Chapter 1: Its Retarded Isn't it?
"You aren't going to, are you." That was not a question, but a fact.
"Simmons, I just don't care enough to do that, I mean, I gotta walk all the way down the ramp, and that's simply to much work."
"God dammit Grif, i'll be right back"
Simmons walked down the ramp, and into the base , called out to sarge, who was (obviously) meticulously cleaning his prized possession, the almighty shotgun, "Sarge?'
The Sargent (who may or may not even be a Sargent) whupped around "Simmons! I told you not to interrupt my cleaning sessions!"
"Sorry Sarge, but the blues are attacking."
"... Simmons. Get in the Warthog. GRIF! GET TO THE DAMN WARTHOG OR I'LL HAVE SIMMONS PUT TARANTULAS IN YOUR NEXT MEAL!"
"*sigh* YES SIR!"
As Grif brought around the Warthog Sarge called out the Donut, who most definitely was in pants, "GET SUM PANTS ON, AND GET IN THE ALIEN THINGY"
"WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" Grif cut him off
A few minutes later, they were heading across the teleporter, and Simmons pointed out, "This seems to be rerouted to somewhere else."
"Yes, It suddenly changed while everyone was sitting around, and the decided to go through it." and feminine voice came from behind them.
They turned around the see the Blues tank.
"So, they just left you here?" Simmons asked
"Yes. Caboose was very sad. I am too large to enter the portal."
"Wow. That must suck." Donut said, feeling somehow sorry for the tank.
"Yes. Very much so, However, you should follow them, I strangely feel they will need the help."
Simmons agreed, Donut didn;t know what was going on, Grif just didn't care. Sarge was the only one with a complaint of course.
"But it's the BLUES! we can't help them!"
"Sarge, a portal appeared out of nowhere, this is bigger than Red vs. Blue."
"Oh, alright."They all looked to the portal and went through.
Chapter 2: In which, we start a second fandom train!
hoo boy, i hope i'm okay at writing undertale characters...
i should clarify that the rvb chapter started a little after everyone returned to blood gulch
"nah kid, i already did 29, thirty, that's okay, but 31? i couldn't"
Frisk frowned at sans, and asked one more time for another hot dog. (?)
"yeah, i mean i would if you had 29 on your head, but you don't. so i can't. sorry."
Again Frisk frowned, before trying to very carefully shuffle towards the lab and they were about to make it to the beginning of the bridge to it when her phone rang, shocking her into causing a cascade of hot dogs and cats. sans was laughing terribly hard, and Frisk made it a point to slowly eat one while reaching for her phone.
"HUMAN! I WOULD JUST LIKE TO ASK, DO YOU PREFER HOT DOGS WITH OR WITHOUT THE HEAD?"
sans' laughter doubled at the coincidence, and She sighed, and told him she liked them with the heads.
"THA- WHY IS SANS LAUGHING?" Papyrus whisper-yelled, "IS HE TELLING HORRIBLE PUNS AGAIN?"
Frisk told him he wasn't, and that she had to go.
"OH! WELL WHEN YOU COME BACK I'LL HAVE HOT DOGS FOR YOU!"
She thank him, and hung up, "so, hot dogs with the head, huh? i think he just knows."
The door to the lab whooshed open and Alphys and Mettaton (box) hurried out, "Eep! H-h-hello, h-human."
"Oh sans, why is there hot dogs everywhere? Actually, i don't want to know, but what i do want to know, is why there is a group of heavily armored... things that appeared out of nowhere!" Mettaton asked completely rhetorically.
The 'armored things' chose that moment to walk out into the heat.
"Nope, to hot, goin back inside." Grif said immediately, not caring about the collection of monsters before them. He wheeled around and was stopped by Sarge, "What in Sam Hell do you think your doin?"
"Goin back inside, i so damn hot out!"
"The hell you are! Turn your as around, because that lava is lookin real good right now."
Grif smartly obliged and turn back around, by this point everyone else was staring at everyone else.
"What. The actual hell are you people?"
"i could ask the same to you."
and then a third portal opened, dumping all of them to:
"Oh god, why was it Here?"
It, of course, was the recruitment center in which Grif, Caboose, and Tucker had all signed on.
"alright. no who would like to explain what the hell is going on here?"
Caboose said "a portal put us here from the place you-"
"No Caboose, we don't need that." Church cut him off, "Not a single clue, we want to know as much as you do."
Then the police came.
"So who would like to explain why non-registered species and Spartans were breaking into a recruitment center?"
"Buddy, we didn't break in we were teleported."
"Sure, because there is totally a teleporter to that room. Anyways whats your Spartan numbers?"
"Our what nows?"
The captain was beginning to think they weren't even Spartans. "Every Spartan has one, a three digit number."
