Jeongguk doesn’t know how he ended up here. He doesn’t know how they ended up here. All he knows, as he stands in the middle of the apartment, helpless, is that Yugyeom is moving around and packing. Packing his things, their memories, their life. In a black backpack that can barely hold his books because the zipper is broken. Jeongguk has been telling Yugyeom to get a new one for ages. In fact, he bought him a new one for their sixth month anniversary. Which is in a week.
He tries to say something. Anything. Jeongguk opens his mouth when Yugyeom walks to their bedroom, cursing when he couldn’t find his favorite hoodie. It’s at Taehyung’s, he wants to say. They left it there by accident the last time they were over because they both got way too drunk. Jeongguk shuts his mouth, jaw clenching. He tries to say something again when Yugyeom shoves his glasses in his bag without the case. It’s going to get crushed, with all the crap he’s been cramming inside, like it can all fit in a ratty, old bag. Like their life together is worth just that.
When he opens his mouth again, he just closes it almost immediately. What else can he say? Jeongguk could say that he didn’t see this coming, that he was blindsided. But he did see it. Jeongguk knew from the moment Yugyeom talked about Jinyoung, his lab partner, who is also in the dance club, whose face lights up when he smiles. He saw it. But he figured, Yugyeom loved him, what was there to be worried about?
Now, he realizes that he was too complacent. He was living in a bubble he never thought would burst. And now he’s drenched in the shock of the explosion.
Yugyeom is leaving. He is leaving Jeongguk.
“Where will you stay?” Jeongguk asks, voice breaking, when Yugyeom heads for the door. Because, right at the very end, he still cares. No matter what, he will always care, which is probably his greatest flaw.
Yugyeom’s hand tightens on the doorknob for a second, and then he’s turning to Jeongguk. “Take care of yourself.” And then he’s gone.
Jeongguk, still standing in the middle of the too quiet apartment, watches the door long after he’s gone.
The thing about breakups is that it’s jarring. It throws you in for a loop, throws you at the curve without warning, and you’re left scrambling to find your footing. It’s close to three months and Jeongguk is still trying to get out of the habit of turning to Yugyeom every time something of note happens. He's gotten used to telling Yugyeom everything, so used to turning to his side to smile and laugh along with him, so used to reaching for his hand to squeeze it for comfort. Jeongguk bites his lip and chugs down his seventh beer, staring at the bottle as he wills the sad feeling away. He wonders how long he’s going to feel like this.
Jeongguk lets out a breath and looks up, just in time to see Taehyung get up on one of the tables and start dancing, Hoseok in tow. He can’t believe he’s at a party. The last one he went to... He scoffs and shakes his head. No matter what he does. It always feels like he’s going to have Yugyeom hanging around in his head. Everything in his life feels so connected to him. Or at least everything in his university life.
"Jeongguk!" Hoseok's voice carries over the noise. He waves him over. "Dance with us!"
"Come on, Jeongguk!" Taehyung jumps up and down before proceeding to grind at Hoseok.
And Jeongguk doesn't really have anything more to lose. What ever is left of his dignity has been shattered by Yugyeom leaving him just before they spent six months of supposedly being in love. He finishes the remaining half of his beer in one go and joins his ridiculous friends to dance on top of the table. Taehyung hoots when he does, wrapping his arms around Jeongguk's neck. Hoseok hands him another beer and Jeongguk drinks and dances and dreams to forget.
Hoseok presses his back against his, nuzzling the back of his neck, muttering sweet nothings in his ear. All the while, Taehyung stays close to his front, his arms wrapped around both his and Hoseok's shoulders. Jeongguk can't help but think how lucky he is that he has friends like this, who laugh to make him laugh and who touch so that he can feel cared for. Turning his head to the side so he can drink his beer, he giggles when Taehyung and Hoseok both start grinding on him. His friends are shameless when it comes to partying. It had been quite a shock to him the first time, not really being a touchy person. But he'd gotten used to it. He just really has affectionate friends.
At the corner of his eye, Jeongguk notices the door open and people entering, and, all at once, his whole body freezes. A cold, biting feeling spreads all over him that he loses hold of his beer, Taehyung catching it just in time. Hoseok squeezes his waist when he notices that Jeongguk's stopped having fun.
"What's wrong? What--" Hoseok cuts himself off with a hissed curse when he follows Jeongguk's line of sight.
Yugyeom just walked in with Jinyoung.
Taehyung hops off the table and pulls Jeongguk with him. Which is just the right time to because Jeongguk feels his eyes leaking and his chest heaving. Hoseok follows after them, his hands on their backs as they both rush out of the house and into the porch. Jeongguk stumbles out, almost hitting his face on door frame. He takes deep breaths as he sits on the top step and buries his face in his hands.
"Jeongguk," Taehyung starts.
"Don't," Jeongguk bites out, choking back a sob. "Don't."
Hoseok sits beside him, a hand on his shoulder. "Find Jimin and Seokjin," he tells Taehyung. "We should go."
The door opens, the party blaring on, and then closes, shutting it back in. Jeongguk keeps his palms over his eyes. He knows it doesn't stop the tears, but he'll try to do it anyway.
Of course Yugyeom is here with Jinyoung. What did he expect? Jeongguk knows they've been going out. He knows that nothing really happened between them while they were still together, that they waited until Yugyeom broke up with him. He supposes that should make it hurt less, but it doesn't. It doesn't. Because, right at the very end, Yugyeom was a good guy, and he gave Jeongguk the proper break up that he deserved. Not that anyone deserves a break up. No one deserves heartache.
Hoseok keeps his hand on him, rubbing circles on his back, not saying anything. Jeongguk knows that he knows there's nothing he can say to make things better. The first time they found out that he and Yugyeom broke up, Taehyung's mouth hung open, Hoseok furrowed his brows, Namjoon shook his head, Jimin teared up, while Seokjin just looked at him. They all knew just how much Yugyeom meant to him, how much having a first boyfriend, who really cared and really loved him, meant.
Jimin staggers out of the house. They'd lost him once they arrived, probably heading straight towards the couch, where all the ladies were hanging out. He crouches down on Jeongguk's other side, not saying anything. Hoseok just sighs and Jeongguk knows they're mouthing at each other, trying not to let him know they're talking about what just happened.
"Jeongguk," Jimin starts, his hand travelling up to his nape, fingers brushing the tips of his hair. Jeongguk ignores him, the sobs coming out more quietly. "Jeongguk, hey," he continues. He taps his nape. "Look at me."
Jimin has a way with people. His voice is made for situations like this, made for people easing out of their shells and opening up. At the very least, he has a way with Jeongguk. He was his first friend in university. Jimin introduced him to Taehyung and Hoseok and the rest. Jeongguk wouldn't have survived university this far, or this well, if it weren't for him, if it weren't for them. Jeongguk takes his hand off his face and looks at him.
"Hey," Jimin says, voice soft and gentle, eyes crinkling a little when he smiles. "You're okay."
Jeongguk nods and takes a deep breath. "I just want to get out of here. But I don't really..." He hesitates and Jimin waits. "I don't want to go home."
Jimin looks at him, as if searching his face, before he looks at Hoseok. "Okay," he finally says, cupping Jeongguk's face for a second before dropping his hand. He stands. "Yoongi's coming to pick us up."
Jeongguk tilts his head up to look at him. "Yoongi?"
"Why?" Hoseok asks, standing as well.
"Seokjin's passed out upstairs," Jimin answers. Seokjin was supposed to drive them home. "I'm just going to the bathroom and find Taehyung so we can go." He bends down, running a hand through Jeongguk's hair. "We'll leave in a bit, okay?"
"Yeah," Jeongguk croaks.
"I'll just go and make sure Seokjin's okay," Hoseok says. "You okay being alone for a bit, Guk?"
Jeongguk waves them away. He takes a deep breath when they've both gone back inside and revels in the quiet and fresh air. He feels better. A little. But his chest still hurts. He wraps his arms around his knees and hides his face in his arms. Yugyeom and Jinyoung were holding hands. They were both laughing and then Yugyeom pressed a kiss to Jinyoung's cheek. They looked happy. Jeongguk and Yugyeom used to be happy, too. Once upon a time.
“Hey, you okay?”
Jeongguk lifts his head up and squints at a guy coming up to the house, blinking several times. He’s short, definitely shorter than Jeongguk at least, slim, with pale skin and an even paler blond hair. Jeongguk thinks he looks familiar, but he’s not really sure.
"Yoongi." The guy points at himself, a small smile on his lips.
"I'm Jeongguk," Jeongguk slurs. He remembers now. They met at one of Hoseok's showcases the previous year, having done the music for Hoseok's dance. He pops in on their hangouts once in a while, but other than that, Jeongguk rarely sees him. Jimin says that Yoongi's whole life is music and that keeps him occupied.
"I know," Yoongi says with a light chuckle. It's a bit raspy and it sounds nice. "Where are the others?"
"Inside," Jeongguk says. He puts his head back down in his arms, watching as Yoongi sits down beside him. "They're all drunk."
"You're drunk, too," Yoongi points out with a chuckle.
"I'm not drunk," Jeongguk corrects him, shaking his head. Yoongi's eyebrows disappear under his bangs. "I'm sad." He closes his eyes when Yoongi doesn't respond and just keeps looking at him. "I don't want to be sad anymore," he whispers. "I just want..."
"What?" Yoongi presses quietly.
"I want..." Jeongguk opens his eyes and meets Yoongi's gaze. What does he want? He knows he won't get Yugyeom back, even if he still wanted that. "I just don't want to feel like this anymore."
"Like what?" Yoongi asks.
"Like my heart will never be whole again," Jeongguk says.
Yoongi holds his gaze, lips pursing like there's something he wants to say. Jeongguk knows he's overshared. He and Yoongi may be a part of the same friend group, but they're not exactly friends. Jeongguk wouldn't think to ask Yoongi to hang out one-on-one. He wouldn't even ask Yoongi to join them for a hang out at all. Because they'd have nothing to talk about. All Jeongguk knows about him is that he's a music major. When Yoongi finally opens his mouth to say something, the door opens and Jimin comes out, followed by Taehyung and Hoseok. Yoongi stands.
"Seokjin?" Yoongi prompts as Jimin and Taehyung help Jeongguk up.
"He's in Sandeul's room," Hoseok replies. "Jaehwan's looking out for him."
They follow Yoongi a few houses from the party to his black Jeep Wrangler. Jeongguk blinks at the rather sleek car. He knows about Yoongi’s success, with labels buying his songs, but this is the first time he’s seeing evidence of it. He climbs into the front passenger seat, much to everyone's shock.
"Hey," Hoseok complains.
"Jeongguk gets the front seat," Yoongi says like it's final. "He's less likely to throw up than the rest of you." Everyone shuts up. Jeongguk turns to the others at the back, grinning.
Hoseok makes a face at him, while Jimin and Taehyung just laugh. Jeongguk looks out of the open window as they drive away from the party. It's loud, the bass booming throwing the windows and walls. He feels relieved that they're out of there, that they're driving away. He feels even better when he sees the house grow smaller and smaller through the side mirror. Jeongguk then wishes he doesn't have to see Yugyeom like that again. He wishes that he won't see Yugyeom with Jinyoung for a long time.
"Wear your seat belts," Yoongi's voice cuts through the silence. He reaches towards Jeongguk and tugs it out for him, keeping his eyes on the road. There's some shuffling at the back. "Namjoon went out so it should be okay for you all to crash."
"We'd crash at your place whether he's there or not, you know that, right?" Hoseok declares with a laugh. Yoongi glares at him through the rear view mirror.
"Thank you for picking us up at the last minute, hyung," Jimin pipes in.
"Thank you," Jeongguk agrees in a whisper, grabbing Yoongi's hand just as he's pulling it away.
Yoongi doesn't say anything. He squeezes Jeongguk's hand.
Life goes on. The world keeps turning. Jeongguk keeps going, out of habit. The alarm clock rings, he gets out of bed, and goes to classes. Then he finishes his classes, goes home, and flops back into bed. Sometimes, he eats. Sometimes, he eats with his friends. A lot of the time, he stays at home and watches television. He doesn't go to any parties for fear of seeing his ex with his new boyfriend again. Another thing that he does is finding new hobbies, new things to do, new things to fill his time with.
Jeongguk draws even more than before. He draws because he loves it and he draws because he wants to get good grades. Now, he draws more because it makes him feel better than ever before. Jeongguk's also better at playing the guitar now, sometimes playing for his friends in their small, quiet get-togethers, while Jimin sings. And he's gone to KTV more times than he can count. It's a bit of a lonely life. But it's quiet and peaceful and just the way Jeongguk needs it to be right now.
Clearly, his friends think otherwise.
"This one has always looked good on you," Taehyung states, holding up a pair of black skinny jeans. "You can wear it with one of the five hundred white shirts that you have."
"I don't want to go to a party," Jeongguk repeats for what feels like the hundredth time. He stays lying down on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
"It's not a party," Jimin supplies from beside him. "It's Namjoon's show."
