“Mmmmmph,” Oswald grumbled as someone gave his shoulder a tentative poke. He’d been having a very pleasant dream about a handsome gentleman whose identity he wouldn’t disclose even to his own mind when conscious, but nonetheless, he didn’t appreciate being awoken –
“I’m sorry for the late hour,” Ed whispered, glasses flashing in the dark as he leaned down towards Oswald, buried in a mound of blankets and comforters in the center of his bed, “but I’ve finally had the most marvelous breakthrough regarding the implementation of a self-sustaining stolen goods distribution network via our mayoral access to the public transit system!”
Oswald squinted up at his chief of staff with a clashing mixture of fondness and irritation, sizing up Ed’s twitching fingers and overly-bright smile and combining them with his late-night inspiration to conclude: “Well, you haven't broken that dead-of-night caffeination habit, I see."
Ed replied with a familiar excuse, “At night, our minds are freed from the weight of mundanities and self-consciousness and become more creative –”
“Yes, alright, you’ve said so before. If we could just get to the point...” Oswald beckoned impatiently to the stretch of empty bed beside him. “Geddown here.”
Ed edged lightly onto the bed, back rigid. “As I was saying –”
“No, down,” Oswald cut him off gruffly, his face still half-buried in pillow and intending to remain that way, “Lay down.”
“Pardon me?” Ed squeaked.
“Get down here,” Oswald demanded, imperious even when still solidly half-asleep, “I’m not craning my neck to listen to you talk about tax deductions at two in the morning.”
“Criminal distribution via public transport,” Ed corrected him gently, “and it’s three in the morning.”
“Mmmkay,” Oswald murmured, feeling the weight of the mattress shift as Ed’s slender figure curled on top of the comforter beside him, “Distribution. Public Transport. Go.”
Ed launched into what was clearly not a prepared speech, looping as it did in and around logical twists and turns, until Oswald finally raised a hand and slurred, “I’m ‘nna stop you right there.”
Ed paused mid-vowel, mouth hanging open.
“You clearly have…thoughts. Plans. Smart things to say about this, uh, this…”
“Reliable, tax-sheltered, government funded and run nexus for efficient and virtually undetectable goods transportation?” Ed provided eagerly.
“Yes. That. So….just…do it?”
Ed gave an abortive shake of his head, “Just…implement the system?”
“Well, yes. Mine too. Our authority. That of City Hall, or whatever…” Oswald fluttered his fingers in regal disdain. “I trust you to make the best decision for our interests.”
“You trust me?”
At the genuine surprise in Ed’s words, Oswald finally shook off the last vestiges of drowsiness. “Of course I do, Ed. More than I trust any other living person. Significantly more, if we’re being honest.”
“If we’re being honest…” Ed repeated, “That means more than I can say.”
Oswald’s lips turned up in a smile, and he was glad it was too dark for Ed to see the depth of emotion in it. Yet, he couldn’t help reaching out to grasp Ed’s shoulder, his body trying to communicate what his words weren’t ready to yet.
“You’ve done nothing but prove yourself eminently worthy of my trust. And friendship. I never would have made it here without you.”
Oswald started when Ed slid his own warm, slightly calloused hand to cover Oswald’s. “On the contrary, I think nothing could have stopped you from gaining office once you put your mind to it.”
“That’s probably true…” Oswald admitted. At Ed’s laugh, he added, “As you can see, my humility remains intact despite my success.”
Ed shook his head and there was a soft noise as his hair brushed across the pillows. “Who needs humility? Confidence suits you.”
Ed’s fingers pulled just a fraction tighter around Oswald’s and it became abruptly, desperately hot under the covers. Brilliant heat seemed to leap from where their hands were joined, but Oswald didn’t dare stir and fracture the moment.
There was sudden movement from Ed’s side of the bed, and without further warning, Oswald found soft, slightly chapped lips pressed firmly against his own. Before he could even process the kiss – surely, that was a kiss, he hadn’t been having some sort of exhaustion-fueled hallucination? – it was over and Ed had jerked back, their hands snapping apart like repelling magnets.
