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Please Eat

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If only I could love you enough to give you what you need


"Sonny, the world won't stop spinning if you take a break from work to come eat with me," Rafael lightly teases. They haven't eaten together since the case started.

Sonny looks up to show that he acknowledges his boyfriend and spares a small smile. "As much as I adore you and love spending time with you, I need to work," Sonny replies, "Plus, I think I'm close to finding something!"

Rafael sighs and kisses his forehead. "Okay. I love you. You owe me me dinner when were all done, okay?" 

"Of course. I can't wait," Sonny says as he smiles at him.


 If only I could be for you the hand that feeds


"Sonny, as I love you, you need to stop only visiting me at work," Rafael (half) jokes, not wanting Sonny to feel bad.

Sonny laughs. "Yeah, I'm sorry. I just don't want to be here when you're eating. It's you're time to be alone and relax," Sonny says, kissing his boyfriend. 

"Lunch is a more appropriate time to be together," Rafael explains, rolling his eyes. It's silly to not come during lunch when nothing should be going on.

"I'll keep that in mind," Sonny replies, winking. Silly, yet lovable, man.


 'Cause I know you can only starve so much 'til you likes how it feels


Rafael walks into the office, hoping to talk his boyfriend into lunch. He wasn't expecting to over hear a conversation.

"Geez Carisi, it feels like forever since you had a lunch break. Wanna come with me and Rollins?" Fin asks. When was the last time Sonny had a proper luch?

"Nah." This is odd. Sonny loves hanging out with the team. "I'm kinda getting use to not eating lunch anyways," Sonny explains. Of course, Rafael wants to protest that he should eat more, but that would give away the fact he was eavesdropping.

Fin shrugs it off. "Okay then. See you after lunch then Carisi," Rollins says, as her and Fin goes out to get lunch.


 Sitting on a thrown of bones staring at that cold meal


"I'm not really that hungry," Sonny says, poking at his food, but not eating it. Rafael wants to protest that he should eat, but that's not his choice.

Instead, he sighs. "Okay. I'll put it in a container so you can eating tomorrow for lunch." He takes Sonny's food and kisses his forehead.

He's starting to worry about how little they eat together. 


It's not your body that I love, but it's the shell you're inside of and you're killing it, you're killing the only piece of it I can touch


They're laying next to each other in bed. Sonny feels cold, but worst of all Rafael can swear he can almost see his ribs.

"You have a problem. You're thinner than you should be and I can't remember a time in almost two months when I actually saw you eat a real meal," he says. 

"I'm fine," Sonny replies, "It's just a diet."


It's body that I need, but that's what sleeps next to me and you're killing it, you're killing it, you're killing it


Rafael sits up to better get he point across. "You're so thin as it is! You are the last person who needs I diet."

"It doesn't matter. I'm fine," Sonny denies. 

Rafael sighs. He can't let this go. "Sonny, this isn't healthy. You need to eat. I love you so much and I can't watch you stave- no kill yourself like this."


Please eat


"Please, just eat with me for now on. I need you here," Rafael says, on the brink of tears. Sonny sighs and kisses his cheek.

"Okay."

Now Rafael only hopes he follows through.


If only I make you believe you deserve everything


Sonny almost stands up to walk away. He's eaten 3 or 4 bites already and he doesn't want to eat any more.

"3 more bites. Please. For me," Rafael asks. Sonny sighs and kisses his forehead before eating three more bites.


Every spoon and bite, anything, you want to eat


Rafael soon realized that Sonny only eats when he's around. Sadly, he didn't figure it out on his own. His phone starts ringing. "Barba," he answers.

"It's Liv. We're at the hospital right now. It's Carisi."


'Cause I know you can stave so much before you die


Rafael immediately heads to the hospital. While heading there, "what if..."s and "I should've..."s race through his head.

Once he arrives, he goes to still with the others. He can tell by their faces that they haven't heard anything. Now he has to wait. He wants to know what his sweet man did to be here. What happened to start this whole mess. He wants to know why. But all any of them can do is wait.


There's parts of you already gone that I can not revive


An hour later a doctor comes out, though, it you told any of them it was only an hour they wouldn't quite believe you at first. Honestly to them, it felt like days.

"Dominick Carisi Jr."

Rafael can swear he's never stood up so fast. "Is he going to be okay?" Rafael asks. 

"He should be fine. We would like to keep him here a few days, maybe a week or two. Try to help him. You should be able to see him within the hour. I'llbe back later," the doctor reassures him.

Then Rafael starts crying, relieved that his boyfriend will be okay. That he won't die. That he'll be able to hug him again. Relieved that Sonny will be okay.


It's not your body that I love, but it's the shell you're inside of and you're killing it, you're killing the only piece of it I can touch


A half hour passes before the doctor comes back. "We would like if only one or two could come in at a time," the doctor explains. They all nod and silently agree to let Rafael go first.


It's body that I need, but that's what sleeps next to me and you're killing it, you're killing it, you're killing it



Rafael goes in to see Carisi awake and sitting up. "Oh sweetheart. I was so scared that I would lose you," is the first thing Rafael says to him. He wipes a few spare tears away and kisses his boyfriend.

When they pull away, Carisi starts to cry. "I'm sorry. I've probably just wasted tons of money by being here and wasted everyone's time by preventing them from and- and-" Sonny starts crying harder.

Rafael holds him close and plays with his hair. "You aren't wasting anyone's time. We choose to be here because we love you. I love you and I'll be here every step of the way."

Sonny sighs and cuddles closer. "I love you, too."


Please eat


 

"For now, please eat. Please take care of yourself. I know it's going to be hard and some day will be worse than others, but please. I can't lose you," Rafael begs.

"I'm not going anywhere."