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Asgardians In Space

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The Supermarket in the middle of the Galaxy


The Story So Far....


There are only 6 ingredients which are required to make a universe. These are: Time, Power, Soul, Reality, Mind, and Space. Although we cannot fully understand it ourselves these ingredients existed before anything else did. And even after our universe was created these ingredients were not completely used up. Instead they were condensed down into physical forms and scattered across the universe.


Five of the six Infinity Stones can be accounted for.


The Time Stone hangs around the neck of an earth man called Steven. The Reality Stone is in the safekeeping of the Elder known as The Collector. The Power Stone is protected by the Nova Corps on Xandu. The Mind Stone is embedded in the skull of The Vision. And the Space Stone lies firmly wedged in the U-bend of one of the toilets onboard The Statesmen.


It was placed there by the Norse god of Mischief, but more on him later.


Only the location of the Soul Stone is unknown to us. And that is a bit of worry because it is generally believed that once the Infinity Stones are all gathered together in one place bad things will happen. They were used to create the universe and they can be used to un-create it as well and then re-create it all over again according to the will of their owner. Some say that this has happened countless times before.


It goes without saying that the Infinity Stones are older then time itself and more powerful than you could possibly imagine, and therefore should be treated with the greatest of respect...and perhaps not shoved down a bog, but Loki was hard pressed to find a safer place. The Statesman, although spacious had the disadvantage of having Heimdall onboard, the Asgardian who was able to see everything that went on. But there were some places where even Heimdall wouldn't dare peek, hence the toilet.


And the reason that Loki and Heimdall were onboard a space ship zipping through the galaxy was because the prophesied Ragnarök had come about and obliterated Asgard out of existence. Not even the dust was left. Or those itty-bitty toast crumbs that seem impossible to remove from the toaster completely.


They were not alone. Loki had stolen The Statesman from a man called The Grandmaster and had piloted the ship straight back to Asgard to rescue his people from otherwise certain death. He had also risked his life to resurrect the Fire Demon Surtur and killed a load of zombies. It had been an odd sort of day. Frankly, he had been more useful than his brother Thor, god of Thunder, and current king of the surviving Asgardians, who had done little more than distract Hela for a while, but not actually killing her, which would have been really helpful. Would anyone acknowledge this? Probably not. But, for once Loki had more on his mind than trying to outshine his perfect brother.


Mainly, that once again he was the owner of an Infinity Stone. It had called to him, just as it had before, just as the others had once called to him.* That had to mean something. Trouble probably. Lots and lots of trouble. Best to keep it hidden away for now.


So, there they were, 210 Asgardians (that's including 3 gods and one Valkyrie), a Kronan, a bug-alien-thingy, a Skaarian gladiator who looked like he was wearing a cheese grater on his head, and a Hulk, all stuck together on a spaceship racing towards Earth because they had no where else to go.


It was going to be a tedious journey.




King Thor was in the engine room with Tony Stark. Sort of.


The self-proclaimed genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist was leaning against one of the thrumming engines, staring at Thor over his drooping sunglasses with a smug expression in his eyes. “Listen up, Point Break, what you've got here is a Melas Mark 5 engine filled up to its eyeballs on Blue-Ceru-7 fuel. That's not good.” He thumped a fist against the engine only for a small coil to drop into his hand. He threw it over his shoulder. “Probably not important.”


Thor had to admit to himself that he was impressed with how much Tony's voice sounded like the real Tony, not that he would say it out loud.


“So are the engines going to stop working?”


Tony gave him a pitying look, as if he couldn't believe how slow the god of thunder was. He lead the way to a work station littered with tools.


“I'm saying the engines are tipsy, heading straight for under-the-table drunk and about to pick a fight with the electric can-opener. They'll loose by the way.” He flipped a screwdriver into his hand and looked very pleased with himself.


Thor shook his head in frustration. The Tony speak was starting to grate on his nerves. “So, they will stop working? Speak clearly!”


