'know, I'm able to put up with all the stupid crap you do during the day, but when you start ruining my sleep with it, that's where I draw the line, y'see! So stay out of my dreams if you know what's good for you!"

"I-I'm sorry, Pops. I-I'll never do it again..." Sebastian whimpered as his father stomped out of the room, grumbling numerous profanities under his breath as he slammed the door behind him.


 

Sebastian's idiot-speak comedy of error translations:

*Ass-piss-shizz – auspicious

**Delicious - malicious


 

 

Chapter Text

"Prosecutemon World"
Sung to the tune of the Season 2
extended theme version
"Pokémon Anime – Pokémon World"

 

Yeah… Yeaaah…
I'm the best.
Yeah… Yeaaah…


 Wanna know who's the best?
I'm the best!
I love to torture with,
Peerless zest!
Wanna know who's the best?
I'm the best!
I hate my idiot son,
Like a pest!


 I wanna spread my dark corruption,
Like an evil wave of woe.
(I'm the best!)
So watch your back and don't forget,
Just who's running the show.
I wanna reach heights no one's seen,
Lording over all.
(I'm the best!)
I strive to make the world Hell,
With the power on my lapel,
Y'see!


 We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!
(The overlord!)
We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Y'see, it's not a test,
To see I'm better than the rest,
Y'know!


 Yeah… Yeaaah…
G-G-Gotta cry.
Y-Yeah… Y-Yeaaah…


 Every time that I'm opposed,
I'm always ready.
(I'm the best!)
When an idiot stands to fight,
They've disappeared already.
(I-I-I'm the best!)
In my heart, I'm certain,
Of the monster that I am.
I'm here, bullying all,
And to show the world I'm the best,
Y'see!


We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!
(The overlord!)
We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Y'see, it's not a test,
To see I'm better than the rest,
Y'know!


 Wanna know who's the best?
I'm the best!
I love to torture with,
Peerless zest!
Wanna know who's the best?
I'm the best!
I hate my idiot son,
Like a pest!


 I'm the best!
G-G-G-Gotta cry…
I'm the best!
With the power on my lapel.


 Y'see,
We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!
(The overlord!)
We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Y'see, it's not a test,
To see I'm better than the rest!


 Y'know,
We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all,
With the power on my lapel!
We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Y'see, I won't jest,
That I'm better than, better than, better than all the rest!


We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!
(The overlord!)
We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Y'see, it's not a test,
To see I'm better than the rest!


Y'see,
We all live in a Debeste world.
(I'm the best!)
Wanna be the overlord who rules over all!
(The overlord who's the very best!)
We all live in a Debeste world.


 JP: Special (1-Year) Anniversary Duet Bonus feature - Part 2! That's Wright - a 2 -4 -1 double hitter, with me doing my own throwback to the Disney flick that got the ball rolling with, Mulan! Unlike CT though, my unmentionable sequel had nothing worth mentioning not only plot-wise, but song wise, so here is the one ear-worm from the movie I haven't covered yet, featuring my favorite loathsome gangsta wannabe, Daisy Duck!(Keep reading to find out why I've made that his new nickname – thanks for that whole Merkatis shtick, CT!)


 "Dishonored Us All"
Sung to the tune of "Honor to Us All"
from Disney's Mulan


"I don't know how I can ever show my face again in public after your inexcusable hooligan behavior in the courtroom, Wocky!" Plum Kitaki exploded as she paced the living room, all the while shooting daggers at her petulant son, who sat with crossed arms on the sofa and refused to look at her. "Rather than being grateful that Mr. Justice cleared you of all charges, you instead insist on acting like a spoiled, entitled brat over our change of family business! You're lucky your maternal Grandma Peaches, wasn't alive to see your shameless behavior! She would be as embarrassed by you as I am!"

"And my father, the great Shiitake Kitaki, would be spinning in his grave from the ignominy you have brought us!" Winfred added ominously. "He wouldn't have thought twice about taking a switch to your overly coddled behind, either!"

