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Why?

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Megatron was at war with himself. Ironic, he would scoff to himself as he analyzed his current position.

Optimus was his enemy, that wasn’t new. Not to him, and not to anyone else. They were destined to fight one another, and neither would back down from a fight. Neither could. Especially after that stunt Optimus had pulled off all those eons ago, Megatron couldn’t forgive him. Megatron hated him.

When he was alone, away from even Soundwave’s prying eyes, Megatron would sit and analyze. He would analyze every single one of his moves. Every single one of his faults. Everything. 

He remembered everything he said in a battle, and remembered down to the the twinge of emotions he repressed every time he would watch that battle mask slide into place. 

He was known for being ruthless. He was known for being merciless. To his oldest followers, he had lost the trust he had willingly given to… 

He refused to let himself relive those memories. 

Some particular battles became too much. He pretended not to know why. Soundwave would check in with him afterwards. 

Why did he still feel reluctant? Why did he move to strike, and find himself freezing moments before he landed a mortal wound? Why did he feel his chassis tighten every time he successfully strike a blow? Why did he look at Optimus and feel his servos tremble? When Optimus would retract his mask, why did Megatron find himself gaping?

Why did he see Orion Pax?

It never went away. He found himself encountering that hesitation again and again. With every new, frequent fight, he became more receptive. Angrier. Snapped faster. Felt those twinge of emotions pull at the back of his mind. And every time he faced his longest enemy, his venting would hitch, his chassis would tighten, his servos would shake…

And he would see Orion.

 

He hated this. He hated this… vulnerability. He felt so weak. So powerless. Useless.

Out of control.

This wasn’t something  he should have to deal with. He was done with those stupid shenanigans. He was done with playing pretend. He was done with trusting those he should’ve suspected from the start. He was done with relationships. He was done with romance. He was done thinking about Orion Pax.

This was their destiny now. Every new battle cemented it further. This was the outcome of Orion’s decisions. This was what their future had become.

There was nothing that could change it. Not this far into their war.

 

…And yet… 

Megatron couldn’t deny it. No matter what he tried, and how long he went leaving it unacknowledged.

After everything… why did he still love Orion?