He knows this won’t end well but he doesn’t stop.
Even if he tried to, he can’t just stop his feelings, he has never been able to control them before and he had been quite proude of that, he carried his heart on his sleeve, he was sincere and his friends liked that about him, but now he curses himself.
If only he were able to hide his true feelings then he wouldn’t be feeling so bad, he wouldn’t be placing his friend in that awkward position he was in.
“ Don’t take all the blame Hangyeom-ah, it’s not your fault,”
Inseong had said when Hangyeom had gone to him one night guilt ridden, taking him out the building and asking kindly the cameraman to leave them alone.
“You haven’t done anything wrong so don’t stress about it, those feelings will end up disappearing,”
A part of Hangyeom had stupidly been upset about his friend’s words, offended his feelings where being making little of, but that was wrong of him, he should have felt relief.
Relief that he would stop liking Hyojin as more than a friend.
Hangyeom was in no way bothered he liked a guy but he was troubled by the circumstances around them, hurt and frustrated that his feelings were clearly mutual but they were unable to act on them.
Because the other boy was already in a relationship.
It was not a secret to anybody that the other boy was dating one of his members, they never bothered hiding it when the cameras were off.
Hyojin and Seungjoon were basically married and Hangyeom was no one to change that.
But he was powerless to stop the way his heartbeat picked up when the redhead smiled at him, unable to stop the tip of his ears from burning up when the older threw an arm around his, he couldn’t stop himself from falling for his friend when the other was so attractive to him, they were like magnets and he knew the other felt the pull too, noticed the way his friend’s eyes glanced down at his red lips too often to ignore, felt the almost possessive way the redhead grabbed at his arm to call his attention when he talked with other contestants.
That’s why it hurt so much, why he felt so humiliated when Seungjoon would wrap his arms around Hyojin in the cafeteria, pressing a chaste kiss against Hyojin's cheek that made the boy’s face turn a pretty shade of pink.
But Hangyeom was able to ignore his feelings all the way through the competition, he never acted on them.
Then their promotions as the victorious group of mixnine started.
If Hangyeom was thought it was difficult to ignore his feelings before it was a thousand times worse now that Seungjoon was not around serving as a constant reminder that Hyojin would never be his.
Hangyeom was able to keep his feelings at bay after all he and Hyojin were never alone, the other guys were always around and it was impossible for an opportunity to arise even if he had wanted and he was thankful for that. Their first promotions ended and they went their own ways for the rest of the year.
The second round of promotions was when an opportunity was presented to Hangyeom in the form of room hotel, Hyojin and him having been paired up to share the room by their maneger.
Hangyeom spent almost the whole night at Rubin’s and Donghun's shared hotel room, trying of course to not be left alone with Hyojin because Inseong had been wrong, his feelings for his friend had not gone away, instead they had gotten bigger, what was before an almost innocent puppy crush had developed into a full on crush, one that made him pin for his friend “ miserably ” as Sangwon had ever so kindly pointed out when he had gone back.
But he had to go back to his room when Rubin basically kicked him out so he and Donghun were able to go to sleep. Hangyeom had nowhere else to run away to, Jinyoung and Minseok having gone to bed early and he knew better than going to Hyunsuk, Byounggon and Byeonkgwan after he had messed up in that day's schedule, he had been teased enough before reaching the hotel.
He had hoped Hyojin was asleep when he walked inside but the lights were on, his friend laying in his bed as watched a video on his phone. Hangyeom made his way to his bed and whispered a good night as be hided under his covers.
It didn’t take long for him to feel a weight on his side, the covers being move away to uncover his face and Hyojin looking down at him with a frown on his face.
Without wasting time Hyojin asked him why he had avoided him, when Hangyeom stayed quiet his friend had sighed, his expression looking troubled and fearful.
“Do you hate me?”
Hangyeom sat up quickly, shaking his head, his hand moving by itself and reaching to grab at Hyojin's.
“Are you uncomfortable with being alone with me?”
Hangyeom again stayed quiet, he couldn’t react quick enough as he was after all uncomfortable but he couldn’t just admit it.
Hyojin closed his eyes as he toke in a deep breath before he opened them again and turned his face towards him, his other hand reaching to cup Hangyeom's face firmly but with a tenderness underneath it that made Hangyeom's heart melt.
“We’ve never talked about it before but… we feel the same way about each other, don’t we?”
The dancer nodded, ignoring the way his heart was beating so hard against his chest. He could feel his eyes sting with unshed tears, knowing that now that Hyojin had put their feeling out in the air they would have to talk about their obvious ending, and ending without having a real beginning.
“Why have we not acted on them then? You always look so afraid…”
Hyojin sounds so confused Hangyeom can’t help but feel mad at him, what was he saying? Wasn’t it obvious?
“Because you have a boyfriend and I’m not going to interfere between you two,”
Hyojin lets go of Hangyeom's face, his hand falling between them.
“I’m not dating anyone though?”
Hyojin looks as lost as Hangyeom feels, if Hyojin says he’s not dating anyone, then what about Seungjoon? The other boy had been so clearly possessive before and he tells Hyojin this, his friend groaning and reaching for a pillow behind him so he could bury his face against it.
“He’s just my best friend! He was actually trying to make you jealous so we got together but it never worked,”
Hyojin explains when be finishes trying to suffocated himself. Hangyeom chuckles feeling a turmoil of emotions inside him but he doesn’t stop to decipher them, no when Hyojin has finally given him the green light Hangyeom had been so desperately hoping for.
Hangyeom reaches to cup the back of Hyojin's neck and leans closer to his face, closing the space between them just like he had imagined of doing so a thousand times before. He softly presses his lips against Hyojin's, the other boy sighing into the kiss and immediately opening his mouth inviting Hangyeom to deepen the kiss.
And he does.
He licks his way inside Hyojin's mouth, tasting the mint of the toothpaste and a flavor so peculiar Hangyeom can only describe it as Hyojin. His friend again cups his face, his thumb stroking his cheek tenderly and tilting his head to the side so they can kiss without their noses in the way.
Hyojin nibbles on Hangyeom's lower lip, his other hand having made it’s way to Hangyeom's hip and that is when Hangyeom regretfully leans away. Hyojin breathing heavily, his eyes dark with want and an adorable pout on his lips that Hangyeom is unable to not kiss chastely before leaning away again.
“We have schedule tomorrow hyung,”
Hangyeom had always pictured Hyojin would be shy when being intimate, pictured his pale cheeks coloring a red shade when in a situation like right now, both of them alone in an hotel bedroom, their lips swollen and glistening after kissing they way they had done.
But instead Hyojin moves to lay his back down on the white covers, his hands having grabbed at Hangyeom’s arms as he pulled him down with him, an impish glint in his black eyes as he stared up at him.
“Can’t we play a little longer? We’ve waited long enough don’t you think?”
Hangyeom chuckles, his ears heating up just like his face as his blood rushes trough his body. He couldn’t say no to that. They indeed have waited too long, Seungjoon being the one to blame for making them waste so much time but now they were going to make up for it.