Finally. Fucking finally I’m in the god-forsaken training crops. I don’t know whether to feel relieved that I basically never have to go back home or burdened that I have to deal with this for what, 3 years?
“WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU HERE!”
I rolled my eyes so far back it actually hurt. Agh there he goes again, this commander is so damn loud. Why does he feel the need to scream? I just want to get this ‘initiation’ or whatever this is over and done with. I closed my eyes and sighed knowing it was going to be a long day.
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!” My eyes flew open in surprise; there he is right in front of me… just my luck. “DO YOU THINK THIS IS THE TIME OR PLACE TO DO WHAT YOU JUST DID?!”
What did I even do? I literally closed my eyes for a second and now he’s all on my case AND he is still screaming. I scowled, “Sir, you do know I’m right in front of you right? I don’t think you seem to understand that we can all hear you. You literally have no reason to scream.”
Everyone who could hear what I said was stunned including the commander himself- their jaws dropped and everything- I felt somewhat satisfied with myself… that was until he kicked my shins. Without hesitation I fell to the ground clutching my shin, I didn’t want to look weak in front of everyone but I swear he fractured my bone.
“You will run laps until I am certain that you will be able to withstand a kick in the shin by the Colossal Titan himself. GET up.” What? He kicks me in the shins, which probably broke my damn bone and now he wants me run laps? Right after he kicked me? “I said GET UP!” He pulls me up by my hair and proceeds to drag me by it till we reach the end of the training grounds, throwing me to the ground again when we reach it; giving everyone show. “You better get running,” he says walking away. Fuck sake. I really am an idiot. Why the actual fuck did I think it was even remotely okay to say that shit to my commander? I get up begin to run with my shin aching like hell.
I’ve been running for HOURS. My lips were all chapped even licking them didn’t help, I was so thirsty. The sun had already set a few hours ago. The only plus side was that I wasn’t the only one running laps, this girl named Sasha was running too but she didn’t sass the commander, she just ate a potato and she even tried to offer him some. He really ought to be grateful, if it were me… well, I think I should stop, I’m already running laps.
“I… am… so hun…gry…” Sasha says collapsing on the floor.
“Sasha… I… think… we should…stop” I say trying to catch my breath.
This one girl comes towards us clutching something in her hands. I squint my eyes trying to see what it is. Is… is that bread and a bottle of water? IT IS!! I have never been so happy. I excitedly turn to tell Sasha but she was way ahead of me, she already tackled the poor girl. Sasha goes on about how this girl is a goddess but all I can really focus on is the water she brought. I gulped down everything in the bottle so fast I nearly choked.
“Thank you so much. I thought I was gonna die of thirst.”
She smiled and was about to say something when this other girl appeared and draped her arm over her shoulder. “You’re the one you sassed the commander. Oh shit, that was hilarious! But the best part was when he dragged you by your hair; your face when it happened! AHAHAHAHA” She burst out laughing.
“Ymir! That’s not nice!”
“Krista you should have seen it AHAHAHAA!”
Ymir and Krista. Hmph, what a pair. I had enough for one day, I didn’t need more drama. “Like I said, thank you, Krista. Bye Sasha,” I waved goodbye and headed back to the dining hall to see if I could grab anything more to drink. Of course, I was still thirsty; running who knows how many laps does that to you.
Almost everyone is surrounding this one table when I walk in. I wonder what’s going on but I couldn’t be bothered to deal with trying to find out, for all I know it could be about me and my big mouth. I grab a cup filled with seems to be tea. But I was way too thirsty to care. I sat down at a table close enough to hear what all the commotion is about but far enough for me to keep to myself.
“What did it look like?” “Was it big enough to step over the wall?” “How big were the regular ones?” What are they even on about? “It was big but not big enough to step over the wall, only its head could be seen over the wall.”
Oh, this topic. The wall broken years ago, get over it. Wait he was there? Lucky bastard. “What I would have given to have been there,” I mutter to myself… or so I thought because all eyes are on me… again.
“What did you just say? You wanted to have been there?! Do you even have any fucking idea how many people died? How many people are still fucking haunted by the thought of it? We lost our fucking homes, our fucking families and you wanted to have been there? What the hell is wrong with you?” A boy with green eyes screams while walking towards me.
At this point I am done with everyone’s crap, I glare up at him and say, “Again with the fucking screaming.” I think I hit a nerve because in the blink of an eye he was lifting me up by my collar. He growled at me and gave me a glare that would’ve made anyone piss their pants. I brought my hands up to grip his forearms trying to dig my nails into his skin so he could loosen his grip on my collar because it was actually starting to choke me but he didn’t budge.
I was not about to be humiliated in front of everyone again so I put on the best ‘don’t fuck with me’ face and told him off the best way I could, “IF you don’t let go of me right fucking now, I will not hesitate to break your fucking arms. I ran for hours without stopping and I do not have the patience for people like you, so if you don’t want me to fucking dismember you best you leave me the fuck alone.”
In the corner of my eye, I see a short blond boy trying to hold back an Asian girl who looks so angry she could kill someone. Wait is that his girlfriend? I smirk turning my head towards her and cockily say, “Hey could you keep your boyfriend on a leash, I get he’s sexually frustrated or whatever but that is no reason for him to lash out like this.”
I feel his grip loosen probably because he was surprised I actually said that but I use the opportunity to take my chance and escape from his hold. Once I’m out of his grasp I click my tongue and shove past him- making sure to bump his shoulder in the process. I go straight to the cabin where all my belongings were, I was too exhausted to shower or even change out of my uniform, once I got to my bed I passed out. Huh, what a shitty day.
I actually had a good night’s sleep and woke up feeling refreshed. Everything was going so well until I noticed I was the only one that was in the cabin. Shit, I was late for breakfast. I jumped out of bed trying to make myself look somewhat presentable; I didn’t have time to shower so I just went without out one. I ran to the dining hall and found it empty. What time was it? Did everyone already eat? Is everyone on the training grounds already? I hastily made my way to the training grounds; I was relieved to see training hadn’t started yet. I didn’t want the commander to drag me by the hair again. I make my way over to Sasha and see she’s talking to a boy with a buzz cut.
“Oh, morning! I thought you were gonna sleep through the whole of training practice” she said giggling a bit, “This is Connie by the way, he is so funny!”
I smile and simply wave to him but he greeted me with such energy, “You’re the one who told the commander off! Man that was brave, you were all like ‘stop screaming I can hear you’ I was sure he was gonna kick you out of the training crops for sure! But I didn’t think he would physically kick you! Like how rude of him-” Connie was cut off by the commander announcing what we have to do for training, “TODAY’S TRAINING IS PHYSICAL COMBAT! YOU WILL BE ASSIGNED A PARTNER BY ME PERSONALLY. I DO NOT WANT ANYONE MESSING AROUND! ” He called the names of two cadets and had given one of them a wooden knife explaining what to do before moving onto the next two. “Y/N L/N and Eren Jaeger!” I walked towards the commander wondering who I was going to have to deal with from today’s training. As I approached the commander I saw a boy who looked so similar, had I met him already? I stopped in my tracks as I was finally able to make out who that boy was… of course, OF FUCKING COURSE it’s the same guy from yesterday.
