“No, no that’s not possible,” she begs, shaking her head frantically. The droid has already repeated her diagnosis three times.
“I assure you, you are pregnant. Approximately ten weeks,” the droid drones. Ten weeks … that’s when … no, she won’t think about him.
Rey backs away from the knowledge and the unfeeling hunk of metal that’s lying to her. It can’t be true. There’s no way it could be true. The back of her knees hit a gurney and she sits quickly, scrambling until she’s as far away from the medical droid as possible.
“No! Get me a doctor, a real doctor, this isn’t happening!” Rey cries out. She’d fought so hard for so long to keep herself safe. This isn’t real. It can’t be.
The droid dutifully goes to fetch the supervising physician.
She’s curled up in a ball when Dr. Kalonia finds her.
“Rey?” the doctor calls cautiously.
Rey sits up, her face streaked with tears. Her eyes are huge and wet, filled with terror and hope. “Tell me it’s a mistake!” It has to be a mistake.
“I ... I’ve reviewed the tests. I … I’m sorry, Rey, you are indeed pregnant.”
“No, I can’t be … I’ve never … I’ve never … done that.” Her hands flail and her cheeks flush.
Dr. Kalonia sighs heavily. “Rey … I know you haven’t had much in the way of medical care, perhaps you don’t really understands how this happens—”
“I know how babies are made!” Rey spits. “I fought off enough men on Jakku to make sure that that never happened to me. No one has ever … had me.” Unless … when she was unconscious … No, she won’t even form that thought.
Pursing her lips, the doctor pulls a chair over to where Rey is still clinging to herself on the gurney.
“Did you ever ... perhaps … sometimes the young people drink a great deal. Have you ever woken up in an unusual situation?” she asks gently, her tone kind.
Rey thinks hard. It’s not ideal, but so much better than what she’s fearing. But no … she’s never let herself have more than a drink or two when the pilots throw their parties. She’s always kept her wits about her. Though she feels almost safe with the Resistance, she never truly lets her guard down.
Even with Rose, she’d insisted on having the bed furthest from the door so she could have her back to the wall. She carries her staff with her always. The only time she’s ever woken up confused was when …
The knowledge that’s been creeping in since she first heard the word ‘pregnant’ is truly coalescing into horrific possibility and her heart is breaking. She didn’t know there was any part of it left to shatter after he’d chosen the dark side over her.
She starts to shake—hard—as it all spirals out in front of her. He’d … everything they’d shared he’d already … lies, it had all been lies. The way he’d looked at her … like she meant everything to him …
No, no, no!
She wants to fall apart. She wants to scream. She wants to wrap her hands around his throat and squeeze.
Instead, she looks up into the compassionate doctor’s eyes. “There was one time.”
Pace. Turn. Pace. Turn.
It’s beyond late, but Kylo knows he won’t be sleeping. He can’t get her out of his head no matter how hard he tries, how hard he trains, how much he plans, creates, destroys.
She’s always, always right behind his eyelids when he closes his eyes, just at the edge of his thoughts waiting to pounce.
Gods, if he’d known how she’d infect him he would have left her in that damned forest on Takodana. But no … she’d fascinated him and he hadn’t thought, not for one moment. He just had to have her with him. He’d needed her in a way he still can’t define.
He’d hated the way some of the officers had looked at her while she’d been unconscious and he’d guarded her fiercely from their leering looks. He would not allow any harm to come to her while she was in his care.
And so he’d sat like a dog at her feet, ready to snap and bite at anyone who might have come near.
Now … now he can’t rid himself of the phantom weight of her in his arms, the burn of her fingers against his, the memory of the deep calm he’d felt in her presence …
He drops into his chair with a defeated groan. Stop, stop thinking about her. She made her choice, rejected him after he’d offered her everything. Offered her himself.
He’d never felt so in tune with another as he had in those brief, beautiful moments through the strange connection that’s been dormant since Crait. If he didn’t still have a dim sense of her lodged in his chest he’d think it had faded. But no, it simply hasn’t activated in weeks.
Sometimes, in the small hours, he admits that he misses her.