"Disgraceful!" Plum spat.

"Shameful!" Winfred agreed wrathfully.

Wocky continued to silently huff and ignore them both, which only made the former mobster couple even angrier.

"Looks like we aren't getting through to him, dear." Winfred crossed his arms over his barreled chest. "When words don't do the trick…"

"Looks like we need to use a more melic method for this argument," Plum nodded readily as she and her husband burst into song.


 [Plum and Winfred]
[sing]

You are the son we've been dealt with
Could you be any worse?
Fortune shall make you next heir
But you're more a curse


 We should have whipped your hide
For the fact
That you are spoiled and snide
Because of you we can feel no pride
You have dishonored us all!


 Speak like thug!
Fox hairdo!
Brings us great shame to be seen with you
Where'd we go wrong?
We don't have a clue
You have dishonored us all!


 A boy should bring his family
Great honor for all days
But first you must detach
Yourself apart from your goon ways!


 Girl want boys with good face
Not a furry
Complete disgrace!
Screams ill-breeding
With your fashion taste
You have dishonored us all!


 We all will become bakers now
Surrender all our guns
To keep you safe from harm
Since you're our only son


 As a "G"
Epic fail
Hoodlum life has been
Beyond the pale
Land in jail again we'll
Say "no bail"
You have dishonored us all!


 Boy, get ready
Straight path
No more speaking obscenity
A chance to be valiant
Our honor is your duty
You must proudly show it
Haircut! Change fox to sweet woodchuck
Cuz all mob ties we cut!


 [Wocky]

Moms and Pop!
You feel me?
Can't be nuttin' but a
Straight up "G"!
Don't give a hoot
For a bakery!
All your shizz be just banal!


  [Plum and Winfred]

Defy us – meet undertaker!
Hail your fate as troublemaker…
You will be
Prison bitch
Best hope for you
Would be Warden's snitch
Wife of Bubba
A more likely sitch
You'd be his porcelain doll


 You have dishonored us!
(You have dishonored us!)
You have dishonored us!
(You have dishonored us!)
You have dishonored us all!


 [Winfred]
[Grim expression]

This will be your life if you don't straighten up and give up your hoodlum ways, son…


 [Wocky]
[Stamps his foot and scowls]

Whaaaaat?! That song was colder than dirty Yeti junk, man!
Moms! Pops! Why you gotta play me like that?!


 Winfred
[stern glower]

Son, not only are you an embarrassment, what with making yourself look
like a fool in less than ten minutes
of the trial starting by not only threatening the Judge…


 [Plum]
[Glares]

And this was in spite of your father and me practically on our knees before your trial,
profusely begging you not to do anything stupid!
But then, to make matters words, you used the term "quacker!"
I understand why you would think Meraktis was a quack, but really, quacker?
That sounds like something a 5-year-old
would say to appear to be a ruffian,
not a 19-year-old man-child, wannabe mobster!


 [Wocky]
[Chin wobbles as tears fill his eyes]

Dang! Moooooms!


 [Winfred]
[Hands on hips]

I am still recoiling from the embarrassment I endured in having a son who felt that "quacker"
was the perfect "bad boy" term to be the perfect foundation on which to build his reputation as
a hardened criminal! With that in mind, it probably would have served you right if you had ended
up in prison on bogus murder charges, being forced to work in a chain gang amongst
fellow inmates who would thereby dub you the nickname, "Daisy Duck!"


 

[Wocky]
[Cringes and swallows hard]

Fine! Whatevs! We be bakers then, yo!
But can we at least call our shizz "O.G. Crackers"
instead of "O.G. "Muffins?"


 [Plum]
[smiles hopefully]

Well, the fruit of our loins finally seems to be coming around to embracing our new, 'clean' family business…


 [Wocky]
[Strikes a fake karate stance]

Cuz "O.G. Crackers" sounds tight, ya feel me?
And this way, we still be getting' some street-cred, yo! Bizzoy!


