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addicted to the feeling

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Addicted is a strong word.
Alice doesn't let herself become addicted.
Cigarettes are a distraction- they're welcome- not necessary.
Not an addiction.
Alice does not become addicted. Need gets you killed.

 

She's not addicted- she just enjoys Claire's company.
She just revels in smiles and grins, and even smirks. Maybe especially smirks. Her fingers don't itch to touch. Her eyes don't trail after anything.
It's not an addiction if you've only done it once.

The column of Claire's throat is beautiful- the way her head falls back with heavy breaths is beautiful.
Her hands claw at Alice's back, they pull at her hair, they dig into her thighs.
And it's beautiful.

A moment of weakness.
That's all it is.

 

You can't be addicted to something after one use. One experience. One moment of bliss.
Alice likes teasing- that's all it is.
She likes touching Claire just to see what happens. She's just curious.
Claire barely reacts, it's frustrating, but tantalizing. captivating

Claire barely reacts- until she does.
The car is dark and quiet, and Claire's teeth lips mark Alice's skin.
It's not an addiction if you've only done it twice.

 

She leaves- her chest tightens when she says her goodbyes.
Claire's eyes stay on her for what feels like weeks after.

It's not withdrawal- she's fine.
She's not more violent than usual, the infected are just falling apart easier.
She doesn't see sharp eyes and badly concealed grins in her sleep.

 

And her body doesn't become lighter when Claire is suddenly back.
She's right there- tangible but empty.
It's Claire but it's not really Claire.
How much are people made up of memories?
Alice doesn't know- but Claire's smile is the same.
She doesn't remember Alice, but her badly concealed smiles are the same.

Claire seeks Alice's body with her own- she's more touchy- but it's still not Claire. Not completely.
Except it is.
Claire is Claire.
And she remembers.

Then she's gone again.
It's some cruel trick played by the universe.
Or Umbrella.
Whichever. Both.
Alice gets one moment with Claire and then it's gone.

 
The universe (Umbrella) loves playing with her it seems.
Because, suddenly, Claire is there again.
Her heart sings when Claire's eyes light up with recognition.
Then it burns when Claire introduces her to the doctor.
The doctor is a traitor. of course he is
Alice isn't happy that he is. She's not.
but she is


Alice isn't sure when something is considered an addiction.

Maybe it becomes an addiction when Claire puts a bullet between the doctor's eyes and Alice just itches to touch again.

Maybe it becomes an addiction when Claire kisses her and her body doesn't hurt anymore.

Maybe it becomes an addiction when her heart sings as Claire joins her on the motorcycle, arms circling Alice's waist.

 

Maybe it became an addiction the moment Claire smiled at her.

Maybe she was hooked after the first experience.