Oswald couldn’t seem to do anything other than blink owlishly across the bed to where Ed was vibrating with a tension palpable across the sheets.
“That was… I mean to say…” Ed’s voice cracked as he fumbled for an explanation for his behavior.
“What?” Oswald finally seized on the word as the only one appropriate to fully encompass his rioting emotional state.
“I, er….” Ed trailed off, before completing his sentence in a stronger, surer tone, “It just…seemed right.”
“Oh.” Oswald contemplated that answer for a few moments, turning it upside down and around, examining it from all angles. Then he finally hit upon the most pertinent fact of the situation (Ed had kissed him) and settling upon that piece of knowledge (Ed had kissed him!!) he threw himself across the bed to close the space between them and drag Ed into a hot, messy, distinctly off-target but still absolutely divine, kiss.
Ed’s surprised “mmph!” turned into a moan as he began to reciprocate eagerly, arms flying out to wrap around Oswald, pulling him in tighter and tighter until his grip was almost painful, but it still wasn’t enough.
With twin gasps for air, they broke apart, chests brushing on every labored inhale.
“That was…unexpected,” Ed admitted diplomatically, trying to get his breathing under control and failing.
Oswald nodded through a beat of silence, then added, “Also: indescribably hot.”
“Yes,” Ed agreed fervently.
“Would you…like to continue on that route?” Oswald asked, a note of hesitation creeping into his voice.
“Assuming you do, then…please.”
Oswald grinned. “Get under these damned covers with me.”
Ed complied enthusiastically, if not very effectively. When he finally managed to get himself under the bedclothes he wasted no time, pressing himself ardently into Oswald. Oswald immediately wrapped his sore leg around Ed’s waist in a dual attempt to pull him in closer and gain some relief from his ankle’s ache after being taxed so late at night. He sighed in contentment as their bodies aligned perfectly from head to toe, wriggling lightly against Ed’s chest.
“To be clear we are…doing this?” Ed made a vague, hazy gesture before clarifying his thoughts with a coughed: “That is, uh, sex?”
“We certainly seem to be,” Oswald agreed happily.
“Is it a bit hasty?” Ed asked, though the way his grip tightened impatiently on Oswald’s hips showed how he really felt, “Have we sufficiently thought through the consequences of our actions?”
“Please,” Oswald scoffed, “Haven’t you already run through all the most likely scenarios for what happens after tonight with that big, beautiful brain of yours?”
Ed replied to the assertion by ravaging Oswald’s mouth with even more fire than before, while Oswald made a mental note: “complimenting intelligence = extremely positive response.”
Ed’s hands began a southward trajectory, slipping between Oswald’s back and the mattress before grabbing eager hold of their prize.
Oswald gasped at the bold ass-grab, prompting Ed to ask: “Too much?”
“On the contrary…” Oswald mirrored Ed’s actions and grabbed himself two handfuls of robe-covered ass.
Ed laughed, delighted. The sound spiked something in Oswald’s heart as he realized the light in the room was too dim for him to make out the curves of that delightful mouth while it wrapped around its owner’s laughter – the situation could not stand.
“Turn on the light,” he panted, overwhelmed with his want, his need, to confirm with his eyes what his other senses were experiencing, “I want to see you.”
At Ed’s hesitation, he prodded with a touch of good humor, “It does seem only fair, since you certainly got a peek back when you patched me up after that unfortunate business with the bullet and the woods…”
“I did– That was– it was medically indicated that your clothes required professional removal–”
“Relax,” Oswald laughed, cupping Ed’s burning cheek, “I didn’t mind…and besides, I may have caught a peek of my own…”
“Well, you shouldn’t change out in the middle of the room when you have a guest in your bed if you don’t want them to see your cute little butt in those cute little red underwear!”
“You were heavily drugged at the time!” Ed protested.
