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Maggey Byrde and Alcohol Don’t Mix

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Maggey is drunk. And Dick should remember just how… talkative she gets when she’s drunk. But it’s Maya’s birthday party, and everyone is drinking.

She leans against Dick, giggling at a joke Phoenix just told that isn’t even funny. Maggey sips her drink again, accidentally spilling some down her chin.

“Hey, do you want to know what me and Dick did last night?” Maggey says, laughing to herself. “Have you ever heard of role-play?”

Realising what she’s about to say, Dick blushes and mumbles, “Uh, Mags, I don’t think they all want to know that.”

But Phoenix fucking Wright is grinning. “Role-play, eh? What about?”

“It’s none of your business,” Dick snaps.

Miles Edgeworth smiles, raising an eyebrow. “I think Gumshoe is right. I don’t think everyone wants to hear about your sex lives.”

His face is burning. This is so humiliating.

“It might be worth a laugh, eh, Maya?” Phoenix says.

Maggey laughs and slaps Phoenix on the back. “Yeah, it is p-pretty funny. Dick dresses up as a army officer and—”

“Right, that’s it,” Dick says, standing up sharply. “I’m not going to sit here and listen to you all laugh at our sex lives.”

“Neither am I,” Miles says, following him as he walks away. “Honestly, some people shouldn’t drink.”

“Are you talking about Phoenix?”

“Yes, that man is such an annoying drunk. He seems to think everything he says is funny.”

Dick rubs his burning face. “At least he isn’t telling anyone about your sex lives.”

“Good point.”

Just before they leave the room, Dick hears Maggey and Phoenix roar with drunken laughter. He groans.


The next evening, Dick gets home to find Maggey still in bed. she didn’t go to work all day, too hungover.

“Did you stay in bed all day?” he says, handing her a mug of coffee.

Maggey smiles weakly. “Yeah. I haven’t felt too good. Um… Dick… I’m sorry about last night. I just got… carried away. You know what I’m like when I’m drunk.”

“Yeah, I definitely do,” Dick says, nodding. But he gives her a soft kiss. “But it’s okay.”

“Thanks,” she says, smiling. “Was everything okay today?”

Dick thinks back to this afternoon, when Phoenix came up behind him and stood at attention, saluting him with a stupid grin on his face.

“Apart from Phoenix winding me up about what you told him, yeah,” he says. “But it’ll blow over. But… maybe next time we go out…. You don’t get drunk?”

Maggey grins. “Deal.”