"A rap show," Jeongguk responds, making a face at Jimin. "Which is, essentially, a party."
"C'mon, Guk," Jimin prods. "Namjoon got us a booth. You know how hard he's been working for this show."
Jeongguk does know. Because he's barely seen Namjoon for the past two months, the man having holed himself up in the studio just to make sure the songs and the performances are perfect. He had dropped by to deliver a lunch or dinner to make sure Namjoon wasn't starving himself too much. He would be a terrible friend if he didn't go.
"Fine," Jeongguk snaps, sitting up and snatching the black skinny jeans from Taehyung. "But I'm wearing a black shirt." He goes to the bathroom to change.
"Black!" Taehyung repeats with a gasp. Jimin throws a pillow at him, laughing.
The place is packed, as is expected of Namjoon's shows. Jeongguk's only been to a few of them, but they're always the talk of the town. Even more so now that his music is getting traction and his name is out there. Jeongguk squeezes into the booth, waving at Namjoon, who sees them come in from behind the stage. Taehyung cheers beside him, while Jimin hoots.
"Yoongi!" Hoseok yells, waving like his life depended on it.
Jeongguk blinks because Yoongi is here. He's standing beside Namjoon, talking to what looks like a tech guy. "What's he doing here?" he asks.
"He's been helping Namjoon with this particular show," Jimin tells him with a small, somewhat mysterious smile on his lips. "You'll see."
Jeongguk shrugs and forgets about it. They order several rounds of drinks even before the show starts. And, as the alcohol washes away whatever inhibitions or nervousness he's had in coming here, he decides that he's going to have some fun. So when the beats and the music starts, Jeongguk gets up from his seat and moves to stand in front of the stage, among the crowd of people. Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok follow after him, Taehyung jumping up and down to Namjoon's hard-hitting rapping skills.
It's fun. This is fun. Jeongguk tilts his head back and closes his eyes, his body moving to the music. He mostly enjoys parties for the music and the dancing. But after he and Yugyeom broke up, he couldn't keep on partying and dancing, not even at clubs he knows Yugyeom doesn't go to. It just really reminds him of the fun times they've had together. But here, right now, like this, Jeongguk thinks that maybe he can start going back, maybe he can ease himself back to something he loves again.
The music changes and the rapping changes. His friends cheer wildly beside him and, when Jeongguk opens his eyes, he sees Yoongi on stage, spitting fire. His eyes widen and he stares. Yoongi is wearing some white joggers, a white sleeveless tank underneath an army jacket. His hair is slicked back on one side, his bangs falling over his eyes on the other, a bandanna around his forehead. And he's rapping. Like it's nobody's business. Which, even if anybody wanted to make it their business, it doesn't look like Yoongi would give a damn either way. He just owns the stage and the entire room.
Jeongguk's breath gets caught in his throat when Yoongi looks straight at him. It's almost like Yoongi freezes him in place, pins him to the ground with his gaze. He looks back at him with wide eyes and a thudding heart, suddenly confused and giddy at the same time. Just then, when Jeongguk feels sweat sliding down his back, Yoongi breaks the act. He smiles, practically laughing a little, gums and all, and winks at him. The crowd screams. Jeongguk grins back.
Jeongguk bumps into Yoongi after staying for hours in the library days after the show. He's walking across campus, trying to shove his books in his bag, while trying to make sure that the papers he's holding don't fall and scatter to the ground. He still doesn't understand why he has to have a science class when he's an art major. Understandably, he knows the university wants their students to be well-rounded. But still, science? Really? It's a good thing that Jeongguk is actually a good student and that he does the required work with a certain standard and submits requirements on time. If only it wasn't challenging at times, though.
"Whoa, watch where you're going."
Jeongguk hurriedly stops and gapes. "Yoongi!" He shuts his mouth. "Sorry, I should have been looking," he apologizes. Yoongi grins at him and Jeongguk blinks. Yoongi's been nothing but nice and smiley towards him. But, for some reason, he still has trouble getting used to it. They haven't really seen each other since the show.
"Do you need any help?" Yoongi asks, looking at the mess that is Jeongguk. "Here, let me carry these," he says, taking the stack of papers he's been having trouble holding, before Jeongguk can say anything. "Where are you off to?"
"Uh, home. I've been at the library all day," Jeongguk asks, pulling his bag higher up his shoulder. He runs a hand through his hair, weirdly feeling self-conscious all of a sudden. It's just Yoongi. Except, Yoongi looks so put together and cool in his ripped jeans, white shirt and black leather jacket. Jeongguk wishes he'd at least thought of wearing one of his nicer hoodies today. Or one of the cleaner ones. "Where are you going?" he then asks, biting the inside of his lower lip.
"I'm meeting Namjoon at a cafe and then we'll probably go to the studio to work," Yoongi says. He looks at Jeongguk for a second and then goes, "You can come if you want."
"Okay," Jeongguk says, not even thinking about it. He follows Yoongi, grinning with sudden excitement that he has plans aside from going home and sleeping. "What are you guys working on?"
Yoongi takes a while to answer. Jeongguk chooses to keep quiet, hoping that he didn't overstep or becoming too nosy. He knows how much of a big deal music is to Yoongi. He focuses on the ground, the way it disappears under his shoes and gets left behind. Which then leads him to admiring Yoongi's shoes. They're pretty big, black boots, with white laces. It looks really cool. It may not look like it because Yoongi is inherently simple, but it seems he really likes expensive things.
"My mixtape," Yoongi speaks just as the cafe is in sight. Jeongguk trips in surprise. He flushes when Yoongi looks at him with raised eyebrows. "It's what I'm working on right now."
"Is it a course project?" Jeongguk asks. He looks away from Yoongi, pretending to look at something on the other side, and pats his cheek, hoping it's not so red anymore.
"Yeah," Yoongi answers after a moment. "But it's more than that."
It's cool inside the cafe, and cozy. Jeongguk rarely goes to cafes to study because he prefers working in an art studio, even when he's studying for his non-art classes. He knows Jimin and Taehyung like studying in cafes, but he didn't realize that the rest of their friends do too. Jeongguk hasn't been to this particular coffee shop, though. Maybe he'll try coming here some time and try studying here. Namjoon is seated on one of the corner tables. They make their way over, startling him a little when they arrive, having been absorbed in the book he's reading. He smiles when he sees Yoongi and blinks when he notices Jeongguk.
"Jeongguk," Namjoon says, finally smiling after a second of surprise. He gives Yoongi a quick glance and then he gestures towards the seat across him. "Sit."
"What do you want?" Yoongi asks Jeongguk, glancing at the menu above the counter.
"It's okay," Jeongguk says, waving his hand. He puts his bag down and opens it to look for his wallet. "I'll pay for my coffee."
Yoongi ruffles his hair, smiling a little at him. "I'll buy," he tells him. "What do you want?"
Jeongguk glances at the menu and then looks at Yoongi's expectant, but patient face. "I'll have whatever you're having," he decides.
"Are you sure?" Namjoon asks, his attention back on his book. "He drinks coffee black."
Jeongguk looks at Yoongi in slight panic. "Um."
Yoongi laughs and ruffles Jeongguk's hair again. "I'll take care of it," he assures him. "Anything to eat?" He then frowns. "If you've been in the library all day, does that mean you haven't eaten anything?"
Jeongguk's tummy chooses to rumble right at that moment. "I'm fine," he lies with a straight face. Although he's pretty sure his face is red. He really is quite hungry, though. Namjoon laughs.
Yoongi rolls his eyes, shaking his head as he walks to the counter. Jeongguk watches as Yoongi glances up at the menu, mouths whatever he's ordering to the barista, points at one of the pastries and then he's paying. He looks away when Yoongi goes to the side to wait for his orders and looks out of the window. This is nice, he thinks. Being out, not at a party, being social, but not really expected to be social at the same time. He looks around the cafe and sees people typing on laptops or reading or writing, some talking, some just sitting there eating or drinking their coffee. Maybe when he does start going out more, this is the type of stuff that he'll do.
Yoongi comes back with the coffees, a bowl of soup, a plate of pasta and a pastry. Jeongguk blinks at the amount of food and looks at Yoongi, who just pats his shoulder and sits down beside him. He keeps looking at Yoongi and wonders, not for the first time since the party, how Yoongi is so nice to him. They're barely friends. Sucking his lower lip in his mouth, he wonders, as Yoongi hands him a fork, whether this means they can be now.
"Yoongi," Jeongguk starts.
"Eat up," is all Yoongi says.
Namjoon stays quiet amidst the exchange. But he closes his book and puts it down on the table. "So how are you, Jeongguk?" he asks.
"Uh," Jeongguk tries to answer in between slurps of soup. Yoongi chuckles beside him. "I'm good." He swallows. "I mean, you know, school and homework and all that. But yeah, I'm good. Better." He looks at Namjoon when he says this, then glances at Yoongi before going back to Namjoon.
"What's wrong?" Namjoon asks, frowning a little.
"Nothing," Jeongguk says, sitting up straight. He grins. "Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. I am better." He thinks of Yugyeom and there is a twinge in his heart. It's there. But it's not so encompassing anymore. It's smaller than he ever thought it could be. Blinking at his food, he smiles, beams, because he didn't think he'd ever get to this place.
"That's great, Jeongguk," Namjoon says, smiling. "I hear you're getting better at playing the guitar than the piano."
"You play the piano?" Yoongi says, raising an eyebrow at him in surprise.
"Yes," Jeongguk responds, turning towards him. He likes it when Yoongi asks him questions, because it means that he's interested in learning about him, interested in knowing him. And, for some reason, he wants Yoongi to ask him things because he wants to know Yoongi as well. "I started learning guitar because I get a bit tired of drawing so much and there are only so many songs I can keep on singing and--"
"You sing, too?" Yoongi interrupts. He glances at Namjoon, who leans back on his seat, smiling a little. "Did you know about this?" Namjoon half shrugs.
Jeongguk nods, taking a bit forkful of his pasta. "Mostly covers," he elaborates, making a face, "because I don't really know how to write my own songs yet."
"But you want to?" Yoongi presses.
Jeongguk feels his cheeks heat up. There's a lot of things he wants right now. He wants to be whole, wants to be his own person. He wants to feel completely detached to Yugyeom, wants to be separated from the Jeongguk that wanted to be with Yugyeom the whole time. He wants to be different, brand new. Jeongguk just wants to be happy. But yes, he wants to write songs too.
"Yes." Jeongguk nods, smile eager. "I've tried, but they're really bad."
"You don't know that," Yoongi says. "It's easy to default to thinking that everything you make is bad."
"You should help him out, hyung," Namjoon suggests. Jeongguk brightens up at this, looking at Yoongi and seeing if he'll agree. "Yoongi writes songs really well."
"Namjoon," Yoongi starts, tone warning.
"It's true," Namjoon insists. He turns to Jeongguk with a nod. "It's true."
"I know Yoongi's really busy," Jeongguk starts, sensing Yoongi's rejection on his lips. "He's working on his mixtape and then there are other school things. I mean, I don't want to be a bother."
"You're not," Yoongi is quick to disagree. He stills for a second when he realizes what he said. Namjoon looks pleased. He sighs and takes his phone out of his pocket to hand to Jeongguk. "Put your number in, just in case you do want to meet up for that."
"I do." Jeongguk saves his number on Yoongi's phone with a grin on his face.
"He's usually free on Thursdays," Namjoon offer, chuckling when Yoongi shoots him a look.
Yoongi takes his phone from Jeongguk and presses call. When Jeongguk saves Yoongi's number on his phone, Yoongi says, "Text me first before you decide to come see me."
"Of course, hyung."
They all still. Jeongguk definitely does. Yoongi keeps staring at his notebook. Namjoon muffles his laugh with his hand. The term slipped through Jeongguk's lips before he could think it through. The only person he's ever really called that is Jimin and, even with him, he rarely does. Still, he and Jimin are close and Yoongi... well, they're just starting to become friends. He mentally berates himself. It's too intimate. Yoongi hadn't given him permission to use it with him. Already, he's made it weird. Jeongguk is afraid to look up because he knows he messed up. "I mean, I--sorry, I didn't--"
Yoongi sighs and ruffles Jeongguk's hair. "Finish your food, Jeongguk," is all he says.
Jeongguk peeks at Yoongi, biting his lower lip. Yoongi is flipping through his notebook. He doesn't look upset. In fact, he just looks like he doesn't mind. At least, that's what he hopes Yoongi feels. Jeongguk slowly lets out a breath.
"Make yourself comfortable."
Yoongi's studio is bigger than Jeongguk expected. Right when you enter, you see the music equipment, a big computer screen with a keyboard and big speakers. There's a piano keyboard beside it, along with a microphone on a mic stand. The rest of the room is more comfortable. There's a big couch, a small table and then a shelf of various things, like books, some photographs, stuffed toys, and action figures. Jeongguk puts his bag down on the couch and walks to the piano, pressing a few keys.
"Sit," Yoongi says, patting his shoulder.
