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Colonel O'Neill stood in the gate room with the rest of his team to bid farewell to earth's most recent visitors. His eyes shifted casually from Ke'ra and her companions, over to Daniel Jackson, whose plastered-on smile did little to camouflage his true feelings. The archeologist had been smitten by the pretty blonde soon after they'd met. Jack hadn't particularly liked the idea of Daniel becoming involved with a complete stranger from off world, especially after what had happened with that Shyla chick a few months earlier. He'd had a bad feeling from the start on this one. The fact that Ke'ra, nor anyone on her planet had any recollection of their past, made Jack more than just a tad uneasy. Still, he had been willing to give her the benefit of a doubt; that is, until they discovered who she really was. The destroyer of worlds wasn’t exactly the type of girl you wanted your best friend to date.

Unfortunately, Daniel had already fallen for her, and now he was trying to ignore the fact that his heart was being broken once more. He stood for several moments after Ke'ra had journeyed back through the Stargate. Her memories of a past life of evil and cruelty had been successfully erased. Technically, she was safe to be around, but Daniel knew that neither he nor anyone else on base would ever be able to trust her completely. He sighed dejectedly, continuing to stare at the gate even after the wormhole had disengaged. Everyone else filed out of the gate room and returned to their normal duties as soon as the order was given to close the iris. Everyone else except Jack.

He sauntered up to Daniel with his hands deep inside his pockets, and after a moment of not knowing what else to say, finally asked, "Wanna go grab a beer?"

It was actually Jack's way of saying, "If you need to talk, I'll listen, or if you want to get shit-faced drunk, I'll drive." Daniel wasn't sure he wanted to share his feelings at the moment, but getting drunk seemed like a good idea. He gave a nod of his head, then felt a hand on his shoulder, guiding him out of the gate room.

During the drive, Daniel was saved from engaging in conversation when Jack tuned the radio to an oldies' station and allowed the sounds of the sixties to fill the air. They didn't end up at a bar as expected, but instead, pulled up in the driveway of Jack's home. It was probably for the best, Daniel thought. He knew Jack would have his own supply of alcoholic beverages, and if the archeologist should drink himself sick, a clean toilet and comfortable bed were also available.

They walked silently into the house, where the gracious host took his jacket to hang up, then pointed him towards the living room couch. While Jack went to the kitchen for refreshments, Daniel made himself comfortable on the sofa. He knew that he had been brought there to talk, but at the same time, if he didn't feel like opening up, he knew the issue wouldn't be forced. Soon, he found an opened beer bottle in his hand and his team leader seated directly across from him in an oversized chair.

"So," said Jack after taking a quick swig of beer. "You okay?"

"Sure," Daniel replied unconvincingly. He drank some of his beer, then began picking at the label on the bottle.

"Daniel, I'd just like to say one thing in reference to today's events, then I'll leave it alone. The next time someone threatens to kill you, promise me you won't stand there and paint yourself a bull's-eye for them."

"Jack, I knew she wasn't going to kill me."

"Daniel, even she didn't know what she was going to do," Jack raised his voice in exasperation. "Once her memory was restored, she wasn't the same woman you first met back on that planet. I know you wanted her to be but that just wasn't in the cards." Sensing that he was coming on stronger than he intended, Jack changed tactics and lowered his voice. "I'm sorry. I honestly wished things could have worked out for you two. It was nice seeing you happy again. I miss that. Can't even recall the last time I actually heard you giggle."

Daniel smiled shyly. "Yeah, it was kind of nice. She and I just connected so easily. Not a bad kisser either."


"She wanted to kiss me before she got her memory back in case she discovered that she was probably already married or something. At least, that I could've handled a lot better."

"One thing still bothers me," Jack confessed. "You think that amnesia serum that Carter came up with, really worked? Or do you think that maybe Ke'ra/Linea was only pretending to have no memory again so that we would let her go back to the planet? She could just be biding her time, waiting for a more convenient opportunity to continue with her destroying of worlds."

"She wasn't faking," Daniel spoke with certainty. "I could see it in her eyes. Linea was gone and Ke'ra had taken her place. But you know, I almost wish we'd had more time to talk to Linea, to find out why she did the things she did; what made her like that. Ke'ra was her complete opposite, so it just makes me wonder how such a sweet and caring woman could evolve to be evil incarnate."

"That's like asking what made the Grinch hate Christmas so much. Maybe Linea's shoes were too tight or her heart was two sizes too small. Or maybe it's just one of those things where you really, really don't want to know."

"Maybe," Daniel blew out a deep sigh and took another swallow of his beer.

Deciding to change the subject, Jack said, "You know, it's been awhile since we played a nice game of chess. How about it?"

Daniel shook his head tiredly. "I don't think I can concentrate well enough. Besides, the last time we played, I saw a Goa'uld darting inside your ear."

"Oh yeah," Jack replied with a distasteful grimace. "Television it is then," he decided as he picked up the remote from the coffee table and turned on the TV. "Let's see what's on." As he scanned through the channels, he called out their options for viewing. "Okay, you have your choice of basketball, hockey, more basketball, a bad Arnold Swarzenagger movie...hey, MacGyver."

"MacGyver? What's that?"

"You've never heard of MacGyver?"

"Probably not in the same context as to what you're referring."

"Basically, he's a globetrotting do-gooder who can build anything from a time bomb to a small airplane out of the stuff he finds in someone's garage."

"Oh, so that's what Sam meant when she said that they had to MacGyver the dial up system for the Stargate."

"Yep, you got it."

"He looks kind of like General Hammond."

"No, not him. MacGyver's the tall one with the hair. Interestingly enough, I've been told by a few people that I look just like him."

"Really?" Daniel looked from the TV screen to Jack, then back again, tilting his head and squinting his eyes. "Okay, I can see it a little, I guess. He's a lot younger though. But what's with that hairstyle?"

"It was the eighties."

Daniel nodded his understanding, then followed his host's example and kicked off his shoes, propped his feet on the coffee table and slouched down into a more comfortable position to watch the show. Ten minutes later, the scene where MacGyver was about to do something clever with a pocket knife, was suddenly replaced by electronic snow.

"What'd you do?" asked Daniel.

"Nothing." Jack used the remote to scan up and down the channels, finding nothing but snow on each one. He got up and checked all the connections, coming to one inevitable conclusion. "The damn cable's gone out!" he grumbled.

"Maybe it's only temporary. Just give it a few minutes."

Jack gave it a few minutes, then finally decided to put a call in to the cable company, which confirmed his fears. They were experiencing technical difficulties in his neighborhood, but his service would be restored as soon as possible.

"Great!" Jack growled as he hung up the phone. "Apparently, it's just affecting this area. The service in your neighborhood might be okay."

"I don't have cable."

"You don't? That's barbaric," Jack scowled.

Daniel shrugged his shoulders. "I don't watch TV that much. And when I do, PBS pretty much does it for me. And whatever station that shows Xena, Warrior Princess."

"You watch Xena, Warrior Princess?"

"On occasion. She's very attractive and she's got this Amazon thing going on. I admit she seems kind of butch in a way, but at the same time she's"

"Hot?" Jack filled in the blank.

Unable to think of a better way to phrase it, Daniel concurred. "Yeah, hot." He stood and went over to the entertainment center, then began perusing the videos he found on the shelves. "Why don't we just put on a video," he suggested over his shoulder.

"Fine. Whatever."

Daniel picked up a cassette that was already out of its box and lying on top of a stack of others. He stuck the tape into the video player, hit the play button, then returned to his spot on the sofa. "I put on 'Coming to America.' I think I've heard of it before. A comedy, right?"

