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Don't Leave Me

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     It wasn’t the fact that you and Shingen had yet to announce your relationship, or for that matter even sat down to define what it is you were to each other. Your time together remained as this daunting dark mark of mystery on your heart. And although, each night as you lay underneath his heat and his kiss you found yourself swimming in the enigma of what was truly going on, that wasn’t what bothered you. He was the Lord of a prominent clan, you knew that. You hadn’t expected a big announcement in the hall or a marriage proposal for warming his bed at night. No, that isn’t what bothered you. Nor the fact that it seemed as if every time you summoned the courage to ask him about his feelings he avoided the subject entirely. Like an emotional ninja, he jumped and dodged at your hints and words as if they were sharpened shuriken you had been launching straight for him.

     And it wasn’t the fact that women seemed to gaze at him whenever they got the chance. He was handsome, you knew that. Incredibly handsome. The free food prepared “extra special” for him by the women in the tea houses and inns you rested at. The side glancing views and the gentle hands and small touches of foreign ladies aimed at his strong shoulders and arms, you wished you could burn them from your mind.

     It wasn’t the way he seemed to encourage the women by failing to decline their advances; or his deep, full-bodied laughter at their jokes. Nor the seriousness etched into his handsome features as he gave them advice. Not the way his fiery eyes fixated themselves on the harem of women that fluttered around him like moths to a flame, while you sat in the cold distance feeling like the one that flew too close and now suffered the burn.

     No, it wasn’t any one of these things in particular. Yet as you sat quietly in the hall watching these new ‘guests’ entertaining the man you loved, you realized it was the culmination of it all. He may have been the Tiger of Kai, but you had a fearsome Tigress of your own stirring in the form of jealousy, hurt and anger. If he had even looked your way he would have seen you staring daggers into your cup of sake, lost in the muffled noise of the retainers boasting and the women’s clucking and giggling like drunken hens. Had he even looked your way, he would have clearly seen the hurt in your eyes as these women fought for his attention, mouths of laughter open like gaping voids waiting to swallow him whole. But he didn’t. Look your way.

     “Milord Shingen is truly amazing,” Yukimura’s slurring voice at your side pulled you through the haze of mentation as he proclaimed to Sasuke. “It’s no wonder these women all fight for his affections,” he had that bright smile of adoration on his face as he spoke, like a puppy wagging it’s tail for his master.  “And he could have his pick of any one of the-“ a stinging splash of liquid coated his face and hair.

     “Shut up, Yukimura,” your voice came out quiet and harsh, seething with venom. And you realized in that moment, you had just thrown all of your sake in his face. Confused, he began to ask what he did but you dropped your cup onto the table and fled the hall before anyone else could notice.

     The sound, the feel of your feet stomping down to your room helped ease the tension a bit. The evening air was crisp and cool and you couldn’t help but pause to view the swaying of the trees in the garden. Saizo had the right idea to ditch this whole evening entirely, you thought when you spied the cherry blossoms in the distance. He was probably in a sturdy branch somewhere sleeping peacefully, not a care in the world, while you had to sit through…that. You made a mental note to start listening to his advice more often.

     All you wanted right now was some sleep in the hopes of forgetting. However, you hadn’t even made it ten steps past Shingen’s room before a very warm, very large hand flew from the adjacent door crack like lightning to snatched you inside.

     Looming above you with familiar large piercing brown eyes was Sasuke. How the hell did he get past you already? Oh, right… Ninja

     His fingers tapped at a particularly large bottle of sake. “Thought you could use a drink,” he smirked, ruffling your hair in his usual way before sitting down and pouring a bit of clear liquid into a cup, handing it to you.  

     In a split second, you drained the contents down your throat. The alcohol slid so nicely, leaving a pleasant warmth in its wake. “How did you know,” you wiped your lips and smirked in response to Sasuke’s widened eyes. It was rare you drank at all, let alone in front of him, and his shocked expression had you stifling a giggle.

     “Just a guess,” his features relaxed. He poured you another cup before drinking from his own. Of course, he had been in the hall with you moments before and no doubt witnessed your outburst. There was no need to guess.

     After he had consumed the majority of the sake, and after having shared a few laughs, Sasuke decided to address the cause of your sour disposition.

