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Dress up in You

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Dear Sirius. 

When I got to Berlin all I wanted to do was forget you. It’s not the first time I’ve turned my back on a problem. I think I’m just a selfish person, my first instinct is always to escape. That’s why I ran away from home when I was 16. I haven’t seen or spoken to my parents for 10 years and I feel bad about it every day. I didn’t feel bad about it then - Fenrir asked me to come to London, so I did. Mum and dad tried to stop me, and I hated them for it. So I just left, I didn’t even leave a note.

Sometimes I pick up the phone to ring them, but so far I haven’t been brave enough. I’ve never told anyone that, but I wanted to tell you . I think maybe I have too many secrets to fit on a postcard, or even a hundred postcards, but it’s a start.

Remus.

 

Remus’s writing was tiny, and crawled up around the edges of the address box, so that Sirius had to rotate the card to read all of it. Still, he read it three times, lying on his little single bed in the office. The desktop computer bathed the room in an eerie blue light, and outside a fox was barking at a cat. 

He read it a fourth time, not quite sure what to make of it. Sirius tried to remember what Remus had said about his parents while they were going out. He couldn't think of anything, other than the implication that they didn't really get on. Sirius hadn't found it strange, because after all he never talked about his family either. He hadn't even told Remus about Regulus.

He rolled over and pulled out his phone, he didn't want to think about that.

It was one in the morning, and Sirius had only been back for half an hour. The rest of the evening had been ok - more comfortable, anyway. Sirius had sung along with James and laughed and played his part. Remus had done the same, though he refused to sing, saying he was saving his voice. Eventually Mary got an uber home but Sirius chose to walk. The nights were cooler now, it was almost autumn. He had wanted to stay. Not for sex, not even to talk. He just would have liked to lie down next to Remus again.

But Remus wanted to go slowly, and apparently he had a lot to tell Sirius before they could be really close again.

He didn't say anything about texting, though.

 

Padfoot : Hey, I just read the postcard - you don’t need to worry, I promise. Knowing about your past doesn't change how I feel about you.

Moony : oh ok

 

Sirius cringed. He hadn't expected a reply, he had hoped Remus would be sleeping.

 

Padfoot : I'm glad you told me. I don't think you're a selfish person. 

Moony : ...wait til you read the others. Until then, please don't say anything you might want to take back.

Padfoot : Ok. But I don't think it will change anything.

Moony : I'm going to sleep now. It was nice seeing you tonight.

Padfoot : It was nice seeing you too! Are you free next week?

 

Remus didn't reply, which was probably fair enough, it was very late. Sirius knew he ought to sleep too, but he was too restless. There was always some work he could get on with, but for the first time since opening the salon he didn't feel like doing that either. 

He thought about Gideon. Their conversation had been brief, Sirius supposed they’d already broken up so many times there wasn’t much left to say. Gid had been flippant at first,

“Gawd, what have I done this time?”

“Nothing,” Sirius swallowed, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Gideon laughed, “That old chestnut. Is it because we haven’t seen each other much? I was giving you some space, with the salon and everything.”

“Yes I know. That’s not the problem though, it’s… you’re one of my best friends, right? You always will be, I love you. But I’m not in love with you.”

“Right. And this revelation just suddenly struck you?”

“Sort of,” Sirius felt very guilty, then, because he knew he had to be honest. “Remus is back.”

“Remus.” The laughter left Gid’s voice. “And I don’t stack up, next to him, is that it?”

“...Pretty much.”

“Fucking hell, Black.”

“I’m sorry.”

Sirius wondered where Gid was now. Probably in bed, probably with someone new. Then he thought about Marlene and Dorcas lying in bed together at home, and James and Lily, cuddled up in their flat. And Remus, alone in Sirius’s old bedroom, with a bundle of secrets in his bedside drawer.

He wished he could go back, insist on staying the night, reading every post card and then saying whatever needed to be said to have Remus back. But then, Sirius thought, if he could go back that far, why not go back to the beginning altogether, why not make sure none of it ever happened at all - no fights, no drunken mistakes, no break up. 

Fuck it, go all the way back to school and leave home earlier, come out sooner and be less of a twat about it, start university well-adjusted and fully prepared, stay in touch with Reggie and make sure he knew that Sirius loved him, that Sirius will always be his big brother, no matter what, and…

Sirius kicked his bedsheets spasmodically. He didn’t want to think about that. And anyway, you couldn’t go back, it was stupid to think you could. Who knew which tiny quirk of history had led him to Remus in the first place. And when he thought back to the past two months, though they had been miserable and lonely at times, they had been necessary too. Sirius had changed - he had grown . Maybe for the first time since school. 