But in the light of day he lies to himself. When they’d located the Resistance, found their new haven, he’d pretended it simply wasn’t worth the effort to attack a shoddy base on an ice-ball of a planet.
Dropping his head into his hands he knows the truth. He can’t hurt her. It would be easier to plunge his saber into his own chest than to put her in danger. And if he brings up a holo of Shenden to gaze on the planet that holds her, no one has to know.
He wants to hate her.
But he can’t.
It’s so much worse than hate.
“You’re sure?” General Organa asks her old friend Harter Kalonia.
“Yes. I’m sorry, Leia.”
Looking out on the barren landscape of ice and snow, Leia wraps her arms around her waist and tries to push away this new knowledge. It’s … abhorrent. Unthinkable. And yet, is it? He’d killed … no, that’s not what she needs to focus on now. Rey, she has to worry about Rey. So much on her young shoulders and now this ...
Leia closes her eyes briefly. “How is she?”
“I had to sedate her. She went into a rage and wouldn’t stop screaming. That’s how I was able to confirm …”
“That it’s his …” Leia says quietly.
Harter gently places her hand on Leia’s shoulder. “Yes. I … I wish …”
Taking in a shuddering breath, Leia responds, “So do I.”
Kylo tries to tamp down the elation that blooms in his chest when he feels that strange pressure that harkens the opening of their connection but he utterly fails. It’s been so long and he can’t stop the excitement he feels at the prospect of seeing her.
She’s turned from him and her back stiffens, making it clear she knows he’s there.
“Rey,” he murmurs, utterly failing to keep the gentleness from his voice. She whips around and looks at him like she wants him dead.
“Don’t you dare,” she hisses.
His temper flares suddenly and predictably. This is how she greets him after weeks of silence? He dare? He dare? Oh that’s rich coming from the scavenger who abandoned him. He hasn’t seen her since that day on Crait and she has the audacity to be angry with him? She’s the one who made so many declarations then just ran away.
“You left me for dead on Snoke’s floor, I’d say it’s you who have something to answer for,” he snarls.
Her eyes narrow into true loathing, the kind that’s personal, and it snags at something deep inside. She’s never looked at him quite like that before. He knows he went a bit far on Crait, but surely she’ll understand. She’d hurt him. Deeply.
Her head shaking, her face twists in absolute disgust, and she spits, “To think I ever trusted you.”
“What about you?! You told me I wouldn’t be alone, that you’d help me!”
“You really are revolting, Kylo Ren. That you lured me to you after you’d already ... “ She turns away from him and he can see the tips of her fingers as they wrap around her torso.
“Already what?” he bites out. Something is wrong and even though he wants to scream at her for her betrayal, her reactions aren’t quite making sense.
“Like you don’t know,” she scoffs, keeping herself turned from him.
“Is this about your precious Resistance?” he sneers, losing the last of his patience. “Or perhaps the traitor?”
Slowly she turns to him and her face, gods, her face is stricken and it tears him down to the bone. Who has hurt her? He’ll kill them.
“You probably thought you could get away with it. That no one would ever know.”
Now he is truly perplexed. “Get away with what?” he asks, his anger calming.
“You’re actually going to play dumb, aren’t you?” Her eyes are full of such anguish and it’s ripping him to pieces. Why does he care so much, why?
“Rey … I truly don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“To think I truly believed that you were honorable,” she says, shaking her head.
That hurts. He’s many things, but he has always held himself to a code. And he’s certain he’s only ever treated her with care. “I need you to explain to me what it is you think I’ve done.”
She looks down at the floor and whispers, “I’m pregnant.”
His vision is bathed in blood at her words. In the weeks since he’s seen her she’d … she’d allowed … All notions of pretending he doesn’t want her leave him in an instant and his heart thunders with possession.
There’s no thought as he rushes to her, towering over her smaller frame. He grabs her face and holds her firmly as he forces her eyes to his. “Whose is it?” he hisses. Mine, mine, it should have been mine!
Her startled eyes go wide and fill with confusion.
“Is it FN-2187’s?” he growls.
She looks at him like he’s speaking Huttese.
“Tell me!” Kylo bellows.
He can barely hear her when she stutters out, “Y-yours.”