"Yes, 'Coming to America' is a comedy starring Eddie Murphy. It's a good one, I might add. Only, I don't own that particular movie. This happens to be 'Coming In America.' And that lovely young lady there is nicknamed America, the Beautiful. This is an adult film, Daniel."

"Oh. Well, I guess that would explain why she's naked and touching herself."

"It would indeed."

Without looking away from the screen, Daniel asked, "You mind if we watch a little of this anyway? She's really quite attractive and it's uh...been a while since I've seen a naked woman. Well, that's not exactly true," he began to ramble, his eyes darting briefly over to Jack. "There was that PBS documentary on the other day about a small tribe of nude, Amazon natives living in the rain forest. And while I did find it interesting watching the women huddled around a fire, cooking up a pot of spider monkey stew, the images could hardly be termed erotic. So is it okay if we watch this? Or would that make you uncomfortable?"

"No, not at all. I happen to find it quite therapeutic myself." It didn't appear that his words were being heard, as Daniel was already totally engrossed in the film. Jack sat back and watched his guest curiously. He would never have thought that Daniel would be interested in watching porn. He'd always seemed so young, wholesome and innocent. It was easy to forget that he was a red-blooded, fully adult male with certain needs and desires, which had not been fulfilled in a while.

Jack let his eyes drift from Daniel, back to the television. He'd seen the movie several times. In fact, it had become his favorite jerk off tape, which was why it had been left out and easily accessible instead of having been returned to its special shelf with the others of its kind. He empathized with Daniel's desire to ogle images of naked women since he couldn't get his hands on a real one at the moment.

"Good grief! Would you look at this guy?" Daniel grimaced and gestured towards the TV screen when a less than attractive, naked man began masturbating in front of the gorgeous naked woman. "He's got a beer belly, he's balding and he's not even packing that much in his shorts. So how is it that he gets paid to have sex with beautiful women?"

Jack thought about that for a few seconds, then asked, "Would you get naked in front of a room full of strangers with bright lights and cameras, and allow them to film you doing the nasty with someone you barely know?"

"Well, it would depend on...umm.... No."

Jack waved his beer bottle at the TV. "That's why we're sitting here watching fat, bald and dickless there screw for all he's worth. Besides, you're not suppose to be paying attention to the guy. You're supposed to be too turned on by the chick to even notice the guy."

"Well, I can't help it, I'm just naturally observant. Besides, this scene just kind of reminded me of Abydos."

Jack's brows furrowed in confusion. "Okay, you're going to have to explain that one."

"Oh, well, you see," Daniel began, turning his full attention to Jack, "on Abydos, they had this ritual every few months where all the married men seeking to father a child, would gather together in a circle and masturbate in order to collect a huge pot of sperm which they would then symbolically sacrifice to their god. From what I gather, the ritual began centuries ago back when Ra was doing some selective breeding among the slaves. You know, he had a thing for physical beauty and perfection. Anyway, it seems he collected sperm from the males he thought were superior and saved it for future generations. He had that whole invitro fertilization thing down pat."

"Interesting," Jack mused aloud. "But why, since Ra is dead, do they still perform this sperm collection ritual?"

"Well, even though they no longer believe in Ra as their God, they still believe that a God exists and watches over them and provides for their needs. They attribute my arrival and the destruction of Ra as proof of that. So the ritual is not for Ra, but rather for the unseen provider for all that is good.”

"I see," Jack gave an understanding nod. "And did you happen to participate in this ritual?"

"Not the first couple of times. But after half a year of being with Sha're and not a day closer to parenthood, both she and her father suggested that I give it a try."

"And how did you measure up against the Abydonians?"

"Ah, well, I think that generations of selective breeding on that planet may have helped to increase the average size of male genitalia. Or perhaps it was their diet or the side effects of working in the Naquada mines all their lives. I mean, on earth, I'm slightly better than average, but on Abydos, it was like comparing regular hot dogs to foot-longs. Rather embarrassing actually, but thankfully, no one was rude enough to point and laugh. But the fact that my physiology was somewhat different from the others is probably the reason why I was unable to get Sha're pregnant. Me being from earth and her...not. I mean, as often as we made love, I figured that it was only a matter of time before one of my little guys made it through. But apparently, not only was my hot dog not big enough, it also didn't come with enough mustard."


Daniel took in the grimace on his friend's face and assumed, "Too much information?"

"Just a tad."

"Sorry," Daniel apologized for talking too much, then turned his attention back to the video which was void of any conversation other than the occasional, "Ooh, yeah!"

Jack hadn't meant to shut his friend up completely. His voice had become a welcome diversion from the raunchy but passionless interactions on the TV screen. He wondered what he could say to get the conversation going again, but since he feared saying the wrong thing altogether, Jack decided to remain silent. After a few moments, he heard a soft noise from his companion.

"You say something?"

"No. I was just thinking," said Daniel, a tiny smile curving his lips. "If I'd had video equipment on Abydos, Sha're and I could have made our own porn movies. She was so passionate."

"Yeah, I remember she kissed you in front of everybody like it was pay-per-view. I thought she was going to suck your face off."

"She did stuff like that all the time. I'm not sure, but I think her public show of affection may have had something to do with the fact that my penis wasn't as big as the other men on Abydos. Not that she had inspected them all or anything, but the other wives always bragged about the size of their husbands' member. I think by showering me with affection, Sha're was saying to everyone that size didn't matter. That she considered me a good lover despite my shortcomings."

" Abydonians have sex pretty much the way we do here?" Jack asked hesitantly.

"Pretty much, except for oral sex. Well, it's okay for a woman to go down on a man, but for a man to give oral sex to a woman was considered wimpy. So the first time I dipped my head down to taste her, Sha're pushed me away and explained to me that men didn't do that because they'd be considered less than a man. So, for a long time, I obeyed the rules. Then, one morning I woke up early and decided to do a little pearl diving while she was still asleep. For the briefest moment when she woke up, she tried to push my head away, but I held my ground and after her third orgasm, she never denied me the pleasure again. And on top of that, I believe she let it slip to one of her friends who passed the information around. Since I was considered a hero and to some degree, the savior of their world, what I did -- however strange it may have seemed to them -- was in the end, deemed acceptable."

"So the Abydonian women have you to thank for their oral gratification?"

"Not all. Some of the older folks are pretty set in their ways, but the younger ones were more inclined to embrace the concept."

Jack shook his head in amusement. "Daniel, you never cease to amaze me."

"Actually, I kind of amazed myself there. I don't normally talk about my personal life like this with anyone."

"I'm not just anyone."

"No, you're not," Daniel acknowledged with a thoughtful smile that had the unexpected effect of making Jack blush.. There was a moment of awkward silence until Daniel figured out a way to keep the conversation going. "So, now that I've entrusted you with the secrets of my sex life on Abydos, it's your turn."

"I'm afraid I don't have any secret Abydonian sex stories to tell."

"You know what I mean."

Jack chuckled, shrugged his shoulders and inquired, "What do you wanna know?"

"Ahh...well...ah.... Okay, how about this? Where is the most unusual place you've ever made love?"

"You mean on this planet?"

Daniel spit out a laugh along with a mouth full of the beer he'd just started to swallow. "Oh, jeez!"

"Developing a little drinking problem there, Danny boy?"

Daniel used his sleeve to wipe the dribbling beer from his chin, while simultaneously managing to get his giggles under control. "Oh, I just.... I nearly forgot about Kynthia and her special wedding cake meant only for you. Wow, talk about your sexually transmitted diseases."