He thought about Remus, and the change in him. How he looked younger now, how his body language was less tense and smiles came easier. Sirius lay back, exhaling long and slow. Perhaps he was being selfish. Perhaps Remus needed the mistakes as much as Sirius did. 

* * *

He slept poorly, and stumbled downstairs later than usual. Bleary and yawning he clattered around the kitchen making coffee, then went to open the blinds on the shop front to let a bit of sunshine in. He collected up the post from the doormat and sat at the reception desk flipping through. 

There was a letter about the building next door - the vape shop was packing up and selling, and they were trying to flog the building. Marlene had joked about them buying it and knocking through - Sirius thought it wasn’t a bad idea, they could use it for spray tanning and massage, like they’d planned to. Maybe knock through upstairs so he had a bigger office, or room for a double-bed. He put the letter aside making a note to discuss it with Marlene again. 

The rest of the post was mostly junk mail - three takeaway menus, a company flogging hyperoptic broadband and a few flyers for grime nights in the area. He wondered briefly whether Remus liked grime. Probably; he liked everything else. 

Just as he was getting up to dump it all in the recycling, a postcard fell out of the bottom. Sirius held his breath and grabbed it from the floor. It had a picture of Milan Cathedral on the front, and Remus’s familiar runic penmanship on the back.

He took a big gulp of coffee, sat up straight and began to read. 

 

Dear Sirius,

Remember I told you about Moira MacIntosh, my first kiss, and how she died young? A lot of my friends died young, and for a few years my doctors and parents thought I would too. 

By the time I was in my teens, it became clear I wouldn’t, and that I would be able to live ‘a normal life’. The problem was that neither me or my parents knew how to do that. I tried going to school for a few months, but I struggled, and I didn’t understand why, and when I was fourteen I tried to kill myself. I took all my painkillers in one go. And that’s how I ended up in hospital again. And that’s where I met Fenrir Greyback. 

Remus.

 

Sirius reeled, feeling like he’d just peaked on a rollercoaster and was facing the drop. Well, shit.  

Maybe he ought to have expected that. But should you ever expect to hear something like that? A lump formed in his throat, and he swallowed some more coffee to clear it, but it just made the burn worse. His eyes watered and he choked, heart thudding he ran to the kitchen to drink from the tap. He gulped down water, bending his head into the sink, getting his hair wet. 

He heard the front door jingle open while he was still trying to compose himself. His t-shirt was soaked and he didn’t have a clean one spare.

“All right, love?” Marlene called, coming through the shop,

“Hi,” he called back, his voice weirdly gruff and raspy. He was trembling, shaking all over.

“You ok?” She came into the kitchen and he spun around, blinking at her startled.

“Fine!”

“Sirius, are you crying?” She came over, concerned, reaching out. 

He backed away, shaking his head, wiping at his face, “No, no, I just, I was… coffee went down the wrong tube.”

“Black,” she frowned, folding her arms, “what’s wrong?”

“I… nothing.”

She tilted her head skeptically. She looked him up and down, wet shirt, straggly hair, red eyes, and shook her head, tutting, “Right. Go home, please.”

“What?”

“You heard me, out. You don’t have any appointments that I can’t give someone else. Go home and sort yourself out.”

“No, I--”

“I’ll call Potter,” she threatened, “I’ll have him carry you out of here over his shoulder. You know he’ll do it.”

Sirius paused. That was true, James could lift him with no bother at all, and he would if Marlene told him she’d found Sirius sobbing in the kitchen like some oppressed fifties housewife. He was trying not to depend on James for every tiny thing, so he really didn’t want that to happen. 

“I’ll go home,” he relented, “but just to shower and do a bit of laundry.”

“Fine, as long as you get out of here,” she waved her hand, “come on, off you go,” she began shooing him out.

“Wait, there are some emails I want to reply to first, I just need to--”

“No. Out.”

Marlene was an inch or so taller than him, and was now using this advantage to edge him out of the kitchen, through to the shop floor. 

He sighed, “Ok, ok, I’m going…” 

He snatched Remus’s postcard off the desk on his way out. 