I think he had the exact same feeling about being paired with me because the whole time Shadis explained what we must do; he kept shooting me dirty looks and not the good kind. Once everyone was paired up we all were instructed to begin training. I looked at Eren and saw him looking down at the wooden knife in his hands. ‘He’s going to fucking kill me, isn’t he?’ I thought while trying to slowly back away. I was just about to try to apologize for yesterday when he came charging at me, I was so surprised I couldn’t even move before our bodies collided with each other. He straddled me while holding the knife to my throat, I know when to give up so I just simply laid there doing nothing to fight back. I was sure he was going to kill me right then and there- not that I would have complained but anyways- when he let out an aggravated sigh and got off me. What just happened?
Before I could even get up he said, “Why are you even part of the training corps if you aren’t even trying? It’s fucking pathetic.”
Wait...WHAT? I was speechless. Did he actually just say that?
“You should just go back home. You can’t last a week here.”
He did not. OH HELL NO. He actually went there. I got up and dusted myself off and calmly said, “Who do you think you are? I would rather be fucking here dealing with this bullshit than be at home which by the fucking way is in the innermost walls, so me wanting to be here says a lot about my fucking life at home doesn’t it?” I storm of not even caring if Shadis catches me.
“Fuck, Eren is a piece of shit,” I say while walking away.
“You hate him too huh?” I look behind me and see a boy with amber hair smirking at me. “Personally I would call him a suicidal bastard who thinks everyone has to follow in his footsteps and join the damn scout regime, tch.” I smile back at him, “Finally someone sensible in this place. I’m Jean.”
I don’t mind forming a friendship based on mutual hate for someone. “I’m Y/N, and you’re right he is a bastard for sure.” We both laugh, this is good.
“Wanna sit with me during dinner?”
I smiled “Sure!”
I was actually excited for dinner; Sasha was too but she’s always excited about food. I told her I was going to sit with Jean and she didn’t seem to mind but of course, she teased me about it. “Sasha! I don’t have a crush on him, we are literally friends because we both hate Eren with a passion.”
She giggled and carried on teasing me, “Whatever you say lover girl.”
We both started walking to the dining hall meeting up with Connie, Krista and Ymir on the way. This was a pleasant turn of events. When we entered the dining hall I parted ways with everyone, got my food and went over to where Jean was sitting. I playfully flicked his head before sitting down next to him, “Hey Jean! Who’s the cutie?” I say pointing at a boy with freckles.
“Oh that’s Marco, he’s my childhood friend.”
“I like how you don’t deny that he is a cutie,” I playfully tease. Marco blushes and just smiles at me.
“I’m Y/N L/N also more commonly known as ‘that girl who told the commander off’ but I prefer being called by my name or a nickname- if you come up with a good enough one,” I say grinning.
We ate dinner peacefully while making jokes and having a conversation that didn’t make me want to take my chances with the titans unprepared. Everything was going great until we to got to the topic of what regime we want to join.
“Of course the Military Police! I’d live a nice, comfortable life in the interior not having to worry about anything other than what wine I’d want to drink. What about you?” Jean smugly said.
I didn’t get to reply to his question because Eren just had to butt in, “Well Y/N already lives in the interior, she left it to come here actually, she also said that she would rather be here dealing with this bullshit, isn’t that right Y/N?”
Why does he test me so? Can’t I have one, JUST ONE day of peace? I sighed loudly while standing up and making my way towards him, most people stopped what they were doing and looked at me. I hate being the centre of attention. Eren stands up trying to show me he’s ready for a fight.
He smirked, “What? Do you want to repeat what happening in training?”
I am just about done with this boy. I didn’t say anything until we were standing so close I could feel his breathing on my face. I let out a heavy sigh and began, “Look Eren I don’t want to hate you more than I already do. We could just get through these 3 years without even talking to each other. I honestly don’t need your shit, okay? Thanks!” He didn’t say anything, thank the walls but I didn’t want to stick around until he did so I simply waved goodbye at Jean and Marco and went back to the cabin which is now the only safe place here.
The first few weeks of training flew by. Every day we basically did the same thing; I even became friends with Ymir overtime. I also learnt that that Asian girl’s name was Mikasa and she wasn’t Eren’s girlfriend but his half-sister also that Armin is the only pleasant one out of the three; he often taught me stuff when his friends didn’t come bother us.
Today is one of the few free days we have, I decided to spend it by sitting under a tree quite far away from everyone. I didn’t feel like being around people today. I enjoyed endless hours of training rather than being at home, I haven’t thought of that hell hole in a while. I wish we lived in wall Maria so maybe I wouldn’t even have a home to dwell on about; my mom hasn’t even sent me any letters in the time I’ve been here- not like I’d want them anyway. She was never the motherly type, always blaming me for problems that were there even before I was born, I still remember staying away from home as long as I could just to avoid her. I wasn’t ever beat at home but sometimes I feel I would have rather had that than what I endured which to most people isn’t comparable to being physically abused but to me, it was way worse. She ruined me and she made me feel terrible every single day yet she adored by brother- she babied him, he didn’t even join the military because she didn’t want to lose her precious child- but of course, she was happy to get rid of me. I felt the tears begin to fall, I hated crying. I wiped them away but they kept coming. Fuck, it’s one of those days.
Hearing my name caught me by surprise and who said it was an even bigger one. “Oh hey Eren,” I said trying to hide my face from him; he was not going to be the first person to see me cry.
“I know you said we shouldn’t talk and all but… uhm I saw you out here and I wanted to uhm… apologize for uh… everything I guess…so yeah,” He scratched the back of his neck while looking extremely uncomfortable but I saw him trying to get a better look at me, “Wait are… are you crying?”
Shit. He knelt down in front of me and tried to reach out to me but I wouldn’t allow it, I smacked his hand and stood up with tears still streaming my face, “Don’t. I get you’re just trying to help and all Eren but look I’ve never needed it and I sure as hell wouldn’t want it from you. I’m not your business and don’t you go spreading that you say me crying, got it?” The whole time I was lashing out at him he simply stared at me, he didn’t react, he just stared at me This is the first time I got a good look at his eyes… they’re actually really beautiful, nothing I’ve ever seen could even compare. Wait what am I even thinking?! I didn’t even spare him one last glance before I stomped away.
When I got back to the training grounds I saw Shadis talking to these two people; one who was very tall with blond hair and a little one almost the same height as Krista. I didn’t want to deal with whatever Shadis had planned so I tried to avoid them…‘tried’ being the keyword.
I swear I have the luck of an alley rat; I sighed and made my way to them while wiping my face with my sleeve trying to clean up the disaster that just happened. “Yes, Sir?” I couldn’t care less to try salute like my life depended on it, I lazily just did one that Shadis would probably drag me by the hair again for disrespecting the entire ‘training crops honour’ or whatever.