"Yeah," Jack grunted, "it wasn't bad enough I caught a virus that turned me into an old man, but the worst part was that I couldn't even remember having sex with her."

"Well, she surely never lost that smile, so you must have been at least...adequate."

"Thanks. That's very high praise coming from Mr. Girl On Every Planet."

Daniel flushed with embarrassment. Although the colonel was exaggerating greatly, there was still a grain of truth to the statement. "It's not every planet," he denied emphatically. "Besides, we're discussing you now. And I just want to know about the unusual places you did it on this planet, Jack."

"Well, at least that narrows it down some. And by unusual, you mean other than inside my own house?"


Jack took a swallow of beer while pausing a moment to search his memory. "Let's see. Most unusual places. Well, to start, Sara and I are members of the mile-high club."

"Mile high?"

"Yeah, you know," Jack pointed upwards. "Inside an airplane restroom, on our honeymoon flight to Hawaii. Then later in the hotel elevator, stalled between the 4th and 5th floors. We did it on the beach late at night, in the ocean a few feet from shore during the day, and once near the base of an active volcano. Needless to say, that one was a quickie. We also did it on the return flight, and in a stall of the ladies' rest room at the airport."

"Sounds like you guys would get it on any time, any place."

"Yeah. In the beginning we both had pretty healthy, sexual appetites, and we were both somewhat daring and playful."

"You ever get caught?"

"Not by anyone in authority. May have annoyed a few cleaning people or given a taxi driver an eyeful. But it was fun. We were real good together."

Daniel could detect the melancholy that was threatening to overcome his friend. Remembering the good times always led to thinking about the bad as well. For Jack, that meant the accidental, shooting death of his son and the quick deterioration of his marriage soon after.

"She wasn't your very first girlfriend, was she?" Daniel asked to divert Jack's attention away from the bad times.

"No," Jack shook his head and took another swig of beer. He saw easily what Daniel was doing and decided it best to go along with the program. "Mary Jane Bickford. We were both seven. We were more like sister and brother, but everyone referred to her as my little girlfriend. I didn't begin to think seriously about girls until I was thirteen and all the hormones started kicking in. I was a horny little bastard, but the girls my age didn't know anything, and the older ones weren't interested in me because I was just a kid. So for the next couple of years, my right hand became my girlfriend.

"Then by the time I turned fifteen, I had grown quite a few inches and gotten more studly-looking. No problems at all getting dates, and I pretty much played the field. I wasn't hung up on looks or status. As long as there was even a remote chance I could get inside her panties, I went for it."

"So I'm guessing you had a rather dubious reputation as a womanizer?"

"That's what you'd call a grown man. When you're a fifteen-year-old boy, it's called being normal. I never forced a girl to do anything she didn't want to do, but I sure as hell explored the boundaries of every single one I went out with. Some would only let me kiss them, others would let me feel them up through their clothes, some would let me feel skin. And man, the first time I felt a bare breast, I was in heaven. Then there were those rare gems who even went as far as to touch me in return. But the most I ever got was a bit of dry humping against a door somewhere or a half-hearted hand job in the back of a movie theater. The girls back then were all saving themselves for marriage."

"You probably wouldn't have respected them if they had let you go all the way," Daniel theorized.

"I wouldn't have respected her if she'd given it away to all the other guys, but as long as I was the only one, she would have had my undying admiration. But, as fate would have it, when I turned 16, a miracle occurred. I was flunking math and science, and my hockey coach arranged a private tutor for me to help bring my grades up before he was forced to kick me off the team. So, into my life comes Mrs. Maxwell. She was thirty-something, built like Marilyn Monroe, though she always dressed conservatively. Average looks but with a great smile.

"She tutored a lot of kids, but with me, we sort of connected in a special way. Her husband was a salesman who went out of town a lot, leaving her alone and a little lonely, I think. To this day, I can't recall if she seduced me or I seduced her, but I remember one moment we were naming elements, and the next we were sucking face. Damn, but that woman could kiss. Then she got on her knees in front of me and gave me my first blow job right there at the kitchen table. God, I thought my head would explode when I felt her mouth on me. Didn't think anything could feel as good. Afterwards, she asked me if I'd return the favor. I wasn't sure what she meant, but I agreed anyway. Then, she took me upstairs to her bedroom and thus began my lessons in bringing a woman to orgasm 101."

"Wow," Daniel murmured, impressed.

"You betcha. My grades improved to the point where I didn't need her help anymore, but I kept going to her house every afternoon anyway. That is, until her husband got a new job and they moved away. Never saw her again, but I never forgot what she taught me."

"I knew a Mrs. Maxwell," said Daniel, thoughtfully. "She served lunch in the cafeteria. She weighed about three-hundred pounds and had a mustache."

"I'll tell you, Daniel, I was so horny back then that even if my Mrs. Maxwell had looked like that, if she'd offered to fuck me, I sure as hell wouldn't have turned her down. What about you? How'd you score during your wonder years?"

Daniel shrugged and shook his head. "You remember when we first met, you used to call me a geek?"

"You know I didn't really mean it."

"Yes you did."

"Okay, I did. But I stopped thinking of you as a geek the moment you jumped in front of me and took that staff blast that originally had my name on it. Why the hell did you do that, anyway?"

"Well, I wasn't really expecting to get shot. I thought if I could just get everyone's attention that maybe we could talk things out instead of resorting to violence."

"Mmm, interesting concept. Too bad it doesn't always work. Anyway, back to what you were saying. I used to call you a geek and...?"

"Yes, well I was the epitome of geekdom back in high school. Actually, I started out as a dork and slowly developed into a geek. I was this gawky, badly dressed, skinny kid with a face full of acne, slicked down hair and big, black-rimmed glasses. Wasn't quite the babe magnet you were, but there were enough of my female counterparts around to ensure I'd at least have a date for prom night. I guess my hormones were a little slow to kick in, so bedding girls wasn't really that high on my list of goals to achieve. I remember my foster parents at the time were constantly trying to get me to put down my book of the week and get out of the house and have some fun. So, I did manage a few dates and may have walked off with a kiss or two, but I was too nervous to try much of anything else."

"So you were a virgin all through high school?"

"Yeah, and some of college. It wasn't until my third year that I met Mae Ling. She was a Korean exchange student who spoke English exceptionally well. In fact, she's the one who taught me to speak Korean. Anyway, my interest in learning her native language and culture, eventually led to us becoming intimate. She was a virgin too, and even though her family wanted her to wait until she was married, she had other ideas. So, you've got two, totally inexperienced nineteen-year-olds stumbling about trying to figure out how not to be virgins anymore.

"The first time was disastrous. We were doing a lot of kissing and heavy petting, when she suddenly unzipped me and reached her hand inside. As soon as she touched me, I came instantly. And she wasn't sure of what had just happened. All she knew was that I let out a yell and the next moment her hand is covered with some kind of slick fluid. She thought it was blood. You know, the lights were off and she couldn't see. She thought I was hurt, and was getting ready to go call for help. Oh man, it was truly embarrassing."

"So did you two just give up?"

"Ah, no. After she calmed down and I cleaned myself up, we gave it another try. This time we left a light on so we could see and better explore each other's bodies. It went much better then. And with a little practice, we became fairly good at it."

"That's my boy," Jack praised him with a proud smile.

"Hey, check him out," said Daniel, his attention drawn back to the adult movie by a bald, well-muscled, black man stripping off his briefs. "Looks kind of like Teal'c, doesn't he? I know the face is completely different, but the body build is the same."

