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Sekai, Ore (The world, I)

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[If I lay here

if I just lay here

would you lie with me and just forget the world?]


Soichi was desperately trying to focus on what the choreographer was telling them, but as much as he tried he couldn’t keep his concentration.

He passed his hands over his face, paying attention on the choreography, seeing by the corner of his eye Yuujiro looking at him worried.

He barely turned to him, smiling in an attempt to reassure him that he was fine, then he went back staring in front of him.

He would’ve focused much batter on what Shun was going, hadn’t he kept going back obsessively to what had happened that morning.

The Super Handsome Live was coming, and both he and Kimito hadn’t been much present in the past few weeks. At night they were too tired to do anything, and they always ended up watching always less interesting shows at the TV, falling asleep little after having sat down.

As much as this situation weighed on him, Soichi knew it was just for a few more days, then they would’ve taken all the time necessary to catch up on whatever they had left behind.

And rest a bit, he hoped.

His boyfriend, nevertheless, seemed to think otherwise; at night he was always in a bad mood, he answered in monosyllables and kept trying to catch his attention, finding something to complain about even when he managed to do so.

Soichi didn’t really know what to do, because even though he had known him for eight years and had been together for five, he had never grown accustomed to these mood swings of his.

He took two steps to the side, lost in thought, without realizing he had to stop and tripping over Ruito; he bowed, apologising, but he could do nothing to help the concerned looks his friends threw at him.

With one exception: Kimito knew why he was distracted, but didn’t seem to think much about it.

The younger one glared at him, clicking his tongue and then directing his attention elsewhere.

Soichi cursed in his mind, glaring at Takuya and Doori when he heard them chuckle; there was nothing funny, in his opinion.

The rehearsal went on for one more hour, and for one more hour Soichi tried his best to follow Shun’s instructions, managing somehow not to make a complete disaster of it.

When they were done, he turned right away to look at his boyfriend, making it barely to see his leave the room to go showering.

He snorted, irritated.

He knew he deserved it, partially, but he wished Kimito could’ve made an attempt to understand his reaction that morning.

First of all because he had just woken up, so he wasn’t in complete possession of his faculties; then because he couldn’t really demand that he could give in to his obvious attempts of seduction when less than an hour later they should’ve met the others for rehearsal.

For Soichi it had been a logical and simple explanation, for Kimito just a rejection, and he had done nothing to mask his disappointment.

And, the older one was sure, he wasn’t going to do something to hide it from the others, nor it would’ve passed anytime soon; unless, of course, he would’ve done something to be forgiven.

He went to the dressing room with all the others, smiling when Yuujiro patted his shoulder, and he heard the shower already running.

He felt all eyes on him, that’s why he tried to look nonchalant while he went as well into the next room, aware he had failed when he heard someone laughing as soon as he was gone.

He stopped for a moment, sighing and shrugging, and he kept walking up to the stall where Kimito was showering, the water running strong, probably to suffocate any sort of noise or voice coming from the dressing room.

The older one gathered up all his courage, taking a step forward and leaning against the wall, opening the curtain with a delicate just.

He wanted to make up after all, not scare him.

He saw his boyfriend freezing for a split moment, before getting back lathering himself, as if nothing had happened.

“What do you want?” he asked, dry.

Soichi sighed, taking a further step in and closing the curtain behind his back.

“Kimi, please... don’t you think you’re overreacting? You’ve ignored me the whole morning, you’ve been surly and you didn’t even make an effort to talk to me and tell me what was wrong. Is it really necessary?” he asked, realizing while he kept talking how wrong it was sounding to Totani’s ears.

Overreacted?” he repeated, finally turning to face him with an eyebrow raised. “I’m sorry I’ve ignored you. Really Soichi, forgive me.” he said, sarcastic. “It’s just, you know, after this morning it didn’t seem like you had that much interest in being with me or getting any attention. That’s all.” he finished, turning his back on him again and sponging down violently.

Soichi bit his tongue, trying to avoid to say the wrong thing, and leant toward him, wrapping his arms around his waist.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered, his mouth pressed against the wet skin of his back. “I’m really sorry about this morning. You’ve caught me off guard, we were going to be late and... I didn’t think you were going to get this mad, Kimi.”

The younger one let his arms fall down on his hips, pulling away from his hold and leaning against the shower wall, the water running down his shoulders.

“Not the point. I didn’t want you to grant me something, to do it just because I would’ve gotten mad. I just wished...” he bit his lip, lowering his eyes. “I wished you would’ve wanted it as well. That you felt like it, after two weeks without...”

Soichi didn’t let him finish.

He pushed on his shoulder and against the wall, then leant on him to kiss him.

Kimito didn’t reject him as he would’ve expected, but the elder could clearly feel the struggle inside him.

On one hand, it was what he wanted: that Soichi wanted to feel him, that he wanted to kiss him, that he felt the need to have him no matter the place or time.

On the other... the rejection from that morning was likely to still be burning him, and he thought that this way he wasn’t getting much of it.

At least, that had been Soichi’s deduction, until he felt Kimito kissing him back more willingly, bringing his hands to his hips and holding them tight, pulling him closer.

After less than a minute, when they pulled back, Soichi stared confused at him, while the younger one smiled satisfied.

“What?” he asked, innocent. “Yours was an advance, or am I wrong? And you really wouldn’t want to disappoint me twice in a day, would you So-chan?”

Soichi opened his eyes wide, trying to register quickly what he was asking.