I was expecting Shadis to actually jump down my throat for such but he didn’t; the little one did, “You call that a salute? A person without limbs could give a fucking better one tch. And what the fuck is up with your face?" “Well my face is just showing how I feel about being burdened with meeting you. Who the fuck are you anyway? If you’re trying to suck up to the commander I suggest you suck his dick and not bitch on other people. I don’t have the patience to entertain you so anyways,” I turned to face Shadis, “yes Shadis?”
Shadis’ eyes widened in disbelief and he just looked at me while the blond one was trying to keep a serious face on but you could see he was trying not crack up. I didn’t know what the big deal was, I just told off a cadet who was getting too big for their boots. I was about to open my mouth to ask what’s wrong when I felt a foot kick my lower stomach which sent me flying to the ground a few feet away. What the fuck? My abdomen felt as if it got ripped open, shit it was agony, I felt a bruise already starting to form and by the pain, I felt I could tell it was going to be big. I was so out of it I didn’t notice the little one march towards me. Was he the one that kicked me? How the fuck did he even manage- my thoughts were cut off by another kick but this was on my side and oh boy was this stronger than the first one. Some cadets started gathering around trying to see who was getting their asses handed to them. Shadis didn’t even try stopping him! FUCK, I was getting so angry I could feel what part of my body that wasn’t numb from his kicks began to heat up. I wasn’t having it anymore; I grabbed the foot he wasn’t using to beat my ass with and pulled it off the ground causing him to fall. I got up as quickly as I could but I didn’t focus on that lump of shit that kicked me I went straight to Shadis; I was fucking livid.
“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT THAT SHIT TRYING TO BREAK ALL MY FUCKING BONES?!” I screamed. I was so blinded by rage that I just lift my arm to slap him but before it could even touch his face before I felt someone grab it, I looked to who had grabbed my arm and it was the blond man.
“Cadet L/N, you are ordered to stop and will show respect to those who you are required to.”
“OH FUCK OFF WITH THAT ‘CADET L/N’ SHIT! WHAT ABOUT THAT CADET DIPSHIT OVER THERE?!” I shrieked while pointing at the short boy with my other arm. At this point many people were already gathered around us watching intently.
“Cadet. That is Corporal Levi, your superior and he is also known as ‘humanity’s strongest-”
I cut him off, “Yeah humanity’s strongest piece of shit.”
I was so angry I couldn’t think straight, I just said the first thing that came to mind which clearly wasn’t helping but I didn’t care in the slightest. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and turned to face ‘my superior’ and he was fucking smirking, that just made me even angrier.
“Shadis, you should really throw away filth like her. We don’t need it anywhere near the training crops.”
THE NERVE OF THIS FUCKER. I didn’t care that Shadis was probably going to make me run laps again even after the abuse I suffered at the hands of this brute but what the fuck did he expect me to do? Just stand there with my mouth shut? I’m too much of a bitch for that.
“Cadet L/N that’s enough. Once you have finished this week’s training you will report to my office immediately, understand?”
Oh, of fucking course, I get in trouble even though he provoked me but hey fuck me right? “Fine."
“We’ll be leaving Shadis. Levi” He motioned for the shithead Levi to follow him.
“See you soon.” He smirked at me while leaving.
Now that that’s over, I turned to Shadis, “So what laps again? ” He was so going to kill me for embarrassing him even though I did fuck all but anyways.
“No, you’re punishment will be whatever Erwin decides for you.”
OH WOW, that’s actually amazing! No laps! I don’t care what my punishment will be but it can’t be worse than laps. Why did he only want to see me after this week’s training is finished? I look around me to find everyone staring. Ah shit. It wasn’t a matter of time before the questions would start flowing.
“How did you manage to survive a beating by humanity’s strongest?” “What did you do to receive that?” “What do you think your punishment will be?” “How does stuff like this even happen to you?”
I was too tired to even begin to answer any of these so I simply lied, “I’ll tell you later.” I had to take a shower, I was not only dirty but I wanted to see the damage he did. I limped to the bathroom trying to get there as quickly as possible before my legs gave in.
There was only one place you could shower here so that meant boys and girls had to share which made difficult to shower whenever you wanted. I hung my clothes on the doorknob to show people someone was in here. I turned on the water and waited for it to heat up a bit; I gazed down at my body cringing as I noticed all the bruises that now covered it. I pressed down on one that covered my lower stomach, I clenched my teeth and winced.
“Shit, he is really fucking strong.” I was about to examine the bruises on the arm when suddenly-
I turned around trying to over my body with my hands, once I saw who it was I sighed with relief, “Sasha you scared the shit out of me.” This isn’t the first time she saw me naked, the girls usually all showered together which was a bit awkward at first but I got over it quickly.
“He really did a number on you,” She said while sadly smiling at my bruised figure.
“I didn’t want you to see it…” I knew how much she didn’t like seeing me hurt.
"Y/N, you know it really hurts me to see you like this right? I don't want you getting hurt, I mean I've only know you for a few weeks but that doesn't mean I don't care for you. I know I'm usually the one that jokes around and stuff but sometimes I have to be serious, I mean what if you got hurt worse?! Whenever I look at all those bruises I feel like I should've been there... Maybe I could have protected you." "Sasha..." I was at a loss for words, I've never had someone care for me so much. She gestured for me to walk to her so I switched the shower off not wanting to waste water. Once I got near enough she hugged me, “Sasha! Your clothes are gonna get wet you idiot.” We both laughed.
“Who you calling an idiot?” She joked “Don’t go getting beat up again you hear!”
“Okay! Okay! Mom…” I heard her snicker.
“Now go finish showering, you stink!” she teased while covering her nose with her hand. I feigned being offended but we both laughed.
“See ya!” She waved while walking out the door.
Man, Sasha is a great friend. I got back to the shower turning it on again to continue to wash myself. Every time my bathing towel passed over a bruise I flinched. Agh this is gonna take forever to do! I heard the door open again, “Sasha! Again,” I happily said while turning to face her “I can bathe my…self” I expected to see Sasha at the door but I locked eyes with Eren. I saw his eyes flicker down to my body and his face flushed red immediately afterwards. He promptly closed the door not even saying a word. I just stood there still in shock after what happened. Fuck…FUCK! Eren fucking Jaeger just saw me naked! Nonono this can’t be happening! I quickly turned the shower off wrapped my towel around my body, grabbed the rest of my things and run out the showers towards the cabin without stopping for anything. Needless to say, I went straight to bed not wanting to face Eren.
The next day wasn’t any better, I avoid having breakfast out of embarrassment and the training wasn’t any better; I made sure to be on the opposite side to where Eren was. I was so lost in thought I didn’t listen to anything Shadis said about today’s training when I snapped out of my thoughts I just saw people being hoisted up on this weird machine. What was happening?
“Next up Cadet Y/N L/N!”
Ah shit. What am I gonna do? I was screaming mentally but kept a calm face while walking up to whatever this contraption is. Once these two people made sure I was buckled up properly and waited for Shadis to approach me.
“Hoist her up” he ordered while his eyes were locked with me. Before my feet were fully off the ground I already started wobbling.
