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Désespoir

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As he laid on the couch of his eerily quiet empty house, he couldn’t help as his mind kept drifting back to that moment when he found his ‘supposed best friend’ with Rachel Berry of all people beside his comatose father. He might have even found this newfound friendship between the two divas hilarious if it weren’t for the fact that they had gone behind his back to force their religion down his throat when he had clearly stated his belief or rather the lack of it the day before.
When he had respected their views and beliefs why couldn’t they do the same for him, that’s probably the least they do for their ‘friend whom they wanted to help’, who was on the verge of losing his entire world, his only left family, his only piece of sanity. Of course, there no way he could suddenly start getting what he wished for, could he? No way! Why would anything good ever happen to one Kurt Hummel? What if he started to expect rainbows and unicorns out of life?

 

All he had wanted was for them to leave him alone but no they had the audacity to lecture him on how he was an insensitive human being to deprive their right to sing, SING! in the middle of the tiny hospital room about how his dad would not wake up unless he had faith in their Lord, HE WAS IN A COMA!

He had predicted such a reaction of Mercedes which is why, he had refused to reveal this part of him. What did that really speak about their friendship? A friendship where they couldn’t speak to each other openly fearing the loss of the said friendship? Were they even that close when all their interactions were about things of no real value and they could never really rely on each other in times of need.
They had never spoke of their future aspirations, relationships…… for Gaga’s sake he didn’t know where she wanted to go for college. Their friendship had become more strained lately, with her ignoring him for her new friendship with Quinn, now this……it was almost as if his feelings never really mattered and as long as he did what she wanted, everything was splendid and the moment he did something unexpected then all bets were off the table.

 

Tossing around on the couch unable to sleep he tried not to think of the very possible reality of his dad not waking up, his dad not ruffling his hair and calling him kiddo or never being able to bury himself into his dad’s bear-like embrace and being able to inhale that scent of home he had grown up to associate with his father, to wake the next day and realize that he had no one left to call his in this world.