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April's Fool

Chapter Text

April's Fool


“There will be no foolish pranks today.” Glared Snape at the Gryffindor’s. Especially at one Harry Potter, who was just eating a sausage and having zero brain cells to spare for Snape.

“IS that clear?” Snape growled, hating to be ignored. Harry’s mouth, full of a big and particularly thick sausage looked blankly at Snape, not getting at what the greasy bat was implying.

“Mr. Potter, can you spare a moment to answer.  Or is that too much, for the great Harry Potter. Hmm?” Harry started to nod, but the sausage was getting bigger and bigger and he had trouble responding.

“What are you doing, Mr. Potter! Have some decency. You are not among pigs. 10 points from Gryffindor for public indecency.”

He barely managed to spit the sausage in time or he would have been in serious trouble.

“Oh, and another 10 for playing with your food. Have some respect. There are starving children in this world who aren’t blessed enough to have any food. Let alone this specially prepared food for you.” He went away with a flare.


Harry was furious how dare he! He was starved for most of his life. He didn’t need someone to lecture him. Snape, had gone too far this time!


Hermione hastily pulled Harry back or he would have stormed after Snape.


“Mione, let me go! I want the git to pay!”


“No Harry, please calm down or you’ll get a detention or worse!”


Ron exclaimed: “But Mione, he deserves it! I think Snape charmed the sausage, it was just getting too big and it was the usual size when we started breakfast. He must have done it!”


“He is such a hypocrite! Demanding of us not to play pranks, when he himself just used a nasty one on Harry!” Dean was particularly outraged on his friend’s behalf. “I will help you get revenge Harry!”


All the Gryffindor’s agreed. It was payback time.


After dinner


“Are you sure, Dean? I think this is not the best prank …” said a troubled Harry. “I don’t want anyone else caught in the prank!”


“It fine Harry, the other pranks failed. I think he knows that we’ll try something after what he did this morning! He’s been on high alert all day! We have to change tactics.”


Harry was still unconvinced. He felt sorry for the one getting caught in it. “Maybe ….”


“shhhh, Harry here it comes! Getting two birds with one stone this is!”


Harry saw Malfroy approaching and he understood. Suddenly he didn’t feel so sorry for the recipient of the prank at all.

Ron borrowed a photo camera for the occasion.  To commemorate the occasion. For all the Gryffindor’s to follow.


The fish snake was caught in the net.


“Here he calls for help.” Snickered Dean and the rest of the Gryffindor’s.


“ I want out! Try to do something you pricks!!!” wailed MAlfroy.


His friends tried to help, with no vail.  “Now one of them will call Snape.” Said Ron. In a few minutes Snape's quick stroll could be heard.


“What is the meaning of this!?”


“Professor!” shouted a relieved but equally mortified Malfroy, that he needed his Head of house to get him out of this stupid prank.

Snape tried all sort of charms one after another with no luck.

“What is this? There is only one way to break you free.” Snape felt mortified. “A kiss???” But not anyone's kiss. In this case only he(as his head of house and thus his responsibility) or the one in a higer position of authority - the headmaster. He wasn’t prepared to kiss a student to get him out of trouble. Not even MAlfroy. Maybe he could burden the headmaster with this responsibility. The headmaster had no problem burden HIM!!!


“What a kiss, what?”


“Wait a moment, Mr. Malfroy. I get the headmaster for you.”


"The headmaster what? If it just a kiss we can ask one of the girls, there is …”


But Snape was already gone.


“Wait the headmaster????!” exclaimed Harry. “There is no way …right????”


“Well, Snape is his head of house he should take the responsibility. I doubt the headmaster will do it. I bet he just wants to confirm with the headmaster there is no other way, so he won’t be sacked by kissing a student! Calm down everyone it will be ok.”


“Shit, I didn’t want the headmaster involved!!!” Harry was beyond irritated, It was one thing to prank Snape and MAlfroy, completely another to involve the headmaster. He really had a bed feeling about this.