It was a cool morning out, and he wished he had a hoodie or something; his wet shirt clung to him, goosebumps springing on his skin. He tucked his hair behind his ears and walked quickly home, glad it wasn’t far. 

He was a bit embarrassed he’d reacted the way he had. It was awful and selfish of Sirius to get upset over something that had happened to Remus , not to him, just because… because... his chest tightened, and he had to stop and sit at a bus stop, dizzy and sick. He was just ready to get up and continue walking home when his phone buzzed.

He was going to ignore it, wait until he was home and not in danger of throwing up, but it kept buzzing, so he pulled it out, annoyed. It was James.

“Hello?”

“All right, mate?” James’s reassuringly sunny voice made him feel a little better, a little warmer and less giddy.

Sirius stretched his mouth into a smile, hoping James would hear it, “Yeah fine, what’s up?”

“Marls sent me a cryptic message, saying I better check on you?”

Bloody Marlene! This was none of her business! He clenched his teeth. 

“Pads?” James spoke again, sounding a bit worried.

“She’s - she shouldn’t have -”

“Mate. What’s up?”

“I just… I… something reminded me of Reg.”

James was quiet for a moment, and then, “You home?”

“Nearly.”

“Be over in ten.”

“You don’t have t--”

“In ten minutes, Padfoot. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

He hung up and Sirius took a long, deep breath. He knew he was being a drama queen, but he was immeasurably relieved that James was on his way. He hurried home even faster, so he could at least change out of his damp shirt first.

James let himself in while Sirius was in the shower. He came out with wet hair to find a cup of tea waiting for him.

“Cheers,” he smiled, sitting down on the couch next to his best friend. “You weren’t busy, were you?”

“It’s a Saturday,” James shrugged. He looked at Sirius, “Want to talk about it?”

Sirius sighed, “I dunno.”

“What made you… what brought it up?”

“Remus.”

“Ah.”

“He… Christ, I’m probably not even supposed to tell you, I don’t know if it’s ok, or if it’s… it’s just that he was... and I ... and it all just…” he was short of breath again. 

“Ok, ok,” James took Sirius’s tea from him and threw an arm around his shoulders, giving him a protective squeeze, “Look, just tell me, I’m not going to tell anyone else, am I?”

“Remus and I… we’re trying to work things out. He wants to go slowly,” Sirius started, choosing his words with care, “He wanted to tell me some things he didn’t tell me last time, and he wrote them down in the postcards and… and I thought that was great, you know, get it all out and then we can move forward, right?”

“Sounds… healthy, I s’pose?” James said, clearly out of his depth - his relationship with Lily had been pretty smooth-sailing once she’d stopped hating him. 

“That’s what I thought,” Sirius nodded, then corrected himself, “that’s what I think .”

“So… he told you something that reminded you…” James thought aloud, “Oh! Ah, shit, is that why he was in the hospital so much as a kid?”

“Among other things,” Sirius said, glumly. “I’m being stupid, I just didn’t expect it, you know?”

“You’re not being stupid,” James tutted. “There’s not… I mean, it’s not like you’re ever going to be over what happened to Reg. He was your brother.”

“Yeah.”

They sat quietly for a while. Sirius sipped his tea and thought about Remus, and Reg, and what became of boys whose parents didn’t understand them. 

“Can’t believe he just sprung that on you, though,” James said, “shouldn’t he know better?”

“I never told him about Reg.”

“Oh.”

“I just don’t like thinking about it.” Sirius explained quickly. 

“Right, I get it,” (there was a ‘but’ coming, Sirius could feel it) “...you probably ought to tell him, though.”

"I know. I just don't like thinking about it," he repeated.

"Do you want me to tell him?" James asked. It wasn't presumptuous; Sirius had often relied on James to say the difficult things for him. He had come out on Sirius's behalf to most of their friends. For a moment Sirius seriously considered it. Just let James take care of the ugly stuff. But then he thought about the ugly stuff in Remus's postcard.

"No," he sighed, "I'd better."

“Good,” James beamed at him, as if he had made the right choice. Sirius half-smiled back and reached for his cup of tea.

"Telly?" James grabbed the remote.

"Perfect," Sirius nodded, relieved. He settled back on the couch and they watched the end of some Bond movie on ITV. One of the Roger Moore ones. 

"We're away next weekend, me and Lily," James said during a car chase scene, "Edinburgh."

"Nice," Sirius said.

"Two nights," James added, "back Sunday."