Jeongguk sits and plays a few notes. "Are you sure you don't mind that I'm here?" he asks, watching as Yoongi moves around the room, fixing things here and there. "You're not too busy?"
"It's fine," Yoongi assures him. He sits on the couch, opening a notebook. "I just need to finish some writing first," he continues, waving him off as if to say do whatever you want. He puts headphones on and focuses on whatever's on his notebook.
Jeongguk sits there, feeling self-conscious. He's not sure what to do to occupy himself. It's kind of nerve-wracking, being alone with Yoongi and being alone with Yoongi in his studio. It feels like such a personal space. Jeongguk feels honored to have been given the privilege to go inside. It's an exaggeration, he knows. But he can't help it either way. Jimin has talked about how Yoongi values his personal space and his music. Now, he's kind of being given a preview to both.
Jeongguk takes his phone out. There is a song he's been wanting to cover. He looks for the song, searches for the piano sheet for it and tries to play it. When he manages to play the first verse and the chorus continuously, he starts singing along. Jeongguk smiles when he manages to somewhat perfect that and decides to move on to the next parts of the song. He gets so lost in learning the song that he doesn't notice Yoongi tugging out one of bud of his earphones.
"What are you doing?" Yoongi asks.
Jeongguk jumps. "Uh," he stammers, slamming on the piano in shock. "Just... playing around."
"Do it again," Yoongi says, grabbing one of the other chairs and sitting beside him.
"What?" Jeongguk gapes at him.
"Play around again," Yoongi encourages him, smiling a little.
Jeongguk places his hands back on the piano. He takes a deep breath and starts to play and sing. He supposes Lost Stars is already quite an overplayed song, but he thinks it's a really nice song with meaningful lyrics. He tries not to be so conscious of Yoongi sitting beside him, listening, watching, probably critiquing him. Jeongguk wants to impress more than anything else. But, with Yoongi's credentials, he knows that would be pretty hard.
When he finishes, he puts his hands on his lap, not even bothering to look at Yoongi. It's quiet for a while. Jeongguk picks on a hang nail on his thumb and bites on the inside of his lower lip. He hopes that Yoongi liked it, even just a little bit.
"Jeongguk," Yoongi starts. Jeongguk takes a deep breath and holds it. "Do you want to sing for one of my songs?"
Jeongguk exhales sharply and turns to him with wide eyes. "What?"
Yoongi stands and goes through some papers on his desk. When he finds what he's looking for, he offers it to Jeongguk and sits back down. "This is a song I've been working on for a long time now," he explains, putting a hand up, as if to make Jeongguk listen to him first. "I've been writing and re-writing it, tweaking things here and there. I've had some people sing it in so many different ways, but I think..." He pauses and half shrugs, looking at Jeongguk. "I think you can make it work."
Jeongguk stares at the sheet music. His heart is thudding so hard in his chest and his mind is thinking so many things that he finds himself opening his mouth and just closing it again. He doesn’t know what to say. Him singing a song Yoongi wrote and created?
"You can say no," Yoongi offers, taking his hand and the music sheet back.
"No," Jeongguk blurts out.
Yoongi flinches a little. He nods and moves to stand. “That’s okay.”
Jeongguk shakes his head. "I mean, no, I don't want to say no,” he clarifies, voice loud.
Yoongi turns to him with a confused frown. "Does that mean you're saying yes?"
"Yes," Jeongguk says, standing up. He grins when Yoongi’s face softens, a hint of a smile on his lips. "You want me to sing for you. Of course I'll agree."
"It's not--" Yoongi cuts himself off and turns to cover his red face.
Jeongguk laughs. He can't believe that everyone thought that the Min Yoongi was stoic, cold-hearted, and even downright mean. All he knows of Yoongi is how hardworking, dedicated, and cutely shy he is. If anything, he's just a really private person, who keeps to himself and to those he cares about. Jeongguk hopes he's part of that small circle now, even just a little.
"Do you have a guide I can listen to, hyung?" Jeongguk sputters. "I mean--" He coughs, bowing his head to hide his burning face. Of course he would do it again.
"You can call me hyung, Jeonggukie," Yoongi says, smile teasing. Jeongguk feels himself turn even redder. "It's okay."
"Okay," Jeongguk says, nodding. "Hyung."
Yoongi clears his throat. He clicks around on his computer. "I have a guide for the song," he shares. He presses the space bar and the song plays. "You don't have to follow it exactly," he goes on as Jeongguk reads the music sheet through. "You can tweak it as you see fit. Although, I don't really want to change it all that much."
"Of course," Jeongguk agrees. If he wrote a song, he'd want to see his vision shine through. "How long do I have?"
"You can take as long as you want," Yoongi assures him. "I mean, this is extra work for you and a favor, so no pressure. Hyung will compensate you with food."
Jeongguk's face practically splits when he smiles.
Jeongguk gets distracted enough, with his classes, hanging out with friends, and his lessons with Yoongi, that he forgets, sort of, that he’s still in the process of getting over a heartbreak. He got himself so busy with making himself busy that it catches him off-guard when he bumps into Jinyoung at the music building. Jeongguk remembers Yugyeom, remembers the party where he saw them holding hands and having fun. He’s forgotten that Jinyoung is a music major.
“Sorry,” Jinyoung starts, hitching his backpack higher up his shoulder. “I wasn’t looking.”
“No, it’s my fault,” Jeongguk says. He’s holding onto his books like it’s his lifeline, which they probably are right at this moment. He’s glad to have some sort of buffer between them.
Jeongguk has heard things about Jinyoung. All nice things. Which makes it hard for Jeongguk to dislike him. Jimin had talked about him, once or twice, when they’d worked together in one of his classes, and has always said that Jinyoung was a good guy. He was the type who was well-liked because he was a genuinely nice guy. How can Jeongguk dislike someone like that?
“Listen, Jeongguk,” Jinyoung speaks up again. He looks like he’s in pain, letting Jeongguk know what he’s about to say. "About what happened..."
“You don’t have to say anything,” Jeongguk says before Jinyoung can continue. “Falling for someone isn’t a bad thing. It doesn’t make you a bad person.” He presses his lips together.
It’s true. How can he fault someone else for seeing the things he saw in Yugyeom? Sure, it hurt that Yugyeom felt that someone else was better for him than Jeongguk. But he couldn’t very well have forced Yugyeom to stay either. That wouldn’t have been fair for the both of them.
Jinyoung winces at his words for some reason. “That just makes it worse,” he comments, sighing.
“What does?” Jeongguk asks, tilting his head a little in question.
“You being nice about it,” Jinyoung explains, gesturing helplessly towards him. “If you were an asshole, it would have been easier to carry on and move on from what we’ve done.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say to that,” Jeongguk tells him with a shrug. Just because he’s being nice about it, doesn’t mean that he thinks things couldn’t have gone better. It doesn’t mean he’s okay with what happened.
“Jeongguk,” Jinyoung starts and Jeongguk wonders what else there’s left to say.
“Everything okay here?”
Jeongguk jumps in surprise when Yoongi arrives and puts an arm around his shoulders. Jeongguk watches the expression on Jinyoung’s face change from shock to a bit of fear to confusion. Jeongguk supposes it's not very well-known that he and Yoongi are friends, or close enough to warrant such a reaction of protectiveness.
“Yoongi,” Jinyoung greets him with much respect. Everyone, especially music majors, know who Yoongi is because of how good he is and what he’s accomplished.
“Jinyoung,” Yoongi greets back. But his voice is hard and questioning. He squeezes Jeongguk's shoulder.
“Everything’s fine, hyung,” Jeongguk assures him. This earns a quirk of an eyebrow from Jinyoung, as he looks between them. “We were just talking.”
“I should get going,” Jinyoung tells them. He starts to walk and then he hesitates. “Jeongguk, I don’t think I’ve said this, but, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” He takes a deep breath and leaves.
Something eases in Jeongguk at those words. It’s not a quick fix, but it makes him feel a little bit better. Not because Jinyoung feels bad, but because it doesn’t seem like Jinyoung intended to hurt anyone, even him, with what happened.
Yoongi squeezes his shoulder again, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, his brows furrowed.
“Yes, hyung,” Jeongguk assures him with a smile, holding Yoongi's hand when he starts to remove it from his shoulder. He feels Yoongi still at the action, but keeps on as if nothing happened. They start walking towards the studio, where he was going to before he bumped into Jinyoung. “I promise.”
“You sure? We don’t have to record today if going home will make you feel better,” Yoongi continues, watching him closely.
A warm feeling spreads through Jeongguk’s chest at the thought that Yoongi is concerned about him. “Yes,” he repeats with a nod. “I’ve been looking forward to this the whole day. I can’t wait to try singing it.”
Yoongi smiles and ruffles his hair. Working with Yoongi, helping out with his song and then learning about songwriting and producing, has been Jeongguk’s go-to activity for when he wants something to take his mind off things. Learning something new, pursuing something he’s been interested in, and doing it with Yoongi makes him really happy. It’s comforting. And the way Yoongi has been so patient and eager to teach him what he knows makes him feel warm and safe, for some reason. Like he doesn’t need to worry about anything for now. Or, maybe, at all.
Yoongi’s response to Jeongguk’s singing of So Far Away is better than Jeongguk thought it would be. When the first notes escaped Jeongguk’s lips, Yoongi had looked up and straightened up from behind the glass and stared at him with his mouth open. At first, he thought that he was doing something wrong, but then Yoongi smiled a really big smile that showed his gums and, well, it distracted Jeongguk so they had to do it again. But the important thing is Yoongi liked it. Jeongguk was hoping Yoongi wouldn’t regret asking him to sing his song. He’s glad he didn’t let him down.
“So I hear you and Yoongi have been spending a lot of time together,” Taehyung says nonchalantly, in the middle of lunch, right after their discussion of spam being better than ham.
Jeongguk coughs when Jimin and Hoseok look up at this. He feels his cheeks burn a little, although he’s not sure why. It’s not as if it’s a big deal. They’re spending so much time together because he’s been helping Yoongi with his song. That’s it.
“You know that he agreed to help me with songwriting and producing,” Jeongguk responds.
“He must really like you,” Hoseok tells him. He says it casually, but there’s an undercurrent of importance in his tone. Like it is a big deal. “Yoongi doesn’t really like people tagging along with him too much.”
Jeongguk blushes, pleased. He can’t help it. He’s always admired Yoongi and the thought that Yoongi likes him hanging onto his every word makes him feel giddy.
Taehyung nods. “He barely lets me go to his studio.”
“That’s because you can’t sit still,” Jimin remarks, chuckling. “You’re almost as bad as Namjoon.”
“I resent that,” Taehyung retorts with a pout. Namjoon has a tendency to break everything he touches and being compared to him is an insult to anyone. Except maybe when it comes to his intelligence. He turns to Jeongguk. “But yeah, it’s cool how hyung has taken a liking to you. He took forever to treat me the way he’s treating you.” He pauses, pursing his lips, and studying Jeongguk. “Actually, scratch that. He doesn’t treat anyone like he treats you.”
“What do you mean?” Jeongguk asks.
“Taehyung.” Hoseok’s tone is kind of like a warning.
“What is it?” Jeongguk presses, frowning a little. “Is it bad?”
“No, Jeonggukie,” Jimin assures him with a smile and a pat on the back. “Yoongi hyung’s just really reserved. But I think you already know that.”
“I mean, he asked me to sing one of his songs,” Jeongguk says, looking between his friends.
“He did?” they chorus, faces in varying states of shock.
“Which song?” Jimin asks.
“So Far Away,” Jeongguk answers. “I really like it. It’s a really pretty song, but also...” He thinks about how he can best describe a song about dreaming and wanting to have dreams and misses the way his friends exchange looks. “It’s a really sad song somehow.”
Taehyung shrugs, smirking a little. “Well, all I can say is Yoongi hyung must really like you if he’s letting you sing that song.”
Jeongguk frowns even more in confusion, turning to Jimin, who just smiles at him. “You should ask Yoongi about it,” he says. “Maybe he’ll tell you.”
The next time Jeongguk meets up with Yoongi, what Jimin said comes to mind, but he doesn’t ask. It feels like he would be prying if he does. He wants to respect Yoongi’s privacy so he lets it go. He never asks. And it never comes up.
Jeongguk has learned a lot about Yoongi, though. It’s only the small things, like how he likes to take his coffee, how he has a cup before he goes to his first class, and then another one before he goes to work at the studio. He’s also learned that Yoongi likes dark colors, mostly black. Occasionally, he’d wear jeans with a white shirt or a brown jacket. Everyone breaks into some sort of chaos whenever they see Yoongi wearing something of color. But most of the time, Yoongi wears all black. He also really likes watches. Expensive ones. While he owns several pricey ones, the one he wears the most is his steel and white gold Rolex. Jeongguk knows that he’s making some money from labels buying his songs and from royalties. Still. It’s amazing. He still has one year left to graduate and, already, he can support himself.