"Yeah. Except Teal'c still has his foreskin."

Daniel raised his brows and shifted his gaze to stare at Jack. "And you would know this, how?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe I've seen it?"

"You've seen Teal'c's penis?"

"Haven't you?"

"No. Why have you?"

"You know, the locker room? Teal'c isn't exactly shy when it comes to nudity."

"Yes, but just because he walks around naked in the locker room, doesn't mean you check him out."

"Well, it's not that I'm checking him out, for crying out loud. It's just that, Teal'c and I have this thing."


"Not like that! Okay, if you must know, we have pissing contests. Or at least, we've had them in the past."

"Pissing contests?"


"Forgive my ignorance, but how does one compete in a pissing contest?"

"You know that blue tile on the wall over the urinals?"


"On occasions -- very rare occasions -- we try to see how far up the wall we can reach when we pee and how long the stream lasts."

"That's disgusting!"

"Hey! It's a guy thing," Jack defended his behavior.

"Well, I'm a guy, and I still say it's disgusting."

"So it's a disgusting guy thing."

"So who won?"

"I had to concede his three to one victory."

"I can't believe that Teal'c would actually get into a pissing contest with you."

"Oh, he's always been very competitive with me. Or maybe it's the other way around. Anyway, the last time, I was demonstrating to him how real men write their names in the snow."

"You didn't."

"I'd been drinking a lot of liquids that day, coffee, sodas and juice, so I was ready to make my mark. Went topside to my favorite little secluded area and squirted out, 'Jack O'Neill, SG-1,' just as pretty as you please. Then I stood aside and let Teal'c have a go. He quirks that eyebrow at me, then precedes to scribble out, 'Teal'c of Chulak, SG-1 and friend to Jack O'Neill.'"


"Yeah. That's what I thought. Some of my letters were bigger than his though."

"I'm sure that made all the difference."

The two men fell silent for a moment while watching the Teal'c-like guy on the screen juggling the amorous attention of two women simultaneously.

"You ever do that?" Daniel asked. "Two women at the same time?"

"Oh yeah," Jack smiled knowingly. "And then some," he added while holding up his left hand with spread fingers to indicate the number five.

"Yeah, right," Daniel scoffed.

"I'd just finished my flight training and I was scheduled to ship out overseas the next week. A buddy of mine decided to throw me a going away party. Which, after a few kegs of beer and a bag of weed, turned into a going away orgy."

"You, uh...smoked weed?"

"Once, but I didn't inhale." While Daniel pondered that comment, Jack continued with the story. "This was during the era of free love, the pill and women burning their bras. You say hello to a girl at a party, you hand her a beer, give her a toke on your smoke, then you find an unoccupied room so you can screw like bunnies. There was this set of twins who believed in doing everything together. We went into one of the bedrooms and got naked, then one sat on my lap while the other sat on my face. Next thing I know, someone's taking my right hand and guiding it to something hot, moist and furry. My fingers dig in without question. Then someone appears on the left side of me and I get another handful of pussy. A minute or so later, I felt someone at the foot of the bed sucking on my toes. Oddly enough, that seemed to be all she wanted from me."

"Sure you weren't just stoned and imagining all that?"

"Nah-h-h, you're just jealous."

"Naturally. So you were able to give them all orgasms?"

Jack took a moment to think back, then replied, "Actually, I don't quite remember much after I came. But... uh... I'm sure I gave them all an evening to treasure."

"No doubt."

"Well, just because I don't recall every single detail--"

"I understand. It was a long time ago, plus a few beers, and some uninhaled weed."

"Smart ass."


"You know what we should do, Danny Boy?"


"We should go out and get laid."

"Get laid?"

"See, it's been so long, you've forgotten what it means."

"I know what it means. I just.... You're saying that we should go out and find some prostitutes or something?"

"Hell, we shouldn't have to settle for prostitutes. You're a good-looking guy, I'm a good-looking, slightly older guy; it shouldn't be too difficult for us to go out to a bar tonight and score some acceptable female companionship."

"You're talking about a one-night stand?"

"It doesn't have to be a one-night stand, but Daniel, there are women out there who would be open to a night of physical intimacy with no further expectations. In other words, women get horny too."

"I know. But...well, I'm not really interested in a horny woman. I mean, not the type who would go home with some guy she just met in a bar. Then again, I don't think I'm ready for someone who's looking for something more. Considering my secret life at the SGC, it wouldn't be all that simple to have a normal relationship with a normal woman."

"No, it wouldn't," Jack agreed thoughtfully. "Of course, there are women at the base that you could date, if you wanted to. Since you're not military, there are no rules against you fraternizing with base personnel. You ever give that any thought? There are a couple of nurses that I've seen giving you the eye, not to mention some of the clerical help."

"Most of them are married or in a relationship already."

"You've checked?"

"Didn't have to. You know those times when I'm deep in thought or studying something and not paying much attention to my surroundings?"


"That's not always the case. Sometimes I pretend that I'm not all there just so people will leave me in peace. That's when they say things they don't think I hear. Like, 'If only I didn't have this ring on my finger,' or 'I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers, but my old man sure would.' And the ones that are available, think that I'm too brainy or too weird or too boring or too…nice."

"Someone spurned you for being too nice?"

"Doesn't matter. After the kind of luck I've had with women over the past few years, I'm not exactly enthusiastic about seeking out a new love connection anyway."

"Guess I can't blame you any there. I think we're pretty much in the same boat."

"Jack, were you really serious about going out and finding someone you can screw for the night?"

Jack shrugged. "I don't know. It's a thought. I'd probably opt for a working girl. No strings attached. You pay her to give you what you need and then you can forget you ever met her. If I didn't have to worry about getting busted by the vice squad and adding an unsightly blemish to my record...."

"Can I ask you something personal?"

Jack spit out a laugh. "What's all this we've been doing here?"

"Well we were talking about sex, basically. I wanted to ask you something else."

"Sure. What the hell. What do you want to know?"

"You and Sam?"

"Me and Sam what?"

"Well, you know how in the alternate realities, you and Sam were in love and either married or one step away from it? I just wondered about you and Sam in this reality. How do you really feel about her?"

"I care about Major Carter, a lot. The same way I care about all you guys."

"Is that all there is to it? The reason I ask is because I've seen the way you two look at one another at times."

"And how is that?"

"Like maybe you wished you lived in an alternate universe where it was okay to treat her like a woman and not simply as a soldier."

Jack thought silently to himself for a moment, trying to come up with a response for his friend's intuitive comments. "The Carter in those other realities wasn't military," he began. "The one that came through the portal here was nothing like our Carter. I can't put my finger on exactly what made her different, but even if they had been identically dressed with the same hairdo, I still would have been able to tell our Carter from the other. I'll admit that I do harbor a mild physical attraction for the Major. But that certain something that makes her Carter instead of Samantha, is the same thing that keeps me from getting any closer to her. She's military through and through. She wants a career and the power to someday give all the orders instead of just taking them. I don't doubt that in another reality she and I could become more than friends. And although I may fantasize about us doing the horizontal tango, I just don't see it actually happening in this life. Which means, if you want a shot at her, I won't stand in your way."

"What? Where did that come from? Are you kidding? Sam is like a sister to me. Sometimes I even get the sensation we were separated at bir — hey, wait a minute. You were just pulling my leg, weren't you?" Daniel asked when he noted the sly grin on his friend's face.

Jack gave a minor nod and said, "Just checking. So what about Doc Frazier? You think of her as a sister too?"

