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Missing Laughter

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            It was his laughter that drew Chachamaru's attention. He hadn't heard him laugh for a while and it startled him, especially as he hadn't expected him to be here. Not here, not now. Gackt too noticed the other bands’ entrance at the studio where they were to be filming an episode of some new music program, who’s name had temporarily slipped Chacha's mind. Gackt was grinning like a kid on Christmas morning as he made his way across the room and into his lover’s waiting arms.

            “Yoshiki, you never told me you were going to be here.” Gackt accused, letting the older man kiss him before he answered.

            “Thought it would be a nice surprise.” Yoshiki replied, wrapping his arm around Gackt's waist and kissing him again. They made a nice couple and Chacha was glad the drummer made Gackt happy. Not many men ended up in the idol's arms the way Gackt had, but Gackt wasn't most men.

            Chacha's attention however was entirely on the bands’ vocalist, Toshi. They'd had a thing going once, a semi-serious relationship before it had all fallen apart. Chacha had always blamed Masaya for this. Him and his stupid cult that had ripped Toshi away from him. Toshi had been so strange after he met Masaya. So quiet and serious all the time. Though he sometimes smiled he never laughed and it had been Toshi's laughter that had attracted Chacha in the first place. In trying to find himself Toshi had lost the spark that had made him the man he was. He had become cold and distant with everyone, especially his lover who he would no longer even touch. Fearing the worst Chacha had accused him of cheating on him and the relationship had ended in a huge fight. Since then, the odd time Chacha had seen Toshi it had been awkward and uncomfortable and now seemed to be no different.

            Toshi was watching him, his eyes hidden behind sunglasses and it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. Smiling sadly at him, Chacha turned away and focused on restringing his guitar which a roadie had promised to do for him but had been so busy following Gackt's orders that he'd never got chance.

            “Can we talk? In private” Toshi asked, startling Chacha who hadn't noticed his approach.

            “I guess.” Chacha agreed, gently putting his guitar to one side and following the vocalist to X's still empty changing room.

            Taking off the sunglasses that seemed to be permanently glued to his face nowadays, Toshi lay them to one side giving Chacha a clear unobstructed view of his eyes. “I owe you an apology,” he said simply. “You were right.”

            “About what?” Chacha asked on the defensive. “About you cheating on me?”

            “About Masaya.” Toshi corrected. “There was never anyone else, I promise you that. You know it hurts me that you think I'd have betrayed you like that.”

            “What was I meant to think?” Chacha demanded. “You wouldn't touch me, you were always so cold and distant. You could barely even smile.”

            “I was obsessed,” Toshi explained. “By Masaya's ideals. Brainwashed even. I still don't think it was a cult but all the same. I wasn't myself for a long time.”

            “Are you yourself now?” Chacha asked but looking at the other he knew his answer. This was the Toshi he had loved, his Toshi.

            “Maybe you should be the judge of that?” Toshi replied.

            “We'll see.” Chacha replied, unwilling to forgive Toshi so easily. It had taken a long time to get over his heartbreak and he really didn't want to have to go through that again.

            “I want you back,” Toshi confessed. “Is there any chance?”

            “I don't know, Chacha replied. “You really broke my heart, you know.”

            “You're not seeing anyone?” Toshi asked. “If you are, I'll leave you alone.”

            “I'm not seeing anyone,” Chacha admitted. “Not right now.”

            “Let me win you back,” Toshi pleaded. “Let me prove that I'm myself again. Please Chacha. Losing you was the worst mistake I've ever made, and as you know I've made a lot.”

            “You can try.” Chacha relented, knowing the reason he'd never had a serious relationship since Toshi was because part of his heart always belonged to him.

            “Thank you.” Toshi said, with such genuine happiness that Chacha too was smiling. Unable to resist he wrapped his arms around Toshi and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

            “I've missed you,” Chacha admitted, getting his own feelings out in the open. “The real you. The man who always put me first. Who comforted me when I cried and brought me hot soup when I was sick. But what I missed most was your laughter. You never laughed after Masaya, before you'd laugh all the time. Always finding the amusing side to things. Even the worst of situations you could make funny. That was why I originally loved you.”

            “I was laughing when I walked in. Before I noticed you.” Toshi pointed out, as if that proved his point that he was himself again, which in a way, it kind of did.