Yoongi never talks about it, though. His work. When he does talk about music with Jeongguk, it’s usually about his mixtape or songs he’s been working on that he hasn’t had the heart to release yet. Which is interesting. Because if Jeongguk were the one who’s written and produced all these hit songs, he’d be bragging. Or maybe he would just a little. Maybe Yoongi is like him, who doesn’t really like too much attention.
He jerks out of his thoughts and looks up, sucking in a breath. Yugyeom is standing there. His last class let them out early and he decided to hang out at the quad to wait for the others to finish. They’re all going to Yoongi’s and Namjoon’s apartment to watch some DVDs and enjoy Seokjin’s cooking. So he’s alone and has no excuse to avoid Yugyeom.
“Hey,” Jeongguk says, hoping his voice is as steady as he’s trying to make it seem. He looks behind Yugyeom. “No Jinyoung?”
“No, it’s just me,” Yugyeom says, shaking his head, his hair falling in front of his eyes. He looks good, as he always has. Jeongguk's glad he seems to be doing well, in spite of everything. “I was hoping we can talk.” He pauses, breathing deeply. “We didn’t really... I didn’t really give us the chance to talk about things.”
It’s true. All Yugyeom did was tell him that things weren’t working out, that he wanted to be fair to Jeongguk and that he wanted to break up and then he was packing up his things. Still, is there anything worth talking about? It’s been seven months. Yugyeom’s been with Jinyoung for five of it. Jeongguk isn’t sure there’s anything left to discuss. Besides, he’s okay. He’s managing. He’s not pining for Yugyeom.
Jeongguk bites his lower lip. “Okay,” he says, hesitating.
Yugyeom opens his mouth in surprise. He sits across Jeongguk and fiddles with the clasp of his backpack. A new one. Not the one he used to pack his things from their apartment. Jeongguk wonders if it’s from Jinyoung, of if Yugyeom finally bought a new one himself.
“I’m sorry,” Yugyeom starts. “I never said that and I should have right at the beginning. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I still really like you, Jeongguk. I think I always will. But...” He pauses, staring at the table, as if wondering how to say what he wants to say.
“But you don’t love me anymore,” Jeongguk finishes for him. “You fell out of love for me.”
“I went about things the wrong way,” Yugyeom tries to explain. “This didn’t happen just because I met Jinyoung. It’s been a while and I just... didn’t say anything.”
“Why not?” Jeongguk asks, feeling his chest hurt at the admission. So Yugyeom hasn’t wanted to be in a relationship with him for a while now. And it wasn’t because of some other guy. He just didn’t really want to be with Jeongguk anymore.
“I knew relationships took work and I thought it was just a fluke,” Yugyeom tells him. “I mean, you’re you and it’s impossible to not love you.”
“It’s not impossible,” Jeongguk says, scoffing a little. Yugyeom looks at him. “You managed to do it.”
“Jeongguk,” Yugyeom says, sounding apologetic.
Jeongguk waves off whatever he’s going to say. “Sorry,” he tells him. “That’s not fair. I’m just...” He meets Yugyeom’s gaze. “You really hurt me. I thought we had a good thing going. I never once thought that we were having problems.” He bites the inside of his lower lip. “I wish you told me. So I knew what was coming.”
“I didn’t think things were going to end up like this,” Yugyeom confesses. “I didn’t think they were going to end.”
No one goes into a relationship wondering when it’s going to end. Everyone hopes for the best, hopes for forever and happily ever afters. But not all love stories have happy endings. Most of them just have endings.
“We were happy, right?” Jeongguk asks, blinking to keep the tears at bay. “I mean, you were happy with me for most of it, right?”
“Yes,” Yugyeom doesn’t hesitate to answer. “For a lot of it.” He closes his left hand into a fist before opening it and reaching for Jeongguk’s hand. Jeongguk watches at the way Yugyeom’s hand holds his. “You’re my first serious boyfriend, Jeongguk, my first love. Nothing or no one is going to change that.”
“You’re a jerk, Yugyeom,” Jeongguk says, but with little heat. He laughs a little, as tears falling on his cheeks.
“I know,” Yugyeom agrees. He reaches across the table to wipe them off with his thumb. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Jeongguk replies. Yugyeom looks at him with surprise. “But thank you for saying that you are. Thank you for this.”
Yugyeom squeezes his hand and Jeongguk squeezes back.
“Hey,” someone yells.
Jeongguk flinches and pulls his hand away from Yugyeom. His friends are here and they don’t look happy. Yugyeom stands.
“What’s going on here?” Namjoon asks calmly. Seokjin holds onto his arm.
“What are you doing here?” Taehyung demands. Jimin puts a warm hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder.
“It’s fine,” Jeongguk assures them, standing as well. “We were just talking.”
“You’re crying,” Yoongi points out, sending a piercing look at Yugyeom.
“I’m fine,” Jeongguk insists, wiping his face. “We were just talking. We’re okay.”
“I’ll get going,” Yugyeom says. “Guk—Jeongguk,” he changes when Taehyung makes an irritated sound at the use of the nickname, “I’ll... I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah,” Jeongguk says. And then he’s gone.
Jimin wraps him in a comforting hug and Jeongguk laughs. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Jimin asks.
“Yes,” Jeongguk responds, nodding.
“I can’t believe I thought that guy was ever cool,” Hoseok comments, making a face.
Jeongguk pulls away from the hug, laughing some more. “It’s really okay, you guys,” he insists. He smiles, all teary and wet.
“If you ever feel the need to have him beat up,” Yoongi speaks up, looking at Jeongguk.
“Are you going to beat him up for Jeongguk, hyung?” Hoseok teases.
“No,” Yoongi says. “But I know a guy.”
Everyone bursts into laughter. but Yoongi stays serious, keeping his gaze on Jeongguk. Jeongguk's heart skips and something blooms in his chest. Somehow, it feels like Yoongi means something else. Or maybe he's just looking too hard into it. Either way, he wraps his arms around Yoongi’s waist, pressing his cheek on his shoulder. It's a bit of an effort since he's taller. But it's comfortable. Yoongi is comfortable.
“Thank you, hyung,” Jeongguk says, smiling when he feels Yoongi hug him back. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
"We're watching The Notebook? Really?" Jimin makes a face. He's in the process of making himself comfortable on a blanket and a pile of pillows on the floor beside the table. "Why?"
"Because I said so," Seokjin declares, smiling that smile that lets him get away with anything. He could probably get away with murder if he smiled like that after doing the deed. He looks around the room, as if waiting for another objection. His grin widens when no one speaks up and returns to the kitchen to get more snacks. Namjoon follows after him.
Hoseok rolls his eyes, but doesn't say anything. Instead, he grabs Taehyung closer and snuggles to him. "No date tonight?" Taehyung asks, running his fingers through Hoseok's hair. Being the charmer that he is, Hoseok always ends up with a date. If he's not at a party, he's out with someone new every time.
"Nah," is all Hoseok says as he leans into Taehyung's touch.
"Guess it's just you and me then," Taehyung teases. Hoseok snorts but he tugs Taehyung closer anyway.
"They're ridiculous, I know," Jimin mutters from beside him on the couch. He grabs a handful of popcorn and stuffs it into his mouth.
Ridiculous is one thing, Jeongguk thinks. He just wonders how he's never seen it before. Maybe because Hoseok is kind of a serial dater or because Taehyung is quite popular with both guys and girls as well. "I didn't realize that they're a thing," he comments quietly.
"You'd think they're a thing," Yoongi mutters from his other side. "Maybe they would be if they'd just talk."
"Yoongi hyung advocating for open communication?" Jimin gasps in mocking shock. Jeongguk bursts into laughter. "What ever are we going to do?"
Yoongi kicks Jimin's thigh from over Jeongguk's lap. Jimin retaliates with kicks of his own. Jeongguk leans back and keeps his arms up to protect himself. Eventually, it gets too much and he grabs Yoongi's and Jimin's thigh, squeezing for them to stop. Jimin squeals and immediately pulls back. Yoongi, meanwhile, pulls away, as well, except he leans his back on Jeongguk, wiggling to make himself more comfortable. Jeongguk looks at him with eyebrows raised. Yoongi just smiles at him and Jeongguk shifts on his space on the sofa, but doesn't say anything. Yoongi's warm and he doesn't really mind the added weight. It's not like Yoongi is that heavy with his slim frame.
They watch the movie and Jeongguk gets sucked into it. He's watched The Notebook once before with some of his high school friends, but he doesn't really remember it. He thinks it's pretty cool. He's pretty sure the others like it, too, despite the initial rejection of watching it. Taehyung is comforting a teary-eyed Hoseok, while Jimin's brows are furrowed, still munching on some popcorn. Namjoon and Seokjin are cuddling. Beside Jeongguk, Yoongi sniffs.
"Aww, hyung," Jeongguk teases. "Are you crying?"
"No," Yoongi sniffs. He shifts on his place and leans his head on Jeongguk's shoulder.
"If you wanted a cuddle, you should have just asked," Jeongguk continues, giggling a little as he wraps his arm around his shoulders. He moves a little closer to him so that Yoongi's head is practically tucked under his chin, not immediately noticing that Yoongi has stiffened. He only notices that he must've made Yoongi uncomfortable when he sees Yoongi's clenched fist. "Sorry, hyung," he apologizes, hurrying to remove his arm around him. "I didn't mean--"
"It's fine," Yoongi interrupts him in a grumble, grabbing his hand and putting his arm back around him.
Jeongguk lets out a breath when he feels Yoongi relax against him. He's not quite sure what to think, except that Yoongi is letting him be close to him. He tries to breathe normally, hoping that Yoongi doesn't notice how fast his heart is beating. But then Yoongi is turning his hand and interlacing them with Jeongguk's and he just... His breathing goes wrong and he starts coughing. Jimin straightens up beside him, while the others turn their heads towards him to make sure he's okay.
"I'm fine," Jeongguk assures him.
"You sure?" Jimin asks, patting his shoulder.
"Yeah," Jeongguk weakly returns.
"Do you want some--" Jimin moves to get up from the couch to get some water.
"He's fine," Yoongi interjects.
"I'm fine," Jeongguk repeats.
Hoseok snorts, going back to the movie, clearly having seen them holding hands. Jeongguk sees the way the others exchange looks, but no one says anything and just goes back to the movie. Jeongguk takes one very deep breath.
"You are okay, right?" Yoongi asks after a beat. He squeezes Jeongguk's hand, not having let go of it.
"Yeah," Jeongguk agrees, even as his heart traitorously tells him that he's not.
Yoongi makes Jeongguk smile. All the time. Even when Yoongi is just sitting there in front of his computer with his brows furrowed, as he figures out a chord progression or a new way to present something or a new lyric. It makes Jeongguk smile because Yoongi is so focused and so passionate that it always blows his mind how anyone can love something so much he lives and breathes it.
"What do you think of this?" Yoongi asks, waving him over.
Jeongguk rolls his chair closer and takes the headphones and puts it over his ears. He's not an expert, but he can tell the changes that Yoongi made. They're very subtle, but they make the song even more beautiful, a bit gentler than the last time. It's almost like he's trying to sweep someone off their feet.
"I really like it," Jeongguk says, taking the headphones off.
"Yeah?" Yoongi looks at him with a slightly straighter back.
"Yeah, hyung," Jeongguk says with a giggle. "It's really wonderful. It sounds dreamy, almost like a love song." Yoongi's cheeks turn red and he clears his throat. Jeongguk smiles with delight. "Hyung, is it a love song now?"
"Kind of, I guess, but not really," Yoongi mutters, wrinkling his nose and clearing his throat again. He grabs a sheet of paper and hands it to Jeongguk. "I tweaked the lyrics a bit."
Jeongguk reads through it and looks at Yoongi, who's staring at his lap like it holds all the secrets of the universe. It reads beautifully, even more so than the previous lyrics. It speaks of forgotten dreams but still dreaming over and over and falling in love with it again and again. Jeongguk thinks about his heart break and how it's healing, and how, maybe, things could fully be okay again. It makes Jeongguk's hand clench, crinkling the paper a little, which he only realizes he's doing when Yoongi touches his hand.
"Sorry," Jeongguk tells him, clearing his throat. "I just..."
"What?" Yoongi presses.
"It's really good, hyung," Jeongguk tells him with a soft smile. "I'm excited to sing it."
Yoongi keeps looking at him, his thumb caressing Jeongguk's knuckles, and then returns his smile. "Yeah?"
"Of course," Jeongguk confirms.
"You want to listen to it with the new lyrics?" Yoongi asks, turning towards the computer. "I had Jimin sing a chorus just so I could hear how it sounded before I let you sing it. I mean, of course, you can make some changes as you see fit."
Yoongi doesn't let go of his hand and Jeongguk stares at their holding hands in wonder. He wants to know what it means. He wants to know what this is.
