So look here: Me, I have this problem. I'm sure you already know where my problem lies. That's right. It lies with her, always with her.
I thought it'd fade over the years. It hasn't. In all actuality, it's only intensified.
Like when we were young, I just felt this pull towards her. I had to be around her; wanted all her attention. It didn't matter what kind either, as long as I got it. Of course I never wanted it to be hatred or the killing kind. I'm not sure I had much of a choice either. There's a lot of blank spaces in my youth. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making excuses, I'm just saying, that sometimes I had a hard time figuring out just what the hell happened.
Meaning? I had to just kinda roll with the punches a lot of the time.
Anyway... I paid my dues. I made amends.
Finally got to have that pow wow with her and it was good. I became one of her allies, who she called when she needed someone. Don't get me wrong, I still wanted her, it was just one sided and I sat on the sidelines, listening to all the gossip and sometimes watching as things played out and to be honest, it was brutal, meaning it hurt like hell. It was like I was having to endure my own personal horror story, seriously I had to sit back, smile and pretend that all was well the whole time she did the dead things, human things, female thing, back to the dead things, human and now, well now she's free again. Thank God, Finally!
So what am I saying? Well I'm saying that all that static, was dulled when she chose others, but now that she's free, single again, well now that static is clinging and zapping my ass to hell and back. It's like lightning, seriously, it coils inside of me. Whenever I get close to her it gets real, real fast.
Like if we're close, I can feel it zipping along my body. And if we touch? Zap! Pow! Kablooey!
For real. My hair stands on end. I get goosebumps. It's like I ran across a carpeted floor with fuzzy socks on. She hands me something, Zap. Our arms bump, Pow.
Just the other day we were laughing about it, well she was and I was playing along but inside, I was serious as hell.
Zap! “Oh my God, why do you always shock the hell outta me?” B spit out.
Of course I opened my mouth to defend myself but nothing came out. So I grabbed Willows hand, making a big show of it and nothing, nada, zip, zilch. I grabbed Kens hand and the same occurred, big fat zero. So I reached out to touch her hand and Zap. I continued on down the line. Xans hand; nothing. Giles; nothing, Dawn; nothing and back to her: Pow!
Then I lifted her whole hand up and placed mine close to hers and it looked like little tendrils of blue lighting running over our hands, the current reaching out and trying to grasp the others hand. It was chemical, electrical, it was lighting. “Whoa.” Everybody whispered.
“I know.” I stated, dumbstruck. “I feel it all the time.” I added.
“You feel what?” B asked me.
I looked into her eyes, gauging for her reaction. “I feel all this static, this electricity when I'm around you.”
“Faith....” Giles got my attention. “How long have you felt this, well for lack of a better word, attraction?”
That kinda put me on the spot. It's not like I'm still a kid, so I sucked in some air, threw myself in a chair. “Kinda from the start, only it was more deluded.” Willow sat up in her chair and began taking notes.
“Can you clarify, or be more precise.” Giles asked.
I shrugged. “Well, I always felt this pull, like I could feel her even apart and when I was close then it was all magnetic and electric, mostly it was like sticking your tongue to something electric, like a battery. The closer the more intense, it felt... good, way good but when I got further from her, it kinda hurt... like a burn, or pulling off a band-aid. It was just always there. Drove me nuts.” I sighed. “I guess literally.”
“Do you think it's responsible for the time losses that you say occurred in your youth?” Willow asked.
“Nah... those were from other things.” I muttered, thinking about things I hadn't shared with them from my childhood.
“Anyway... they kinda dull at times, this electric feeling.” I added. I didn't want to admit that they dulled when Buffy was taken and I'd given up hope of getting her for myself but intensified when she was single and that small sliver of hope ignited. Maybe I'll tell Red when she's alone. B's looking at me like I'm nuts already.
“Do you have it with any other.... slayers?” Red asked.
I shook my head no. “Never.” I hated to admit it. I felt a bit exposed and vulnerable and I had to exit stage left, like now. I stood up to leave the room, walked by B and reached out and touched the tip of her nose. Zap! “Ouch!” She rubbed the tip. “Quit it.”
I smiled and headed for the door. “Hold up.” Giles stated, getting up from his seat. “Let us try something, an experiment if you will.”
I turned to face him, horror covering my face. “Uhh. I'm feeling a bit put out here, ya know.” I stated, looking around at the faces looking back at me. My face started feeling a bit hot and I'm sure my cheeks and neck were betraying me. I could definitely hear my heart beating in my head.
