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The Way We Used to Be

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Changkyun doesn’t know how he ended up in bed with Jooheon again. Actually, he knows exactly how he ended up in bed with Jooheon, but he told himself that it wouldn’t happen again. He told himself that there would be no next time.

But somehow, Changkyun’s fingers find Jooheon’s number and his mouth finds a way to say “come to my room.” Changkyun doesn’t think—actually, he does think, but he was thinking all wrong. He was thinking about Jooheon’s skin against his, Jooheon’s lips against his, Jooheon’s hands holding Changkyun’s hands as Jooheon fucks him. Changkyun was thinking about these things all day long, as they were in the airport, on the plane, in the car, and on the way to the hotel.

The knock on the door comes only a few minutes later, and Changkyun feels his heart leap out of his chest. He opens the door, and Jooheon was there, his bleach-white hair damp from a shower, the scent of his cologne in the air, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, his lips pursed, and it was all so Jooheon that it made Changkyun’s head spin.

He steps aside to let Jooheon in, and then they were kissing, Jooheon pushing Changkyun to the bed and climbing on top of him. Changkyun knows that this is all it’s supposed to be, it’s a quick fuck, an easy way to get off, but it doesn’t stop Changkyun from letting his guard down, the one that he had so carefully built up after Jooheon broke his heart.

Changkyun is kissing harshly, but Jooheon is slow and loving, and Changkyun hates that he was always so careful and always so gentle with him. He wishes that Jooheon would be rough, just leave out the love and fuck him with no strings attached, but that’s not how it can be. Changkyun loves Jooheon and there would always be a web of strings attached.

Clothes are thrown onto the floor, and Jooheon is palming Changkyun through his underwear, leaving a trail of kisses down Changkyun’s neck and chest, making him close his eyes and bite his lip to keep from moaning. Then Jooheon is kissing his mouth again, softly taking Changkyun’s bottom lip between his, and it was all so sweet that Changkyun wonders if his heart would burst.

Jooheon pulls away and Changkyun watches as he reluctantly gets up from the bed and goes to Changkyun’s bag, where he opens the exact pocket where he knew the lube and condoms would be. It’s all so easy and familiar to them. He gets back on the bed and pulls Changkyun’s underwear and his own off. They go back to kissing, Jooheon grinding down against Changkyun, and it feels so sickeningly good that Changkyun can’t hold back his moans.

Then there’s a lubed finger inside of Changkyun, stretching him open and curling up to hit the sensitive spot, and then Changkyun is digging his nails into Jooheon’s arm, telling him to add more. There were two fingers, then three, and Changkyun starts writhing against the fingers inside of him, a string of moans and Jooheon’s name falling from his lips.

“You’re so good, Changkyun,” Jooheon shushes, running his fingertips from his free hand across Changkyun’s soft stomach, and it makes Changkyun’s heart ache and race at the same time. Jooheon pulls his fingers out of him, and Changkyun clenches around nothing, whimpering at the loss.

“Jooheon,” Changkyun whines, waiting for him to roll on the condom and lube himself up, and Jooheon lines himself up and sinks in slowly, and Changkyun feels like he is on fire from his head to his toes. Changkyun knows how hard it must be for Jooheon to hold his hips still while Changkyun adjusts, but once he does, he feels so full and desperate that he grips Jooheon’s ass and says “Please,” his voice completely wrecked.

“I’m gonna move, baby,” Jooheon breathes out, and Changkyun keeps repeating “please” until Jooheon starts moving, and Changkyun’s back arches off of the mattress, and it feels so good, Jooheon feels so good inside of him, and it’s everything about Jooheon that Changkyun was craving that he feels dizzy with pleasure.

The sound of skin and wetness fills the room. Jooheon is kissing Changkyun so sweetly, and they’re moaning against each other’s mouths. Changkyun begs Jooheon for more, to fuck him harder, to fuck him faster, and Jooheon, always taking care of Changkyun, does as he asks, increasing the pace until the bed is shaking and Changkyun’s eyes are watering with pleasure.

“Changkyun, look at me,” Jooheon commands softly, and Changkyun can’t stop his eyes from watering. Tears roll down the side of his face, and Jooheon stops moving and wipes them away.

“No no no no keep going please,” Changkyun chokes out.

“Are you sure?”

Changkyun nods, then they’re fucking again, and Changkyun wants to be fucked so hard that he forgets about the heartache, he forgets about his loneliness, and forgets that he wants to die when he thinks about the fact that he knows that he can’t move on from Jooheon no matter how hard he tries.

Jooheon thrusts hard and hits the sensitive spot inside of Changkyun, and he lets out a choked-off moan as his vision goes white from pleasure. Jooheon holds his hand and squeezes it tightly, and Changkyun looks up at the beautiful man over him, a sheen of sweat covering his body, his skin soft and smooth and his narrow eyes soft and focused only on Changkyun, always on Changkyun.

Changkyun’s thighs are shaking as they’re wrapped around Jooheon’s waist, and he knows that Changkyun is close, so Jooheon’s free hand finds Changkyun’s cock and strokes him quickly as he pounds into him.

“You look so good, Changkyun. So pretty. Come for me, baby,” he says softly, and Changkyun comes with a yelp, clenching around Jooheon, his vision going completely white with pleasure, come getting all over Jooheon’s hand and his stomach. Jooheon lets out a low moan at the tightness surrounding his cock, and not long after, Jooheon is coming too.

They lay there like that, pressed together, for a few moments before Jooheon finally pulls out, soothing Changkyun with a gentle “sorry” because he knows that the loss is uncomfortable for him. Then he’s moving to the bathroom and brings back a damp towel to clean off Changkyun before he cleans himself off.

As soon as Jooheon arrives, he leaves. He pulls his clothing on and hovers above Changkyun, who is sitting at the end of the bed wrapped in a sheet, trying hard to avoid Jooheon’s gaze.

“That was nice,” Jooheon mutters softly, running a hand through Changkyun’s hair. “Thank you,” he adds, planting a kiss on Changkyun’s forehead.

Changkyun nods in response, giving a half-hearted smile. He got what he wants, so why is he so sad? He knows why. He refuses to allow his mind to think that thought until he hears the door close behind Jooheon on his way out.

“I love you,” Changkyun speaks into the empty room.