The worst thing that ever happened to Sans in his whole long life of six years, was when he came home with an “unsatisfactory” on his report card in school. Cuz when dad found out… he got… real, real angry. At himself. For not teaching his sons gooder science. And now instead of having extra play time Dad made him and Papyrus sit around in a boring old lab, learning boring old science.
It was really, really boring. But Dad didn’t want to listen when Sans tried to tell him he wasn’t bad at science. He was bad at not making people laugh in class and he was bad at not falling asleep because class was boring and now he had extra boring classes as his punishment and it was the worst thing ever to happen to anyone.
Sans sulked while Dad went on and on and on about weird dumb science stuff. Papyrus seemed to like it but he was a baby and he liked everything. Dad liked it because he got to be the one talking about science and he loved science so much that he was gonna marry a science and have even more babies with science and then science was going to be Sans’s wicked step mommer and she and Dad and Papyrus would make him sit and listen to science all day.
His future was looking real bad for him.
Most of the last four minutes Sans spent with his arms crossed wishing he knew how to pout. He tried for a scary look instead but Dad wasn’t scared and neither was science and Papyrus stuck a hand in his socket when he noticed the eyelight was gone so Sans stopped doing the scary look.
Dad didn’t notice though because he was writing equators on the whiteboard and Sans didn’t know what they meant but he imagined it actually just saying “i like to smooch science” and that made that fifth minute at least slightly bearable.
Dad droned on and on and on about science and how science was all sciencey and scienceful and it was boring and lame and dumb. Papyrus nodded along seriously.
“AND YOU SEE, THAT IS WHY SANDCASTLES DEMONSTRATE THE INEVITABLE END OF ALL THINGS,” Dad said, looking proud because he loved science more than anything in the whole world. “WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK??”
Papyrus, being foolish and naive and a huge evil traitor, clapped and giggled and flapped his hands in joy.
Sans was trying to think of a mean thing to say that would make everyone stop loving science and make Papyrus applaud for him instead. But he couldn’t think of anything and he couldn’t even pout about.
Sans’s whole family were staring at him and leaning in to see what he would say.
The pressure was on and he couldn’t think of anything funny! He didn’t even know what a sanscastle was! He didn’t have a castle!
Maybe he could just ask…
Dad stared at him, opening his mouth, then closing it, one finger up, one finger down.
“YOU KNOW… I-I DOn’t actually know???”
Even Papyrus wasn’t making a sound. Not even a gurgle. Dad was deep in thought and he looked scared.
“NO. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A SANDCASTLE ACTUALLY IS.” the tall evil science-lover admitted. “BUT! WE CAN ALL FIND OUT TOGETHER!”
“WHY, SANS, WE CAN FIND OUT WITH THE POWER OF SCIENCE™!”
(“you don’t have to say “™” dad…” “shush, son.”)
“RESEARCH IS ONE OF THE CORNERSTONES OF SCIENCE! COME, CHILDREN, TO THE LIBRARY!!!”
Dad stretched his arms out when he said “library.” Papyrus did the same and shouted “LABABA!!!” just as loud.
So the three of them went to the library and looked for books about science and sanscastles and it was… fun. A lot of fun. Most of the books were easy for him to read and he had fun reading them out loud to Papyrus who would clap for him just as much as dad did, and once they did all their research, they planned out a way to make their own sanscastles!
And the next day, Dad took off work and let Sans have a day off from school!!! And the three of them built sanscastles in the snow! And it was the best day of Sans’s whole long 6 years years of life!
Maybe science wasn’t the wickedest step mommer ever after all.