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day 29: i didn't mean to (but i did mean it)

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Like the first time Shane realised he liked Ryan at all, Ryan isn’t actually doing anything out of his usual order, just beginning the Post Mortem at his normal pace. Shane is meant to be doing his bit where he acts like he’s dissociating, but he can’t make himself stop looking at Ryan, fondness all over his expression and spreading through his chest. He doesn’t even realise he’s staring at Ryan until the other man starts looking back, starts laughing and the crinkles next to his eyes are so pretty, and Shane is just so enamoured with him, so all consumingly fascinated. Ryan Bergara is beautiful and handsome and wonderful and creative and sarcastic and mean and Shane loves every single stupid ass trait so much he can hardly stand it.

“I’m in love with you,” Shane says, and it slips out and it’s all wrong with the timing and everything, but he means it. He’s never meant anything more in his life, and Ryan is staring at him, and then Ryan is laughing and Shane realises the entire value of the conversation - they’re filming right now. The camera is on and TJ is fucking losing it from across the room where he just watches things play out to make sure the camera doesn’t fuck up, and Shane just told Ryan he loves him for the first time in front of their entire crew and a camera. There’s an intern literally on her knees with laughter in the corner near TJ, and TJ is nearly on the ground with her with the silence, and Shane starts laughing despite himself. It’s just fucking like him to fuck something up this bad, and he thought Ryan was going to be the one to embarrass them in front of the crew first. Not so.

Unsurprisingly, it’s TJ who recovers first, though he’s still laughing as he stands up, hounding the intern out of the filming room and turning off the camera on his way out. Shane hears him call a laughing but supportive Good luck! over his shoulder, and he puts his head in his hands, elbows on the table. He’s the absolute worst at this, literally laughably bad, and he doesn’t remove his hands from his face for a minute, even when Ryan seems to finish laughing and presses his face into Shane’s shoulder.

“Oh my fucking God,” Ryan eventually chokes out, getting out of his seat to hop onto the table. “You just know all about timing don’t you, baby?” he asks, holding Shane’s jaw in his hands with a grin that Shane finds just too charming. The baby thing is something he’s always liked, even before they were together and everything started making sense in his life. Shane feels himself relax for the first time since he said those stupid words that he still means with his whole heart, looking at Ryan in front of him being all smooth and lovely and making fun of him with sly eyes and smile. Ryan seems to need to look at him for a moment before he leans forward and touches his forehead to Shane’s, just looking at him real close, holding him so close that Shane can feel him in his bones.

“I mean it,” Shane says, even quieter than what he originally said, and Ryan looks a little fragile for a fraction of a moment before he conquers being a whole, real person again. He pulls back a little from their closeness, and uses a little bit of leverage from leaning forward to scoot slightly more in front of Shane, until he’s evenly between Shane’s legs, though still parked on the table.

“I’m in love with you too, you know. Even when you’re telling me personally things in the middle of filming,” Ryan jokes him, and Shane ducks his head against Ryan’s collarbone. Ryan’s hands push him back a little, and Ryan’s grin is so pretty and Shane loves him, and Shane loves him, and Shane loves him.

“I love you,” he whispers, pressing up to kiss Ryan on the mouth, his own hand coming up to cup Ryan’s neck much as Ryan’s are doing the same to his jaw. Ryan takes control of the kiss pretty quickly, angling Shane’s head how he likes it and making sure their noses don’t bump awkwardly. His kisses are sweet and soft, but the heat there doesn’t go unnoticed either, making Shane migrate one of his hands from Ryan’s neck to Ryan’s waist, holding on to the junction between his thigh and hip. Texture of Ryan’s jeans against his hand is almost distracting enough that he can stop himself from making a noise when Ryan bites his lip, but only almost, as a whimper leaves him of its own accord.

“I love you,” Ryan says between one kiss and the next, and Shane is floating on this, on the intimacy and the words and all of the things that come with both. He doesn’t even notice when the door behind Ryan opens, though he should be more capable of noticing it than Ryan, and he doesn’t notice anyone walking into the room until there’s a shadow cast next to him. When Ryan pulls off of him and out of the kiss, Shane finally notices TJ standing next to the table, a single eyebrow raised.

“Imagine if we could ever get this shit filmed. That’d be iconic,” TJ says impatiently, looking between the two of them with his arms crossed. There’s a crisp silence that doesn’t last long, because it’s only a moment before he breaks into laughter, which sets Ryan and Shane off with a quickness, Ryan wheezing against Shane’s throat.

“Yeah, okay. We probably need to go from the top,” Ryan concludes, climbing off of the table and putting his feet onto the floor next to his chair. Shane pulls him down for one last kiss, grinning as TJ groans.

“Can never get anything fuckin’ done around here… wish you guys had stayed with the shitty pining thing,” TJ comments beneath his breath, and Shane can’t help his laughter. It’s a good day.