“Not heavily drugged enough, apparently. But forget about it… We’re all sound of mind and body now, and fully consenting to any and all peeks, peeps, and ganders. Correct?”
With a fortifying intake of breath, Ed replied, “Correct,” and reached over to flip on the bedside lamp.
When he turned back, Oswald was treated to what must certainly be one of the most beautiful visages he’d ever been presented with: Ed Nygma, hair falling down his forehead in messy curls, glasses askew atop his nose, cheeks flushed and mouth red and wet with kisses – not to mention the enticing stripe of skin showing from between the folds of his robe.
Restraining himself from immediately tearing that teasing robe open, Oswald first voiced his thoughts out loud, feeling there should be no confusion on the point. “Ed you look…beautiful. Delectable. Incredible. I would have more adjectives, but it’s very late and I should be given credit for using as many syllables as I already have.”
“Your syllables thus far have been more than enough.” Ed reached out with the tips of his fingers to trace a delicate line down Oswald’s cheekbone. The playful, wonderstruck mood of their sudden dive into intimacy took on a note of reverence that seemed to slide the proceedings into rich, slow motion.
Oswald leaned forward, stretching both hands out to undo the knot of Ed’s robe and free the planes of his chest underneath. His heart skipped a beat as Ed’s clothes fell away and the reality of the moment sank in. This was actually happening, Ed was here, in his bed, looking at him with an expression Oswald could barely comprehend and yet was hungry to see again and again.
Acting on instinct, he leaned forward to press his lips tenderly to the creamy skin above Ed’s heart, thrilled to find the sensation of its quick beat vibrating into his skin, matching with his own rabbiting pulse.
Ed’s hands dove into Oswald’s hair, gripping and tangling in the thick strands as breathless words escaped his lips, “Oswald, you feel – you feel so perfect, how is this so perfect, when so unforeseen? I’d say it doesn’t feel real, but I have some experience with unreality, and this is so much better – though it still makes a person wonder if it might all be a dream…”
Oswald stiffened. “There was a time I asked that question in this house of someone I’d just grown to care about. Our time together may not have been a dream, but it was cut so short, it may well have been.”
“No one will cut our time short, Oswald, I promise,” Ed declared, fierce and bold, “I will never let anyone take you from me. Ever since you rescued me from Arkham, I knew that we were meant to be.” He chuckled and patted the bed fondly, “Well, I didn’t predict that we were meant to be here, but I am elated to find us here, nonetheless.”
“My darling Ed,” Oswald ran his hands down Ed’s chest, around to his sides and up his arms, unable to settle on a single caress when there was so much to be had, “I don’t know whether to worship you…or devour you.”
Ed’s eyes darkened, and he settled the question with his mouth, though not with words – pressing hard against Oswald’s lips while clutching him close with one hand to the small of his back, the other preoccupied with tearing the pajamas off Oswald’s shoulders. With a few gasps and false starts, they managed to divest each other of most of their remaining apparel, until only their underwear remained.
“You’re wearing them!” Oswald almost shouted with glee, pointing at Ed’s red boxer-briefs. “The same ones as I saw in your apartment!”
“Oh! I’d forgotten…” Ed glanced downwards, “They aren’t technically the same ones, but I do have a preference for the brand–”
“It’s fate,” Oswald pronounced, before slipping his fingers boldly beneath Ed’s waistband.
“Oh my,” Ed breathed, eyes flying wide and mouth dropping open as Oswald wrapped a hand around him.
“You took the words out of my mouth,” Oswald whispered, overwhelmed with a multiplicity of sensations.
“Um, this is in no way a judgement but – your hands are shaking,” Ed pointed out quietly.
“Oh– I, I’m sorry –”
“You don’t have to apologize. But are you alright?”
“Yes! I’m so– I’m so alright, it’s just that I’ve never done anything like this before. It’s occurring to me now that I may be doing it…wrong.”
“I promise that you’re not. Here…” Ed brought Oswald’s hand to his mouth, eyes flickering up to meet his gaze for a moment before dropping back down as he licked Oswald’s palm.
