The room was desert at that time of night.
Alex went slowly downstairs, trying to make as little noise as possible, so not to wake up the others, and came behind Michael’s back; the man was sitting at the table, leaning on it and busy checking Roland’s laptop.
Mahone swallowed, taking another step forward, smiling when the younger one turned to face him.
“I thought you were sleeping.” Scofield murmured, ignoring the laptop to give him his whole attention.
“It’s... it’s not like I can sleep so well, for some time now. Too many things to think about. Too many... problems.” he explained, his voice low, then he pointed at the door, waiting for Michael to join him, and then they went out together.
It wasn’t cold, they were still in Los Angeles and it was barely fall, but there was a sharp breeze in the air.
He saw Michael shiver and felt a strong instinct to put an arm around his shoulders, keeping him close to warm him up and to feel that same warmth on himself, but in the end he gave up.
Alex was always afraid to make the wrong move.
They kept quiet for a while, contemplating the sea and the city’s lights unfolding in front of them, before the older one decided to speak.
“Why did you do it, Michael?” he asked, keeping his voice low even though now he shouldn’t worry about waking anyone up.
Scofield smiled, shaking his head and keeping staring ahead.
“Sara asked me if you would’ve done everything possible to save me, had our position been inverted. Or if you would’ve gone on with the mission for all of our sakes.” he said, without really answering his question.
His words gave him something to think about.
Would he have risked it all for Michael?
Would he have risked his freedom and that of all the others, would he have given up on his revenge against the monster that had taken his son away from him?
He didn’t have an answer for him, not a sure one.
“Then why did you?” he asked again. “You’re so sure that I would’ve helped you?”
Michael smiled wider, finally looking him in the eyes.
“I don’t know. You’re more practical than me and you feel less remorse, so it’s likely that you would’ve done the right thing and would’ve let me where I was until it was all solved. But...” he sighed, passing a hand over his head. “I’ve thought about it. I’ve tried to tell Sucre and the others that we would’ve left you to your fate, that we had a mission to accomplish and that we couldn’t afford to lose time that, after all, we don’t have. But I couldn’t convince myself that then I would’ve been able to sleep at night.” he stared at the water again. “I’ve thought about it, Alex. I slipped away from you when you were hunting me, I’ve found out about Shales and I counterattacked you, I’ve gone to your ex-wife’s place, I’ve set you up in Panama. And since the moment I broke you out of Sona you’ve had more than a chance to make me pay for all the frustration I’ve caused you. And you didn’t.”
Alex opened his eyes wide, surprised at how naïve that argument sounded.
“What about you?” he asked. “I’ve tried to kill you, tried to screw you over, tried to hurt everyone you cared about. And I’m still here, with you, and don’t come and tell me how fundamental I was for the mission, because I wasn’t.” he paused, uncertain as to where his words were going. “I don’t know if I truly deserve an answer as to why we’re together now and why you’ve decided to take me out of there today, Michael. But I’d really like to know.”
He didn’t know whether he had exposed himself too much or not, but he had said what he was thinking.
He knew there was no explanation for his behaviour, he knew that the Company had played him how they wanted to, and then had showed him he was just a murderer, showed at Cameron’s death that all of his efforts were worth nothing.
But Alex knew what kept him afloat, and it was revenge.
Michael was a part of that process as well, that had forbidden him to put a gun to his head and get it over with, and now he wanted to know if what was keeping him alive was worth as much as he wanted to.
He wanted to hear him say it.
“I wasn’t going to forgive myself. I would’ve never wanted to live with the thought that...” Scofield stopped, sighing again. “I didn’t want to think that I could go on and leave you behind, Alex. Since Self recruited us for the mission, since we’ve been in Sona... for me it’s been tabula rasa. Now we work on the same side, and not because we have any obligation, but because I’ve made your name and I’ve wanted you here with me. Letting you serve your sentence would’ve been hypocritical of me, and I didn’t want to do it.”
He tightened his arms around himself at yet another blow of wind, and this time Alex didn’t think too long before leaning toward him, resting an arm around his shoulders, pulling him to himself.
“I’m glad you did, Michael. I’m glad you didn’t leave me behind even though I’ve asked you to, I’m glad you’ve promised me that you would’ve killed Wyatt if I had stayed there. I’m glad you’ve called me here with you, that you’ve broken me out of Sona and...” he closed his eyes, and when he opened them back he stared straight at him. “And I’m glad you’ve always taken away from me the chance to kill you, because now I can’t imagine anything else that makes me want to go on like you do.”