 [Plum]
[groans]

And…I spoke to soon…


 [Winfred]
[sighs]

Alas, Plum, my dear, in the quest for someday
"standing tall" it still seems we have a long way to go…

 

Chapter Text

" I Can't Wait To Be An Attorney!"
Sung to the tune of
"I Just Can't Wait To Be King" from
Disney's 
The Lion King

 

"Come on, Junie!" Athena tugged the frail, nervous brunette girl by the reluctant arm towards the detention center. "This will be my last time seeing Simon before he gets sent to the penitentiary, and I head out to Europe, so I want this to be a visit he'll remember!"

"Sorry, Thena." Juniper took a deep breath from her ever-present bloom and breathed in deeply as if for courage, eyes darting about anxiously. "It's just that… I've never been to a jail before! There are so many bad people here! They scare me!"

"Well, Simon isn't one of them," the red-haired pre-teen declared staunchly, as she pulled her nervous friend along. "He's a good man, who's been wrongfully convicted, and I won't rest until I've done everything in my power to make sure he's free!"

"And how, Cykes-dono, do you plan to do that, pray tell?" Simon's sonorous baritone sounded behind them, causing the girls to jump slightly, as they hadn't realized he had seated himself on the other side of the table, to which his hands where immediately cuffed by the burly guard who'd escorted him. "Have another bout of histrionics like you did in the courtroom, shrieking about my innocence until someone listens?"

Determined blue eyes met lifeless, resigned steel ones.

"Don't you dare doubt me, Simon Blackquill!" Athena jutted her chin. "We both know you're innocent of this crime, even though you pleaded guilty – and I'm going to prove it!"

"That's a big, bold claim to make from a mere Spring Chick," he deadpanned, although a glint of amusement lurked in his voice at her pluck. "Exactly how will a mere child turnaround the court-ordered decision to put me on death row?"

"By becoming an attorney!" Athena cried, jumping to her feet and slapping her tiny hands down onto the table, as though in a courtroom. "I'm going to get my legal badge over in Europe then come back to the States to clear your name! You'll see!"


[Athena]:
*breaks into song and begins to dance*

I'm gonna an attorney, so doubt me if you dare!


[Simon]:
*smirks*

Well, I've yet to see defense counsel with such dramatic flair!


[Athena]:
*points to herself*

Courtroom Révolutionnaire, like none you've seen before!
I'll crush your doubts into the ground
This is my vow for sure!


[Simon]:
*drawls*

'Tis balderdash! Naught more than a pipe dream


[Athena]:
Oh, I can't wait to be an attorney!


[Simon]:
Pure naïve urchin blather! You'll give up soon methinks


[Athena]:
*scowls*

won't be dismissed!


[Simon]:
*blinks in surprise*

Didn't mean to imply…


[Juniper]:
*chimes in*

She won't ever run scared!


[Simon]:
But why get your hopes up?


[Athena]:
I'll be saying "TAKE THAT!"


[Simon]:
*shakes his head*

Stop jawing, pint-sized!


[Athena & Juniper]:
Be a force to be feared!


[Simon]:
*exasperated*

I'm stuck here!


[Athena]:
Gonna study hard all day!


[Simon]:
*sighs*

Forgive me for having doubts


[Athena]:
Gonna make things go my way!


[Simon]:
I think you should accept cold facts and have a change of heart!


[Athena]:
Gonna re-trial your darn case – blow evidence apart!


[Simon]:
This willful little chit ignores the logic of my shouts!
Clings to belief that my verdict will somehow get a turnabout!
Law's just one big pointless journey!


[Athena]:
Oh I can't wait to be an attorney!

*puffs out her chest*

Rest assured that I'm deft!
Giving this all my might!
Don't you worry, Simon
Ima make things right!


[Simon]:
*scoffs*

I'll bet!