     “Does this have anything to do with those women tonight?” he set his empty cup down on the table with a light, pleasant thud. However, the bitter look on your face at the mere mention of it told him he was right, and he laughed that familiar hearty laugh. “Ah, I see,” he nodded with a grin.

     “Lord Shingen can…associate…with whoever he pleases. Makes no difference to me,” you mumbled into your cup.

     Though others may have been easy to fool, the way you looked at Shingen hadn’t slipped past Sasuke. Nor did those quiet and cool nights he had seen you from the garden, escaping from Shingen’s room back to your own under the shroud of moonlight. Sasuke wasn’t surprised his lord had kept his relations with you a secret. After all, it was safer for you that way. But still, the despondent look on your face had him feeling more than sorry for you.

     “And what about you?”

     “Hm?” you looked up from your cup.

     “Can you…associate, with whoever you want?” His face had become stoic and serious and, after almost choking on your drink, you took a moment to register exactly what he was implying.

     The space fell silent. Could you? What kind of a question was that? You supposed you could, though the thought had never crossed your mind—being with someone other than Shingen. Not that you didn’t admire other men, sweating and rugged out in the training yard or handsome faces in the market, perusing the stalls while you shopped. Suddenly the distance between you and Sasuke seemed to be much shorter than you remembered. And yet, you weren’t uncomfortable. Not with him. The anger and self-doubt that the evening dredged up seemed to whirl inside you, only fixing your resolve and giving you your answer.

     You balled your fists at your knees thinking of him in the hall, and all those women surrounding him, pawing at him. “Yes. I guess I can,” you huffed. “I don’t belong to anyone but myself.”

     This only drew another small laugh from Sasuke, who clearly didn’t believe you one bit. Not that you could blame him. “Is that so?” he mused. “Then this would be alright with you?”

     That warm, large hand of his reached out to tuck a bit of stray hair behind your ear. The intimacy of it all had admittedly thrown you for a moment. He had only meant it as a tease, something to make you remember how much you truly loved Shingen. Something to send you back into his arms. Not that you could really know that from the way he was looking at you now, with his increasingly gentle expression.

     “Sasuke?”

     An intake of breath.

     Ignoring you completely, he traced along your jawline, eyes fixed on your own as he moved in closer and closer before finally pressing his lips to you for a kiss. They were warm and lush—supple. With heart pounding tenderness he lapped at the crease of your lips with his tongue before slowly slipping inside to deepen your connection. He tasted of sake, slightly sweet, but with hints of something unknown. It was only when you reciprocated, lacing fingers into tufts of his thick brown hair, that he pulled away with a look of surprise.

     “Wait,” he smiled fondly. The kind of smile he gave the children in the villages while he watched them muse at the gifts he brought. The kind of smile you give to an old friend. The smile you give when you’re holding your lords’ mistress at your fingertips. “You aren’t serious.”

     “Aren’t you the one who kissed me?

     “That’s-“ he sighed.

     The internal struggling was flashing back and forth on his face, you could read it in his eyes. That flicker of desire like a leaf floating on the surface of a swift stream. If you didn’t reach out to grasp hold of it, it would simply float on, never to be seen again. Whatever he was anticipating you to say to push him away, it wasn’t happening. No coquettish giggle and sigh while you blamed it on the sake, playfully batting at his chest before taking your leave. The warmth you felt was no longer due to the sake, but the warmth of his hands holding you in place. And maybe, if only for tonight, you could afford to borrow more from him-drink it from his lips and his fingertips.

     To hell with it, you thought. “Shut up.” This time you made the first move in the form of an onslaught of feverish and bold kisses.

     In his fervent scramble to hold you closer, his long legs knocked against the table, sending sake cups rattling with a clank, one of them rolling onto the floor. Or at least, you think it had by the sound of pottery shattering. You were too lost in the softness of his kiss and the power of his hands as he lifted you into his lap to notice what was going on behind you.

     “You sure enjoy telling people to shut up tonight, don’t you,” he playfully smiled into your mouth and puckered lips.

     His kisses were so slow and languid, lavish enough to bring you pressing in for more of their plush warmth. He took his time like he had been anticipating this moment for years as he allowed his tongue to explore and massage your own, hands gliding up and down your sides. So different from the man you had known so long ago. Every bit of him was rigid and mapped beneath your fingertips. His pacing, his scent, the taste of him, all of it so different from Shingen yet so absolutely pleasant and exhilarating in their newfound glory. The vibration of his moans had spread across his broad chest and you could feel it in your palms. The subtle rising of his hips granted you the sensation of his hardening cock between your legs and the heat rose to swell at your cheeks.