The same thing keeps on happening. Yoongi keeps on existing and Jeongguk just... keeps on hoping that existence turns towards him. It makes him feel... good. Which isn't actually a bad thing. It's just that all of a sudden, it feels like he's seeing everything that Yoongi does under a microscope. He notices every little thing, every movement, every quirk of his lips, every raise of an eyebrow, every look, everything. And it drives Jeongguk absolutely crazy. If he thought that he was nervous and worried about being around Yoongi before, that's nothing to how he feels now. It's like he's being led to a doorway he didn't realize he could go through before.
"Are you okay?" Jimin asks, laughing a little when Jeongguk jumps when he pokes him.
"What?" Jeongguk stammers, feeling his face down to his neck turn red. It's really not appropriate to be thinking about Yoongi in public, not when thinking about him leads to wanting something more. Maybe. Jeongguk hasn't decided what he wants because he's not sure if he's allowed to want them. "I'm fine." He rubs the back of his neck when Taehyung looks at him as well.
"You're really red," Taehyung observes.
Jeongguk bites the inside of his lower lip, wondering. He turns to his friends, who've just started to go back to whatever they were doing; Jimin, reading through his notes, Taehyung, playing a game on his phone. "How do you know you're over someone?" he asks out of nowhere.
"Uh," Jimin starts when he and Taehyung lift their heads up back towards him again. "I guess when you're comfortable being around your ex again." He furrows his brows. "Is everything okay?"
"But how would you know if you never see them again?" Jeongguk continues, ignoring his question and completely biting his lower lip now. "I mean, who hangs out with their ex again?"
"It would depend on the ex, I guess," Jimin muses. He nods towards Taehyung. "Taehyung does."
Taehyung shrugs. "I do."
Jeongguk's eyes widen. "What's it like?"
"It is what it is," Taehyung tells him, wrinkling his nose. "It's whatever. None of my relationships were ever too serious anyway, so it isn't a big deal. At least not for me." He runs a hand through his hair and Jeongguk wonders if that's really true. "What's going on?" he repeats.
Jeongguk stares at the table. "Do you think eight months is enough to get over someone?" he wonders out loud.
Jimin and Taehyung exchange a look and Jeongguk ignores what it could possibly mean. He just really wants to know what it's like and if this thing he's feeling for Yoongi is okay and valid. He wants to know that he can like someone else so soon after breaking up with someone he thought he'd be with for a long time.
"That's really up to you, Jeonggukie," Jimin states, reaching out to touch his arm. "You're the only one who can really say if you are over someone or not."
"Can you fall for someone so soon after a breakup?" Jeongguk then asks. His clasps his hands together, gripping them tight.
"It's almost been a year," Taehyung reminds him with a shrug.
"I just want to make sure it's not a rebound," Jeongguk hurries. "I don't want to do that. I don't want to hurt him like that."
Jimin exchanges a look with Taehyung, who raises his eyebrows in surprise. Jeongguk understands. He's never really given any indication that they're someone else. Unless that look of surprise is because of him admitting something that they already know. Maybe he said too much, revealed too much. He doesn't even know what everything is, what it means.
"You're the only one who can know what it is or isn't, Guk," Jimin tells him with a comforting hand on his arm.
"Or you can just go and find out," Taehyung suggests. Jeongguk looks at him with hopeful eyes. "You can just wait and see what it really is."
"Have you guys heard of the party?" Taehyung asks as soon as he arrives. He climbs onto the empty seat beside Jeongguk, who's doing his homework, and shamelessly helps himself to his fries.
"The one the dance team is throwing?" Hoseok asks, looking up from his phone. That's a yes for him then. Besides, Hoseok goes to all parties. "You going?"
Taehyung shrugs and makes a face. "I have a paper to finish."
Namjoon snorts. "You passing up a party for a paper is really funny."
"Oh, are you going?" Taehyung pointedly asks. Namjoon rolls his eyes, but shakes his head. He's never really been one for parties. "Thought so. Jiminie?"
Jimin shakes his head, grinning. "Got a date." He wiggles his eyebrows up and down, as the guys tease him. "Seulgi wants to see that new romcom. But we might drop by later on," he says.
"What about you?" Taehyung elbows Jeongguk.
Jeongguk looks up. "I'm not going if none of you are going to be there," he says.
"Yoongi?" Hoseok asks.
"Do you want to go?" Yoongi asks, nudging Jeongguk's foot with his and ignoring Hoseok's question.
Jeongguk looks at him, surprised at the question. He hesitates. Does he really want to go? Aside from not really being a party person and, even if he's good with Yugyeom and Jinyoung, he's not entirely sure he wants to be at a party where they'll both be there for sure. He shrugs, sounding uncertain. "I'm not sure," he answers, biting his lower lip. "Not really?"
Yoongi nods and goes back to whatever he was writing. That signals end of the party talk and, eventually, they all end up going their separate ways; Jimin to prepare for his date, Taehyung to go home to do his paper, Hoseok to meet up with his dance friends, and Namjoon to meet up with Seokjin. Jeongguk ends up walking with Yoongi out of campus, Yoongi having decided that he was going to do some work at a cafe.
"Hey, hyung," Jeongguk starts, an idea forming in his head. "Can I come with you to the cafe? I won't bother you. I'll just do some drawing."
"When have I ever said that you've been a bother?" is Yoongi's response. Jeongguk chuckles as Yoongi huffs. He thinks it's adorable how Yoongi is so shy about being nice to people. "What are you drawing for, class?"
"No," Jeongguk answers, hitching his backpack higher up his shoulders. "Just some doodles. I've finished all my required work for the week so I'm not really doing much."
Yoongi doesn't say anything. They walk to the cafe in silence. Jeongguk doesn't really mind. He likes that he can be comfortably quiet with Yoongi. At the beginning, he worried if maybe he was being boring so he always thought of something to say. But now that he's spent more time with him, Jeongguk understands that it's okay, that Yoongi even prefers it most of the time.
"Do you want to just hang out at the apartment?" Yoongi asks the moment they reach the cafe. Jeongguk blinks at him in surprise. "We can just grab some coffee and food and head on there. We can work there or watch a movie or whatever. We have the place to ourselves because Namjoon's going to Seokjin's."
Jeongguk almost laughs at the way Yoongi rambles. Instead, he just nods and says, "I'd like that." He touches Yoongi's arm when he gets hit with an even better idea. "How about I cook for you, hyung? I'm not that good at it but there are some dishes that I can make. We can go to the grocery and buy stuff."
Yoongi blinks at him. "Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of relaxing?"
Jeongguk laughs, his nose crinkling. "It can still be relaxing," he tells him. "I'll do all the work. You won't have to do anything. You can just eat while I'm preparing."
"You make it sound like I'm going to be a menace in the kitchen," Yoongi says, making a face at him. "But okay, let's go to the grocery," he continues before Jeongguk can say anything.
Jeongguk has fun in the store and, watching Yoongi laugh at some random thing that Jeongguk tells him, he thinks Yoongi is having fun too. They get all the necessary ingredients for some Kimchi fried rice, Kimchi Jjigae, and Kimbap. It's probably more than they can eat between the two of them. But Namjoon can eat the leftovers later on when he gets home. Besides, Jeongguk really likes the idea of making food for Yoongi. There aren't very many things he can give him, since Yoongi can probably buy anything he wants, but this, cooking for him, it's something he can do.
The cooking is even more fun than the shopping. Jeongguk is a bit surprised at how well he can still remember how to cook the dishes. But Yoongi helps with all the slicing and the chopping and preparation of the ingredients. He mostly tells Jeongguk stories, though, which is the best part. Because, then, he can see how Yoongi lets his guard down, being in an environment that he knows and, hopefully, being with a person he likes being with. He's sitting on the counter, near the stove, telling Jeongguk some stories about their friends, stuff about his music, while munching on some carrots. It's cute. Yoongi's cute and Jeongguk is glad he gets to see this side of him.
"What do you think of this, hyung? Is it too spicy?" Jeongguk asks, scooping a little bit of the soup of the Kimchi Jjigae and offering it to Yoongi to taste. Yoongi leans closer and Jeongguk watches as his lips take a little bit of the soup from the spoon. The soup stains his pink lips an orange-ish red. Jeongguk unconsciously licks his lower lip at the sight. "Well?" he asks, clearing his throat.
Yoongi shrugs, looking from the soup to Jeongguk's face and then back down. "If you're fine with it, I'm good," he says.
Jeongguk finishes whatever's in the spoon and presses his lips together. It's not too spicy. In fact, he's pleased that he got it just right. He smiles. "I think it's good," he says, looking up at Yoongi. He has some soup on the corner of his lips. "Oh, hey, you have something..." He stands in front of him, not really thinking about what he's doing, and cups his face to wipe it off with his thumb.
Yoongi's cheek is soft. Which shouldn't be a surprise because everything about Yoongi, despite his seemingly hard exterior, is soft. He's kind and generous to the people he cares about. He's sweet even without trying. Jeongguk sees the way Yoongi looks at his friends even when they're being ridiculous or annoying. It's fond. It's like he'll care about them no matter what they do. He might even help with hiding bodies if it came to that.
"What are you doing?" Yoongi's whisper breaks into his thoughts.
Jeongguk jumps, realizing that he's been caressing Yoongi's cheek. Wanting to be close to Yoongi is one thing, but touching him like this, and without permission is a whole other universe altogether. Jeongguk knows how private and how personal Yoongi is. He doesn't like it when people pry into his life and he sure as hell doesn't like being touched without permission. It was clear in the way Yoongi stilled when he hugged him. Squeezing his eyes shut and scrunching his face in embarrassment, he steps back and takes his hand away.
"Sor--" Jeongguk starts, but Yoongi cuts him off by grabbing his wrist.
Jeongguk opens his eyes and meets Yoongi's piercing gaze. That look could mean anything. It could mean that he's uncomfortable or that he's angry. Except Yoongi's putting Jeongguk's hand back on his cheek. That can’t mean he doesn’t want this, too, right? Whatever this is.
Jeongguk's breath hitches when Yoongi pulls him closer with his other hand, placing the other one on Jeongguk's waist. Jeongguk slowly rests his other hand on Yoongi's thigh, which makes a gasp escape from Yoongi's lips.
"Hyung," Jeongguk whispers, leaning closer, his eyes dropping from his gaze to his lips before going back up again. His heart is pounding so hard he can hear it in his ears. He hopes Yoongi doesn't hear how nervous he is.
He hasn't really thought about it before, liking Yoongi like this. Jeongguk knows he likes Yoongi, has always liked him that moment when he picked them up when they were drunk out of their minds from that party. He’s always admired Yoongi's passion for music and his love for what he does. He’s hoped he could do even half of what Yoongi does for his friends. But like this... romantically, kissing Yoongi, being able to hold him, Jeongguk didn’t think it was possible. Somehow, Jeongguk has felt that Yoongi was out of his reach. They could be friends, but not more than that. Now, though, the possibility of more is right here, presenting itself and Jeongguk can't help but think about how much he likes Yoongi and how, maybe, if Yoongi liked him too, that this can be a thing. They can be a thing. But how could it be possible for Yoongi to like him like this too? How could Yoongi want to be more than friends with him?
"Are you... you okay with this?" Yoongi asks, voice low, his breath caressing Jeongguk's lips. Jeongguk moves even closer, his hand on Yoongi's cheek moving to his nape. "What about Yugyeom?"
Jeongguk pauses. He blinks and pulls away a little. Yoongi stops touching him, taking his hands off from where they were warming Jeongguk’s body. Jeongguk hadn’t even really thought of Yugyeom. He hadn’t been thinking about him for a while now. Especially after the talk that they had. This makes him realize that, despite him not knowing where he stands with Yoongi, at the very least, he knows that Yoongi is not a rebound. He opens his mouth to explain something of the sort, but Yoongi shakes his head, cutting him off.
“You know what, it doesn't matter. I don’t care,” Yoongi says.
Before Jeongguk can ask what he means, Yoongi is surging forward and kissing him. Jeongguk gasps into it, shocked that Yoongi kissed him, shocked that this is happening at all. But Jeongguk leans into it, into Yoongi’s touch. He puts his hands on his waist, to pull him closer, to feel more of him.
Yoongi’s lips tastes like the Kimchi Jjigae he just tested. But when Jeongguk deepens the kiss, when he swipes his tongue in between Yoongi's lips, Yoongi tastes impossibly sweet. Sweeter than Jeongguk thought. It’s addicting. Yoongi is addicting. And his moans do not help Jeongguk’s case in wanting more. Jeongguk just wants to take and take and take.
“Jeongguk,” Yoongi groans when Jeongguk starts kissing his jaw and down to his neck. “We should...” He trails off with another moan and Jeongguk smiles through his kisses.
"Yes, we should," Jeongguk blindly agrees.
Yoongi chuckles, pulling away a little. "You don't even know what I was going to say."
"Whatever it is, hyung, I trust you." It's such a stout declaration but Jeongguk doesn't even care. He does trust Yoongi and this thing that they're doing. What's more is he trusts himself, too.
Yoongi looks at him. He reaches up to run his fingers through Jeongguk's hair, making his eyes flutter close. "What do you want, Jeongguk?" he asks.