Snape and Dumbledore returned. Harry was sweating profusely as he watched the headmaster cast a spell after spell. The news must have reached all the corners of the school, because other teachers and students came to watch the show.

“Well, “ the headmaster said, “I’m afraid …”

“NO . no, nOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” Malfroy kept shouting "I won’t be kissing anyone, that is not my choice. Call an expert, the aurors,….my fat…”


“Silence! Mr. MAlfroy have some pride ---left.” Snape hissed at Malfroy. He was pissed all right.


“Mr. Malfroy, the options are myself or Professor Snape, there is no other ….” Tried to explain the headmaster.


“NOoooo, noooo” Malfroy kept shouting I was starting to feel bad for the git. “Dean, maybe we could let this one go ….” Tried Harry.


“WE can’t Harry, even if we wanted to.”


“Wait are you saying there is no counter??? But ….”


“Listen, we needed something solid, so Snape wouldn’t be able to just charm himself out of trouble.”


“Actually there is another way,” said professor Filtwick.

“Is there?”


“The one that made this prank, can take the responsibility to undone it. We just need to find them.” 

“How?” Dumbledore asked.

With a flick of his wand, Dean flew from our hiding spot to the professors.


“YOU!!!!!! No way!!!! I won’t be kissing this filth!!”


“Maybe someone your age …”””” proposed the headmaster.


“NOOOO!” Malfroy kept at it for 10 minutes. Even Snape couldn’t shat him up.


Than Lady Malfroy arrived.


After a heated discussion that nobody heard because of the privacy spell Snape cast, a solution was reached.


Lady MAlfroy chanted a complex spell that resulted in a name.


Astoria Greengrass.


“Congratulation, Mr. MAlfroy. Love seems to conquer all.” the headmaster spoke with delight.


“What was that about???” everyone wondered.


“Lady Malfroy seems to have invented a most incredible chant. A chant, that lets you find your true love. Isn’t that incredible? Many witches and wizards tried never to succeed. It seem Lady Malfroy is an outstanding inventor.”


But does it work? everyone wondered. Astoria Greengrass was quickly fetced.


“I trust you have no objections this time, Mr. MAlfroy?” asked an irritated Snape who wanted this day to be finally over. Before another disaster strikes. Who knew Narcissa, would willingly work on this type of chant. You really never knew a person, did you? Thought Snape disdainfully.


“There is no need for spectators …”


“But, Severus this is one in a lifetime opportunity to see such a marvelous chant at work…” positively gushed Professor Filtwick.


“Indeed it is” confirmed the headmaster. Snape tried hard not to roll his eyes, he could feel a massive headache coming.


The kiss, was ….in the end, …



just a kiss ….thought Harry somehow disappointing. Nothing spectacular for a “true love Kiss” , no sparks, no magic, just a short kiss, and that was it. The net released MAlfroy, who with a head heald high went away as quickly as he could. Astoria was there looking I thought disappointed as well.


“Well it was just a few seconds, usually you have to use your tongue to really …

“Proffesor Filtwick!!!” admonished Snape. “I think that was quite enough. Now for the punishment. I don’t think Mr. Thomas acted alone. Snape looked directly at me as he said it. All the anger and resentment for Snape came bubbling right back to the surface. I went to him and snarled “If you didn’t use such despicable tricks …”


“Language. Mr Potter how dare you … “

all went silent suddenly, I felt like I was moving in small motion, as someone pushed me backwards into the net. Trapped again. The day was cursed.


“Miss Vane!!! What have you done!” shouted professor Filtwick.


“ I will take full responsibility and I will kiss ….” Responded with the biggest grin Romilda.


“No, no, no!” Shouted Harry finally understanding what MAlfroy felt being trapped in this situation.


“ I won’t allow it,” Harry felt sick to his stomach.


“ I could be of assistance, ” replied Lady MAlfroy, “For a price.”


There was chaos and disbelief.


“ I could do it!” said Hermione.


“ You don’t need to kiss, Harry, shouted Ron.


“Don’t be an idiot Ron. I can perform the chant!!!”


“ You saw it just once, are you really so arrogant …”


“I am. It’s not arrogance is talent.”