     “Want me to touch you?” he asked. As if he even needed to, you thought.  

     “Yes.”

     “Where?”

     The deep thickness in his voice alone had every inch of you on edge, and you found it impossible to answer while he kissed up your neck, letting his tongue play at your ear.

     “Here?” he flicked at your lobe, playfully.

     Your hips were moving on their own, now. It was hard to place your hands. Every bit of his body was trained to perfection, only serving to make you both hotter as you explored.

     “Here?”

     Warm palms cupped your breasts, flicked your nipples as if he knew exactly where you needed him to touch next. This was surely not something you had explored with each other back then…All the while your collars were loosening more and more, your fingers playing with the searing skin you found underneath. He pulled your obi from your waist, tossed it aside and removed your layers to reveal you completely. You shivered into him when the cool air kissed your prickling skin, but it wasn’t long before he was warming you with his touch, admiring and regarding every feature of your naked frame the same as you would marvel at a sunset.

     He’d changed now. Tenderness replaced by intensity. Fingertips traced the lingering marks Shingen had left on your skin.

     “Do you like when he does this? Shall I make one of my own?”

     Sasuke didn’t wait for your reply. He brought the swell of your breast into his mouth. Sucked and bit at the tender skin until he was satisfied with his work, smearing the saliva with a rough thumb, spreading it along the ripe welts.

     You were beginning to sweat now, as his large palm cupped between your legs and rubbed with that warm friction you so desperately craved.

     “Mn, Sasuke, please.”

     His hand felt wonderful, but you wanted more. You slide yourself up and down his increasingly long, long, length. Your nerves were on fire knowing this new, intimate part of him.

     “I didn’t know you could sound like that. I like the way you say my name in that pleading voice of yours,” he gave a light drag of his teeth along your jawline. “Say it again?” It was a surprisingly soft plea to be coming from such a large man. His hand pressed into your sensitive clit harder, making you jolt.

     “Sasuke,” you gave him a sultry whine.

     In an instant, you were picked up in his arms, carried you until your back hit a wall-thud-your legs still wrapped around his sturdy hips.

     “You sound too sexy,” he admitted through heavy breaths. His already loose clothing was coming off little by little, falling to the floor and pooling at his feet.

     There was a pause, a stop in time, and realization filled your head before dropping into your stomach like a heavy sack of rice. What you were about to do. With distant laughter ringing from the garden and the hall, pale blue moonlight illuminating the windows, and the tip of Sasuke’s cock pressed against your entrance. And the realization, blossoming with a spark in your chest—that you wanted this. Did that make you a terrible person?

     Sasuke seemed to pick up on your thoughts. Or maybe it had nothing to do with you at all, it had just come from himself in the moment, and the feelings you both couldn’t keep from bubbling over the surface. “I wouldn’t take you for granted,” he whispered. Confessed.

     “Don’t-“

     You choked. You didn’t want to hear what you already knew. Didn’t want to face your own repressed feelings for this man; your first love. The feelings you didn’t quite understand, yourself.

     “Can’t blame a guy for trying,” he said, with a small self-deprecating chuckle so airy and wheezing it could have been the beginning of a sob. And then he was back to the Sasuke you knew.  

     He kissed you again as he pushed inside of your slick, wet heat. He was so thick and large you gasped as if you could steal his own breath from his lungs. The satisfied, cocky smirk on his face as he watched you take him all in had you biting your lip.

     “You can be loud, I want to hear you.”

     Sasuke wasted no time thrusting in earnest, pounding hard enough to have your ass thumping against the wall behind you.

     “Sh-shit, ahh!

     “That’s right,” he grunted in pleasure, bringing his lips to suck at the base of your neck.

     He was diving deep enough to have you seeing stars, but there was still a tenderness in the way he fucked you. Every motion was fluid, carnivorous. You dug your fingers deep into the taut muscles of his shoulders, ready to moan once more in feverish pleasure when you heard voices on the other side of the wall you were currently being fucked into.

     “Sasuke-ah, wait,” you panted, “I hear voices…They’ll hear us.”

     “Let them,” he growled low and hot in your ear.

