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If In Doubt Make Fun of Roy

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Donna: Has anyone seen Dick?

Donna: he’s not answering his phone


Wally: no sorry

Donna: Dick where the hell are you?

Donna: we have a meeting


Roy: we’ve been waiting for an hour!

Dick: guys i’m sorry for vanishing i was stuck in the past


Roy: time traveller


Wally: who’s there


Roy: knock knock


Dick: i’ll tell you what happened when i have actually gotten sleep


Garth: I would tell you a joke about a time traveller but you didn’t like it


Dick: please don’t do this right now

Dick: alfie just threatened to sedate me


Donna: Why are you in Gotham?


Dick: emergency medical check up because i was stuck in a time with different diseases

Dick: i only need to take five different medications for the next three weeks


Roy: aw fuck


Dick: Master Roy, do watch your language. You will hear from Master Dick once he has gotten an adequate amount of sleep.


Wally: damn he wasn’t kidding


Dick: You, too, Master Wallace.

Lilith: why does the interesting stuff always happen when im asleep

Lilith: on a completely unrelated note: why weren’t any of you asleep

Wally: Garth why the hell don’t you ever dry yourself off after using the underwater entrance?!


Roy: did you fall on your face again


Wally: maybe…

Wally: and it’s NOT MY FAULT


Garth: sorry i forgot




Roy: boy am i glad i don’t run faster than i can think


Lilith: wow you must be pretty slow then


Dick: ouch


Donna: Is spending time with Garth making Lilith saltier?


Roy: hahaha hilarious

Roy: i thought we were making fun of Wally


Donna: you know the team motto


Roy: titans together?


Dick: if in doubt make fun of roy


Roy: i hate all of you

Wally: you still haven’t told us about the time travel thing


Roy: Yeah!


Dick: it wasn’t actually that interesting

Dick: i was just stranded in another time with jason and we somehow managed not to kill each other


Roy: seriously? that’s all you’re gonna give us?


Dick: next time we all go to a bar together i swear

Roy: so jason just said something about “i swear i should have let dick get eaten by that octopus-bear-thing” and refused to elaborate

Roy: could this maybe have something to do with time travel

Wally: wanna go grab a drink tomorrow


Lilith: sure


Garth: I’m free


Roy: definitely

Roy: we need to hear that story at some point


Donna: yes


Dick: i have to see whether one of the others can take care of my patrol

Dick: ok, cass is taking over


Wally: great! tower at 8?

Roy: anyone else feel like the most unbelievable part of that story is dick and jason not killing each other?


Donna: definitely


Roy: one time i lost jay in blüdhaven and i was just so sure he went off to pick a fight with dick


Garth: how hurt did they get


Roy: one black eye, one busted lip and two very drunk robins


Dick: I don’t remember that


Roy: you were so goddamn drunk

Roy: i never figured out how they had gone from fighting to drinking


Dick: didn’t jay tell you


Roy: he asked me where his black eye was from

Roy: so basically no

Garth: I won’t be able to make it today.

Garth: I’m stuck in Atlantis for at least two more days.


Lilith: oh, are you alright with that?


Garth: I’m not particularly happy about it but if anyone is an asshole, I’ll probably just leave


Roy: you still need to explain to me how you have cell service there


Garth: :)

Garth: I don’t really know


Donna: Is Arthur at least being nice?


Garth: Let’s just say he has been less nice in the past and leave it at that.

Dick: [video: Jason is laughing and Tim is yelling. “What the frick frack, Jason? What the actual heck were you thinking?” Tim turns around to the camera where Dick’s muffled laughter is heard. “Turn that dang phone off.” Tim gets closer to the camera which is shaking violently until the video is ended.]


Donna: I just heard a loud crash from the kitchen and apparently Roy fell from his chair because he was laughing too hard.


Roy: god how does he not know how to swear


Dick: he doesn’t spend that much time with jay


Garth: He spent his teenage years around you.


Dick: yeah?


Donna: shh, he doesn’t know


Garth: How does he not know?


Lilith: he’s usually too angry or tired to realize


Dick: are you talking about me


Roy: definitely not


Wally: why would you think that


Dick: stop fucking with me


Roy: …


Dick: what the hell are you talking about

Dick: could you please for one minute learn how to not be fucking idiots and answer my goddamn question


Roy: …


Dick: oh

Dick: ooooooh

Dick: that explains a lot

Dick: do i do that often


Garth: Swear like a sailor?


Dick: yeah


Donna: you know that temper problem you have

Donna: it’s tied together


Dick: I should probably work on that.


Roy: please don’t

Roy: it’s hilarious




Roy: yeah why didn’t we build one


Wally: because Garth said “ew no that’s what happens when you fart”


Roy: right that happened


Wally: why were you there


Donna: visiting Cassie

Donna: and I still am until monday


Dick: I actually don’t have anything to do right now

Dick: I’m joining you


Roy: you know technically i haven’t visited my sis in ages


Wally: no don’t they’re gonna think it’s an invasion


Roy: I know ;)


Wally: since bart would probably just close the door in my face i won’t be joining you

Garth: How did the invasion go?


Donna: we ended up training with them and telling embarrassing stories about each other


Dick: So now the tinies have way too much blackmail material on all of us but also on our siblings


Roy: i learnt about like fifty bands i had never heard of and basically i’m feeling old


Dick: apparently kon cassie and bart regularly drug tim when he refuses to sleep and i feel like i shouldn’t be so proud of them for that


Donna: Mia was really excited to see Roy it was very sweet


Roy: i think blue beetle nearly fainted when Dick and I arrived


Lilith: so…

Lilith: it went well?


Donna: yep

Roy: Mia just shot at me


Lilith: what did you do


Roy: why do you assume i did something


Lilith: …


Roy: … fair enough

Roy: i might have called the teen titans “tinies” out loud


Wally: did she hit you


Roy: no????

Roy: i caught the arrow?????

Roy: she might have kicked me in the balls after though


Dick: oh that’s rough

Dick: tim hit me in the solar plexus when he found out

Dick: jay laughed at both of us

Lilith: could a certain someone doing a certain activity while thinking of certain people keep their goddamn thoughts down

Lilith: I’m trying to read

Dick: does anyone know where my tampons went?


Roy: ???

Roy: i’m pretty sure i’ve seen your dick


Dick: i’m donna

Dick: my phone is charging


Wally: i thought we bought some for every bathroom


Dick: oh right

Dick: forgot about that

Dick: damn we’re nailing the adulting thing

Lilith: did i just walk in on dick and wally crying because of a cooking show?


Donna: they’re too tired for their emotional responses to work properly


Lilith: yeah but why are they watching a cooking show at 3am


Donna: i think there’s some fear gas after effects involved but i’m not sure

Donna: they could also be betting on who can stay awake longer


Lilith: well Wally is just projecting a mess of emotions which was actually why i woke up

Lilith: like damn boy some of us want to sleep


Donna: did they notice you


Lilith: no i’ve been standing at the door for ten minutes


Donna: wait i’m coming down

Donna: let’s try and get them to sleep

Roy: i may or may not be in a lot of trouble


Dick: and you’re telling us that on your phone why


Roy: don’t have my comm

Roy: also can’t talk

Roy: i was investigating in a warehouse at the haven and the gang walked in

Roy: i’m hiding


Dick: wait i’ll track your phone

Dick: do you want to take them down or just get out


Roy: just out

Roy: i didn’t find anything


Dick: wally’s on his way