"No. I think of her as my doctor. And I've spent so much time schooling myself not to get aroused when she's examining me, that I don't think I'd be able to get it up in front of her even if my life depended on it."

"I know the feeling. Do you realize that she's seen everybody on the entire base naked at least once? Including General Hammond."

Daniel frowned as an image of their naked, bald general suddenly popped into his mind. "Oh, why did you have to go say that? I always saw the general as the wise, grandfatherly type. Now I have a whole new image of him stuck in my head."

"Sorry. Hey, since we're in this realm of very personal questions, mind if I ask you one? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Daniel raised his brows in wonderment, then said, "Well, let me hear it first, then I'll decide whether or not to answer."

"Okay. Well, this sort of goes back a little ways. And you did sort of address the issue in your written report, but understandably, you didn't get into a lot of detail. That first encounter we had with Hathor. Some of what happened, I didn't remember right away, but eventually, all of it came back to me. Being almost made into a Jaffa..." Jack shuddered at the thought. "Anyway, Carter told me about finding you in a catatonic state after your private session with Hathor. Exactly what the hell did that bitch do to you?"

Daniel was silent for so long, that Jack assumed he wouldn't get a reply at all. He started to withdraw the request, when suddenly his younger companion spoke in barely a whisper, "She raped me." Clearing his throat, Daniel continued the confession in a more normal tone. "I know that a lot of people don't believe that a woman can rape a man, but she wasn't exactly a woman to begin with. She may not have physically wrestled me down on the bed, but she mentally attacked me and forced me to do things against my will. I can remember thinking to myself about how I didn't want to be kissing her and I didn't want to be getting hard for her, but I was powerless to stop myself. She unbuckled and unzipped my pants; undressed me just enough to get at what she needed to. She climbed aboard and I tried to will myself not to respond, even when I was inside her. I tried not to move, tried not to come, because I didn't want to contribute to her offsprings.

"I can't honestly say that I didn't find some small measure of physical pleasure in the act. I would look at her face and think how beautiful she was, how wonderful she smelled and how soft her skin felt. But emotionally, I was turned inside out. I kept having to remind myself that she wasn't just another beautiful woman. She was an alien parasite looking to take over the world. And the more sexually stimulated she became, the more the Goa'uld showed itself. Her eyes started glowing, then that hideous voice came out of those perfect, red lips I'd just kissed, demanding that I give her my seed. And when I came, I felt something odd. It felt like tentacles grabbing me from inside her womb and suctioning me off. God, it made me want to just curl up and die.

"When she was finished, she left me to go make use of what I'd just given her. She told me to rest and await her return. I was able to fix my clothes back, then I just sat there, numb, unnerved, ashamed and devastated by what I had just done. I vaguely recall Sam coming into the room sometime later, but...she didn't seem quite real. None of it seemed real."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Daniel. Makes me wish I could kill that bitch all over again for what she put us through."

"Just knowing she'll never be able to hurt anyone else again is solace enough."

"Guess it'll have to be enough."

"So, now that you've heard about my worst sexual experience, what's yours?"

Jack shook his head and replied, "Trust me, you don't want to know."

"That bad?" When he received no answer, Daniel considered dropping the subject. After a moment of silent contemplation, he spoke up again. "Remember when we were sent to that prison planet and you had me to hide the fact that I wore glasses because you said that it would be a bad idea for me to show any weakness in a place like that?"

"Yeah. So?"

"I didn't completely get what you were talking about at first, but it soon became clear a little later on when some guy tried to feel me up. Luckily, Teal'c was close by, and in his own special way, persuaded the guy to keep his hands to himself."

"I think I may have walked in on the tail end of that."

"You did. You mentioned back then that you had been in prison before, which I didn't know at the time. Of course, I know now about your capture and imprisonment in an Iraqi prison. But you've never talked about what went on there."

He let the unspoken question hang in the air, not wanting to force his friend to dredge up unpleasant memories, but willing to lend an ear if he needed to unburden himself. For a while, it seemed as though conversation would not continue. Finally, Jack let out a deep sigh. While his eyes remained glued to the action on the TV screen, his thoughts were years back into his past.

"It wasn't so much the other prisoners," he began softly. "I had my special ops training, so I knew how to defend myself from unwanted advances. And even though I was mildly injured and in pain when I first arrived, I managed not to let it show too much. There were a couple of tough guys who tested all the newcomers. If you were able to convey to them the fact that you were the type who would tear their hearts out and hand it to them if they so much as breathed on you, then you were pretty much left alone.

"So, no problems with the other prisoners once we were properly introduced. The guards, however were a different story. They held your life in their hands and they knew it. Most seemed to find enjoyment in harassing the American. Occasional beatings, pissing in my drinking water, withholding food, making me work when it was time to rest. It was no picnic, but I learned to cope.

"And then one day, Smiley came into my life. I never bothered with his real name. It was too hard to pronounce. I nicknamed him Smiley because of that interesting shade of brown his few remaining teeth were. He took an instant liking to me. He thought I was pretty. For once, the curse of the O'Neill good looks gets me in deep shit. He tried to talk me into sucking him off, but I think he could tell by my expression that if he stuck his tool in my mouth, he wasn't likely to get it all back. So, he tried to persuade me to bend over for him. I was able to fight him off the first couple of times, but eventually, he caught me off guard, hit me with his club, then chained me to my cot. No preparation, no discussion, just ripped off what was left of my pants and plowed right in.

"I couldn't tell you how long that first time lasted or how many times he came back for more. Don't know if it lasted for hours or days. Eventually, I woke up in the infirmary. Concussed, feverish, badly bruised, dehydrated and on the verge of starvation. Apparently, Smiley didn't want his sex toy dying, so he gave me a few days to recoup. Just before I was released from the infirmary, I managed to get my hands on a small scalpel. I carefully wrapped the sides with surgical tape, but left the point exposed. Then, with the utmost care and patience, I hid it where the sun don't shine."

Daniel's eyebrows moved skyward and his mouth fell open in shock as the realization of what he heard crystallized in his mind. He remained quiet however, waiting for the rest of the story.

"I sort of had a gut feeling," Jack continued. "And it turned out I was right. Smiley was the one to escort me back to my cell. And as soon as we got inside, he demanded that I lose the pants and assume the position. For once, I didn't argue. I complied without a word. Predictably, he didn't want to waste time with foreplay. So I relaxed my muscles and allowed him to shove right on in."

"My God!" Daniel gasped in a low whisper.

Jack glanced his way for a second, then took a swig of beer before resuming his monologue. "I was told later that the screaming had been loud enough to wake the warden from his nap up in his third floor office. Long story short, Smiley's new nickname became Stubby. I spent a couple of weeks in the hole -- solitary confinement -- and when I got out, Stubby was long gone. Early retirement, I imagine. The rest of my stay at the prison was relatively peaceful."

"Wow...that's uh....that'" Daniel fumbled for the right words to say. "I'm sorry that happened to you, Jack."

"Yeah, well, it was a long time ago. And like they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."

"Superman," Daniel murmured softly.

"I wish," Jack mumbled.

The two men were silent after that, both momentarily caught up in their own thoughts and memories. They had pretty much forgotten about the X-rated video that was still playing on the TV. Now that their lively conversation had peaked, the tacky background music and tackier dialogue of the movie, finally caught their attention.

"Spank me, Mommy!" a grown man in strips of black leather was pleading his desires to a dominant female. "I'm a bad boy. Spank me!"

"Hell, he's a bad actor!" Jack yelled at the TV. "Shoot him!"