[Juniper]:
Each day her resolve is only growing!
Dear Simon don't you fret about a thing!
This girl here will deliver what she sings!


[Athena]:
Oh I can't wait to be an attorney!
Oh I can't wait to be an attorney!
Oh I just can't wait…
to be an attorney!


"Times up!" The guard barked, not at all moved by the performance. "Next time, keep your sing-a-longs for the playground, kids! This ain't no musical theatre!"

"Humph! Fine, we're going!" Athena snapped, then flashed a peace sign at Simon as he stood up. "But just you wait and see, Simon! Next time you see me, they'll be removing those handcuffs so you can give me a big, fat hug! Cuz I'm going to make a free man out of you!"

"You believe whatever you need to believe, Cykes-dono," the prisoner muttered under his breath as he was led away. "But I still think you should set those sights on Broadway, rather than on a courtroom career. You have some real persuasion in those pipes of yours."

And I really meant it, Simon Blackquill thought to himself, chuckling humorlessly. That girl almost had me believing, with the power of those vocals, that there's actually somehow a sliver of hope for this Dead Man Walking…

Chapter Text

 

"Corruption in the Courts"
sung to the tune of
"Zombies on Your Lawn" from the game

Plants vs. Zombies

 

After Klavier's touching performance of "The Guitar's Serenade" with Juniper at the Themis Academy School Festival, the area was filled with silence, a usual thing for the former rock star whose shows were always filled with the screams of applauding fans. So in order to help liven things up, Klavier felt that this was the perfect time for him to give the people the little surprise that he and Juniper were secretly planning since her trial ended.

"Achtung, beautiful people… and Herr Forehead." Klavier smirked as he stepped up to the microphone, effectively breaking the silence while also receiving a death glare from his courtroom rival who was standing in the audience. "I want to thank all of you for coming out here tonight… especially considering what has happened…"

The Europhile prosecutor took a deep breath as a look of sadness spread across his face.

"Professor Courte was a wonderful teacher and an even more amazing person. Half the time, it felt as though she wasn't a teacher, but a caring mother whose only wish was to see all students reach their full potential with honesty and integrity, no matter what course they were in. So I can say with absolute certainty that even though Professor Courte never directly taught us prosecutor alums, we wouldn't be where we are today without her. That's why I wasn't put in charge of bringing her murderer to justice, even though I wanted that responsibility so badly. The Chief Prosecutor wanted to be fair since another prosecutor course student who graduated with me, Herr Weinerlich, also wanted to prosecute the case for reasons similar to my own and was threatening to lock himself in his office and never ever come out if the role was given to me. But enough with this sorrow. Professor Courte wouldn't us feeling so down, ja?"

Klavier grinned as he flipped back his hair.

"And if there was one thing Professor Courte loved more than seeing people smile, it was spreading the good word about how the end is only justified through proper means. So without further ado, take it away, Fräuline President!" The former rock star exclaimed, stepping aside so that Juniper could take his place in front of the microphone.


 {Juniper}

Hey guys!

One, two, three!

There's corruption in the courts.
There's corruption in the courts.
There's corruption in the courts.
Don't want corruption in the courts.

We know their type: sinful, vile, and cruel,
Punishing the innocent to maintain their rule,
And then continue to destroy all that we hold dear,
But I was saved from that fate by my friend and her partner who's so hunky.
They hate all that's right,
We hate debauchery.


 {Klavier}
My friend was in my band.


 {Juniper}
In his band!


 {Klavier}
Tried to keep his crimes hidden.


 {Juniper}
Crimes hidden!


 {Klavier}
By blaming a teenage boy.


 {Juniper}
A teenage boy!


 {Klavier}
He was a villain!


 {Juniper}
There's corruption in the courts.
There's corruption in the courts.
There's corruption in the courts.
Don't want corruption in the courts.

We have to take a stand and show we care.
I know that life can be hard and quite unfair,
But crimes only make the world darker.
Felons may think we lack the guts,
But they'll soon know that's wrong
Since we're bettering the system with each passing minute.