They kept quiet for a while more, looking at each other in the eyes, suddenly unaware of the wind blowing around them.
Michael took the initiative, this time.
He didn’t let Alex time to think if what was happening was right or wrong, and leant on him, resting his lips on the other man’s, kissing him hard.
Mahone let the arm he still had around Michael’s shoulders slip, reaching for the hem of his hoodie, touching the naked skin under it, finding it normal, natural, as if it wasn’t the first time he had done that.
“Is it too late?” Alex asked all of a sudden, pulling back from the kiss when Michael gestured to follow him inside the warehouse.
“For what?” the younger one asked, his breath short after the kiss.
“Too late for...” he didn’t want to say an ‘us’ that he wasn’t sure could even exist, but Michael seemed to understand it anyway and smiled.
“You don’t trust the fact that we can give Self what he wants? That we can destroy the Company and be free men?” he rested a hand on his shoulder, raising it on his neck in a soft caress. “I don’t know either, Alex. For what I know, we could even die tomorrow trying to retrieve the fifth card. But until we have time...” he leant in on him again, kissing him once more. “Until we have time, it’s never too late.”
Alex followed him inside and to the boat.
He kissed him again, trying to make do with the absence of space to try and pull his clothes off of him as quick as possible, taken by a sort of rush that he couldn’t control, whilst Michael did the same to him.
He looked at him for a few seconds, looked at the scars left by the laser after the removal of the tattoos, he looked at that body that he had unconsciously desired for who knew how long, then he was on him again.
They laid on the small bed inside the boat, with no care for how small the space was for them, caring only about what was happening, caring about discovering each other’s bodies and those feelings that they both thought they had forgotten.
Alex tried to keep out of his mind all that had been, he tried to keep out his demons, he tried not to think about Pam and the pain on her face and in her voice the last time he had seen her, because right now he wanted to be selfish and concentrate only on himself, for those few moments of serenity that he felt were owed to him after all he had endured.
He touched every inch of Michael’s skin he could reach, whilst the other one explored his body with his mouth and his tongue, captivating him, obtaining all of his attention.
Alex prepared him quickly, too quickly, with much less care that was actually needed, because he couldn’t help but desire the moment he would’ve finally been inside of him, as if it was something his body had been asking him for a long time, and that he had ignored.
When he felt his erection being wrapped from that incredibly warm body he allowed himself to moan out loud, finding out how much he liked that feeling, finding out how good Michael was to make him forget everything that wasn’t the two of them on that boat, in that horribly small bed, while they devoured each other as if there was no tomorrow.
When he felt his orgasm approaching he opened his eyes and fixed them in Michael’s, wrapping his hand around the younger one’s erection, trying to make him feel what he was feeling, wanting to make him feel the same pleasure, and thriving just from seeing him roll his head, close his eyes and come on his hand, moaning Alex’s name in a chant that did nothing but turn him on even more, so that it took no more than a few other thrusts for him to come as well, turning his head to the pillow and biting it, preventing himself from screaming.
Michael then lost all his strengths, he collapsed on top of him, rested his head on Mahone’s chest and closed his eyes.
Alex wished he could’ve known what he should say, now that the rush had gone, but he didn’t.
He had never find himself in a situation like this one, for sure not with a man that he was supposed to kill a few weeks before.
He didn’t have any tie anymore and neither did Michael, and that was why neither of them had a good reason to deprive himself of something they truly wanted.
And he wanted Michael. As much as he had tried to lie to himself, he wanted him.
“Thank you.” he whispered, feeling the younger one smiling against his skin, then starting to softly caress his hips.
“I did it for me as well, Alex. You really shouldn’t thank me.” he said, resting his chin on Mahone’s chest, so that he could look him in the eyes.
“Now what?” Alex asked, biting a lip and instinctively bringing a hand to Scofield’s face.
Michael shrugged, losing his smile and suddenly becoming pensive.
“Now we wait, Alex. We do what we have to for Self, we try to get our freedom back and...” he sighed. “And we try to survive.”
They would’ve tried to survive, as always.
Alex couldn’t even remember the last time he didn’t have had to look behind his shoulders, but right now it didn’t really matter.
Having something to survive for was more than enough.
And he had Michael now, in a way that he didn’t understand and didn’t want to analyse, not now, but if it counted for something the kid was there with him because they both had wanted it, and because they both desperately needed it.
It would’ve been enough.
He would’ve thought about the future, when he would’ve finally stopped running.