Jack and Daniel exchanged humorous looks, then broke out into laughter.

"Where'd you get this video from anyway?" asked Daniel. "Does Mayborne own a porn shop? Are you sure this thing's not emitting government-controlled truth rays or something? I mean, we've told each other some pretty personal stuff here tonight. What do you suppose has gotten into us?"

"I don't know. Think maybe we brought back some new alien mind sex virus?"

"Mind sex?"

"Yeah. You know. Your mind is on sex, you think about it, you talk about it, you even watch it," Jack gestured towards the television, "but you're just not having any yourself."

"Well, sex isn't everything," stated Daniel philosophically. "There's nothing wrong with celibacy."

"Nope, not a thing," Jack agreed with a sigh. As he glared at the video, he noted that the action on the screen -- bad acting aside -- was finally starting to get to him. He felt a stirring in his groin as he watched a buxom blonde babe, grab the hair of her sex slave and shove his face into her shaved pussy. Absently, Jack's hand began to massage the developing erection in his pants. After a moment, he realized what he was doing and that he didn't have his normal privacy to take care of such matters. He stopped his movements abruptly as he glanced over and saw that his company was watching him, an amused smile courting his lips.

"How often do you masturbate?" asked the good doctor as though it was the most normal of questions to inquire.

Jack raised his brows in surprise. "How often do I what?"

"You heard me. How often do you choke the chicken, squeeze the weasel, spill the seed, give it a wank, jack off?"

"I prefer jerk off," stated Jack defensively. "And why do you ask?"

"No reason. Just making conversation. By the way, if you need to do it now, don't mind me. I understand it's a basic human desire."

Jack cocked his head to one side as he looked at the archeologist curiously. "Are you suggesting that I jerk off right here and now in front of you?"

"Like I said, back on Abydos, the men use to gather together to do just that. Of course, it was an ancient ritual of fertility; still, jerking off is jerking off, and if you need to do it now, it wouldn't bother me in the least."

"Uh huh," Jack nodded. "You sure you just don't want to get a look at my dick?"

"No, I have no particular desire to see your penis."

Jack accepted that as truth, but after noticing the slight tent in Daniel's pants, he came to a more logical assumption. "You need to get off yourself, don't you? That's why all this sex talk, why you brought up the sexual habits of the Abydonians in the first place. You horny little devil."

Daniel's eyes held a shy but lustful gaze that let Jack know that he was absolutely right. "It's just been so long, you know, since--"

"Since you've masturbated?"

"No," Daniel answered in a soft voice. "Since I've had someone to touch me." He sighed and looked away from his friend, back at the naked people on the screen. "Today, Ke'ra stirred certain feelings within me. Not only romantic inklings, but sexual desire as well. That's not to say that I would have nailed her right there at the SGC, but I have to admit, the idea did sort of sprout to mind. Things didn't work out the way I'd hope, and it's hard to let those feelings simply drop. If you hadn't brought me here, I would have just gone home and taken a twenty minute cold shower. Try to forget that I'd kissed and held a beautiful woman in my arms today, and convince my nether regions to go back into dormant mode."

"So..." Jack began in a casual tone, "if I'm in the mood to jerk off and you're in the mood to jerk off, I guess maybe you're thinking that we could have our own little Abydonian wanking ceremony?"

Daniel licked his lips nervously and said, "Actually, I was hoping we could do a little more than that."

"Such as?"

"Well, on Abydos, it wasn't considered out of line to offer a helping hand to someone who could use a little assistance reaching orgasm."

"Really?" Jack replied, not quite sure how he felt about the proposition that his pal seemed to be making. "Too bad we're not on Abydos."

Daniel took that remark as a polite rejection and instantly regretted ever opening his mouth. "Right. Sorry I even brought it up. Forget I said anything. I think maybe that cold shower deal is probably a good idea after all. I'd better go."

Before he could embarrass himself any further, Daniel got up from the sofa and hurried for the door. Jack stood up and followed, catching up with him just as his hand reached for the doorknob.


They nearly collided when Daniel made a sudden about face. "Sorry, forgot my jacket." He started to sidestep Jack to get to the coat closet, but the colonel purposely blocked his path.

"And shoes," Jack nodded towards Daniel's stocking feet.

"Oh," Daniel replied absently as he stared down at his wiggling toes.

"And did you also forget how you got here?"

"I drove. No, you drove."

The Colonel placed his left hand on Daniel's shoulder, and with a gentle squeeze, silently asked for his full attention. "I didn't say no," Jack began his explanation, "I just said we're not on Abydos."


"That I should probably have my head examined for even thinking what I'm thinking right now."

"And what are you thinking right now, Jack?"

"That might feel kind of nice to have someone else's hand other than my own squeezing my dick for a change."

"You mean, like this?" asked Daniel as he placed a hand on Jack's crouch and gave a gentle squeeze. There was an immediate reaction as the semi-hard flesh beneath the khaki fabric began to rapidly swell.

Jack let out a soft gasp as he leaned into the touch. "Yeah, something like that."

Without giving his friend a chance to argue or change his mind, Daniel quickly undid Jack's belt, unzipped his trousers, and plunged his hand inside the cotton briefs to reach hard, warm flesh.

"My hand's not too cold, I hope," he spoke softly as he began to gently stroke the erection blooming to life in his firm grasp.

"No," Jack moaned. "Feels great."

"Good. You want to return the gesture?"

"Oh, yeah. Sure." Jack wasn't use to handling someone else's equipment, and he was slightly hesitant about doing so now. He looked down and discovered that the archeologist had already undone his own pants and exposed the thick, needy erection awaiting attention. Tentatively, Jack brushed the back of his fingers along the length of Daniel's hard-on, eliciting a low moan.

"Don't tease, Jack."

"Sorry. New to this."

"Just do what I do."

Jack dutifully followed Daniel's example with a firm grip and long, slow strokes. It felt odd holding another man's dick in his hand, not unpleasant, just different. The erection he held was about an inch longer than his own and a bit thicker. Jack couldn't imagine that Daniel would have anything to be ashamed of back on Abydos. The men there must have been swinging elephant trunks between their legs if they considered Daniel to be sub-par. Thoughts of other men and the size of their genitals quickly fled Jack's mind when he felt Daniel's other hand squeezing his balls.

"Fuck!" Jack hissed as the sudden additional simulation caused him to forget that he was supposed to be mirroring Daniel's actions. His grip on the other man's penis drifted away, and it was all he could do to simply remain standing as his body enjoyed the attention it was receiving. He had nearly reached the point of orgasm when the hands pleasuring him suddenly pulled away. "Oh, fuck!" he groaned, this time in frustration.

"Sorry," Daniel apologized. "It's just getting a little too one-sided," he explained, referring to his neglected member.

"Oh, sorry. Like I said, this is new to me."

"I know. It's okay. Mind if we try something else? Something that requires a lot less concentration on both our parts?"

"Yeah, whatever," Jack responded irritably, not caring what they did, as long as it ended with his own sexual gratification. He was barely aware of Daniel unbuttoning both of their shirts and rolling their t-shirts up over their waists, then pushing down their pants and briefs below their hips. Jack merely put his mind on auto-pilot and allowed Daniel to run the show.

"We're just going to rub up against each other, okay?" said Daniel as he pulled Jack into a close embrace, causing their groins to press together.

The thoughts that were racing through Jack's brain now was that he didn't believe he was actually standing there, practically naked, humping another guy. The fact that the guy was Daniel, was in itself mind-boggling, and the idea that perhaps he'd even done this before with another man was truly unfathomable. The other thought Jack had was simply that he couldn't believe how damn good it felt. The erotic sensation of another warm body grinding against his, arms holding him tight, hands rubbing his back and groping his ass, pushing him closer to the edge.