 {Klavier}
My bro was a lawyer.


 {Juniper}
A lawyer!


 {Klavier}
Razed those caught up in his plans.


 {Juniper}
In his plans!


 {Klavier}
Thought the law bent to him.


 {Juniper}
Oh, no, no, no!


 {Klavier}
He was a villain!


 {Juniper}
There's corruption in the courts.
There's corruption in the courts.
There's corruption in the courts.
Don't want corruption in the courts.


 

 

Chapter Text

 

"Phoenix's Lament"
Sung to the tune of
"Jack's Lament"
Disney's  The Nightmare Before Christmas

[It was eight in the evening as Phoenix sat behind his piano at the Borscht Bowl, vigorously rubbing the sleeves of his hoodie in an attempt to warm his hands which felt like blocks of petrified wood thanks to his crazy boss feeling that it would be a splendid idea to capture the feel of Mother Russia by making the place colder than a Siberian ice cream factory. And to make matters worse, no one was stepping up to challenge him to a game of poker, thereby forcing him to endure the bitter cold while keeping up his front that he had barely any skill at whatsoever. Still, even though the place felt less like a restaurant and more like a penguin reserve and the customers often tipped him to stop playing, the ex-attorney just toughed things out since his pool of potential jobs was all but plentiful thanks to his reputation as 'The Forging Attorney'.]

[So after puffing one last burst of warm air into his palms and rubbing them together, Phoenix gave one last sweeping look at the customers watching him before playing his own version of a Disney song that he was actually semi-decent at. Thank goodness for the many tutorial videos on the internet in regards to playing beloved Disney songs on the piano, or the customers would be even more irate.]


There are few who'll contest,

That I was one of the best,

A legal legend loved by one and all.

With the help of comebacks and bluffs in the courtroom,

I won many cases without a real plan.


Thanks to my quick wit and steadfast trust in my clients,

I've exposed fiends whose souls really stink.

With a proud "Objection!" and a finger point,

I have saved many innocents from the clink.


And after three years, it became a trend,

Where I'd find the truth behind every bend.

Yet I, Phoenix, the Comeback King,

Was stripped of my title with scorn that stings.


Oh somewhere in the depths of my soul,

A feeling has started to take form.

Foul play was involved,

Not in my control,

That someone's hate has done its toll.


I fought hard for the truth,

Acting just like a sleuth,

And I would love to do so again.

To a cold hag from Kurain,

I'm Mr. Goody-Pain,

And criminals saw me as their bane.


Since I was disbarred,

And have a kid to guard,

I have to take work wherever I can.

No man nor demon can emulate my skill,

When I screw up songs before they've begun.


But who among you can hope to grasp,

That the Comeback King with a pure heart of gold,

Would never be so cold?

Please believe that if I knew,

That fake evidence wouldn't have gone through.


Oh there's an urge growing in my heart,

To expose the one who tore my life apart.

This has nothing to do with my pride,

As I won't let a villain's crimes slide.


[After the song ended, the crowd actually applauded Phoenix, much to his surprise, and actually smiled when they gently placed their money in his tip jar, a stark contrast to the glares that they usually wore when they tossed the money in like they were throwing away toxic waste.]

[Once the crowd had died down, Kristoph, who was sitting at his usual table right next to the piano where he was enjoying his weekly Cosmo, got up to congratulate his 'friend'.]

["Well, color me impressed, Wright. Your playing was actually tolerable,"  Kristoph said with a warm grin before pushing up his glasses.  "Don't get me wrong, Wright. I like you as a friend and you're a great person to talk to, but your skills with the piano have for the longest time been much to be desired."]

["What can I say?" Phoenix nonchalantly remarked with a shrug of his shoulders. "I was bound to get better at my instrument of torture sooner or later on account of this being my new livelihood and all…" The card shark stated as he gave his friend his newly-infamous thousand-yard stare, prompting the Coolest Defense in the West to feel a pang of nervousness.]