He was met with looks of confusion and sighed, "Get Cortana in here."
"Because they have real armour but don't seem to be Spartans, no go!" ('this is gonna be a long night...')
Chapter 3: Surprise motherfucker
and straight from a mostly abandoned canyon, we see some more of the rvb characters, and some new ones as well!
Oh god, I can't really write Sheila or Lopez that well.
"Sheila, ¿dónde están los idiotas?"
"Hello, Lopez. They went through a weird portal thing a few hours ago, but in any case where is the purple one? I have a shell with his name on it."
" Me escapé y volví aquí, con suerte no me siguió"
(yeah i don't know what that's about)
"Hi guys! What are you talking about?"
"hey, lo encontré"
"I found thunk. out how to get rid of O'THUNK.Mally! Isn't that just great?"
"Yes." THUNK "Okay, what the hell is that?"
"H-holy shit, it isn't even blocks anymore!"
"Hey Cat! Come look at this!"
"Hmm? what do you want Lake?"
"I uh- I'm really not surre? Just come look."
"ok-aaaaaaaaaay? what the hell."
"Hey! Liz, we found a thing!"
"Oh yeah? what?" she walked towards the tunnel Lake was digging and came upon, a green, swirling, thing? "Oh Notch. Send help. Please.
"Looks kinda like a nether portal, huh?" Lake had already dug out around it, and found that it was thing thickness of a portal to the nether.
"Yeah, I guess it does..." Cat had came around to look as well, he pulled out a stick and threw it through, "Did it come out the other side?" The rectangular portal was completely opaque, and he couldn't see through.
"Nope! So, it's either a portal, or, well, it disintegrates whatever it touches."
"Well, one way to find out!" Lake said, stepping forward.
"No." Liz stopped him.
"Why not? I'll just... Oh yeah, They put it on Hardcore, huh?"
"Yeah, they did." Cat said.
"Whelp, just partly put part of a stick through." Lake suggested.
Cat pulled out another stick and pushed it through and pulled it back out before his hand touched it.
"Huh. It's still good, go head and try, Lake."
He stepped up to the portal and stuck his head through.
"Uh, yeah. We're good..."
After the three of them had moved through the portal, and Liz had put a torch down, they found themselves in a tiny room with rocks on all sides, they pick one of the walls and set to mining diagonally upwards, until they started hear a robotic female voice, some spanish, and a seeming friendly male talking.
"We're getting close!" Lake exclaimed."
"We know. I mean We're not deaf."
"Okay, okay, i see your point."
The rise and fall of their pickaxes against the rocks were creating a steady THUNK noise, and before long they made door into, a not blocky world.
"H-holy shit, it isn't even blocks anymore!"
"Qué. Los. Real. Infierno."
"Oh my. That dosen't seem psychically possible..."
"Hi! Nice to meet you, weird block people! I'm Doc! Who are you?"
"Uh, Hai? I'm Cat, This is Lake, And Liz. and you are?"
"Lopez el pesado"
"I am The M808 Main Battle Tank, but you can call me Sheila."
"And I'm Doc!"
"Okay, before we move any further with this, we need to explain some shit." Cat said
"Agreed." Sheila replied.
"Well Sargent, They Do seem to have authentic armour that didn't belong to a different Spartan, but they aren't registered."
"Huh. Well, You people, tell us what actually happened." Johnson directed at the monsters and Not-Spartans (cuz i dont know if sim troopers would work here)
"We've been telling you, that is what happened!" Church snapped at him.
"Could i request the security tape, sir?"
"Sure Blue lady."
He brought out the tape, even though it never showed their entrance.
She scanned it quickly, and muttered, "As i thought."
"What is it?"
"Well, the fact is, you can see a glow, and and hear a noise, so maybe they did come through a portal."
"Hmphh. I suppose."
"Yes pretty lady?"
"Can you get the Chief in here?"
"Whatever you say."
“So, because the most intelligent A.I. you know of can’t figure it out, you JUST GET SOMEONE ELSE IN HERE? WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE DOES THAT WORK IN?”
Church was losing his shit by this point, any everyone else scooted a small bit away from him,
“DON’T THINK I DIDN’T SEE THAT U SUUUUUUUUUUUUUNSSSS A BITCHSESDSAASSSSSSSSSSSSSHOLESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”
Now they just stared in awe as he somehow as a ghost-robot-thing named Church had a aneurysm.(Although those outside the RvB cast didn’t know it obviously)
“Roight mate, calm yer knockers.” A Australian Marine restrained him, (because Jesus Christ Sarge makes weak bots) and, he did, albeit slowly, calm down.
“Alright, now that whatever the hell just happened there is done, Chief, get on with it.”
But suddenly, jump cut!