"How does this feel, Jack?" Daniel breathed heavily into his ear. "Think you can come doing this?"

He wondered how Daniel could even manage to speak, much less create full sentences. As for himself, his language skills had deteriorated down to simple grunts and groans. He wasn't all that aware of pinning Daniel against the door, but he did realize that he suddenly had more leverage to press his body in closer to create more friction. A combination of sweat and pre-ejaculate made their erections slip and slide pleasantly against each other. Jack would never have considered the feel of another man's penis against his own could be so arousing much less satisfying. It would appear that he could indeed find release in this method.

For several moments, he ground himself feverishly into Daniel until at last, he felt that unmistakable tightening in his balls signaling his impending orgasm. His body spasmed as his knees buckled slightly. Strong arms tightened solidly around him to both hold him up and keep him close. A few seconds later, he heard a loud groan as Daniel apparently reached his own height of ecstasy. The two men retained their embrace, helping to steady each other as their hearts pounded in their chests and they each labored to catch their breath.

"Jack?" Daniel's voice was soft, a bit breathless and tinged with concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine," Jack responded without removing his head from the shoulder on which it was resting heavily. "Just uh...give me a minute," he added, needing the time to both compose himself and prepare for what was to come next. Now that the blood was flowing to his brain again, he realized just what a dumb thing he'd let happen. A simple hand job was one thing, but to hammer a member of his team into the door like he was a ten dollar whore, was not a very Colonel-like or sensible thing to do. It was time to shoulder the responsibility for what he'd just done and face the music. Jack took in one final deep breath, then straightened up and lifted his eyes to face Daniel. He was all set to apologize for his unbridled actions, but was instantly halted by the contented smile beaming back at him.

'Thank you, Jack. I needed that."

Jack looked down at his spent cock and blew out an agreeable sigh. "Apparently, so did I." Not wanting to walk about without his pants, or willing to pull them back up without cleaning himself first, he used his shirt tail to wipe away the sweat and semen covering his groin and abdomen. When he saw Daniel about to mimic his actions using his own shirt, Jack stopped him. "Wait. No use in soiling two shirts." He pulled off his long sleeved shirt and offered the unsullied end for Daniel's use.

"I think I kind of worked up an appetite," said Daniel casually as he wiped himself with the shirt. "You got anything around here good to eat?"

"Yeah, I'm sure we can scrape up something," said Jack as he tucked himself back into his pants. "Why don't you use the guest bathroom to finish up." With a wavering hand, Jack indicated Daniel's state of undress, then taking the soiled shirt away from him, added. "I'll go wash up and take care of this. We'll talk later."

Jack sat quietly at the kitchen table spooning up the last of his mashed potatoes. The microwave dinners in his freezer proved to be fairly tasty. He'd opted for the meatloaf entrée while his guest, seated across from him, chose the chicken primavera. The two men had been speaking banally during their meal, sticking with the safe topic of microwave cooking and the taste of various heat and eat meals. Daniel had been carrying the conversation, speaking in a manner that was completely natural and suggesting that nothing out of the ordinary had taken place just half an hour earlier. Jack had almost been willing to play along. He was all for pretending that they had not just broken taboo, had not seen each other hard and sweaty, had not just splattered each other with semen. He was all set to sweep the whole incident under the carpet, except that one little thing bothered him about the whole situation.

"You've done that before, haven't you?" he blurted out the question, cutting off Daniel's comment about overheated popcorn bags.

"Burned popcorn in the microwave? I think everyone's done that at least once. Those bags should come with some kind of built in thermometer that shuts off the microwave oven at just the right moment to prevent--"

"Not that," Jack cut in again. "I mean, over by the door. You've done that before...with a man. You got that friendly with the guys on Abydos?"

"No, there was no reason to. I had Sha're know."

"That's what I thought. So, did you ever offer a helping hand to any of the men on Abydos?"

"No-o-o, I sort of made that part up," Daniel shamefully confessed. "I was just horny, Jack. And it appeared that you were too, so I figured we could just help each other out a little."

"Well, Daniel, I can understand a hand job, but that groin to groin thing really took me by surprise."

"Oh. I'm sorry about that," Daniel's tone was rueful. "It's just the hormones kind of took over my brain, and uh.... You didn't like it, did you? You must think I'm a total freak now, don't you?"

"No, of course not. Just saw another side of you that I didn't know existed."

"I'm not gay," Daniel was quick to point out.

"I never thought you were," said Jack sincerely. "But I sort of get the idea that this wasn't your first time rubbing dicks together, was it?"

Daniel's face went flush and he chuckled softly. "No, not exactly. While I was a post-grad student, I um...met someone. It was the Christmas break and mostly everyone had either gone home for the holidays or opted for a skiing trip or something. Since I didn't have anyone to go home to, and I don't ski, I spent all my holidays on campus. I wasn't completely alone, however. There were a few others who didn't have anywhere else to go as well. Still, I practically had the whole dorm to myself and I didn't feel the need to lock my door or even bother to close it, for that matter. So, one night -- I believe it was actually Christmas eve -- I'd fallen asleep while reading on my bed. I'm sure I had left a light on, but when I woke up, the room was dark. There was moonlight coming in through the window, but that's about all.

"Anyway, the thing that woke me up was the fact that there was someone else in the room with me. And not only was that someone in my room, that someone was giving me head. Took me a few moments to fully wake up. At first I thought that I was just dreaming, but then I realized that it was happening for real. I couldn't think of who it could be. I hadn't dated anyone since Mae Ling, which by the way, only lasted one semester. She didn't like the fact that I put my studies ahead of our relationship, so she dumped me for a drama major. So...umm...what was I saying?"

"You were waking up to a blow job," Jack reminded him.

"Oh, right. There's just enough moonlight for me to see that it's someone with light-colored, curly hair. On one hand, I was upset that some strange girl would take advantage of me in that way. But on the other hand, I'm noticing how good it feels, so I kind of hold off on making any unnecessary protests right away."

"Reasonable response."

"So, things are heating up nicely with my new friend, when, all of a sudden, she pulls away and starts to slip a condom over my erection. I'm thinking I should at least ask her name, but I really don't want to ruin the moment, so I just relax, lay back and let her take charge. Finally, she straddles my hips and prepares to get even more intimate. She's wearing a long-sleeve shirt and it's hard to actually make out her shape. All I can tell is that she's slim and not too short. At any rate, she reaches behind her and grabs me, then proceeds slowly to ease herself down. I remember thinking, 'Damn, she's so tight. She's probably a virgin.' But then, I think she seems too experienced, too sure of herself to be a virgin. By the way she takes her own sweet time fitting me inside her inch by inch, and the way she's squeezing me so tight, I finally realize that it's not her vagina I'm sinking into, it's her anus. I'm giving it to a girl up her ass, and I almost come just from that thought alone.

"Finally, I'm all the way in, and she's moving up and down, and it feels incredible. And eventually, I become aware of something slapping against my groin as she's bouncing up and down on me. So I reach underneath the shirt to see what it is. And, uh... it becomes immediately apparent that she's a he. My heart almost stops from the shock and I try to buck him off, but he's strong and somewhat determined. He leans down and grabs my arms to hold me in place. And before I can protest anymore, he whispers in my ear, one word. 'Please.' It wasn't so much the word itself, but the way he said it. Pleading and asking for my forgiveness and understanding all in one simple utterance."