“Cadet L/N! Balance your weight to your torso! Were you not listening again?!”
I calmed myself down and tried to as he told me. Come on Y/N, you can do this! Once they rose my off the ground fully I concentrated balancing all my weight properly but I wasn’t perfectly still but it seemed good enough for Shadis because he passed me!
“Lower her. That wasn’t bad L/N but you can surely improve it.”
I smiled at him and said, “I’m taking that as a compliment! I didn’t listen and still managed to do it is pretty good, right?”
“Hmph,” he said while walking away.
It seems that’s all for training today, yay! I happily skip away because it was somewhat an easy day, Shadis complimented me and I didn’t see Eren at all. I waited for Sasha and them by the dining hall, humming to myself while I waited. I saw Sasha walking with a group of people and excitedly ran towards her wanting to tell her about what happened today. “Saaasshhhaa!” I shouted while running towards her.
“Whoa hey, there Y/n!”
“Hey guys!” I greeted everyone else “training was great! Shadis complimented me!”
I heard Jean snicker, “Why you so happy about that huh? Don’t tell me you have some kind of old man fetish!”
Everyone laughed along at his joke expect for Ymir (she doesn’t really laugh at much) Marco and Krista who both tried to tell Jean off.
“Whatever Jean, I’m happy because this means he might not still hate me for yesterday and the first day here!”
“What happened yesterday?” Ymir curiously asked, “did you get dragged by the hair again?”
“You didn’t hear?!” Connie shouted “She got her ass beat by humanity’s strongest! And she even tried to slap Shadis!”
“Huuuh? What? Y/N! Why didn’t you tell me?” Jean asked.
“Ahahahahaha! My my Y/N, you never fail to give me a good laugh!”
“Ymir! That’s not nice! Sorry Y/N” Krista quickly apologized for Ymir.
“Are you okay Y/n?” Marco asked clearly concerned.
“Guys, so many questions this is like yesterday all over again. I didn’t tell you because I was embarrassed okay. He did a real number on me, luckily training wasn’t hard today because I don’t think my body could withstand combat training haha but yeah I’m good.” I explained and sneaked Sasha a few glances because I could feel her glaring at me for getting hurt like that.
“Let’s get going guys! All the good stuff’s gonna be gone!” I playfully whined.
“What good stuff,” Jean mumbled.
“Let’s just goooo!” I said while pulling Jean's arm.
We all sat together and ate while having playful teasing here and there. Everyone was whispering something then glancing at the table next to ours. “What’s everyone talking about?” I asked trying to see what they were all glancing at but couldn’t see because Jean was blocking the view.
“Oh yeah, Eren completely failed at today’s training!” Connie exclaimed.
“What? How?” I questioned.
“He was completely upside down!” Sasha joined in laughing.
“How humiliating!” Jean said while leaning back laughing.
Once Jean was out of my way I could finally see Eren’s table. Just then he looked this way and our eye accidentally met and he quickly looked away. My face flushed as I remembered yesterday’s events.
“Oooh? What do we have here? Why are you blushing huh? What do you like Jean or something?” Ymir teased while poking at my cheeks.
“Huuuuhh? Me with Jean? Have you finally lost it Ymir?” I taunted while trying to shift away from her.
“Oi! What’s that supposed to mean huh?” Jean said glaring at us.
We all laughed and continued eating once the bell rang to leave we started getting up to leave except Sasha didn’t go towards the exit but to Mikasa instead. I was going to wait for her but I don’t know what she’s going to ask her so I’d rather go back to the cabin. Yes, I didn’t shower… not after yesterday’s disaster.
I rolled around in my bed not being able to get in a comfortable position to sleep, I felt hot and sticky from my sweat. Maybe I should’ve showered. I got out of my bed and quietly made my way out the cabin to the showers. I was almost halfway there when I heard people talking; I looked towards the direction I thought it was coming in but saw nothing. I sighed in relieftobut when I turned around I bumped into someone’s chest, I shrieked in surprise but looked up to see Reiner who was with Bertolt, Armin and… Eren!
“You guys scared the shit out of me! What you even doing out so late huh? ”
Armin smiled, “Sorry Y/N-” He was cut off by Reiner, “We could ask you the same thing. What are you trying to get in trouble again? Do you never learn?”
“What? No! I’m going to go take a shower and you didn’t even answer me!”
He smirked and grasped my arm, “A shower so late at night? Let me help you with that.”
“Reiner!” Bertolt whisper shouted trying to get his friend to let go of me.
I gritted my teeth and sneered, “Tch, I would rather have a titan bathe me in its mouth.” I pulled my arm out of his grasp.
“Jeez, I was just kidding, no need to get so feisty though I quite like it.”
I was about to show him how feisty I could get but Armin held me back, “Y/N how about I take you there-”
“Armin! That’s not fair, I wanted her first.” Reiner said while jokingly punched Armin’s arm causing him to stumble a bit.
Armin flushed and hurriedly tried to explain himself, “N-NO! It's no-not like t-that!”
I smiled and pinched his cheeks and squealed, “Armin! You fucking cutie! Gaahhh, my heart!” His face became redder because of my actions and he tried to turn away.
“Don’t you think we’re making too much noise? Let’s get going before we get caught.” Eren grumbled.
I forgot he was here, I let go of Armin’s cheeks and pat his head. As everyone started to walk away Eren stayed behind, contradicting his own words, he awkwardly looked at the ground but then took a deep breath and said, “Y/N I’m sorry about yesterday night! I thought Sasha was the one showering and I wondered why the shower was still running and… I didn’t mean to look at your body! I was only looking at those bruises, I promise!” Both our faces extremely red at the end of his apology/ explanation. There was a long pause before Eren continued again, “I may ask, what happened to you?”
I sighed, “Levi, humanity’s strongest kicked my ass.” His eyes widened but before he could question me further I said, “Look Eren, I can tell you tomorrow or whatever but it late and I don’t think I wanna shower anymore so I’m gonna go sleep.” I walked back towards my cabin not wanting to shower because who knows Reiner could jump me while I’m naked and I don’t need that in my life.
I barely got any sleep because of Eren, fuck why did he have to see me? I would rather have fucking died!
“Y/N, you gonna eat that?” Sasha asked eyeing my food.
“Nope, you can have it,” I said sliding my tray towards her, I didn’t feel eating this morning.
“What now Jaeger?” Jean snarled looking behind me.
“What’s it to you? I just came to ask Y/N about why she has all those bruises, horse face!” Eren shot back.
“Bruises?” Marco said looking at me worriedly. I forgot nobody but Sasha and Eren knew.
“Y/N! Why don’t you tell me this shit?” Jean shouted.
“Show me,” Ymir said with an unreadable expression, I couldn’t tell if she was angry or curious… maybe both?
“Guys look-” I wanted to explain myself but Ymir cut me off.
“Show. Me.” She sounded serious.