"Have fun."

"So, y'know, Remus will be alone."

"Ok Prongs, I get it." He didn't know what on earth he would have learnt about Remus by next weekend, how on earth could he plan ahead that far?

* * *

Padfoot : Hi, how are you?

Moony : Good, thanks - you?

Padfoot : Good. I got your second postcard this morning.

Moony : OMG, I was worried someone else picked it up. I dropped it round really early.

Padfoot : Yeah, I got it though.

Moony : ...So does it change things?

Padfoot : No, of course not.

Moony : Good. But you had to think?

Padfoot : I did, but not because of you. There’s something I haven’t told you, and I need to now.

Moony : Shit, ok, shall I call?

Padfoot : Can we do it face to face? Please? I’m at home this evening.

 

Remus promised to come over as soon as he was finished with his rehearsal, which luckily ended at five. He was having the time of his life - playing with Stupid Roar was nothing like playing with Full Moon. There were still creative differences of course, still egos and high emotions. But no one got aggressive - Remus never got that tight clenched up feeling in his stomach like he did when Greyback was in a foul mood. 

He did get a bit tense after Sirius messaged him. 

Remus had been dreading sending that second postcard, it was one of his most shameful secrets. But he’d set out to be honest, and he knew Sirius deserved the truth, so he’d hurried past the salon at six in the morning to slip it through the letterbox. Maybe he’d been too hasty - maybe Sirius had been fibbing about being ok with the first postcard. After all, Sirius’s parents were really bad, they’d actually kicked him out. Remus’s mum and dad had been perfectly good parents, if a little bit overprotective, and he’d treated them like… well, like they were nothing. So maybe Sirius was having second thoughts after all, now that he knew how cruel Remus could be. Maybe he thought that bringing up the suicide attempt was just a way to get sympathy. 

His therapist would say that was a negative thought. She’d tell him he couldn’t make assumptions about what other people were thinking, and that unless Sirius said those things outright, then it was just Remus’s brain misbehaving.  

“Lupin! Come for a beer, fella?” The lead singer, Si, asked him as they were packing up their kit.

“Sorry, can’t,” Remus shook his head. “Seeing someone. Next time, though.”

“Hot date with Mary McDonald?” Jeff the drummer grinned. 

Remus grinned back. He could have left it there, he could have nodded and confirmed it, but now that he’d started being honest all the time it was sort of hard to stop.

“Actually I’m seeing my ex. His name’s Sirius.” He said it fast, looking down at his bag, pretending to struggle with the zip, “I‘m sort of trying to win him back.”

He finally looked up, and the other band members were watching him curiously.

“Fairplay, mate,” Si half shrugged.

“Yeah, fairplay,” the others agreed.

“So you’re…” Gaz started,

“Bi,” Remus said, hurriedly, “honestly, it’s no big deal, er…”

“Used to call it AM and FM,” a voice came through from the control room, where one of the sound engineers had been listening in, “you kids probably got no idea what that means, eh?”

That started  a debate about radio, and whether or not the internet had killed it, and whether or not that was actually a good thing or the end of civilisation as they knew it. Either way, Remus was fairly happy with his unexpectedly blokey coming out.

“Good luck with yer man!” The engineer called as he left the studio.

“Um - thanks!” Remus nodded.

He caught a bus to Sirius’s. He’d been getting a lot of taxis lately, now that he had the cash, but he was trying to be a bit more frugal. Lily and James would be away that weekend, and he wanted to start putting out feelers for a new place to live. Lily had confided in him that she was going to propose to James while they were in Edinburgh, and while Remus was thrilled for them, he knew he ought to give them their space. 

Besides, listening to them go at it every other night was bad enough, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like once they were all loved up and newly engaged. Remus’s vow of temporary celibacy was going quite well, except that sex was pretty much all he could think about. And the vibrations on the bus weren’t helping - serve him right for sitting on the seat over the engine.

He got off the bus and walked to Sirius and Marlene’s house. He’d worried that it might feel weird, considering that this street had been the site of his and Sirius’s explosive breakup, but it was daylight, and a new season, and Remus felt so different now.

James’s car was pulled up on the corner, and as Remus approached James came out of the front door. They reached the gate at the same time.

“Oh,” Remus said awkwardly, “hello.”

“Hiya,” James nodded, amiable as always, “he’s all yours.”