     The sight of his chiseled chest, those broad shoulders and the way his lower abs flexed and expanded with every hard thrust into you, every short breath he took, had your legs twitching and your hips mindlessly grinding in circles against him.

     “Nn…You’re getting so tight,” Sasuke shuttered in pleasure.

     Then, you heard a muffled laugh that ran a chill through your body. A familiar laugh, followed by the sounds of stumbling in the room behind you. Shingen. Oh god. Oh god. You covered your mouth to muffle the sounds, but he would surely hear the rhythmic thumping of your body hitting the wall with every dive of Sasuke’s cock.

     Sasuke. who removed your hand from your mouth and replaced it with his lips, sucking on your tongue while pressing a finger on your clit.

     Shit.

     “Hnn, yes! That’s so good.” You didn’t care anymore if he heard you. Or maybe. Maybe you even wanted him to. Hoped he would hear your whines of intense pleasure another man was giving you.

     Sasuke’s eyes flashed, making you realize he knew exactly what he was doing. Knew that Shingen would be on this other side of the wall when he slammed you into it. The corners of his eyes narrowed, his expression pointed and intense and hungry, and you felt yourself tighten and pulse around him. You could feel how wet you were, how it coated now where you both were joined and the sounds it made with Sasuke’s every greedy drive.

     “You feel so good.” He gripped your thighs, let his fingers press into the softness of your flesh. “How do you like it? You like it deep don’t you.”

     He used his grip to whip your hips up for him, changing the angle so he was drilling right back into that spot that made your vision go white and fuzzy. You couldn’t form words. Your hands were fumbling at his arms, desperate to sturdy yourself as he bounced you up and down on his hardness.

     “I-I’m cumming,” you whined, not knowing or caring how many times you had repeated the words after that.

     “Come for me, then,” Sasuke replied. He watched you intently, relishing in the sight of you coming undone. Committing these new sounds and expression to memory as he fucked you senseless.

     You know you moaned, loudly, but all sense of consciousness and control had left your body with those moans. Your orgasm ripped through you, but Sasuke didn’t cease his ministrations until he felt you go limp in his arms.

     Every bit of strength had left your limbs, and the moments after that seemed like a distant dream. Pieces were missing while others only half there. He must have expelled himself outside of you? On your stomach, was it? You couldn’t recall. And now he smiled, draped your robes over you while gesturing for you to dress. But your arms and legs moved as if they were weighed down with all of the gravity in this earth.

     “Ah, right on time,” Sasuke said cryptically, cocksure smile still plastered on his face.

     There was silence.

     And then…A light knock on the door just as you began to close your robes. A figure—tall, broad—slid the shoji door open, and somehow you could feel the anger in the action.

     “Retiring from the feast so early, milord Shingen?” Sasuke asked.

     Shingen stepped inside, arms crossed, his eyes glancing over the room. The sake, the broken glass and disheveled table. Then you both. Sasuke’s hair damp with sweat. And you, flushed cheeks and shaking limbs, still pulling your robes closed.

     “It’s late,” Shingen looked at you as he spoke. “You should get some rest before you have to prepare breakfast.”

     This was all he said, his stoic mask remaining unchanged. His fiery eyes serious, mouth pulled tight.

     You bowed quickly, passing him like prey avoiding a predator, and hurried off down the hall to your room as quickly as your feet would carry you. Hands still desperately clasping your robes closed.

________

     Your body ached tremendously as you cooked breakfast the next morning. But the feeling was strangely pleasant, you thought. Over steaming pots you breathed deep, thinking if you could just get through breakfast you could figure out where to go from here.  

     You carried the last tray to the hall only to bump into Sasuke at the entrance.

    “Oh my-” you gasped.

     His lip was clearly busted and a terrible bruise covered half of his face. Red and blue and purple, like a cosmos sprouted on his cheek.

     Sasuke chuckled. “That was about the response I was expecting.”

     You almost dropped your tray. “Are you alright?!”

     “I’ve had worse,” he smiled, but immediately winced at the pain it caused him. “Good news is, I guess you have your answer now. About associating.”

     “Shingen?…” your stomach dropped. He did this? You were a mix of emotions, feeling terrible that Sasuke got hurt, but slightly elated that Shingen was jealous enough to lose himself like that over you.

     “Ha ha, don’t look so down,” Sasuke tousled your hair in that usual friendly way, comforting and warm, and you swore you saw him wink. “It was worth it.”