I sighed and unbuttoned my shit knowing she was going take it off herself if I didn’t. I took my shirt off but I had a vest on so I pulled it up enough to reveal my stomach but not enough that you could see my chest. I heard people gasp but I didn’t care that other people saw, I only cared about these people in front of me who looked hurt that I hid this from them. My body was covered in bruises, many were blue and black but others resembled rainbows having green, yellow, purple, blue and some black in it. I could hear people whispering and I felt their gazes on my back. Agh I hate this. I began putting my shirt back on.
“You should see her lower stomach,” Sasha said.
“How come you’ve seen them?” Jean angrily asked.
“I walked in on her showering the day it happened.”
“Then how the fuck did Jaeger see it?”
Eren just stood there not knowing what to say.
“Y/N, how the fuck does Jaeger know about them?”
Eren open his mouth to explain but I beat him to it, “He walked in on me too but by mistake okay!” I tried to defend his actions because if they thought he was watching me they would kick his ass worse than mine was.
“HE WHAT!?” Sasha and Jean simultaneously shouted.
“It was an accident guys!”
“Y/N, don’t tell me you’re trying to defend him?” Jean said.
“So what if I am? I’m telling the truth anyway, it was an accident it’s not like we fucked. Jeez!”
Jean looked at me with disbelief but then sent a death glare my way. “Fine then,” he said while stomping away.
“I’ll go after him Y/N, don’t worry about it.” Marco smiled at me then ran off to get Jean.
I turned to Ymir and Krista, I wanted to apologize but Ymir got up while pulling Krista with her, “Let’s go.” Were they all this angry?
“Sasha, Connie, you guys understand right?” I asked but they didn’t answer let alone look at me. I really fucked up. I turned around and faced Eren, I was prepared to shout at him but I saw the guilt in his eyes. I clenched my fists knowing that I had no one to blame but myself.
I started walking out the dining hall when I felt someone grip my wrist. “Y/N, can we talk?” It was Eren.
“No, we can’t. If you wanna know so badly go ask anybody who was there.” I forcefully removed his hand from my wrist and kept walking. I didn’t know where I was going to go so I just went to the training grounds. As expected I was alone there, I sat near those machines we used yesterday because I wanted something to curl up against.
I sat with my knees up against my chest for what seemed like an eternity until I heard Shadis call me. “Cadet L/N, early are we?”
I looked up at him and decided to ask him for advice, “Sir, do you think I should’ve shown my friends the aftermath of what happened with Levi?”
He looked at me confused, “What do you mean ‘show’ them?”
Oh yeah, he doesn’t know either. I got up and lifted my shit just enough so he could see a few of my bruises. “There’s more,” I clarified.
He looked at me with shock, probably not expecting my body to be that badly bruised. He cleared his throat and said, “Well what would showing them do? It’s not going to take what happened back.”
“Hmmm… thanks, I guess.” I saw people starting to arrive at the training grounds.
I was going to get ready when Shadis said, “Have you been to the nurse since… that happened?”
Nurse? I didn’t even know we had one of those. “No, I’m not that hurt… I think,” I replied, “look at us bonding.”
Shadis didn’t say anything, not that I expected him to. I saw Eren walking here with Mikasa and Armin; it reminded me of this morning. I wanted to walk away but I honestly didn’t care. Armin was the first to notice me and jogged towards me. I walked away from Shadis not wanting him to hear or see how everyone now pities me.
“Y/N! I wanted to ask if you’re okay… I saw all the bruises…” He said scratching the back of his neck.
“Armin, can I have a hug?” I asked, completely disregarding what he asked me.
He was shocked at first but then nodded. I enveloped him in a hug which he returned back. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t… not here at least. I could tell he was afraid to hurt me because he held me so softly almost as if I would break if he held me too hard. I buried my face in the crook of his neck not wanting to see anyone. We hugged each other until Shadis announced that training has started. Eren went to be assessed again and he managed to stay balanced but not for long. Just when everyone was about to come to the conclusion he couldn’t do it, Shadis told him to switch machines because the gear was apparently broken. This time he balanced perfectly and with ease. Cheers erupted from the crowd of cadets and Eren looked so proud of himself, people were shocked that he managed to balance on broken equipment but never less happy for him. The rest of the day became a blur mostly of practising how to use the 3D-manoeuver gear correctly.
When it was time for dinner I didn’t feel like showing up but Armin dragged me along saying I needed to eat. I didn’t know whether to sit with Armin or with Sasha and them. I was going to sit at a table alone but to my surprise Armin, Eren and Mikasa came to sit with me.
“Guys, I’m okay! I can sit alone, did you forget I did this for the first few days?” I joked.
“Well… we wanna sit with you!” Armin smiled.
I looked over to where Sasha and them where they didn’t seem to be talking to each other. Did I really mean so much to them?
“Hey Eren, you wanted to know how I got those right?” He nodded. “Okay so, it was the day you found me by the trees, whoa! You walked in on me twice in one day, crazy right? But anyway, I didn’t know Levi was who he was, I mean he is shorter than Krista! So when he sassed me I didn’t hesitate to tell him off and long story short, he didn’t that so he kicked my ass,” I finished explaining and shrugged.
“What do mean Eren walked in on you twice in one day?” Mikasa enquired.
“N-nothing! Don’t worry about it.” Eren quickly answered.
I smirked and decided to play with fire a bit, “Huuh? You catch me crying then walk in on me showering, how is that nothing? Don’t tell me you do it daily?”
Eren faced Mikasa and tried to explain himself but Mikasa wouldn’t listen and kept cutting him off and Armin was trying to get Mikasa to calm down. Now that they’re preoccupied, I took my chance to sneak away and go to Sasha.
“Hey guys” I greeted but only Krista and Marco responded. I sighed, “I just wanted to say I fucked up and you probably hate me now… I don’t know how to redeem myself for what I did… apologizes aren’t my thing so I’m trying here but I really hope you can forgive me for being an absolute fucking idiot… and don’t think that I replaced you guys, I could never find more amazing people that could even come close to you guys… I’m really sorry and thank you for caring so much for me…I love you guys and I just wanted to tell you that so I’ll be off.”
I started walking away but I heard Ymir snicker, “You are an idiot. You are completely and utterly stupid but we could never hate you.”
“Ymir, is that your attempt at being sincere?” Connie teased.
“Get back here you idiot,” Jean said while gesturing for me to come sit with them.
I smiled, “Seriously you guys are the best buuuut I promised Armin that I’d eat with him today.”
Sasha and Connie exchanged glances then got up carrying their trays to where Armin was sitting. “Well let’s go then,” Sasha called out to everyone causing them all to follow.
I stood there baffled by what they were doing. Sasha turned around to grab my arm making me follow behind her, “You promised Armin you’d eat with him right?” I nodded slowly. “Then hurry up.”
I was confused but none the less grateful that they’d do that for me, I man Jean sitting at the same table as Eren just for me, I love these people. From then on out we always sat together, Jean and Eren bickered now and again but other than that it was enjoyable. Ymir got her fair share of teasing Eren and me for the shower incident which obviously got on Mikasa’s nerves but she never did anything other than sending death glares Ymir’s way. We talked more than we ate most of the time…well except for Sasha, she was there to eat everything we didn’t. Every day was something to look forward too, something that I haven’t felt in a while. I became as close with Armin the most out of the trio, Mikasa only cared about Eren most of the time so I let those two be.