Daniel paused in his storytelling long enough to take a quick sip of the wine he was having with his meal. "So, uh... seeing that I already had my cock up his ass, and it being Christmas and all, I...uh...stop struggling and let him have his way. It was a weird sensation, to say the least. And it bothered me somewhat that I wasn't completely disgusted by the whole thing. I was fucking a guy as if I'd done it a hundred times before. I guess I was just so lonely and craving physical human contact, that it didn't seem to matter that he was the wrong gender. All I knew was that it felt too damn good to stop."

Jack wasn't quite sure what to make of the confession. He cleared his throat as if to speak, but found he had no words, either good or bad, to offer. The vision of a not so innocent Daniel having sex with a man, took up residence in his mind and it was virtually impossible to think of anything else.

Daniel didn't seem to notice his friend's discomfort as he forged on. "Afterwards, while we're both trying to catch our breath, he's lying on top of me and suddenly starts crying. He apologizes and begs my forgiveness for his behavior. I ask him why he did it. Turns out that he was suffering from depression. His parents had disowned him, his sister, whom he was very close to, had died six months earlier, then on top of that, he'd just gotten a 'Dear John' letter in the Christmas card he received from his boyfriend. His name was Eric, by the way. He was suicidal. He'd already written his good-bye letters, and he was on his way to the roof to jump off when he passed by my opened door and noticed me asleep on the bed. He said he liked what he saw and figured, what the hell, he'd get in one last fuck before he went."

"I'm guessing you talked him out of it?" asked Jack. "Killing himself, that is."

"Ah, yeah. We stayed up all that night and had a very long talk. It took some doing, but eventually, I convinced him not to give up, that his life had meaning and that at least one person in the world would care whether or not he lived or died."

Jack eyed his friend with reverence. Daniel was the only man he knew who would not only forgive those who'd wronged him, he could befriend them as well. His relationship with Teal'c was a prime example. Even though the Jaffa had been responsible for him losing Sha're -- first to the Goa'uld, then to death -- Daniel had been able to swallow his sorrow and offer compassion in return.

"So, you were in the life-saving business even before joining the SGC."

Daniel shrugged lightly. "I just gave him what he needed; a little companionship. And he gave me what I needed in return."

"A blow job?"

Daniel waggled his eyebrows. "Among other things. After that first night, I really hadn't planned on doing anything sexual with him again. But to show his gratitude for me being so nice and understanding, he offered to suck me off again. My initial reaction was, of course, to turn him down. But then, he started talking -- well, bragging actually -- about how good he was, and how he could do things to me that a woman couldn't or wouldn't do, and that he could make me come so intensely, that I'd still be feeling the effects a week later." A sensual smile flitted across Daniel's face at the memory of those hedonist acts in which he had indulged himself. "He was right," he spoke candidly, then his eyes drifted down to his hands as the smile faded. "Does it bother you to know that I've had sexual relations with a man?"

"Daniel, who you've had sex with, is none of my business."

"That's not what I asked," said Daniel, making eye contact. "Does it make you think differently about me now? Do I disgust you?"

"No," Jack replied honestly, "you don't disgust me, Daniel. But you have sort of ruined this sweet and innocent, Boy Scout image I had of you."

Daniel chuckled lightly and asked, "What? You think Boy Scouts never have sex?"

"Not with each other." Jack took a second to think about that, then amended his statement. "On the other hand, they may have just added the 'don't ask, don't tell,' to their 'always be prepared' motto."

"Did you like it?"

"Like what?"

Daniel's eyes shifted briefly over to the door where Jack had been humping him earlier.

Jack weighed his answer carefully before responding. "I would have liked it a lot better if you were female."

"Does that mean you liked it anyway?" When he was answered with a somewhat sheepish nod, Daniel asked, "Are you ready for seconds then?"

Jack spit out the wine he was drinking to keep from choking on it. The question had taken him completely off guard. "You evil, horny little bastard," Jack sputtered as he picked up a napkin to wipe away the wine from his lips and chin.

"Takes one to know one," Daniel grinned.

Despite the grin, Jack could see clearly that his friend was serious about a second round of mutual sexual fulfillment. Although the blood was already rushing to fill the necessary organ, Jack forced himself to think rationally.

"We can't," he replied simply.

"I think we've already shown that we can," countered Daniel. "Perhaps you mean, we shouldn't?"

"Yeah. That one. I don't think it's such a good idea. In fact, what we did before, I think it would be best to just forget it ever happened. Thinking with one's dick can often lead to a shit-load of trouble. Don't you agree?"

The hopeful gleam that had been in Daniel's eyes, suddenly died. He dropped his head soberly and nodded. "You're right. We can't. I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Maybe you were right about an alien virus. Maybe I picked up something from Ke'ra when I kissed her. At least that would explain my behavior tonight, wouldn't it? Sorry, if I made you too uncomfortable with all this. But you're right. We should just forget it ever happened." Daniel abruptly pushed himself away from the table and stood up. "Well, it's uh....getting kind of late. I guess I should be getting home."

He headed quickly into the living room to get his shoes, only to become sidetracked by the graphic sex scenes on the television screen. The movie itself was over, but a montage of pornographic images were being played as background to the rolling credits. Finally, the last scene faded to black, and the screen turned blue a few seconds later as the video tape came to an end and began to rewind itself. As he stood in the center of the room, staring at the vivid, blue screen, Daniel became aware of a solid presence standing directly behind him. A hand hesitantly landed gently on his left shoulder.

"Stay," said Jack, his voice low and husky.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Jack."

"No, it's not. Stay anyway."


"I think we both need to get this out of our system. Whatever it is; loneliness, horniness, alien influence, human nature, too much to drink... We let the walls come down tonight and build them back up tomorrow. Tonight is all I'm willing to offer, if you're still interested."

"Well, it's not like I was looking to go steady or anything," said Daniel in a light tone.

Jack smiled and considered the statement as a form of consent. He slipped his arms about Daniel's waist, pulling him close and allowing his hard-on to press lightly against a firm, round ass. "So," he whispered hotly in Daniel's ear, "maybe you can show me what Eric did to make you come so intensely, you felt the effects for a whole week."'

"Can't," said Daniel as he grabbed Jack's right hand and moved it to lay upon his own growing erection.

"Why not?" asked Jack as he gave the thick, covered flesh a playful squeeze.

Daniel moaned softly as he relaxed back into Jack's solid build, then remembered to answer the question. "I don't have the interesting little toys he used."

"Oh," Jack sounded disappointed. "Too bad. Then again, it's probably just as well. You were a strapping young buck in your twenties. I'm a decrepit old Colonel in my forties. What left you weak in the knees days later, would probably give me a coronary on the spot."

"True," Daniel agreed. "Of course, there are a couple of things I could show you that are more suitable for the elderly but can still knock your socks off."

"Oh yeah? Then maybe we should take this to the bedroom. That's the only place I like my socks knocked off."

Daniel turned around in Jack's arms and looked into his eyes searchingly. "You're sure about this?"

"Tonight I am."

"Will you respect me in the morning?"

"If I wake up without socks, yes."

Daniel nodded, then took Jack by the hand and led him off to the bedroom. Just as they reached the door, Daniel snapped his fingers as something suddenly came to mind. "You go on. I just need to get some stuff from the fridge."

Jack opened his mouth to ask a question, then closed it abruptly. His brain was no longer in control. His dick was now calling the shots, and as far as it was concerned, there had been more than enough talk for one night. Sock removal was the important issue now, and if it required refrigerated items, so be it.

The end