Trevor tried to look cool while riding the elevator, however, failed horribly, instead, looking as though he was half stretching, and ending up mildly retarded looking. When he reached Keith's lab/garage/weapons testing facility (yup. I am happy with this. In fact i am so happy with it, im pointing out how happy i am) Keith himself was humming some blues. (guess which gulch)
“Yo, what is that?” Trevor asked, pointing to a contraption with a green rectangle in the middle.
“Oh!” Keith stood up, “That’s a portal i’ve been working on. We should be able to go anywhere in the universe. Orrrr we could of course just randomly teleport into the sun or somethin’ but, eh, i’m working on that.”
“Uh, sureeee, but why do we need it?”
“Because if i’m correct we can teleport ta ‘any ‘game’ we want!”
“Ok, that would be cool.”
“I know, right?”
Jump cut 2
Keith woke to a sharp pain in his shoulder, and a rotting, standing , corpse at the end of his bed, who promptly fled the room.
He stumbled to the light, flipped the switch and slid down the wall, as the knife buried in his shoulder drained his energy. By this point Trevor had taken notice from his room, and opened the door and came upon this scene.
He pulled out his phone and called an ambulance, and rushed to get him to the door.
“So, this is where the 'portal’ left y'all?”
“Well, I am picking up increase radiation levels. Nothing lethal of course, but still.”
“See? Can we go now?”
“We’ll hold you back at base till we're sure your telling the truth.”
sorry i've been gone for awhile, but i am releasing this for y'all, i won't be here next weekend due to family tho.
Chapter 5: Melody PT.2
ARE YAAAAAA READDDAAAAAAYYYYY TAAA RUMBLE?
Oh yes, i should mention that Undertale is actually canon to Keith's universe. Except only Chara fell. Meaning they won't (probably) ever get out. Sad ain't it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Papyrus had long since finished the hot dogs, and had even made a quiche, and some spaghetti. The human and sans had yet to return. He was going over to his phone when Undyne smashed the door down.
“Papyrus!! Where in Asgore's beard is Alphys! And sans, and Frisk, and Mettaton! But mostly Alphys!”
“I HAVE NO IDEA! I WAS ABOUT TO CALL THEM!”
“UNDYNE PLEASE DON’T BREAK THE TELEVISION!”
It was, however, to late, for Undyne had already suplexed the T.V. Just because she can. And, also, she was pissed.
“SANS IS GOING TO BE MAD NOW!”
The suplexed T.V. was thrown out the window.
By some form of hidden magic, Papyrus, from the kitchen “Papyrus?” managed to catch the T.V. Undyne’s eyes widened, not due to the “Undyne!” fact that he caught that, but because they didn’t have a window.
Asgore’s voice boomed and the two froze. A mantra of ‘oh shit’ could slightly be heard from Undyne.
“Where is your brother?” he continued in a more mellow tone. “He has somehow converted my throne into hot dogs.”
“What. the. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?”
“Oh my god Keith you’re back!”
“No. I’m a fucking floating asshole A.I. that looks looks like someone you know.”
“Your a dick.”
“I pride myself on it.”
“So, any news?”
Keith moved over to the living room table.
“Yes actually,” He laid some research papers on the table. He had compiled them while sitting in bed, using only his right arm.
“So, that portal, it wasn’t always there, even when turned on, and that was because it was creating gateways between places all the time. Its pattern has been:” He indicated one, “Red vs. Blue to Undertale. Undertale to Halo. Halo to a Void like middle ground. Minecraft to Red vs. Blue. and finally, Undertale to the Void.”
“And what does that mean?”
“Well, Considering the fact that a rotting corpse stabbed me with a, well, oddly familiar knife, ima go with The Flood and a Chara A.I have made it to the Void. A place where you can freely teleport to and from anywhere in the-” Keith’s phone rang. After picking it up on speaker he and Trevor heard:
“KEITH! OH THANK GOD! GET IN THAT DAMN BOT OF YOURS AND GET OVER HERE! BRING TREVOR! SOME THINGS ARE TRYINA GET IN!”
They popped up as Astyn, the caller, hung up, dashing into the lab, Keith sitting down in the cockpit of his mech, and Trevor in his.
Keith’s was a tall, yet slightly bulky humanoid mech, with a grenade launcher hand that had a sowrd extending off it, and room for two on turrets. It could move blindingly fast, and, being a mech, was quite strong.
Trevor’s was a motorcycle-like craft that had small auto-cannons lining it, and four blades coming out the front.
They rolled out, and on the way across the city tore through many Flood, Trevor running them through, while the cannons did their work, and Keith was using mostly likely unessacery, but FUCKING AWESOME moves.
Quite quickly, however, it was over. They had reached Ashtyn’s house, and it wasn’t good. It seemed that the majority of Flood had congregated on his house, as if he had something they needed.