At the end of the week, we were all so exhausted, we had the weekend off and boy were we grateful, we never imagined how tiring 3D manoeuvre gear training would be so difficult. Of course, there were some people who were ecstatic about it, I mean it was an amazing sensation flying through the sky like that but jeez it took a toll on your body, plus Shadis didn't let us do any tricks, he calls it a 'waste of gas.' I spent the weekend just lying around occasionally going for walks with Sasha or reading with Armin in the library but nothing too grand. My body was still covered in bruises from the beating I got, I wonder if they’d ever go away, they weren’t as painful as the first few days but if I pressed down on them it still hurt like hell. Krista always offered not treat them for me (what an angel) but I didn’t want Ymir kicking my ass for trying to steal Krista away so I thanked her but declined every time she offered. When the weekend was over we got back to training, everything was going normally until Shadis called me to speak with me privately. My heart was racing as I thought of every possible thing I could’ve done. I couldn’t think of anything, I didn’t do anything wrong, I stayed in line and didn’t open my big mouth… at least not to my superiors. I stood in front of Shadis’ office doors and contemplated whether I could just make a run for it but I decided against it. I took a deep breath before shakily raising my fist up to knock on the door.
“Name and purpose,” He answered.
“Y...” I couldn’t get my words out, usually, I wasn’t the one to ever have trouble getting what I had to say out but I felt so overwhelmed with worry about why he called to speak to me. I didn’t do anything…right?!
“I said NAME AND PURPOSE,” He shouted getting impatient with my silence, “if these are one of you cadets playing some kind of joke on me, you will regret it.”
“It is Y/N L/N… you called to speak with me sir,” I meekly replied.
“Enter.” He ordered
I slowly opened the door still dreading what is coming my way when I enter this room. I could feel my palms get sweatier by each second but I tried to compose myself. He gestured for me to stand in front of his desk and with each step I took towards it I was trying to reassure myself this is all some misunderstanding. Once I was in front of his desk he glared at me, it was worse than the ones Mikasa sent to Ymir for teasing Eren.
“Y/N, do understand how utterly humiliating it is for a cadet that is under your order to first attack one of their superiors, secondly try and slap you and lastly disobey orders from someone who is your own superior?” He said everything so calmly that it was terrifying.
“I don’t understand what…” then it hit me, I was supposed to go to Erwin for my punishment! Shit, shit, SHIT! “Sir, I am so so SO sorry, I completely forgot about going to Erwin for punishment, I will go as soon as possible-” he cut me off before I could finish.
“No, you will not.”
“What? What do you mean?” At this point I was so confused, was this not about that incident?
“I received orders from Erwin for you to be expelled from the training corps. Since you cannot follow simple instructions you would be of no use here.”
Did I hear that right? Am I being kicked out? My brain couldn’t process that this was actually happening but before I knew it I was crying. “Sir… This can’t be true…I-it isn’t right? It’s a joke right?” My heart felt as if it was breaking…this can’t be happening.
“You have until tomorrow to be out of here.”
“Nonono, Sir, please! I will do anything, I’ll even have double- no triple the punishment I was going to get but just not this please…” I pleaded with him.
“Y/N, it seems you didn’t understand that this isn’t a place to play around in and when you are given orders you follow them thoroughly, we can’t have people who don’t understand that. Now leave my office before I call people to drag you out.”
How could he do this? It was a mistake, it’s not that I didn’t want to go, I simply forgot! I ran out of his office not bothering to close the door on my way open. I ran back to the dining hall and went straight for Sasha. I didn’t care that people saw me crying, I was so heartbroken that I had to leave everyone behind and go back to that horrid place I used to call home. I ran towards Sasha and hugged her.
“Y/N?! What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” She asked obviously concerned.
“Y/N? What happened?” Marco asked while getting up from his seat to come comfort me.
I let go of Sasha and said (while still heavily crying) “He kicked me out.” I saw the disbelief in their eyes and explained further, “Shadis kicked me out because I forgot to go to Erwin for that stupid punishment. I have to leave by tomorrow.”
I saw the tears start forming in Sasha’s eyes. “You’re joking right?” her voice cracked.
“Y/N…this…is this some kind of sick joke?” Jean angrily said but you could see he wanted to cry.
“Guys… I wish it was,” I said while trying to wipe away my tears.
“Where will you go?” Eren asked.
We all turned to face him baffled by what he asked. I saw Jean get angrier by the second but before he could lash out at Eren, I replied, “I-I don’t know… I can’t go home-”
“Why not?” Connie curiously asked.
I sighed, “I couldn’t possibly go back there now… my mother would be ecstatic to shove it in my face that I’m a complete failure, that she was right about me never amounting to anything…”
Nobody said anything, I don’t think they knew what to say. I didn’t even know what to say. I could see they felt bad but I didn’t want them too, it wasn’t their fault.
“Don’t feel bad guys-”
“How could we not feel bad? Fuck Y/N! You’re being kicked out with no fucking place to go,” Jean interrupted.
“He’s right Y/N. What’s gonna happen when you leave? What if we never see you again?” Sasha asked while wiping her own tears away.
Seeing Sasha like this made my heart shatter. I hugged her tightly, rubbing soothing circles on her back. “Don’t cry Sasha,” I said while still sniffling.
“She’s not the only one,” Ymir said.
At first, I thought she was referring to Krista but I looked away from Sasha to see her crying. Ymir crying?! I wasn’t the only one who was surprised at this site; Krista hesitated at first but then wiped away her tears and hugged her.
“Sasha hurry up already. I want to hug this idiot before she leaves,” Ymir joked trying to lighten up the mood.
I felt Sasha crack a small smile but she didn’t budge instead she clung to me even tighter. I ran my fingers up and down her back, “Guys…this isn’t goodbye, it’s more of a ‘see you soon’ I won’t disappear okay?”
I felt Marco hug me from behind, putting his arms around both Sasha and I. “Group hug,” he said
Krista giggled and got up, pulling Ymir along with her and made her way over to us. She urged Ymir to hug us but when she didn’t she nudged her closer us and I wrapped one of my arms around her while the other was still making patterns on Sasha’s back. We stayed like this for a few moments until Sasha let go which caused us all to follow. She smiled up at me with tear staining her face then moved away allowing the next person to take her place.
I smiled, “Okay now the personal hugs.”
“How personal are we talking?” Ymir teased
“I mean we could go for a walk or something. I've never really had to dothis before,” I explained
“Then who’s going first?” Marco question
“Me obviously,” Jean stated while making his way towards me.
“Why you?” Eren question.
“Are you suggesting that YOU go first? Come on Jaeger, you’re not even close to her,” Jean growled
“Well~ he was the first man to see her completely exposed and vulnerable, who knows what could’ve happened between them,” Ymir taunted.