“Oh.” He must've realized something. “Everyone out except for Willow, please.”
Silence: Nobody moved because nobody wanted to miss this. Buffy, got up to leave, that coward. “Not so fast Buffy, please sit across from Faith and lets test a few theories.”
She had that eyes the size of saucers, deer caught in the headlights look. I almost laughed and would have except for the fact that I was in the soup too.
She sat opposite me and we waited quietly. “Out.” Giles stated again. “Willow please.” He stated, waiting and watching as Red magically removed everyone from the room, against their protests I might add. I watched as she closed and locked the door and took a chair close to me and B.
“So Buffy... do you feel anything like Faith was talking about?” Willow asked.
Buffy looked up at me quickly, her teeth biting her lip before she broke eye contact and looked from Willow to Giles. Crickets.... seriously, that was what I heard, crickets.
The silence was deafening.
“Maybe, kinda, sorta.” She breathed out rapidly.
“Can you clarify that please?” Giles asked, leaning against the table.
We all stared at her quietly, waiting. She finally broke. “Yes.” She breathed out, looking at the floor her head in her hands. “Yeah, I do.”
“Thank God.” I breathed out, relieved. I looked at all of them. “Hell, I thought I was going... I don't know.” I looked at my hands in my lap.
“Look we can't help if you're not honest with us and frankly all the fighting and mixed signal stuff is getting old.” Giles stated, flabbergasted.
I blew out a harsh breath. “Okay, you want it... you think you can fix it, be my guest, cause it's making me a nervous wreck and it hurts to hell and back.”
I took a few deep cleansing breaths, steadying myself. “It's this huge magnetic pull.. at least for me.” I took another deep breath. “It's like lightning running rampant under my skin. I want her. Feel her. Need her. Have to without a doubt have her. It's like being in the dark and seeing the sun for the first time; the winter only to finally feel the warmth. It's like a crackling fire. It's like every sensory overload you can imagine all at once and it's so friggin huge it's scary, consuming.”
I breathed out a shaky breath. “It's... it's like being under water and finally getting to breathe. It's the heights of ecstasy and the lows of loss. Like I want to bite her, mark her. I know it's nuts, but it's like I need air and she's it, so I have to get away as far as I can and it dulls it. I throw myself into something else, someone else and it dulls, it doesn't stop it, just dulls it but when I'm close, within miles it starts... that pull, so strong I can hardly breathe, it makes my eyes cross and its like it hits all my erogenous zones and lights them up.”
“I can't stand it. I can't take it.” Tears start to build up in my eyes and I fight them back. “Why the hell do you think I kept running away?” I almost cried out. “At least now I don't act up..... I just leave and try to focus on other stuff.”
“I didn't have that kind of control when I was fifteen.” I muttered, looking at all of them, noting that B's eyes were facing the ground.
“What's the thought process now?” Willow asks. “What thoughts are going through your head now, any thoughts with all these feelings?” She clarified.
“Oh, yeah.” I rasp out.
I took a minute to steady myself. “Mating, marking....” I hesitated. “Kids.” I finally added. “Killing... and I don't mean her, just anyone else sniffing around.” I muttered.
“Killing?” Giles asked.
I nodded yes. “Do you have any idea how much it's took me not to kill or stake everything she's ever been with?”
“I need to get out of here. I can't be here. It's only getting worse the older I get.” I wiped at my eyes self-consciously.
“Don't you get it?” I lashed out. “I can't be here. I only ever come back for her and I can't do it anymore. I can't.” I wiped at my face again as more tears escaped.
“Why?” Buffy asked.
I looked up at hearing her voice, my face open, exposed, honest. “I'm already broken Buffy... I don't need to be shattered as well.” I finally gave up and let the tears win.
We sat in silence. I wiped at my face constantly, trying to back the tears off, but who the hell was I kidding. I'd never let myself be this open before, this vulnerable and in front of people no less, especially her.
I saw her wiping at her eyes out of my peripherals so I guess this was a lot for her as well.
I closed my eyes and willed myself to relax. Willow's voice broke me out of my cocoon. “Do you have any idea why it's getting worse?”
I kept my eyes closed and nodded my head. “Yeah.” I breathed out. “We're older. We've almost missed the marking, mating and kid deadline.” I took another deep breath. “It's that inner body clock, the one screaming you're running out of time.”
“Why me?” Buffy asked.