"I... I want..." Jeongguk thinks he knows what he wants and he wants to say it, out loud. But then something in the way Yoongi looks at him, the way something in his eyes flicker as he waits for Jeongguk to speak makes him stop. He shakes his head. "I don't know what I want," he responds in almost a whisper. He bites on the inside of his lower lip before continuing. "What do you want, hyung?" he then asks.
Yoongi doesn't say anything. He just looks at Jeongguk. Probably thinking about how to let him down gently with the way his brows furrow, looking right into Jeongguk's eyes. "It doesn't matter what I want," he then states. He nods towards Kimchi Jjigae and hops off the counter. "We should finish this."
"Hyung," Jeongguk starts, clenching his fists and shoving them in his pockets.
Yoongi turns to face him and pecks his cheek. "It really doesn't matter," he repeats, giving him a small smile, as if in insistence and assurance.
Jeongguk nods and smiles. Even though he doesn't agree. Yoongi grins at him and finishes the cooking for Jeongguk. It does matter, he can't help but think, as Yoongi stirs the soup and then turns the stove off. It matters to Jeongguk what Yoongi wants. Because only then will he know if it's okay for him to want him back.
Jeongguk bounces his leg. He cranes his neck, looking around, worrying his lower lip. Hoseok and Jimin are talking about something about dancing, but he's long stopped paying attention. He's more worried about other, probably not more important, things. Like not having seen Yoongi around in a while. A few days. Two days. Jeongguk buries his face in his hands. Maybe he made a mistake by initiating that kind of intimacy. Maybe he shouldn't have implied he wanted to kiss Yoongi, twice. Sure, Yoongi kissed him back. But then he also didn't seem like he wanted to continue. He also said that it didn't matter. Whatever that means.
"Are you okay?" Jimin asks, hand warm on Jeongguk's back.
"Fine," Jeongguk says, lifting his head up and managing to smile.
Hoseok snickers. "You look like you need to go out and drink."
Jeongguk frowns, because that doesn't sound like such a bad idea to him. After all, the last time he went to a party, he was getting over someone. This isn't exactly like that, but it's quite close. "Is there a party happening tonight?" he asks, smiling in interest.
"You want to go?" Jimin asks, raising his eyebrows in surprise. He frowns when Jeongguk shrugs in consideration. "What's wrong, Jeongguk?"
Jeongguk looks around again and sighs when he doesn't find what he's looking for. "Nothing," he answers. "Can't a guy just want to go out and have fun?"
"Not you," Jimin points out. He gives Jeongguk a look, but drops the 20 questions and turns to Hoseok. "Whose party is it?"
Hoseok makes a face. "Jinyoung's," he tells them, watching Jeongguk for his reaction. "We've been working on a project together and he invited us and said to invite friends." He gestures towards them. "You fall under that category, so..." He shrugs.
Jeongguk turns to Jimin and grins at his apprehension. "I'll go tell Taehyung. He's been looking to get smashed." He picks up his bag and makes his way through the cafeteria, ignoring Jimin's piercing gaze on his back and hoping that Taehyung is around somewhere so he can make good on his excuse. Jeongguk knows that going to the party, any party, to try to make sense or not think about this whole Yoongi thing is a bad idea. But it's all he has right now.
"Jeongguk. Jeongguk, hey."
Jeongguk stops and turns, blinking. It's Yugyeom. "Hey," he greets back. His eyes immediately look around for Jinyoung.
"Just me," Yugyeom says, smiling a little, more uncertain that he used to with Jeongguk.
"Sorry," Jeongguk says, shaking his head a little. "I don't mean to look for him every time I see you." He shrugs, chuckling a little in hopes that it would make him seem less awkward. "What's up?"
Yugyeom gestures around, equally as awkward as Jeongguk. The last time they talked, they chatted about falling out of love. Jeongguk isn't sure what other ground there is to cover.
Yugyeom clears his throat. "You want to talk some place else?" he asks, shifting in his stance. "Your friends are giving me looks."
Jeongguk turns and finds Hoseok standing with his arms crossed over his chest and Jimin frowning at them from his seat. He laughs a little, looking back at Yugyeom, who looks a little afraid. "You're lucky Yoongi isn't here," he says, grabbing his wrist and pulling him out of the cafeteria.
"What would Yoongi have done?" Yugyeom asks, his voice shaking a bit.
Jeongguk chuckles. "He'd have some guy beat you up."
"He won't do it himself?" Yugyeom asks.
"Stop," Jeongguk says with a bigger laugh. They stop a little ways away from the cafeteria and sit at one of the empty tables in the courtyard. He lets go of Yugyeom's wrist. "My friends actually like you."
"At least they used to," Yugyeom supplies.
His friends loved Yugyeom. There was some heavy vetting in the beginning and they all pretended to be hardcore thugs, trying to scare Yugyeom off if he ever hurt him. But they saw how much Jeongguk adored him and how much he made him happy and they brought him into the fold. It even got to the point that they sometimes hung out without Jeongguk around. He became their friend too. It's too bad that things have to end up this way. Jeongguk smiles, shrugs.
"So, I hear Jinyoung's having a party," Jeongguk says, steering the conversation to somewhere less shaky.
"Yeah," Yugyeom confirms. "You guys are going, right? Jinyoung told me that he invited Hoseok." Jeongguk stares at him, straightening up in his seat. "Unless you don't want to," he hesitates.
"You're okay with me going?" Jeongguk asks.
"Of course," Yugyeom answers, brows furrowing.
"Jinyoung is okay with me going?" Jeongguk clarifies.
"He wouldn't have invited you if he wasn't okay with it," Yugyeom responds slowly.
"He invited Hoseok," Jeongguk reminds him. "Not me."
"Did you want him to have invited you personally?" Yugyeom asks, looking more and more confused.
Jeongguk shakes his head, looks at Yugyeom and wonders how Yugyeom's gotten to that point where he knew that something with Jinyoung could work into something wonderful, something like this, something that's equal and trusting and sweet again. Jeongguk wonders how Yugyeom knew that Jinyoung was special, just like how he thought Jeongguk was special. He doesn't really remember how to know.
"How," Jeongguk starts, fiddling with his hands resting on top of the table, "how did you know that you know with Jinyoung?" Yugyeom stills so slightly that Jeongguk almost doesn't notice. He shakes his head and sighs. "Sorry," he continues. "Sorry. I'm not--I'm okay, I promise. I'm just--I'm curious that's all."
"About what?" Yugyeom asks, careful.
"About how you knew you truly moved on," Jeongguk stammers. "About how you knew you really liked Jinyoung, about how you knew he wasn't just a rebound or--not that I'm implying that he is or that I'm still hung over you--" Jeongguk cuts himself off and runs a hand through his hair. "I'm saying this all wrong," he curses.
"Hey," Yugyeom responds, voice gentle. He takes Jeongguk's hand and squeezes it. "What's going on, Guk?"
Jeongguk's hands are big, but Yugyeom's always been bigger, as well as warmer and more comforting. He takes comfort in that, takes comfort in the fact that after everything he and Yugyeom still has this, that there's still friendship between them. "I'm over you," he begins.
"I gathered as much," Yugyeom replies with a laugh.
Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut, thinking about how stupid he must sound. He breathes in and out. "There's a guy," he goes on.
"And?" Yugyeom squeezes his hand again. "What's he like?"
Jeongguk opens his eyes. Yugyeom is smiling at him, encouraging and teasing at the same time. "Shut up," he mutters, making a face at him. Yugyeom just raises his eyebrows. Jeongguk takes a deep breath and thinks about how to describe Yoongi. "He's cool. Very cool. And smart, talented. He writes music; he's so inspiring. He's quiet, almost to the point of seeming aloof and annoyed all the time, but he's not either of those things. He's just shy, I think, or reserved--yeah, just reserved. But really, he's sweet and caring. He looks out for everyone in his own, quiet way. He's funny too and when he smiles a full on smile or laughs, he's really cute."
"He sounds like a keeper," Yugyeom comments, his smile wider.
Jeongguk deflates. "He doesn't like me," he blurts out and continues before Yugyeom can even say anything. "I mean, he kissed me--we kissed, but that doesn't mean anything." He bites his lower lip, brows furrowing. "He said that it didn't matter." He stares at the table, at his hand in Yugyeom's, and wonders how something like that, how a kiss like that, couldn't matter to anyone.
"Did he actually say that the kiss or whatever you guys have going on didn't matter?" Yugyeom asks, giving his hand another squeeze. Jeongguk presses his lips together because Yoongi didn't. "Look," Yugyeom says, chuckling a little. "He really seems like a keeper."
Jeongguk waits. Yugyeom doesn't say anything else. "Is that it?" Jeongguk asks in disbelief. "That's your advice? That's really helpful."
"The advice is: keep him," Yugyeom states, rolling his eyes. "If that means talking to him, then you should go do that. So you could keep him."
"But what if--" Jeongguk starts.
Yugyeom cuts him off with another squeeze of his hand and a shake of his head. "You can," he insists. "You're allowed to. You deserve to."
Jeongguk wants to.
"This was a bad idea," Jeongguk groans, as Taehyung jumps off from the couch and starts dancing on the table. Maybe in another time or circumstance, he would have been having fun at a party. But this is not one of those times. "The worst idea." He buries his face in his hands and groans.
"What?" Seokjin yells above Taehyung's hooting.
"I'm going to go get some air," Jeongguk tells Seokjin to his ear and gets up.
Jeongguk feels better once he goes outside. The music is muted. People are swimming, still drunk, sure, but it's less rowdy and Taehyung is definitely not around. Jimin disappeared, as usual, once they arrived, while Hoseok joined his dance friends in the kitchen. Seokjin is cool with sitting down and drinking and watching his friends make fools of themselves. Even Namjoon looked like he was having more fun than him. Which was the goal. To have fun and to stop thinking.
But he couldn't seem to have fun because he couldn't stop thinking. Jeongguk just can't stop thinking about Yoongi. He can't stop thinking about the hand-holding, the affection, and the kiss and wondering what it all means. He also keeps thinking about what Yugyeom said about keeping Yoongi and about how he should just talk to him to be able to do that. It seems simple, seems like it would be easy to do: just go up to Yoongi and tell him that he likes him. Except, Yoongi's Yoongi and Jeongguk is terrified about what he'll say. Jeongguk is even more scared of what Yoongi would do. He doesn't think he'd forgive himself if anything changed with the way Yoongi treated him right now.
"Well you look like you're having fun."
Jinyoung sits down beside him on the edge of the pool, dipping his feet in the water. Jeongguk's eyes widen, looking at him and then around for Yugyeom or any of his other friends. He and Jinyoung may be civil, but he's not sure they have any more things to exchange than apologies.
"Hi," Jeongguk says, stilted.
"Taehyung was yelling for you so I thought I'd come get you," Jinyoung shares with a shrug.
"Why didn't Seokjin just get me?" Jeongguk asks with a frown. "He knows I went outside."
"Seokjin is busy," Jinyoung tells him, wiggling his eyebrows. "With Namjoon." Jeongguk isn't sure what face he makes, but it makes Jinyoung laugh hard. "They're really drunk, though, so..." He shrugs.
"That's going to be awkward in the morning," Jeongguk comments. He pauses. "Or maybe it wouldn't be." Seokjin and Namjoon have had this weird thing between them for a while now.
"Well, it doesn't have to be," Jinyoung replies. "I mean, if they like each other and they talk about it, it shouldn't be."
"As if talking is that easy," Jeongguk mutters.
"We're talking," Jinyoung points out, swinging his legs and splashing the water.
"I see your point," Jeongguk agrees. "Still, people make talking seem like it's that simple."
"It can be," Jinyoung says. "It's scary, but if you just... do it, it makes everything easier." He leans back on his hands on the grass. Jeongguk follows him and looks up at the dark sky. "I told Yugyeom I liked him first," he says so quickly Jeongguk almost didn't catch it. "I told him that I needed to tell him because it was eating me up and it was ruining what we had because I was starting to be weird around him."
Jeongguk watched him with interest. "What did he say?" he asks, smiling a little when Jinyoung looks back at him, taking a deep breath.
"He said I was cute," Jinyoung recounts, laughing in relief, "and that he wasn't ready." Jeongguk straightens up a little, startled. "Yeah," Jinyoung says, laughing even more. "Broke my heart, until he followed it up with wanting to wait for the right time and hoping that I would wait with him."
Jeongguk snorts, shaking his head. "Of course he did," he comments. "What a charmer."
"He is," Jinyoung agrees, laughing. "He's ridiculous."
Jeongguk sighs. "So... talking, huh?"
"Talking," Jinyoung repeats, nodding his head.
"I'm the worst talker," Jeongguk mutters.
"So I've heard," Jinyoung teases.
Jeongguk opens his mouth to contradict him, but decides that there's no way he can get out of it so he closes his mouth. "I hate Yugyeom," he mumbles. Jinyoung laughs. "I kind of hate you, too."
"I'll take that," Jinyoung says, laughing harder.
