A plate full of crumbs and ketchup stains in front of Undyne. She was full and satisfied after a strangely great meal, and it put her in a mood to speak her mind.
“You know… this is kind of funny looking back, but… part of me was always kind of worried about Papyrus’s loyalties, you know?”
She looked over at the other monster at the end of the couch.
Undyne’s house was in the process of being rebuilt. She and the human got a bit too enthusiastic with their newly formed alliance, but Dr. Alphys was working on new designs for an even COOLER house for Undyne, with a fireproof kitchen and everything! (Man, isn’t she such a badass!?)
But for the time being, she was staying with… Well.
Sans belched, then laughed about it, slathering another hotdog in mustard in preparation for his next.
“ya i hear ya.” He said with a chuckle. “he always did love talkin about how he was gonna hold the highest offices n shit.” Sans twirled the hotdog around his head like some kind of sad baton. It fell out of the bun, but with lighting reflexes, Sans managed to get it in his mouth instead of on the couch. Impressive! He continued, mouth full, “‘n if anyone asked, he would just outright brag about how he was gonna destroy you and take over the guard. it’s pretty funny.”
Undyne huffed in mock outrage. “WOW!!! Okay! So that’s funny, huh!?!?”
She lunged for him, but he was so freaking fast. For how Papyrus talked about him, she’d never expected her worst sentry to be good at anything, but look at him now! Noogie him once, never noogie him again.
Teleporting back into place, Sans continued where he left off, coating hotdogs in grease and mustard while making sounds with his body that shouldn’t have even been possible with just bones.
Undyne was quickly learning that when he wasn’t her employee, her problem , Sans… kind of ruled…???
“well i mean obviously he was lyin though his teeth about the overthrowin ya thing. he was never gonna stab ya. at least not in the back.” Undyne’s interest was piqued. She never had the guts to ask Papyrus himself about this, and even if it was a moot point, now that he was officially Captain and she was out of the game, but still. “he woulda tried to make it some kinda ‘honorable’ stabbing. front facing, right in the heart. boom, boom, dead fish, dust, ya know? but backstabs, nah. not his style.”
He demonstrated with his point with a new hotdog, “stabbing” the air in front of her with it like it was some kind of dagger, mimicking a bit of his brother’s haughty posture before slumping back into his spot on the couch, the part that slumped just like he did. Twin lumps.
“So… okay, do you think he would have done it, or not? He’s totally the usurping type. Look how quickly he sided with the human over monsterkind”
“i mean, so did you.
She growled. “YEAH!!! I DID!!! But I was such a tough sell!” Actually, after they defeated her in combat, it was… kind of laughably easy, looking back. Papyrus tricked her into it… which was kind of proving the point she was making. He played her like a fiddle. Still, pride was pride and she was going to argue at least a little bit about it. “What about Papyrus? From my angle, I got a call that a human is loose and like an hour later I get a call that my friggin Dragon-In-Waiting is working with the human and giving them a tour of Waterfall. I mean, the fuck?”
“oh. well i didn’t watch the fight”
“YOU DIDN’T WATCH????” she hissed, but he ignored her entirely.
“...but from what pap told me later, they kinda hit him with something he wasn’t expectin and it threw him off his game. and then he just… didn’t wanna fight anymore.”
Huh. That easy, huh? “What did they say?”
“hell if i know. my guess is, somethin lame and sappy. probly offered to be his friend or eat his lasanga or some shit.” As if to declare the topic finished, Sans punctuated that ‘shit’ by shoving two hot dogs in his mouth at the same time. Whole.
“PFFFFT!!! WHAT??? No way?? He’s a dangerous elite guard why the heck would that work? I do that shit with him all the time.”
“yeah and he wouldn’t kill you, either. but that’s just a guess. like i said, i wasn’t there to watch.”
“You still didn’t say why not.”
“didn’t wanna see it if it didn’t go well.”
“I mean you could have HELPED?”
“can't tell you why. it's top secret.”
“Whatever.” She was starting to see the reason Papyrus once declared that his brother was a ‘frustrating little snotgoblin sometimes’ with more sincierity than any other name he’d ever called anyone before. Whatever. Whatever! WHATEVER! She switched the topic back to the one she was selfishly really curious about, the one he seemed to have been enjoying teasing info about to her. “So… how do you KNOW he was never going to betray me?”
“honestly? you haven't figured it out?”
There was the teasing again. “NO???”
Sans chuckled lightly and a smirk crossed his face, but with or without the mustard stains around it, it was softer than his normal expression. “you're his role model. he looks up to you. he thinks you're cool and he likes being your friend,” he said, simply, with a shrug, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
It was both… underwhelming and not at all the secret she was expecting. Papyrus was her friend, sure, and he let her stay over, yeah, and she trusted him. But… But.
Maybe she was afraid she was just projecting and he was harder and crueler than she’d always read. It felt weird, knowing his own brother thought she was right.
“yeah? the great and terrible papyrus is a huge friggin sap!” He laughed, loud and squawking, but there was an affection there, too. She honestly couldn’t tell if he was mocking or if he was proud. Maybe both. “he likes friendship and hugs and feeling important. just so happens the last one is the only one people are cool with, so it's the one he talks about the most. which makes the other two even more important to ‘m.”
She didn’t know what to say to that, so she just laughed as well. “Your brother is such a dork.”
“he's great, right?”
Okay, it was definitely more pride than mockery, but definitely both. She was pretty sure he was gonna bust out the baby pictures, if he had any he hadn’t already shown her. But Papyrus was off working for the Queen, and wouldn’t be there to enjoy Sans saying what ‘a cute little turd’ the Great and Terrible Papyrus had been. Baby pictures held less appeal without the accompaniment of indignant screeching.
“The one thing I don't get is… he's so ambitious, you know? He's going nuts about this promotion, but even that's like… I dunno, dude.” What even was she saying at this point? “I'm actually kind of disappointed in him that he never planned to usurp anyone?”
“oh he totally planned to usurp someone, just not the leader of the royal guard.”
Sans looked away for a second, as if debating, then flashed Undyne a grin that sent a chill down her spine.
Sans’s grin was all seriousness and malice and his voice was all pride and glee.
“he was gunnin for asgore’s seat.”