“Right, er, we’re just--”

“I know.” James smiled, though his eyes didn’t brighten quite as much as usual. He stood behind the gate, with Remus on the pavement outside. He didn’t move to let Remus in. 

“Everything ok, Prongs?” Remus asked, feeling weirdly intimidated by the rugby player in his way.

“Fine, yeah,” James nodded, still serious, “just… be careful with him, will you?

“What?”

“I’m not getting involved,” James held up both hands, “what’s between you two is between you two, I’m just saying. He’s my best friend, and he’s more fragile than he looks.”

“Did I do something…?”

“None of my business,” James shook his head, finally moving to open the gate, “in you go, Moony, see you at home.”

Well, that didn’t exactly fill Remus with confidence. His ‘negative thoughts’ ran rampant as he squeezed past James and walked up the garden path to knock on the door. He held his breath until Sirius answered.

“Hi,” Sirius did look a bit fragile - weirdly smaller than usual, he was wearing a pair of soft flannel pyjama bottoms and a plain baggy t-shirt, rather than his usual skin tight black denim and vest combo. He looked sort of sleepy, his eyes pink.

“Are you ok?” Remus asked, before he even got inside, "Are you ill?"

"No, I'm ok, just having a lazy day. James was here."

"Yeah, I saw him," Remus didn't feel any less concerned as he followed Sirius unto the living room. The tv was on low and there were blankets strewn all over the couch.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"No thank you."

"Don't be silly," Sirius gave him a soft smile and turned into the kitchen, waving a hand over his shoulder, "sit down."

Remus sat, growing more anxious by the moment. Why did he feel so guilty?  Sirius returned with a glass of ribena, which was probably Remus's favourite drink in the world, even though it felt a bit childish now. 

"Thanks," he accepted the tall glass and swallowed almost half in one go. His mouth got dry when he was nervous. 

Sirius seemed to find it funny, and grinned at him, sitting down on the couch sideways, facing Remus, cross-legged like a child.

"Is it about the postcard?" Remus blurted out.

Sirius's eyelashes fluttered delicately downwards, he bit his lip, "Yes, but let me--"

"I knew I shouldn't have started with that, I knew it was too much, that you'd--"

"Remus." Sirius looked up at him, catching his eye. "I need to tell you something."

“Sorry.” Remus gulped down the rest of his ribena to shut himself up.

“Ok, so I haven’t really told you much about my family,” Sirius said, looking down again, fidgeting with the cuff of his trouser leg. “I told you I left home when I was sixteen and went to live with James’s family.” He glanced up, as if to confirm.

“Yes,” Remus nodded. “You told me that.”

Sirius looked down again, and spoke quickly.

“Right, so I didn’t mention… Ok, so my younger brother was… he got on with our parents better than I did, but he wasn’t… like, no matter how good you were, it didn’t matter to them, right? They had impossible expectations. Impossible .” He seemed to be shrinking on the couch, curling inwards, scratching at the skin on his wrist. “When I was in my first year of Uni, Regulus took an overdose. He died.”

Remus breathed in sharply. Fuck . He reached out and touched Sirius’s hand, partly because he wanted to comfort him, partly to stop the scratching. 

“Sirius, I’m so sorry,” he said earnestly. He racked his brain to remember if Sirius had ever mentioned a brother before.

“No, it’s fine,” Sirius shook his head, smiling weakly, “it was a long time ago.”

“And then I went and sent you that stupid postcard!” Remus could have kicked himself. “I’m such a prat.”

“No,” Sirius shook his head again, squeezing his hand, “I’m really glad you told me, it was just a surprise, that’s all. It brought up… a lot of memories.”

“Of course,” Remus nodded, “of course it did. Shit, I really am sorry, that’s awful.”

“I try not to think about it. But you know - as we’re being honest,” he chuckled grimly. 

Remus felt dreadful. How could he have been so careless? As if his own problems existed in a vacuum, and he could dump his crap on anyone without any consequences.

“I don’t want you to stop telling me things,” Sirius said, reading his mind, “I think maybe… maybe I just didn’t realise that I had some stuff of my own. I s’pose I’m as new to this as you are - everyone I know already knows about the… ”

“Painful stuff?” Remus offered.

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed, “the painful stuff.”

“Greyback knew everything about me,” Remus said. “That’s probably why I stayed so long. Kind of like he kept my secrets safe, so I didn’t have to worry about them. Do you know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, “James does that for me.”