Jeongguk takes a deep breath. "I should go," he says, moving to get up. "To make sure my friends are still alive, and then actually go." He pushes himself off the ground, not bothering to dry his feet before slipping his shoes on. "Thank you for letting me come."
"Thank you for being here and for talking to me and not, you know..." Jinyoung trails off with a chuckle.
"I don't think I have any reason to ignore you or avoid you," Jeongguk replies with a smile. He feels warm and comforted by the idea that whatever hurt he's felt for Yugyeom and Jinyoung and them being in a relationship is all in the past now. "I'm happy for you guys. I'm happy Yugyeom is happy."
"He wants the same for you," Jinyoung supplies. "I mean, it's not my place, but... the talking really helps." He nods encouragingly and Jeongguk can't help but laugh.
"I'll keep it in mind," Jeongguk says with a grin before slipping back to the party.
Jeongguk takes a deep breath. He's kept all the advice in mind and he's decided that he's going to do it. He's going to talk to Yoongi. How? He's not sure yet. But he will. Even though he hasn't seen Yoongi in a week and a half. That's okay. Time to mull things over. Now, all he needs is to take the first step and go to him and tell him that he wants to talk to him. So he knocks at Yoongi's studio door. Twice. Three knocks each. The door opens.
"Jeongguk, hey," Hoseok greets him, stepping aside to let him in. "Jeongguk's here," he announces to the room.
Jeongguk grins, despite his nervousness, and takes a step inside. He can do this. It'll be easy. He and Yoongi are friends now. Yoongi will listen and if he doesn't like Jeongguk, they can always remain friends and keep working on music together. It should be fine. It will work out no matter what happens. Jeongguk walks further into the room and then stops, the smile sliding off his face.
"Hey, Guk," Yoongi greets him, laughing as he slaps the hands on the guy he's sitting on the lap off away from the computer keyboard. The guy turns the chair away from the music equipment to face Jeongguk. "This is Chanyeol. Chanyeol, Jeongguk."
"Oh, hey, Jeongguk," Chanyeol says, deep voice booming across the studio. He reaches his hand out to shake Jeongguk's. Jeongguk takes it. It's a firm handshake and a warm one. "I've been hearing all about you." Yoongi hisses. Chanyeol laughs. "Nice to finally meet you."
"Nice to meet you, too," Jeongguk returns, taking his hand back and stuffing it in his pocket. He shoves his other hand in his pocket as well. Wouldn't do good to be obvious at how much they're shaking. He blinks several times, willing himself to look away from Yoongi on Chanyeol's lap. "Sorry, am I disturbing you guys? You look like you're... busy." Of course. Of course Yoongi would be cozy with someone. How did he not notice?
"No," Yoongi is quick to contradict. "What's up?"
"We're just working on something," Hoseok supplies before Jeongguk can answer. He looks from Jeongguk to Yoongi and then back again. "Actually, we're just about done."
"Yeah, we're pretty much finished here," Chanyeol agrees, wrapping his arms around Yoongi's waist and squeezing him. Yoongi rests his hands on Chanyeol's arms. "Just hanging out now. We were going to swing by this party, but now we're just thinking of getting some food. Want to come with?"
"Oh," Jeongguk says, taking a step backwards. "No, that's okay. I should just go." He takes another step back. He can't do this. He's been so blinded and self-absorbed by his own feelings that he didn't even stop to think that maybe Yoongi had feelings for someone else.
"You should join us," Hoseok tells him, frowning a little. "Taehyung and Jimin are probably going to follow. We asked Seokjin and Namjoon if they wanted to eat with us, too."
"It's fine," Jeongguk says, taking another step back. He's so stupid. This is why Yoongi said that it didn't matter. "I realized I have some stuff to do anyway. "I'll, uh, pass. Next time. I'll come back next time."
"Jeongguk?" Yoongi presses, brows furrowing. He slaps Chanyeol's arms this time and Chanyeol lets him go. Yoongi stands. "Are you--"
"Fine," Jeongguk practically yelps when Yoongi starts to move towards him. He holds a hand up, laughing a little at how hysterical he feels. He ignores the way Hoseok's gaping at him and how confused Chanyeol looks. "I'm fine. I have lots to do, tons of homework. I'll catch with you guys later."
"Jeongguk, what--" Yoongi starts, but Jeongguk turns, closes the door behind him in one movement, and runs.
Jeongguk makes it to his apartment intact. He shuts the door and presses his back against it, banging his head back, eyes squeezed shut. He'd managed to make it without getting overly emotional, like bursting into tears or crying out in embarrassment. Now that he's safe in his apartment, Jeongguk's still not going to cry. He's also not going to get embarrassed or angry. He may feel stupid over thinking that he could ever have something with Yoongi, but he'll just let it go. He's just glad that he didn't say anything to Yoongi.
"Fuck," Jeongguk curses as he remembers their kiss. "I'm such an idiot."
Jeongguk straightens, hitting his head on the door. Jimin walks towards the hallway from the kitchen, looking at him curiously, his phone in his hand.
"What are you doing here?" Jeongguk croaks. He clears his throat. "Why are you here?" he asks again.
"Namjoon told me we were going out and I thought I'd come get you," Jimin says. "But then Yoongi called and--"
"I'm not going," Jeongguk cuts him off, shaking his head, shriveling up just at the thought of Yoongi. He pushes himself off the door and makes his way to his room. "I have lots of homework." He walks into his room. Of course Jimin follows him.
"Guk, what's wrong?" Jimin asks, sitting on the edge of Jeongguk's bed. He watches him walk around, randomly tinkering with things just to avoid conversation.
"Nothing," Jeongguk insists, turning around to face him. "I'm really just busy. Besides..." He presses his lips together and shakes his head.
"Besides what?" Jimin prompts, eyes not leaving him.
Jeongguk shakes his head again. "Nothing. You should go. I have stuff to do."
"Are you kicking me out?" Jimin asks in disbelief.
Jeongguk takes in the way Jimin looks surprised and hurt at how callous Jeongguk has been. "Sorry," he mutters, sitting down beside Jimin. "I'm not. I'm just..." He sighs and leans his head on Jimin's shoulder. Jimin automatically puts an arm around him. Embarrassed. Stupid. In love. Stupidly embarrassed and in love. Mostly stupid. "Tired," he finishes. "I'm just tired. And I kind of want to be alone right now."
Jimin doesn't say anything for a while. He just moves so that he's running his fingers through Jeongguk's hair. It calms Jeongguk down, letting him close his eyes and just breathe in and out. Jimin always did know what to do in instances like this. He knew when to push and when to pull back. This is definitely an instance of needing to pull back. Way back. Because Jeongguk can't even begin to think about how to talk about this whole fiasco that is his feelings for Yoongi. He's so glad he's never said anything out loud.
"Okay," Jimin finally says. "I'm going to go." He pulls away to get a proper look at Jeongguk.
"I'll call you if I need anything," Jeongguk promises.
Jimin cups Jeongguk's face and then leans forward to give him a kiss on the forehead. "You're okay," he tells him.
Jeongguk swallows, clenching his jaw in an effort not to cry right then and there. "I'm okay," he repeats with a stiff nod.
Jimin smiles, even though Jeongguk wasn't very convincing. "Okay," he says, getting up. He leaves Jeongguk's apartment.
He flops back on his bed.
Jeongguk tries to open his eyes and immediately closes them again with a groan. He knew he shouldn't have agreed to go to Yugyeom's party. But being alone in his apartment wasn't doing him any good and there wasn't anyone he could call, knowing that all his friends were out to dinner together. He sinks further into the bed, comfy and warm and nice-smelling. The bed smells really nice, he thinks, as he buries his face in the pillow and inhales and exhales. He almost falls back asleep, enjoying the feeling of comfort, despite his pounding head, when he realizes that his bed isn't the comfortable and doesn't smell remotely close to this either.
Sitting up with a loud groan, Jeongguk looks around, hand on his head. Gray and white room, clean, organized, very minimal. Definitely not Jeongguk's room. Jeongguk's room is white, messy, with clothes all over the floor and the bed and the chairs and tables and--that's the picture. So whomever room's this is, well... What did he even do last night?
"Look who's awake," Taehyung announces, leaning against the doorway, crossing his arms across his chest.
Jeongguk blinks at him, surprised that Taehyung's the one standing there. "This isn't your room."
"It isn't," Taehyung says with a smile that makes the hair on the back of Jeongguk's neck stand.
"Why didn't you bring me to your place?" Jeongguk asks, gingerly moving to get off the bed. He runs his fingers through his hair several times to make sure that it looks relatively decent and follows Taehyung out of the bedroom.
Taehyung wrinkles his nose. "Why would I?"
It smells good in the apartment. Jeongguk thinks some sort of jjigae is being cooked, as well as some meat. He really likes meat when he's hungover. He sees Jimin first, his back towards Jeongguk, busy with Seokjin, who's also by the stove. They're chatting quietly, almost whispering, making them seem secretive. Taehyung clears his throat so loud that Jimin jumps and turns around.
"Hey," Jimin squeaks, smiling when he sees Jeongguk alive. "You're awake."
"Would you rather I went back to bed?" Jeongguk asks, sitting on one of the chairs with a frown on his face.
"Well, you were pretty drunk," Seokjin supplies, pursing his lips. "And sad. So." He pauses, smiling a little when Jeongguk's brows furrow. "We figured you'd want to rest a lot."
"Is this your apartment, hyung?" Jeongguk asks, changing the subject, not wanting to get into what seems like dangerous territory at the moment. He knows that Seokjin moved recently, but he hasn't had the chance to visit yet. "Your room is really clean."
"It's the guest bedroom," Seokjin says, hesitating a little.
Jimin brings over a big glass of water and some pills. "You probably have a headache," he says with a sigh. He watches Jeongguk drink the medicine and finish the water. "You should have told me you were going to a party," he scolds, brushing Jeongguk's bangs off his forehead. "You never told anyone you were going and so we weren't really ready to pick you up at a moment's notice."
"But I'm here," Jeongguk says, frowning at the inconvenience he caused. "Thank you. And I'm sorry." He looks at Jimin, hoping that he knows he means it.
"We were all pretty tipsy," Seokjin comments, still standing by the stove. He turns it off and leans back on the counter, arms crossing on his chest. "So we didn't really..." He bites his lower lip.
"Yoongi hyung picked you up," Taehyung drops the ball. He rolls his eyes when Jimin and Seokjin glare at him. "What? It's what happened." He turns to Jeongguk, whose mouth is open. Jeongguk already feels his cheeks pinking. "Yugyeom called him because none of us were picking up our phones--we were hanging out at Yoongi's and Namjoon's--and everyone was pretty tipsy. Except for Yoongi hyung."
"Taehyung and I went with him. We went with him to come get you," Jimin adds. "Because, um, you know..." He trails off when Jeongguk buries his face in his arms resting on the table.
Fuck. Jeongguk isn't the best drunk. He isn't a quiet drunk. He's pretty emotional and giggly and very talkative once he gets going. He talks a lot. He really hopes he didn't say anything that was detrimental to his whole being and his friendship with Yoongi. It's really all he's been holding on to now.
"Please tell me I didn't say anything stupid," Jeongguk begs, lifting his head up. Jimin and Taehyung exchange a look. Seokjin smiles a little.
"I tried to cover your mouth as much as I could," Taehyung offers.
Jeongguk takes a deep breath. "What did I say?"
"Um," Jimin starts. He puts a hand on Jeongguk's shoulder and squeezes. It makes Jeongguk know that he's going to be embarrassed for the rest of his life. "You kept on saying his name," he shares.
"Oh god," Jeongguk grumbles. "He's going to--"
"Chanyeol's name," Taehyung cuts him off. Jeongguk stares at him. "You kept saying Chanyeol's name."
"What?!" Jeongguk stands up and gapes at him. "Chanyeol?"
"Yeah," Jimin says hesitantly. He squeezes Jeongguk's shoulder again.
"What did hyung do?" Jeongguk wants to know, eyes wide and pleading.
"He didn't say anything," Taehyung says. "He was really quiet the entire drive home. He told us to shut up when we tried to talk and then he made sure he was the one who carried you and tucked you to bed. And then he went home."
Jeongguk is never going to live this down. Now Yoongi is going to hate him. He probably thinks Jeongguk is stupid and an idiot for being so emotional and hung up over a kiss that barely even meant anything. And now, Yoongi is going to think him stupid over mumbling his boyfriend's name while drunk. "I can never face him again," he groans, resting his head on the table, eyes closed.
"Why not?" Seokjin asks.
"Because he probably thinks I'm an idiot," Jeongguk replies.
"You are, but that's beside the point," Seokjin tells him, raising an eyebrow when Jeongguk opens his eyes to frown at him. "Do you have a crush on Chanyeol? Is that what this is about?"
"No!" Jeongguk's answer is swift and resolute. He sits up straight. "No, of course not. I met him once, yesterday. I'd never even heard about him before. That's stupid."