["I know that it's been rough for you since you were disbarred, Wright. I really do,"  Kristoph stated in a reassuring voice as he gently put his hand on his 'friend's' shoulder.  "Granted, I still have my badge and use it to live my dreams every day, but I can say with absolute certainty that I wouldn't be able to go on if I ever lost it like you had. But still, please don't hold any malicious feelings towards Klavier. I know that he can be a bit… much, especially after living in the same house as him for most of my life, but he's a good man who was only doing his job."]

["Why would I have it out for your brother, Kristoph?"  Phoenix asked as he cocked his head out of confusion.  "Sure, he revealed that the diary page was forged, but I don't think that he was involved with it. I mean, if he was, then my friend Edgeworth, a.k.a. the Demon Prosecutor, would have brought that to light long ago."]

["Oh, good."  Kristoph said with a sigh of relief, his composure becoming slightly less tense.  "I was worried that you might try getting revenge on me or my family for what Klavier did to you after what you said in your song."]

["I think you've taken on one too many murder cases,"  Phoenix chuckled.  "When I was singing that song, I was over exaggerating for the sake of making things interesting. With how tired I am after working all day and making sure Trucy's taken care of, the only thing I can think of at the end of the day is getting some sleep. Though speaking of which, I better start playing another song before my boss comes out here and starts lecturing me."]

["Fair enough. Hopefully, this next one will be as good as the last,"  Kristoph chirped as he returned to his seat.]

["Ok, everyone, this next song goes out to all those people in the audience who have ever known a good time cowboy Casanova!"  Phoenix exclaimed, prompting Kristoph to nearly gag on the Cosmo that he was delicately sipping.]


 

 

JP: My turn! This is for  SilverDragon889  on A03. Sung by Maya after her 3 rd  bogus murder charge while Nick is visiting her in SOJ prison for allegedly killing the priest.

CT: Once again, JP outdid herself with this parody. But would you expect any less from the Fluffy Queen when writing a parody about the Burger Queen? Seriously, I can just picture Maya singing this parody while Nahyuta and Inga watch the surveillance footage with completely different reactions. The former would stare at the screen with a look of disgust while preaching about how those who sing musical numbers are doomed to 5,000 years in the Hell of Tone-deaf Singing; whereas the latter would be trembling in his chair, a look of terror forming in his eyes as he's reminded of the Great "Mamma Mia!" Tragedy of '09, which involved him, Ga'ran, every song sung in "Mamma Mia!" a paddle boat, and a stuffed lamb.


"Jailbird Queen"
Sung to the tune of Abba's
"Dancing Queen"
from the musical Mamma Mia!

Oooh
You will bluff
While you strive
To try to keep me alive!
Ooh, see this girl
Same old scene
Behold the Jailbird Queen!


Jail food sucks Nick, it really blows
Third time here so you'd think I'd know
Framed again for a murder
Found guilty, I will swing
Hanging here is the thing


Damn Melsa wants to see me fry
Good thing you're my Ace law guy
Not afraid of you losing
Defense will be divine
You'll fly by seat of pants
But losing ain't no chance


I am the Jailbird Queen!
Bum rap sheet
All since 17!
Jailbird Queen
After me they should name a wing, oh yeah!


You will bluff
While you strive
To try to keep me alive!
Ooh, see this girl
Same old scene
Behold the Jailbird Queen!


When case looks hopeless, you prove them wrong
You don't give up, somehow stay strong
One turnabout to another
It's what you always do
I know that you'll come through
Cuz I believe in youuuuu…


I am the Jailbird Queen!
Bum rap sheet
All since 17!
Jailbird Queen
After me they should name a wing, oh yeah!


Oooh
You can bluff
As you strive
To try to keep me alive!
Ooh, see this girl
Same old scene
Behold the Jailbird Queen!


[Maya winks at Phoenix]

Beware the Comeback King!