Tony held up his hands. “You know I'm Tony Stark, so I don't really care if people understand my incessant babbling or not -”




There was a green shimmer and Tony Stark had turned back into Loki. He threw the screwdriver back onto the work surface and motioned for Thor to look at the computer screen. It was filled with graphs that Thor could see no meaning in.


“They will continue to run, but the fuel is too powerful for them,” said Loki, tapping a finger against the screen. “We need to slow our pace or they will shake themselves to bits. These engines are very old and they just can't take the modern fuel which was poured into them.”


Thor thought hard. “Ah, so it's like when Uncle Eitri** insisted on drinking Volstagg's home brewed beer at your 18th birthday celebration.”


“Exactly like Uncle Eitri,” Loki said, expression brightening. “You know, I actually miss our dear Uncle. Not that he would be of any use in this situation...”


“Me too, brother. And it's not everyday that you get to see the King of the Dwarfs scrambling up the side of the palace stark naked.”


“No, you don't do you?”


“Embarrassing,” they said together.


“Can you fix the engines? Or at least keep them ticking over until we reach Earth?”


Loki shrugged. “Depends on how long our exodus will last. Do you know how many light-years away the Earth is from Asgard?”


“No, do you?”


“No. With the Bifrost we've never needed to know the physical distance before. I suspect that not even Heimdall knows. He was evasive when I tried to ask him earlier.”


“So sooner or later we will break down?”


“Not unless you have a bag of fairy dust hidden under your cloak.”


Thor patted Loki's shoulder. A low rumble and a gurgling noise turned Thor's mouth into a smirk.


“Was that your tummy, Loki?”


Loki pulled away from Thor, an arm held against his stomach.


“No, why would it be my stomach, Thor? After all I haven't eaten in 72 hours.”


Thor nodded in sympathy. “Me neither. Our supplies won't last for ever and Val has made it her life's mission to be charge of rationing. Come on, let's see if she's feeling merciful today.”


Together they travelled to the lower deck where they had stored the emergency ration boxes they had discovered onboard the ship, as well as every last scrap of food and jars of wine the escaping Asgardians had taken with them.


A horrific sight met their eyes. A terrible sound met their ears. It was all awful.


“No...” Loki groaned in a low voice.


Thor was incapable of speech, just made a peculiar guttural sound from the back of his throat.


The Hulk was lying spread-eagled on his back and snoring loud enough to wake a drunk Snorlax. Around him lay empty ration boxes and food wrappers. Wine jars had been drained and smashed. Even the goat was no more. All that was left was a collar and a horn.


Now, historically things never go well for the Asgardian who attacks the Hulk, especially when they are trapped inside a contained unit such as a spaceship, but fury and hunger had overridden both Thor and Loki's common sense. They would regret it very shortly.


Thor snatched up an empty jar and hurled it at the Hulk's head. It bounced off the thick skull and shattered against the wall.


The Hulk's face twitched as he slowly opened his eyes.


“You idiot!” Thor bellowed, marching towards the Hulk with Loki just behind him. “You've eaten all our food, there's nothing left! How could you?”


“Moron!” Loki yelled.




The Hulk moaned. The goat had not agreed with him and now there were two puny gods shouting uncontrollably at him. His head was spinning. He tried covering his ears, but he couldn't block out the anger of his friends. And when his friends were angry the Hulk felt angry. Very angry.


“Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows!”***


“And you're really greedy too!”


The Hulk let out a monstrous roar that shook the walls.


Loki was the first to sense danger (the monstrous roar was a huge tip off) and realised that annoying the Hulk was not a good idea. He tried to back away, but it was too late.


“STOP SHOUTING AT ME!” The Hulk screamed. He lunged forward grabbing both Asgardians by a leg. He swung them around, bashed them together, and finished by smashing Thor into the floor and then Loki on top of him.


“Scrawny gods,” Hulk growled as he stomped out of the room to find someone who appreciated him.


Trapped underneath Loki Thor made a small whimpering sound. It might have been a whimper of pain or it might have been the sound of his soul leaving his body. Either was possible.


“We told him,” Loki squeaked. He was going to count this as a victory even if he couldn't feel his legs.




