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Sweet Glimmer Of Hope

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Falling down so heavy,
This heart lay down on the ground
Faint glimmer, once steady
Where are you now?
Someone tell me how to feel
Someone tell me what is real
Someone tell me how to feel
(Someone tell me, someone tell me)

You weren't there when Miche was killed, he'd sent you away and since then you'd resented yourself. If only you'd had the strength to resist showing him the fear in your eyes as he warned you a swarm of titans were incoming. You would have insisted the both of you fight together as always, surely he would have allowed you that. He'd been your lover...but before that your superior. Which is why when you heard the news that he had been devoured by the very swarm he'd warned you of, your very will to survive faded, you felt lost and like only the shell of the woman you once were.

"Y-You're kidding right? Miche's on his way back isn't he? T-This is just some sort of cruel joke you're all playing on me right?" You clutch the shaggy haired captain's badge to your chest as your eyes begin to water. You never thought you'd cry again after the loss of your parents during the attack on Shiganshina. "I wish we were (Y/N)...we saw it with our own eyes" The scout begins to brief you in on the events leading up to Miche's death. If only you'd stayed with him, maybe things would have been different.

Fading now so slowly,
My feet can't carry me now
Sweet glimmer of hope,
Where are you?
Someone tell me how to feel,
Someone tell me what is real.

----Flashback----
"Don't be silly (Y/N) my nose is better than anyone's I can tell by your scent theres something distinctively special about you that none of the other cadets have." You let out an awkward laugh as Miche continues to sniff your hair followed by his signature scoff. Since you'd joined the scout regiment as an honorary member Miche in particular would follow you around like a dog despite your protests. You would never admit it to the other members of the regiment but the two of you were rather close. Miche was an eccentric man who to others may seem hard to approach but you, you saw through that shell. He'd been through hell and back but didn't let it change his kind heart, he was gentle and loving towards you.Thats why you fell in love with him in the first place.

"(Y/N!) The beast titan is on its way! Give us your orders!" It had been weeks since the death of Miche and despite wanting to follow him the more sensible side of you decided against it. In the former's place you'd taken up a position of leadership and regained your will to fight knowing he'd have done the same if he were in your shoes. "Everyone prepare for battle. We'll soak the fields in this fucker's blood if we have to!" You equip yourself with only a limited number of blades and head for battle. You'd get your revenge even if you had to die in order to do so.

You remember your blades drawing blood from the legs of the beast titan. You remember someone calling out for you but you don't remember why or who the voice belongs to. Everything seems to be a blur as of now, your head hurts all the more you try to remember. "(Y/N) is it? That weapon you were using what is it called?" Weakly, you look up to see a blonde man with glasses and a scraggy beard. "Tell me first, who the hell are you?" He walks over to you with an expressionless face and cups your chin. "Zeke otherwise known as the beast titan, pleased to meet you miss (Y/N)."

So that was the bastard who so cruelly killed him.

You hated yourself for the way you couldn't kill Zeke on the spot for all the pain he had caused. You'd ended up his prisoner and by now everyone probably just assumed you were killed in action. For weeks he visits the room in which you are in and interrogates you. He keeps the doors unlocked knowing you are both in titan territory and your gear is missing. He knew that clearly well.

How you wished you could just strangle the man in his sleep or wake up and realize it had just been a nightmare the entire time. You never expected to fall in love with your captor.

Someone tell me how to feel
Should I be in love with a demon?