I looked up at her abruptly. “You think I had a choice?” I asked in disbelief. “We're not like these other slayers B. We're one slayer split between two bodies.” I leaned forward in my chair. “With us there was only ever supposed to be one.” I sat back again. “All this current is the slayer halves wanting to reconnect.”
“How do you...” I cut her off. “How do I know?” I wiped my face. “Because I just do.” I stated. “I just feel it.”
“Humor me, here.” Giles stated, interrupting. “Lace your hands together.”
I looked at him dumbstruck. “Seriously, you want me to hold B's hand?”
He nodded yes, encouragingly. “Willow, get the lights please.” We waited for her to sit back down. “Slowly please, grasp her hand.”
Me and B locked eyes, each slowly moving forwards. We scooted closer, reaching our hands out towards the others. Closer and closer until those tiny bluish white sparks ignited and run the length of our hands. Our breathing increased, our chests heaving in unison.
The static crackled, sparked. Heat engulfed the room. Closer still until our palms connected and our fingers entwined. The static popped and a burst of white hot light flashed.
“Uhhh.” We breathed out in unison, our bodies convulsing, our breaths labored and staggered.
As soon as my mind could focus I looked up into B's eyes and found her staring back at me. My lip trembling from the experience.
“Ah, yes.” We looked to Giles, who was rubbing his lenses. “Willow, please step outside with me for a few minutes, will you?”
Willow did a double take, as his words finally broke through her thoughts. She blushed and looked at the ground, finally getting up.
We watched them leave, watched the door close and looked back to each other, our faces flushed with embarrassment. “Did you?” We asked in unison.
We burst out laughing, really not much else we could do. It was either laugh or cry.
I kept my eyes off of her, really, I couldn't look at her. Everything I was was out in the open. Been there, done that, didn't really wanna go through it again. I was too raw.
The quiet stretched out for what seemed like miles between us.
She moved towards me, finally breaking the silence. “Faith... please look at me." I heard her shift and felt her move closer; felt her touch my chin with her fingers and tilt it towards her. “I'm sorry.” She whispered. “I shouldn't have ever pretended that I didn't feel it.” She acknowledged. “You were just always such a force to be reckoned with that it scared me. It was easier to pretend it didn't exist than to deal with it.” She sighed. “I never thought that ignoring it would hurt you.” She hesitated. “I thought it was just me. I was wrong.”
I felt the static from her fingers touching me, felt the heat from her body as she drew closer. She rubbed her fingers across my chin, watching the tiny tendrils flow.
We stared at each other. Our bodies like magnets, slowly moving closer to the other, stalling within a breath. Tension building, our lips collided and white sparks ignited behind our closed eyes. Electricity ebbed and flowed and burst forth, collided and made a huge popping sound. We arched into the kiss, our breaths forced out of our bodies.
We pulled back, the tiny tendrils sparking over our lips. Our hair stood on edge and puffs of smoke exited our mouths.
The door burst open and we turned, startled by the intrusion. We stared at everyone and they stared back at us and to be completely honest here, we were smoking hot, literally.
We looked back at each other, still reeling. “Whoa.” We whispered, smiles forming on our faces.
We heard the door closing and looked over and found ourselves alone again. We faced each other, silent.
We laughed, easing the tension, our faces crimson.
“So B... you've been with a slayer before, was that just a slayer thing?” I asked, honestly needing to know.
“Not anywhere close.” She breathed. “I think it's just an us thing.”
“Really?” I asked. She nodded yes.
My mind kinda went south on me. “So... uhm... if that was what a kiss was like.... what do ya think other things would be like?”
Her face burned bright red, mine followed.
“I guess maybe we should find out?” She stated, causing me to look directly at her.
I nodded and stood up, holding out my hand for her to take, relishing the feel of her hand as it laced with mine. “How bout we hit the store, get some of that static guard, get some food, talk, maybe dance a bit, have a bit of that romance that I'm all the time hearing about and take things slow.” I smiled at her, loving the feeling as she smiled back.
“We'll go slow and be careful?” She asked.
I looked back at her as I led her to the door. “Well yeah, unless you want to test a few more theories out.”
She laughed. “Oh yeah, like what?”
“Well yeah, can you imagine if we kissed in the shower or pool, it could be heart stopping... literally.
“Oh but what a way to go.” She breathed out.
I looked at her. “Yeah, what a way to go.
We leaned in for a chaste kiss the electricity firing and shocking us. We each rubbed our lips. “Static?”