Some part of Oswald thought that this was, objectively, a little gross, but the marvelous texture of Ed’s tongue and the enticing wetness of his mouth overrode that notion in seconds.
The appreciate moan Ed gave when Oswald took hold of him again confirmed that yes, it had been an excellent idea.
“You too, you too…” Ed muttered against Oswald’s neck, sounding feverish before plunging his hand between Oswald’s legs.
“Ow,” Ed winced in pain as he knocked his elbow against the headboard in his haste. With corresponding grunts of annoyance, they disengaged in order to re-organize their limbs, neither of them listening to the other.
“You just…put….no, there…” Oswald tried to maneuver them both safely into the center of the bed and ended up getting them both tangled in Ed’s long legs.
“The logistics of this are rather more complicated than I might have predicted,” Ed panted.
“I think we’re working through the kinks rather well, all things considered,” Oswald countered as they finally settled, face to face on their sides.
“Agreed. Now then, where were we?”
Oswald grinned. “Hmm, let’s see if I can remember…”
Oswald was more confident now as he focused his attention between Ed’s legs. It took a moment for him to find the right position and rhythm, but then it wasn’t long before Ed was rocking desperately into his hands.
“Oh dear,” Ed gasped, hands grasping at Oswald’s shoulders, his waist, his ass, anything he could grab hold of.
Oswald laughed breathlessly, “You sound so– so innocent when you say things like that…”
“Fuck,” Ed hissed, biting at Oswald’s collarbone. He grinned against the mark he’d made and whispered, “Is that – ah – better?”
Oswald couldn’t answer, turned on past the point of speech, so he just twisted with his hand, making Ed swear louder as drew closer to the edge.
Possessed with a violent desire to know what his name tasted like in Ed’s mouth, Oswald surged forward to capture his lips at the same time that Ed spilled into his hand.
Kissing and stroking Ed through his orgasm, Oswald’s hips moved of their own accord, rutting into the slick mess between their bellies, desperate to chase his own ecstasy even as he savored Ed’s.
As he blinked his way back to his senses, Ed recovered enough presence of mind to reach down and start stroking Oswald in earnest. His expression was dazed and his eyes were adoring, and it was more than enough to make Oswald come a few seconds later with a cry.
Oswald collapsed heavily against the pillows next to Ed, who lay there sated and boneless while Oswald floated back to reality. They were both out of breath and sweaty, but it didn’t stop them from stealing gentle caresses wherever their sex-exhausted hands could reach.
Sticky, physical reality eventually dawned on Ed, making him crinkle his nose with distaste. Oswald laughed, darting forward to kiss his adorable pout before dragging a loose blanket over the worst of the mess, “I don’t envy whoever ends up doing this laundry.”
“A shame, really…” Ed reached out to run a discriminating hand over the least-ruined part of the silky folds, “What’s the thread count in these sheets?”
“Not sure…over a thousand I think. I’ll get you some of your own, if you like them…” Oswald reached out to stroke Ed’s cheek, but he pulled away.
“There’s no need,” Ed said shortly, half-sitting up.
Cold air rushed in where his body had been keeping the bed warm, and Oswald couldn’t repress a shiver. “Where are you going?” Oswald asked, plaintive.
Ed froze, expression muddled. “I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”
“What? Why would you think you had?”
“When you said– I thought you meant–,” Ed frowned as he chose his words carefully, “I mean to say, I would understand if you wanted me to sleep in my own bed, and you in yours.”
“Edward…this is your bed too, now.” Oswald reached out to run tentative fingers down Ed’s arm, tracing the glide of muscle and bone. “Our bed.”
“Our bed,” Edward repeated, reverential.
“And I don’t intend to sleep alone,” Oswald declared as he tugged Ed back towards him, resolved to steal a few minutes of snuggling before he inevitably passed out from exertion.
Ed happily wrapped his arms around Oswald and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I can’t wait to wake up with you.”