Keith crushed a cluster of them with his foot, and blew another to hell. Trevor crashed through the back fence and ran down many Flood Carriers. He spun around and threw one of his magical fireballs and struck one that was alarmingly close. It almost instantly fell dead.
Then Astyn kicked open the front door and sent his mini-gun flamethrower cross to work on the remaining forms, while Connor, rolled in from his house, and took a box out, and layed down a sentry. It mowed down anything Flood-like.
“Alright. We just caught wind of another portal. You’re free to go.”
“D-did a-a-anything come through?”
“I… honestly dunno…”
“well considering we did, you might wanna check that. i mean… it could be a army of ketchup. that would be a problem.”
Frisk lightly slapped sans.
“What’s yo name, bonehead?”
“Because on my grave i want ‘sans The Bonehead Made Me Suicidal.’”
“.......... i’m just going to let that slide.”
“Ooookay. Well. See. Because I’m much too lazy (“FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT!”) You can go check it out yourself. (“FUCK YOU MAN!”)
Mettaton glared at Grif “Oh come onnn. It doesn’t really matter”
Then Mettaton’s chest exploded into a ball of fire as the flaming arrow penetrated the central heart, where the ghost lived. At least he didn’t feel anything.
Everyone ducked behind a wall or something. sans shot cyan bones up to cover all windows and doors. The Reds and Blues readyed their weapons, Alpys cowered in a corner.
The sight of Mettaton's shell filled Frisk with determination for revenge...
three whole pages, my god this is the longest thing i've ever done.
P.S. the knife is a artifact as explained in beginning notes, undertale is cannon, and instead of Asriel taking the sould, she murdered him, and went on a rampage. I might make a backstory page if you want
Chapter 6: Let's Have A Go At It.
Daily dose of factoid!
Connor's sentry is built to accept marks that certain people have that is on a surgically implanted metal plate. this will stop it from shooting anyone with it. Notice why Keith, Trevor, and them don't get hit.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Frisk tried, god, she tried, harder than any RED souled human should, but the yellow star wouldn’t come to her. All that would was a flash, and some blood on the ground.
(WEEOOO exposition alert(ALSO GQ IS GREAT YOU SHOULD TOTES READ(it’s DT science inspired this one)))
“DETERMINATION. The will to live. Defined by its vibrant RED color. Every Red soul had unique abilities. The two most important was their MARK, and SAVES. A stable amount of DT would create a red MARK, however a underlying factor could create a unstable amount of DT. No one knows what this factor is. However, unstable DT will cause issues in uncontrolled systems.”
Who the fuuck? This person likely would have answered, if it wasn’t for ANOTHER. FUCKING. PORTAL.
“heh. that, that is some shit luck.”
“OH JESUS CHRIST!”
“W-vev been heree so looong.”
*What a nightmare!
Oh! These guys! Is Alphys around? Snowdrake’s Mother, the only one still capable of speech replied, “F...ooll….”
“Stop. Before I lose my tiniest shred of sanity I still have, WHAT THE FUCK.”
“so. you know how we’re monsters right? well what if you pump a substance we can't handle into half-dead monsters? apparently we melt. alot. they grasped each other, waiting for the end. why do you think i quit my career? i had to sit and watch."
They pixelated robots dropped over the ridge, falling the blast of Sheila's shells, or the arrows of Lake, an excellent shot, or ran into Liz’s or Cat’s sword, while Doc cowered in Blue base.
It was going quite well until those that would become to be know to them as Fleet Overseers blew everything to smithereens and Spidertron’s explosives furthered the damage
Sheila’s cry of despair signaled what they were all realizing. They were fucked. As a explosive removed her barrel, a laser tore through the chassis.
Another, one known as a Mark 4 Swordsman, made it into Blue base, and came upon Doc, who had already fainted, saving him from death.
“It was then, by means of… deus ex machina?”
“Nah mate, but Keith, Trevor, Connor, and Asytyn came outta nowhere. You think we should expand on that?”
“Yeah, or else it will be a deus ex machina.”
“Okay. Dafuq?” Connor inquired immediately after everything was dead.
“Yes. Good idea. Wha?” Astyn added.
“Weeeell… See I did this thing where there is inter-universal travel now and also I may have might made a dimension on accident… and now things that you would consider from video games are gaining travel with it? Maybe?”
“.-. This is why we don’t let you touch shit. Ever.” Connor’s sentry perked up and destroyed a Infection Form scuttling towards a corpse.
“Here’s an idea, howzabout we go and you take us to saaay, Undertale? We could get monsters, then we figure out how to introduce them to somewhere… with say better weaponry.” Suggested Asytn.
“I don’t see a problem with that.”
“I’ll get on it then…”
The title is a reference to maybe a game. that's all your getting