“I only left my post for what....five mins?” Val giggled. “I was thirsty, right? Why shouldn't I be allowed a little coffee break?”


Thor rubbed his sore head. The conversation with Val so far was not going well. It was an hour after they had been chiselled out of the floor by Korg and Thor's ears were still ringing. Loki had stumbled off to be by himself, muttering something about needing time, “to re-learn how walk properly...and only seeing one of everything...”


The conversation would go a lot more smoothly if Val would look at him instead of having her back turned.


“Coffee, fine. Alcohol no. Look at me!”


Val wobbled from side to side. “I am looking at you.”


“You're looking at a fake plant.”


“Oh. That would explain why you're shorter...and more leafy. Hang on...” Turning around on the spot turned out to be a difficult manoeuvre. Val forgot that was she supposed to move her feet as well as her legs. She ended up twisting around and tumbled over.


“Thanks to you we have no food. And you have a problem. I'm done talking to you.”


It was enough to help Val sober up a little. “Thor, I'm sorry.”


Thor hesitated by the door, but chose to say nothing and walked away from the bar.




As usual Heimdall was standing silently on the bridge, staring out into the darkness, searching for any sign of the Earth, or maybe one of the other Realms, anything which might help them navigate their way through the galaxy. So far he had only the vaguest of notions of the direction they should take, more of a feeling and an instinct, than solid evidence. It was as if a shadow had fallen across the universe, hiding everything from his gaze.


He didn't like it. Heimdall was so used to relying on the power of his eyes and ears that it made him hideously uncomfortable to think that they might just be lost. No, not lost. Just unsure of their location. He was Heimdall, he never got lost and never lost anyone.


He heard Thor coming five minutes before he actually arrived on the bridge.


“Majesty,” he grunted. “I heard the incident.”


“I know you did. Any suggestions?”




“Sensible suggestions?”


“We need to stop off somewhere and replenish our supplies. Re-fuel too with something which won't destroy the engines.”


“Yeah, but where?”


“Why don't we try that establishment in front of us?”


Thor leant forward against the glass. Far away into the distance he could just make out a sharp dot of orange light. As they neared the dot grew into an asteroid with a squat, ugly building latched onto it. It was decorated with garish orange lights and a sign which read: Welcome to Starbury's. Smaller ships were zipping around it, likes flies over a dustbin, some landing in the parking area and others taking off, filled up with bright orange bags stuffed with groceries.


“What is it?”


“I believe it is called a supermarket, Majesty. Like our markets only -”


“Super,” Thor finished. “Wonder what's so super about them.” He pressed the intercom button. “Hey, bro, fancy a trip to the shops?”


“Yeah, man, why not?” Korg's voice answered. “Supermarkets are known for their fresh air, aren't they?”


“I thought he was talking to me,” Loki's voice cut in irritably. “Me actually being his brother.”


“You're both my brothers,” Thor soothed. “The three of us, adopted bros together. You coming too then, Loke? Managed to pop your kneecap back into place?”


“Is the Hulk coming?”


“No, absolutely not!”


“Then I am absolutely am.”


“Great! I'll meet you both onboard The Commodore in ten minutes.” He grinned at Heimdall. “This is fantastic timing! Just what we needed when we needed it.”


“I'll keep a close eye on you.”


“Relax, Heimdall. Me, Loki and Korg in a shop – nothing's going to happen.”



*In The Avengers Loki briefly owned both the Mind and Space Stone. In Thor: The Dark World, he may have ordered The Warrior's Three to transport the Reality Stone to the Collector while disguised as Odin. Or it may have been the real Odin before Loki put him in a care home on Earth. Does anyone else think that Loki may also snatched the fake Infinity Gauntlet from the vault as well as the Tesseract?<
**Eitri is King of Nidavellir, home of the dwarves and friends of Asgard. I imagine that he's an honorary uncle to Thor and Loki. And, yes, Loki probably did have something to do with Eitri climbing up the side of the palace, not that he would admit to it.
***From Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida. I haven't read it, but I wanted to include a Shakespearian insult