Eren blushed at the thought which caused Mikasa to slap him for even imagining such a lewd thing. She started questioning him if something really did happen between us, she’s really obsessed with him for being his half-sister but that’s not my business. Jean gripped my wrist then pulled me out the doors, he kept pulling me until we were the cabins.
“Did something actually happen with that bastard?” he enquired.
“No, I already told you nothing happened. Why would I fuck him? I literally gain nothing if that happens, he gets off but I know I sure as hell won’t,” I explained.
Jean laughed, “Yeah you’re right…so this is the last time I’ll ever see you-”
I cut him off, “The next time you see me will be when you’ve joined the Military Police and when you’ve become a bad drunk.”
“That’s in 3 years Y/N,” he said.
“So? I won’t die by then neither will any of you and when could have a big emotional reunion.”
“But what if one of us does die…then what?”
I held his hand and rubbed the back of it with my thumb, “Jean, nobody’s gonna get hurt okay? We’ll all be doing fine, Ymir and Krista will get married, Sasha and Connie will too and maybe Mikasa will see what she’s missing out on and realize you’re better than that Jaeger kid.”
He pulled me into a hug and nuzzled his face into my neck; I could feel his tears falling so I didn’t hesitate to hug him back. I hugged him for a few moments but then pushed him back, he was surprised but before he could jump to conclusions, I brought my hands to hands face and gently wiped away his tears. He brought his own hand to caress mine. We noticed people heading towards the cabins and decided it’s time I move on to the next person.
“I don’t want you to go,” Jean pleaded.
“Jean, you are one the most wonderful people I’ve had the privilege to meet, I wish you nothing but the best. I know this sounds like goodbye but I’ll see you in a few years okay? Don’t do anything stupid and ignore Jaeger,” I gave Jean one last hug before leaving to find Marco.
I wandered everyone looking for him but I ended up bumping into Connie and Sasha. Sasha looked like she hadn’t stopped crying after I left. I broke my heart to see her hurt like this. I looked at Connie and I think he got the gist because he excused him and left Sasha and me alone.
“How is it you still look so stunning after crying so much,” I said trying to ease the tension.
She laughed, “I don’t know, I must be a goddess.”
There was a brief moment of silence between us but she continued, “Y/N, I still don’t get why you have to leave…what if you hide? Like he’ll never find you if you hide during training hours, I’ll bring you food and I’m sure Krista and Ymir wouldn’t mind helping.”
“Sasha, I wish I could but I don’t want you guys getting in trouble because of me,” I responded.
“We won’t though!” She exclaimed.
“Sasha... I really wish I could, I would give anything to stay here with you guys… It means so much to me that you want me to stay so badly but I can’t. Remember what I said about this not being goodbye? I was telling the truth, we will see each other again, I’ll make sure of it. Maybe you and Connie will finally date each other!” I explained.
She gave a dry laugh, “Y/N what if I join the Scouts? What if I go on a mission outside the walls and don’t come back?”
“You sound exactly like Jean,” I teased. Seeing Sasha like this was so depressing, I never want to see her this sad ever again, “Sasha, if you do join the Scouts and go on mission outside the walls there’s no way you won’t come back, those titans can’t withstand your wrath plus last time I check you’re more skilled than 90% of the people here. Heck if you join the Scouts you’re gonna get an earful from me!”
“Y/N, you’re so amazing but you’re still an idiot,” Sasha said while hugging me.
“Careful, if you keep sweet talking me like that I might just have to steal you away from Connie,” I joked and embraced her back.
“Then I might just have to keep sweet talking you. Now go find Ymir before she cries herself to sleep,” she said pushing me away.
Before I ran off I decided I still need to tell her something, “Hey Sasha, I’m really thankful to Shadis because we both ran laps together, without that we wouldn’t have met and I don’t think I could’ve survived without meeting you. You mean so much to me and don’t you ever doubt that… what I’m trying to say is I love and cherish you more than anything.”
I ran off before Sasha could say anything else. I hurried back to the cabins knowing she’d probably be dozing off but to my surprise, she was sitting outside on the steps that lead up to the door. She sat with her eyes closed…she looked at peace, I didn’t want to disturb her but before I could tiptoe away she called out to me.
“Y/N, I know it’s you.”
“I didn’t want to disrupt your peaceful moment there but I guess you’re giving me no choice,” I replied.
“I wasn’t at peace, I was thinking what it’s gonna be like with you here,” she said opening her eyes to look at me. She patted the space next to her, “Sit.”
I sat a step lower than her allowing me to rest my head on her lap, “Ymir, I can’t believe we became so close.”
“Hmm? Why’s that?” she asked not sounding the least bit shocked.
“I thought you only cared about Krista, we would talk and stuff but it was never just the two of us, ” I said while pouting up at her.
She snickered, “Krista does mean a lot to me and I only want what’s best for her but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. Who else can give me a good laugh?”
I clicked my tongue, she laughed then continued talking, “Look, what I’m saying is you’ve made quite the impression on me, if I didn’t already my Krista then my eyes would be on you and it's gonna suck without you here.”
I laughed, “Ymir, you really are something.” I remembered she cried so decide to ‘tease’ about it, “I can’t believe you actually cried, gosh what a baby!”
She flicked my forehead, “How about instead of harassing me you go fuck horse face instead.”
I gasped, “Ymir! I swear that’s all you ever think about, you’re more sexually frustrated than all the boys here!”
“Then why not help me out?” she teased but of course I blushed, “Ohh! Don’t tell me you actually pictured it! Ahaha! I better leave before you violate me.”
“Agh! You take the cake Ymir,” I said getting off her lap, ‘Oh and do you know where Marco is, I haven’t said goodbye yet.”
“Check the showers.”
“Ymir seriously,” I said crossing my arms.
“What? I’m not lying; he said he was going to shower to get his mind off things. Jeez, you the one who always thinks about that stuff,” she said while shaking her head.
“Oh...well thanks, Ymir and don’t harass anyone while I’m gone okay? Control yourself,” I playfully teased while walking away.
I glanced back at Ymir and saw a small smile on her face though I don’t know if I imagined the tear that fell afterwards. I ran all the way to the showers and was completely out of breath. I pressed my ear against the door and heard the shower running, Marco was here! I waited outside patiently but as the time passed I grew more and more impatient. I went up to the door again, pressed ear on it and I heard the shower running but there was something else…sounded like skin slapping… Wait, Marco would never do such a thing; I need to get my mind out of the gutter. I was going to walk away again but then I heard a faint groan… No way! Is Jean fucking Marco in there or what? Wait, why didn’t they even tell me they were fucking each other? I would’ve been so supportive! I burst the door open and was about to give them a piece of my mind for keeping this from me, I expected to see them both here and not Eren with his… his ‘junk’ in his hand. I’m sure he heard the door slam shut because he stopped what he was doing and looked towards the door, I could see the panic in his eyes when he saw me. I turned around to try open the door but he gripped my arm and turned me to face him. My heart was racing and I felt as if I couldn’t breathe properly.
“Y/N? What the fuck are you doing here!?” He shouted.