“I appreciate your offer Ms. Granger, but there is no need. I am quite well versed in chanting, I should take the responsibility.” responded professor Filtwick.


“The chant is not as easy …”


“well lady Malfroy, several people can try it and if all of us gets the same results, we could safely say it worked. What are you thoughts on this Albus?”


“If Mr. Potter agrees, I can see no harm in it. I myself would like to have a go at it. It is quite a revolutionary chant.”


 Great now all the people will try to use me as guinea pig for this chant. Still, I felt trepidation. My true love??? Could I really met her? Or is it really some hack??”


“I will try first, any other who wants to try it please leave for a moment.” Instructed professor Filtwick. Mione, the headmaster, and several professors left. Snape stayed.


The shout could be heard for miles.


I was looking at Snape as the chanting went on. He was glaring at me and I was glaring right back.

Than he actually shouted … like some trapped Snake, it was agonizing to hear. He kept moving left and right,  saying “NONo…. No this can’t be ,,….”I was actually afraid, because Snape was afraid. And what could turn Snape in a state like that?


I was afraid to ask. “There must be some mistake,” shouted Ron. “ Let Mione do it she will fix it right up, Harry no worries," said Ron in a state that was far from calm.


I just noded.


Mione came, than headmaster came, than all the other professors. The result was the same.


“Is the answer really so bad? Who can be worse than Snape?” I said trying not to insult the headmaster.


But everyone’s expressions did seem to indicate there was a result worse than that???


“ It s not Riddle is it?" I asked stunned, remebering one option worse than Snape.  "Noooo it can’t be!”


“ Silence boy!” shouted Snape.


“Maybe that’s why you should have waited for me to explain, the chant works only if I chant it.” Said Lady Malfroy.


“ OH ,” everyone relaxed looking relieved.




“So; Mr. Potter will you take a deal?”


I was thinking that maybe I should just kiss the headmaster and be done with it. It was only a small kiss. Hardly worth to be called a kiss really … it wasn’t so bad.


“Eh… I could just kiss …”


“Let us talk in private” said the headmaster.


Damn it. He was taking control of my life again. I felt a strong privacy spell being cast at the same time someone started the chant.


“ What it is???”


I couldn’t see who it was. There was a dense fog all around me. Suddenly I saw Cho Chang.


“Let me kiss you Harry I know another way.” She said.  My eyesight went fuzzy. I could hardly see her properly.




“ Do you want it to be over? Or rather be in display for the entire school? I can remove the enchantment in just a second and nobody will see or know … it will be our secret, Harry! For the last time. A quick kiss and all it will be over.”


I thought about how Dumbledore and MAlfroy were deciding for me right now, without consulting me.


“Ok only a qui..”


It was the briefest kiss I ever had. But it did set me free.


While the professor were still in the privacy spell discussing my future I left.


One thing I knew that definitely wasn’t Cho Chang. She smelled of potion and musk. At first I thought it was Vane, but she was too astonished when I came back, I used that time to curse her properly. I felt little mercy for her.




“So who kissed you?” asked Ron.


“The headmaster of course.” I lied. “I barely felt anything really it was over so quickly.”

“I see, so he made it seem like he was making a deal with Malfroy, but instead kissed you!!”




“Hmmm, “ mumbled Hermione “ I wonder if it’s really true that the chant works only for her. I couldn’t find any precedents.”


“It must be,” answered Ron, “otherwise it would heve been Snape!”


“Oh, come on I was NEVER GOING TO KISS Snape, I would have chosen the headmaster either way.”


“It’s not that Harry. You would have had a choice between the headmaster and OUR head of house not professor Snape.” Explained MIone.


“What really???” See Ron, I wouldn’t have had to kiss the git either way.”


“ But, the chant …”


“What chant?”


 “The chant showed your true love to be Snape, Harry!”


“What …don’t be ridiculous? It was faulty anyway!”


Still I couldn’t sleep well that night. I knew that the person I kissed wasn’t Cho. I remembered the smell of potions and musk and I retched.