"Well then, why would you be calling out his name?" Jimin wants to know.
Jeongguk shrugs, shaking his head. "I don't know," he says. If anything he thought, he'd be calling Yoongi's name out. "This is ridiculous. Why would I have a crush on Yoongi's boyfriend? I'd never do that. Besides, I don't even know him. Sure, he's good-looking, but--"
Jeongguk jumps when three voices cut him off. He looks at each of them with wide eyes. "What?"
"Yoongi's boyfriend?" Jimin repeats.
"Yes," Jeongguk says, moving away from Jimin's hard grip on his shoulder. "They were really cozy in the studio. He was sitting on Chanyeol's lap." He pouts at the memory. "Yoongi never told me about him, you know," he adds. "I didn't even know he was dating until yesterday. If I'd known, I probably wouldn't have--" He stops talking and sucks his lower lip in his mouth. There's no use crying over spilled milk. What's done is done.
"Oh my god," Taehyung remarks. "Jeongguk--"
"That's enough," Seokjin announces, making everyone jump. "Jeongguk, go take a shower and then we'll have some breakfast."
"But hyung," Taehyung starts.
"Go, Jeongguk, now," Seokjin insists and Jeongguk has no choice but to follow. Maybe he'll drown his embarrassment and heartache instead.
Jeongguk doesn't see Yoongi after that embarrassment. Mostly because Jeongguk avoids him entirely. He's decided that maybe he should let things cool down before he faces Yoongi again. He doesn't think he can look him in the eye, knowing that Yoongi thinks he's lusting over his boyfriend. Really bad combination. So he skips out on the usual hang outs, giving the school and homework catch up excuse, even though he barely has any homework these days because he's all caught up. So Jeongguk mostly holes up in his apartment and wallows in the thought that he would never be with Yoongi romantically.
He also writes songs. Mostly lyrics with no specific tone to them. Maybe he should call it poetry. Or just prose. Or just sad diary entries. Jeongguk lets out a breath and rolls around on his bed. He hates this. He also hates his stupid heart for liking a guy who's taken. How could he have thought that Yoongi was single? Aside from the fact that they kissed. Yoongi is amazing; smart, talented, sweet, kind, incredibly handsome. There was no way he wasn't going out with anyone. Jeongguk should have really known better. So much for talking and getting to keep him.
Mumbling to himself, Jeongguk grabs his phone and shoots a text to Jimin, demanding where he is. Jimin promised him some movies and some ice cream, among other kinds of food, to get him out of his slump. Just as he sends it, there's a knock on his door. He hurries out of the room and swings the door open with a flourish.
"Where the hell have you been?" Jeongguk demands with fake annoyance. "I've been waiting--"
Yoongi gives him a wry smile. "I've been wondering the same about you." Jeongguk stands there like a statue. Yoongi nods towards the apartment. "You going to let me in?" he asks.
Jeongguk steps aside and closes the door behind him. He watches as Yoongi goes straight to the kitchen, unpacks the grocery bag Jeongguk didn't notice him carrying, and starts putting the food in bowls and plates. Jeongguk follows him without a word and just looks on. He doesn't really know what to say. He didn't practice anything because he never really planned on saying anything. The plan was to avoid and then come back as if nothing had happened. Which, when he looks at it, nothing really happened. Jeongguk is just really cringing in embarrassment.
"What are you doing here?" Jeongguk finds the courage to ask.
"Jimin said you were wallowing," Yoongi relays. Jeongguk makes a noise of protest. "He also said that you needed someone to get you out of it."
"I never said you specifically," Jeongguk sputters. His face is red; he's sure of it. Yoongi smirks at him.
"Well, I'm the one who's here so you'll just have to deal with me," Yoongi comments. He pushes the bowl of soup and a bowl of Kimchi fried rice towards him. "Here."
Jeongguk wordlessly sits on a chair, grabbing a spoon. He doesn't really eat anything though, as Yoongi sits across from him and starts eating. Jeongguk worries his lower lip. Maybe he should just come out with it. An apology and a promise and he's done. That's probably all he needs to do to get over his idiocy and embarrassment.
"I'm sorry," Jeongguk blurts out. Yoongi looks at him, putting his spoon down. He raises his eyebrows. "I'm sorry. For avoiding you and for that night when I, uh, got drunk and said some thing that were inappropriate and taken out of context--" He clears his throat and stops. He should probably just shut up. "But thank you for answering Yugyeom's call and picking me up and taking me to Seokjin's and, uh, yeah." He stares at the table. He really shouldn't have said anything.
Yoongi doesn't say anything. Of course he wouldn't. Why would he? Jeongguk deliberately ignored him after all the kindness he's shown him in the past months. Yoongi has been nothing but wonderful, taking Jeongguk under his wing, letting him sing his song, teaching him all about composing and songwriting. Not to mention that he gave Jeongguk one of the best kisses he's ever had. So yeah, Yoongi has been just all around great, and Jeongguk... well, Jeongguk is Jeongguk.
"The other day," Yoongi speaks up, clasping his hands together on top of the table, "I was walking to class, wondering about how long it would take until the professor makes me fall asleep." Jeongguk huffs out in unwilling laughter. He then pouts, still feeling weird about Yoongi actually being there. "So I was walking to class, when I see Hoseok hanging out outside my classroom. It's not unusual since Hoseok does come by sometimes. But it was weird then because he knew I was running late from being with Namjoon during study period." Yoongi looks at him to make sure he's listening.
"Okay." Jeongguk nods, not really knowing how to react to a mundane story.
"So," Yoongi carries on, seeming content with Jeongguk's response. "I walked towards him, about to call out and ask him what he was doing there when Chanyeol walks out of the room and into the hallway." Jeongguk stiffens and frowns. He decides to stare at his hands in an effort to hide how he's feeling. "He starts talking to Hoseok, which really surprised me because I wasn't sure that they knew each other well enough to hang out by themselves. I mean, Chanyeol is in a lot of my classes and dance and music classes sometimes overlapped, but still, you never know. So they were talking." He pauses. "Jeongguk, look at me," he suddenly demands.
Jeongguk looks up, biting the inside of his lower lip. "I'm listening I promise."
"So they were talking," Yoongi continues, holding Jeongguk's gaze. "And then Hoseok asks Chanyeol out, right then and there, in front of people passing by and in front of some of the students from our class. Chanyeol said yes."
Jeongguk straightens, brows furrowed. "What? Hoseok asked Chanyeol out on a date? But what about Taehyung?" He's pretty sure something's going on between them, although there was never really any confirmation. "Does he know?"
Yoongi glares at him and then the look on his face softens into something like fondness. "Jeongguk," he prompts, eyebrows raised. "The point is Hoseok asked Chanyeol out and Chanyeol said yes."
"I know," Jeongguk agrees. "And I'm asking, does Taehyung know? Because he really should. I don't want him to find out late and get hurt."
Yoongi shakes his head. "Yes, Taehyung knows," he clarifies. "Taehyung was the one who told Hoseok to ask him out."
"Okay, that's good," Jeongguk says in relief before he's stiffening and looks at Yoongi with wide eyes. "But--what about you? Are you okay?"
Yoongi actually laughs. "Of course I'm okay," he assures him. He leans forward. "Jeongguk, Chanyeol's a good guy." Jeongguk looks away. "He's not going to ask someone out if he was going out with someone else."
"But he was going out with you," Jeongguk points out, gesturing towards him impatiently.
"No, he wasn't," Yoongi responds.
Jeongguk gapes at him. "What."
"Chanyeol is--well, was--single. He's just touchy," Yoongi spells out for him. He holds Jeongguk's gaze, giving him a few moments to process things. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"That you're single?" Jeongguk squeaks. He can already feel his entire face and body turning red.
Yoongi nods with a pleased smile. "Okay, good." He takes a deep breath, smile widening. "Now, would you like to tell me why you kept saying Chanyeol's name when I picked you up from Yugyeom's?"
"No," Jeongguk says, shaking his head. "Not really." He gets up, picks up his untouched food, and shoves them in the fridge. "I'm just going to go to my room. There's something I need to do."
Yoongi stops him with a gentle hand on his wrist. "Jeongguk," he prompts. Jeongguk turns to face him, but avoids his gaze. He doesn't really know what to say or do. "Jeongguk, I just told you that Chanyeol and I aren't dating. What else do you want me to do? What else do I have to say to assure you that I like you?"
Jeongguk lifts his head up swiftly and stares at him. What? He opens his mouth and then closes it, unsure of how to react. "You can actually tell me that you like me," he blurts out. He shuts his mouth after that, pressing his lips together. "Sorry."
Yoongi swallows, his cheeks turning pink. "I like you." He chuckles, looking shy. "I really like you. In fact, I think I'm halfway in love with you." His laughs turns more uncertain when Jeongguk just keeps looking at him because Jeongguk's mind is just buzzing with the shock of the confession. "I never said anything because you just got out of a break up and you guys seem to still be getting on well and I wasn't sure if you were still hung up on him or what."
"But you said it didn't matter," Jeongguk states.
"What?" Yoongi asks, looking confused.
"When we kissed in your kitchen," Jeongguk reminds him. "You said that it didn't matter, the kiss, and I thought..." He trails off to swallow the hurt that he feels when he thinks about that moment. "You said that it didn't matter and then you never kissed me again and then you sat on Chanyeol's lap and--"
"Hey, you and Yugyeom were holding hands in the courtyard," Yoongi argues.
"Yugyeom's dating Jinyoung," Jeongguk retorts, rolling his eyes. "They've been dating for months now. You know that."
"How was I supposed to know that you didn't like him anymore?" Yoongi counters, crossing his arms on his chest.
"Yes, well, you were on Chanyeol's lap," Jeongguk points out lamely. He crosses his arms on his chest, too, for good measure. "How was that supposed to tell me that you were single?"
Yoongi bites his lower lip. "So, may I kiss you?"
"Yeah," Jeongguk is quick to answer, already leaning forward. But before his lips touch Yoongi's, he leans back and grins at him. He can't believe this is happening. He can't believe Yoongi has feelings for him. "I'm halfway in love with you, too, hyung."
"Good," Yoongi mutters and then he kisses him.
Jeongguk happily kisses him back.
They don't tell their friends. Not because they don't want to, but because there just wasn't a chance to. They haven't really hung out with the others together. Yoongi's been really busy with his mixtape, having finished the last song he was working on, which was the song with Jeongguk's voice. They promised they would tell them the first chance they get, which Jeongguk supposes is now.
They're all over at Seokjin's apartment. Everyone's relaxed. Seokjin is talking with Namjoon by the television, probably discussing which movie to watch. Taehyung and Jimin, who are sitting beside him, are laughing at something in Taehyung's phone. Meanwhile, Yoongi is over by the other side of the room, talking to Hoseok. Yeah, Jeongguk thinks today is a good idea to drop the bomb. It's not really a big deal. It shouldn't be a big deal. Except the other keep giving him wary looks, thinking that he's still sad and stupid over Yoongi.
Yoongi catches him watching and, before Jeongguk could even think about looking away, Yoongi touches Hoseok's arm and makes his way towards him.
"Hey," Yoongi says, smiling a little. The quirk of his eyebrows tell Jeongguk that he's been caught and that Yoongi's teasing him about it.
"Hi," Jeongguk croaks, flushing. Jimin and Taehyung stop laughing beside him. For some reason, the entire room seems to go quiet.
"I'm going to get some drinks from the store," Yoongi tells him. "Want anything?"
"I want some banana milk, hyung," Taehyung answers in a cute way.
Yoongi ignores him, eyes still on Jeongguk. "Guk?"
Jeongguk shakes his head, not trusting himself to say anything. His eyes fall to Yoongi's lips and he's overcome with the urge to just lean up and kiss him. He's kissed Yoongi loads of times and they're all in the running for best kiss ever. "Uh, no," he says.
"You sure?" Yoongi presses, smirking because, of course he knows what Jeongguk's thinking.
"Um," Jeongguk stammers, flushing. "Maybe something for your headache?" he suggests. Yoongi mentioned that he had a headache earlier, probably due to being on the computer for so long.
Yoongi stares at him, lips quirking a little. Then he leans down, cups Jeongguk's cheek, and kisses him. Right on the lips. In front of everyone. He pulls away before Jeongguk can kiss him back. Traitor. "I'll be right back," he announces and then he's out the door.
Jeongguk can't breathe. He presses his lips together, his entire body still tingling from the kiss and from being kissed in front of their friends. That's a way to get the word out. Why did Jeongguk ever think that Yoongi would do it the conventional way? He swallows and then slowly leans back on the sofa, waiting for any sort of reaction. He can't believe Yoongi left him to fend for himself.
"So that happened," Taehyung breaks the silence.
"Guk?" Jimin presses.
"So, uh, Yoongi and I are dating, "Jeongguk announces.
The room explodes and Jeongguk laughs. He doesn't know how he ended up here. All he knows that he wouldn't change a thing, even if he were given the chance to. Sure he got his heart broken, but he's happy now, and that's all he's ever really wanted.