“I thought Marco was in here!” I tried to explain myself but he cut me off
“Then why did you come in? Even if he was in here why would you come in?” He questioned me
“Hey! I heard the moan and thought Marco was fucking someone so I was not about to let that slide-”
He butts in again, “Why couldn’t you?”
I knew I couldn’t explain that I thought it was Jean fucking Marco because I knew Eren would make it a big deal and I didn’t want that so I tried to make up a lie but I couldn’t think clearly in this situation. I felt his grip on my shoulder tighten, “Fuck, sorry! Why are you even doing that here in the first place?”
He didn’t say anything but he glared at me. I for sure thought he was going to kill me because for all I know he thought I was gonna go telling everyone I caught him doing this. I couldn’t even make eye contact so I looked at my feet but he must’ve thought I was trying to look at his dick because he dug his fingers into my shoulder causing me to yelp.
“Fuck, Eren I’m still bruised remember!” I tried to move his hand away before he broke my shoulder blade.
“What were you trying to look at?” he growled while continuing to apply pressure to my shoulder.
I yelped in pain, “Stop Eren! I wasn’t trying to look at your dick, okay? Just let go, you're hurting me." At this point I thought he was going to break my whole arm because instead of stopping he applied even more pressure. “Eren! Stop!” tears were prickling at the corners of my eyes from the pain.
“I didn't even apply that much pressure. I bet you don’t even have a bruise there, you’re just weak,” he said while letting go of me.
“Oh so now I’m a liar?” This boy did not know the lengths I’d go to prove a point so I unbuttoned my shit while not breaking I contact, once it was unbuttoned I turned around then took it off so he couldn’t see my chest. “See there IS a bruise and it’s the same one you were so nonchalantly pressing on.”
I was about to put my shirt back one but then I felt his hands touch my back, he passed his hand over some of the bruises on my back, gently pressed on the one at my shoulder and rubbed small circles over it to try to ease the pain he caused. I relaxed at his touch, I wanted to push him away and scream at him but his touch was easing the throbbing in my shoulder. His free hand roamed the bruises on my side and he stepped closer to me, pressing his arousal against my thighs, he planted small kisses on the back of my neck causing me to shiver.
I gulped, “Eren, what are you doing?”
He didn’t reply instead he continued kissing my neck, I could feel him smirk against my skin every time my body shuddered. He slowly moved his hand away from my shoulder and to my side, massaging it like the other had been doing. I felt my knees buckle together; I dropped my shirt on the floor and used my arms to cover my breasts. I didn’t know what to do, one part of me wanted to turn around and slap him while the other wanted to kiss him so desperately so I just kept still, I couldn't trust myself enough to move. I felt one of his hands travel from my side upward to my chest, I expected him to try to grab my boob but he grabbed my hand an intertwined our fingers together.
“Y/N, don’t worry I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to,” he whispered, “When I first met you I thought you were literal scum-" "Wow thanks," I interrupted. "Just listen. I honestly hated you. When I called you weak at training you stood up to me and I don't know why but I was drawn to you. I liked seeing your reaction when you got angry so naturally I liked to piss you off but when I found you crying that day…I didn’t know what happened nor what could have made you so fragile; I wanted to hold you until I was sure you felt better. I couldn’t even bring myself to be angry at you when you lashed out at me and when I walked in on you showering and saw your body bruised like that… I didn’t know what to do… I felt so angry at whoever did that to you… And now that you’re being forced to leave, I might as well take my chance.”
He slowly turned me around to face him; he didn’t look anywhere else but my eyes as if he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable. My eyes began to water at his gentle display of affection. I had never experienced this before so I didn't know what to do. He gently kissed my tears away while still holding my hand. When I was done crying he stopped kissing my face and rested his forehead against my own. I didn’t know what to say so I planted a kiss on his lips, it wasn't a deep or very passionate one instead it was tender and meek. He gave a dry laugh and moved away from my face, he looked down at my chest to find me covering it with my arm and gave a sad smile. He moved away from me and bent down to pick my shirt up and handed it to me.
“You’re not ready and that’s okay, I’ll just wait till you are,” he said.
“You’ll…you’ll wait?” I asked completely baffled at what he just said.
“Yeah, you said it yourself, this isn’t goodbye,” he clarified
I threw my arms around him and hugged him, what did I do to get such a human being in my life? He was surprised at first but he hugged back while running his fingers through my hair. I didn’t care that he could probably feel my breasts pressing onto him or that I could feel his length pressing onto my inner thigh; I just wanted to hug him. I felt so bad for judging him like that, I hated him with all my might yet here I am clinging to his body. Ain't that some shit? I let go of him and look up into his eyes, those damned eyes were still the most beautiful thing I’ve seen.
I smiled, “Eren… you know you have the most breathtaking eyes I’ve ever seen, they are more stunning than any jewel I’ve seen in the interior. I can't treated you so badly. I’m a terrible person.”
He blushed at my comment but didn’t look away from me, “Thanks, nobody ever said that before… and you really aren’t a bad person, I guess I can be a bit of a jerk.”
I started giggling causing him to tilt his head in confusion, “To think we hated each other's guts a few weeks ago and now we're confessing our love for each other heck we could've even been fucking each other by now; Jean would’ve killed me.”
“And why's that?” he asked curiously
“Jean hates you remember!” I exclaimed. I remembered my conversation with Ymir and started laughing, not too loudly though.
“What’s so funny?” Eren questioned.
“I think we should thank Ymir for this, she told me Marco was here… jeez, she even went on about how I should go fuck Jean,” I explained. I looked at Eren to see him pouting, "It seems all you can think about is that horse face..." I planted a kiss on his cheeks, "You're forgetting Jean was one of the first people I made friends with. I love Jean but I don't think it's the same love I'm starting to have for you."
I was so happy at this moment but I knew what was going to happen tomorrow so I asked a favour from Eren, “Eren… while I’m gone please protect Sasha, Ymir, Krista, Marco, Connie, Armin, hell even Jean! I know it I’m asking a lot of you but I’m begging you... please protect them for me. I can’t be here for them and I don’t want them getting hurt… I want everyone to be okay, you included. You guys don’t have to worry about me okay? Just focus on what happens here, I won’t die before I see you guys again.”
“Y/N, you don’t have to worry, I’ll take care of them… though Jean might be difficult but I’ll try my best,” he said then kissed the top of my cheek.
“Thank you so much Eren, you don’t understand what this means to me,” I sighed “I have to go pack my things and leave… I’ll see you later Jaeger oh and,” I looked down at his still erect penis and laughed, “don’t forget about that.”
He blushed and looked away from me, "I see you're back to your old self." I laughed while putting my shirt back on and walked out the showers leaving Eren back to business and made my way to the cabins. I was dreading having to pack this late and not having anywhere to put everything but I saw a bag with a note attached to it placed on the steps. I read the note and couldn’t help but smile, Krista said she packed my stuff up for me and the bag was given to me by Marco. Those two are amazing. I hurt me that I had to leave without saying goodbye to them but I didn’t want to stick around for Shadis to humiliate me. I started walking, to where? I didn’t exactly know but I knew I couldn't stay here.