“I think I’d rather James than Fenrir,” Remus laughed. He squeezed Sirius’s hand again, “but I’d like to do that for you, too. Look after the painful stuff.”

Sirius looked up at him, and they didn’t need words. Remus had never had a moment like that, not with anyone. 

Maybe they would never fully understand each other, maybe they would never truly know it all, but they would always want to , they would always try as hard as they could. Each new puzzle piece might feel different, might change the picture altogether - but it would be worth it. Remus felt this as surely as he had ever felt anything. Because that’s what it was like, being in love - not one moment of connection, but thousands.

Remus glanced away first, suddenly shy, and overwhelmed by the depth of his own feelings. He looked down at their hands, still grasping, warm and safe. He wanted to say it. He really, really wanted to, it was like a hot bubble rising from his chest into his throat. 

But he doesn’t know it all yet, the negative voice growled, he won’t love you when he knows. 

He licked his lips, he was going to say it, he was, he was, he was…

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” Sirius asked.

“Um,” Remus inhaled, shaking himself, “I’m not… er…”

“I know you want to go slowly, but even just as friends?” Sirius looked at him hopefully. 

“I don’t think…” Remus was so torn. “I’ll want to stay longer, if I do.”

“That’s ok, though...” Sirius bit his lip, lowering his head and looking up at Remus in that way, which only made things worse, it was taking every ounce of Remus’s self control not to give in to temptation and shag him right then and there.

“There are still things,” Remus said, his voice a bit hoarse, “I can’t risk it, if you find out something worse about me, if you find out…”

“Remus,” Sirius sat up straighter, his voice flat. “Stop fucking me about.”

“What?” He blinked.

“This is exactly what you did before. Only then you were using sex to keep me at arm’s legnth, now you’re using these… these postcard confessions. Look, I don’t care , ok? There is no ‘worse’, there’s only you, and it’s you I want!”

Remus didn’t know what to say. He let go of Sirius hand and stood up, needing to pace.

“I’m not trying to fuck you about, I’m trying to…”

“What? Test me?” Sirius stayed on the couch, looking up at him.

“No! Nothing like that.”

“That’s what it’s starting to feel like. You said we could start from the beginning again, but that’s not what this is.”

“I’m doing it for you,” Remus murmured. “So that you can make an informed decision before--”

“I’m already in love with you, Moony.” Sirius said simply, “So whatever you’re trying to protect me from, you’re too late.”

“You…”

“I love you.”

“Ok,” fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuck. He sat down again, “...ok, right…. Um…”

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go! He was trying to be careful, he was trying to make sure they built something that would last, they couldn’t just go around making declarations like that! This was supposed to be a process… 

“Moony?”

“I don’t want you to rush into this…”

“I don’t think anyone could accuse us of rushing this,” Sirius laughed, creating enough of a break in tension that Remus felt safe looking at him again.

“You mean it?”

“Of course I do. You can still tell me everything you need to, we can do all the painful stuff, I swear, but… let’s do it together, yeah? Not like this, not like we’re still in different countries.”

Remus sighed, dropped his head into his hands. It made sense.

“I told you I’d fuck up,” he groaned, “I’ve got this all wrong, haven’t I?”

“No,” Sirius said, “I think we’re just figuring it out. It doesn’t have to be perfect, does it?”

Remus didn’t know. He really had no idea how normal people did this. Maybe this wasn’t about what normal people would do. “Padfoot?” he said, head still in his hands.

“Yeah?”

“Love you too.”

“Good to know.”

Remus uncovered his face and squinted at him, “git,” he nudged his knee. 

“Prick,” Sirius kneed him back, grinning.

“Posh knob,” Remus twisted, placing his hands on Sirius’s hips,

“Scruffy punk,” Sirius’s hands sliding up his neck, fingers curling at the base of his skull.

“English wanker,”

“Scottish twat.”

Remus didn’t know who crossed the breach first, and for once he didn’t care, because they were kissing - they were kissing and suddenly Remus couldn’t think why he had ever wanted to put this off. Sirius clearly felt the same way, he had practically leapt into Remus’s lap and now sat astride him, hands creeping up under Remus’s shirt, tongue probing his lips, making delicious little ‘hmm’ sounds as Remus stroked the small of his back.

“Stay for dinner?” Sirius whispered urgently, squirming against Remus’s body, making him shudder and squeeze his eyes shut to hang on a bit longer. 

“Not hungry.” Remus breathed.