“So you’re saying that you won’t forgive me unless we have sex here? Under the showers, all of our friends sixty feet from us?” he asked, incredulous. “That’s called blackmail, you know?”

Totani shrugged, little impressed by his objection.

Instead of answering straight away, he rather let slip on of his hand lower, languid, brushing down his groin to his shaft, wrapping his palm around it.

“Come on, So-chan...” he leant down to his ear. “Another rejection and I’ll convince myself you’re not at all interested in me.”

He moved his hand to the tip, brushing his thumb over it, feeling Soichi flinch.

The elder, on his part, couldn’t have found the will to tell him no at this point, even if he wanted.

Kimito could think whatever he wanted, but those days had been hard on him too, and now the simple touch of that hand, its moving so slowly on him, was turning him on more than it would’ve normally done.

He took his boyfriend’s place against the wall, thrusting up the hips and closing his eyes, completely relaxed.

He felt Kimito leaning in on him, brushing his throat with his lips and moving lower, licking around his nipple and chuckling when he saw Soichi biting his lip, then he ended up kneeling on the floor of the shower, under the full water jet, his hands on his boyfriend’s hips and his mouth lower than his navel, but still not to where Soichi wanted it.

He brushed a hand through his drenched hair, gripping them and pushing him toward himself without meeting any resistance from him.

“Kimi...” he called, whiny, letting him know he was close to begging.

But the younger one didn’t let it stop him; he raised his eyes to watch him, a sly smile on his face, while his tongue tortured him, going slower at Soichi’s every moan.

“I wanted it too this morning, and you’ve completely ignored me. You should thank me for giving you this much.” he pointed out, chuckling, obviously in a better mood now.

“I thought you’d be the one to blackmail and asking me to...” he started, pausing to bit his lower lip, because right then Kimito had decided to take him all in his mouth, wrapping his lips around the tip and slipping down as much as he could.

He kept still for a few seconds before moving his tongue on him, tightening his lips and keeping him from moving his hips.

Soichi didn’t mind leaving him in control, at all.

If that was his punishment, he could stand to be brought to the limit, if it was what Kimito wanted.

He was concerned about the presence of the others so close to them, just like the thought that the showers could become crowded any time now. And he knew it was going to happen, it was only up to them not being discovered.

He wasn’t too worried, anyway; what Kimito was doing to him with his mouth was enough of a distraction.

He felt close to the orgasm, and he was still grasping tightly his boyfriend’s hair, moving in between his lips and feeling his throat closing in around him; it was just a few more seconds and he couldn’t take it anymore; he came down his throat, letting go against the wall, seeking relief in the warm water running down on him.

Kimito pulled back, smiling maliciously and getting back in his feet, kissing him.

Soichi felt his taste in his mouth, and it drove him crazy.

The younger one made as if to start showering again, almost resigned, when they finally heard the others coming in.

They were quiet, definitely more than usual, and he knew that silence was because of them. But he didn’t care, in the end.

He had something to be forgiven for, and now he didn’t feel like he had made amends at all.

He grabbed Kimito’s arms, kissing him harder than before, going lower on his throat, then his collarbone, keeping like that until he was the one kneeling on the shower’s floor.

He pulled back for a moment, the time to bring his fingers in his own mouth, wetting them quickly, still looking Kimito in the eyes; then he moved forward, taking him in his mouth and at the same time searching his opening with his hand, letting a finger slip inside easily.

He looked at him again, seeing him biting down on his hand, suffocating any sound or moan the others could hear.

Soichi smiled against the tensed skin, then focused on him again, adding another finger when he felt him relax, moving quickly, trying to keep the same rhythm of his mouth on him.

Kimito was turned on, he knew it, and he saw the way he moved to meet both his tongue and his hand, even more when Soichi’s fingers became three and the elder started to think he wasn’t going to be able to keep quiet.

But it didn’t take long for Kimito to climax, biting harder on his hand and letting go completely against his boyfriend, keeping still for a few moments as if he had forgotten how to move.

He slipped against the wall till he was sitting on the floor, his head tilted back and his face looking blissed.

Soichi sat next to him, hugging his hip and resting the forehead against his shoulder, kissing his skin and smiling.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered, low enough so that the others couldn’t hear.

Kimito shrugged, turning to face him and smiling back.

“Doesn’t matter. I wasn’t really mad.” he chuckled. “It’s just that... it made me feel weird the way you’ve acted this morning. Not because your reasoning was right or wrong, just because I wish you could forget of the world when I’m next to you.” he blushed, embarrassed. “I know it’s stupid, but that’s how I’ve felt.”

Soichi looked him in the eyes, before pulling him closer, keeping him tight between his arms.

“It’s not stupid.” he murmured. “I love you, Kimi. I love you more than anything in the world, I love you because I can’t help it, because it’s natural for me. And it’s natural that I forget about everything else when I’m with you, but...” he smiled, nodding to the outside. “The rest of the world is there. And it doesn’t make you any less important, I wish you could see that.”

Kimito didn’t answer.

He let the other cradle him, sighed, and hid his face under his neck, smelling his scent.

Soichi should’ve told him they had to leave, but he kept quiet.

That was a moment for them, the moment, the one where Soichi could forget everything and relishing that embrace, letting go completely to the man he loved.

They could be there as long as they wanted.

And, most important of all, he wasn’t in any rush to get out of the stall to find himself exposed to the others’ mocking stares.

He chuckled, under the curious eyes of his boyfriend.

Right now, he didn’t care about anything that wasn’t Kimito.